You'’re in a blast package.
Blue right, fake 22 iso,
9-8-9-- what do you do?
Since I'’m the Z receiver,
I run a nine, a go-route.
And he scores!
Your turn.
Fever, lethargy and stiff neck are symptomatic of what?
Uh, you after a game.
Come on, Mel, quit stalling.
Um, encephalitis.
[imitates buzzer]
Okay, I did not get that wrong.
You did, and your patient just went code blue.
Baby, you need to know this stuff.
You getting through med school is all we have
to fall back on if this football thing doesn'’t work out.
[sighs]
So, come on, girl,
we still might be able to save your patient.
Uh... viral meningitis.
-That'’s my girl. -Yes!
Cure the world.
And when you become the starting receiver for the Sabers,
-you'’ll never need me to fall back on. -Thank you.
Except for your ride home,
-'’cause I'’m taking the car today. -What?
I'’ve got class, study group, cleaners, grocery shopping
and the Sabers Sunbeam meeting.
I know you got a lot going on, baby,
but you getting in good with them Saber wives
is really going to help me fit in around here.
You know I wouldn'’t ask you to help me,
if it weren'’t important.
I know.
God'’s going to bless you for this.
We'’ll see.
Welcome, Saber Sunbeams.
I am so proud of this organization
and all that we do,
giving back to the people of San Diego.
Those here legally... and illegally.
To kick off this week'’s meeting, I thought it might be apropos
to read the meaning of "charity."
"Almsgiving,
"benevolence...
or generosity towards others."
[sighs]
Sit with that.
Now, I know our men get all the glory...
This girl loves to hear herself talk.
How long do you think this general meeting will last?
Usually an hour past the time I stop giving a damn.
Oh, is that any time before 3:00
because I got to get back to class.
...but we give them heart.
You give them heart.
Doubtful.
All right, fellas,
I know we talked about investing your money,
proper conditioning, nutrition, but sex
is the one area that usually burns the rookies.
Literally.
[chuckles]
That was funny, rookies. Laugh.
MAN: Listen to Jason.
You don'’t get to be team captain
without knowing when to wear a helmet.
Now, where are you must likely to get these diseases?
Detroit.
[laughter]
Hmm.
Why don'’t you save your jokes for the bench, rookie?
You get '’em from the groupies.
You get '’em from the hoochies.
You get '’em from the down-low guys.
And we would be remiss
not to warn you of enemy number one...
...aka your girlfriend.
Got the crumbs out of your eyes on that one, huh?
You got to know a lot of these women
just catch a ride on your tail
to get into the doors of this league.
You rookies average about what, $500,000 a year?
A career life of six years, that equals... no money.
Yet you play next to $40 million players,
so you got to ask yourself, are they coming after you
or your teammates?
You... or your teammates?
Okay, how many of you got girlfriends?
Don'’t be ashamed.
Raise your hands.
Okay, yeah, but I got a good one.
JASON: Oh, my goodness.
Did I not just tell you
to save your jokes for the bench, rookie?
Now take a hundred condoms and pass them around.
Except you.
'’Cause no one'’s sleeping with you.
So as you can see, wives,
we have a calendar chock-full of events,
starting tonight with the Toyota promotional party.
And for those wives whose husbands have been invited,
remember, we are the representatives.
Kelly, why do you keep addressing everyone as "wives"?
I'’m not a wife.
I know... and I'’m sorry.
But I warned you not to cut your hair.
Remember, wannabe wives,
split ends are better than no ends.
Wait a minute.
I'’m a girlfriend, and I'’d like to think I'’m here
for the same reasons as everyone else:
because I love my man.
I don'’t see what marital status has to do with anything.
It has to do with everything.
That'’s why it'’s called "status."
[sighs]
But we all do the same amount of work, don'’t we?
No, Melanie.
Actually, girlfriends do more.
In fact, we have that hospital fund-raiser next week
so girlfriends will need to come an hour early to set up.
And stay an hour later to pick up.
You know, come to think of it-- just leave all of Friday open.
It'’ll take a full day for you to build that stage.
That doesn'’t seem fair.
-If you ask me... -Excuse me.
Isn'’t your man a third-string wide receiver?
Yeah.
Why are you even talking?
This is really dysfunctional.
Still talking.
Look, it doesn'’t matter if you'’re a wife,
a girlfriend or whatever.
You need to understand that there is a hierarchy here.
And as the mother and manager of the star quarterback,
my ass sit at the top of this heap.
Then it'’s the wives,
then it'’s the first-string girlfriends,
then it'’s the second-string girlfriends,
and the rest of y'’all don'’t even matter '’cause we don'’t know
how long you and your man are going to be here.
And if you don'’t like it, get to steppin'’
and we can get on with this boring-ass meeting.
Well, then.
Where are you going?
I came here to do charity work,
not to be told how to dress or not talk
or that my man isn'’t going to make it
or that I'’m not good enough
because I don'’t have a big ring on my finger.
Melanie, don'’t go.
You'’re not a wife, and without Sunbeam validation,
you'’re just a groupie with a backstage pass around here.
That'’s just it.
I don'’t need Sunbeam validation.
Sit down, Norma Rae.
[laughter]
I'’m sorry. It just came back to me.
I'’m in medical school. I'’ll be fine without you.
Excuse me.
[women laughing]
I'’m still in medical school.
No, it-it'’s all good.
Look, no, babe, just wear the dress that'’s barely a dress.
Hold on a second.
Didn'’t I say two feet behind me, rookie?
And I'’d like some of my water.
Hold it to my mouth.
Do you want a sip or a gulp?
A sip.
And I like the way you'’re thinking.
Ah. Yeah.
Mr. Toyota man.
[chuckles]
Get on out here, boy.
You got some explaining to do.
Malik, look, before you tear me a new one,
I swear, I didn'’t know
they were going to give Jason the Camry campaign.
But, hey, you'’re launching the Tundra, huh?
Jason'’s getting stuck with...
The big moneymaker.
Man, miss me with all that.
I know the game.
Come on, you know that Jason'’s the franchise player.
But I'’m the one putting the butts in the seats.
And that'’s why I got you passes for tonight'’s party.
And I threw in a couple extra.
You... you trying to buy me off
with tickets to a party I'’m going to anyway?
If it'’s any consolation,
I told them you were going to be really mad.
Where are my boy'’s tickets at?
I'’m sorry, we haven'’t met.
Yeah, you should be sorry.
'’Cause this is the wide receiver
that'’s going to put Jason out of a job.
Let him know who you are.
Derwin Davis.
Hell, while y'’all handing out endorsement deals
to every Tom, Dick and Jason,
you need to be giving my boy a car deal
or a floor mat deal or...
hell, he could use a cup holder deal.
You want a cup holder deal?
-Sure. -[laughs]
Give my man a cup holder deal.
Come to the party tonight as my guest,
and we'’ll talk about your future.
Right.
Hey, Malik, good looking out.
Rookie, shut up.
Sorry about that, babe.
-Hey, baby. -Hey.
What'’s wrong?
What are you talking about?
Well, you'’re cooking, and you promised
the fire department you would not do that anymore.
[sighs]
I quit those damn Sunbeams.
For real?
Damn.
Derwin.
I mean, what happened?
They have no respect for me.
They think girlfriends are just groupies with backstage passes.
Hell, I gave up Johns Hopkins for you.
I gave up my parents for you.
I practically gave up my whole life for you.
Okay, I'’m feeling awkward.
This is a whole new world, Derwin.
A tough one.
They say it'’s a team... but people are mean here.
Sit down.
Mel, remember when we came down here
we said as long as we have each other...
We'’re going to be all right.
Yeah.
Like, tonight, we got invited to a Toyota party
by a real Toyota rep.
Oh, no, I can'’t go.
Those women will be there.
The meanest ones.
Tonight'’s not about those women.
Tonight'’s about me and you, baby.
And me and you... we'’re the team.
So this is it, Mel.
This is an opportunity for me to get my first endorsement.
Really?
Mel, sweetheart...
I spoke to the Toyota rep myself.
Oh, Derwin, this is great.
I know.
So I need you to get your pretty on.
I need you to walk in on my arm so cats are like,
"Who is that?"
I need you to charm people and make me look good.
Make me look like I drive a Toyota, baby.
Okay, I'’ve got 8:17.
All right, so let'’s make our rounds,
meet back here no later than 9:00.
We only got...
53 minutes left on that parking meter.
-Why didn'’t you put in more quarters? -[laughs]
You'’re funny.
Excuse me!
No, you willbe excused from this party
if you don'’t follow these rules:
stay out of all pictures;
do not participate in any conversation except with Malik;
and use this safety pin to make yourself
more of a mystery.
-Whoa. -Wow!
Look at this place.
I'’m really glad we came.
Let'’s have fun tonight.
Shoot,
nobody turned us away at the front door.
It is on.
Oh, Mel, that'’s Kyle.
I'’ll be right back, all right?
Okay, sweetie, go ahead. Go, go.
What is she doing?
-Who? -Little Miss Med School.
Uh-uh.
Accepting a drink from a man she don'’t know.
Now she'’s doing an arm touch.
TASHA: And now she'’s shaking her cookies.
Translation: "I can do this for you on a pole."
Should we go over there and talk some sense into her?
Why? She said she doesn'’t need us.
And she walked out of my meeting.
Plus, she'’s in"medical school."
[sighing]: But...
she isin medical school.
And... one might say that makes her
good Sunbeam material.
Certainly a far cry better
than half those heifers on your roster.
Besides, if we don'’t help her out,
she and that rookie are going to break up,
and he'’s probably going to end up with some white girl.
-No offense. -None taken.
TASHA: Excuse us.
You'’re looking too available.
Pull back.
[scoffs]: I'’m talking.
Did you just catch an attitude with me?
Did she just catch an attitude with me?
Sweetie, we'’re just trying to help you.
Well, sweetie, I don'’t want your help.
Did she just end our conversation
without a well-wish?
So... how does a brother get a cup holder deal?
Hey, I'’m good on my drink right now, buddy.
No, I'’m not the waiter.
We met today.
Derwin Davis? Malik introduced us?
You said we were going to talk about my future.
I said that?
Yeah.
Remember, we were joking about the cup holder deal?
Right, right.
That was funny.
Hey, Bob.
Apparently, you didn'’t get the memo about me cutting
the last bitch who tried to get with my man, huh?
I'’m sorry, what did you say?
She said she gonna cut you.
Oh.
I-It'’s me. Melanie.
From the Sunbeam meeting?
We seen you out there all up in her man'’s grill,
cheesing, flipping your hair,
showing off your cleavage--
all the things he likes.
Wait, wait. No.
I have a boyfriend.
Then why you'’re not with him?
Because I'’m in the ladies'’ room.
I'’m in no mood to be disarmed with the comedy.
Sheila, block the door.
Hold on, Corazon, you said we were just gonna scare her.
Sheila... block the door!
No, no.
C-Cora-Cora... Corazon, we can talk this out.
Oh, thank God you'’re here!
She'’s crazy!
Please tell her I'’m cool.
-Hmm, that sounds like a cry for help. -Mm-hmm.
And you don'’t need our help, remember, sweetie?
But-but she'’s going to cut me!
Yep, looks like it.
[chuckles] But the good thing is, when she does,
-you can stitch yourself up, Med School. -Mm.
All right, all right, come on, guys.
I get it-- I need you, '’kay?
I'’ll be a freaking Sunbeam.
Hmm.
That doesn'’t sound very sincere.
Uh-uh. Sounds coerced.
She never wanted to be a Sunbeam.
She'’s just here to snatch a real player with endorsements.
Okay, you know what? I'’m tired of this.
I don'’t want your man.
You want to fight, bring it on.
[squeaky whimper]
Corazon, look, put your shoes back on
and just leave the girl alone.
You'’re right, I don'’t need to mess up my nails.
These areairbrush.
I'’ll just have DeShaun forget to block for her boyfriend
the next time they play. Ha!
Wait, hold up. You start messing
with what'’s going down on the field,
you'’re gonna have to deal with Tasha Mack.
I'’ll handle this.
Tasha, block the door.
You, out.
This is Sunbeam business.
Corazon, state the first rule of the Sunbeam code.
N-Never... no, always...
-Never... -Never,
ever let personal issues affect the game.
What happens between Sunbeams stays between Sunbeams.
DeShaun will hear nothing about this.
Right?
Right.
This is not over--
we will discuss this at the next meeting.
Is it my turn for snacks?
That'’s it?!
She'’s bringing snacks?
That'’s all you'’re going to do?
-I'’m calling the police! -Little girl,
do you think that was just a school play we just acted out?
This is real.
She willtell DeShaun not to block for Derwin.
And, honey, the right hit at the wrong time
will end your boyfriend'’s career.
This is ridiculous.
Yes, sometimes it is.
But you chose this world
when you decided to follow Derwin here.
Look, Med School,
you got to accept you'’re in the game now,
and the very women you'’re going around rejecting and pissing off
are the very women you'’re going to need to make it.
Again, the importance of the Sunbeams.
We'’re not just about passing out coats to cold kids.
We really are a support group for each other.
Lean on us-- we know things that can help you.
Like what to wear. Like who to talk to.
Like where to get your hair done.
Sweetie, where'’d you go?
[sighs]
[chuckles]
This is the worst party ever.
Mm-mm. Honey, it can'’t be no worse
than my sweet 16- slash-baby shower.
[laughs]
I'’m just saying,
maybe we should do the ad campaign together,
instead of fighting over exclusivity.
Dude, we'’re not fighting, '’cause...
I already got Camry.
So... I'’m cool.
-Can I get a cranberry juice, please? -What?
Y... You'’re just going to walk up on us
without a greeting or a salutation?
Where'’s that nice cup of juice going, rookie?
-In your cup holder? -[laughing]
Dude, you didn'’t tell me you signed your cup holder deal.
Congratulations. You know, never too early
to start thinking about your design.
What'’s your cup holder gonna do, pop up or...
swing out?
You know what? I don'’t need this right now.
Rookie, rookie, rookie.
You actually thought you were gonna get an endorsement deal?
Yeah, that'’s what he said.
I just took the man at his word.
You dumb country bumpkin.
You'’re a third-string receiver.
Concentrate on getting some dirt on your jersey first.
Thank you. And stop moping around, man.
You'’re on a rooftop, it'’s a beautiful night,
there'’s free shrimp, a variety of masterfully-crafted crudités.
Snap out of it-- this is your big moment right now;
you'’re missing it.
Yeah. How many other third-stringers
do you see up here mingling with Venus and Serena?
Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods, man...
Ray J'’s up in here!
Just... cherish the moment, all right, rook?
You know, guys, I really, uh, apprec...
What? Man, you still here?
We told you how to feel-- get on!
♪ ♪
Enjoying the party?
Oh, yeah. Just resting my feet.
So... how did the Toyota rep go?
It was more of a meet-and-greet.
We'’re not in Kansas anymore, huh?
Nope. [exhales]
I think somebody was trying to tell me that.
Yeah.
[both laugh]
I thought I had it all figured out.
I was gonna come up here and take this place by storm.
Oh, no.
Come on, you will.
You better.
'’Cause I'’m not putting up
with these crazy Sunbeams for nothing.
[both laugh]
Well, in the meantime, let'’s just enjoy the moment.
Ray J'’s here.
This place is loaded with shrimp
and"masterfully crafted crudités."
So you want to stick around?
You had me at "Ray J."
[giggles]