This programme contains very strong language from the start
More young people are in the care system than ever before.
But they're rarely seen and rarely heard.
This series wants to change that.
# Ah, never let a clock tell you what you got time for
# It only goes around, goes around, goes around
# Take your family name for your own great sins
# Cos each day is where it all begins
# And don't give up too quick
# You only get one line, you better make it stick
# If we give ourselves to every breath
# Then we're all in the running for a hero's death. #
# I walk down the road
# Let my body wake up by the way...#
So today, we're going to meet a new case that we've had.
He is 17 and wanting to go back home to Mum.
Kayleigh is working with a teenager removed from his family
four years ago.
He and his brother are due to return.
But first, Kayleigh is meeting their mum.
DOG BARKS
WOMAN SHOUTS
Hi. Hiya!
Come on in, whoever you are. My name's Kayleigh.
Nice to meet you. Hiya. Kayleigh? Yes.
All right? Pleased to meet you.
I am from the Edge of Care team... Right.
..which are sitting in the reunification to get children home.
Kelly's youngest, Taffa, is home on a visit.
GUNFIRE COMPUTER GAME Where the fuck are you?!
Where the fuck, like... Oh, oh, oh!
Xorin will be moving back permanently and Kaleigh's job
is to support Kelly and Xorin as they try to live together again.
It might be two or three times a week that I'll come out. Right.
I might see you separately, I might see Xorin separately,
I will definitely see you together.
So if you think of your relationship with Xorin out of one to ten,
with ten being the best and one being it's not very good,
what would you say it was? Ten. Yeah? It always has been a ten.
And what about routines and boundaries at home?
Pff... A nine. Yeah.
What about him being safe at home?
Ten. Yeah.
What about your parenting approach?
Oh, I tell you what, say ten and a half.
Um, OK. What we're going to do is work with you quite intensively.
Does that kind of sound something that like yous are happy to do
and go along with or...? Yeah, man. Yeah?
We have no choice, do we? We have to play the game.
WASHING MACHINE WHIRS
What do you make of Kayleigh?
She seems all right.
Mm...
I don't know her yet.
I guess over the years, you've just see so many people come in and out.
Yeah. What does that do to you? It just fucks your head up,
cos you don't trust anyone.
And I need...I need to see her say what she's going to do
before I'll trust her and before I even will probably like her
cos that's what - you know, I need to see people's words
meet their actions, rather than just come in and give me a whole load
of fucking spin and go again.
Checklist, what do you think of the checklist?
SHOUTING FROM OTHER ROOM Checklist...
Is he all right? He's playing a game.
What's up with him? That's him playing...
That's him on bloody Call of Duty or whatever he's playing.
So what did you say? Anyway, yeah, checklist,
what did you make of the checklist?
Checklist, it's a bit kind of bullshit, innit?
I suppose they need to because there's a lot of people
dysfunctional, but I suppose she wasn't expecting kind of high
fucking levels like that cos they don't really have much
to work with me - me and my kids.
Yeah, you were coming back with nines and ten.
Do you know what I mean? They were expecting, what, threes and fours?
You know, that's how we are.
She was giving you some very high scores. She was at the start, yeah.
I mean, we don't...we don't usually get that, to be honest.
Don't you? What would you normally get?
Erm... Usually...
Not nines and tens? No. Threes and fours?
I mean, it differs, to be honest, but, um, yeah,
usually between kind of threes and... Threes and eights.
Kelly and Xorin will be visited twice a week for the next
three months, but the decision to allow him back
doesn't come without risks.
So previously, we had concerns around Mum's mental health.
Yeah, and I know there were concerns around that kind of physical abuse,
so we've had to weigh that up with the risks of him returning.
But with all the work that's been done with the family, this is,
I think, the best route for them.
In terms of the exploitation worries that we had previously,
where...where is he at?
We needed to get him out of the area to keep him safe.
So that's when he ended up moving to Wales.
It was actually a crisis intervention placement at the time.
KNOCK AT DOOR
Hello? Wha gwan, fam?
Come in, g.
Kelly's son Xorin is now 17,
and living in a residential children's home
more than 100 miles from Coventry.
It's a nice spot, isn't it?
How many people live here?
Four of us live here.
But, like, the rotation wise on the staff, there's about 30 of us.
Got 30 staff to four...
Yo! We know we ain't a good crowd to look after, man.
Yeah, it is. It's like a long term vacation, innit?
I like it, man, I likes my peace, bro, do you know what I mean?
Can you hear the wind? It's beautiful.
It's what we've got to like around here, man.
Because...
If I didn't leave, I don't know... I don't know where I'd be now.
Probably in jail or something.
Jail or even dead, I don't know.
Whilst in care in Coventry, Xorin was groomed by a local gang.
Fearing for his life, Children's Services moved him
out of the city completely.
So what were you doing when you were involved with the gang?
I was basically selling fucking crack and heroin, innit?
Long story short, version one.
If you'd talked to social workers or your mum, or, like,
they would say you were exploited by a gang.
Do you see it like that?
No, cos it's ain't... It ain't exploitation.
It literally...it literally ain't exploitation.
Even if you're 14 and you're selling drugs, like, what, 14-year-old...
If you say, if you say yes to selling drugs...
The only way, the only way it's like forced and all that shit
is if they go, yeah, you're selling it out without an option.
Do you get me? But if you say yeah to it,
it's not really grooming because they've asked you
and you've gone "Yeah."
What would happen to you, though, if you lost some
of those drugs or whatever?
How would they treat you in that situation, like...
Well, obviously you pay off your debt,
if you don't pay off your debt,
you get your head smashed in, simple as that.
What was going on when you were taken into care, then?
Jeez... Um...
It was just literally always kicking off.
Always kick off, always this, always that,
always just something going on, do you know what I mean?
There was a few occasions, obviously, it did get physical.
SHE EXHALES
So my mental health is really, really bad.
I was working full time.
I wasn't getting... I wasn't getting any help.
Nobody would look after my kids.
So I was basically really, really struggling.
Really struggling.
The night that it all kicked off, I just walked out the house
and was wandering around the streets crying.
I didn't want to be here.
The next morning, I'd got up and I've come downstairs
and we're arguing and he's turned around and looked at me
and he's gone, "Oh, shut up, you fat bitch."
And what happened then?
So I slapped him,
and I made sure I went and told everybody
cos I knew what would happen.
But I thought that'd help me with respite.
They then took me to court and took my kids off me
for emotional abuse.
We were struggling.
We still loved each other.
We still were there for each other.
But I was struggling. Yeah.
That's where it just got too much.
So obviously I got moved out.
Oh, yeah, you're getting moved to this place.
Never, had never seen who they looked like or nothing like that.
Never met them before.
Literally just got my shit, took me out.
Right.
In shit hole of doom!
Oh, where do I start?
What's happening?
I've got to clear room so he can bring all his stuff
from his care home.
What does it mean to you, him coming back?
It means everything.
It means...
It means I wasn't the person that I was when they took my
kids off me.
The last four years and eight months have been an absolute
fucking nightmare.
So for him to be home and wake up every morning with me
and be happy and not be a fucking kid in care any more,
which he should never have been in the first place, is massive.
Is that everything now, geez?
Yeah. Bring it in now.
All right, all right! Uh!
All right.
I don't want to shit me organs out.
Oh, don't be a stranger.
Why do you think it's OK to bring him home?
Isn't it a bit risky?
It is risky.
We can't ever really get rid of risk completely for these young people.
But it's about managing it, it's about assessing it.
It's about knowing what it is.
Safe, my g!
THEY LAUGH Take care, love.Love you.
Say hi to your mum!
# It's not you, so I guess it's me (feel away)
# Suddenly not half the man I used to be (feel away)
# But truthfully, ain't half the bitch you could've been...#
There's the obvious risk that the exploitation starts again.
But then there's the sort of more subtle one about the relationship
between him and his mum and actually how that plays out.
How are we going to support the family so that they're able
to manage the conflict that they might have?
Party time.
Cheer, babe. You take care, too.
HE MUTTERS INDISTINCLY
PULSATING BEAT
It's just like a dog barking.
It sounds lovely. It sounds really good.
THEY LAUGH
ULTRASOUND PULSES
There we are, just use that tissue just to get the gel off you,
all right? You're all finished. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Annabelle has just turned 18.
Along with her brother, she was removed from her parents
when she was just five,
and has lived with foster families ever since.
I'd say it's a boy.
Boys have fat heads,
and you can't disagree with me.
THEY LAUGH He's got a fat head!
What kind of life do you want the baby to have?
The life I didn't have, that's for definite.
This is myself and my younger brother.
And when you see yourself in that picture,
what's it make you think?
You just want to go and give the kid a hug, basically,
because of everything that's happened and then
everything you were told.
What kind of mum do you want to be?
I don't know. Just...
..a mum. A better mum than mine.
That's all I want.
Someone who's actually going to care.
# I don't need the moon
# On a silver spoon
# I just need to be loved...#
Where are we, then?
So we're in Willenhall and we are on the way to my parents' house.
Although Annabel was removed from her parents 14 years ago,
like so many care leavers in their late teens,
she wanted to return to her birth family
and has moved back to live near them.
I'd always seemed to be more responsible,
more of the adult in situations.
Can you introduce us? So, Paddy,
this is my dad, Stephen.
Hello, Stephen. Hi, how you doing?
And... Mum, come here. Hello! This is my mother, Tammy.
Hello. Hello.
Nice to meet you, Tammy.
What did you think when she first told you she was pregnant?
I barricaded myself in the bedroom.
Why? Because it was a shock to Tammy than what it was to me.
Nearly knocked me out first, yeah? Let's get that one first.
Oh, yeah. Nearly knocked me out... Yeah.
Then stormed off in huff, then I told you to grow up.
Then you barricaded yourself in the bedroom like a toddler.
Yeah? Yeah. Right, OK, glad we settled that.
And why...why... Were you upset?
Yes. Why?
Cos I thought she had her head screwed on
and she knew what she wanted in life.
I can show you... What was she like as a little girl?
Oh, that's debatable.
There is...
I don't know if you'll be able to see that one.
A picture of Annabelle. Aw!
And then there's that one up there with her brother.
What was it like the day that she was removed, like?
It was horrible. It was horrible. Yeah.
It was... Seriously, it hurt. Yeah.
It was if somebody had literally ripped my heart out.
Yeah. I try not to remember that day.
I just remember all the good memories that we had
while we had them at home.
It's still there, but I just don't think about it. Mm.
So, yeah.
I tried and talk to you about it and see how you felt
when it happened. Mm.
But you said you can't really remember anything.
I can. When they came and got you.
Oh, Mum, I remember it like it was yesterday.
Mm. Everything.
We were sitting there back to watch this film and then we heard
knocking on the door.
And then 30 seconds later,
there's about four or five police officers charging
through the living room door.
I remember picking up my brother and holding him
and the police officers had my mum and dad in handcuffs.
My dad didn't say much, he just got on with it.
But my mum was screaming hysterically,
telling them to get off her.
"Let me say goodbye to my kids."
What was going through your mind? Were you...were you crying?
I just... I didn't understand what was going on.
Yeah, I was crying because I always got told that police
only went for bad people,
like thieves or people who hurt people.
And then seeing the only people that you've known in your life,
basically, to just all of a sudden disappear...
And then you're left with your brother,
not knowing what's going to happen next.
She's got a lot on her plate, hasn't she?
Yeah, she has.
She's pregnant.
She's just moved into her own tenancy.
She's in a new relationship.
It's all very big things to have happened since she turned 18.
Ffion works for Coventry Children's Services and has been supporting
Annabelle for the past 18 months.
Oh, dear. Need to get the landlord on that one.
She's helping Annabelle through her pregnancy...
Crikey!
..and will be monitoring her progress after the birth.
I think a big fear for her is that her child
would have social care involved.
And will there be? What will be the process there?
I'm involved, so obviously I'll keep an eye on how
Annabelle manages things.
And if there were any big worries about how she was coping,
then I'd need to make a referral.
How are you feeling?
The worst. Oh, Annabelle!
What, pregnancy symptoms? Yeah.
Had your subject access request back for your files.
What do you mean "files"?
So this is everything about Annabelle's history
with social care.
So the information about why she came into care,
like the previous concerns, any assessments that have been done,
court files.
Why are you eager to do that?
Well, I want to know what the truth is,
instead of being told all the lies that I've been told...
The truth about what?
What happened, why I went into foster care.
And how will that help you, do you think?
Knowing what happened to you,
you're definitely not going to make sure it happens to your kid.
You're going to give them the best that you can.
So... Something that's really important to you, isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, like, when I phoned you up and I asked
if the baby was going to get took off me, it's one of those things
that are like constantly, like, going around in my head
because of what happened when I was a kid.
At least then I can be like, right,
I know that, I can move on to the next part of my life now.
All right. All right. See you soon.
See you soon, Annabelle. See you later, Ffion.
MELANCHOLIC MUSIC
Turning 18 and being able to get hold of the files
and then reading through some of the things was...
No way that a kid should have ever lived.
The state of the house, the amount of animals,
the way that we were just left to do what we wanted.
That now sums up everything,
and the reason why we got took away.
You were removed because of neglect?
Yeah. Ill treatment of children under the age of 16.
That's what my parents got done for.
And I've only read one, maybe two and a half documents,
and I don't want to read any more.
Don't you? No.
I'm about to pop,
so I'm more focused on what's happening
at this present time, instead of going back and looking
at the past and then having to cope with that.
Look at the shit tip.
This is it.
The new pad.
You've come back with a Welsh accent.
No.
Xorin and Kelly are three days into the 12 week reunification programme,
and so far, things seem peaceful.
Me and Xorin are as close as fuck, mate. As close as fuck.
This is how I say it - before, if Xorin had killed someone,
I'd have said, "Right, I'm going to grass you up."
Now it's like, "Mate, I'll help you bury the body."
That's how close we've become.
What have we got here? Right, this is my wall of fame.
Like, Xorin when he was at junior school, with Taff.
He's always had that gorgeous smile.
This is an amazing picture. Look at that.
Yeah, that's my favourite, because this is when he was playing
for Bedworth United. Good footballer?
He's an absolutely fucking amazing footballer.
And that was probably the last team that he played for
before he went into care.
The family are due to be visited by Children's Services in the next
couple of days, the first since Xorin moved back.
These are for Xee, right?
Yeah. These are all his new bedroom furniture.
Who's building it, then? Fucking, my mother.
Xorin, I need the hammer, babe.
Give me a sec.
I'm just mopping up these little wide yards.
How's it going finding the hammer?
At the end of the day, bro...
Oh, it's up there, Mum.
It's on the top of the wardrobe.
That's where it is.
Pass it me, then, please.
I literally don't give a shit at this moment in time.
I'll die if I don't... You see now why I'm doing this.
Because, like, sometimes gaming's just more fucking important.
It fucking too right is.
DRILLING
What do you think you missed out on when he was away from you?
I missed out on his teenage years, my babies growing up.
They went from teenagers to men.
So what did you do to get them back?
I went for six months of intense therapy.
I sorted all my finances out, all my money.
I was putting it on my rent, and then I would sit without food
and I'd sit without gas, because I couldn't afford it.
But I couldn't lose the house, because if I lost the house,
it meant I would never get my kids back.
I will never, ever be able to get back
them four years of my babies' life,
when they needed me, I'll never be able to get that back,
but I will make up for it.
Right, I'm just off to go and meet Xorin, then.
Hope it goes OK. All right. See you in a bit.
The first meeting with a young person is really important for me.
I don't expect them to really engage with me so much,
but I can assess the relationship with the parent and the child,
just that there is a connection there that they want to build upon.
Xorin!
What? Get the door!
One minute, I'm rolling a fag.
Oh, shut up.
Yo, cous. What you saying, G?
I'm Kayleigh. All right to come and chat to you, yeah?
So, basically, I came to see you when you were there,
and what we're looking at doing is just giving you a bit of help
with the 12 weeks.
So it's just...
What, we're doing a quiz, are we?
It could be a bit of a quiz, actually.
So it's just, like, we'll talk about some bits in your life
and you score them out of ten.
Oh, go on, then.
So, your relationship with your mum.
Erm...
I'm gonna go three.
LAUGHTER
Come on, now.
Nah, say six.
All right, then.
What about your view on Mum's parenting?
Yo, Mum!
What? A view on your parenting.
What do you think?
Shit.
Two.
SHE LAUGHS
Are you gonna go for two? Yeah. Put two down.
Are you actually? Yeah, put two down.
All right, then.
So, can you talk to me a bit about your mental health?
What is it that you struggle?
Bruh, I don't know, man.
You ask me too many questions, bro. OK.
Oh, I just wanna go back to sleep.
Shall I leave you to go back to sleep then?
Yeah, go on, G.
All right, then.
You need to catch me when I'm a bit more wide awake.
I'll pop in next week and see you then.
Fine, sound, yeah?
Fucking tax the rich bastards!
How about that one?
Fucking fat white privileged cunt!
Oh, God.
Don't fucking stop, does it?
What's happened? The electric's gone.
How do you pay for the electric, then? Meters.
Bullshit meters. Right, I've just put it on now.
That's £6.
That's gonna last, I don't know, now.
A couple of weeks on from Kayleigh's visit,
and Kelly is struggling with the reality
of having her children back home.
Just give me a sense of the financial challenges you face,
like with two extra mouths to feed in the house.
How tough is it?
It's really fucking tough.
So there was not a lot before the came home.
So, now their home, and because they're big, growing lads,
it's an absolute fucking nightmare.
This is my cupboard at the moment.
This is the things I've been getting out the food bank before
that I've not used up in time -
gravy, and a few tins that I can't use, and a bit of pasta.
That's it.
So there are days where you just don't have anything in?
There's days that I don't eat fucking anything.
While Kelly struggles to feed the family,
Xorin's barely left the house.
Commonly what we see with children and young people
that have been exploited,
as they get older, they start to understand more
that they were exploited at the time.
Subconsciously what he's realising is that these people,
the interest that they showed in him wasn't genuine.
And I think he's angry with them because he knows what they've done.
DOOR SLAMS
Oh, no. There's something wrong with him.
Why is he unhappy? I don't know.
I've got no idea.
He's really, really starting to close down.
Are you worried about him?
I'm really fucking worried about him,
because he gets so angry. That's my concern.
He's so fucking angry within that he doesn't know how to function
as a normal child back on the streets
because of his experience that he's been through.
Cos that kid's been through hell.
And he doesn't know how to handle it.
MUSIC: Let Love Go By by Baby Washington
Annabelle has been making preparations
for the birth of her baby,
but she's just had some unexpected news from her parents.
What's been going on, then, Annabelle?
Um... With your mum.
She's found out that she is pregnant.
And what does that make you think?
What happens if they end up keeping the baby?
What happens if the baby gets adopted?
What's going to happen if it gets put in as a looked-after child?
How many kids have they had taken off them in the...? Like, what...?
So my mum has had myself and my brother took off her.
My dad, I believe he... Well, obviously there's myself, my brother
and his older daughter who was adopted when she was two.
Er, he... Why do you think they still want to have kids, then,
given that that's the history? What's the...?
I don't think they get it.
I think that they kind of see it
as, "Well, that happened and it was a mistake,
"so we're going to try again, but we're going to do better,"
but their "do better" isn't any better.
It's exactly the same.
So, I hear there's news.
News? Yeah, Annabelle's expecting, Tammy's expecting.
All in the space of weeks.
So how do you feel about the pregnancy, then?
Oh, I'm over the moon.
What went through your mind, Tammy?
"Oh, no, not another one."
It'll probably turned out like Annabelle. Naughty.
Why are you so keen to be parents again?
Well, why not?
I want... I want to bring up my own kids.
I don't want somebody else bringing up my kids.
It shouldn't be like that.
I missed out on buying Annabelle's prom dress.
I've missed out on a brother's... buying his suit for his prom.
What sort of parents do you think you'll be?
Well, I would like to try and be the best parent I can be.
So, do you feel being pregnant
is something you can celebrate at the moment?
No. Why not?
Because we're a bit... We're a bit unsure of what's going to happen.
Yes.
So we're not sure if we're going to be able to keep this one at home
or...if this one's gonna be removed.
And what will happen going forward, then?
We're going to have social services involved in that again
to do a pre-assessment and whatnot. And to check on the home conditions.
Yeah. Why are they doing...? Why would they check on that?
Because that's what we had... That's what they did last time.
So what did they say about the home conditions?
Er... It was a mess. Yeah.
I'm not gonna lie. We did... We did everything we were told.
Tidy it up... Tidy it up, put paint on the walls, without any arguments.
We literally - every course, we'll do it.
What were the courses?
Parenting. Parenting courses. Cooking courses. Er...
You did the anger management course.
Yeah, I did an anger management course
cos somebody had said that I've got an anger problem. Yeah.
Did you?
Yeah, I passed that with flying colours.
Did you have an anger problem?
No. No, I didn't have an anger problem.
Mum's up the duff.
She didn't even tell me.
Dad had to because Mum just said she was scared to tell me.
I asked her how far along she is.
She says she's about seven, eight weeks,
and I says, "Look, at the end of the day,
"you do what you want to do, because you're not going to listen to me.
"You're not going to listen to the professionals."
I says, "If you want to think that you're keeping the baby,
"then you think that," I says,
"But when social services comes along and takes the baby off you
"because you're not meant to be around kids,
"you're back at square one,"
and then Dad goes, "But if worse comes to worse
"and the baby has to be took off us, then why couldn't you have it?"
And I says, "I'm not bringing up my sibling
"as well as my own newborn baby."
It's not your responsibility.
I says, "I'd rather it go to a home where it's gonna be looked after."
And that might not happen.
They'll probably do an assessment with your mum and dad
around parenting and all those sorts of things,
and if it's safe for baby... Yeah.
..and depending on that outcome of that,
there'll be a few different steps.
Could be that they are on a child in need plan, child protection plan,
or they might decide that the child will be looked after.
Yeah. Or come into care when they're born.
I don't know what the outcome of that will be,
but that's the step that I'll need to take.
Because obviously I know that Mum's pregnant.
Yeah, no, no. That's why... There's worries from the past.
Like, if the baby gets took off them, then...
..as bad as it sounds, I'll be happy.
As long as that baby's with them, I'll... You'll be worried. Yeah.
Yeah. I can understand. Because of what I've read on the file so far,
it's not something that I want my little brother or sister
to go through.
The state has no powers to dictate who can and who can't have children.
What our role would be in that would be to support that family,
undertake an assessment to determine the safety
and the needs of that newborn baby
and to see what we could do to put in place
to enable that that child to be brought up with their birth parents
if it's safe to do so.
But there are, of course, some circumstances
where it's right and proper to remove children.
I'm worried that they're going to see it as just a cycle
that continuously repeats.
I'm going to be the best mum that I can
and make sure that my child has everything that it needs,
but then I'm worried that they're going to be wanting to monitor me,
that they're going to be watching you to see how you cope...
..and if you do one little thing wrong,
then you've got a high chance that the child could be gone.
Afternoon!
Come on in.
Kayleigh has now been working with Kelly and Xorin for two months -
but things have deteriorated.
Right, Kayleigh.
A bit of a stressful time at the minute.
I've had a shit morning.
Xorin has been having arguments with people on social media,
leading to threats that they'll come to the house.
Anyone comes to my door Xorin,
you're taking fucking responsibility for it, mate.
You cannot - even though you're struggling yourself,
you can't push people like that.
I think that's the thing, isn't it?
Like, he's nearly 18 now, so he needs to take responsibility.
What have you got in your pocket?
Because you've got two hammers up the stairs.
Xorin...
See, like, this is what I'm gonna get now. He's gonna kick off.
Can't you deal with your anger in a different way, Xorin?
See, "sadly" - that is a choice.
That is a choice you are making.
No, you are making that choice.
No, no, no. Hold up a minute.
You've got a gym pass.
You could go for more runs.
You could fucking... Like, whatever, go out more, find mates,
do something about it. Find mates...?
Being angry and taking it out on everyone...
You just don't listen, bro.
Find mates? All my mates have fucked me over,
you're asking me to go out and find mates
nah, it ain't as easy as that, bro.
Straight up, now, that's why I'd rather be on my own, bro.
Because no-one wants nothing to do with me.
I'm happy with that. I'd rather be on my own.
Rather than being... Well, why don't people want anything to do with you?
I don't know, and I don't...
But you'll find someone that will want to do summat with you.
I don't care. I don't care whether they come in here,
I don't want nothing to do with anyone, bro.
I've had to say what I said, if I have suckered anyone,
I am sorry, bro, but, yeah, sorry, that's all I can say.
Is it all right if I go and have a chat with him?
Fucking hell.
I'm just coming to chat with you.
Nah, man...
Do your thing, bro, I can't be arsed, man.
Well, I'm glad he's had his say.
I don't want to lose Xorin!
I don't want to fucking lose him. No.
Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
I'm sorry.
I just love him so much.
I just wish he would see how fucking amazing he is.
He's just so fucking brilliant.
And what's going on in your head?
Difficult stuff.
I literally can't even explain it, bro.
Do you know how people says talking helps, yeah?
In my... In my... In my case, and in my head, nah, it don't.
But, look, I'm not doing nothing wrong.
I'm literally minding my own business and doing my thing.
You know what I'm trying to say?
But that's not a life, just to stay indoors all the time...
No, of course. ..and not go and mix with the world, is it?
That's not a life.
But, nah. It's...
At this minute in time, bro, I'm at square one, yeah?
In my head, I'm fucked, bro.
Shit's happened and it fucks with my head, bro.
# Here's another thing
# That threw up in my mind
# Locked in a closet of Deep Space Nine
# Deposit for a wasted life
# I lost it with a sweepstakes
# Sigh in another fucking fight
# A junkie in a queue for the lavatory line
# That's another lost sight
# Now popping like Blue Train lines
# Still pumping on the bathroom floor
# And not for the frost or what
# The mirror thought it saw
# He got a clearer thought and
# Pulled her straight out
# "You got me jumping from a real safe height... #
Xorin is an emotional creature.
So when he's angry and acting hard, like the big man,
that's something that he's picked up from care,
and there is nothing that he has to hide from me.
Because I'm different,
and I'm doing my shit.
I've got to show them how you do it.
Right.
Today's been a really, really fucking shit day, yeah?
There are going to be times where you get into that mode,
but you know fucking well I've been through fucking things like this
all my life, so I can talk to you about it.
Don't be locking yourself away in your room and doing silly shit.
I'd rather you come downstairs and said, "Mum, you're a fucking cunt."
You and Taffa have been through too much shit for any kids to deal with.
I fucking love you two like there's nothing else on Earth.
And that's what you need, just a lot more love and fucking support.
But you've got to participate, babe.
You've got to push yourself.
They've been through hell.
And they'll never fucking go through it again, let me tell you.
Never.
What's happening? So, rung me up.
Xorin's got a training session.
Dunno if he'll ever get on the team, but he's got a training session,
which means we can get out of the house.
He's actually asked me to go with him,
so I feel fucking honoured.
Kelly's heart-to-heart with Xorin appears to have paid off.
He's since got in touch with a local football club.
And today, they're giving him a trial.
He hasn't really eaten much today, so we need to do his protein shake.
So, you're feeling good? Mate, I'm feeling great.
I've just done a little dance around this -
got me 45p, half-price milk.
Oh, I'm fucking seriously excited. Just don't scream or shout,
cos these are not kids we're playing with.
I'll just stay quiet, Xorin.
I'm going to behave.
I've got my picnic, I've got my biscuits, I've got my tea,
and I got my faith.
Is it going to be hard to, like, rein yourself in and not shout?
No, I'm going to be good. I've been told now.
What's he told you? He's told to shut the fuck up.
Come on. Come on, babes. You're doing well.
How's he doing?
His fitness is absolutely bollocks.
It'll take a long time to get him back up to the way he was.
Yeah, he needs to get his fucking arse to the gym,
and start being proactive.
How's your fitness?
My fitness is bollocks.
I'm just glad he's out.
I'm just glad he's out of his fucking bedroom.
That's what I'm glad of.
BABY CRIES
Annabelle has been home for three weeks.
She gave birth to a baby boy,
weighing 8lbs and 3oz,
and named him Cody.
How does it feel to be a mum?
I look at him and I think,
how has such a beautiful thing
appeared out of nowhere, really?
How beautiful is he?
Oh, just...
I dunno. Indescribably.
DOG BARKS
Hello. Hiya, you all right?
Yes. How are you? I'm good, thank you.
He's gorgeous, Annabelle.
How is he sleeping?
Really good, actually.
Like 7-8 hours.
Oh, wow. So, I get my sleep.
That's good. What about feeding and stuff?
He's fine. Doing OK? Yeah.
Good. So, how's Mum's pregnancy going?
Erm, I think it's going all right.
She doesn't really tell me much.
I've told her at the end of the day, your pregnancy's your business.
I don't want anything to do with it.
I'm not involved in it. Yeah.
At the end of the day, that's you.
But...
He started actual producing tears now.
Ohh!
Looks like you're getting on really well.
How are you going to bring up your child?
I'm going to make sure that they are always well-presented,
their hygiene is up to standards.
Make sure that they are going to be able to have a childhood,
so that's not taken away from them.
MUSIC: Let Go by Sharon Van Etten
I don't want to have to go and see my child in contact centres,
like I had to do.
I don't want them to have to put up with different social workers
every month, like I had to.
To have respect, and to know right from wrong.
# Brother's smile
# Taking on its own
# Identity
# Only to then leave it behind
# Held by what-be-nots...
How's he been?
Actually, he's doing really, really well at the minute.
He's been at college.
He's actually taking himself up, getting himself up in the morning.
And he's actually been to the gym before college, as well.
You're proud of him?
Yeah, I am really proud of him.
You fought for them.
Yeah.
They know that I love 'em.
It doesn't matter what happens. They know I love 'em.
Yeah, man. I'm very proud of him.
# What's in a name?
Oh, no! No, no!
Let's have a look.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
This is on Google.
Because I was the most missing person in the whole
of the West Midlands.
When you look at that picture of yourself, like,
how do you feel towards yourself?
I don't know if anyone could see that, but it looks like
he looks dead inside.
You can see where he's not thought about how his future's panning out.
But it looks more like he knows life's going downhill.
but don't realise it's going to get better.
# Identity only to then leave it behind... #
Next time...
The traumas from being younger just hit time to time.
You obviously feel it gives you some answer.
I feel it doesn't need.
Do need to step back up to where I actually need to be.
Basically saying, "There's nothing you can do.
"I'm going to be independent."
I've been in a lot of bad situations.
I just worry that she'll do something she won't be able to undo.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media