1
00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:04,546
Here you go, Jeff. Enjoy.

2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,798
Yeah.
Russell.

3
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:11,010
What's up with you
and Doreen?

4
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,555
She asked me what I did
this weekend.

5
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:14,472
And?

6
00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:15,640
And I told her.

7
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:16,641
[CHUCKLING]

8
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:17,475
AUDREY:
Hey.

9
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,186
Hey.
Where's my food?

10
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:22,605
This isn't a magic diner.

11
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:26,901
You have to tell the waitress
what you want.

12
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,737
I texted you my order
10 minutes ago.

13
00:00:29,737 --> 00:00:32,365
Why do you have such a problem
with texting?

14
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,701
It's for teenage girls.

15
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,078
I text all the time.

16
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:39,372
And guys
with teenage-girl hair.

17
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,790
[AUDREY LAUGHS]

18
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,250
I think you would
embrace texting.

19
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:45,337
You hate actually talking
to other human beings.

20
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,172
I do dislike people.

21
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,132
I'm just old school.
That's all.

22
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:52,969
You don't like pushing buttons
with your gorilla thumbs.

23
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,096
[GRUNTING]

24
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:58,516
With your baby hands, it's like
you're actually typing.

25
00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:01,811
All right, well, you're missing
out, Magilla, all right?

26
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:04,021
I control my whole universe with
this thi--

27
00:01:04,021 --> 00:01:05,565
Oh, my God,
where's my phone?

28
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:09,319
Oh, no, I left it at
that girl's apartment.

29
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,489
Right next
to the chloroform?

30
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:17,369
Why don't you just wait till she
comes to and then go get it?

31
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,035
Not so easy.

32
00:01:18,035 --> 00:01:20,413
See, uh, we had what's called
a one-night stand,

33
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:25,210
and, uh, she should be realizing
that right about now. Ha-ha!

34
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:28,588
Did you come here
straight from her place?

35
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,297
Yeah.

36
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,216
Put that hand away, brother.

37
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,218
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]

38
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:37,639
♪♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you?" ♪♪

39
00:01:38,055 --> 00:01:43,561
♪♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪♪

40
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:46,063
♪♪ With you by my side ♪♪

41
00:01:46,063 --> 00:01:47,774
♪♪ There is no denyin' ♪♪

42
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:52,237
♪♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪♪

43
00:01:57,074 --> 00:01:59,035
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

44
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,037
All right, seriously,

45
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,290
you have got to get better
about texting.

46
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,666
It will help us
communicate.

47
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,626
We've been married
for 14 years.

48
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,961
What is there left to say?

49
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,506
It's not so I can enjoy
your sparkling wit.

50
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:14,342
It's for scheduling doctor's
appointments and stuff.

51
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:18,095
Ooh, you finally gonna tweak
the old lady's rack?

52
00:02:18,095 --> 00:02:20,014
No.

53
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:22,809
Sorry. No!

54
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,645
They're fertility doctors.

55
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,272
Right, your marriage
is at the point

56
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,107
where you like to introduce
new characters.

57
00:02:30,107 --> 00:02:30,775
So, what's the plan?

58
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:33,361
We have a consultation
to discuss it today.

59
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:34,404
Here, I texted you
the info.

60
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:39,242
Oh, here it is. Hey, hit "read"
for me, Thumbelina.

61
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:41,286
ALL:
Hey.

62
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,913
What's in the bag?
Jen let you take

63
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,998
your nards out
for a walk?

64
00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:49,085
Adam does whatever he wants
with his nards.

65
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,628
Mm. I bet.

66
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:53,923
Actually, they're our
save-the-date cards.

67
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:54,924
ALL:
Ooh.

68
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:58,261
Yeah, I got 200 STDs
right here.

69
00:02:58,261 --> 00:02:59,512
[LAUGHS]

70
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:03,099
Don't worry, Russell.
You still got him beat.

71
00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:05,977
I hope your wedding
doesn't conflict

72
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,271
with a major sports
championship game.

73
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,189
Whenever it is,
the chances of me going

74
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,900
are proportioned to the hotness
of the bridesmaids.

75
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:15,570
What if you're not invited?
Does that factor in?

76
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:20,032
No, just bridesmaid hotness,
I think.

77
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:22,285
Well, as so often happens
around here,

78
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,871
I've lost my appetite.
Excuse me.

79
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,789
I'm gonna come with you.

80
00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:29,459
Bye, honey. Mwah.

81
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:32,462
So you've set a date.

82
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,506
♪♪ Ba-ba-bum ♪♪

83
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,341
Oh, come on,
it's not a big deal.

84
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:40,011
Not a big deal.
You wanna take this?

85
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,263
No, you go ahead.

86
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,556
Now you're like an inmate
on death row.

87
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,517
Okay,
do we have to do this?

88
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,519
Appeals going,
you might get a new trial.

89
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,896
Maybe they'll overturn
the death penalty.

90
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,148
So you spend a lot of time
reading,

91
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,817
maybe get an hour a day
in the yard.

92
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:55,652
It's all good, right?

93
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,863
I'm not hearing anything
I disagree with.

94
00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,657
Till one day
the chief screw calls.

95
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,785
They've set a date.
Date for you to go to the chair.

96
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:07,163
Or lethal injection.
Or lethal injection. Sure.

97
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:12,209
Then it all becomes
very real.

98
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,045
Every rise of the sun,

99
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,588
every tick of the clock,

100
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:16,714
it gets closer.

101
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:19,551
[WHISPERING]
Closer to the date.

102
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,218
You ready?
Aah!

103
00:04:21,218 --> 00:04:23,220
Aah!

104
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:26,558
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

105
00:04:27,224 --> 00:04:29,060
Oh, what the hell?

106
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,062
What are you doing
in my office?

107
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,731
I thought I'd come by so we
could hang out a bit.

108
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,982
Look, we just hung
in the diner,

109
00:04:34,982 --> 00:04:39,571
and, uh, I'm not sure
we like each other this much.

110
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,574
I gotta say,
your company's Internet filter

111
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:46,494
is pretty tough,
but check this out.

112
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:47,745
Oh, no!

113
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,872
The human body's
pretty stretchy.

114
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,248
Ha-ha!
[KNOCK AT DOOR]

115
00:04:51,248 --> 00:04:54,544
Excuse me. Hey, Jeff,
this was in your in-box.

116
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,254
Thank you.
Sasha, this is Russell.

117
00:04:57,254 --> 00:04:57,922
Hi, Russell.
Hey.

118
00:04:57,922 --> 00:05:01,468
Nice to meet you.
Oh, wow, look at this.

119
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,135
This is nice.

120
00:05:03,135 --> 00:05:04,220
What is this?

121
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,514
Shirt.

122
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:07,432
[LAUGHS]

123
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,099
You're so funny.

124
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,935
A bunch of us
are going to lunch together.

125
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:11,603
You should come.

126
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,688
Got a training session
at the gym,

127
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:14,689
but thank you.

128
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,649
Oh, well,
don't work out too hard.

129
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,234
You'll bust
right out of that.

130
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,069
Oh, I'm not
gonna wear this.

131
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:21,779
I got a T-shirt.

132
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,197
[LAUGHS]

133
00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:24,156
Funny.

134
00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:25,658
All right,
maybe next time.

135
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:26,951
See you later.
JEFF: Later.

136
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,496
It was nice to meet you.
Yep.

137
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,165
Dude.

138
00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:34,626
What?

139
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:37,128
She was totally
flirting with you.

140
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,963
No, she was not.

141
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,006
What?

142
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:40,840
"What's this?"

143
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,342
That was such a lame excuse
to touch you.

144
00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:45,470
And, "You're gonna bust out
of that shirt."

145
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:49,807
And, "You're so funny."
You're not funny.

146
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:50,808
Huh.

147
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:51,893
She must not know
I'm married.

148
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:55,813
Well, your ring is buried under
that thatch of knuckle hair.

149
00:05:55,813 --> 00:06:00,151
But there's a picture of you
and your wife right there.

150
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,862
Am I guilty of something?

151
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:03,655
No.

152
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:07,409
This is standard
office behavior.

153
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,536
A little bit of good,
harmless fun.

154
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,497
But you might want to throw
the flirt back at her.

155
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:13,998
I can do that?
Oh, yeah,

156
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:16,543
with lines like "Shirt."

157
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,920
Come on, you're married.
You're not dead.

158
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,797
Hit the ball back
once in a while.

159
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:24,467
She did kind of smell
like peaches a little.

160
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:28,555
There you go.
That's not creepy at all.

161
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,016
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

162
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:34,644
Timmy, how's it going?

163
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,522
Sir, I've been in your employ
long enough to know

164
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,650
that you don't really care.

165
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:41,358
Exactly.

166
00:06:41,358 --> 00:06:43,486
Listen, I need you
to do something for me.

167
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,780
Ah, yes, the phrase
that has launched

168
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:49,033
some of the worst days
of my life.

169
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,285
What do you need, sir?

170
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:54,872
Listen, I had a one-night stand,
left my phone there,

171
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:55,707
need you to go grab it.

172
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,124
That should only take
a minute,

173
00:06:57,124 --> 00:07:00,503
something I'm sure
she's used to by now.

174
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:06,551
Here's the address. It's on a
little table by the front door.

175
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:09,303
So, what's the young lady's
name?

176
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,851
Stupid question.

177
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,728
Yeah.

178
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,187
Uh-huh.

179
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,021
All right.

180
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,898
I look forward
to seeing you.

181
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:22,233
Okay. Bye-bye.

182
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,652
Hey, these were
on the printer for you.

183
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:25,570
Oh, thank you.

184
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,071
I'd ask
how your workout was,

185
00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:28,573
but I can see
that it was good.

186
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:32,619
You can? Because today
was calf and quad day.

187
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,788
Oh, uh, thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]

188
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,249
And your hair
is super shiny,

189
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:42,253
like freshly
Zambonied ice.

190
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,546
[LAUGHS]

191
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:44,338
Thanks.

192
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:47,091
I was beginning to wonder
if you noticed me at all.

193
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:50,011
Well, sure I did.
I mean, I'm married.

194
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,262
I'm not dead.

195
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:54,807
No, you certainly
are not.

196
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,433
In fact,
I think you might be

197
00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:59,311
the last real man I know.

198
00:07:59,311 --> 00:08:01,523
Thank you.

199
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:05,943
You got a pretty nice
lady setup going there.

200
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,820
Look, I'm gonna cut
to the chase.

201
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:10,948
Anytime you wanna
get together--

202
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:13,117
My place, a hotel.

203
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:14,911
--I'm up for it.

204
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,706
You just let me know.

205
00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,208
I am dead.

206
00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:23,169
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

207
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,215
[SIGHS]

208
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,052
Welcome!

209
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,887
Oh. Hello.

210
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,056
ALL:
Hello. How are you?

211
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,391
Are you here
for the Bible study group?

212
00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:39,686
No, I'm--
I'm actually here

213
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,979
just looking for, um...

214
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:49,153
Is this 1053 Columbus Avenue,
Apartment 3G?

215
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:49,904
It is.

216
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,614
Then, yes, I am here

217
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,575
for the Bible study group.

218
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,579
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

219
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,372
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

220
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,459
What?

221
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,169
I'm doing it. Why are you
calling me

222
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,921
to tell me to do
what I'm already doing?

223
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:12,134
Yeah, I'm stupid. I don't know
how to mail thank-you notes.

224
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,928
Thank-you notes, huh?

225
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,137
For our wedding gifts.

226
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:18,474
What do you got?
Save-the-date cards.

227
00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:20,101
Pfft. Save the date.

228
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:24,731
Heh. Oh, what I wouldn't give
to be back at save the date.

229
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,235
[CELL PHONE BUZZES]

230
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,821
Good luck.

231
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,322
What now?

232
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,449
Oh, the market.
Okay, thanks for that tip.

233
00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:38,995
I was gonna try to buy cheese
at the library.

234
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,547
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

235
00:09:50,547 --> 00:09:53,175
[PHONE RINGING]

236
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,803
Uh, hello.

237
00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:56,512
You little jerk.

238
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:59,891
I flirted back
and she offered herself to me.

239
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:00,808
Anytime, anywhere.

240
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,351
You said this was
a harmless game.

241
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:05,521
Well, how was I to know there
was a second woman on Earth

242
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:07,607
that would risk
getting under you?

243
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,316
What am I supposed
to do now?

244
00:10:09,316 --> 00:10:12,319
Just make a list of all
the things Audrey won't do

245
00:10:12,319 --> 00:10:14,446
and, uh,
go bananas.

246
00:10:14,446 --> 00:10:16,658
I'm not doing anything.
I'm happily married,

247
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:19,035
and Audrey would find out,
and then she'd kill me

248
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:23,455
and divorce me, and I'd lose
everything she made me buy.

249
00:10:23,455 --> 00:10:24,165
How do I
shut this down?

250
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:27,669
All right, don't worry. I know
the perfect way to fix this.

251
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:28,920
All you have to do--
[RINGS]

252
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,548
Hang on. I got another call.
One second.

253
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:35,384
Uh, hello.

254
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,762
Oh, Bible study group?

255
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:40,347
Yes, well, it is possible
she joined today

256
00:10:40,347 --> 00:10:43,475
in response to what happened
last night.

257
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:47,521
Regardless, your phone
was not on the table.

258
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:53,027
Well, just, uh, ask the girl
who lives there where it is.

259
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:56,238
Any way you can
narrow that down?

260
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:58,866
Brownish hair, smiley,

261
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:03,079
and a big fan
of the Russell muscle.

262
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:04,789
Goodbye.

263
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,416
Wait, no,
her name, seriously,

264
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,251
was, like...

265
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:12,296
Stacy. Tracy.

266
00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:13,881
Lacey. I think.

267
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,466
Stacy? Tracy?

268
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:18,385
Lacey? Oh, brilliant.

269
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,638
[GROANS]

270
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:30,064
I have a feeling
I'm forgetting something.

271
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:33,067
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

272
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,738
Oh, this is such
a lovely apartment.

273
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,240
I really must compliment
whoever lives here.

274
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,950
Oh, well, thank you.
That would be me.

275
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,244
Oh, great, I'm Timmy.
I'm Meghan.

276
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,247
Meghan. Not even close.

277
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,539
Excuse me?
Nothing.

278
00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:48,582
Real pleasure meeting you.

279
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:51,043
Now, look, this is a somewhat
delicate matter,

280
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:54,088
but one I feel we can handle
most discreetly.

281
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,090
See, it does seem
as though--

282
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,716
Hey, sweetie.
I'm sorry I'm late.

283
00:11:57,716 --> 00:12:02,096
Hi, honey. Timmy,
this is Miles, my fiancé.

284
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:02,930
Your fiancé.

285
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:05,432
Yes, we just got engaged
last week.

286
00:12:05,432 --> 00:12:07,101
Just last week.

287
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:07,769
Wow.

288
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:11,438
It just keeps
getting better.

289
00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:13,524
You wanted to see me, Jeff?

290
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,151
Yes.
Oh, well, good.

291
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,069
I wanted
to see you too.

292
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,781
Yes, about that.

293
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,283
I think we had a little
misunderstanding

294
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:27,121
earlier today with the, uh,
Zamboni hair and whatnot,

295
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:30,166
and I just wanted to make it
perfectly clear--

296
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,251
Hey, Jeff.
Oh, Audrey. Jeez.

297
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,710
Hey.
Mwah.

298
00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:35,212
Hello.
Hi.

299
00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:36,839
Hi. I'm Audrey,
Jeff's wife.

300
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,800
Sasha.
I work down the hall.

301
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:39,884
Way down the hall,

302
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,678
so we don't see much
of each other.

303
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,471
AUDREY:
Okay, so you ready to go?

304
00:12:44,471 --> 00:12:46,974
Yes, ready to go.
Okay.

305
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:47,724
Uh, where?

306
00:12:47,724 --> 00:12:49,977
I texted you.
The doctor.

307
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,313
Yes, doctor.
Fertility doctor.

308
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,899
Hm.
Gonna make a baby with my wife.

309
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:55,942
Oh, wow.
Congratulations.

310
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,819
Thank you.
It's nice to meet you.

311
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,654
I'm gonna use the ladies' room.
I'll go.

312
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,656
I-I got this one.

313
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:05,534
I'm sure
you'll be fine.

314
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,412
[LAUGHING]
I'll meet you at the elevator.

315
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:11,248
And there she goes.
My wife.

316
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:14,376
Married her
at a wedding.

317
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:17,421
Well, so, you know.

318
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:19,173
I do know.
Good.

319
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,508
Almost getting caught

320
00:13:21,508 --> 00:13:24,511
makes it even hotter.

321
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,889
Call me.

322
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,850
[SIGHS]

323
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,687
Damn you,
calves and quads.

324
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,647
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

325
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:39,693
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

326
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,112
JENNIFER:
Oh, hold it!

327
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:41,946
Hey.
Hey.

328
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:42,654
How was your appointment?

329
00:13:42,654 --> 00:13:45,908
It was good. Good. The doctor
was really optimistic.

330
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,409
Great.
Yeah. I'm excited,

331
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:48,744
although the whole thing
is scary.

332
00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:52,539
Yeah, like, what if the baby has
a really big head like Jeff?

333
00:13:52,539 --> 00:13:54,166
Why is that scary?

334
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:57,253
Well...you know.

335
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,588
Oh.

336
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:02,091
Goodbye,
natural childbirth.

337
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,593
Anyway, you and Adam
finally set a date.

338
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:05,761
You must be so excited.

339
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,097
We're both
really psyched.

340
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,103
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

341
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:17,689
I tried to tell you this
in person.

342
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:18,690
"Perseverance"?

343
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:22,319
No! Stop finishing my words
for me.

344
00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,447
"Person.

345
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,909
"But I don't want this
to happen ever.

346
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:31,287
"Let's just forget it
and never mention it again.

347
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,872
Jeff."

348
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,124
Send.

349
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,127
[SIGHS]

350
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,379
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

351
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,808
[RINGING]

352
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,188
Uh, hello.

353
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:01,567
TIMMY [OVER SPEAKER]:
Sir, I need you to call
your phone so I can locate it.

354
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,195
I've tried, but it goes
straight to voicemail.

355
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:06,405
Oh, yeah, sometimes
I block your number,

356
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,407
because I get tired
of the "guvnor"

357
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:13,704
and the "blimey" and the "shrimp
on the barbie" routine.

358
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,664
I'm from South Africa.

359
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:19,585
Just call your phone!

360
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,338
[DOOR OPENS]

361
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,756
Oh, hey, man.
I gotta talk to you.

362
00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:26,675
I am--
I am freaking out here.

363
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:27,969
I was thinking about
what you said

364
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:31,472
about me and Jen, right? And--
And you're still single--

365
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:32,848
Oh, hold that thought.
Me first.

366
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,476
I just have to call my cell
so Timmy can find it.

367
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:38,187
Because I had a little
rendezvous last night

368
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:38,895
with a little chicky.

369
00:15:38,895 --> 00:15:41,898
I don't remember her name,
but that's not important.

370
00:15:41,898 --> 00:15:45,319
Anyway, I snuck out of there
this morning,

371
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,696
and the light of day
was not her friend.

372
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:49,073
It was ra-ra-rough.

373
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,700
Regardless,
I left my phone there,

374
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,536
Which is a drag, because there's
a number in there

375
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:57,123
of this chick that got booted
out of Vassar

376
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:57,999
for binge-drinking.

377
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:02,962
Dude, this is the kind of stuff
you're giving up.

378
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:14,015
So even though
it's an obvious choice,

379
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:14,974
John 3:16 is the passage

380
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,809
by which I've chosen
to live my life.

381
00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,145
[WOMEN SIGH]

382
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,563
MAN:
Amen, brother. Amen.

383
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:25,276
Okay, Timmy, you're up.

384
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,070
Hm.

385
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:33,242
My ears are a bit off.
Did anyone hear a phone ring?

386
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,410
ALL:
No.

387
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,577
No, I didn't
hear a thing.

388
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:39,873
I feel like
I'm forgetting something.

389
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,418
Very well.

390
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,549
Oh...

391
00:16:49,966 --> 00:16:53,262
Well, uh, to be honest,
this is a bit tricky

392
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,389
because Terry took mine.

393
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,348
[ALL LAUGH]

394
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:59,060
The bit where God creates
the Earth is good.

395
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,811
Six days, well done.

396
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:05,191
And, um, Adam and Eve.

397
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:09,445
What can we say
about those nudists?

398
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,114
Saucy.

399
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:16,243
And, um...

400
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,995
Uh...

401
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:24,793
♪♪ Silent night ♪♪

402
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:29,631
♪♪ Holy night ♪♪

403
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:34,720
[IN FALSETTO VOICE]
♪♪ All is calm ♪♪

404
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,804
Timmy?
Yes?

405
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:36,972
What are you doing?

406
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:38,432
All right,

407
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,558
the truth is,

408
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:42,978
my boss left his cell phone here
last night,

409
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:46,940
and he sent me
to retrieve it.

410
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:49,318
Wait, you had a man here
last night?

411
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:50,319
Well...

412
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,987
Well, yes, I did, but--

413
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:52,529
You Jezebel.

414
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,615
No, Miles, I am just a woman
with needs.

415
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,991
We made a promise.
[PHONE RINGS]

416
00:17:55,991 --> 00:18:00,454
My fingers were crossed.
Obviously your legs weren't.

417
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,334
As always,
perfect timing, sir.

418
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,003
Pleasure meeting you all,
really.

419
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,505
Lovely. And, um,

420
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:13,134
congratulations again
on your engagement,

421
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,676
if that's still, uh...

422
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:16,095
Good night.

423
00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:18,805
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

424
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,602
Hey, hon.

425
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,354
How could you?

426
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,897
How could you?

427
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:28,774
How could I what?

428
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:29,525
A text?

429
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,901
You tell me in a text?

430
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,486
I don't know
what you're talking--

431
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:36,365
You don't wanna have a baby?
What? Who said that?

432
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,783
You did.

433
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,160
"I don't want this
to happen ever.

434
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,996
Let's just forget it and never
mention it again. Jeff"

435
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:45,707
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no!

436
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:48,001
That was a mistake.

437
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,211
Yes. Yes, it was.

438
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,505
Come on, you couldn't
have had the guts

439
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,048
just to tell me
to my face?

440
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,300
No, you don't understand.

441
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:58,011
That text was meant
for somebody else.

442
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:00,806
It was?
Yes.

443
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,559
Yes, you know how bad I am
at texting.

444
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,268
It's--

445
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:08,855
It's these damn giant
gorilla paws!

446
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,694
So you do want to have a baby?
Yes. Of course.

447
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,820
I'm totally into having a baby.

448
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:19,616
Even two, if the first one
doesn't ruin our lives.

449
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,660
Really?

450
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,036
Yes, really.

451
00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:24,288
Oh!

452
00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:27,040
[LAUGHS]
[SIGHS]

453
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,917
Feel better?
Yeah.

454
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,877
Yeah?
[SNIFFLES]

455
00:19:30,877 --> 00:19:31,962
Good.

456
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:34,130
That was rough.

457
00:19:34,130 --> 00:19:35,341
[LAUGHS]

458
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:36,717
I need a beer.

459
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:41,222
So who was that text
supposed to go to?

460
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,351
That's a whole
nother story.

461
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,520
And, uh,
I wanna tell you.

462
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,063
But first...

463
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:55,569
Ah.

464
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,113
You're gonna laugh.

465
00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,574
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

466
00:20:04,035 --> 00:20:06,413
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

467
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:07,373
What are those?

468
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,374
Our save-the-date cards.

469
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:11,418
You know,
what's missing on these?

470
00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:15,714
Stamps.

471
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:16,965
Yes.

472
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:17,799
But that's okay.

473
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:21,595
We'll try again
tomorrow with...?

474
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,930
Stamps.

475
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,894
You know what this means.

476
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,103
Ah. No, what?

477
00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:32,273
You're still on death row,

478
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:33,857
and the date has been set.

479
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,692
But what's this?

480
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,152
The phone rings.

481
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:38,279
Who could it be?

482
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:42,783
Oh, my God,
it's the governor.

483
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,912
What does he want?

484
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,123
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

485
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,963
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]