1 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,141 Why is there hair everywhere? 2 00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:08,642 Did you shave in the kitchen? 3 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,379 The water in here is softer. 4 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,781 Look at this ski-jumping idiot, Bode Miller. 5 00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,150 What kind of a fruity name is Bode? 6 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:17,718 That cereal has the Olympics on it? 7 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,253 It must be eight months old. 8 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,388 When you and me have kids, 9 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,456 we're gonna give them good names, like Shannon or Rick. 10 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:23,491 When we what? 11 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,593 When we have kids, dummy. Come on. 12 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:32,566 Yeah, I gotta go. Uh... 13 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,068 Are you gonna be home later? 14 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:35,403 I gotta talk to you about something. 15 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,670 I'll be right here. 16 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,239 Look at this maze. It's so easy. 17 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,673 You have to go in here, and out there. 18 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,609 Be home early, okay? 19 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:42,610 Come here, sweetheart. 20 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,378 Oh, Dennis. I just did my hair. 21 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,713 Oh, that's my girl. 22 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,181 There you go. Bye. 23 00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,087 Now make sure you drink plenty of fluids, 24 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:54,355 and get something to eat. 25 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,424 Don't do anything strenuous tonight. 26 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,126 Don't hit the clubs. 27 00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,693 No, I'm going straight home, actually. 28 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,595 I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight. 29 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,264 I can't take it anymore. 30 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:06,334 Hmm, 35, single, no children. 31 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:09,137 Three sexual partners in the last ten years. 32 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:12,206 I don't know, doll. Maybe it's time to settle. 33 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,110 Chocolate chip, or butter crunch? 34 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,648 (Jenna) I can't believe that this is happening to me. 35 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,150 It's just not fair. 36 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,151 (Pete) You're right. 37 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,252 This business is unfair. 38 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,486 What happened? 39 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,787 Jenna was supposed to be 40 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,190 on the Conan show tonight, but-- I got bumped. 41 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,891 Oh, you know, that kind of thing happens. 42 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,160 (Pete) Jack bumped her 43 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,894 and put Tracy on instead. 44 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,497 Jenna, you can't let this kind of thing get to you. 45 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,431 I just feel like 46 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:40,234 everything always gets taken away from me. 47 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,369 No, that's not true. 48 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:42,870 What about that movie you did last summer? 49 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:43,871 "The Rural Juror"? 50 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:47,275 Yeah, The Rur-- That one. 51 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:50,344 Rural Juror, apple three, take one. Mark! 52 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,346 A terrible title. Action! 53 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:54,182 When does that come out? 54 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:55,583 "The Rural Juror" opens in selected theaters 55 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,885 December 18th. 56 00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:00,588 Does Jack Donaghy even know I'm in The Rural Juror? 57 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,523 Maybe if he knew I have a film career, 58 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,158 he would treat me with more respect. 59 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,759 (man over P.A.) Jenna to the set, please. 60 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,696 Jenna to the set for Rodney Stink Confirmed Bachelor. 61 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:09,663 I will tell him. 62 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:12,466 I will tell him that you are in a feature film 63 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,203 called The Rrr Jrr. 64 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,941 What the hell's her movie called? 65 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:21,775 I don't know. 66 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,211 She's been talking about it for a year. 67 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,478 I can't ask her now. 68 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,280 I can't believe Jack did this to her. 69 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:27,748 I can't believe Conan's gonna have 70 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:28,949 Tracy on as a guest again, 71 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,251 considering what happened the last time. 72 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,151 You seem like you have 73 00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,454 a nice chemistry-- I am a stabbing robot. 74 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:34,788 I will stab you. 75 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,290 Oh, jeez. All right, no, okay. 76 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,259 All right, all right. That's great, Tracy. 77 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,460 We'll take a break. We'll be right back. 78 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,461 Hey, Clariss, 79 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,630 can I see Stone Phillips wig? 80 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,597 Oh, great. 81 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,633 Do you mind if I pop it on you, actually? 82 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,867 I want to see the shape of it. 83 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:50,238 Please, it would make my wife's dream come true. 84 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,605 Oh. Yeah? 85 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,640 Handsome? 86 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:53,741 Yes. 87 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,643 You find me handsome? Yes, very much. 88 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,947 You know, I used to be very rich. 89 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:00,948 Hello. 90 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,550 Oh, hi. Sorry. 91 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,552 I know you're wearing that as a joke, 92 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,287 but it makes you look younger, 93 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,355 and more confident, 94 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:09,290 and I think you should consider it. 95 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,291 [nervous laugh] 96 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,925 Can I see you in my office? 97 00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,894 Yeah, hang on a second, actually. 98 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,930 Why did you bump Jenna from Conan? 99 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,432 Because if I have a choice 100 00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:19,700 between an international movie star, 101 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:20,968 and a woman who does commercials for ShopRite-- 102 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,436 No, no, no. 103 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:23,704 Jenna doesn't do those commercials anymore. 104 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,872 She got fired. 105 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:25,939 I don't do these things 106 00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,641 just to drive you crazy, Lemon. 107 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,710 I do them for the good of the show. 108 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,646 I'm the one that always has to clean up the mess afterwards. 109 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,915 That's why my job is way better than yours. 110 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,650 [whispering] Way better. 111 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,389 [upbeat music] 112 00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:49,430 * 113 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,009 (Jack) Conan. 114 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,578 Tracy's really excited to be back on your show. 115 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:05,579 I don't know, Jack. 116 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:06,814 He's kind of a loose cannon, 117 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:07,948 and I like to surround myself 118 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,717 with people that don't try to stab me. 119 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,884 Tracy's feeling a lot better now. 120 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,286 He's under a doctor's care. 121 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,487 That's what they said about Hasselhoff, 122 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,022 then he tried to make out with me 123 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,023 during a commercial break. 124 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,725 Conan, this is important to me. 125 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,760 So we can either do this the easy way, 126 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:20,761 or the hard way. 127 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,296 What's the hard way? 128 00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,031 You do a live Christmas Eve special 129 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,934 from Kabul every year until the war on terror is won. 130 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,970 Tell Tracy I'll see him tonight. 131 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,905 You, black Irish bastard. 132 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,575 Back at you, man. 133 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,378 I have to be charming on Conan tonight. 134 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,946 This is my chance to redeem myself 135 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,013 with mainstream America. 136 00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,516 Okay, well just tell us some things about your life, 137 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,518 and we'll try to punch it up and make it talk show-worthy. 138 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,053 Maybe something about you and your wife. 139 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,888 Me and my wife like to play "rape." 140 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,523 She go in the bathroom and do her hair. 141 00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:50,824 Then I put on a ski mask-- Okay, not that. 142 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,927 Hey, uh, you got anything about being a dad? 143 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,596 People eat that garbage up. 144 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,598 I like to walk around my house naked, 145 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,866 to remind my oldest son 146 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,334 who's still got the biggest ding dong. 147 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,335 No. 148 00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:02,536 I can tell the story 149 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:03,571 of how I met Sharon Stone. 150 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:04,672 Oh, what was that? 151 00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,039 I was pooping in the ladies' room 152 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:07,608 at the Ivy-- No. 153 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,746 My hair hurts. 154 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,981 Anybody gonna answer the phone? 155 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,583 (man) What phone? 156 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:16,617 Is anybody gonna 157 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,985 answer the phone? The phone! 158 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,953 It's ringing! 159 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,589 Ring! Ring! 160 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,691 So you wanted to see me? 161 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,659 Oh, Lemon, wonderful. 162 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,961 I'm introducing Jack Welch with a dinner at the Waldorf. 163 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,431 What's a funny little quip I could open with? 164 00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,132 That's why you called me up here? 165 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,967 Okay. 166 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,969 Uh... "Good evening. It's great to be here 167 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,038 "at the beautiful Waldorf Astoria. 168 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,441 "I haven't seen this many white people in tuxedoes 169 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:41,542 since the Titanic." 170 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:45,012 Lemon, this is not open mike night 171 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,914 at the Bryn Mawr student union. 172 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,950 This is a $1,000 a plate fund raiser. 173 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:50,951 Okay, uh... 174 00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,486 How about, 175 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,121 "Wow, $1,000 a plate. 176 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,590 "For that kind of money this stuffed chicken breast 177 00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,659 better paint my house." 178 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,762 Let me tell you what I was thinking of saying. 179 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,665 "Jack Welch has such unparalleled management skills, 180 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,867 "they named Welch's grape juice after him. 181 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,602 "Because he squeezes the sweetest juice 182 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,538 out of his workers' mind grapes." 183 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,005 That doesn't even make sense. 184 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,006 No, it doesn't, does it? 185 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,775 I wrote it down in the middle of the night. 186 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,510 Listen, I'll try to come up with something for you, 187 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,045 but I gotta get back downstairs. 188 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,481 Lizzie needs help. 189 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,015 Cookie in the middle of the day? 190 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,084 I gave blood. 191 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,786 Does that burn calories? 192 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,155 What else? 193 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,190 What else is on my mind grapes? 194 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,561 I could talk about how the moon is a spy satellite 195 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,829 put there by Oprah and minister Farrakhan. 196 00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:38,165 And not the minister Farrakhan you're thinking of. 197 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,202 Who's that dude? 198 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,671 Uh, what dude? 199 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,107 The blue dude. 200 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,176 Tell him to stop staring at me. 201 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,178 I don't like that dude. 202 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,716 I don't like that dude. 203 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,917 Meep. 204 00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:03,457 (Liz) Hey, guys. 205 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,558 That was weird. 206 00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:05,559 Hi. 207 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,393 (Frank) You missed it. 208 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,928 Tracy was acting old-school bananas. 209 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,096 He's always bananas. 210 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,464 No, this was different. 211 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:11,364 (Frank) Yeah. 212 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,100 Like Conan-should-be-afraid different. 213 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,635 Really? 214 00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,637 Where did he go? 215 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,806 (Tracy) Yes. I am having problems 216 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,774 with my cable television. 217 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:24,077 Yes, I will hold. 218 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,915 Excuse me, I have another call. 219 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,051 Hi, mom. I am doing fine. 220 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:34,021 Oh, that's not good. 221 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,556 Frank, that was my blood cookie. 222 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:39,126 Ew, what? 223 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,528 [knocking at the door] 224 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,129 Hey, Jack Attack. 225 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,897 Sorry, I should have 226 00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,166 kept that one in the old brain box. 227 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,101 Could you sign that for me, please? 228 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,638 Pete, where is your charisma? 229 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:51,939 What? 230 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,741 The wig. 231 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,042 I prefer that you wear it. 232 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,678 Well, I thought you were joking. 233 00:07:57,711 --> 00:08:00,080 Well, let me clarify: I'm not joking. 234 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,882 Pete, did you know 235 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,817 that men with full heads of hair 236 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,653 on average earn 17% more 237 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,887 than their bald counterparts? 238 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,155 I did not know that. 239 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:08,989 Perhaps it's because 240 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,858 bald men are generally less informed 241 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,626 than men with full heads of hair. 242 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,628 But here's what I want you to do. 243 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,129 Wear the wig for a week. 244 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,197 And experience your full potential. 245 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,033 I think this is my full potential. 246 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,802 I know you're skeptical, Pete, I know. 247 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,571 Here, I want you to do something. 248 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,238 Pull my hair. 249 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,007 Right now, go ahead. Pull my hair. 250 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:31,044 [laughing] I'm just kidding. 251 00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,613 It's real. 252 00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:35,015 I'm not like you. 253 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,685 So, be honest with me. What did Jack say? 254 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,987 I guess he thinks that Tracy is a movie star. 255 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:43,891 And he doesn't love it that you did those commercials. 256 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,959 Well, you tell him that those commercials 257 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,327 paid for my vacation home. 258 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,329 So, unless he would like to buy me 259 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,798 a condo in Clearwater, Florida-- 260 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:51,865 Jenna, I'm sorry. 261 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:52,866 Just let it go. 262 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,668 Tracy's doing Conan tonight. 263 00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:57,938 Liz Lemon, we got a problem. 264 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:01,008 [tragic music] 265 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:04,144 * 266 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,346 Grizz and Dotcom say Tracy's doctor 267 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,848 put him on some new medication. 268 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,349 I guess he's having some sort of reaction. 269 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,651 Boy, Conan tapes in-- 270 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:11,652 Less than two hours. 271 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:12,653 Call me if you need me. 272 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:17,190 * 273 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,660 Tray? Can I come in? 274 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,599 (Tracy) I'm bugging out! 275 00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,668 I'm bugging out. 276 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,570 I'm bugging out! 277 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:32,906 [groaning] Oh! Tracy! 278 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,141 Who is your doctor? 279 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,777 Dr. Spaceman! Dr. Spaceman! 280 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:37,778 Oh, brother. Look around. 281 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,747 We have to find his medication. 282 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:43,751 (Tracy) Dr. Spaceman. Dr. Spaceman. 283 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,353 (Liz) Wow, Dr. Spaceman. 284 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,255 I owe you an apology, Tray. 285 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,223 [phone ringing] 286 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,660 This is Dr. Leo Spa-che-men. 287 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,695 Hi, I work with Tracy Jordan, and I think he's having 288 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,630 a reaction to some of the medication you put him on. 289 00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:58,932 Ah, I was afraid this might happen. 290 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,934 You know, he's on so many different neuroleptics, 291 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:04,371 and tricyclics, that there's no telling how they'll mix. 292 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,173 But what can you do? 293 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,941 Medicine's not a science. 294 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,810 What exactly are you treating him for? 295 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,012 (Dr. Spaceman on the phone) There's not really a name 296 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,380 for what Tracy has. 297 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:16,416 Basically it's erratic tendencies, and delusions, 298 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,819 brought on by excessive notoriety. 299 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:19,653 And certainly not helped 300 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:22,355 by my wildly experimental treatments. 301 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,424 [laughing] Boy, I'm being awfully open with you, miss. 302 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,060 I should not have taken those blue things. 303 00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,261 So, is he dangerous? 304 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,797 (Dr. Spaceman on the phone) No, 305 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,832 he should be fine, so long as you keep him 306 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,166 away from bright lights, loud music and crowds. 307 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,102 I'll call in a prescription 308 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,804 for something to settle him down, 309 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,739 as soon as possible. 310 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:42,175 Uh...do you need anything for yourself? 311 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,711 What? No. 312 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:44,978 Just, where can I pick up Tracy's prescription? 313 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,379 Ms. Lemon, they need you upstairs 314 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:47,748 in Mr. Donaghy's office immediately. 315 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,817 Kenneth, I need you to go to RiteDrug, 316 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,085 46th and 8th, pick up Tracy's medicine fast, okay? 317 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,353 Yes, sir. 318 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:56,356 [dramatic music] 319 00:10:56,389 --> 00:11:01,829 * 320 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:02,863 (Liz) What is it? 321 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,698 What's the emergency? 322 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,199 How's this for an opening line? 323 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,701 When I first met Jack Welch, 324 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:08,969 I thought he was such a great golfer, 325 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,470 he made Bob Darnell look like Randy Barnes. 326 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,240 That's fine. Do that. 327 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,374 I don't know. 328 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,709 Might be distasteful 329 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:16,844 if Randy's widow's in the audience. 330 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:17,978 What did you come up with? 331 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,246 I have a bigger problem, Jack. 332 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,981 I don't think Tracy's ready to do Conan. 333 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,482 I think you should let Jenna do it, 334 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,718 and maybe Tracy could do it in a couple of weeks. 335 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:25,919 Jenna's not a star. 336 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,287 She's capable, but she's not a star. 337 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,488 She's got a movie coming out next month. 338 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,790 What movie? 339 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,159 "The Rrr Jrr." 340 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,293 The what? 341 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,762 Tracy's acting nuts. 342 00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,764 He's having problems with his medication. 343 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,365 Did you call Dr. Spa-che-men? 344 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,267 Yeah, I did. Then he'll be fine. 345 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,769 Leo's an excellent physician. 346 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,737 And a pretty good dentist. 347 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,876 Is that rehearsal? Oh no--Oh! 348 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,443 No, this Tracy situation 349 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,779 is really-- 350 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:52,612 Are we still talking about that? 351 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,347 Do I have to come in and run your show? 352 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,883 Or could you take this one thing off my plate? 353 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:56,917 No, I got it. 354 00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,286 I'll figure it out. 355 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,021 What? Don't ask. 356 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,790 [gasps] 357 00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:07,194 Who is this leader of men? 358 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,462 What can I do for you, handsome? 359 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:12,465 [dramatic music] 360 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:18,071 * 361 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,172 Liz... 362 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,908 I wanted you to be the first to know. 363 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,075 After the way Jack treated me today, 364 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,443 I can't work here anymore. I quit. 365 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,478 Oh, Jenna, I really don't have time for this. 366 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,181 Then, I guess this is goodbye. 367 00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:30,517 Okay. Jenna don't quit. 368 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,119 The show can't go on without you. 369 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,821 You're my muse, you're a modern-day Lucille Ball. 370 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:34,822 You're prettier than Deborah Messing. 371 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:35,655 Please don't quit. 372 00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,791 Well, if that's the way you feel, 373 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:38,959 I'll stay. Okay. 374 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,160 [beeper goes off] 375 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,462 Oh, it's Dennis. Oh. 376 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,496 Do you have any food? 377 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,464 I'm getting really low blood sugar. 378 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,034 Are you dieting finally? What are you doing? 379 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,501 South Beach, Master Cleanse? 380 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,503 [phone rings] 381 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,872 Hello? 382 00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,841 Whoa, gimme, gimme. Shoo. 383 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,508 Liz, hey. It's me, Dennis. 384 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,543 Dennis, what do you want? 385 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,211 (Dennis on the phone) Do me a huge favor. 386 00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,179 Call Ticketmaster right away. 387 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,881 Nickleback just added another date, right? 388 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,850 I would do it on your computer, 389 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:03,851 but I'm downloading a game right now. 390 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,585 No, I can't do that for you. 391 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,855 Just be home tonight when I get there, okay? 392 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,422 I need to talk to you about something. 393 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,524 Word. 394 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,260 (Tracy) Blue man! 395 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,462 That blue dude keeps following me! 396 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,832 Meek, eep. 397 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,100 All right, let's get him down 398 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,368 to Conan's hair and make-up 399 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,503 and hopefully Kenneth will be back any minute. 400 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:26,506 [dramatic music] 401 00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:32,579 * 402 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:33,981 Oh, my. 403 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,852 (Tracy) No! No! Agh! 404 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,321 No! No! 405 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,390 The blue man is runnin' up on me. 406 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,524 There's no blue man. 407 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:48,595 I can't take the blue man. I don't want the blue man. 408 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,463 All right, all right. 409 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,464 Hey, Liz. 410 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,465 What's up? 411 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,101 Oh, hi, Conan. How are you? 412 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,102 Good. 413 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:55,969 You still going out 414 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,370 with that guy from the pager store? 415 00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,639 Who, Dennis? 416 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,941 Yeah. 417 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,976 You still, um... 418 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,945 How's your wife? 419 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,147 Let's not do this, Elizabeth. 420 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,348 Okay. 421 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:09,516 (Tracy) Nyah, nyah, nyah. 422 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,418 Nah! 423 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:12,419 Vocal warm-ups. 424 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,055 I'll tell him you came by. 425 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,424 Okay. 426 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,459 [Tracy groaning] 427 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,501 Whoa, he licked all of those. 428 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,408 [elevator music] 429 00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:42,950 * 430 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,118 After you, ma'am. 431 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,023 (Liz) Chewbacca, may I speak to Tracy, please? 432 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,525 How's it going? 433 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,393 No! 434 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,528 Past Pete is here to kill Future Pete! 435 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,298 It's going great. 436 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,600 No! 437 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,635 (Liz) It's all right, Tracy. Come back. 438 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,371 Yes, ma'am. 439 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,438 Do you have a prescription 440 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,674 [whispering] for Mr. Tracy Jordan? 441 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,115 (Liz) Come on out of there, buddy. 442 00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,549 Oh, I almost forgot. 443 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,518 Jack would like to see you up in his office. 444 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:22,289 Oh, I don't have time for this. 445 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,623 (Liz on the phone) Yes, Jonathan tell him 446 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,292 I've got my hands full with Tracy. 447 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:26,293 You sound upset. 448 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:27,294 (Liz) I am upset. 449 00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,561 Come on up and we'll talk about it. 450 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,300 [groaning like Chewbacca] 451 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,303 [dramatic music] 452 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:42,575 * 453 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,379 Fine. I will try the other location. 454 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,348 But frankly, LaDonica, 455 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,617 you have not been real helpful. 456 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,658 We'll get to your problem in a minute. 457 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:01,428 Have you had a chance to think of my zinger? 458 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,763 "Well, it's almost Thanksgiving, everybody. 459 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,633 "And I know what this crowd's giving thanks for. 460 00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,368 Estate tax reform." 461 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:11,071 [laughing heartily] 462 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,373 That is terrific. I really enjoyed that. 463 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,675 But, do you think it's too topical? 464 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,444 Damn, I wish this event were tonight. 465 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,413 It's not tonight? When is it? 466 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:21,581 February. 467 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,383 Why are you wearing a tux? 468 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,119 It's after 6:00. 469 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,554 What am I, a farmer? 470 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:34,127 It's 6:00. 471 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,130 [dramatic music] 472 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:43,536 * 473 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,306 (Stage manager) You are right after this commercial, Mr. Jordan. 474 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,175 You can do this. 475 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,343 [Blue man making noises] 476 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,511 Mr. Blue man. 477 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,613 You're gonna tell me my feet stink? 478 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,116 You don't even have feet. Blue man! 479 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,117 [hissing] 480 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,252 Blue man, where your feet at? 481 00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:00,353 (woman) This is home to Late Night 482 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:03,323 with Conan O'Brien. 483 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,125 That's right. 484 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,626 Now we are on the-- 485 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,296 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 486 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,530 This is a page coming through. 487 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,731 I'm sorry. 488 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:12,799 Let me just-- 489 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,602 (Pete) Let him through! 490 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:18,471 [dramatic music] 491 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:26,513 * 492 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:28,815 No. Please. 493 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,751 Here it is! 494 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,520 No. 495 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:37,557 Pete! I'm trying. 496 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,259 Give me his pills! 497 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,393 Here. 498 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,663 They're from Dr. Spaceman. 499 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,798 (Conan) ...my first guest tonight 500 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,500 from his numerous hit releases including 501 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:48,635 "President Homeboy" 502 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,869 and "Honky Grandma Be Tripping." 503 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,872 Or you may know him from his last appearance on this show, 504 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,375 when he tried to stab me in the face. 505 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,244 (Stage manager) Gotta go! Excuse me. 506 00:17:57,277 --> 00:18:00,180 Tracy. 507 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,648 (Conan) Please welcome Tracy Jordan. 508 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,651 [Band plays The Girly Show theme] 509 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:09,689 * 510 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:10,823 You know, 511 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,625 you really went above and beyond for that guy today. 512 00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,127 I just hope we get away with it. 513 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,229 [crowd cheering] 514 00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:24,271 * 515 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,840 This is going on a little long. 516 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:30,610 Don't, don't. Don't do that. 517 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,611 Pants on. Pants on. 518 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:32,879 Sit in the chair, buddy. 519 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,247 Sit in the chair. Sit down. 520 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:35,248 Sit. Oh! 521 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,217 Sit down! 522 00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:44,824 * 523 00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,293 That a boy. 524 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,294 (Conan) Good to have you here. 525 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,895 That was great, and you're-- 526 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:49,896 [Tracy snoring] 527 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,598 And he's asleep. 528 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,633 Which...is okay, 'cause at least 529 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,268 he didn't murder me. 530 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,770 (Conan) We'll take a break, and... 531 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,339 Tracy Jordan, everybody! 532 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:00,673 Hey, you did good, kid. 533 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,609 Give me that. 534 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,876 rip! Ow! 535 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:06,846 [sighs] 536 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:10,783 [Blue man making noises] 537 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,586 I really gotta eat something. 538 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,589 [melancholic music] 539 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:24,664 * 540 00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:26,199 (Daniel) I've lost track of it! 541 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,901 [video game noises] 542 00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,403 Hey. 543 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,672 Hey. What's up? 544 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:33,973 I didn't know what you wanted, 545 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,775 so I ordered you a cheeseburger. 546 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,744 Oh, Dennis. Thank you. 547 00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:41,481 Oh, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much. 548 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,350 So what did you want to talk to me about, huh? 549 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,918 Nothing. I forget. 550 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,688 I just want to listen to you play Halo 551 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:49,689 'til I fall asleep. 552 00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:50,523 Ah, that's baloney! 553 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,359 How did the grenade not kill him? 554 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,693 He was standing right next to it. 555 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:56,363 You know what, Liz? This controller's defective. 556 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,398 Liz? 557 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,580 Well, I got started in the NBC page program. 558 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,249 And before you know it, I'm making hit movies 559 00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,817 with my good friend, and roommate, 560 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,619 Zach Braff. 561 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,323 What? 562 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:24,957 Who told you that? 563 00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:28,328 Well, yes. I do know how to clog. 564 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:31,864 But I don't think anybody wants to see me do that. 565 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:35,402 You do? Really? 566 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,569 Okay. 567 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,710 You're a weird guy, Kenneth. 568 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,345 See you tomorrow, Mr. O'Brien. 569 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:48,381 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com