1
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:04,004
- Hey, do you
have a neck pillow?
2
00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:06,590
I blew mine up, and now
it smells like my mouth.
3
00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:09,301
- I never sleep on planes. I
don't want to get incepted.
4
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:10,886
Are you going somewhere?
5
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,698
- Carol has a flight
to Raleigh-durham,
6
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:14,097
so I'm going with him,
7
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,658
and we're gonna drive
out and spend a few days
8
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,226
at an inn at nags head.
9
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:22,064
- You're going to nags
head? Isn't that redundant?
10
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,033
- That is solid.
11
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,870
- Avery and I are also having a
little romantic weekend together
12
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,497
before the baby comes.
13
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,958
We're going to Toronto for
the g-8 economic summit.
14
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,668
It's going to be...
15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:43,960
Very erotic.
16
00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:45,587
- Look at us, being all adult-y.
17
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,173
I packed underwear...
That isn't Gray.
18
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,800
Isn't it nice
19
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:52,135
dating someone you have
so much in common with?
20
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,555
Like you, Avery is
a type- "a" nut job.
21
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,348
- And, of course,
you and Carol share
22
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,808
your trademark stubbornness.
23
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,768
- We are not stubborn.
We're principled.
24
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,079
- Have a nice trip, Lemon.
25
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,705
Break out those
underpants, but be careful.
26
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,232
Dating yourself is a
double-edged sword.
27
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,442
It means you also
share the same flaws.
28
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,987
- Well, that would only be
a problem if I had any flaws.
29
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:11,989
- Not only is your fly open,
30
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:15,826
there's a pencil
sticking out of it.
31
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,953
- Good day to you, sir.
32
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:32,042
♪ ♪
33
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,269
- Tracy, congratulations
on Egot-ing.
34
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:45,647
You got an Emmy, a
grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony.
35
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:49,901
You are more talented than I.
36
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,325
You're ready, mirror Jenna.
37
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,286
Tracy, congratulations on e...
38
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,288
- the empire state
building will be lit
39
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:02,780
in the color of your choosing.
40
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,249
- Clear.
- SeaWorld will now
41
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,460
let you borrow a killer
whale for spring break.
42
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,171
- I'll need a whale saddle.
- And Steven Spielberg
43
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,863
wants you to star
in his next movie.
44
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,089
- Kate capshaw's husband?
45
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:17,929
- Tracy, congratulations.
46
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,806
I loved your acceptance speech.
47
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:23,352
- Tracy Jordan asked me
to accept this on his behalf
48
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,937
- because his mouth is full.
- Pop tarts!
49
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,649
- So I guess you've
made it to "the next level."
50
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,740
I look forward to seeing
how this empowers you
51
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,128
to make my life more difficult.
52
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,029
- As am I, Liz Lemon.
53
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,965
It'll probably involve a
guitar-playing chimpanzee
54
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,069
that I bought this morning.
55
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,200
- No.
- Uh, hold on.
56
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,494
Dotcom is confirming
that he drowned.
57
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,162
- Oh.
58
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:43,914
- Why are you
putting me in a suit?
59
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,333
I still haven't memorized
my torah passage.
60
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,865
- Oh, you're going to a lunch
for the council on poverty.
61
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,504
And this afternoon,
62
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,436
you're speaking at
the Clinton foundation.
63
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:53,882
- Speaking?
64
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,652
That doesn't sound like
me. That sounds like work.
65
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,594
- Yeah, well, the
next level isn't all fun.
66
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,346
- Success is a
double-edged sword.
67
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:00,907
- You're actually respected now.
68
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,611
Like it or not, people
are gonna expect you
69
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:03,763
to use that power for good.
70
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,894
- Come on, sir. Arms.
71
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,148
- There's a line, sir.
72
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,680
I realize you're more important
73
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,180
than everyone
else on the flight,
74
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,736
what with those jet sweatpants.
75
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,279
- Excuse me, young lady.
76
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,049
Are you old enough
to be traveling alone?
77
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,492
- I don't know. I'm
going to visit my Nana,
78
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:21,784
but I'm scared.
79
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,286
Ooh, wait. That's too young.
80
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,623
- Roger that. Ugh,
look at sweatpants guy.
81
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,709
This is a $90 million aircraft,
82
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,585
not a Tallahassee strip club.
83
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,422
Stewart, 21 -18 that guy.
84
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,799
- Excuse me, Mr. Sweatpants.
85
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:38,051
We're gonna need
to check that bag.
86
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:41,430
- And that is sky law.
87
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,812
- Hey.
88
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:51,148
Going to Raleigh for
a business meeting.
89
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,316
I'm a businessman.
90
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:54,860
I'm not an air marshal.
91
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:56,778
Good afternoon, folks.
92
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,830
This is captain Burnett
from the flight deck.
93
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,174
There's some
traffic on the runway.
94
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,491
Should be about a half hour,
95
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,063
then we'll have you on your way.
96
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,661
So sit back, relax,
enjoy your flight.
97
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,289
Thanks for choosing air bike.
- The pilot is my boyfriend.
98
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,167
So if you have any
questions during the flight,
99
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,169
maybe I can... There's
a man on the wing.
100
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,879
Oh.
101
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:18,091
We haven't taken off
yet. It's just a mechanic.
102
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,554
- And this is the
prime minister's suite.
103
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,264
- Oh, there it is...
104
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,308
The Metro Toronto
convention center,
105
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,604
site of the g-8 summit.
106
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,189
Let's do it on the balcony.
107
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:33,921
- You might have
to start without me.
108
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,066
- No problem.
109
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,758
- Well, if you need
anything else...
110
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,653
- Ah!
- Oh, god, you're breaking
111
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,865
the extra bone all
Canadians have in their hands.
112
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:43,450
- Oh, Jack! I think
the baby's coming.
113
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,744
- What? You're
not due until march.
114
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,829
Why did I buy a beryllium mine
115
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,932
if her birthstone isn't
going to be aquamarine?
116
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,142
- We need to get to the airport.
117
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,918
- Airport? We need
to get you to a hospital.
118
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,796
- No, we can't go to a
hospital. This is Canada!
119
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,548
If she's born here...
- Good god.
120
00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,549
She'll be Canadian.
121
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,481
- At the risk of
sounding incredibly rude,
122
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,840
I would beg your pardon
and ask you, in your opinion,
123
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,597
what's so bad "aboot"
being Canadian?
124
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,557
- Your milk comes
in bags... bags.
125
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,609
- Your pavilion at Epcot
doesn't have a ride.
126
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,770
- And if Canada is
so nice and friendly,
127
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:12,646
why does most of our meth
128
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,439
come from your Asian drug gangs?
129
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,531
Are we not even
making our own meth?
130
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,453
What is happening to
American manufacturing?
131
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,968
- Take our things downstairs
and get us a car to the airport.
132
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,656
- Oh, my god. Jack...
133
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:24,868
If our child is born here,
she can't be presid...
134
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,243
- don't even say it.
135
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,830
We're having an American,
and she will be president,
136
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,921
no matter how ridiculous
that sentence sounds.
137
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,292
- If only we were in Kenya
right now, we'd be fine.
138
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,212
Oh.
139
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,673
If this is helping
you, I'm fine.
140
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:44,261
- And in conclusion,
bless you, Tracy Jordan.
141
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,889
Your gripping portrayal
of D'Jeffrey "Lucky" Seeda
142
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,059
in hard to watch
has given a voice
143
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,771
to the voiceless...
America's poor.
144
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,236
- I'm not scared of you people.
145
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,238
And I don't think those cashews
146
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,949
look like a bowl
of baby penises.
147
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:07,909
Being an Egot is fun!
148
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,745
Here's to me spending
the rest of my life
149
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,414
in rooms like this.
150
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,926
- Didn't they say half an
hour over an hour ago?
151
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,717
Excuse me.
152
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,219
While we're waiting to take
off, we're going to go ahead
153
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:27,991
and begin our
in-flight entertainment,
154
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,138
which is the feature film
155
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:32,893
legend of the guardians.
Ff' the owls of ga 'hoole
156
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,437
and some NBC sitcoms
that didn't make the schedule.
157
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,734
- We have to find the
guardians, eglantine.
158
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,152
Hey.
159
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:44,029
- Hey, Lizzie, you okay?
160
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,465
- People are starting to
get a little antsy back there.
161
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,325
- Yeah, it's gonna be
about another half hour.
162
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,737
- Really? 'Cause I checked
flight tracker on my phone,
163
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,330
and our status is just
an angry, red frowny face.
164
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,224
- Okay, you want to
know a little pilot secret,
165
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,310
besides the fact that we get
a discount at Sunglass Hut?
166
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,210
The half-hour thing is a trick.
167
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,588
It's enough time
so that people know
168
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,608
they're gonna have to wait,
but it doesn't upset them.
169
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,091
- So you're just lying?
170
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,344
That's not right. We're
paying customers.
171
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,756
- Look, Liz, we have reasons
172
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,530
for doing the things
the way that we do.
173
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,677
When we say, "half an hour"
174
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,726
to control the herds of
walking mozzarella sticks
175
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,728
who think that $300
and a photo I.D.
176
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,700
Gives them the right
to fly through the air
177
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,607
like one of the
guardian owls of legend.
178
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,817
God, that's been our
in-flight movie for months.
179
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,670
- I just think it's
frustrating for people
180
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,054
to know that
they're being lied to.
181
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,076
- Maybe you just want
to fly the plane yourself.
182
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,699
Well, good luck pressing
183
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,743
"take off," then "auto
pilot," then "land."
184
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,454
- Okay, this is obviously
a tense situation for you.
185
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,289
I didn't mean to make it worse.
186
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,417
Just do what you need to do,
and we'll get where we're going.
187
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,169
- Uh-huh. Nags head.
188
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,009
- Oh, no, Soren, it's Metalbeak!
189
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,701
- You have to stay
awake, eglantine,
190
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:53,223
or the pure ones
will moon-blink us.
191
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,687
- About half an hour.
192
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,191
- Canada.
193
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,820
- Every flight is "cancelled."
194
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,655
- No.
- I called the concierge service
195
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,067
with my Amex invisible card.
196
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,240
There are no rental cars.
197
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,159
The trains and
buses are sold out.
198
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,262
- Well, how far is the
border? Maybe we can run.
199
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,539
- I don't know. When I
asked the lady at the desk,
200
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,375
she told me in kilometers.
- Ohh!
201
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,796
- Look, Avery, you and I
are cut from the same cloth.
202
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,798
It's one of the reasons
we work so well
203
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,009
and why we're unbeatable
at a three-legged race.
204
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,094
- We ruined those
kids' field day.
205
00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:33,388
- But being similar
has its drawbacks.
206
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,516
It's a... Both:
Double-edged sword.
207
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:40,854
- So could our shared patriotism
and refusal to ever give up be,
208
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:43,940
in this situation, a bad thing?
209
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,859
- What are you saying, Jack?
- Avery...
210
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,111
Maybe it isn't the
end of the world
211
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:48,903
if our daughter is Canadian.
212
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,531
Alexander Hamilton was
born in the west indies,
213
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,533
and he went on to...
- To what, Jack?
214
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,201
Be a mouthpiece for federalism
215
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:58,580
and then die in a duel against
someone named Aaron?
216
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,552
Is that what you want
our daughter to be...
217
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,543
A big-government duel loser?
218
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,003
- No.
219
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,804
- Where did all those
babies come from?
220
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,807
- Dear god, they've restarted
the failed NBC shows?
221
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,939
Oh, no, please, no! Not
gals on the town again.
222
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,853
- ♪ Love and
friendship, having it all ♪
223
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,813
♪ or maybe just a
great pair of shoes ♪
224
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,982
♪ one of them has to be Asian ♪
225
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,860
♪ can they be
good at their jobs? ♪
226
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,071
- Those bathrooms
are disgusting.
227
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:33,531
Someone has to do something!
228
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:34,824
- Please, do something.
229
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,910
You said you knew the captain.
230
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:37,911
- All right.
231
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,913
You know what? This is wrong.
232
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,665
I can see the terminal
from my window,
233
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:45,001
where people are
buying new magazines
234
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,836
and crossing their legs
235
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:49,631
and eating at a chili's express.
236
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,926
We were like them once,
and we can be again.
237
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,053
- But we're just
airplane folk now.
238
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,139
- No. We still have our dignity.
239
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,111
And maybe we can't
go back to the terminal,
240
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,810
but I know captain Burnett.
241
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,561
He is a reasonable person.
242
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,690
He compromises readily
on movie choices and...
243
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,109
And sexual positions.
244
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,819
I mean, if we, as a group,
245
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,447
can decide what
reasonable things we want,
246
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,157
I'd be happy to talk to him.
247
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,742
All: Yeah!
248
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,303
- Okay, I can't turn the air on,
249
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,121
because I'd have to
power the engines up.
250
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:21,871
That wastes fuel.
251
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,843
I'm assuming you
don't want to stop for gas
252
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:24,541
in the middle of the ocean.
253
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,960
- Okay, what about
the bathrooms?
254
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:30,004
- Stewart did not study
dance at carnegie mellon
255
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,176
to become a flight
attendant to clean bathrooms.
256
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:34,050
- Well, at least
give us some food.
257
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,177
- Negative... Those
potato-chip bags
258
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,179
are designed to
be opened in flight.
259
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,723
You open them at sea level,
somebody could be killed.
260
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,935
- And can you tell me when
we might be in the air, captain?
261
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,854
- Sure. In about a half an hour.
262
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,565
- Okay, Carol, you
have a decision to make.
263
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:50,733
Are your passengers just cattle?
264
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,236
Or are some of them...
Maybe even just one of them...
265
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,821
Someone you care about?
266
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,340
- I think you need
to make a decision.
267
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,949
Am I just another
authority figure
268
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,041
that you're taking one
of your stands against,
269
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,303
like that police
horse you yelled at?
270
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,608
- If I can't poop in the street,
why should my tax dollars
271
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,748
pay for someone else to?
- Or am I your boyfriend,
272
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,125
who you're gonna let do his job?
273
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,752
- Really? If this is
you doing your job,
274
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,754
you're terrible at it.
275
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,238
Think about what you're doing.
276
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:22,599
You are making a choice
here. I am not just a passenger.
277
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:30,148
- And the captain has turned
on the "fasten seat belt" sign.
278
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,985
All passengers, including
any lipless, middle-aged women
279
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,820
in lesbian clown shirts,
280
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:39,991
should please take
their seat at this time.
281
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:51,044
- Uh, Mr. Jordan,
several messages for you.
282
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,004
- "Breakfast with
Chuck schumer"?
283
00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:54,881
I don't want to
watch that guy eat.
284
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,675
"5k homeless walk"?
That just seems cruel.
285
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,636
"Cornell commencement address"?
286
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,888
Sorry, but Tracy Jordan
doesn't do safety schools.
287
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,057
The next level sucks!
288
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,850
- Ah, you got to be careful.
289
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,582
You ever hear of
the Peter principle?
290
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,649
- Yes, just now.
- The reason people are unhappy
291
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:10,915
in their careers
is that they keep
292
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,939
getting promoted until
they're in over their heads.
293
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,149
The Peter principle says
294
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,236
you rise to the level
of your incompetence.
295
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,863
- But my incompetence
knows no bounds.
296
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,257
- Stay in your comfort zone.
297
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,467
If it was me, I'd just hide out
298
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,034
until people forgot who I was.
299
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,578
But keep in mind, we
hornbergers are famous cowards.
300
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,748
On d-day, my grandfather
wore a German uniform
301
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,043
under his American
one, just in case.
302
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,045
- There's a reason
that men like that
303
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,047
aren't chosen for greatness.
304
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:36,714
- I don't remember saying
305
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,633
you could listen to
that conversation.
306
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,134
But continue.
307
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,262
- Imagine if Mr. Hornberger
were in your shoes
308
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,847
and he turned his
back on his community,
309
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:45,807
on the world.
310
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,934
How would he sleep at night?
311
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:51,980
How would he look
his children in the eye
312
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,315
or perform his husband
bedroom duties,
313
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,442
for instance painting
the bedroom?
314
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,486
Think about the shame.
315
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,321
He would be run out of town.
316
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,799
- Al Sharpton would denounce him
317
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,223
at a press conference
on the street,
318
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,785
because Al Sharpton
doesn't have an office.
319
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:06,786
- Exactly.
320
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,306
- I thought going to the next
level would be amazing, Ken,
321
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,708
like guitar-playing
chimpanzee amazing.
322
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,876
God bless and keep him.
323
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,230
But now everybody expects
me to do all of this stuff,
324
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,716
and I don't want to let
anybody down, but I'm scared.
325
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,186
You don't know the
meaning of the word scared.
326
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,231
And I know, because
I've looked it up for you
327
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:31,019
a dozen times.
328
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,773
- Oh, thank god!
- Hop in!
329
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,859
No, no. Don't go back there.
330
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:38,818
You guys drive.
- What?
331
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,945
- You drive while we
hide out in the back...
332
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,237
Hang out in the back.
333
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,948
Everything's normal.
334
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,616
No smoking.
335
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,119
- Uh, y-yeah, okay.
336
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,411
Okay.
337
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,331
Thanks, honey.
338
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,254
- Great. I'm Lorne.
339
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,715
If you're a cop,
you have to tell me.
340
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:05,219
I'm just kidding.
We're all on vacation.
341
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,350
Ah!
342
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,352
Is this a mobile meth lab?
343
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:13,853
Yes, it is.
344
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:15,563
Look, if you want to quit...
- Quit?
345
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,648
I've never quit
anything in my life.
346
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,943
I'm still in girl scouts.
I have 9,000 badges.
347
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,555
- Hey, I'm still looking for a
golf ball I shanked in 1987.
348
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,114
I am not taking
that penalty stroke.
349
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,908
- Good. We agree.
350
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,951
Now, let's drive
this bomb to buffalo
351
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:32,372
and get this little
bitch out of me.
352
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,971
- We've been offered a gate.
- What?
353
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:49,889
Well, what are you
doing back here?
354
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,200
Come on, let's go!
- Oh, we'll go.
355
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,726
We'll go back to the
terminal and the lounge
356
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,978
with the reclining chairs
and the Turkey wraps.
357
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,856
Turkey wraps.
358
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,908
- And we'll forget any
of this ever happened,
359
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,470
like the fact that
you insulted me
360
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,862
in front of my entire
crew, especially Stewart,
361
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,874
who often makes up
hurtful nicknames for me,
362
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,325
like "Mr. Bumpy landing."
- Great.
363
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,898
And I'll forget the fact that
you treated us like animals.
364
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,621
- Oh, well, I've
already forgotten
365
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,233
that you said I
was bad at my job,
366
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,000
when everything on TGS
has been so great recently.
367
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,379
Austin powers on
crossfire... Timely stuff.
368
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:22,815
- Uh-huh. And I'm
not even gonna ask
369
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:25,091
what the hell that voice is
that you use on the intercom.
370
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:28,052
"Uh, folks, half an hour
means forever, uhhhh."
371
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,222
Can I tell you what
I hate about you?
372
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,933
You're so stubborn when
you think you're right,
373
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:37,103
even when the answer is
on the trivial pursuit card.
374
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,856
- The card was wrong.
And you're no better, Carol.
375
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,150
You built that
bookshelf incorrectly!
376
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,235
- I did not! I wanted
the books to slide off.
377
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,237
Okay, listen, Liz...
378
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:47,905
We will get through this
379
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:51,617
if, for once, you
can just let it go.
380
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,578
I will take us back to the gate
381
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:57,039
when you stand up in front of
my crew and my passengers
382
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,531
and admit that you were wrong.
383
00:15:58,749 --> 00:15:59,959
- What?
- Admit that I,
384
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,920
as captain of this
vessel, was in the right.
385
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,422
You were wrong to question me,
386
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:05,994
and I was correct
in my treatment
387
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,967
of you and your fellow animals.
388
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,802
- I'd rather die on this plane.
389
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,971
- That can be arranged.
390
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,274
- All right, you saw
the back of the winnie.
391
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,627
You know we picked you
up to get past border control.
392
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,194
So what are you guys carrying?
393
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,237
- I'm sorry?
- In her fake stomach...
394
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,198
You smuggling
unpasteurized cheese,
395
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,491
prescription drugs,
396
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:34,035
maple syrup from the sacred
tree of souls in winnipeg?
397
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,828
- No. She's pregnant.
398
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,182
- What? Those contractions
she's been having are real?
399
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,486
Because they
sound very sitcom-y.
400
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:43,127
- Ughhh, zoinks!
401
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,921
What is taking so long?
402
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,714
- You guys should
be in a hospital,
403
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,758
not driving to buffalo
in a snowstorm.
404
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,370
- Thank you for
your input, Lorne,
405
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,929
but Avery and I want our
daughter to be born in america,
406
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,581
so she can one day
become president
407
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:57,975
and declare war on Germany,
like back when we were awesome.
408
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,661
- You know, you
remind me of my parents.
409
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,045
- I find that very
hard to believe.
410
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,980
- They were both really intense.
411
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,112
They wanted me to grow
up to be prime minister,
412
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,151
so as a kid, I had to
win the spelling bee.
413
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:08,110
They made me memorize
414
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,696
all 700 words in the
Canadian dictionary.
415
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,348
And then I had to
go to law school.
416
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,700
- You went to law school?
- For one day.
417
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,912
I was just so tightly
wound that I got kicked out
418
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,441
for karate chopping my roommate.
419
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,957
I know. I'm a stereotype...
420
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,959
All guys from Quebec
are good at karate.
421
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,044
- God.
422
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:26,696
- Oh, my god, where
are my manners?
423
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,422
Do you want to try meth?
424
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,942
What are you doing?
- I'm quitting.
425
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,260
I'm calling 911 and
getting an ambulance
426
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,912
to take us to the
nearest hospital.
427
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,055
- Actually, you dial 272 here.
428
00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:37,598
- I will not do that.
429
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,143
- Kenworth, I was thinking
about what you said,
430
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:42,435
and you're right.
431
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,230
I'm Oscar-winner Tracy Jordan.
432
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:45,523
And as scary as it is,
433
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,525
I have a responsibility
to fix the world,
434
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,527
starting with the
worst place ever.
435
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,987
- Ikea on a Saturday?
436
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,155
- Africa. I leave today.
437
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:54,865
Good-bye.
438
00:17:56,617 --> 00:18:00,788
- Begin moving my things
into his dressing room.
439
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,059
Well, folks, from
the flight deck,
440
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,686
it looks like it's gonna be
about another half hour,
441
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,045
and then we'll be on
our way. Uhhhhhh...
442
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,755
- I have an announcement.
443
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,757
Our pilot has gone insane.
444
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,318
No, don't listen
to her. Don't...
445
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,386
- having seen crimson tide
on showtime last weekend,
446
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,489
I believe the only course
of action available to us
447
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,513
is passenger mutiny.
448
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:19,181
I am Denzel.
449
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,058
I am invoking sky law.
450
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,477
You are now silenced,
shrieking harpy.
451
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:24,769
Stop speaking.
452
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,165
- We could've gone back to a
gate, and he wouldn't take us!
453
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,899
Do not blame me.
454
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,861
I wouldn't take us, because
she wouldn't admit to being wrong
455
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,904
for challenging my authority.
456
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,823
- Why not? What's
wrong with you?
457
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,491
- I am right, and he knows it.
458
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,035
He could've given us food...
459
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,327
- maybe this is one of
those times when both of you
460
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,181
just say, on the count
of three, "I was wrong."
461
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,540
Both: One, two, three. Never!
462
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:48,669
- How are you two
dating? You're too similar!
463
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:50,712
- Where are you going?
464
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,482
- I am pulling the
emergency exit slide,
465
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,175
and we are all
getting off of this plane!
466
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,468
I'll be a folk hero,
467
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,345
like that guy
everybody hates now.
468
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,056
- Don't you even think about
it! That is a federal offense!
469
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,348
- Just try to stop me.
470
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,100
- Oh, you be careful
what you wish for.
471
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,979
- I will waste you!
472
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:10,232
- You'll have to go
through this old bastard first!
473
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,370
- Soren, eglantine,
474
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,830
your journey is at an end.
475
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,916
- Sorry.
476
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:30,878
I hope we can still be friends.
477
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,595
- Hello?
- Lemon, we had the baby.
478
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,472
- We? We?
- Shh, you need your rest.
479
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:44,016
- Oh, my god. Congratulations.
480
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,851
Wait. Aren't you in Canada?
481
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,853
- Yes, my daughter
is Canadian-American,
482
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,481
but I'm going to treat her
just like a human baby.
483
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,025
We tried to get back
home, Lemon, in a meth lab.
484
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,860
Avery and I fed each
other's craziness,
485
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,838
but one of us was brave
enough to step back and...
486
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,156
- Just quit. He quit.
- Didn't they give you Percocet?
487
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,409
- That's what it takes.
488
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,245
Somebody needs
to be willing to quit.
489
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,455
I hope you and
Avery can make it,
490
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,547
because you have a
whole lifetime ahead of you
491
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:11,502
of that double-edged
sword just swinging around
492
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:13,254
trying to cut your faces off.
493
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,171
- Thank you, Lemon.
494
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,257
This was supposed to
be a joyous occasion.
495
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,591
I'm glad I called.
496
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:21,470
- I'm sorry. Your daughter
is a very lucky girl.
497
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,305
Carol and I have...
- Jack.
498
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:24,306
- What?
- This woman's trying to tell me
499
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,642
that we don't have
to pay for any of this.
500
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,578
- Right. The Canadian
health-care system...
501
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:29,602
- oh, no, you don't.
502
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,440
We will not be party to
this socialist perversion.
503
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:33,732
You will take our money.
504
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,609
- I'm sorry, sir.
I can't do that.
505
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,021
- Oh, this is gonna be good.
506
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,281
- Avery, can you walk yet?
- I am right behind you, Jack.
507
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:45,202
- Let's go find a Canadian
who will take our money.
508
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:48,974
- How's Africa, sir?
- It's amazing.
509
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,798
This morning I taught
the local schoolchildren
510
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:51,292
all the words to monster mash.
511
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,627
- So when do you think
you'll be coming back?
512
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,130
TGS has a show
in a couple weeks.
513
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,382
- Don't you get that this
is bigger than all that,
514
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,551
like how an ant is much
bigger than a smaller bug?
515
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,678
- Well, that's an odd
way to say that, sir.
516
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:03,971
But...
- I have to go.
517
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,931
This was a really good decision.
518
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,391
Good-bye, k.
519
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,278
Yep, a really good decision.