(sighs)
Yo, Mel.
Come on, the light?
I'm sorry, but I really need to read these chapters.
Boo, I love you, and I want you to succeed and all that,
but tonight I need to sleep.
And to sleep, I need darkness.
Okay. Sorry.
(highlighter scraping)
Yo, Melanie...
why don't you just rip out the page and dip it in yellow?
Fine.
Whatever works for you, Derwin.
I'll just go study in the living room.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
I'm wide awake now.
And you know I can't go back to sleep
if you don't put your leg on me.
Ten minutes of leg, that's it.
I said just leg.
(clears throat)
Hey, Dionne.
Are we supposed to hook up today?
I couldn't wait until tomorrow.
I just came up with what could be
a drastic boost to your image.
Is it me brokering peace in the Middle East
with a game of flag football?
'Cause I've been praying on that.
Yeah.
I'll get right on that.
Uh, for now...
picture this, okay?
Two rookie wide receivers.
One an up-and-coming star,
one a huge star.
Best friends in college,
now rivals in the pros.
Are you talking about Trey Wiggs?
Genius, right?
By playing up your friendship,
we will use all of the press that he gets
to our advantage.
Friendship?
I can't stand that fool.
In college, he thought he was all that--
breaking the most yards receiving
and touchdown record in a single season.
I was there.
Wasn't that impressive.
I'm confused.
I just saw Melanie and Trey together,
-so naturally, I... -You saw my Melanie?
Oh.
Well, they
appeared to be two old friends
having a quiet afternoon lunch
at Dos Lobos...
...sharing a chimichanga.
(groans)
Help! Help!
It's good to see you stepped it up a little bit since college.
Well, I've spent the last few months
with those booze bag Saber wives.
They call themselves the Sunbeams
but they should be called the Jim Beams.
Used to be two sips of wine cooler,
we had to carry you out of the karaoke bar.
I have no recollection of a karaoke bar,
so I owe you.
I owe you.
It was your tutoring that got me through biology.
Not true.
Although, it did take you two weeks to get that
amylase, lipase and trypsin were enzymes,
not the triplets from B dorm.
All right, all right, the point is,
I wasn't just another football player
trying to make it through.
You helped me complete the package
the league loves to promote...
and Gatorade, Toyota...
Nike...
Chili's...
I'm rich and I can calculate.
(laughs)
So thank you.
My mom wants to thank you, too.
Your mom's here?
Why didn't you bring her to lunch?
She's at Sea World with my nieces.
But she'd love to see you.
Let's do it tomorrow.
That'd be great.
MAN: Hey, no autographs. He's eating.
Derwin?
Snook, Snook, let him through.
That's my man.
It's been a long time, D.
You eating, right?
-Yeah, why not? -All right.
Hey, Snook, order up some more, like, chimichangas,
some taquitos, some guacamole...
Hot or mild salsa?
Hot. Damn hot.
D...
Congratulations, man.
Making the Sabers.
Y'all got a good squad this year.
I got a great squad, T.
Congratulations on the Outlaws.
$50 million, right?
Ah, 80. But you know it's more like 50
after the agents, managers, lawyers,
publicists get their cut. You know.
He does.
Derwin has an image consultant.
That's what's up.
BOY: Hey, yo, that's Trey Wiggs!
Hey, we don't want no candy.
Go to school. It's 1:00.
What, he too good to sign an autograph?
Snook, let him through, man. I'll sign one.
What's your name, little man?
Jamie.
What's up, Jamie?
Man, I wish you played for the Sabers.
We never get any good draft picks.
Oh, man, please. Y'all got some
great receivers, like my man here.
You need to get his autograph.
Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't even recognize you.
Can you sign my shirt, too?
Yeah, no problem.
It's Jamie, right?
This happens to Derwin all the time.
The San Diego fans have really embraced him.
Derwin Davis?
Man, I thought you were Jason Pitts.
Hell, I guess my mama can put a patch over it.
MELANIE: And then we ate some tacos, and then you came in.
Mel...
you talk, talk, talking,
but I'm still not hearing any answers.
Why didn't you tell me you was having lunch with him?
You know how I feel about Trey.
He called at the last minute.
I can't always tell you every little thing
that pops up in my day.
Oh, word?
"Derwin, Oprah's going to be on The View."
Smiley face.
"Derwin, how do you turn on the DVD again?"
"Derwin, I feel fat."
Sad face.
I would've told you tonight.
Yeah, and tonight would've been too late for me to tell you
I don't want you having lunch with him.
Why are you freaking out?
You know we're just friends.
Melanie, that naiveté is normally very cute,
but right now, not so much.
Men don't want to just be friends
with beautiful women.
Come on, Derwin.
Trey's not thinking about me like that.
Mel, please.
There were plenty of times
he could've made a move on me, but he didn't.
Never? Not once?
You mean to tell me he never gave you
the smoky bedroom eye?
No.
Never hugged you a bit too long?
-Never. -Asked if you needed a back rub?
No.
Well...
See, I knew it!
What?!
Friends give back rubs.
You've given back rubs.
Yeah, to every girl I wanted to sleep with,
including you.
Oh, really?
And exactly how many back rubs were you giving out?
Plenty.
And I haven't had chimichangas with any of them
since we started going out.
Back in your court.
Derwin, Trey and I are like family.
His mother considers me the daughter she's never had.
And even if in some crazy paranoid world
he was interested in me, it wouldn't matter.
I don't want him. I love you.
Wait a minute, don't be trying to smooth me out
with you love me.
Why not? That's what you do when I bring up...
-Mel, don't you say her name. -Dionne.
Dionne, Dionne, Dionne.
Dionne is necessary for work.
If Trey is just a friend,
-then you can afford to cut him loose. -Again,
Melanie has to make all the sacrifices.
Hey, it's embarrassing enough
he got drafted 60 spots ahead of me.
Now when I face him on the field,
all I'm going to be thinking about is you
yukking it up with him at the taco joint.
And while I'm out there thinking,
I take a bad hit and end up paralyzed.
Now if you'd... if you'd rather change my diaper
than to give up your friendship, then...
I don't know what to say about you.
I can't believe this.
All you need to believe is that you ain't never
-gonna see Trey Wiggs again. -(snaps fingers)
Is that an order?
It's whatever you need it to be.
An order, a mandate, a declaration.
You know what, I could even text it to you.
"Melanie, keep your ass away from Trey."
Happy face.
Okay, I take back the happy face.
(door slams)
Uh! There it goes again.
That's the fourth time.
Maybe they're casing the joint.
Maybe you should come back from the 1940s.
Uh! Security just got 'em.
Okay, don't be black. Don't be black.
Damn! They're black.
(car door opens then closes)
Security's bringing them over here.
What?
I was driving back and forth trying to decide
if I should go to Tasha's house or stop here.
This was my first choice, but it's late
and I didn't want to wake up Brittany.
MAN (over radio): Hey, Dave, what's the word?
Were they black?
BRITTANY: Mommy?
Daddy?
Thanks for not waking Brittany.
I'm so sorry, Kelly.
I would have talked to Tasha,
but it's dark and it's late
and I'm sure she has guns.
Locked and loaded.
And this is why. See, I can't have
all this drama at my house.
People getting hauled in by the fake po-po.
Yeah, Dave, I said fake po-po.
You know what you are.
Don't be ashamed.
Get on, now.
And then he had the nerve to order me
not to see him again.
Trey and I were friends before I met Derwin's ass.
I'm not giving up my friendship
just to placate his pathetic male ego.
Melanie, you are so, so right...
if we weren't talking about football players.
Oh, please.
Not the "He's a football player," "I have to sacrifice"
"These are the rules" speech again.
Look, no man wants other men sniffing around their women.
Trey Phinehas Wiggs is a huge star.
Household name. Everybody knows him.
Imagine how embarrassing that is for Derwin.
So in addition to not being able
to study when I want to, or having to go
to Sunbeam meetings that I don't have time for,
I have to give up my friends for football?
Oh, good. She gets it.
Who wants flourless pie?
This has nothing to do with football.
It's about a woman's right to have an innocent lunch
with somebody she used to sleep with.
I never slept with him.
That's it, girl-- deny, deny, deny.
I did not sleep with him.
Really, we're just friends.
I tutored him for four years. That's it.
Whatever. The point is, you can't have your man
telling you how to live your life.
If you buckle to his ultimatums
at this stage in your relationship,
you're going to be buckling to all his ultimatums--
and then you end up like this one.
Well, no pie for you.
Tasha's absolutely right.
Well, you are a buckler.
Fine.
More pie for me.
Oh, my God.
Mrs. Wiggs, it's so good to see you.
Oh...
You, too.
Ooh, you are wearing that scarf I gave you for Christmas.
You are so thoughtful.
Well, I am glad you came.
No one in the world could stop me.
I love you.
(both laughing)
Hey.
Melanie.
So...
where's your image consultant off to now?
Belt buckles symposium?
Shirt-tucking conference?
I fired her.
What?
Yeah. For you.
For me?
Mel, I've realized that if you felt half as strongly
about Dionne as I do about Trey,
then I'll have to cut her loose, too.
And I was fighting it.
But Jesus put it in my heart.
You're not talking about Jesus Arroyo,
the offensive lineman, are you?
(phone ringing)
(sighs)
Trey. Hey.
Mel, girl, I can't get enough of these tacos.
(laughs)
Man, you know they even got tacos for breakfast
with eggs, cheese, sausage, all that.
Come over her right quick before I get on this plane.
-Uh, I can't. -No, no, no, you got to.
I don't know when I'm going to see you again.
Um... it's just really complicated.
Really, really, really... really complicated.
Um... I think it's best we don't talk anymore.
What? (laughs) Mel, what you talking about?
Look, Trey...
Derwin, um, he has issues with our relationship.
(chuckles): What, he think I'm trying to get at you, huh?
I'll call him right now. I'll smooth it all out.
No, um, yeah, don't do that.
Are you serious?
You just going to throw away four years of friendship?
I've treated you with respect.
I've treated Derwin with respect.
I know. I'm sorry.
Wow.
Trey, this is so awkward.
He made a sacrifice for me, and I...
I thought you had your own mind, Mel.
It's cool.
Trey...
Take care of yourself.
She trippin', huh?
(knocking on door)
MELANIE: What's up? Sunbeam emergency?
Yeah. We came by to see what you want to do
about this whole Trey Wiggs situation.
Oh, thanks. Everything's good.
Derwin and I made up. We're fine.
Really? Damn.
Wait. Do you guys get the morning paper?
Yeah, but who has time to read it?
You'll want to read it today.
Or at least look at the pretty pictures.
TASHA: Yeah, that's you.
Yo, Malik, man, what's up with the T-shirts?
(others snickering)
Yo, it's classic.
One of the rookies' girl got busted
in the paper with another dude.
(all laughing)
Whoo!
Quick, let me get one before he comes in.
Yeah, you better hurry.
He better hurry.
(all laughing)
(laughter intensifies)
Hey, hey.
T-shirts: 20 bucks.
Rookie girl caught in the paper with Trey Wiggs...?
-Priceless! -Priceless!
The words aren't going to change the longer you look at it.
We weren't having a romantic rendezvous.
His mother was there.
That's his mother's arm in the picture.
That's her arm.
This is a lie. You're lying!
Hey.
There's some good coupons in there.
How can they print that?
I tried to warn you.
But you and Tasha wanted to have your "sister girl" moment.
Oh, God, I've completely embarrassed Derwin.
Sweetie, any idea how you're going to deal with this?
I do. We help her pack her stuff.
But you're the one who told me don't let no man rule you.
You didn't let me finish.
Don't let no man rule you,
but be prepared to pack your stuff.
So, is this little-ass TV his or yours?
Oh, God, he's not going to leave me, is he?
Over a picture with Trey and his mother's fat arm?
I know it sounds like I'm lashing out,
but really, she's got to lose that weight.
I hate to say this,
but you need to pick up the phone and call Dionne.
I hope you mean Celine Dion,
'cause I got the other one fired.
Why are you my problem child?
I say we take the seasoning salt
and leave him the damn bay leaves.
Tasha, nobody's moving out.
Look, you need to suck it up and call Dionne.
She's an image consultant.
She'll know how to spin this to help Derwin save face.
I would, but I don't even know her number.
You know you crank call that girl.
(sighs): Fine.
Dionne. Hey, it's Melanie.
I know I'm the last person you want to hear from...
Yeah, I'll hold.
She's making you hold?
I like that girl.
You're home.
I mean, hey, how was your day?
No, I-I was right the first time.
You're home.
Derwin, there aren't words to say how bad I feel.
And, oh, God...
the newspaper and... Trey and...
...what the guys must've said about it...
But I know how you must feel.
Or maybe I don't.
-But I'm sure you feel bad. -(water running)
But I'm on top of this whole thing.
I called Dionne and rehired her.
-Maybe she contacted you already. -(water stops)
Or not, I don't know.
But in case she hasn't,
she really thinks she can fix everything.
Maybe spin it in your favor with the press.
And when you're talking to me again,
she wants us to do a photo shoot together.
And, well, I'll let her fill you in on the details.
She's really quite sharp, that Dionne.
God, I can't believe how crazy things have gotten.
If only you hadn't given me an ultimatum.
But still my fault, not yours.
'Cause you were right.
Women shouldn't have lunch with their boyfriend's rivals.
Maybe they can in the real world,
but now Melanie knows not in the football world.
(water running)
If there's anything I can do to make you feel secure,
maybe you can tell me?
(water stops)
(Derwin gargling)
'Cause I will do anything.
Except that one thing
I'm sure nobody's in the mood for anyway.
I'm sorry.
Derwin, please, let's just talk about this.
I'm sorry.