1
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,745
at the hospital
for sick children.
Tracy Hooper was given

2
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,914
the liver of a nine-year-old
accident victim...

3
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,016
( phone ringing )

4
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,219
Hooper is in critical
but stable condition--

5
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,154
such an operation.

6
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:23,157
Her condition will be
monitored for 72 hours...

7
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,625
( machine beeps )

8
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,327
Paul, it's April.

9
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,862
I-- I got
the test results.

10
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,864
I'd like to come in

11
00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:34,335
for one last session.

12
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,437
I'll see you
this afternoon.

13
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,606
APRIL?

14
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,276
( sighs )

15
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:44,612
( beeps )

16
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,847
Paul, it's April.

17
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:50,684
I-- I got
the test results.

18
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:51,985
I'd like to come in

19
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,354
for one last session.

20
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,223
I'll see you
this afternoon.

21
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,425
( machine beeps )

22
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:03,131
( theme music playing )

23
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,851
IT'S THE HAT, ISN'T IT?

24
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,622
IT LOOKS NICE.

25
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:31,225
IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS.

26
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,295
SO YOUR MESSAGE--

27
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:36,764
YOU GOT THE RESULTS?

28
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,066
AND IT ITCHES LIKE CRAZY.

29
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,602
YOU CAN TAKE IT OFF.

30
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,271
NO.

31
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,273
DANIEL GAVE IT TO ME.

32
00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:46,374
OH.

33
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,442
I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU
TOLD HIM ABOUT--

34
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:52,213
I DIDN'T.
MY MOTHER DID.

35
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,981
I WAS AFRAID TO.

36
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:57,351
AFRAID OF HOW
HE MIGHT REACT?

37
00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,288
I WAS AFRAID
THAT HE WOULDN'T REACT.

38
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:04,292
I WAS AFRAID
HE WOULD WALK AWAY

39
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:08,262
RATTLING OFF BASEBALL
STATISTICS OR SOMETHING.

40
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,231
WHEN OUR DOG DIED,

41
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,700
HE DIDN'T SEEM TO NOTICE.

42
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,468
AND HE LOVED THAT DOG.

43
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,371
BUT THEN, LIKE,
THREE MONTHS LATER

44
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,440
HE TURNED INTO THE KID
FROM "THE EXORCIST"

45
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,375
AND STARTED TELLING
EVERYONE HE MET

46
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,377
THAT THEY WERE
GOING TO DIE.

47
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,980
DID SHE TELL HIM BEFORE
OR AFTER THE TESTS CAME BACK?

48
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,116
RIGHT AFTERWARDS.

49
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:32,786
THEY CAME OVER.
MY MOTHER BROUGHT ME A CAKE

50
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:36,457
AND DANIEL
GAVE ME THIS HAT.

51
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,659
IT WAS LIKE
MY BIRTHDAY.

52
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:42,230
SO ARE YOU SAYING YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE?

53
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,598
IT'S WORKING.

54
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:48,168
THE MASS BEHIND MY SPINE
IS SHRINKING.

55
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:52,206
SO THAT MEANS
THE PROGNOSIS IS GOOD.

56
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,808
YES.
YEAH.

57
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:58,011
WELL, THAT'S GREAT NEWS.

58
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:02,149
I'M JUST SO RELIEVED.

59
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,851
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

60
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,955
I DON'T KNOW.

61
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,723
YOU DON'T KNOW?

62
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,559
THAT'S NOT LIKE YOU.

63
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,094
YEAH, IT'S WEIRD.

64
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,364
WHEN THEY FIRST TOLD YOU,
WERE YOU SURPRISED?

65
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:18,399
DID YOU BELIEVE THEM?

66
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:21,869
ARE YOU ALONE HERE?

67
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,804
YES.

68
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,906
BUT DON'T YOU
HAVE CHILDREN?

69
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,075
YOU TOLD ME
YOU HAVE CHILDREN.

70
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,678
I DO.

71
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,313
WHERE ARE THEY?

72
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:35,683
THEY LIVE
WITH THEIR MOTHER.

73
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:38,719
SO YOU COULDN'T
MAKE IT WORK EITHER,

74
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,021
AND YOU'RE A THERAPIST.

75
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,324
MAYBE THIS IS WHY
THERAPISTS DON'T TALK

76
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,593
ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES.

77
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,031
KYLE AND SIENNA BROKE UP.

78
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,900
WHEN?

79
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,835
LAST WEEK, I GUESS.

80
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,371
HE TOOK ME OUT TO DINNER

81
00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,941
AND HE GAVE ME
THIS NECKLACE.

82
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,311
IT'S A WISHBONE
OR SOMETHING

83
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:05,513
ON A SILK CHAIN,

84
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,316
WHICH IS APPARENTLY
SUPPOSED TO BREAK.

85
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,484
AND WHEN IT DOES,

86
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,520
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
MAKE A WISH.

87
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:15,055
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO WISH FOR?

88
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:19,327
WE WENT OUT FOR TWO YEARS
AND HE NEVER GAVE ME
ANY JEWELRY.

89
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:24,432
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THAT?

90
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,967
I GUESS
HE FEELS GUILTY.

91
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,202
THAT'S A POSSIBILITY.

92
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,705
YOU'LL PROBABLY TELL ME
THAT HE CARES ABOUT ME

93
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,907
AND HE'S TRYING
TO EXPRESS HIMSELF.

94
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,944
THAT'S ANOTHER POSSIBILITY.

95
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,116
IT'S TOO LATE.

96
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,553
WHY?

97
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,988
I'M GONE.

98
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:51,359
YOU MEAN

99
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:55,396
YOU'RE GONE BEYOND HIM
EMOTIONALLY.

100
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,432
I MEAN
THE GIRL HE LOVED--

101
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:03,203
THE GIRL HE THINKS
HE LOVES--

102
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,005
SHE DOESN'T EXIST
ANYMORE.

103
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:09,677
EVEN IF MY HAIR GROWS BACK
AND I GO INTO REMISSION,

104
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,446
FROM NOW ON
ANYBODY THAT I MEET--

105
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,448
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
TELL THEM I HAD CANCER.

106
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,283
WHY?

107
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:17,785
BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

108
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,152
SO ARE YOU SAYING

109
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:21,722
THAT YOUR CANCER HAS ERASED
EVERYTHING THAT CAME BEFORE,

110
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,658
THAT YOUR OLD SELF
IS JUST GONE?

111
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:30,631
I WAS SITTING ACROSS
THE TABLE FROM KYLE

112
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,501
AND I KNEW I COULD
TAKE HIM HOME WITH ME

113
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,869
EVEN NOW
WITH NO HAIR.

114
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,607
I MISS HIM.

115
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:43,243
BUT THE IDEA OF GETTING
INTO BED WITH HIM,

116
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,645
TAKING MY CLOTHES OFF

117
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,179
AND LETTING HIM
GET CLOSE TO ME,

118
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,316
LETTING HIM--

119
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:53,754
IT'S DISGUSTING.
I DON'T WANT IT EVER AGAIN.

120
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,156
THAT'S JUST WHAT
YOU'RE FEELING NOW, APRIL.
THAT WILL CHANGE.

121
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,791
WHAT KIND OF PERSON
DOESN'T WANT SEX?

122
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:01,028
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
I'M DEAD. I'M GONE.

123
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,896
YOU'RE NOT GONE, APRIL.

124
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:05,699
YOU ARE RECOVERING.

125
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,801
AND YOU'VE ONLY GOT
ENOUGH STRENGTH

126
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,504
FOR ONE THING RIGHT NOW,
AND THAT'S TO GET BETTER.

127
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,873
YOU'RE RIGHT.

128
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,510
WHAT?

129
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,446
I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER
HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE.

130
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,483
CONSIDER IT
A PARTING GIFT.

131
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,318
IS THAT YOUR WAY
OF REMINDING ME

132
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,488
OF WHAT YOU SAID
IN YOUR MESSAGE,

133
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:30,558
THAT YOU WANT THIS TO BE
YOUR LAST SESSION?

134
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:33,861
YES.

135
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:37,297
AND PLEASE DON'T TRY
TO CONVINCE ME TO STAY.

136
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,567
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S IMPORTANT
FOR YOUR RECOVERY

137
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:42,903
TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE
THAT'S GOING ON.

138
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,605
I DON'T WANT TO.

139
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:47,074
OF COURSE YOU DON'T WANT TO,
BUT ISN'T THAT YOUR PATTERN,
APRIL?

140
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,443
- STOP IT.
- THAT'S WHAT WE'VE BEEN
WORKING ON.

141
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,178
YOU'RE PUSHING ME AWAY.

142
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,380
JUST LET ME HELP YOU.

143
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,382
- I CAN'T.
- OF COURSE YOU CAN.

144
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,551
WHAT I WANT TO DO IS
I WANT TO SCHEDULE SOME MEETINGS

145
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,319
FOR YOUR PARENTS,
BRING THEM INTO THERAPY.

146
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,622
MAYBE WE COULD
BRING IN DANIEL--

147
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,323
STOP IT.
I SAID NO.

148
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,126
- YOUR MOTHER AND DANI--
- STOP IT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOL.

149
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,881
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

150
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,052
I HAD TO GO
SCRATCH MY HEAD.

151
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:36,924
I'M SORRY.

152
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,126
NO APOLOGIES.

153
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,561
WHY DON'T I HAVE
TO APOLOGIZE?

154
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,329
IS IT BECAUSE
I'M SICK?

155
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,364
BECAUSE I'M YOUR THERAPIST.

156
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,834
SO WHAT, YOU'RE NOT
A HUMAN BEING?

157
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:50,237
SOMEONE CALLS YOU
A FUCKING ASSHOLE
AND YOU DON'T CARE?

158
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,205
I TOLD YOU THE DAY WE MET

159
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:56,243
THAT I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE
TAKING CARE OF MY FEELINGS.

160
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,812
WHAT'S THE POINT
OF THERAPY THEN,

161
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,981
TEACHING PEOPLE TO BE
SELF-OBSESSED?

162
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:04,251
DO YOU REALLY THINK I NEED
MORE HELP IN THAT DEPARTMENT?

163
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,622
DO YOU WANT
TO SIT DOWN?

164
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,877
I UNDERSTAND
THAT MAYBE YOU REACTED

165
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,746
BECAUSE A PART OF YOU
WANTS TO LEAVE,

166
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,748
BUT MAYBE YOU REACTED
SO STRONGLY

167
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,217
BECAUSE WHILE PART OF YOU
WANTS TO LEAVE,

168
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,820
ANOTHER PART OF YOU REALIZES
THAT SOMETHING VALUABLE

169
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,856
IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
IN THIS ROOM.

170
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:46,426
I COULD BE
A PERFECT PERSON.

171
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,197
I COULD REACH NIRVANA.

172
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:52,733
AND I COULD WAKE UP TOMORROW
WITH A LUMP IN MY BREAST.

173
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,969
SO YOU'RE SAYING,
WHAT IS THE POINT?

174
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,671
YES.

175
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,040
WHAT'S THE POINT?

176
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:03,276
( grunting )

177
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,714
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT OFF?

178
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,685
I DON'T WANT TO.

179
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:15,022
AND I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT WHY NOT,

180
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:18,826
OR WHY DANIEL GAVE ME
THE WRONG HAT,

181
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:22,996
OR WHY I CAN'T LET YOU
SEE ME BALD.

182
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:26,199
- I UNDERSTAND.
- NO, YOU DON'T.

183
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,302
YOU'RE RIGHT.

184
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,278
I DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL.

185
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,014
WHEN?

186
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,883
LAST WEEK.

187
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:47,120
IS IT BECAUSE OF THE CHEMO?

188
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:50,257
BUT YOU ARE ALMOST DONE.
DON'T YOU WANT TO GRADUATE?

189
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,327
I'M NEVER GONNA GET A JOB
AS AN ARCHITECT ANYWAY.

190
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,929
WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

191
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,530
YOU SAW MY WORK.
IT'S SHIT.

192
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,833
I DON'T AGREE WITH THAT.

193
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,502
IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE.
I'M SO FAR BEHIND NOW,

194
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,872
THERE'S NO WAY
I COULD CATCH UP.

195
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,507
ACTUALLY YOU HAVEN'T MISSED
THAT MUCH TIME AT ALL.

196
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,743
I'M SURE THE SCHOOL
WOULD WORK WITH YOU--

197
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,479
I WASN'T EVEN GOING
FOR ME.

198
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,214
I WAS GOING
FOR MY MOTHER.

199
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,917
SHE GOT SO NERVOUS WHEN
I WAS GRADUATING COLLEGE

200
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:20,187
BECAUSE I DIDN'T
HAVE A PLAN.

201
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:23,724
SHE WANTED ME TO GET
INTO AN ADVANCED DEGREE

202
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,726
SO SHE WOULDN'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT ME

203
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:29,229
BECAUSE I WAS
ON A PATH TO SUCCESS.

204
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,964
SHE USED TO SAY,

205
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:35,736
"A MOTHER IS ONLY AS HAPPY
AS HER LEAST HAPPY CHILD."

206
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:39,239
AND THEN SHE'D LOOK OVER
AT DANIEL AND SIGH.

207
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,075
AND I WOULD THINK,

208
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:45,045
"YOU'RE STARING
AT THE WRONG KID, LADY."

209
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,047
WELL...

210
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,156
OKAY, LET'S SAY

211
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,991
THAT YOU DO WANT
TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF.

212
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,427
WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST
TAKE A LEAVE OF ABSENCE?

213
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:03,596
I WON'T GO BACK.

214
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,766
SO YOU'RE NOT JUST
CUTTING TIES WITH ME.

215
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,201
YOU'RE ACTUALLY CUTTING TIES
WITH EVERYTHING.

216
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,171
WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO,

217
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,707
GO SIT IN A CLASSROOM,
SUCK UP TO MY TEACHERS,

218
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,276
SNORT RITALIN
WITH MY FRIENDS?

219
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,745
REALLY?

220
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,512
I HAVE CANCER.

221
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:22,916
I'M 23
AND I HAVE CANCER.

222
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,653
HOW THE FUCK AM I
SUPPOSED TO TOP THAT?

223
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:30,157
WHERE THE HELL
DO I GO FROM HERE?

224
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,459
APRIL, IF YOU COULD GO
ANYWHERE YOU WANTED,

225
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,962
ANYWHERE AT ALL,
WHERE WOULD YOU GO?

226
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,202
BACK.

227
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,303
YOU MEAN HOME?

228
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,805
YEAH.

229
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,042
BUT ISN'T YOUR HOME

230
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,812
"SO LONG AGO
AND SO FAR AWAY"?

231
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,915
YOU REMEMBER THAT?

232
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:03,824
THERE ARE THESE ORGANIC FARMS
ALL OVER THE WORLD.

233
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:07,460
AND THEY GIVE YOU FREE ROOM
AND BOARD FOR YOUR LABOR.

234
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,364
I WAS THINKING ABOUT JUST
GOING FROM ONE TO THE OTHER.

235
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,066
FOR HOW LONG?

236
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:16,036
I DON'T KNOW.

237
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,840
UNTIL I FORGET
MY OWN NAME.

238
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:24,077
WELL, UNLESS YOU
DEVELOP AMNESIA,

239
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,846
THE CHANCES
OF THAT HAPPENING

240
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:29,149
ARE SLIM TO NONE.

241
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,885
THERE WAS A GIRL
IN CHEMO WITH ME.

242
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:35,255
SHE WAS ABOUT MY AGE.

243
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,224
HER NAME WAS LYRIC--

244
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:39,026
LYRIC MERRIMAN.

245
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:42,595
IT WAS SUCH
A BEAUTIFUL NAME.

246
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,598
SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT?

247
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:49,136
NO.

248
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,004
SHE DIED.

249
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,941
SORRY.

250
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:56,543
THE LAST TIME I SAW HER,
WE WERE SITTING
SIDE BY SIDE,

251
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,745
ATTACHED TO OUR DRIPS.

252
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:02,582
IT LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS
DOODLING IN HER NOTEBOOK,

253
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,184
JUST DOODLING.

254
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,720
AND SO I LEANED OVER
TO LOOK AT IT.

255
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,189
AND...

256
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,330
SHE WAS WRITING
HER NAME

257
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,101
OVER AND OVER

258
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,370
IN ALL DIFFERENT SCRIPTS,

259
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,040
JUST HER NAME.

260
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,010
MAYBE SHE WAS AFRAID
OF BEING FORGOTTEN.

261
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:35,415
IT'S DIFFICULT TO BE
THE ONE WHO SURVIVES.

262
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,587
I DON'T WANT TO.

263
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,355
SURVIVE?

264
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:49,596
IT JUST SEEMS SO HARD.

265
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,332
LIVING?

266
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:57,570
DID LIVING SEEM HARD
BEFORE YOU GOT SICK?

267
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,073
NO.

268
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,577
THERE USED TO BE
THIS PATH.

269
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,681
AND IT WAS LIKE--

270
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:10,583
IT WAS STEEP.

271
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,252
IT WAS TIRING,

272
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:15,788
BUT IT WAS, YOU KNOW,
WELL LIT.

273
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,790
AND IT'S NOT THERE ANYMORE.

274
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:22,062
IT'S COMPLETELY GONE.

275
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,531
DID I JUST
MAKE IT ALL UP?

276
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:28,101
NO, YOU JUST GOT REROUTED.

277
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,371
YOUR LIFE'S PATH
HAS CHANGED

278
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,441
WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.

279
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:40,380
IT MUST BE
SO HARD TO HANDLE.

280
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,885
APRIL, WHAT YOU'RE
FEELING IS NORMAL.

281
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:48,888
IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

282
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:52,692
BUT YOU ARE GOING TO
GROW OLDER.

283
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,227
YOU'RE GOING TO
FALL IN LOVE AGAIN.

284
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:57,030
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
CHILDREN IF YOU WANT TO.

285
00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:00,400
YOU WILL HAVE ADVENTURES.
YOU WILL KNOW SUCH JOY.

286
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,470
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT
AND I DON'T KNOW THAT.

287
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,238
NO NO, OF COURSE WE DON'T.

288
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:09,542
BUT SOMETIMES WE JUST HAVE
TO ACT AS IF WE DO.

289
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:12,245
THAT'S NOT
GOING TO WORK.

290
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,314
LOOK, YOU'VE GONE THROUGH
THE WORST OF IT.

291
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,549
YOU'VE ALREADY STARTED
TO CLIMB OUT OF THE HOLE.

292
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,351
YOU CAN'T SEE THAT YET.

293
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,529
ARE YOU OKAY?

294
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,983
I THINK I'M GOING TO BE
ALONE MY WHOLE LIFE.

295
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,685
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

296
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,887
IT'S JUST A FEELING I HAVE,

297
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:56,889
LIKE A PREMONITION.

298
00:15:56,990 --> 00:16:01,194
I CAN'T IMAGINE
LOVING ANYONE EVER AGAIN.

299
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:06,799
I DON'T KNOW
HOW I DID IT ONCE.

300
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,801
IT LOOKS EXHAUSTING.

301
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:12,072
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

302
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:15,008
I HAVE CANCER.

303
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,110
WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?

304
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:20,547
I'M NO LONGER 23.

305
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,623
I WENT ON YOUR PAGE
AGAIN LAST NIGHT.

306
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,159
MY WHAT?

307
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:35,495
YOUR PAGE--
YOU KNOW, ONLINE,

308
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:38,231
WHERE PEOPLE CAN COMMENT
ON YOU AS A THERAPIST.

309
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,901
YES, MY SAD,
EMPTY LITTLE WEB DOMAIN.

310
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,971
EXCEPT IT'S NOT
EMPTY ANYMORE.

311
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:48,841
SOMEONE WROTE A COMMENT--
SOMEONE NAMED SOPHIE.

312
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,044
WAS SHE A PATIENT
OF YOURS?

313
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:57,850
ACTUALLY, I CAN'T DISCUSS
MY OTHER PATIENTS.

314
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,552
NOT EVEN WITH ME?

315
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,254
NO.

316
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,260
SHE SAYS
YOU SAVED HER LIFE.

317
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,065
YOU SHOULD GO LOOK
AT THE PAGE.

318
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:16,869
SHE HAS A LOT OF NICE THINGS
TO SAY ABOUT YOU.

319
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,739
SHE'S IN COLLEGE.
SHE SOUNDS HAPPY.

320
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,475
WELL, I WILL.

321
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,145
THANK YOU.

322
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,580
THANKS FOR TELLING ME.

323
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,956
YOU'VE REALLY HELPED ME.

324
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,860
APRIL, I REALLY
DIDN'T DO THAT MUCH.

325
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,331
I TOOK YOU TO CHEMO.
I TOLD YOUR MOTHER.

326
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:47,167
THE REST YOU DID YOURSELF.

327
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,169
- LET ME THANK YOU.
- YEAH, BUT IT'S IMPORTANT

328
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:52,839
THAT YOU SEE HOW YOU TOOK
RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

329
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,574
BY COMING TO SEE ME.

330
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,809
LET ME THANK YOU.

331
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,180
AND THEN LET ME LEAVE.

332
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,151
ARE YOU SURE?

333
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:07,120
I MEAN, WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED

334
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,089
SO MUCH IN THIS ROOM.

335
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,058
YOU'RE NOT THE SAME PERSON

336
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,793
WHO CAME IN HERE
TWO MONTHS AGO.

337
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:17,497
I CAME IN WITH CANCER.
I'M LEAVING WITH CANCER.

338
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,332
THAT'S NOT WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT, APRIL.

339
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,702
YOU WERE SO ANGRY
WHEN YOU GOT HERE.

340
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,171
I'M STILL ANGRY.

341
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:26,072
YEAH, I KNOW, BUT NOW
YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT.

342
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,507
WHEN I FIRST MET YOU,

343
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,343
YOU COULDN'T ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT ANYTHING WOULD HURT YOU.

344
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,745
NOW EVERYTHING HURTS ME.

345
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,914
THE RAIN HURTS ME.

346
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,849
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE
NO SKIN.

347
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:40,653
WELL, THERAPEUTICALLY,

348
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,756
THAT'S A GOOD THING.

349
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,761
I MEAN, YOU'VE LEARNED
SO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF--

350
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,697
ABOUT TRUST AND ACCEPTANCE,

351
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,533
ABOUT NOT NEEDING
TO BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME.

352
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,735
I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S HARD
TO SEE THAT NOW,

353
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,238
BUT THE GREAT THING
ABOUT SELF-KNOWLEDGE IS

354
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,308
THAT ONCE YOU HAVE IT,
YOU HAVE IT.

355
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:05,578
AND YOU CAN'T HELP
BUT PUT IT INTO USE.

356
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:08,448
OKAY.

357
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:10,683
YOU STILL HAVE CHALLENGES
AHEAD OF YOU.

358
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:14,687
THAT'S WHY I THINK
YOU REALLY NEED TO KEEP
TALKING TO SOMEBODY.

359
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,023
MAYBE, BUT NOT YOU.

360
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:19,592
IT CAN'T BE YOU.

361
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,994
'CAUSE I'M THE GUY
WHO TOOK YOU TO CHEMO?

362
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,731
YOU'RE THE GUY
WHO SAVED MY LIFE.

363
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:33,005
DO YOU WANT ME TO REFER YOU
TO ANOTHER THERAPIST?

364
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:36,075
MAYBE LATER.
NOT NOW.

365
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,812
RIGHT NOW I JUST WANT
TO BREATHE

366
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,381
AND GET WELL.

367
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,217
I'M SO GLAD
TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.

368
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:48,388
PEOPLE DO SURVIVE
WITHOUT THERAPY.

369
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:51,258
IT'S VERY HARD FOR ME
TO HEAR THAT,

370
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,727
BUT I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

371
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:01,968
CAN YOU HOLD ON
FOR A SECOND?

372
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:24,657
THIS MIGHT BE EASIER
ON YOUR HEAD.

373
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,093
IT'S MADE OF LEATHER.

374
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:28,961
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

375
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,464
IT WAS MY FATHER'S.

376
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,032
THEN YOU SHOULD KEEP IT.

377
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:35,335
NO, IT'S FOR YOU.

378
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,903
ARE YOU SURE?

379
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,439
MM-HMM.

380
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:43,610
CAN I TRY IT ON?

381
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:44,877
SURE.

382
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,591
OKAY.

383
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:05,832
WOW.

384
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,571
MY MOM'S GONNA
LOVE THIS.

385
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:14,807
SHE REALLY ROCKS THE WHOLE
AMELIA EARHART LOOK.

386
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:18,611
SILK SCARVES
AND LEATHER JACKETS
ARE KIND OF HER THING.

387
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:20,813
I THOUGHT CUBA WAS
HER THING.

388
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,649
SHE'S COMPLICATED.

389
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:28,120
NOT EVERYTHING'S
BLACK-AND-WHITE, PAUL.

390
00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:29,989
I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER THAT.

391
00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:39,932
THANK YOU.

392
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:55,948
GOODBYE.

393
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:57,584
GOODBYE.

394
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:22,008
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