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Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
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Come on, settle. The
sooner you're settled,
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the sooner this is over with.
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Thank you. Now, you're going to meet
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some men today who've taken
a wrong turn in their lives
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and they're going to tell you
their stories and hopefully
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make you think a little bit
about the roads you're going down.
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It's not going to be any kind of fun,
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so you can wipe those
smiles off your faces.
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Right, let's meet our first speaker.
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What the flip are you looking at?
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You think this is funny?
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You think this is some kind
of mother flipping joke?
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Mother flippers think everything's
a mother flipping joke.
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Well, let me tell you, the
jokey ain't no jokey, sucker.
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Look at me and what do you see?
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Just a bad ass brother who
made a mistake. One mistake.
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And now I'm staring at you gimps.
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Every flippin' day!
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So what's my story?
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How did a brother get here?
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Well, I'll tell you.
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It all started when I went to
fix a printer on floor seven.
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As I recall, it was a Tuesday.
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It's a lot faster now,
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it's one of the advantages
of the Pentium processor.
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Yeah...
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I like your glasses.
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I'm afraid they're not for sale.
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Ha ha.
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Laugh all you want,
they're not for sale.
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You're funny.
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Nikki, Nikki, Nikki!
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What are you talking
to Clive Sinclair for?
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Shut up, Rodge.
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Good one. Yup. I get it.
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You obviously don't, mate.
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Come on, back in your box.
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Nice tie, by the way!
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Thank you.
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Roy, can you come here, please?
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Just hold on a second, Jen.
I'm giving phone support.
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Okay, so how did that go?
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Well, yeah, but that's an
important part of the process.
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Yes, if you don't complete that part,
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there's no way you're going
to be able to do the next bit.
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Okay, so now... Turn it back on again!
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People!
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That is rude! What is that?
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Oh, Jen, I have to say, "Have you
tried turning it off and on again?"
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1,000 times a day. It's
like a bloody catchphrase.
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If it wasn't for you and Moss
it would be the only thing I say.
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It doesn't matter.
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Don't take your bad career
decisions out on the users.
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I'm not saying it again today.
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They can just figure
it out for themselves.
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You'll never go a whole
day without saying it.
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You don't think I can?
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No way.
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I bet you 1,000 I can.
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That's just posturing. 1,000.
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All right. Okay. 100 says
I don't say it again today.
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How's that for posturing?
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All right, you're on. 100 quid.
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All right.
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Can you come here for a sec, please?
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I want you to take a look at something.
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Can't I do it on the phone?
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Just come in! It's like 20 feet!
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You all right, Moss?
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I don't mind telling you, Roy,
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that sometimes the people upstairs
cheese me off to such an extent
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that if I were the type
to use bad language,
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I'd be employing it
bitterly and repeatedly!
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Whoa. Moss, that's not like you.
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Well, I'm sorry for
mentioning bad language.
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No, use bad language, Moss,
please. It'll make you feel better.
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Ploppers!
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Someone told me I need
a browser on my computer.
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Could you install one please?
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You don't have a browser
on your computer...?
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What is that sound? Is that
coming from your laptop?
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It's not supposed to sound...
What the...?! What's all that crap?
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Look at all this stuff! I haven't
seen that one since the '90s!
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Jen, I have to fix this.
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No, no, leave it! I
have it how I like it!
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How you like it?! No, no,
no, Jen, it's infected!
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If this was a human being,
I'd shoot it in the face!
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I just want you to install a browser.
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That's the browser there!
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Look at it... that's the browser.
Internet Explorer is a browser!
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Behind the picture of the lady.
The lady's not supposed to be there.
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She's only there sometimes.
But what about that, the E...
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But that's the button for
the internet, Roy. I don't...
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The button for the
internet?! Jesus Christ!
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Oh, shut up! I'm not
a stupid geeky geek.
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Jen, you don't need to be a geek
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to know that you need a
browser to access the internet!
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Yes, because as soon as you
know something like that,
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it pushes out something
important and before you know it,
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you're painting little
figurines from Lord of The Rings.
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You know what, Jen? Do
whatever you want. I don't care.
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You want to walk around with
a laptop from The Exorcist,
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that's fine. It's not my problem.
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Our time is too valuable!
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Come on, Moss, let's
go. It's nearly one.
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Oh, don't forget. They're giving
a party for Ben Genderson at lunch.
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Ben Genderson? How nice for him.
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He's been here, what? A
week? When's our party?
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I thought you hated parties.
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I like parties. It's
balloons I don't like.
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Right.
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You don't like balloons?
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Oh, don't talk to me about balloons.
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Why?
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Why? Balloons explode, Jen.
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They explode suddenly and unexpectedly.
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They are filled with the capacity
to give me a little fright
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and I find that unbearable.
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Where do you want to go for lunch?
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It's such a lovely day,
shall we go to the park?
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Yeah, let's have a
lovely lunch in the park.
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Roy, do you think if I hadn't
paid so much attention in school
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I'd be a different person?
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No.
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We're going to be late
for Ben Genderson's party.
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So? I don't want to go to that
thing. If we go to that party,
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do you know how many times I'm going to have
to say, "Have you..." The thing that I say?
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We've got to hurry up,
we're going to be in trouble.
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I'm not running.
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Can you do a fast walk?
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No.
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I'm going to do a fast
walk. See you there.
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I need to be at work.
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Sorry, sir. Whole street's
closed. Suspicious package.
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Come on, let's go the long way round.
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We'll miss the presentation. We're
already late. We'll get in trouble.
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Calm down.
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I can't, Roy. What are we going to do?
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Moss, it doesn't matter.
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We're going to get in trouble.
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You're not going to get in trouble.
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Getting in trouble is something
that happens to children.
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You're a grown man. Come on.
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Why don't we bunk off?
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What?!
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I was hoping to avoid Jen today
anyway. Why don't we just...
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We'll bunk off and make a
day of it. It'll be a laugh.
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Oh, gosh, I've got to take this in.
I've never bunked off in my life!
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What... what... what will
we do? Where will we go?
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You know, we'll do
bunking off kind of things.
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Should we be talking this close to
the police? I mean, it is illegal...
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Not unless you're supposed to
be in school! Will you relax?
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I'm excited, Roy. This is like
taking the blue pill in the Matrix.
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I mean, bunking off. The old
me would never have done that!
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Say goodbye to that guy. That
guy's history! BANG! He's gone!
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Could you not say "bang!"
There's a bloody bomb somewhere!
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Come on, let's just go.
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Would you stop looking so suspicious!
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Which is why after one week
with us, we honour Ben Genderson.
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Come on, Ben, say a few words.
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I don't know what to...
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Such a lovely thing to happen.
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I never thought that a major corporation
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would be able to focus on
one individual like this.
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At my last company, I
felt rather insignificant,
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so it's appreciated, it really is.
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Cheers.
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Don't raise your glass too soon, Ben,
cos this has all been one big ruse.
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It isn't your day at all.
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That's right. I thought it high time
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to give the IT Department
the attention they deserve.
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Where are Mark and Ray?
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they're not back from lunch yet.
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Really? I flew George Lucas
in to see them as a treat.
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Oh, well, Jen, more champagne for us.
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Let the revels begin!
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Oh, yes.
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Sitting on the bus.
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On the open road.
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Kicking back.
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Just a pair of cheeky bunkers.
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Couple of ne', er do wells.
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Yeah.
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Roy, can I clarify something?
Are we now loitering?
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Erm... yeah.
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Because it feels like travelling.
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Sure, but we don't want to
go where this bus is going.
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So there's an element of loitering.
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There's an aimlessness.
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Exactly.
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Yeah! Who'd want to end up
going to where they wanted to be?
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That's what the man wants.
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Sock it to 'em.
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Fools!
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Roy, let's glare.
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What?
198
00:10:43,380 --> 00:10:47,379
Let's glare at people,
like a couple of tough nuts.
199
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:49,659
Okay! Who?
200
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:53,379
Let's glare at this
sucker on his way to work.
201
00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:57,379
Feeding the corporate machine.
202
00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:58,499
He's coming up.
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00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:01,139
He's coming up. He's
getting on the bus! Oh, no.
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00:11:01,140 --> 00:11:05,139
Why did you suggest him? You
could've suggested anybody.
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00:11:06,460 --> 00:11:07,219
What are you looking at?
206
00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:10,059
We weren't. We thought
you were someone else.
207
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,939
What's it to you?
208
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:14,859
I'm sorry. We're bunking
off, and he's excited.
209
00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:18,859
We're bunking off!
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Roy has a fear of balloons.
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00:11:24,980 --> 00:11:26,539
A fear of balloons!
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00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:29,579
That's the craziest thing
I've ever bloody heard!
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00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:30,659
Some wine for you.
214
00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:32,059
Sorry, I asked for red.
215
00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:32,699
Oh, sorry.
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00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,939
No, no, no, leave it.
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00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,619
Thishasbeen a success.
218
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:40,379
I have had a lovely, lovely time.
219
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:42,339
As thingy was saying earlier,
220
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:45,499
it's easy to go unrecognised
in a big corporation,
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00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:48,899
so it's appreciated,
it really is. Cheers.
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00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:52,899
Don't raise yourglasses too soon,
cos this ruse has also been a ruse.
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00:11:58,340 --> 00:11:59,619
Ladies and gentlemen,
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let meintroduce to you our new head
ofhiring and firing, Ben Genderson.
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00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:11,259
So, Ben, you've been circulating
throughout this fake party,
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00:12:11,260 --> 00:12:12,779
coming to conclusions.
227
00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:15,139
Who's the obvious dead wood?
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00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:17,979
Well, yes. Well,
there's Paul over there,
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he's been putting his
shopping on expenses.
230
00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:23,539
James here, he can't spell,
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00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:25,739
and... Sorry, what's your name?
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00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:26,779
Jeremy.
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00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,979
Jeremy, yes. Jeremy's a drunk.
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00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:33,979
And Jen. Jen lacks
basic computer skills,
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00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:38,139
like thinking that IT
stands for "internet things".
236
00:12:39,420 --> 00:12:42,699
Yeah. I don't really need
to know about those things.
237
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:46,019
I'm a relationship manager. I
manage my team, I'm a team leader.
238
00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:50,019
And where's your team now?
239
00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:53,059
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
240
00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:57,059
Is this my party or not?
241
00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:05,059
What are we doing?
242
00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:09,019
We are loitering.
243
00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:10,939
We are shopping.
244
00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:14,419
We don't have any money, so
it's definitely loitering.
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00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:18,419
Mark my words, in half an hour,
we shall be asked to leave.
246
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:24,659
Oh, It's Jen.
247
00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:26,059
Hello, Jen!
248
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,539
Where are you?
249
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:31,539
We're just sort of taking
a long lunch sort of thing.
250
00:13:31,780 --> 00:13:35,779
You can't! I've been sent an e-mail
questionnaire, have to do ittoday!
251
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,219
I don't know what you're talking about.
252
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:38,979
It wasn't Ben Genderson's thing,
253
00:13:38,980 --> 00:13:41,579
it was our thing. And then
it was some scary thing,
254
00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:44,099
and now he's sent me a
questionnaire about my job
255
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:45,539
and my computer won't work!
256
00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:49,459
Is that the best you can
do? I'm not going to say it!
257
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:52,139
No! No, no, no! No, no, no!
258
00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:56,139
Goddammit, Roy! I didn't bunk off
so I could do some flipping perusing!
259
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,259
I want a taste of the apple, Roy!
260
00:13:59,260 --> 00:14:02,019
I want to bite the
electric tiger's tail,
261
00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:05,379
and ride it till the end
of the mother flipping line.
262
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:06,939
Will you just calm down, Moss?
263
00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:19,739
What are you doing?
264
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:20,939
I'm shoplifting!
265
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,579
You've just gone insane!
266
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:24,499
I've never felt so alive!
267
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,819
We need to get this stuff back!
268
00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:29,539
Okay, they're on to us. Let's just go.
269
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:33,539
Erm, act normal.
270
00:14:37,380 --> 00:14:39,179
What is wrong with you? Whoareyou?
271
00:14:39,180 --> 00:14:43,179
I don't know any more!
272
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:48,619
What are we going to do?
273
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:53,859
No, that's not going to work!
274
00:14:55,420 --> 00:14:59,419
Okay, run! Run, run, run!
275
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:08,299
Come on! Come on!
276
00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:22,779
Hello. Do you wish for
technical assistance?
277
00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:24,219
Oh, God, I hate these!
278
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:27,259
Sorry?
279
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,539
What?
280
00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:31,699
How dare you speak to me like that?
281
00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:35,699
Sorry. Can I have technical
assistance, please?
282
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:40,699
Putting you through. Cow.
283
00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:43,259
Allo?
284
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:44,539
Hello?
285
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:47,619
Allo. How can I be of assistance?
286
00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:48,819
What?
287
00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:51,539
How can I be of assistance?
288
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:55,539
I've got one of your laptops. It
won't get past the loading screen.
289
00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:58,739
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
290
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:01,579
Yes. Look, is there
someone else I can talk to?
291
00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,259
There is no-one else available.
292
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:04,339
All right, all right.
293
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:06,379
All right, all right.
What model do you have?
294
00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:08,259
What model do I have?
295
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:09,219
Yes.
296
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:11,099
It's a Zubion, I think.
297
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:14,179
Ah, the Zubion. I have to say,
we have been having problems
298
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:17,219
with the Zubion. Can you
press delete while starting up?
299
00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:19,059
I didn't get that.
300
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:23,059
Can you press delete while starting up?
301
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:25,179
No. That was worse somehow.
302
00:16:25,180 --> 00:16:27,059
Okay. Can...
303
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:27,899
Can?
304
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:30,019
Yes. Can you press...
305
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,419
Can you press.
306
00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:32,259
Delete.
307
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:33,699
Delete. Delete. Can I press delete?
308
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:34,899
While.
309
00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:36,619
Wheel?
310
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,579
While.
311
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:39,739
Whhhheeeel?
312
00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:43,579
While. Er...during!
313
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:44,539
While! While.
314
00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:45,779
Yes, while!
315
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:46,459
Yes.
316
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:48,979
Starting.
317
00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:52,979
Allo?
318
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:58,419
Come on, Roy! Come
on! We're nearly there!
319
00:16:58,660 --> 00:17:00,259
It's no use.
320
00:17:00,260 --> 00:17:04,259
I can't. I can't.
We're going down again!
321
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:06,739
How many times is that now?
322
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:09,899
Oh, this is ridiculous! I
don't want to do this any more!
323
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:13,899
Oh, all right. All right.
324
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:15,579
What was all that about?
325
00:17:15,580 --> 00:17:17,139
What?
326
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:21,139
You shouldn't be messing
around on those things. Go on.
327
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:26,419
Don't come back here.
I know your faces now!
328
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,659
Bunking off was a terrible idea.
329
00:17:36,660 --> 00:17:38,939
I mean, you were
completely out of control.
330
00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:40,699
Do you even like Grand Designs?
331
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,099
Yuh!
332
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:45,259
You'll send those DVDs back to the shop.
333
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,779
Okay. I'm sorry, Roy.
334
00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:49,379
It's okay. Okay, let's just
try and get back in to work,
335
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:52,779
and hopefully nobody will
have noticed we were away.
336
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,259
Oh, my gosh!
337
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,579
It's a robot!
338
00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:04,859
I've never seen one in the wild before.
339
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:07,939
Where've you come from, fella?
Huh? Where do you come from?
340
00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:11,139
Can we keep him, Roy? I mean,
if he doesn't belong to anyone?
341
00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,339
I just don't understand what it's doing.
342
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:17,339
I mean, this is weird. What is it?
343
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:30,619
Erm... Moss?
344
00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:31,899
What?
345
00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:33,219
Get away from it.
346
00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:36,779
Why?
347
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:40,619
Hello, Jen!
348
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,019
It's a robot!
349
00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:44,619
Get away!
350
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:45,299
What?
351
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:49,299
Get away! Get away
from it. There's a bomb!
352
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,419
What are you saying?
353
00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:55,419
There's a bomb in the bag!
354
00:18:58,260 --> 00:19:02,259
I think this might be a
bomb disposal robot, Roy.
355
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,339
I know.
356
00:19:04,340 --> 00:19:06,299
We should move away from it.
357
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:10,299
Yes. We should. But I don't
seem to be able to move.
358
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:11,939
What?
359
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:13,339
I can't move.
360
00:19:13,340 --> 00:19:14,539
What do you mean, you can't move?
361
00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:18,019
What do you mean, you
can't move? I can't move.
362
00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:19,819
You have to move, Roy.
363
00:19:19,820 --> 00:19:21,339
I can't move!
364
00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:26,659
I'm just having a couple
of problems with it.
365
00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:29,059
What kind of operating
system does it use?
366
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:31,019
It's... Vista!
367
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:34,899
We're going to die!
368
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,899
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
369
00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:40,099
What?
370
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:42,779
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
371
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,939
What?
372
00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:48,939
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
373
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:53,299
I just won 100 quid.
374
00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:55,739
Okay. Hang on a second.
375
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:58,019
Why are you still here?
Why haven't you run away?
376
00:19:58,020 --> 00:19:59,699
Come on,we're a team, I could...
377
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:03,699
Wait, I could totally
run away, couldn't I?
378
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:11,579
It's still not working!
379
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:17,499
Oh, this is a very
common problem with Vista.
380
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,579
I can fix this. I can fix this, Roy!
381
00:20:19,580 --> 00:20:21,539
Everything's going to be okay.
382
00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:26,819
Right. Come here, you.
383
00:20:36,580 --> 00:20:39,019
Wait for me!
384
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:42,979
Is there a customer support number?
385
00:20:44,420 --> 00:20:47,459
Allo! How can I be of assistance?
386
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:51,459
What?
387
00:20:52,820 --> 00:20:54,699
So, that's my story.
388
00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:58,179
It ain't a pretty story, but
it's the only one I've got.
389
00:20:58,180 --> 00:21:01,179
And if you bozos don't
buckle up and fly right,
390
00:21:01,180 --> 00:21:05,179
it'll be your story too, capice?
391
00:21:29,740 --> 00:21:32,779
You say you've been having problems
392
00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:35,539
with this particular
bomb disposal computer?
393
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:36,579
What?
394
00:21:36,580 --> 00:21:37,899
You must take good care,
395
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:41,899
as the slightest movement can
initiate the detonator procedure.
396
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:45,579
Seems to me like the domain
link is incapacitated,
397
00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:49,579
so perhaps you could try
turning off the robot,
398
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,900
and then get the man
to run away quickly?
399
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,000
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