I think it's wonderful you're dating again.
Yeah, me too. I was starting to get worried, Miranda.
Um, worried?
Yeah. You was actin' real thirsty around Calvin.
Who you callin' thirsty?
It's just the truth. I'm sorry.
Jazzy, hush, hush.
Miranda, I know it's been hard accepting the fact
that you and Calvin are not together again.
I mean, it took me a little bit of time to realize
that it is time to move on.
But I got it now.
It took you a lotta bit of time.
-[Miranda] You know what? -Jazmine!
I'm sorry, aunty.
-[Ella] Hush! -Ha ha, I'm sorry.
So, how does this work?
Okay, so I filled out my dating profile and,
you know, telling 'em a little bit about me
and what I'm looking for.
Personally, I prefer the old rules for courting.
Mmh. Don't listen to her, them old rules will keep you single.
Jazmine, really?
-I wasn't gonna say it, auntie. -Jazmine!
You ain't even let me get it out.
I wouldn't go say it.
-She didn't say it. -Wooooh!
[laughing]
Miranda, what you looking for in a man?
Well, let's see, um. About six feet tall,
ooh, chocolate brown, with a kind smile,
you know, kind of thin but not skinny.
Uh, you are describing Calvin.
Am I?
She's so parched.
[laughing]
-One more time. -I'm sorry.
-One more time! -I'm sorry.
Ooh, you can forget about him.
Look at that. You have a smorgasbord of fine,
handsome men with pretty smiles to choose from.
-We hear you. -I feel you.
I feel for Curtis if I'm ever back on the market.
-What the hell y'all doing? -Huh?
Miranda is filling out a dating profile for a website.
Oh good. Maybe now she can stop being thirsty for Calvin.
Does everyone think I'm thirsty?
Look what you started.
I'm sorry, it's the truth.
It's not the truth.
You know what, Ella? You wrong.
-You know you wrong. -What, Curt--
'Cause you just sittin' there and lettin' Miranda waste
her time like that.
Everybody knows church is the best place to meet somebody.
Everybody know that.
They serve wine and bread.
Hell, you're halfway on a date already.
He tried this mess on me.
I already told you, Curtis,
a choir does not count as taking me to a concert.
And don't forget, I met my drug-dealin' ex-boyfriend
at church.
-You sure did. -Mm-hmm.
Okay, mm.
Well, for now, I am just going to dip my toe
in the internet dating pool.
Oof. I just hope the water's clean.
Hey, Unc. Why you emailin' a chain letter to me?
Mm.
Because that's what I had to do. I had to send it to ten people
so I wouldn't have bad luck.
That's what chain letters do.
I already emailed mine this morning so don't, don't.
Mm-hmm. And I sent mine right when Curtis did it.
I can't stand those things.
Aunt Ella, Jazmine, please don't tell me
y'all believe in that nonsense.
CJ, I'm never gonna say I do,
but I got to live here.
That's true, and why take that chance? You know?
Well, I don't believe in none of that
superstitious, chain-letter bad luck.
I'll tell you what, you don't send that letter
and you gonna regret it, CJ.
Uh, no. I'm not.
'Cause I don't believe in bad luck.
A man makes his own luck.
Here we go.
[music]
-CJ. -What's up, Unc?
Hey, hey man.
Ta-da! What do you think of my new hat?
It's a hat.
It's not just a hat.
This is a hat I bought with a $100 bill I found
on a sidewalk this morning.
All thanks to the chain letters I sent.
Didn't you just lose $100 a couple of days ago?
Yeah. But that's because I hadn't sent
the letters out yet.
Or maybe it's just the money that you lost, you just found.
Or maybe I found the money because I sent the letters out.
Huh? You sound like a cave man blaming a headache
on a demon trapped in his head.
You sound crazy.
Exactly.
Everybody knows you get a headache
when a bird steals your hair to build they nest.
And you can look that up on the interweb.
Unc, I need you to come out of the dark ages
and stop believing in bad luck.
You know what? I'ma have Ella bury me in this hat.
I'ma go to heaven looking fly as hell.
[CJ] What the hell? Why this thing won't...?
[explosion]
[coughing]
I'm sorry, nephew. What's that you said
about you don't believe in bad luck?
[coughing]
[Doctor] I'm sorry to inform you,
your husband didn't survive.
He died?
[whining]
I can't believe Kristoff was clubbed to death
by a baby seal.
And after his baby momma predicted it too.
The hunter became the hunted.
Ooh the writing for this show has more twists
than Whoopi Goldberg.
I have a date! I have a date! I have a date! I have a date!
-I have a date! -Already?
Yes, yes!
Oh my goodness, I don't know what I'm gonna wear.
[sighing]
Not that.
What's wrong with this? I'm cute.
Yeah, if you got grandkids.
When is the date?
Okay. It's tonight,
but I'm nervous because it's a blind date.
Aww.
[Lisa] Whoa.
[laughing]
She real open minded. I..
Was he born like that?
Please tell me you joking.
The, uh, baby, her date is not blind.
They just haven't seen each other yet.
-Uh huh. -Uh huh.
-Miranda. -[Miranda] Yes?
Baby, you don't have anything to be nervous about.
Just be in the moment.
Mm-hmm.
Just be in the moment.
-Hey, auntie. -Hey, baby.
Uncle Curtis here? I had to fix my oven I wanna just
return his tools.
Just put it right over here somewhere, baby.
I'll make sure he gets it.
[Miranda] So it's the buttons that makes it too old?
-Just, no. -The whole thing.
-It's the whole thing. -Just be in the moment.
So, how you doing, aunt Ella? You all right?
-I'm good, baby. -[CJ] Everything okay?
Hmm. Miranda going on a date with this man she met online.
Who may or may not be sight impaired.
We don't really know that yet.
But she's scared.
She should be.
You can be anyone you wanna be on the internet.
My girl went out with this guy
who said he was big in the music industry, right?
He just turned out to be an overweight usher
at the Cinemark.
Wow. That must have been awkward.
Don't worry, she just ghosted him.
She killed him?
No.
Come here. You need to learn somethin'.
That just mean
she stopped communicating with him.
Did she just tell me I need to learn somethin'?
-Yeah. -Okay. I'm done.
You know what? I didn't, I didn't... See you later honey.
-[CJ] Bye bye. -I didn't wanna say anything,
but I was hearing some really, really scary stories on the news
about internet dating.
Oh, you don't have to worry about that, auntie.
Most people meet their significant others
online nowadays.
Or am I thinking about serial killers?
I be watching way too much true crime.
I'll tell you what,
[laughing]
A woman can never be too careful.
Miss Ella, I will be fine.
I believe you.
But just in case,
this is police-grade pepper spray.
Hmm. He try anything ungentlemanly,
you spray first, ask questions later.
Yes, ma'am. And kick.
Always kick.
But just in case he's not a weirdo,
wear comfortable shoes. You might go on a romantic walk.
No, don't listen to her. Wear heels.
They're sexy and they good for kicking.
Mm-mmm.
-Spray first. -Spray, kick. Kick, spray.
-Comfortable shoes. -[Ella] Spray first.
-Spray, kick, kick, spray. -Comfortable shoes.
-Anything ungentlemanly. -Mm-hmm.
-[Lisa] Romantic evening. -I'm really nervous now.
[music]
Ha ha ha.
Everything was delicious.
-Thank you. -Yeah, ma, thanks for cooking.
Thank you.
Nobody's cooking is as good as yours.
Is what I would say before I met Laura.
[Ella] Mm-hmm.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Well, you know that's why I married your mama.
For her cooking.
Well, of course and that big ol' butt.
Curtis, don't say that, don't do that.
Hello!
And you know I had to put a ring on it.
-Yes, you did. -All that wagon
-you were dragging. Pow! -Curtis!
You know, and I swooped to the right.
Yes, you did.
-And I swooped to the left. -All right.
-And then take it down.
-Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. -How? How? I just take it down.
Now you're making me uncomfortable.
Oh, baby, I think it's cute.
You know, Calvin and I could really learn a lot
-from your marriage. -Mm-hmm.
[knock on door]
Get that, baby.
I knew you gonna say that.
[Ella] I'll get it. Don't look at my wagon.
-Hi. -Hi. Come on in.
Miss Ella, I just wanted to return your pepper spray.
Oh, how was the date?
Miss Ella, it was wonderful.
I knew within the first five minutes
I was not gonna need to use it.
-You didn't have to spray him? -Mm-mmm.
-You didn't have to kick? -No kick. That's right.
[laughing]
-Oh. -Is everything okay?
Uh, yes. Everything is, um, is fine.
Um, this is Pearce, this is Mr. and Mrs. Payne,
this is my son's father, Calvin, and Laura.
It's a pleasure to meet you all.
Mm-hmm.
He is gorgeous.
Yeah, he is.
He's a, a doctor in French Guyana.
Good day, doc.
-Wow. -Oh, Guyana.
Why Guyana? You couldn't find a job in America?
I donate much of my free time to Doctors Without Borders.
I always get back when I can.
[Ella] Mm-hmm.
So, what kinda doctor are you?
'Cause I got this pain in my shoulder
I cannot get rid of.
-Curtis. -This is a fighting shoulder,
Let me see.
[unintelligible]
-Ooh. -Ooh.
Well, okay.
Okay. That feel pretty good right there.
-Mm-hmm. -That feel good.
-[Ella] Baby. -[Pearce] Almost got it.
Okay, baby, I never thought I'd say this to another man.
But this, he is strumming my pain with his fingers.
[laughing]
You know what, pop? I'ma go get you Cool And Hot.
-That always gives you relief. -Uh, no need.
That stuff doesn't work anyways.
Yeah, that don't work.
-Try now. -Oh, oh my Lord.
-Ooh. -Oh.
-Oh, wait! -Yeah, you good? You good?
Baby.
Wazine!
[laughing]
Hey, you, get out.
Get out.
You stay.
You brought him, so you stay too.
-Wow. -[Ella] Ooh, baby.
Oh, you are not a doctor, man, you are a miracle worker.
You mean medical worker?
Medical worker.
[laughing]
Anybody want some wine? More wine?
I think I feel somethin'.
Doc.
Oh, you want me to get something?
-I don't know. -If you touch her I kill you.
[laughing]
-Ah. -Are you sure you're okay?
I'm fine.
Why you keep asking me that?
Because you seem like you feel some kind of way
after Miranda showed up with Pearce.
I don't care. Why would I care?
Calvin, it's okay if you do.
I mean, we can talk about it.
Babe, there's nothing to talk about.
I'm not tripping at my ex with some
rich doctor that could heal people with his hands.
Nobody said he was rich.
Oh, the watch on his wrist did.
[laughing]
I didn't notice.
You must have been checking him out pretty hard.
Babe, I'm fine.
I promise you I'm not jealous, Miranda.
-What did you call me? -Huh?
No, you had a whole lot to say before you just called me
your ex-wife's name, Calvin.
Now all of a sudden you deaf?
-Bye. -Look, Laura, wait.
[Laura] So, I'm outta here.
Wow.
[door closing]
[music]
Go, go, go baby! Go, go, go, go baby! Go baby!
No, no, no, no, no, no baby. No.
Oh my God. Do you believe this?
-Ooh. -Can you believe this guy?
He fumbles the ball and nobody is around him!
[chuckling]
I don't know, but he made it look pretty easy.
Oh my God.
This is not funny, man.
I have money on this game.
No, correction; had money.
This game is a wrap.
They ain't even cover the spread.
You know what, CJ? I would say I was sorry for you,
but man, you brought this on yourself, man.
Here we go.
[Curtis] No, I ain't gonna say nothin'.
No, I ain't gonna say nothin', CJ.
[Ella] Curtis!
-Mmh. -[Ella] Curtis!
Yeah, baby?
Curtis, look. Look, look, look, look.
Look at this coat I won at the church raffle.
I'ma let the coat do the talking for me.
[laughing]
You won that coat?
Yes. I wasn't gonna even get in the raffle,
but I found $5 in the bottom of my purse,
and I said, "What the heck?"
I cannot believe my luck.
My good luck.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
-I can. -[Ella] Ooh.
-[Curtis] Mmh. -Yes.
[laughing]
CJ, don't you regret that you deleted those letters?
Oh, man. Come on.
Admit it, CJ. You regret
not sending that letter off, man.
Why? 'Cause I didn't win
a woman's coat in a church raffle?
Oh, but they had one for men.
They had one for men.
That's not, that's not the point.
Dude, you're right. The point is
I got a fabulous coat.
That, you do.
Well, I'm very happy for you and your fabulous coat, aunt Ella.
Thank you. Thank you.
But it didn't have nothing to do with that chain letter.
There are many reasons why you won the coat.
Like, you know, how many tickets were sold?
What were the odds? How many tickets did you buy?
There's all kinds of reasons why you won that coat
and don't have nothing to do with no chain letter.
Well, that may be true. I'm sure you're right.
Who cares?
[banging on door]
-Dad! Dad! -[Curtis] What the hell is that?
Uh uh, Malik, don't come in this house, just back up.
-I'm sorry. -What are you doing?
He's dripping up. Curtis, get some towels.
Oh, baby, he got bad timing
'cause all the towels in the washer.
Here, use these.
[sighing]
Dad, the hot water heater exploded.
There's water everywhere.
-[Ella] Okay, come on, Malik. -What?
Well, I'm sure there's a water pump
in the garage, baby. Come on.
Ah! Don't come in through the house, go round.
Go round there. Come on.
Run! Curtis.
You sure you don't want me to resend that letter to you?
Please.
I thought so.
Yes.
Please resend the letter.
[music]
Hey.
-Hey. -Thanks for coming over.
No need to thank me, Calvin.
I left some stuff over here, so I figured if we break up
then I could just, you know, kill two birds with one stone.
I'm not trying to break up.
Then what do you want, Calvin?
Because from where I'm standing, it seems like
you want your ex-wife back.
I don't.
Then what is it?
[gasping]
Because, I, I don't know, like,
Ever since Miranda walked in
with Pearce you've just been acting weird.
Look, I wasn't tripping because my ex was with another guy.
It's that, babe,
Pearce and I, we're the same age.
But what am I doing?
He's traveling the world, healing lives, making money,
and what am I doing?
I'm still in my same neighborhood
living check to check.
I wasn't jealous that Miranda was with Pearce.
I was jealous because Pearce is living
his career goals and I'm just starting my career.
What kind of role model am I for my son?
Calvin, baby.
[sighing]
Don't talk like that. Okay?
Do not curse your blessings.
Oh my gosh. I don't know where you get off
puttin' yourself down like that.
You are just as good a man as Pearce will ever be.
You're smart, you're kind,
you are handsome, as ever,
you work hard for the things you want.
You're an excellent role model for Christian. Excellent.
Thank you, babe.
You're welcome.
You know every tree grows at its own pace, right?
And you are growing. That's what's important.
And I'm so proud of you.
So does this mean you forgive me?
[laughing]
Well, since that kiss didn't tell you,
I need to try harder, huh?
[music]