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Previously on Dirt:
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Hi, Lucy.
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- Julia, what are you doing here?
- You ruined my life.
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I was thinking about
that article you wrote.
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It was actually pretty good.
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But I have some cuts.
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You reap what you sow, Lucy.
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Guess that whole "reaping what you sow"
thing works both ways.
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Hey, it's me again, Don Konkey.
Dirt Now's resident schizophrenic...
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- Dad, I think it's time.
- ...and photographer.
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I take photos of celebrities and I sell
them to my best friend and boss,
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Lucy Spiller, the editor
of Dirt Now magazine.
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So much to catch you up on,
so try and keep up.
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It all started when Holt McLaren sold
info to Lucy about Kira being pregnant.
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After Lucy broke the story,
Kira OD'd and died.
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After hearing about Kira's death,
Holt freaked out and flipped his car
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with his girlfriend,
big star Julia Mallory,
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and that's when things
got really complicated.
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- Lucy and Holt kind of had sex...
- Oh, God!
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...a lot. Julia started sliding
into the world of drugs and sex...
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Jesus Christ, Julia, what
the hell are you doing?
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...and then leaked her own sex tape,
then claimed she was raped.
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She'd have gotten away with
it if Lucy hadn't have found out
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- and published the truth.
- This is a great cover.
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I'm really worried about her.
She's been in a coma now for two weeks.
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I'm all she has left.
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Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
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Anyway, I'm just really
hoping Lucy wakes up...
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...and things get back to normal.
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You're all right, Lucy.
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Yeah, you're all right.
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You're OK.
You got hurt, but now you're OK.
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You're safe.
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You're all right, Miss Spiller.
You're all right.
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She's trying to say something.
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- I think she's asking for her mother.
- No, no, no, no. Listen.
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The cover...
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Cover...
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This is great. It should be a sidebar.
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OK, lose the drop cap on this one.
We're not The New Yorker.
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I've asked for the sales numbers twice.
What's up?
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- Terry's bringing them over.
- Bringing them over? Call her.
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- She needs to rest.
- No, no, no, Don...
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Go.
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- Don, I'm fine.
- Because you've been getting rest.
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- How's the injection going?
- OK...
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They mix the drugs with sesame oil
to cause it to time-release.
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Just regular sesame oil.
Like a stir-fry.
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Don't... No, don't...
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I can't believe I'm looking at you.
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You know, I knew you
were here the whole time.
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I could feel you.
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But tonight, Don, you gotta go home.
You do.
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You gotta sleep in your own bed.
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I don't care how many pizza boxes
or newspapers are piled on it.
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- You gotta go home.
- OK. Come on, have some tea.
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Oh, thank you.
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That hurts.
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How are you doing, buddy?
You're getting bigger all the time.
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- Holt McLaren.
- Don Konkey.
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David Fincher described you as
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"an actor possessed"
and "deeply instinctual."
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The movie tracked well with men 18
to 34 and even better with women.
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- That's good to know.
- While your reviews were excellent,
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the movie probably won't receive
a nomination
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because it's considered a genre film.
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Listen, man, can I come in?
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- Who told you where I live?
- A woman 18 to 34.
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Right. Yeah.
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I don't have any beer.
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You drink Bud, Corona, Rolling Rock.
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- I do have some cheese, however.
- What's that smell?
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My cat.
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So did you tell her
I tried to visit her?
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Yeah.
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No.
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She needs to rest.
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Don, I miss her.
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And you're the only one that knows,
so could you just tell her I miss her?
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- Please?
- OK.
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- How's she doing?
- She thinks she's better than she is.
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- Yeah. Is she coming home soon?
- Two weeks, if there's no infection.
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Infection's the killer
with this type of wound.
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- She can't get an infection.
- But she's pretty alert, though?
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She's Lucy. She's very alert.
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All right.
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- Spiller?
- Yeah. Animal therapy. Hug A Pet.
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- Is that a Bearded Collie?
- It sure is.
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- Would you like to say hello?
- Yeah. Hi. What's his name?
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- This is Bugsy.
- Hi, Bugsy. Hi, baby.
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So, how'd you know?
Nobody ever guesses the breed.
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Because I used to have one
when I was in high school.
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Best dog I ever had.
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- Spiller... Are you Lucy Spiller?
- Yeah, I am.
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Oh, my God.
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- What a... It's a terrible story.
- You should see the other guy.
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Man, she just went crazy?
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- I guess so.
- Was it just because you wrote
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that article about her or...
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- Your dog looks pretty thirsty.
- Oh, no, she's fine.
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Wow, that's pretty good.
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You're the only reporter
who's made it into the room.
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What? No...
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Miles, let's give
the police department a call, OK?
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- Or I could deal with him.
- No, look... You're right.
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But I'm not a tabloid reporter.
I work for the LA Weekly.
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My name is Farber Kauffman.
I'm a freelancer. OK?
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I just graduated from Columbia
Journalism four months ago. Please.
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Why would the pretentious snobs
who read the Weekly
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- care what goes on at a tabloid?
- I pitched it as this kind of
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cultural endgame story.
Tabloid culture killed Julia Mallory,
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but not before she tried
to kill the tabloid queen.
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- You know, that sort of thing.
- First of all, yawn.
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And the murder attempt.
It seemed personal, almost sexual.
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Why did she go to your house,
get inside and stab you repeatedly?
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I mean,
that's the kind of violent action
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that one takes against their intimate.
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That's interesting, if it were true.
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But crazy people imagine they
know you better than they do.
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Kauffman. You're the one who wrote the
piece on the Russian Mafia last month.
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That was good.
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What do you say I triple whatever
you're making and put you on staff?
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You want me to dig through
Lindsay Lohan's garbage for a living?
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Come on, give it a shot.
If you don't like it, walk away.
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Or Miles could give you
a lift to booking.
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You're getting so big, buddy.
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There's hardly room for both of us
in the bed anymore.
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Is there?
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You know what "normal" means, Don?
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It means your cat doesn't talk to you.
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Well, I guess your right,
but what happens...?
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Goodbye, Don.
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Goodbye, buddy.
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- Wow. You just get bigger.
- I feel like shit.
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Did you give Barrow the changes?
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- Yeah.
- Can I have your pudding?
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00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,712
No, honey, I love the pudding.
You can have the apple sauce.
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- OK.
- Let me see the sales numbers.
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All right, I told Barrow
he should bring these over himself.
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No one wanted to tell you.
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- What's Icon?
- We probably should have lied.
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- What is Icon Magazine?
- You need to rest, Lucy.
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No! What the hell is Icon Magazine?
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- Is that the cover?
- Yeah, I don't think that Barrow
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- really incorporated your notes.
- Please give it to me.
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- He's kind of losing it.
- Give it... God!
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- Don! Don, give it to me!
- No, no! Lucy, you shouldn't.
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She shouldn't. I mean,
you shouldn't be doing this,
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shouldn't be trying to run a
magazine out of a hospital bedroom!
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You know, you almost died! And they said
that I should be prepared for the worst!
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You know, "She could die,
your friend could die."
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- Don...
- Or slip into a permanent persistent
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vegetative state, and then eventually
you would have to pull the plug
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because there's no point
in going on when people...
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Don!
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Don... are you all right?
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Let me have it.
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It's OK.
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00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,477
It's OK.
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- I'm OK.
- I'm sorry.
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I'm sorry.
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- You can have my pudding.
- Thanks.
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00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,576
Thank you.
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You're kidding, right?
You've got to be kidding me!
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Oh, Christ! My freaking water broke.
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Great. Wipe it up with that.
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I just don't know
what they were thinking.
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00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:49,811
Miss Spiller. Miss Spiller, first of
all, you should be in a wheel chair.
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00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,480
Yeah, you should be in this hospital
for at least another week.
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00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,232
Miss Spiller,
this is not just hospital rules.
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If you walk out of here,
you could risk infection...
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If I can survive whatever's lurking
in Don's car, I can survive anything.
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Hi.
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00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:13,167
Hello, everyone. Vacation's over.
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00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:25,888
Hey, Brent.
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- Spiller. You're...
- Alive.
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00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:34,522
Well, yeah. I thought you
were out for another couple of weeks.
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- Are you back for good?
- Looks like it.
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Oh, thank God.
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I humbly relinquish my throne.
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I just... I would like to say,
everybody,
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this has been the most
humbling experience of my life.
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- Me, too.
- Really?
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00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,915
More than that
whole underage sex thing?
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00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,584
- Well...
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- Yeah.
- We'll save the tears
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and the group hugs for later.
Right now we have a magazine to rescue.
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Oh, and this is Farber Kauffman.
He's a staff reporter
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who will be gunning
for all of your jobs.
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00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,179
- Hey.
- I mean, really?
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00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,931
That's what you came up with?
After my notes?
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00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,517
And after the last two
Julia Mallory covers tanked?
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00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,728
- Well, they didn't tank...
- No?
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00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,063
- They got beat.
- Yeah, here, here.
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00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,981
Let me see it.
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00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:20,234
Well, they just ripped off our design
and did a better cover.
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00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,944
I mean, look at it. It's great.
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00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:25,281
They found a publicity shot
of Julia Mallory holding a knife.
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00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,825
Where the hell was my photo department?
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00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,121
Wow, this is pathetic.
This story just dropped in our laps.
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00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,792
In my gut! And this is the best...
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00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,335
...the best you can do?
203
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:43,383
We need to move on. Is that clear?
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00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:47,095
We need to find a new story
where we define the curve.
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00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,013
Hello? Is this thing on?
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00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,307
Willa?
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00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,935
Oh, God, well...
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00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,312
...we could do a Julia Mallory cover
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00:14:56,479 --> 00:15:00,942
with... with... a reenactment.
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00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,152
You know, we could do it with photos...
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00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,947
It's so much worse than I thought.
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00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,073
Spiller.
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00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,742
- Lucy, should I just be following you?
- That one's yours.
214
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,370
- Excuse me, that is my desk!
- I know.
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00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:18,918
Oh, well, this is bullshit,
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00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:22,630
bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
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00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,007
Has Martina Linn had her baby yet?
218
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,843
No, she's still in the hospital
on bed rest.
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00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,846
Why is she on bed rest? To try
to keep her away from the Mai Tais?
220
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,015
It's true,
God does write the best soap operas.
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00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,805
- Farber, do you know this story?
- Yeah, a little.
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00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,060
Catch him up.
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00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,728
Alrighty then.
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00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:41,190
Chapter One:
cheap gold-digger, Martina Linn,
225
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:45,027
stripper/model, marries 68-year-old
Ukrainian oil tycoon.
226
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:48,948
- He gets poisoned by the Russian mob.
- The prince dies, the princess cries
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00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:53,327
- and she inherits a lot of money.
- Right, exactly. So, Chapter Two:
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00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,496
His mob buddies
say that it's their money.
229
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,999
So she hires Keith Straub,
sleazy lawyer guy,
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00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,251
who says that he can get the money back
from the Russians
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00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:03,171
- without getting her killed.
- And let me guess. They fall in love.
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00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,381
Yeah. He's having a kid with her
so that he can make sure
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00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,134
- that he's tied to her 300 mil.
- So everyone's gonna cover this
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00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:11,846
as "gold-digger makes good."
But she is more than that.
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00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,724
When the nuclear blast hits, it's
just gonna be her and the cockroaches.
236
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,602
- So chapter three is the baby?
- Now, when this baby drops,
237
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,395
we better own this story.
238
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,067
And have my office painted.
I've seen enough red.
239
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,153
Willa, do you have anything yet?
240
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,405
- Since three minutes ago?
- All right, go talk to her.
241
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,574
She never met
a reporter she didn't like.
242
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,075
- Lucy.
- What?
243
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:36,162
- I just wanted to tell you something.
- What?
244
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:39,582
When I first started working here,
I thought that I could do your job
245
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,751
if I could just... sort of be you.
246
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,045
You know,
but when you were in the hospital,
247
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,173
I had a chance to take on as much
of the responsibility for this magazine
248
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:50,426
- as I ever dreamed and...
- And what?
249
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,220
Well, I just... I couldn't do it.
250
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,264
I mean, I can dress like you,
I can act like you,
251
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:59,936
but it's gonna take a long time
before I can run a magazine like you.
252
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,730
That's sweet.
253
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,690
Did you rehearse that?
254
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,109
Yeah.
255
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,698
- Hey, Don.
- Hey, Lucy.
256
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,326
- Are you done yet?
- I'm still here in Dr. Shalba's office.
257
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,995
- OK, I'll be right there.
- No, no, no.
258
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,123
- You don't have to, I'm OK.
- Don, I'm on my way.
259
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,000
- I'm good.
- All right, bye.
260
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,293
Bye.
261
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:26,462
Oh, Willa?
262
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,298
- Hi. Keith Straub.
- Hi.
263
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,384
How are you? Good to see you.
This is Chad.
264
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,303
- I'm the son that doesn't matter.
- OK. Kids...
265
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,139
- Yeah.
- And this, of course,
266
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,977
- is the stunning Martina Linn.
- Shut up, Keith. I look like a whale.
267
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,896
I can't wait for my C-section.
268
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,732
It's so nice to meet you all.
269
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,818
Thank you so much for taking
the time to meet with me.
270
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,736
Lucy wanted to be here in person,
271
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:53,114
but she's just out
of the hospital herself, so...
272
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,491
No problem, sweetie. We're just
thrilled that you're interested
273
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,994
- in the baby pictures.
- All the magazines are interested,
274
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:02,415
- but... the more the merrier.
- Well, Lucy wants to do a cover,
275
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:07,128
a whole issue, really, about how love
triumphs over tragedy and adversity.
276
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,381
- That's sweet.
- Yeah.
277
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,550
Are there any wedding bells
in your future?
278
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,469
No, no, no.
I've been married twice before
279
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,805
and both times it was a disaster.
280
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,808
I love Keith way too much
to put that curse on him.
281
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:24,353
This baby is our bond of love.
You can quote us on that.
282
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,564
Do you know that
he got me my inheritance
283
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,399
without me ending up in the Dumpster?
284
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,860
- Wow.
- He is my savior and my true love.
285
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:33,321
That's another good quote.
Speaking of the story,
286
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,199
let's get back to the baby pictures.
So we're at 750
287
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,787
- for the exclusive set right now.
- Wow. That's pretty high.
288
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:45,207
- No shit.
- Chaddie, would you go get me a soda?
289
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:49,629
Yes, Mama. Right away, Mama.
Anything for you, Mama.
290
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,257
It was really nice to meet you, Chad.
291
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,886
Yeah. You, too. Yeah.
292
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:59,388
- Hi, Don.
- Hi, Dr. Shalba.
293
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:02,141
How are you feeling today, Don?
294
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,810
- Weird.
- "Weird" how?
295
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:11,233
Well, I... I say "weird"
because I'm starting to feel normal.
296
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,695
And I haven't felt normal
for a long time.
297
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:16,947
It feels weird.
298
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,660
Well, we'll keep an eye
on those feelings of normalcy.
299
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:23,454
- They can be pretty scary.
- Yeah.
300
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:26,624
Schizophrenia serves a purpose
for people who suffer from it.
301
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:31,087
The hallucinations, the flights
of psychosis actually help
302
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:35,174
lessen the pain and intensity
of everyday experience.
303
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,343
- Do you follow?
- I do.
304
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,513
But I think it's great
that we're trying this.
305
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,188
OK.
306
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:53,609
I'm gonna give you
the shot now, all right?
307
00:19:56,737 --> 00:20:00,616
And we'll make sure your
"normal" doesn't get too weird.
308
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:02,827
- Dr. Shalba?
- Yes, Don?
309
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,954
Those African masks,
310
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,039
they never really spoke, did they?
311
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,083
No, Don. They never spoke.
312
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,168
I'll see you in a couple of weeks, OK?
313
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,340
Wow.
314
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:28,978
Hey, come here!
315
00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:30,980
You ungrateful bitch!
316
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:34,233
- Holy shit.
- This is the thanks that I get?
317
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,153
Don, is that Sharlee Cates?
Sharlee Cates!
318
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:38,609
- Oh, yeah.
- Get your camera out.
319
00:20:38,784 --> 00:20:39,613
- OK.
- Hurry!
320
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,576
- OK! I'm hurrying.
- Get the shot. What is on her face?
321
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:46,829
- What is she actually doing?
- No. No, no good.
322
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,081
- No good?
- I'm sorry.
323
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:56,922
- Sharlee Cates would be a great get.
- Please, Lucy, Lucy...
324
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,055
No, Lucy, please...
325
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:09,477
Get it, Don!
326
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,061
What are you doing?!
327
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,856
I'm gonna kill you!
Freaking move!
328
00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,859
Get away! Move!
329
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:21,614
You freaking paparazzi piece of shit!
I'll hit you! Move!
330
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,660
Piece of shit!
331
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,165
You're crazy.
332
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:37,880
Oh, shit. I popped a staple.
333
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:41,759
- No...
- It's OK. That was great.
334
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,553
I'm going to say another week
of bed rest at the very minimum.
335
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,806
- All right.
- Doctor, Karla is freaking
336
00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:48,641
in Radiology.
You need to get up there.
337
00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:51,519
- Why? What is Karla's problem?
- All I know is that she is shouting
338
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:55,272
- your name like she was on fire.
- You want finish dressing this?
339
00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:01,487
You're the magazine lady, Lucy Spiller?
340
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:05,366
- I am.
- You guys buy stories, right?
341
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:07,993
- Depends.
- Well, nobody's got this one.
342
00:22:08,369 --> 00:22:11,163
Martina Linn's son, Chad,
is in the hospital.
343
00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:14,583
- How am I doing?
- Don, you got cash?
344
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:17,253
- Underpants.
- Go on.
345
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:20,756
My friend at St. Edmunds
said it was a massive overdose.
346
00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:22,925
- Dead?
- Coma.
347
00:22:23,217 --> 00:22:25,928
She's a tragedy magnet, that one.
348
00:22:28,222 --> 00:22:29,431
Chapter Three.
349
00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:38,148
It's Chad Linn. Tell Lucy Spiller
I got the real story for her.
350
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:41,193
About the old man, murder,
sex, betrayal, everything.
351
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,654
But I want to get paid good.
Hit me back, blondie.
352
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:44,780
When did this come in?
353
00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:46,574
About an hour before they said he OD'd.
354
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:49,159
- I thought he was clean.
- Yeah, apparently not so much.
355
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:52,121
What is this "real story"
he's talking about?
356
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:54,123
Do I need to call this in to the LAPD?
357
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,709
So they can screw it up? No.
358
00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,211
Don's on the hospital,
let's see what happens.
359
00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:02,715
All right, I gave the floor nurse 500
bucks so that she'd keep everybody out
360
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,967
- while I talked to Martina.
- Go give her a grand.
361
00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:06,343
- What for?
- Because we need her.
362
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:09,013
- Tell her it's a down payment.
- All right.
363
00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:12,975
Bob Woodward, see what you can find out
about Sharlee Cates and this broad.
364
00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:14,810
- These are great.
- Thank you.
365
00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:18,063
I got the pictures of the kid
in the coma.
366
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:21,609
And I got a copy of his medical chart.
367
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,653
It said he OD'd on methadone.
368
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,655
Methadone?
369
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:30,284
What addict accidently
overdoses on methadone?
370
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:32,995
They're calling it a suicide.
371
00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:37,207
Something's not right.
372
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:43,047
You don't call wanting a payday when
you're planning to kill yourself.
373
00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:47,885
- Easy.
- OK.
374
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:52,389
Wow.
375
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:58,604
I guess somebody, you know,
knew he would talk
376
00:23:58,729 --> 00:24:00,981
and messed with his dosage.
377
00:24:02,483 --> 00:24:04,109
Looks like we've got Chapter Four.
378
00:24:05,027 --> 00:24:07,821
That's great, Don. You feeling good?
379
00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:13,661
No, but I'm feeling normal.
380
00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:20,709
Willa, hi. Wake up.
381
00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:24,213
I need you to get every bit of audio
you can find on Chad Linn.
382
00:24:24,338 --> 00:24:26,256
Get our web guy to help you out.
383
00:24:26,382 --> 00:24:28,509
OK, I need it by tomorrow. Thanks.
384
00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:38,560
You need to rest.
385
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:53,534
- Getting it done?
- Oh, yeah.
386
00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:55,995
Yeah, we're getting there. Slowly.
387
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,288
Young Chad wasn't the most
articulate guy in town.
388
00:24:58,414 --> 00:25:00,332
- Neither is the mom.
- Oh, she had her baby.
389
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,918
- Really?
- Yeah. Eight pounds, 11 ounces.
390
00:25:03,085 --> 00:25:04,586
Baby Lindee. C-section.
391
00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:07,339
Well, if it takes after the mom,
four of the eight pounds are tits.
392
00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:08,757
Is she photo friendly?
393
00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:11,593
- Yeah, total Gerber baby, apparently.
- Oh, great.
394
00:25:11,719 --> 00:25:14,221
All right, tell photo to go up to 850.
395
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:17,349
McPherson, I want you to pay that nurse
another five grand.
396
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:21,103
Get something from the baby.
I want a diaper, a hair, an ear.
397
00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:24,773
- Take it to Gateway Labs.
- OK. Oh, Lucy, there's a guy...
398
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:28,027
Hello. Hi. Ms. Spiller.
It's great to meet you.
399
00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:29,653
I was sent over by Media Helpers.
400
00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:32,281
I think Claudia at HR spoke
to you about the assistant job.
401
00:25:32,406 --> 00:25:33,574
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yes.
402
00:25:33,699 --> 00:25:36,535
- Let me have your resume.
- OK. Here you go.
403
00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:40,247
OK.
404
00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:43,000
- Good, you went to college.
- Yes.
405
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:46,128
You're a big guy. I like that.
It makes me feel safe.
406
00:25:46,295 --> 00:25:47,629
Oh, great. That's great.
407
00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:50,340
Yeah, listen, I'm sorry to hear
about your recent troubles.
408
00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:53,761
If there's anything that I can do
to make things easier around here...
409
00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:58,599
- You know I'm a crazy bitch, right?
- Yes, I have heard that you can be...
410
00:25:58,724 --> 00:26:01,310
It can be a bit of a challenge,
but I'm certainly ready
411
00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:03,145
- to meet that challenge and...
- That's fantastic.
412
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:06,440
- Here, you can start right now.
- Fantastic! Yes, great, thank you.
413
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:08,150
I wasn't really planning, but yes.
414
00:26:08,317 --> 00:26:10,486
Wait, your name is Kenny?
415
00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:13,697
- Yes, is that a problem?
- Well, it was for the last guy.
416
00:26:13,864 --> 00:26:16,492
- What happened to the last guy?
- He got shot in the head.
417
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:20,120
OK.
418
00:26:22,498 --> 00:26:23,832
- Harsh.
- What?
419
00:26:23,957 --> 00:26:26,251
Harsh. I know. I know. Harsh.
420
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,170
- What are you doing?
- I'm going to leave.
421
00:26:28,295 --> 00:26:30,964
I just need a second.
I just need a second. Harsh.
422
00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:33,050
I know. I know. I know. Harsh.
423
00:26:34,134 --> 00:26:35,135
OK.
424
00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:38,388
OK. I'm good.
425
00:26:38,514 --> 00:26:40,891
I'm sorry, I just...
I have this condition,
426
00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:44,144
and I don't want to bore you with it,
but this is the only thing that helps.
427
00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:47,856
It's self-soothing. Otherwise I faint.
428
00:26:47,962 --> 00:26:49,775
So I'm going to go.
Thank you so much for your time.
429
00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:52,169
I think you should stay.
This could be fun.
430
00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:54,071
Oh, excellent.
431
00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:58,242
Yes, yes, I think that it could be fun,
and really when you think about it...
432
00:26:58,367 --> 00:27:02,079
- You've got to minimize the chatter.
- Right. I'm sorry, I get nervous.
433
00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:04,164
That's... OK. Thank you.
434
00:27:04,331 --> 00:27:06,458
OK. Watch out for anthrax.
435
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:13,298
Harsh.
436
00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:17,719
Oh, Lucy.
437
00:27:17,845 --> 00:27:21,390
So the lady Sharlee Cates was chasing
was the mother of her assistant,
438
00:27:21,557 --> 00:27:24,726
Joanne Wentzel. Ex-assistant, rather.
439
00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:27,688
Sharlee was chasing
her ex-assistant's mother?
440
00:27:27,813 --> 00:27:31,191
- Apparently.
- Well, it's a dazzling story. Why?
441
00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,987
Well, the mother, Joanne, works at
a dermatologist's office. Bad Botox?
442
00:27:35,112 --> 00:27:37,656
Sharlee Cates is 22, genius.
443
00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:41,910
So I looked up your information,
444
00:27:42,161 --> 00:27:44,705
which we're not supposed to do unless
we're running a check for employers,
445
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:48,917
but I do it all the time.
New girlfriends, landlords, whatever.
446
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:51,712
Plus, this thing kicks ass
over Google, so...
447
00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:55,757
Had a bit of a gambling problem
in college? Yeah, it's a bummer.
448
00:27:55,924 --> 00:28:00,137
Uneven employment history
and you work for Dirt Now, now.
449
00:28:00,262 --> 00:28:01,972
It always terrifies me
how much information
450
00:28:02,097 --> 00:28:05,184
- potential employers have access to.
- No, I know. It's crazy.
451
00:28:05,309 --> 00:28:06,768
Hey, how's it going, Emily?
452
00:28:06,894 --> 00:28:11,440
Yeah, I like how the piping is fitting
with the... the slacks.
453
00:28:11,565 --> 00:28:13,567
Is that a... It's a choice.
454
00:28:13,692 --> 00:28:16,653
Five DUIs, two kids, bikes to work.
It's a sad story.
455
00:28:16,818 --> 00:28:18,918
- I don't know how she does it.
- Did you find anything out
456
00:28:19,018 --> 00:28:21,450
- about Heather Wentzel, the assistant?
- Why?
457
00:28:21,575 --> 00:28:23,493
Is this some kind of big Sharlee Cates
scandal coming down?
458
00:28:23,619 --> 00:28:26,038
- All depends on you now, Lars.
- Then you're shit out of luck.
459
00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:28,457
Heather Wentzel's boring. No arrests.
460
00:28:28,624 --> 00:28:31,627
And the Sharlee Cates gig
was her first assistant job. So...
461
00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:35,380
- What about the mom?
- Joanne Wentzel.
462
00:28:39,092 --> 00:28:43,222
Yeah. She almost got fired because
her employer, Alpha Pharmaceuticals,
463
00:28:43,347 --> 00:28:46,600
accused her of stealing quantities
of prescription drugs to sell
464
00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:49,186
to her clients.
Turns out they couldn't prove anything
465
00:28:49,311 --> 00:28:51,855
because the file was closed,
but it wasn't closed to us
466
00:28:51,980 --> 00:28:54,775
because the mighty corporation sees all.
467
00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:59,154
I'm starting to see how this comes
together. It's cool. Reporting.
468
00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:03,158
- So am I going to be in Dirt Now?
- Well, wouldn't you get fired?
469
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:07,412
Yeah, I guess.
Can I be an anonymous source?
470
00:29:08,997 --> 00:29:10,165
No problem.
471
00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:14,211
Hey. The mother, Joanne Wentzel,
was Sharlee's dealer.
472
00:29:14,336 --> 00:29:16,838
OK, got her daughter Heather
hired as Sharlee's assistant.
473
00:29:16,964 --> 00:29:20,425
But when Joanne gets busted and stops
getting Vicodin and Oxy for Sharlee,
474
00:29:20,550 --> 00:29:23,887
Sharlee freaked. OK, I'm basically two
calls away from having it locked up
475
00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:27,349
- and double-sourced.
- Wow. Not bad, Woodward.
476
00:29:27,516 --> 00:29:29,101
I know, right?
477
00:29:29,268 --> 00:29:31,853
So Sharlee Cates is a drug user?
Could be.
478
00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:33,939
But no, no, no. For sure.
OK, I confirmed with Heather,
479
00:29:34,064 --> 00:29:36,483
the assistant she fired,
and I got the secondary source.
480
00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:39,861
- It's going to pass Legal for sure.
- All right, well, it's interesting.
481
00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:43,323
- I'll definitely consider it, thanks.
- That's it?
482
00:29:44,741 --> 00:29:45,993
Your writing could use some work.
483
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:48,829
Willa, give it a pass?
Dirt it up a little?
484
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:50,330
You mean dumb it down?
485
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:53,041
OK, let's see.
486
00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:55,711
"She's the apotheosis
of bubble-gum pop."
487
00:29:55,877 --> 00:29:57,838
You're kidding, right?
Any word on Chad Linn?
488
00:29:57,963 --> 00:30:01,633
No, still coma-boy,
but I did get a tape for you.
489
00:30:01,722 --> 00:30:03,397
- Did your nurse come through?
- I got a hair.
490
00:30:03,497 --> 00:30:07,039
Great. I want a lab report as soon as
possible. I don't care what it costs.
491
00:30:10,726 --> 00:30:14,271
Chad wants to sell us the story.
He says you tried to kill him.
492
00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:17,190
- Chaddie's awake?
- I'm going to make you a deal.
493
00:30:17,316 --> 00:30:21,236
I'll tell your story. You can use
the pages of Dirt to sway the jury.
494
00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:22,863
It's bullshit.
I just saw him this morning.
495
00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:26,575
Ted Williams' head has a better
chance of waking up. Sorry, baby.
496
00:30:27,159 --> 00:30:31,038
Well, he was up enough to ask the nurse
to switch him to a more secure room.
497
00:30:31,163 --> 00:30:34,082
- You can ask the ICU.
- You're full of shit.
498
00:30:37,294 --> 00:30:38,462
Let's see.
499
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:43,216
Lucy, it's Chad Linn. I got
a real story, but I want to get paid.
500
00:30:43,342 --> 00:30:47,387
Martina tried to make me die
just like she poisoned the old man.
501
00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:49,556
What'd you do?
Load his Diet Coke with methadone?
502
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,433
Don't say anything.
503
00:30:51,558 --> 00:30:55,187
I don't know why you keep sticking up
for her. She screwed you, too.
504
00:30:55,312 --> 00:30:57,126
OK, I think it's time
you get the hell out of here.
505
00:30:57,251 --> 00:31:01,443
Fine. But if it were me and my baby girl
was another man's, I'd want to know.
506
00:31:02,110 --> 00:31:04,863
What? That's bullshit. Go.
507
00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:08,241
Here you go. This is baby Lindee's DNA.
508
00:31:10,452 --> 00:31:13,747
There's a match to a very
large Russian family, the Romanovs.
509
00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:16,041
Isn't that the name
of your late husband?
510
00:31:17,584 --> 00:31:19,836
Keith, you're not the father.
511
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:22,464
She's not going to marry you.
You're not going to get a dime.
512
00:31:22,631 --> 00:31:24,549
Keith, honey, honestly I would never...
513
00:31:24,674 --> 00:31:27,552
Don't. Don't. Don't.
Do not bullshit me.
514
00:31:28,011 --> 00:31:30,472
So when were you going
to get around to killing me?
515
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:33,517
That's so mean. Why would you
say something so hurtful?
516
00:31:33,642 --> 00:31:36,311
Spare me the theatrics, OK?
This isn't one of your soft-porn movies.
517
00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:38,647
You poisoned your husband, you poisoned
your child, it just stands to reason
518
00:31:38,814 --> 00:31:42,192
that I'm next. You can't let me live,
can you? I know where the bodies are.
519
00:31:45,529 --> 00:31:49,116
Keith, honey, really it's just our word
against hers. It don't mean nothing.
520
00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:51,827
What about me, Martina? What do I get?
521
00:31:51,993 --> 00:31:56,248
Just anything you want.
Just draw up the papers. I'll sign it.
522
00:31:56,373 --> 00:31:59,835
I love you. Now, you still love me?
523
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:12,013
What are you going to do?
524
00:32:12,431 --> 00:32:15,308
I'm going to give away half my money
as soon as he gets bored,
525
00:32:16,101 --> 00:32:20,230
- like they all eventually do.
- If you say so.
526
00:32:21,022 --> 00:32:24,484
- You've got no story here, you know.
- Really?
527
00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:28,196
- How so?
- Well, he's not going to talk
528
00:32:28,321 --> 00:32:30,407
because he'd implicate himself.
529
00:32:30,532 --> 00:32:33,702
And even if Chaddie does
come out of his coma,
530
00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:37,706
well, he's a career addict.
531
00:32:37,831 --> 00:32:40,792
Breaks my heart.
With a criminal history?
532
00:32:42,419 --> 00:32:44,671
He's not a very reliable witness.
533
00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:48,258
Yeah, well, I'm not a DA.
534
00:32:49,134 --> 00:32:51,386
I'm a reporter,
and I'm pretty certain
535
00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:55,474
that I can report
your confession in this interview.
536
00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,309
Yeah, well, knock yourself out.
537
00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:01,062
Really.
Because I didn't say any of that.
538
00:33:01,438 --> 00:33:03,148
You know, Phil Spector,
539
00:33:03,607 --> 00:33:04,900
he killed that woman.
540
00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:09,571
Shot her dead, confessed at the
crime scene and what happened to him?
541
00:33:11,072 --> 00:33:16,411
And I have more money than him
and Robert Blake and O.J. combined.
542
00:33:27,506 --> 00:33:30,008
- Miss Spiller, Sharlee Cates is here.
- Move, ass-wipe.
543
00:33:30,217 --> 00:33:31,593
Harsh.
544
00:33:32,636 --> 00:33:35,847
I have a kid and a marriage, you know.
I will sue.
545
00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:39,142
It all went through Legal.
They're pretty confident.
546
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,771
- But I'm not gonna run it.
- What?
547
00:33:43,688 --> 00:33:46,024
I want you to meet someone.
548
00:33:46,274 --> 00:33:49,528
- This is Don Konkey.
- Hi, Sharlee.
549
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:53,698
- That sounds like Donkey Kong.
- Yeah, it's almost an anagram.
550
00:33:53,823 --> 00:33:58,286
Don Konkey. Donkey Kong.
Except there's no "G" in Don Konkey.
551
00:33:58,453 --> 00:34:00,163
Don's going to be
your personal photographer.
552
00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:01,915
He'll need unfettered access.
553
00:34:02,541 --> 00:34:04,125
Oh, that means "lots."
554
00:34:05,752 --> 00:34:09,881
- I really liked Love Me Monday.
- Thank you.
555
00:34:10,257 --> 00:34:13,593
I mean, why have one sad,
career-destroying cover
556
00:34:13,718 --> 00:34:16,304
when we can have
20 happy, productive ones?
557
00:34:37,158 --> 00:34:39,369
I knew Julia Mallory.
558
00:34:40,787 --> 00:34:43,123
Not like best friends, but I knew her.
559
00:34:45,959 --> 00:34:48,128
Doesn't it make you nervous...
560
00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:52,507
...to mess around
with people's lives like this?
561
00:34:54,884 --> 00:34:57,554
Given everything that's happened?
562
00:35:08,189 --> 00:35:09,566
No.
563
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:13,612
Well...
564
00:35:15,697 --> 00:35:19,159
My fans don't want
to see me as a druggie. So...
565
00:35:21,453 --> 00:35:23,538
Give me a call, Donkey Kong.
566
00:35:25,290 --> 00:35:27,125
Oh, I'm sorry.
567
00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:31,296
Yeah, that'll be good.
568
00:35:35,550 --> 00:35:38,511
That's a $12,000 rug.
I hope she's worth it.
569
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:43,058
- Don't sweat it, dude.
- Thank you, dude.
570
00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:46,478
You get that that story was just a prop
571
00:35:46,603 --> 00:35:49,064
for Lucy to use with Sharlee?
And with you.
572
00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:56,363
It still doesn't excuse some of your
larger sins of metaphor and syntax
573
00:35:56,488 --> 00:35:58,657
- in this piece.
- Oh, goody.
574
00:35:58,782 --> 00:36:00,909
Journalism class. Go ahead.
575
00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:04,954
"Last May at the Coliseum, Sharlee Cates
literally ripped the hearts
576
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,999
out of the audience
with her rendition of 'Hey, Jude'."
577
00:36:08,958 --> 00:36:10,835
Help me out here, Willa,
what did she do, exactly?
578
00:36:10,919 --> 00:36:14,089
Did she descend
into the crowd while singing
579
00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:17,175
and start tearing out their
still-beating hearts
580
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:20,428
like some kind of Mayan priest
at a ritual sacrifice?
581
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:24,015
I mean, I'm assuming
you were a journalism major,
582
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:26,434
or at least an English major.
583
00:36:26,601 --> 00:36:29,479
Jesus Christ, what do you do?
Just come to work here
584
00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:34,442
and throw out every trace of education
and ethics you ever acquired?
585
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:40,115
You wouldn't happen
to be talking about yourself
586
00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:42,826
just a... just a little bit, would you?
587
00:36:50,667 --> 00:36:52,210
Whatever.
588
00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:01,886
He died a year ago
on the night of a Blood Moon.
589
00:37:02,345 --> 00:37:04,973
Also known as a Sanguine Moon.
590
00:37:06,307 --> 00:37:09,728
That's tonight. A year ago.
591
00:37:09,853 --> 00:37:12,814
- I remember.
- Tristan was special.
592
00:37:12,981 --> 00:37:16,651
There was no way
he was going to a pet cemetery.
593
00:37:16,776 --> 00:37:21,072
Ramon, the caretaker here,
he understands that.
594
00:37:21,823 --> 00:37:24,659
And I give him a hundred a month
on the side.
595
00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:29,914
I didn't like the way you drove
when we were chasing Sharlee.
596
00:37:30,665 --> 00:37:32,250
I'm sorry.
597
00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:35,837
Part of my being normal...
598
00:37:37,547 --> 00:37:40,550
...is risk aversion.
I'm developing my risk aversion.
599
00:37:41,718 --> 00:37:43,678
I'm developing my risk.
600
00:37:43,845 --> 00:37:47,932
Yeah, fear
is an essential survival tool.
601
00:37:48,057 --> 00:37:50,351
Yeah, but fear can also do you in.
602
00:37:51,019 --> 00:37:52,270
I'm over it.
603
00:37:53,354 --> 00:37:55,190
What happened to you, Lucy?
604
00:37:57,192 --> 00:37:59,235
I was in a coma,
605
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,906
and for a minute, I crossed over.
606
00:38:03,948 --> 00:38:05,658
It was so nice.
607
00:38:07,744 --> 00:38:09,704
Why'd you come back?
608
00:38:09,871 --> 00:38:11,539
I don't know.
609
00:38:12,707 --> 00:38:14,167
We'll see.
610
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:20,048
Don't drive like that
when I'm in the car. OK?
611
00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:21,883
OK.
612
00:38:28,389 --> 00:38:30,099
What happened to you?
613
00:38:34,103 --> 00:38:36,105
Since I've been sick,
614
00:38:36,272 --> 00:38:39,901
it's been like looking
in one of those old funhouse mirrors.
615
00:38:42,237 --> 00:38:45,114
And then one day I turned around,
616
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,575
and I see the whole, real world.
617
00:38:47,742 --> 00:38:50,578
And my cat stopped talking to me.
618
00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:55,083
My walls stopped breathing.
619
00:38:56,042 --> 00:39:01,130
And instead of seeing the moon
in my mind, I'm really here.
620
00:39:03,216 --> 00:39:04,717
I am, right?
621
00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:09,931
We both are.
622
00:39:33,580 --> 00:39:35,456
Pretty, huh?