1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:02,669 - Do you know what this means? 2 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:05,047 - No. I need a "previously on." 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,379 - Previously on 30 rock... 4 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:07,872 - It all comes down to Florida. 5 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:09,468 And they will do whatever I say. 6 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,405 - Jenna and her 2 million Twitter followers 7 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,348 might decide the election. 8 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:15,658 And if we figured this out, 9 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,768 that means Jack figured it out 10 minutes ago. 10 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,354 - Go! Now! Before I lose interest! 11 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,965 - Going somewhere, Lemon? - Nothing! 12 00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,818 Damn it! 13 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:29,862 - Liz, there you are. 14 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,311 I need you to marry me so I don't get sent back to Canada. 15 00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:35,202 - Really? Now you have a thing? 16 00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:38,205 ♪ ♪ 17 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:39,599 - Don't know why I was so worried 18 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,000 about bringing my marble collection to work. 19 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,835 Butterfingers! 20 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:52,127 ♪ ♪ 21 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,641 Why do we have that? 22 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,828 Both: Jenna, we have to talk. - Me first, 23 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,705 because I'm your best friend and this is very important. 24 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,969 - You know what? Talk to Lemon. 25 00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:06,346 I'll find someone else for my thing you're not right for. 26 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,877 - What thing? I was born for it. 27 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:08,901 Am I not blonde enough? 28 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,129 Because I'll put my head in a microwave. 29 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,363 - Jenna, stop. It's a trick. 30 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:14,032 He just needs you, because you're gonna decide 31 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,784 the presidential election. 32 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,912 It's all about northern Florida, and they love you down there. 33 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,204 - Tell me about it. 34 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:22,124 Jacksonville's naming their new airport... 35 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,709 Sized strip club after me. 36 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,210 No bottoms. 37 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,255 - Just one tweet from you to your fans, and Romney wins. 38 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:28,964 It'll be historic. 39 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,633 The first really, really rich president. 40 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,259 - No, don't listen to him. 41 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:35,596 What america needs is four more years 42 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,764 of the stuff Obama's been doing. 43 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,517 Like, um... 44 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,518 Uh, the one with the guy. 45 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,370 It was at night, and I feel like he was standing next to a fence. 46 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,315 - This country needs mitt Romney. 47 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,400 - Like it needs a hole in the head. 48 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,612 - A head has five holes, and they are all needed. 49 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,589 - Okay, you two can talk about america all you want, 50 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,739 but I'm not gonna listen, 51 00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:55,907 because there's no "I" or "me" in america. 52 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,409 - There's both. 53 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,095 - I mean, if I'm gonna get political, 54 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,805 it's gonna be to build a better country for Jenna Maroney. 55 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,789 - Jenna, this is a really big deal. 56 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:03,749 - I agree. 57 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,059 It's an opportunity to finally 58 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,794 put a pro-Jenna president in the white house. 59 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,631 Someone who respects the human fetus 60 00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:13,967 and recognizes its value as a hair volumizer. 61 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,179 You have 24 hours, then we'll all meet back here, 62 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:17,763 and you present your cases. 63 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,348 Maybe I'll ask questions. 64 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,350 Maybe you two can take turns arguing. 65 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:22,642 - Like debate? 66 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,895 - Like DeBarge? I love DeBarge! 67 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,187 - No, Jenna, I said... 68 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,397 - I love DeBarge too, Jenna. 69 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:32,069 - Point Jack. Looks like you have some work to do, Liz. 70 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:43,822 ♪ ♪ 71 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,759 - Mr. Jordan, it's here. 72 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,344 It's finally here! - What is? 73 00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,097 - My absentee ballot from stone mountain. 74 00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:01,866 Until this year, I wasn't allowed to vote 75 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,892 because reverend Gary said choosing is a sin, 76 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,561 but then reverend Todd said, "reverend Gary is dead." 77 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,606 "Long live reverend Todd," so here we are! 78 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:10,898 - Good for you, k-rock. 79 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,651 Voting is a great American tradition 80 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,737 like laziness, or, uh... 81 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,864 Eh... - I'm so excited! 82 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,075 I mean, the Parcells have been in this country 83 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,786 since we went berserk and murdered everybody at roanoke, 84 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:26,832 but I never felt like a true American until today. 85 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,684 Like how you must've felt four years ago 86 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,753 when you finally got to vote for a president who looks like you. 87 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,380 - Black Shrek ran for president? 88 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,173 - No, sir. Obama. 89 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,092 - I forgot about that half-nerd. 90 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,695 Probably because I get all my news 91 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,556 from social media, and I've been banned from all social media. 92 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:43,848 - You have? Why? 93 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,201 - Someone has to be the first person 94 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,269 to make a joke after a celebrity dies. 95 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,397 I guess I was a little "too soon" with Andy Griffith. 96 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,150 - What did you say? 97 00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:57,779 I can't UN-hear it. I can't UN-hear it! 98 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,948 - Happy election Eve! Obama 2012. 99 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,640 The first African-American president 100 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:05,412 ever to be up for reelection. Whoo! Historical. 101 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:06,889 - Dude, that's not happening this year. 102 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,790 No one's that excited. - Then get excited. 103 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,362 Remember how fun it was in 2008? 104 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,502 Come on, we'll have a party, watch the returns, 105 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,713 maybe invite the security guards. 106 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,674 - Oh, my god. Is this about Maria? 107 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,970 - Barack Obama is elected to be the next president 108 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,932 of the United States of america. 109 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,143 - America! 110 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,812 - That whole night was a one-time thing, Pete. 111 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,190 No one's gonna get that psyched a second time. 112 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,882 - Why not? It's like when you do karaoke and everyone's like, 113 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,819 "that was a really good American pie, Pete. 114 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,112 You knew all the words," 115 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,524 and then you put it on again 116 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,908 and everyone leaves because no one can top it. 117 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,534 That's what this is gonna be like. 118 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,203 Four more years! 119 00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,038 Four more years! That's the spirit! 120 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,123 Four more years! 121 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,415 - Okay, Jack. 122 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,603 I was hoping that we could get through this "campaign" 123 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,795 without going negative. 124 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:55,670 - I agree. 125 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,547 You're the one using negative words 126 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,039 like "without" and "negative." 127 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,300 - Uh-huh. 128 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,653 So, what was that attack ad that I saw on the TGS feed? 129 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:05,180 - Liz Lemon says she's Jenna Maroney's friend, 130 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,723 but let's look at the facts. 131 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:11,561 In 2011, Liz said... 132 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,314 The same polyps Jenna had prayed for. 133 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:19,152 And what does Liz say when she's behind closed doors? 134 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:24,532 Really, Liz? 135 00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:27,785 Liz Lemon... 136 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,169 - Research indicates that that ad is polling 137 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:39,005 quite well with both manic and depressive Jenna. 138 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,650 - You know Jenna's a liberal, Jack. 139 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,842 She's a slut monster, 140 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,552 and one of gay america's top hags. 141 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:44,553 But this is what you do. 142 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,614 You trick people into voting against their own interests, 143 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,557 and then you sell them out at the drop of a hat. 144 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,726 - First of all, I have never dropped a hat in my life. 145 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,738 And don't be so sure about Jenna's politics. 146 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,523 She's aging, mean, and rich. That sounds republican to me. 147 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,276 - Jenna is overly sensitive, prone to hysteria, 148 00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,111 and having been shot and left for dead 149 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:04,030 in three different deserts, pro gun control. 150 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,322 She is one of us. 151 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,116 - Unbelievable. 152 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,118 Seven years I've been mentoring you, 153 00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,370 and I haven't been able to move you an inch. 154 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:11,788 Good god, Lemon. 155 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,200 Enough with the histrionics. 156 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,125 - Herstrionics. 157 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,061 - Since you've known me, I've been right about no less 158 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,087 than everything always, yet you persist 159 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,048 in this impotent emotional weltanschauung. 160 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,508 And it's not just politics. 161 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,969 For instance, I bet you bought those hideous shoes 162 00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:27,929 for some emotional reason. 163 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,390 - For every pair you buy, they give a pair to a child 164 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:34,102 that was forced to work in the factory that makes these shoes. 165 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,714 It's not great, but you know what? 166 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,690 I'm the one who's in a stable relationship, Jack. 167 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,108 I like my job, 168 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,711 and I am one punch away from getting 169 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,404 a free deviled egg at that cool new deviled egg place. 170 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,656 So maybe you should let me rub off on you. 171 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:47,282 - You wish, you pervert. 172 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,326 - Let me leave you with this, Jack. 173 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:50,994 You may have your dirty tricks, 174 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:53,286 but don't ever underestimate me when it comes to... 175 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:56,750 It's my gynecologist. 176 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,877 Doctor, thank you for calling me back. 177 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:03,882 Did anyone leave a bag of Burger King in your office? 178 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,264 Local ballot initiatives. 179 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,556 Proposition one 180 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,893 empowers the mayor of stone mountain to perform 181 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:18,563 necessary repairs on the town's historic clock tower. 182 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,982 Oh, that old clock tower. 183 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,109 Nobody knows what it's counting down to. 184 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,903 Well, I want to vote yes, 185 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,906 but how do I know that's the right thing to do? 186 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,325 - Well, what do the pro/con statements say? 187 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:34,371 - Okay, writing in favor is mayor Debbie herself. 188 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,349 - Hey! I'm gonna take the clock apart myself 189 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,413 then put it back together. 190 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,582 I wanna see how it works. 191 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,086 My friend Jojo did it with a toaster, and it's still good. 192 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,462 Lemme do it! 193 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,714 - She makes some good points. 194 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,049 But the con is written 195 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,677 by the hermit what lives in the clock tower. 196 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,029 - Ain't nobody touch my clock. 197 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,222 It's my wife, and it's where I do my sniperin'. 198 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,015 - Now I don't know what to think. 199 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,767 - Voting is a big responsibility. 200 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,269 To this day, I have to live with the fact 201 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,146 that I cast the deciding vote 202 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,690 That made white 203 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,292 the newest flavor of mountain dew. 204 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:07,362 But I guess that's just life in a democracy. 205 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,577 - Hola. Mi amo dora. 206 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:15,912 Hey, Maria. 207 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,872 Hey, it's election day. - Mm-hmm. 208 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,042 - Huge party upstairs tonight. Just like 2008. 209 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,294 I'll see you there? - Oh, I wish. 210 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,629 My shift ends at 6:00 now. 211 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,298 - So, you'll be gone before they declare a winner? 212 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,259 - Unless they call it early. 213 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,802 - Yes! 214 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,094 Anything can happen. 215 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,847 Hope and change. 216 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,141 - I think the slogan this year is "forward." 217 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,226 Oh, yeah! 218 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,277 - Welcome to the first and only debate 219 00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:51,448 of the Jenna-ral election. 220 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,535 Insincere. 221 00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:58,204 Today, we choose the future for a nation 222 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,124 and for a woman people magazine once called, 223 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,460 "an unnamed friend of the deceased." 224 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:07,047 Today, finally, it is truly all about me. 225 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,174 Liz, we'll start with your opening statement. 226 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,342 When your time is up, you'll hear this sound. 227 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:15,513 ♪ Oh, say, can you see... ♪ 228 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,893 ♪ And the home of the ♪ 229 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,270 ♪ brave ♪ 230 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,315 - Jenna, this election is about emotion. 231 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,667 It's about which candidate cares the most 232 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,319 cares the most about the issues 233 00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,529 that truly matter to Jenna Maroney. 234 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,032 For example, your reproductive rights. 235 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,077 Do you want a bunch of old men behind closed doors 236 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:40,288 deciding what you can and cannot do with your body? 237 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,420 - Ooh. And how do they tell me their decisions? 238 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,709 Do I get shocked whenever I do the wrong thing? 239 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,377 - What? No, Jenna, not that. 240 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,254 God. 241 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,565 Earlier today, I met a family. 242 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,342 The Alfreds from Lake City, Florida. 243 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,511 Sorry. Lake City. 244 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:58,014 The Alfreds are huge Jenna Maroney fans 245 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:01,059 because Jenna Maroney is so, so talented. 246 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,606 Please hold your applause until the end. 247 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:07,440 - But under mitt Romney, 248 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,532 the arts program at Traci lords middle school, 249 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,861 where little Shauna is a seventh grader, 250 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,488 would be gutted. 251 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,156 Without music appreciation class, 252 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,368 how would Shauna know how much she appreciates you? 253 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,372 - A world without arts programs sounds terrible. 254 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,542 Where would young blonde girls like Shauna 255 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:26,459 learn to act and sing? 256 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:30,296 Why, if arts funding was cut, within a short time, 257 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:34,092 our schools would be producing no new actresses. 258 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:37,428 And Jenna Maroney would get every part. 259 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:42,058 That's my america. That's mitt Romney's america. 260 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,689 - My next question refers to an issue that I know 261 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,400 deeply affects the vast majority of Jenna Maroney. 262 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,485 Which political party is cooler? 263 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,195 - That's no contest, Jenna. 264 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,282 The president listens to hip-hop rappings. 265 00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,950 We have the coolest celebrities. 266 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:02,203 Scarlett Johansson, Blake lively, Jessica biel. 267 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,204 - Wow. 268 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,498 Those are all very beautiful women. 269 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,876 Do you really want to be photographed next to them? 270 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,288 Let me tell you who we have. 271 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:13,089 Craig T. Nelson, Chuck Norris, and charlton heston's skull. 272 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,885 You'd be the only cool republican. 273 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,577 - Jenna, you need to trust me, here. 274 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,180 Have I ever steered you wrong? 275 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,911 I stopped you when you wanted to join 276 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,766 that white tiger magic show. 277 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,378 I stopped you when you tried to drive us into lake Michigan 278 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,104 because Scottie pippin got married. 279 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,064 Listen to me, Jenna. 280 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,858 And listen to your heart. 281 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,550 - Miss Lemon, I know Scottie pippin. 282 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,029 I own a Fuddruckers with Scottie pippin. 283 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,824 And you, sir, look like Scottie pippin. 284 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,410 - Mr. Donaghy, your closing statements. 285 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,871 - When our founding fathers first set out 286 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,874 time and time again, our nation horizon. 287 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:51,252 Prosperity, dreams, freedom. 288 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:55,798 But the spirit, journey, destiny. 289 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,676 Mitt Romney values, Jenna values. 290 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,428 I've met people. 291 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:05,225 For this generation, and generations to come, 292 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:06,516 thank you, america. 293 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,648 - Good god, those are load-bearing balloons! 294 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,275 Everyone run for your lives! 295 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:16,778 - Mr. Jordan, I need your help. 296 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,070 - What's wrong, Ken? 297 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,398 - I haven't been able to make 298 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,950 a single decision on this absentee ballot. 299 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,202 Should we take apart the clock tower? 300 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,374 Should we let old man merkel marry his daughter? 301 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,290 Or make him Bury her like the rest of the dead folks? 302 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,043 I'll never know enough to make an informed decision. 303 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,461 - Informed decision? 304 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,965 Do you think this country was founded on informed decisions? 305 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,299 - Well, of course. 306 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,426 - Columbus thought he was in India! 307 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,804 And did he worry about being wrong? No. 308 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,323 He just called everybody Indians. 309 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:48,601 And we still do it today. Why? 'Cause. 310 00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,103 You want to be an American? 311 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:51,479 You fill out that ballot 312 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,371 because you don't know what you're doing. 313 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:54,583 Just like when we named this country after 314 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,068 the fourth or fifth guy who discovered it. 315 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,404 Amerigo Vespucci. Who cares? 316 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:03,157 America. That's my boy. 317 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,034 - How do you sleep at night, Jack? 318 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,079 - I don't. I take thousands of micro naps during the day. 319 00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:09,872 - Well, you know what? 320 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:11,499 No, Lemon, what? 321 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,627 - I'm glad you never succeeded in turning me into you. 322 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,380 Because I would rather lose with my head held high... 323 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,817 Partly because when I have it down it looks like this... 324 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,010 Than win the wrong way. 325 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,302 - Lemon, I don't enjoy 326 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,638 manipulating Jenna for my own ends. 327 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,850 To be perfectly honest, I don't like mitt Romney. 328 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,183 The man doesn't drink. 329 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:32,687 How does he let a moment land? 330 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,897 But I'm not going to allow those feelings 331 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,691 get in the way of doing what is right. 332 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,068 - Think of the children, Jack. 333 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,838 What if Jenna had picked the president 334 00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,238 when you were a little boy? 335 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,990 Where would that kid be today? 336 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,368 Maybe we should ask him. 337 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,996 Boston. 1968. 338 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,664 Later, ma! 339 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:55,543 I'm goin' down the park to play ball! 340 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,211 I sure love america. 341 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,380 Almost as much as I love chowder! 342 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,090 - I'm sorry, are you trying to make 343 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,782 one of your emotional appeals to me? 344 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,970 - Oh, my god, it's future me! 345 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,056 - Lemon, this kind of sentimental nonsense 346 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,557 didn't work with Jenna. 347 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,267 It certainly won't work with the man 348 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,227 who didn't cry at field of dreams, 349 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,187 not even when the bank 350 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,199 failed to recoup its investment in the farm. 351 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:20,109 - Fine. Enjoy your president. I'm moving to France. 352 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:25,239 Except I can't get a decent iced tea there. Forget it. 353 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,355 - Everyone has to vote immediately 354 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,455 this election has to be over by 6:00! 355 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,457 - Thanks for coming by. - Okay. 356 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:35,749 - Williams! 357 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,998 Williams, I need you to call it for Obama right now. 358 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:39,796 - Remember that time you got a haircut, 359 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:40,630 and I was the first person to say, 360 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,174 "someone got a haircut"? You owe me! 361 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,051 - Pete, you know we don't do that. 362 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,095 Is this about Maria? 363 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,097 It's not gonna happen this year. 364 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:53,643 Look, get a hobby. Like me and my gymnastics. 365 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,067 - He's wrong. It's gonna be 2008 all over again. 366 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,860 Remember? Hope, change, 367 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,192 a Facebook that wasn't crawling with old, bald guys? 368 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:05,988 - Shut up, Pete. 369 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,866 There's no hope. Not for you or for this country. 370 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,761 If Joni Mitchell were here, she'd be like, 371 00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,204 ♪ the big man won't give peace a chance ♪ 372 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,416 ♪ the cobblestones, cobblestones ♪ 373 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,644 - Seriously, dude, let it go. It was just one kiss. 374 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,668 - Yeah. 375 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,920 If you need a kiss so bad, 376 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,092 why don't you kiss a potato like the rest of us? 377 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,216 - The kiss wasn't just a kiss! 378 00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:28,136 Don't you people get it? The kiss was Obama. 379 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,263 It was proof that things could change. 380 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,315 That night in 2008, everything felt possible, 381 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,058 like my whole life was ahead of me. 382 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,550 I was gonna drive a sports car 383 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,208 and say cool stuff like, "wiki-what?" 384 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,637 And none of that has happened! 385 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,481 Nothing has changed! 386 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,567 For Pete or america! 387 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,694 And if we can't get that feeling back tonight, 388 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:49,157 for Pete's sake, when are we ever gonna get it back? 389 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,076 For Pete's sake. 390 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,748 ♪ ♪ 391 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,043 Jenna, it's 4:30 in Florida. 392 00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,254 Your fans should be waking up on a beach 393 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:04,046 or getting fired from their 394 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,299 telemarketing jobs right about now. 395 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:07,592 Send the tweet. 396 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:08,884 - One sec. 397 00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:12,305 I got caught up in this Twitter war with this stupid spam bot. 398 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:15,099 "Screw you, donna1dsdeluge. 399 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,768 I don't need Viagra, you need Viagra!" 400 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,563 Sorry. Now, who am I telling these turds to vote for? 401 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,064 Mike Romney? 402 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:26,110 - Mitt. It stands for motorized intelligent technodrone termin... 403 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,404 It's a human's name. 404 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,198 - Excuse me. 405 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,770 Does miss Maroney have a minute? 406 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,242 Just to sign some autographs? 407 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,495 - Look, you don't really want Jenna's autograph. 408 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,580 She's not a great role model. 409 00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,232 - Where is the flash on this thing? 410 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,735 I want to send Esteluge a picture, 411 00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,878 but it's too dark inside my pants. 412 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,570 - No, my role model is Sara Blakely, 413 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,423 the billionaire founder of Spanx. 414 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:48,715 She's a genius. 415 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,551 It's just kid's bike shorts for fatties. 416 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,720 I'm gonna sell these on eBay. 417 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,599 - Well, it's always nice to meet a young entrepreneur. 418 00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:57,971 You know, when I was a boy, 419 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,978 I used to go to Fenway and sell my urine. 420 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,356 For fans to throw with Mickey mantle. 421 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:04,774 You'll be happy to know 422 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,066 that things are looking up for capitalists like us. 423 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,904 Between you and me, mitt Romney's going to win. 424 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,532 - But people haven't voted yet. 425 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,201 Shauna, this will be a good lesson for you. 426 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,620 Voters don't really pick the president. 427 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,330 That's up to important people 428 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,457 like corporations and celebrities. 429 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,835 This year, Jenna Maroney is picking the president. 430 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,712 - Ah, got it. 431 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,004 - She is? 432 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,716 - Today, Jenna is the most important person in america. 433 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,469 - Wow. Maybe she should be my role model. 434 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,097 - What? No. No. No, no, no, no, no. 435 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,824 - I'm just saying, if I stop saving for business school 436 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,308 and started saving for implants, 437 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,852 I could be just like her. 438 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,397 Thanks, sir. 439 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,440 - Okay, Jack. 440 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,252 Now, what should I tweet about Ron mee? 441 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,445 Wait, he's not Asian, is he? 442 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,573 - Hey. 443 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,783 - I wasn't watching cute little kitten videos, 444 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,155 I was watching pornography. 445 00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,245 Who put these sleepy kitten videos on here? 446 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,217 - Tracy, are you still banned from Twitter? 447 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,874 - For life. So you know, a couple more months. 448 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,311 - You must have a lot of bad jokes about deceased celebrities 449 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:07,962 just filling up your brain. 450 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:11,048 - Yes, and they're pushing out important information. 451 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,092 I don't know where I live, lady. 452 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:14,051 - If I got you back on Twitter, 453 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,862 how quickly could you get kicked off again? 454 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:16,886 - 10, 15 minutes. 455 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,056 Less if I count genocide as celebrities. 456 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,393 - Okay, well, you're getting back on on Jenna's account. 457 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,765 - No, I can't do that to my dear friend and co-worker 458 00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,022 Jenna Jameson. 459 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,394 - No, Tracy, Jenna Maroney. 460 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,025 - Cool. - Okay. 461 00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,197 All I have to do is figure out Jenna's password. 462 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,446 How 'bout "me69"? 463 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:36,699 Yep. 464 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,242 Oh, Tracy, no. 465 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:39,974 - No, I can say that word. I'm black. 466 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:43,331 - But dick Clark wasn't. 467 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:47,808 - Hey! You're not really leaving, are ya? 468 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,080 I know it's the second time, 469 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,088 but it's our last shot at feeling... 470 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,380 This. 471 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:55,051 Then what? Someday maybe we elect a wheelchair guy? 472 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,720 Okay, great, but not fun. 473 00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,597 - Look, Pete, this isn't 2008. 474 00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:03,809 I don't know, maybe if more stuff really had changed. 475 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,102 - Hey, sugar lips. 476 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,898 Let's make like a black magazine and jet. 477 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,403 What's up, guy? 478 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:15,363 Thanks for keeping my lady warm 479 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,657 while I turn on my hot tub with my phone. 480 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:18,574 Come on, baby. 481 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,243 My 2012 corvette's parked outside. 482 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:25,081 'Cause I always find a parking spot. 483 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,124 - You're him. - That's right, pops. 484 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,584 I'm Peter horn. 485 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:29,876 All day... 486 00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:32,463 And all night. 487 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,349 - Well, well, 488 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,476 well, well, well, well, well, 489 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,248 well... Nope, that's too many "Wells." 490 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:48,479 I'm gonna reenter. 491 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:49,811 - Just spit it out, Lemon. 492 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,416 - I stole a page from your playbook, Jack. 493 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,110 I used Tracy, I committed cyber crime, 494 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,905 I got Jenna kicked off Twitter before she could endorse Romney. 495 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,324 Deviousness? I guess two can play at that game. 496 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,535 Just like most games. 497 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:03,828 And now you're smiling 498 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:04,453 because you're gonna try to tell me 499 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,065 that this was your plan all along. 500 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,568 "Oh, I turned you into me, Lemon. 501 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,375 It was my plan all along." 502 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,269 - No, I'm smiling because I ended up telling Jenna 503 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,461 not to do anything at all. 504 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,547 I didn't want her choosing our president. 505 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:18,008 No one should grow up in Jenna Maroney's america. 506 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,009 - 'Cause of the children? 507 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:22,012 Did my one-woman show actually change your mind? 508 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,024 Should I workshop it at the fringe festival? 509 00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,725 - Sure. - Typical Donaghy. 510 00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:30,438 You sentimental, self-righteous, badger-faced shrew. 511 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,730 - Typical Lemon. 512 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:35,317 You cynical, manipulative, cold-blooded Adonis. 513 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,904 - So maybe we rubbed off on each other after all. 514 00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:41,657 - Mm... 515 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,243 - Oh, yours dripped on me and now I'm drunk. 516 00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:47,788 - Good lord in heaven. 517 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:55,129 - The Georgia polls close in two minutes. 518 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,184 Mr. Hornberger, 519 00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,476 I just voted! 520 00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:11,087 Doesn't it just fill you with hope? 521 00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,814 Like anything can happen? 522 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,901 All day, all night, baby. 523 00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,528 - Mmm! Hmm?