1 00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:06,327 - This better be important, Jack. 2 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:07,581 I was in the middle of bidding 3 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,009 on a bag of bras on eBay. 4 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,570 - Lemon, Hank Hooper is on his way 5 00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:11,594 up from Philadelphia, 6 00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,031 and he wants to meet with both of us. 7 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,255 - Why does he want to meet me? 8 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,575 Do you think it's a good thing? 9 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,100 - It's not, hon. 10 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,060 I saw that in a movie once, 11 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,270 but in the movie, the guy was dead. 12 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:21,939 Nice tie, Jack. 13 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:23,982 - How long have you been there? 14 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,874 I was sitting in that chair a minute ago. 15 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:27,152 - Nope. That was me. 16 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,321 What can I say? I smell like leather. 17 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,407 And you must be Elizabeth Lemon. 18 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,159 Oh. 19 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:34,826 - Well, I'll be bake mcbrided. 20 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,745 I know a Philly gal when I hug one. 21 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,164 Now, Elizabeth, I like to look someone in the eye 22 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,292 and smile when I say that what you're doing is bad. 23 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:43,835 It's just horrible. 24 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,797 Without Tracy, your show is like my cholesterol. 25 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,966 The numbers are killing me. 26 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:50,926 So I'm gonna cancel TGS. 27 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,553 - Hank, as you know, 28 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,472 tonight is TGS's 100th episode. 29 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:58,058 And we've been getting some good media buzz. 30 00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,518 Got on Wikipedia this week. 31 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,604 - So you did 99 shows against all odds and reason. 32 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,273 That's something. 33 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,857 Now it's time to rest. - Really? 34 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,029 You want to cancel the only show on your network 35 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,987 starring a 42-year-old woman? 36 00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,197 A show that is number one in its time slot 37 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,824 among men 18 to 49 38 00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:14,700 months left in prison? 39 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,392 I thought this company was a family, 40 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,203 but I guess it's that Austrian family 41 00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,722 and I am the girl in the basement, 42 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,040 and you are the dad who has been brutally... 43 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,500 - thank you, Lemon. 44 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,669 What Liz is neglecting to tell you 45 00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,796 is that Tracy Jordan is back. 46 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,088 - Oh. 47 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:29,756 Well, that's something. 48 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,688 - And I would consider it a personal favor 49 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,635 if you would let them do the 100th episode 50 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:38,140 and then reevaluate the show with Tracy in it. 51 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:39,558 - All right. 52 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:40,934 You get one more shot. 53 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,644 Just like the army doctor said to me 54 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,063 after my weekend in okinawa. 55 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:48,378 You know, Jack, I'm amazed at how much 56 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:51,528 you will stick your neck out for your people. 57 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,489 It's no wonder you're here with us good folks at Kabletown 58 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,074 instead of running ge. 59 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,034 They're mean. 60 00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:58,744 Jack Welch once smacked a pretzel 61 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:04,416 out of my hand at the super bowl. 62 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:05,708 - Is Tracy back? 63 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,377 I'd hate to think I just lied to Hank. 64 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:08,712 - Geez, I'll get it done. 65 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,364 You know I'll do whatever it takes. 66 00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:11,715 Lemon-style. 67 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,967 ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ 68 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,096 But you're gonna get me another sandwich 69 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,890 or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad 70 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,182 you'll have a chin. 71 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,809 - I will waste you! 72 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,604 - You'll have to go through this old bastard first. 73 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,216 And I don't really think it's fair 74 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,651 for me to be on a jury because I'm a hologram. 75 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,086 - What is the holdup with Tracy? 76 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,236 I thought you found him. 77 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,572 - I did find him, but he's still crazy. 78 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,240 He thinks he can't be funny anymore 79 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:38,801 because now he's a big Oscar winner. 80 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,243 People respect him too much. 81 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:43,747 He told me he feels like a Bartram's scrub-hairstreak 82 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:46,500 trying to crawl back into its silky cocoon. 83 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,752 Which is a butterfly metaphor, by the way, 84 00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,337 and not, as I first thought, 85 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,229 a list of African-American hair products. 86 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,067 - Well, you just need to turn the beautiful butterfly 87 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,551 back into a drunk, incompetent caterpillar. 88 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:57,552 - And I have a plan. 89 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,721 I booked him on every morning show in New York. 90 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,974 Tracy will destroy all his goodwill in time for rehearsal. 91 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,643 I've been prepping him all week. 92 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,615 So, Tracy Jordan, 93 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,814 my wife Joy and I were at mar-a-lago... 94 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:11,400 - Jesus was black! 95 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,292 - Just get him back in time for the show. 96 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:14,695 I have a very full plate. 97 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,446 - Really? Is it from that pie place? 98 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:17,799 - And I'm tired of going to bat 99 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:18,823 for you and your show. 100 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,076 - Oh, okay. Fine. 101 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,369 But just to be clear... 102 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:23,328 - there is no pie. 103 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,330 - Okay. 104 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:34,339 ♪ ♪ 105 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:46,101 - ♪ Who wears a swimsuit to Denny's? ♪ 106 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,393 ♪ That's her ♪ 107 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:48,770 - ♪ that's me ♪ - ♪ that's Pam ♪ 108 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,856 - The overly-confident, morbidly obese woman. 109 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,941 I can't sit in a booth! 110 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,233 - And cut. 111 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,069 Congratulations, everyone. 112 00:03:56,361 --> 00:04:00,157 In 100 shows, we've done Pam 107 times. 113 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:02,325 - Can you believe it's been five years 114 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,244 since we first started doing this? 115 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:05,579 - Um, that wasn't me. 116 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,038 There used to be another guy. 117 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,330 - I don't think so. 118 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,333 - Happy 100th show, miss Maroney. 119 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,065 - Danny and I were just talking about 120 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,567 what an amazing five years we've had. 121 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:17,549 I will choke you to death with your boyfriend's wig! 122 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,468 Give me back my man, bitch! 123 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:20,987 - Can you reminisce about something 124 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,238 that's happened since I've been here, 125 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,597 'cause I couldn't see any of that. 126 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,324 - I'll never forget what you said to me 127 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:26,933 after that first show, miss Maroney. 128 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,810 Terrific show, ma'am. 129 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,520 If I know anything about television, 130 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,397 the girlie show is a hit. 131 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,231 - Oh, please. 132 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,803 If this Turkey goes 100 episodes, 133 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,526 I'll have your baby. 134 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,069 I said that? 135 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,696 I was so young. 136 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:40,655 - Wait. I saw that. 137 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,657 How? Am I dead? 138 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,659 - Well, it's been 100 episodes. 139 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,671 I better lay you across my grandmother's lap 140 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,246 in the mating shed. 141 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:50,861 - But seriously, imagine if Jenna 142 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:51,999 really was a mother. 143 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,668 - It would be horrible. 144 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,754 The only thing I want latched to my fun bags 145 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,255 are celebrity DJs. 146 00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,707 - I don't know, miss Maroney. 147 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,237 I think you'd make a wonderful parent. 148 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,594 You could sing the baby to sleep 149 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,430 and tell it fairy tales and act out all the witch parts. 150 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:09,768 - You're serious? You albino goon. 151 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,020 - I wish. Albinos get to be watchers 152 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,690 in the mating shed. 153 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,652 - I can't even imagine you pregnant. 154 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:20,104 A picture of you in US Weekly 155 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,233 next to Natalie Portman in the same maternity outfit. 156 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,406 "Who wore it best?" 157 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:26,201 - I did. I wore it best. 158 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,162 A baby gets you attention. 159 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:30,789 - Listen up, friends. 160 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,081 It's pep talk time. 161 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,917 I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything here. 162 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,627 If we don't get Tracy back 163 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,171 and do the best show that we've ever done, 164 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,257 we're cancelled. 165 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:43,093 - So we're counting on Tracy? 166 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,719 Forget it. 167 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,222 - Frank, put that hat back on. 168 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,725 Look, we've been through bad times before. 169 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,017 All right. 170 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,188 - Ride it straight to hell! 171 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,480 - Here come the roofies. 172 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,067 - Where's my Mac and cheese? 173 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,862 And we've had some good times. 174 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,531 - Who wants... my puddings! 175 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,286 - And I know what you are all capable of. 176 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,871 This is your moment. 177 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:15,375 Tonight, TGS will not be the worst thing on television. 178 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,836 It'll be John stossel. 179 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,128 Who's with me? 180 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,356 Yeah! 181 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,047 Let's do it. 182 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,339 - Good job. 183 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,643 - Gas leak, huh? 184 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:34,935 Great. 185 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,061 Damn it. 186 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,355 Why now? 187 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,065 On my last day before retirement. 188 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,776 Here. Let me show you guys something. 189 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,112 That's my girl. 190 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,715 We're getting married when I get out of here. 191 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,407 Why am I showing you guys this? 192 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:48,779 It's gonna jinx everything. 193 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,234 Plus you're a couple of pervs. 194 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,598 - Should be all right as long as the leak 195 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:54,706 doesn't get into... 196 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,917 Ah, damn it. Look at this. 197 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,377 It's going right into the sixth floor air duct. 198 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,669 Damn it again! 199 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,131 Well, we're gonna have to evacuate the sixth 200 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,692 until this thing's taken care of. 201 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,843 Who's up there? TGS? 202 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,887 Isn't that show already half-dead? 203 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:13,767 - Who wants to kiss? 204 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:17,604 - What do you say we get some fresh air? 205 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,149 - Jack, we have a problem. 206 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,776 There's a gas leak in the studio. 207 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,462 - Do you know what I find fascinating? 208 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,926 - Mystery novels written by janitors? 209 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,590 - How everyone who comes through my door 210 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,407 seems to want to talk about TGS 211 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,118 as if it's also the only thing in my life. 212 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,690 Now, I may not be the head of ge, 213 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,747 but that doesn't mean I'm not a very busy man. 214 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,879 - I've got other things going on too, you know. 215 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:38,958 See? I got a new hair. 216 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,669 It's white and it hurts, but... 217 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:41,961 - how bad is this leak? 218 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,045 - It's pretty bad. 219 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,507 Prolonged exposure could lead to incapacitation 220 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:46,800 or even death. 221 00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,302 Other possible side effects include 222 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,221 hallucinations, revelation of secrets, 223 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:54,140 telling of truths, flashbacks, 224 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,977 headaches, nostalgia. 225 00:07:58,603 --> 00:07:59,312 Can you believe this is happening to me 226 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:00,605 on my last day of work? 227 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:01,940 My last day. 228 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:03,584 I don't know if there was a party planned... 229 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,318 - evacuate the sixth floor. 230 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,987 I don't care if anyone dies. 231 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,364 I refuse to have long, gas-induced conversations 232 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,074 with any of you people. 233 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,969 - Boy, you know, over the past five years, 234 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,078 we've had a lot of crazy characters 235 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:16,997 and guest stars drop by TGS. 236 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:20,417 - Thank you, Pete. 237 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,003 - Thank you, Pete. 238 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:28,008 - I can't believe it's been 100 shows. 239 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,926 More like 100 little strokes. 240 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,973 You know, the girlie show was working just fine, 241 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,475 and then Jack came along and forced me to hire Tracy, 242 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:38,893 and now look at us. 243 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,312 Oh, life was so much simpler back then. 244 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:42,939 I had a boyfriend. Dennis. 245 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,834 Sure, he was an idiot, but he made great chili, 246 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,693 and he didn't care if I watched TV during sex. 247 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,156 - Yeah, maybe I was better off then. 248 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,327 - Liz, we have to evacuate the floor. 249 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:57,619 There's a gas leak. 250 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:58,782 - What? What about the show? 251 00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,832 - Everyone, evacuate immediately. 252 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,124 This is not a drill. 253 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,918 The gas is not affecting me yet, 254 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,628 so I can lead you to safety. 255 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,423 Just follow these... Troll penises! 256 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:12,302 Oh, god! What have I done? 257 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,387 - He is an Oscar winner for his role 258 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,932 as D'Jeffrey "Lucky" Seeda in the movie hard to watch. 259 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,936 Please welcome Tracy Jordan. 260 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,274 Tracy! 261 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,692 Tracy. 262 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:28,610 Tracy? 263 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,195 - Why don't you shut your mouth, 264 00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,155 back that ass up and make me a sandwich? 265 00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:33,531 - He's awesome. 266 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,408 You are still in character 267 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,619 as the verbally abusive D'Jeffrey. 268 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,288 I mean, he's become such a part of him. 269 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,664 - So, Tracy Jordan. 270 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,833 - You asked to come on our show 271 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,335 because you had a revelation 272 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,587 about your post-Oscar trip to Africa. 273 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:49,359 - I lied to all you ugly white ladies. 274 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,673 I didn't go to Africa. 275 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,675 I was hiding in a warehouse in queens, 276 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,427 watching vintage pornography. 277 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:55,720 - I love your honesty. 278 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,724 - It's because you didn't feel 279 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,435 like your authentic self 280 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,896 that you walked away from success. 281 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,190 That's actually very brave. Don't you think? 282 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:08,733 - No! It's unbrave! 283 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,652 You should hate me! - I can't. 284 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,113 You fly free. 285 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,489 I'm a bird in a cage. 286 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:15,901 Hey, you got to stay around. 287 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,827 We've got our no-cook cooking, hair make-unders. 288 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,203 - What does that even mean? 289 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:21,621 - It's new haircuts, 290 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,248 but you can make salads with them. 291 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,045 - A true artist... 292 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,880 He feels things we don't. 293 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,466 This is today on NBC. 294 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,677 - No, we can't do another Pam. 295 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,220 Not tonight. 296 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:38,512 Frank, what is this? 297 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,889 "Broken eyboard alk show"? 298 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,181 - I write what I know. 299 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,976 Also I broke my keyboard. 300 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,628 - No, we're throwing everything out 301 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:45,770 and starting over. 302 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,690 Only home runs, guys. Focus up. 303 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:49,649 - It's just hard to concentrate. 304 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,276 It's so nice working outside. 305 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,573 - Tracy, how'd it go? 306 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,324 Are you on your way back? 307 00:10:58,616 --> 00:10:59,868 - It was a disaster! 308 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,600 - What happened? What about our plan? 309 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,329 - I'm so beloved, I can do no wrong. 310 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,165 Now everyone's after me. 311 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,500 Unicef, the gates foundation. 312 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:08,960 And what is farm aid? 313 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:11,546 Is it a drink? Is it a drug? 314 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,423 Is it a bandage you put on a barn? 315 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,425 See, that's the kind of lazy stand-up 316 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:16,718 I'll never do again. 317 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,770 - Tracy, just come back, do the show tonight, 318 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,305 and we'll figure all this out. 319 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,890 - F-u, L.L. 320 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,518 Spells "full," because you're full of B.S., Liz Lemon. 321 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,395 - Listen to me. There's still time. 322 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,367 The media won't let you embarrass yourself. 323 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,066 Be like Michael McDonald and take it to the streets. 324 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,295 Get the public to hate you, and the media will follow. 325 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,796 And then you'll get your old life back. 326 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:36,446 Trust me. 327 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,281 - You better be right, Liz Lemon, 328 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,950 'cause I can't take much more of this. 329 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:44,120 I think Bono got in my limo. 330 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,209 - Liz! 331 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,820 Do you think I'd be a good mother? 332 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,171 No. 333 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:54,881 And I wasn't even drinking anything. 334 00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:56,650 - I just feel like I'm at a point in my life 335 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:57,902 where I'm starting to have this real desire 336 00:11:57,926 --> 00:11:59,302 to nurture... My career. 337 00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,274 I think pregnancy would be a great PR move. 338 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:02,138 - Oh, my god. 339 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,182 You want a baby to help your career? 340 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,309 - Look, TGS may be going away. 341 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,704 Being pregnant is a great excuse for why I stopped working 342 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:09,395 instead of the truth. 343 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,897 I'm in my 40s, very difficult, 344 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:14,859 and not that good at playing la realite. 345 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,191 - Jenna, think about this. 346 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,277 You will have a child. 347 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,215 - Who will grow up to be a little gay fancy man. 348 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,841 - Well, good luck finding a man willing to ride 349 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,116 that crazy train. 350 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,136 - I'll have you know I talked with a man this morning 351 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,600 who thinks I'd be a wonderful mother. 352 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:28,289 - He must be an idiot. 353 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,541 - He is an idiot. 354 00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:35,004 What about a sketch about how the empire state building 355 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,673 is controlling us with electricity? 356 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,300 Come on, get out of here. 357 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,184 Just maybe one more turn. 358 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,353 Then I can go home to my sweetheart. 359 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,146 I told her boy I'd hit a home run 360 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,690 for him tomorrow night. 361 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,525 Here we go. 362 00:12:58,903 --> 00:12:59,445 Damn it! 363 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:00,857 I'm getting too old for this 364 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:04,701 "shh" sound that comes from this gas pipe. 365 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:13,792 - Who are you? 366 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,086 You're so handsome. 367 00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:18,631 - I'm Jack Donaghy, CEO of general electric. 368 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,925 The question is: Who are you? 369 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,302 - I'm Jack Donaghy. 370 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,593 - You were Jack Donaghy. 371 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,513 You were magnificent. 372 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,182 - I'm still magnificent. - No. 373 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,184 I come from an alternate universe 374 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,186 in which I followed our plan 375 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:33,478 for world domination. 376 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:34,856 I run the general. 377 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,733 I own an NFL team. 378 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,568 I guest-starred on entourage. 379 00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:39,860 What do you do? 380 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,529 - I'll tell you what I don't do. 381 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,531 Wear a striped tie with a striped shirt. 382 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,533 - It's called "power clashing" 383 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,160 and I do it because I can. 384 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,579 I wore this on the January cover 385 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,372 of meetings magazine. 386 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,916 - We made the cover during meetings history month? 387 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,544 - I made the cover. 388 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,671 What happened to you, Jack? 389 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,299 You were supposed to spend six months in TV 390 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,634 as part of your climb up the ge ladder. 391 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,178 You've been here five years. 392 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,388 And here... 393 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,973 Isn't even G.E. anymore. 394 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,265 It's kableclown. 395 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,352 - "Town," Donaghy, and that's not funny. 396 00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:13,803 - It was funny when I said it 397 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,056 on my syndicated radio show. 398 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:16,313 - You bastard. 399 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:17,190 I'm doing fine! 400 00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:18,858 - You used to be a shark. 401 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,860 - I still am. Look at my claws! 402 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,820 - Sharks don't have claws. 403 00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,832 You don't even know what a shark is anymore! 404 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,532 - Oh, god. 405 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,035 - Do you know why? 406 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:29,952 - No. 407 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,622 - Liz... lemon. 408 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,582 - Lemon? 409 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,501 - She became your focus 410 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,711 at the expense of your own ambition. 411 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,713 You should have realized within a week 412 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,125 that Lemon was a black hole, 413 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,509 unworthy of our mentorship. 414 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,921 And now it's five years later, and what are you doing? 415 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,347 Are you building factories in Bangalore? 416 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,933 Are you dining in the Palin white house? 417 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,393 - No. 418 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:56,604 - You're approving TGS wrap gifts. 419 00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:00,316 Baseball caps with stupid sayings from the show 420 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:01,609 written on them. 421 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,069 What the hell is a "pwomp"? 422 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,529 - It's when two fat people... 423 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,406 - I don't care! 424 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,032 What's happened to you? 425 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,700 To us? 426 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,786 We make me sick. 427 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,454 - Mr. Donaghy? 428 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:14,746 - What? - Yes, Tom? 429 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,516 - The gas leak has spread to this floor. 430 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,435 You got to clear out before you start seeing things. 431 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:19,979 - Thank you, Tom. - I'll clear you out! 432 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,462 - Oh, okay. 433 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:29,095 The real Jack Donaghy could handle a little gas leak. 434 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:38,604 - I am a jedi! 435 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:39,522 - Hey, look. 436 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,774 Tracy Jordan is ironically reappropriating 437 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,318 his bad past behavior as a commentary 438 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,505 on Fitzgerald's dictum that there are no second acts 439 00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:47,529 in American life. 440 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,882 I want to take a picture of him 441 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:49,967 with my old-fashioned camera. 442 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:50,991 - No! No! - Ah! 443 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,453 Help! I can't swim! 444 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:54,829 - Damn it! 445 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,706 He just pulled me out of the water 446 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,749 and said "don't tell anyone I did this." 447 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,752 I didn't even get a chance to congratulate him on his Oscar. 448 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,671 Modesty and heroism: 449 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,966 Two words forever synonymous with Tracy Jordan. 450 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,261 - "Tracy Jordan saves drowning man"? 451 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,388 Ah, come on! 452 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,040 - Why is Tracy off rescuing people? 453 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:14,807 Why isn't he here? 454 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,309 - He will be, I promise. 455 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:17,601 And we need to be ready. 456 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:18,871 Lutz, what are you working on? 457 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:19,997 - Breathing through my mouth 458 00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,661 so I don't smell the throw-up on my shirt. 459 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,522 I would take my shirt off, 460 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:24,668 but I visited my rescue chimp 461 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,027 for his birthday last week, 462 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,779 and another chimp got mad and bit my nipple off. 463 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,071 He played with it, 464 00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:30,865 and then he kissed it, 465 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,408 and then he ate it. 466 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:33,868 - Damn it, Lutz. Focus up. 467 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,912 Where's my computer? 468 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:37,914 Cerie, did you not bring my computer down? 469 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,326 - You said you were writing. 470 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,815 I've only seen you use that computer 471 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,352 to look at pictures of Nate Berkus. 472 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,212 - Ah! Pwomp! 473 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:46,630 Hey, Jack, you're friends 474 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,174 with jeter and Springsteen, right? 475 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,486 Can you call and see if they'll be in the cold open? 476 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,510 They'd have to kiss. 477 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:52,636 - Oh, really, Lemon? 478 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:53,971 You still need my help? 479 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,973 Five years of my business life wasted, 480 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,975 and I'm still supposed to hold your hand. 481 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,436 Your wet, yet somehow flaky hand. 482 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,168 - What just happened? - You happened. 483 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,773 Sideways Jack was right. 484 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:04,690 - Sideways what? 485 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:05,982 - In here! 486 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,530 - Did you also have to evacuate the NBC store? 487 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,240 - No, it's just empty. 488 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,991 This TV nonsense 489 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,723 was supposed to be my stepping stone, 490 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,620 and instead, it's my gravestone. 491 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,306 And do you know whose fault that is? 492 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,970 - Sort of feel like you're gonna say leno. 493 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:21,749 - You. 494 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,085 I got so sucked into trying to repair you 495 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,128 that I became the American auto industry, 496 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,673 failing to recognize that you can't fix a Lemon. 497 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,359 - Wow, yeah, because the last five years 498 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,552 have been so great for me with you as my mentor. 499 00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,512 I was better off before we met. 500 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:35,906 - So what's your point, Lemon? 501 00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,431 You'd rather be doing the girlie show 502 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,723 and going home to Dennis? 503 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:39,766 - I didn't say that. 504 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,529 But at least Dennis was always there for me. 505 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,122 He's the only guy I can say that about. 506 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,855 I dragged you down? 507 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,147 Opposite! 508 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,512 - I should have gone with my gut 509 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:48,710 and fired you when we first met. 510 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,736 - What? Flashback, please. 511 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,238 - Uh, Pete, hang back. 512 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:53,906 - Yeah, you bet. 513 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,492 - We have a problem. 514 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:58,857 - I can explain. My zipper broke. 515 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,997 - I don't think Liz Lemon's female voice 516 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,582 is a good match for Tracy Jordan. 517 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:05,167 Firing Lemon will send a message to the whole staff. 518 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:06,627 - No, no, you can't fire Liz. 519 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:07,919 This show is her life. 520 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:08,629 She hasn't got much going on. 521 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,007 She threw a birthday party for her TV. 522 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:12,967 If you fire Liz, then... 523 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,427 Then I quit. 524 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,488 - You'll never succeed by sticking your neck out 525 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,512 for someone like her. 526 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,724 But if that's how you feel, so be it. 527 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,144 The important thing is that I fire someone... 528 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,436 Pete. 529 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,855 - You tried to fire me? 530 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,507 And then a week later, you're like, 531 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:28,813 "oh, I want to mentor you. 532 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,067 Unlikely friendship." 533 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,027 Who do you think you are? 534 00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:32,612 - I'll tell you who I was. 535 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:33,903 That guy that fired Pete. 536 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,406 And he could have run ge, 537 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,700 but instead, he got lemoned. 538 00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:41,287 - I should have fired you from my life. 539 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:43,849 - I knew you were supposed to push, 540 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:45,458 but I didn't say anything. 541 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,168 - Ugh. 542 00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,380 - Mmm. 543 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,466 The msg is delicious today. 544 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,819 - I'm so glad that you're able to meet me on my break. 545 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,762 Is this just to talk, or will you be activating 546 00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,138 my electric underwear? 547 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:00,139 - Just to talk. 548 00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,975 Paul, do you think I'd be a good mother? 549 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,311 - Of course not. And I'd be a terrible father. 550 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:06,622 I mean, what if we had a child 551 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,686 that was prettier than us? 552 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,133 We'd have to leave it in a desert. 553 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,993 - But Kenneth thinks I'd make a good mother. 554 00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,151 - Oh. 555 00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:13,819 Is that something you want? 556 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,431 - Wasn't something I thought about 557 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,948 until Kenneth said I'd be good at it. 558 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,493 And of course, it'd be great for my career. 559 00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,625 Everyone would talk about my crazy name choice. 560 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,081 Right now, it's between "frisbeeface" and "glock," 561 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,458 gender irrelevant. 562 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,126 - I love you, Jenna Maroney. 563 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,295 I want to hogtie you and hide you 564 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,939 in the luggage compartment of a greyhound bus 565 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,382 with just a bowl of dirty water. 566 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,175 - I love you too. 567 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:36,926 - But I don't know. 568 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,779 I mean, Kenneth Parcell may be the only man 569 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,683 in the world who thinks you should have a child. 570 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,891 Break's over, Paul. Crew meeting in lady chanterelle's office. 571 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,183 He's pissed. 572 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,981 - Hey, dummy. - Gah! What? 573 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,525 - Whoa. You look good. 574 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:53,977 You lose weight or something? 575 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,403 Your neck, it looks looser. 576 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,015 - What are you doing here, Dennis? 577 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,864 - I got your message. 578 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,034 - What message? 579 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,475 Dennis, it's dummy. 580 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,875 I miss you. 581 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,167 Come see me. 582 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,841 Things were better five years ago, Jack. 583 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,802 I was in my 30s and everything. 584 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,895 Whazzup! 585 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,731 - You've reached Dennis' voicemail. 586 00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:33,208 "How you doing?" 587 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,025 Get out of here, Joey. 588 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:36,677 I'm recording my voicemail message. 589 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,362 Is that real? 590 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:39,947 Okay, I did call you, 591 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,258 but I was not in my right mind. 592 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,909 I mean, how could I be, to call you after everything you've done? 593 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:46,871 Good evening, sir, I'm Chris Hansen with dateline NBC. 594 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:48,923 Can I ask you what you're doing here tonight? 595 00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,966 Yeah, I'm here to boff some chick named Mary. 596 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,961 Hey, threesome? How about it, huh? 597 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,465 It's Tonya, right? It's wonderful service. 598 00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,301 Could you maybe not hit on the waitress in front... 599 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,136 Chew and screw! Run, dummy! 600 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,263 Ugh! Damn it, Dennis. 601 00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:05,723 I checked a coat. 602 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,808 - But you called me, Liz. 603 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:08,726 - Oh, whatever. 604 00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,162 - 'Cause down deep, you still got 605 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,645 all kinds of queer feelings for me. 606 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,398 That's why I knew someday you'd be all vulnerable 607 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,442 from a gas leak or a coma or a super period. 608 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:17,985 - You're disgusting. 609 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:19,421 - And I would be there for you. 610 00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,781 No, you know what I feel? 611 00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:24,325 You were a mistake that I made at a time in my life 612 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,160 when I could afford to make mistakes. 613 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:27,995 That's what I miss, Dennis, not you. 614 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,723 - Okay, gang, they fixed the gas leak. 615 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:30,998 They're airing out the studio. 616 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,450 We can start heading back up. 617 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:33,834 - Whoa, hold on a second. 618 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,795 You think I'm just gonna give up now, huh? 619 00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:37,963 I'm a Duffy, Liz, and us duffys, 620 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,382 we didn't give up when we got kicked out of Ireland. 621 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,394 We didn't give up when america sent us back. 622 00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:43,886 And we didn't give up when Ireland 623 00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:46,096 then just set us adrift on a log, all right? 624 00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:48,808 Come on, it's not over, Liz. 625 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,103 - What a day! 626 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:55,105 Miss Lemon's gonna get Mr. Jordan back. 627 00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:56,899 We're gonna do the best show ever. 628 00:21:57,191 --> 00:21:58,275 And out on the Plaza, 629 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,486 a bird landed on my apple. 630 00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:03,280 I thought he was gonna eat it, but he just sat there. 631 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:04,740 What's next? 632 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:07,701 A different bird landing on a different apple? 633 00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:11,830 - Where are you, tray? 634 00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:14,333 - I'm back, Liz Lemon. - Tracy's back! 635 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:15,209 - Yeah! - Yes! 636 00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:16,603 - I'm gonna need an Obama cold open, 637 00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:17,687 a fart doctor, and you know what? 638 00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:19,231 Write up that Bum's empire state building idea. 639 00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:20,255 - Fart doctor. 640 00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:23,092 - No, I mean I'm back to where I was yesterday. 641 00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:24,544 I can't get anyone mad at me. 642 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,846 I even called a women's basketball team 643 00:22:27,137 --> 00:22:28,889 "nappy-headed hos," but apparently, 644 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,381 I'm allowed to talk like that. 645 00:22:30,641 --> 00:22:31,016 Why? 646 00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:32,601 - Tracy, come on. 647 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:34,228 - Tracy Jordan? Why isn't he here? 648 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:37,791 - I just had a meeting with news down on four. 649 00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,025 Brian Williams sure gets close to you when he talks. 650 00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:41,402 Very feminine energy. 651 00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,054 Anyway, I thought I'd just swing by 652 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:45,155 and introduce myself to Tracy Jordan, but... 653 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:46,574 - ah! He is here. 654 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,506 You know, he just likes to learn his lines 655 00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:50,661 in the bathroom and communicate by phone. 656 00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:52,121 Actors, am I right? 657 00:22:52,413 --> 00:22:54,599 - You know, I once had to speak to the screen actors guild. 658 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:55,958 Bunch of nutjobs. 659 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:59,545 But you couldn't make movies and TV without 'em. 660 00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:03,339 I'm just kidding! 661 00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,026 I mean, look at march of the penguins. 662 00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,050 Who was in that? 663 00:23:06,093 --> 00:23:07,261 Good luck tonight. 664 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:10,764 You're gonna need it. 665 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:12,224 - Tracy, you can do this. 666 00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:14,268 You have to be at the show tonight. 667 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:15,603 - Tracy who? 668 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,688 I don't even know who I am anymore. 669 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,140 - Look, you think the world has turned its back on you? 670 00:23:20,357 --> 00:23:22,818 I know a place where that's not true. 671 00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,230 A place where you can remember the man you used to be. 672 00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:26,822 A place where you can eat buffet ribs 673 00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:29,241 while someone's daughter shakes her crack at you. 674 00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,785 Tracy Jordan, I am taking you to a strip club. 675 00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:37,081 Oh, excuse me, miss. 676 00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:38,542 How much is a lap dance? 677 00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:39,914 I'm a little light on cash, 678 00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:41,337 but I have a PayPal account. 679 00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:43,839 - Oh, my god. Tracy Jordan? 680 00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:45,549 - That's right. Party time. 681 00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:47,801 - When I saw you in hard to watch... 682 00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:48,469 - No, no, keep it light. 683 00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,554 - You inspired me to contact 684 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:52,139 my biological father. 685 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:53,431 - No daddy stuff. 686 00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,809 - I hadn't spoken to him in 13 years. 687 00:23:56,101 --> 00:23:57,621 Maybe show him your butt. 688 00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:01,482 - There are tears falling on her boobies, Liz Lemon. 689 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,317 I know you've been molested. 690 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,569 That's how we all got here, 691 00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:06,528 but I don't want to hear about it. 692 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:09,239 - I just wanted to let you know 693 00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:10,691 that I'm going into the Navy. 694 00:24:10,908 --> 00:24:12,826 Because like you said in your movie, 695 00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:14,828 "I invent my tomorrow." 696 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:16,747 - But I wasn't even supposed to say that. 697 00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:19,959 The line was, "shereen, I hope Dr. Mogutu has good news 698 00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,335 about my endoscopy," 699 00:24:21,627 --> 00:24:22,747 but I couldn't get it right, 700 00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:23,876 so they told me to improv. 701 00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:25,130 - Come on, guys. 702 00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:26,465 I'm making it rain. 703 00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,342 - You see what you've done, Liz Lemon? 704 00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:30,719 - Tracy Jordan is broken. 705 00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:32,011 It's over. 706 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:33,472 - Get off Stage! 707 00:24:33,764 --> 00:24:34,473 No whites! 708 00:24:34,765 --> 00:24:37,059 - You wanted to see me, miss Maroney? 709 00:24:37,351 --> 00:24:38,852 Oh, my. 710 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:42,272 Candles, incense, disco music. 711 00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:44,733 Someone's getting into the easter spirit. 712 00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:45,734 - No, Kenneth. 713 00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:47,528 Do you remember that silly joke 714 00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,530 about me having your baby? 715 00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:50,906 Yes. 716 00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:52,908 So crazy. - I know. 717 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,536 It's crazy... 718 00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:58,622 Unless you're into it. 719 00:24:58,914 --> 00:24:59,914 - What? 720 00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:01,792 No, ma'am. That would be wrong. 721 00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:03,502 We're not married. 722 00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:05,629 And we're different religions. 723 00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:06,630 - We can do whatever we want. 724 00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:07,922 - Miss Maroney, 725 00:25:08,132 --> 00:25:11,260 I'd do anything for you or Mr. Jordan, 726 00:25:11,552 --> 00:25:12,553 but this is wrong. 727 00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:16,473 - But, Kenneth, you might be my only chance. 728 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:21,937 No! 729 00:25:22,229 --> 00:25:24,732 - Fine. I'll get you when you're sleeping. 730 00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:29,028 It's not rape if neither party really wants it. 731 00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:34,157 You're back. 732 00:25:34,283 --> 00:25:35,659 - Yeah, and this is my front. 733 00:25:35,951 --> 00:25:36,660 Thanks for setting me up 734 00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:38,078 with another classic quote. 735 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:39,810 - I borrowed your whale semen candle. 736 00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:41,077 It didn't work, by the way. 737 00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:42,165 - You can keep it. 738 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:43,667 I'm just packing up a few things, 739 00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:44,959 and then I'm gone. 740 00:25:45,085 --> 00:25:46,545 - Wait. Where are you going? 741 00:25:46,837 --> 00:25:47,997 - I'm quitting show business. 742 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:49,840 I can't stop the horrible respect 743 00:25:50,132 --> 00:25:51,967 people have for me. 744 00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:54,053 - Tracy, you can't do that. 745 00:25:54,344 --> 00:25:56,597 Look, I would never say this on the record. 746 00:25:56,889 --> 00:26:00,309 - Of course. This is all off the record. 747 00:26:00,601 --> 00:26:03,312 - The show needs you, and I need you. 748 00:26:03,604 --> 00:26:05,164 I'd rather do the show than have a baby. 749 00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:07,566 - But you don't understand. - Oh, I do understand. 750 00:26:07,858 --> 00:26:09,359 Look at Roman Polanski. 751 00:26:09,651 --> 00:26:10,651 - No, thank you. 752 00:26:10,694 --> 00:26:11,820 - Or Elia Kazan. 753 00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:14,573 He told the government his friends were communists, 754 00:26:14,865 --> 00:26:16,505 then got a standing ovation at the oscars. 755 00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:17,700 - That's crazy. 756 00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:18,911 A man named "Elia." 757 00:26:19,203 --> 00:26:20,579 That's a giraffe's name. 758 00:26:20,871 --> 00:26:22,581 - You know, when you think about it, 759 00:26:22,873 --> 00:26:25,584 the only celebrities who completely undo their goodwill 760 00:26:25,876 --> 00:26:26,876 are the murderers. 761 00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:29,004 John wilkes booth, Phil spector, 762 00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:32,257 OJ Simpson, who texted me earlier today. 763 00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:34,176 - Shoot someone, huh? 764 00:26:34,468 --> 00:26:37,012 Nah. That's crazy, even for us. 765 00:26:37,304 --> 00:26:39,064 - I guess it would take a pretty big gas leak 766 00:26:39,139 --> 00:26:41,433 to make you think that was a good idea. 767 00:26:43,769 --> 00:26:44,769 - All right! 768 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:47,439 100th episode, 100 hours of comedy. 769 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:48,774 - Minus the commercials. 770 00:26:49,066 --> 00:26:53,487 - 20 hours of comedy. 771 00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:55,155 - Hey, dummy. - Damn it. 772 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:56,448 - Look, Liz, 773 00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:58,093 if this is gonna work out between you and me, 774 00:26:58,117 --> 00:27:01,245 you should know my tarantula sleeps on my face. 775 00:27:01,537 --> 00:27:02,079 - Oh, my god. 776 00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:03,531 My show is getting cancelled, 777 00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:05,222 I'm never speaking to Jack Donaghy again, 778 00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:06,893 and the worst thing that happened to me today 779 00:27:06,917 --> 00:27:07,543 is that you showed up. 780 00:27:07,835 --> 00:27:08,915 - Ah, 'cause you called me. 781 00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,128 - When I was high on gas. 782 00:27:10,379 --> 00:27:12,047 Do you not understand what that means? 783 00:27:12,339 --> 00:27:13,339 - No, not really. 784 00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:14,842 Gas has no effect on me at all. 785 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:16,414 When I was growing up, my school, 786 00:27:16,552 --> 00:27:18,470 Gerry Cooney Elementary, it was right next 787 00:27:18,762 --> 00:27:21,223 to a gas works in queens. 788 00:27:21,515 --> 00:27:22,534 It ventilated into the cafeteria. 789 00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:24,351 We got a big settlement from the city. 790 00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:26,163 Our parents voted to spend it on a boat 791 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:28,730 that the families could share, but then that sank. 792 00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:30,649 But you know what? 793 00:27:30,941 --> 00:27:32,568 I'm still smart enough to know 794 00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:35,112 that I'll never do better than you, Liz Lemon, 795 00:27:35,404 --> 00:27:36,764 'cause you're a cook in the bedroom 796 00:27:37,030 --> 00:27:38,110 and a whore in the kitchen. 797 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,741 So I'm gonna give you one more shot 798 00:27:40,033 --> 00:27:41,910 to admit to me that you keep bringing me back 799 00:27:42,202 --> 00:27:44,746 into your life for a reason. 800 00:27:45,038 --> 00:27:46,874 - Subhas, take out the trash. 801 00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:48,406 - Don't order me around, woman. 802 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,252 - No, I mean... just... 803 00:27:50,544 --> 00:27:51,920 Dennis, get out. 804 00:27:53,380 --> 00:27:55,757 - You'll change your mind. 805 00:28:06,810 --> 00:28:08,312 Let's rock, Duffy. 806 00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:17,613 - You again! 807 00:28:17,905 --> 00:28:20,490 Wait. You're not sideways Jack. 808 00:28:20,782 --> 00:28:23,702 - I'm past Jack, because I'm from the past 809 00:28:23,994 --> 00:28:24,994 and I'm you. 810 00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:26,079 - Yeah, I get it. - Do you? 811 00:28:26,371 --> 00:28:27,372 'Cause it seems like 812 00:28:27,664 --> 00:28:30,125 you don't get much of anything anymore, old man. 813 00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:32,753 If you're my future, I'm gonna jump. 814 00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:33,754 - Stop him! 815 00:28:34,046 --> 00:28:34,755 If he jumps, 816 00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,131 we don't exist anymore. 817 00:28:36,423 --> 00:28:37,623 - I'm perfectly aware of that. 818 00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:39,009 I studied time dilation 819 00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:41,094 and quantum teleportation in college. 820 00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:42,888 - No, you didn't. You saw time cop. 821 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:44,473 - Really? I never saw time cop. 822 00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:47,184 - You will in 2007, and you'll love it. 823 00:28:47,476 --> 00:28:48,894 Why are you talking like that? 824 00:28:49,186 --> 00:28:51,480 - This is how everyone talked in the '80s. 825 00:28:51,772 --> 00:28:53,315 This is how Reagan talked. 826 00:28:53,607 --> 00:28:56,568 - Look, there's still time to fix this, Jack. 827 00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:58,362 You need to kick ass again, 828 00:28:58,654 --> 00:29:00,214 starting with getting rid of that woman. 829 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:01,448 - Listen to him. 830 00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,575 He's awesome, and you know he's right. 831 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:05,202 - Fire Lemon? 832 00:29:05,494 --> 00:29:06,694 I don't know if I can do that. 833 00:29:06,828 --> 00:29:08,247 - Well, then, take this! 834 00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:10,457 Oh, god! 835 00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:11,208 That only hurt me. 836 00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:13,502 Why did I think that would hurt you too? 837 00:29:13,794 --> 00:29:16,380 - Jack, be the man you were meant to be. 838 00:29:16,672 --> 00:29:17,381 Me. 839 00:29:17,673 --> 00:29:19,424 This tuxedo is made out of the puma 840 00:29:19,716 --> 00:29:21,885 that I rode into my 50th birthday party. 841 00:29:22,177 --> 00:29:23,537 - Why are you both wearing tuxedos? 842 00:29:23,804 --> 00:29:26,098 Both: It's after 6:00. What are we, farmers? 843 00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,350 - Now go get rid of that woman. 844 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,230 - Just want to check everything out 845 00:29:33,522 --> 00:29:35,482 after your little gas scare. 846 00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:36,974 Well, my pen light is working. 847 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:38,235 That's good. 848 00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:40,153 Now, can you say the alphabet for me? 849 00:29:40,445 --> 00:29:42,239 - Well, a very, very heavy... 850 00:29:42,531 --> 00:29:44,449 Uh, heavy, du... Bertation tonight. 851 00:29:44,741 --> 00:29:47,244 We had a very dairse... Dareson by... 852 00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:48,638 Let's go ahead and tersh-tayson 853 00:29:48,662 --> 00:29:49,788 letsgotobit anhaddapit. 854 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,415 - Excellent. 855 00:29:53,542 --> 00:29:54,793 My god, Jenna. 856 00:29:55,085 --> 00:29:56,920 Are you pregnant? How? 857 00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:58,652 Did you go swimming in a public pool? 858 00:29:58,922 --> 00:30:00,674 - No, I got in my head about having a baby, 859 00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:03,093 and now I'm having a hysterical pregnancy. 860 00:30:03,385 --> 00:30:04,511 - Well, that's redundant. 861 00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:05,822 All pregnancies are hysterical. 862 00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:07,931 They're started by penises. 863 00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:09,223 - This should be perfect. 864 00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:10,767 I mean, all I want is the attention. 865 00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:12,769 So why am I not happy? 866 00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:15,564 I mean, on some level, do I want to have a baby? 867 00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:17,065 Do I want to be a mother? 868 00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:18,525 Should I be a mother? 869 00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:20,861 - Bored! 870 00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:21,862 - Hey. 871 00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:23,589 Greta Johannsen, your animal wrangler. 872 00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:26,450 - My god, you're beautiful. 873 00:30:26,742 --> 00:30:29,661 - ♪ If you say good-bye tonight ♪ 874 00:30:29,953 --> 00:30:34,416 ♪ all I'll have will be my memories ♪ 875 00:30:34,708 --> 00:30:37,461 ♪ so keep on reaching for the light ♪ 876 00:30:37,753 --> 00:30:43,508 ♪ I now believe these are my memories ♪ 877 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,053 ♪ my memories ♪ 878 00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:51,767 - Mr. Jordan, I refuse to accept this is happening. 879 00:30:52,059 --> 00:30:54,603 You leaving is as crazy to me as evolution, 880 00:30:54,895 --> 00:30:56,605 or a woman's right to choose her haircut. 881 00:30:56,897 --> 00:30:58,648 - I'm sorry, Ken, but maybe Jenna was right. 882 00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:00,084 The only way I could come back 883 00:31:00,108 --> 00:31:01,108 is if I shoot someone, 884 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:02,402 and that's crazy. 885 00:31:02,694 --> 00:31:03,694 Or is it? 886 00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:05,572 Maybe it's a good idea. 887 00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:06,865 - I don't know. 888 00:31:07,157 --> 00:31:09,493 It has a nice, simple logic to it. 889 00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:11,411 Why don't we take a deep breath 890 00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,789 and then both say what we think we should do. 891 00:31:15,499 --> 00:31:17,060 You should shoot me... - I should shoot you... 892 00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:18,244 Both: On the roof of 30 rock! 893 00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,671 - I only ask one thing, sir. 894 00:31:21,963 --> 00:31:23,131 Make it quick. 895 00:31:23,423 --> 00:31:25,550 - I cannot promise you that, Ken. 896 00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:27,052 I'm a horrible shot. 897 00:31:27,344 --> 00:31:28,470 - To the roof. 898 00:31:35,435 --> 00:31:37,437 - Hey, dummy. - Hey. 899 00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:38,873 You ready to sign that lease? 900 00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:40,315 You know how we were talking earlier 901 00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:42,377 about me moving in with you and how hard it is 902 00:31:42,401 --> 00:31:43,586 to kick a tenant out in New York? 903 00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:44,610 Just think about it. 904 00:31:44,820 --> 00:31:46,863 I'll make you chili every night. 905 00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:47,781 I'll provide for you. 906 00:31:48,073 --> 00:31:49,153 I have a new business idea. 907 00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:51,034 It's like Netflix, but you go to a store, 908 00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:53,388 and you pick out your video from a limited selection. 909 00:31:53,412 --> 00:31:55,038 - It'd be like five years ago. - Exactly. 910 00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:56,998 I can move my stuff in tonight, right? 911 00:31:57,290 --> 00:31:59,042 I just have one duffel bag in a sidecar. 912 00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:00,043 My motorcycle got impounded 913 00:32:00,335 --> 00:32:01,837 from being parked too awesome. 914 00:32:02,129 --> 00:32:03,398 I just need you to sign this lease I printed up 915 00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:04,422 off the Internet. 916 00:32:04,631 --> 00:32:06,425 - Okay, I need a pen. 917 00:32:06,716 --> 00:32:07,716 - You don't have a pen? 918 00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:08,926 You're a writer, Liz. 919 00:32:09,136 --> 00:32:10,736 All I have is this kick-ass laser pointer 920 00:32:10,846 --> 00:32:12,639 that I point at nerds' crotches in the park. 921 00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:13,932 Oh, wait. 922 00:32:14,224 --> 00:32:18,562 All we have is this kick-ass laser pointer. 923 00:32:18,854 --> 00:32:20,772 - Come on, baby. Let's go find a pen. 924 00:32:21,064 --> 00:32:22,149 - Okay. 925 00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:30,322 - Oh, no. 926 00:32:30,449 --> 00:32:31,658 - Let me introduce myself. 927 00:32:31,950 --> 00:32:33,660 I am... 928 00:32:33,952 --> 00:32:35,245 - future Jack, obviously. 929 00:32:35,537 --> 00:32:37,097 Is that what we're wearing in ten years? 930 00:32:37,289 --> 00:32:38,623 - More like 35 years. 931 00:32:38,915 --> 00:32:41,376 - You're 87 years old? 932 00:32:41,668 --> 00:32:43,003 My god, I'm outstanding. 933 00:32:43,295 --> 00:32:44,880 - I like to think so. 934 00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:47,382 I've come all the way from the future... 935 00:32:47,674 --> 00:32:49,759 Which is a lot harder than coming from the past... 936 00:32:50,051 --> 00:32:51,052 - whatever, pops. 937 00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:53,346 - To warn you not to listen to the other Jacks. 938 00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:56,266 In the future, you're happier than you ever imagined. 939 00:32:56,558 --> 00:33:00,479 You have grandchildren and a gorgeous polyblasian wife. 940 00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:03,857 That's a new race that emerges in 2030. 941 00:33:04,149 --> 00:33:05,317 They're incredible. 942 00:33:05,609 --> 00:33:07,569 - What happened to Avery? - Oh, you'll see. 943 00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:09,237 It's hilarious. 944 00:33:09,529 --> 00:33:12,449 - Yeah, but what about his, your, our career? 945 00:33:12,741 --> 00:33:14,284 Don't we wanna be this dude? 946 00:33:14,576 --> 00:33:18,413 - Younger mes, business is only a part of life. 947 00:33:18,705 --> 00:33:20,665 Real happiness... - Ah, shut up. 948 00:33:20,957 --> 00:33:22,417 Don't listen to his crap, Jack. 949 00:33:22,709 --> 00:33:25,795 If you choose my path, you'll be plenty happy. 950 00:33:26,087 --> 00:33:27,315 You'll spearhead ge's development 951 00:33:27,339 --> 00:33:28,465 of the electric vagina. 952 00:33:28,757 --> 00:33:30,517 You won't be married, but you'll have a house 953 00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:31,968 with a lot of glass, and it's cold. 954 00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:34,137 And you'll own the buffalo bills. 955 00:33:34,429 --> 00:33:36,223 - You didn't say it was the bills. 956 00:33:36,515 --> 00:33:37,515 - Look, right now, 957 00:33:37,682 --> 00:33:39,935 Liz Lemon is downstairs about to sign a lease 958 00:33:40,227 --> 00:33:41,227 with Dennis Duffy. 959 00:33:41,311 --> 00:33:42,771 If she does that, you'll lose her. 960 00:33:43,063 --> 00:33:44,564 In three years, they'll be married 961 00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:47,108 and living in Jacksonville, Florida, 962 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,778 where he operates an unlicensed alligator park. 963 00:33:50,070 --> 00:33:51,154 - Jacksonville? 964 00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:53,031 Her hair can't handle that humidity. 965 00:33:53,323 --> 00:33:55,367 No, I don't care. I'm tired of saving her. 966 00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:57,786 - To quote Liz Lemon, "opposite!" 967 00:33:58,078 --> 00:33:59,829 You'd be saving yourself. 968 00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:01,915 The only way to get my life 969 00:34:02,207 --> 00:34:04,876 is to be distracted from your blind ambition, 970 00:34:05,168 --> 00:34:06,586 and you can't do that 971 00:34:06,878 --> 00:34:08,880 without Liz Lemon in your life. 972 00:34:09,172 --> 00:34:10,812 - Jack, this guy is just trying to justify 973 00:34:11,091 --> 00:34:12,091 his own bad choices. 974 00:34:12,259 --> 00:34:14,594 Go down there and fire Liz. 975 00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:22,393 Okay. 976 00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:23,799 We're obviously all thinking it, 977 00:34:23,895 --> 00:34:24,895 so I'm just gonna say it. 978 00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:26,940 We're gonna have sex with each other, right? 979 00:34:27,232 --> 00:34:29,568 - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, my! 980 00:34:29,859 --> 00:34:32,028 - Lemon, don't sign that lease! 981 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:34,114 - Why are you here? - Just sign it, dummy. 982 00:34:34,406 --> 00:34:35,466 It's a receipt for some lez pants 983 00:34:35,490 --> 00:34:38,743 you bought or whatever. - No. 984 00:34:39,035 --> 00:34:41,162 If you have a problem, I will fight you, Dennis. 985 00:34:41,454 --> 00:34:42,789 - That wouldn't be very fair. 986 00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:44,433 I'm only trained to fight four or more men at a time. 987 00:34:44,457 --> 00:34:45,893 - There are three more of me upstairs, 988 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:46,626 and I'd be happy to go get them. 989 00:34:46,918 --> 00:34:47,998 - I can't. I hurt my wrist. 990 00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:48,753 - Hey, people. 991 00:34:49,045 --> 00:34:51,006 Somebody sabotaged the gas line. 992 00:34:51,298 --> 00:34:53,258 People could've died or had fights. 993 00:34:53,550 --> 00:34:54,884 - What? Who would do that? 994 00:34:55,176 --> 00:34:58,305 Hey, grab that black guy. 995 00:34:58,597 --> 00:34:59,222 - It was you. 996 00:34:59,514 --> 00:35:00,741 - What are you, mad at me, Liz? 997 00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,183 Huh? I did it for love. 998 00:35:02,475 --> 00:35:04,686 - You're insane. 999 00:35:04,978 --> 00:35:06,021 - Hey, hey, hey, guys. 1000 00:35:06,313 --> 00:35:07,689 Hands off the jacket, all right? 1001 00:35:07,981 --> 00:35:10,061 It's from Amar'e Stoudemire's eveningwear collection. 1002 00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:11,708 - If I ever see you again, I'll kill you. 1003 00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:13,945 - Please. You'll be back. 1004 00:35:14,237 --> 00:35:15,822 - All right, the gas is clearing out. 1005 00:35:16,114 --> 00:35:17,425 It should be okay in time for the show. 1006 00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:18,700 According to my device here. 1007 00:35:18,992 --> 00:35:19,992 Good work, Jennifer. 1008 00:35:20,035 --> 00:35:21,929 - Oh, my god, the show. I gotta load in an audience. 1009 00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:23,538 I gotta distribute scripts. 1010 00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:25,832 I gotta change Jenna's blood. I need Kenneth. 1011 00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:27,124 - Forget about Kenneth. 1012 00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:29,334 I told Hank Cooper that Tracy Jordan would be here. 1013 00:35:29,544 --> 00:35:30,784 Where is the star of your show? 1014 00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:31,962 - Right here. 1015 00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:33,232 I know you're talking about Tracy, 1016 00:35:33,256 --> 00:35:34,256 but I don't care. 1017 00:35:34,341 --> 00:35:36,843 - Tracy and Kenneth went to the roof 1018 00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:38,135 with a gun. 1019 00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:38,845 Why? 1020 00:35:39,137 --> 00:35:40,156 - Because I gave Tracy the idea 1021 00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:41,556 to kill the only man 1022 00:35:41,848 --> 00:35:43,208 who would ever have a baby with me. 1023 00:35:52,108 --> 00:35:53,210 - Nothing to see here, Mr. Man. 1024 00:35:53,234 --> 00:35:54,234 - No, sir. 1025 00:35:54,361 --> 00:35:55,737 - Hello, Kabletown family members. 1026 00:35:56,029 --> 00:35:59,324 And my favorite actress, Jenna. 1027 00:35:59,616 --> 00:36:01,034 When TGS gets cancelled, I mean if, 1028 00:36:01,326 --> 00:36:02,619 when TGS gets cancelled, 1029 00:36:02,911 --> 00:36:04,371 we need to talk about your future. 1030 00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:06,581 - I know what my future holds, Hank. 1031 00:36:06,873 --> 00:36:07,540 Motherhood. 1032 00:36:07,832 --> 00:36:08,832 It's a surprise to me, 1033 00:36:09,042 --> 00:36:10,627 but I have so much love to give. 1034 00:36:10,919 --> 00:36:12,188 - Well, why couldn't you be a mother 1035 00:36:12,212 --> 00:36:13,588 and do a daytime talk show? 1036 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,524 - Well, because the talk show will be my baby. 1037 00:36:15,548 --> 00:36:17,234 I'm not gonna be held back by some uterus turd. 1038 00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:19,135 Let's call my agent. 1039 00:36:19,427 --> 00:36:22,263 - Oh, my god. Your stomach. 1040 00:36:26,768 --> 00:36:28,311 - For some reason, 1041 00:36:28,603 --> 00:36:30,146 I'm starting to rethink this, sir. 1042 00:36:30,438 --> 00:36:32,065 - We all have doubt, K-tel Records. 1043 00:36:32,357 --> 00:36:33,858 But we made a decision. 1044 00:36:34,150 --> 00:36:35,920 And we'll look stupid if we don't follow through. 1045 00:36:35,944 --> 00:36:36,944 - Okay. 1046 00:36:37,112 --> 00:36:40,281 Just please tell my mother... 1047 00:36:40,573 --> 00:36:42,409 - My bad. That was an accident. 1048 00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:44,786 - Tracy, stop! 1049 00:36:45,078 --> 00:36:47,080 - Don't startle me when I'm holding a gun. 1050 00:36:47,372 --> 00:36:48,623 Use your head, Liz Lemon. 1051 00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:52,168 - For god's sakes, Tracy, give me that gun! 1052 00:36:52,460 --> 00:36:53,461 Ugh! 1053 00:36:53,753 --> 00:36:55,231 Do you have any idea how much paperwork 1054 00:36:55,255 --> 00:36:56,881 I would have to do if you shot Kenneth? 1055 00:36:57,173 --> 00:36:59,134 - I didn't know that, Jack. I'm sorry. 1056 00:36:59,426 --> 00:37:03,304 I'm just trying to get people to stop respecting me. 1057 00:37:03,596 --> 00:37:06,307 - Tracy, you want to destroy the goodwill you have 1058 00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:08,685 so you can go back to your easy TV job? 1059 00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:11,062 - Yes, even more than I want to shoot Kenneth. 1060 00:37:11,354 --> 00:37:12,754 - Then all you have to do is go back 1061 00:37:12,981 --> 00:37:13,981 to your easy TV job. 1062 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,651 - What? - Do TV. 1063 00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:19,904 And no one will ever take you seriously again. 1064 00:37:20,196 --> 00:37:22,657 Doesn't matter how big a movie star you are, 1065 00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:24,051 even if you have the kind of career 1066 00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:26,911 where you walked away from a blockbuster franchise 1067 00:37:27,203 --> 00:37:31,207 or worked with Meryl Streep or Anthony Hopkins, 1068 00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:33,835 made important movies about things like civil rights 1069 00:37:34,127 --> 00:37:36,045 or Pearl harbor, 1070 00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:38,047 stole films with supporting roles 1071 00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:40,459 and then turned around and blew them away on Broadway. 1072 00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:43,470 None of that will matter once you do television. 1073 00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:45,430 You could win every award in sight 1074 00:37:45,722 --> 00:37:48,349 and be the biggest thing on the small screen, 1075 00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:49,809 and you'll still get laughed 1076 00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:52,896 out of the vanity fair Oscar party 1077 00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:55,482 by Greg kinnear. 1078 00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,859 Tracy, your career hit rock bottom 1079 00:37:58,151 --> 00:38:00,445 the first time you decided to do TGS. 1080 00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:04,157 You want it to hit rock bottom again? 1081 00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:05,533 Go on network television. 1082 00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:08,369 - Let's make some TV! 1083 00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:11,164 - Yeah. - We have five minutes! 1084 00:38:13,374 --> 00:38:15,001 - Whoa, whoa, uh-uh. Uh-uh, uh-uh. 1085 00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:16,687 I'm sorry, folks. While we were working 1086 00:38:16,711 --> 00:38:18,355 on the gas line, we somehow broke the elevator. 1087 00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:18,963 She's an old building. 1088 00:38:19,255 --> 00:38:22,759 You're gonna have to take the stairs. 1089 00:38:23,051 --> 00:38:25,512 I'm okay! 1090 00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:28,890 - Least I made it through my last day. 1091 00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:36,981 Darn it. 1092 00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:38,942 - Excuse me. The elevators are out. 1093 00:38:39,234 --> 00:38:41,611 Do you know how... - Shut up, Garkle. 1094 00:38:41,903 --> 00:38:44,322 - Well, if it isn't Jack 1095 00:38:44,614 --> 00:38:46,825 and Kenneth and Tracy and Liz. 1096 00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:49,077 Hey, I have a bone to pick with the four of you. 1097 00:38:49,369 --> 00:38:52,121 - Screw, Williams! 1098 00:38:52,413 --> 00:38:53,498 - Hey, get out of my home! 1099 00:38:53,790 --> 00:38:55,250 - Sorry, recurring hobos. 1100 00:38:58,628 --> 00:39:02,382 ♪ ♪ 1101 00:39:02,674 --> 00:39:04,008 - I'm back, everybody. 1102 00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:05,510 You're welcome... 1103 00:39:05,802 --> 00:39:07,846 For the adventure... 1104 00:39:08,137 --> 00:39:10,849 My absence... 1105 00:39:11,140 --> 00:39:12,140 Whew... 1106 00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:13,059 Provided. 1107 00:39:13,351 --> 00:39:14,435 - 30 seconds. 1108 00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:16,127 - Liz, I was checking the cue cards, 1109 00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,439 and we have a problem. 1110 00:39:18,731 --> 00:39:20,334 It all seemed so funny when they were writing it. 1111 00:39:20,358 --> 00:39:22,402 - During Dennis' gas leak. 1112 00:39:22,694 --> 00:39:24,863 - Yes, this'll work. Just flip the top of act two. 1113 00:39:25,154 --> 00:39:27,034 Danny can't make the wardrobe change that quick. 1114 00:39:27,073 --> 00:39:28,616 - Best show ever! Yeah! 1115 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,329 - Guys, I don't know about this. 1116 00:39:33,621 --> 00:39:36,916 - Oh, my god. We don't have a show. 1117 00:39:41,296 --> 00:39:44,257 - Ten seconds. - Just start. 1118 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:55,184 I should call Dennis. 1119 00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:03,276 - Let's meet our contestants. 1120 00:40:03,568 --> 00:40:07,572 Dr. Steven poop is a homemaker and a centaur. 1121 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:10,241 - You did it. 1122 00:40:10,533 --> 00:40:14,746 You're picked up for a million more episodes. 1123 00:40:15,038 --> 00:40:16,831 Where am I? 1124 00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:20,084 Am I back in Vietnam? 1125 00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:21,736 - What charity are you playing for? 1126 00:40:21,794 --> 00:40:23,838 - The grimace foundation, Jeremy. 1127 00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,130 Keeping milkshakes purple for over a million years. 1128 00:40:26,174 --> 00:40:29,218 - Hold on. Tracy's back on TV again? 1129 00:40:30,887 --> 00:40:31,888 Clooney, Hanks. 1130 00:40:32,180 --> 00:40:32,764 Actor emergency. 1131 00:40:33,056 --> 00:40:35,350 Tracy Jordan's doing TV again. 1132 00:40:35,642 --> 00:40:36,935 I know, disappointing. 1133 00:40:37,226 --> 00:40:39,187 Take him off the official a-list. 1134 00:40:39,479 --> 00:40:40,664 Well, I don't have the password. 1135 00:40:40,688 --> 00:40:42,857 Pitt's our webmaster. 1136 00:40:43,149 --> 00:40:45,860 Well, then, wake him up. 1137 00:40:46,152 --> 00:40:49,155 Oh, they're doing Pam again? Ugh. 1138 00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:52,659 ♪ I don't care what you say anymore ♪ 1139 00:40:52,951 --> 00:40:54,869 ♪ this is my life ♪ 1140 00:40:55,161 --> 00:40:57,580 ♪ go ahead with your own life ♪ 1141 00:40:57,872 --> 00:40:59,999 ♪ leave me alone ♪ 1142 00:41:00,291 --> 00:41:01,584 - This may be the gas talking, 1143 00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:04,170 but I was wrong about Dennis. 1144 00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:06,005 You're the guy who never left. 1145 00:41:06,297 --> 00:41:08,299 - And this is definitely the gas talking, 1146 00:41:08,591 --> 00:41:10,343 but I'd be a lot worse off 1147 00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:11,755 if I'd never met you, Lemon, 1148 00:41:11,844 --> 00:41:14,013 and I'm proud to have you as a mentee. 1149 00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:15,640 I mean, look at you. 1150 00:41:15,932 --> 00:41:17,892 Endangering the lives of hundreds of people 1151 00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:19,894 for a show that TV guide once called 1152 00:41:20,186 --> 00:41:21,562 "still on." 1153 00:41:21,854 --> 00:41:23,648 - I framed that article. 1154 00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:26,651 - To 100 more episodes. 1155 00:41:36,869 --> 00:41:38,913 - Wow, five years. It makes you think 1156 00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:41,249 about all the fun we've had together. 1157 00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:43,185 - But you know the single most amazing thing 1158 00:41:43,209 --> 00:41:45,086 that's happened over the last five years? 1159 00:41:49,799 --> 00:41:51,467 - That is true, sir. 1160 00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:53,761 But today does make me wonder where we'll all be 1161 00:41:54,053 --> 00:41:55,053 five years from now. 1162 00:41:57,598 --> 00:42:05,106 ♪ ♪