1 00:00:08,958 --> 00:00:12,958 Thank you. Who's next in line to buy one of my T-shirts? Hi. 2 00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,000 Any one. 3 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,833 There's only three. 4 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,583 Oh, my gosh. Dude, you're taking forever. 5 00:00:31,583 --> 00:00:33,875 You get a sticker on the forehead. Go! Next! 6 00:00:35,875 --> 00:00:39,458 - [Alex] Hi. - Max, what's going on here? 7 00:00:39,458 --> 00:00:42,083 Alex just released her Punk Dollhouse T-shirt. 8 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:45,416 I've seen that logo. She put stickers up all over campus. 9 00:00:45,416 --> 00:00:48,583 - Shoot, she even put one up in the boys' bathroom. - Correction. 10 00:00:48,583 --> 00:00:50,208 I put that up in the boys' bathroom. 11 00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:52,291 I also have my part-time job there. 12 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:55,208 I hand out mints and towels to the football team. 13 00:00:55,208 --> 00:00:57,000 It's weird, sometimes I gotta tell 'em, 14 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,250 "Mints you eat, towels you rub." 15 00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:04,875 [clears throat] Alex, I need to speak with you right now. 16 00:01:04,875 --> 00:01:07,208 Busy. Look, dude, I don't have change for that. 17 00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,000 You're gonna have to buy two extra T-shirts. 18 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,708 - [laughs] OK. Goodbye. Next! - One second, you guys. Right there. 19 00:01:12,708 --> 00:01:17,375 Alex, you're selling your product on school property, which is my jurisdiction. 20 00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:21,708 So I'm gonna have to suggest that you pay a mandatory 75 percent allowance tax 21 00:01:21,708 --> 00:01:26,291 to the Student Collective Activities Movement, the S.C.A.M., SCAM. 22 00:01:27,458 --> 00:01:28,875 That's not a real thing. 23 00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:32,583 It has an acronym. It's a real thing. 24 00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:34,625 Your money is gonna go to great school causes. 25 00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:36,208 You have nothing to worry about. 26 00:01:37,875 --> 00:01:39,458 Fine, I'll give the school a cut. 27 00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:43,333 Oh, how generous. You really didn't have to do that. 28 00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:46,125 Just kidding, you did. Sha-boom! 29 00:01:50,375 --> 00:01:51,875 Thank you. 30 00:01:51,875 --> 00:01:54,125 Excuse me, I'd love to buy one of these shirts I'm wearing. 31 00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:57,583 - You want a different color or something? - No, same color. 32 00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,875 This is my frontwards shirt. I need a backwards one 33 00:01:59,875 --> 00:02:02,875 for those days when I want to wear the logo on the back. 34 00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:07,208 All right, Max. You do realize that you could just turn the shirt... 35 00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:09,875 All right. That'll be ten bucks. Thank you. 36 00:02:11,458 --> 00:02:13,583 ♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪ 37 00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:15,583 ♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪ 38 00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:17,708 ♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪ 39 00:02:17,708 --> 00:02:19,333 ♪ Yes, please ♪ 40 00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:21,166 ♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪ 41 00:02:21,166 --> 00:02:22,875 ♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪ 42 00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:25,625 ♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪ 43 00:02:25,625 --> 00:02:27,250 ♪ That's what I said ♪ 44 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:30,416 ♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪ 45 00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:34,166 ♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪ 46 00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:38,000 ♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪ 47 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:42,583 ♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪ 48 00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:45,708 ♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪ 49 00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:49,958 ♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪ 50 00:02:49,958 --> 00:02:53,416 ♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪ 51 00:02:53,416 --> 00:02:57,458 ♪ Because everything is not ♪ 52 00:02:57,458 --> 00:02:59,625 ♪ What it seems ♪♪ 53 00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:11,291 Ah, Russo. Pull up a stump and zip it. 54 00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,833 I have something to tell you. 55 00:03:13,833 --> 00:03:16,458 Something important that befuddles me. 56 00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:19,291 [laughs] "Befuddles." 57 00:03:19,291 --> 00:03:22,458 Sounds like a word you'd say if you're wearing suspenders. 58 00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:25,250 Ah. 59 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:33,375 The committee and I met last night to decide who deserves this year's Citizenship Award. 60 00:03:33,375 --> 00:03:36,458 We added up the facts, and it seems that you've won. 61 00:03:36,458 --> 00:03:39,875 No thanks, Lar. I don't need a Citizenship Award. 62 00:03:39,875 --> 00:03:44,000 - I'm already American. - No, it's an award given 63 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,208 to the student who's done the most for her school. 64 00:03:46,208 --> 00:03:51,750 [laughing] I've done the most to the school. 65 00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:55,208 The fact is, you're a cheerleader, 66 00:03:55,208 --> 00:03:57,166 you painted the school mural, 67 00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:58,833 you turned the Happy Helpers Club around, 68 00:03:58,833 --> 00:04:01,875 and now you're a major financial contributor to the school. 69 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,375 The committee and I congratulate you. 70 00:04:04,375 --> 00:04:07,708 This is your letter of authenticity. 71 00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:10,875 Look, um, I'm not really interested in awards 72 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,291 unless there's a cash gift, 73 00:04:12,291 --> 00:04:14,708 coffee card, a little something for the effort. 74 00:04:14,708 --> 00:04:20,416 The student body president will present the award at the next assembly. 75 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,208 My brother has to give me my award? 76 00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:28,000 In front of the whole school? 77 00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:31,750 It's a devilish smile. I'm in. 78 00:04:35,416 --> 00:04:38,750 Mom? Dad? I have a letter. 79 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:41,583 Ooh! Is it from Harper? I miss her so much. 80 00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:44,750 Me, too. It's not fair her parents have her visiting them. 81 00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:50,750 - She's really ours now. - No. It's from Mr. Laritate. 82 00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:53,333 - I'll read it. - [sighs] 83 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:56,208 Several paragraphs. 84 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,000 You read it. 85 00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:03,375 [humming] "Congratulations. Your daughter, Alex Russo, 86 00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:07,708 has been chosen to receive this year's Citizenship Award." 87 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:11,083 - [gasps] - Aren't you guys proud of me? 88 00:05:11,083 --> 00:05:16,000 I am. This is the most authentic forgery you've done yet. 89 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,958 And look! She even spelled "citizenship" correctly. 90 00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:22,416 It's spelled correctly, isn't it? 91 00:05:22,416 --> 00:05:25,833 Citizenship Award? No way, I'm a shoo-in for that award. 92 00:05:25,833 --> 00:05:30,000 I mean, I already bragged about it to everyone during my chess club physical. 93 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,458 It's a sport. It requires a physical. 94 00:05:39,125 --> 00:05:44,583 Actually, Mr. Laritate said that it was my generous donation 95 00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:47,333 from my T-shirt sales that put me over the top. 96 00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:52,000 - Ah! - Justin didn't want me to donate, but I insisted. 97 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:55,333 You! 98 00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:57,875 She must have used magic to get that award. I mean, come on! 99 00:05:57,875 --> 00:06:01,000 Oh! No, no, no. I didn't use magic. 100 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,125 Apparently, I participate in school now. 101 00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:08,416 OK? The school mural, cheerleading, Happy Helpers. 102 00:06:08,416 --> 00:06:12,000 And, you know, the unofficial activities that nobody knows about. 103 00:06:13,458 --> 00:06:17,291 OK, I got it! I'm gonna prove she's a liar with a truth spell. 104 00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:20,583 That'll fix everything. Show you're a liar. [clears throat] 105 00:06:20,583 --> 00:06:22,500 Don't let Alex be a liar. 106 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:26,083 The truth, the truth is on fire. 107 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:30,708 - All right, let's test it out. - Mmm-hmm. 108 00:06:30,708 --> 00:06:35,291 Alex, who ate the tres leches cake out of the refrigerator? 109 00:06:35,291 --> 00:06:40,125 Dad did. And he gave me $1.75 not to tell anybody. 110 00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:43,083 - Jerry! - Well, that's the going rate 111 00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:46,458 for lying about something that I ate. 112 00:06:46,458 --> 00:06:49,708 - Did you use magic to win the award? - No. 113 00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:51,333 I used no magic whatsoever 114 00:06:51,333 --> 00:06:54,250 to persuade Mr. Laritate to give me this award. 115 00:06:54,250 --> 00:06:57,583 She really is telling the truth! 116 00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,708 Wow. I never thought I'd see my daughter 117 00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:01,875 with a halo on her head. 118 00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:05,333 I want you all to be there when I get my award. 119 00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,333 Yeah, no way. I'm not going. Uh-uh. 120 00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,500 Can you read the second to last sentence, please? 121 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,416 Yes, I can read the second to last sentence. 122 00:07:11,416 --> 00:07:13,208 "The student body president will be there 123 00:07:13,208 --> 00:07:15,000 to present your award..." Student body president?! 124 00:07:16,875 --> 00:07:19,208 That's me! I'm not going! 125 00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:22,458 [moans] I have to, I was elected! 126 00:07:22,458 --> 00:07:25,166 I'm going for the people! 127 00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:26,208 Not you! 128 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,875 Hello, Mr. Laritate. You want to know why I'm dressed like this 129 00:07:36,875 --> 00:07:39,083 for the Citizenship Award ceremony? 130 00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:41,375 Because this award shouldn't be taken seriously. 131 00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:45,125 And nothing says, "Don't take me seriously," like a surfer. 132 00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:50,875 - [clears throat] - [applause] 133 00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:54,000 - Shh... - [applause stops] 134 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:59,875 Good morning, dudes and dudettes. 135 00:07:59,875 --> 00:08:04,750 Citizenship Award. Sounds like a big deal, wow. 136 00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:07,083 Like, totally wicked sick, right? 137 00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:10,208 Not right. One word: 138 00:08:10,208 --> 00:08:12,208 Overrated. 139 00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:16,000 A person who accepts an award like this can only be described 140 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,000 as "self-absorbed." 141 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,250 Now, without further ado, Citizenship Award winner, Alex Russo. 142 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:26,000 - [exhales] - [scattered applause] 143 00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:28,750 Well, thank you, Justin. 144 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,291 You know, I wrote something really nice for this, 145 00:08:34,291 --> 00:08:36,958 but then I saved my gum in it. So I'm just gonna wing it. 146 00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:41,833 There are a lot of people in here I'd like to thank. 147 00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:44,625 I'm gonna start with August Salvatore, 148 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,875 for having a first name that's a month, 149 00:08:46,875 --> 00:08:49,000 and a last name that sounds like spit. 150 00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:53,333 [whooping, shouting] 151 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:57,333 Jerry, did anyone remember to take the truth spell off of her? 152 00:08:57,333 --> 00:09:01,583 And I would like to thank the "whoo" girls for making the rest of us look like geniuses. 153 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,583 [all] Whoo! 154 00:09:06,291 --> 00:09:07,583 Yeah, exactly. 155 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,166 What in the pico de gallo is she doing? 156 00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:17,125 Just giving a few simple thank you's. Just let her talk. 157 00:09:17,125 --> 00:09:19,958 Ah! Mrs. Fleckenstein. 158 00:09:19,958 --> 00:09:22,166 Let me take the pressure off of you. 159 00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:25,000 See, nobody is talking about your wig. 160 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,000 We're all talking about your sideburns. 161 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,291 [laughing] 162 00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:31,416 Let's get out of here. 163 00:09:31,416 --> 00:09:33,250 - She knows a lot of stuff about us. - Right. 164 00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,000 Daddy, where are you going? 165 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:41,708 Oh, that's right. You've always had such a teeny-tiny bladder. 166 00:09:41,708 --> 00:09:44,875 [girls] Whoo! 167 00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:47,416 [stammering] It's true. 168 00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:50,125 I go more frequently than a normal man. 169 00:09:50,125 --> 00:09:51,583 - Jerry! - It's... 170 00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:56,875 And John Bender, on the wrestling team. 171 00:09:56,875 --> 00:10:00,625 Let's take 30 minutes to discuss why you don't have a neck. 172 00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:04,625 [laughter] 173 00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:08,583 [Alex laughs] OK, you guys get the point. 174 00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:11,958 - Oh, and last but not least... - Is it over already? 175 00:10:11,958 --> 00:10:15,333 Did you get Ken over there, hiding behind the lockers? He's... 176 00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:19,375 I would like to thank Mr. Laritate, 177 00:10:19,375 --> 00:10:22,750 for putting the "suspense" in "suspenders." 178 00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:24,875 I mean, come on. 179 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,958 When are those babies gonna give? 180 00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:36,875 Citizenship Award winner, everyone, Alex Russo. 181 00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,708 Hey, hey, August. August. 182 00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:54,208 Look, about what I said. I'm really, really sorry... 183 00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:57,375 ...that you can't handle the truth. 184 00:10:59,875 --> 00:11:01,875 Hey, guys. 185 00:11:03,583 --> 00:11:06,625 People, why are you trashing my T-shirts? 186 00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,291 What...? 187 00:11:10,208 --> 00:11:12,208 OK. 188 00:11:12,208 --> 00:11:13,875 Are you guys ignoring me 189 00:11:13,875 --> 00:11:16,875 because you're planning a surprise party for me? 190 00:11:17,833 --> 00:11:19,000 No. 191 00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:24,291 Oh, here's some more shirts. 192 00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:30,000 Justin, what's going on? Why isn't anyone talking to me? 193 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,958 I don't know. Maybe you should ask somebody. 194 00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:36,708 Oh, wait, there is nobody around here! 195 00:11:36,708 --> 00:11:39,125 They wouldn't answer you anyway. 196 00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:42,083 OK, fine, I'll give you a hint. You broke me down. You're good. 197 00:11:42,083 --> 00:11:44,875 Here's the hint: they hate you. 198 00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:48,166 Wait, look. I know I always act like I don't care, 199 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:52,333 but that's really just a defense mechanism to hide my desire to really be liked. 200 00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:56,000 Finally, the truth comes out. 201 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,500 Oh, my gosh! The truth spell is still on me! Take it off! 202 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,083 All right, fine. I think it served its purpose. 203 00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:06,166 Shoot, the only person you haven't made fun of is me. 204 00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:09,500 Too late. Truth, truth, she used to know, now she becomes the old Russo. 205 00:12:40,958 --> 00:12:42,750 I'm not supposed to talk to you. 206 00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:49,750 But I've never been one to follow the herd. 207 00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:52,875 So what do you say we mosey into my office 208 00:12:52,875 --> 00:12:55,708 and strap on the old feedbag? 209 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,208 Thank you, Mr. Laritate. 210 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,625 But we don't really have to eat out of feed bags, do we? 211 00:13:06,958 --> 00:13:08,833 Not if it makes you feel uncomfortable. 212 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,125 They teach you that the truth is good, 213 00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:17,375 and then when you say the truth, 214 00:13:17,375 --> 00:13:19,250 everybody gets offended. 215 00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:22,166 I mean, if you don't want anybody talking about your sideburns, 216 00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:23,958 then don't have 'em, lady. 217 00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:28,708 Here's your tea. Just how you like it. 218 00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:31,750 Seems like this "whole school hating you thing" 219 00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:35,083 is really getting your goat. 220 00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:37,291 I wish I had a goat. 221 00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:42,291 They come in handy for eating containers 222 00:13:42,291 --> 00:13:43,583 that you're trying to hide 223 00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:46,458 because you ate something you weren't supposed to eat. 224 00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:50,208 Uh, can we stick to my problem, please? 225 00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:52,250 Yes, of course. 226 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:55,416 I like it when I ignore people, 227 00:13:55,416 --> 00:13:58,875 but it doesn't feel so good when they ignore me. 228 00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:01,000 It kinda stings a little, don't it? 229 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:06,125 Yep, that's why I joined the Square Dance Society. 230 00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:08,583 Those people have to talk to you. [laughs] 231 00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:12,375 And, if they refuse, there's always the caller. 232 00:14:12,375 --> 00:14:14,750 When he says "allemande left," 233 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:17,000 he's talking to me. 234 00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:22,375 - What are you saying? - I'm saying you should consider 235 00:14:22,375 --> 00:14:25,083 signing up for the Square Dance Society. 236 00:14:25,083 --> 00:14:29,708 [scoffs] I don't think a do-si-do is gonna turn my life around. 237 00:14:29,708 --> 00:14:32,875 Look, Russo, high school is just a series of horrible, 238 00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:36,708 gut-wrenching events. Soon, it'll be someone else. 239 00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:38,416 Yours is just the scandal of the day. 240 00:14:38,416 --> 00:14:40,333 I'm sure it'll all blow over. 241 00:14:41,958 --> 00:14:44,750 Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right. 242 00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:59,708 Hey. 243 00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:03,208 I heard everyone's ignoring you at school. 244 00:15:03,208 --> 00:15:07,333 I don't know whether to say "I'm sorry" or "Congratulations." 245 00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:11,500 It's bad, Mom. What should I do? 246 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,083 Oh... 247 00:15:14,083 --> 00:15:16,875 I wouldn't know. I was wildly popular in high school. 248 00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:22,125 But let me give it a shot. Um... 249 00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:25,000 How about you approach the most popular girl, 250 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,875 and ask her to get everyone to like you? 251 00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:28,166 Because that girl was me, 252 00:15:28,166 --> 00:15:31,000 and I could get everyone to do whatever I said. 253 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:35,375 So that's what you gotta do. Find the me of your school. 254 00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:41,250 I am raising myself. 255 00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:46,625 Listen, be nice to your sister, OK? 256 00:15:46,625 --> 00:15:49,000 The kids at school still aren't talking to her. 257 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,375 And, just so you know, that never happened to me. 258 00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:54,458 It's actually funny. 259 00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:56,458 I'm counting on no one talking to her. 260 00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:59,166 I've got all these tied-up T-shirts 261 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:01,875 that I'm gonna sell, so people can throw them at her. 262 00:16:01,875 --> 00:16:03,625 Wait, that's what we're doing? 263 00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:05,750 I thought we were gonna tie-dye them. 264 00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:11,458 Look, Justin, people are really mad at her. 265 00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:15,416 Therefore, I'm increasing my riches by using my riches 266 00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:18,083 to gain more riches. You know what I'm saying? 267 00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:21,166 I'm gonna tie-dye this one, anyway. 268 00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:23,250 It's already balled up and I'm excited for it. 269 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,291 And I have no idea what you're saying. 270 00:16:35,458 --> 00:16:38,333 [cell phone rings] 271 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:45,000 - You gonna get that? - No. 272 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,458 I never answer that guy. 273 00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:50,875 He keeps prank calling me. Some guy named "Text." 274 00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:55,833 I answered it once 'cause I thought it was my buddy, Tex, 275 00:16:55,833 --> 00:16:58,291 but there was nobody there. 276 00:16:58,291 --> 00:17:02,833 Mr. Laritate, "Text" isn't a person. 277 00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:04,583 It's a text message. 278 00:17:04,583 --> 00:17:08,000 - Oh! - Look. 279 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,583 When somebody wants to talk to you, 280 00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:11,500 but doesn't have the energy to speak, 281 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:14,083 they type it and then send it to your phone. See? 282 00:17:14,083 --> 00:17:17,458 Oh. That way it's harder for the person you're sending it to 283 00:17:17,458 --> 00:17:19,625 - to talk back to you. - Yep. 284 00:17:19,625 --> 00:17:22,458 Finally, a way to communicate with my mother. 285 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,083 [laughs] 286 00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:27,750 I got me a case of keyboard courage. 287 00:17:29,458 --> 00:17:30,750 [beeps] 288 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,708 [cell phone beeps] 289 00:17:33,708 --> 00:17:36,875 Ooh, a text. This is my first one in a week. 290 00:17:36,875 --> 00:17:41,500 Maybe somebody's done something more embarrassing than what I did. 291 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,708 Oh, here's the embarrassing part. 292 00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:47,375 Who would name their kid Hershel? [laughs] 293 00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:52,583 Floyd and Naomi Laritate. 294 00:17:52,583 --> 00:17:54,583 I sent you that text. 295 00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:56,958 Oh. 296 00:17:56,958 --> 00:17:58,708 I figured we're good enough friends now. 297 00:17:58,708 --> 00:18:01,000 We can be on a first-name basis. 298 00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:06,833 I'm on a first-name basis with the school principal? 299 00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:10,958 [shudders] This is just too weird. 300 00:18:10,958 --> 00:18:14,291 - I'm sorry, Mr. Laritate. - Hershel. 301 00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:19,166 Hershel. Um... 302 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:22,375 I know you told me to be patient, but it's been a week. 303 00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:24,375 Nobody's done anything embarrassing, 304 00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:26,583 and now you're my best friend. 305 00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:28,625 No, no, no. Call me BFF. 306 00:18:28,625 --> 00:18:32,083 That's a quicker way to say "best friend forever" in a text. 307 00:18:32,083 --> 00:18:34,125 I think I just invented that. 308 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,166 - There she is! Get her! - [all shouting] 309 00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:44,458 OK! OK. OK, fine. Yes. 310 00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:49,000 I know I said some things that I shouldn't have said, but I can't take them back. 311 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,375 I thought you guys would forget about it by now, but... 312 00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:54,708 Gosh, I can't believe this is still the biggest thing going on in school. 313 00:18:54,708 --> 00:18:56,583 Got 40 dollars in my pocket that believes it. 314 00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:58,000 Who wants another throw at her? 315 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,083 - A dollar a shot! Move! - [all shouting] 316 00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:05,708 - Boom! Boom! - Or who wants to tie-dye? 317 00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:08,291 I'm having so much fun. 318 00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:12,208 Mr. Laritate, when is this gonna end? 319 00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:15,291 Right now, friend. 320 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:17,708 - [feedback] - [clears throat] 321 00:19:17,708 --> 00:19:19,250 Attention, please. 322 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:23,291 No one should be mean to my BFF... 323 00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:25,708 - [groans] - ...Alex Russo. 324 00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:29,250 You don't have to have lunch with her. I've got that covered. 325 00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:34,875 But some idle chitchat and texting would be appreciated. 326 00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:38,583 Oh, here's a tip. Instead of saying "Got to go," 327 00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:43,583 you can text "G," the number two, 328 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,291 and then another "G." 329 00:19:46,958 --> 00:19:49,833 Get it? 330 00:19:49,833 --> 00:19:54,333 - You just made it worse. - Attention, everyone. 331 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,833 The price has gone up to three dollars for a throw 332 00:19:56,833 --> 00:20:01,750 - at the principal's BFF. - [laughing] 333 00:20:03,375 --> 00:20:05,000 - I'll fix this. - No, please. 334 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,375 Goodness, no, not another announcement. 335 00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:10,708 [country music plays] 336 00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:19,500 Promenade left. 337 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:20,583 Circle right. 338 00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:22,458 Do-si-do. 339 00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:24,458 Half promenade. 340 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:25,958 Whoop, just half. 341 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,250 Get geeked up. Do the Jerk. 342 00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:43,083 - Do the Jerk. - [laughing] 343 00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:51,875 Stanky leg. 344 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,291 Freestyle. 345 00:20:58,708 --> 00:21:03,000 Mr. Laritate's dancing! How embarrassing! 346 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,000 That is embarrassing. Let's throw our shirts at him. 347 00:21:10,458 --> 00:21:14,083 All right, detention for all of you. 348 00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:17,416 - [all groan] - You too, Russo. 349 00:21:17,416 --> 00:21:19,208 But I didn't throw a shirt. 350 00:21:20,416 --> 00:21:22,250 I saw you. 351 00:21:29,416 --> 00:21:30,833 Thank you. 352 00:21:47,416 --> 00:21:50,250 Mom, why are you dressed like that? 353 00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:52,833 I was thinking about your problem with your friends. 354 00:21:52,833 --> 00:21:55,000 I was so wildly popular back then, 355 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,458 I bet I'm still as wildly popular now. 356 00:21:57,458 --> 00:21:59,583 So why don't I just go to your school, 357 00:21:59,583 --> 00:22:02,833 pretend to be a student, and tell everyone to like you? 358 00:22:05,833 --> 00:22:08,250 Mom, you do realize that if you go to my school 359 00:22:08,250 --> 00:22:10,583 looking like that, no one will ever talk to me again. 360 00:22:10,583 --> 00:22:14,708 You just don't understand wild popularity, that's all. 361 00:22:17,125 --> 00:22:19,750 - Daddy! - Your mother was the first girl 362 00:22:19,750 --> 00:22:22,375 admitted to a formerly all-boys high school. 363 00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:25,375 It wasn't too hard to be wildly popular.