Alex, get ready! Justin and Zeke are coming.
Ever since Zeke found out about magic he's been so annoying.
Aww. Now, that's love.
You think he just became annoying.
Zeke, I just told you. Sometimes we use our wands,
but sometimes we just wave our hands around.
Why is that so hard to understand?
[laughs] Gosh, I love how wizardry plays by its own rules!
OK, is there, like, a special gland in your body that secretes magic?
And sometimes it gets all clogged up, and you have to pop it,
and magic goes everywhere?
Eww. All right, I'm upstairs if anyone needs me.
Ooh, I wonder if "upstairs" is code for somewhere wizard-y.
It isn't.
Oh, I wonder if "it isn't" is code for something wizard-y.
[sarcastic gasp] It is.
[gasps] I knew it!
Zeke, you have to try to be more like Harper
when she found out about wizards.
OK? She didn't have a hard time with it at all.
That's true, but to be fair, my circus-like childhood
makes the most bizarre things seem normal.
I'm sorry, Justin. It's just that I have so many questions.
For example, can you cook a hot dog by sticking it on a wand?
- Zeke! - Can you use magic to turn me into an alien dog named Kevin?
- Zeke! - Can you use magic to fix the hair
that sticks up on the back of my head?
- Oh, wait, we're good today. - Zeke, enough!
I'll make you a deal. If you stop bothering me
with all of these ridiculous questions,
then I will grant you one magic wish.
- Really? - Yes.
OK, then I want to go back in time into last week,
when I bought this shirt, to get a green one instead.
- Sounds good. - Whoo! Yes!
Oh, can you use magic to make me blow bubbles out of my...?
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪
♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪
♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪
♪ Yes, please ♪
♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪
♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪
♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪
♪ That's what I said ♪
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪
♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪
♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪
♪ Because everything is not ♪
♪ What it seems ♪♪
OK, Mom. Talia and I are gonna go to the movies.
Oh, really? What are you guys gonna see?
A love story called Heart of Flowers.
It's about two people who appear on the surface to be totally mismatched,
only to find out in the end they're perfect for one another.
It really speaks to us.
Listen, honey, I'm so sorry, but Max can't go.
He's got chores to do.
But, Mom, I could just...
Shh, it's a chick flick. I'm trying to get you out of it.
I know, and it promises to be very romantic,
which is perfect, because I love romantic things.
Really? [laughing]
Sweetie, what is going on?
You and Talia have nothing in common.
Mom, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Come on, Talia. We have to stop
and get tissues for when we cry at the end.
The big ones, 'cause I'm feeling very fragile these days.
You have raised a wonderful son, Mrs. Russo.
Yeah. And when you see him, can you send him home?
Dad, Dad! Look who just walked in here!
That's Muy Macho. That's, like, my favorite Lucha wrestler of all time.
Hey, you're right! He's one of your biggest heroes.
Get him to sign some of these cups, and we'll sell 'em.
[whispering] Oh, I shouldn't!
Hi, excuse me. You're Muy Macho, aren't you?
- I'm, like, one of your biggest fans ever. - Oh, well, thank you!
But you know, nobody really calls me Muy Macho anymore.
What do they call you now? El Destroyer-o?
Or, Muy Bone-Crusher-o? [laughs]
Obviously, I don't speak Spanish.
No, you don't. No.
They call me Bob. That's my name. Bob Macho.
I now own a successful shoe store.
Maybe you've heard about it:
"Bob Macho's Successful Shoe Store."
What? No, no, no.
You can't be a boring shoe salesman.
You're one of the meanest, toughest Luchadores of all time.
I mean, I remember when you made Chimi the Changa eat his own beard.
[laughing] That was the old me.
I've given all that up to be a more peaceful, constructive citizen.
- Why would you do that? - [chuckles]
Well, because of what happened to me ten years ago.
Right in the middle of a match, I slipped on a churro
and I fell into the front row of the crowd, where a little girl unmasked me.
It was the only fight I ever lost,
and the most disgraceful moment of my career.
Eh, so I retired.
Could you excuse me for one second?
- I can't believe this. - Me neither.
I mean, what kind of careless parent
lets his little girl go to a wrestling match?
Dad, that careless parent was you,
and that little girl was me.
Don't you remember?
- [crowd cheering] - [body slams]
- [grunts] - Yeah!
Get him! Ooh, ooh! My churro!
[crowd groans]
Ay, no!
Wow. And, to think, all these years,
I've remembered that day as the time
when I let a perfectly good churro get away.
Look, Mr. Macho, I'm so sorry
that that little girl robbed you of your true calling.
Oh, you don't have to apologize.
I love my job.
Every time I fit someone's feet, I make ten new friends.
Yeah, OK, look.
I know that you don't know me, that we just met,
and I know you say you're happy, but I think I know what's best for you.
So, how would you like another shot at wrestling?
- Well, I... - Alex, what are you doing?
Dad, Muy Macho lost everything because of me.
I have to make it up to him.
So... Mr. Macho, what do you say?
Do you want to taste victory again?
Well... Well, I... I guess it could be fun.
Although who would get into the ring with an old washed-up wrestler like me?
- No, no, my dad will do it. - He will?
Yes. Because he knows how much it means to his only daughter.
No!
- I'll buy you a churro. - OK, I'll do it.
Great! Then it's settled. The mighty Muy Macho
will return to the ring, so that he can erase the awful shame
that has been haunting him for the past ten years.
- What? I'm not ashamed... - No...
...need to thank me.
It's just the kind of special person that I am.
Mmm. I hope I can find my Lucha mask.
- My dog's been wearing it as pants. - Ah.
Great news, Mom.
Dad is gonna get in the ring with a famous Luchador.
What? Jerry!
I go to the kitchen for five minutes
and you arrange a fight with a professional wrestler?
You lose your breath while cheering for wrestling.
You can be the beautiful ring girl.
Really? You'll be fine, Jerry.
Harper, there you are.
Zeke, what are you doing here? You already graduated.
I got a job as a crossing guard so I could be close to you
in case I freaked out and needed to talk.
Let me guess, you're freaking out.
Yes!
It's this magic wish that Justin's giving me.
I don't know what to wish for!
Like, what if I wish to live forever,
but then fall into a dried-up well
and no one knows where to find me?
I can't live in a dried-up well forever, Harper!
I just can't!
- [tires skidding] - [cars crashing]
Maybe you should wish for a less active imagination.
[man on PA] Attention please.
There's just been a traffic accident outside.
[scoffs] Unacceptable!
Apparently the crossing guard left his post.
- [gasps] - Honey, now you should be freaking out.
[gasps]
[exclaims]
You know, maybe Zeke's right.
Having a wish would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
How come you never gave me one of those?
Because you hate it when I do magic.
Yeah, but that's because I never had the opportunity
- to use it selfishly. - Selfish?
Aww, I'm such a good role model for you.
All right. You can have one wish.
Oh, my gosh, really? Oh, I wish I had more time to think of a good wish.
No! That's not my wish!
I really need to think about this. Wish me luck.
No, no, no! That's not it either!
Oh! Oh! No, no, no.
You look really nice today, Max.
I'm so glad I told you to wear that suit.
I agree.
You know, Talia, I don't know what my mom was talking about
when she said we didn't have anything in common.
I know. We have tons of things in common.
- Our love of opera music. - Yes.
- Brussel sprouts. - Yum!
Architectural walking tours.
[flatly] Yay.
You like whatever I like. It's why we work.
How do we feel about video games?
Oh, we frown upon them.
I was afraid we would say that.
[roars]
I'm looking for the man they call Jerry Russo!
Hey, look, everybody, it's Bob!
What a great costume!
Stick a roll in it, sandwich maker!
The name is Muy Macho!
Alex, you were right.
Apparently, I'm not happy being the owner of a very successful shoe store.
I am, and always have been, a perfectly chiseled
fighting machine with no conscience whatsoever!
[roaring]
- Muy Macho is back! - That's right!
In the ring, reducing grown men
to sniveling shells of their former selves!
[roars]
[shouting in Spanish]
OK, just so you know, that means he's really angry.
He just tore a phone book in half!
I am not fighting him! I could get hurt.
Dad, Dad, if you don't fight him, he can't win.
How am I gonna make up for what I did to him?
But...
I will fight Muy Macho!
Zeke, what in the world are you talking about?
I'm talking about fulfilling a lifelong dream of mine:
to fight a Mexican wrestler.
I also had one to become a professional magician,
but we all know how that turned out.
[both roaring]
I will see you in the ring, kid.
Where I will make you hurt worse than a bunion
that has resulted from ill-fitting shoes!
[both roaring]
[cackling]
[roars]
[woman shrieks]
You sure you know what you're doing, buddy?
Yes, yes, he's sure. He said it, right? Thank you, Zeke.
OK? The match will go on as planned.
Dad, don't worry, it'll be all good.
'Cause see, Muy Macho will beat Zeke, my conscience will be clear,
and I can get rid of this haunting flashback.
- No, stop it! - [record scratching]
I've decided on my wish.
I want you to make me a great Luchador.
That nice man with the heavy accent
will regret ever coming out of retirement!
Why are you talking like that?
This is my wrestler voice!
I thought it was obvious.
- [roars] - Oh, jeez!
I don't know about this, Zeke.
Fighting Muy Macho could be dangerous.
[scoffs] Not with magic. I can't lose.
Plus, I already got my cool wrestling name all picked out:
Lava Sus Manos!
That means "wash your hands."
Oh, that makes sense.
I read it on a sign in the men's bathroom.
All right. If that is your wish, then you got it.
Whoo! Thank you, my friend!
[yelling]
[grunting]
Hey, guys!
Are you coming to the Lucha match tonight?
I don't know if you've heard, but there's gonna be like
a really beautiful ring girl there.
Oh, no way, I love Lucha wrestling!
- I know. - No, you don't, Max.
It's barbaric.
You're right, I never thought of it that way.
It's barbaric.
As you can tell, Mrs. Russo,
Max and I are into cute things,
like making a snowman out of cotton balls
and dressing up kittens to look like famous people.
- Uh-huh. - Really?
[chuckles] That doesn't sound like you, Max.
Is it true?
No. No, it's not true.
You know what?
Talia, I can't do this anymore.
I don't like chick flicks and I don't like opera music.
And I only like dressing up kittens in little dog costumes.
What are you saying?
[sighs] I'm saying my mom was right.
We have nothing in common... whatsoever.
We should probably break up.
In fact, you should probably leave before you catch a glimpse of the real me,
because it's super gross.
- [bell clangs] - [feedback]
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to tonight's main event!
Making his triumphant return to the ring,
we have the legendary Luchador, Muy Macho!
- [roars] - [crowd cheering]
Alex, it is not in my character
to offer you a heartfelt thanks
for giving me this second chance.
So, I will simply say... I will not destroy you!
Aww. That's what makes this all worthwhile.
And in this corner, wearing a chicken costume
that doesn't match his name,
we have the challenger, Lava Sus Manos!
[crowd booing and hissing]
[clucking]
Are you ready for some Lucha wrestling?
[crowd cheering]
All right, Zeke, this is your one wish.
Let's... make the best of it.
[whispering] Lucha Ba Boom!
Well? How do you feel?
I feel like Lava Sus Manos is about to get his hands dirty!
That's great.
- [bell clangs] - [crowd cheers]
[both roaring]
Justin, what's going on with Zeke? Why is he winning?
I put a spell on him to make him a wrestler. That was his wish.
What?!
Smell your own foot, shoe salesman!
Why did you convince me to do this, Alex?
This is even more humiliating
than being unmasked by a little girl!
[yelling]
Don't worry, Muy Macho!
I'm not gonna let you lose again!
Lucha Ba Boom. But stronger!
[shrieking] Oh...
- [growling] - [crowd cheers]
[whimpering]
[Zeke] Justin? What's going on?!
I guess you should have asked to be an unbeatable Luchador.
Magic is very specific like that.
Just... Just get out of there!
I can't! I need another wish!
All I can give you is advice.
Don't fight! Go limp! Go limp! It works for me!
Hey, this is great, huh?
Talia?
What are you doing here?
I came to apologize for the way I was treating you.
And try to experience something you actually like for once.
I'm having a lot of fun.
This is just like that chick flick,Heart of Flowers.
I'm the sloppy maid and you're the stuffy rich guy.
In the end, we learn to appreciate each other's differences
and live the rest of our lives together in an old beach house.
I'll always be your stuffy rich guy, Max.
[crowd] Aww.
[Zeke] Oh, help!
Come on, Muy Macho! Take him down!
Oh, my gosh, Alex! I've finally figured out my one wish!
World peace! Pretty good, huh?
Yeah, yeah, Harper. That's great, OK? Here you go.
[yelling] Mommy!
Oh, my gosh, Zeke's in trouble.
Alex, you have to help him.
I can't help him. Muy Macho has to win.
Why does Muy Macho have to win?
[groaning] It's a long story. Maybe this flashback will help you understand.
Ay, no!
You can show people your flashbacks?
Yeah, I find it's quicker that way.
Wasn't I cute back then?
All right, I see your problem.
But that doesn't change the fact that Zeke is getting destroyed up there.
Ow! Going limp makes it worse!
[hollering]
If you're not gonna help, I want to change my wish.
Forget world peace. I want to beat Muy Macho senseless
for hurting my man.
Harper, really? I mean... Really, do you want to do that?
World peace kinda sounds awesome.
That is my wish! Do it now!
[Zeke groaning]
OK.
Sorry, Muy Macho.
Lucha Ba Boom, Muy Macho's doomed.
- I'm coming, Zeke! - Hurry!
[shouting]
One, two, three!
- [bell clanging] - We have a winner!
[crowd cheering]
And what's your wrestling name?
Whatever the Spanish word is for "crazy, red-headed chick!"
I can't be certain, Jerry,
but I think all these people are cheering for me.
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry, Muy Macho.
- I can't believe this happened again. - I know. I'm terrible.
That scrawny kid and that girl beat me.
I obviously have no business being a wrestler.
No, I think you should try again. I think you can take that girl.
No, Alex, I realized that I am perfectly happy
being a successful shoe salesman.
- So you're saying I actually helped you? - No!
This was the worst experience of my life!
I'll never forgive you, Alex Russo. Never!
Well... You did what you could.
You had the best intentions. Just forget about it.
This was the worst experience of my life!
I'll never forgive you, Alex Russo. Never!
Great. A new flashback.
Ay, no!