1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:02,636 (woman) And this is the two-bedroom. 2 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,005 Wow. 3 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,343 By the hammer of Thor! 4 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,644 Can you afford this place? 5 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:11,745 Yeah. 6 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,414 I can with this new promotion. 7 00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,383 It's...a lot more money. 8 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:18,286 Like "get away with murdering my first wife" kind of dough. 9 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,287 [chuckles] Mm-hmm. 10 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,290 See, now, I could hang a huge TV right there. 11 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,458 You could get that third humidifier 12 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,426 you always dreamed about. 13 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,327 Slow down. 14 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,629 I'm not ready to move my humidifiers yet. 15 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,598 Oh, I know. I don't mean right away. 16 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,467 I just meant...someday. Hopefully. 17 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,503 Yeah, good. Someday. 18 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,570 But for now, 19 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,472 I got a great job. 20 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:39,273 A kick-ass girlfriend. 21 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:41,475 I deserve an apartment to match. 22 00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:42,843 And I think this is definitely it. 23 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:43,844 [door creaks] 24 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,346 I'll take this one too. 25 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,149 My son Ahmed will keep his motorcycles here. 26 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:52,286 Oh! Thanks for coming. 27 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:54,722 Oh...ooh. 28 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,725 [exciting jazz music] 29 00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:05,766 * 30 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,381 Lemon! 31 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,283 Oh, welcome back. How was Paris? 32 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:24,352 Paris was fantastic. 33 00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,220 We stayed in this little place in the Seventh 34 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:27,621 that Phoebe knew about. 35 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:28,822 [British accent] I'm Phoebe. 36 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,858 We've met before. 37 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,626 Jack proposed to me outside your office. 38 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,595 I have hollow bones. Like a bird. 39 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,397 Yes, no. I remember you, hi. 40 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,398 Hi. 41 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,766 Well, I should go. 42 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,468 We've just won the auction rights 43 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,636 to a fantastic collection of Chinese erotica. 44 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,772 Pick out a good one for me. 45 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,140 Careful. 46 00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:47,808 Bye. 47 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,614 So...have you guys set a date? 48 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,249 Yes, we have. May 18th. 49 00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,751 That's Bianca's wedding date. It was my idea. 50 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,387 That's fast. 51 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,788 Well, there are no rules in love, Lemon. 52 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,557 My...Princeton roommate did it the right way. 53 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,493 Dated his college girlfriend for 13 years, 54 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,161 and the marriage didn't last eight months. 55 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:09,863 And now he's a post-op transgender. 56 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,565 [gasps] Will you look at that? 57 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:14,435 Phoebe reset my watch to New York time 58 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,869 while I was sleeping on the plane. 59 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,605 She really is a wonderful girl. 60 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,873 And I do hope the two of you get to know each other better. 61 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:20,674 Okay, sure. 62 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,310 Why don't you have a girls' day out? 63 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:23,411 Take Jenna with you. 64 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,912 You could have lunch, go shopping. 65 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:28,549 Here...take my gold card. 66 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,883 Ooh, it's heavy. 67 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,752 It's...made of gold. 68 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,588 Ah. Wow. 69 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,357 [sighs] Turned me down, Liz Lemon. 70 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,558 Who? 71 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:38,626 The damn bank. 72 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,429 I need a loan to finance my Thomas Jefferson movie. 73 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:42,963 It's gonna be at least $30 million 74 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,865 with all the Claymation sex scenes in it. 75 00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,500 And they didn't want to pay for that? 76 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:47,368 It's all right. 77 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,836 The movie's just a small part of my plan. 78 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:51,772 What plan? The Tracy Jordan comeback. 79 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,642 I'm doing a comedy tour, a Michael McDonald cover album. 80 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,876 Ah, boy, I don't know, Tray. 81 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,446 I don't think of you as a great multitasker. 82 00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,914 What can I do? I'm on my grind. 83 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,383 I'm gonna have so much money, 84 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,318 my grandkids are gonna play lacrosse. 85 00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:05,686 Lacrosse, Liz Lemon. 86 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,189 "I'm on my grind." Is that a... 87 00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:12,560 There he is. 88 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,728 The Floydster! 89 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,230 I heard you were going in for your final interview. 90 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,465 I wanted to put in a good word. 91 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,233 All right, well, that should put me over the top. 92 00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,501 Oh, you're already there. 93 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,270 The other candidate is an outsider. 94 00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,904 And we like to promote from within. 95 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,740 Plus, his name is Alan Garkel. 96 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:27,808 [both laugh] 97 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,711 You're never gonna lose a job to a guy named Garkel. 98 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,381 Did someone say my name? 99 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,216 Nah, you're not gonna beat that. 100 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,788 Well-played, Garkel. 101 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,827 Because Carl's trying to kill the gophers, 102 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:47,895 but then the explosion 103 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,630 knocks Danny's ball into the hole, 104 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:50,498 and he wins the tournament. 105 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:52,933 And that is the plot of Caddyshack. 106 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,602 I can't believe you've never seen it. 107 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,903 Classic. 108 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,905 [cell phone plays Ride of the Valkyries] Oh! Jeez, I'm sorry. 109 00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,573 Oh, you like Wagner? 110 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,375 [chuckles] No, I like Elmer Fudd. 111 00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:02,910 * Kill da wabbit 112 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,712 (both) * Kill da wabbit * 113 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,915 My parents were both poets, so I... 114 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,450 don't really get it. 115 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:14,588 So this has just been a whirlwind romance for you. 116 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,425 Just a...whirl of wind. 117 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:18,926 Look, I know what you must be thinking. 118 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,396 What kind of a woman marries a man she hardly knows? 119 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:23,764 What is she after? 120 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,499 No, no, no. I don't think that. 121 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,835 I completely get it, why you would wanna marry Jack. 122 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,804 I'd marry Jack in a heartbeat. 123 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,073 I would have a three-way with two Jacks. 124 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,742 [whispering] You need to cool it. 125 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,009 Let's face it-- at our age, 126 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,778 we can't afford to waste any time. 127 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:38,846 Mm-hmm. 128 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:39,747 [laughs] 129 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,515 Floyd and I have been dating for a month. 130 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,384 Do you think I should be mad that I don't have a ring? 131 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:44,818 [clicks tongue] 132 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:47,855 Wow, how Sex in the City are we right now? 133 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,890 I'm Samantha, you're Charlotte, 134 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,825 and you're the lady at home who watches it. 135 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,364 Dude, check it out. 136 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,532 [chuckles] Bill Cosby hates you. 137 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,334 What? Look here. 138 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,002 "Tracy Jordan has made a career 139 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,605 "out of exploiting black stereotypes. 140 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,475 He is an embarrassment to African-Americans." 141 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:08,942 Why would he say that? 142 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,945 What have I ever done to embarrass black people? 143 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:12,780 Uh... 144 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,948 [sirens blaring] Why are we doing this? 145 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,917 Because the Jets lost! 146 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,852 Mr. Jordan, your manager called. 147 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:21,622 Temple University has canceled your stand-up appearance. 148 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,457 And Michael McDonald is denying permission 149 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:24,692 to record any of his songs. 150 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:25,793 In other words: 151 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,861 [imitating Michael McDonald] * Oh, Tracy, you can't 152 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:30,398 * Use any of my songs * 153 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,999 [laughing] 154 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,867 This is no coincidence. 155 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,102 What are you talking about? 156 00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,704 The bank loan. 157 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,706 The Michael McDonald situation. 158 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:39,873 Temple University. 159 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,910 Dr. Cosby is sending a message! 160 00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,478 They're out to destroy me! 161 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,079 Who is? 162 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,416 The Black Crusaders. 163 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,884 [ominous music] 164 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,091 Oh, Floyd would love this one. 165 00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,993 Yikes! 166 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,830 If I was gonna spend $600 to have my boobs pinched, 167 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:03,897 I would have gone to that fundraiser 168 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,399 at the Clintons' house. 169 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:06,534 [laughs] 170 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,836 Come on, that was solid! 171 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,905 Liz, I'm concerned I'm boring Jack sexually. 172 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,407 No, no. No...ugh. 173 00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,608 We've only just got engaged, 174 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,909 and already our intercourse is infrequent 175 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:16,877 and unimaginative. 176 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,746 Phoebe, I'm really not that kind of girlfriend. 177 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,113 I would gladly pick you up at the airport. 178 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,683 In Paris, he fell asleep on top of me. 179 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,418 [laughs] 180 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,887 I mean, I just want to make him happy. 181 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,689 If he's happy, I'm happy, you know? 182 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,690 Mm. 183 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,924 Do you have that credit card? 184 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,427 Thanks. 185 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:34,962 Hi, I'll take everything. 186 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:37,931 Liz, can you help me? 187 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,132 Yes, ma'am. 188 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,635 I don't know you, but I will help you. 189 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:43,771 Damn it. I can't believe it. 190 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,172 Garkel? I'm sorry. 191 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,574 I'm just sick of it. 192 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,875 I'm so tired of this city. 193 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,943 I am so tired of the rat race. 194 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,079 [all cheering] 195 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,981 Fellas! 196 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,816 You gotta keep it down, okay? 197 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,117 I got work in the morning. 198 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,119 Molnya is looking very strong tonight. 199 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,922 Mr. Debarber, come on. 200 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,791 Fine. 20 across the board. 201 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,593 [all cheer] 202 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,994 Yeah, you gotta talk to your landlord 203 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,228 about that rat race. 204 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,830 That is my landlord. 205 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,164 Oh. Yeah. 206 00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,933 Maybe I just need to go out of town 207 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:13,867 for a little while. 208 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,969 That's a good idea. Vermont is always nice. 209 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,805 Or the Bahamas. 210 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,172 I was thinking of Cleveland. 211 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,908 [scoffs] That is also a place. 212 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,711 I just haven't been home in a long time. 213 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,145 We need to search your bag. 214 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,880 Ugh. Of course they do. 215 00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:27,948 [sighs] 216 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:30,518 You know, I dream about moving back to Lakewood. 217 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,920 Or maybe even Shaker Heights. 218 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,722 Big Creek Parkway. 219 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,858 Sending the kids to St. John Bosco's, you know. 220 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,528 Maybe even cheering on the tribe at the Jake. 221 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,230 This dream, this is way down the road, right? 222 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,732 Yeah. Yeah. 223 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,266 Three, maybe four years. 224 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,736 What's this fungus cream for? 225 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,270 All right, that's it. Show's over. 226 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,872 Gimme that. 227 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,575 Let's just walk. 228 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,910 So how long do you see yourself living in New York? 229 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,746 Well, like, forever. At least, I did. 230 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,714 Really? 231 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:02,182 You wanna end up like that? 232 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,885 [horns honking] 233 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,020 No. I'm gonna be like her. 234 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:10,824 Oh, there is nothing like New York in the spring! 235 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,660 It's--oh! 236 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,161 Ooh. Ooh. 237 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,629 All right, come on. 238 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,598 This is the capital of the world. 239 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,599 The culture, the div-- 240 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,933 [spits] Ugh! 241 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,201 Uck! You all right? 242 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,704 He spit in my mouth! 243 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,238 Ugh! 244 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:26,840 Let's go to Cleveland. 245 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,876 Oh, blurgh! 246 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:32,880 [traffic noise] 247 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:36,083 Hey, Frank told me about that Cosby thing. 248 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,217 That is harsh. 249 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,351 Harsh? I'm done. 250 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,088 The Black Crusaders want to make an example out of me. 251 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,090 [scoffs] I'm not gonna ask you who that is. 252 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,258 The Black Crusaders are a secret group 253 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,827 of powerful black Americans. 254 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,563 Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors. 255 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,264 But Jesse Jackson, Colin Powell, 256 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,967 and Gordon from Sesame Street, they're members too. 257 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,669 And they meet four times a year 258 00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,237 in the skull of the Statue of Liberty. 259 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,339 You can read about that on the interweb. 260 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,209 Ah, well, it must be true if it's on the "interweb." 261 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,076 Right, uh-huh. 262 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,713 Make fun of me all you want, Liz Lemon. 263 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,981 Do you know they'll ruin anybody who they think 264 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,817 are making black people look bad? 265 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,885 They tanked 50 Cent's movie. 266 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,221 The blew out Terrell Owens' ankle. 267 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,990 And they canceled Eddie Murphy's Oscar, 268 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,992 'cause he, uh, ran out on Scary Spice. 269 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,161 And now they after Tracy Jordan! 270 00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,864 Tracy, I know the movie is important to you, 271 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,032 and you're stressed out and everything, 272 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,635 but keep it together, okay? 273 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,769 (newscaster) The cleanup continues. 274 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,203 Fortunately, there were no injuries. 275 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,705 Tracy Jordan, 276 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,841 the Black Crusaders are coming for you. 277 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,242 We'll have more on the weather coming up... 278 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,711 Man, I wish somebody else had seen that. 279 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,981 [whispering] Hi. 280 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,750 Look what Phoebe got me. 281 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:43,984 Golf clubs? 282 00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:46,954 Not just golf clubs. 283 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,822 These clubs once belonged 284 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,691 to President Gerald Ford. 285 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,726 Oh, wow. 286 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,195 So what do you think of Phoebe? 287 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,931 Oh, well... we had fun. 288 00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,734 And, uh, Phoebe bought some bonkers underwear. 289 00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,269 So have fun with that tonight. 290 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,771 Well, not tonight. 291 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:04,905 Uh, may I? Oh. 292 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:05,939 Thank you. 293 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,407 Not tonight unfortunately. 294 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,143 She's, uh, speaking in a seminar 295 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,645 up at Columbia. 296 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,682 And as much as I would like to attend, 297 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,985 I haven't been above 72nd Street in over a decade. 298 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,187 Well, I'm glad you're happy. 299 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,755 Ha! 300 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,191 It's all Phoebe. 301 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:28,161 We have an attraction that can only be described as... 302 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,897 wolf-like. 303 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:30,931 Lupine. 304 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,199 Okay. 305 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:33,701 I am so exhausted. 306 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,003 Paris was, to borrow a phrase, 307 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,938 just...bonkers. 308 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,272 Yes, Phoebe said. 309 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,208 [chuckling] 310 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:47,948 [snoring] 311 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,054 Do you cover him? 312 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,122 Psst! Psst! 313 00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,959 Phoebe isn't going to Columbia tonight. 314 00:10:58,992 --> 00:10:59,860 She had me call a car 315 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,862 to take her to this address downtown. 316 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,731 So what do you want me to do, go spy on her? 317 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,098 For Mr. Donaghy's sake. 318 00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:07,000 I know you have your doubts about this. 319 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:07,868 I can see it in your eyes. 320 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,770 It's weird, right? 321 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,071 Then again, all relationships are weird. 322 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,106 I mean, my boyfriend Floyd wants to go to Cleveland. 323 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,242 [telephone rings] Ah, thank God. 324 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,877 Mr. Donaghy's office. 325 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,746 [traffic noise] 326 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:22,082 [soft piano music] 327 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,017 Just a quick look. 328 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,924 [whispering] By the hammer of Thor! 329 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:38,766 Ew. 330 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:42,803 [cell phone playing Ride of the Valkyries] 331 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,115 Jack, I have to talk to you. 332 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,416 Is this about the Tracy situation? No. 333 00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,786 Then it'll have to wait. What Tracy situation? 334 00:11:58,819 --> 00:11:59,820 I tried to call you. 335 00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,389 He set fire to a cardboard cutout of Al Roker, 336 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,191 and now he's locked himself in his dressing room. 337 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,292 Oh, brother. 338 00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,160 Tracy! 339 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:10,097 Come out. Nobody is trying to get you. 340 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:13,767 Have you seen the cover of this month's Oprah magazine? 341 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:16,904 It's an anagram for "Outlaw Sour Tray." 342 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:20,841 Who taught Tracy about anagrams? 343 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:23,543 I'm gonna call Dr. Spaceman. 344 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,412 Hey, car's downstairs. You ready to go? 345 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,880 Um... 346 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,982 The Black Crusaders are trying to get rid of me. 347 00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,851 They want me to disappear like Coolio. 348 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,185 Coolio is around! 349 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,120 What-- 350 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:35,889 Would you also prescribe something for Tracy 351 00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,891 which would keep him awake during sex? 352 00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,860 Oh, great. Okay, I'll talk to you later. 353 00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,194 Thanks. 354 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,865 Let's get outta here. 355 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,334 * What hot spot's got the hippest groove? * 356 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,969 Welcome to Cleveland. Good morning. 357 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,171 * Where all the real gone daddies move * 358 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,106 Good morning. Hi. 359 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,808 Hello. 360 00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:57,010 What smells so good? 361 00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:58,411 [inhales] 362 00:12:58,445 --> 00:12:59,913 Cleveland. 363 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,883 * Where the jet set swing with hepcats * 364 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,318 * Shop at Higby's, then we'll hit the Flats * 365 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,920 Excuse me. 366 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,021 Are you a model? 367 00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:09,022 No. 368 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,490 Oh, you are so skinny. 369 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:11,992 You really should eat something. 370 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,326 [chuckles] 371 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:17,230 * I say, Cleveland, hello 372 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,299 * Yeah 373 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,569 * New York and Paris just don't have * 374 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,337 * The sights you see and you can have * 375 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:25,338 Excuse me, ma'am. 376 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,140 Ugh. 377 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,909 Would you like to pet a real police horse? 378 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,411 * Chef Boyardee was born here * 379 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:32,479 Yes! 380 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,081 [bell chimes] 381 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:37,017 * Come on, cool cats, and play your skins * 382 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:40,153 * In Lyndhurst and the Burg of Twins * 383 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,421 Oh, ladies first. 384 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,523 * I say Cleveland, hello 385 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,625 Hi, I'll have two hotdogs, 386 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,127 a pretzel with extra melted cheese... 387 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,229 [cell phone playing Ride of the Valkyries] 388 00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,964 Hiya. 389 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,465 Ms. Lemon, this is Kenneth, 390 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,234 the NBC page in New York City. 391 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,368 I hate to bother you out west, 392 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,004 but Tracy Jordan hasn't come to work. 393 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:59,339 Kenneth, don't be so New York uptight. 394 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,041 I'm sure he'll show up. 395 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:04,044 * Look over there, I think I see a movie star * 396 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,113 * Even movie stars, they come to Cleveland * 397 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:07,314 * To get away 398 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,649 * Tracy Jordan, you've gotta get away * 399 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,185 * Gotta get away, gotta get away * 400 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:16,023 * To Cleveland * 401 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,325 Liz... 402 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,260 I have something important I wanna talk to you about. 403 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:24,097 The top law firm in Cleveland wants me. 404 00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:26,399 And...I think I should accept. 405 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:27,434 What? Really? 406 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,403 What's this? 407 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,438 It's a house in the Heights 408 00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,940 that I can afford. 409 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,909 When did you have time to look for jobs and houses? 410 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,945 When you were at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. 411 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,147 Did I tell you I sat in ZZ Top's car? 412 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,949 And then I had lunch with Little Richard. 413 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:45,052 And, I know it's not TGS, but... 414 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:48,121 I'm sure you can find a job at one of the local TV stations. 415 00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:49,222 You sure could. 416 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:52,192 We need a host for a new cooking show 417 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,994 on WKYC. 418 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:57,030 Uh... 419 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,971 [traffic noise] 420 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,307 Where have you been? 421 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,976 Cleveland. 422 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:09,842 For God sakes, Lemon, 423 00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:12,245 we'd all like to flee to the Cleve. 424 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:13,546 And club up down at the Flats 425 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,015 and have lunch with Little Richard. 426 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,216 But we fight those urges 427 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,251 because we have responsibilities. 428 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,319 What's going on? 429 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:20,988 Tracy. He's missing. 430 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:21,888 What? 431 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:22,956 No. Kenneth, have you tried to call Tracy? 432 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,625 Yes, ma'am, I tried all six of his cell phones. 433 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:29,329 It's almost as if he never existed. 434 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,998 Or maybe he's not answering. 435 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,966 [sighs] 436 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,335 Lemon, TGS without Tracy Jordan 437 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:36,736 is basically a puppet show. 438 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,271 You know, I'm right here. 439 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,973 Oh, why am I doing this 440 00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:42,242 when I could be happy living in Cleveland? 441 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,043 What? 442 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:45,078 Floyd and I are thinking of moving. 443 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,079 No, you're not. No, you're not. 444 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,314 Look, every great getaway 445 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,050 has that moment when you want to pack it all in and stay. 446 00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,185 That's how I ended up with a timeshare... 447 00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:53,753 in Port Arthur, Texas. 448 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,022 I don't think that's what this is. 449 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,123 I mean, Floyd is pretty great. 450 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,691 And, look, in Cleveland, I'm a model. 451 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,096 Yeah, we're all models west of the Allegheny. 452 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,365 I'm serious about this. 453 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,533 Maybe you should go. 454 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,701 I mean, your head is obviously not in the game lately. 455 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,070 And now you've lost Tracy. 456 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,104 Maybe you're burned out. 457 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,439 What is this? 458 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,241 This is Frank's "Hot Baby" sketch, 459 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,608 which is regrettable, 460 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,011 but we have no Tracy Jordan and a show in two days. 461 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,212 But, hey, 462 00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,413 that's not gonna be your problem 463 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,449 once you move to Ohio. 464 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,719 No, you're not. 465 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,388 (Liz) Frank, that's gonna get cut. 466 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:31,724 Blurgh! 467 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,126 Did you say anything to Jack? 468 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,694 No, but I'm going to if you don't. 469 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,029 Oh, grow up, Liz. 470 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,497 I didn't tell Jack where I was going 471 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,699 'cause I didn't want him to get upset about nothing. 472 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,401 That man was a former lover of mine. 473 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,036 I was ending it with him, forever. 474 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,072 Uh-huh, and are all your ex-boyfriends 475 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,373 rich, older gentlemen? 476 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:47,740 I care about Jack. 477 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,343 I make him a better man. 478 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,511 You know how John Lennon 479 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,512 was better than the rest of the Beatles, 480 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,781 but didn't realize it until he met Yoko Ono? 481 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,416 Well, I'm Jack's Yoko. 482 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,051 You wa to be Yoko? 483 00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,319 This is none of your business, anyway. 484 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,687 I'm marrying Jack. 485 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,755 He's everything I ever wanted. Oh, I bet he is. 486 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,125 [American accent] You don't know anything about me, so back off! 487 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,559 [ominous music] 488 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:09,062 What happened to your accent? 489 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,630 Um... 490 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,831 [British accent] I don't know what you're on about. 491 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:15,168 You...daft wanker. 492 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:18,171 [theme from Jaws] 493 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:21,774 * 494 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:25,812 [cell phone playing Ride of the Valkyries] 495 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,480 Hello? 496 00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:28,648 Hello, Liz Lemon. 497 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,817 It's me. 498 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,452 Stacy Gordon. 499 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,254 Tracy, where are you calling from? 500 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,556 (Tracy) I can't tell you that. 501 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,857 I'm sorry, Liz Lemon. 502 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,759 I wanna thank you for everything you've done. 503 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:40,660 But I quit. 504 00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:42,629 For God's sakes, Tracy, where are you? 505 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,197 Starting a new life. 506 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,099 Because of the Black Crusaders? 507 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,100 That's crazy. 508 00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:48,801 Tray? 509 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,437 Damn it, Lemon, why didn't you tell me 510 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,771 the Black Crusaders were after Tracy? 511 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,774 [suspenseful music] 512 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,809 * 513 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,145 Surprisingly fast. 514 00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,246 Oh. 515 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,156 I'm on it. 516 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:15,362 I can't go to Cleveland. 517 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,729 Hi. 518 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,698 Hi. I'm sorry. 519 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:19,799 I just, I've been thinking about this. 520 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,368 And I think you're great. 521 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,503 And obviously Cleveland is great. 522 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:24,737 But I can't move. 523 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,839 I know. 524 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,541 My life is here. My friends are here. 525 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,910 The show is here. And I've known you a month. 526 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,813 Oh, you hate me right now, don't you? No. 527 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:36,283 No, it was a crazy idea to begin with. 528 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,185 We were on a vacation high-- 529 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,286 Exactly. It's like a drug. 530 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,488 Right-- if the whole world 531 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,922 moved to their favorite vacation spots, 532 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,724 then the whole world would live in Hawaii 533 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,159 and Italy and Cleveland. 534 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,294 Totally, I mean... 535 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:49,296 But just knowing that C-Town is out there 536 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:50,730 as an option for the future-- Liz... 537 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,299 it's gonna make it so much easier-- Liz... 538 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,833 I took that job. 539 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,338 Blurgh. 540 00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,345 Did you locate Tracy? 541 00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,746 Ugh, not yet. 542 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:07,847 I'm working on it. 543 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,516 You know, you never answered my question the other day. 544 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:10,817 What do you think of Phoebe? 545 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,552 Honestly, I wish I had the guts 546 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:13,786 to do what you're doing. 547 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,455 Just...going for it. 548 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,257 God bless. 549 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,759 You still haven't answered my question. 550 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,829 I...think she likes you a lot. 551 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,932 And I think she takes care of you. 552 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,734 And she's smart and pretty. 553 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:30,270 And completely wrong. 554 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:31,971 And she doesn't deserve you. 555 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,706 I think she's weird, 556 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:34,941 and I don't like her, 557 00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,809 and her ex-boyfriend is old. 558 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,811 And I don't even think she's British! 559 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,647 And you shouldn't marry her, Jack. 560 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,582 Please don't marry her! 561 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,452 [laughing] 562 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,454 Oh, my God. 563 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:48,755 Lemon, Phoebe was right. 564 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,790 You are infatuated with me. 565 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:51,791 What? 566 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:52,825 No! No, no, no. 567 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,894 Lemon, you are a wonderful woman. 568 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,863 And you deserve to be as happy as I am. 569 00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,765 Maybe with Floyd, right? 570 00:19:58,798 --> 00:19:59,999 No, don't mention Floyd. 571 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,435 Floyd is not happening. Floyd is moving. 572 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,437 Floyd is moving? 573 00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:05,572 What did you do? 574 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:06,773 What did I do? 575 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,541 I acted like a rational adult! 576 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,877 I didn't get engaged to some gold digger, 577 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,679 and then delude myself into thinking 578 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:13,780 that I could keep up with her. 579 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:15,915 Yeah, Jack, I know that you fell asleep 580 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,784 on top of her in Paris. 581 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,420 [whispering] In Paris, France. 582 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,759 I think you should go. 583 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:29,762 [theme from The Godfather] 584 00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:37,270 * 585 00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:40,640 Uh, Phoebe, darling, Lemon was just leaving. 586 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:56,022 Captioning by Brian W. at CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 587 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:58,257 (Liz) Blurgh.