Oh, great, great, perfect.
All right, and ease apart,
still gazing into each other's eyes.
Good, uh-huh, easing... gazing...
Oh, now that's black love, yo.
And we're done.
Excuse me.
So, Dionne, how long before you get the shots out?
I've got two magazines and six Web sites
running them this week.
Trust me, once these are out,
instead of people buzzing about the photo
of first-round draft pick Trey Wiggs
and his new girl, Melanie,
they will be buzzing about
the up-and-coming receiver Derwin Davis stealing her away.
Of course, there may be some chatter about Melanie
just being a pro-baller hoochie,
but, um, I'll try to keep the focus on Derwin.
Thanks, Dionne.
Yeah, thanks.
You know, you should appreciate Dionne trying to fix things.
I do appreciate her fixing things.
Is it fixing things?
I keep telling you, I'm fine.
But you keep saying it with that mean face,
which tells me you're not.
Look, I'm sorry I had lunch with Trey
after you told me not to see him again,
but I had no idea it would end up in the newspaper.
Baby, what can I do to make this better?
Nothing. I'm fine. I got to get to practice.
Take care.
"Take care"?
Maybe that's the new "Bye, love you."
(sighs)
KELLY: What made you decide to wear that top?
It's cute on me. Why?
No reason.
So, you two are all fixed and repaired?
I don't know. According to Derwin, there's nothing to fix.
You guys are talking, but not playful?
Yeah.
He's courteous, but not warm?
Uh-huh.
You have sex, but no intimacy?
Bang, bang, done.
It's the emotional disconnect.
It's what boys do when their feelings are hurt.
God, I just wish he would admit he was mad.
You know, then we could talk it out and start to heal.
Oh, sweetie, while you're at it, why don't you just wish for...
butterscotch clouds and gumdrop rivers?
Will you two please?! I came over here
to watch the game and eat your nachos in peace.
Why didn't you just go to the game?
I'm not allowed back in San Antonio.
Sensitive-ass Native Americans.
Telling me it's too late to double down; I'm-a double down.
Tasha, please!
Melanie's going through something.
No, she's not. It's the age-old story.
What? Girl makes boy mad.
Girl leaves boy alone.
Boy gets over it. The end.
Unless, of course, boy knocks up girl,
then girl raises boy's son to be a star quarterback,
then girl got to sit up and listen to two heifers
go on and on and distract girl from watching the damn game!
'Scuse me.
Okay, you can go with the angry black woman advice
or the happily-married white woman advice.
Which is?
Is the angry black woman advice still an option?
Ta-da!
I'm not gay... but damn.
Okay, I'll ask first.
Why do you have a stripper pole in your bedroom?
I love sex. Jason loves sex.
But after seven years of marriage,
every once in awhile, you have to pull out ol' Johnny Steel.
If you want excitement, why don't you just have sex
in public places, like regular folk?
Is that what you and Coach T. do?
Mind your business.
Come on, Mel, give it a whirl.
Y-Yeah. No.
Look, don't be afraid of it.
I took a class at the S-Factor, and they say the pole
is an extension of your inner sexy.
Okay, my inner sexy is music, candles,
and, on a rare occasion, some kind
of non-dairy dessert topping.
Derwin gets gassy.
And anyway, he's not gonna
forgive and forget because I'm flailing around on a pole.
Trust me.
Once you learn some of the basic moves...
the Firefly...
...the Half-Pint...
(grunts) ...the Shake What Ya Mama Gave Ya...
...it's really not hard to look like a pro.
Go ahead, try it.
Lean back... and pop your goodies.
Toss the hair.
Now climb.
And climb. And climb.
Now drop and pose.
(laughing)
That was kinda fun.
Okay, move, Med School.
I don't want to kick you in the head.
(shouting)
(laughing)
TV ANNOUNCER: Oh, the ball popped out,
and it's been recovered by #81, Derwin Davis!
Oh, my God, did they just say Derwin's name?
Davis is breaking down the sideline. 30... 20...
ten...
Call NASA, 'cause that's a touchdown!
(screaming)
It's only the beginning.
Davis saved what could have been a botched play
-and turned it into six points. -I have to leave him a message.
That's the first touchdown for the rookie,
who's fresh out of the University of Pennsylvania.
That young man has got to be on top of the world.
Darwin, hey, I saw you. Oh, my God!
I can't believe this.
I mean, of course I can believe it.
It was only a matter of time. I'm so proud of you, baby!
Call me as soon as you can. I love you.
-(sighs) -Med School, this is great.
Derwin's gonna be way too happy to stay mad.
I know. I guess I won't be needing a pole tonight.
Oh, sweetie, nothing says
"congratulations on your first touchdown"
like a Flying Half-pint with a twist.
Oh, don't worry. I have a helmet.
DERWIN: Win, win, win, win, win!
Go, Sabers!
Go, Derwin!
* Sabers hold 'em high, stab 'em in their eye *
* Tell their wives how they died for San Diego pride *
Win, win, win, win, win!
Go, Sabers!
Go, Derwin!
Go, Sabers! Go...!
-(Melanie gasps) -Oh!
JASON: So...
again...
congratulations on... I got... I see...
Okay, yeah.
(chuckling sheepishly): Come on.
Melanie...
what were you thinking?
I was thinking of surprising my boyfriend.
Derwin, your plane landed hours ago.
I left you, like, ten messages.
I was drinking with my boys.
You never used to drink.
And you never used to strip.
I thought it would be sexy.
Or at least make you laugh.
Derwin, I haven't seen you smile since the thing with Trey.
Embarrassing me a second time, Mel,
isn't going to get me to smile.
Oh, well, at least you admit you're still mad.
Oh, yeah, that is what's up-- I am still mad.
So, you get drunk and shut me out?
Derwin, you had to know not calling was going to hurt me.
That was just cruel.
Well...
I didn't call
because just like you, I can do what I want.
God, Derwin,
if I could undo everything, I would.
I've tried apologizing.
I've tried making it up to you.
I don't know what else to do here.
So, are you gonna keep punishing me?
Derwin!
Maybe...
Do you want me?
Should I move out? Huh?
Do what you gotta do, Mel.
Pretty interesting Sunbeam meeting.
Yep. I can't believe I finally got Marion
to admit to getting collagen in her lips.
Quarter-black, my ass.
(clinking)
I was referring to Melanie not showing up.
I can't believe she's dead.
What? That child is not dead.
She wasn't here 'cause she got a lot going on right now.
Oh, come on, we both know once she moves out,
she and Derwin will officially break up.
And then she's officially not a Sunbeam.
She dead, huh?
I miss her already.
(voice breaking): Emotional walls, girl.
Emotional walls.
I feel like I hung her out on that pole and left her to dry.
Yeah, every time her name comes up,
Malik just grins like a damn Cheshire cat.
(clattering)
Sloppy, ladies, sloppy.
Tasha, I don't want to see them break up.
And I don't want to lose her as a friend.
(sighs)
Oh, hell. I see you thinking.
Are you hot?
Are you turned on?
Jason, I'm worried about Melanie and Derwin.
I need you to make him come around
and see what he's losing if they break up.
Kel, I'm not about getting into other people's relationships.
I... am all about the sexy.
(grunting rhythmically)
Jason?
Please?
If I say no, am I still gonna get some tonight?
If you say yes, you'll get more.
Ooh... okay.
'Cause you know I like you more.
Now shake your moneymaker.
Oh, got it!
(grunting rhythmically)
(squeals)
(rhythmic grunting)
(Kelly screams)
Basketball-- sissies.
Hey, Malik, do your mama a favor.
What up?
I need you to have a serious talk with Derwin.
About what?
About him and Melanie.
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
Mom, what are you doing here?!
Reading last month's O.
Finally, cargo pants are out.
Mom...
Melanie, I was worried after you called me last night,
so I thought I'd come out and help you move.
And when I told your apartment manager who I was
and how abusive your friend has been to you,
we decided I should wait for you in here.
Now, where's my hug?
Aw... Mm.
His name is Derwin.
Oh, you'll forget all about that.
Grab some things.
I got us a nice comfy suite at the Four Seasons.
We don't want puffy eyes
when we get on that plane tomorrow.
Get on a plane?
Calm down.
You act like I said we're flying coach.
Okay, Mom, I know last night,
I said I wanted to move,
but I need some time to think.
And you rushing out here isn't making things any clearer.
Mel, you haven't been thinking clearly
since you met your friend.
Giving up Johns Hopkins
to chase this boy to San Diego?
San Diego!
You are so judgmental.
This is why we don't talk, Mom.
It's not about Derwin.
It's about me being happy.
And you have to just accept that.
And be understanding and let you live your life,
mistakes and all?
Yes, that's it.
Melanie, I know you.
If you could have figured this problem out yourself,
you wouldn't have called me, but you did.
And I'm not leaving you to this degrading life
as an athlete's girlfriend.
It's not a degrading life.
There's a stripper pole in your living room.
And why are you defending him?
He has made it clear he doesn't want you here.
Mom, he never said those exact words.
He never said "Stay" either.
Look, you need time to think
and you can't do that
as long as you're dependent on him.
If you won't come home,
how about you let me set you up in an apartment?
-What's the catch? -No catch.
Except to call me more often, come home for Christmas
and let me pick your next boyfriend.
Okay, you don't have to come home for Christmas.
Thanks for being here, Mom.
Aw, mm...
I love you.
There you go, tiger.
-Oh... -Boy, where the hell you been?
It's Tuesday.
Had to pick up your bling from the jewelers.
Oh, right.
Good job, boy.
You know why we asked you here?
Further celebration of the rookie's first TD?
(both snickering)
Uh, we were impressed that day.
The excitement about you, much like J-Lo,
has long since worn off.
This is about your girl Melanie.
So you guys know everything, huh?
Yes, and we would rather know nothing.
Why are you still tripping about the Trey Wiggs thing?
Huh? What?! (sputters)
Trippin'? Come on, man, I'm cool.
Oh, so you cool?
Then why in the hell are we in here
having this feminine moment with you?
Man, pay for all this. We up out of here.
No, no, no. He's not over it.
Okay, I'm not over it,
but I want to be.
Hell, it doesn't even matter, man, 'cause Melanie's leaving.
What are you talking about?
Man, I had us out of here.
This whole week, my heart's been telling me to let it go
while my head kept yelling for me to hurt her
as much as she hurt me.
Did he just mention his heart?
I crossed a line, J.
I basically gave Melanie the green light to move out.
Did she pack her things?
-No. -Did she forward her mail?
I don't think so.
Did she at least burn up your clothes
with "Not Gon' Cry" playing in the background?
No.
Then she's not going anywhere, man.
You don't know Melanie!
You give her the green light and she just goes
and does not look back.
You guys play for the Sabers?
Malik Wright, Jason Pitts.
Um, ladies, we in the middle of something...
Ladies, ladies, ladies, our friend here
is heartbroken over his girlfriend.
Now, I'm merely trying to give the young lad
-some fatherly advice. -WOMEN: Aw...
But just as soon as I'm done with him,
I'm gonna come over there and visit your table, okay?
Oh, you two got the same eyes.
Y'all related?
Best friends.
(high-pitched): * Threesome. *
Let's wrap this up.
All right, look, women live by a romantic code.
They can't help it; they're wired that way.
No matter what is said or done,
they pretty much give you a chance to win 'em back.
Love Jones: dude chasing after the train.
Say Anything: the guy holding the boom box over his head.
-Uh, The Color Purple... - Color Purple?!
Yeah, Mister giving Celie her sister back.
Celie was a chick?
Anyway, women die for those moments.
So you think I still have a chance?
It's not about chance.
You make it happen.
Our women are our foundation.
They keep us from getting swept away
by all the nonsense that comes along with the game.
That's right, rookie. Mm!
You don't want none of this nonsense.
So, go ahead, rook, go get your girl.
-Thanks, J. -Yeah, man.
All right, Malik.
Hey, hey! If my moms asks,
tell her I said some deep crap.
Damn, J, now there's four of them.
You have to hang tight. I need a wingman.
Dude, you can't handle that?
You right.
(high-pitched): * Fivesome.*
Melanie, I want...
* So many times don't know what to say *
* I never know *
* Should've known better... *
You called your mother?
That's right, and we'll be out of your life in ten minutes,
-15 tops. -(music stops)
I'm sorry, Mrs. Barnett.
I wish we could see each other
under better circumstances,
but can you excuse us, please?
Whatever you've got to say, you can say in front of me.
Derwin, she already knows what's going on.
Oh, great.
No, not great.
Mel, I know we still have stuff to work out,
but we can't do that if you leave!
Would you look at that? Another football player
stabbed his live-in girlfriend.
Mom, let him say what he has to say.
Mel, I am past this Trey Wiggs thing.
This is not about Trey anymore.
Look, I know I've told you repeatedly
how much I've given up for your career,
but when you made that first touchdown, it hit me:
That's what everything was for;
to see you standing there with
the ball over your head, cameras flashing
and 50,000 people cheering for you...
all of them finally seeing what I saw
when I first met you.
-How great you are. -(scoffs, then coughs)
And then... then you don't share that moment with me?
-Mel... -You blow me off like some stranger
handing you back a nickel you dropped on a street.
Derwin, I'm owed more, and I deserve better.
That's why I'm moving out.
Mel, I know I took it too far.
I mean, this world is crazy!
These guys got me carrying their jockstraps,
picking up their bling, then they're laughing about you
in the paper with Trey.
I just snapped!
I snapped and I was wrong.
I got to keep my ego in check and I know that now.
Sure you do, now that you're sober.
Oh, yeah, I know about that, too.
Mom, please, let him finish.
Uh, that was it.
But I meant every word of it.
Baby, I love you and I need you.
Melanie, let's go.
I love you, too.
Oh, God!
But this cannot happen again.
Mel, I promise you it won't.
Today's promise is tomorrow's restraining order.
Bye, Mom.
I will be at the Four Seasons, if you come to your senses.
I put 911 on her speed dial.
You know, we don't see your mom enough.
I'm sorry about that.
I'm sorry, too.
Mel, don't you ever leave me.
Don't you ever push me away.
Come here.
Mm...