1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,756 Yo, Tim Tim. Mmm. 2 00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:07,716 This weekend, monster truck rally 3 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:08,968 at Madison Square Garden. 4 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,719 Redneck chicks so drunk on moonshine, 5 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,138 they'll think I'm Leonardo Dicaprio, 6 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,850 and you're Kumar. 7 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,061 I'll have to pass. 8 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,438 All right, how about this? 9 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,358 Bridal expo at the Javits Center, huh? 10 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,694 "Oh, ha-ha, I didn't get the dress I wanted. 11 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,821 "I want a party with Leo Dicaprio and Kumar." 12 00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,701 Seems rock solid, sir, but again, pass. 13 00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:37,204 I know what you want, 14 00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:38,580 but no one's gonna believe you're DiCaprio. 15 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,292 Get real. 16 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,044 (CLAPS) Hey, Timmy, Jen and I are in for dinner 17 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,213 with your parents on Saturday... Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm... 18 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:47,381 Oh, yeah. It's gonna be sweet! 19 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,759 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 20 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:53,679 Your parents are coming all the way from India, 21 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,557 and the only person you invited to meet them is the office idiot? 22 00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,977 (LAUGHS) Yeah. 23 00:01:00,019 --> 00:01:01,478 Yeah. 24 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,938 You didn't get invited, 25 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,272 but the office idiot did. 26 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,909 Sir, I didn't invite you because, and please don't take this the wrong way. 27 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:15,868 I loathe you. 28 00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,371 Timmy, I know you're foreign, 29 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,707 but it's pronounced love. 30 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:24,710 Look, I know I'm not always the perfect boss. 31 00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:31,717 Sir, you stole my fiancee, 32 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:34,553 accused me of sexual harassment when I saved your life, 33 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,430 and make me apply ointments to areas of your body 34 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,556 we both know you can reach yourself. 35 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,227 Well, just 'cause I can reach them 36 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,645 doesn't mean I wanna touch them. 37 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,566 Anyway, this is the first time 38 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,317 your parents have been here. 39 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,486 Sir, I don't even understand why you care so much. 40 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,280 I mean, let's face it. You're a narcissist, 41 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:54,573 who has no interest in the lives of others. 42 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,245 Sir, you're admiring yourself 43 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,413 in the reflection of my glasses, aren't you? 44 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,709 I could pass as DiCaprio. 45 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,754 (SIGHS) 46 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:13,508 ♪ How many ways to say I love you? 47 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:19,098 ♪ How many ways to say that I'm not scared? 48 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:25,646 ♪ With you by my side There is no denying 49 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,189 ♪ I can't wait for me and you ♪ 50 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:41,453 Boom! Boom! 51 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,290 Boom. 52 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,169 Boom, boom... Okay. 53 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:51,964 Funny. I guess I deserve that 54 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,841 for giving you and your wife a baby. 55 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,300 Brenda, just ignore him. 56 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,511 I mean, come on, look at you. 57 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,054 You're glowing. 58 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,890 It's sweat and angry hormones. 59 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,226 In that case, I'm so sorry. 60 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:07,146 Hey, how about this. 61 00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:09,023 Why don't you come on over for a big Saturday night? 62 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,398 You could watch me drink. 63 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,401 As intriguing as that isn't, 64 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,236 I can't because I'm catering an alumni event 65 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,571 at Columbia university. 66 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:17,823 Oh, Columbia? BRENDA: Yeah. 67 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,950 Huh, I wonder if we're gonna hear about 68 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:21,493 how my wife almost got in there. 69 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,246 I was wait-listed. I could've gone there. 70 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,290 If 400 smarter kids decided not to, 71 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,085 but if you didn't go to Syracuse, 72 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,379 you wouldn't have met me. 73 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,007 Don't make it worse. 74 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,551 What's your, uh... What's your event for? 75 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,219 Um, Malcolm Gladwell wrote a book, 76 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,428 and he's giving a talk about it, 77 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:41,805 but then I am catering the reception. 78 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,640 I love his stuff. 79 00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:44,808 Yeah? They gave me extra tickets 80 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,267 if you guys wanna go. 81 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,353 Oh, so it's a fellow who wrote a book talking about his book? 82 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,688 Sounds like an awful lot of book. 83 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,192 We're going. Come on. He's a great author. 84 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,276 It'll be full of interesting people. I wanna go. 85 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,820 Okay. Great. I'll drop the tickets by later. 86 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,864 Oh, you know what this means. 87 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,658 You finally get into Columbia. 88 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:09,583 (GLASSES CLINKING) ALL: Cheers. 89 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,085 Mmm. 90 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:14,004 Mmm. It is so nice to meet you, Varsha and Rahm. 91 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,296 Timmy is one of my favorite people. 92 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,381 Aw. (LAUGHS) 93 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:17,966 Really? 94 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,470 Yes. Wow. 95 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:23,388 Well, you think you know someone. 96 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:28,185 So, Rahm, what's good here? 97 00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:30,270 Well, I love the mutter paneer. 98 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,730 Oh, the mutter paneer. 99 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,941 Mmm. 100 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,484 Oh, no, well, the mutter paneer is only rated at two. 101 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,402 It's probably terrible. 102 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:40,739 Yep, no, here's a picture. Straight up vomit. 103 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,367 Mr. Rhodes, the numbers 104 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,953 aren't actually a quality rating. 105 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,704 They tell you how spicy the dish is. 106 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,664 One is the mildest, 12 is the spiciest. 107 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,876 Ah. I am all about spicy foods. 108 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,335 See, at Taco Bell, 109 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,546 I always go for the El Scorcho burrito, Varsh. 110 00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:00,592 There is no such thing as an El Scorcho burrito. 111 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,427 I created it in the fires of my imagination. 112 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,722 So I'm thinking I'm gonna go eight. 113 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,057 I might go eight or maybe nine. 114 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,558 Well, uh... 115 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,894 I would strongly advise you not to go above a four. 116 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,105 Oh, Rahm. Rahm-a-lama-ding-dong. 117 00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:16,984 The more you tell me not to do something, 118 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:17,901 the more I'm gonna do it. 119 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,029 It's not something to brag about. 120 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,323 Well, now, I'm just gonna brag more. 121 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:35,335 You have got to be kidding me. 122 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:38,172 Oh, look who it is. What are the chances? 123 00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,965 These must be your parents. 124 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,549 Please leave. Just go away. 125 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,428 Shubh Sandhya. Mera naam Russell hai. 126 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,557 Ooh! A hindi speaker. 127 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,852 Yeah, I just said, "Good evening. My name is Russell." 128 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,645 Timmy's so Americanized. 129 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,980 I love your sherwani. 130 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,481 Thank you. 131 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,357 This is my favorite of all the ones I have. 132 00:05:58,399 --> 00:05:59,484 I own very many. 133 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,737 Hello, sir. Are you with this party? 134 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,447 Oh, no, he is not. 135 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,492 No, he's right. I'm dining alone tonight. 136 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:12,831 I'll be over here, and if you hear me choking and gagging, 137 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:13,957 and you wanna give me the Heimlich, 138 00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,167 I'd love it, but you don't have to, 139 00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,837 uh, 'cause again, I'm by myself. 140 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,049 We won't hear of that. You'll join us. 141 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,300 Please. Oh, I couldn't! 142 00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:28,263 Sir. 143 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,681 Do you really think you can convince my parents 144 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,891 you're a decent person 145 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,475 simply by learning a phrase or two 146 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:33,977 and dressing up like the Indian Liberace? 147 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,189 I assumed you'd want your parents 148 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,857 to meet your best friend and mentor. 149 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,108 Sir, I abhor you. 150 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,071 Yeah, you bore everyone, but I thought your parents might be interesting. 151 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,742 I told you specifically I didn't want you here. 152 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,244 Why? You think I'm not good enough? 153 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,203 I know you're not good enough. 154 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,164 Well, I think you're wrong, 155 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,456 and I think your parents are gonna love me. 156 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,251 Fine. 157 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,417 But when the real Russell comes out, 158 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,670 you'll offend my parents, 159 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,089 offend everyone at the restaurant, 160 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,548 and the jig will be up. 161 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,759 Yeah. Hey, you know what else is up? 162 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,969 I'll give you a hint. I'm going commando, 163 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,512 and this silk is super soft! 164 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:10,847 (GIGGLES) 165 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,057 Whoo-hoo! 166 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,100 Feels good. 167 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,647 (SIGHS) That was one of the best lectures I've ever heard. 168 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,483 Yeah. I'd put it right up there with your lecture 169 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,152 on what goes in the top rack of the dishwasher. 170 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,614 But, again, I've only heard his once. 171 00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,366 Uh-huh. 172 00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:30,909 His was a little hard to hear 173 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,827 with you unwrapping a jolly rancher for 15 minutes. 174 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,997 I'm no quitter. 175 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:38,625 Look, I gotta go find someone to talk to who's not you. 176 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:40,294 Go nuts. 177 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:41,753 (LAUGHING) 178 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,965 Oh, wow. Great lecture, huh? 179 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,467 Oh, he is just so insightful. Yeah. 180 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,635 My...my name's Audrey. 181 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:51,054 Uh, I'm Evelyn. Marjorie. 182 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,139 Did you go to Columbia, Audrey? 183 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:54,266 It was my first choice. 184 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,893 So are you coming back next month 185 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,437 for the Jonathan Franzen lecture? 186 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,022 Oh, I'll definitely go to that. 187 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,816 I love Jonathan Franzen. 188 00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,943 Hopefully, that idiot with the candy wrapper won't be here. 189 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,154 (SCOFFS) Yeah, right? Who brought him? 190 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,201 Jack, this is a disaster. Oh, tell me about it. 191 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,494 That guy who spoke was lights-out boring. 192 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,205 Guess what? 193 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,333 I just got invited to come to another lecture next month. 194 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,209 Okay, I'd be really happy for you, 195 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,837 except that my waitress and my bartender both just flaked on me... 196 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,922 I am totally screwed. 197 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,715 That's terrible. No booze or food? 198 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,676 Let's hit the road. No, wait, wait, wait, wait. 199 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:30,844 I hate to ask you guys this, 200 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,762 but do you think there's any way, Audrey, 201 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,555 you could cover for my waitress, 202 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:35,974 and Jeff, you could possibly get behind the bar? 203 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,058 Please, please, please, please? 204 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,894 Oh, Jeff's not gonna wanna do that. 205 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,356 Stand unsupervised behind a bar full of alcohol? 206 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:45,942 That's number nine on my bucket list. 207 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,194 (SIGHS) thank you. 208 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,987 Oh, all right, fine. 209 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,697 Thank you. I will get you an apron. 210 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:52,407 Yeah, you're gonna have to show her how to put it on too. 211 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:55,785 (SCOFFS) 212 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,872 The answer is three. 213 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:02,125 One Nepalese to hold the light bulb, 214 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,960 and the other two to spin him on the ladder. 215 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:04,878 (ALL LAUGHING) 216 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,132 Oh, we do love a good Nepalese joke. 217 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,467 (LAUGHS) Yeah, 'cause they're idiots. 218 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,761 Maybe you could explain why they're idiots. 219 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,431 Come on, man, 'cause they're Nepalese! 220 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,308 (ALL LAUGHING) 221 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,519 Adam, how are you enjoying your dinner? 222 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,440 Good. 223 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,317 Yeah, level seven's got a little kick. 224 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,405 Still wish you wouldn't have talked me out of that level ten. 225 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,822 (CLEARS THROAT AND GROANS) 226 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,786 Mr. Rhodes, you are aware that water 227 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,747 just helps spread the spice around. (GROANS) 228 00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:43,542 Yeah, yeah, that's what's happening right now. 229 00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:45,960 Oh, God. 230 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,546 Ah, it's nothing I can't handle, though. Uh! 231 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,382 Really, it looks like you're struggling. 232 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,051 (SIGHS) I am not. 233 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,969 Adam, let it go. No, I'm not gonna let it go. 234 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,514 Varsha called me out, honey. 235 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,351 She stepped to me. 236 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:04,979 I don't understand this idiom. 237 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,064 It's pronounced "idiot." 238 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:11,486 Adam, I can handle the spicier dishes 239 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,071 because I grew up with them, but you did not. 240 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,031 Oh. 241 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,116 You...you... You just went there. 242 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,784 Huh? 243 00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:18,868 He just went there, Jen. 244 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,328 He didn't go anywhere. 245 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,289 Hey, challenge accepted. Excuse me, sir. 246 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:24,749 Lamb vindaloo, level ten. 247 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,960 Adam, you cannot handle a ten. 248 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,336 You know what? You're right. 249 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:30,713 Level 12. 250 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,258 (EXHALES) But sir... I said 12! 251 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,358 Jack, stop that! 252 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,194 Come on, you're embarrassing me. 253 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,862 Why are you so desperate to try and fit in with these people? 254 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,573 Try? 255 00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:57,907 I already fit in with these people. 256 00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,286 Maybe you're on the wait list to fit in 257 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,745 if 400 other... 258 00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:06,249 Oh, shut up. 259 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,627 Audrey, remember how I asked you to pass these out, 260 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,545 not put them on top of the piano 261 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,005 with a note that says, "Take one"? 262 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,300 (EXHALES) Fine. 263 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,473 Hey. What have you got on tap? 264 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,560 Suffer through this, maybe go home 265 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,270 and take a run at the old lady. 266 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:30,857 Hmm, well, if she's anything like my wife, good luck. 267 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:33,276 She is, and...thanks. 268 00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:38,615 So, uh, Marjorie, what is your favorite Franzen book? 269 00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:40,116 What? Are those shrimp puffs? 270 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,826 Oh, yeah. 271 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,828 You, uh, both might be wondering 272 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,288 why I'm now serving hors d'oeuvres, 273 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,790 but I'm just doing a favor for a friend, 274 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,584 my surrogate, actually. 275 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,710 Oh, can I give you something? 276 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:52,837 Oh, yeah, sure. 277 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:56,966 I did not care for that. 278 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,802 Excuse us. 279 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,306 Audrey, I hate to be all boss-like, 280 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,099 but I'm gonna need a little less talky 281 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,267 and a little more walky. 282 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,563 (SINGSONG) You got in trouble. 283 00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:16,236 This food is so good. 284 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:19,906 No wonder it's so popular with India's 1.24 billion people. 285 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,785 Mmm, look who stopped watching porn long enough 286 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,371 to look India up on Wikipedia. 287 00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,208 Why are you treating Russell this way? 288 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,418 He's nothing like you've been 289 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,086 describing him over the past year. 290 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,296 What? Whatever could he have said about me? 291 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:40,009 You know, you're right. 292 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,387 I should absolutely appreciate the effort he's made 293 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,388 to know so much about India. 294 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,763 Mmm. 295 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,641 Like, for example, its capital city. 296 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:50,228 Um, Calcutta, right? 297 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,896 Yeah. Ah-ha! 298 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,691 Yeah, it was Calcutta under the British raj, 299 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,402 but then, of course, in 1911, it became New Delhi. 300 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,366 The major river. Ganges. 301 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,909 Mountain range. Himalayas... 302 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:05,868 National bird. Peacock... 303 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,078 The fa... Gandhi. 304 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,372 BOTH: How did you know that? 305 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,750 I'm just that in tune with my fellow man, I guess. 306 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,254 Okay, your lamb vindaloo, sir, level twelve. 307 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:17,838 Enjoy. (CHUCKLES) 308 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,093 Well, that was quick. 309 00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,680 Adam, you don't have to do this. 310 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,265 No, I can handle it. 311 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,266 I mean, you've seen me bite into a bell pepper. 312 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,894 Bell peppers aren't hot. Not to me. 313 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,229 Not to anyone. 314 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,450 (HIGH-PITCHED CRY) 315 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:51,539 Oh, oh, my God! Holy mother! 316 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,957 My...it's burning up my whole mouth! 317 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,584 Oh! 318 00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:57,337 Oh, God! I've got sauce in my eyes! 319 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:59,130 Are you okay? Don't draw attention to me! 320 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,674 Oh, good God! 321 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,925 Oh! Oh! 322 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,678 (ALL LAUGHING) 323 00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,638 And speaking of economics, 324 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,016 this is my trickle-down theory. 325 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,601 (ALL LAUGHING) 326 00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,405 Hey, how'd the mini quiche go over? 327 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,907 Good. Only three rejects. 328 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,995 Ugh, this job is disgusting. 329 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,414 She said about my livelihood. 330 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,791 Listen, it's time for dessert. 331 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:35,958 Can you please circulate the fruit tarts? 332 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,210 Uh, you know what? I have realized 333 00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,045 why these women are not responding to me. 334 00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:40,797 It's this apron. 335 00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,382 They're seeing me not as one of them. 336 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,509 They're seeing me as a worker. 337 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,593 Hmm, glad someone's seeing you as a worker. 338 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,764 Now, we are all back on equal footing. 339 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,349 Thank you. Hmm. 340 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:53,267 Ooh! Oh. 341 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:55,436 Sorry about that. 342 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,146 Uh, can I give you this? 343 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,943 That's it. We are switching jobs. 344 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,072 Fine, but, uh, we're not pooling tips. 345 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,115 You have tips? 346 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,034 I'm not. 347 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,870 Well, it's not surprising. Your uniform's filthy. 348 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,749 It's not a uniform. 349 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,792 All right, you will see, I do fit in with these people 350 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,419 when I'm the one gettin' 'em drunk. 351 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:20,670 See how things go for you 352 00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,088 when you gotta serve Brenda's crappy food. 353 00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,300 Yes, word of mouth is the best advertisement. 354 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,677 Listen, Audrey, 355 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:30,263 I really need you to serve dessert to these people, 356 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,848 or, you know, at the very least, let them lick your dress. 357 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:35,976 Well, I am behind the bar now, okay? 358 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,020 Jeff is the one serving dessert. 359 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,147 Sure! I mean, it is your catering company, 360 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,692 and Jeff, dessert trays are in the kitchen. 361 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,193 You got it, boss. Thank you. 362 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,737 All right, we need 50 glasses of champagne right away. 363 00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,740 50? Yes, for the toast. 364 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,491 (SIGHS) 365 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,618 Oh, that's no fun. 366 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,953 (LAUGHING) 367 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:55,663 Would you ladies care for some dessert? 368 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:58,165 Oh, I really shouldn't. I'm dieting. 369 00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,167 Me too. Oh, what for? 370 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,129 I mean, I'm married, but you guys aren't fat. 371 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,423 Oh, well, thank you. 372 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,383 (LAUGHTER) 373 00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:12,096 (GROANS AND SPITS) 374 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,434 Help. 375 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,269 With all you know of our land and culture, Russell, 376 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,480 it's surprising you haven't been to India. 377 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,107 Oh, I have been, Varsha, but only in my heart. 378 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,192 (LAUGHS) 379 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,945 I actually think I'm going to be sick. 380 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,158 Timir, you're behaving like a real gadha. 381 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,452 (CHUCKLES) You are being a real gadha. 382 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,539 All right. That's it. 383 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:41,167 Mother, father, the way Mr. Dunbar's portraying himself 384 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,461 is the antithesis of who really is. 385 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,130 A rude, selfish, culturally-insensitive troll. 386 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,799 Moi? 387 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:51,135 His ego could not accept that I didn't invite him to this dinner, 388 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,512 so he's trying to fool you into believing 389 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:53,805 that he cares at all about our culture. 390 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,014 Timmy, stop it. 391 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,391 No. Varsha, he's right, 392 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,354 but in the hour I spent on the internet learning about your land, 393 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,564 I became enchanted. 394 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,193 Give it up, Mr. Dunbar. 395 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:09,570 You're not going to talk your way out of it this time. 396 00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,155 (EXHALES) Right again, Timmy. 397 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,116 Words aren't gonna do it, 398 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,452 so I'll have to try something else. 399 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,496 Hit it, Ravi. 400 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,248 (INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS) 401 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,083 Oh...my...God. 402 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:27,839 Come on! 403 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,552 Right? 404 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:33,678 Varsha, come on. 405 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,896 Timir, don't fight it. Invite it. 406 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,844 Hey, guys, thank you again. 407 00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:17,137 Jeff, you are literally the best bartender ever. 408 00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:18,723 (LAUGHS) And Audrey, 409 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,309 the swelling on your chin's already going down. 410 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,353 We were happy to help. 411 00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:25,479 (EXHALES) 412 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:26,647 I made $73. 413 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,444 Listen, you guys go home. I'll finish cleaning up. 414 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,612 No, you and our baby go home and rest. 415 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,280 We got this. Really? 416 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,490 Thank you. It has been kind of a long night. 417 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,117 All right, I'll see you. 418 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:40,912 Oh, uh, Audrey, maybe don't look at the comment cards. 419 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:45,917 All right. 420 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,376 Say you told me so. 421 00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:48,795 I don't fit in with this crowd. 422 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,504 You're right. You don't. 423 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,924 Thank you. Oh, it's a good thing. 424 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:56,302 I mean, you not getting into this stuffy place 425 00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:57,511 is the best thing that ever happened to me. 426 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,222 Really? Yeah. 427 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,267 The Ivy League's loss was my gain. 428 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,937 (LAUGHS) Oh. 429 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:06,896 Don't touch me. You're filthy. 430 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,654 (GIGGLES) 431 00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:18,365 (INDIAN MUSIC) 432 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,992 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)