OK, I think we lost Alex
by the Shakespeare in the Park performance.
Yeah, she's probably still yelling at Hamlet:
[British accent] "Yo, Ham-ster!
Methinks there's a wedgie in thy tights!"
Harper, I really wanted this to be a special day
for just us and, once again, Alex tagged along.
I'm sorry, Zeke.
Ever since she broke up with Mason, she's been so clingy,
like one of those dryer sheets that falls out of your pant leg
at the most embarrassing moments.
[laughs] That's a great comparison. What made you think of that?
There's one peeking out of your pant leg right now.
Oh, so embarrassing!
- Good thing we're alone. - Yeah. [chuckles]
- Hey... we're alone. - That's right.
- There you guys are. - [both yelp]
Ooh, you were about to smooch it up, weren't you?
All right, I'll leave you alone for a little bit.
[Alex] Are you done now?
Now?
- Are you guys done now? - We're done!
Good.
All right. So what are we gonna do
to keep this party rolling?
You know, we were just saying it's been a long day.
We are... We are beat.
- [yawns] - Harper's right. Yawn.
Oh, no, no, come on. We're having way too much fun
to stop now and be by ourselves.
Sorry, Alex. Why don't you just go on without us?
We're too tired to walk anywhere, anyway.
Well, who says we have to walk?
- All right... - Let's roll!
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪
♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪
♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪
♪ Yes, please ♪
♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪
♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪
♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪
♪ That's what I said ♪
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪
♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪
♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪
♪ Because everything is not ♪
♪ What it seems ♪♪
[Jerry screaming] No!
Whoa, Dad's beating up the calculator again.
Multiply your numbers now, punk!
It's our worst month ever.
You say that every month, Dad.
I know. It just keeps getting worse.
I think it's time for desperate measures.
You mean... the Budget Binder?
Yes.
My moment has finally arrived.
This notebook contains a lifetime of my groundbreaking,
cost-cutting business ideas.
Let's open it up.
"Throw away nothing."
You throw away nothing.
Like this used ketchup packet.
It's still half full.
You fold it in half, get a handy stapler,
put it in here... Brand new!
That is a great idea, Justin!
It's not me, Dad. It's the binder.
Well, I made the binder, so it's kind of me.
Hey, Dad, let me help. I've got some ideas, too.
Um... Not now, Max.
Justin's kind of the idea person in the family.
So... So then what am I?
You're a person in the family.
So you don't even want to hear my ideas?
Um... Maybe later, Max.
All right, I'll go tell myself my good ideas.
Justin, I think your binder
is gonna save us a lot of dough.
"Dough" takes me right to "bread."
"Sell week-old rolls as promotional hockey pucks."
- Oh, he shoots, he scores! - He scores!
OK, I don't know where Alex is,
- so let's make a break for it. - OK.
[exclaiming]
There she is! There she is!
All right, two words: game night, DVDs,
and bags of crunchy things, coated in cheese dust.
And then afterwards, we can wipe our fingers on the couch.
It's great having an orange couch.
Two words? That's like, a whole bunch of words.
That add up to one word: a fun, fun night.
[sighs] Alex, we need to talk.
OK, this isn't easy to say.
These things never are.
It's just, lately, Harper and I
have kinda been feeling like we need our space.
Space? Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I sitting too close to you guys or something?
No, Alex, that's not it.
- It's not even you, it's us. - It's us.
Yeah, we should take a break.
Whoa.
- Are you breaking up with me? - No, we just think, maybe,
it would be a good idea if we just started seeing other couples.
- I see. - And I mean, come on,
it's not like we won't be there for you.
I know the break-up with Mason has been really hard.
[scoffs] Mason? I am so over Mason.
- Who's Mason? - British guy, werewolf,
- gets really hairy when he's angry... - I know who he is.
Look, I'm fine.
Why don't you guys go out and spend some time alone?
- You're sure? - Yeah, yeah.
I could use some "me" time.
- Now, get out of here, you crazy couple! - Come on!
- [door opens] - Have fun!
[door shuts]
Justin, what are you doing?
It's just another one of my ideas to save money.
So instead of buying paper napkins, we have one community napkin.
Excuse me. Sir, would you...
...like to wipe your mouth before you leave?
[chuckles] Thank you.
Just one wipe, sir.
Have a good day, sir.
- That is a great idea, son. - Aah!
I see you're taking advantage of our special
"no-cup" discount and community straw.
That's enough, sir. Have a good day.
I just ran the receipts for today,
and your ideas have saved us 19 dollars and 32 cents!
Bam! And that is the power of the binder!
Hey, Justin, I've got something for your binder.
[sniffs] This money is real.
Where'd he get all this?
Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to the Wizardly Place Sub Station.
Please speak clearly into the dragon snout.
All right, I have eye of the newt club and the lizard leg tenders.
Would you care to supernatural-size that?
No problem, sir, pull your magic carpet up to the first window, please.
Max, what is going on here?
Nothing. Just bringing in new customers to help make a little money.
- [food bubbling] - [grunts]
You opened up the Sub Station to the wizard world?
- Uh-huh. - That's a great idea.
No, it's not.
I mean, it's a good idea...
...but I know how to make it a great idea.
Why limit yourself to just drive-throughs?
We could have sit-down dining, too.
I like it. We could put a bunch of tables and chairs in here
and turn it into a dining room.
But, Dad, I'm barely able o handle the drive-through as it is.
- I mean, if we do that, we're gonna need more help. - No we don't.
As I say in the Budget Binder,
"Never hire someone to do something that you can do yourself."
You and I will wait the tables. Dad, you can cook the food.
- I can handle that. - But, Dad.
That's a lot more work than we're used to.
Max. Shh! This is idea people talking.
All right. I've got a customer to handle, anyways.
♪ Together forever ♪
♪ Yeah, you broke up with me over text message ♪
♪ But you still want me back ♪
- [game beeps] - Oh, give me a break.
My drummer, Harper, is with her boyfriend.
I'm so bored without you here, Harper.
Maybe you can be here.
Why be alone when you can whip up a Harper clone?
Hey, Harper, wanna hang out?
- Sure, Alex. - Can you sit in on drums?
Oh, I'd love to.
Oh, and I'll make popcorn to throw at the TV when we lose.
Oh, we're not gonna lose. We're gonna own it.
Hey, Alex, have you seen my jacket?
Who is your fashion-forward friend?
It's me!
Harper, meet Harper.
- Alex, you made a copy of me? - It's gonna be fine, Harper.
[both] Fine?
No, Clonie, I was talking to Harper.
You gotta watch for the eye contact.
Alex, You can't just go around cloning people
- without their permission. - [scoffs] Well, uh...
Well... you borrowed my boots without asking.
OK, those were footwear. You borrowed a whole person!
Oh, she doesn't like me.
No, no, no, I do like you.
You're me!
Look what you've made me do, Alex. I've hurt my own feelings.
I'm sorry I didn't ask for your permission,
but a clone is a perfect solution to everything.
Oh, and how do you figure that?
This should be good.
Well, you and Zeke have more time to be a couple,
and I get to still hang out with you, my best friend.
Hmm...
Well, I guess I am flattered.
[laughs] My Harper-ness is so in demand,
it takes two Harpers just to keep up.
Plus, you could look at yourself without a mirror.
Spin it around, Clonie.
- I am gorgeous! - Oh, we really are.
Hey, Alex. Harper. Harper.
[gasps]
[shrieking]
- Oh, no. - Oh, my gosh! OK!
[hysterical laughter] I'm freaking out right now, OK?
Oh! There's two Harpers! There's two...
[chuckling]
- And... boyfriend down. - Yep.
- Got my orders, Dad? - Yes.
Spicy cold-cut combo for the human. Done.
Dad, I need another order of Munchkin Toe Chips.
Oh, and here's the community napkin.
Two restaurants, one napkin... How can we not make money?
[sneezes]
I know that breaking up with Mason was the right thing,
it's just that breakups are hard, you know what I mean?
Not really.
You probably don't. You're only a couple days old.
But thanks for listening.
- Hey, Harper. - Hi, Harper.
Hi, Alex. Hi... me.
We have been having the best day ever.
You know that hot, new discount shoe store downtown?
Oh, Heels and Deals? We've been talking about
checking that place out for months.
Yeah, well now you don't have to, 'cause I did it for you!
It was awesome. They had this really funny salesman there.
- Right, Clonie? - Oh, Pierre. Best accent ever!
[both, in French accent] "How are zee shoes, ladies?"
[chuckles] We tried on, like, 20 pairs without buying anything.
And then Pierre kicked us out
and swore at us in French.
- Oh, it was awesome. - Yeah.
Wow, it sounds like I had fun.
So how was your day, Harper?
Must've been nice to have all the alone time with Zeke.
Oh, yeah, we went shopping, too. For dental floss.
And he couldn't decide between plain and minty.
So we decided to do more online research.
[half-hearted laughter]
Fun!
OK, how brilliant was this cloning idea?
I don't mean to brag or anything, but I'm, like, the cloning queen.
I think that was bragging.
OK, you don't have to totally be like Harper.
Well, I'm gonna see if my dad wants anything
from that place that sells bacon cupcakes.
Wait, you're going to Oinkie's without me?
But you said we were going to do that together.
More couple time for you and Zeke. You're welcome.
All right, you go have your fun at Oinkie's, Clone Girl,
but remember one thing: I'm the original Harper.
- You are just a cheap, little knockoff. - OK...
And don't you even think about being more fun than me,
- 'cause I will take you down! - You're scaring me.
Oh, yeah. That's right. I know all your little fears.
[whimpering laugh]
All right, she's coming. Now start laughing like I said something funny.
[forced laughter]
All right, so my dad wants us to bring him back
a bacon cupcake wrapped in bacon.
- Bye, Harper. - All right.
Have fun, Alex and me.
[snorts] Oh, joke's on her.
That dress does not look good from the back.
My dress doesn't look good from the back!
- Dad, I need that tuna melt. - All right.
And where's my order, Dad? I got a flying carpet mechanic who's getting angry.
- All right. - My customers are getting impatient!
All right, all right, I'm moving as fast as I can!
All right? They're gonna get everything I... Oh!
What do they think, they can just snap their fingers
- and their food'll be ready? - Pretty much. They're wizards.
[gasping]
OK, sir, here's your order.
One dragon melt, extra-scaly!
About time, kid. What, did you have to slay the dragon first?
Hey, this isn't a dragon melt!
- Smells like fish. - [customers gasping]
Some of my best friends are mermaids. I can't eat this.
Here you go, ma'am. Sorry for the wait.
Finally.
[screaming] There's a lizard in my tuna melt! Ugh!
Can't you just eat around it?
[shrieks]
Dad! That tuna melt you gave me was a dragon melt!
- Did the lady notice? - Of course!
There was a little dragon in her sandwich!
Can't she just eat around it?
I tried that. She didn't listen to reason.
Now she's gone. Apparently people don't like
little dragons in their sandwiches.
Dad, you messed up all my orders.
All the wizard world customers flashed out without tipping.
- Everybody's gone? - Yes!
Wow. We ruined both restaurants.
I'm sorry, Dad.
I guess my wizard world restaurant idea
was too much for us to handle.
No, Max. Your idea was good.
And it was working until we came along,
got greedy, and ruined it.
Dad, stop. He's gonna think we want to hear things from him.
Max, you have things to say,
and from now on, we're gonna listen to you.
All right.
Well, I think one community napkin is a health hazard,
and can get us in trouble.
That's totally ridiculous.
The community napkin is a revolutionary money-saver!
Oh, Oinkie's was so good, Clonie!
I love how they weigh you before and after you eat,
so that they can charge you by the pound.
Oh, I love how when you leave a tip,
the counter guy has to go...
[both] "Oinkety oink, oink!"
All right, I'm gonna give my dad
his bacon-wrapped bacon cupcake.
If you hear crying, those are tears of joy.
- Or a heart attack. - [knocking on door]
Hey, Harper. I just flossed. I'm all "minty."
Well, you know how I feel about proper gum care.
Zeke, what are you doing? She's the clone!
- Can't you tell? - Yeah, sure, yeah. Of course.
Kinda. No!
Hey, could you guys leave Clonie alone?
We're about to do some prank texting.
Oh, shoot, I ruined it. They were going to you.
All right... It was bad enough
this clone you made took away my best friend,
but now she's trying to steal my boyfriend!
Harper, I don't know what you're getting so upset about.
She's probably just mad 'cause she knows I'm cuter.
- Oh, whoa, no... - Hey.
All right, this is a very unattractive side of myself.
Harper, can't you share your boyfriend with yourself?
Plus, even if I did kiss her,
it's not like I'd be kissing another girl.
I'd still be kissing you.
Yeah, that is sort of how this whole clone thing works. I'll demonstrate...
Oh, whoa, no. You back off, Clonezilla!
Alex, we gotta get rid of her!
OK, OK.
Alex, what's wrong? Just do it!
- I can't. - And why not?
Because... I broke up with my boyfriend,
and I needed my best friend.
- This clone is all I have. - Well, I'm your best friend.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm your best friend, and I wasn't there for you.
I just wanted to hang out with Zeke.
- I'm so sorry, Alex. - It's OK.
It's not right for me to come in-between you and your boyfriend
just 'cause I don't have one.
I'm sorry, too.
So am I supposed to go with the clone now? Or...
No! We are getting rid of her.
Well, why me? Why not her?
I was the nicest one here.
- Alex! - I'm on it.
Hit the road, clone, we want to be alone!
I guess you guys are gonna want some best friend time, so I'll just...
- No, wait, Zeke. - I can stay?
No, you have a dryer sheet sticking out of your pant leg.
Oh, my gosh! So embarrassing!
OK, Clonie, do not tell Harper that I brought you back,
but I need you to help me do something very, very important.
Well, anything, Alex.
I need you to help me beat my high score. Go!
♪ Together forever ♪
♪ You broke up with me over text message ♪
Hey, Alex.
What is she doing here?
See you in PE!
Oh, I know where you hide. Come here!