1 00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:08,476 Male voice: PREVIOUSLY ON "IN TREATMENT"... 2 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,244 A U.S. NAVY AIRCRAFT HIT A TARGET 3 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,745 ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF BAGHDAD. 4 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,347 TURNS OUT IT'S A MADRASA. 5 00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,216 IT'S AN ISLAMIC RELIGIOUS SCHOOL, 6 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,017 BOYS STUDYING THE KORAN-- 7 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,753 16 OF THEM DEAD. 8 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,622 I FLEW THAT MISSION. 9 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,091 MADRASA MURDERER. 10 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,259 SHORTLY AFTER YOU COMPLETE THIS MISSION, 11 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:29,130 YOU WORK YOURSELF UP INTO A STATE OF EXTREME EXERTION. 12 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:32,166 DON'T YOU THINK THERE'S A STRONG DESIRE THERE 13 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,835 TO ATONE FOR YOUR ACTIONS? 14 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,437 YOU'RE GOING BACK TO A PLACE 15 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,240 WHERE YOU DROPPED A BOMB. YOUR FACE IS ON THE INTERNET 16 00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:41,242 AND THERE'S A PRICE ON YOUR HEAD. 17 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,485 SURPRISED? 18 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:56,124 I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D COME BACK AGAIN. 19 00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:59,527 - I'M BACK. - GOOD. 20 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:03,197 COME ON IN. 21 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:07,168 WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE? I'VE JUST MADE A POT. 22 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,802 YEAH, COFFEE'S GOOD. 23 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:15,143 HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? I GOT, UH... 24 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,145 SKIM, WHOLE MILK. 25 00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,380 - GOT SOME SOY HERE-- - BLACK. 26 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,715 I LIKE TO TASTE THE BEANS. 27 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:24,118 - ( coffee pouring ) - BET YOU NEED A LOT OF COFFEE 28 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,420 TO LISTEN TO THE FUCK-UPS IN HERE. 29 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,056 I DON'T DRINK COFFEE, JUST TEA. 30 00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:33,294 I KEEP IT FOR MY PATIENTS. 31 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:34,662 BLOOD PRESSURE? IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT? 32 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,130 NO, I'VE JUST, UM-- 33 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,998 I'VE JUST NEVER REALLY LIKED THE TASTE. 34 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,401 AH, A SUBCONSCIOUS IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT. 35 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,070 WHAT, DO YOU GET CHECKUPS? EKG? 36 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:44,938 YEP, EVERY YEAR. 37 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:47,040 YEAH? AND HOW'S YOUR HEART? 38 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,676 IT'S PERFECT. 39 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,945 UM, LOOK, ALEX, I'M-- 40 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:55,283 I'M REALLY GLAD THAT YOU CAME BACK. 41 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,718 TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WAS, UM-- 42 00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,288 I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED AFTER YOU LEFT LAST WEEK. 43 00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,256 'CAUSE I WANTED TO GO BACK TO BAGHDAD? 44 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,592 - YES. - WELL, I WENT. 45 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,794 HMM. 46 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,963 MAN, PAUL. 47 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,799 ( coughs ) SORRY, BUT... 48 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,867 THE ONE THING I DON'T COMPROMISE ON IS COFFEE. 49 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,770 ( theme music playing ) 50 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,257 IS THAT YOUR REACTION WHENEVER THE COFFEE ISN'T PERFECT? 51 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,592 ISN'T PERFECT? 52 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,894 PAUL, IT'S LIKE ATTEMPTED MURDER, YOUR COFFEE. 53 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,896 - ( Paul laughs ) - BUT LET ME HEAR YOUR INTERPRETATION. 54 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,667 - IT'S OBVIOUS YOU HAVE ONE. - WELL, NOT REALLY. 55 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,602 I REMEMBER I USED TO HAVE THIS PATIENT ONCE 56 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,104 AND HE WOULD COME IN AND BEFORE EACH SESSION 57 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,374 HE WOULD SAY, "STOP." 58 00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,976 AND THEN HE WOULD POP A PILL. 59 00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,911 AND IT WAS JUST A RITUAL-- 60 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,713 WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? 61 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,883 WELL, I THINK, IN HIS PARTICULAR CASE, 62 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,418 WHAT HE WANTED TO SHOW ME 63 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:08,956 WAS HIS DISTRESS AND HIS PAIN. 64 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,525 I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE WITH THE COFFEE, 65 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,227 MAYBE YOU'RE JUST TELLING ME 66 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,095 THAT YOU'RE ONLY GONNA COME TO THERAPY 67 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,365 UNDER YOUR CONDITIONS. 68 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,099 AND ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T LIKE 69 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,634 YOU'RE GONNA SPIT OUT RIGHT AWAY. 70 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,803 DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING JUST A LITTLE DRAMATIC? 71 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,838 - COME ON, PAUL. - MAYBE. 72 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,379 SO, ALEX... 73 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,115 WHY DID YOU COME BACK? 74 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,619 I WANT YOUR ADVICE ON ANOTHER LITTLE MATTER. 75 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,089 BESIDES, YOU DESERVE TO KNOW HOW MY TRIP WENT, 76 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,724 BEING THAT YOU HELPED ME DECIDE TO GO. 77 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,693 FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS, BY THE WAY, 78 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,296 BECAUSE MY VISIT DIDN'T DO WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO. 79 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:50,431 AND WHAT WAS IT SUPPOSED TO DO? 80 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:52,633 LET'S JUST CUT TO THE CHASE, OKAY? 81 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,436 SATURDAY MORNING I'M STANDING IN THE STREET NEAR THE BOMB SITE. 82 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:56,937 IT'S LIKE LONDON AFTER THE BLITZ. 83 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,439 JUST RUBBLE, YOU KNOW? 84 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,475 THIS AREA HAD BEEN HIT AGAIN AND AGAIN-- 85 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,645 BY US, BY THEM, BY SUICIDE BOMBERS. 86 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,548 WE HOOKED UP WITH A RED CROSS UNIT. 87 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,117 THEY TAKE US TO THIS MAKESHIFT HOSPITAL. 88 00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,386 IT'S A TRIAGE UNIT. 89 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,888 THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH DOCTORS TO TREAT EVERYBODY. 90 00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,123 IT WAS CHAOS. 91 00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:18,526 SO WHAT DID YOU DO? 92 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,630 I WAS JUST WATCHING. 93 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,532 YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND, DOC, IN MY LINE OF WORK 94 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,401 I'M 10-15,000 FEET UP IN THE AIR. 95 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:30,003 MISSILE LOCKS IN ON THE TARGET BY RADAR 96 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,405 ON A SCREEN. I DON'T SEE PEOPLE. 97 00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:34,842 I JUST PRESS A BUTTON AND BOOM. 98 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:42,716 IT WAS KINDA CRAZY TO BE DOWN THERE ALL OF A SUDDEN. 99 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,219 SO HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL 100 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,689 COMING FACE TO FACE WITH THE VICTIMS? 101 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,795 HOW WOULD IT MAKE YOU FEEL? 102 00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,067 SCARED. 103 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,870 UM, GUILTY. 104 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:06,674 SEE, THAT WOULD BE THE NORMAL REACTION. 105 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,276 I KNEW THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TRAUMA OF MY LIFE. 106 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:12,813 BUT I FELT NOTHING. 107 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,715 AND THEN I REALIZED 108 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,751 THE SYSTEM DID A GREAT JOB ON ME. 109 00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,555 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "THE SYSTEM"? 110 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,357 LISTEN, THERE'S PEOPLE DOWN THERE-- 111 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,526 ARMS AND LEGS MISSING, 112 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,861 FACES BLOWN OFF-- IT'S CARNAGE. 113 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,730 AND THE PARENTS ARE WALKING AROUND, 114 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,632 THEY'RE WAITING TO SEE IF THEIR CHILDREN ARE GONNA LIVE 115 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,634 OR DIE ALL BECAUSE OF WHAT I DID. 116 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:36,904 BUT WHAT CAN I TELL YOU? TO ME THEY LOOKED LIKE 117 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,507 200 PEOPLE STANDING IN LINE AT THE PHARMACY. 118 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:42,776 DID YOU FEEL ANY CONNECTION WITH THEM? 119 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,679 DID YOU FEEL IN ANY WAY RESPONSIBLE 120 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,681 - FOR WHAT THEY'D SUFFERED? - NO NO NO. 121 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,383 IN THAT MOMENT, ALL I CARED ABOUT 122 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:50,851 WAS WHETHER THEY CHEATED ME OR NOT. 123 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,787 I MEAN, THE SYSTEM. THE PEOPLE IN THE MADRASA, 124 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,323 IT WASN'T ANY DIFFERENT THAN SEEING IT ON TV. 125 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,892 THE ONLY THING ON MY MIND IN THAT MOMENT 126 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,028 WAS WHETHER THE SYSTEM KNEW THAT THE BUILDINGS 127 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,196 NEAR THE TARGET'S BUNKER, THE ONE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO 128 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,365 GET MY ONE-TON BOMB, IF THEY KNEW 129 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,135 THESE BUILDINGS WERE FULL OF CHILDREN OR NOT 130 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,804 AS THEY CLAIM. NOTHING ELSE MATTERED. 131 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,941 SO IT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT... 132 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,376 YOU HAD DONE THE RIGHT THING. 133 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,378 LIKE YOU SAID LAST WEEK, IF YOU-- 134 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:19,847 IF YOU HIT THE TARGET YOU SLEEP WELL. 135 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,549 YES. 136 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,753 AND ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHOSE 137 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:29,122 SUFFERING YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR... 138 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,860 COULD YOU NOT SEE THEM? 139 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,228 NO NO. I SAW THEM. 140 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,165 I FELT NOTHING FOR THEM. 141 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,868 AND THEN I REALIZED, HOW INGENIOUS 142 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,302 THAT MY BODY 143 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,438 HAS A BUILT-IN SEPARATION MECHANISM. 144 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,106 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, "SEPARATION"? 145 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,541 COMPARTMENTALIZATION. 146 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,843 I'M STANDING THERE AND ALL I CARED ABOUT 147 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:53,246 WAS WHETHER I MADE A PRECISE HIT. 148 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,115 THE ENEMY IS A FORMULA-- 149 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,751 SIZE OF BUILDING, AMOUNT OF PEOPLE MULTIPLIED BY 150 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,587 THE AMOUNT OF EXPLOSIVES DIVIDED BY 100 151 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,388 EQUALS THE NUMBER OF ESTIMATED CASUALTIES. 152 00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:05,192 YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M STANDING THERE, I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING. 153 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,338 I HAD THIS FRIEND WHO DIED 154 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,841 FOUR MONTHS AGO. 155 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,576 ANYWAY, I-- 156 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,377 I WENT TO THE FUNERAL. 157 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,748 AND ALL THROUGHOUT THE SERVICE 158 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:31,619 I KEPT SAYING TO MYSELF, "WHY DON'T I FEEL SAD?" 159 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,287 I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "MAYBE I DIDN'T LOVE HIM. 160 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,825 MAYBE I DIDN'T CARE." 161 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:41,629 I TORMENTED MYSELF FOR ABOUT A WEEK. 162 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:44,565 ANYWAY, FINALLY I REALIZED 163 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:47,568 THAT ACTUALLY I FELT A GREAT DEAL. 164 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,603 EVEN THE FACT THAT I WAS SO BUSY 165 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,471 WITH MY GUILTY FEELINGS, 166 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,541 EVEN THAT ATTESTS 167 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,677 TO HOW MUCH I FELT ABOUT HIM. 168 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,347 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? THAT I WAS FEELING 169 00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,115 BUT I DIDN'T FEEL THAT I WAS FEELING? 170 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,985 I THINK THAT YOU HAVE 171 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:08,188 VERY VERY DEEP 172 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,557 FEELINGS ABOUT THESE PEOPLE. 173 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:12,159 BUT SOMETHING STRONG INSIDE YOU 174 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:15,462 PREVENTS YOU FROM ACKNOWLEDGING THOSE FEELINGS. 175 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:18,866 NOT JUST TO ME OR TO ANYBODY ELSE, 176 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,868 BUT TO YOURSELF. 177 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,303 YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. 178 00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,872 I DON'T GET WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME. 179 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,940 FEELINGS ARE NOT A PHILOSOPHY. 180 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,476 YOU EITHER FEEL OR YOU DON'T. YOU CAN'T BULLSHIT ABOUT IT. 181 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:30,944 WHAT, YOU THINK I'M BULLSHITTING? 182 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:34,381 LISTEN, I'M PAYING YOU $150 FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR 183 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:35,816 AND I DON'T SEE YOU MAKING AN EFFORT. 184 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,417 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SMARTER THAN ME 185 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,086 AND I'M DEFINITELY NOT FEELING THAT. 186 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,221 OH, SO WE'RE COMPETING 187 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,391 TO SEE WHO'S THE SMARTEST. 188 00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,826 YEAH? 189 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,261 YOU KNOW, ALEX, I THINK THAT 190 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,997 HERE, LIKE EVERYWHERE ELSE, 191 00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:51,665 LIKE WITH THE COFFEE, FOR INSTANCE, 192 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:55,769 YOU'RE CONCERNED WITH WHAT'S THE BEST. 193 00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,440 MUST BE VERY DIFFICULT. 194 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,810 COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK. 195 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:06,013 IT MUST BE KIND OF FRIGHTENING FOR YOU TO FEEL... 196 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,450 EMPATHY WITH THESE PEOPLE. 197 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,587 SO YOU CREATE THIS KIND OF ALTERNATE REALITY FOR YOURSELF 198 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,088 FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHERE, 199 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,758 "OH NO, THEY WERE JUST WAITING IN LINE AT THE PHARMACY. 200 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:20,961 I'M JUST THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST, 201 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,063 NOT THE PILOT WHO BOMBED THEM 202 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,397 OR KILLED THEIR FAMILY." 203 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,433 ( laughs ) 204 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:29,970 OH, I WISH YOU WERE RIGHT. 205 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,807 BUT IT'S MUCH MORE FUNDAMENTAL. 206 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,077 LOOK, IF YOU HOLD ON TO THIS-- 207 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,246 THIS ORGAN 208 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,715 CALLED GUILT FEELINGS-- 209 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,651 AND I BELIEVE THAT'S WHAT IT IS. 210 00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:46,419 IT'S AN ORGAN LIKE THE SPLEEN OR LIVER-- 211 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:50,090 THE SYSTEM WILL CUT IT OUT OF YOU COMPLETELY. 212 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:56,496 UNDERSTAND? I HAVE NO WAY OF FEELING GUILT ANYMORE. 213 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,565 I DON'T HAVE THE ORGAN. 214 00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:01,301 SO YOU REALLY BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE TO 215 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:05,172 AMPUTATE SUCH AN ORGAN? 216 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,877 YOU WENT BACK TO IRAQ. 217 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,514 WHY WAS IT SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO GO BACK? 218 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,684 TO RISK YOUR LIFE JUST TO-- 219 00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:18,218 JUST TO BE THERE? 220 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:21,388 I TOLD YOU, I WANTED TO CHECK IF ANYTHING WAS LEFT. 221 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,423 AND-- 222 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,693 AND I WANTED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS 223 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,661 WHEN I COME DOWN FROM THAT TOP VIEW. 224 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:30,330 BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. 225 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:31,732 THAT'S RIGHT, NOTHING. 226 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:36,203 CAN WE-- 227 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,271 CAN WE GO BACK FOR A MOMENT TO THE, UH-- 228 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,473 TO THE SITE OF THE BOMBING? 229 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,310 CAN YOU DESCRIBE ONE MOMENT WHEN YOU SAID TO YOURSELF, 230 00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,313 "I SHOULD BE FEELING SOMETHING NOW, 231 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,982 RIGHT NOW, AND I DON'T"? 232 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,753 ( sighs ) 233 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,789 UM... 234 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,794 YEAH, THERE WAS A MOMENT. 235 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:04,264 I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, 236 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:08,168 BUT THERE WAS A MOMENT WHEN THIS OLD MAN CAME OVER TO ME. 237 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,469 HE HAD BEEN BURNED. 238 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,740 HIS ARM WAS BANDAGED. 239 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,143 HE KEPT LOOKING AT ME WITH A STRANGE LITTLE SMILE. 240 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,214 ( speaks Arabic ) 241 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,484 WHICH MEANS "I KNOW YOU." 242 00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:27,220 "I KNOW YOU." 243 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,322 I IGNORED HIM AT FIRST, BUT A COUPLE MINUTES LATER 244 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:30,623 HE WAS BACK. "I KNOW YOU," 245 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,259 "I KNOW YOU," HE KEPT SAYING. 246 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,028 FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT HE DID RECOGNIZE ME, 247 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,764 BUT I DIDN'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT. 248 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:39,032 I DOUBT HE'D EVER SEEN THE INTERNET BUT... 249 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:44,337 IN SOME DEEP INTUITIVE WAY... 250 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,041 HE KNEW. 251 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:50,443 HE KNEW I WAS THE MAN WHO DROPPED THE BOMB 252 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,781 THAT DESTROYED THE WHOLE STREET WE WERE STANDING ON. 253 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:01,321 OH. 254 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,423 YOU COULD BE-- 255 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,693 YOU COULD BE DESCRIBING A MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE, 256 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,628 LIKE A DREAM. 257 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,363 YEAH, IT WAS LIKE A DREAM, 258 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,099 LIKE A TOTALLY BIZARRE DREAM. 259 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,733 HE STARTED LOOKING LIKE SOME OLD WARLOCK 260 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,668 OUT OF, LIKE, A FAIRY TALE OR SOMETHING. 261 00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,838 AND HE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE. HE KEPT POINTING AT ME. 262 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:21,741 ( speaks Arabic ) I KNOW YOU. 263 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,812 AND I LOOKED IN HIS EYES. 264 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:28,448 AND HE WAS SORT OF AMUSED, KIND OF FRIENDLY, 265 00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:29,783 THE WAY MY FATHER LOOKS AT ME 266 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,318 WHEN HE THINKS I'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG. 267 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,953 LIKE HE KNOWS MY SECRETS. LIKE NO MATTER WHAT I DO 268 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,421 I CAN'T HIDE FROM IT. 269 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,356 AND I WAS FROZEN THERE. 270 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,325 AND BY THAT TIME PEOPLE HAD GATHERED 271 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,893 AND THEY WERE WATCHING US. 272 00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:44,731 AND FINALLY SOMEONE FROM THE CHURCH GROUP CAME AND PULLED ME AWAY, 273 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,835 BUT THAT OLD MAN, HE NEVER TOOK HIS EYES OFF ME. 274 00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:59,012 YOU STILL THINK IT'S TOO EARLY TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FATHER? 275 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:04,184 WHY, BECAUSE HE POPPED INTO MY HEAD FOR A SECOND? 276 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,652 ( laughs ) 277 00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:08,388 YOU PEOPLE. WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE? 278 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,690 I GIVE YOU A LITTLE CRUMB AND YOU LUNGE AT IT. 279 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,392 NO. 280 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:13,861 I'M JUST ASKING MYSELF, ALEX, 281 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,595 WHAT WAS IT ABOUT THAT OLD MAN 282 00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:18,365 THAT MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FATHER? 283 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,133 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING: 284 00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,502 IF THERE'S SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF GUILT, 285 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,337 IT'S MY FATHER. YOU KNOW WHY? 286 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,739 BECAUSE IF HE COULD FEEL, 287 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,709 HE WOULDN'T HAVE SURVIVED. 288 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,913 YOU KNOW, MY FATHER KILLED HIS FATHER 289 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,983 WITH HIS BARE HANDS. 290 00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:38,218 YEAH. AND THAT'S A FACT. 291 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,255 MAN, I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM ON THIS COUCH. 292 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,925 MAN, DOC, YOU'D HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH HIM. 293 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,130 YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT? 294 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,399 OH, NOW I GOT YOUR ATTENTION. 295 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,905 WELL, I DON'T THINK I CAN TELL IT AS WELL AS HE DOES. 296 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,672 BUT I'LL TRY. 297 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,876 MID-'50s, RIGHT? JIM CROW OKLAHOMA. 298 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,547 MY OLD MAN HAD PISSED OFF THE LOCAL GOOD OL' BOYS 299 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:11,218 BY TRYING TO ORGANIZE SOME BLACK LABOR AT THIS FACTORY. 300 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:14,054 THEY TRIED TO THREATEN HIM BUT MY DAD DIDN'T BACK DOWN. 301 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,823 HE'S A TOUGH SON OF A BITCH, I'LL GIVE HIM THAT. 302 00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:19,126 ANYWAY, THE WHOLE THING, IT JUST ESCALATED. 303 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:23,030 AND, UH, THIS MOB WITH HOODS 304 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,165 ATTACKED HIS HOUSE. 305 00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:27,434 MY UNCLE RONNIE WAS ON THE FRONT PORCH WITH A RIFLE. 306 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,403 THEY SHOT HIM DOWN. SHOT MY AUNT JEANNIE TOO. 307 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,072 AND THEN THEY CAME INSIDE. 308 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,440 SO MY FATHER TAKES THE REST OF THE FAMILY, 309 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,009 THEY RUN DOWNSTAIRS TO THE BOILER ROOM, 310 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,644 TO THE BASEMENT. RIGHT NEAR THE BOILER, 311 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:40,713 THEY ALL CRAMMED INTO THIS AREA, THIS HIDDEN ROOM. 312 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,482 MY GRANDFATHER, HIS FATHER, 313 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,351 WAS VERY SICK, 314 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:47,287 DYING OF LUNG CANCER. AND HE HAD THIS, UH, 315 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,389 APPARENTLY HE HAD THIS-- ( wheezes ) 316 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,959 THIS WHEEZING AND THIS HACKING COUGH. 317 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,327 SO MY FATHER PUTS HIS HAND 318 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,529 OVER HIS FATHER'S MOUTH AND NOSE 319 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,099 AND HE KEPT IT THERE WHILE THEY SEARCHED THE BASEMENT, 320 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:02,269 KEPT IT CLAMPED TIGHT. 321 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,871 THEN WHEN THEY FINALLY CLEARED OUT 322 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:07,007 MY GRANDFATHER WAS DEAD. 323 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:10,010 HE'D SUFFOCATED. 324 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:17,050 - THERE IT IS. - THAT'S, UH... 325 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,052 THAT'S A HORRIFIC STORY. 326 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,021 HE TELLS IT EVERY YEAR ON MY GRANDFATHER'S BIRTHDAY. 327 00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,090 IT'S A TRADITION. 328 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,959 AND YOU REALLY BELIEVE HE DOESN'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT? 329 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,694 I'M TELLING YOU, 330 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:30,697 HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY, "LEAVE THE GUILT FOR THE WHITE MAN. 331 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,300 ( laughs ) WE CAN'T AFFORD IT." 332 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:38,238 WELL, IT'S POSSIBLE THAT HE'S SAYING THAT 333 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,274 IT'S DANGEROUS TO FEEL GUILTY, 334 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,843 THAT IT'S A KIND OF WEAKNESS. 335 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,845 MAYBE THAT'S A MESSAGE THAT 336 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,414 YOU'VE GROWN UP WITH. 337 00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,749 WHAT CAN I SAY? THAT'S JUST MY FATHER'S WAY. 338 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,685 - BUT IS IT YOUR WAY? - I DON'T KNOW. 339 00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,389 HEY, IT WORKS FOR HIM. 340 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,191 DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE HIM AN ASSHOLE. 341 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,061 PEOPLE LOVE MY FATHER. MY WIFE IS CRAZY ABOUT HIM. 342 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,430 YOU SHOULD SEE HIM AT FAMILY DINNERS. 343 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:06,366 HE'S GOT HER OFF IN A CORNER AND TELLING JOKES AND... 344 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,201 I DON'T KNOW. SHE APPRECIATES HIM. 345 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,936 - ( water pouring ) - MAYBE THAT'S WHY WE LASTED 346 00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,704 AS LONG AS WE DID. 347 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,773 YOU SAY "LASTED" 348 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,275 AS IF IT WAS PAST TENSE. 349 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:18,645 YEAH. 350 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:22,115 YEAH, ACTUALLY, THAT'S WHY I CAME TO SEE YOU TODAY. 351 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,417 THERE'S THIS ISSUE WITH MY WIFE. 352 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:28,288 WHAT HAPPENED WAS, WHEN I CAME HOME FROM MY TRIP, 353 00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:32,092 IT WAS LATE AND THE KIDS WERE ALREADY ASLEEP. 354 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,897 AND I SAW MY WIFE. 355 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,732 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU SAW YOUR WIFE? 356 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,501 I LOOKED AT HER. 357 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:44,437 I REALLY LOOKED AT HER. 358 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,575 SHE WAS SLEEPING IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION. 359 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,378 FOR AN HOUR, AN HOUR AND A HALF NONSTOP 360 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:54,481 I SAT THERE WITHOUT TAKING MY EYES OFF HER. 361 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,786 WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WATCHED YOUR WIFE SLEEP FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT? 362 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,424 WELL, I USUALLY FALL ASLEEP BEFORE SHE DOES. 363 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,127 WELL, TRY IT ONCE, YOU'LL BE SURPRISED. 364 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,729 WHAT'LL SURPRISE ME? 365 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:13,032 WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER... 366 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,535 ABOUT HER, 367 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,270 ABOUT YOURSELF. 368 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,874 I WAS LOOKING AT HER, 369 00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:24,844 LOOKING AT EVERY INCH OF HER BODY. 370 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,214 AND I SAID TO MYSELF... 371 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,519 "WHO THE HELL IS THIS WOMAN 372 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,423 SLEEPING ON THE SOFA IN FRONT OF THE TV? 373 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,492 WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT ME? 374 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,262 WHAT DOES SHE THINK SHE KNOWS ABOUT ME? 375 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:45,098 AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING 376 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,500 LIVING WITH HER IN THE SAME LIVING ROOM, 377 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,736 IN THE SAME HOUSE WITH THE SAME KIDS 378 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,738 FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS?" 379 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,542 UNDERSTAND? 380 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,616 AND I'M SITTING THERE OPPOSITE HER, RIGHT? 381 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,918 SHE DOESN'T IMAGINE WHAT'S GOING THROUGH MY HEAD. 382 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,355 AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? 383 00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:11,591 SHE STARTS GRINDING HER TEETH. 384 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,260 NOW IT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER SAW HER 385 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,961 GRIND HER TEETH IN HER SLEEP. 386 00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:17,330 AND I'M TALKING SOMETHING SICK, 387 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,966 FRIGHTENING. THE SOUND THAT CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH-- 388 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,334 IT-- HOW DO YOU-- 389 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,870 YOU COULD CUT DIAMONDS BETWEEN HER TEETH, OKAY? 390 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,105 IT REALLY FUCKED ME UP. 391 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,607 SOUNDS PRETTY UPSETTING. 392 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,809 SHOCKING, I TELL YOU. 393 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,278 AND SUDDENLY I UNDERSTOOD. 394 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:33,446 FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS THIS WOMAN'S BEEN SO BUSY 395 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,182 PRETENDING THAT EVERYTHING'S OKAY, 396 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,684 FLOWING. SHE'S A MODEL MOTHER, 397 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,686 A MODEL WIFE, 398 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,455 AN OUTSTANDING LECTURER AT A COMMUNICATIONS COLLEGE. WHAT CAN I TELL YOU? 399 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,391 VERY IMPRESSIVE IN FRONT OF MY FELLOW PILOTS. 400 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,893 AND IT TURNS OUT SHE TAKES IT ALL OUT 401 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,529 ON HER TEETH AT NIGHT. 402 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,832 WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S PRETTY COMMON, ACTUALLY. 403 00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:56,736 THEY DON'T THINK IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH STRESS. 404 00:18:56,836 --> 00:19:00,940 IT HAS TO DO WITH FLAWS IN THE STRUCTURE OF THE JAW. 405 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,442 YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT? 406 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:05,144 NO, IT'S CONNECTED TO HER STRESS. 407 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,714 - IN WHAT WAY? - IN WHAT-- 408 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:13,286 OKAY. SHE IS A TOTALLY REPRESSED PERSON. 409 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,955 AND ALL HER REPRESSIONS COME OUT AT NIGHT 410 00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,124 IN HER SLEEP. 411 00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,592 SO SHE GRINDS HER TEETH. 412 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,093 MMM. 413 00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:24,731 YOU THINK MICHAELA MAY HAVE TROUBLE WITH HER FEELINGS TOO? 414 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,199 ( laughs ) 415 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,535 YOU THINK I DON'T FEEL? WAIT TILL YOU MEET HER. 416 00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,738 EVERYTHING IS JUST LIKE CLOCKWORK. 417 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,173 CLOCKWORK, THAT'S WHAT-- IT'S CLOCKWORK. 418 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,642 THE KIDS HAVE BEEN GOING TO BED 419 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:38,445 AT THE SAME HOUR SINCE THEY WERE TWO DAYS OLD. 420 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,314 THEY GOT SICK ON A FIXED DATE. 421 00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,783 WE'D HAVE SEX ON A FIXED DATE 422 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,152 IN A FIXED POSITION. AND MICHAELA EVEN FARTS 423 00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,488 ONCE A YEAR ON A FIXED DATE. 424 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:51,558 ONCE A YEAR ON THE NIGHT AFTER EASTER SUNDAY 425 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:54,894 SHE FARTS. SHE LETS HERSELF FART ONCE, MAYBE TWICE. 426 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,629 A LITTLE ONE, NOT THAT MUCH. 427 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:59,299 AND THEN IT'S OVER. NO FARTING FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR. 428 00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:01,401 MAN, SHE'S A PROGRAMMED PERSON. 429 00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:04,504 EVERY EMOTION IS UNDER CONTROL. 430 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,740 SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE A LITTLE ANGRY WITH HER. 431 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,279 NO. WHAT-- 432 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:15,415 - WHY-- - JUST THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT HER. 433 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,251 NO. TAKES A LOT MORE THAN MICHAELA'S SCHEDULE TO MAKE ME ANGRY. 434 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,720 I GOT THE IMPRESSION BEFORE WHEN YOU WERE SPEAKING 435 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:24,357 THAT MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE ANGRY WITH YOURSELF, ALEX. 436 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:27,427 I MEAN, YOU WENT ALL THE WAY TO IRAQ 437 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,462 AND YOU COULDN'T FEEL ANYTHING. 438 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,799 I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE. 439 00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,404 HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO MICHAELA ABOUT IT? 440 00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:40,373 MMM, OF COURSE. OVER OUR MORNING COFFEE. 441 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:43,343 SHE SAYS, "YES, HONEY. I GRIND MY TEETH. 442 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:46,979 YOU ONLY NOTICED IT NOW? YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART. 443 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,181 THAT'S WHAT I'D CALL LOVE." 444 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,684 AND THEN SHE SAID, "BABY, PLEASE CUT DOWN ON YOUR COFFEE. 445 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,753 REMEMBER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID?" 446 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,789 SINCE MY HEART ATTACK SHE LETS ME HAVE ONE CUP OF COFFEE A DAY. 447 00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,426 AND THAT BATTERY ACID YOU GAVE ME, THAT'S NOT COFFEE. 448 00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,494 - THAT DOESN'T COUNT. - OKAY OKAY. 449 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,030 SO YOU DON'T LIKE MICHAELA 450 00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:07,800 WORRYING ABOUT YOU, TREATING YOU LIKE YOU'RE SICK? 451 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,569 ( sighs ) 452 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:12,605 IT'S JUST-- IT'S LIKE SHE'S ON A MISSION 453 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,907 TO GET ME BACK UP IN THE AIR ASAP. 454 00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:18,345 SHE SAYS I'M FIT AS A FIDDLE AND I NEED TO BE KNOCKING ON THE NAVY'S DOOR TO GET BACK. 455 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,079 HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU'VE FLOWN? 456 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,581 TWO MONTHS SINCE MY HEART ATTACK. 457 00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:24,417 IT MUST BE HARD TO BE AWAY FROM THAT WORLD, 458 00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:28,187 NOT TO BE PART OF WHAT USED TO BE 459 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,323 THE CENTER OF YOUR LIFE. 460 00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:33,092 FIRST OF ALL, I'M STILL ONE OF THEM, OKAY? SO YOU CAN RELAX ON THAT. 461 00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:35,995 BUT MEANWHILE, SITTING AT HOME THINKING ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY 462 00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:38,398 THAT YOU MIGHT NEVER FLY AGAIN-- 463 00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:40,132 OF COURSE I'LL FLY AGAIN. 464 00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,134 PEOPLE WITH WORSE INJURIES HAVE BOUNCED BACK. 465 00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:44,236 DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK, ALEX? 466 00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:47,106 WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. 467 00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:49,609 BUT MICHAELA'S DYING FOR ME TO GO BACK. 468 00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,278 AND AT NIGHT SHE GRINDS HER TEETH LIKE SOME KIND OF-- 469 00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:55,882 ALEX, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE CHANGED OVERNIGHT. 470 00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,984 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 471 00:21:58,084 --> 00:22:00,787 I THINK THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT MICHAELA THAT REALLY BOTHER YOU 472 00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:04,457 BECAUSE THEY REFLECT SOMETHING INSIDE YOU 473 00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:05,925 THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH. 474 00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:07,460 LIKE WHAT? 475 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,162 LIKE HER PASSION FOR YOU TO FLY AGAIN. 476 00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,765 I'M NOT 100% CONVINCED 477 00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:14,667 THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO BACK. 478 00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:19,372 MAYBE BECAUSE 479 00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:22,709 YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE FORGIVING YOURSELF. 480 00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:28,748 OKAY, ALL OF THIS JUST REINFORCES MY DECISION TO LEAVE HOME. 481 00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,983 WHAT? 482 00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:34,421 WHY? 483 00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:36,789 YEAH, I DON'T THINK-- 484 00:22:38,425 --> 00:22:40,693 IT'S POINTLESS TO DRAG THIS OUT FOR YEARS. 485 00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:43,696 WHEN A PERSON DECIDES HE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH HIS SPOUSE 486 00:22:43,796 --> 00:22:46,298 HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT OFF LEAVING HOME. ISN'T THAT SO? 487 00:22:46,399 --> 00:22:48,468 IT'S OVER. IT'S DEAD. 488 00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:50,437 I'VE HAD FRIENDS WHO'VE REACHED THIS CONCLUSIO. 489 00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:53,172 THEY GO TO THREE YEARS OF COUPLES THERAPY AND THEY STILL END UP SEPARATING. 490 00:22:53,272 --> 00:22:55,608 SO WHAT'S THE USE? I SAY CUT THAT SHIT. 491 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,544 DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE EXTREME? 492 00:22:57,644 --> 00:23:00,279 I MEAN, IT IS POSSIBLE TO OVERCOME A CRISIS. 493 00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:03,115 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I REALIZED? 494 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,753 THAT I WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH HER, 495 00:23:06,853 --> 00:23:08,688 WITH MICHAELA. 496 00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:11,023 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 497 00:23:11,123 --> 00:23:13,860 DO YOU KNOW WHAT A TERRIBLE REALIZATION THAT IS? 498 00:23:16,362 --> 00:23:18,364 WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? 499 00:23:18,465 --> 00:23:21,568 FIND A LOVER LIKE MY DAD? 500 00:23:21,668 --> 00:23:24,236 START COMING HOME LATE AT NIGHT? 501 00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:25,972 I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE ANYMORE. 502 00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:29,175 I WON'T DO ANYTHING BUT SIT ON MY ASS AND WATCH TV. 503 00:23:29,275 --> 00:23:31,978 SO WHAT? 504 00:23:34,881 --> 00:23:36,816 YOU LOOK UPSET. 505 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,818 NO, I'M JUST-- 506 00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:42,121 I'M JUST A LITTLE CONCERNED, THAT'S ALL. 507 00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:44,390 WELL, DON'T BE. IT'S... 508 00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:46,893 - I FEEL A GREAT RELIEF. - NO, I'M SURE. 509 00:23:46,993 --> 00:23:49,328 THERE MUST BE TREMENDOUS RELIEF IN JUST 510 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:52,198 WALKING AWAY. 511 00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:54,934 BUT I'M NOT CONVINCED IT'S THE SOLUTION. 512 00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:57,236 WHY NOT? 513 00:23:57,336 --> 00:24:01,307 I SUPPOSE BECAUSE I ASK MYSELF: 514 00:24:01,407 --> 00:24:03,242 WHO ARE YOU REALLY LEAVING? 515 00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:04,611 MAYBE YOU'RE LEAVING HER BECAUSE 516 00:24:04,711 --> 00:24:06,479 SHE'S SUCH A FRIGHTENING REFLECTION OF YOU. 517 00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:08,915 MAYBE YOU'RE LEAVING YOURSELF, 518 00:24:09,015 --> 00:24:10,182 NOT YOUR WIFE. 519 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,485 NO. 520 00:24:12,585 --> 00:24:14,053 IT'S IRRELEVANT. 521 00:24:14,153 --> 00:24:15,588 I HAVE NO REASON TO GO BACK. 522 00:24:15,688 --> 00:24:17,690 WE'RE FINISHED. WE'RE DONE. WE'RE FINISHED. 523 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:21,494 HAVE YOU SAID ANYTHING TO, UH-- 524 00:24:21,594 --> 00:24:22,895 TO HER ABOUT IT? 525 00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:25,431 NOT YET. 526 00:24:25,532 --> 00:24:27,199 I THOUGHT I'D CONSULT WITH YOU FIRST. 527 00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:30,302 IS THIS REALLY A CONSULTATION? 528 00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:32,304 BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETHING? 529 00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:34,574 AGAIN, I FEEL LIKE I'M A RUBBER STAMP 530 00:24:34,674 --> 00:24:36,308 FOR A DECISION THAT YOU'VE ALREADY MADE. 531 00:24:36,408 --> 00:24:38,611 NO NO, ON THE CONTRARY. 532 00:24:38,711 --> 00:24:41,080 THIS MEETING CLINCHED THE MATTER, NOT BEFORE. 533 00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:42,448 YOU CAN TAKE CREDIT FOR IT. 534 00:24:42,549 --> 00:24:45,618 WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS GIVING ME CREDIT? 535 00:24:45,718 --> 00:24:48,921 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT THAT YOU GIVE ME CREDIT. 536 00:24:49,021 --> 00:24:50,923 WHAT YOU'RE REALLY DOING IS YOU'RE ASKING ME 537 00:24:51,023 --> 00:24:54,727 TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR BIG DECISIONS. 538 00:24:55,662 --> 00:24:57,664 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 539 00:24:57,764 --> 00:25:00,667 IT'S NOT ME MAKING THESE DECISIONS, IT'S YOU. 540 00:25:00,767 --> 00:25:02,969 YOU KNEW BEFORE YOU WALKED THROUGH THAT DOOR 541 00:25:03,069 --> 00:25:04,571 THAT YOU WERE GOING TO GO BACK TO IRAQ. 542 00:25:04,671 --> 00:25:07,173 YOU KNEW BEFORE YOU EVER BROUGHT UP THE SUBJECT 543 00:25:07,273 --> 00:25:09,341 OF MICHAELA'S TEETH GRINDING 544 00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:11,377 THAT YOUR MARRIAGE WAS DEEPLY IN TROUBLE. 545 00:25:11,477 --> 00:25:15,514 THESE AREN'T CONCLUSIONS THAT YOU'VE COME TO HERE ON THIS COUCH 546 00:25:15,615 --> 00:25:18,117 IN THE LAST WEEK WITH MY PERMISSION. 547 00:25:24,857 --> 00:25:27,426 AREN'T THESE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN 548 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,996 BOILING OVER INSIDE YOU 549 00:25:30,096 --> 00:25:32,064 FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME, ALEX? 550 00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:40,172 I-I GOT TO GO. 551 00:25:41,407 --> 00:25:43,843 LIKE YOU SAY, MY TIME IS UP. 552 00:25:46,412 --> 00:25:48,681 ( sighs ) 553 00:25:54,587 --> 00:25:56,355 HEY, DON'T WORRY. 554 00:25:56,455 --> 00:25:58,825 I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED. 555 00:26:07,934 --> 00:26:10,236 ( theme music playing )