1
00:00:04,371 --> 00:00:06,973
Hell, let's go.

2
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:08,175
Oh, come on!

3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,277
Why are you yelling
at the toaster?

4
00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:11,278
Because it doesn't work.

5
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:14,147
I mean the stupid little wires
barely even get red.

6
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:15,315
Well, I've had it since college.

7
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,784
That's where I learned
if you put it on its side

8
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,619
you can make grilled cheese.

9
00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:21,521
Honey, you don't even get toast,

10
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,123
I mean all you get
is warm bread.

11
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:25,225
This thing is ruining my life.

12
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:29,129
You are the exact right amount
of upset about this.

13
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,963
Well, the blender motor
burned out,

14
00:00:30,963 --> 00:00:32,932
the microwave can't fit a pizza.

15
00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:34,667
I mean, our stuff sucks.

16
00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:35,835
We need new stuff.

17
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:39,239
Well, new stuff's expensive.

18
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:40,407
Unless...

19
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:41,441
Ooh, what? What?

20
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:44,811
Well, Audrey has been wanting
to throw us an engagement party.

21
00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:47,480
And we get lots of presents.

22
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:48,215
Honey, we talked about this.

23
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,783
I promised my parents
they could throw us a party

24
00:00:50,783 --> 00:00:52,051
when we set a wedding date.

25
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:53,453
Yeah, I mean,
I want the stuff,

26
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:54,621
but we can't make our friends

27
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,589
come to two
engagement parties.

28
00:00:56,589 --> 00:00:57,890
Well, that's true.

29
00:00:57,890 --> 00:01:00,860
Unless...

30
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:04,064
No.
Oh, d-don't stop, honey,

31
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,865
you're on a roll.

32
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:09,035
Well, we could consider
Audrey's party a practice party.

33
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:10,237
Practice party?
Yeah.

34
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:12,339
We'd invite only co-workers
and acquaintances,

35
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:15,808
people we wouldn't even invite
to the wedding.

36
00:01:15,808 --> 00:01:17,677
Yes, just to get
all the free stuff.

37
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,379
Yeah.
Mm.

38
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:22,048
You sexy little scam artist.

39
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:23,350
[GIGGLES]

40
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,618
Ah, you know,
that would be wrong.

41
00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:27,554
Ah, well, very wrong.

42
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,356
It's too bad.

43
00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:31,758
Audrey would love to do it.

44
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,297
Let's tell Audrey the good news.
Yeah.

45
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:39,299
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]

46
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:44,137
♪♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you"? ♪♪

47
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:49,442
♪♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪♪

48
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:52,145
♪♪ With you by my side ♪♪

49
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,314
♪♪ There is no denyin' ♪♪

50
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:58,851
♪♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪♪

51
00:02:00,953 --> 00:02:02,489
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

52
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:05,057
Listen, Barb's gonna
be here any minute.

53
00:02:05,057 --> 00:02:05,658
How do I look?

54
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:09,396
Like the love child
of Siegfried and Roy.

55
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,931
Do you think playing
the friend card

56
00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:13,900
while Barb's marriage
is on the rocks

57
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,902
is gonna pay off?
Bigtime.

58
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:17,404
She's moving to Divorceville,

59
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:18,438
where I happen to own a motel

60
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:22,175
on the corner
of Hot and Desperate.

61
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:24,110
Why has fate created a world

62
00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:26,479
in which you and I
could end up related?

63
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,547
I wouldn't worry about it, dude.

64
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,916
I'm all about hittin' it
and quittin' it.

65
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:33,085
Keep your pants on,
she's coming to see Audrey.

66
00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:35,555
Actually,
she's coming to see me,

67
00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:39,292
so I believe the pants
will be ankle-adjacent.

68
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:42,795
That's my sister-in-law
you're talking about.

69
00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:43,230
Hmm.

70
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:46,799
You hurt her,
I'll have to hurt you.

71
00:02:46,799 --> 00:02:48,235
Understood.

72
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:51,538
I have it narrowed down
to two ways in which I'd do it.

73
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,806
First--
Don't tell me,

74
00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:56,276
I wanna be surprised.

75
00:02:58,110 --> 00:02:59,612
Hello.
Hey.

76
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:01,814
Hey. Hey, Russell.
Hi.

77
00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:03,082
Ooh.
Oh.

78
00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:05,051
He didn't turn into a prince.

79
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,786
Anyway, Barb,

80
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:07,820
what are you up to tonight?

81
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,856
Oh, I am sure Barbara
is too jet-lagged

82
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,957
to go out with you, Russ.

83
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:12,024
I'm ready to cut loose.

84
00:03:12,024 --> 00:03:13,560
I am single
and ready to mingle.

85
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:18,331
All right, I see my rhyming
lessons are paying off.

86
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:21,000
So glad my world is crumbling.

87
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,735
Yeah, I'm gonna change..

88
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:24,604
Oh, I'll help you.

89
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:25,772
Okay.

90
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,073
Heh! I was kidding.

91
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,509
You should've seen
the look on your face.

92
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:30,343
[CHUCKLES]

93
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:31,177
How would you know?

94
00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:33,480
You don't look at my face.

95
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,548
Look, I know, you may
think you know her

96
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,117
because of those flirty emails
you've been exchanging,

97
00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:41,288
but she is actually
in a very delicate state.

98
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:45,558
Well, I'm ready to hit the town
and throw some cocktails down.

99
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,060
Ooh, my star pupil, excuse me.

100
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:55,167
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

101
00:03:56,969 --> 00:04:00,973
You know what would be great
at the engagement party?

102
00:04:00,973 --> 00:04:01,541
Theme drink,

103
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:04,911
like a--
Like a Jen and Tonic.

104
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,913
Or an Adam-tini.
Yeah.

105
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,982
Wait, could--? Could we not have
"Adam" and "teeny"

106
00:04:09,982 --> 00:04:11,651
in the same sentence?

107
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,953
Hey, you know what'd be
a cute drink?

108
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,688
Beer.

109
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:18,024
Come on, Jen,
I know a place

110
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,459
where we can rent
a margarita machine.

111
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:22,429
Oh, I know a bar named
the Margarita Machine.

112
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,298
Ooh, that sounds better.

113
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,800
Hey, so we're throwing you
an engagement party.

114
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,802
That's exciting.
Yeah, should be.

115
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:32,071
Audrey's been offering to
throw you a party for months

116
00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:34,741
and you've always said no.
Why the sudden change of heart?

117
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:39,612
We just wanna celebrate
our love with our best friends.

118
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,014
Best friends?

119
00:04:42,014 --> 00:04:42,915
I saw the guest list.

120
00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:45,652
You invited the rich cat lady
down the hall.

121
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:48,254
She's a good friend.

122
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:50,089
What's her name?

123
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:52,091
Mrs...

124
00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:53,826
Pussy Whiskers.

125
00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:57,497
What the hell
are you trying to pull?

126
00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,799
Nothing.
Don't play dumb with me.

127
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,835
That's a game you can't win.

128
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:05,672
All right, all right, we're
just in it for the presents.

129
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:08,975
Okay, we're registering
for a ton of stuff.

130
00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:12,579
I want in.

131
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:13,513
What?

132
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:16,316
Yeah, let me register
for some stuff that I want.

133
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:20,052
If you're gonna pull
a scam in my apartment,

134
00:05:20,052 --> 00:05:20,987
the house should get a taste.

135
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:24,223
Gotta kick a little tribute
up to Paulie.

136
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,893
All right, all right, fine,
fine. But no big-ticket items.

137
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:30,963
I don't think you're
in any position to make demands.

138
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,133
Mr. Teeny.

139
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,703
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

140
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:39,972
This is so exciting.

141
00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:42,041
My first pretzel
as a single woman.

142
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:45,011
Guess you're enjoying your first
hangover as a single woman too?

143
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,747
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry I crashed
so early last night.

144
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:50,349
I haven't partied like that
in a long time.

145
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:50,883
[CHUCKLES]

146
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:52,819
Did I really flash
the cab driver?

147
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:55,455
Oh, yeah.
You saved us 20 bucks.

148
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:58,257
Oh.
That's my girl.

149
00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:02,228
Whoa, look what I did
without even fake yawning first.

150
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:03,596
[GIGGLES]

151
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:05,264
BOY:
Hey, mister, catch.

152
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:07,900
Oh, ha-ha!
Good throw.

153
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,702
There you go, buddy.

154
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,070
I love kids.

155
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,105
Anyway, I was thinking
maybe later--

156
00:06:13,105 --> 00:06:14,273
BOY:Catch.

157
00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:18,711
All right, that was fun.
Good game.

158
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,346
Anyway--Catch.

159
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:23,082
Kid, it's over, okay?
Go deep.

160
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:25,017
[GRUNTS]

161
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:26,152
Oh.

162
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:29,556
Hey, um, you know, my whole
divorce thing with Rick

163
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:30,256
would have been a lot harder

164
00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:33,626
if I didn't have you to
talk to, to make me laugh.

165
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:38,330
Luckily, a lot of nice things
rhyme with "Rick".

166
00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:38,998
[LAUGHS]

167
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,400
Now, seriously,
you're great.

168
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,335
You deserve to be happy.

169
00:06:43,335 --> 00:06:46,473
Well, you're great too.

170
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,575
You deserve to be taller.

171
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,042
Ha-ha-ha! Really?

172
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:51,210
That's cute, but guess what?

173
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:53,980
You're the pretty one,
I'm the funny one.

174
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,247
Got it? Okay.

175
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,316
What's this?
Hm-hm.

176
00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:59,051
You need help
crossing the street?

177
00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:03,856
Oh-ho! Further proof
that I'm the funny one.

178
00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:06,158
BOY:
Catch. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

179
00:07:06,158 --> 00:07:07,660
What? Come here!

180
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,129
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

181
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:15,001
I mean, I can't wait to go to
the store and pick out presents.

182
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:15,902
It's gonna be like winning

183
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:18,738
the Showcase Showdown
on The Price is Right.

184
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:19,606
For me it's gonna be like

185
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,809
stealing stuff
from the guy who won.

186
00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:27,880
You scoot over. Scoot.

187
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,549
Well, I just had a very...

188
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,951
interesting day with Barb.

189
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,121
What, she bought you
a Smurf-skinned jacket?

190
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:39,559
I spent the day with Barb,
just hanging out,

191
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,628
and there was no sex.

192
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,428
Can you believe it?

193
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:45,565
Well, she is Audrey's sister.

194
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:46,799
This is all new to me.

195
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,267
I didn't hit it,

196
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:52,071
yet I don't wanna quit it.

197
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:55,508
No, no, y-you might
be falling in love.

198
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:57,443
Oh, gross.

199
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:58,611
Yeah, you know, he may be right.

200
00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:01,347
Isn't being in love where
you're forced to have sex

201
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:04,984
with the same woman
for the rest of your life?

202
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,052
Yeah.

203
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,988
Sometimes not even her.

204
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:10,923
Whoa, you just
didn't even see

205
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,191
that hot girl walk by.

206
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:13,993
What, I didn't?

207
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,828
Holy crap, am I gay?

208
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,297
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

209
00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:22,569
[IMITATING GUNSHOTS]

210
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:23,970
Would you stop that?

211
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:24,871
These are for registering.

212
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:28,140
Yeah, registering whup-ass
all over the bad guys.

213
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:29,208
[IMITATING GUNSHOTS]

214
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:31,477
You just registered
for a salad shooter.

215
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:34,080
It was either him or me.

216
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,014
Come on.

217
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:38,150
Oh, which toaster should we get,
the two- or the four-slice?

218
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,151
What about this six-slice one?

219
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:41,521
When would we ever
need to make six?

220
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,657
When it's my night
to cook dinner.

221
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:45,391
Four is fine.

222
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,660
Oh, what about
this bread maker?

223
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,361
We're gonna make
our own bread?

224
00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:51,163
What are we, Amish?

225
00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:54,867
Ooh, but a pasta maker...

226
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:55,868
All right,

227
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:59,305
nice and easy,
put it back on the shelf.

228
00:08:59,305 --> 00:08:59,872
Why?

229
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,742
No bread maker, no pasta maker.

230
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:03,910
Come on.

231
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,112
[BEEPS]
Ha! It's ours.

232
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:09,849
I know what you're asking
yourself, punk.

233
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:14,286
Did I register six times
or only five?

234
00:09:14,286 --> 00:09:16,956
[SPANISH ACCENT]
Say hello to my little friend.

235
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:21,360
Yeah, I amen fuego
with this baby.

236
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,161
That's a sweet blender.

237
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:24,564
No, no, we wanted that,
you present sponge.

238
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,799
It'll look fishy
if we ask for two.

239
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,801
Well, looks like a duel.

240
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,369
Five paces, turn and shoot.

241
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:31,237
Whoever hits it gets it.

242
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,640
[NORMAL VOICE]
You're on.

243
00:09:35,307 --> 00:09:37,644
One, two, three--

244
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,145
[BEEPS]

245
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:41,080
Mine.

246
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:43,783
[BLOWS]

247
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:46,252
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

248
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:52,024
Oh, these donut holes
are great.

249
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:53,225
Those are profiteroles,

250
00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:55,628
and they're
for the engagement party.

251
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:58,865
Were.

252
00:09:58,865 --> 00:09:59,866
Is Barb back yet?

253
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,634
I don't think so.
But on that topic,

254
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:04,270
um, when a relative of yours
stays with us,

255
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,640
you usually reward me.

256
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,376
In this area.

257
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:12,612
We already did it this month.

258
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,647
That one began before
midnight on the 31st,

259
00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:18,050
so that sex was charged back
to the previous month.

260
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:19,819
Goes by when it started,

261
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,688
not when it finishes.

262
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:24,223
Hmm, good thing it doesn't
go by when I finish.

263
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:26,993
Don't be a sore loser.

264
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,128
[SIGHS]

265
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:31,497
Shall we?

266
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:34,701
[CHUCKLING]
God, you...

267
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:37,670
Make it quick.

268
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:40,106
As opposed to?

269
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,274
[DOOR CLOSES]

270
00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:43,676
What was that?

271
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:44,476
Is that Barb? Is she home?

272
00:10:44,476 --> 00:10:47,747
Sounds like she's not alone.
[BARB LAUGHING]

273
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,316
Oh, God, Russell?

274
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,150
Why would he come here?

275
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,219
Why couldn't he just
go back to his place

276
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,754
to have sex with my sister?

277
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:57,356
What did I just say?

278
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,693
Just block it out.

279
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,830
Unless it makes you hot.

280
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,164
Oh, it doesn't.

281
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:06,332
Just close the door,

282
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,834
close it.

283
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:08,334
Hey, dude.

284
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:11,804
I'm totally getting it on
with your roommate.

285
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,546
Well, I have good news
and bad news.

286
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:22,248
What's the good news?

287
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,851
It's all bad news.

288
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,319
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

289
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:31,190
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

290
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,959
I can't believe my sister

291
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,027
brought home a strange guy
last night.

292
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,629
Yeah, he did look
a little skeevy.

293
00:11:37,629 --> 00:11:41,033
I'm checking to make sure
nothing's missing.

294
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,501
Is he still here?

295
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:46,272
I don't know. But my
Mr. Met bobblehead still is.

296
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:49,308
Yeah, 'cause that's what
he would have stolen.

297
00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:51,911
You okay, little guy?

298
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,182
Oh, morning.

299
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,683
Good morning.
Good morning.

300
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,752
Is, uh--?
Oh, no, no.

301
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:00,820
He left.

302
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,089
With anything?

303
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,959
Just a big old smile
on his face.

304
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,327
I'm out.

305
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,596
Going down to the diner,

306
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:13,032
and, uh, not be here anymore.

307
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,501
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

308
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:18,004
Really, Barb
had a one-night stand?

309
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:18,437
Yeah.

310
00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:22,141
Yeah, he looked like
that guy, um...

311
00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:23,943
Tommy Lee.

312
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:28,247
Wow, I mean, and Russell doesn't
know, so, what are you gonna do?

313
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,950
I think I'm going
fish and chips.

314
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,952
No, no, I meant are you gonna
tell Russell,

315
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,788
or are you just gonna let him
get crushed by Barb?

316
00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:37,089
I hadn't considered it.

317
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:40,459
You know, sometimes it's good
to go over the pros and cons.

318
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:41,794
Okay.
Okay.

319
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,162
Pro: If you tell him,

320
00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,431
it can save him some pain
and disappointment.

321
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:49,701
Con: If I tell him,
it'll be kind of awkward for me.

322
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:50,803
Pro: If you tell him,

323
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:53,705
it could save Barb from
that uncomfortable conversation.

324
00:12:53,705 --> 00:12:55,707
Con: If I tell him
and he gets upset,

325
00:12:55,707 --> 00:12:58,244
that'll be
really awkward for me.

326
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,679
Pro: If you tell him,
Audrey would appreciate

327
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:04,616
that you saved her sister
from another emotional upheaval.

328
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:06,485
Con: I don't wanna tell him.

329
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:07,719
Um...

330
00:13:07,719 --> 00:13:10,589
I'm glad we worked that out.

331
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:13,225
Scoot over.

332
00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:16,896
So as much as I didn't wanna
believe it,

333
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:20,732
I think you guys are right
about my feelings for Barb.

334
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:21,300
Get this.

335
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:26,805
Today I held her hand without
guiding it towards anything.

336
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:27,874
Hey,

337
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:28,507
was she in a good mood

338
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:31,243
when she got home
from our date last night?

339
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:33,112
You have no idea.

340
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:34,346
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

341
00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:36,182
Come on,
I was having fun.

342
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:40,119
I mean, back in school
I was Miss Goody Two-Shoes.

343
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:40,686
And you were--

344
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,654
I, Miss Two-Shoes-
On-The-Dashboard-

345
00:13:42,654 --> 00:13:44,156
Of-My-Boyfriend's-Car, yeah.

346
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:47,559
So you kind
of understand, right?

347
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:49,095
Ha-ha! Yes.

348
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:52,731
Don't worry, last night
was only a one-time thing...

349
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,733
that I did three times.

350
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,202
[BOTH LAUGHING]

351
00:13:56,202 --> 00:14:00,039
I hate to even ask, but if you
just wanted a one-night thing,

352
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:00,873
why not Russell?

353
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:03,575
Russell and I are
just good friends.

354
00:14:03,575 --> 00:14:05,744
Oh, come on, that's the reason?

355
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:09,181
Not the wardrobe,
the smarminess,

356
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,517
the man necklace?[LAUGHS]

357
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,086
He actually
is a really sweet guy.

358
00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:15,287
Maybe.

359
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:18,557
But there's also
the snide laugh, the goatee,

360
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,692
the open shirt, the girl hair?

361
00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:23,462
Oh, you know what? I--
I've got a list on my computer.

362
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,697
I'll just go print it out
for you.

363
00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:28,167
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

364
00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:33,072
Look at this crowd.
We are gonna score every gift

365
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:34,740
we registered for.

366
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:35,307
I know.

367
00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:38,810
But I don't recognize
a lot of these people.

368
00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:40,279
Neither do I.

369
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,581
You know, I-- I sent
invitations to everyone

370
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:44,350
on the office blood drive list.

371
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:45,784
They're proven givers.

372
00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:47,453
Nice.

373
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,021
I'm gonna go get a drink.

374
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,156
Okay.

375
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:51,357
Hey, buddy.

376
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,759
What's up, chief?

377
00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:55,962
What's up, Snoop?

378
00:14:58,430 --> 00:15:02,134
Ladies, may I offer you
something from the bar?

379
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:04,470
Thank you, Russell.
Oh, yeah, thanks.

380
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:05,104
So is it just us,

381
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,273
or are you trying to get
all the woman here drunk?

382
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:10,076
Ha-ha-ha!
Oh, Audrey, you are a pip.

383
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,544
Excuse me, Russell,
I am going to get a bite.

384
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:15,014
Oh, how about
I give you a bite? Ar!

385
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,615
[GIGGLES]

386
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:21,153
I know,
aren't we an adorable couple?

387
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:23,189
You know, I was thinking
of getting us

388
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:24,924
matching highlights.

389
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,664
You're right, that's a bad idea,
it's stupid.

390
00:15:32,664 --> 00:15:33,732
Hey,

391
00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:36,135
why does Russell think that
he and Barbara are a couple?

392
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:39,972
Oh, turns out he has
serious feelings for her.

393
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:41,373
He does?

394
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:44,476
Does he know about
her one-night stand?

395
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:45,111
No.

396
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:48,880
Do these sound like
long-range walkie-talkies?

397
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,917
How long have you known
that he felt like this?

398
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:52,518
A few days.

399
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:53,685
Why didn't you
tell me right away?

400
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:59,591
Well, I would've, but we didn't
have long-range walkie-talkies.

401
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:00,859
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

402
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:03,529
Hey, we agreed we'd
open those together. No peeking.

403
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:07,233
You got the back massager.
Awesome, what else?

404
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,236
A toaster.

405
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:11,703
Let's just say
we're no longer

406
00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:13,505
gonna be placing
salad in a bowl,

407
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:14,706
we're gonna be shooting it.

408
00:16:14,706 --> 00:16:18,477
We've executed
the perfect crime.

409
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:21,847
We have to leave, but we wanted
to thank you for including us

410
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,282
in your special day.No, no,

411
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:27,186
thank you for gracing us
with your presence.

412
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:30,422
Well, Mike and I
are renewing our vows next week,

413
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:32,224
and you'll be getting an invite.

414
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:34,226
Oh, sure.

415
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:36,728
We're registered at Tiffany's.

416
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,566
Renewing their vows?

417
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,901
What a lame excuse
for a party.

418
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:44,736
They're scamming us right back.

419
00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:46,238
Now we have to get them
a gift.

420
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:49,441
No, it's okay, we'll just...

421
00:16:49,441 --> 00:16:51,410
We'll give them
this talking scale.

422
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,112
Um, no, I wouldn't--
Take it easy,

423
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:56,382
pretty boy, I'll tell you
if you're getting fat.

424
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:57,783
Part of me wants to warn Russell

425
00:16:57,783 --> 00:16:59,518
and save him
the heartbreak,

426
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,720
but part of me doesn't.

427
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,490
That's the old duality of man.

428
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:05,924
Thank you, college.

429
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,827
Maybe this is just fate's way
of paying Russell back

430
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,896
for the way
he treats women.

431
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:15,201
I have no idea
why I'm doing this.

432
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:18,504
And you know, really,
who am I to argue with fate?

433
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,107
Maybe it's time Russell
got some of his own medicine.

434
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,375
I should just sit back
and enjoy the show.

435
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,678
I'm gonna go out here
and enjoy a beer.

436
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:28,680
See you
at my housewarming party.

437
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,083
Wouldn't miss it
for the world,

438
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:32,484
champ.

439
00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:36,088
That's like the third gift
we have to give now.

440
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:37,656
Eighth, we got
a bunch more invites,

441
00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:38,857
including one for Rachel's dog.

442
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:41,793
She's throwing him
a bark-mitzvah.

443
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:42,894
Who's Rachel?

444
00:17:42,894 --> 00:17:43,395
I don't know.

445
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:46,665
But her dog's getting
a shower massage.

446
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:49,835
Hey, there you are.

447
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:51,670
Hm. What's up?

448
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,672
Listen, uh,

449
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,841
I know
you're not my biggest fan.

450
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,477
I just wanted to tell you that
my feelings for Barb are real.

451
00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:01,280
And I would never do anything
to hurt her.

452
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:02,648
Oh, okay.

453
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:06,085
Okay, well, that took a lot
for me to say.

454
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,620
I had to slam down
like five Jen and Tonics

455
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,289
just to get that out.

456
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:11,022
But I do care about her.

457
00:18:11,022 --> 00:18:14,360
And that's not just
the Jen talking.

458
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,327
Uh-huh.

459
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:17,163
Why are you looking me
in the eyes?

460
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,365
My boobs are down here.

461
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,767
Maybe Barb changed me.

462
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:26,538
Anyway, I'm gonna go tell her
what I just told you.

463
00:18:26,838 --> 00:18:28,740
Uh, Russell.

464
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,377
Ah...Russell.

465
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:34,380
Umm, I-I don't think

466
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,182
you should tell Barb
how you feel.

467
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:39,050
Oh, I know, it's lame, right?
But I gotta take a shot.

468
00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:42,154
N-no, um-- No, I don't think
you should tell her

469
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:44,890
because she doesn't feel
the same way.

470
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:47,893
How do you know that?

471
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:51,997
Well, last night after your date
she brought home...

472
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:55,066
a pint of ice cream.

473
00:18:56,368 --> 00:18:58,137
And?And--

474
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,339
And, you know, she told me

475
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:04,176
that she would never ruin
her special friendship with you

476
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:06,745
by taking it any further.

477
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:11,583
You okay?

478
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,186
Oh, yeah. No, I just--
I wasn't listening.

479
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:17,823
I was too busy checking out
the Twin-denburgs there.

480
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:18,824
Oh, the humanity.

481
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,593
Look, Russell,
I know how you feel.

482
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:25,063
Well, I wouldn't mind
knowing how those feel.

483
00:19:25,063 --> 00:19:27,699
I know you're covering,
but you crossed the line.

484
00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:30,202
Oh, hey, I'm getting a text.

485
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:31,937
It's this chick Tina.

486
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:33,138
She's got a pottery wheel,

487
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:36,542
wants to do
a little Ghost action.

488
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:39,878
So...I'm gonna cruise.

489
00:19:39,878 --> 00:19:42,381
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

490
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,485
And for the Robinson's
housewarming,

491
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,187
give them the Crock-Pot.

492
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:52,358
I'm not waiting eight hours
to eat anything.

493
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:55,093
All right,
this isn't too bad.

494
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,395
We've assigned gifts to people

495
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:57,496
who invited us
to their parties.

496
00:19:57,496 --> 00:20:00,266
Yeah, we still have all those
leftover for us.

497
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:01,367
Mm.

498
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,569
[CHUCKLES]

499
00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:07,273
Mine.

500
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,941
Mine.

501
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:12,978
Also mine.

502
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:17,349
Well, at least we still have
the six-slice toaster.

503
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,150
Six-slice?

504
00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:21,687
It's mine.

505
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:24,155
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

506
00:20:26,024 --> 00:20:28,494
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

507
00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:31,563
I don't know.

508
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,599
Maybe it was love,

509
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:36,268
maybe it wasn't.

510
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:38,370
Do I have regrets?

511
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,170
A few,

512
00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:44,109
but all in all it's better
to have loved and lost.

513
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:45,677
Am I right?

514
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,879
Catch.

515
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:48,880
Catch.

516
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,317
It's like a one-track mind
with you.

517
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:55,787
I don't know why I'm talking
to you about this anyway.

518
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,156
[SIGHS]

519
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:07,032
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

520
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:13,605
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]