1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,936
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

2
00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,508
Hey.

3
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,444
Oh, my God. What happened?

4
00:00:11,444 --> 00:00:13,846
I was hungry.

5
00:00:13,846 --> 00:00:17,484
I meant to my life.

6
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:18,418
What are you eating?

7
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:21,388
It's, uh,
last night's spaghetti,

8
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:22,555
some random nuts.

9
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:24,023
[DOOR OPENS]

10
00:00:24,023 --> 00:00:24,757
You were so embarrassed

11
00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:26,926
you didn't want your pants
to see?

12
00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:31,464
Five o'clock today
begins Jeff's mini vacation.

13
00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:33,133
I'm Jeff.

14
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,435
We've met, but Barb's gonna
be here any minute,

15
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,470
so, uh, would you put on
some pants?

16
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:39,039
You know, I can't believe
that your sister

17
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:42,008
chose the week I took days off
to make a surprise visit.

18
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:44,777
I like Barb,
but having someone around

19
00:00:44,777 --> 00:00:47,280
is gonna cramp my style.

20
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,149
Okay, first of all...

21
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:51,384
style?

22
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,852
And I hardly get to see her
at all.

23
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:55,021
This is the first time
I get her all to myself.

24
00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:58,758
Why isn't Rick coming?
Kenny G concert?

25
00:00:58,758 --> 00:00:59,959
Rick is a great guy, all right?

26
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:03,396
He's like my family.
I practically grew up with him.

27
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,031
Plus, he and Barb have, like--

28
00:01:05,031 --> 00:01:07,634
BOTH:
The perfect marriage.

29
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:08,335
Well, they do.

30
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,603
We could learn a little
something from them, you know.

31
00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:13,005
Yeah, I don't wanna learn
anything from a guy

32
00:01:13,005 --> 00:01:16,076
who dry-cleans his jeans.

33
00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:18,711
They have Saturday date night.

34
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:21,548
They power walk together.
They even garden.

35
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,016
You know what? You're right.
We should be more like them.

36
00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:27,019
This Saturday night,
let's power walk to the bedroom

37
00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:29,556
and plant some corn.

38
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,193
Just put on some pants.

39
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:33,893
All right, fine.

40
00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:35,928
Oh, guess what I found
in the closet?

41
00:01:35,928 --> 00:01:36,663
The closet?

42
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,398
That's not my DVD. That--

43
00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:41,668
Uh, Adam put that there.

44
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:42,835
No,

45
00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:45,938
this picture of me and Barb
when we were kids.

46
00:01:45,938 --> 00:01:46,673
Cute, huh?

47
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,908
Who's the little boy?

48
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:52,044
That's me.

49
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,181
I had a pixie cut.

50
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:55,548
They were very popular.

51
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:59,486
I'm guessing you weren't.
Heh.

52
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:04,224
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

53
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,096
[BOTH SQUEAL]

54
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,565
Oh, it's so good to see you.

55
00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:13,433
Oh.

56
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:14,334
You look great.

57
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:15,568
Oh, California living.

58
00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:18,004
Oh, you-- Look at you.
You look good too.

59
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,039
Oh, New York stress
and anxiety.

60
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:22,675
Oh.
Come on in.

61
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:23,610
How's Rick?

62
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:24,677
How's the new house?

63
00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:27,547
Rick's good.
House is good.

64
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:28,915
Got a koi pond.
JEFF: Okay,

65
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:32,952
I think I've come up with
a compromise.

66
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,392
The old Speedo.

67
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,463
Hello, Barbara.

68
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:46,032
Hey, Jeff. Let's not hug.

69
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,800
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]

70
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:52,805
♪♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you"? ♪♪

71
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:57,977
♪♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪♪

72
00:02:57,977 --> 00:03:00,747
♪♪ With you by my side ♪♪

73
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,782
♪♪ There is no denyin' ♪♪

74
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:07,487
♪♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪♪

75
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:11,558
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

76
00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:12,792
I'm just saying

77
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:16,229
that once she tells you
that she hates her father,

78
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,830
you're in.

79
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,333
I don't hate my father,
and Adam was still in.

80
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,969
Yeah, but he's in,
as in "trapped."

81
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:23,770
I'm talkin' in, like,

82
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:28,174
"Hey, where'd that guy
I just had sex with go?"

83
00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,443
Move over.
Hey, Bigfoot.

84
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:34,414
The one day
I forget my camera.

85
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:38,218
How would you like my big foot
to smash you like a bug?

86
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,452
[CHUCKLES]

87
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,053
I'm good.

88
00:03:41,053 --> 00:03:44,123
All right, well, I'm gonna
let you little rascals

89
00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:47,294
start your meeting
of the He-Man Woman Haters Club.

90
00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:50,062
I'll see you later,
Spanky.

91
00:03:50,062 --> 00:03:52,499
Okay, okay.
Yeah, you caught me one time.

92
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:53,600
Now I'm Spanky?

93
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:58,271
Spanky's a character
on The Little Rascals.

94
00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:00,640
ADAM:
Oh.

95
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,310
Heh. She-- She never caught me.

96
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,579
Audrey's sister
is really throwing a wrench

97
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:07,580
in my days off.

98
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,649
You wanna spend them
with Audrey?

99
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,150
What?

100
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,953
Is Audrey standing behind me
right now?

101
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,221
No.
Don't be stupid.

102
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:17,857
I wanted to spend
my time off alone.

103
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:21,394
Oh, I-I haven't had alone time
since I moved in with Jen.

104
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:25,131
Ha-ha. You sure
about that, Spanky?

105
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,767
I just meant that Jen and I
are always together.

106
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,669
You know, sometimes
I just wanna zone out

107
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,438
and not have anybody
talking to me.

108
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:32,339
They do love talking.

109
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,673
Yeah, may be nice
to watch Jeopardy

110
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,909
without her shouting out
the answers before I do.

111
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:39,512
You don't know
the answers.

112
00:04:39,512 --> 00:04:40,713
I-I-I know some.

113
00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:44,284
A lot during Celebrity Week.

114
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:44,884
Anyway, I love Jen,

115
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:46,386
but I just need some alone time,
you know?

116
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:50,490
Yeah, when I walk into our place
and Audrey's not there...

117
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:51,991
[SIGHS]

118
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:54,260
...so good.

119
00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:55,595
Oh, that sounds great.

120
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:58,598
That's why I love
not being in a relationship:

121
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:01,067
I'm always alone.

122
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,168
JEFF:
Well, see, alone time

123
00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:05,538
is only valuable
as a contrast to a relationship.

124
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:10,209
Sometimes there's nothing better
than not being with your wife.

125
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,411
Mm. Or your fiancée.

126
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,813
Yeah, it was great
not being with Audrey

127
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,447
when we were engaged,

128
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:17,784
but it's even better
when you're married.

129
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:22,589
Mm-mm. I can't wait to not be
with Jen when we're married.

130
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,924
And even when
she's not there,

131
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:28,260
lock the door, Spanky.

132
00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:29,662
[LAUGHS]

133
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,297
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

134
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:32,865
Audrey,
I wanna record something,

135
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:35,034
but it says it's supposed to
record a ball game.

136
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:37,837
Oh, that's Jeff's.
You can change it.

137
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,205
The season's almost over.

138
00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:42,509
That game
can't be that important.

139
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:46,078
[CELL PHONE RINGING]

140
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:54,521
Hey, honey.

141
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:58,090
Oh, it was good.
A little turbulence.

142
00:05:58,090 --> 00:05:59,592
The barbecue tongs?

143
00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:01,227
I don't know where they are.

144
00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:04,130
Just use salad tongs.

145
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,766
Tongs are tongs, Rick.

146
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:09,268
Look, I-I'm just checking into
the hotel here,

147
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:12,439
so let's talk later, okay?

148
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:15,107
Okay, bye.

149
00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:17,410
The hotel?

150
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:22,549
Yeah, um, he thinks I'm on
a business trip in Boston.

151
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,315
W--?
I'm--

152
00:06:23,315 --> 00:06:27,286
I'm here because, um,
Rick and I are having problems.

153
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:30,957
Is it just the tongs? 'Cause
you guys can work that out. Heh.

154
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:31,991
No, that's not it.

155
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:35,595
I-I've caught Jeff using
the spatula as a backscratcher.

156
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,431
While flipping burgers.

157
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:40,166
Audrey,
it's bigger than that.

158
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:43,202
I mean, everything with Rick
has become about image

159
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:44,236
and looking good.

160
00:06:44,236 --> 00:06:45,638
I mean, I'm sick of it.

161
00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:46,606
No, it's just a rough patch.

162
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:49,275
Come on. You guys
were high-school sweethearts.

163
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,043
You know, maybe that's it.

164
00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:52,779
Maybe I never sowed
my wild oats.

165
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:55,482
I mean, maybe I should've dated
a thousand guys.

166
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,883
Like you.

167
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,250
If I'd had a guy like Rick,

168
00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:00,352
I wouldn't have had to date
a thousand guys.

169
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:04,056
You know, maybe I just need to
get something out of my system.

170
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:05,792
Like having meaningless sex

171
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,627
with a sleazy video-store clerk.

172
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:11,263
He wasn't a clerk.
He was night manager.

173
00:07:11,263 --> 00:07:12,031
Oh.

174
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:15,535
Oh, I know, I--
I just need to cut loose.

175
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,204
Ah, your doorman
looked kinda wild.

176
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,439
You think he's available?

177
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:23,009
The doorman? Manny? Stop it.

178
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:25,211
You and Rick
are great together.

179
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:26,613
I don't know anymore.

180
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:30,082
Look, just trust me. Come on.
This is just a little phase.

181
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,618
Oh, never mind.

182
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,419
I'm gonna go take a shower.

183
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:34,320
All right.

184
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:34,954
Close the curtain.

185
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:39,391
There's a pervert across the way
with a telescope.

186
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:41,427
He's married.

187
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:43,896
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

188
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,965
[SIGHS]

189
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:49,301
Jeff 1, urinal cake nothing.

190
00:07:50,903 --> 00:07:52,404
You washed your hands, right?

191
00:07:52,404 --> 00:07:56,943
It said "employees must."

192
00:07:58,210 --> 00:07:59,779
[GROANS]

193
00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:03,483
[CELL PHONE RINGS]

194
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,553
Go for Jeff Bingham.

195
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,555
Hey, Audrey. Diner.

196
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:13,225
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Okay.

197
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:19,499
Wow. So that's what married
phone sex sounds like?

198
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:23,202
Audrey's on her way down,
so maybe you should go.

199
00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:26,405
Why does she think
I'm such a dirtbag?

200
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,708
What do you tell her about me?

201
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,142
The truth.

202
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:34,446
Well, that only makes me look
like a jackass.

203
00:08:34,446 --> 00:08:35,247
She just dropped a bomb.

204
00:08:35,247 --> 00:08:37,984
Barb and Rick
are on the rocks, so...

205
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:39,786
Ooh la la.

206
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,854
Audrey's hot sister
might be avail?

207
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:46,425
Mmm. Might be time to throw
a shrimp on the Barbie.

208
00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:49,428
You just called yourself
a shrimp.

209
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:53,933
Ha-ha. I don't care,
as long as it's on the Barbie.

210
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:54,967
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

211
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:56,836
Hey.
Oh, hey, hon.

212
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,170
Hey.

213
00:08:58,170 --> 00:08:59,338
Sorry about Barb.

214
00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:02,508
Listen, you know, I always
liked her. She's really--

215
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:05,678
No way. Never.
She's nothing to you.

216
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:08,480
No, I'm just saying--

217
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,349
No, you weren't.

218
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,151
But I--
AUDREY: No.

219
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:16,756
Besides being married, Barb
is a mature, intelligent woman.

220
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:17,890
And?

221
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:23,763
And you're a horny
little Chucky doll.

222
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:28,267
You know, I'm not as bad a guy
as you think I am.

223
00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:29,401
I have feelings.

224
00:09:29,401 --> 00:09:31,804
In your pants.

225
00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:34,440
Dude.

226
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:35,307
Look. Ahem. I'm sure

227
00:09:35,307 --> 00:09:38,210
I'm about the gazillionth
person to say this to you,

228
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:40,913
but, uh, stay away
from my sister.

229
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,148
Okay?

230
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:42,882
Isn't there some

231
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,917
girls with low self-esteem
convention

232
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,519
you should be lurking around?

233
00:09:47,519 --> 00:09:49,321
Uh...

234
00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:54,126
Well, there is that bakery
next to the weight-loss center.

235
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:56,596
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

236
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,167
Hey, Jen.

237
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,838
Jen?

238
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:15,848
[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]

239
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:17,583
MAN [ON TV]:
"Name That Poet,"

240
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:20,853
"Stamps" and, finally,
"Letter Perfect."

241
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:25,024
All right, it's Teen Week.
I'm gonna kick some ass.

242
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:28,027
MAN:
"Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?"

243
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,595
Oh, uh, who is
William Shakespeare?

244
00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:31,898
I know, I can't believe
they voted him off.

245
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:34,166
He was the best one.
Hey, hon.

246
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:34,901
Hey.
Okay, Kiki.

247
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,769
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.

248
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:38,104
What you watchin'?

249
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:39,471
Nothing.

250
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:41,741
Oh, Jeopardy. Great.

251
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,075
MAN:
"This markswoman was featured

252
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:46,713
in the Legends of the West
series from 1994."

253
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:47,880
Oh, who is--?
Annie Oakley.

254
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,649
[YELLS]
MAN 2: Who is Annie Oakley?

255
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,850
MAN 1: Correct.
Ooh.

256
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:53,385
[IMITATES GUNSHOTS]

257
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,554
[SIGHS]
That's one for me.

258
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,089
[BLOWS]
Yeah. Way to go.

259
00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:59,158
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
Oh.

260
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,627
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

261
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,697
I mean, we are talking
about Barb and Rick.

262
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,532
It's crazy, right?

263
00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:07,133
Ridiculous.

264
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,635
I mean, so they have problems.
What couple doesn't?

265
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:13,639
It's a sad fact, but half
of all marriages end in divorce.

266
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:15,842
It was either them or us.

267
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,445
We won.

268
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:20,412
Why can't their marriage work

269
00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:22,815
and some couple we don't know
get divorced?

270
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:25,384
It has to be people you know.

271
00:11:26,418 --> 00:11:28,254
I don't make up the rules.

272
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:30,189
And look at it this way,
the half of marriages

273
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:34,293
that don't end in divorce
end in death.

274
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:36,729
So Barb dodged a bullet there.

275
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:41,533
She just seems so confused
and vulnerable right now.

276
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:43,702
Hey, is Manny working
the door tonight?

277
00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:46,072
No, tonight's ADD Larry.

278
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:46,839
Good.

279
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:50,176
I'm just really glad she's here
so I can look out for her.

280
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,578
I don't want her to do
something impulsive

281
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:54,546
she's gonna regret.

282
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,515
Hey, Russell.

283
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:57,116
Barb,

284
00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:59,952
I didn't know you were in town.

285
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,587
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

286
00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:03,489
Well...

287
00:12:05,457 --> 00:12:07,593
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

288
00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:12,098
Barbara, we're back. Brought you
a pint of Cherry Garcia. Barb?

289
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:16,368
She's got five seconds
to claim it, then it's mine.

290
00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:17,269
Oh, no.

291
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:18,470
She went out with Russell.

292
00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:21,040
Two, one, mine.

293
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,676
Russell? Oh, Barbara, no.

294
00:12:24,676 --> 00:12:27,313
Relax, he's not gonna
get anywhere with her.

295
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:31,383
"Get anywhere with her"?
Don't even talk like that.

296
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:32,418
She's not answering.

297
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,553
What is that little weasel
up to?

298
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:36,188
Do you know anything about this?

299
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:36,923
I don't, I swear.

300
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,458
Gonna go see if the doorman
knows anything.

301
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:40,392
Take off those shiny earrings,

302
00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:45,364
otherwise ADD Larry
won't be able to focus.

303
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,834
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

304
00:12:49,501 --> 00:12:52,471
It's just that our life
is so predictable.

305
00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:56,742
Date night every Saturday,
power walk every Sunday.

306
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:59,211
Oh, snore-us bore-ealis.

307
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:02,381
And every morning,
Rick gets up at 6,

308
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:05,017
on the treadmill
for exactly one hour,

309
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:06,785
and then 100 crunches.

310
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:09,188
[GROANS]
Every freakin' day.

311
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:12,091
Now, you don't look like
you go to the gym at all.

312
00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:13,325
[CHUCKLES]

313
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:14,293
Oh, yeah, well, I used to,

314
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,262
but I got all 'roided out.

315
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:18,264
You know? A lot of rage.

316
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:19,565
Lucky to be alive.

317
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:20,699
Ha-ha. Oh, my God.
[CHUCKLES]

318
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:23,870
You mean you were once
more ripped than you are now?

319
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:24,670
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

320
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,572
Hey, speakin' of ripped.

321
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,841
Anyway,

322
00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:31,143
you want my opinion, Barbarella?

323
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:31,878
I think ol' Rick

324
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:36,348
might be trying to make up
for a certain shortcoming.

325
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:39,285
Oh, believe me,
that's not it.

326
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,020
Ah, crap.

327
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,089
If anything,
it's the opposite.

328
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,690
Right. Right.
I mean,

329
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:48,694
the man's got--
Okay. What else is goin' on?

330
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,829
[SIGHS]
I just love your mustache.

331
00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,431
Ah.
It's so...

332
00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,166
dirty.
Oh. Oh. Heh.

333
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,635
It's actually a goatee.
There's more down here.

334
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:59,005
The light's so horrible in here.

335
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,806
Oh, wow.
Wow.

336
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:04,043
Somebody cleaned out
the aquarium. Ha-ha.

337
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,211
Look, I found Nemo.

338
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:07,746
Heh. You know,
Rick would never eat this.

339
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:10,016
Dry carbs after 3 p.m.
is a no-no.

340
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,952
I think forgetting about Rick
for the rest of the night

341
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:14,420
is a big yes-yes.

342
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:18,257
Oh, how are you supposed
to eat these? They're huge.

343
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:20,059
You think those are huge--

344
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,693
Got it.

345
00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:24,163
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

346
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,068
Hey.

347
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:30,702
Oh, hey.

348
00:14:30,702 --> 00:14:32,604
What you reading?

349
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:35,908
Wait, was that baby Shiloh?
Turn back.

350
00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:39,445
Oh, my God.
That's all of them.

351
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:43,215
Baby Shiloh, baby Suri,
and Kingston and Apple.

352
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,717
This is the greatest issue
ever.

353
00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:48,820
Seriously, get out.

354
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:51,623
Huh?
Yeah. Get out. Get out.

355
00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:52,724
Get out, have fun.

356
00:14:52,724 --> 00:14:55,861
You know? You-- You--
You seemed stressed lately.

357
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,429
Oh, I don't feel stressed.

358
00:14:57,429 --> 00:15:01,000
That's the first sign of stress,
is not feeling it.

359
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,402
You know, you should just have
a night out with the girls.

360
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:06,906
Kiki and Deb asked me to go
to see Breakfast at Tiffany's

361
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,240
at the Film Forum tonight.

362
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,943
That's great. Go.

363
00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:11,743
[STAMMERS]

364
00:15:11,743 --> 00:15:13,645
I don't think I can make it.

365
00:15:13,645 --> 00:15:16,115
Oh, you can if you leave
right now. Here.

366
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,717
All right, are you sure
you'll be okay without me?

367
00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:20,987
Oh, honey,
tonight's about you.

368
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:21,753
Now, go.

369
00:15:21,753 --> 00:15:23,855
All right, I'll be home by 11.

370
00:15:23,855 --> 00:15:26,792
Eleven p.m., 11 a.m., no rush.

371
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:31,063
[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]

372
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:34,900
[GRUNTS]

373
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:35,834
Change of plans.

374
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:36,668
I don't know why

375
00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:37,636
she's not picking up.

376
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,038
Russell's moving in on Barb.

377
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:40,006
Russell's not picking up
either.

378
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:43,042
Probably sees it's me calling.
I'll make us some tea.

379
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,544
I don't want tea.

380
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:50,282
Oh, seriously,

381
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:51,883
light beer?

382
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,786
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

383
00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:56,622
What?

384
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,591
Yeah, I just had some really
nice alone time all set up,

385
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:01,893
and your wife
came over and ruined it.

386
00:16:01,893 --> 00:16:04,863
Yeah, she does that.

387
00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:06,265
Come on in.

388
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,369
I was, uh, just about
to watch today's game.

389
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:11,570
I recorded it earlier,

390
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:14,373
so keep the talking
to a minimum.

391
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:17,643
Pants are optional.

392
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,912
Hm. I-I opt to keep them on.

393
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,882
We each have our own path.

394
00:16:23,882 --> 00:16:25,884
This is the first time
I've been alone

395
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:28,654
since Audrey's sister
got here.

396
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,856
Let's watch the game.

397
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:31,823
WOMAN [OVER TV]:
Today,

398
00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:34,560
I've got the world's best

399
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,096
cupcakes!

400
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:39,331
What the hell?

401
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:42,568
I wouldn't mind a cupcake.

402
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:45,937
Whoa. Hey, watch the floppage.

403
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:50,076
My house, my floppage.

404
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:52,511
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

405
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:53,512
Mmm. Ooh.
Mmm.

406
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:56,348
Mmm. This chocolate
is so good.

407
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,216
Yeah.

408
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,750
You can take the last bite.

409
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:01,720
No, I want you to have it.

410
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,122
Oh.

411
00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:05,291
Um. Mmm. Good.

412
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:05,924
Mmm.Hey.

413
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:07,693
You said I could have
the last bite.

414
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,728
I did. Oh, I'm such a liar.

415
00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:10,462
[CHUCKLES]

416
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:12,831
I just needed one more...

417
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:13,699
bite.

418
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,701
Yeah.
You ordered another dessert,

419
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:16,902
you sneaky devil.

420
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:20,172
Well, you know,
chocolate is an aphrodisiac.

421
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,173
[LAUGHS]

422
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:24,310
Audrey was wrong about you.
You're fun.

423
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,811
Aren't I? Come on. I'm fun.

424
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:29,481
Yeah, that's what I need
in my life. More fun.

425
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:32,017
You wanna have some crazy fun?

426
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,319
Might involve

427
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,521
getting loud and sweaty.

428
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:38,090
♪♪ You really got me now ♪♪

429
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,526
♪♪ You got me
So I can't sleep at night ♪♪

430
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:44,530
♪♪ You really got me
You really got me ♪♪

431
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,632
♪♪ You really got me ♪♪

432
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,368
Oh, oh, oh!

433
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,903
[BOTH PLAYING SOLOS]

434
00:17:58,377 --> 00:17:59,278
Yeah.

435
00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:01,680
[CROWD CHEERING]

436
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:09,421
[CROWD WHOOPING]

437
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:10,222
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

438
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:13,759
I can't believe she's not home.
It's almost 4 in the morning.

439
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,060
Here, call Russell again.

440
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,828
Huh?
Oh, God, it is

441
00:18:16,828 --> 00:18:21,567
so creepy when you sleep
with your eyes open.

442
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:26,372
That's what everyone
at work says.

443
00:18:27,839 --> 00:18:28,540
Oh, it is about time.

444
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:31,277
You better not have taken
advantage of my sister,

445
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,044
you little ferret.

446
00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:34,246
Audrey,

447
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:36,482
he was a complete gentleman.

448
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,816
You brainwashed her.

449
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:40,018
Jeff,
pound him into the floor.

450
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,221
[YAWNS]
All right.

451
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:44,190
Audrey,
he didn't do anything.

452
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:45,824
In fact,
I made a move on him.

453
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:48,727
Why? I mean, look at him
and look at you.

454
00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:50,329
But he turned me down.

455
00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:53,365
Why? I mean, look at her
and look at you.

456
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:55,534
I get it.
She's more attractive.

457
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,736
Then what were you
doing all night?

458
00:18:57,736 --> 00:18:58,637
Well, um, mostly talked.

459
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,573
I mean, Russell told me
how his parents had problems,

460
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:02,274
but they just gave up.

461
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:05,511
And he thinks their divorce
was the biggest regret

462
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:06,445
of their lives.

463
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:10,048
Next to having children.

464
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:10,982
Anyway,

465
00:19:10,982 --> 00:19:12,384
I decided I owe it
to my marriage

466
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:14,820
to try and work things out
with Rick.

467
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,822
That guy there?

468
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,559
And it was just then
that Audrey realized

469
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:24,095
that maybe, just maybe,
there was more to Russell

470
00:19:24,095 --> 00:19:26,598
than meets the eye.

471
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,000
Off to bed, kids.

472
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,169
Nice to see you, Barb.

473
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,538
Thanks for everything.

474
00:19:35,907 --> 00:19:37,176
All right.

475
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,510
So, what's your angle?

476
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,379
Why do I have to have an angle?

477
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,914
Can't I just be a good guy?

478
00:19:42,914 --> 00:19:46,285
All right, here's the angle.

479
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:47,986
Sure, I could've
nailed that shut tonight,

480
00:19:47,986 --> 00:19:50,889
but then she'd feel guilty,
and that'd be the end of it.

481
00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,591
But if I play me cards right,

482
00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:55,026
and wait till
the marriage fizzles,

483
00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:56,228
then it pays off big.

484
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:57,696
It's like a savings bond

485
00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:01,166
with hot sex dividends.

486
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,101
I'm not buying it.

487
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:06,505
I think you might actually be
a good guy.

488
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:09,475
I'm just kidding.
You're a dirtbag.

489
00:20:09,475 --> 00:20:11,943
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

490
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,683
Jeff? Jeff?

491
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:18,817
Hey, Jeff.

492
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:19,385
Yeah?

493
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,486
I thought you'd wanna know,

494
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:22,388
things with me and Barb
are okay now.

495
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,522
Oh, thanks
for waking me up.

496
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:27,793
That could not have waited
till the morning.

497
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:29,928
[SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT]

498
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:33,098
Hey, what Barb and Rick
are going through...

499
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:34,466
Could that happen to us?

500
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:37,035
Sure. Sure.

501
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:38,304
What do you mean?

502
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:38,804
I mean it's 5 a.m.

503
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:43,442
If you don't stop talking,
we're through.

504
00:20:45,777 --> 00:20:49,080
You know, I really thought that
they had the perfect marriage,

505
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,015
you know?[SIGHS]

506
00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:52,551
I guess they were just too good
to be true.

507
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:55,954
Well, that's what I like
about us.

508
00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:58,257
We're not too good to be true.

509
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,991
We're just good enough.

510
00:20:59,991 --> 00:21:02,461
[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

511
00:21:04,195 --> 00:21:05,697
What are you doing?

512
00:21:05,697 --> 00:21:09,835
If we ever renew our vows,
I wanna remember that phrase.

513
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:14,239
Really? Heh. You think about
renewing our vows?

514
00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:18,310
Yeah, you're right.

515
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:21,347
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

516
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:27,052
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]