¶ Oh, darlin' ¶
¶ I love you in the mornin' ¶
¶ I love you in the afternoon ¶
Chuck, you know I love you.
Of course, Betty I love you too.
And I know I've made you wait a long time.
Yeah A long time.
Well, tonight, that all ends.
What do you mean?
Chuck...
tonight is the night I'm going to give myself to you.
I'm ready to take things to the next level.
Are you sure? We're gonna do it?
All right.
¶ Whoa, darlin' ¶
¶ Whatever I have to do ¶
¶ Oh, pretty baby ¶
¶ How I'm in love with you ¶
That was awesome.
Yeah.
But...
now that my virginity is behind us,
I think I'm ready to take things to the next level.
What do you mean? I thought we just did.
Come on, Chuck, don't be coy.
You know what I mean.
Anal
Seriously?
Yeah I love you, Chuck, and I know you love me
And that's why I want you to stick it in my ass
¶ Giddy up, horsey ¶
¶ Come on, let go ¶
Yeah
¶ Who's riding your pony? ¶
¶ Horny pony ¶
Oh, yeah
¶ They've seldom seen of your contemptuous greed ¶
Wow
I know.
That fucking ruled!
But
But what?
Well
it's just now that the ass sex is in the bag
I think we're ready to take things to the next level
What other level is there?
Get an extension cord
Next level!
Who are they!?
Next level!
Ohh!
Next level!
No more levels!
I'll be right back
Maybe I rushed things
¶ Sex me up and I'll sex you down ¶
¶ Whatever you want is my command ¶
¶ I'm into S and M, I lead the butcher farm ¶
¶ And now don't you understand, I'm into any ma'am ¶
¶ Sex me up and I'll sex you down ¶
¶ I get on the floor, I'll turn around ¶
¶ Get on my hands and knees, on your command I'll freeze ¶
¶ I hope this never cease, come get me, won't you please ¶
¶ But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me ¶
¶ From what she told me, she'd never please me ¶
¶ But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me ¶
¶ From what she told me, she'd only tease me ¶
¶ She said ¶
¶ I said ¶
¶ Sex me up and I'll sex you down ¶
Remember, students, it's Sexual Awareness Month.
Gentlemen, pick up your free condoms in the gym,
- and ladies, lubricant is available... - I got laid last night
- Same chick as the night before? - Are you crazy?
I can't have the same chick comin' around two nights in a row
That's bordering on a relationship I like to play the field
See, this is exactly what I don't understand How does he do it?
He just goes out and gets it done, man,
that's how he does it
You can't sit around and wait for Santa to bring you some ass
under the tree
Dude, how psyched are you for first period?
- Mr. Matthews' sex-ed class - Man, that dude's a total freak
I can’t wait to go in there and talk about all the ass we've slammed
It's gonna be awesome, bro
No doubt, bro
I can't take this class
Why not?
Why not? Did you not just hear that conversation?
" -How much ass we've slammed?" - Yeah, bro
Exactly The class is just gonna be with a bunch of pervs
who are open about their sex lives, and frankly, I don't have one
That's sad You're not bad-lookin' And your legs work
I'm not gonna have sex with just anybody,
I know that’s what you are thinking right now
Sorry, not gonna happen
Doesn't have to be just anybody Look. Look, look
How about you start off with a nice little virgin like Betty?
Hey, Betty
Okay, everyone, bring it on in,
we got a lot to do, and little time to cover it
I can feel the sexuality brewin' in here already
- Oh, no Stacy's in this class? - What do you mean, "Oh, no?"
You've been trying to tap that since fifth grade
This is an opportunity You're in a class with her
Go talk to her!
- What would I say? - Listen, all a girl wants
is for you to be yourself So do that... be yourself
Or just shake your dick at her You know, whatever feels right
- Hello - Hello
Hey, Stacy
Looks like we're gonna be having sex together
What!?
Ed S... class Sex-ed class together
I'm sorry, I just... y'know Whoo!
Bye
Yeah... talk to ya later
My name is Mr. Matthews
First off, there's no teachers in here...
just a bunch of people exploring their sexuality
Right? So once you enter through that door,
you're comin' through a No Bullshit zone
That's right... I said "bullshit"
Huh? We're keepin' it real in here, people
Fart, fuck, shit, cock, ass, cunty cunt!
All rightie
Now, listen up Teen sexuality is a living, breathing thing,
and we're gonna explore that concept from every different angle
we can get our greasy little hands on
And you're gonna share I'm gonna share right now
Hell, I've had sex with koi fish
There, I've said it
Sometimes you find me naked down at the bottom of a fun-ball pool
at your local fast food restaurant
True story
Okay, let's do a little role-playing exercise in here
I want each and every one of you
to decide that you're gonna have sex with someone
for the very first time
Okay, partner up, people!
Stacy needs a partner Seize the day, bro
Hell, screw the day Seize the booty
That's a good union there I like that I saw that when I came in
- Mr. Matthews? - Yes
I don't think there's any girls left
Mike, human sexuality isn't always between man and woman
Stand up, Doug
Class, I'd like to introduce you to our first gay couple...
Mike and Doug
Now, just because they'll be experimenting with
man-on-man lovemaking and assorted humbuggery,
don't treat 'em any differently
Mike, I think you're gonna be on bottom
Okay
I'll be the stay-at-home-dad
What?
Mark
So, Matt, what advice do you have for young people about sex?
Advice Uh
guys, be responsible
You know, always wear a rubber
Of course, it feels way better to do it without one
Unless, of course, it's a Vietnamese hooker,
and then I think you just take your chances
As long as there's a naked chick somewhere in the room,
you are not gay
If you have an STD, do not tell your partner
It is a lose-lose situation
Fellas, be nice to your partner
In the morning, if she needs a ride home,
point her to the nearest bus stop before you go back to sleep
Be a good guy
Today one out of three young adults
has a sexually transmitted disease.
And letting a former hook-up know that you've got genital cooties
can be pretty hard.
Now there's an easier way!
At STD-E-CARDS, you can share the bad news with one click.
Pick from such messages as,
"You gave me your heart, I gave you gonorrhea",
or” Thanks for the blowjob... sorry about the herpes" .
It's from Kevin!
That hot guy that you hooked up with this weekend?
- Yeah - What's it say?
"Roses are red, violets are blue,
I gave you syphilis when we screwed at the zoo"
That was easy
STD-E-CARDS, where bad news travels fast!
Attention, students, prom is fast approaching.
Get your free STD screening in the nurse's office.
- Hi, Carla - Oh, hey
Hey, listen, um,
I know it's kind of last minute, but, um,
I wanted to know if you'd maybe want to go to the prom with me tonight
Oh, I'm sorry, Justin, someone already asked me
Three weeks ago
Oh... oh, okay That’s that’s all right
Well, have fun, though
Oh, check out your cock!
Oh! Oh, honey!
I've been using these since the Eisenhower Administration
Can I help you?
Huh?
Uh... uh, no
Oh, honey...
She's a real beaut, isn't she?
This just isn't right
I wish we'd met years ago
My whole high school experience would have been different
¶ Every day, the one thing I can count on ¶
¶ So much love ¶
¶ It's like a river with no end ¶
¶ So much love ¶
¶ The minute it seems to stop, it starts again ¶
¶ So much love ¶
¶ You've given me so much love ¶
¶ Don't you know you've made my dream come true ¶
I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon, too!
¶ They brought me you, you brought me love ¶
¶ Dreams come true every day with you ¶
¶ So much love ¶
Justin, I haven't seen you around much lately
I've been busy
Well, prom wasn't the same without you
- Really? - Yeah
I was wondering if we could go out sometime
- Me and you? - Dinner?
Maybe Saturday night?
And just when I thought the night could not get any worse,
he pukes all over my dress
It was horrible
I'm sure you still looked beautiful, though
Thanks, but I didn't
I had vomit all over me
You're so amazing You really are
What? No, that's ridiculous
I'm going to play poker with some of the guys
Don’t worry I'll be back by 10:00 All right?
Hello?
Anyone there?
Look, don't be a pussy, just tell me who it is
Stop calling me!
Another prank call
I know what you're up to, and it's gotta stop
Leave Carla alone!
It's over between me and you
Get used to it!
Where were you this morning?
I thought you were gonna watch me practice
Oh Sorry, I forgot
Well, you comin' to my game on Friday night?
Actually, I'm going to Len's party with Stacy
You know what? There's someone else who actually cares about me
Good-bye, Carla
Justin, where are you going?
What?
No!
Why?! Why did you do this!?
Someone call 911!
So what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done in bed?
The two of us licked whipped cream off of each other once
- That was fun Yeah - That was pretty kinky
What about you?
I don't know
- Uh - Come on, don't act all shy
- What if my parents are watching? - Come on
Does it have to be the kinkiest thing that we’ve done together?
No, it could have been on your own
Well
this one time I had sex with this black guy
while his best friend did me in the ass,
and then I sucked both their dicks at the same time
That was kinda kinky
- What? Baby? That's great
MR MATTHEWS Bring it on in!
We got a lot to do and a little time to do it!
Wanna make sure we can cram it all in
That's what she said Ha ha ha! You guys know what I'm talkin' about
You've gotta sit next to Stacy and be her partner
Yeah, man, don't be scared Go ahead
All right, we're all gettin' in a circle
This is great
Okay
let's talk about penises
That's right, everyone
I said the big P-word
Now, the most common question: What's normal?
Simple answer: There's no such thing
Penises come in a variety of different shapes and sizes
Huh? All rightie!
As you can tell from the molds cast from actual penises we have here
Got 'em all different from all over the globe
Now, the next we like to call the Fireplug
It's short and stocky, but boy, when you get it excited,
kablooey!
Like a sawed-off shotgun, I tell ya All right, what do we have next?
This one's called the Tadpole Why is it called the Tadpole?
Because it's got a larger head tapering down into a smaller shaft
We like to call this guy the Mushroom Cloud, if you will
Yeah I thought you'd like that one
Now, this is an interesting one
Looks small, but if you know how-to use it,
I tell ya, it's quite a powerful weapon
It's called the Torpedo You know what I mean?
Or the Meat Cone
'Cause it's got a tiny head tapering into a large shaft
Nice
Hand that guy around, that's a good one
We like to call that one the Roto-Rooter
Next we have what's called the Super huge
- That's right - Oh, damn!
We also like to call this the Great American Challenge
Ladies, you're gonna love the cervix stimulation on that guy
Okay, this next one's interesting, all right? I found this one online
It's the Doubleheader, ladies and gentlemen
It is out there, believe me Hand that around
Okay, everyone, pass 'em around
Look 'em up and down
NOW freeze!
Okay Gentlemen, the penises in your hands,
that is your penis
Ladies, put your penises down
and partner up with the person closest to you
Looks like we got a small one, huh?
Yeah
Okay, now I'm gonna hand out some condoms for each group
Here ya go, everyone get a condom
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm gonna have you put the condom on the man's penis, together
Okay, the reason I'm having you put these condoms on together
is because contraception is both partners' responsibility
Have to say that Sorry
Mike, it looks like you got a little room there
That's because, Mike, you have a very small penis
Okay, everyone, let's talk about fetishes
Now, a fetish is basically an obsession with leather...
black leather... and bits, mouth bits
Who likes a ball in their mouth? Anyone?
Oh, baby, you look so good
- You wanna do it now, baby? - Hell, yeah, I do
Okay
No, wait You know what would be even hotter?
What?
This
You want me to wear a hat?
Oh, yeah, baby, that shit is so hot
- Okay - Yeah. Yeah.
Wait Uh, you know what else would be so smokin' hot?
What?
This big mole
What?! Ew!
It's hot Trust me
For me?
Fine
- Now can we do it? - Yeah
Ronny... what the hell!?
- What? - I didn’t want to say this,
but you clearly want to have sex with Abraham Lincoln!
That's crazy!
Is it? Look around you, Ronny
- You're obsessed with him - He was a great man
What's wrong with paying tribute?
Paying tribute is one thing...
trying to turn your girlfriend into him so you can get a hard-on is another
I'm outta here Call me when you get some therapy
Sue...
That was my last beard
TV Announcer: Can the transporter be fixed?
Or is all hopeless for our heroines?
Will Alice and Betty make it home?
Find out next on Babes Lost in Time!
Time
Forward into the past!
Here I come, Abe!
Ladies, you do not...
I repeat, you do not have to have sex with a guy for him to like you
But it helps
Want to remain a virgin until you're married?
Two words: Butt sex
Look, if you like to be choked, it's okay Everyone likes it... a little
Just don't go too far
Blue is a warning sign
So, what's the kinkiest thing either one you has ever done in bed?
- Well, um, check it: - Whoo!
I'm at the club one night, and I meet this little white chick, right?
So next you know I get in her ear, man,
and she lets me take her back to my spot,
and she did me and him at the same time
- And then she blew us You're kidding
Whoo, man! That girl was off the chain, man!
Hey, you know, uh, shit, what can I say?
That little woman had a big ol' twelve-pound pussy, man!
- Where'd she get that? - There was a lot of acrobatics
in that motherfucker, you know what I'm sayin?'
She was small, but she did a lot of big things, baby
- Hey, Kim, holler at your boy! - Whoo!
The women spend most of their time stretching their breasts,
- adding a new ring each year. - Yeah Ooh
They probably like it when they stretch 'em
Yeah
I know they do
Holy crap!
It's Saturday night and you guys are getting stiffies watching PBS?
- You're pathetic - Get out of my room, RJ!
You never knock!
Stupid
He's right, you know
- I mean, this is pathetic - What else are we gonna do?
It's not like we can actually get laid Let's just watch this
Unless we come up with a way
to build an artificial woman from your computer
And then program her to have sex with us
You're a genius!
This is stupid, Barry
Shut up
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Relax! We're gonna give her Halle Berry's face,
- and Beyonce's ass - All right
- Tyra's boobs - Bam!
Tyra's probably got bigger nipples than that
Now all that's left to do is make sure she's horny
Like really, really horny, though
See this pair of panties, right?
Where'd you get those from? They're lacy
All right Are you ready to lose your virginity?
- I'm ready - Say good-bye
Ow! I told you that was stupid, Barry
Be quiet, Leon I'm thinking
Oh, shit!
So, who gonna fuck me first!?
Him! Him!
What the hell just happened!?
The panties, they was my aunt's I knew it It was my aunt's panties
What you waitin' for? My pussy ain't gonna eat itself out
What? What you say?
Who would say that?
Where you goin?' Where you goin?'
Leon!
Well
I guess that means you first
No It don't... it don't have to mean that
Come give mama a taste of that sweet chocolate
What you talkin' about? Chocolate ain't sweet!
I'm your human sex toy, and I don't come with no Off button!
You don't even have to wear no jimmy hat!
Save your energy! I plan on Cumming a lot tonight!
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
You're too big for me!
Your ball sack is about to get drained!
Let me go! Please, Jesus!
You were good.
I don’t want no more I don't... I don’t want no more
No! I don’t want it!
You broke my bed
She's so big. Why is she so big?
I musta... I probably hit F1 instead of Enter I don't know
Here I come!
And this time your ass cherry is mine!
No, it's not! No, it's not!
It's my ass cherry! It's not yours!
Barry? Leon?
"Press Enter now?"
¶ Yeah ¶
¶ You're lookin' good, baby ¶
Whoa!
You're cute How old are you?
Old enough
¶ Ooh-whoo! Yeah, yeah ¶
¶ Here we go ¶
I know you're probably too young to be thinking about marriage,
but take it from me,
if you find somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with,
there's nothing better
Thanks, sweetie
But before you get married,
make sure you explore all your options, guys,
and bone as many chicks as you can
Well, ladies, be sure you take the long way through Dick-town, too
I banged at least fifty guys
before I met this asshole sitting next to me here
And a group of girls, too
It was no accident that I invited the electrician and the plumber
on the same day
- Ohh - Whoo-whoo! Real hot!
Guys, listen up
If you're planning on having a threesome,
you better to do it before you get married
But trust me, there's no better sensation
than two women making out while riding your Johnson
I almost forgot
Book yourself a ticket to...
Try sleeping with your fiancé's best man
and his brother
at the wedding reception
Very hot
Great
Ohh
Ooh, that's nice
Oh, why didn't I think of this before?
Oh, shit
Ohh! Ohh!
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
Honey, dinner's ready
Oh, my God Oh, my God
Oh, this is bad
Can you pass the mashed potatoes, please?
- Certainly - Thank you
Mm Everything is delicious, dear
Did you pick up your condoms for the prom?
Yeah, they gave them out for free at school today
They did? Yeah Thanks, though
Honey, is your vagina ringing?
Dad! That's ridiculous
Sounded like it
Okay, I think we've learned a lot here Class dismissed
I'll see ya all tomorrow
Now, remember your permission slips for the field trip
Now, these permission slips are no joke, people, okay?
Now if you can't find your parents,
they're in their bedroom, doing it
- He'd probably use the toys - Totally
Hey, Stacey Jess
- Hey - Hi
Uh, so listen, Stacey, um...
Mike, can I talk to you for a second?
- Later? - Yes
- Awesome - Okay
So, Mike,
how are things going with you and Stacy?
Oh, uh, great
You know, we're really good friends We...
Hey, hey! Don't bullshit a bull-shitter, bro
I know you're into Stacy You wanna rap about it?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know I like Stacy
- Hmm Hmm - A lot
What do I do? How do I tell her how I feel?
That's a good question
You don't
I don't?
No, you don't
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy is, ooh, way out of your league
Way
What? What do you mean?
I thought you were all about breaking the rules
and there are no rules and we're all equal
I am Just not when it comes to you and Stacy
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy, to get her,
boy, you'd need like a truckload of cough syrup
and a vat of malt liquor
Really mellow her out, you know what I mean?
But not knock her out That's a whole different class altogether
- What? - Mike
you need to go after something more attainable
You need to find somebody who's a lot less
pretty-err
You might have to go up a few weight classes...
a little more than you're comfortable with, probably...
buck-fifty, two bills... I'm not sure
Somebody who hasn't seen the light of day in quite a long time
Acne scars, fangs for teeth, bad hygiene,
- retarded, if you will - What!?
Hey, sometimes keepin' it real hurts, little bro
But in the end, we're all stronger people
Now go out there and get an ugly chick
Or a whore Good luck
Good talk
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Mmm, this is nice, baby
Lindsey, relax Everybody farts
This is huge.
We've crossed the Fart Barrier
Really?
Ahh
See? It's nothin!'
I do feel comfortable with you
Damn!
Now, that's just nasty.
Oh, my God! Oh, yes!
Hey, man, she was riding you like a pogo stick! Up and down!
Hold on, hold on It gets better
- Wait for it - I'm gonna cum!
Now
Oh, my God!
Whoo
Let me introduce you to The Screamer
Griffin, this chick is amazing
Which is why I invited her over here today
Yes, sir
And we're gonna be right here to make sure you go through with it
Got your little sister's baby monitor hooked up in your room
And we're gonna have the other end right here so we can listen in
No Not happening, guys
- Not happening? - No
- Yes Yes - No No
Well, that's what you think
- Oh Too late - Oh, I love it!
Go ahead
- Hi, I'm... I'm Mike - Where's your room?
¶ Oh, my God ¶
¶ Oh, shit ¶
¶ Oh, my God ¶
¶ I can't believe this ¶
Come here
¶ Oh, shit ¶
Whoa, you're taking your shirt off immediately like that,
it's kinda tough for me to say no.
You hear that, man? The shirt just came off!
- It's on! - Oh, it is on, all right
Put it in me
Why... why don't I just grab some ear plugs real quick?
¶ Oh, my God, what should I do? ¶
Oh, hell no, man, is it broke?
What are you waiting for?
I'm sorry I...
I can't do this
What?
There's this girl in my high school, and I... I really like her
Great I didn't have a back-up plan
Now I've gotta go fuck a trucker or a cab driver or
a homeless guy
Do you possibly think that maybe you could go through the back door?
Just so you know you're givin' up a sure thing
Your friend said that you were desperate for it
Last chance
Man, all the settin' up we did, he better not be pussin' out
He's definitely pussing out
Let's go see what's going on with the dumb-ass
You like that, don't you?
Ha ha! We back in action! Oh, Mike!
Yeah, Mike! Whoo-hoo!
Man, you hear that?
Yeah!
Ride it! Ride it!
My boy's goin' strong to the hole, I'm tellin' ya!
- She's going nuts! - She wasn't that crazy with me
Ahem
Hi Have you guys seen my purse?
Oh, Mike! You're so big!
Ahh! Ahh! Oh, Mike, I've never been fucked so good!
Cover your ears! I'm about to cum!
I'm Cumming! I'm Cumming!
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
Oh! Oh! You're such a beast!
I'm your big daddy
Mike, I'm... cover your ears!
Shh! Shh! Oh! Oh!
All right, home stretch
Oh, like that! Oh, like that! Oh, like that!
Oh, my God, oh, my God
I'm in love, Mike I love you
I love you, Mike
¶ Let them know you worked it, dust it off and jerk it ¶
So was it as good for you guys as it was for me?
You know, I would tell you to go fuck yourself,
but it sounds like you just did
Now, Suzy, I don't know how to tell you this,
so I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
Say it.
I've been sleeping with your mom.
- Hank, come on - What?
You know I made an abstinence pledge
I promised myself I'd wait until I was sure
it was with the right guy
I thought I was the right guy
You might be
I'm just not sure yet
But I like you a lot
Hi, sexually frustrated teenager!
I'm Blue Bally!
And if you and your girlfriend don't have sex soon,
you're gonna wind up with a serious case of blue-balls!
That's right! Your nuts are gonna turn blue
Aw, don't be afraid I'm here to help
You've been stiff as a board for the last two hours
That means you're reaching a critical moment
where that good tingly feeling down there
can quickly turn into an achy not-so-good feeling!
Wh... what do you mean?
See, Hank, right now your testicles are filled with semen,
and only a little bit's dripping out
That's called pre-cum
What you want to do is ejaculate
Otherwise, that back up of jizz will cause pressure in your nut sack
to the point of making you nauseous
In fact, your genitals can increase in size 25 to 50% That's huge!
- So, what do I do? - From where I'm sittin,'
even if your girlfriend won't have intercourse with you,
the least you should be able to do is to score a hand job
Judy?
L... I want you to know that I really do care about you
And I've known that since the first time I saw you in Bible Study class
Uh-huh
uh-huh
- Uh-oh That's not good - What do you mean?
With that kind of arousal, it's only a matter of seconds
before full-on irreversible blue balls!
You better go to the bathroom and jerk off, right now
- Here? - Yes! Go!
There's no time to waste!
Go! Get going! It's a medical emergency!
Oh, yeah, you won't see this on children's television!
Blue Bally!
Hope you like sloppy seconds! Hah!
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Man, I'm never gonna get laid I'm such a loser
No, you're not I met a girl in a chat room
- Did you? - Yeah
I met in her in Teen lonely boys
'Cause I figure I'm a teen and I'm lonely
Anyways, it's crazy,
there's not a lot of girls in that chat room
It's mostly older guys interested in photography
That's kind of creepy
It is at first, but, you know,
once I made it clear that I was a teen boy
in the market for a teen girl,
ladies were just coming out of the woodwork
And now I have a girlfriend Her name is Randy
Isn't that a guy's name?
It's both I...
I mean, she says she gets that all the time
- She send you a picture? - No Uh... but I sent her tons of mine
Most of them are naked It's awesome
Well, maybe I'll give it a try
And maybe if you're lucky someday, you'll have a Randy, just like me
"Sweeety Pi"
Accept
Hi.
Sex chat?
Sure.
Okay. I'm dressed in a tight mini-dress walking down a dark alley.
I'm completely alone and vulnerable.
Then you appear out of the shadows.
You wear all black, with a ski mask over your head.
You approach me menacingly and say?...
Hey, what's up.
Was that wrong?
Menacing.
Okay
What are you doing in my alley?
Oh, no. You stay away from me.
I'm lost, alone, and half-naked.
But I have Mace. Don't try and take advantage of me.
Okay, sorry, no problem. Do you need cab money?
Be aggressive. I want it.
Oh Weird
I'm afraid I don't care about Mace. Prepare to be attacked.
Sexually.
That was amazing. We should meet.
Come to 429 Covington Avenue, apartment 8,
tomorrow night at 10:00.
Wear a mask. Take me against my will.
Don't break character.
- Oh, hello, dear - Oh, hey, Jane
Doing anything special tonight?
Nope, just baking cookies for my niece
Oh
Just a second!
Did somebody order the rape?
Aaaah!
Whoo! Oooh!
So far so good
Uh, you can run but you can't hide
from forced sexual intercourse,
you know what I mean ma'am?
Get out!
God, be careful! You're gonna hurt me!
I mean, you won't be so feisty when I'm violating you
Sexually
I'm bleeding!
That won’t stop me!
No, you don't
Oh
I'm sorry, I'll pay for this
You stay back I'm warning you!
Uh, I'm scared, yeah, yeah I'm scared and...
Oh, my God!
What is it?! What is it!?
Oh, God! Oh, it's burning!
Aaaah!
Did somebody order the rape?
Fred
Oh Hey, Betty
- Hey - How's it goin?'
What's wrong?
Oh, it's just been kind of a crazy week
It's a long story, though
You know, Fred, I've been thinking
we've been friends for a really long time
Yeah Yeah, we have
Maybe it's time we take things to the next level
Next level?
Wow
Next level!
Hey, baby, this is for you.
I love you. You're the only one for me.
I hope you enjoy.
Kat, can I borrow a squirt of your herpes cream?
Uh, yeah, sure. I'll bring it over in a minute.
Ohh! Ow!
I'm not in Leave a message
Hey, girl, it's Billy Sharpe from the basketball team
Thanks for rockin' my world Talk about takin' it to the hole... damn!
Sorry about that.
Oh, shoot! Aaaah!
Nice titties!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
¶ Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby ¶
¶ Let me slop my biscuit in your gravy ¶
I'm gonna do it
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it
I'm there I'm there I'm there I'm there
¶ Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby ¶
I wanna kiss your mouth
Mm, tastes like blueberry
So good...
Oh, God
Mmm
Hi
You look like you just saw a ghost
Um
I had a... a really bad dream
Oh, sweetie
It's okay
Come here
I had an amazing time last night
Oh l'm sorry
Do you have a toilet?
Oh Yeah, it's right over there
Ohh
Mmm long night
- Hello - Aaah!
Who the hell are you?
Why don't you ask your dick?
What is going on here?
- Relax, Len - How do you know my name?
Uh, I usually like to know the name of the guy
who's fucking my mouth
Nobody fucked anybody's mouth last night!
Fine Nobody fucked my mouth last night
And I guess
nobody was three knuckles deep in my sphincter, either
Jesus Christ, what were you doing,
reaching for, like, a winning lottery ticket or something?
I could feel you in my small intestines
Oh, look what the cat dragged in
- Do you have any matches? - Such diarrhea Ugh
I'll air that out All right?
What I need right now is for you to leave my house
My parents are coming home this afternoon
and I need to start cleaning up
Sorry Dick hair
Those weren't your parents we met last night?
My parents are in Cancun
Yeah Yeah Right.
If you say your parents aren't here,
then we'll just believe that your parents weren't here
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle
I don't care I came here to fuck
and get fucked.
And you know, I got fucked last night Fucked good
Okay Very funny
The, uh, the joke's over
This has been a delightful little prank that you guys have played on me,
but now it's time for you to respect my wishes
and please get the hell out of my house!
Yeah
You're right The whole thing was a prank
After we invited you for a threesome,
I got blueberry yogurt and I smeared it all over my face and your balls
to make it look like you fucked my mouth
And then I dig my fingers in my asshole
and put some of my butt stink on your hands
And then I put some moisturizer up on the ceiling
to make it look like you shoot a load up there
Pooh! Yeah! All a joke
Please just get the hell out
- Fine - Whatever
Please, just... just leave
Ooh So kind
If you say your parents aren't here,
then we'll just believe that your parents aren't here.
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle. Mm-hmm.
Oh thank God
Oh, please, God, don't let them be home
I swear I'll never drink again just... just don't let them be here
Hello
So, you guys are home early
Did you just get in?
How was your second honeymoon?
Oh! No!
Get the hell out of our sight
Okay
How could you!?
Ohh!
Len, can we talk?
Um, just a minute
What, you been doing a little spackling work on the ceiling?
Oh, God, Dad, no This... it's not...
Your mother and I are disgusted with you, Len
Well, uh...
Look at her
- You don't understand - Son,
I have one question for you, and I'm only gonna ask it once
Have you been sneaking behind our backs
and being on a hidden camera show?
- What? - Look over there
No No, no, no, no, no! You didn't!
They were in there the whole time?
Gotcha!
No!
Hey, buddy!
Fuck anybody in their mouth lately?
Look at his face!
How could you do this to me?
Wait Who am I?
We roofied you, honey
Wait, wait, wait... so I didn't fuck you
and you didn't fuck me?
Well, I fucked you a little, but it wasn’t all faggy
Mr. Tight Sphincter ha ha ha ha!
Mark
Fellas, personal advice from me to you:
Get in there and shave that shit up
Visually, it will give yourself an extra two or three inches
If you're having anal intercourse,
whatever you do,
pull out and deposit your sperm on her back
She'll appreciate it in the long run
Alcohol and sex don't mix
Cocaine and sex
If you don't have a rubber, don't panic, whatever you do
Watch this Ready?
"Hold on a sec, babe Lemme grab my jimmy hat"
And then pantomime
"Oh! It's so small! The rubber"
And then you lock and load
She'll never know
- Damn! - Oh, my God!
Ohh, what died?
Girl, you gotta stop being so comfortable!
- Hey, pretty sweet field trip, huh? - Yeah, it was cool
So, Stacy, I wanted to ask you something
Hey, man, I'm gonna catch you inside, all right?
- Uh - So what'd you want to tell me?
You know what, it can wait
Hey, man, fake any orgasms lately?
- Fuck off - What?
Ew
Are you okay?
Yeah
Why is that guy so tall?
Great Yeah, I should be okay
I'll just go try to clean up before we eat
- Uh, see you inside? - Okay
Sorry!
Guys
Can someone help me get off the bus?
Hello?
- Hello? Ah, there you are
Everybody's waiting for you Come on
Oh, yeah
- Oh, yeah - Oh
Licking, licking
- Oh! Oh! Suck, suck, suck!
Oh, yeah!
¶ Keep 'em shakin' ¶
¶ Show 'em to me ¶
¶ Tits ¶
Ohh, yeah!
That's it, Nance
Cut! Great job, girls
Nancy, nice licking
Very good sucking, too
- Okay, he's here - It's about time
Listen, I know it's your first day,
but we got some stuff to shoot, all right?
- Uh... wha... - Now, listen
The way I view this film,
it's a spiritual successor to Rebel Without A Cause...
only with a lot more fucking Ha ha!
Uh, right Um, you guys, I think there's been a small...
I'm really looking forward to working with you
Jackie and I are especially curious how you got the name Gigundo-cock
Oh, I can't wait to wrap my hands around
the biggest penis in the biz
"Penis"? I haven't heard that word for a long time
- I usually just call it "dinner" - Mmm
Okay, everybody on set!
I told you they wouldn’t have any beer
Oh, man, how was I supposed to know?
- Oh, man! Sweet car! Here's the scene:
You've just helped these girls fix their car
And so to repay you, you get to bang 'em
Now, Nancy right here, she's gonna start by blowing you
Then you're gonna do some back-door stuff with Jackie
Bro, check this out
After that, just feel free to improvise
All right
Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?
Uh... uh...
All rightie
let's see that gigundo-cock
And action!
Thank you so much for fixing our car
How can we ever repay you?
What?
- Cut! - Hey, sorry I'm late
I'm Gigundo-cock
Damn
¶ Yeah, I'm not Gigundo-cock ¶
¶ I'm just a small-town hick ¶
¶ An 18-year-old virgin ¶
¶ With a super-tiny dick ¶
¶ Kid, I've seen this once before ¶
¶ A boy who wished he was Ang Lee ¶
¶ Found he couldn't frame a shot ¶
¶ That's right, that little boy was me ¶
¶ It wasn’t my first choice ¶
¶ My parents think I'm in college ¶
¶ I thought I'd be doing theater ¶
¶ On Broadway ¶
¶ We're just accidentally ¶
¶ Incidentally, unintentionally making porn ¶
¶ Accidentally, incidentally, unintentionally ¶
¶ Making porn ¶
¶ Not me, I do it 'cause I fuckin' like it ¶
¶ Girl-on-girl pays fifty bucks ¶
¶ I get double for back-door fucks ¶
¶ How I got here I'll never know¶
¶ Beats Mexico and that donkey show¶
¶ All these tits got me in the mood ¶
¶ We're the ones who should be getting screwed ¶
¶ Let us be your man-whores ¶
¶ Will someone show these assholes the door? ¶
¶ I found my home here ¶
¶ On this porn set ¶
¶ Better hurry up or I won't stay wet ¶
Fuck yeah!
Wow Thanks for being so cool about everything
I feel like I should tell you, though,
I don't really think this is the life for me
You've got balls, kid
very large balls
You show that kind of confidence in real life,
you're gonna be fine, just fine
All right, let's reset
Back to one
Dude, what happened in there after we left?
Yo, bro, do you know those chicks?
Yeah, Mike! That's what I'm talkin' about!
Dude, yes!
Whoa
Look, Stacy
I'm not sexually experienced,
and I'm not some famous porn star named Gigundo-cock
Look, I'm just some regular kid who just wants to ask out a very
very beautiful girl
Don't call past 10:00
My dad'll kill me
Screw her for me, dude! Yes!
Fellas, you gotta be respectful of your ladies
Whatever you do, don't go around your boys telling them
all the gruesome details
But me, on the other hand, I'm married with two kids,
I like all dirty stuff
This website will go directly to me, and only me
Send me all pictures, streaming videos, letters...
as bizarre as you want
I'll read them all, and masturbate all night
Thank you I'm Matthew Lillard
THE END Subtitles by:
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Little mama, come here and do me ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ The type that'll drive you looney ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty, pack it up and bring it to me ¶
¶ Smack it up, let's make a movie, she's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Shake that booty, cutie, up and down and all around ¶
¶ That big ol' juicy brown ass, Shorty, go to town ¶
¶ Kick it smooth like Luther Vandy, so good, like chewing candy ¶
¶ In the middle of M-I-ami, come and sit down on my jammy ¶
¶ We can do it in a big ol' bed ¶
¶ Long as you give me good ol' head ¶
¶ Yeah, girl, that's what I said, no, girl, you don't get no bread ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Little mama, come here and do me ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty, the type that'll drive you looney ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Pack it up and bring it to me ¶
¶ Smack it up, let's make a movie ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Shorty got that fat ass ¶
¶ Gets 'em harder than a math class ¶
¶ Smilin', don't you act up, just stop and back up ¶
¶ Go ahead and drop that ass low, be easy movin' that slow¶
¶ Nobody has to know, we in the corner, though ¶
¶ You sippin' champagne, I'm drinking cognac ¶
¶ You do that damn thing, I get to bone that ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Little mama, come here and do me ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ The type that'll drive you looney ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Pack it up and bring it to me ¶
¶ Smack it up, let's make a movie ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Shake that booty, sh-sh-shake, shake, shake ¶
¶ Up and down the stripper pole, got that body all swole ¶
¶ You know my package, right? You can stay the whole night ¶
¶ Lady, what you gotta do is keep me in the back of you ¶
¶ Nobody move you like I do, they call me Mr. Mac-a-do ¶
¶ They counted Tallahassee classic got 'em on my caddy ¶
¶ Girlie, let me be your daddy and we can both be happy ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Little mama, come here and do me ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ The type that'll drive you looney ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ Pack it up and bring it to me ¶
¶ Smack it up, let's make a movie ¶
¶ She's got that kind of booty ¶
¶ My darling, the stars, they shine for you ¶
¶ My darling, the birds twitter for you ¶
¶ My darling, my heart skips a beat ¶
¶ Whenever I think of you ¶
¶ And under this moonlit sky ¶
¶ I pray and dream that I will be the one, will be the one ¶
¶ That you'll ¶
¶ Bend over and bang good and hard ¶
¶ From behind ¶
¶ Have me on all fours, howling at the sky ¶
¶ I'll give your cock a good long suck ¶
¶ Then you'll give me a good hard fuck ¶
¶ Squeeze my tits, all big and bouncy ¶
¶ Then spunk all over my body ¶
¶ I want to be your buttt-hot greasy slut ¶
¶ Greasy slut ¶
¶ Beggin' for more, for I can't get enough ¶
¶ Can't get enough ¶
¶ When I leave your tool ¶
¶ Used up, worn, and soggy ¶
¶ I won't stop then ¶
¶ Oh, no, no, no ¶
¶ I'll become your little leg-humping doggie ¶
¶ Let me be your dirty, fuckin' whore ¶
THE END