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Subtitle: swsub.com (1.00)
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I've just won four hundred
and fifty grand playing poker!
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Well done!
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I saw that one coming, Mickey73!
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That's my rent sorted this month!
And I can buy that new...
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Oh, no, I've lost it all again...
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Philip! Hello, hi.
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This is Philip, from sixth.
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This is Moss, this is... Roy.
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- Hi.
- Hiya.
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So, what brings you to my lair?
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Not that I'm some sort of animal!
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Or... maybe I am...
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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
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I was just...
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wondering if you had...
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the latest Heat?
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Yes, yes. There it is.
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Thanks.
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Sorry about this.
I don't suppose, maybe...
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you'd like to come to theatre
tomorrow night, maybe, or...
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I'd be delighted!
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- He means me, Moss.
- He was looking at me.
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No, he wasn't.
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I think he was!
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You're not even in his eye line!
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Philip, who were you talking to?
Me or Jen?
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- Do you like the theatre?
- Never been!
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But I've always liked the idea
of the theatre.
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The smell of the grease,
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the roar of the paint!
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I've often thought
if I hadn't ended up in computers,
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I would've gone into the theatre.
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But you've never been to see a play?
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- No.
- Why not?
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Never had the interest.
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Are there any famous people in it?
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It's a pass for me then, thank you.
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- You haven't been invited anyways.
- Wait...
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Laura Nightly's in it.
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Laura Nightly from The Build?
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She's gorgeous!
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You know what?
I will come, Philip. Thank you!
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There's no invitation!
Show me the invitation...
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I guess you guys could come too
if you wanted.
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I know people in the show,
tickets won't be a problem.
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Great! That's settled then.
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Great! I will give you a call
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and then give you the details.
How's that?
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That is perfect in itself, Philip!
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Thanks for coming down, man!
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Catch you later!
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That could have been a date, there...
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Now, it's...
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a work outing!
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Sorry! I forgot the Heat!
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It's... it's...
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What?
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He actually did want
to borrow the copy of Heat.
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- So?
- Well, it's just... you know...
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- No, I don't. What?
- I'm just surprised.
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Why?
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It's just I don't know
many heterosexual men who read Heat.
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What? He's gay
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just because he reads Heat magazine?
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Well, he's either gay
or a woman in her early twenties.
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Why else would he ask me out on a date?
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Are you sure he meant it
as a date "date"?
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Are you sure you're not going along
as his gal pal?
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If you're talking about
who I think you're talking about,
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then the answer is yes, he is gay.
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How do you know?
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Everyone knows. And once more,
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he's been gay, since Wham.
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We were talking about Philip!
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He borrowed Heat.
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He borrowed Heat?
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And he knows people in the theatre.
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That's not a euphemism. He actually
does know people in the theatre.
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Anyway, it's a date. I'm sure it is.
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Why else would he ask me out?
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Well, don't take this the wrong way,
but...
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could he have thought you were a man?
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- Let's get a taxi.
- It's a ten minute walk.
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No. I don't like walking.
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Why do you just not come,
then you wouldn't have to walk anywhere?
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I won't spoil your romantic evening
with the gay man.
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He's not a gay man!
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He reads Heat!
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Hey, where are you lot off to?
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Look! Richmond's still alive!
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We're going to the theatre.
Do you wanna come?
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No, thanks. And you shouldn't go either.
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Why not?
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A new wind is blowing!
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Last night, I was stood from my slumber
by a crow calling three times.
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Well, you know what a crow sounds like.
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Passing to my window,
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I trod on a piece of Lego.
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Oh, it went right in the heel!
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Turning on my television set,
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I noticed the reception wasn't great.
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Not terrible, just not great.
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Hear me well!
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No good can come of your trip
to the theatre tonight!
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No good at all!
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And if you ask me...
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That's just bloody rude!
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Where is my Heat?
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A gay musical,
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called "Gay".
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That's quite gay...
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Gay musical? Aren't all musicals gay?
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This must be like the gayest musical
ever made!
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It's got some pretty good reviews!
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"The story of a young man
trying to find his sexuality
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"in the uncaring Thatcher years.
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"Warning. Includes scenes
of graphic homo eroticism."
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It's set in the 80's!
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Graphic homo eroticism?
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Are they gonna get them out?
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You're not comfortable
with your sexuality?
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I'm comfortable with my sexuality.
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I don't wanna be slapped in the face
with their sexuality.
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Look! There is Philip!
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Look! He's leching at that lady!
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Thank God for that!
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He's just an ordinary ignored man!
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Hey! You're already here!
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What are we doing, Roy? This isn't us.
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It takes place in the past!
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Forget the play.
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Philip knows the cast!
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It's all about the backstage party
afterwards.
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Those things are great.
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You go to them telling
they were brilliant
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and it's free wine all night.
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Besides, I really wanna meet
Laura Nightly.
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Hey there, guys!
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It's great, isn't it?
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Great. We should really pick up
our tickets.
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I know someone who gets the tickle!
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Sorry, I love doing that to him!
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This is Jerome.
He does publicity for the show.
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He got us our tickets.
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Great, thanks.
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This is Jen, and Moss and Roy.
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How is it going?
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My God, you're Irish!
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I love Irish people!
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They're just mad, aren't they?
They're just mad!
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We're all insane, yeah.
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You'll love this!
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It's great crack!
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I'm mad for crack!
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Quick everyone!
The show's about to start!
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00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,899
I hope Laura Nightly isn't gonna be
dressed up like toyer or something.
158
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- Who is she in The Build again?
- She plays that heroin addict
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- who gets stabbed in the face?
- She is lovely.
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Isn't she lovely?
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Oh God, here we go.
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It might be right.
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How bad can it be?
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Welcome...
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to the United...
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Queendom!
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Brilliant!
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United Queendom!
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He can't say that, can he?
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Check that asses!
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I'm a friend of Dorothy!
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I'm a friend of Dorothy!
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She is my friend!
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This is insanely brilliant!
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Hold my hand.
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No,
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that's not my hand!
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I love willies!
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Okay, I'm completely satisfied!
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Don't leave! It's rude!
181
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It's too gay for me. I thought
I could handle it, but I can't.
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There'll be the interval soon.
183
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I'm captivated, Roy.
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Calm down.
At least, it can't get any worse.
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All right, get them houselights up
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and let's have a look at you!
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Are you wearing that shirt for a bet?
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Audience participation! Go, go!
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What have we...
190
00:10:07,205 --> 00:10:08,847
- here!
- Hello!
191
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Tell me! Who wears the trousers
in this relationship?
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What? Oh, no.
193
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We're not homosexuals.
194
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We're just very good friends.
195
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So, you never had a look?
196
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- At what?
- His bob!
197
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I've seen it,
198
00:10:26,307 --> 00:10:28,883
when he thrusts it in front of my desk,
199
00:10:29,448 --> 00:10:31,698
or, should he bend over
to pick something up.
200
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I'd love to work in that office...
201
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:37,303
There's nothing sexual going on.
202
00:10:37,445 --> 00:10:40,374
I do like Roy, but I'm not "curious".
203
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What were you engaging him for?
204
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,935
He was asking me questions,
I couldn't just ignore him.
205
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It's a bit rude, Roy.
206
00:10:49,639 --> 00:10:50,980
So what do you think of it?
207
00:10:51,156 --> 00:10:52,674
I think it's fabulous.
208
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Every value I've ever held
is being questioned,
209
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and I'm loving it.
210
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,123
You don't like it, do you?
211
00:10:59,370 --> 00:11:00,711
The songs are good.
212
00:11:01,276 --> 00:11:02,599
No, they're not!
213
00:11:02,952 --> 00:11:04,205
Hum one of the songs.
214
00:11:05,734 --> 00:11:08,236
Willies, willies! I like willies!
215
00:11:08,378 --> 00:11:09,578
It's "I love willies".
216
00:11:09,862 --> 00:11:12,093
- I love willies!
- Sir, could you keep it down?
217
00:11:14,846 --> 00:11:16,840
- I'm not going back in there!
- Oh yes, you are!
218
00:11:16,999 --> 00:11:18,411
No. I'll wait out here for you,
219
00:11:18,587 --> 00:11:21,426
but there's no way
I'm going anywhere near that thing.
220
00:11:21,568 --> 00:11:24,585
You can't leave me alone in there.
I don't know what the hell is going on!
221
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,677
He's laughing like an idiot
at every single gay reference!
222
00:11:27,997 --> 00:11:30,944
- Why didn't he come off for a drink?
- He doesn't wanna miss anything!
223
00:11:33,044 --> 00:11:34,332
I need to wee wee.
224
00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:36,088
Yeah, me too.
225
00:11:40,172 --> 00:11:42,078
- What's wrong?
- They've got a toilet guy.
226
00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:44,478
I hate toilet guys!
227
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:47,005
Let's just get over with.
228
00:12:20,666 --> 00:12:21,672
Thank you.
229
00:12:25,219 --> 00:12:26,260
Cheers, dude.
230
00:12:29,401 --> 00:12:31,120
- Did you go?
- No. Did you?
231
00:12:31,407 --> 00:12:32,695
No! How could I?
232
00:12:33,136 --> 00:12:34,707
Block stood looking at us!
233
00:12:34,848 --> 00:12:37,265
What was that?
It's not my fault he works in a toilet!
234
00:12:37,407 --> 00:12:39,083
- How much did you give him?
- A pound.
235
00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:41,783
I just paid a pound
not to go to the toilet.
236
00:12:42,497 --> 00:12:43,854
He's a terrible toilet guy!
237
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:46,523
He should work where people
don't want to go to the toilet.
238
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:47,812
I'll use the disabled.
239
00:12:47,953 --> 00:12:49,935
- You can't use the disabled!
- What? Why not?
240
00:12:50,164 --> 00:12:52,034
You're not disabled!
You'll get in trouble!
241
00:12:52,846 --> 00:12:55,175
It's not like a parking space, Moss.
242
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I think. I think it's okay, isn't it?
243
00:12:57,892 --> 00:12:59,816
It's okay.
I'm always using the disabled.
244
00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:01,534
It's illegal!
245
00:13:03,278 --> 00:13:04,316
I don't think so.
246
00:13:36,262 --> 00:13:37,427
You all right in there?
247
00:13:39,217 --> 00:13:40,470
Do you need help?
248
00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:42,670
I'm disabled!
249
00:13:42,828 --> 00:13:44,406
He sounds disoriented.
250
00:13:44,935 --> 00:13:45,800
Move back
251
00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:47,353
- from the door!
- What? No!
252
00:13:51,782 --> 00:13:54,023
- What are you doing?
- Don't panic!
253
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,742
What... What's happening?
254
00:14:02,024 --> 00:14:03,595
Someone's had an accident.
255
00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:06,286
Well, you'd better keep going then.
256
00:14:11,747 --> 00:14:12,911
My God, what happened?
257
00:14:13,335 --> 00:14:14,870
I fell off the toilet.
258
00:14:16,502 --> 00:14:19,008
Well, come on. Let's get you upright.
259
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:20,824
Thank you.
260
00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:25,174
So, what happened?
261
00:14:26,639 --> 00:14:28,474
- I'm disabled.
- How?
262
00:14:29,946 --> 00:14:30,758
How what?
263
00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:32,611
How are you disabled?
264
00:14:34,287 --> 00:14:35,329
Leg disabled.
265
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:38,567
Wait, where's your...
Do you have a wheelchair?
266
00:14:41,127 --> 00:14:42,133
Where?
267
00:14:44,391 --> 00:14:45,397
Stolen!
268
00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:48,344
But how did they get in?
269
00:14:50,091 --> 00:14:51,221
I don't know!
270
00:14:51,874 --> 00:14:53,515
All right. It's gonna be okay.
271
00:14:54,017 --> 00:14:55,521
Let's get you out of here. Come on.
272
00:14:55,663 --> 00:14:57,833
Come on. Give me a hand.
There you go.
273
00:14:58,028 --> 00:14:59,925
There you go, there you go, mate.
274
00:15:00,075 --> 00:15:01,817
All right, you're all right.
275
00:15:15,606 --> 00:15:17,493
- Easy, mate.
- Hold him tight that way.
276
00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:21,545
Easy.
277
00:15:23,549 --> 00:15:25,821
All right. Bring him carefully!
278
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:30,978
Excuse me! This is a staff toilet!
279
00:15:34,026 --> 00:15:35,248
I'm staff!
280
00:15:38,232 --> 00:15:39,656
I really am feeling much better.
281
00:15:40,627 --> 00:15:41,998
You can all go, now.
282
00:15:42,891 --> 00:15:46,177
We're not going anywhere
until we've got you sorted out.
283
00:15:48,455 --> 00:15:50,396
Here's Paul with the wheelchair.
284
00:15:50,538 --> 00:15:52,254
All right. What?
285
00:15:53,033 --> 00:15:56,019
I keep one in the office
for emergencies. Let's get you up!
286
00:15:56,218 --> 00:15:58,791
Nice and carefully now.
That's it, there we go.
287
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,068
There we are, there.
288
00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:05,962
Oh, the police!
289
00:16:06,580 --> 00:16:07,798
Is everything all right?
290
00:16:07,957 --> 00:16:09,074
I'm disabled!
291
00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:14,438
- So, someone stole you...
- My wheelchair.
292
00:16:15,649 --> 00:16:16,832
I'm disabled.
293
00:16:17,792 --> 00:16:20,190
Some lazy bastard just waltzed in there.
294
00:16:20,332 --> 00:16:21,444
Can you describe him?
295
00:16:21,586 --> 00:16:24,201
- It was all over so quick!
- Just tell me just what you can.
296
00:16:25,490 --> 00:16:27,078
Caucasian male...
297
00:16:28,331 --> 00:16:30,239
Bearded.
298
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,354
Red hair...
299
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:35,523
Glasses.
300
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,051
Possibly disguised, I...
301
00:16:38,445 --> 00:16:39,600
All right, thank you.
302
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:41,694
Do you need any help getting home?
303
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,173
No, I'm fine, I'm with people.
304
00:16:44,652 --> 00:16:46,037
Here they are, now!
305
00:16:47,232 --> 00:16:48,326
Hey, fellas!
306
00:16:50,567 --> 00:16:53,223
- No, I'll take it from here.
- Nonsense. It's the least I can do.
307
00:16:53,408 --> 00:16:54,397
Okay...
308
00:16:59,070 --> 00:17:00,482
Are you slacking off in there?
309
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:02,940
Go and get changed!
310
00:17:06,546 --> 00:17:08,482
Excuse me, sir. Can I have a word?
311
00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:11,154
Amazing! Super powerful!
312
00:17:11,404 --> 00:17:12,481
Thanks.
313
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,947
That...
314
00:17:14,205 --> 00:17:15,895
The grit of it!
315
00:17:17,143 --> 00:17:18,327
Five stars!
316
00:17:19,577 --> 00:17:20,892
So what did you think?
317
00:17:21,230 --> 00:17:23,850
- Of the musical?
- Did you not just love it?
318
00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:25,068
Well, no,
319
00:17:25,671 --> 00:17:27,005
- sorry.
- Why not?
320
00:17:27,199 --> 00:17:28,382
I don't know, just...
321
00:17:28,605 --> 00:17:30,670
Maybe, you have to be...
322
00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:32,331
gay.
323
00:17:33,104 --> 00:17:34,404
I loved it!
324
00:17:35,163 --> 00:17:37,687
I guess it's more of a gay thing.
325
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,868
You know, you have to be gay.
326
00:17:41,874 --> 00:17:42,941
A gay man.
327
00:17:44,018 --> 00:17:45,131
A homosexual.
328
00:17:45,286 --> 00:17:48,344
But all I know is I loved
every last second of it.
329
00:17:48,563 --> 00:17:49,689
And I'm not...
330
00:17:50,358 --> 00:17:51,849
usually a fan of musicals.
331
00:17:52,249 --> 00:17:53,696
Do you want to meet the cast?
332
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,037
Come on!
333
00:17:55,231 --> 00:17:57,794
The thing is I have to meet
Moss and Roy.
334
00:18:20,658 --> 00:18:23,534
Listen, I told the cast
about what happened,
335
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:26,075
and they told me to get you all
to come back and meet them!
336
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:30,575
Come on everybody! Off the van!
337
00:18:37,981 --> 00:18:40,067
Hey, James!
338
00:18:40,314 --> 00:18:41,906
Wow, Edgar!
339
00:18:42,235 --> 00:18:42,946
Hi!
340
00:18:45,114 --> 00:18:46,114
Brilliant!
341
00:18:47,047 --> 00:18:47,814
Jeremy!
342
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,178
How do you know all these... young...
343
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:52,888
good looking men?
344
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,617
You know, just from my route.
345
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,222
Hey, Jerome!
346
00:18:56,541 --> 00:18:57,542
Come here, you!
347
00:18:57,963 --> 00:18:59,067
Great show.
348
00:18:59,419 --> 00:19:00,903
Hello, darling!
349
00:19:01,112 --> 00:19:02,630
Listen, I can't talk at the moment.
350
00:19:02,806 --> 00:19:05,045
The disabled are coming for a chat.
Here they are now.
351
00:19:22,789 --> 00:19:24,192
He's had quite an evening.
352
00:19:24,404 --> 00:19:25,745
Someone stole his wheelchair.
353
00:19:27,927 --> 00:19:28,783
Really?
354
00:19:30,993 --> 00:19:32,221
Did you see who it was?
355
00:19:33,627 --> 00:19:34,633
Red bearded man.
356
00:19:37,023 --> 00:19:38,888
How long have you been disabled?
357
00:19:40,909 --> 00:19:42,947
- Ten years.
- Ten years!
358
00:19:43,469 --> 00:19:46,099
And how did it happen,
if that's not a rude question?
359
00:19:49,842 --> 00:19:50,649
Acid.
360
00:19:53,241 --> 00:19:55,335
What are the chances
of that happening?
361
00:19:56,311 --> 00:19:57,636
A hundred to one.
362
00:19:59,144 --> 00:20:01,535
- You're like you could do with a drink.
- Whisky.
363
00:20:01,870 --> 00:20:03,356
Please. Double.
364
00:20:03,957 --> 00:20:05,377
- Excuse me?
- Yes, miss?
365
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:18,641
Can I have a double whisky, please?
366
00:20:18,923 --> 00:20:19,947
Double whisky.
367
00:20:20,194 --> 00:20:21,508
And a glass of white wine.
368
00:20:21,666 --> 00:20:22,813
A glass of white wine.
369
00:20:24,518 --> 00:20:25,833
You're very welcome, madam.
370
00:20:38,830 --> 00:20:41,299
- Hello, Laura Nightly.
- How are you?
371
00:20:42,126 --> 00:20:43,187
I'm disabled!
372
00:20:43,593 --> 00:20:46,297
It must be so difficult
being gay and disabled.
373
00:20:47,771 --> 00:20:48,954
Very difficult.
374
00:20:53,315 --> 00:20:55,027
Come here, my little soldier.
375
00:20:56,872 --> 00:20:58,787
- What's the matter?
- I don't know.
376
00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:03,072
- You're from telly!
- I am.
377
00:21:03,766 --> 00:21:07,524
And you know, a little birdy told me
that you couldn't make the show tonight.
378
00:21:07,757 --> 00:21:09,910
So, I've got you two tickets
for tomorrow.
379
00:21:13,037 --> 00:21:14,040
Brilliant!
380
00:21:14,850 --> 00:21:16,445
- You're doing so well!
- Yeah.
381
00:21:16,587 --> 00:21:18,306
- High five!
- High five!
382
00:21:20,467 --> 00:21:21,760
A couple of photos?
383
00:21:24,057 --> 00:21:25,627
Is he from a newspaper?
384
00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:28,296
- Yes, he's from The Standard.
- Oh, God!
385
00:21:30,444 --> 00:21:31,591
What... What's...
386
00:21:32,248 --> 00:21:33,573
I get it!
387
00:21:34,173 --> 00:21:36,259
Very funny, you Irish!
388
00:21:36,849 --> 00:21:39,573
I'm a bit tired!
Can I have a wheelchair too?
389
00:21:40,706 --> 00:21:41,712
Hilarious!
390
00:21:42,746 --> 00:21:44,427
Me legs don't work!
391
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:46,597
Help, pal! I need a wheelchair!
392
00:21:46,756 --> 00:21:48,824
Come on, get out! Come on!
393
00:21:49,027 --> 00:21:51,199
Stop buzzing around, all right, Gary?
394
00:21:59,671 --> 00:22:01,878
Well, I guess this is good night.
395
00:22:16,811 --> 00:22:19,179
For God sake, are you gay?
Are you a gay man?
396
00:22:19,724 --> 00:22:20,759
- Are you?
- No!
397
00:22:20,901 --> 00:22:22,354
So brilliant, dude! That's...
398
00:22:22,531 --> 00:22:24,542
'Cause that's all I wanted to know.
I don't mind,
399
00:22:24,701 --> 00:22:26,730
one way or another, you know.
it's just I like...
400
00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:28,548
being clear. I don't want any...
401
00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:30,296
ambiguity.
402
00:22:30,455 --> 00:22:32,434
What on earth made you think I was gay?
403
00:22:33,363 --> 00:22:35,636
Well, you know... I didn't just...
404
00:22:35,946 --> 00:22:37,288
pull it out of the air.
405
00:22:37,542 --> 00:22:40,809
You know, you just brought me
to a gay musical called "Gay",
406
00:22:41,321 --> 00:22:43,106
You've been laughing like mad
at every...
407
00:22:43,281 --> 00:22:45,253
at every gay reference. Your friends,
408
00:22:45,938 --> 00:22:47,704
more of whom are gay,
409
00:22:48,004 --> 00:22:49,875
say hello by tickling you!
410
00:22:51,189 --> 00:22:53,502
In what century are you living in?
Do you think
411
00:22:53,661 --> 00:22:56,325
that a man has to be gay
to like a gay musical?
412
00:22:56,517 --> 00:22:59,153
Can a straight man
not have homosexual friends?
413
00:22:59,859 --> 00:23:02,276
And since when was tickling gay?
414
00:23:02,432 --> 00:23:04,200
I missed that meaning, Jen!
415
00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:07,899
- Come here.
- I'm sorry, I guess
416
00:23:08,041 --> 00:23:10,043
you astray me when you borrowed
that copy of Heat.
417
00:23:10,185 --> 00:23:11,840
Oh God, it's true,
418
00:23:12,018 --> 00:23:13,433
it's true, I'm gay!
419
00:23:13,575 --> 00:23:16,445
I'm a gay man!
I tried to run from it tonight
420
00:23:16,587 --> 00:23:18,666
but I can't, I can't!
421
00:23:18,843 --> 00:23:21,595
Jen, what am I gonna do?
422
00:23:23,130 --> 00:23:25,708
I thought
I could make it work between us,
423
00:23:25,911 --> 00:23:28,322
because you looked a bit like a man!
424
00:23:38,323 --> 00:23:39,431
Taxi!
425
00:24:00,658 --> 00:24:01,914
Hello, there.
426
00:24:03,474 --> 00:24:05,211
I didn't see you on the way out.
427
00:24:06,482 --> 00:24:08,939
All right, lads!
Let's get a sing song coming!
428
00:24:09,211 --> 00:24:11,051
It's a long way back to Manchester!
429
00:24:21,464 --> 00:24:23,318
- 'Night, Steve.
- 'Night, Moss.
430
00:24:23,460 --> 00:24:25,970
- 'Night Melly, you be good!
- Mind if I can't help it.
431
00:24:32,773 --> 00:24:33,937
Ah, the theatre....