Previously
on "The Real Housewives of Orange County"...
Tequila!
I didn't mean to do that!
I am not spreading your information.
And specific details that you have told me are in the vault.
Shannon pays for everything.
Family dynamic isn't great. He's never slept over.
What's going on with your marriage?
'Cause I hear that there's stuff going on on the Internet
right now about yours. - Yeah, that's not true.
- Is it deflection? - No. It's not.
Have you told anyone we are in escrow on our house?
No, not a soul.
We signed an NDA.
There's not gonna be one phone call made, nothing.
I haven't told anyone.
I tried to be kind to Gina.
She was about to get arrested with her kids.
It would have gone to Child Protective Services.
Holy cow.
You don't talk about a mom and her kids and CPS.
If I were Gina, I'd be pissed.
Okay, well, that is----ing absurd.
That is really mean.
In Orange County I call the shots.
And it's always tequila.
I live my life in HD--
sharp, bright, and more focused than ever.
If you wanna waste my time,
at least hand me a taco.
The difference between my past and present?
Well, that's just apples and oranges.
My core may be strong,
but my resilience is stronger.
I might have been on pause,
but now, I'm ready to play.
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi. Hi. - How are you?
Hi. You look nice.
Thank you. I'm hungry.
I'm going through the list of what's staying, what's going.
Josh and Heather are gonna be here soon.
Good.
Hopefully we're gonna get some good news.
This is like Crazy Town.
We're in escrow on the house.
But until a buyer removes contingencies,
it's not a done deal.
Oh.
- Are they here? - Coming. Yeah.
But Terry believes I totally manifested this,
because on New Year's Eve, guess what I predicted
was gonna happen this year.
I wrote, sell our house for $60 million.
I was 5 off.
Hey. - It's your favorites realtors.
- Hey. - What's happening?
Hi, Heather. How are you? Good to see you.
I would show you the way to the dining room,
but I think you know every-- - Oh, we know.
Every inch of our house at this point.
Yeah. You're the man.
Is this guy, like, the surgeon of--
No. What were you gonna say--
the Terry Dubrow of real estate?
I was gonna say--
I know you were gonna say that.
I was gonna say he's the Terry Dubrow of real estate,
but, you know...
- This is our dream house. - Aw.
Yeah.
- That means a lot to me. - Yeah.
- Thank you. - You guys should be proud.
You should be stoked.
And just so you know, this is the third-highest sale
in the history of Orange County.
Really?
Third highest?
And I see the best houses in the world.
I haven't seen a house like this throughout my career.
Yeah. How much time do we have?
- Not enough. - Not much.
You have to be out in three weeks.
Have you started packing at all?
No.
Well, that's the next question.
Are you guys moving into a hotel?
Max and Nicky are gonna be home for a month for Christmas.
So it's really the six of us that I need room for.
Our LA apartment is a two-bedroom apartment.
That was supposed to be for me and Terry
for someday, not for now, and not with all those children.
Heather is gonna help Heather find the perfect lease.
- Okay, great. - Good.
There's a couple high-end companies
that we can reach out to.
We need something bigger and something with more bedrooms.
Maybe we just stay in the house.
I mean, it's big. Will they even notice we're there?
You guys, thank you so much for coming over.
- Thank you. - Congrats.
When we close, we're going to officially celebrate, okay?
- All right. - Have a good night.
Enjoy dinner. - You too.
- Let's close this up and-- - You enjoy dinner.
- All right. - Yeah.
I'm gonna grab the kids.
Are you guys okay showing yourselves out?
- Yeah. - Of course.
Which way--I'm just kidding.
both: Bye, guys. - Love you guys.
- Bye. - Thank you.
They are so cool.
They remind me of a younger version of us.
That's what they said to me. Isn't that funny?
This guy, he makes deals.
You're kidding me! They----ing signed?
Yeah, baby!
$55 million isn't you money.
It's everybody you've ever known money.
- How are you? - Hi.
- Hey. - They just signed.
We just sold the house.
- Wow. - That's it.
- Seriously? - Solid deal.
G6, baby.
The fact that I had the perfect bottle of Dom chilling,
best moment ever!
It's the 2012.
You know, I didn't like the '10.
No. The '10 wasn't good.
Well, kids... - You guys are moving.
Yeah. We're gonna find you a home.
- Life changing. - Yes.
- Yeah. - So thank you for that.
- Cheers. We'll see you guys. - Cheers, man.
Unbelievable.
Hi, honey.
Hi, beautiful.
Hi.
Are we planning to do the other side?
Me too.
I wanted to invite you.
I'm gonna do a little fall festival, a little party.
Oh, I love that. I love fall.
Celebrate the changing of the seasons the best we can
in California.
Well, I'm just now calling all the ladies.
And then the piano is staying or going?
Oh, am I gonna put it in the apartment?
I want to go measure.
Your call has been forwarded
to an automatic voice message system.
Let's carve some pumpkins and try not to stab each other
with the carving tools.
- Hi. - Hi. I'm Emily.
- Hi. How are you today? - I'm good.
How are you doing? - Great.
I need, like, to actually look at, like,
a bike for, like, a female. - Okay.
Okay. What's something smaller?
Something a little bit smaller?
Yeah.
They told me they had helmets there.
Maybe I should buy something. Like, we're--
We got our motor clothes back here.
- Hi. - Hi.
- How are you?
Good.
Why are we here?
- I didn't tell you? - No.
You were just like, can you meet me here?
Oh.
I failed to mention that I was gonna
take the motorcycle class and get my motorcycle license.
Wait. Can't we just do, like, a less,
like, that could kill you thing?
Are you okay?
I feel like this is good that you didn't tell me this.
I have been looking forward to taking
a motorcycle class because I just want to try new things.
And I guess I got to this point in my life
where I didn't want to talk about things anymore.
I wanted to actually do them.
I mean, they're really-- they're pretty.
I appreciate them.
Shane thinks I'm insane.
He's sidecar sized.
This looks-- - I see. That's advanced.
- This looks combative. - Very combative, yes.
Oh, my gosh.
Speaking of combative, I had coffee with Jenn.
Yeah?
And, obviously, I asked about how the dinner
went that we didn't go to. - Yeah.
And she said, like, Shannon was like,
she's the reason that CPS didn't take
my kids away from me.
Why would CPS take your kids away?
They wouldn't.
Lots of people get DUIs.
And for CPS to be involved, there would have to be a case,
and there would have to be due diligence,
and they would do interviews.
I mean, Shannon did go to law school for, like, a year.
- I went to law school, but I-- - Did you?
Dropped out after my second year.
But I feel like in your first year, though, you would learn
they're not just gonna come and just take Gina's children away.
I'm like, what did I do to her?
And, to me, it's like,
my name shouldn't have been brought up, period.
Mm-hmm.
I haven't done anything to Shannon.
I think, clearly, Shannon just doesn't like you.
Yeah. But this is a whole nother level.
- Oh, yeah. - She has zero respect for me.
Mm-hmm.
And it is so upsetting to me
that, like, you get yourself
to a place where you're finally doing good,
and somebody's sole mission is to just tear you down.
It's four years ago that I made a mistake.
And Shannon is such a good friend,
and she helps me so much by never
letting anybody ever forget.
She was about to get arrested until I saved her.
- You saved her? - Okay.
You constantly are bringing up the fact that you
got me in touch with myself.
I did.
Every time she brings it up,
it gets worse and worse and worse.
The next time I meet a new friend,
I'm gonna be a----ing murderer.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Yay!
You did it. Oh, how do we get her out?
Here in the front.
This is an extra large.
Do I have an extra-large head?
If the shoe fits, man.
I'm gonna pee in the Harley-Davidson Store,
I swear to God.
- All right, I'll take it. - Okay.
Coming up...
I hate the fact that somebody else came between us.
But you can't say because we decided to take a break
that somebody came between us. - I mean, there was somebody.
Oh, that feels good.
Okay.
- I got to go. - I know.
Oh, there's Tamra.
- Come in. - Come--
Oh, she has flowers.
Hi, there. - Hello.
I brought you some food, only because I'm starving.
Okay, I got to go.
I got to go. - Wait. You spent the night?
Although everybody seems to have
a comment about John and I...
Evidently, Heather's been telling
Emily and Gina that the relationship
with you and John is sh--.
She said they got in, like, this huge fight,
and he left her at Nobu.
Oh, my God!
Should we call Emily and Heather and tell them?
Oh, my God.
We've discussed it, and we don't care what they're saying.
Was John happy? No, but we're good.
Bye. - Bye, John.
- See you later. - Nice seeing you.
Oh, it feels good to sit down.
You sit.
You sit, and you go down. That's a boy.
I was worried you were gonna cancel that party
after everything you went through, but that was fun.
- It was fun. - Oh, gosh.
So are you gonna meet with Heather?
I don't know.
I just don't know where we go from here,
'cause I hate to see this big giant division.
I don't owe anybody an explanation.
I'm not gonna talk about every argument I have with John.
I'm not. I'm not.
But I'll be honest with you.
I get really upset when John and I don't spend...
a lot of time together or when he says, I got to go home.
I got the dog. I got the--
I got to be up in the morning. I got--
And you're like, why can't you just stay the night?
There's chaos at your house with your girls.
And so, you know, if there is a little argument,
then he's just like, I'm out of here.
It's like, of course you're out of here.
Yeah, you're gonna go. - So he's a runner.
- He's an avoider, yeah. - An avoider, yeah.
Like, I'm a communicator. He's an avoider.
- Yeah. - He doesn't want to talk.
And, you know, we've never gone on a trip,
just he and I, with no work. - Really?
And that's something that has bothered me.
And it's like, there's a part of me
that says, is he really in it?
Do you think maybe he's afraid to get married?
It's possible, but we don't talk about it.
We don't talk about it.
These are issues that John and I need to figure out.
And it's none of Heather Dubrow,
Emily Simpson, or Gina Kirschenheiter's business.
I agree.
And their opinions mean nothing to me.
Shannon and John not talking about getting married
is a huge red flag.
They've been together three years.
And no talk of marriage at their age doesn't sound right.
I love John more than I've ever loved anyone.
And I'm not willing...
You guys are so cute together.
To give up on our relationship.
Because we do have the sex, money, kid...
Issues. - Everybody does.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
We're going through a dry spell right now, sex-wise.
Oh, we're--No. We're good there.
- Do you use sex toys? - No.
Ready, go.
Some breathing going on over there.
Jump in and jump out.
Nice, Jenn. - It's okay, Ryan.
Excellent.
I want to see who jumps farther.
- Come on, honey. - Come on. Go.
I am.
Two, last one.
Awesome job today, guys.
All done. - Ooh, baby. Good job.
- Good job. - I liked it, Chanel.
both: Thank you.
I'm gonna go back and do some...
- I'll take your dumbbell. - Bicep curls.
Such a dork. We need to go get ready.
Leave your biceps alone.
Getting ready for the beach, babe.
You're not going to the beach today.
You're going to a wedding. Let's go.
Jenn and I's relationship is special.
What about this one with the red boots?
- Sexy. - You like this one?
Okay.
Having Jennifer by my side-- you know what they say.
When you look good, you feel good.
And she's fire.
Okay, let's go celebrate some getting married people.
- Speaking of wedding... - What?
- When are we getting married? - Ah, sh--.
I knew this was coming.
When are we getting married? - Yes.
Long-term, I want to be with Jenn.
Okay. The ring we going to do--I'll show it to you.
Oh, you have the actual stone.
- Yeah. - No way.
Did you think I would settle down?
- No. I never thought-- - Be honest.
- I was kind of surprised. - Being the Armenian gigolo.
When you're with the person that you love,
everything is different.
She is more than the whole package.
Why do you--
of all people who've not been successful in relationships,
why do you want to tie it up?
Because it's you.
I want to be with you all the time, and you know that.
No. Don't do this now. Stay away.
Don't do this now. - I want to hear that.
I like this. - You do?
- Mm-hmm. - It's nothing you don't know.
Sometimes thinking about being married to you
is scary for me. - Why?
Because I hate the fact that somebody else came between us.
I'm just being honest.
But somebody didn't come between us.
You can't say because we didn't know if we were ever
gonna get back together and we decided to take a break
that somebody came between us.
I just don't think that's an accurate statement.
I do feel like some--
I mean, there was somebody.
There were absolutely zero rules or parameters
around Ryan and I being on a break.
Five, six months into our relationship,
and we were taking a break for about four or five weeks.
But Ryan and I were still talking all the time.
Did she expect me to go carry on and connect with--
let me back that up--and have sex with somebody else?
She did not.
I understand we were on a break,
but now this puts inside me this place of doubt.
You can choose to stay present in the moment,
or you can choose to let your mind run--
No, Ryan, I can't do that stuff all the time.
- What do you mean? - This is real life.
We do have seven people between us.
- Our relationship-- - And it is forever.
I don't worry about me.
I want to know that my man has it so----ing worked out
that I'm never moving my kids out, that I never have
to sit the kids down and say, your----ing mom
failed it again. - I love you.
I wouldn't put you and I and our seven kids
in the spot for failure.
I have this perfect, beautiful life.
Why would I go and it up?
Forever's a long time, Ryan.
Forever with one person, just me, just--
Just you and me and those boobies.
Sorry.
It's like the 12-year-old just can't not come out.
- Okay. I'll change. - No.
Yeah. Just you, fully clothed.
Yeah. - No.
Coming up...
In my heart, I don't believe I was ever sh---talking you
or trying to stir things up at all.
And the tears coming out...
how many times did you to practice that
in front of the mirror?
- Our new home. - I know.
It's kind of sad.
What you want to start? - Let's do legs.
It feels so weird to work out at another gym.
After training at CUT Fitness for ten years,
we're kind of the new kids on the block.
Yeah, our tail's between our legs and it's been difficult.
But everybody's been nice.
I can't do it. - You can't do this?
Find your balance first.
Bend your knee.
Once you have your balance, then go down.
Okay?
I'm gonna do the other one.
I had breakfast with Heather and Emily.
They just like to bully Shannon.
It's not a secret if you're telling multiple people.
I really want things to be fixed with Shannon.
No, no. I do, too.
I think the only way you can fix it is talk to her.
I'm not getting Heather lately.
Oh, my God, you should have seen these fake paparazzi pics
from Disneyland.
It's her and Terry hugging each other,
and they're like this at the camera.
The happy couple made a point of showing everybody
their relationship is good.
To me, like, when you make a point of doing that,
it's a little weird.
Heather tends to overreact about everything.
And no way in the world
do I think Terry's cheating on her.
But, I mean, the "Sears Catalog" pictures,
they're 100% staged.
If Angelina Jolie was at Disneyland,
I'm sure there would be a fan that would take a picture.
I don't care what the she did in the 1900s,
she is not a A-list celebrity.
Are you gonna do TRX? - I am.
I will say, babe,
that I really enjoy having you home now.
But I have to ask you-- there's no porn.
There's no lingerie. There's no sex toys.
Are we just getting stale?
If you want to spice up the bedroom,
maybe some lingerie or-- - All right.
I got a surprise for you.
Want me to come in like Conan with the leather vest
and a sword and just go...
Come on, baby.
- No. - No?
No. Doesn't do it for me.
Come on, baby.
Thank you.
both: Hi. - How are you?
Wow. You look nice.
Thanks. You too.
- How are you? - Hi. I'm good.
- Hi. - Your hair looks so pretty.
Thank you.
I wasn't sure if it was gonna be hot or cold.
- I know. It's not that hot. - No, it's okay.
Listen, before anything gets started here,
I just want you to know that my--
my goal is for us to get to a better place today.
And whatever we need to talk about
or how we need to get there, that's what I want.
Hmm. Okay.
I mean, we've tried to have two conversations so far
that weren't very successful, so...
I know. I know.
I have been a really good friend to you.
Right.
But I am not taking a fall for defiling our friendship
because I didn't do that.
You are hurting me, and you are hurting my relationship.
You seem to don't remember that you tell
lots of people lots of things.
Now I'm a loony bin.
I don't really have any hope
that we're going to resolve anything,
but I want to hear what she has to say,
because Heather's violation of the vault
that I thought we had together is a total slap in the face.
There is no vault.
She goes and gives everyone the combination,
and I'm sick of it.
Do you want something else to drink?
Oh, heck, yeah.
What's in your espresso martini?
It's gonna be the vodka, the simple syrup,
and then the Kahlua we use.
I'd like that but no Kahlua.
What's not very sweet but a little sweet?
A little sweet?
I recommend the Cucumber Delight.
- I'll do that. - Ketel One?
Can you put Belvedere in it, though?
Sure. I'll get you guys going right now.
I--just--
I mean, the bottom line is, like, I am hurt.
And I have had Tamra and Emily both say, wait a minute.
We didn't bring up your relationship.
Heather is the one that brought it up.
If your relationship has come up--
Tamra, when she first came back to the group,
kept saying to me, are you getting the calls?
Are you getting this?
Is she telling you about your relationship?
And things that I could have, like, agreed with.
And I went, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Shannon seems happy in her relationship and...
Oh, you didn't get the phone calls?
- In her business. - 'Cause I did.
Has she opened up to you at all?
No. I mean, look what just happened with you and Ryan.
Don't you think that's why Shannon keeps her relationship
close to the vest? - I don't know.
It's never been my goal to talk about your relationship.
Once again, Heather,
I feel like we're on--
to use your phrase-- the hamster wheel.
I have relationship issues that most people have.
And I'm hopeful that we can navigate through them,
because I've never loved someone more in my life.
I have no idea what to believe anymore,
because you have all this information
that she's given you privately--
to everyone privately.
How am I supposed to act with you in public--
like I don't know?
Do I need, like, that "Men in Black" thing
that, like, I forget what you've told me?
I honestly don't understand.
It's nobody's business.
So, if you're so concerned as my friend,
then talk to me about it.
I apologize.
Honestly, I would never intentionally
do something to hurt you.
And I feel like...
In my heart and in my mind, I don't believe
I was ever sh---talking you
or trying to stir things up at all.
Okay.
But if it came out that way or moved that way,
then I apologize.
Thank you for saying that.
That means something, and I appreciate that.
And the tears coming out...
how many times did you practice that in front of the mirror?
Maybe you can put this lunch in your IMDb.
So where do we go from here?
In the end, my feelings have been really hurt.
And I'm the type of person that needs to step away
and just, like, process everything,
because it's been a lot for me.
I totally hear you, and I understand it.
And I was really happy that you wanted
to sit down today, honestly.
I really was.
I miss you. - Okay.
Coming up...
Jenn, you said that I said CPS
was coming for Gina's kids?
I don't feel like Jenn's making it up.
It is not true!
Do I look Amish, or is this okay?
Let's make sure I don't look like I'm from...
Pennsylvania.
Hey, you two ding-dongs.
This is my life on a daily basis.
Thank you. Bye. See you later.
Go harass someone else.
Teddi.
- Oh, hey. - What are you doing?
A crack whore with those roots.
- Oh, that's where I'm heading. - I need mine, too.
Wait. You have to give me a heads-up about what?
No, I know. My one day off-- I couldn't do it.
I'm sorry. What did you do, Teddi?
Oh, great.
You know, I'm headed to see her.
Is that the one that just went up today?
Oh, great!
Such good timing, Teddi.
Thanks for the warning.
- Oh, hi. - Hi.
- Nice to meet - Good to see you, honey.
This is fabulous.
So this is what we've got set up for you
for your pumpkin-carving class. - Okay.
I know you have lots of fun games and activities planned.
We do.
So right over here on the other side
is where you guys will have some lunch.
And, more importantly, the bar.
Yeah, absolutely.
What are these things growing, weeds?
Is it corn? - It might be some corn.
- Hi. - Hello, ladies.
- Whoo-whoo! - Hi.
- Hi, gorgeous girls. - Hi.
- How are we? - I'm good.
How are you? - Good, good.
Thanks, honey.
We have a pumpkin-carving expert who's going to help us.
Who's gonna carve them for us?
No.
Hi. Are we back in Montana?
I know. We are kind of back in Montana.
- What are we drinking? - So we have a few drinks.
Okay.
This is gonna be an apple-cider cinnamon margarita.
Wow. I'll do the champagne.
Thank you.
Yes.
Oh, thank you so much.
Who else is coming?
Is everybody coming?
- Gina and Emily. - And Shannon.
- Yeah.
- Great. - Are you and Shannon good now?
- Yeah. - That does not look--
You do not look convincing. - No, it was good.
Hi.
No, I have to go back.
I wish I could have gone with you.
- Well, you better go back. - Oh, I know. I will.
I don't support this motorcycle stuff.
- I did well. - It was a safety class.
- I don't like it. - It's a safety class.
How can you now support that? - Yeah, it's a safety class.
I was so beyond that
because I've been riding for five years.
You're doing great.
So here's what we're gonna do today.
We are going to carve some pumpkins.
Okay.
So I want everyone to go in the field
and pick out your own pumpkin.
Do we have to wait for Shannon?
I'm gonna go pick 'em,
because we wait for Shannon for everything
and I'm just not in the mood to wait for her today.
Let's go find one.
Aren't there pumpkin valets?
- What? A pumpkin concierge? - Yes.
Someone comes and carves your pumpkin for you.
Yes.
You look like you have saddle shoes on.
What are you doing? Are you going to sock hop?
I'm trying to find one that doesn't have
any sh-- on the side. - Yeah, good luck.
They all have, like, warts on 'em.
Mm. Is it contagious?
They have a vaccine for that.
Are you getting it really big or...?
I don't know.
'Cause we got to hull 'em out.
That's a big one.
Hey, Jenn, you have to clear something up for me.
At Shannon's fiesta, what did Shannon
say about Gina and her kids and, like, the whole DUI thing?
- Okay. Coming this way. - I got to--
I want to ask you--what did Shannon say about my children?
Something about CPS.
I don't remember ever hearing that.
Jenn told me in the car.
The CPS comment--
Shannon was talking about, like,
she gave the number and how Gina's kids could have--
if she missed that it was-- - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, why is she talking about that?
She sees my kids-- - Was CPS coming to your house?
No.
It's a completely--
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
I'm sorry. Finish.
It's another level when you bring CPS into it.
Like, for-- - What?
- Child Protective Services. - No, I know what that is.
I'm saying, she said that at the dinner?
Yeah.
So no one's allowed to talk about the fact
that she and John don't have the best relationship,
but this is okay conversation?
It's so unconscionable. It's just insane.
- Let's just get a pumpkin. - All right.
Well, how about that one? Look.
- That's kind of big. - No?
Ooh, I like this one.
Do you not remember that?
You said you didn't-- You acted surprised when I--
Do you not remember that whole conversation?
I don't really remember.
I feel pretty good about this one.
Come on.
I had no idea Shannon said that.
So you may want to talk to Shannon about that first,
because I think Jenn might be twisting things a little bit,
because I'm telling you... - 'Cause I'm like...
I don't remember hearing that.
Here with that.
If there's gonna be anyone to twist anything,
it's certainly not gonna be Jenn.
It's 100% going to be Tamra.
I mean, Tamra, like, has a spoon in every pocketbook
that she owns.
So Jenn is not the twister or the stirrer.
This one's light. Does that mean it's rotten inside?
Yeah.
Shannon!
You look cute. You're so----ing skinny.
How are you? - Hi.
- I'm so sorry. - How are you?
No, it's okay. - Oh, there she is.
I just text you. - Sorry.
Here, I'm just gonna grab you a pumpkin.
Oh, we're carving.
Are you okay? What happened?
I had an IV, and then, like, literally I can't fit shoes on.
Look at my arm from the--
Why did you get an IV?
Like, a vitamin. She says it's inflammation.
Anyways, hi.
Sorry about that.
Okay, so, guys, this is Marshalle.
all: Hi. - She's gonna help us.
Because I'm pretty sure we all are incapable of carving
a pumpkin on our own. - Hey!
So the very first thing we're going to do
is cut a hole in the bottom.
Why?
This will help preserve your pumpkin.
- Like a butthole? - Yes, exactly.
Cut the butthole!
You are going to put your hand inside the hole...
all: Oh.
And pull out the seeds and membrane.
Now all of a sudden, you have to make a butthole
so you can fist your pumpkin.
There's something wrong with that.
Nobody wants a giant butthole.
Well, you need access.
- Okay. - Income and outgo.
I don't like pumpkin things.
I am not a fan of the fall.
Ooh, it smells good.
I like the way the pumpkin smells.
I mean, who wants to celebrate death
and morbidity and graveyards?
I don't like orange and brown and olive green.
I'm Scrooge of the fall.
That's a big-ass butthole.
- Oh, you're going in. - That's a fister.
You taking that home to Shane?
Yes. I'll be like, you want to have sex tonight?
I didn't promise you they were ladies.
Okay, no.
I just told you they were women.
Scoop all the guts.
Are you gonna roast these for us?
No.
I think your butthole looks good.
Oh, yours is pretty good, too.
- I'm very proud of that. - Yeah.
You should get that sh-- on OnlyFans.
I'm gonna do this bird right here.
What is that?
I don't know, but I took the easiest one ever.
It just is weird. It's like--
There's elephants in the room.
Yeah, clearly.
Okay, I'm done.
I bet it has an HD on it.
No, I did a champagne flute with bubbles.
Oh, I like it. Very good.
Carving a pumpkin is manual labor.
So we know Heather's gonna suck at it.
It kind of looks like a dildo--I don't know.
But it goes with the butthole.
- I named this Deep Throat. - For sure.
That's very-- that's on brand.
I mean, on one to ten, we're, like, definitely a solid two.
Everybody understands what this is?
A self-portrait.
It looks so good.
We pretty much suck at carving pumpkins.
Oh, my gosh, you've been amazing and so patient with us.
- Thank you. - No, thank you so much.
- It was a pleasure. - Thank you.
What?
No.
Jenn, you said that I said CPS was coming for Gina's kids?
What are you talking about?
I would never say that.
Jenn, you said that I said CPS was coming for Gina's kids?
What are you talking about? I would never say that.
She was about to get arrested with her kids.
It would have gone to Child Protective Services.
Never said it. God, strike me dead.
That's when I know I didn't say something, okay?
So stop stirring sh-- up, Jenn, Jesus Christ.
I don't understand where that would come from.
I don't remember Shannon saying that.
Gina was about ready to get arrested.
- And Shannon helped Gina? - Yeah.
But if she did say it, don't be standing next to me
when God strikes you dead.
She even said how your mom went to her.
I don't know this sh--. - Unbelievable.
Unbe-----ing-lievable.
Shannon is super sideways about not saying it,
which tells me you totally know you said it.
Okay, so you're telling me Jenn just plucked this story
out of the air?
Yeah, I don't think so. Good try, Shannon.
I don't recall saying it.
Why don't you just own up? You said it.
I'm so confused at this point,
because I think this is what you do.
I don't feel like Jenn's making it up.
- My friends were there! - I was there.
I would never say that! You know what I said, Gina?
I said, I'm not allowed to talk about anything good
that I did for Gina.
I said, I'm not gonna talk about it.
No, I've asked you not to talk about--
That's what I said. And I don't talk about it.
But you were, clearly, because Jenn
knows all about something that I would rather not lead with.
Google it. Then maybe she Googled it.
I don't know. - I didn't Google it.
I'm not making up whatever Shannon expressed.
If CPS came up--
I don't remember exactly what was said.
I'm not making it up.
Tamra was the one explaining to me at the dinner party
about Gina's DUI.
It's odd to me how you have now conveniently forgot.
- You're a messenger. - What is your phrase?
Kill the messenger?
In this moment, it would have been nice
to feel my friend stand up for me and have my back.
There was some attorney that, if she didn't have the number,
her kids could have been taken.
It was almost like it was-- - It is not true!
Okay.
Nobody gets a DUI, and then their kids are taken from them.
- Correct. That's true. - Let's let this go.
They we're gonna arrest you in the morning.
They were scheduled to be there.
- No, they weren't. - That would never happen.
They don't schedule-- how do you know?
You clock in with the cops? - It was a bench warrant.
They wouldn't show up at her house and arrest her.
It doesn't happen.
I have put my children before----ing everything.
So, to insinuate
the authorities would remove my children,
that they would see me as an unfit parent,
is----ed up.
- It doesn't happen that way. - They don't do that.
They're not gonna do that.
Tamra, do you remember the pain
that I had the other night?
Yeah, I'm having it. - Okay, don't, don't, don't.
That's stress, stress. Deep breaths, deep breaths.
I deal with enough sh-- as it is.
And the stress of knowing people are talking
about bullsh-- and exaggerated thoughts about my relationship
gives me a lot of anxiety, and it keeps me up at night.
And it's not her. I could give a sh--.
You okay? Look at me.
- No. - Do you need to call someone?
- No, it was anxiety. - Okay.
The only thing I have ever said is I respect you enough
that I don't talk about your relationship.
So, if that is offensive to you and that makes
you want to sh-- all over me and my family
and my children and my life continuously, Shannon,
then that's fine. - Give me a----ing break.
I don't think she's sh---ing on your children
and your family. - I want to explain myself.
And I feel badly about this,
because Heather and I kept saying,
what are they talking about over there?
And it sounded like you specifically
were talking about my relationship.
Let's say you really are concerned about me.
You might go to one of your other good friends,
and you might say, you know what?
She told me not to say anything,
but I'm concerned for her.
See? This is the sh-- they don't say to you, Shannon.
When I thought Gina was piping in,
yeah, that'd set me off.
If you're gonna be talking about my relationship,
why aren't we talking about yours?
I could have come at with information that I've heard!
I didn't do it because I don't get involved
in people's relationships.
You just launched
a bunch of grenades at me across the pool.
Putting it out there is kind of like what Heather did.
It's like, oh, it's so bad.
And then everyone thinks, oh, it's so bad.
That's kind of what I did.
I wasn't doing it to hurt you or trash you.
People come to me all the time, and I--
I don't talk about Travis.
I don't want to hear anything
about anyone's relationship again.
- But the penis comment? - Okay.
Let's talk about Travis and his this-big penis.
Of course you're gonna say that.
Don't say that. Just don't say that's.
Well, I mean, that's outrageous.
It is.
I just feel like we have to get
everything out on the table right now or however you--
Oh, pinky.
- Don't do that. - What did she do?
That was, like, some weird comment.
This is why I shouldn't have brought it up,
to say there's things that I didn't say that I know.
- Yeah, what? - He has a small penis.
- Who has a small penis? - Travis.
He's fi--oh, my God.
That's disgusting.
But this is the thing, is how stupid.
I mean...
Jesus. Let's just line all the men up
and have a little-penis contest.
Big-penis contest.
Travis has a lovely sized penis.
Shane has a large penis, too.
I would just like to throw that out there.
It's not a sidecar-sized penis.
The whole world gets dick pics from Ryan.
No questions there.
Who's bringing something like that up?
Some random person, like, three--
when you guys first started dating.
I mean, I guess it's just the day of lies today.
It's real desperate. It's reeks of desperation.
The only thing more desperate than this
is Shannon's----ing SPANX.
Who repeats that?
I feel like there are small miscommunications
that then become big... - Right.
Because we probably both assume the worst
in each other at this point. - Okay.
Can we just move on? - I'm just saying.
- Careful. - Okay.
Are we good?
- Are we okay? - I'm fine. I'm fine.
Are you fine? - I don't know.
Yeah. I mean, I'm upset.
I just want it to stop.
I would very much like that.
Perfect, and I will do the same.
Coming up...
Your "staged" paparazzi pictures...
It was taken from a professional camera.
You are accusing me of this.
Well, there's no paparazzi at Disneyland.
Okay.
Wow, Taylor, that looks gorgeous.
I picked out all the most precious gourds for you.
Wow, it's beautiful.
- It's gourd-geous. - It's gourd-geous.
So pretty.
Are there seating arrangements or...
- Apparently not. - Just sit anywhere?
I'll sit here. I don't care.
- Good job, Taylor. - It's so pretty.
- I'm so snobby now. - You're very bougie.
A little bit.
I will say something that I want
to say to Heather right now. - Ugh.
Is it bad? - It's not good.
- Ugh. - Oh, Lord.
As you know, me and Teddi Mellencamp
have a podcast together.
She went in hard about your "staged" paparazzi pictures.
I'm not gonna give light to it.
It's not true.
But it was taken from a professional camera.
How would I know that?
You can tell by the way they were shot.
Are you literally accusing me of this?
No. I'm just saying--
No, no. You are accusing me of this.
Well, it's suspicious. That's all I'm saying.
So here's what's interesting.
Yeah, where there's smoke, there's fire.
You know what else there is? - ing arson.
And I know you seem very excited about talking
about this. - I'm not excited.
Is anyone worried?
Did any of you girls call me and go,
hey, were you okay, dear?
But you're worried about Shannon's relationship.
I wasn't concerned about your relationship.
Why not pull me aside over there
and go, listen, I'm sorry?
Well, I don't think it's true.
But the fact that--
But saying that is inferring that it could be true.
Well, there's no paparazzi at Disneyland.
Okay.
Think whatever you want, Tamra.
I don't know why Tamra is doing this,
but some people take pleasure in the misfortune of others.
I mean, honestly,
after being accused of staging paparazzi photos,
why would I tell them about the sale of the house?
Like, the schadenfreude bitches.
This has been so nice. Thank you.
Yeah. This is great, Taylor.
It's beautiful. - Thank you.
Gina, what's going on with real estate?
Well, I passed all three of the online courses.
So I'm just waiting for the approval
to be able to take the state exam.
- State board. - Yeah.
What about you, Heather? What about Fireside?
I'm gonna launch this network,
so I'm doing a launch party.
And I'd love for you guys to come and just celebrate.
- We'd love that. - Is it at your house?
- No, it's not at my house. - Oh.
I'm doing it at VEA. Do you know VEA?
Uh-uh.
You know the one where we did cotillion, anyone?
No?
I hate to be very rude.
But, you guys, I have to go. So I'm sorry, Taylor.
Thank you. - Thank you for coming.
Thank you so much for having this.
Okay. Thanks, you guys.
Safe travels. - Bye, Shannon.
- Feel better. - Bye, Shannon.
I'm worried about her having a health issue.
That was a little scary.
It's just anxiety, just stress.
That's all it is. - Okay.
Are you okay? Is everything good with you now?
I'm okay. I feel like she's so defensive.
Yeah.
So it's hard to approach her about anything, really.
Shannon says sh--,
and then she wants to pretend she didn't do it.
And if you can say things that are that----ing hurtful
and not even remember you said it,
you need to go----ing check yourself into rehab.
And then when you do
and you get to the----ing "I'm sorry" step,
I'll be waiting for that apology.
I would like to say I still feel like there's kind
of a double standard when it comes to Shannon,
'cause I do feel like the comment just about Travis--
if that had been about John Janssen,
she would have lost her sh--.
No, John Janssen's penis is 14-karat gold.
Oh, I'm sorry. I did not know that.
And 14 inches long.
It is diamond-encrusted.
Ooh, that sounds painful.
Next time
on "The Real Housewives of Orange County"...
Heather, I think you should put
your initials on more things.
Ryan talks so much now about the future.
I want somebody to meet him
and be able to talk to me about your honest opinion.
My mom and Ryan have not met
because my mom was not ready to meet Ryan.
Will was a great husband.
Heather and Terry Dubrow
sell their home for $55 million.
Wow.
Let's go to México!
Oh, I like Mexico.
This is my kind of vacation.
You drink out of its booty.
I want to hear about you selling your house.
You didn't tell us anything.
Other people are criticized
for not sharing important things.
I share lots of important things.
You can't trust us.
This is what Heather says to me--
in New York, at BravoCon, I was in Shannon Beador's room,
and she had a lot of crappy things to say about you guys,
but I'm not gonna tell you what it was.
- She wasn't in my room once. - That is bullsh--.
I never said that.