One, two, three, four.
I declare thumb war.
Come on, lefty. Grab his hang nail.
Grab his hang nail. Ow!
[laughs] Cheater.
[Theresa] Alex!
I hope you unloaded the dishwasher like I told you to.
Shoot. I, I did! [chuckles]
Alex, you know how I feel about you using magic in the house!
Mom, you know how I feel about the dishwasher.
When we need a dish, we could just take it out.
And then when we're done, put it back in.
And how would we know which ones are clean and which ones are dirty?
[scoffs] You smell them.
Like your father does with his shirts?
You two are disgusting.
This is going to be the best Halloween yet.
I've got a great idea for our haunted house.
[groans] Stop calling it a haunted house.
It's not even scary.
You just do stupid skits about making bad choices.
OK. An amusement attraction that teaches people lessons
about the gravity of life's decisions isn't stupid.
Justin, you're a wizard. You could make the scariest haunted house of all time.
Exactly. That's why this year's theme is:
"Peer Pressure: When Good People Make Bad Choices."
So I got a whole room where people are playing video games instead of doing homework.
Then you get pressured into playing.
Then we quickly act out how your life is gonna go.
Video games. No homework. Flunk out. Beach hobo.
Oh, I do love the beach.
♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪
♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪
♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪
♪ Yes, please ♪
♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪
♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪
♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪
♪ That's what I said ♪
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪
♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪
♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪
♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪
♪ Because everything is not ♪
♪ What it seems ♪♪
- OK Dad, are you ready? - Yes.
Now remember, you're an eight year-old boy
and it's your first time in the Worst-Case-Scenario Scare House.
Here's a balloon to help you stay in character.
Oh, can I have a red one?
You're an eight year-old boy, you take what you get. Now, go.
- But... - Take it!
OK. I see by the clock that it's past my bedtime,
- and I haven't done my homework... - And cue Harper.
Hey, kid. How about you blow off your homework,
stay up late and play a video game with us?
What are you, scared?
Ooh!
And then I jump out from behind you, ha,
with fake blood dripping down my pumpkin head.
[scoffs] Everybody knows that pumpkins don't have blood, Max.
Yes! What do you think they make the pies out of?
- The inside stuff! - Halloween...
...is not about pumpkins or blood or pies.
It's about life lessons.
Hello?
[groans]
I'm Mr. Evans of the Waverly Place Merchant's Association.
As you know, the Waverly Place Halloween Fair
- is a very important event tonight. - [Jerry] Mm-hmm.
Frankly, your haunted house has been a disappointment since...
Forever.
The Association took a vote
and we're taking away your haunted house
unless you make it scarier this year.
You know, normally I wouldn't agree with people in ties,
but Dave's got a point.
You can't just take it away from us.
Dad. Someone in a position of authority has spoken.
No sense in fighting it. Pack it up, Harper.
Looks like tonight we're doing a scary movie marathon.
Hold on. Wait. You guys can't just give up.
All Mr. Evans says is that he wants the haunted house to be scarier.
Yes, much scarier.
Like with ghosts and goblins
and other things out of this world?
Out of this world. Exactly.
Rebel Russo here gets it.
Jerry, this is your last shot at the haunted house.
Unless you make it scary, you're done.
[snaps fingers]
OK, all right, good save. I'll give you that.
But how are we going to do something that's out of this world?
- [door closes] - Hmm. I don't know.
Let's have a family meeting in our out of this world place.
Dad! The lair.
How can you guys not get what I was hinting at?
I used air quotes around the words
"out of this world"?
Is that what that was?
I thought that was the Teen Wolf dance.
You know, the...
[howling]
- Ignore him? - [all] Yes.
Look, guys, I called this family meeting to talk about the haunted house.
It can't be a family meeting without Mom.
Who's gonna defend me when I try and take minutes?
"2:10, Alex breaks pencil."
Look, I was the one shooting my mouth off
about how the haunted house needs to be scarier.
Then some dude with a tie agreed with me.
So here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna use magic to make it scary.
If we're gonna use magic, then Mom cannot know about it.
- That's why she's not here. - I noticed that, but I didn't want to say anything.
You know what? Normally I say no to the sneaky use of magic.
But we could lose the haunted house.
Oh! I know! OK. We can use magic to shrink the people down
so that when they come in, we'll be like giants trying to squish them.
OK.
We'll use magic on the haunted house. Good.
But how are we gonna keep from actually squishing the people?
We're not. That's what makes it scary.
But your mom can't find out that we're using magic.
OK, well... [gasps]
What about we get road kill and...
No.
We can have a bleached cow skull that has, like...
No.
At least let Harper and I
go to the Ghost District in the wizard world
and get some real ghosts.
Ghosts? I like it.
But not too scary.
Fine. But just so you know,
mildly scary ghosts leads to a mildly scary haunted house.
It's not gonna be mildly scary,
because we are gonna decorate the Sub Station really scary.
[Dad] Come on! Whoo!
Wow, who knew the ghost world was right underneath the cemetery?
That didn't take long at all.
Yep. Just as long as it takes to dig up a grave and jump.
What are all these ghosts doing here?
- Oh, they're training for Halloween. - [knocking]
[British accent] Trick or treat, my dear.
[blows whistle] My dear?! That's not the voice of someone
trying to get enough candy in one night to last a whole year.
Try it again.
Candy's all ghosts can eat.
Oh, no wonder they're so pale.
Yeah. That and the dead part, so...
[mouthing] Oh.
What do I do, Coach?
I got my head in one hand and a pillowcase in the other.
Use your head, Doug.
OK, Coach.
Ow, ow, ow.
- Ow, ow, ow. - [banging continues]
Watch me scare a ghost.
- Hello! - [screams]
[screams]
- [screams] - [shrieks]
- [Alex laughs] - Human alert!
Everyone pretend you're alive.
Oh, relax, relax. I'm a wizard.
[sighs]
We're looking for ghosts who are scary, but not too scary for our haunted house.
I've got just what you need.
Wally! Frank! Miss Chenowith! Fall in!
Miss Chenowith knits with her own bony fingers.
You want me to knit you a nice sweater?
- You're hired. - Yes!
Nice day. Forecast calls for...
Brain!
That terrible joke was scary. You're hired.
What about you, captain? What do you got?
I tell scary sea lore.
About sharks that eat ships and...
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not feeling you.
What about that creepy guy over there?
Oh... [stammers] You don't want Mantooth.
He's too scary.
Mantooth? That sounds familiar.
Excuse me, um...
Did you use to haunt little kids while they slept?
Hey, I'm a boogieman.
I haunt kids.
I scare babysitters.
I throw shadows down the end of dark hallways.
Maybe you've seen my work?
[screams]
He was the best.
He scared this one kid well into his teens.
The kid would just hold up his action figure and say,
"Captain Jim Bob, protect me! Captain Jim Bob, protect me!"
Oh my gosh, you're talking about my brother, Justin Russo.
Crybaby Russo? I put that kid on my résumé!
Dude! You're like my hero!
Oh, you have to come back with us.
Justin will freak out.
Yeah, I do this crazy thing with my face
that had him diving for the light switch.
- Wanna see it? - [screams]
I'm not doing it yet.
Alex, we can't take him with us.
That's exactly the kind of "too scary" we were told not to do.
- No offense. - None taken.
I'm dead. It's what I live for.
Fine. All right, we'll take bony fingers, skull guy, and story dude.
That reminds me of a scary story.
There I was in a hot tub,
the elastics on me swim trunks broke.
Can we just go, please? Go!
All right, Daddy. I got what you ordered.
Ghosts you can bring home to Mom. Guys?
Whoa. They look pretty good.
Not too scary.
You know, I never understood why they bury people with nice things.
It's such a waste.
Ahh, do you have the correct time?
Mom!
So, who do we have here?
Mom, these are some people
from the youth club place,
who are here to help us actually with our haunted house.
Yeah. They are...
...going to pretend to be ghosts.
Well, I wanna join the youth club place. Do you guys have a pool?
Wow, you look so ghosty.
We'll definitely be able to keep our haunted house with this crew.
Come on, let's see you scare me.
Um...
Why don't you take the crystal ball
and tell her her fortune?
Sorry, I have no muscles or ligaments.
A pleasure to... brain you.
Sorry.
Interesting.
It was a dark and stormy night.
I was getting a check up at the doctor's office.
They had run out of toys at the reception desk,
so I had to settle for a sticker.
Hold on, hold on.
This is it?
These are our scary ghosts?
Yeah?
Excuse me.
You know, I normally wouldn't condone this,
but you might need to...
...use a little...
[whispers] ...magic...
...to come up with some scarier ghosts.
Save your breath, Mom. I've been telling them this the whole time.
Mom, these are real ghosts from the wizard world.
What?
So you went to the wizard world to get some scary ghosts
and this was the best you could do?
I know. I had to follow orders and get these losers.
I was hoping for a guy with saws for hands, but no.
Who gave you these orders?
I can't hold it. She's gonna find out about the family meeting.
- [gasps] - [Peter] Justin,
don't worry.
I'm the father of this family, and I will handle this.
Alex called a family meeting without you.
Dad hides cookies in his bathrobe!
- We all know that, honey. - Oh!
Look, normally I wouldn't be OK with this, but we need a scary haunted house in an hour.
An hour?! [groans]
I should have taken the earrings.
You gotta go back to the wizard world and get us some scarier ghosts.
You know what'll cheer everybody up?
- Justin, give me a beat. - No.
Good enough.
[howling]
Look, this is a matter of family pride, people,
and we all know we haven't had that in a while.
Max, stop dancing.
Mom. Mom, I've got it! All this dancing just gave me an idea.
- Oh, here we go. - Shh. Everybody. Everyone.
- Let's see where this goes. - Thank you, Dad.
Look, I've got a ghost costume that'll blow away those frauds. Check it out.
[glass shatters]
And it didn't go anywhere good.
You need to get some scary ghosts.
Oh, good idea. Should've thought of that one on my own.
So... does everybody like?
Dad! We sent Alex to the Ghost World to save the day again.
- What were we thinking? - I'm thinking I should've made this with air holes.
This thing is hot.
Evans is gonna be here any minute, guys.
We're gonna have to do it ourselves.
OK, Dad, you're the scary fortune teller. Mom, hide behind that statue.
Harper, you lead the groups. Max, you're the ghost who jumps out at people.
Yes.
Let's scare those kids, Ricky.
What? I named my mustache.
Hey.
Where is everybody?
I need more ghosts.
I need a pair of queens.
And they can be really scary this time.
Do you have a ghost with saws for hands?
We're dead. We're not freaks.
Everyone's gone. It's Halloween.
They all went to the real world to get candy.
Don't look at me. I have a massive headache.
I hope it's nothing serious.
Oh, come on, Doug.
You're horrific and you are hired.
Mantooth!
Hey, I'm back.
Check it out. Someone left a bowl with a sign on it that said,
"Just take one."
So, I did.
OK, you're coming with me.
I need you to do that thing with your face.
Justin's just gonna have to man up.
No, no, no! Not that way.
I have to get some earrings. For my friend.
I can't climb holding my head.
Oh, gimme that.
- [thud] - [Doug] Ow.
Now I have something in my eye. Go on ahead.
[dramatically] Welcome to the Waverly Sub Station
House of Horrors.
Hey, good. We're off to a good start.
I like how you said, "House of Horrors" all funny.
Thank you. Hey, kid, you getting all this?
Follow me!
Welcome to the creepy Sub Station.
Whoo!
Welcome. [evil laugh]
I know, I see it.
I see something in your future.
Something... frightening.
[evil laugh]
OK, you're a hobo on the back of a clown,
looking at a head of lettuce.
Jerry, I see something in your future, too,
and it is also frightening.
It is you bagging kettle corn at next year's Halloween festival.
[sarcastic evil laugh]
Geez, tough crowd.
Follow me!
And follow me, kiddies, to the Haunted Cemetery.
Let's see what's behind this creepy tombstone.
I said, "Tombstone!"
Boo! I got you, babe.
I'm Cher.
Uh-huh. Fail!
Boo! I'm the ghost of mustaches past!
And a talking tablecloth. I'm trembling.
Let's go.
Hey! Hey, kids!
You wanna hear the sound a skeleton makes when it's cold?
[teeth chattering]
Wouldn't that be better with a skull mask?
That impairs my vision. I could trip and fall.
[whispers] Don't tell the kids.
This is so lame. Come on, come on.
Hey, guys, I got something really scary.
Oh, look.
The rebel Russo's wearing a shirt that says, "Costume."
It's so cool not to try, isn't it?
Thank you for noticing. I think you'll enjoy this. Mantooth?
- Mantooth? - [Mantooth laughs eerily]
Mr. Evans, watch this. You're gonna freak out.
What are you doing here?
I'm not here to hide under your bed.
I'm here to save your haunted house.
But he turns his face into this horrendous demon and...
...pops out these vicious claws and grabs you
- while shrieking in your ears. - That's exactly what we need.
Well, is he gonna do it or isn't he?!
[ominous laughter]
Boogaly, boogaly, boogaly, ha!
Captain Jim Bob, protect me!
Oh, I should have known.
Your incredibly scary ghost turns out to be...
Fingerhole eye guy.
I don't know how much more of this horror I can take. Let's go.
That's not scary enough for you?
I've got a scarier face.
Want to see it?
Yes. Do it.
[creepy laughter]
- Boogaly, boogaly, boogaly... - Not that thing.
They all start that way.
Boogaly, boogaly, boogaly, boogaly...
- [roars] - [kids shrieking]
You're all sick, you're sick people!
This haunted house is closed forever.
Wait a minute! You said you wanted scary, we gave you scary!
Yes. Kids want to be scared, not scarred for life.
You're done. I'll see you in the kettle corn stand next year.
You know what's great about this?
Even though we failed,
we failed together.
You know, we all had a little hand in this blow up.
And I am so, so grateful that I got to contribute.
I mean, I'm proud.
You know what? Alex is right.
I'm proud of us, too.
I mean, look at this place. We did this.
Quick family meeting.
We never send Alex to do anything ever again. All in favor?
[all] Aye.
Let's go get some candy.
- All right, what ya got? - I got...
...this watch that doesn't work...
...two earrings,
and a picture of a dog in a frame.
Mmm. I'll trade you this necklace,
a ring, and a glass eye for the picture of the dog.
Done.
[sighs] I love Halloween.