1 00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:03,003 - Previously on queen of Jordan... 2 00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:05,088 - Randi, now that Barbara's dead, 3 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:06,089 I need a nanny. 4 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:07,966 - That's perfect! 5 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,427 All my children were taken away. 6 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,238 - Can you believe that D'Fwan is telling you 7 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,056 that Angie is starting her own clothing line? 8 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,575 - Why don't you control your dog? 9 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:18,769 - He controls me! 10 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,105 Hello, Angie... 11 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:25,025 I mean, hello, whoever it is going to be. 12 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,527 - Hi, Jack, it's Angie. 13 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,296 I wanted to remind you we have a meeting 14 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,440 today about my fashion line. 15 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:30,113 - Looking forward to it. 16 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,032 We can do a lot of cross-promotion 17 00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:34,117 between our shows and your clothing brand, 18 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,409 uh, cheek. 19 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,037 - It's pronounced "chic". 20 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:37,746 It's French. 21 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,456 Now that I'm a fashion designer, 22 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:40,749 I'm an octuple threat... 23 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,169 Reality star, actress, singer/songreader, 24 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:47,339 perfumist, IBS survivor, best-selling author 25 00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,925 of a book I didn't write, catchphrase coiner. 26 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,053 "I'll take that with cheese." 27 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:54,345 Well they don't all work. 28 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,057 Cheek is stretchable formal wear 29 00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,810 for elegant plus-sized women and huskier gays. 30 00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:02,312 Tonight is the big fashion show for cheek's summer line. 31 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,023 I find that my target customer sweats a lot 32 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:06,915 and often gets thrown into a public pool. 33 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,507 Now this show is the... 34 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,779 - Angie, I'm sorry, but I have to take this other call. 35 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,990 - What? No, you don't... 36 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:14,324 Rude! 37 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:15,993 - This is Jack Donaghy. 38 00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:20,247 - This is Sam lockwood with the state department. 39 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:22,332 - I'm stunned. 40 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,127 The CIA captured a North Korean spy. 41 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,671 So we were able to arrange a prisoner swap next week. 42 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:31,174 In exchange for my wife, they get their spy back, 43 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:32,746 a crate of Hollister sweatshirts 44 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:37,180 and a signed headshot of Don Johnson. 45 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:38,491 They just got Nash Bridges. 46 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:41,101 Obviously, this is a very personal matter, 47 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,395 so I would appreciate it if your guys at bravo... 48 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,565 Excuse me, "gays" at bravo... 49 00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,177 Handle this with the same delicacy 50 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:48,984 with which you handled 51 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:52,112 D'Fwan's boyfriend's pregnancy scare. 52 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:55,574 - It's my way till pay day. 53 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:00,996 Where is he? 54 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,290 Jack Donaghy is late for our meeting. 55 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:06,418 - Not to be racist, but white guys are typically punctual. 56 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,378 I'm sorry I got so real, 57 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,964 but nothing's gonna change unless there's a dialogue. 58 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:14,092 - I've never been so disrespected in my life. 59 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,471 And I've gone to and worked at the post office. 60 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:22,142 - Mrs. Jordan, Mr. Donaghy sends his apologies, 61 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,394 but he is unable to attend your meeting. 62 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:25,926 I'm here as his representative. 63 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,230 - Oh, no. 64 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,399 That man is about to get some cheese with that. 65 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,401 - That catchphrase is improving, baby! 66 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,112 - You don't give me notes! 67 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,323 - Hey, girlfriend. 68 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:37,895 Looks like you need a girlfriend. 69 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,242 - I have a girlfriend. 70 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:43,080 Her name is Raven-Symone senior. 71 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,957 - I'm really close to the whole q of j cast. 72 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,336 So I know they're gonna pull me into all of their drama 73 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,338 and I'm gonna be on the show a lot. 74 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,423 I will be on the show a lot. 75 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,760 - Where's Jack? - Boob monster! 76 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:57,552 - I'm supposed to have a meeting 77 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,262 with Jack Donaghy. 78 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,473 Do you not know where your own husband is? 79 00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:02,845 I know they're not married. 80 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:03,974 I just like them to know 81 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,784 I don't give a about their lives. 82 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,437 - Jack's probably busy, Angie. 83 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,689 His wife was kidnapped, but now she's coming back, 84 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,220 and all these cameras are around, 85 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,502 so they've been following him everywhere. 86 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,068 - Uh-huh. 87 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,861 I see what's happening. 88 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,780 Jacks' not just blowing me off. 89 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,824 He's trying to ruin my big night. 90 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,843 - No, Angie, what's happening with him is cra... 91 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,637 - no, what's happening is the cheek fashion show. 92 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,663 That's what people wanna know about. 93 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:28,041 And Tracy's planning a huge surprise for me at the end. 94 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,333 - Really? What is it? 95 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,878 - I don't know, Liz. It's a surprise. 96 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,673 Do you know what a surprise is? 97 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,883 Now you do. 98 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:40,178 - You didn't have a drink. Wha? 99 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,389 - Shh! 100 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:43,890 Don't learn to talk. 101 00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:47,728 A woman's power comes from her silence. 102 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,523 - You're Liz, right? - Hey, Randi. 103 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:52,858 Great episode last week. 104 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,335 I thought it was very brave of you to pose 105 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,737 for playboy against playboy's wishes. 106 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,740 - I need a date to Angie's fashion show 107 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:04,202 and Tracy tells me that you're, you know, the village bicycle. 108 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,122 - What? No. Why would he say that? 109 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,974 - Doctor guy, pilot guy, Cleveland dude, 110 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,960 British guy, rich dude, James Franco. 111 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,629 I've been with the same woman for 22 years. 112 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:18,633 No judgments, but to me, Liz Lemon is a sex maniac. 113 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,596 - Well, a lady never goes anywhere without a date. 114 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,807 Can someone watch Virginia? - I can't. 115 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,119 Contractually, I can only hold beautiful black babies 116 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,144 in Benetton ads. 117 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,687 - And I don't know if I should. 118 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,398 'Cause I'm might bite these fat little legs. 119 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,942 I might eat them up, they're so fat and juicy. 120 00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:43,074 - No, Sam, the military brings her back. 121 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,410 Don't even let Clinton know about this. 122 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,954 He and Steve bing will break out their sex plane. 123 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,873 It is a sex plane. 124 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,285 There aren't even any seats. 125 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:54,085 It's just futons and jacuzzis. 126 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:54,878 I've gotta run, Sam. 127 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:58,173 - Jack I... god, what is this? 128 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,675 - Oh, it's just one of our shows. 129 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,511 They're following me today. 130 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,764 - Ugh, is this one of those ridiculous reality shows 131 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,391 like Ken burns's jazz? Disgusting. 132 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,976 - I'm sorry, Diana. Ignore them. 133 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,187 Eventually, you won't even know they're here. 134 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,119 - I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. 135 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,649 I could use a drink. 136 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:16,959 - I'm afraid that while we're on camera, 137 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:21,655 I can only offer you D'Fwan's boutique wine, "D'Fwine". 138 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,156 - D'Fwine. 139 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,075 Please d'fwink responsibly. 140 00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:26,367 - To Avery's return. 141 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,829 - I'm a part of this as well. 142 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,082 I played Avery in the TV movie, kidnapped by danger. 143 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,654 - Jenna, this is for family only. 144 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,671 Now you sound like the cops outside of Jackie o's funeral. 145 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:38,630 But I got in there 146 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:41,883 and sang almost all of hey big spender. 147 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,177 ♪ The m... - Jenna, this is inappropriate. 148 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:45,846 I suggest you go back to 149 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,808 whatever Florida bathroom you crawled out of. 150 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,644 - I can see I'm not wanted here. 151 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,813 But thank you for looking up on Wikipedia 152 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,900 that I was conceived on a toilet. 153 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,902 No one wants me in their story. 154 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,116 If a beautiful woman cries and no one hears it, 155 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,827 did she waste $700 on crying lessons 156 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:12,581 at Adrian Brody's unaccredited acting school? 157 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,958 - Jack, when Avery does get back, 158 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,085 I don't think we should tell her about us. 159 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,340 Oh, 160 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,390 - I want to make sure we're all very clear 161 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,976 about what my mother in law said in my office. 162 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,645 She said we shouldn't tell Avery about Gus. 163 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,148 Gus is someone I've gone into business with 164 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,275 and Avery wouldn't approve of him. 165 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,277 Why would she disapprove? 166 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:46,656 Uh, well, uh, because they dated... At Yale. 167 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,408 Gus was a professor. 168 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,740 Of course you'll meet him. 169 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:53,246 We do business all the time. 170 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:54,998 - Tracy, I know you're planning 171 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,417 a big. Romantic surprise for me 172 00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,711 at the end of the fashion show. 173 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,297 But Jack Donaghy is messing with my special day. 174 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,669 So whatever you were thinking about doing, double it. 175 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,758 Call Mo'Nique. 176 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:06,926 Do a dove release. 177 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,471 Parachute in and propose to me all over again, you hear? 178 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,843 - Angie, I wasn't even gonna go to your fashion show. 179 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,016 It's at 8:00, 180 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,643 which is 9:00 am Tokyo time. 181 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,062 That's when takashi's parents leave for work 182 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,397 and we play mass effect 3 online. 183 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,735 Mr. and Mrs. Tanaka think he's at school, 184 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:27,072 but he's playing video games with a drunk adult. 185 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,407 - Now I know you're just saying that 186 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,535 because you don't want to ruin the surprise 187 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:35,330 'cause you're a good husband. 188 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,125 - Oh, my god. 189 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,295 Ned stark is dead? 190 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,381 - I love my wife. 191 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,091 I want her to be happy. 192 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,760 But more than that, I'm gonna do nothing. 193 00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,846 It's hard trying to have it all. 194 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,642 - You wait here, Bernardo. 195 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,024 She bit my. 196 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,401 - Eew. 197 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,069 - My glasses. 198 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:08,154 It's work. It's work. 199 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,615 But she is at such a fun age. 200 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,325 You get so much out of it. 201 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,328 It's fine, I'm fine. 202 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,664 - If everything goes according to plan, 203 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:20,083 Avery will be back in a few days. 204 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,135 In the meantime I have a lot of work to do... 205 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,379 With Gus, my business partner, 206 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,215 whom Diana mentioned earlier. 207 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,093 Gus, there's Gus. 208 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,465 Why are you wearing the hat 209 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,474 I asked you not to wear anymore to our meetings? 210 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:34,681 - We're higher up here, 211 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:37,475 so the sun's electricity is stronger. 212 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,228 - Well, uh, let's go over the numbers, Gus. 213 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,981 As you can see, the numbers look pretty good. 214 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:46,401 We're under budget and in line with projections. 215 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,653 Great, well, uh, meeting over. 216 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:53,700 You probably shouldn't have even filmed that, it was so boring. 217 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,053 Oh, Diana, you remember Gus, whom you said we shouldn't tell 218 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,788 Avery about because she used to date him. 219 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,749 - She was nasty. 220 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,042 She loved pee. 221 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,836 - Thank you, Gus. - No, Jack. 222 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,337 I didn't say Gus. 223 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,339 I already explained to them what I said. 224 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:14,095 I said I did not want Avery to know about Rus. 225 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:18,391 In slavic myth, Rus is the founder of Russia. 226 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,934 Why can't Avery know about 227 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,062 the mythological founder of Russia? 228 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:27,150 Because Jack has invested a lot of money in a restaurant 229 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,694 I'm opening called "Rus". 230 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,738 It is Russian cuisine. 231 00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,407 Who doesn't love cold, purple soup? 232 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,419 - Diana, we're talking about the same thing, 233 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,619 because, as you know, 234 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,955 the restaurant Rus is the business venture 235 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,166 I'm engaged in with Gus. 236 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,710 - Right, he is the chef. 237 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,463 - As I mentioned earlier, he's a professor at Yale. 238 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:49,255 - Which is funny, 239 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:52,467 because he looks so much more like a chef. 240 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,178 - Oh, what's funniest... Is that's he's both. 241 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,097 And now he works at the restaurant 242 00:09:57,388 --> 00:10:01,059 we can't tell Avery about. 243 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,104 - And the grand opening is tonight. 244 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,234 - Now he's opening up a restaurant 245 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,236 the same night my line launches? 246 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,988 Oh, that is a bridge too far. 247 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,323 That's right. 248 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,034 I read world war ll history, mother-. 249 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,745 Well, nobody's going to care about his restaurant 250 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:24,082 when there's a fashion show going on in the middle of it. 251 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:27,502 And a big surprise from my husband. 252 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,629 - Eliza Beth. 253 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,674 This is very, very easy for me 254 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,985 to say to you, but you can't come in here right now. 255 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,369 - Wh... I just wanna drop off this 256 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,347 little crinkly book that I got for Virginia. 257 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,807 - I can't let you in. 258 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,226 After what happened betwixt you this morning? 259 00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,520 No, Virginia is not having you. 260 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,272 - What are you talking about? 261 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,816 I might bite these fat little legs. 262 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,276 They're so fat and juicy. 263 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,568 - Rude. 264 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,195 - Wh... it was a compliment. 265 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,322 That's a thing people say to babies. 266 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,342 - You never talk about a black woman's leg size. 267 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,076 Not on babies, not on the Williams sisters, 268 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,428 not on a mannequin at Avenue. 269 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,452 We have come too far. 270 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,204 Now you know me, girl. 271 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,122 - I don't, really. 272 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,707 - I stay above these feuds. 273 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,359 Did I get involved when Portia took 274 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,311 the over-the-counter colon health test in the bathroom 275 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,129 at Randi's domestic violence costume ball? 276 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:12,541 I did, but I didn't want to. 277 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,672 - Can I be honest? 278 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,300 I think I'm just anxious 279 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:16,944 for Virginia to love me because I've been thinking 280 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:17,635 about motherhood lately. 281 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,637 I have a serious boyfriend right now and... 282 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,949 - Lisa, D'Fwan doesn't talk about people behind their backs, 283 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,325 so I'm just gonna tell you straight to your face 284 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,602 that what you're saying right now is very boring. 285 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,187 All I know is I'm gonna stay out 286 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,747 of this fight between you and Virginia. 287 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:29,981 That baby is a piece of work. 288 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,625 You know she should be able to stack blocks 289 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,169 in a tower by now, but she won't do it. 290 00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:38,448 - I thought you didn't talk about people behind their backs. 291 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:41,909 Hi. 292 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,206 Go away. 293 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,584 - Rude. 294 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,589 - Down. Down. 295 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,507 Boom, right there. 296 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,384 - God, these flower arrangements. 297 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,888 You people are savages! 298 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,389 Just excited. 299 00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,683 Wait, you're putting spoons in those. 300 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,560 It's just knives and forks. 301 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,354 - Why am I even doing this? 302 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,486 I still have to get the menus from the printer, 303 00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,066 go to the cony island beet market. 304 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,652 I've gotta pick up Yakov Smirnov at the airport. 305 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,321 That's enough foil, Gus. 306 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,198 - Jack, it's been a year that we prayed 307 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,283 for this... Restaurant opening, 308 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,995 and I should just feel excited and relieved, but... 309 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,206 - it's complicated. 310 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,833 When you open a restaurant with your mother in law. 311 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,545 - Hey, everyone knows you're not talking about the restaurant. 312 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,215 You're talking about electricity. 313 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:39,633 - Thank you, Gus. 314 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:43,054 - There's the gang! 315 00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,265 Virginia. 316 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,725 It's aunt Jenna. 317 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,019 Look. 318 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,538 I heard what Liz said about you, 319 00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,147 and I just have to say 320 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,693 that I have known Liz a long, long, long time 321 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,195 and she's totally shady. 322 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:03,283 - Oh, my god! You are hilarious. 323 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,575 Do you act? 324 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,619 Because we should do a movie together 325 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:10,123 where we're on a road trip just being sluts. 326 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:12,333 High five. 327 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,752 - No, I don't care that the others went to 328 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,297 Pierre batalini salon without me. 329 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,049 It's not a feud, I just... 330 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,101 I've never spent much time with babies, okay? 331 00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,805 And... what if I'm bad at it? 332 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,642 This is good TV. 333 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:30,934 I would watch this. 334 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,395 I would feel for Liz. 335 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,564 - Isn't this usually a bathroom? 336 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:37,650 - No, tray, it's usually Lutz's office. 337 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,360 - I see. 338 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,488 I think I just solved the mystery of the phantom pooper. 339 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,449 What's wrong, ll? 340 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,701 You look like Angie when I tell her I wanna retire 341 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,286 and live in an old lighthouse. 342 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:49,996 - It's just D'Fwan and everybody 343 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:52,048 are saying that I'm in a fight with Virginia, 344 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,042 which is idiotic, because she's a baby. 345 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,086 - Maybe it's just that children in general don't like you. 346 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,838 - Thank you, Tracy. 347 00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,132 I am dealing with something real here, 348 00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,968 but all anyone wants to do on these dumb shows 349 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,304 is fight and scream and throw things. 350 00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:09,640 - I wouldn't know. I really don't watch TV. 351 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,309 I'm more of a masturbator. 352 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,644 - Well I'm about to get original on you, Tracy. 353 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:19,067 There is no such thing as reality on reality television. 354 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,251 - No. 355 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,587 Yes. 356 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:49,971 - Welcome to Rus. 357 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,299 This evening, we're serving all the pierogis Costco had 358 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,726 and then Burger King. 359 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,062 - That's a sharp look, Kenneth. 360 00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,773 - Thank you, sir, but I can't take all the credit. 361 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,775 Everything I know about fashion, I learned 362 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,694 from my old college roommate, John Mark Karr. 363 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,030 - Right this way. 364 00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,370 - Oh, for god's sake. 365 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,018 - You've got a lot of nerve coming here. 366 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,212 You know this is Virginia's night. 367 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,047 You have no class, 368 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,715 you prostitution whore. 369 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,110 - What are you talking about? 370 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,219 - I'm hitching my wagon to Virginia's star. 371 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,471 Trying to get a little camera tiempo. 372 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,516 - Jenna, you've had cameras following you around all day. 373 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:34,517 You're a star now. 374 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,145 They want you on the show. 375 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,941 - They want me. 376 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,902 Which means I'm too good for this crap. 377 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,655 Like when I sang at that children's hospital. 378 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,241 Get away from me, I'm revoking my waiver. 379 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,076 Now blur my face. 380 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,828 Blur it more. 381 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:54,829 More. 382 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,081 Now disguise my voice. 383 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,500 Thank you, gays. 384 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:02,545 - Yes. 385 00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,957 - Excuse me, do you know where the indoor outhouse is? 386 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,049 - Is my fashion show ruining Jack's party? 387 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,341 - Oh, don't worry. 388 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,508 Nobody's even noticing it. 389 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,596 There's so much other stuff going on. 390 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:14,974 And it's not just Mr. Donaghy and this oriental matter. 391 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,935 There's the feud between Ms. Lemon and baby Virginia, 392 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:22,565 the drama between me and that cord I tripped on. 393 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,067 Hey, watch it. 394 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,359 I'm sorry, sir. 395 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,237 I shouldn't have lost my temper. 396 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,198 - My damn husband better show up. 397 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,866 - Disaster. 398 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,469 Deandra "I didn't know I was pregnant"-ed. 399 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,036 Who's gonna wear this now? 400 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,789 - Ah, size 12, that's what I am. 401 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,541 Oh, I was my grandmother's favorite 402 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,961 so I got all her old hand-me-downs. 403 00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:10,446 [] 404 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,380 What a rush! 405 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:28,839 - You were horrible. 406 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,675 - That's the last dress. 407 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,052 Tracy didn't even do anything. 408 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,179 He didn't even show up. 409 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,516 I'm gonna kill that man. 410 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,147 - What's cocaine like? 411 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:49,819 - What was that? - Damn, you two. 412 00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,821 Avery's coming back from North Korea. 413 00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,155 Portia reads the papers. 414 00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,324 I hate that that's my catchphrase. 415 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,076 - What was that? 416 00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,036 That was nothing. 417 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,622 I mean Jack's like that with everybody. 418 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,499 He's a kisser. 419 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:04,500 Right, Jack? 420 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:05,960 - Uh, of course. 421 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,628 Uh, it's European. 422 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:12,300 If you don't kiss someone, they're offended. 423 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,814 Very good, nice seeing you, Lemon. 424 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:30,318 - Jack, D'Fwan hasn't said "hi" yet. 425 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:39,243 Honey, what was that? 426 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,955 - Okay, Liz, I don't know what she's talking about. 427 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:46,917 But Virginia said she knows what you just did for Jack. 428 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,754 She misjudged you, and she would like a hug. 429 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,136 The feud's over. 430 00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,387 It's all good. 431 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,153 Now I'm just looking forward to this trip. 432 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,851 Because Virginia loves her little giraffe so much, 433 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,938 the show is sending us on a girls' getaway to Somalia! 434 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,230 Whoop whoop! 435 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,356 - I hope you're at peace with your god, Tracy Jordan. 436 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,197 Because you are about to meet your maker. 437 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,782 - Honey, you seem upset. 438 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,825 - I spent the last 20 years supporting you. 439 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,786 I had three of your children. 440 00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:25,164 I gave you a kidney, a kneecap and a bladder. 441 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:28,542 But I ask you to do one thing and you can't do it. 442 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:33,047 All I wanted was a standing ovation and for people to tweet 443 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,800 that I was the new icon for black womanhood 444 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,636 and then for me to tweet "why just black womanhood?" 445 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,388 Instead, I got nothing. 446 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:41,889 I might as well be Daphne. 447 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,933 - Who? 448 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,225 - I'm Daphne. 449 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,977 I handle conflict appropriately, 450 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,105 and I'm up to date on my mortgage payments. 451 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,148 - Oh, no, I turned what was supposed to be 452 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,984 a boring romantic evening into a gigantic fight 453 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,946 in front of all these cameras. 454 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,449 - Yes. 455 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:07,123 How inconsiderate of you to cause all this drama 456 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,667 and start this riveting fight. 457 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,294 - Our celebrity marriage is on a breakup collapse. 458 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:16,674 We're a train wreck you cannot look away from! 459 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,761 - I can't stand the sight of you. 460 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:24,140 - My love tank is empty! 461 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,394 Yah! 462 00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:29,686 Lizard egg! 463 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,526 I want a divorce or whatever. 464 00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:37,027 - It will be contentious 465 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:40,531 and last all through next season. 466 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,993 Both: I'm cheating on you! 467 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:49,915 Rude. 468 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,502 - Next week on queen of Jordan... 469 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,129 - Hey. 470 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:56,130 I was in the neighborhood. 471 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,782 I thought I'd pop up and say hello. 472 00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:01,177 - For god sakes, D'Fwan, I'm working. 473 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:04,638 Fine. Come here. 474 00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,895 - You again? 475 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,856 I am so sorry. Different cord. 476 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:19,153 - You were two hours late, you stole all my hangers 477 00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,821 and, yeah, I'm drunk. 478 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,658 I'm on vacation.