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00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:03,962
- Liz! Liz Lemon!
2
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,591
It's me, Thad. From college.
3
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:09,043
I've had my skin tags removed
4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,403
since then so you
can see my eyes now.
5
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,429
- Oh, you ran the light
board at the theater.
6
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Everyone called you...
Thad, no nickname.
7
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- And you, you were the
star of the sound of music.
8
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,433
- Thank you, no everyone
thinks of the young Nazi boy
9
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:22,563
as the star of that show.
10
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:26,401
♪ You are one age
going on another age ♪
11
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:30,155
♪ what's going to happen next ♪
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A lot of people
didn't realize that was
13
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the free, unlicensed version.
14
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- Look, I know it's last
minute, but I'm having
15
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,872
an epic leap day
party this afternoon.
16
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,417
- Wow, a daytime party
celebrating leap day.
17
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,461
Sounds fun, but I have to work.
18
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,380
- Hey, Liz, new Bluetooth?
19
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:47,881
- No, I'm talking to someone.
20
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,550
- Oh, I'm sorry.
21
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,593
I don't see people
that look like that.
22
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- See ya.
23
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,642
Wow, that was this creep
I went to college with.
24
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Such a nerd.
25
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And this is coming from
someone who wrote lyrics
26
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to the song the cantina
band plays in star wars.
27
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,106
♪ Figrin d'an the
kloo horn man ♪
28
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,733
♪ he's from clak'dor seven ♪
29
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But, at least I don't
throw leap day parties.
30
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- Wait, that was Thad
Warmald, the billionaire?
31
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- No, that was sad
Thad the skintag lad.
32
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I coined that.
33
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- That name has been all over
34
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the gold digger
message boards lately.
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I don't know a lot
about business,
36
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but he did an Internet and
now the computers like him
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and Wall Street is Google.
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- Oh, my god.
39
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- We are going to this party and
you're introducing me to Thad.
40
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Liz, I'm on a sexual
walkabout right now.
41
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I need to know if anything can
42
00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:38,765
make me happier
than being with Paul.
43
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And maybe $20
billion would do it.
44
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- What? How much
Internet did he do?
45
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,125
- Poke your eye, pull your hair,
you forgot what clothes to wear.
46
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- What the hell?
47
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,587
- You're not wearing
yellow and Blue on leap day.
48
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,613
- So what? Leap
day is not a thing.
49
00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:53,904
- ♪ Leap day William ♪
50
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:54,615
♪ leap day William ♪
51
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,700
♪ bursting from the sea ♪
52
00:01:56,992 --> 00:02:01,204
♪ will he bring his bucket of
sweets for mom and pop and me ♪
53
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:02,807
- What the crap is
going on in here?
54
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,208
- Why, leap day
William is visiting.
55
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,500
- Leap day William?
56
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:07,865
- Miss Lemon, did
you not grow up
57
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,379
with leap day William?
58
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:10,911
He lives in the Mariana trench.
59
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,674
He emerges every four years
60
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,510
to trade children's
tears for candy?
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00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:16,928
- What? No.
62
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,820
But white haven was
founded by the amish,
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and we really only
celebrated their holidays.
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After high school, I
went on Rumspringa.
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00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,686
It was crazy.
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00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,189
I totally snuck into
the witches of eastwick.
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00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,561
- But where were you when
we did this four years ago?
68
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:31,728
- Certainly not at a
Michael's crafts crafting cruise.
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00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,654
- Oh, miss Lemon,
you are missing out.
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00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,531
Every four years, you
get a magical extra day.
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00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,863
- A day to do the things
you ordinarily wouldn't do.
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00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:39,950
To take chances!
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00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,158
For instance, I am wearing
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00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,330
a braided necklace
with a shark's tooth on it.
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00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,957
- I listened to rap
music for the first time.
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00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,584
Not a fan.
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00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:48,543
- And you and I
are going to a party
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00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:49,835
thrown by a billionaire.
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00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,881
Come on, take a leap, Liz.
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00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,718
- Okay, fine, I'll go, but if
he has a giant chandelier
81
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:57,636
in his house, I'm out.
82
00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,721
Those things fall.
83
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,013
Waah, waah.
84
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,477
- ♪ Leap day William,
leap day William ♪
85
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,648
♪ ♪
86
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:27,708
- Happy leap day, Lemon.
87
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Help yourself to some rhubarb.
- Rhubarb?
88
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,211
Is white haven the
only city in america
89
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,879
that doesn't celebrate leap day?
90
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,091
- Oh, it's not such a big
deal in Boston, either.
91
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,051
Just a leap day William
parade, citywide ice maze
92
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,783
and, uh, we don't
poke you in the eye
93
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,322
if you're not wearing
yellow and Blue.
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00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,931
We just, uh, stomp on your foot.
- Ow!
95
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,023
- Kick you in the knee,
Yankees suck, go pats.
96
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,935
I can't believe the
woman who watches
97
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,895
all six pawn shop reality shows
98
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,773
has never seen the
movie, leap Dave Williams.
99
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,400
- I'm sorry, is
leap Dave Williams
100
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,402
a play on leap day William?
101
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,494
- It's a classic. Uptight
lawyer Dave Williams
102
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,096
turns into the real
leap day William
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00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,366
after an ice fishing
trip gone awry.
104
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,703
Usa runs an all day marathon.
105
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,540
- Dave, is everything all right?
106
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,751
- I definitely don't have gills.
107
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,085
I mean, nothing.
108
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,463
I mean, yes.
109
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,941
- Oh, my god, that's what
Chris kept quoting this morning
110
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,383
during our love... Making.
111
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,719
- New assistant
reporting for duty.
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00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,387
- Kenneth's filling in.
113
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:23,680
Gabe's got the week off.
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00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:24,972
He's a mormon.
115
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,242
You know how they
are about leap day.
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00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,601
- No, I don't, I
don't know th...
117
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,686
Ow, ah!
118
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:30,997
Fine, I didn't wanna
have to do this,
119
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:34,065
but I am wearing
yellow and Blue.
120
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,924
- Kenneth, I'm hoping to
find you a permanent position
121
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,885
here at the company, but
it's hard to take you seriously
122
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,285
when you're dressed like that.
123
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:46,620
- I'm sorry, sir.
124
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,712
I just get so excited
spreading holiday cheer.
125
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,333
Well, certainly you
remember the Joy that fills
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00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,752
a young boy's heart
on the day of leap.
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00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,684
- Don't get me wrong,
I love this holiday.
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00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,088
But do you know why?
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00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,548
- Oh, sir, I never know why.
130
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,551
- Because it's an extra
day to do business.
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00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,678
A bonus profit opportunity.
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00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,770
I have a bet with my
business school roommates
133
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,431
every four years to see
134
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,767
who can make the
most money on leap day.
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00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,645
And that is why I am announcing
today that Kabletown is
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00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:16,566
purchasing Xaro, the
3-D Internet company.
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00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,528
- It'll be like those Bible
quotes are right in your face.
138
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,988
- Yes, now take off
that bald cap, Kenneth.
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00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,341
We have a lot of work to do.
140
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,450
- Of course, take
off my bald cap.
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00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,953
Not put on my wig.
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00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,335
- Well, he's definitely rich.
143
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,299
Oh...
144
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,510
- Look how lame this crowd is.
145
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:46,012
Thad's been in his little
nerd world for so long
146
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:49,766
and now he's peeping
out of his shell like a... Um,
147
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,142
oh, what's that animal?
148
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,634
You know, the one that
crosses so slowly across the road
149
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,314
and then you swerve to make
sure you hit it and then a car
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00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:59,526
coming the other way swerves
to avoid you and goes off a cliff.
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00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,921
And then that night you and your
companion have the greatest sex
152
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,840
of your lives because
you're both sharing a secret.
153
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,366
- It's a turtle, Jenna.
- Yes, he's a turtle.
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00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:07,938
And he's coming out of his shell
155
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,369
for the first time.
156
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,998
And when he does,
he's gonna see this.
157
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,375
- We really gotta get all
the furniture out of here?
158
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,024
- My aquarium guy's
coming to see about
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00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,924
turning this whole
room into an aquarium.
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00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,511
Begging the question:
Who's really in the aquarium?
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00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,055
The fish or us?
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00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,807
- Greetings, coworkers.
163
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,899
Uh, Mr. Donaghy would
like to inform you that,
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00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,645
"unfortunately due to the
Obama worldwide recession,"
165
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,148
"there will be no leap
day bonuses this year."
166
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,317
"Mean laughter, sound
of a drink being poured."
167
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,944
"What are you writing now,
you slack-jawed donkey?"
168
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:45,931
- What are all
these letters, tray?
169
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,157
- It's just fan mail.
170
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,634
I mean, would you
read a bunch of letters
171
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,744
from people who look up to me?
172
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,830
- A $50,000 Benihana gift card?
173
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,082
- Oh, right, I did an
ad and insisted on
174
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,374
being paid in beni bucks.
175
00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:02,172
- Oh, no sir, this card is only
good through February 2012.
176
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,716
- Any other year it'd
be march already.
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00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,968
But we found it today!
178
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,678
- It's a leap day miracle!
179
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,330
- Gentlemen, we
have one day to eat
180
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,141
$50,000 worth of Japanese food.
181
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,100
- That's impossible.
182
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,144
- Nothing's
impossible on leap day.
183
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,556
It's like I said in my cameo
184
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,272
appearance in
leap Dave Williams,
185
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:23,193
"gimme your wallet, old man!"
186
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,820
- Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to introduce you
187
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,614
to the future of Kabletown,
188
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,324
the future of web-browsing,
189
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,493
and, quite frankly, the future.
190
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,454
Welcome to the
age of 3-D Internet.
191
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,050
- Following an unintentionally
racist press conference...
192
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,843
- Help us to "whip"
the competition.
193
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,455
- Kabletown shares
down sharply...
194
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,681
- Careful, sir, those
leaves are poisonous.
195
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,266
You know the saying,
"rhubarb red, eat away,
196
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,019
rhubarb green, don't eat them."
197
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,997
- Kenneth, I've watched newt
gingrich eat a plate of ribs.
198
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,440
I think my stomach can
handle some rhubarb leaves.
199
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:05,002
- Do you have any idea how
long you'll be needing me today?
200
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,152
One of my birds is sick
201
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,244
and I want to get home
in time to baptize her.
202
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:11,199
- We're both staying here
until I come up with an idea
203
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,118
to turn this day around.
204
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,704
Now, would you watch
a television show...
205
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,276
And I'm just spitballing here...
206
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,623
Called spitball?
207
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,959
- Sir, Rebecca
Birdstein needs me.
208
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,586
- Kenneth, we all
have to make sacrifices.
209
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,256
Watch this.
210
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,428
Sherry, I'm afraid something
has come up at work
211
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:29,652
and you'll have to
stay late with Liddy.
212
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:33,304
Uh, just dab some scotch on
your neck and make your eyes
213
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,974
the color of a winter crystal
so she'll think you're me.
214
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,684
Uh, thank you Sherry.
215
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,019
Good night.
216
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,146
- How many rooms are in...
217
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,401
- it's my, uh, D&D room.
218
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,571
The gaming table
comes up out of the floor.
219
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,863
Table!
220
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,534
Frak, I'm supposed
to say "floor" first.
221
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,579
Forget it, damn it!
222
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:03,251
This is all for you, Liz.
- What?
223
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,504
- I have been in love
with you since college.
224
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,882
Watching you every
night on that Stage
225
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,551
and realizing my dad was wrong.
226
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:12,886
I do like girls.
227
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,471
- Oh, boy. Okay.
228
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,057
- The party, the New
York apartment, everything.
229
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,643
Do you know why I spun off
Xaro and sold it to Kabletown?
230
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:24,689
Just so I could
accidentally run into you.
231
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,567
That is why it's called Xaro.
232
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:31,780
In game of thrones, Xaro
is a rich merchant prince
233
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:37,786
who wishes to acquaint himself
with the mother of dragons.
234
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,998
- Great, well... Scooby doo!
235
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:45,168
- Liz, wait! $10 million!
236
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,754
I want you to take my virginity
237
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:49,130
on leap night
238
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,966
for $10 million.
239
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,258
Fine, 20.
240
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,844
- No, Thad, i...
- Don't answer yet.
241
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,856
I mean, okay, unless
you were gonna say yes.
242
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,516
- No, you heard me say no.
- Don't answer yet.
243
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,601
Don't answer yet.
244
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,485
Oh, come... On.
245
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,822
Aah!
246
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,662
Son of a glub.
247
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,254
- Mr. Jordan, you'll never
spend all this by midnight.
248
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,005
You appeared in
that ad for nothing.
249
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,737
- Well the joke's
on you because that
250
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,760
commercial never aired
for unexplained reasons.
251
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,472
I just touched the table again.
252
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,558
Oh, god, you call for help!
253
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,727
I'll just put my head on
the table for a second.
254
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:48,773
Now let's get started, bring
us a bottle of your finest wine.
255
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,065
- Of course, Mr. Jordan.
256
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,528
That will be $12.
257
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,489
- Hey, Liz. I can't find Thad.
258
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,159
- Thad just
indecentproposal-ed me.
259
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,619
One night, $20 million.
260
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,622
- Oh, my god, that's
the gold digger's dream.
261
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:05,914
Where is he?
- No, Jenna.
262
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,040
You don't understand.
263
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,644
He's been in love
with me since college.
264
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,878
He only wants me.
265
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,296
- And you're still here.
266
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,964
You're considering it.
267
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,341
Liz, you know
you're not doing this.
268
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,552
I'm on a sexual walkabout.
269
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,054
But you're a nice girl
with a live-in boyfriend.
270
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,349
- Honey, I'm about to do
something pretty... Crazy.
271
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,684
- You should.
272
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:26,686
It's leap day. Real
life is for march.
273
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,479
- No, just hear me out.
274
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:31,024
Because if this doesn't work...
- It doesn't matter.
275
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,401
Nothing that happens
on leap day counts.
276
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,362
- Nothing that happens
on leap day counts.
277
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,616
Well, then, here goes nothing.
278
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,284
Aah!
279
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:46,831
- Hey, Liz, what's up?
280
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,250
- Criss, I'm about to do
something pretty crazy.
281
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,662
- You should, it's leap day.
282
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,921
Real life is for march.
- Oh, boy.
283
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,340
No, hear me out, because
this could really ruin...
284
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:56,632
- no, it doesn't matter.
285
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,443
Nothing that happens
on leap day counts.
286
00:11:58,593 --> 00:11:59,593
Hey, listen, I gotta run,
287
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,305
but whatever it is, go for it.
288
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,724
- Oh, my.
289
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:09,145
It looks like we've got
a slut-off on our hands.
290
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:12,273
- We've only spent $6000.
291
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,565
We should just give up.
292
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,985
- Never.
- We can't keep eating!
293
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,488
Lutz's shirt button
popped off and hit Cerie.
294
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:19,989
- It counts as us touching.
295
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,449
- This is important.
296
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,325
Everybody's always telling me
297
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:23,993
not to get paid in gift cards.
298
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,497
Angie, my lawyer, my
imaginary friend, Dotcom.
299
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:28,789
- Tray, I'm real.
300
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,333
I moved your furniture.
301
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,505
- And, yeah, leap day has
become too commercial.
302
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,188
And people have forgotten
what it really means,
303
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:35,797
but I remember.
304
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,800
One leap day when I was
a kid, the Harlem river froze,
305
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,470
and I decided to cross it
carrying my brick collection.
306
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,388
- I told him not to.
307
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,181
- No one can hear you, Dotcom.
308
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,808
Then I fell through the ice.
309
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,810
They still don't know
who pulled me out.
310
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:49,644
- I did.
311
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,230
Charlie rangel gave me a medal.
312
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,440
- I like to think it
was leap day William.
313
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,252
- You really believe
in leap day William?
314
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,276
- I used to.
315
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,362
Then I tried to eat
all this Benihana.
316
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,739
Now I don't know anymore.
317
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,866
I gotta take a walk.
318
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,535
Do some thinking.
319
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:06,911
- But I can explain.
320
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,706
I'm leap day Williams!
321
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,125
No, really!
322
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,668
Please, believe me.
323
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,336
Have a little faith.
324
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,171
- Oh, boy.
325
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,756
I'm getting sleepy.
326
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:24,220
- Wow, you're famous.
327
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,152
I have screen grabs
of all your nip slips.
328
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,475
- You know what, Thad?
I was trying to remember.
329
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:33,021
What was the dance
that Rolf did for Liesl?
330
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,731
Did it go like this?
331
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,526
- Oh, yes.
332
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,194
That's it.
333
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,822
That's how Rolf danced.
334
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,450
- Mmm.
335
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:50,538
- Why don't you go and
get me and Liz some drinks?
336
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,915
- Very well.
337
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,001
Liz, a moment, please?
338
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,506
If you're really gonna do
this, you better get a move on.
339
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,238
Right now, there
are models waking up
340
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,844
from their coke binges,
multi-ethnic bartenders
341
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,176
with daddy issues, former
ballerinas who had to quit
342
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,098
because their boobs got too big.
343
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,392
They're gonna hear
about the horny billionaire,
344
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,312
and Thad's gonna forget
all about his little crush.
345
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,814
They're coming Liz. Click click.
346
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,859
That's their stilettos.
347
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,111
Click click.
348
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,155
- Sir?
349
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,657
Sir, you don't look so good.
350
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,594
You shouldn't have eaten
those rhubarb leaves.
351
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,328
- I can't be sick.
352
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,705
I won't lose money on leap day.
353
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,416
I'm just gonna rest a second.
354
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,923
- Please get better, sir.
355
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,425
I've dug too many graves.
356
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,266
- Why the long face, son?
357
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,685
- I do have a long,
elegant face, thank you,
358
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,814
but I can't enjoy your
compliment, because I'm sad.
359
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,359
I'm starting to think leap
day William isn't even real.
360
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,528
- I reckon you may be right.
361
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:07,323
Leap day William's probably
just a tall tale told to kids
362
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,283
to help sell candy.
363
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,037
But this old fool still
believes he exists,
364
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,790
right here, inside all of us.
365
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,959
- I am always coughing up blood.
366
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,753
Could that be leap day
William trying to get out?
367
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,799
- Might could be, but I think
if he were here right now,
368
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,717
leap day William would tell you
369
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,680
everything's gonna
be all right, Tracy,
370
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:34,392
as long as you remember
where you come from.
371
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,102
- Thanks.
372
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,478
Nice costume, by the way.
373
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,398
- Right, costume.
374
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,364
- So, what should we do now?
375
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,324
- Stop pressuring me.
376
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,161
What are you? An
intercourse monster?
377
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,289
I'm sorry. I'm nervous.
378
00:15:56,581 --> 00:16:00,835
Is sex like when the Na'vi
intertwine their hair braids?
379
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,170
- Sure.
380
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,923
Yeah, Thad, that's
exactly what it's like.
381
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,633
Okay, look, if
we're gonna do this,
382
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,927
we kinda need to do
it now, okay, before...
383
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,139
- Oh, no.
384
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,310
Aw, damn it. Hot bitches.
385
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,273
- Wake up, sir.
386
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,150
Wake up.
387
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,237
- What is this?
388
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,614
Kenneth, is that me?
389
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,866
- Oh, I'm not Kenneth.
390
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,868
I'm the spirit of leap day.
391
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,038
Welcome to your leap day past.
392
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,582
- Jackie, we can't go
to the parade today.
393
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:45,087
I got called into work... At the
hospital... Where I'm a nurse.
394
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,757
- Why are you showing me this?
395
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,193
This is the kind of adversity
396
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,093
that made me the man I am today.
397
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,929
Good. Cry.
398
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,097
Let your sadness
form a hole inside you
399
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,749
that can only be
filled with money.
400
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,644
- Of course we're going
to the parade today, Jackie.
401
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,896
But you can't have
candy and cigarettes
402
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,481
without a few tears first.
403
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,482
- How did I forget this part?
404
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,943
And when did we stop
giving children cigarettes?
405
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,278
It's the liberal
war on leap day.
406
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,323
- It's time to go, Mr. Donaghy.
407
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:16,827
Welcome to leap day present.
408
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,788
- Okay, I'll change
me eye color,
409
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,123
but it seem like a
waste of voodoo.
410
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,710
Good night, Mr. Donaghy.
411
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,462
Sorry, baby.
412
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,673
Daddy not coming home
tonight because of work.
413
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,383
- It's a good lesson.
414
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,301
This will help her in life.
415
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,179
- Are you sure?
416
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,973
Welcome to the future.
417
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:38,975
Five leap days from now.
418
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:39,809
That's Liddy.
419
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:43,020
- I assume this
is her horse stable
420
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,940
and that she's hammering
that nail as a funny joke.
421
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,232
- No, Mr. Donaghy.
422
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,652
She's doing
habitat for humanity.
423
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,696
After you missed
all her leap days,
424
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,948
she started experimenting
with liberalism.
425
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,075
- That's not her. It can't be.
426
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,910
What have you done
with my daughter?
427
00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,287
Where is Liddy?
428
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,831
She's at home, sir.
429
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,750
With the nanny.
430
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,252
- There's still time.
431
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,671
Kenneth, I want
you to go to Citarella
432
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,673
and buy the biggest
rhubarb there is.
433
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,325
- The one that's
as big as me, sir?
434
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:13,383
- That's the one.
435
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:17,763
But first, you take
Rebecca Birdstein to the vet.
436
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:18,764
- What a Mitzvah.
437
00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,391
Merry leap day, sir.
438
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,810
Merry leap day to us all!
439
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,022
- Liz, why don't you go and...
440
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,666
- get you and
Karolina some drinks?
441
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:28,816
Okay, fine.
442
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,861
Looks like this time the
male will be in the Czech.
443
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:35,406
That kind of wit is a thing
she will never give you.
444
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,993
- Hey, Liz, a gym teacher on
a sex tour of Indonesia called.
445
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,078
He wants his shirt back.
446
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,205
Okay, that's solid, Kurkova.
447
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,875
That's a good burn.
448
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,878
- What was that old
man trying to tell me?
449
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:52,381
What am I gonna do
with all this free food?
450
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:53,883
Remember where I came from.
451
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:57,136
But we all came
from the sea. Sea?
452
00:18:57,428 --> 00:19:00,056
Like the letter "c", which
is part of the alphabet.
453
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,642
Alphabet soup.
454
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,810
Soup kitchen.
455
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,772
Kitchen...
- No, no, don't keep going.
456
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,624
- The kitchen debate
with Richard Nixon.
457
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,275
Richard M. Nixon.
458
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,985
The m-train.
459
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,363
Soul train.
460
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,907
Chicken soup for the soul.
461
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,076
Chicken soup.
462
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,746
Soup kitchen.
463
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,916
This is a leap day miracle!
464
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:31,253
- Merry leap day, tourists.
465
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:35,633
Merry leap day, closeted
gay guys meeting in the city.
466
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,344
- ♪ God Grant you
on this leap day fair ♪
467
00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:41,055
♪ a calm wind
and the ocean air ♪
468
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,347
- Really?
469
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,683
Seriously 20 million bucks?
470
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,810
I would sleep with
Thad Warmald for that.
471
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:46,727
- Couldn't go through with it.
472
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,539
You know, I just
kept seeing your face.
473
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:49,971
Also, I have too much dignity.
474
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,399
- Mmm, so another woman?
475
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:52,983
- Victoria's secret model.
- Oh.
476
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,320
- Feast, homeless, feast!
477
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,661
- I saved leap day!
478
00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:06,914
And connected with my son!
479
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,000
And I solved the
big case from earlier!
480
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,295
Merry leap day, everybody!
481
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,339
- Hey! Take a leap, pal!
482
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,717
- That's the spirit!
483
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,261
- ♪ Leap day
magic's all around ♪
484
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,055
♪ as leap day William
comes to town ♪
485
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,934
- Happy leap day, sweetheart.
486
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,728
Yes!
487
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,855
- ♪ He knows when
you are bad or good ♪
488
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,441
♪ he knows when you're asleep ♪
489
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,069
♪ he knows... ♪
- oh, my god, behind you!
490
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,031
- Well, I guess we all learned
something tonight about
491
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,827
love and friendship,
about taking chances,
492
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,830
about the true
meaning of leap day.
493
00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:51,542
But, these lessons aren't
good just for every four years.
494
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:53,669
No. They're good every year.
495
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,173
Because we should live every day
496
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,384
as if it's leap day,
and every leap day
497
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,762
as if it's your last.
498
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:06,348
Oh, and if you should ever
see an old man in a Blue suit
499
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,434
busting out of the
middle of the ocean,
500
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,519
take the time to say howdy.
501
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,814
It might just be
worth your while.