1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:02,669
- Do you know what this means?
2
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:05,047
- No. I need a "previously on."
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,379
- Previously on 30 rock...
4
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:07,872
- It all comes down to Florida.
5
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:09,468
And they will do whatever I say.
6
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,405
- Jenna and her 2
million Twitter followers
7
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,348
might decide the election.
8
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:15,658
And if we figured this out,
9
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,768
that means Jack figured
it out 10 minutes ago.
10
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,354
- Go! Now! Before
I lose interest!
11
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,965
- Going somewhere, Lemon?
- Nothing!
12
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,818
Damn it!
13
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:29,862
- Liz, there you are.
14
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,311
I need you to marry me so I
don't get sent back to Canada.
15
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:35,202
- Really? Now you have a thing?
16
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:38,205
♪ ♪
17
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:39,599
- Don't know why
I was so worried
18
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,000
about bringing my
marble collection to work.
19
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,835
Butterfingers!
20
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:52,127
♪ ♪
21
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,641
Why do we have that?
22
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,828
Both: Jenna, we have to talk.
- Me first,
23
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,705
because I'm your best friend
and this is very important.
24
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,969
- You know what? Talk to Lemon.
25
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:06,346
I'll find someone else for
my thing you're not right for.
26
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,877
- What thing? I was born for it.
27
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:08,901
Am I not blonde enough?
28
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,129
Because I'll put my
head in a microwave.
29
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,363
- Jenna, stop. It's a trick.
30
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:14,032
He just needs you,
because you're gonna decide
31
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,784
the presidential election.
32
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,912
It's all about northern Florida,
and they love you down there.
33
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,204
- Tell me about it.
34
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:22,124
Jacksonville's naming
their new airport...
35
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,709
Sized strip club after me.
36
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,210
No bottoms.
37
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,255
- Just one tweet from you to
your fans, and Romney wins.
38
00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:28,964
It'll be historic.
39
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,633
The first really,
really rich president.
40
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,259
- No, don't listen to him.
41
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:35,596
What america needs
is four more years
42
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,764
of the stuff Obama's been doing.
43
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,517
Like, um...
44
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,518
Uh, the one with the guy.
45
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,370
It was at night, and I feel like
he was standing next to a fence.
46
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,315
- This country
needs mitt Romney.
47
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,400
- Like it needs a
hole in the head.
48
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,612
- A head has five holes,
and they are all needed.
49
00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,589
- Okay, you two can talk
about america all you want,
50
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,739
but I'm not gonna listen,
51
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:55,907
because there's no
"I" or "me" in america.
52
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,409
- There's both.
53
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,095
- I mean, if I'm
gonna get political,
54
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,805
it's gonna be to build a better
country for Jenna Maroney.
55
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,789
- Jenna, this is
a really big deal.
56
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:03,749
- I agree.
57
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,059
It's an opportunity to finally
58
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,794
put a pro-Jenna president
in the white house.
59
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,631
Someone who
respects the human fetus
60
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:13,967
and recognizes its
value as a hair volumizer.
61
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,179
You have 24 hours, then
we'll all meet back here,
62
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:17,763
and you present your cases.
63
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,348
Maybe I'll ask questions.
64
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,350
Maybe you two can
take turns arguing.
65
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:22,642
- Like debate?
66
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,895
- Like DeBarge? I love DeBarge!
67
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,187
- No, Jenna, I said...
68
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,397
- I love DeBarge too, Jenna.
69
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:32,069
- Point Jack. Looks like you
have some work to do, Liz.
70
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:43,822
♪ ♪
71
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,759
- Mr. Jordan, it's here.
72
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,344
It's finally here!
- What is?
73
00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,097
- My absentee ballot
from stone mountain.
74
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:01,866
Until this year, I
wasn't allowed to vote
75
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,892
because reverend Gary
said choosing is a sin,
76
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,561
but then reverend Todd
said, "reverend Gary is dead."
77
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,606
"Long live reverend
Todd," so here we are!
78
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:10,898
- Good for you, k-rock.
79
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,651
Voting is a great
American tradition
80
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,737
like laziness, or, uh...
81
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,864
Eh...
- I'm so excited!
82
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,075
I mean, the Parcells
have been in this country
83
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,786
since we went berserk and
murdered everybody at roanoke,
84
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:26,832
but I never felt like a
true American until today.
85
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,684
Like how you must've
felt four years ago
86
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,753
when you finally got to vote for
a president who looks like you.
87
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,380
- Black Shrek ran for president?
88
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,173
- No, sir. Obama.
89
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,092
- I forgot about that half-nerd.
90
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,695
Probably because
I get all my news
91
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,556
from social media, and I've
been banned from all social media.
92
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:43,848
- You have? Why?
93
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,201
- Someone has to
be the first person
94
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,269
to make a joke
after a celebrity dies.
95
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,397
I guess I was a little "too
soon" with Andy Griffith.
96
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,150
- What did you say?
97
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:57,779
I can't UN-hear it.
I can't UN-hear it!
98
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,948
- Happy election
Eve! Obama 2012.
99
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,640
The first
African-American president
100
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:05,412
ever to be up for
reelection. Whoo! Historical.
101
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:06,889
- Dude, that's not
happening this year.
102
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,790
No one's that excited.
- Then get excited.
103
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,362
Remember how fun it was in 2008?
104
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,502
Come on, we'll have a
party, watch the returns,
105
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,713
maybe invite the
security guards.
106
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,674
- Oh, my god. Is
this about Maria?
107
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,970
- Barack Obama is elected
to be the next president
108
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,932
of the United States of america.
109
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,143
- America!
110
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,812
- That whole night was
a one-time thing, Pete.
111
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,190
No one's gonna get that
psyched a second time.
112
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,882
- Why not? It's like when you
do karaoke and everyone's like,
113
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,819
"that was a really good
American pie, Pete.
114
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,112
You knew all the words,"
115
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,524
and then you put it on again
116
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,908
and everyone leaves
because no one can top it.
117
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,534
That's what this
is gonna be like.
118
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,203
Four more years!
119
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,038
Four more years!
That's the spirit!
120
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,123
Four more years!
121
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,415
- Okay, Jack.
122
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,603
I was hoping that we could
get through this "campaign"
123
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,795
without going negative.
124
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:55,670
- I agree.
125
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,547
You're the one
using negative words
126
00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,039
like "without" and "negative."
127
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,300
- Uh-huh.
128
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,653
So, what was that attack ad
that I saw on the TGS feed?
129
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:05,180
- Liz Lemon says she's
Jenna Maroney's friend,
130
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,723
but let's look at the facts.
131
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:11,561
In 2011, Liz said...
132
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,314
The same polyps
Jenna had prayed for.
133
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:19,152
And what does Liz say when
she's behind closed doors?
134
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:24,532
Really, Liz?
135
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:27,785
Liz Lemon...
136
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,169
- Research indicates
that that ad is polling
137
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:39,005
quite well with both manic
and depressive Jenna.
138
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,650
- You know Jenna's
a liberal, Jack.
139
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,842
She's a slut monster,
140
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,552
and one of gay
america's top hags.
141
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:44,553
But this is what you do.
142
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,614
You trick people into voting
against their own interests,
143
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,557
and then you sell them
out at the drop of a hat.
144
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,726
- First of all, I have never
dropped a hat in my life.
145
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,738
And don't be so sure
about Jenna's politics.
146
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,523
She's aging, mean, and rich.
That sounds republican to me.
147
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,276
- Jenna is overly
sensitive, prone to hysteria,
148
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,111
and having been
shot and left for dead
149
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:04,030
in three different
deserts, pro gun control.
150
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,322
She is one of us.
151
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,116
- Unbelievable.
152
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,118
Seven years I've
been mentoring you,
153
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,370
and I haven't been able
to move you an inch.
154
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:11,788
Good god, Lemon.
155
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,200
Enough with the histrionics.
156
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,125
- Herstrionics.
157
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,061
- Since you've known me,
I've been right about no less
158
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,087
than everything
always, yet you persist
159
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,048
in this impotent
emotional weltanschauung.
160
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,508
And it's not just politics.
161
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,969
For instance, I bet you
bought those hideous shoes
162
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:27,929
for some emotional reason.
163
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,390
- For every pair you buy,
they give a pair to a child
164
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:34,102
that was forced to work in the
factory that makes these shoes.
165
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,714
It's not great, but
you know what?
166
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,690
I'm the one who's in a
stable relationship, Jack.
167
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,108
I like my job,
168
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,711
and I am one punch
away from getting
169
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,404
a free deviled egg at that
cool new deviled egg place.
170
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,656
So maybe you should
let me rub off on you.
171
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:47,282
- You wish, you pervert.
172
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,326
- Let me leave
you with this, Jack.
173
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:50,994
You may have your dirty tricks,
174
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:53,286
but don't ever underestimate
me when it comes to...
175
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:56,750
It's my gynecologist.
176
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,877
Doctor, thank you
for calling me back.
177
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:03,882
Did anyone leave a bag of
Burger King in your office?
178
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,264
Local ballot initiatives.
179
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,556
Proposition one
180
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,893
empowers the mayor of
stone mountain to perform
181
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:18,563
necessary repairs on the
town's historic clock tower.
182
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,982
Oh, that old clock tower.
183
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,109
Nobody knows what
it's counting down to.
184
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,903
Well, I want to vote yes,
185
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,906
but how do I know that's
the right thing to do?
186
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,325
- Well, what do the
pro/con statements say?
187
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:34,371
- Okay, writing in favor
is mayor Debbie herself.
188
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,349
- Hey! I'm gonna take
the clock apart myself
189
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,413
then put it back together.
190
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,582
I wanna see how it works.
191
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,086
My friend Jojo did it with
a toaster, and it's still good.
192
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,462
Lemme do it!
193
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,714
- She makes some good points.
194
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,049
But the con is written
195
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,677
by the hermit what
lives in the clock tower.
196
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,029
- Ain't nobody touch my clock.
197
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,222
It's my wife, and it's
where I do my sniperin'.
198
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,015
- Now I don't
know what to think.
199
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,767
- Voting is a big
responsibility.
200
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,269
To this day, I have
to live with the fact
201
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,146
that I cast the deciding vote
202
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,690
That made white
203
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,292
the newest flavor
of mountain dew.
204
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:07,362
But I guess that's just
life in a democracy.
205
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,577
- Hola. Mi amo dora.
206
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:15,912
Hey, Maria.
207
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,872
Hey, it's election day.
- Mm-hmm.
208
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,042
- Huge party upstairs
tonight. Just like 2008.
209
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,294
I'll see you there?
- Oh, I wish.
210
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,629
My shift ends at 6:00 now.
211
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,298
- So, you'll be gone before
they declare a winner?
212
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,259
- Unless they call it early.
213
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,802
- Yes!
214
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,094
Anything can happen.
215
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,847
Hope and change.
216
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,141
- I think the slogan
this year is "forward."
217
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,226
Oh, yeah!
218
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,277
- Welcome to the
first and only debate
219
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:51,448
of the Jenna-ral election.
220
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,535
Insincere.
221
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:58,204
Today, we choose
the future for a nation
222
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,124
and for a woman people
magazine once called,
223
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,460
"an unnamed friend
of the deceased."
224
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:07,047
Today, finally, it is
truly all about me.
225
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,174
Liz, we'll start with
your opening statement.
226
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,342
When your time is up,
you'll hear this sound.
227
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:15,513
♪ Oh, say, can you see... ♪
228
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,893
♪ And the home of the ♪
229
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,270
♪ brave ♪
230
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,315
- Jenna, this election
is about emotion.
231
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,667
It's about which
candidate cares the most
232
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,319
cares the most about the issues
233
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,529
that truly matter
to Jenna Maroney.
234
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,032
For example, your
reproductive rights.
235
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,077
Do you want a bunch of
old men behind closed doors
236
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:40,288
deciding what you can and
cannot do with your body?
237
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,420
- Ooh. And how do they
tell me their decisions?
238
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,709
Do I get shocked whenever
I do the wrong thing?
239
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,377
- What? No, Jenna, not that.
240
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,254
God.
241
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,565
Earlier today, I met a family.
242
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,342
The Alfreds from
Lake City, Florida.
243
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,511
Sorry. Lake City.
244
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:58,014
The Alfreds are huge
Jenna Maroney fans
245
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:01,059
because Jenna Maroney
is so, so talented.
246
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,606
Please hold your
applause until the end.
247
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:07,440
- But under mitt Romney,
248
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,532
the arts program at
Traci lords middle school,
249
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,861
where little Shauna
is a seventh grader,
250
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,488
would be gutted.
251
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,156
Without music
appreciation class,
252
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,368
how would Shauna know
how much she appreciates you?
253
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,372
- A world without arts
programs sounds terrible.
254
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,542
Where would young
blonde girls like Shauna
255
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:26,459
learn to act and sing?
256
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:30,296
Why, if arts funding was
cut, within a short time,
257
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:34,092
our schools would be
producing no new actresses.
258
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:37,428
And Jenna Maroney
would get every part.
259
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:42,058
That's my america. That's
mitt Romney's america.
260
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,689
- My next question refers
to an issue that I know
261
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,400
deeply affects the vast
majority of Jenna Maroney.
262
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,485
Which political party is cooler?
263
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,195
- That's no contest, Jenna.
264
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,282
The president listens
to hip-hop rappings.
265
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,950
We have the coolest celebrities.
266
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:02,203
Scarlett Johansson,
Blake lively, Jessica biel.
267
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,204
- Wow.
268
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,498
Those are all very
beautiful women.
269
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,876
Do you really want to be
photographed next to them?
270
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,288
Let me tell you who we have.
271
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:13,089
Craig T. Nelson, Chuck Norris,
and charlton heston's skull.
272
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,885
You'd be the only
cool republican.
273
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,577
- Jenna, you need
to trust me, here.
274
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,180
Have I ever steered you wrong?
275
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,911
I stopped you when
you wanted to join
276
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,766
that white tiger magic show.
277
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,378
I stopped you when you tried
to drive us into lake Michigan
278
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,104
because Scottie
pippin got married.
279
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,064
Listen to me, Jenna.
280
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,858
And listen to your heart.
281
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,550
- Miss Lemon, I
know Scottie pippin.
282
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,029
I own a Fuddruckers
with Scottie pippin.
283
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,824
And you, sir, look
like Scottie pippin.
284
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,410
- Mr. Donaghy, your
closing statements.
285
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,871
- When our founding
fathers first set out
286
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,874
time and time again,
our nation horizon.
287
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:51,252
Prosperity, dreams, freedom.
288
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:55,798
But the spirit,
journey, destiny.
289
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,676
Mitt Romney
values, Jenna values.
290
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,428
I've met people.
291
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:05,225
For this generation,
and generations to come,
292
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:06,516
thank you, america.
293
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,648
- Good god, those are
load-bearing balloons!
294
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,275
Everyone run for your lives!
295
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:16,778
- Mr. Jordan, I need your help.
296
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,070
- What's wrong, Ken?
297
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,398
- I haven't been able to make
298
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,950
a single decision on
this absentee ballot.
299
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,202
Should we take
apart the clock tower?
300
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,374
Should we let old man
merkel marry his daughter?
301
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,290
Or make him Bury her like
the rest of the dead folks?
302
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,043
I'll never know enough to
make an informed decision.
303
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,461
- Informed decision?
304
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,965
Do you think this country was
founded on informed decisions?
305
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,299
- Well, of course.
306
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,426
- Columbus thought
he was in India!
307
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,804
And did he worry
about being wrong? No.
308
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,323
He just called
everybody Indians.
309
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:48,601
And we still do it
today. Why? 'Cause.
310
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,103
You want to be an American?
311
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:51,479
You fill out that ballot
312
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,371
because you don't
know what you're doing.
313
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:54,583
Just like when we
named this country after
314
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,068
the fourth or fifth
guy who discovered it.
315
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,404
Amerigo Vespucci. Who cares?
316
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:03,157
America. That's my boy.
317
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,034
- How do you
sleep at night, Jack?
318
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,079
- I don't. I take thousands
of micro naps during the day.
319
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:09,872
- Well, you know what?
320
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:11,499
No, Lemon, what?
321
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,627
- I'm glad you never
succeeded in turning me into you.
322
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,380
Because I would rather
lose with my head held high...
323
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,817
Partly because when I
have it down it looks like this...
324
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,010
Than win the wrong way.
325
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,302
- Lemon, I don't enjoy
326
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,638
manipulating Jenna
for my own ends.
327
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,850
To be perfectly honest,
I don't like mitt Romney.
328
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,183
The man doesn't drink.
329
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:32,687
How does he let a moment land?
330
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,897
But I'm not going to
allow those feelings
331
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,691
get in the way of
doing what is right.
332
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,068
- Think of the children, Jack.
333
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,838
What if Jenna had
picked the president
334
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,238
when you were a little boy?
335
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,990
Where would that kid be today?
336
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,368
Maybe we should ask him.
337
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,996
Boston. 1968.
338
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,664
Later, ma!
339
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:55,543
I'm goin' down the
park to play ball!
340
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,211
I sure love america.
341
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,380
Almost as much
as I love chowder!
342
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,090
- I'm sorry, are
you trying to make
343
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,782
one of your emotional
appeals to me?
344
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,970
- Oh, my god, it's future me!
345
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,056
- Lemon, this kind of
sentimental nonsense
346
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,557
didn't work with Jenna.
347
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,267
It certainly won't
work with the man
348
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,227
who didn't cry at
field of dreams,
349
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,187
not even when the bank
350
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,199
failed to recoup its
investment in the farm.
351
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:20,109
- Fine. Enjoy your president.
I'm moving to France.
352
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:25,239
Except I can't get a decent
iced tea there. Forget it.
353
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,355
- Everyone has to
vote immediately
354
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,455
this election has
to be over by 6:00!
355
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,457
- Thanks for coming by.
- Okay.
356
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:35,749
- Williams!
357
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,998
Williams, I need you to
call it for Obama right now.
358
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:39,796
- Remember that
time you got a haircut,
359
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:40,630
and I was the
first person to say,
360
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,174
"someone got a
haircut"? You owe me!
361
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,051
- Pete, you know
we don't do that.
362
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,095
Is this about Maria?
363
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,097
It's not gonna happen this year.
364
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:53,643
Look, get a hobby. Like
me and my gymnastics.
365
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,067
- He's wrong. It's gonna
be 2008 all over again.
366
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,860
Remember? Hope, change,
367
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,192
a Facebook that wasn't
crawling with old, bald guys?
368
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:05,988
- Shut up, Pete.
369
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,866
There's no hope. Not
for you or for this country.
370
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,761
If Joni Mitchell were
here, she'd be like,
371
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,204
♪ the big man won't
give peace a chance ♪
372
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,416
♪ the cobblestones,
cobblestones ♪
373
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,644
- Seriously, dude, let it
go. It was just one kiss.
374
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,668
- Yeah.
375
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,920
If you need a kiss so bad,
376
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,092
why don't you kiss a
potato like the rest of us?
377
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,216
- The kiss wasn't just a kiss!
378
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:28,136
Don't you people get
it? The kiss was Obama.
379
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,263
It was proof that
things could change.
380
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,315
That night in 2008,
everything felt possible,
381
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,058
like my whole life
was ahead of me.
382
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,550
I was gonna drive a sports car
383
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,208
and say cool stuff
like, "wiki-what?"
384
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,637
And none of that has happened!
385
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,481
Nothing has changed!
386
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,567
For Pete or america!
387
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,694
And if we can't get
that feeling back tonight,
388
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:49,157
for Pete's sake, when are
we ever gonna get it back?
389
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,076
For Pete's sake.
390
00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,748
♪ ♪
391
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,043
Jenna, it's 4:30 in Florida.
392
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,254
Your fans should be
waking up on a beach
393
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:04,046
or getting fired from their
394
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,299
telemarketing jobs
right about now.
395
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:07,592
Send the tweet.
396
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:08,884
- One sec.
397
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:12,305
I got caught up in this Twitter
war with this stupid spam bot.
398
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:15,099
"Screw you, donna1dsdeluge.
399
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,768
I don't need Viagra,
you need Viagra!"
400
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,563
Sorry. Now, who am I
telling these turds to vote for?
401
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,064
Mike Romney?
402
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:26,110
- Mitt. It stands for motorized
intelligent technodrone termin...
403
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,404
It's a human's name.
404
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,198
- Excuse me.
405
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,770
Does miss Maroney have a minute?
406
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,242
Just to sign some autographs?
407
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,495
- Look, you don't really
want Jenna's autograph.
408
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,580
She's not a great role model.
409
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,232
- Where is the
flash on this thing?
410
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,735
I want to send
Esteluge a picture,
411
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,878
but it's too dark
inside my pants.
412
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,570
- No, my role model
is Sara Blakely,
413
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,423
the billionaire
founder of Spanx.
414
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:48,715
She's a genius.
415
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,551
It's just kid's bike
shorts for fatties.
416
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,720
I'm gonna sell these on eBay.
417
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,599
- Well, it's always nice to
meet a young entrepreneur.
418
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:57,971
You know, when I was a boy,
419
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,978
I used to go to Fenway
and sell my urine.
420
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,356
For fans to throw
with Mickey mantle.
421
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:04,774
You'll be happy to know
422
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,066
that things are looking
up for capitalists like us.
423
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,904
Between you and me,
mitt Romney's going to win.
424
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,532
- But people haven't voted yet.
425
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,201
Shauna, this will be
a good lesson for you.
426
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,620
Voters don't really
pick the president.
427
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,330
That's up to important people
428
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,457
like corporations
and celebrities.
429
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,835
This year, Jenna Maroney
is picking the president.
430
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,712
- Ah, got it.
431
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,004
- She is?
432
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,716
- Today, Jenna is the most
important person in america.
433
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,469
- Wow. Maybe she
should be my role model.
434
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,097
- What? No. No.
No, no, no, no, no.
435
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,824
- I'm just saying, if I stop
saving for business school
436
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,308
and started saving for implants,
437
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,852
I could be just like her.
438
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,397
Thanks, sir.
439
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,440
- Okay, Jack.
440
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,252
Now, what should I
tweet about Ron mee?
441
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,445
Wait, he's not Asian, is he?
442
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,573
- Hey.
443
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,783
- I wasn't watching
cute little kitten videos,
444
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,155
I was watching pornography.
445
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,245
Who put these sleepy
kitten videos on here?
446
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,217
- Tracy, are you still
banned from Twitter?
447
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,874
- For life. So you know,
a couple more months.
448
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,311
- You must have a lot of bad
jokes about deceased celebrities
449
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:07,962
just filling up your brain.
450
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:11,048
- Yes, and they're pushing
out important information.
451
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,092
I don't know where I live, lady.
452
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:14,051
- If I got you back on Twitter,
453
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,862
how quickly could you
get kicked off again?
454
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:16,886
- 10, 15 minutes.
455
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,056
Less if I count
genocide as celebrities.
456
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,393
- Okay, well, you're getting
back on on Jenna's account.
457
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,765
- No, I can't do that to my
dear friend and co-worker
458
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,022
Jenna Jameson.
459
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,394
- No, Tracy, Jenna Maroney.
460
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,025
- Cool.
- Okay.
461
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,197
All I have to do is figure
out Jenna's password.
462
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,446
How 'bout "me69"?
463
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:36,699
Yep.
464
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,242
Oh, Tracy, no.
465
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:39,974
- No, I can say
that word. I'm black.
466
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:43,331
- But dick Clark wasn't.
467
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:47,808
- Hey! You're not
really leaving, are ya?
468
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,080
I know it's the second time,
469
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,088
but it's our last
shot at feeling...
470
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,380
This.
471
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:55,051
Then what? Someday maybe
we elect a wheelchair guy?
472
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,720
Okay, great, but not fun.
473
00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,597
- Look, Pete, this isn't 2008.
474
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:03,809
I don't know, maybe if more
stuff really had changed.
475
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,102
- Hey, sugar lips.
476
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,898
Let's make like a
black magazine and jet.
477
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,403
What's up, guy?
478
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:15,363
Thanks for keeping my lady warm
479
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,657
while I turn on my
hot tub with my phone.
480
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:18,574
Come on, baby.
481
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,243
My 2012 corvette's
parked outside.
482
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:25,081
'Cause I always
find a parking spot.
483
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,124
- You're him.
- That's right, pops.
484
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,584
I'm Peter horn.
485
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:29,876
All day...
486
00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:32,463
And all night.
487
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,349
- Well, well,
488
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,476
well, well, well, well, well,
489
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,248
well... Nope, that's
too many "Wells."
490
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:48,479
I'm gonna reenter.
491
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:49,811
- Just spit it out, Lemon.
492
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,416
- I stole a page from
your playbook, Jack.
493
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,110
I used Tracy, I
committed cyber crime,
494
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,905
I got Jenna kicked off Twitter
before she could endorse Romney.
495
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,324
Deviousness? I guess
two can play at that game.
496
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,535
Just like most games.
497
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:03,828
And now you're smiling
498
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:04,453
because you're
gonna try to tell me
499
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,065
that this was
your plan all along.
500
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,568
"Oh, I turned you
into me, Lemon.
501
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,375
It was my plan all along."
502
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,269
- No, I'm smiling because
I ended up telling Jenna
503
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,461
not to do anything at all.
504
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,547
I didn't want her
choosing our president.
505
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:18,008
No one should grow up in
Jenna Maroney's america.
506
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,009
- 'Cause of the children?
507
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:22,012
Did my one-woman show
actually change your mind?
508
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,024
Should I workshop it
at the fringe festival?
509
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,725
- Sure.
- Typical Donaghy.
510
00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:30,438
You sentimental, self-righteous,
badger-faced shrew.
511
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,730
- Typical Lemon.
512
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:35,317
You cynical, manipulative,
cold-blooded Adonis.
513
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,904
- So maybe we rubbed
off on each other after all.
514
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:41,657
- Mm...
515
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,243
- Oh, yours dripped on
me and now I'm drunk.
516
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:47,788
- Good lord in heaven.
517
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:55,129
- The Georgia polls
close in two minutes.
518
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,184
Mr. Hornberger,
519
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,476
I just voted!
520
00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:11,087
Doesn't it just fill
you with hope?
521
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,814
Like anything can happen?
522
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,901
All day, all night, baby.
523
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,528
- Mmm! Hmm?