Hi, it's Don Konkey. I'm a photographer for Dirt Now Magazine.
I'm also a highly functional schizophrenic, blah, blah, blah.
Dad, I think it's time.
No offense, but if you don't know that by now,
then you have worse attention skills than me.
That's Lucy Spiller.
Again, but you should really be up on this shit by now.
Lucy has sort of a problem with men.
You're not gonna use a stun... Oh!
- Good night, Holt. - That's not the case with Holt McLaren.
Lucy got what she wanted.
Holt got worms.
Remember those pictures I took of happily married action hero
and international superstar Jack Dawson and Lucy's brother Leo awhile back?
They're starting to cause a lot of trouble.
Holt didn't see the worms, but he did see
the track marks on the arms of his girlfriend.
What the hell is that?
Jesus, Julia! What the hell are you doing?
- It's not a big deal! - The magazine is doing this story about this cheerleader.
Turns out the murdered girl was involved with the town preacher.
We've ID'd the father of the victim's unborn baby.
Oh, and she was pregnant.
He was also sleeping with his daughter.
I don't think there'll be any "World's Greatest Dad" mugs
coming his way soon. Lucy ran that on the cover.
God bless Don Konkey. He had the right shots all along.
Not everyone was happy.
Who told you my father killed Amber? Who said that?
I did it, not Daddy!
On the bright side, I'm dating again.
And I'm 99 percent sure this one is real.
Oh... wait.
Don't move, don't move, don't move.
Don't move, don't move...
Don't move.
OK. Oh, God!
You ready to go again?
Don't you wanna save one for the home team?
I heard she moved from prescription drugs to self-medication.
What is she on?
I'm asking as a friend.
You want a beer?
- Yeah, you? - Mm-hmm.
This is wrong.
Don't take me on your guilt trip.
No, you're poison, Lucy.
- Excuse me? - We have to stop.
Then what are you doing standing here?
♪ Dig in ♪
♪ Dig deep ♪
♪ Deserve what you reap ♪
♪ Don't you know the truth will set you free? ♪
Herringworm's rare.
Human cases like yours are more common in Japan, Netherlands.
- Bet you like sushi. - I used to.
OK... Thiabendazole.
You're gonna be fine. Joanna!
Can you schedule another ultrasound for next week?
And, uh, would you mind?
What happened to the one we already took?
My glasses reflected the flash.
All right. One, two...
Oh, wait, here we go. And three.
Willa, right?
- I'm Brent Barrow. - Oh, of course you are.
I mean, of course I know who you are.
That story, the reverend who molested his kid
and knocked up her cheerleader friend.
It was... it was juicy. You're a very talented young woman.
- Oh, thank you, Mr. Barrow. - What are you working on now?
Um, it's the same story. The reverend's daughter told me
that she's the one who killed her best friend.
- She confessed that to you? - Yeah, the cops don't even know yet.
Lucy thinks the confession cover might hit the stands before she's arrested.
Chuck and I are going back to get her interview.
No, no, come on. You don't need to share your byline with that boozer.
Tell Lucy to show you more respect. You're editorial material, Willa.
Thank you.
Listen, please, reporters like you make my job an honor and a pleasure.
- Chuck? - Time to go?
Um, I'm worried about this interview.
Nothing to worry about.
Well, Maddy called me specifically. It's because she trusts me.
You want to go eat on the way? I vote for Quizno's.
Look, Chuck, she's a sexual abuse victim.
I don't want her to clam up because there's a man in the room.
Little Willa wants to fly solo. And not share a byline.
It's nothing personal, it's just...
Lucy's wrong. I don't need help with this.
- I agree. - Really?
You got my blessing.
- Will you clear it with Lucy? - We'll tell her after.
Thank you.
Isn't it great? I discovered the artist myself.
Do you get it?
Average person spends two weeks of their life on hold.
- How sick is that? - I like hold. It's free time.
Oh, my God, you're right. I never thought of it like that.
- What's your IQ? - I don't know.
You should get tested. You're probably over 140.
My best friend in New York, he's a published poet.
He's 140. What's your process?
When you write on your photographs, how long does it take?
I wake up, it's there.
Oh, you black out? What are you, epileptic? Narcoleptic?
- Schizophrenic. - Ah.
Genius does not go unpunished. Meet the bulimic.
Relax. I use the other hand.
Have you and your father always been close?
Madonna's mom died too. So did Rosie O'Donnell's.
Is that when it started? When it was just the two of you?
Have you ever interviewed Nicole or Lindsay?
Um, no, I haven't.
Maddy, come here. Come here.
This is hard. I love my dad.
Look, I'm just here to write what you tell me.
It's up to you, OK? This is your story.
She's just here to take some photos.
- Of me? - Is that OK?
Maddy, when did you find out that Amber was pregnant?
She told me after the pep rally.
We both painted the tips of our batons cherry red, like snow cones.
What did she say?
They loved each other.
Amber and your father?
And that God had blessed their love by giving them a child.
She said she was Sarah, Abraham's wife,
and now she would be my mother.
I told her no way she was Sarah.
She was Hagar, Sarah's servant. Hagar's baby is not blessed.
It says in the Bible God says Hagar's son
will live in hostility toward all of his brothers.
I told her, "Read your scripture. You can't have this baby."
I'm Sarah.
Daddy calls me Sarah when he puts his love in me.
I hit her with my baton.
Shouldn't I have makeup?
No, honey, your skin is beautiful.
Are you sure?
Well, maybe just a little lip gloss.
- Here. - Kiehl's.
- It's yours. - Thank you.
OK.
Hey. The car's here. I'm gonna go to work.
I'll see you in a little bit, all right?
- No, no! - Hey, the car's here.
I want to come with you.
No, go to sleep. I'll see you in a while.
I wanna come to the set.
They're freaky about guests. You know, today's tricky, so...
I won't talk to anyone. I'll just stay in your trailer.
- I'm ready! - You haven't even taken a shower yet.
Come on, Holt. I can't stay here by myself.
You don't know. You don't. I feel like I'm gonna die.
Yeah, it's the damn Vicodin.
Why don't you stop taking so many of them?!
I won't take any. I won't take any if I can come with you.
I'm gonna be fine if I'm just on set.
I just need to be around people, that's all. Please, Holt.
Why don't you go hang out with Hannah and Peter today?
I can't, they're working.
Everybody's working.
Nobody's got time.
Damn it. I miss Kira.
I'll go shower, and I'll get dressed. Ten minutes, OK?
Jack Dawson says he's not gay.
He's got The Bulldog on speed dial.
- I got the peter-eater on speed dial. - Prepared to testify?
That's not the way it works.
You want a dogfight? Because I really don't.
Oh, don't clench, Brent. You'll get hemorrhoids.
Hi.
- Hi, Lucy. - We talked this morning.
- I told you to stay on Julia Mallory. - Yeah.
- Oh, you have something already? - No.
- I need you. - What...
I'm here. What's wrong?
I need you to make sure she's real.
OK.
Quiet now, people, we're rolling!
I've got a chair for you right over here.
Slate.
Scene four, take two.
Frame. Action.
This is all I have for you.
Too bad that's enough.
And cut!
- How was that for you? - Pretty tight.
Remember I told you about paragliding off the Dolomites in Italy?
This is so much better. I need to change my panties.
Yeah. That's what my girl likes.
- - You're a pig.
No. He's sweet.
He let me crash your party.
Lemme kick him to the curb.
You'd do that to me, Garbo?
For her? What do you think?
She is Julia Mallory, and my love for her cannot be quantified.
Subliminal Velocity. Hell House.
Camp Crusades. Brilliant.
But you... you changed my life with ♪ All for one ♪
♪ My God we'll have some fun ♪
♪ Come on boys, come on girls ♪
♪ Come on let's put our mark on this wild, wild world ♪
♪ This wild, wild world ♪
- What? What? - I wanna play too.
- Keep your dick out of my face. - No problem. No problem.
You girls can screw me, suck me,
spank me raw for all I care, whatever you want.
Julia?
- Hey... - Mm-hmm?
She comes with me.
♪ This wild, wild world ♪
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Be right back.
Very real. I can still smell the patchouli.
I like the way she smells.
If you like it, I like it. How long do we have to sit here?
Just a few minutes.
She thinks I'm a genius.
Don't I always tell you that?
- So you're Don's boss? - Friend.
You went to college together, he told me. I don't read your magazine.
It's not a judgment thing, I just don't have the time.
Uh, speaking of time... Julia?
I have to go to work.
Wait, for the magazine? I thought we agreed.
- Agreed? - That Don shouldn't waste his energy on star stuff.
Seen his artwork? His picture poems?
- Yes. - So then you know.
Well, maybe just this once, to pay the bills.
OK. We'll talk more tonight?
Bye. Thanks, Lucy.
He sent me here to see if you were real.
He's schizophrenic, he told me.
Did he tell you he writes those picture poems
when he forgets to take his meds?
Um, I know you mean well, but you're not helping him.
- You're using him. - I'm going to chalk that up to young and dumb.
Look, play patron of the arts if that's what gets you off.
Don't play with people's lives.
That's what you did for a living.
- You didn't read the magazine. - In the toilet.
OK. Let's not personalize this.
I'm glad that Don has a friend who appreciates him.
And you're right, he's very talented.
He's also caring and loyal, and he has a very real disease.
He has a label given to him by a society
that won't tolerate anything but the status quo.
Don's an artist.
Art is born of pain. He's entitled to feel what he feels.
Get someone else to cut off an ear for you.
Like you got him to cut off his finger?
Leo!
Don't recognize me in the burka?
Justine Dawson.
I have to dress like my maid to avoid the paparazzi.
- Gonna say hello? - Look, I'm sorry...
I liked your color sense.
I'm sorry you couldn't keep your hands off my husband.
- Jack came on to me. - I don't give a shit.
- I'm not the first. - Just the first to sell him out.
And not even for the money. Just revenge.
What a big baby you are. Here, I want you to have these.
This is a letter from my 11-year-old asking her father to come home.
Oh, didn't you know? Jack moved out of the house.
And here,
Ben found this in his desk. "Your dad is a pipe smoker."
It's a clever drawing. He's lighting his own penis.
- This wasn't... - Emma's 11 and Ben's only 8,
so maybe that isn't much of a score.
But they will carry this with them for the rest of their lives.
So congratulations. Revenge is sweet.
- Watch it. - Get off of me!
♪ One just waits for two Oops, there's three We must have four ♪
♪ Now the party's started Who's that knocking at our door? ♪
♪ All for one My God, you'll all have fun ♪
♪ Come on, boys Come on, girls ♪
♪ Come on, let's put our mark on this wild, wild world ♪
♪ This wild, wild world ♪
I see you took my advice.
Well, it was really good advice.
What are you going to do to celebrate?
Uh, some of the gang told me they'd take me out for a drink.
Well, what about after?
Excuse me, miss. I was just looking for the toilet.
Hello, Bulldog.
I'd get up, but that might be mistaken for a sign of respect.
Got a call from Jack Dawson.
Don't take the case. I know how you hate to lose.
I will be subpoenaing your brother. I know he's the source.
Every story in this magazine is verified by more than one source.
Fag makes grab at movie star's pizzle and gets fired on the spot.
Big sister cooks up a story to save his pride and up her sales.
I don't need to cook it up. I step in it the minute I walk out the door.
You sure stepped in it this time, sugar.
I'd think about printing a retraction and an apology.
And I'd think about that hat.
You guys go ahead and I'll meet up with you later.
Maddy? Hello?
You have to help me. Grandma says I'm going to jail!
I can't go. I won't! You said it would be all right!
Wait, slow down...
I lied to you, Willa. I'm sorry.
It wasn't me. I didn't kill Amber.
He did. My daddy.
What? Maddy...
He made me lie. He told me to lie. He made me.
All right, I'm coming to see you. Stay there! Don't talk to anybody.
OK.
Hey. Chefs don't clean up.
- Leo, let it go. - Can't.
- You can. - You didn't see her.
She married his box office! Her whole life is a lie.
- Those kids are going through hell. - No worse than we did.
Yeah. Look at us.
You have to stop worrying about her and start thinking about yourself.
Jack Dawson's lawyer is threatening to put you on the stand
if we don't make a retraction. OK? You know I can't do that.
You'd rather drag everyone through a hearing?
I asked you more than once, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
You said to me, "You bet your ass." That is a direct quote. I warned you.
You warned me? Warning me was bullshit.
You should have said he has a family and two kids.
- Like you didn't know that! - God.
- Are people even real to you? - Yes. You're real.
This is so unfair, Leo!
You have to tell me the truth.
Look, I can't help you unless I know what happened.
Maddy...
Amber told Daddy he had to marry her,
and if he didn't, she'd tell the police he raped her.
You were there?
- What happened? - They argued.
He hit her with my baton.
Then he stabbed her. That's the truth.
You have to fix it. You said nothing bad would happen!
You promised! You promised me!
OK.
It's OK.
- What do you want for these? - They're yours.
Got the negatives in the vault?
Why waste the space? I can get more anytime.
So can anyone else. Here.
Conquistador House.
It's east of Santa Barbara. They'll have a bed ready for her tomorrow.
I've never even heard of it.
Total privacy and total commitment to recovery.
Why are you doing all this?
Two more badges and l make Eagle Scout.
Do you even know why you stick around?
Is it love, or is it guilt?
Are you afraid to find out?
I'm not.
You didn't know her before everything.
She was always happy.
She was just...
She was full of light.
We laughed all the time.
Jesus, Holt. She's not dead.
Yet.
Lucy, um, Maddy didn't kill Amber, Reverend Sweet did it.
He forced her to confess, but the story's already been shipped.
What are we gonna do?
We have the transcripts, the story is solid.
But Maddy could go to jail for a murder she didn't commit.
Get a statement from Sweet. Is he still in prison?
Her father manipulated her into taking the blame.
We have to do something, insert a denial.
How about a press release saying "Don't buy Dirt Now," how's that?
She's just a little girl. I promised her I would protect her.
She is a story, she's not your friend.
You protect your source, the truth. You don't protect the little girl.
She's a liar, Willa. She told you herself.
You both got what you wanted. You got your cover story.
Leo, hi, it's me.
Would you please pick up? I want to talk to you.
Come on. I know you're there.
You know, you really are a dick sometimes!
She's not really your friend, Don. I hope you don't mind me saying this.
- Who? - Lucy.
Lucy's my friend.
If she were, she wouldn't ask you to sell your soul.
- Is that her? - No.
Your salacious lies have put Jack Dawson's career
as a leading man in the crapper.
Good news, though. He's always wanted to be a media tycoon.
So we'll settle for everything in Gibson Horne's portfolio.
Oh, my...
lawsuit...
Process of discovery.
Our lawyers call every gigolo, masseuse, trainer,
pool boy and ass toy Jack's ever employed.
All rumors, innuendoes and impressions become facts of the case.
And that means we can publish them.
That should be worth, what do you think, five covers at least?
Jack Dawson will be America's proud gay icon.
Scenario two, drop the lawsuit.
Look, the damage has been done, people.
There is not enough money to indemnify you
against the lawsuit we will bring.
One year from today...
...you will all be working for Jack Dawson.
Well, until he fires you. Good day.
Mom? Dad?
Seen this?
She didn't do it, Chuck. She was covering for her father.
Cops found the baton.
Plenty of prints. Maddy, not Daddy.
It was her baton.
The medical examiner matched the angle and depth
of Amber's stab wounds to Maddy's height and weight.
Innocent until proven guilty, of course.
Arise, my little protégé, and join the ranks.
I shouldn't have cut you out. I wasn't ready.
- You did great. - No, I didn't handle it right. I let her get to me.
When it stops getting to you, that's when you're in trouble.
You missed a spot. Boop! You'll get it.
I don't need this. You can help me.
- I don't need to be here. - Sweetie, listen to me.
There's something I never told you.
Please, babe, can we just go home?
You remember that day that we met?
Well, I wasn't really there to audition.
I followed you from the coffee shop.
And you got your drink and the guy made a mistake with your change,
and he gave you a 20 instead of a one.
And you gave it back.
And I couldn't think of anyone that wouldn't have kept the 20.
And you were so beautiful.
You were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
Babe, I want that girl back.
No, it's OK, I got this. I got it.
No! No! No! No!
Please, no! Please!
No, please, baby! Please, baby!
No! No! No!
Julia, stop!
Calm down, come on. Come on, Julia.
Julia, stop. Julia...
Julia, please, stop. Stop.
- Ah! - Listen...
Listen...
You're gonna be all right. Baby, you trust me?
Come here. Come here.
You're gonna be all right. All right?
♪ The season's change is coming here ♪
♪ I know him well but it's been a year ♪
♪ Will all of my wishes ♪
♪ Come true with his kisses ♪
You're not the first.
Stop beating yourself up.
- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.
Lucy thinks I'm an amateur.
I'm so pissed at myself.
Close your eyes...
...and tell me what color you see.
It's an old trick I learned from a Bushman in Zimbabwe.
- What have you got to lose? - OK.
Red.
All right.
Put that red... right there.
Now, see it move down.
Down your shoulder. Down your arm.
Into your wrist.
Your hand.
- Fingers. - What are you doing?
Shh, shh, shh. Don't talk, don't look, just...
No feeling is bad if you know what to do with it.
What are you feeling right now?
I want to get to the photos in the magazine. How did that happen?
Tabloids will print anything to sell a paper even if they have to make it up.
- We don't pay attention. - My lawyers told me I should sue,
but I will not dignify these lies with a legal response.
No, Justine and I, we know who we are.
We know we don't have to spend time or money proving anything to anyone.
- Good God. - I want you to know, Tony,
this is the last time I'm going to give an interview on the topic.
- Never again? - Never.
- No, Justine and I, we are... - Hey, turn on the TV. Channel 4.
God's in his heaven, and all is right with the world.
Come on, I know you're there. I miss you.
Secret's out now!
Jack Dawson's backing off. He's not gonna sue.
I was going to call you to say goodbye.
You going somewhere?
Oh, my God. Of course you are.
One of your little walkabouts. You always run away.
Nothing keeping me here.
You can hide, but the same shit's gonna be here when you come back.
- I don't want to fight. - Where are you going? How can I reach you?
I don't know. But if I did, I wouldn't tell you.
Is that a joke? Come on, you can't leave me.
I need to get away from you for a while.
I think it's catching. The last couple of days I've felt... numb.
Is that how it starts?
You can't be mad at me forever.
I know.
♪ Fell asleep with my pride ♪
♪ Standing aground Standing aground ♪
♪ We stood and yelled at the tide ♪
♪ To turn around To turn around ♪
♪ That day would outlive ♪
♪ Our best laid plans Our best laid plans ♪
♪ Something just had to give ♪
♪ The castle gave itself back to the sand ♪
♪ I was my own and everyone's fool ♪
♪ Went and dressed up ♪
♪ Now the emperor's clothes fit all ♪
Justine, thank you, and congratulations.
- Jack. - Always.
That's a wrap. Strike the set.
Keep it close so we can use it again tomorrow.
♪ So hold my head for a while ♪
♪ So I feel the rain So I feel the rain ♪
♪ Take an inch from your mind ♪
♪ And start again And start again ♪
♪ Put a little light in my soul ♪
♪ You shine, I'll glow You shine, I'll glow ♪
♪ See I'm hollow ♪
♪ So let me be the lantern with your gold ♪
♪ If I take myself seriously ♪
♪ Then I just get confused ♪
♪ They say those who can love themselves ♪
♪ Never cease to be amused ♪
♪ I wanna find you again ♪
They are back in the news and at it again.
This time Lindsay and Paris are fighting,
not over a boy toy, Shaun, over an actual movie role.
The two scrappy vixens are battling over which one will play the role
of Maddy Sweet in the hottest new film property in town.
Now, Sweet is based on the infamous cheerleader murder
in Walnut Valley, California.
Lindsay and Paris could make up and do the film together.
One could play Maddy, and the other could play Amber.
Amber's the victim, and I think everybody says
the "bad girl" role is the better role.
You're probably right about that.
Maybe, either way, Adaptation helmer Spike Jonze is rumored
to direct, and production on Sweet is slated to start
as early as this summer for a holiday release.
What a better family film, I cannot find.
Yeah, sounds like someone might be looking for a nomination.
Shaun, what's the latest...