Male voice: PREVIOUSLY ON "IN TREATMENT"...
A U.S. NAVY AIRCRAFT HIT A TARGET
ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF BAGHDAD.
TURNS OUT IT'S A MADRASA.
IT'S AN ISLAMIC RELIGIOUS SCHOOL,
BOYS STUDYING THE KORAN--
16 OF THEM DEAD.
I FLEW THAT MISSION.
MADRASA MURDERER.
SHORTLY AFTER YOU COMPLETE THIS MISSION,
YOU WORK YOURSELF UP INTO A STATE OF EXTREME EXERTION.
DON'T YOU THINK THERE'S A STRONG DESIRE THERE
TO ATONE FOR YOUR ACTIONS?
YOU'RE GOING BACK TO A PLACE
WHERE YOU DROPPED A BOMB. YOUR FACE IS ON THE INTERNET
AND THERE'S A PRICE ON YOUR HEAD.
SURPRISED?
I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D COME BACK AGAIN.
- I'M BACK. - GOOD.
COME ON IN.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE? I'VE JUST MADE A POT.
YEAH, COFFEE'S GOOD.
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? I GOT, UH...
SKIM, WHOLE MILK.
- GOT SOME SOY HERE-- - BLACK.
I LIKE TO TASTE THE BEANS.
- ( coffee pouring ) - BET YOU NEED A LOT OF COFFEE
TO LISTEN TO THE FUCK-UPS IN HERE.
I DON'T DRINK COFFEE, JUST TEA.
I KEEP IT FOR MY PATIENTS.
BLOOD PRESSURE? IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT?
NO, I'VE JUST, UM--
I'VE JUST NEVER REALLY LIKED THE TASTE.
AH, A SUBCONSCIOUS IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT.
WHAT, DO YOU GET CHECKUPS? EKG?
YEP, EVERY YEAR.
YEAH? AND HOW'S YOUR HEART?
IT'S PERFECT.
UM, LOOK, ALEX, I'M--
I'M REALLY GLAD THAT YOU CAME BACK.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WAS, UM--
I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED AFTER YOU LEFT LAST WEEK.
'CAUSE I WANTED TO GO BACK TO BAGHDAD?
- YES. - WELL, I WENT.
HMM.
MAN, PAUL.
( coughs ) SORRY, BUT...
THE ONE THING I DON'T COMPROMISE ON IS COFFEE.
( theme music playing )
IS THAT YOUR REACTION WHENEVER THE COFFEE ISN'T PERFECT?
ISN'T PERFECT?
PAUL, IT'S LIKE ATTEMPTED MURDER, YOUR COFFEE.
- ( Paul laughs ) - BUT LET ME HEAR YOUR INTERPRETATION.
- IT'S OBVIOUS YOU HAVE ONE. - WELL, NOT REALLY.
I REMEMBER I USED TO HAVE THIS PATIENT ONCE
AND HE WOULD COME IN AND BEFORE EACH SESSION
HE WOULD SAY, "STOP."
AND THEN HE WOULD POP A PILL.
AND IT WAS JUST A RITUAL--
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?
WELL, I THINK, IN HIS PARTICULAR CASE,
WHAT HE WANTED TO SHOW ME
WAS HIS DISTRESS AND HIS PAIN.
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE WITH THE COFFEE,
MAYBE YOU'RE JUST TELLING ME
THAT YOU'RE ONLY GONNA COME TO THERAPY
UNDER YOUR CONDITIONS.
AND ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T LIKE
YOU'RE GONNA SPIT OUT RIGHT AWAY.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING JUST A LITTLE DRAMATIC?
- COME ON, PAUL. - MAYBE.
SO, ALEX...
WHY DID YOU COME BACK?
I WANT YOUR ADVICE ON ANOTHER LITTLE MATTER.
BESIDES, YOU DESERVE TO KNOW HOW MY TRIP WENT,
BEING THAT YOU HELPED ME DECIDE TO GO.
FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS, BY THE WAY,
BECAUSE MY VISIT DIDN'T DO WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO.
AND WHAT WAS IT SUPPOSED TO DO?
LET'S JUST CUT TO THE CHASE, OKAY?
SATURDAY MORNING I'M STANDING IN THE STREET NEAR THE BOMB SITE.
IT'S LIKE LONDON AFTER THE BLITZ.
JUST RUBBLE, YOU KNOW?
THIS AREA HAD BEEN HIT AGAIN AND AGAIN--
BY US, BY THEM, BY SUICIDE BOMBERS.
WE HOOKED UP WITH A RED CROSS UNIT.
THEY TAKE US TO THIS MAKESHIFT HOSPITAL.
IT'S A TRIAGE UNIT.
THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH DOCTORS TO TREAT EVERYBODY.
IT WAS CHAOS.
SO WHAT DID YOU DO?
I WAS JUST WATCHING.
YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND, DOC, IN MY LINE OF WORK
I'M 10-15,000 FEET UP IN THE AIR.
MISSILE LOCKS IN ON THE TARGET BY RADAR
ON A SCREEN. I DON'T SEE PEOPLE.
I JUST PRESS A BUTTON AND BOOM.
IT WAS KINDA CRAZY TO BE DOWN THERE ALL OF A SUDDEN.
SO HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL
COMING FACE TO FACE WITH THE VICTIMS?
HOW WOULD IT MAKE YOU FEEL?
SCARED.
UM, GUILTY.
SEE, THAT WOULD BE THE NORMAL REACTION.
I KNEW THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TRAUMA OF MY LIFE.
BUT I FELT NOTHING.
AND THEN I REALIZED
THE SYSTEM DID A GREAT JOB ON ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "THE SYSTEM"?
LISTEN, THERE'S PEOPLE DOWN THERE--
ARMS AND LEGS MISSING,
FACES BLOWN OFF-- IT'S CARNAGE.
AND THE PARENTS ARE WALKING AROUND,
THEY'RE WAITING TO SEE IF THEIR CHILDREN ARE GONNA LIVE
OR DIE ALL BECAUSE OF WHAT I DID.
BUT WHAT CAN I TELL YOU? TO ME THEY LOOKED LIKE
200 PEOPLE STANDING IN LINE AT THE PHARMACY.
DID YOU FEEL ANY CONNECTION WITH THEM?
DID YOU FEEL IN ANY WAY RESPONSIBLE
- FOR WHAT THEY'D SUFFERED? - NO NO NO.
IN THAT MOMENT, ALL I CARED ABOUT
WAS WHETHER THEY CHEATED ME OR NOT.
I MEAN, THE SYSTEM. THE PEOPLE IN THE MADRASA,
IT WASN'T ANY DIFFERENT THAN SEEING IT ON TV.
THE ONLY THING ON MY MIND IN THAT MOMENT
WAS WHETHER THE SYSTEM KNEW THAT THE BUILDINGS
NEAR THE TARGET'S BUNKER, THE ONE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO
GET MY ONE-TON BOMB, IF THEY KNEW
THESE BUILDINGS WERE FULL OF CHILDREN OR NOT
AS THEY CLAIM. NOTHING ELSE MATTERED.
SO IT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT...
YOU HAD DONE THE RIGHT THING.
LIKE YOU SAID LAST WEEK, IF YOU--
IF YOU HIT THE TARGET YOU SLEEP WELL.
YES.
AND ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHOSE
SUFFERING YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR...
COULD YOU NOT SEE THEM?
NO NO. I SAW THEM.
I FELT NOTHING FOR THEM.
AND THEN I REALIZED, HOW INGENIOUS
THAT MY BODY
HAS A BUILT-IN SEPARATION MECHANISM.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, "SEPARATION"?
COMPARTMENTALIZATION.
I'M STANDING THERE AND ALL I CARED ABOUT
WAS WHETHER I MADE A PRECISE HIT.
THE ENEMY IS A FORMULA--
SIZE OF BUILDING, AMOUNT OF PEOPLE MULTIPLIED BY
THE AMOUNT OF EXPLOSIVES DIVIDED BY 100
EQUALS THE NUMBER OF ESTIMATED CASUALTIES.
YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M STANDING THERE, I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING.
I HAD THIS FRIEND WHO DIED
FOUR MONTHS AGO.
ANYWAY, I--
I WENT TO THE FUNERAL.
AND ALL THROUGHOUT THE SERVICE
I KEPT SAYING TO MYSELF, "WHY DON'T I FEEL SAD?"
I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "MAYBE I DIDN'T LOVE HIM.
MAYBE I DIDN'T CARE."
I TORMENTED MYSELF FOR ABOUT A WEEK.
ANYWAY, FINALLY I REALIZED
THAT ACTUALLY I FELT A GREAT DEAL.
EVEN THE FACT THAT I WAS SO BUSY
WITH MY GUILTY FEELINGS,
EVEN THAT ATTESTS
TO HOW MUCH I FELT ABOUT HIM.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? THAT I WAS FEELING
BUT I DIDN'T FEEL THAT I WAS FEELING?
I THINK THAT YOU HAVE
VERY VERY DEEP
FEELINGS ABOUT THESE PEOPLE.
BUT SOMETHING STRONG INSIDE YOU
PREVENTS YOU FROM ACKNOWLEDGING THOSE FEELINGS.
NOT JUST TO ME OR TO ANYBODY ELSE,
BUT TO YOURSELF.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
I DON'T GET WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME.
FEELINGS ARE NOT A PHILOSOPHY.
YOU EITHER FEEL OR YOU DON'T. YOU CAN'T BULLSHIT ABOUT IT.
WHAT, YOU THINK I'M BULLSHITTING?
LISTEN, I'M PAYING YOU $150 FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR
AND I DON'T SEE YOU MAKING AN EFFORT.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SMARTER THAN ME
AND I'M DEFINITELY NOT FEELING THAT.
OH, SO WE'RE COMPETING
TO SEE WHO'S THE SMARTEST.
YEAH?
YOU KNOW, ALEX, I THINK THAT
HERE, LIKE EVERYWHERE ELSE,
LIKE WITH THE COFFEE, FOR INSTANCE,
YOU'RE CONCERNED WITH WHAT'S THE BEST.
MUST BE VERY DIFFICULT.
COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK.
IT MUST BE KIND OF FRIGHTENING FOR YOU TO FEEL...
EMPATHY WITH THESE PEOPLE.
SO YOU CREATE THIS KIND OF ALTERNATE REALITY FOR YOURSELF
FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHERE,
"OH NO, THEY WERE JUST WAITING IN LINE AT THE PHARMACY.
I'M JUST THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST,
NOT THE PILOT WHO BOMBED THEM
OR KILLED THEIR FAMILY."
( laughs )
OH, I WISH YOU WERE RIGHT.
BUT IT'S MUCH MORE FUNDAMENTAL.
LOOK, IF YOU HOLD ON TO THIS--
THIS ORGAN
CALLED GUILT FEELINGS--
AND I BELIEVE THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
IT'S AN ORGAN LIKE THE SPLEEN OR LIVER--
THE SYSTEM WILL CUT IT OUT OF YOU COMPLETELY.
UNDERSTAND? I HAVE NO WAY OF FEELING GUILT ANYMORE.
I DON'T HAVE THE ORGAN.
SO YOU REALLY BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE TO
AMPUTATE SUCH AN ORGAN?
YOU WENT BACK TO IRAQ.
WHY WAS IT SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO GO BACK?
TO RISK YOUR LIFE JUST TO--
JUST TO BE THERE?
I TOLD YOU, I WANTED TO CHECK IF ANYTHING WAS LEFT.
AND--
AND I WANTED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN I COME DOWN FROM THAT TOP VIEW.
BUT NOTHING HAPPENED.
THAT'S RIGHT, NOTHING.
CAN WE--
CAN WE GO BACK FOR A MOMENT TO THE, UH--
TO THE SITE OF THE BOMBING?
CAN YOU DESCRIBE ONE MOMENT WHEN YOU SAID TO YOURSELF,
"I SHOULD BE FEELING SOMETHING NOW,
RIGHT NOW, AND I DON'T"?
( sighs )
UM...
YEAH, THERE WAS A MOMENT.
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR,
BUT THERE WAS A MOMENT WHEN THIS OLD MAN CAME OVER TO ME.
HE HAD BEEN BURNED.
HIS ARM WAS BANDAGED.
HE KEPT LOOKING AT ME WITH A STRANGE LITTLE SMILE.
( speaks Arabic )
WHICH MEANS "I KNOW YOU."
"I KNOW YOU."
I IGNORED HIM AT FIRST, BUT A COUPLE MINUTES LATER
HE WAS BACK. "I KNOW YOU,"
HE KEPT SAYING.
FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT HE DID RECOGNIZE ME,
BUT I DIDN'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT.
I DOUBT HE'D EVER SEEN THE INTERNET BUT...
IN SOME DEEP INTUITIVE WAY...
HE KNEW.
HE KNEW I WAS THE MAN WHO DROPPED THE BOMB
THAT DESTROYED THE WHOLE STREET WE WERE STANDING ON.
OH.
YOU COULD BE--
YOU COULD BE DESCRIBING A MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE,
LIKE A DREAM.
YEAH, IT WAS LIKE A DREAM,
LIKE A TOTALLY BIZARRE DREAM.
HE STARTED LOOKING LIKE SOME OLD WARLOCK
OUT OF, LIKE, A FAIRY TALE OR SOMETHING.
AND HE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE. HE KEPT POINTING AT ME.
( speaks Arabic ) I KNOW YOU.
AND I LOOKED IN HIS EYES.
AND HE WAS SORT OF AMUSED, KIND OF FRIENDLY,
THE WAY MY FATHER LOOKS AT ME
WHEN HE THINKS I'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG.
LIKE HE KNOWS MY SECRETS. LIKE NO MATTER WHAT I DO
I CAN'T HIDE FROM IT.
AND I WAS FROZEN THERE.
AND BY THAT TIME PEOPLE HAD GATHERED
AND THEY WERE WATCHING US.
AND FINALLY SOMEONE FROM THE CHURCH GROUP CAME AND PULLED ME AWAY,
BUT THAT OLD MAN, HE NEVER TOOK HIS EYES OFF ME.
YOU STILL THINK IT'S TOO EARLY TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FATHER?
WHY, BECAUSE HE POPPED INTO MY HEAD FOR A SECOND?
( laughs )
YOU PEOPLE. WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE?
I GIVE YOU A LITTLE CRUMB AND YOU LUNGE AT IT.
NO.
I'M JUST ASKING MYSELF, ALEX,
WHAT WAS IT ABOUT THAT OLD MAN
THAT MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FATHER?
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING:
IF THERE'S SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF GUILT,
IT'S MY FATHER. YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE IF HE COULD FEEL,
HE WOULDN'T HAVE SURVIVED.
YOU KNOW, MY FATHER KILLED HIS FATHER
WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
YEAH. AND THAT'S A FACT.
MAN, I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM ON THIS COUCH.
MAN, DOC, YOU'D HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH HIM.
YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
OH, NOW I GOT YOUR ATTENTION.
WELL, I DON'T THINK I CAN TELL IT AS WELL AS HE DOES.
BUT I'LL TRY.
MID-'50s, RIGHT? JIM CROW OKLAHOMA.
MY OLD MAN HAD PISSED OFF THE LOCAL GOOD OL' BOYS
BY TRYING TO ORGANIZE SOME BLACK LABOR AT THIS FACTORY.
THEY TRIED TO THREATEN HIM BUT MY DAD DIDN'T BACK DOWN.
HE'S A TOUGH SON OF A BITCH, I'LL GIVE HIM THAT.
ANYWAY, THE WHOLE THING, IT JUST ESCALATED.
AND, UH, THIS MOB WITH HOODS
ATTACKED HIS HOUSE.
MY UNCLE RONNIE WAS ON THE FRONT PORCH WITH A RIFLE.
THEY SHOT HIM DOWN. SHOT MY AUNT JEANNIE TOO.
AND THEN THEY CAME INSIDE.
SO MY FATHER TAKES THE REST OF THE FAMILY,
THEY RUN DOWNSTAIRS TO THE BOILER ROOM,
TO THE BASEMENT. RIGHT NEAR THE BOILER,
THEY ALL CRAMMED INTO THIS AREA, THIS HIDDEN ROOM.
MY GRANDFATHER, HIS FATHER,
WAS VERY SICK,
DYING OF LUNG CANCER. AND HE HAD THIS, UH,
APPARENTLY HE HAD THIS-- ( wheezes )
THIS WHEEZING AND THIS HACKING COUGH.
SO MY FATHER PUTS HIS HAND
OVER HIS FATHER'S MOUTH AND NOSE
AND HE KEPT IT THERE WHILE THEY SEARCHED THE BASEMENT,
KEPT IT CLAMPED TIGHT.
THEN WHEN THEY FINALLY CLEARED OUT
MY GRANDFATHER WAS DEAD.
HE'D SUFFOCATED.
- THERE IT IS. - THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S A HORRIFIC STORY.
HE TELLS IT EVERY YEAR ON MY GRANDFATHER'S BIRTHDAY.
IT'S A TRADITION.
AND YOU REALLY BELIEVE HE DOESN'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT?
I'M TELLING YOU,
HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY, "LEAVE THE GUILT FOR THE WHITE MAN.
( laughs ) WE CAN'T AFFORD IT."
WELL, IT'S POSSIBLE THAT HE'S SAYING THAT
IT'S DANGEROUS TO FEEL GUILTY,
THAT IT'S A KIND OF WEAKNESS.
MAYBE THAT'S A MESSAGE THAT
YOU'VE GROWN UP WITH.
WHAT CAN I SAY? THAT'S JUST MY FATHER'S WAY.
- BUT IS IT YOUR WAY? - I DON'T KNOW.
HEY, IT WORKS FOR HIM.
DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE HIM AN ASSHOLE.
PEOPLE LOVE MY FATHER. MY WIFE IS CRAZY ABOUT HIM.
YOU SHOULD SEE HIM AT FAMILY DINNERS.
HE'S GOT HER OFF IN A CORNER AND TELLING JOKES AND...
I DON'T KNOW. SHE APPRECIATES HIM.
- ( water pouring ) - MAYBE THAT'S WHY WE LASTED
AS LONG AS WE DID.
YOU SAY "LASTED"
AS IF IT WAS PAST TENSE.
YEAH.
YEAH, ACTUALLY, THAT'S WHY I CAME TO SEE YOU TODAY.
THERE'S THIS ISSUE WITH MY WIFE.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS, WHEN I CAME HOME FROM MY TRIP,
IT WAS LATE AND THE KIDS WERE ALREADY ASLEEP.
AND I SAW MY WIFE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU SAW YOUR WIFE?
I LOOKED AT HER.
I REALLY LOOKED AT HER.
SHE WAS SLEEPING IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION.
FOR AN HOUR, AN HOUR AND A HALF NONSTOP
I SAT THERE WITHOUT TAKING MY EYES OFF HER.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WATCHED YOUR WIFE SLEEP FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT?
WELL, I USUALLY FALL ASLEEP BEFORE SHE DOES.
WELL, TRY IT ONCE, YOU'LL BE SURPRISED.
WHAT'LL SURPRISE ME?
WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER...
ABOUT HER,
ABOUT YOURSELF.
I WAS LOOKING AT HER,
LOOKING AT EVERY INCH OF HER BODY.
AND I SAID TO MYSELF...
"WHO THE HELL IS THIS WOMAN
SLEEPING ON THE SOFA IN FRONT OF THE TV?
WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT ME?
WHAT DOES SHE THINK SHE KNOWS ABOUT ME?
AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING
LIVING WITH HER IN THE SAME LIVING ROOM,
IN THE SAME HOUSE WITH THE SAME KIDS
FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS?"
UNDERSTAND?
AND I'M SITTING THERE OPPOSITE HER, RIGHT?
SHE DOESN'T IMAGINE WHAT'S GOING THROUGH MY HEAD.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
SHE STARTS GRINDING HER TEETH.
NOW IT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER SAW HER
GRIND HER TEETH IN HER SLEEP.
AND I'M TALKING SOMETHING SICK,
FRIGHTENING. THE SOUND THAT CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH--
IT-- HOW DO YOU--
YOU COULD CUT DIAMONDS BETWEEN HER TEETH, OKAY?
IT REALLY FUCKED ME UP.
SOUNDS PRETTY UPSETTING.
SHOCKING, I TELL YOU.
AND SUDDENLY I UNDERSTOOD.
FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS THIS WOMAN'S BEEN SO BUSY
PRETENDING THAT EVERYTHING'S OKAY,
FLOWING. SHE'S A MODEL MOTHER,
A MODEL WIFE,
AN OUTSTANDING LECTURER AT A COMMUNICATIONS COLLEGE. WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
VERY IMPRESSIVE IN FRONT OF MY FELLOW PILOTS.
AND IT TURNS OUT SHE TAKES IT ALL OUT
ON HER TEETH AT NIGHT.
WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S PRETTY COMMON, ACTUALLY.
THEY DON'T THINK IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH STRESS.
IT HAS TO DO WITH FLAWS IN THE STRUCTURE OF THE JAW.
YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
NO, IT'S CONNECTED TO HER STRESS.
- IN WHAT WAY? - IN WHAT--
OKAY. SHE IS A TOTALLY REPRESSED PERSON.
AND ALL HER REPRESSIONS COME OUT AT NIGHT
IN HER SLEEP.
SO SHE GRINDS HER TEETH.
MMM.
YOU THINK MICHAELA MAY HAVE TROUBLE WITH HER FEELINGS TOO?
( laughs )
YOU THINK I DON'T FEEL? WAIT TILL YOU MEET HER.
EVERYTHING IS JUST LIKE CLOCKWORK.
CLOCKWORK, THAT'S WHAT-- IT'S CLOCKWORK.
THE KIDS HAVE BEEN GOING TO BED
AT THE SAME HOUR SINCE THEY WERE TWO DAYS OLD.
THEY GOT SICK ON A FIXED DATE.
WE'D HAVE SEX ON A FIXED DATE
IN A FIXED POSITION. AND MICHAELA EVEN FARTS
ONCE A YEAR ON A FIXED DATE.
ONCE A YEAR ON THE NIGHT AFTER EASTER SUNDAY
SHE FARTS. SHE LETS HERSELF FART ONCE, MAYBE TWICE.
A LITTLE ONE, NOT THAT MUCH.
AND THEN IT'S OVER. NO FARTING FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
MAN, SHE'S A PROGRAMMED PERSON.
EVERY EMOTION IS UNDER CONTROL.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE A LITTLE ANGRY WITH HER.
NO. WHAT--
- WHY-- - JUST THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT HER.
NO. TAKES A LOT MORE THAN MICHAELA'S SCHEDULE TO MAKE ME ANGRY.
I GOT THE IMPRESSION BEFORE WHEN YOU WERE SPEAKING
THAT MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE ANGRY WITH YOURSELF, ALEX.
I MEAN, YOU WENT ALL THE WAY TO IRAQ
AND YOU COULDN'T FEEL ANYTHING.
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO MICHAELA ABOUT IT?
MMM, OF COURSE. OVER OUR MORNING COFFEE.
SHE SAYS, "YES, HONEY. I GRIND MY TEETH.
YOU ONLY NOTICED IT NOW? YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART.
THAT'S WHAT I'D CALL LOVE."
AND THEN SHE SAID, "BABY, PLEASE CUT DOWN ON YOUR COFFEE.
REMEMBER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID?"
SINCE MY HEART ATTACK SHE LETS ME HAVE ONE CUP OF COFFEE A DAY.
AND THAT BATTERY ACID YOU GAVE ME, THAT'S NOT COFFEE.
- THAT DOESN'T COUNT. - OKAY OKAY.
SO YOU DON'T LIKE MICHAELA
WORRYING ABOUT YOU, TREATING YOU LIKE YOU'RE SICK?
( sighs )
IT'S JUST-- IT'S LIKE SHE'S ON A MISSION
TO GET ME BACK UP IN THE AIR ASAP.
SHE SAYS I'M FIT AS A FIDDLE AND I NEED TO BE KNOCKING ON THE NAVY'S DOOR TO GET BACK.
HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU'VE FLOWN?
TWO MONTHS SINCE MY HEART ATTACK.
IT MUST BE HARD TO BE AWAY FROM THAT WORLD,
NOT TO BE PART OF WHAT USED TO BE
THE CENTER OF YOUR LIFE.
FIRST OF ALL, I'M STILL ONE OF THEM, OKAY? SO YOU CAN RELAX ON THAT.
BUT MEANWHILE, SITTING AT HOME THINKING ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY
THAT YOU MIGHT NEVER FLY AGAIN--
OF COURSE I'LL FLY AGAIN.
PEOPLE WITH WORSE INJURIES HAVE BOUNCED BACK.
DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK, ALEX?
WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.
BUT MICHAELA'S DYING FOR ME TO GO BACK.
AND AT NIGHT SHE GRINDS HER TEETH LIKE SOME KIND OF--
ALEX, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE CHANGED OVERNIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I THINK THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT MICHAELA THAT REALLY BOTHER YOU
BECAUSE THEY REFLECT SOMETHING INSIDE YOU
THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH.
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE HER PASSION FOR YOU TO FLY AGAIN.
I'M NOT 100% CONVINCED
THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO BACK.
MAYBE BECAUSE
YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE FORGIVING YOURSELF.
OKAY, ALL OF THIS JUST REINFORCES MY DECISION TO LEAVE HOME.
WHAT?
WHY?
YEAH, I DON'T THINK--
IT'S POINTLESS TO DRAG THIS OUT FOR YEARS.
WHEN A PERSON DECIDES HE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH HIS SPOUSE
HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT OFF LEAVING HOME. ISN'T THAT SO?
IT'S OVER. IT'S DEAD.
I'VE HAD FRIENDS WHO'VE REACHED THIS CONCLUSIO.
THEY GO TO THREE YEARS OF COUPLES THERAPY AND THEY STILL END UP SEPARATING.
SO WHAT'S THE USE? I SAY CUT THAT SHIT.
DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE EXTREME?
I MEAN, IT IS POSSIBLE TO OVERCOME A CRISIS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I REALIZED?
THAT I WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH HER,
WITH MICHAELA.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A TERRIBLE REALIZATION THAT IS?
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?
FIND A LOVER LIKE MY DAD?
START COMING HOME LATE AT NIGHT?
I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE ANYMORE.
I WON'T DO ANYTHING BUT SIT ON MY ASS AND WATCH TV.
SO WHAT?
YOU LOOK UPSET.
NO, I'M JUST--
I'M JUST A LITTLE CONCERNED, THAT'S ALL.
WELL, DON'T BE. IT'S...
- I FEEL A GREAT RELIEF. - NO, I'M SURE.
THERE MUST BE TREMENDOUS RELIEF IN JUST
WALKING AWAY.
BUT I'M NOT CONVINCED IT'S THE SOLUTION.
WHY NOT?
I SUPPOSE BECAUSE I ASK MYSELF:
WHO ARE YOU REALLY LEAVING?
MAYBE YOU'RE LEAVING HER BECAUSE
SHE'S SUCH A FRIGHTENING REFLECTION OF YOU.
MAYBE YOU'RE LEAVING YOURSELF,
NOT YOUR WIFE.
NO.
IT'S IRRELEVANT.
I HAVE NO REASON TO GO BACK.
WE'RE FINISHED. WE'RE DONE. WE'RE FINISHED.
HAVE YOU SAID ANYTHING TO, UH--
TO HER ABOUT IT?
NOT YET.
I THOUGHT I'D CONSULT WITH YOU FIRST.
IS THIS REALLY A CONSULTATION?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
AGAIN, I FEEL LIKE I'M A RUBBER STAMP
FOR A DECISION THAT YOU'VE ALREADY MADE.
NO NO, ON THE CONTRARY.
THIS MEETING CLINCHED THE MATTER, NOT BEFORE.
YOU CAN TAKE CREDIT FOR IT.
WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS GIVING ME CREDIT?
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT THAT YOU GIVE ME CREDIT.
WHAT YOU'RE REALLY DOING IS YOU'RE ASKING ME
TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR BIG DECISIONS.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S NOT ME MAKING THESE DECISIONS, IT'S YOU.
YOU KNEW BEFORE YOU WALKED THROUGH THAT DOOR
THAT YOU WERE GOING TO GO BACK TO IRAQ.
YOU KNEW BEFORE YOU EVER BROUGHT UP THE SUBJECT
OF MICHAELA'S TEETH GRINDING
THAT YOUR MARRIAGE WAS DEEPLY IN TROUBLE.
THESE AREN'T CONCLUSIONS THAT YOU'VE COME TO HERE ON THIS COUCH
IN THE LAST WEEK WITH MY PERMISSION.
AREN'T THESE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN
BOILING OVER INSIDE YOU
FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME, ALEX?
I-I GOT TO GO.
LIKE YOU SAY, MY TIME IS UP.
( sighs )
HEY, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED.
( theme music playing )