Ooh, how about this one?
"Once you go Mack, you never go back."
Kelly, Tasha Mack Management needs a slogan, not a pun.
I need you to go deeper.
Now, I need something that's going to speak
to the level of clientele that I want to attract.
Tasha, we've been at this all day.
It's after 6:00 and there's a gaggle of Sunbeams at my house
waiting for me to start a meeting.
Not to mention the wife
of our new superstar defensive end will be there,
and I need to give her the official Sunbeam salutation.
Well, Kelly, I'm sorry,
but when I gave you this job,
you said you were going to make it your priority.
Now, if the Sunbeams are more important,
I need to know.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
I'll keep working on it.
Tasha Mack, remind me to spit in her snack.
(clears throat)
Oh, I'm sorry, my medical stuff.
Thanks.
Camille Savage.
Oh, hi.
Melanie Barnett.
Tell me, Melanie, where can I get
a copy of the minutes from the last meeting?
-Minutes? -Mm-hmm.
Oh, you can't.
We don't usually put anything in writing.
(whispering): That way there's no paper trail.
Oh, things are pretty casual around here.
-Mm-hmm. -Neat.
Hi, ladies!
ALL: Hi!
Sorry I'm late, but such are the responsibilities
of a working woman.
Hey, Kelly, where's Tasha?
Uh, she's still at work,
trying to figure out what rhymes with Mack
besides black, smack and crack.
Oh, you must be Camille!
Kelly Pitts.
Let me officially welcome you
-to the Saber Sunbeams. -Oh.
Thank you.
(both chuckle)
Why doesn't everyone take a seat and we'll get started?
Okay...!
First order of business... cheers!
ALL: Cheers!
(sigh of satisfaction)
Second order of business,
let's all welcome our newest Sunbeam, Camille.
Cheers!
ALL: Cheers!
Oh, Camille,
you don't have a glass.
I don't drink.
-What? -(Kelly gasps)
Oh, you're pregnant!
(all exclaiming)
No.
Are you on medication?
No, I just don't drink.
-(all gasp and murmur) -KELLY: Oh.
Okay.
Well, welcome.
Um, now on to other business.
Yes, Erica?
So you don't drink at all?
As most of you know, our upcoming charity benefit
for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
will be held at the Absolutely Apes habitat
at the San Diego Zoo.
Tonight, I'm going to assign Sunbeams to various committees
and make sure everyone's on the same page.
Well, when I was president
-of the Arizona Ladies Organization... -Um, actually,
we usually raise our hands and get recognized.
But you're new, so feel free, you know.
Anyway, I chaired a similar event at the Phoenix Zoo,
and if you like, I can share some of the things I did
that led everyone, including the Phoenix Gazette,
to call the event "wildly successful."
Uh, actually, these plans have already been finalized.
We're in the execution phase.
Okay... but good ideas are good ideas, are they not?
Certainly, during the idea phase,
which we're no longer in.
So, if you don't mind, I'd like to move on.
I don't mind at all.
I was just trying to help.
That's why I'm here: to support you.
Mm, thank you.
(chuckles)
Hanging out with Tiger Woods, you done changed.
(laughing)
Hey, there's Ty Savage!
Let's do it. Got it, got it.
Man, I can't believe I'm going to be playing with that guy!
He ain't all that.
Are you serious?
14 sacks and 57 tackles last season.
-Yo, this kid is a beast! -Hell, yeah.
A beast that can finally get us a ring, right?
"This kid is a beast!"
"He's gonna get us a ring."
Why don't I get some baby oil
so y'all can massage his ass muscles?
You're just mad 'cause he laid you out a few times.
So now my concussion is a joke to you?
You know I still can't taste salt?
Or throw a football straight.
(chuckling)
I'm gonna go say something to him.
Come on, push!
Yeah!
Ty Savage, Derwin Davis, one of the receivers.
Oh, offense, huh?
Well, this is defense's bench.
Only defense can use this bench!
We own this bench!
De-fense!
ALL: Defense!
Uh, yeah.
You know, I probably was just going
to go jump some rope...
you know, cardio,
and, um, so, anyway, welcome.
And I just wanted to say hey
before I started stretching, so...
I'm not sure if you guys overheard,
but, uh, we better not use that bench.
Defense called keepsies on it.
And you slinked away like a little girl.
No, sir, I told him I'm going to jump some rope.
Dude must be tripping-- this is our team.
-Come on. -He lost his mind.
Come on.
Derwin, you coming?
Yeah, but don't you want to get some more guys?
-Rookie! -Let's go!
(both clear throat)
We got next on this bench.
I guess you didn't talk to your boy.
Uh, no, Ty, I-I told them.
He told us you seem to be a little confused
about how this team operates.
Well, I know how I operate, so I'm good.
Why don't you just save your little speech
for someone who doesn't have a ring...
or three.
Fool, you think you're just gonna come up in our house
-and disrespect us?! No! -Malik, Malik, Malik,
no, no, no, no, let me handle this.
Look, dude, I don't know how it was in (lisping):Arizona,
but here, we're one team.
Don't do that. Don't do that.
Okay, see, that's where you're wrong.
'Cause there's offense and then there's defense.
That-that sounds like two to me.
-One, two. -(snickers)
Look, Ty, I know you're new here.
Uh, happy to have you,
but everybody in here can use every piece
of equipment, all right, so use it, enjoy it.
Remember to wipe your sweat off as a courtesy to others.
(chuckles)
(snorts, spits)
(hawking, spits)
What? What
(spits) That courteous enough?
Man.
Yeah, this one's defense's.
Y'all nasty.
Bye, boys.
(answering machine plays sound of rainfall)
(bird squawks, bell dings in distance)
(machine beeps)
Almost got it.
(snaps fingers) Play it again.
Tasha, it... it wasn't a call.
They hung up.
It was a wrong number!
You don't know that.
Could have been a prospective client calling
and he got distracted and had to hang up.
So if we can figure out who it is,
we can call him back.
Now, that rain in the background
tells me it's raining.
And that bell... tell me it's some kind of...
Bell?
No, girl, it's a buoy.
Stay with me.
And that bird sound...
I know that bird.
It's a penguin!
Penguins don't sound like that.
They do when they're hurt.
Now, get online
and find a rainy place
that's hurting penguins near a buoy.
Tasha,
I know you're worried about finding clients,
but this is crazy.
And it's after 6:00.
And if the next words that come out of your mouth
have something to do with those Sunbeams,
you're going to be screaming like that damn penguin.
Now,
play it again and get your Sherlock on.
(sighs)
(bell ringing over sound of rainfall)
(bird squawking)
(bell rings)
(answering machine beeps)
MAN (over TV): Forecast, mostly sunny skies today...
Is Kelly always late?
-Yes. -Because this is only my second meeting
and I'm already tired of my time being wasted.
Yeah, I'm here when I need to be tailing my husband.
I'm gonna catch him. Oh, I'm gonna catch him.
Does anybody have a problem
if we start the meeting without her?
No, go ahead, girl.
(sighs) I do.
Well, majority rules.
Thank you, ladies, and welcome.
(chuckles)
I would like to take this opportunity
to share some of my ideas for the charity event
that I was prevented from sharing at the last meeting.
Hmm.
Guys, this isn't right.
You're out of order.
No, you're out of order.
You just got here two days ago.
Come on now, Melanie.
Let's get something done
so this isn't a complete waste of time.
Go on, girl.
Now, since this
is a benefit for ADHD and being held at a zoo,
I thought we could have ADHD children handling
different animals to promote animal therapy, hmm?
Which has been shown
to be an effective non-pharmaceutical treatment.
Okay, uh,
that data... still in question.
And as for every charity event,
we should consider hybrid vehicles
'cause it sends a message
about how we Sunbeams feel about the environment.
(murmuring)
We Sunbeams?
What are you doing?
Is that my gavel?
Well, some of the Sunbeams felt a little upset
at your constant tardiness and wanted to start the meeting.
Some of the Sunbeams or you?
Well, you can take a poll if you like.
You have some nerve.
Get out of my seat.
Fine, as long as you're ready to take over.
Or did you need a couple of glasses of wine first?
Yes, but that can wait.
This is my house.
These are my Sunbeams, right?
Right.
Everybody sit down.
I will officially start the meeting
and our plans for the charity benefit
will remain as previously discussed.
Look, why don't you just admit
that you're spread a little too thin?
Maybe you should let someone take over things for a while.
Less maybe, more... probably.
Sounds like rumblings of dissent.
Maybe it's time for some new leadership.
-Hmm? -(chuckles)
We'll be sure
to put you on next year's ballot.
Why wait?
We could have a special election.
I was up all night reading your bylaws.
(snickers)
We have bylaws?
Is this how you all feel?
WOMEN: Yes.
Great.
Three days and then we vote.
Meeting adjourned.
What just happened? What just happened?
I'm pouring, I'm pouring.
Med School, what you doing here?
Studying.
This office is great.
It's quieter than the campus library.
Where the hell is Blondie?
Oh, Kelly?
She wanted me to fill in.
She said she had a really big emergency thing.
During work hours?
Oh, she better come in here missing a limb or a child.
Great news: we found Brittany.
What the hell are these?
Thank yous for the search and rescue teams.
You were out doing Sunbeam nonsense
on Tasha Mack management time?
This is a place of business.
You can't just leave any old fool
sitting here answering my calls.
KELLY: Tasha,
this is important.
I have built the Sunbeams up to what they are today.
And I am proud of what I've accomplished.
I will not allow Camille
to just roll in and take that away from me.
Well, this business is important to me.
And lest we forget, when you dragged your unemployable ass
in here and begged for this job,
you agreed that it would always come first.
I saved you from the pole, Kelly Pitts.
Tasha, this job has come first!
I come in early, I stay late.
I got someone to cover me for two seconds during lunch,
which I never take, to answer phones that never ring!
Oh, okay, so you think this is funny.
So-so I'm a joke.
That's what you're saying.
'Cause I can read between the lines.
I can read.
I don't think you're a joke.
I think you're being unreasonable.
Tasha, you're supposed to be my friend.
And you are supposed to be my employee.
And if you don't stop mouthing off, you won't be for long.
Oh, come on, Tasha.
You're not going to fire me.
Ephraim Salaam was the only potential client meeting
that we had, and that was because of me.
He didn't sign.
Closing the deal is your job, not mine.
Ooh, too far.
And now my job is to make sure
my business runs efficiently.
And I'm going to start that
by eliminating your biggest distraction:
Sunbeams.
-Tasha, you can't make me quit the Sunbeams. -No,
but I sure as hell can vote for Camille, can't I?
(door closes)
(clearing throat)
Uh...
remember you said you were gonna give me 20 bucks?
Fellow Sunbeams,
since most of you have been here, I have been president.
We've bonded like sisters,
and that sister-like bond is a bond
that can only be bonded through the bond of time.
Now, I'm aware of some of those sticks and stones
that have been thrown at my bones
in the course of this campaign.
So I ask you,
are you going to vote for a smear monger
or for someone who took the high road and never once mentioned
how Camille is a devious little liar who has worn
the same outfit to two meetings,
even though she tried to disguise it with a scarf?
It's time for you to choose.
And don't forget, she doesn't drink.
Thank you.
(applause)
Once again,
with that lengthy speech,
Kelly Pitts has wasted more of your time.
So I'll be brief.
To achieve their full potential,
the Sunbeams need a leader who is concise, decisive
and sober.
And I am that leader.
There is a dark underbelly
eating at the Sunbeams like a cancer.
Right now is your chance to vote no...
to cancer.
And by the way, I didn't wear the same outfit twice.
She was just seeing double, as usual.
Thank you.
(scattered applause)
It's time to vote.
It's on.
Like Rae Dawn Chong.
(grumbles and chuckles)
Tasha, you're her friend,
and she needs your vote.
She's lucky I'm not there.
I wasn't playing-- if I vote,
it's going to be to boot her ass out.
Tasha, Kelly is the Sunbeams.
It's her whole identity.
It gives her a false sense of power she relies on.
And do you really want to take that away?
Look, Melanie,
I'm not doing this to be mean.
I'm doing this to help her.
She needs to stop seeing herself as president of the Sunbeams
and start seeing herself as a career woman.
Now, with my help, she's made a lot of progress
getting out from under Jason's thumb.
Trust me.
I know what's best for that girl.
Okay, so now you're doing her thinking for her.
Sounds to me like you're just another Jason.
But I've been wrong before.
Kelly.
(gasps, scattered applause)
That's 11 for Kelly and 12 for Camille.
One more vote.
Kelly.
(gasps, applause, Kelly sighs)
Oh, hell.
It's a tie.
What do we do now? 'Cause I got to go.
Well, okay, it says in the bylaws,
in case of a tie, we go to...
mud wrestling?
Oh, that's Jason's handwriting.
And, of course, your current leader
hasn't made any provisions for settling a tie, so...
It ain't a tie.
Here's my damn vote.
Congratulations.
Yay.
(applause, cheering)
Top of the morning, bitches.
Now, uh, step aside so I can use defense's bench.
Oh... well, be our guest.
You said
it was defense's bench.
But you ain't say anything about the legs, homie.
(laughs)
And like I said, it's all one team, offense and defense,
-so, uh... -Whoo!
either we all work out...
or no one works out.
(all laughing)
(growling)
(mock growling)
Go jump some rope, chump!
(all guffawing)
Why you always got to park your Lambo like that?
Because it's a Lambo.
What the hell?
(laughs): Damn!
Ty's definitely gonna be a problem, y'all.
You think?
Believe it.
It's on.
Like Rae Dawn Chong.
KELLY: Tasha, it's after 6:00.
I re-alphabetized all the takeout menus
and dusted the plastic plants.
Is there anything else I can do before I leave to go to the...
hmm-hmms?
Just go on to your damn meeting.
Oh, my God.
Are you crying?
Hell, no.
I'm just wearing 18-hour mascara,
and it's going on 19 hours.
You are crying!
Tasha, I hate the way things have been between us, too,
but we're going to get past this.
We are going to find our way back to each other.
I care about you.
And whether you believe it or not,
I care about your company, too.
What company, Kelly?
A company has clients.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
Ain't nobody going to take me seriously.
I'm just a stupid girl from Richmond who was lucky enough
to get knocked up and give birth to a football player.
Tasha...
you weren't stupid.
You were just promiscuous.
Look, um...
you'll get clients.
You just have to give it some time.
But what if I don't?
What if ten years from now, I'm still sitting here
deciphering penguin screams like a damn fool?
You won't be by yourself.
I'll be here.
I am not leaving you, Tasha.
You know you mean more to me than those stupid Sunbeams.
(sobbing)
I'll give them up for you!
For real?
(sobbing): For real.
No, no, I'm not going to let you do that.
I'm not going to let you be spineless,
'cause that's always your pattern.
(both sobbing)
Every time Jason pushes your sympathy button,
you just crumble like goat cheese.
You're right, I can't help it!
I'm just a really nice person!
I know, I know.
That's why it was so easy for me to take out
my insecurities on you without you even knowing it.
I knew it.
I just didn't care.
That's what friends are for.
(both sobbing)
Think I'll stay with Joe Bick.
Wait, was someone just at the door?
(door closes)
No... no, just some delivery guy
that looked like Nick Swisher of the Oakland A's.