>> MY LEGS HURT.
>> YOU WANT THE ROLE, DON'T YOU?
STAY FOCUSED ON THE MISSION.
>> MY BUTT HURTS.
>> NO PAIN, NO GAIN.
>> MY TEETH HURT.
>> OOH, THAT'S PROBABLY BAD.
OH! HEY.
>> MAKE-OUT BREAK.
>> MM-MM.
>> WHAT?
>> YOU KNOW, GIRL, DO NOT START
SOMETHING YOU CAN'T FINISH.
>> [chuckles]
WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
>> YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT
MEANS.
ONCE AGAIN MY NAME IS NOT THE
ONLY THING THAT'S BLUE.
>> RELAX.
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS WHO
KISS.
>> WELL, IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS.
WHAT IF I WANT TO DO MORE THAN
JUST KISS?
>> WELL, THEN YOU NEED TO BE
MORE THAN JUST MY FRIEND.
>> LOOK, YOU KNOW WE'RE MORE
THAN FRIENDS.
>> OH, REALLY?
WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THIS?
>> THIS I WOULD CALL RIDICULOUS.
I'M A GROWN-ASS MAN STANDING IN
THE BUSHES WITH A CHUMPY.
>> NO, THAT'S CALLED A PERV.
I'M TALKING ABOUT US.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK, I KNOW THAT I LIKE YOU, I
KNOW I LIKE DOING THINGS WITH
YOU, AND I KNOW I WANT TO KEEP
DOING THINGS WITH YOU.
NASTY THINGS WITH YOU.
>> [laughs]
SEE, NOW THAT IS WHY YOU'RE
STANDING IN THE BUSHES WITH A
CHUMPY, CHUMP.
COME ON, LET'S GO FINISH THE
MISSION.
>> I NEED A MINUTE.
NAKED GRANDMA, NAKED GRANDMA,
NAKED GRANDMA.
AH, THERE WE GO.
[rock music]
♪
>> HEY, POOK, WHAT YOU DOING?
PLAYING WORDS WITH FRIENDSWITH
YOUR PRISON WIFE?
>> HA-HA, NO, BABY.
I'M WORKING ON MY NEW BUSINESS
PLAN.
YO, APPARENTLY YOUR BOY RICK FOX
BOUGHT A GUN, SO HE WON'T BE
NEEDING MY SECURITY SERVICES
NOW.
>> WHAT?
>> YEAH.
>> AH!
DAMN THAT RICK FOX!
LORD, YOU KNOW WHAT, MAY HE JUST
SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE FACE.
AMEN?
[knock at door]
>> YEAH, SAY A PRAYER FOR ME
TOO.
BUSINESS IS SLOW DOWN HERE.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO KEEP SOME OF
MY CLIENTS UP NORTH JUST TO MAKE
ENDS MEET.
>> YOU GONNA BE ALL RIGHT, BABY.
>> [grunts]
>> OKAY?
>> MM-HMM.
>> OH.
>> HEY, GIRL.
>> HEY.
>> WHAT'S UP, POOKIE?
>> WHAT UP? WHAT UP?
>> SCARY MOVIE 5TIME.
YOU READY?
>> YEAH, LET ME JUST GET MY
WEED BAG.
>> YO, WEED?
>> I MEAN MY PURSE.
>> FOR REAL?
>> OKAY, AND DO NOT JUDGE ME.
YOU KNOW I HAVE GLAUCOMAS.
>> YEAH, RIGHT.
>> ALL RIGHT, POOKIE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> LOVE YOU.
>> ALL RIGHT. LOVE YOU TOO.
>> BYE, POOKIE.
>> ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL BE GOOD.
>> OH, WE GONNA BE GOOD.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> MM.
HEY.
>> OKAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
>> WHAT THE HELL?
SO WE NOT GONNA GO SEE
SCARY MOVIE 5?
>> SPOILER ALERT: GIRL, IT AIN'T
BEEN FUNNY SINCE THE WAYANS.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, TASHA, THIS IS
SOME B.S.
NOW I'M ABOUT TO MISS MY MOVIE
BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR...
VEHICULAR FREAKNIK.
>> DON'T WORRY, JASON'S WIFE.
I'M NOT DOING THIS
BACK-AND-FORTH ANYMORE.
TASHA, IT'S EITHER ME OR PINKIE.
>> POOKIE.
>> WHATEVER. CHOOSE.
>> LOOK, RICK, I'M TIRED OF
CHEATING TOO, OKAY?
IT AIN'T IN MY BLOOD.
GIVES ME AGITA.
LOOK, I LOVE YOU, RICK, OKAY?
AND I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
LORD KNOWS I'VE TRIED.
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO LET
PINKIE GO.
POOKIE.
>> REALLY?
>> REALLY.
>> [sighs]
POOR, POOR POOKIE.
>> OH, GOD. WAIT, POOKIE.
I GOTTA BREAK THE NEWS TO HIM.
>> OOH, USE SPEAKERPHONE.
>> NO.
COME ON, RICK, ME AND POOKIE,
WE'VE BEEN DOWN FOR EACH OTHER
SINCE WE WERE KIDS, ALL RIGHT?
I'VE ALREADY DONE ENOUGH TO HURT
HIM.
JUST GIVE ME A DAY OR TWO, OKAY?
>> ALL RIGHT, BABE, I GOT YOU.
>> [chuckles]
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
>> IT'S HARD TO GET MY PANTS
OFF.
>> NO, NO, NO, I'M GONNA GET
THESE PANTS OFF.
>> YEAH, GET IT. BABY.
>> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU MIGHT
WANT TO HURRY UP AND CATCH THAT
MOVIE.
>> YEAH, TWICE.
>> WELL, WELL, WELL.
MISS SHEIBANI.
WE MEET AGAIN.
>> MR. WRIGHT.
WELL, I KNOW YOU'VE CALLED MY
OFFICE SEVERAL TIMES FOR A
MEETING, BUT LIKE I TOLD YOU
BEFORE, WE'RE JUST IN DIFFERENT
BUSINESSES.
NOW, IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME, I
HAVE A MEETING WITH AN
UP-AND-COMING JAPANESE TEXTILE
IMPORTER, MR. TEMPURA, AND I--
OH, GOD.
>> ARIGATO.
I WAS GONNA GO WITH MR. MIYAGI,
BUT IT FELT TOO JOKEY.
NOW LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
>> I TOLD YOU, I AM NOT
INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH YOU
UNLESS YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT
TAKING YOUR BRAND TO THE NEXT
LEVEL.
AND YOUR BADONKADONK BURGER
JOINT DOESN'T SAY SERIOUS OR
NEXT LEVEL.
IT SAYS HEART DISEASE.
>> OKAY, I GOT YOU.
WELL, I BROUGHT ALONG 50,000 OF
MY FRIENDS...
BOOM, BOOM.
THEY CAN VOUCH FOR JUST HOW
SERIOUS I AM.
I WAS GONNA PUT IT IN A
BRIEFCASE, BUT IT FELT TOO
JOKEY.
>> GOOD-BYE, MALIK.
>> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
MISS SHEIBANI.
YES, I COULD GO WITH ANOTHER
BUSINESS CONSULTANT, BUT I'VE
DONE MY RESEARCH.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU DO BUSINESS.
YOU'RE YOUNG, YOU'RE FLY, YOU'RE
SUCCESSFUL, YOU'RE--YOU'RE THE
FEMALE VERSION OF MALIK WRIGHT.
AND I SEE YOU SPORT THE WIDOW'S
PEAK TOO.
I LOVE THAT. LOVE--
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
MISS SHEIBANI, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SORRY.
IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, MY SHELF
LIFE AS AN ATHLETE IS ALMOST UP.
AND I REALLY WANT TO--NO, I NEED
TO CREATE A FUTURE FOR MYSELF.
AND MY GUT IS TELLING ME THAT'S
WITH YOU.
>> I LIKED THE PART WHERE YOU
CALLED ME YOUNG AND FLY.
OKAY.
IF YOU ARE AS SERIOUS AS YOU
SOUND, MEET ME AT SHEIBANI
TOWERS TOMORROW, 11:00 A.M.,
SUITE 3512, OKAY?
BE THERE ON TIME OR DO NOT BE
THERE AT ALL.
>> I GOT IT.
I'LL BE THERE 11:00 A.M.
TOMORROW MORNING.
[laughter and chatter]
>> OKAY, LADIES.
[bell dinging]
ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
LADIES. HEIFERS! HEIFERS!
DAMN.
THANK YOU.
OKAY.
NOW, AS YOU KNOW, I AM YOUR NEW
SUNBEAM PRESIDENT, SO FEEL FREE
TO HENCEFORTH AND FORTHWITH
REFER TO ME AS MADAM PRESIDENT.
OH, AND TO MY LATINAS, IT'S
EL PRESIDENTE.
AND TO YOU HOOD RATS, IT'S
THE DON-DADA.
AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.
>> WHAT ABOUT LYING?
>> OOH, EXCUSE YOU, NEWBIE.
OKAY, EL PRESIDENTEIS STILL
HABLA-ING.
>> [chuckles]
>> NOW, PRE-SEASON, IT IS COMING
UP ON US, OKAY, SO I HAVE A LIST
OF ACTIVITIES, AND I'M GONNA BE
NEEDING SOME VOLUNTEERS FOR IT.
SO I'M GONNA START WITH YOU
ROOKIE SUNBEAMS.
>> OKAY.
OOH, BAKE SALE.
GOT MY NAME WRITTEN ALL OVER
THAT LITERALLY.
CHARDONIZZAY. OKAY.
I'M JUST PLAYING.
>> EW.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M NOT SURE
I'M GONNA BE A SUNBEAM MUCH
LONGER.
>> WHY? WHAT ELSE YOU GOT TO DO?
>> WELL, I'M NOT REALLY
COMFORTABLE DISCUSSING MY
BUSINESS IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
>> IS THIS SEX BUSINESS?
>> I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT
IT.
>> OH, HELL.
ALL RIGHT, WRAP IT UP, LADIES.
[bell dinging]
KEIRA'S ABOUT TO LOSE BLUE OVER
SOME SEX BUSINESS.
NOW I DON'T KNOW IF SHE
FREAKY-DEAKY OR SHE AIN'T
FREAKY ENOUGH, OKAY?
BUT I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN WE
RECONVENE.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S IT FOR NOW, SUNBEAMS.
GO ON, LADIES.
GET UP OUT OF HERE.
YOU HEARD THE BELL.
[bell dings]
TIME'S UP.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
UH-UH, NOT YOU, CINDERELLA.
I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT THAT
LITTLE LIAR REMARK, OKAY?
YOUR ROOKIE BUTT, GIRL, YOU GOT
CLEANUP DUTY.
>> [scoffs] WHATEVER.
>> GO ON.
>> BOSSY.
>> WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, LITTLE
GIRL?
>> THINGS ARE JUST KIND OF
GETTING OUT OF HAND WITH ME AND
BLUE.
>> OH, LORD.
IF HE BEAT YOU, I DON'T WANT TO
KNOW.
WE GOT A REAL BIG GAME THIS W--
>> NO, HE DIDN'T BEAT ME.
>> WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE
PROBLEM?
HE TOO BIG?
HE TOO SMALL?
NO, NO, HE TOO BIG, HUH?
HE GOT ONE OF THEM ELEPHANT
TRUNKS, DON'T HE?
>> UM, I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE NEVER SEEN IT.
>> WHY NOT?
>> BECAUSE WE'VE NEVER DONE IT.
AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE I WANT HIM
TO BE MY FIRST.
>> FIRST WHAT?
FIRST FOOTBALL PLAYER?
>> NO.
>> YOUR FIRST BLACK MAN?
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT, I READ
ABOUT YOU AND THAT McCULKIN.
>> NO.
>> WELL, DAMN, YOU CAN'T MEAN
THAT YOU AIN'T NEVER HAD SEX
BEFORE.
>> A VIRGIN?
GIRL, WAIT A MINUTE.
AIN'T YOU ABOUT 25?
>> IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
I JUST HAVEN'T MET THE GUY THAT
I WANT TO GO THERE WITH.
YOU KNOW, ALL THE GUYS I MEET
ARE ACTORS OR DIRECTORS OR SOME
BALLERS AND JUST GUYS THAT WANT
TO RUN THROUGH A BUNCH OF CHICKS
LIKE MALIK.
NO OFFENSE.
>> NONE TAKEN.
GIRL, MY SON IS DISGUSTING.
>> DISGUSTING.
>> I KNOW WHERE YOU COMING FROM,
BUT IF I WOULD HAVE BELIEVED
EVERYTHING I HEARD ABOUT
FOOTBALL PLAYERS, I NEVER WOULD
HAVE GOT WITH JASON.
I THINK EVERYBODY DESERVES A
BLANK CANVAS.
>> PSSH, BUMP A BLANK CANVAS.
OKAY, LOVE IS MESSY.
IT AIN'T EVER BEEN A PRETTY
PICTURE.
I MEAN, SOMETIMES IT'S MUSCULAR,
STOCKY, WITH TWO STRIKES.
OTHER TIMES IT'S BIG, DUMB, WITH
JOHNNY MATHIS HAIR.
SO WHAT YOU GONNA DO?
WHAT, YOU JUST GONNA WALK
THROUGH LIFE WITH WHITE WALLS?
NO, YOU NEED SOMEBODY TO COME IN
THERE AND JUST BANG THEM WALLS
OUT, JUST...
[growls]
JUST TEAR 'EM DOWN.
>> UH, OKAY, I APPRECIATE THE
MOTHERLY ADVICE, BUT I'M GOOD.
I'M JUST GONNA STICK TO MY LIST,
AND WHEN I MEET THE GUY THAT
LIVES UP TO IT, THEN MAYBE I'LL
THINK ABOUT LETTING MY WALLS
COME DOWN.
>> WELL, GIRL, WHAT'S ON YOUR
LIST?
>> [chuckles]
>> WELL, "A," SOMEONE WHO
DOESN'T THINK WINING AND DINING
ME IS GONNA GET THEM IN MY
PANTS.
I CAN PAY FOR MY OWN FOOD, THANK
YOU VERY MUCH.
>> YES.
>> MM, OKAY.
WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?
>> "B," SOMEONE WHO HAS MY BACK
FOR A CHANGE.
I'M TIRED OF BEING SOMEONE'S ARM
CANDY.
IT'D BE NICE TO, YOU KNOW,
HAVE SOMEONE CARE ABOUT MY
CAREER.
>> MM-HMM.
>> OKAY.
ANYTHING ELSE, PRINCESS?
>> SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE ME
LAUGH EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE BAD.
>> OH.
>> GIRL, I'M GETTING READY TO DO
IT RIGHT NOW.
JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE AIN'T NO
SHARP OBJECTS UP IN HERE.
OKAY, 'CAUSE YOU KNOW HE GOT TWO
STRIKES.
I AIN'T TRYING TO GET TO THREE.
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL CALL YOU LATER,
BABY.
BYE.
>> HEY, BABE.
>> HEY.
>> HUH?
JUST GOT MY INTERNATIONAL FLYING
PAPERS.
AND I'M HEADED TO JUAREZ WITH
2 CHAINZ.
>> OKAY, SO, WAIT, SO YOU HEADED
TO MEXICO, BUT YOU GONNA LEAVE
MY HOUSE LOOKING LIKE LIKE
TIJUANA AFTER THE CARTEL DONE
RAN THROUGH IT?
SOMETHING GOT TO GIVE, POOK.
>> OH, WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS--THIS IS A SIDE EFFECT OF
THE "CHANGE," ISN'T IT?
>> HOW DARE YOU?
OKAY, THE ONLY THING NEEDS TO
CHANGE UP IN HERE IS YOU.
HELL, YOU'RE SMOTHERING ME,
POOK, DAMN.
I NEED SOME SPACE.
>> TASHA, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
>> LOOK, I'M SAYING, I'M TIRED
OF LOOKING AT YOUR MESS, OKAY?
I'M TIRED OF LOOKING AT YOUR
SOCKS.
TIRED OF LOOKING AT YOUR BOOKS.
TERRY MCMILLAN, TOM CLANCY,
YOU'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
PICK A DAMN GENRE.
OH, AND REALLY?
WHAT IS THIS?
>> [stammers]
>> OH, OH, OKAY, WHAT, A DIAMOND
PINKIE RING?
SO WHAT THE HELL, YOU DOING A
BLAXPLOITATION MOVIE NOW?
>> NO, IT'S AN EMERALD-SHAPED
DIAMOND.
THE SAME ONE JAMES DEBARGE GAVE
TO JANET JACKSON.
SAME ONE THAT YOU SAID THAT YOU
WANTED WHEN YOU SAW THEM ON
SOUL TRAINWHEN WE WERE LITTLE
KIDS, HMM?
>> OH, GOD, POOK.
>> LOOK, LATASHA MACK, WILL YOU
MARRY ME?
>> YES.
YES!
YES. YES!
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT, BABY.
>> both: OHH.
>> OOH.
>> YO, MY MAN.
WHAT'S UP WITH THE ELEVATORS?
>> OH, THEY'LL BE BACK UP IN
15 MINUTES.
>> DAMN.
MAN, I GOT A MEETING ON THE
35TH FLOOR AT 11:00.
IT'S ONLY 10:52, MAN.
YOU'RE GOOD.
>> THE MEETING AIN'T WITH BLACK
PEOPLE.
>> OH, YOU SCREWED, BRO.
[cell phone rings]
>> HELLO.
>> SHUT UP.
I'M ENGAGED TO POOKIE.
>> ENGAGED?
THOUGHT YOU WAS ABOUT TO BREAK
UP WITH POOKIE?
>> I KNOW, GIRL. I TRIED.
I PICKED A FIGHT WITH HIM AND
EVERYTHING.
BUT INSTEAD, GIRL, HE GAVE ME
THE JANET RING.
[singsong] A JANET RING.
[chuckles]
GIRL, WHEN POOKIE PUT THIS RING
ON MY FINGER, HONEY, MY WHOLE
LIFE WITH US, IT JUST FLASHED
BEFORE MY EYES.
MM-HMM.
I SAW US RETIRING IN RICHMOND.
GIRL, WE HAD A WHITE
CHAIN-LINKED FENCE, AND WE HAD A
YARD FULL OF PIT BULLS.
IT WAS NICE.
>> HOLD UP.
WHAT HAPPENED TO "RICK, I LOVE
YOU, YOU THE ONLY MAN FOR ME,
AND LET'S DO IT ALL UP AND
THROUGH CHARDONNAY'S CAR WITHOUT
EVEN HAVING THE DECENCY OF
GETTING IT DETAILED AFTERWARDS,
RICK"?
>> WHO YOU TALKING TO?
>> OOH, GOTTA GO.
HUH?
>> YOU SAID RICK.
WERE YOU JUST TALKING TO
RICK FOX?
>> UM, MM-HMM.
HE WANTS TO COME TO SPADONNAY
AND GET A CONSULTATION, A HAIR
CONSULTATION.
YEAH, HE WAS LIKE, "SO DO I ROCK
THE CURLS, DO I KEEP IT LOW, GO
ALL GRAY?"
YOU KNOW, I'M LIKE A DOCTOR.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT, WELL, I HOPE
YOU TOLD HIM TO ROCK THE GRAY.
>> PSSH, YOU KNOW I DID.
>> [chuckles]
>> HEY!
>> UH, IT'S OKAY, LYNN.
>> YEAH, LYNN, WE'RE GOOD.
THANK YOU. SHE'S A SWEETHEART.
OKAY, WE CAN START THE MEETING
NOW.
>> THERE IS NO MEETING.
>> NO, NO, NO, NO, I MADE IT,
GIRL.
I GOT, LIKE, A MINUTE TO SPARE.
COME ON NOW.
>> THERE WAS NEVER A MEETING,
MALIK.
THIS WAS A TEST.
I REALLY WANTED TO SEE HOW
SERIOUS YOU WERE, SO I HAD THE
ELEVATOR SHUT DOWN.
AND I HAVE TO SAY, I'M
IMPRESSED.
>> WELL, I HAVE TO SAY YOU A
DIRTY, MANIPULATIVE SNOB.
AND YOU CAN KISS MY SWEATY,
STINKY BLACK BUTT.
>> ARE YOU FINISHED?
>> HELL, NO, I AIN'T FINISHED.
CAN YOU VALIDATE MY PARKING?
>> OF COURSE, BUT BEFORE YOU
GO, THERE ARE A FEW IMPORTANT
GENTLEMEN THAT I WOULD REALLY
LIKE YOU TO MEET.
SEND THEM IN, LYNN.
THESE GENTLEMEN ARE LOOKING FOR
A SPOKESMAN AND PARTNER FOR
THEIR NEW LINE OF ENERGY DRINK.
THIS COULD BE HUGE.
I MEAN, NEXT LEVEL HUGE, OKAY?
THINK 50 CENT AND VITAMIN WATER.
BUT THERE'S NO VITAMINS AND
WE'RE STILL WAITING TO HEAR FROM
THE FDA IF WE CAN ACTUALLY CALL
IT WATER.
>> WE'RE EXCITED TO BE IN
BUSINESS WITH YOU, MALIK.
A MAN WHO CAN RUN UP 35 FLIGHTS
OF STAIRS IN 7 MINUTES?
PERFECT FACE FOR OUR BRAND,
BASICALLY WATER.
>> SO THE NAME OF THE PRODUCT IS
"BASICALLY WATER"?
>> I KNOW. I KNOW.
FEELS JOKEY, RIGHT?
>> NO, NO, NO, MM-MM.
NOT TO ME.
>> WELL, THEN CONGRATULATIONS,
PARTNER.
>> [chuckles]
>> WELCOME ABOARD.
>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I APPRECIATE IT.
[cell phone buzzing]
>> DAMN.
HEY, RICK.
>> SO DID YOU DO IT?
>> OH, YEAH.
I DID IT ALL RIGHT.
>> OH, HI.
>> OH, I SEE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE.
WHEW.
>> SORRY.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO LEARN THESE
LINES.
>> OH, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE
BEEN AVOIDING ME AFTER OUR RUN
THE OTHER DAY.
>> NO.
NO. NO.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I--THIS AUDITION
IS TOMORROW, AND I JUST, YOU
KNOW, I GOTTA NAIL IT.
>> WELL, YOU STILL GOTTA EAT.
I'LL WHIP YOU UP SOMETHING.
OOH, COBWEBS.
>> EXCUSE YOU.
THERE IS PLENTY IN THERE.
TOP SHELF, CHAMPAGNE.
BOTTOM SHELF, HALF CAN OF TUNA.
AND IN THE CUPBOARD YOU HAVE
SALTINES.
BOOM.
>> HA. SWEET.
CHAMPAGNE TUNA CASSEROLE COMING
UP.
YOU KNOW, I COULD HELP YOU WITH
YOUR LINES IF YOU WANT.
I'VE DONE THREE COMMERCIALS.
>> MM.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, LET ME SEE
YOUR SIDES.
WHAT? THAT'S ACTOR SPEAK.
>> I KNOW, BUT THIS IS A SCRIPT.
>> OHH.
EXCUSE ME.
>> IT'S AN INDIE, AND I PLAY A
GROCERY STORE CLERK WHO'S FROM
THE WRONG SIDE OF TOWN WHO FALLS
IN LOVE WITH THE OWNER'S SON.
>> LET'S GO.
"THE SHIPMENT OF EGGS WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE BY NOW.
MY DAD IS GONNA KILL ME."
>> "YOU?
I'M PROBABLY GONNA GET FIRED.
I NEED THIS JOB TO PAY FOR MY
MOM'S OPERATION."
>> "DON'T WORRY.
WHATEVER HAPPENS, I HAVE YOUR
BACK."
WHAT?
IT SAYS HERE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
KISS.
>> FORGET IT.
THIS IS STUPID.
>> OKAY, I'LL JUST GO BACK TO MY
TUNA CASSEROLE SURPRISE.
>> I MEAN, I JUST CAN'T TURN IT
ON.
IT'S YOU, AND IT'S ME.
IT'S WEIRD.
YOU KNOW IT'S WEIRD, RIGHT?
>> OKAY, SO I'M NOT ME, AND
YOU'RE NOT YOU.
>> OKAY.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHEN I HAD TO DO THOSE SANDWICH
COMMERCIALS, EVEN AFTER FIVE
TAKES OF FIVE FOOT-LONGS, I
STILL HAD TO ACT LIKE I WAS
HUNGRY.
I HAD TO CHANNEL MY EMOTIONS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO DO?
>> HMM.
>> I HAD TO REMEMBER WHEN I WAS
A KID, HOME ALONE, AND BOTH MY
PARENTS WERE DEPLOYED, AND, YOU
KNOW, I HAD TO MAKE DINNER OUT
OF WHATEVER WAS IN THE FRIDGE.
HENCE, CHAMPAGNE TUNA SURPRISE
WAS BORN...
AND TURKEY NOODLE KETCHUP
AMBUSH...
AND SWEET POTATO AVOCADO MEDLEY.
THE LIST JUST GOES ON.
>> YEAH, I SEE.
♪ DUH DUH DUH
IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF GOOD.
>> YEAH, THANK YOU.
>> [chuckles]
>> "THAT SHIPMENT OF EGGS WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE BY NOW.
MY DAD IS GONNA KILL ME."
>> "YOU?
I'M PROBABLY GONNA GET FIRED.
AND I NEED THIS JOB TO PAY FOR
MY MOM'S OPERATION."
>> "DON'T WORRY.
WHATEVER HAPPENS, I HAVE YOUR
BACK."
[Emilie Sande's River]
♪
>> ♪ FOLLOW ME
♪ I'LL BE YOUR RIVER, RIVER
♪ I'LL DO THE RUNNING FOR YOU
♪ FOLLOW ME
♪ I'LL BE YOUR RIVER, RIVER
♪ I'LL MOVE THE MOUNTAINS
♪ FOR YOU
♪ FOLLOW ME
♪ I'LL BE YOUR RIVER, RIVER
♪ I'M HERE
♪ TO KEEP YOU FLOATING
♪ FOLLOW ME
♪ I'LL BE YOUR RIVER, RIVER
♪ I'M HERE
♪ TO KEEP YOU FLOATING
♪ FOLLOW ME
♪ I'LL BE YOUR RIVER, RIVER
♪ RIVER, RIVER, YEAH
♪ FOLLOW ME