1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,402 - Where are Tracy and Jenna? We're supposed to be rehearsing. 2 00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,423 - Hey, L.L., sorry we haven't had 3 00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:09,718 time to get into our costumes yet. 4 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,887 - How are we already behind today? 5 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:14,348 - Liz, women wearing men's watches is so over. 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,308 The new thing is to get an Adam's apple. 7 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,000 - My mom just had this fixed for me. 8 00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,436 It was my grandfather's. 9 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,730 He worked for years at Union station in D.C. 10 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,482 As a pickpocket. 11 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,275 - Hey, hey, hey. Card game, guys. 12 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,567 $20 per, pot's $1,040. 13 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:27,610 Who's in? 14 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,279 - What is this, jabba's pleasure skiff? 15 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:30,731 - It's the crew lottery, Liz. 16 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:31,365 You buy a card. 17 00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,534 If it gets picked, you win $1,000. 18 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,625 Get a tub of new suits from the suit emporium. 19 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,506 Kabletown guys notice. Your hair grows back. 20 00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,414 Everything grows back. 21 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:40,874 - All right. Anybody else? 22 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,376 - Fine, I'll take one 23 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,003 if it'll get everybody back to work sooner. 24 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,091 - What are you doing? 25 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,969 That game is not for softhands and faceworkers. 26 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,595 It's for strongs and lifters. 27 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,722 - They hate when one of us wins. 28 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,725 Your boos are not scaring me. 29 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,686 I know most of you are not ghosts. 30 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,145 - Come on, my card only has 31 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,648 a 1 in 52 chance of getting picked anyway. 32 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,401 - How did you know that? You're like rain man. 33 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,170 Quick, how many toothpicks are on the ground? 34 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,738 - Zero. - You need to go to Vegas. 35 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,038 - Whoa, why is Toofer in the punishment corner? 36 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,511 I said time to end the charade 37 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,579 and adjust my schedule to buy a new vase. 38 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,623 - Ugh, you stay there. You stay there until you die. 39 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,377 - Look up the pronunciation for "schedule" on the Internet. 40 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:26,709 Schedule. 41 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,630 - Ha! Stay in the corner. 42 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:32,134 - Wait, that computer. It's Jack's voice! 43 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,135 America. 44 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,596 Whiskey. Liberal. 45 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,222 - No. That can't be Jack. 46 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,314 Why would his voice be on some random website? 47 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,600 It's impossible. 48 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,144 Lemon... 49 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,896 Lesbian... frankenstein... Wants her shoes back. 50 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,607 - Oh, my god. It is him. 51 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:57,743 ♪ ♪ 52 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,252 - Come in, Lemon. 53 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:10,088 Just revisiting some old G.E. quarterly reports. 54 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:15,218 My first cover from my first year at the company in 1985. 55 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,055 - Ah! - Ha! Good times. 56 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,766 Just out of frame is a wheelbarrow full of cocaine. 57 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:24,019 - So why the trip down memory lame? 58 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,105 Ha ha! High-fiving a million angels. 59 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:30,442 - The microwave division quarterly report 60 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:31,734 comes out today. 61 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,071 It will probably be my last with G.E. 62 00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:35,923 Now that I'm transitioning to Kabletown. 63 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,575 I've been a G.E. man for 25 years. 64 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,577 And a G.E. woman for one week 65 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,997 of corporate espionage at revlon. 66 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:46,875 - So... 67 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,419 Is there any way you could possibly be the voice of 68 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:50,921 pronouncify.com? 69 00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:52,714 - What? 70 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,384 No! 71 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,094 Those bastards. 72 00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,262 - Those bastards! - Who bastards? 73 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,306 - Part of my Princeton scholarship included 74 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,183 work for the linguistics department. 75 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,560 They wanted me to record every word of the dictionary 76 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,521 to preserve the perfect American accent 77 00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:08,813 in case of nuclear war. 78 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:09,523 Well, the cold war ended, 79 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,401 and Princeton began selling the recordings. 80 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,486 - So people can just buy your voice? 81 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,114 - Oh, the things it's been dragged into. 82 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,448 Thomas the tank engine. 83 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,117 Wu-tang songs. 84 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,536 ♪ Ah, yeah, just like that ♪ 85 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:26,123 ♪ make 'em clap, make 'em clap ♪ 86 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,458 - Huh, I always forget you used to be poor. 87 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:29,918 - Thank you. 88 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,295 But yes, I've had to work my entire life. 89 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,132 It began when my father left and I started working 90 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:39,010 on the Boston docks as a 12-year-old stevedore. 91 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,054 Bales up, you micks! Bales up! 92 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,824 - You've been working since you were 12? 93 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:43,348 - I had to. 94 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,559 Those jobs put me through college, 95 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,729 but they also kept me from having the college experience. 96 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,981 I was up early every morning, working my way 97 00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:52,959 through the dictionary for the linguistics department 98 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:56,570 or sweeping the floors at the Princeton monkey lab. 99 00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:59,114 It wasn't the feces that got to you, Lemon. 100 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,659 It was the crudely scrawled notes of "help me." 101 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,954 - Yeah, well, college wasn't that fun, Jack. 102 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,665 I mean, sure, the first two weeks are nice. 103 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,797 - Lemon, I really don't have time for a long... 104 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,127 - the fall of 1988. 105 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,088 A young Liz Lemon enters the university of Maryland. 106 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,465 Richard Marx haircut. 107 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,676 Pilonidal cyst under control. It was a magical time, Jack. 108 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,320 - Don't worry about getting to your point. 109 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,384 I'm going to live forever. 110 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:26,099 - The registrar accidentally gave me a handicapped room. 111 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,391 It was huge, 112 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,312 and for two weeks it was party central. 113 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,273 I was popular. People gave me nicknames. 114 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:37,444 A blonde girl high-fived me. 115 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,571 But then, like all good things, 116 00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,741 it ended before it even began. 117 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,702 - Lemon, that's actually my thoughtful window-staring spot. 118 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:49,664 Visitors stare... Over here. 119 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,417 Okay. 120 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,339 - All right, guys. 121 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,649 The moment we've all been waiting for. 122 00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,257 We're picking a winner. Here we go. 123 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,258 - This is the lucky one. Four of clubs. 124 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,385 Paula's nickname for my penis. 125 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:05,096 - And the winning card is... 126 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,557 The queen of spades! - All right. 127 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,184 - Who's got it? - Oh, brother. 128 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,187 - Queen of spades. Who's got it? 129 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,689 - Aw. - Oh. 130 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:18,151 - Come on. - Boo! 131 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,570 - She sucks! - Boo! 132 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,697 - Guys, guys. I'm not gonna keep it. 133 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:26,993 I'm gonna take this money and open a tab for all of you 134 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,745 after work at Hurley's. 135 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:32,666 - Wait, for real? - You know it, Arriflex. 136 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,168 Chris... is this guy. 137 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,780 - Now, that is really cool of you. 138 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,517 - Lemon? 139 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:51,893 Can you make sense of this? 140 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,522 - Well, on some level, yeah. That's a four. 141 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:56,814 That's a nine. 142 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,400 - Something's wrong here, Lemon. 143 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,419 According to these numbers, the microwave division 144 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,654 had their best quarter in five years. 145 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:05,782 - So? - So they did it without me. 146 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,951 - No, they didn't. 147 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,245 I mean, you're still the head of that division. 148 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,580 You hired everyone there. 149 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,040 If they succeeded, it's because of you. 150 00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,793 - Lemon, that's the smartest thing you've ever said. 151 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:17,794 - Really? 152 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:18,753 What about three years ago when I said 153 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,631 there should be more TV shows about cake? 154 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,323 - I'll drive out to R&D in stamford, 155 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,508 congratulate my team, 156 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,473 make sure everyone remembers who got them there. 157 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,151 They'll probably give me a crystal plaque, 158 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,973 and I in turn will reward one of them 159 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,684 with a name remembrance. 160 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,416 Lemon, why does your crew look drunk? 161 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,855 - I won $1,000 and I gave them all a bar tab, 162 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,067 and they got drunk at lunch and now they like me. 163 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,818 - Oh, Lemon, please. Money can't buy happiness. 164 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,321 It is happiness. 165 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:51,244 I love unicorns. 166 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,456 - I told them not to. Let's get out of here, Jack. 167 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,000 - I'll tell you what. 168 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,002 Make me say anything you want. 169 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,334 Get it out of your system. 170 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,422 Obama is very presidential. 171 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:03,423 - All right, enough! 172 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,133 I was trying to be a good sport, 173 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,985 but you should be ashamed of yourselves. 174 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,012 A bunch of 30-year-olds, sitting around 175 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,448 acting like college freshmen. 176 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,681 - Hey, I'm almost 46. 177 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,701 - When some of us had to spend their freshman year 178 00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,060 making those recordings. 179 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:18,063 And leading a disastrous monkey escape. 180 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:19,355 Grow up... 181 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,690 You children. 182 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,528 That went well. 183 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,035 - Never did this before. 184 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:36,039 Say hey, Willie mays. 185 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,668 You know, usually everyone around here 186 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,000 makes me feel like Hitler. 187 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:44,506 But today I feel like Hitler in Germany. 188 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,218 - Aw, being popular must be such a new experience for you. 189 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,471 - Well, it's not entirely new. 190 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,307 - Wow, I would experiment with that girl. 191 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,142 - Too small. - That's me 192 00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,477 for two weeks in college. 193 00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,605 I was popular for one glorious fortnight. 194 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,316 And then it went away. I don't know what I did wrong. 195 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,068 - You probably said "fortnight." 196 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,237 - No, you didn't do anything, Liz. 197 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:08,613 You were just you. 198 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,305 The cool people figured that out and treated you accordingly. 199 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,927 - Well, ever since I gave the crew that lottery money, 200 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,995 it's felt like those two weeks again. 201 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,247 And you know what? I'm not blowing it this time. 202 00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:18,581 - Hang on, you know 203 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,142 This charade can't last. 204 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,086 Just like in college, everyone here has their role. 205 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,587 I'm the hot blonde. 206 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,357 - And I'm the nerd who takes off his glasses 207 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,258 and everyone realizes he's handsome. 208 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,135 - And you're the R.A. 209 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,847 - Only if R.A. stands for "really awesome." 210 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,932 - You are who you are. 211 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,979 Hello? 212 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,689 Hello, Pete. 213 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:46,026 This is Jack. - Jack, hi. 214 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:46,943 Oh, okay, look. 215 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,755 What happened was Suzanne from ad sales 216 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,405 got pushed into me in the elevator. 217 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:51,948 I didn't try to touch her. 218 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,576 And the sort of "unh" sound I made 219 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,703 was about something else. 220 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:59,539 Pete, will you be my friend? 221 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,000 - Your friend? Sure, of course. 222 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,061 You know, whenever I tell my wife a work story, 223 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,479 she pointed this out the other day... 224 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,546 I always... 225 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,758 Always smile a little when I'm talking about you. 226 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:11,384 I wish I was more 227 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,928 of a free spirit like you. 228 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,056 Now freestyle rap for me. 229 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:19,267 - ♪ Rollin' with my homie, me and Jackie D. ♪ 230 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,352 ♪ Bitches get ready for a sex party ♪ 231 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,065 - Hey, Liz, think fast. 232 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,401 - Okay, this is why we don't 233 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,154 play football in the studio, guys. 234 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,989 'Cause it's too much fun. 235 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,450 - No, no. Nobody high-five her. 236 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,660 - What? It's me, the lizard. 237 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,152 You can start calling me that. 238 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,182 - Look, we appreciate what you did for the crew last night, 239 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,374 but you left some people out and that's not cool. 240 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,561 - What are you talking about? The blizzard wouldn't do that. 241 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,628 That's another option. 242 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,838 - Yeah, the alcoholics, Liz? 243 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,382 How are they supposed to enjoy your bar tab? 244 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,510 - I didn't forget about them, Chris. 245 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,845 Their thing just hasn't gotten here yet. 246 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,137 - Really? - Yeah. 247 00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:58,973 It's a surprise. 248 00:09:59,265 --> 00:09:59,808 And who knows what it's gonna be? 249 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:04,521 Only the blizbian knows. - All right. 250 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,943 - How long do you think this can go on? 251 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,528 - I've got it under control. 252 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:12,487 - This is why I hated my first two weeks 253 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:16,157 at the royal tampa academy of dramatic tricks. 254 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,593 No one knew who was the sluttiest. 255 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,662 But I showed them. Oh, I showed them all. 256 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,497 And when we graduated a week later... 257 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,291 - whatever. Jenna. People's perceptions can change. 258 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,584 - Can they? Look at me. 259 00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,211 I'm Ogbert the nerd. 260 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:31,673 Always have been, always will be. 261 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,135 - Look, there is no cool Liz. There's only R.A. Liz. 262 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,720 - You're wrong. 263 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:40,098 - My glasses are dirty. 264 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,766 - Ogbert? 265 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,814 - Ah, the microwave lab. 266 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,816 Boys, I received our 267 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:54,112 quarterly report yesterday and, uh... hang on. 268 00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:58,575 Ajay, Raj, Ramesh. What's going on here? 269 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,535 Where are Dinesh, Kumar, and Sunavo? 270 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,662 - Sir, this lab requires clearance. 271 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,914 - Clearance? I'm your boss. 272 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,709 I'm Jack Donaghy. 273 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:08,418 - I'm sorry, your names all sound 274 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,128 the same to us, John Donovan. 275 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,922 - I've worked here since 1985. 276 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,008 I spearheaded the trivection oven. 277 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,885 - Trivection? What is this, 2009? 278 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,849 The future is the TK-421. 279 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,310 - A new model? 280 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,842 How many vections does it have? 281 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,438 Five. 282 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:29,439 - It's the perfect microwave. 283 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:33,318 It even has a new voice feature. 284 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,129 Popcorn setting medium. 285 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,529 - My god. - Which one? 286 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,407 - Gentlemen, I am still the head of this division. 287 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,744 And no microwave ships without my say-so. 288 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,622 And I guarantee you that without my 25 years of experience 289 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,416 you did not build a perfect microwave. 290 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,948 Now I'm going to find out what's wrong with this machine, 291 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,504 and when I do, you're going to wish 292 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:54,796 you'd never been born. 293 00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,257 - Well, which time? 294 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,559 - Ah. 295 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,270 What are you tinkering with, sir? 296 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,564 You know my uncle was a tinkerer. 297 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,066 Until the FBI shot him. 298 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,692 - Every G.E. product has to be 299 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,819 no more than six sigmas from perfection. 300 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,111 - Duh. 301 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,198 - So I'm taking apart this piece of junk 302 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,533 until I prove that it should never be released. 303 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,105 For the, uh, good of the company. 304 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,996 Ready, ready. 305 00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:29,999 - Is this about the company, sir? 306 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,376 Or is it about you? 307 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:32,686 - I'm sorry, Kenneth. What? 308 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,921 - Sometimes a place can be so special to you 309 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,714 that it feels like it 310 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,567 couldn't possibly continue after you're gone. 311 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,511 But after I left Kentucky mountain Bible college, 312 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,596 it still kept going. 313 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,182 Until it was shut down because of the wolves. 314 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:50,186 Maybe this is really about you not being able to let go. 315 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:50,979 - Tell me, Kenneth. 316 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,439 What did you major in at that college? 317 00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,234 - Television studies with a minor in Bible sexuality. 318 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,987 - So not psychiatry. Thank you. 319 00:12:59,279 --> 00:12:59,988 But if you really want to help me, 320 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,783 stick your hand in there and see if you get a shock. 321 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:07,954 - Aah! My hand! 322 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:11,374 - Damn it, it's supposed to do that. 323 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,422 - Everyone enjoying the ice cream? 324 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,257 - Yes! - Yeah! 325 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,776 - I don't even care that we've taken 326 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,636 a 73-minute break to eat it. 327 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,013 Oh! 328 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,056 Hey, somebody brought a dog to work. 329 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,409 Oh, and it definitely doesn't have 330 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,227 any of its own waste on its feet... oh! 331 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,856 - Hey, why is Tony sulking? 332 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,188 - I couldn't go to the bar 333 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,484 and now I can't have any ice cream. 334 00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:39,896 - I totally forgot, Broseph. 335 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,171 You're a lactose-intolerant alcoholic. 336 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,364 - I tried to forget too, but Liz made me remember 337 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,656 in front of everybody. 338 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,368 - Poor Tony. - Not cool, Liz. 339 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,911 - How not cool is this? 340 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:52,081 I remembered how special Tony is, 341 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:56,794 and that's why I got him this watch. 342 00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,089 - Hey, you think of everything. 343 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,967 - Lizard, lizard, lizard! 344 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,260 - Lizard, lizard! 345 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,472 All: Lizard! Lizard! Lizard! 346 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,515 Lizard! Lizard! 347 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,392 Lizard! Lizard! 348 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,353 Lizard! Lizard! 349 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:16,606 Pete, can I tell you a secret? 350 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:17,273 - Of course. 351 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,484 I told you about my blankie. 352 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,986 I'm lonely. 353 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:25,615 Would you like to come to my office 354 00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,867 tomorrow evening and hang out? 355 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,452 Bring your guitar 356 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,163 and some beer in cans 357 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,332 and we will jam. 358 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:35,792 - Okay! Yeah, great. 359 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,561 And with the Kabletown stuff, maybe we could 360 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,837 talk about some new opportunities for me? 361 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,589 Yes, I will make 362 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:42,881 your dreams come true. 363 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:47,053 Make sure you wear one of those Mexican ponchos. 364 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,513 - Okay. 365 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,474 - Yes, nice. 366 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,226 - Yeah! 367 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:57,313 - All right, Kenneth. Simulate a rainstorm. 368 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,028 - Sir, I was wrong about the hypothermia. 369 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,738 I don't even feel cold anymore. 370 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,698 I don't feel anything. 371 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,158 - Quiet. Look. 372 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,202 The display is malfunctioning. 373 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,638 Defrost. Power. 374 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,330 Time. Left. Pizza. - Oh, really? 375 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,749 That's how much time is left? Pizza? 376 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,501 - Mr. Donaghy, I don't know 377 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:19,895 what point you think you're proving. 378 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:23,005 Who would microwave something in a freezing rainstorm? 379 00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:24,465 - Why don't you ask Choctee, 380 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,385 an inuit who wants a hot bowl of naglak... 381 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,221 A man and food I just made up to illustrate a point? 382 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,598 - Sir, you have to let go. 383 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,530 At least that's what my Nana is telling me 384 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,812 from that tunnel of light behind you. 385 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,544 - Kenneth, I've told you this before. 386 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,357 Your Nana is an idiot. 387 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,651 - Liz, we're pranking Pete, and it's going too far. 388 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:46,821 Please stop us. 389 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,273 - Why would I? I love pranks. 390 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,242 I'm not the R.A. 391 00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,910 No. 392 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,664 Ooh, but someone has to be that person. 393 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:02,753 Hey. Everyone stop. Listen to Lutz. 394 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,470 - Hello, gentlemen. Remember me? 395 00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:11,304 - Yes, I had the Greek salad. 396 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:12,916 - You know I'm not a delivery man. 397 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:17,185 I'm wearing a suit and carrying a microwave. 398 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,565 A so-called perfect microwave. 399 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,153 Start time. 1985. 400 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,864 - 1985. That's not a time. 401 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,991 I guess it could be a year. 402 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,844 The year I started working here, actually. 403 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,119 That's interesting. 404 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,579 1985. 405 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,581 - Yes, 1985. Thank you. 406 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,833 And since 1985 I have never allowed 407 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,002 a sub-par product... 408 00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,504 Stop. 409 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:46,631 - The point is, my legacy here is... 410 00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,090 Over. 411 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,176 Done. Over. 412 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,468 End. 413 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,138 Stop. 414 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,059 - That's my voice. 415 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,269 - You all sound the same to us, jock dungaree. 416 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,313 - That was me... 417 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,982 30 years ago. 418 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,360 A young man who dreamed of running this company, 419 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,821 who made a lot of sacrifices in pursuit of that dream. 420 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,616 - Goodbye. Potato. Goodbye. 421 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:17,828 - But he's right. It's over. 422 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,915 Congratulations on making 423 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:24,752 the finest microwave I've ever seen. 424 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:31,968 - Who ordered the Greek salad? 425 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:36,556 - Are we racist, or do those guys look a lot alike? 426 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:44,355 - You ready for this, j-dog? 427 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,357 Jam out, drink some brews? 428 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:50,361 Talk about everything and nothing. 429 00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:54,031 - After today, that is exactly what I am ready for. 430 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,323 Beer me. 431 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,708 Sitting around drinking beer 432 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,002 while a guy in a poncho plays guitar. 433 00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,754 This is what I always pictured college being like. 434 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,047 - I wouldn't really know. 435 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,775 I only had about two weeks of real college 436 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:15,553 before Paula got pregnant... Twice. 437 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,805 She had overlapping pregnancies five months apart. 438 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,517 Hey, Pete, do you know aqualung? 439 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:24,895 - ♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba ♪ 440 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,189 - ♪ sitting on a park bench ♪ 441 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,858 ♪ neer neer neer ♪ 442 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:33,195 ♪ I don't know the words except park bench ♪ 443 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,950 - Jimmy slice. K-bone. 444 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,828 Mikey-Mike. 445 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,788 - Do not even use my awesome nickname. 446 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,080 - What? Why? 447 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:45,248 Crisco? 448 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,877 - Did you give Tony your grandfather's watch? 449 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,754 - No. You can't prove that. 450 00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,256 - Hmm. Ah. 451 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:55,468 Not stolen property of Adolf Lemon? 452 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,554 Why would you do that? To get us to like you? 453 00:18:58,846 --> 00:18:59,430 Are you that desperate? 454 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:00,931 - No, I'm not desperate. 455 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,392 I'm... 456 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,287 Just tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it! 457 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,271 - Liz, it's over. 458 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,982 They know what you really are. 459 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,237 - Fine, you found me out. I'm not a cool kid. 460 00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:18,282 - You suck! 461 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,409 - You know who I am? 462 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,328 I'm the R.A. 463 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,748 And do you know what the R.A.'s purview is? 464 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,416 Rules. And guess what? 465 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,627 According to the NBC employee handbook, 466 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,421 your little card game lottery constitutes gambling. 467 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,256 So you're not doing it anymore. 468 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:35,548 - What? - Come on. 469 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:36,758 - Boo! 470 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:37,426 - Also, the next time I see someone 471 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,763 throwing a football in here, there will be fines. 472 00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,391 And if I see that filthy dog again, 473 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,351 I will put it down. 474 00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:49,230 - I will put it down with a smile. 475 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,773 Back to work, everyone! 476 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,987 I love you too. 477 00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,324 High-fiving a million angels. 478 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:04,161 - Hey, Pete, how do I know that the colors you see 479 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,330 are the same as the colors that I see? 480 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,457 Maybe what I see as red, 481 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,459 you perceive as green. 482 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,170 - We should be writing this stuff down. 483 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,464 - Oh, I didn't think anybody would be in here. 484 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,550 I mean, I brought you guys a pizza. 485 00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,261 - Lemon, think fast! 486 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,680 - What is going on here? 487 00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,724 - Join us. 488 00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,809 Pete and I are having a little college night. 489 00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:30,312 - Oh, yeah? Want to see me shotgun this? 490 00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,023 - Oh, god, she means the pizza. 491 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:36,068 - No, she's unhinging her jaw! 492 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,406 - Come on, we were just pranking Pete! 493 00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:42,074 How long do we have to do this? 494 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,326 - You wanted college to go on forever? 495 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,036 You got it.