I'm almost done packing up all of Alex's stuff,
so we should have no trouble moving her out of here.
Justin, she hasn't even found a place to live yet.
Details, details, Dad.
The fact is, she is moving out.
And whether that means today, or later today,
or early this evening, I'm gonna be ready for it.
Oh, Jerry, look at all this stuff.
Aw, that's Alex's Good Manners ribbon from first grade.
I remember when she threw erasers at her teacher until he gave her that.
Hey, Ma, look what I found. It's my ostrich nest.
Ugh, it's disgusting, get rid of it.
Hey, Mom. First of all, this is where I do my homework.
And second of all...
I don't know why I just said "second of all."
I hear people say that sometimes.
Get rid of it, honey, and while you're at it,
get rid of all the other junk you've got stored in your room.
How come you guys never get excited when I show you something cool?
I mean, even the garbage man says, "Hey, that's cool,"
before he throws it in the truck.
Hey, look who's home!
How did the apartment hunting go? Huh? Any luck?
No pressure, but there's a moving truck coming in 15 minutes.
We didn't find anything.
I don't know if you people realize this,
but finding a cheap and spacious place to live
in the heart of New York City is not as easy as it sounds.
Yeah, and it turns out, when they say an apartment has "old world charm,"
that means it smells like boiling cabbage.
Yeah, and when they say, "light and airy,"
that means there's a hole in the roof.
Oh, yeah, and don't even get me started on "quaint."
That means one of us has to sleep in the bathtub.
- I... - I already told you no.
Honey, if everybody advertised the truth,
then we'd have to call our ham and cheese, "something and something else."
I thought that finding a new place would be a fresh start for me.
Something to get my mind off my breakup with Mason,
but I guess it's not really meant to be.
Oh, my gosh. It's an ad for an apartment.
It's what we've been looking for, and it's totally within our price range.
- Come on, Harper! - Yes! Run, you two!
Run like the wind to catch your dreams and don't stop until you get 'em!
And if your dreams aren't there, then just keep on running!
Whatever you do, don't come back!
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪
♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪
♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪
♪ Yes, please ♪
♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪
♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪
♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪
♪ That's what I said ♪
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪
♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪
♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪
♪ Because everything is not ♪
♪ What it seems ♪♪
Wow, this place is beautiful!
I know. Just blow me up a mattress, and I'll sleep in the lobby!
- Well... - No.
[elevator dings]
Hello, ladies. Welcome to the Windsor Apartments.
My name is Dexter Qweezenberry, XXVII.
Named after my father. And his father before him.
- And his father before... - Are you really gonna do that 27 times?
Not anymore.
We're here about the apartment for rent.
Oh, the flyer.
[chuckles] Come right this way.
I think you're looking for the 13th floor.
But there is no 13th floor.
Or is there?
Uh, no, there's not.
Oh, darn it. I could never do anything dramatic.
There it is. Let's just go up.
When I saw that you had the flyer, I knew you had to be magical.
This secret floor is available only to wizard world tenants.
- I manage it. - I never knew these existed.
I know. And there are probably no rats here because that lady's snake hair eats them.
So that's a good thing.
Oh, a Christmas elf in the off-season.
Trash hands. Fancy.
There are hands all over this floor to help you with your daily deeds.
Ah, here it is. Apartment 13B.
These doors all have combination knocks. Watch.
Four.
Two.
- Three. - [door unlocks]
Ta-da!
Oh, my goodness, a real floor!
Oh, my goodness, a real window!
Yeah, I currently live in a basement, so...
As you can see, this apartment has many wonderful amenities,
like this beautiful view.
Ah, of another building's rusty, old fire escape.
Pretend you didn't see that. You can choose your own view.
A beach.
A volcano.
My Wiztech graduation.
Go Fighting Trolls.
- [halfhearted] Go. - Yeah.
Oh, does this fireplace work?
Yeah, but not so good. Our dragon has a cold.
- Franklin? - [roaring]
- [both gagging] - [dragon groans]
It's OK. We'll just wear sweaters.
So, what do you think, ladies?
- We'll take it. - Perfect.
Like I said, as long as you're both wizards, it's all yours.
- Uh, yeah, about that... - Yeah.
- We're both wizards. - Then it's settled.
Welcome to the 13th floor of the Windsor Apartments!
You know, when we were little girls,
we would hold hands and jump up and down to celebrate.
But we're women now, so...
Mm-hm.
- We did it! - We got an apartment!
[both laughing]
We're gonna live together!
This is what we're talking about, this kind of junk, Max!
My reggae banana is not junk.
Look what it says on the back.
[Jamaican accent] "Eat your potassium, mon."
That's good advice.
Give it to the garbage "mon."
Everybody, good news. We found an apartment!
- [door slams] - [footsteps on stairs]
Did you just say you found an apartment?
Yeah, and that's not even the best part.
It's a secret wizard apartment on a secret 13th floor.
- Yes! - A secret wizard apartment?
[chuckling] I used to live in one of those.
Man, I had some wild times in there.
One night, I was in a hot tub with a Pegasus and there was all these...
Congratulations, honey.
I know about the Pegasus, Jerry. And I'm not jealous.
Talk about a horse face.
The only problem is the apartment has this "wizards only" policy,
which makes me kind of nervous.
Well, you can't let a little thing like that stop you.
Ah, here. This'll make you look like a wizard.
It's Alex's training wand.
It has one simple function so you can practice magic
even when you don't have magic. This one opens things.
Just point it at the object you want to open,
say "open," and it'll open.
OK, um... Open pretzels.
Oh, no, no, no, this is too much power for one person.
- Harper, relax! - OK.
Alex, since you're moving out and everything,
I decided to give you a housewarming present.
Thanks.
Doesn't seem like you're taking it that hard.
Oh, you're right. Well, what about now?
[sobbing] Alex! Alex, I'm taking this so hard that you're leaving! I...
- Better? - Much better.
OK, that's the last of it, I guess.
Yep. Certainly...
[breaking down] ...appears that way!
Mr. and Mrs. Russo, are you guys OK?
Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.
It's just hard.
Oh! I mean, our second favorite child is leaving home.
[sighs] Yep, I agree, you guys. It's all very, very sad.
Well, we'd better give them their space. Everyone out!
See you guys at Christmas.
Oh, honey. We're really gonna miss you. Oh...
Now remember, if you need anything...
...just call us, OK?
OK. Don't worry. I'm ready for this.
I really think that the best thing for me right now
is to be on my own.
Yeah. Two gals living totally independent lives in the big city.
Just me and my best friend, free of all the baggage from my past.
Alex?
Mason? What are you doing here?
I live here.
[Alex] Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
I can't believe it, Alex. This must be a sign.
We're supposed to get back together.
This is not a sign, Mason.
Think about it. What are the chances we'd both be looking for an apartment,
and we'd both randomly find the same flyer,
and that flyer would lead us both to the same secret, magical floor of this building?
Well, when he puts it like that, it does sound like a sign.
Yeah, go unpack something.
Look, Mason, I moved out with Harper so that we could be independent.
Sorry, but a boyfriend doesn't really fit into that plan right now.
OK. If that's how you feel, then I'll respect your wishes.
I look forward to exchanging meaningless pleasantries with you
when we pass each other in the hallway.
Nice earrings.
I can't believe this, Harper.
I'm living in a new place with my best friend,
and the first neighbor I meet is my ex-boyfriend.
So you know what you need to do to take your mind off of him?
We haven't met the rest of our neighbors.
[gasps] We should have a housewarming party.
Yeah, you're right.
What better way to kick off our new, independent lives
than by throwing a party?
See? You've already stopped thinking about Mason.
Excuse me, Alex.
It's me, Mason.
I went ahead and picked up your mail.
I have mail already?
Well, actually, it's a letter I wrote. Nothing special.
Just a stream-of-consciousness outpouring of my most vulnerable thoughts and wishes.
Nice weather we're having today.
Guys, since we have all this great new time on our hands,
I took the liberty of creating an itinerary
full of events, filling our evening full of Alex-free activities.
Uh... Justin, we're kind of enjoying
our peace and quiet right now.
Dad, if you had read the itinerary, you'd see
that there's a scheduled peace and quiet break
right after we share stories about how we don't miss Alex.
- We've gotta get him out of here. - I've got it.
Oh, my goodness, will you look at this?
Alex left her magazine here!
Oh, too bad there's no way of getting it to her.
Yeah, it's just gonna sit there and bug us!
Ugh! Nothing we can do about it!
Oh... Nothing!
All right...
I guess I'll have to be the one to take it to her.
I'll do it, but this is the last time
I let her ruin our new lives without her.
The last time!
He totally misses her.
[Justin] I do not miss her!
Come on in. Welcome to the party thrown by the cool girls of Apartment 13B.
The "B" stands for "best party on this floor." OK.
- Alex? - Felix?
Don't tell me you live here, too.
- I live here, too! - This is so crazy.
Wait, did you bring your wand? Let's see it.
Well, I don't like to show it off, but...
Behold the most powerful wand in the Wizard World!
- [laughs] - Cheers, Alex.
You look smashing tonight.
Eh? "Smashing?"
I remember how you used to love my cute British vernacular.
Listen, Mason...
Dodgy, quid, knickers...
Bob's your uncle.
What? Mason, you have to stop.
Why can't you just open your heart to me?
Because I don't want a boyfriend right now.
Very well. Then you won't hear another pip, pip
out of this mush.
Nothing?
Hey, Alex. I brought you my collection of oil-on-canvas Julia Roberts paintings.
- Really? - What? She's America's sweetheart.
All right, I'm just gonna put this with the rest of my stuff...
...that I gave you.
Attention, everyone!
If you need your drinks opened, just ask me and I'll do it with magic.
Because I can. Which is why it's OK for me to live here.
So, yeah. Open bottles.
Yeah.
Harper, what are you doing?
[scoffs] Magic. What else would I be doing?
You know me. Always doing magic.
Yeah, it's a training wand. It has one power.
It opens things.
What? Don't mess with the view. It matches my outfit. No!
Open Alex's heart.
Oh, hi.
What's your name?
Ogre Moloney.
Oh, wow, that's a really cool name.
I'm Alex.
- Uh, pardon me, Alex. - Not now, Mason.
I'm about to open up my heart to Ogre Moloney.
[chuckles]
I... I don't know what it is about you,
but I can't seem to get you out of my mind.
Yeah? My hideous face and relentless cheese stench
sometimes have that effect on people.
Oh, stop it.
Oh, Ogre Moloney. You're so funny.
And you just have the cutest little warts all over your face.
I've got to admit, most of the girls I've dated
aren't as symmetrical as you.
- Well... - This is very exciting!
Let's try this again. Open Alex's heart.
Alex, Alex, over here! Look quickly!
Hey, Alex. What's goin' on?
You and me are goin' on.
I feel like I can tell you anything.
Oh, my gosh. It's finally happening.
Excuse me.
What do you think you're doing, talking to my woman?
I hate to break it to you, pal,
but this woman's had a thing for me for a very long time
and has recently had the courage to admit it.
Even though you are big and brutish,
I happen to know for a fact she prefers men with freakishly bad posture.
Guys, guys, you don't need to fight!
My heart is big enough for both of you.
Mason, what are you doing?
I'm trying to get Alex to open her heart to me.
What? No, just give me that!
I'm the only one who gets to open things with that thing!
- [both grunting] - Give it! Just give it!
It would be a lot easier if you just give it to me!
Alex!
Got you some more housewarming gifts!
- Gimme! - No, just let go of it!
- [chittering] - We're free!
Well, I guess that ruined the surprise.
It's a box of screaming banshees.
Enjoy.
Party!
Alex, I brought you your magazine,
and I hope this teaches you a lesson...
You're having a screaming banshee party?
I've heard about these.
No, you have not.
Justin, you've got to do something.
Max released all these screaming banshees
and Mason used my training wand to make Alex fall in love with everyone.
Say no more, Harper. I'm on it.
Fanshee, schmansee, get rid of the banshee.
- How'd you do that? - Child safety lock.
Everything's back to normal.
Oh, so which one are you going out with, Alex?
Me or this ogre?
What?! I'm not going out with either of you.
Yeah, I didn't think it was gonna last.
- Wanna hang out? - Sure.
But first we gotta hose you down.
OK. It's not gonna work.
What's going on here?
Mason used my wand on your heart.
And I stepped in and fixed everything.
I realize now why I felt so weird about you being gone.
It's because cleaning up other people's messes
and then being able to silently judge them afterwards
is what makes my life complete.
Did you just say I make your life complete?
No.
Oh, my gosh. You miss me!
[scoffing] No, I don't miss you!
Here, take your magazine. It's the only reason I came here.
- Bye! - [laughing] I miss you, too!
Alex, I'm sorry I ruined your party,
but I can't apologize for my feelings.
I let you go way too easily the last time,
and I won't let it happen again. I'm not giving up on us.
Mason, please.
All right, then.
The artichoke dip was delightful.
[elevator dings]
Alex? Harper? Why am I receiving complaints
about the new residents throwing a party?
I'm so, so sorry, Dexter.
It won't happen again, I promise.
I should hope not. Parties aren't allowed.
Also, you didn't invite me.
And I'm always the life of the party.
I do the Dougie...
Lean and brush! Lean and brush!
Do the Dougie! Do the Dougie!
Your loss.
[cackling]
Well, that wasn't exactly how I imagined
our first day in our new place going.
[sighs] No, but we're not focusing on the past, remember?
Things can only get better from here on out.
Right. Let's go to bed. I'll take the couch.
Wow, things are already getting better.
Of course.
Well, good night, Harper.
Good night, Alex. Good night, Franklin.
- Good night, Franklin. - [growls]
[Max yawning] Good night, Alex, Harper and Franklin.
What?
[Harper] Max?
What are you doing here?
Alex, I figured since my stuff is already in your apartment,
I might as well just live with you guys.
- What do you say? - Get out!
Fine. I'll just see my stuff tomorrow.
Hello, Max.
Do I... Do I know you?
Well, that doesn't matter.
I know you.
And you seem like someone who would enjoy
going to a very special wizard camp.
Canoeing, archery...
Cotton candy?
Yeah, this sounds like fun.
I can't wait to run home and tell my parents.
Oh, make sure to tell your dad it's free.
- Oh, he'll like that. - Come on!
Going down?