Oh you. Wait. You better stop.
Ms. Ella.
Oh, my goodess, you're making me cry.
-I needed that laugh. -Me too.
Me too. Miranda, thank you.
Thank you for treating me to dinner.
That was really nice.
Really, really, really.
No, thank you for always watching Christian for me.
That is just a small token of my appreciation.
I truly appreciate it.
Hey, y'all.
Hello, Malik.
Are you lost?
No, I just needed some me time, Auntie Ella.
You can't have that at your parents' house, can you?
Surely cannot.
[laughs]
Lisa's always on the couch.
The baby always wants something.
The twins steal my food and run away.
Looks like you ran away too.
And then we just keep arguing about stupid stuff.
Stupid stuff like what, baby?
Like putting ketchup in the refrigerator.
Who does that?
-I do. -Me too.
You don't want it to go bad.
And then how to hang toilet paper,
everybody knows it goes under.
[Malik] Come on.
-Actually, it should go over. -Over, right?
It makes more sense that way.
I'm sorry, Auntie Ella. I would've chilled outside,
but Uncle Curtis said he didn't want me
in his eyesight while he was grilling.
Oh, okay.
-Hey, Floyd. -Hey, everybody. Where's Curtis?
Curtis is in the backyard. What's in the bag?
Man drama. Don't worry about it.
Curtis, you ain't gonna believe this.
[crying] Curtis, you ain't gonna believe this, man.
Curtis, you ain't gonna believe this
-What's wrong? What's wrong? -What I'm telling you.
What's wrong? What's going on?
Would you quit pacing and talk?
My bad. Look,
I was over on the east side of Atlanta, right,
at the barbershop
where I get my fade perfectly blended, right,
and, brother, you ain't gonna believe this.
Hold that.
It's amazing, man.
Bam!
They are bootlegging your sauce.
What the hell is this?
That's my rib sandwich from earlier.
I'mma finish that.
Yeah, they bootlegging you
like a Black, gospel stage play.
Momma, is Madea my daddy?
Well, it sounds to me
like you two just need a change of scenery.
How about you just take her on a date?
Yes, like a date night.
Exactly.
[laughs]
Wait, what's so funny?
You think I got date night money?
I'm trying to save money.
That's one of the things that we're always arguing about too.
Malik, just have the dinner over here, baby,
in the backyard.
I can just prepare a nice dinner for you.
-It'll save money. -I don't know, Auntie Ella.
I mean, it sounds like a wonderful idea to me,
and I would like to volunteer
to help decorate and set the mood.
I will help you create an amazing, romantic evening.
Can you see it? Shhhhh...
And we will not invite those two.
[birds chirping]
[plane flying overhead]
[car alarm wailing]
[fireworks whistling, bursting]
[police siren wailing]
What is going on out here?
-Baby. -[Ella] What?
Somebody is bootlegging my sauce.
Curtis.
They selling illegal contraband, y'all heard me.
-[Floyd] Yeah. -Say what?
There's an imposter out there in them streets,
I'm telling you. I was over at the barbershop
and I was at the food truck outside, right,
where I ordered me a rib sandwich,
which I plan on finishing real soon.
So I went and I bit into it, right?
And it was amazing.
I mean, I can't lie.
I mean, really, I wish I had some more sauce
so it could be dripping all over my body.
-Floyd, please. -[Floyd] Hm?
Yeah. What?
I asked the dude at the truck, the chef, right?
And he bought it from a dude up the street,
and he gave me one of them bottles.
Okay, Curtis.
"Les Sexy Sauce"? What is this?
And who is that handsome... Who's that handsome man, baby?
Don't play. You know that's me.
-Come on. -This supposed to be you, baby?
Ella, stop.
Oh, oui, yes, Curtis.
It looks like me. Looks just like me.
Yeah, 20 years ago.
Here you go, baby.
I see what they trying to do, though.
They trying to gentrify
so they can cater to the lonely clientele.
I mean, look at the bottle. It's sleek, sexy,
got little hips on it.
Oh, God, I'm lonely.
This is my sauce, baby.
-Curtis... -This is my sauce.
-[Floyd] I'm telling you. -It's my sauce, Ella!
It's a little weak.
It ain't got that Curtis Payne wataa to it.
Mm-hmm. You right. You right.
They added something in it.
Yeah, you know what? I know what they did to it.
They took our product, they stepped on it,
they repackaged it, put that label on it,
and put it back out there in them streets.
And how do you know that?
Oh, all the big clientele do it like that.
-Baby, this is too much. -Mm?
-It's too much. -You telling...
It's too much, Curtis.
And I'm going to bed.
-All right. -[Ella] Going to bed, baby.
-Night, night. -[Ella] Soon!
What we gonna do, Floyd? What we gonna do?
We cannot go out like this, Floyd!
You right, brother. But look,
the address is right there on the back of the bottle.
We should write them a nasty, threatening letter.
That's what we need to do.
-A letter? -[Floyd] Mm-hmm.
-Or we can pay them -What?
-a little visit. -Come on.
-You heard me? -Uh-huh.
Do you see what I'm saying, Floyd?
I'm picking up what you putting down, Big C.
-Are you picking it up? -I'm picking it up.
-Thank you. -Speaking of picking it up,
you might wanna pick up them burgers and flip them.
-I think they're burning. Yeah. -[gasping]
[music]
What's up, y'all? Hey, Jazzy.
Let me try this again. [mutters]
What's up, y'all? Hey, Jazzy.
Hello?
Y'all didn't hear me walk in? What's going on?
Hey, babe. How was your day?
It was good. How about yours?
It was good. You know, same old, same old.
Woke up, fed the baby.
Took the baby to the park, played with the baby.
Baby pooped, baby threw up on me.
Now baby up there, taking a nap.
Well, that sounds exciting.
What about you? What you up to?
Washing clothes and killing time.
Don't y'all have a laundromat on campus?
Yeah, but I don't like their machines.
They never let you know when your clothes are done.
Like that.
Yeah, only the good machines do that.
Right?
-Please let me know what I miss. -Okay.
Hold on. Just the person I wanted to see.
-I'll do it for 75. -Wait, what?
Whatever you about to ask me, I'll do it for $75.
You don't even know what it is.
It really doesn't matter what it is.
I'm good, thanks.
Fine, but when I come back down, the price is going up.
Hey, babe. How about we have a little date night tonight?
-Like tonight? -Yeah.
I'm good. I mean, I got my good sweats on,
plus dude on the show, they just robbed a bank,
and he about to snitch on his homies.
And baby up there asleep, anyway.
[door closing] Hey, ya'll. What's going on?
Hey, Dad, just the man I wanted to see.
Uh-oh, I know what that means. Fifty dollars.
What? You too? What the...
Whatever it is, it's going to cost you $50.
Why do you think I want something?
All right, I do. Look,
I wanted to have a date night with Lisa,
and I wanted to know if you and Mom could babysit.
-A date night? -Yeah.
I think we really need it, man.
We haven't really been seeing eye-to-eye lately.
Yeah, I know.
The other night, y'all have been going at it like World War III.
I thought the twins was playing too rough,
come to find out she throwing shoes at you.
Exactly, she doing all that over some toilet paper.
It's crazy.
It goes under, right?
-That's what I thought. -See? I knew. I tried to...
Anyway, Auntie Ella's gonna cook
and Miranda's gonna decorate the backyard
all up nice and everything.
So I think
it'll be good for us to have some us time.
Yeah. Yeah, I understand that.
Me and your mom had a few rough spots in our day.
You know, relationships are hard,
especially when you add a baby to the mix.
-Yeah. -So I respect you
for stepping up like a Payne, right?
I'm proud of you.
Well, thanks, Dad. So you going to babysit?
Yeah. Fifty dollars.
-Come on. -Hey, man,
babysitters are expensive in this economy.
Hey, ain't that that crime show?
Yep.
Oh, man, I love how the perp be acting all hard.
He be acting all hard
right before they get ready to start snitching.
Man, they about to give him some chips and a soda.
He about to spill all the tea.
Hey, baby, Mom and Dad are gonna watch the baby tonight,
and we gonna have a little date night.
I don't know.
Free food, Aunt Ella's doing the cooking.
-Big facts? -Yeah.
Uh, sure, yeah. Those facts are big.
-All right. -Cool. This is gonna be fun.
[Lisa] Yeah, yeah...
Hey, they about to bring this fool a chicken dinner.
You know he getting ready to snitch on everybody.
[mutters angrily]
Yes, it is. I'm telling you that's the address
that's on the bottle, Curtis.
Well, you were wrong, Floyd.
You always say I'm wrong.
-'Cause you always are wrong. -Sometimes I'm almost right.
Fellas, fellas, hello.
-Are you fussing? -He fussing.
-Are you fussing? -I ain't fussing.
We went all the way down to the address on the bottle
to handle our business with them fools, you heard me?
-Turns out it was a daycare. -[Floyd] Yeah.
We went down there to shake them up,
and they didn't say anything.
Well, what did you find out?
Well, they were babies.
They literally didn't say anything.
Oh, boy.
The owners at the daycare was just as surprised as we were
their address was on the bottle.
Somebody is bootlegging Curtis' sauce.
-What? -And they are playing detective.
Mr. Payne, that's horrible.
How did you find out?
-The chef at the food truck, -[Miranda] Uh-huh?
Yeah, he bought it from some old shady character
out the trunk of his car.
And you bought one too?
I was hungry. Don't judge me.
Wait, they blowing up fast.
They already got a thousand likes.
And they talking smack about my sauce.
"The fire chief's sauce tastes like dirty socks."
Ooh.
"#Les Sexy Sauce is better."
I'm on Nastygram too and it says,
"Chief Payne's sauce made me lose my libi--
-Hm. -Yeah.
They hitting below the belt now, bro.
Okay, Mr. Payne, you have to get an attorney,
because that is trademark infringement.
It's slander.
They're using your logo.
You know what? That's a good idea right there.
That's a good idea.
-Floyd, go get our paperwork. -Cool. Be right back, bro.
-Slander? -That's what it is.
-Fraud? -That's what it is.
If they... They're gonna have to pay you.
Yeah, they gonna have to pay me,
'cause I've got the paperwork to prove it, you heard?
-You don't take my sauce. -Wait a minute.
-Uh, Curtis. -Hey, get the hell out my room.
Um, you were supposed to file the paperwork.
Floyd, I told you to file it, and you said you would.
But I thought you said you was gonna do it, though.
So you mean to tell me
that you did not protect your own sauce, Curtis?
Well, I thought we did.
Curtis, did you protect it?
I did protect the recipe.
I've got an email somewhere.
Good luck, Mr. Payne.
Oh, look.
So they just sent an address of where they're gonna be.
Looks like they gonna be at a food truck down in midtown.
Well, good. I say we go over there,
and show up and show out.
Okay, wait a minute.
Chill out, bad boys.
Curtis, you are two middle-aged Black men
with bad knees and a bad back.
You go running down there all fast,
your knees are gonna snap.
Baby, you know my knees ain't that bad.
But my back is.
Okay. You all be smart, okay?
You are professional business men.
Act like it.
You know she right, right?
Yeah, she usually is.
-Mm! I got it. -What? What? What?
-How about we go down there, -Mm-hmm.
-and act like lawyers? -Mm.
And handle a little business.
-You heard me? -Come on.
Put a little pressure on them.
Sounds good, 'cause you know what?
Lawyers always make me nervous.
-Yeah, so go put a suit on. -Okay.
And we'll show them we mean business.
Be right back!
Is that a real suit or a warm-up suit?
You go get the hell out of here.
[romantic violin solo]
These lambchops is bussin'.
Hello. How is everything?
-Everything is amazing. -Yeah.
Tell the chef she did her thing.
-Absolutely. -Yeah.
Well, I think she can hear you.
[Ella] You're welcome.
And thank you as well for everything.
No, it has absolutely been my pleasure.
However, I do hope that the gratitude
is reflected in your tips.
[laughs]
-Oh, you serious? -Mm-hmm.
I'll handle you later. Thank you.
Now, why would you go and do that?
You have your own food.
I know, but I want yours too.
But you have your own!
And I want yours too. It tastes better.
No, it doesn't. It's no difference.
-Why you yelling... -I'm not yelling!
Hey, man. Come on.
Please.
-What's wrong with us? -I don't know. I...
I just think we're not connecting anymore.
Yeah. I haven't been feeling the same either.
Knock, knock.
Hello, hello.
How's our little couple doing this evening?
-We a'ight. -We a'ight.
Well, we have dessert for you.
White chocolate-covered strawberries?
-[Ella] Mm-hmm. -I love these.
-You remembered. -No, I didn't.
-I... -Mm-mm.
Yeah... Yeah. I remembered. You right.
You know, relationships
are a lot like these little fellows.
-How? -[Ella] Oh, well,
first you have to pick them out of the dirt.
Then you wash them.
And you pack them up,
and you ship them away.
And then we go to the store and we buy them.
And I bring them home and wash them again.
[Lisa] [laughs]
And then we chill them,
dip them in white chocolate.
And then we chill them again.
-It's... -That's a lot of work.
Exactly.
It takes a lot of work.
And now you two have a baby living with you.
So you're gonna have to be smarter
and work harder for your relationship
to be sweet.
Listen, guys.
When Calvin and I stopped putting in the work,
that's when our relationship fell apart.
So if you want this to survive,
you gotta put in the work.
-Sir. -Thank you.
Madame.
And that's it. The rest are for me.
-Enjoy your evening. -Thank you.
Thank you.
You know, Aunt Ella was right.
Yeah, she usually is.
How about this? We start back over
from square one and fix this?
Yeah, I mean, look,
I love our family, but sometimes I just need a break.
No, and I understand that.
I'll do a better job of giving you those breaks
and taking some of the stress off of you.
Can we do more dates like this?
I don't know if Chef Ella is gonna be available.
-[Ella] Huh! She won't!
See?
But, yeah, we can start doing more date nights
and checking in with each other.
-I love that. -Sounds good.
Hey, start back over.
I love you, baby.
This is bussin'.
These are real good.
-No. No. No. -Yeah. For real.
And then I walked up to him with a stack of paperwork,
and I said, "My client has ordered you
to cease and desist immediately."
Wait, you had paperwork?
Actually, it was just some old instructions
to a bookshelf I never put together.
-Curtis. -Right.
Baby, turns out wasn't nothing but some kid
trying to make a name for himself.
Yep, and met Big C.
He got him straight.
Your intellectual property is very important
-[Curtis] Mm-hmm. -You gotta protect it.
Believe me, lesson learned.
First thing in the morning, I'm going down
and I'mma make sure all my ducks are in a row.
Yeah.
And they had the audacity to put Billy D on the bottle.
-Did you see this? -That's not Billy D.
-Really? No? -No, that's me.
This is you?
I don't, I don't, I don't... I don't see it.
[mocks Miranda]
No, I still don't... I don't see it.
-I do. I do, baby. I see it. -Thank you, baby.
I see Billy. Hey, Billy.
-That's our cue. Yeah. -That's our cue.
-[Floyd] All right. Good night. -Enjoy
Come on, Billy.
No, Billy, don't you eat that.
Do you want that or do you want this?
Shoot, I want both of you.
Well, come on, Billy.
I want both of you.