1
00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:45,394
<i>You've probably heard
many stories that begin:</i>

2
00:00:45,564 --> 00:00:50,272
<i>"A long, long time ago,
in a land far away. "</i>

3
00:00:51,903 --> 00:00:53,812
<i>This one does as well.</i>

4
00:00:53,989 --> 00:00:58,283
<i>But I assure you, this is a story
you have never heard before.</i>

5
00:00:58,453 --> 00:01:00,859
<i>It's the story of a boy named Fred.</i>

6
00:01:01,913 --> 00:01:04,154
<i>And it begins right here.</i>

7
00:01:04,916 --> 00:01:06,375
It's time.

8
00:01:07,169 --> 00:01:09,541
You must push, dear.

9
00:01:09,713 --> 00:01:10,957
That's it.

10
00:01:11,131 --> 00:01:14,298
That's it. One more time, come on. Yes.

11
00:01:20,140 --> 00:01:21,421
What's wrong?

12
00:01:23,227 --> 00:01:26,393
It's the fattest baby I've ever seen.

13
00:01:32,946 --> 00:01:34,937
Good Lord.

14
00:01:35,488 --> 00:01:37,232
Why does he not cry?

15
00:01:39,659 --> 00:01:41,035
What did he say?

16
00:01:42,746 --> 00:01:46,246
He's perfect in every way.

17
00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:48,292
What shall we name him?

18
00:01:48,461 --> 00:01:50,500
My father was called Nicholas.

19
00:01:51,088 --> 00:01:52,250
Yes.

20
00:01:52,673 --> 00:01:54,582
Nicholas Claus.

21
00:01:55,634 --> 00:01:58,090
My Saint Nicholas.

22
00:02:00,014 --> 00:02:01,425
Frederick.

23
00:02:02,308 --> 00:02:04,929
Would you like to come
and meet your brother?

24
00:02:20,493 --> 00:02:22,285
Come along now.

25
00:02:31,004 --> 00:02:35,167
<i>Fred loved Nicholas
from the first moment he met him.</i>

26
00:02:35,341 --> 00:02:39,090
<i>In fact, that day, he made him a promise.</i>

27
00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:45,179
I promise to be the best big brother
in the whole world, Nicholas.

28
00:02:49,397 --> 00:02:52,600
<i>But Fred's promise
is just the beginning of his story.</i>

29
00:02:52,775 --> 00:02:55,895
<i>You see, sometimes it's easier
to make a promise...</i>

30
00:02:57,405 --> 00:02:59,232
<i>... than it is to keep one.</i>

31
00:03:03,411 --> 00:03:04,787
Time to cut the cake.

32
00:03:07,374 --> 00:03:09,497
Here you go, Nicholas.
I made this for you.

33
00:03:09,668 --> 00:03:11,079
Happy birthday.

34
00:03:11,253 --> 00:03:14,254
- I thank you, Frederick.
- That was very nice, Frederick.

35
00:03:16,425 --> 00:03:18,333
Nicholas, where are you going?

36
00:03:18,510 --> 00:03:21,511
There's a poor orphan named Henry
who lives down the road.

37
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:25,013
I'm bringing all my gifts to him.
He needs them more than I.

38
00:03:25,183 --> 00:03:26,512
That's lovely.

39
00:03:26,685 --> 00:03:30,385
Do you really think Henry needs a journal
with the name "Nicholas" on the cover?

40
00:03:30,564 --> 00:03:33,518
Frederick, it's a saintly thing he does.

41
00:03:33,858 --> 00:03:36,100
My little Saint Nicholas.

42
00:03:36,695 --> 00:03:39,186
<i>And so it went for Fred.</i>

43
00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:45,078
<i>Every time he managed
to make his parents proud...</i>

44
00:03:45,245 --> 00:03:47,155
Frederick, don't you look nice.

45
00:03:49,291 --> 00:03:52,494
<i>... Nicholas managed
to make his parents prouder.</i>

46
00:03:52,669 --> 00:03:57,082
The door was locked, so I decided
to drop down the chimney! What fun!

47
00:03:57,549 --> 00:03:58,628
Oh, Nicholas.

48
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,089
If the door was locked,
why didn't you just knock?

49
00:04:01,261 --> 00:04:02,886
Because he's inventive.

50
00:04:03,138 --> 00:04:05,178
I made the outfit myself, Mother.

51
00:04:05,558 --> 00:04:07,349
I wouldn't go telling people that.

52
00:04:07,852 --> 00:04:11,303
Really, Frederick, why can't you
be more like your brother?

53
00:04:22,074 --> 00:04:25,443
I don't wish to hate him. He means well.

54
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:28,739
And I promised to be the best
big brother in the world.

55
00:04:29,665 --> 00:04:32,749
You're the only one
who understands me, Chirp-Chirp.

56
00:04:47,975 --> 00:04:51,142
Frederick!
I noticed how much you liked the tree...

57
00:04:51,395 --> 00:04:55,096
...so now we're gonna bring it inside
the house and put presents under it!

58
00:04:55,274 --> 00:04:56,686
Isn't that wonderful?

59
00:05:04,533 --> 00:05:07,867
<i>Chirp-Chirp never returned.</i>

60
00:05:18,381 --> 00:05:19,626
Frederick?

61
00:05:21,718 --> 00:05:23,426
<i>Our poor Fred.</i>

62
00:05:23,595 --> 00:05:25,089
Is this for me?

63
00:05:25,263 --> 00:05:27,885
<i>That tree was the last straw.</i>

64
00:05:28,225 --> 00:05:31,391
<i>He began to resent his brother,
his parents...</i>

65
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,228
<i>... and even his life.</i>

66
00:05:33,397 --> 00:05:35,435
Nicholas, why don't you
open yours first?

67
00:05:38,901 --> 00:05:40,728
Spin it. Spin it!

68
00:05:40,904 --> 00:05:43,276
<i>And like many unhappy children...</i>

69
00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:45,239
Why don't you open yours?

70
00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:47,901
<i>... he became angry.</i>

71
00:05:50,246 --> 00:05:52,239
<i>Naughty, even.</i>

72
00:05:56,169 --> 00:05:57,545
I wonder what it is.

73
00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:01,579
What's the matter, Nicholas?

74
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:03,791
Nothing.

75
00:06:04,761 --> 00:06:06,636
<i>But while Fred grew worse...</i>

76
00:06:06,806 --> 00:06:09,924
<i>... Nicholas grew more generous
and eventually...</i>

77
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,341
<i>... he fulfilled his mother's prophecy.</i>

78
00:06:12,519 --> 00:06:16,387
<i>In manhood, he literally became a saint.</i>

79
00:06:17,398 --> 00:06:21,064
<i>Now, it's a little-known rule of sainthood,
but when you become a saint...</i>

80
00:06:21,236 --> 00:06:24,854
<i>... you freeze in time, eternally ageless.</i>

81
00:06:25,032 --> 00:06:29,824
<i>The rule applies to the family
of the saint and the spouses, as well.</i>

82
00:06:29,995 --> 00:06:34,538
<i>Now, you probably already have your
suspicions of what became of Saint Nick.</i>

83
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:39,371
<i>The world grew to know
and love him as Santa Claus.</i>

84
00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:44,880
<i>But as I told you before,
this is a story about Fred.</i>

85
00:06:45,427 --> 00:06:48,878
<i>And the next part of Fred's story
occurs in a time and place...</i>

86
00:06:49,055 --> 00:06:51,380
<i>... that might be a little more
familiar to you.</i>

87
00:06:55,687 --> 00:06:59,222
<i>Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Everybody loves Christmas!</i>

88
00:06:59,650 --> 00:07:03,695
<i>Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Everybody loves Christmas!</i>

89
00:07:03,862 --> 00:07:07,812
<i>Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Everybody loves Christmas!</i>

90
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:12,321
<i>Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Everybody loves Christmas!</i>

91
00:07:12,538 --> 00:07:15,325
You can't take my television!
I watch that in bed!

92
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:16,614
Are you nuts?

93
00:07:16,793 --> 00:07:19,911
You can't just run up and kick
someone like that. How old are you?

94
00:07:20,171 --> 00:07:21,664
- Nine.
- Nine?

95
00:07:21,839 --> 00:07:24,128
And you have a 55-inch Plasma TV
in your room?

96
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,292
Santa got it for me
for Christmas last year.

97
00:07:26,469 --> 00:07:29,173
The guy in the red suit's
not looking out for your future.

98
00:07:29,347 --> 00:07:30,805
You're gonna get hooked on that.

99
00:07:30,973 --> 00:07:33,511
I can see it now.
Sixteen thousand bags of Cheetos later...

100
00:07:33,684 --> 00:07:37,136
...you'll wake up, you're 35, crying
about your life in front of the soaps.

101
00:07:37,314 --> 00:07:40,480
I did you a favor. You get outside,
play around, make some friends.

102
00:07:40,650 --> 00:07:42,607
Play kick the can, do some athletic stuff.

103
00:07:42,777 --> 00:07:44,651
Go to school,
you're comfortable to play sports.

104
00:07:44,821 --> 00:07:48,439
You have any ethnic in your background?
Any ethnicity in your background?

105
00:07:48,616 --> 00:07:50,858
I bet you do, it's America.
You know what I mean?

106
00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:52,827
Put it on the application for college.

107
00:07:53,078 --> 00:07:56,530
All of a sudden, you get a little extra
money. Uncle Sam's none the wiser.

108
00:07:56,707 --> 00:07:58,914
You take that extra money,
you buy a motorcycle.

109
00:07:59,084 --> 00:08:02,585
Maybe you meet a guy at school.
Then you'll get pregnant with child.

110
00:08:02,755 --> 00:08:05,293
It works out with the guy,
doesn't work out, who cares?

111
00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:07,424
You're blessed to have a kid in your life.

112
00:08:07,593 --> 00:08:10,714
You'll be athletic. You're gonna
be a moderate-to-lukewarm student.

113
00:08:10,889 --> 00:08:13,558
And you're gonna have a child
before you graduate college.

114
00:08:13,725 --> 00:08:16,512
Who are you gonna have to thank?
Not the guy in the red suit.

115
00:08:16,686 --> 00:08:17,766
But your pal, Fred.

116
00:08:19,022 --> 00:08:22,557
Sometimes it hurts to grow!
Hey, guy, you got a girl that kicks.

117
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:26,151
Is that from you or is that because
you use the TV as a babysitter?

118
00:08:26,322 --> 00:08:29,939
Don't pay your bills again! Next time
I'll come and take your wife from you!

119
00:08:30,116 --> 00:08:33,401
Plasma goes to my place. Pack it
separately, make sure it doesn't scratch.

120
00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:38,038
<i>Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Everybody loves...</i>

121
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,940
Catch it, catch it, catch it one time.

122
00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,770
Come on, come on, come on,
just a little bit.

123
00:09:08,947 --> 00:09:12,696
That's it, just easy, easy. Damn it.

124
00:09:18,123 --> 00:09:21,409
- Mind changing the station for me, pal?
- It's your buck, buddy.

125
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:25,206
Can you change that again, please?

126
00:09:25,882 --> 00:09:28,004
Come on, I like that one.
That's a good one.

127
00:09:29,427 --> 00:09:30,707
Can you pull over, please?

128
00:09:30,886 --> 00:09:34,754
- Come on, we're still 15 blocks from the...
- Just pull the cab over, please.

129
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,434
Wanda, you have never been
more attractive to me.

130
00:09:43,024 --> 00:09:46,226
Freddie, I'm mad at you.
No, I'm seriously mad at you.

131
00:09:46,569 --> 00:09:48,644
Two whole days, you don't call me.

132
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:52,985
I try and have a conversation
with you about our moving in together...

133
00:09:53,158 --> 00:09:56,860
...and then you just disappear.
- Sweetheart, I did not just disappear.

134
00:09:57,038 --> 00:10:00,952
I found myself in a business opportunity
with a sheik. From India.

135
00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:02,999
A sh... There aren't any sheiks in India!

136
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,957
Don't tell that to this guy.
I had to go on a yoga retreat.

137
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:10,087
But to be honest with you,
my chi... really strong right now.

138
00:10:10,259 --> 00:10:12,465
Freddie, do you know what tomorrow is?

139
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,007
- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.

140
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,840
Yeah, I know what tomorrow is.

141
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,972
- What is it?
- Tomorrow is tomorrow.

142
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:23,052
And today is today, and we shouldn't
be wasting it arguing with each other.

143
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:28,023
No, Freddie, apart from that, all right.
What is the significance of tomorrow?

144
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:31,895
What you're referring to in this
conversation is the day after today?

145
00:10:32,281 --> 00:10:33,527
- Yes.
- You're asking me...

146
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,155
What I'm trying to say is that
when it gets to midnight...

147
00:10:36,327 --> 00:10:40,990
...and then it's one minute past midnight,
tomorrow begins, then it is my birthday!

148
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:43,077
- That?
- Oh, no.

149
00:10:43,252 --> 00:10:47,165
I know that. The birthday thing,
that I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

150
00:10:47,338 --> 00:10:49,746
Don't try and pretend
you knew it was my birthday...

151
00:10:49,924 --> 00:10:51,751
...because I know you. You didn't know.

152
00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:53,883
- I do know it's your birthday.
- You forgot.

153
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,304
I have a surprise planned for you
for your birthday but you ruined it.

154
00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:00,594
That's what I need, surprises.
Remember our three-year anniversary?

155
00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:04,055
You told me to brush up on French,
you drop hints about the Eiffel Tower...

156
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:07,018
...and then you took me gambling
on a riverboat in Indiana.

157
00:11:07,192 --> 00:11:09,268
The French thing was
to get you off the scent.

158
00:11:09,444 --> 00:11:12,529
The thing about it was that
I bought those French books on tape.

159
00:11:12,698 --> 00:11:14,073
I studied for three weeks.

160
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:17,574
That French is yours, that's a part
of you, no one can take that away.

161
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,241
Can I get you a cup of coffee?

162
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,454
I just can't stay mad at you.

163
00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:27,497
Freddie, will you tell me
about the surprise?

164
00:11:27,671 --> 00:11:29,960
If I tell you, it would
no longer be a surprise.

165
00:11:30,131 --> 00:11:31,507
I know, I know, but...

166
00:11:31,675 --> 00:11:33,882
Yeah, you're right.
You shouldn't tell me, then.

167
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,679
You know what?

168
00:11:40,851 --> 00:11:43,556
I'm gonna tell you about the surprise.
It's not a surprise.

169
00:11:43,729 --> 00:11:46,302
You already know what it is,
so it's not a surprise.

170
00:11:46,482 --> 00:11:49,732
So this time, on this specific occasion,
I'll let you know what it is.

171
00:11:50,111 --> 00:11:51,273
- It's a dinner.
- Yeah.

172
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:55,608
At a pretty exciting new hot spot
here in town called...

173
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,192
...Bonsai Palace.

174
00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:01,785
Oh, that sounds familiar, Bonsai Palace.

175
00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:05,414
- Yeah.
- You're not making this up?

176
00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:08,585
If we go to Bonsai Palace,
it's gonna exist? It's gonna be there?

177
00:12:08,754 --> 00:12:13,131
Absolutely, it's a hot spot.
Think romance, and think getting lost.

178
00:12:14,677 --> 00:12:15,709
<i>Charlie Brown...</i>

179
00:12:15,887 --> 00:12:20,050
<i>... you're the only person I know who can
take a wonderful season like Christmas...</i>

180
00:12:20,224 --> 00:12:21,766
<i>... and turn it into a problem.</i>

181
00:12:21,934 --> 00:12:24,390
<i>Maybe Lucy's right.
Of all the Charlie Browns...</i>

182
00:12:24,562 --> 00:12:25,594
My man, Fred.

183
00:12:25,772 --> 00:12:27,515
Don't come in bouncing off the walls.

184
00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:31,140
If you can come in here, relaxed and be
a gentleman, then you can come in.

185
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,311
- Can you do that? You want some milk?
- Yeah.

186
00:12:33,488 --> 00:12:35,693
Okay. Don't be playing
with the channels...

187
00:12:35,865 --> 00:12:38,356
...and putting on videos
and dancing, it's exhausting.

188
00:12:38,534 --> 00:12:40,028
Okay.

189
00:12:40,202 --> 00:12:42,361
Do you gotta go over the couch?
With the feet.

190
00:12:42,538 --> 00:12:44,366
The feet are dirty, the couch is clean.

191
00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:46,414
- You put the feet off the thing.
- My bad.

192
00:12:46,584 --> 00:12:49,075
- Do you want the milk?
- Yeah, go get that milk.

193
00:12:49,462 --> 00:12:53,792
Yo, Fred. I asked Santa for a puppy
this year. I'm gonna name him Macaroni.

194
00:12:53,966 --> 00:12:57,632
I don't know how Santa's gonna know
where to bring me my gifts this year...

195
00:12:57,804 --> 00:12:59,595
...because I don't know where I'll be.

196
00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:02,468
Because you know how sometimes,
if my grandma's sick...

197
00:13:02,641 --> 00:13:04,681
...I end up staying over at my aunt's.

198
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:07,853
Most of the time, we just end up
staying over at her boyfriend's.

199
00:13:08,022 --> 00:13:10,145
What you think, Fred?
Think Santa'll find me?

200
00:13:10,316 --> 00:13:12,772
- Slam, you ever thought about Santa?
- Not really.

201
00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:16,478
The guy's in a big red suit flying around
because he craves the spotlight.

202
00:13:16,656 --> 00:13:18,815
He's a fame junkie. The guy's a clown.

203
00:13:18,992 --> 00:13:21,115
He's a megalomaniac.
It's all a big shell game.

204
00:13:21,286 --> 00:13:23,693
He presents himself like,
"Look at me, I'm so nice."

205
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,244
He's getting paid.
He's got a whole thing happening.

206
00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:29,085
Know they sell more Santa
statues along with trinkets...

207
00:13:29,294 --> 00:13:30,669
...than they do of Buddha?

208
00:13:30,838 --> 00:13:33,957
Oh, the big fat dude that be
in the nail salon? He be like:

209
00:13:34,132 --> 00:13:37,500
Don't be a cheerleader for Santa Claus.
Think about it, watch the angles.

210
00:13:37,676 --> 00:13:38,875
Don't drink the Kool-Aid.

211
00:13:39,053 --> 00:13:41,212
- I like Kool-Aid.
- Don't drink this Kool-Aid.

212
00:13:41,431 --> 00:13:43,139
You not gonna ask Santa for nothing?

213
00:13:43,391 --> 00:13:47,520
Slam, I get what I want without charity
from Santa. Two hands on the milk.

214
00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:49,894
- Two hands.
- Two hands if you're gonna drink.

215
00:13:50,065 --> 00:13:53,149
I'm about to step into a
lucrative business situation right now.

216
00:13:53,318 --> 00:13:54,895
I'm working. I'm creating assets.

217
00:13:55,070 --> 00:13:56,814
You know? I'm starting a new business.

218
00:13:56,988 --> 00:13:58,697
- A ass what?
- Assets.

219
00:13:58,865 --> 00:14:01,190
- What that mean?
- Get your mind out of the gutter.

220
00:14:01,994 --> 00:14:03,903
Please, Leon, it's gotta be the spot.

221
00:14:04,079 --> 00:14:06,452
You gotta come up
with the full 50,000 by the 20th.

222
00:14:06,624 --> 00:14:09,459
The only way I can hold it.
People are breathing down my neck.

223
00:14:09,627 --> 00:14:13,375
I got the money. Maybe we're
not underst... I got the money.

224
00:14:13,547 --> 00:14:16,252
It's not about the money.
It's liquidating the money.

225
00:14:16,424 --> 00:14:20,636
I have to get the money in a
liquid situation so that I can pour it.

226
00:14:20,929 --> 00:14:23,467
Listen, what's the largest
growth industry in America?

227
00:14:23,641 --> 00:14:25,016
It's gambling, right?

228
00:14:25,183 --> 00:14:28,137
This space we're standing in
right now, in three months' time...

229
00:14:28,312 --> 00:14:30,434
...will be the most-trafficked
OTB in the city.

230
00:14:30,606 --> 00:14:33,442
We're across the street from
the Chicago Mercantile Exchange.

231
00:14:33,692 --> 00:14:37,275
So every day when the market closes
and the day traders hit the streets...

232
00:14:37,447 --> 00:14:41,575
...this is where they're gonna come,
Leon. It means everything to me. Please.

233
00:14:41,742 --> 00:14:44,150
Listen, I don't wanna hear
no futzing from you, pal.

234
00:14:44,329 --> 00:14:46,237
I need it by the 22nd. The best I can do.

235
00:14:46,496 --> 00:14:48,988
Whatever. It's gonna be fi...
We're gonna work it out.

236
00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:51,788
- I wanna hear you say the 22nd.
- It's gonna be perfect.

237
00:14:51,961 --> 00:14:54,748
- 22nd is perfect.
- Likely the 22nd, or the 23rd, either way.

238
00:14:54,922 --> 00:14:57,876
22nd and that's it. That's the best
I can do. And that's it.

239
00:14:58,050 --> 00:15:01,253
No more. Icky, but done.
But if it's the 23rd...

240
00:15:01,428 --> 00:15:02,626
Done.

241
00:15:03,431 --> 00:15:04,759
- Twenty-second.
- Two-two.

242
00:15:10,814 --> 00:15:12,723
- Thanks.
- Thank you.

243
00:15:12,898 --> 00:15:14,726
Thank you.

244
00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:17,235
Merry Christmas!

245
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,851
All right, ladies and gentlemen!

246
00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:22,149
Step up for everyone's
favorite charity, People Help the People!

247
00:15:22,325 --> 00:15:25,112
Hey there, give me a hug!
You gorgeous leopard.

248
00:15:25,286 --> 00:15:27,112
Who's the queen of the jungle? You are!

249
00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:30,538
Let me see what we got. Oh, I like it.
Come on, I like how you do it!

250
00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:32,950
Rock me with some paper! Dig deeper.

251
00:15:33,128 --> 00:15:35,037
And another 20.
Let me see what you got.

252
00:15:35,212 --> 00:15:38,250
I'll take both of them. Whatever.
Merry Christmas to you.

253
00:15:38,425 --> 00:15:39,456
Hey, lady!

254
00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:42,800
If you want salvation, no army can
give it to you, only people can!

255
00:15:42,971 --> 00:15:45,889
Bring your action down here! That's it.
Give me that action.

256
00:15:46,057 --> 00:15:49,141
- We only help the people out.
- What do you think you're doing?

257
00:15:49,311 --> 00:15:52,894
Just give me a second. I'll deal with you
in a minute. Don't crowd my action.

258
00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:55,140
Then help some of
these people out this year.

259
00:15:55,316 --> 00:15:58,103
Merry Christmas. You're beautiful, great.
Get out of here.

260
00:15:58,277 --> 00:16:01,232
I don't see your permit.
You need a permit to work this street.

261
00:16:01,406 --> 00:16:04,193
Okay. I don't answer to you, buddy.
I answer to the people.

262
00:16:04,367 --> 00:16:07,818
- Mind your own business, please.
- The Salvation Army is my business!

263
00:16:07,995 --> 00:16:10,404
- What's going on?
- This guy's working without papers!

264
00:16:10,582 --> 00:16:14,117
- And he's bashing the Salvation Army!
- I'm not bashing the Salvation Army.

265
00:16:14,294 --> 00:16:18,043
I never bashed anything. That wasn't
bashing anybody. Don't make up lies.

266
00:16:18,215 --> 00:16:19,591
Show me your papers, clown.

267
00:16:19,758 --> 00:16:21,834
Papers? What are you from, the 1950s?

268
00:16:22,011 --> 00:16:25,296
Look up People Help the People
on the Internet, you'll see a picture.

269
00:16:25,473 --> 00:16:27,381
Why don't you step into
the 21 st century?

270
00:16:27,557 --> 00:16:28,720
Right. Call the cops, man.

271
00:16:28,893 --> 00:16:30,683
You got a cop right there!

272
00:16:30,852 --> 00:16:32,430
- Where?
- Right over there.

273
00:16:34,814 --> 00:16:36,059
Stop, thief!

274
00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:38,852
Somebody call the cops!

275
00:16:39,402 --> 00:16:41,561
- Cut him off!
- He's an impostor!

276
00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:44,688
Take his legs out!

277
00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:50,455
- Come on! Help us out! Help us out!
- Get him!

278
00:17:04,345 --> 00:17:05,458
Get out of the way!

279
00:17:29,495 --> 00:17:30,906
We got him!

280
00:17:33,083 --> 00:17:35,158
- You guys got him!
- Come on! Come on!

281
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:37,158
Let's dance. Let's dance!

282
00:17:37,337 --> 00:17:38,878
Come on, he can't take us all!

283
00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:42,879
Only one man's gonna walk away
from this thing, and I promise you...

284
00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:47,095
...it'll be the lightning quick dude with
the big yellow things in his hands. Dig it?

285
00:17:58,316 --> 00:17:59,975
Nice hat, Santa!

286
00:18:00,151 --> 00:18:01,645
Wanda, are you there?

287
00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,895
Can you hear me? It's Fred calling.

288
00:18:04,072 --> 00:18:07,239
Kind of important you pick up right now.
Are you at the restaurant?

289
00:18:26,969 --> 00:18:29,924
Give a call when you get a chance,
as soon as possible. Okay?

290
00:18:30,098 --> 00:18:32,850
Hopefully, I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

291
00:18:34,686 --> 00:18:37,722
Yeah, she's not picking up
the phone, so...

292
00:18:38,565 --> 00:18:42,230
What the hell, it's Christmas.
Go ahead, make another call.

293
00:18:47,073 --> 00:18:48,615
Oh, boy.

294
00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:54,613
No, there's not even a hint of gray left.
It's gone totally white.

295
00:18:54,873 --> 00:18:57,115
Honey, you think I'd look silly
if I dyed it?

296
00:18:57,291 --> 00:19:00,127
You have a nice full head of hair, honey.

297
00:19:00,295 --> 00:19:02,833
It's white, though. Prematurely white.

298
00:19:03,006 --> 00:19:06,256
Oh, Nick. You carry the weight
of the world on your shoulders.

299
00:19:06,426 --> 00:19:08,051
I am not stressed out.

300
00:19:08,219 --> 00:19:11,221
I just got a lot on my mind is all.

301
00:19:12,558 --> 00:19:14,052
You seem upset.

302
00:19:14,226 --> 00:19:17,844
Sweetie, we're 2 percent
behind our delivery quota of last year.

303
00:19:18,021 --> 00:19:20,098
And last year, we barely made it.
Want cookie.

304
00:19:20,274 --> 00:19:22,562
Sweetie, you cannot keep
eating your stress away.

305
00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:25,521
I mean, it's a bit odd that they're
checking up on me now.

306
00:19:26,029 --> 00:19:29,315
I mean, they've never sent an
efficiency expert before. Why now?

307
00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:35,862
<i>- Nick?
- Fred!</i>

308
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,792
- Oh, Nick.
- How's things there, Fred?

309
00:19:38,959 --> 00:19:41,960
God, it's good hearing your voice.
How've things been with you?

310
00:19:42,129 --> 00:19:45,249
Oh, well, fine, fine.
You know, business is crazy...

311
00:19:45,424 --> 00:19:48,211
...but we're swell, we're swell.
How are you, huh?

312
00:19:48,385 --> 00:19:50,674
That's great.
I'm really happy for you, Nick.

313
00:19:50,847 --> 00:19:53,219
The Christmas thing is taking off.
That's awesome.

314
00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:54,766
Yeah, it's catching on. Yeah.

315
00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:57,934
So, what's up, Fred?
Is there anything I can do for you?

316
00:19:58,103 --> 00:20:02,812
If you really wanted to send me a gift,
I guess it would be okay if you sent...

317
00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:06,435
<i>... $5000 to the police station
in Michigan Avenue in my name.</i>

318
00:20:06,612 --> 00:20:08,355
Five thousand dollars?

319
00:20:08,530 --> 00:20:10,903
<i>I'm fine, by the way. I don 't... I'm fine.</i>

320
00:20:11,075 --> 00:20:13,827
<i>- I'm okay, but so you know, l...
- Hold on a second, Fred.</i>

321
00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:15,786
I don't know what this is about...

322
00:20:15,955 --> 00:20:19,406
...but I know it can't be good.
- It sounds like he's in a tough spot.

323
00:20:19,584 --> 00:20:21,411
<i>If you wanna do something for him...</i>

324
00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:25,880
...I know it's hard, but you need
to practice tough love, honey.

325
00:20:26,049 --> 00:20:27,958
- I'm a saint, sweetheart.
- Tough love.

326
00:20:28,135 --> 00:20:30,008
Tough love's a little difficult for me.

327
00:20:30,177 --> 00:20:31,588
Try for me, baby.

328
00:20:34,264 --> 00:20:35,640
<i>- Hey, Fred?
- Hey.</i>

329
00:20:35,808 --> 00:20:39,508
<i>So, 5 grand,
Michigan Avenue Police Station...</i>

330
00:20:39,812 --> 00:20:41,010
...done.

331
00:20:41,397 --> 00:20:44,813
<i>- Merry Christmas, Fred.
- Nick, that is... I really appreciate it, man.</i>

332
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,356
You know what?
I'm gonna give you a gift this year.

333
00:20:50,532 --> 00:20:53,318
Yeah, I am, Nick. I'm gonna give you
$ 10,000 for Christmas.

334
00:20:53,493 --> 00:20:55,616
Merry Christmas. Okay, how's that feel?

335
00:20:57,497 --> 00:21:01,246
That's... I don't understand, though.
I'm giving you 5, Fred, so...

336
00:21:01,418 --> 00:21:03,494
You gotta be open
to someone trying to give...

337
00:21:03,671 --> 00:21:05,958
...because it feels good
for other people to give.

338
00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:08,751
Go ahead, just send me $50,000
on top of the 5, okay?

339
00:21:08,925 --> 00:21:11,712
<i>Then hold your breath, let me go
and blow that up into 60.</i>

340
00:21:11,886 --> 00:21:15,931
Then I'm gonna give you $ 10,000 off
the top with the original $50,000 back...

341
00:21:16,099 --> 00:21:18,554
...so that way I gave you
$ 10,000, you gave me $5000.

342
00:21:18,727 --> 00:21:20,886
I gave you $5000. Merry Christmas.

343
00:21:21,063 --> 00:21:24,894
Wait, wait, wait a second, Fred.

344
00:21:25,067 --> 00:21:28,068
- Fifty thousand dollars on top of the 5?
- What? What?

345
00:21:28,236 --> 00:21:31,107
<i>That's just icing on the cake.
I have a deal going on.</i>

346
00:21:31,282 --> 00:21:33,737
Nick, do me a favor,
don't make this complicated.

347
00:21:33,909 --> 00:21:37,610
<i>I'm in the spirit. Let one brother give
another brother a gift for Christmas.</i>

348
00:21:37,788 --> 00:21:39,661
I feel great about it. Let me feel good?

349
00:21:40,540 --> 00:21:42,579
<i>- Please.
- All right. All right, all right.</i>

350
00:21:42,751 --> 00:21:45,206
Fred, fine. Look, I'll tell you what...

351
00:21:45,378 --> 00:21:48,747
<i>... I will pay the 5000 for your bail, okay?</i>

352
00:21:48,923 --> 00:21:53,633
But if you want the rest of this, then
you're just gonna have to come up here.

353
00:21:53,887 --> 00:21:57,091
<i>- No!
- Yes! You earn that money!</i>

354
00:21:57,266 --> 00:22:00,385
I don't think that's a good idea,
me and you to be with each other.

355
00:22:00,561 --> 00:22:03,597
You know something?
You've never come up here to visit.

356
00:22:03,772 --> 00:22:04,970
Not even once.

357
00:22:12,740 --> 00:22:15,610
What is it exactly...?
What would I need to be doing up there?

358
00:22:16,326 --> 00:22:19,078
Shave a few reindeer,
sprinkle the doodads on the cookies...

359
00:22:19,246 --> 00:22:22,532
...put the stars up where the little guys
can't reach them. It's easy.

360
00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:26,624
I'd have to have a hard out by the 22nd.
That's when I have my deal happening.

361
00:22:26,795 --> 00:22:29,287
Okay. Twenty-second.

362
00:22:29,465 --> 00:22:32,382
This isn't about me coming up,
then you having Mom ambush me...

363
00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:35,636
Come on. I'm not gonna go
running to Mom.

364
00:22:36,472 --> 00:22:40,091
I have no idea why you won't send 50
so I can blow it into 60 and give you 10.

365
00:22:40,268 --> 00:22:45,772
I'm sorry. I'm gonna practice tough love
on you, buddy. All right?

366
00:22:45,941 --> 00:22:47,399
And I'm telling you right now...

367
00:22:47,567 --> 00:22:51,895
...if you do not agree, then I am sorry,
but I cannot pay your bail.

368
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:57,862
Wanda, can you buzz me in? It's Fred.

369
00:22:58,035 --> 00:22:59,696
Hey, sweetheart, I know you're home!

370
00:23:00,413 --> 00:23:02,785
Freddie, go home.
I don't wanna talk to you. Go home!

371
00:23:02,957 --> 00:23:06,456
Okay, Wanda, I just wanted to get
a chance to come by and explain.

372
00:23:06,628 --> 00:23:10,626
Oh, explain? You wanna explain to
me my romantic surprise birthday dinner?

373
00:23:10,798 --> 00:23:13,634
I was working for the
People Help People charity organization.

374
00:23:13,801 --> 00:23:15,960
I was chased by 30 Santa Clauses!

375
00:23:16,137 --> 00:23:18,509
Shut up down there!
People are trying to sleep!

376
00:23:18,682 --> 00:23:22,051
- I'm telling you the truth.
- She doesn't believe you, pal! So get lost!

377
00:23:22,227 --> 00:23:26,271
Hey, Jerry Garcia, I'm having a talk
with someone who l... You're the worst.

378
00:23:26,438 --> 00:23:29,144
Fred, will you go home right this minute!

379
00:23:29,316 --> 00:23:33,101
Wanda, there's this unfortunate business
situation I have to leave for tonight.

380
00:23:33,279 --> 00:23:34,394
You what?

381
00:23:34,572 --> 00:23:37,822
Look, this is a business situation
that I'm in with my brother.

382
00:23:37,992 --> 00:23:40,994
When we first met, I said,
"Have you got a brother or a sister?"

383
00:23:41,162 --> 00:23:42,870
And you said, "No, Wanda, I don't!"

384
00:23:43,039 --> 00:23:45,494
I have a bro...
I have the same mother and father...

385
00:23:45,667 --> 00:23:49,167
...but I never felt like I had a brother.
The courts would tell me I would.

386
00:23:49,337 --> 00:23:52,007
- No, listen to me...
- I am through with this relationship!

387
00:23:52,174 --> 00:23:54,629
- I'm not through with this.
- I can't take it anymore.

388
00:23:54,802 --> 00:23:56,295
- I can't take it!
- I can take it.

389
00:23:56,470 --> 00:23:58,758
Freddie, I think I'm gonna
go back to London.

390
00:23:58,930 --> 00:24:01,468
So good luck with your brother,
if he even exists!

391
00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:05,224
- Good luck. I can't take it.
- It'll rain in London, you won't be happy...

392
00:24:05,854 --> 00:24:07,229
Wanda!

393
00:24:09,357 --> 00:24:10,900
Fred, I need you!

394
00:24:11,067 --> 00:24:13,475
- Not now, I'm in a hurry.
- Pretend to be my father.

395
00:24:14,070 --> 00:24:16,359
- What are you talking about?
- He's in here.

396
00:24:20,493 --> 00:24:23,364
- Who are you?
- I'm the boy's father. Who are you?

397
00:24:23,706 --> 00:24:27,703
We're with Child Services, sir. We're here
to remove this minor from an unfit home.

398
00:24:28,044 --> 00:24:31,128
According to our records,
his father passed away a year ago.

399
00:24:33,423 --> 00:24:35,332
I thought you said that your dad was...

400
00:24:37,135 --> 00:24:38,962
All right, come here a second.

401
00:24:40,555 --> 00:24:42,714
You can't count on anyone, Slam.

402
00:24:43,308 --> 00:24:45,847
You gotta always look out for yourself.

403
00:24:46,979 --> 00:24:48,603
And you know how to do that, right?

404
00:24:50,065 --> 00:24:51,263
Yeah.

405
00:24:59,242 --> 00:25:00,570
Let's get something straight.

406
00:25:00,744 --> 00:25:04,278
If you're waiting for me to sing " The Sun
Will Come Out Tomorrow" on the way...

407
00:25:04,455 --> 00:25:06,826
...you're wasting your time. Let's go.

408
00:25:38,448 --> 00:25:40,107
Are you Fred?

409
00:25:40,282 --> 00:25:41,481
Yeah.

410
00:25:51,085 --> 00:25:52,876
Can I see some identification, please?

411
00:26:05,516 --> 00:26:08,767
Well, nice to meet you, Fred. My name
is Willie. I'm Santa's head elf.

412
00:26:08,937 --> 00:26:11,393
I wouldn't have known that.

413
00:26:11,565 --> 00:26:14,235
So just the one bag?
Just the one carry on? I'll get it.

414
00:26:14,401 --> 00:26:16,108
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

415
00:26:17,737 --> 00:26:22,066
- Okay, I'll help you get...
- No, no. I got it. I got it. Okay.

416
00:26:24,494 --> 00:26:27,994
- I'll just grab this here. That's okay.
- I could've gotten it.

417
00:26:28,164 --> 00:26:31,118
If I had one more little shot at it,
I would've been just fine.

418
00:26:45,098 --> 00:26:46,427
Come on.

419
00:26:55,526 --> 00:26:57,851
So listen, I'm not so big
on all this flying...

420
00:27:04,284 --> 00:27:05,613
Whoa, okay.

421
00:27:24,847 --> 00:27:26,886
We'll start our descent to the North Pole.

422
00:27:27,057 --> 00:27:29,975
We know you don't have an option
traveling to the North Pole...

423
00:27:30,144 --> 00:27:33,560
...but we appreciate your business,
and I really enjoyed the conversation.

424
00:27:33,730 --> 00:27:35,308
Okay, is this gonna be a steep...?

425
00:28:04,929 --> 00:28:07,217
Really? The hockey stop?

426
00:28:07,390 --> 00:28:10,390
Yeah, there's a passenger back here,
in case you didn't remember.

427
00:28:10,559 --> 00:28:12,766
Oh, sorry. Least you didn't throw up.

428
00:28:35,876 --> 00:28:38,961
Watch your step there. Well, here it is.

429
00:28:39,839 --> 00:28:41,962
Main Street, North Pole.

430
00:28:42,133 --> 00:28:44,256
Pretty, isn't it?

431
00:28:44,427 --> 00:28:45,625
Workshop's behind you.

432
00:28:54,020 --> 00:28:58,315
Mr. Claus? Hi. Hello. Welcome to the
North Pole. It's so nice to have you here.

433
00:28:58,483 --> 00:28:59,942
I'm Santa's Little Helper.

434
00:29:00,110 --> 00:29:03,111
I am sorry to rush you, but we
have to keep Santa on schedule...

435
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:07,442
...because we are 439 hours, 22
minutes, and 3 seconds until C-Day.

436
00:29:07,742 --> 00:29:10,315
Charlene's as good with numbers
as she is beautiful.

437
00:29:11,495 --> 00:29:14,034
Oh, thank you. Thank you...

438
00:29:15,208 --> 00:29:16,951
- Willie.
- Willie!

439
00:29:17,669 --> 00:29:19,495
Thank you, Willie.

440
00:29:25,176 --> 00:29:27,004
So I'm expecting Santa in 26 seconds.

441
00:29:28,847 --> 00:29:32,347
Big Red is entering Zone One.
I repeat, Big Red is entering Zone One.

442
00:29:34,728 --> 00:29:36,685
- Allergies.
- He's got a gun!

443
00:29:42,902 --> 00:29:44,397
Oh, no, no.

444
00:29:48,283 --> 00:29:50,406
What's happening? Stop it!

445
00:29:50,578 --> 00:29:55,785
- What's happening? Stop it!
- No, no, no, boys! Boys! Boys, easy!

446
00:29:57,460 --> 00:29:59,168
Oh, Fred.

447
00:29:59,879 --> 00:30:00,910
That was nuts!

448
00:30:02,048 --> 00:30:05,297
What is happening here? You don't have
ninjas jump me when I first...

449
00:30:05,468 --> 00:30:08,006
- What kind of greeting is that?
- Excuse the guys...

450
00:30:08,178 --> 00:30:10,219
...it's the month before Christmas,
a tense time.

451
00:30:10,389 --> 00:30:13,889
They get jumpy. They gotta
make sure nothing happens to me.

452
00:30:14,059 --> 00:30:16,810
Maybe something should happen to them.
Maybe I give them something.

453
00:30:16,979 --> 00:30:19,434
It won't happen again.
They won't do it again.

454
00:30:19,606 --> 00:30:23,355
- You gotta put these guys on a leash.
- I got you. I'm on top of it, ASAP.

455
00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:26,145
You remember Annette.
Say hey to Annette. Annette.

456
00:30:26,322 --> 00:30:29,441
Annette, you didn't have to go get
all gussied up on my account.

457
00:30:29,825 --> 00:30:32,826
That last stint in jail has sharpened
that rapier wit of yours.

458
00:30:32,995 --> 00:30:36,115
That's great. I'm here for you and
I really can't do enough for you.

459
00:30:36,290 --> 00:30:40,158
Really? I thought you were here to take
advantage of your well-meaning brother.

460
00:30:40,336 --> 00:30:42,127
Oh, ho, okay.

461
00:30:43,256 --> 00:30:45,544
Family's together again. Fun, fun, fun.

462
00:30:45,717 --> 00:30:48,801
Hey, Fred, I've already made
your sleeping arrangements for you.

463
00:30:48,970 --> 00:30:51,804
I have put you with Willie.

464
00:30:51,973 --> 00:30:53,466
Well, here we are.

465
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,345
Oh, watch your head there. Come on in.

466
00:30:57,603 --> 00:31:00,273
Here it is. What do you think?

467
00:31:01,106 --> 00:31:03,265
Smurfy. Very Smurfy.

468
00:31:05,611 --> 00:31:08,150
To be honest,
I don't get many house guests.

469
00:31:08,364 --> 00:31:10,441
No one's slept in that bunk
for 100 years.

470
00:31:10,783 --> 00:31:12,907
Good night, Willie.
Thank you for having me.

471
00:31:13,077 --> 00:31:14,406
Good night, Fred.

472
00:31:15,413 --> 00:31:18,580
You sure you wouldn't be more
comfortable down here on the bottom?

473
00:31:18,750 --> 00:31:21,621
I don't think it's gonna make much
of a difference, Willie.

474
00:31:21,795 --> 00:31:24,499
- Okay. Night, Fred.
- Good night.

475
00:31:33,598 --> 00:31:37,643
Willie, just for the record,
I'm not really a morning person.

476
00:31:38,186 --> 00:31:42,349
Well, Santa did ask me to give you a full
orientation of the gift-giving process...

477
00:31:42,524 --> 00:31:45,478
...so we'd better get a move on here.

478
00:31:52,659 --> 00:31:55,661
Here it is, Fred, Santa's Workshop.

479
00:32:11,220 --> 00:32:14,386
It all starts with a kid and a letter.

480
00:32:14,931 --> 00:32:17,505
<i>All over the world,
children are writing to Santa...</i>

481
00:32:17,685 --> 00:32:19,724
<i>... asking for what they want
for Christmas.</i>

482
00:32:20,521 --> 00:32:22,181
<i>Dear Santa...</i>

483
00:32:22,356 --> 00:32:25,440
<i>... all I want for Christmas
is an orange bicycle...</i>

484
00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:27,318
<i>... with banana handlebars.</i>

485
00:32:27,486 --> 00:32:30,570
<i>All the kids ' letters come here
to the North Pole Post Office...</i>

486
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:32,816
<i>... the busiest in the whole world.</i>

487
00:32:36,202 --> 00:32:39,323
<i>Once they're sorted, the letters
come straight to the Toy Factory.</i>

488
00:32:42,376 --> 00:32:45,046
- Orange bicycle for Molly Gordon.
- Put her through.

489
00:32:45,212 --> 00:32:49,340
<i>Each and every toy that a child
asks for is handmade by the elves.</i>

490
00:32:49,508 --> 00:32:53,340
<i>It's important to Santa that every child
feels taken care of.</i>

491
00:32:53,512 --> 00:32:56,217
<i>Once built, the toys
make their way to Packaging.</i>

492
00:32:56,558 --> 00:33:01,552
And finally, the toys are stored until
Christmas Eve, when Santa delivers them.

493
00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:03,438
It's good to know. Thank you, Willie.

494
00:33:03,606 --> 00:33:07,733
<i>Here comes "Here Comes Santa Claus"
on NP- 100.</i>

495
00:33:08,652 --> 00:33:11,736
Oh, you're gonna love this.
We have our very own DJ.

496
00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:15,234
Hey, Donnie! DJ Donnie.

497
00:33:15,493 --> 00:33:19,953
Well, well, well, it's the saint
who puts the chill in the North Pole.

498
00:33:20,831 --> 00:33:24,450
Hey, hey, DJ Donnie!
Say hey to my big brother, Freddie.

499
00:33:24,627 --> 00:33:27,664
Yo, brother Fred, can I get a "Ho, ho"?

500
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,747
No.

501
00:33:29,924 --> 00:33:31,798
You Scrooge, you lose.

502
00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:35,128
Our Naughty-Nice Department.

503
00:33:35,305 --> 00:33:38,010
This is the key to the whole process...

504
00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:41,386
...the nerve center
of the entire operation, Fred.

505
00:33:41,895 --> 00:33:43,555
You have a Ten Most-Naughty list?

506
00:33:43,729 --> 00:33:45,272
Oh, yeah. Yeah, right now...

507
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:50,267
...we got Johnny Rollins in Nova Scotia.
He's occupying the number one spot.

508
00:33:50,445 --> 00:33:53,944
Last month he bit his father
and his dentist.

509
00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:55,610
But why did he bite them?

510
00:33:55,825 --> 00:33:59,989
Well, I assume that they got
their hands too close to his mouth.

511
00:34:00,162 --> 00:34:03,614
Of course, sometimes kids
are both naughty and nice.

512
00:34:03,792 --> 00:34:07,742
So in that case, we do an
up-to-date determination, hence...

513
00:34:08,505 --> 00:34:09,785
...the snow globe.

514
00:34:09,965 --> 00:34:12,206
Let me show you how it works, all right?

515
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:14,044
Timmy Jackson...

516
00:34:14,637 --> 00:34:15,799
...New York City.

517
00:34:16,637 --> 00:34:17,669
Watch this.

518
00:34:21,392 --> 00:34:24,976
What are you doing? Get out of my room!
Get out of my room!

519
00:34:28,525 --> 00:34:32,190
Oh, boy. Okay, that seems
pretty cut and dried.

520
00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:34,444
What, we don't
know what happens, what...?

521
00:34:34,614 --> 00:34:37,818
Good morning, Fred. Honey,
may I have a word with you, please?

522
00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:41,078
You betcha. Fred, you just stay
right there. Don't you move an inch.

523
00:34:41,330 --> 00:34:43,999
I better check up on the all-girls
Swedish swimming team.

524
00:34:44,166 --> 00:34:45,744
I'm hoping they're naughty!

525
00:34:46,001 --> 00:34:47,959
- Fred is really motivated.
- You think?

526
00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:51,461
- He's gonna be a big help here.
- How you doing? Be working with you.

527
00:34:51,631 --> 00:34:53,838
The efficiency expert
arrives in 15 minutes.

528
00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:56,085
- We're gonna be fine.
- I know it, I know it.

529
00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:58,171
- Give me a little something.
- Yes, I will.

530
00:34:59,139 --> 00:35:00,882
There we go. Alrighty.

531
00:35:01,183 --> 00:35:02,558
Let's get you to work.

532
00:35:03,226 --> 00:35:06,927
Now, I'm going to explain this to you
in very simple terms, okay?

533
00:35:07,189 --> 00:35:10,973
Now, see those blue files?
I want you to review those files, okay?

534
00:35:11,276 --> 00:35:14,194
If the kid strikes you as naughty...

535
00:35:15,364 --> 00:35:17,522
...bam! Stamp him "Naughty."

536
00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:20,950
All right? But if the kid
strikes you as nice...

537
00:35:21,871 --> 00:35:23,994
Yep, you stamp them "Nice."

538
00:35:24,165 --> 00:35:25,824
I'm a cog in the wheel. I am.

539
00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:29,748
Good, all right. I gotta hustle, because
I gotta meet somebody right now, okay?

540
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,664
- Aye, aye, captain.
- Captain's on deck.

541
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:33,796
- Rest assured, my man.
- Mail delivery!

542
00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:37,085
- The ship's getting steered safely!
- All right, buddy.

543
00:35:37,261 --> 00:35:39,218
- Great. So this is it?
- Yeah, right.

544
00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:40,882
That's just Bethesda, Maryland.

545
00:35:41,974 --> 00:35:46,138
<i>All right, everyone. Oh, my goodness,
it's "Here Comes Santa Claus!"</i>

546
00:35:57,824 --> 00:36:00,361
You didn't have to travel
by helicopter, Mr. Northcutt.

547
00:36:00,534 --> 00:36:02,242
I would've happily sent the sleigh.

548
00:36:02,411 --> 00:36:04,203
I despise reindeer.

549
00:36:06,082 --> 00:36:09,332
Would you like to settle in?
We have your room ready.

550
00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:11,412
You could take a little nap.

551
00:36:11,587 --> 00:36:13,415
I don't nap.

552
00:36:13,756 --> 00:36:15,749
Well, that sounds like
it's gonna be dandy.

553
00:36:15,925 --> 00:36:19,460
As you can see from the chart
labeled 116-9C...

554
00:36:19,637 --> 00:36:24,300
...the average size of a child's wish list
has grown a lot in the last 200 years.

555
00:36:24,476 --> 00:36:27,927
In the 1800s, for example, children
rarely asked for more than one item...

556
00:36:28,104 --> 00:36:31,308
...and usually these items
were of a intangible nature.

557
00:36:31,483 --> 00:36:35,147
Something like a family member's health
or the end of war or famine.

558
00:36:35,319 --> 00:36:38,190
I remember that.
Try fitting that down the chimney, huh?

559
00:36:39,741 --> 00:36:42,612
Chart 345-11 B shows that today...

560
00:36:42,786 --> 00:36:46,617
...the average child
asks for 15 gifts per letter.

561
00:36:46,790 --> 00:36:49,744
Growing child demands and increasingly
complicated toy making...

562
00:36:49,918 --> 00:36:54,165
...are putting your operation further
behind each year. It's not good enough.

563
00:36:54,339 --> 00:36:58,752
Well, now, we are not here to give
every child every toy that they want.

564
00:36:58,927 --> 00:37:02,972
Mr. Northcutt, part of Christmas is being
grateful for the things that we can have.

565
00:37:03,307 --> 00:37:06,343
- Yes, well, if it were only that simple.
- It's not?

566
00:37:06,518 --> 00:37:09,353
No. Sadly. You see...

567
00:37:09,813 --> 00:37:13,063
...the board is seriously considering...

568
00:37:13,609 --> 00:37:14,807
...shutting you down.

569
00:37:16,194 --> 00:37:17,273
What?

570
00:37:17,445 --> 00:37:19,189
- That's so unfair.
- Shutting us down?

571
00:37:19,365 --> 00:37:20,906
Streamlining, consolidating...

572
00:37:21,075 --> 00:37:23,992
...outsourcing an entirely new
operation based at...

573
00:37:24,161 --> 00:37:26,734
...and I know this is gonna be
tough for you to hear...

574
00:37:26,914 --> 00:37:28,953
...based at the South Pole.

575
00:37:30,626 --> 00:37:34,706
It's not just you. We're putting the tooth
fairy on a one child, one tooth system.

576
00:37:34,881 --> 00:37:37,965
You lose your first tooth,
get a buck, put it under the pillow.

577
00:37:38,133 --> 00:37:40,590
But then get on with your life.
It's getting a bit...

578
00:37:40,762 --> 00:37:43,381
Don't you think? Also,
we're gonna dump the Easter bunny.

579
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,507
It just doesn't make any sense anymore.

580
00:37:45,682 --> 00:37:48,220
I mean, Easter and bunnies
and eggs and all that.

581
00:37:48,393 --> 00:37:50,220
Where's the synergy? Don't get it.

582
00:37:51,063 --> 00:37:53,732
Now, let's move on to the next item
on the list, shall we?

583
00:37:54,066 --> 00:37:56,688
How much are you actually
feeding those elves?

584
00:38:00,698 --> 00:38:03,983
Wanda Blinkowski, Chicago, Illinois.

585
00:38:09,374 --> 00:38:10,654
Is that someone special?

586
00:38:10,833 --> 00:38:13,205
Yeah. That's my girl, there.

587
00:38:13,461 --> 00:38:16,913
Oh, no. I totally spaced out.
Look, I got a quarter right here.

588
00:38:17,131 --> 00:38:19,966
<i>Well, I'm sorry, darling,
but you're two minutes too late.</i>

589
00:38:20,133 --> 00:38:22,625
- Really?
- Yeah, really.

590
00:38:22,845 --> 00:38:25,514
That must make you feel bad,
having people argue with you.

591
00:38:25,681 --> 00:38:28,765
Yeah, well, it's definitely
not the favorite part of my job.

592
00:38:28,935 --> 00:38:31,722
How about I make it up to you?
Let me take you to dinner.

593
00:38:32,397 --> 00:38:33,428
Go to dinner with you?

594
00:38:33,606 --> 00:38:36,809
Consider it a meal
and sparkling conversation.

595
00:38:37,569 --> 00:38:39,976
No, I can't. Thank you, but I can't.

596
00:38:40,154 --> 00:38:43,488
It's always painful to watch
a guy crash and burn, my man.

597
00:38:43,658 --> 00:38:44,904
You have a boyfriend?

598
00:38:49,748 --> 00:38:51,574
No. No, actually, I don't.

599
00:38:51,750 --> 00:38:54,037
<i>Well, that's a good thing.
What do you say?</i>

600
00:38:54,543 --> 00:38:56,785
Well, I'll give you a ticket.

601
00:38:57,296 --> 00:38:59,419
And I'll give you my card.

602
00:38:59,590 --> 00:39:01,298
Okay. Nice to meet you.

603
00:39:01,467 --> 00:39:03,923
<i>This may be the best ticket I ever got.</i>

604
00:39:04,095 --> 00:39:06,218
<i>You gotta pay it within 30 days,
you know that?</i>

605
00:39:06,389 --> 00:39:08,429
<i>I'll see you before then, right?</i>

606
00:39:24,074 --> 00:39:25,568
El Paso.

607
00:39:26,159 --> 00:39:27,190
Great.

608
00:39:27,369 --> 00:39:31,662
<i>You're not gonna believe this! Another
request for "Here Comes Santa Claus!"</i>

609
00:39:31,831 --> 00:39:34,037
<i>This time from Beth in Accounting.
Here you go!</i>

610
00:39:34,459 --> 00:39:38,042
Are you kidding me? Are you kidding
me with the "Santa Claus" again?

611
00:39:38,255 --> 00:39:39,963
Hey, DJ!

612
00:39:40,506 --> 00:39:43,128
- DJ Donnie!
- What up, Fred!

613
00:39:43,301 --> 00:39:47,299
Stop playing the same song over and over
again. It becomes like mental torture.

614
00:39:47,473 --> 00:39:49,382
But, Fred, it's so catchy!

615
00:39:50,309 --> 00:39:55,813
God. Okay, Donnie. It's one song that's
being played over and over again.

616
00:39:55,981 --> 00:39:59,481
And the only thing that breaks that up
is you announcing it's the same song.

617
00:39:59,652 --> 00:40:02,320
It would be a nice gesture
to play something different.

618
00:40:02,487 --> 00:40:04,396
- I said no!
- Donnie, change the song.

619
00:40:04,614 --> 00:40:06,406
- No! No!
- Change the song!

620
00:40:06,575 --> 00:40:09,148
You know what? I'm gonna change
the song, then, for you.

621
00:40:09,328 --> 00:40:11,819
What are you getting physical for?
Music's about love.

622
00:40:11,997 --> 00:40:14,405
Don't get physical with me.
We're trying to share.

623
00:40:14,583 --> 00:40:18,283
What are you doing? Stop it. Come on,
stop... What, are you gonna do it to me?

624
00:40:18,462 --> 00:40:20,751
Donnie, stop.
You're acting like an untrained dog.

625
00:40:20,923 --> 00:40:24,707
Get ahold of yourself. Take a breath.
Stop swinging at me. Will you calm down?

626
00:40:24,886 --> 00:40:27,211
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna Supernanny you.

627
00:40:27,388 --> 00:40:30,140
Put you in the Naughty cabinet.
You can't handle yourself.

628
00:40:30,307 --> 00:40:32,549
Listen to me, calm it down a little.
Stop it.

629
00:40:32,726 --> 00:40:35,431
Use your words. Use your words.

630
00:40:36,355 --> 00:40:39,724
I'll let you out once you're sorry
and you're ready to turn a corner...

631
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:43,850
...and be a team player, okay?
- Don't do it! Put my elf foot up your butt!

632
00:40:44,029 --> 00:40:46,699
I'm from the
south side of the North Pole, man.

633
00:40:47,032 --> 00:40:50,069
- I hear you. Let me out!
- Let's heat it up! Let's heat it up!

634
00:40:53,205 --> 00:40:55,329
Come on, let's loosen it up in here!

635
00:40:55,499 --> 00:40:59,367
You got the same thing playing all the
time. Let's liven it up! Let's get dancing.

636
00:40:59,545 --> 00:41:03,045
Let's get our blood pumping. Let's make
some bad decisions with each other.

637
00:41:03,674 --> 00:41:04,789
Come on.

638
00:41:05,301 --> 00:41:07,259
Stop looking shy, baby, light it up.

639
00:41:07,429 --> 00:41:08,923
Oh, my goodness.

640
00:41:13,934 --> 00:41:15,927
It sounds angry!

641
00:41:16,103 --> 00:41:17,266
I know.

642
00:41:18,063 --> 00:41:20,187
I like it.

643
00:41:20,357 --> 00:41:21,733
Bring it in!

644
00:41:26,906 --> 00:41:28,566
You wanna come up here?

645
00:42:12,786 --> 00:42:14,909
Your continued existence
at the North Pole...

646
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,330
...will all be decided on a simple
three-strike policy.

647
00:42:18,501 --> 00:42:22,367
Make it through Christmas without three
strikes, I send back a positive report.

648
00:42:22,546 --> 00:42:24,953
If, however, you do get three strikes...

649
00:42:25,214 --> 00:42:28,299
...this entire operation
will be shut down permanently.

650
00:42:28,802 --> 00:42:33,630
Oh, and one more thing, absolutely
nobody is to know why I'm here.

651
00:42:33,807 --> 00:42:35,634
Especially the elves.

652
00:42:36,977 --> 00:42:41,852
Of course. Mr. Northcutt, the elves are
extremely dedicated and hardworking.

653
00:42:42,024 --> 00:42:44,349
I am confident that they
will impress you, sir.

654
00:42:44,651 --> 00:42:48,235
Ho, ho, holy cow.

655
00:43:19,813 --> 00:43:21,639
Stop it. Stop it. Stop.

656
00:43:21,981 --> 00:43:25,397
Everyone, this is Mr. Northcutt.

657
00:43:25,777 --> 00:43:27,685
He'll be with us through Christmas.

658
00:43:27,862 --> 00:43:30,352
Please make him welcome
and let him observe.

659
00:43:31,073 --> 00:43:32,235
Back to work.

660
00:43:33,367 --> 00:43:36,701
They have never behaved
like that before. I assure you.

661
00:43:36,870 --> 00:43:38,697
No elf discipline.

662
00:43:38,873 --> 00:43:42,207
Showing a complete lack of control
over your entire workforce.

663
00:43:42,376 --> 00:43:45,994
That's a biggie. It's disappointing.
And that would be strike one.

664
00:43:47,424 --> 00:43:51,504
- I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
- Oh, that's Fred. That's my older brother.

665
00:43:51,678 --> 00:43:55,379
- He's just helping out for the season.
- I didn't know you had a brother.

666
00:43:55,557 --> 00:43:59,970
Mr. Northcutt, I should have someone
show you around. Willie!

667
00:44:00,270 --> 00:44:01,930
Take a tour, there, Mr. Northcutt.

668
00:44:05,233 --> 00:44:08,150
Fred. What in the heck are you doing?

669
00:44:08,361 --> 00:44:12,489
Nick, let me be completely honest
with you here, the DJ is a real problem.

670
00:44:12,907 --> 00:44:14,650
Fred, he's an elf that plays records.

671
00:44:14,825 --> 00:44:19,452
Nick, he continued to play the same
song over and over and over and over...

672
00:44:19,664 --> 00:44:20,909
Got you. Got you.

673
00:44:21,082 --> 00:44:24,950
He then decided to lay his hands on me
and get physical and tried to hurt me.

674
00:44:26,004 --> 00:44:28,756
Okay? Now, I have a decision
to make in that moment.

675
00:44:28,924 --> 00:44:32,091
Do I wanna try to get physical?
Do I wanna pound this elf's head in?

676
00:44:32,261 --> 00:44:36,388
The answer to that is no. I want him to
know how it feels not to be respected...

677
00:44:36,555 --> 00:44:40,139
...when you're trying to do your work.
- Just lower your voice. Keep it down.

678
00:44:40,310 --> 00:44:43,845
And to be honest, if you decide to punish
him, I'm not gonna be mad at you.

679
00:44:44,021 --> 00:44:45,646
I'm not gonna be upset with you.

680
00:44:45,815 --> 00:44:49,813
If you wanna bring the hammer down
upon his little DJ hands, do it, dude.

681
00:44:49,987 --> 00:44:54,280
Okay. All right. That's a thought.
And I'm gonna sit on that and let it boil.

682
00:44:54,449 --> 00:44:58,945
But what I'm trying to tell you is, the
elves have got to stay sharp, right now.

683
00:44:59,121 --> 00:45:01,197
Very important, okay?

684
00:45:01,374 --> 00:45:05,074
We can't have any type of problems,
anymore, okay?

685
00:45:05,252 --> 00:45:08,871
I get it. We're two brothers talking now,
I know where you're coming from.

686
00:45:09,048 --> 00:45:11,039
That's all that counts.
That's what counts.

687
00:45:11,341 --> 00:45:13,548
Now that you said that,
it's not gonna happen...

688
00:45:13,718 --> 00:45:17,301
...I'm gonna kill him with kindness.
- No, no, no, you don't have to.

689
00:45:17,514 --> 00:45:21,594
Love, kindness, it's coming off of you
like radiation or something.

690
00:45:21,768 --> 00:45:24,140
No, no, no.
You're gonna stay at your station.

691
00:45:24,396 --> 00:45:25,427
Right.

692
00:45:25,606 --> 00:45:27,598
- Smooth sailing, right?
- The smoothest sailing.

693
00:45:31,194 --> 00:45:33,946
Freddie, I am so glad you took
my invitation for dinner.

694
00:45:34,115 --> 00:45:36,653
I'm excited we're gonna be able
to hang out as brothers.

695
00:45:36,825 --> 00:45:38,450
- Break bread, right?
- Absolutely.

696
00:45:41,997 --> 00:45:43,029
I want one.

697
00:45:45,292 --> 00:45:47,249
- Nick! Nick!
- Oh, boy. What?

698
00:45:47,419 --> 00:45:48,997
- Nick!
- What?

699
00:45:49,171 --> 00:45:50,499
- Nick, come here.
- Okay, okay.

700
00:45:50,672 --> 00:45:52,665
What the heck is Mom doing
in the house?

701
00:45:52,841 --> 00:45:55,296
I want you to be honest,
does she know I'm here?

702
00:45:55,469 --> 00:45:59,384
Call me crazy, but my mom comes
and visits me for the holidays every year.

703
00:46:00,016 --> 00:46:02,970
I'm not going in there, Nick,
because I don't visit with Mom...

704
00:46:03,144 --> 00:46:06,678
...and I don't for good reason.
- It would be really nice, if, for once...

705
00:46:06,856 --> 00:46:11,565
...things were nice and calm
and you just dropped by for dinner.

706
00:46:11,736 --> 00:46:15,604
- This isn't even debatable. I'm not going.
- Ho, ho, ho, I'm not gonna listen to no.

707
00:46:15,782 --> 00:46:19,116
<i>There's a book, Does Fred Go to Dinner?
Flip through the pages...</i>

708
00:46:19,285 --> 00:46:22,072
...and last page, Fred does not go
to dinner. The End.

709
00:46:22,245 --> 00:46:26,160
<i>The sequel, know what it's called?
Ding-dong, Who 's There? Why, it's Fred.</i>

710
00:46:26,334 --> 00:46:28,042
- I'm not going.
- Pumpkin pie. Come on.

711
00:46:28,211 --> 00:46:32,587
Get it through your head.
I am not going to dinner!

712
00:46:38,972 --> 00:46:40,881
Hello, I hope I'm not intruding...

713
00:46:41,057 --> 00:46:44,142
...but I ran into your parents,
and they invited me to dinner.

714
00:46:45,103 --> 00:46:47,641
Oh, no, no, yeah, welcome, welcome.

715
00:46:51,193 --> 00:46:55,403
- Here we are.
- So, Frederick, how have you been?

716
00:46:55,572 --> 00:46:58,821
- I've been good, Ma. I've been real good.
- That's nice.

717
00:46:58,991 --> 00:47:01,483
I'll tell you, Fred has been doing
a bang-up job...

718
00:47:01,661 --> 00:47:04,116
...down in the Naughty-Nice Department.

719
00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:05,830
I wouldn't say
I've been doing a bang-up job.

720
00:47:05,999 --> 00:47:09,249
I had complications
and hit rough spots...

721
00:47:09,419 --> 00:47:12,503
...but I'm doing the best I can.
- Oh, yeah, no, no, no...

722
00:47:12,672 --> 00:47:16,920
...you are proving to be
one very hard worker.

723
00:47:17,094 --> 00:47:21,222
Well, I would imagine he's probably
a very hard worker, considering.

724
00:47:23,058 --> 00:47:24,434
Considering what?

725
00:47:24,601 --> 00:47:28,101
Considering that you didn't have the
time to come to our anniversary party.

726
00:47:28,271 --> 00:47:31,640
- Your brother gave us quite a shindig.
- Fred sent a lovely gift, though.

727
00:47:31,817 --> 00:47:35,435
Come on, now, that massage chair,
that looked very, very expensive.

728
00:47:35,612 --> 00:47:37,023
Yes, I'm sure it was.

729
00:47:39,449 --> 00:47:41,157
- What's happening?
- What do you mean?

730
00:47:41,326 --> 00:47:44,161
- I don't see... What's happening?
- Nothing's happening.

731
00:47:44,329 --> 00:47:45,740
Okay.

732
00:47:47,333 --> 00:47:50,334
- Oh, you all right?
- Even enjoyed the card that came with it.

733
00:47:50,878 --> 00:47:53,749
Do you remember what you wrote
on the card, Frederick?

734
00:47:53,922 --> 00:47:56,081
Let's see, was it something like:

735
00:47:56,258 --> 00:47:59,129
"Happy anniversary, I hope you
choke on your meal"?

736
00:48:03,181 --> 00:48:04,806
Now you're just being silly.

737
00:48:04,974 --> 00:48:07,644
Have some gravy, darling.
The potatoes are awfully dry.

738
00:48:07,811 --> 00:48:11,310
Phyllis, I wish you wouldn't do that,
because Nicholas needs to lose weight.

739
00:48:11,482 --> 00:48:12,857
He's perfect!

740
00:48:13,024 --> 00:48:16,310
You're looking at a man who can
fly around the world in a single night.

741
00:48:17,487 --> 00:48:19,279
- That's unbelievable!
- Okay, Mom.

742
00:48:19,532 --> 00:48:23,363
You know, I can never get over that,
Nicholas. I just... You amaze me.

743
00:48:23,536 --> 00:48:26,027
- Isn't it amazing?
- I think it's absolutely amazing.

744
00:48:26,205 --> 00:48:29,290
To think that he can fly around
to a million houses in one night...

745
00:48:29,458 --> 00:48:31,997
...breaking and entering,
staring at little children...

746
00:48:32,170 --> 00:48:34,162
...eat the little kids' cookies and stuff.

747
00:48:34,339 --> 00:48:37,504
That's a phenomenal occurrence.
And I get jacked out of my mind...

748
00:48:37,674 --> 00:48:41,174
...just thinking about all those laws
being broken. Don't you guys feel it?

749
00:48:41,345 --> 00:48:44,263
Frederick, why are you so upset?

750
00:48:44,556 --> 00:48:46,763
Oh, come on, Mom. Don't...

751
00:48:47,685 --> 00:48:50,355
I just wish you were a little more
like your brother.

752
00:48:50,605 --> 00:48:52,644
Great. Okay.

753
00:48:52,815 --> 00:48:56,018
I have a feeling I'd be much more
comfortable back in my little hut...

754
00:48:56,194 --> 00:48:58,401
...with some Hot Pockets
and a milkshake.

755
00:48:58,613 --> 00:49:00,772
Come on. Don't be like that. Fred.

756
00:49:05,203 --> 00:49:09,153
I just love meeting people's families.
I find it so...

757
00:49:10,459 --> 00:49:11,704
...revealing.

758
00:49:16,046 --> 00:49:17,624
Night, Frosty! See you tomorrow!

759
00:49:22,220 --> 00:49:26,052
- Fred! Terrific! Come on in, my friend.
- How are you, Willie?

760
00:49:26,266 --> 00:49:28,092
I'm great! Pull up a stool.

761
00:49:28,476 --> 00:49:30,019
Hey, eggnog for Fred, Frosty.

762
00:49:30,186 --> 00:49:32,225
- Sure, they're on the way.
- Make it a double.

763
00:49:32,397 --> 00:49:33,560
Thank you.

764
00:49:37,987 --> 00:49:39,017
Hey, Fred.

765
00:49:45,661 --> 00:49:47,070
- Charlene.
- Yeah.

766
00:49:50,373 --> 00:49:53,409
You know, you see these
people after work...

767
00:49:53,585 --> 00:49:57,333
...and I don't even recognize them. You
know, like, "Oh, of course. Charlene."

768
00:49:57,506 --> 00:49:59,831
- Yeah.
- Good night, Fred.

769
00:50:01,509 --> 00:50:04,179
- Good night, Charlene.
- Good night...

770
00:50:06,681 --> 00:50:08,509
- Willie.
- Willie.

771
00:50:13,230 --> 00:50:16,646
Fred, I don't... I don't...

772
00:50:17,484 --> 00:50:19,312
I don't understand, Fred.

773
00:50:19,737 --> 00:50:21,646
She doesn't remember my name?

774
00:50:22,030 --> 00:50:25,115
What is it, Fred? Is it...? It's me, isn't it?

775
00:50:25,283 --> 00:50:28,284
You can tell me, Fred, it's okay.
Because you're my friend.

776
00:50:28,453 --> 00:50:30,778
It's just that... She thinks I'm a freak.

777
00:50:31,665 --> 00:50:34,120
I love her. I love her.

778
00:50:35,794 --> 00:50:38,998
Willie, now look. You love to laugh.
You're a lot of fun to be around.

779
00:50:39,173 --> 00:50:41,663
Fred, I can't even tell a joke.

780
00:50:41,842 --> 00:50:45,092
I say the last line first. I'm afraid
everyone's gonna stop listening.

781
00:50:45,263 --> 00:50:46,756
This thing is very easy.

782
00:50:46,931 --> 00:50:51,011
Let her know that you're ready for fun,
and you are not gonna apologize for it.

783
00:50:54,439 --> 00:50:56,929
You know, at last year's
after-Christmas party...

784
00:50:57,107 --> 00:50:58,934
...I almost asked her to dance.

785
00:50:59,109 --> 00:51:01,268
Then I remembered I can't dance.

786
00:51:02,405 --> 00:51:04,978
- Yet.
- What?

787
00:51:05,657 --> 00:51:07,069
Can't dance yet.

788
00:51:13,958 --> 00:51:16,627
Fred. I feel ridiculous.

789
00:51:16,795 --> 00:51:19,665
I don't know how to dance.
I don't know the steps.

790
00:51:19,839 --> 00:51:23,173
This is very uncomfortable for me.

791
00:51:23,343 --> 00:51:26,213
Come on. Get out of your head
for a second. Get into your body!

792
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,679
Okay, see, I'm not gonna do that.
I can't actually do that.

793
00:51:29,848 --> 00:51:32,518
We're no longer talking with this,
we're gonna talk with...

794
00:51:32,684 --> 00:51:34,014
Bring it. Bring it right now.

795
00:51:34,186 --> 00:51:37,686
Bring all that green goodness that you
have on and bring it right up on me.

796
00:51:37,856 --> 00:51:41,226
Come on, this beautiful green angel.
Now, put one hand here.

797
00:51:41,403 --> 00:51:44,273
Great. Put another hand here.
Come on, grip it. Don't be shy.

798
00:51:44,447 --> 00:51:46,689
All we're gonna do
is a little bit of a baby sway.

799
00:51:46,866 --> 00:51:49,536
That's it, just a gentle rock
back and forth. Just easy.

800
00:51:49,702 --> 00:51:51,659
Now, you got short arms,
which is good...

801
00:51:51,830 --> 00:51:53,703
...because it means you gotta get close.

802
00:51:53,873 --> 00:51:56,874
So go ahead, pull this big tugboat
to shore. Anchors aweigh.

803
00:51:58,253 --> 00:52:03,248
That's it. Okay, now, the next thing
you do is put your hand on my back.

804
00:52:04,467 --> 00:52:06,922
That's not my back,
but it is a little bit naughty.

805
00:52:07,094 --> 00:52:10,962
I like where you're headed, but for these
purposes, let's just keep it professional.

806
00:52:11,140 --> 00:52:12,800
- Fred.
- Now, remember, Willie...

807
00:52:12,976 --> 00:52:15,810
...dancing is not about dancing, right?

808
00:52:15,979 --> 00:52:18,896
It's about connecting.
Now, look me in the eye.

809
00:52:19,900 --> 00:52:23,399
Great. Now, if I was a girl, I'd get goose
bumps with what you just brought.

810
00:52:23,904 --> 00:52:27,688
The other great thing about dancing
is it's the perfect bridge to a kiss.

811
00:52:27,950 --> 00:52:30,904
So all you gotta do is have fun,
let me know I can have fun...

812
00:52:31,078 --> 00:52:34,281
...and then when the time's right,
that's when you make your move.

813
00:52:34,456 --> 00:52:37,493
Get my blood pumping. Start to feel it.

814
00:52:37,877 --> 00:52:39,370
Get your blood pumping!

815
00:52:39,627 --> 00:52:42,165
Let's get excited. Let's make it happen.

816
00:52:42,339 --> 00:52:45,838
Come on, big guy. Turn around
and show me what you don't know.

817
00:52:46,009 --> 00:52:50,257
That's it. Okay. That's one way
to look at it. Keep moving it, baby.

818
00:52:50,430 --> 00:52:53,716
That's it. Keep rolling. There's no rules.
I like it. You're making it happen.

819
00:52:53,892 --> 00:52:57,890
You're dancing. That's okay,
and it's not okay, and it's okay!

820
00:53:11,077 --> 00:53:12,535
Feel it! Stay with it.

821
00:53:12,704 --> 00:53:17,163
Wind it up. I like it! Heat it up.
Work it harder! Stay with it, brother!

822
00:53:35,392 --> 00:53:37,136
Oh, I forgot my gloves.

823
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:40,637
It's okay. Just get up calmly.

824
00:53:49,490 --> 00:53:50,984
That's all right...

825
00:53:51,283 --> 00:53:52,658
Willie!

826
00:54:07,008 --> 00:54:08,550
So you fell down, big deal.

827
00:54:08,718 --> 00:54:12,716
Fred, not everybody falls down
on his face in front of the girl he loves.

828
00:54:12,888 --> 00:54:16,305
I looked like a total idiot out there.

829
00:54:16,476 --> 00:54:19,679
How am I ever gonna be seen
in public again? It's ridiculous.

830
00:54:19,855 --> 00:54:23,602
Thank goodness Blitzen didn't feel that
way the first time he learned how to fly.

831
00:54:23,816 --> 00:54:26,901
When Blitzen learned to f...?
Why don't I know this story?

832
00:54:27,069 --> 00:54:29,774
Oh, come off it, Willie.
Everyone knows this story.

833
00:54:29,989 --> 00:54:33,193
- When Blitzen learned to fly?
- He fell on his face.

834
00:54:33,660 --> 00:54:35,320
- He did?
- He'd try and take a run... Yeah.

835
00:54:35,495 --> 00:54:37,452
He'd run and he'd fall flat on his face.

836
00:54:37,872 --> 00:54:40,031
But he picked himself up
and he'd keep trying.

837
00:54:40,208 --> 00:54:43,743
And eventually,
he stopped thinking and he flew.

838
00:54:44,129 --> 00:54:47,379
- It's common knowledge.
- Fred, come on.

839
00:54:47,549 --> 00:54:50,040
- It's true.
- I'm not Blitzen, though. I'm no Blitzen.

840
00:54:50,219 --> 00:54:51,843
Well, I disagree with you, Willie.

841
00:54:53,555 --> 00:54:56,094
I know you got more
Blitzen in you than you realize.

842
00:54:58,434 --> 00:55:00,095
Love is so complicated.

843
00:55:01,229 --> 00:55:02,640
Yeah, can be.

844
00:55:04,066 --> 00:55:05,145
It hurts.

845
00:55:06,902 --> 00:55:08,230
I'm proud of you, Willie.

846
00:55:10,906 --> 00:55:12,234
Now, good night.

847
00:55:13,283 --> 00:55:14,742
Good night, Fred.

848
00:55:39,768 --> 00:55:44,727
Oh, Fred. Oh, where, oh, where
did all the kids' letters go?

849
00:55:49,820 --> 00:55:52,775
Oh, isn't that sweet?
Lucy wants a cooking set.

850
00:55:52,949 --> 00:55:56,448
Well, here's how you make pasta, darling.
There's a start.

851
00:55:58,704 --> 00:56:02,833
Oh, little Keenan Adams
wants a bike for Christmas.

852
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:06,285
Well, Keenan, I guess you'll be taking
the bus to school from now on.

853
00:56:08,129 --> 00:56:12,791
<i>Oh, Freddie, Freddie, you have been
so very, very naughty.</i>

854
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:20,180
I didn't take any of the files
out of the room. I never got to the S's.

855
00:56:20,351 --> 00:56:23,518
Fred, I don't need to tell you how
very important these files are.

856
00:56:24,647 --> 00:56:28,312
Without them, we have no idea
what the children want.

857
00:56:28,485 --> 00:56:30,643
Or whether they've been marked
Naughty or Nice.

858
00:56:30,820 --> 00:56:34,236
And it was your responsibility,
of course, to keep track of them.

859
00:56:34,449 --> 00:56:38,150
I just told you, I would know if l...
I didn't take any... What is going on here?

860
00:56:38,578 --> 00:56:41,614
And why are you standing there
judging me with your arms folded?

861
00:56:41,789 --> 00:56:43,497
I'm not judging you, I'm nervous.

862
00:56:43,666 --> 00:56:47,200
I'd be nervous too if I was up to no
good. Doth who protests the most.

863
00:56:47,378 --> 00:56:49,287
- Can you believe this guy?
- Okay. Come on.

864
00:56:49,463 --> 00:56:51,871
- I got my eye on you, Bob.
- Yeah? Anytime, big fella.

865
00:56:52,050 --> 00:56:53,081
Bob, settle down.

866
00:56:53,259 --> 00:56:55,880
You wanna talk like an elf,
you have to act like an elf.

867
00:56:56,054 --> 00:56:57,512
- I'm easy to find.
- Big talk.

868
00:56:57,681 --> 00:57:00,006
He's got a bigger reach than you, Bob.

869
00:57:04,854 --> 00:57:07,013
- Trouble?
- No, no, no.

870
00:57:07,190 --> 00:57:10,939
No? Nobody in Wisconsin's
gonna get any gifts this year!

871
00:57:15,322 --> 00:57:18,240
Oh, my, my. Those poor children.

872
00:57:18,409 --> 00:57:20,698
You don't have any backup records?

873
00:57:21,371 --> 00:57:23,696
Well, we've never had
something like this happen.

874
00:57:23,873 --> 00:57:28,203
I'm sure that they'll turn up. I mean, after
all, where could they have possibly gone?

875
00:57:28,378 --> 00:57:31,545
Failure to administrate backup records.

876
00:57:31,715 --> 00:57:32,877
That would be strike two.

877
00:57:34,969 --> 00:57:37,174
Look, this is probably
none of my business...

878
00:57:37,346 --> 00:57:39,753
...but I'm a little concerned about Fred.

879
00:57:40,557 --> 00:57:44,555
Well, I appreciate your concern,
Mr. Northcutt, but he is fine.

880
00:57:44,729 --> 00:57:48,428
It's just that I've seen these
kind of things before. The little lies...

881
00:57:49,065 --> 00:57:50,393
...flashes of anger.

882
00:57:50,733 --> 00:57:54,233
No, I can assure you, he's fine.

883
00:57:54,446 --> 00:57:57,364
Well, but it could get
so much worse, Santa.

884
00:57:57,532 --> 00:58:00,783
Tell me, has he asked for
large sums of money recently?

885
00:58:01,036 --> 00:58:03,788
And what about trouble?

886
00:58:04,248 --> 00:58:06,573
Has he gotten into trouble with the law?

887
00:58:06,750 --> 00:58:09,206
Why, yes, Mr. Northcutt, yes, he has.

888
00:58:09,378 --> 00:58:13,590
Of course. He's crying out for help.

889
00:58:13,757 --> 00:58:16,129
And if someone doesn't
step in and help him, why...

890
00:58:16,302 --> 00:58:18,211
...I'm afraid it's gonna get ugly.

891
00:58:18,596 --> 00:58:21,514
Well, what can I do, Mr. Northcutt?

892
00:58:22,058 --> 00:58:26,055
I did have a thought.
But Fred's not going to like it.

893
00:58:32,443 --> 00:58:34,815
What kind of party
are you dudes throwing?

894
00:58:45,623 --> 00:58:49,371
Airmail it! Airmail it to me right now!
Let's get jacked up!

895
00:59:30,961 --> 00:59:34,958
What are you, nuts? I feel like
Patty Hearst! I was just abducted, Nick!

896
00:59:35,131 --> 00:59:36,839
You're gonna have to pay something...

897
00:59:37,132 --> 00:59:39,256
...to make up for the hurt
I have inside of me.

898
00:59:39,426 --> 00:59:43,471
It's not gonna be cheap. I got a lawyer
that's got vowels in his last name, Nick.

899
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:48,515
He's gonna contact you and make you
feel the hurt I feel from your handlers!

900
00:59:48,687 --> 00:59:51,391
Frederick!
We're having a family intervention.

901
00:59:51,565 --> 00:59:54,234
Your behavior has been unacceptable.

902
00:59:58,279 --> 01:00:01,613
- Wanda, hi.
- Hi. You all right?

903
01:00:01,783 --> 01:00:05,034
I'm doing terrific. I'm doing great.
How've you been?

904
01:00:05,203 --> 01:00:08,370
You know, I've been all right.
Yeah, I've been working and...

905
01:00:08,539 --> 01:00:12,952
That's awesome. Work is really good for
someone to do when they're doing stuff.

906
01:00:13,127 --> 01:00:16,579
I've been working a lot, too, by the way.
And also fighting for my life.

907
01:00:19,634 --> 01:00:21,793
My brother's Santa Claus.

908
01:00:23,222 --> 01:00:26,139
Yeah, yeah. I can... I can see that.

909
01:00:26,308 --> 01:00:29,642
It's a little different.

910
01:00:29,811 --> 01:00:32,350
Yeah, the whole thing's been
a little bit unusual.

911
01:00:32,857 --> 01:00:36,190
Fred, your brother has flown
someone in we think can help you.

912
01:00:36,485 --> 01:00:38,561
- This is Dr. Goldfarb.
- Hello.

913
01:00:38,738 --> 01:00:41,856
Your erratic behavior is putting
too much stress on your brother.

914
01:00:42,032 --> 01:00:45,981
Mom, for Pete's sake, okay,
I'm not stressed out about it.

915
01:00:46,161 --> 01:00:48,070
- Nick! You're falling apart.
- I am not.

916
01:00:48,246 --> 01:00:50,286
Yes, you are.
You're dangerously overweight.

917
01:00:50,457 --> 01:00:51,655
He is not!

918
01:00:51,834 --> 01:00:54,503
You have no idea
what your son is going through!

919
01:00:54,670 --> 01:00:57,291
- Okay.
- He is a terrible closet eater.

920
01:00:57,464 --> 01:01:00,915
He has developed
acid reflux and sleep apnea.

921
01:01:01,093 --> 01:01:04,177
- I snore. I mean, people snore.
- It is keeping him up all night...

922
01:01:04,346 --> 01:01:08,047
...and it's affecting his health, not to
mention other aspects of our marriage.

923
01:01:08,225 --> 01:01:09,423
Oh, ho, ho, Annette.

924
01:01:09,602 --> 01:01:11,808
He's having a tough time
getting off the ground?

925
01:01:13,564 --> 01:01:14,763
I'm just saying.

926
01:01:15,774 --> 01:01:17,565
Please, let's just cut to the chase.

927
01:01:17,735 --> 01:01:20,308
It's simple, it's always
the same thing with you, Fred.

928
01:01:20,946 --> 01:01:22,856
- You cause problems.
- Sweetie...

929
01:01:23,073 --> 01:01:24,353
And then you make excuses...

930
01:01:24,534 --> 01:01:27,404
...like, you know, you're looking
out for someone else.

931
01:01:27,578 --> 01:01:29,036
Ever since he was a little boy.

932
01:01:29,205 --> 01:01:32,740
I couldn't have said it any better.
Freddie, that is what you do.

933
01:01:32,917 --> 01:01:36,286
That's great. Do me a favor, please.
Why don't you just stay out of this?

934
01:01:36,462 --> 01:01:39,036
Well, I came for the intervention.
Your family asked me.

935
01:01:39,215 --> 01:01:42,086
Don't you have a date with a guy
who forgot to plug his meter?

936
01:01:42,259 --> 01:01:43,884
Have you been spying on me?

937
01:01:44,054 --> 01:01:45,762
- Yes.
- You got nothing better to do?

938
01:01:45,931 --> 01:01:48,683
- I don't like what I saw.
- If you spied on me properly...

939
01:01:48,850 --> 01:01:51,684
...you would know I didn't end up going
out with that guy.

940
01:01:51,852 --> 01:01:55,435
Let me just say this to you.
It is not flattering on your character...

941
01:01:55,606 --> 01:01:58,144
...to see you with a man
who's got liver-spotted hands.

942
01:01:58,317 --> 01:02:00,725
It's a very weak choice.
It makes you look weak.

943
01:02:00,903 --> 01:02:02,860
Look, I can tell you
what your problem is.

944
01:02:03,031 --> 01:02:06,530
You won't let anybody love you because
you don't think you're worth loving.

945
01:02:06,701 --> 01:02:07,899
If it pleases the court...

946
01:02:08,077 --> 01:02:10,699
...did you have an older gentleman
ask you out on a date?

947
01:02:10,872 --> 01:02:13,494
Yes, but that's not the point!
I didn't see him again!

948
01:02:13,666 --> 01:02:16,122
- Then she's a dater.
- You push and fix on one thing.

949
01:02:16,295 --> 01:02:18,086
Then stop dating. Put down the phone.

950
01:02:18,254 --> 01:02:19,797
That's it. I've had enough.

951
01:02:19,965 --> 01:02:23,962
Excuse me, Mr. Santa Claus. It's been
very pleasant to come to the North Pole...

952
01:02:24,134 --> 01:02:25,759
...and, yeah.

953
01:02:25,929 --> 01:02:28,680
Go find a date. Maybe get lucky
with an elf on the way out.

954
01:02:28,848 --> 01:02:30,259
Good luck. Hope it goes well.

955
01:02:30,433 --> 01:02:33,766
Well, there's a lot of mistletoe
out there, so you should be psyched.

956
01:02:33,937 --> 01:02:35,051
Fred.

957
01:02:37,774 --> 01:02:39,647
I think we're making some real progress.

958
01:02:39,818 --> 01:02:43,602
You wanna know what the good news is
about all of this? Tomorrow's my last day.

959
01:02:43,781 --> 01:02:45,357
We don't have to have therapy.

960
01:02:45,532 --> 01:02:49,744
It's for people who want to be in each
other's lives. We don't have that problem.

961
01:02:49,911 --> 01:02:52,948
I'm gonna finish my job,
I'll be out of your lives forever.

962
01:03:04,884 --> 01:03:05,963
Nice night.

963
01:03:07,429 --> 01:03:08,887
Get lost, guy.

964
01:03:10,390 --> 01:03:14,055
Santa Claus' brother,
that must be a tough beat.

965
01:03:14,728 --> 01:03:17,017
My brother's a doctor.
I never hear the end of it.

966
01:03:17,189 --> 01:03:19,859
Half the time,
I feel like I don't even exist.

967
01:03:20,025 --> 01:03:22,398
And the way your whole family
treats you.

968
01:03:23,529 --> 01:03:25,237
What's your story, man?

969
01:03:25,698 --> 01:03:26,896
Excuse me?

970
01:03:27,909 --> 01:03:31,194
Look, whatever you're trying to do
with me here's not gonna work.

971
01:03:31,371 --> 01:03:33,575
Well, what exactly am I trying?

972
01:03:33,747 --> 01:03:37,958
I don't know what it is you're into, but
something's real creepy about you...

973
01:03:38,126 --> 01:03:39,704
...and ever since you got here...

974
01:03:39,878 --> 01:03:42,203
...my brother's been getting
a little bit nervous.

975
01:03:42,381 --> 01:03:43,839
That's wonderful.

976
01:03:45,259 --> 01:03:46,539
What is wonderful?

977
01:03:46,718 --> 01:03:49,044
You take an interest
in your brother's well-being.

978
01:03:49,222 --> 01:03:51,629
Of course you do.
I'm sure he does the same for you.

979
01:03:51,807 --> 01:03:53,302
- Clyde...
- You ever seen a tree...

980
01:03:53,476 --> 01:03:55,552
...that grows in the shadow
of another tree?

981
01:03:55,728 --> 01:03:59,311
It's all puny and misshapen because
it's just bending and twisting...

982
01:03:59,482 --> 01:04:02,269
...trying so desperately
to get some sunlight.

983
01:04:03,111 --> 01:04:06,729
If somebody just cut off a few feet
of that big tree...

984
01:04:06,906 --> 01:04:08,779
...that little tree could grow up strong.

985
01:04:08,949 --> 01:04:11,487
But no, that's not the way
life works, right?

986
01:04:12,161 --> 01:04:15,281
They all love that big tree, right?
They're all proud of that one.

987
01:04:15,455 --> 01:04:18,077
They hate the crap out of
the little one next to it.

988
01:04:18,917 --> 01:04:21,788
The little tree that refuses to grow right.

989
01:04:22,338 --> 01:04:25,789
And you know what? Till somebody comes
along and cuts down that big tree...

990
01:04:25,967 --> 01:04:29,751
...that little tree is never
gonna get any light. Any light.

991
01:04:34,476 --> 01:04:36,848
I'm sorry.
I don't know where that came from.

992
01:04:38,438 --> 01:04:39,719
Christmas.

993
01:04:39,898 --> 01:04:41,273
Have a nice night.

994
01:05:00,168 --> 01:05:01,876
What the hell was that?

995
01:05:02,337 --> 01:05:05,541
Looks like a new kid just took over
the number one Most Naughty spot.

996
01:05:11,305 --> 01:05:12,384
Slam?

997
01:05:14,725 --> 01:05:16,882
Samuel Gibbons, Chicago, Illinois.

998
01:05:22,357 --> 01:05:23,982
What are you asking Santa for?

999
01:05:24,358 --> 01:05:27,064
- A family.
- I'm asking for a family too.

1000
01:05:28,404 --> 01:05:32,402
Santa's not bringing y'all families.
Santa Claus is a clown.

1001
01:05:32,576 --> 01:05:34,117
He's a fame junkie.

1002
01:05:34,328 --> 01:05:36,320
<i>He puts on a big red suit...</i>

1003
01:05:36,497 --> 01:05:38,702
...and rides around the town
with reindeer.

1004
01:05:39,166 --> 01:05:41,372
It's because the man
is desperate for attention.

1005
01:05:41,543 --> 01:05:43,501
<i>The dude needs to be in the spotlight.</i>

1006
01:05:43,670 --> 01:05:48,048
<i>There's more Santa statues in the
world than Buddha. It's a shell game.</i>

1007
01:05:48,217 --> 01:05:49,877
Y'all drank all the Kool-Aid, fools!

1008
01:05:50,052 --> 01:05:53,836
You just know you're never
getting adopted because you're mean!

1009
01:05:56,099 --> 01:05:59,183
- Break it up! You're gonna get in trouble!
- Get off me! Get off!

1010
01:05:59,645 --> 01:06:02,432
- Break it up! Break it up!
- Get off!

1011
01:06:02,606 --> 01:06:04,479
Somebody's gonna get in trouble!

1012
01:06:05,692 --> 01:06:07,899
<i>I don 't care. I'm Slam!</i>

1013
01:06:59,123 --> 01:07:01,244
Santa, I ran the numbers three times.

1014
01:07:01,832 --> 01:07:03,243
Yeah.

1015
01:07:03,417 --> 01:07:05,789
Charlene, mention this to no one.

1016
01:07:06,129 --> 01:07:09,248
- Especially Clyde Northcutt.
- Yes, sir.

1017
01:07:12,969 --> 01:07:14,048
Fred!

1018
01:07:15,930 --> 01:07:18,302
What the blazes have you done?

1019
01:07:18,474 --> 01:07:22,342
You marked every naughty child as nice!

1020
01:07:22,520 --> 01:07:23,979
Are you out of your mind?

1021
01:07:24,147 --> 01:07:26,899
- None of the kids seemed naughty to me.
- Good grief, Fred!

1022
01:07:27,066 --> 01:07:30,152
You really never see the ramifications
of anything, do you?

1023
01:07:30,528 --> 01:07:34,062
We literally cannot make enough
presents with only three days left.

1024
01:07:34,240 --> 01:07:36,992
We cannot deliver all of those presents!

1025
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:40,362
Do you see? It's over.
Congratulations, Fred!

1026
01:07:40,538 --> 01:07:43,658
You've cost Christmas
for the whole planet! Everybody!

1027
01:07:43,833 --> 01:07:47,249
Lithuania, everywhere in Africa,
the whole thing!

1028
01:07:47,421 --> 01:07:48,831
Right down the crapper!

1029
01:07:49,172 --> 01:07:52,126
Blame it all on me, right?
It's all my fault. How convenient.

1030
01:07:52,300 --> 01:07:56,215
Annette was right about you.
Mom was right about you!

1031
01:07:56,388 --> 01:07:57,669
You know what, save it!

1032
01:07:57,848 --> 01:08:00,220
Maybe you should look
at your own self for a change!

1033
01:08:00,392 --> 01:08:04,472
You just keep stuffing your face
with gingerbread! Fat boy!

1034
01:08:11,402 --> 01:08:14,653
You slick-talking, fast-talking punk!

1035
01:08:16,033 --> 01:08:20,031
You know I've been battling a weight
problem for years, Fred! That is not funny!

1036
01:08:20,203 --> 01:08:22,872
You know what?
You can shove it, Thunder Thighs!

1037
01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:25,827
I'm sick of it. This little tree's
gonna get some light.

1038
01:08:26,001 --> 01:08:28,078
This tree's gonna chop
that big tree down!

1039
01:08:28,254 --> 01:08:29,878
I don't have to take your abuse!

1040
01:08:30,047 --> 01:08:31,838
Nick, I couldn't miss you if I tried!

1041
01:08:32,007 --> 01:08:34,759
I couldn't miss you if I tried
because you're so fat!

1042
01:08:34,926 --> 01:08:38,510
You throw like a girl,
like a big, leather jacket-wearing girl.

1043
01:08:38,681 --> 01:08:40,259
Come on, Nick.

1044
01:08:40,433 --> 01:08:42,591
Come on, fat boy!

1045
01:08:42,767 --> 01:08:44,559
How'd you get to work today? You roll?

1046
01:08:44,728 --> 01:08:47,848
How'd you get here? Did you steal
a sled from some little kid?

1047
01:08:48,565 --> 01:08:49,763
Come on!

1048
01:08:59,410 --> 01:09:01,403
Good night, sweet prince.

1049
01:09:16,177 --> 01:09:19,343
Don't bring a snowmobile
to a snowball fight, Nick!

1050
01:09:26,562 --> 01:09:29,100
You gonna run me over?
Are you gonna run me over?

1051
01:10:01,013 --> 01:10:03,505
I never realized it before.

1052
01:10:07,895 --> 01:10:09,094
You hate me.

1053
01:10:11,315 --> 01:10:13,356
I don't hate you, Nick.

1054
01:10:16,363 --> 01:10:18,320
I just wish you were never born.

1055
01:10:22,411 --> 01:10:23,821
Yeah.

1056
01:10:38,427 --> 01:10:43,504
Clyde Northcutt is not from
Human Resources, Fred.

1057
01:10:44,850 --> 01:10:46,889
He's an efficiency expert.

1058
01:10:48,854 --> 01:10:53,231
And he is one strike away
from shutting me down.

1059
01:10:55,111 --> 01:10:56,604
Permanently.

1060
01:11:23,222 --> 01:11:25,298
Well, I hope you're happy
with yourself, Fred.

1061
01:11:25,475 --> 01:11:27,717
Look, Annette, I want my money.
A deal's a deal.

1062
01:11:29,562 --> 01:11:31,389
Yeah.

1063
01:11:31,564 --> 01:11:34,020
Personally,
I don't think you deserve a cent.

1064
01:11:36,735 --> 01:11:39,273
He wanted you to have this too.

1065
01:11:41,948 --> 01:11:44,700
Merry Christmas, Fred.

1066
01:11:51,918 --> 01:11:53,328
Let's go, Willie.

1067
01:11:56,423 --> 01:11:57,798
Well, well.

1068
01:12:00,677 --> 01:12:02,669
Mr. Northcutt.

1069
01:12:04,263 --> 01:12:05,639
You wanted to see me, sir.

1070
01:12:05,807 --> 01:12:06,839
Yes, I did.

1071
01:12:07,266 --> 01:12:10,017
Bring up Fred Claus
from earlier today, please.

1072
01:12:31,416 --> 01:12:34,453
Well, now, we can correct that.
We can correct that.

1073
01:12:34,627 --> 01:12:37,961
Charlene. We still have
plenty of time, don't we?

1074
01:12:38,131 --> 01:12:40,420
With less than three days
to go until Christmas...

1075
01:12:40,593 --> 01:12:43,083
...you now have no way
of making your quota.

1076
01:12:43,471 --> 01:12:46,838
And I think you know what that means.

1077
01:12:47,015 --> 01:12:49,683
Strike three.

1078
01:12:51,894 --> 01:12:54,812
Look, it gives me no great pleasure
to have to say this, but...

1079
01:12:54,981 --> 01:12:59,228
Well, actually, who am I kidding,
this is a fantastic moment for me!

1080
01:13:16,921 --> 01:13:18,793
You're fired.

1081
01:13:26,930 --> 01:13:30,346
<i>Hey, Fred, it's Leon. It's the 22nd.
This is your big day, buddy!</i>

1082
01:13:30,517 --> 01:13:34,052
<i>Get that 50 G's in my hands!
Call me back. Let's do this.</i>

1083
01:14:25,907 --> 01:14:31,031
And I feel this way all the time. It's not
like I didn't want my brother to succeed.

1084
01:14:31,203 --> 01:14:34,453
We were very close growing up.
I mean, we shared bunk beds.

1085
01:14:34,623 --> 01:14:36,782
He was my roadie,
used to carry my amps.

1086
01:14:37,293 --> 01:14:39,831
And my mother always told me,
since I was a little kid:

1087
01:14:40,004 --> 01:14:43,918
"You're gonna support your brother."
And so that was gonna be my job.

1088
01:14:44,092 --> 01:14:48,255
<i>And then Rocky came out,
and things changed, you know?</i>

1089
01:14:48,429 --> 01:14:50,718
I was the first guy in line.
I mean, I was there.

1090
01:14:50,891 --> 01:14:53,428
<i>And then when Rocky III came out...</i>

1091
01:14:53,601 --> 01:14:56,436
...I was starting to wonder who
Frank Stallone was, you know?

1092
01:14:56,605 --> 01:14:58,182
It was, like, identity theft.

1093
01:14:58,357 --> 01:15:00,682
You're fighting Rambo
and you're fighting Rocky...

1094
01:15:00,859 --> 01:15:04,227
...and trying to keep them at bay
so you can get you to come through.

1095
01:15:04,737 --> 01:15:07,904
Well, anyway, I wanna
thank you guys for listening.

1096
01:15:08,073 --> 01:15:10,446
I feel good coming here. I like it here.

1097
01:15:10,618 --> 01:15:13,702
Wonderful. Thanks for sharing, Frank.

1098
01:15:13,872 --> 01:15:17,703
Okay. Now, I think we go to Roger.

1099
01:15:18,251 --> 01:15:21,288
I actually have some things
I'd like to talk about if...

1100
01:15:21,463 --> 01:15:23,870
Okay, you're just gonna have
to wait your turn.

1101
01:15:24,048 --> 01:15:27,833
Roger's been waiting, and we didn't get
to him last time, so we'll go to Roger.

1102
01:15:28,011 --> 01:15:31,961
- I have a lot of stuff boiling now, so...
- I appreciate that. After Roger.

1103
01:15:32,767 --> 01:15:35,304
- Okay.
- Roger?

1104
01:15:35,935 --> 01:15:37,844
I'm Roger, I'm a recovering sibling.

1105
01:15:38,021 --> 01:15:39,729
Hi, Roger.

1106
01:15:39,898 --> 01:15:41,606
My brother's Bill Clinton.

1107
01:15:42,734 --> 01:15:45,307
My brother was the
president of the United States.

1108
01:15:45,654 --> 01:15:48,524
You know, I was flipping
through the channels on the TV...

1109
01:15:48,698 --> 01:15:54,073
...and on the History Channel was the
State of the Union Address from 1993.

1110
01:15:54,246 --> 01:15:59,406
When we left the White House, I thought
it was gonna be the first step to recovery.

1111
01:16:00,043 --> 01:16:03,495
But no, I started to cry again.

1112
01:16:04,256 --> 01:16:09,796
And I just don't know if I'm ever, you
know, gonna be able to fully recover now.

1113
01:16:09,970 --> 01:16:13,421
Maybe that's a place where I could
jump in, share what's going on with me.

1114
01:16:13,599 --> 01:16:15,721
- Who are you?
- I'm Fred.

1115
01:16:15,893 --> 01:16:18,514
- Hi, Fred.
- Hi.

1116
01:16:19,229 --> 01:16:21,222
Go ahead.
Would you like to take a turn now?

1117
01:16:21,773 --> 01:16:24,774
- My name is Fred Claus.
- Hi, Fred.

1118
01:16:25,570 --> 01:16:26,768
Hi.

1119
01:16:30,283 --> 01:16:32,074
I'm Santa Claus' brother.

1120
01:16:32,868 --> 01:16:36,451
And I got a lot of stuff
going on because of it.

1121
01:16:36,747 --> 01:16:41,125
There's a lot of things...
There's a lot of juice in the tank over it.

1122
01:16:41,294 --> 01:16:43,915
- And...
- Is this a joke to you?

1123
01:16:44,089 --> 01:16:46,329
- Stephen, by the way.
- Hi, Stephen.

1124
01:16:46,506 --> 01:16:47,704
Hey, guys, what's up?

1125
01:16:47,882 --> 01:16:52,296
I mean, because this isn't funny
to all of us here in the group.

1126
01:16:52,471 --> 01:16:54,428
Okay, this is very serious to us.

1127
01:16:54,598 --> 01:16:58,263
And I'm feeling very uncomfortable
with where you're coming from.

1128
01:16:58,436 --> 01:17:00,594
Wait, Stephen...

1129
01:17:00,771 --> 01:17:04,141
...maybe to him,
his brother is Santa Claus.

1130
01:17:04,358 --> 01:17:05,983
Feel like my brother's Santa Claus.

1131
01:17:06,152 --> 01:17:10,399
But I feel like my brother's Santa Claus
because my brother really is Santa Claus.

1132
01:17:10,573 --> 01:17:13,361
All right, that's enough, all right!
You and I got a problem!

1133
01:17:13,910 --> 01:17:17,575
Stephen, easy, easy.
All right. Stephen, easy.

1134
01:17:18,957 --> 01:17:21,412
That's not Alec, okay?

1135
01:17:21,583 --> 01:17:23,327
Don't look at me, look at him.

1136
01:17:24,461 --> 01:17:25,706
That's not Alec.

1137
01:17:26,047 --> 01:17:27,245
That's not Alec.

1138
01:17:27,757 --> 01:17:29,666
I'm not Alec, you know what I mean?

1139
01:17:29,843 --> 01:17:31,466
All right, let's stomp it out.

1140
01:17:31,636 --> 01:17:33,510
- It's not Alec.
- Alec's not gonna hear.

1141
01:17:33,679 --> 01:17:34,759
How's he gonna...?

1142
01:17:34,972 --> 01:17:37,381
- That's not Alec.
- Okay, that's not Alec.

1143
01:17:37,559 --> 01:17:39,515
- That's not Alec!
- That's not Alec!

1144
01:17:39,811 --> 01:17:42,136
- That's not Alec!
- All right!

1145
01:17:42,313 --> 01:17:46,441
Now that you've got Alec's attention,
Stephen, what do you wanna tell him?

1146
01:17:47,235 --> 01:17:52,028
Stephen, I think I know
where you're coming from...

1147
01:17:52,198 --> 01:17:55,033
...because I used to be really,
really angry with my brother.

1148
01:17:55,618 --> 01:18:00,411
I didn't want to become first brother,
especially for the rest of my life.

1149
01:18:00,581 --> 01:18:04,199
I couldn't control being brother
of the president of the United States.

1150
01:18:04,710 --> 01:18:07,961
But I could control
being Bill Clinton's brother.

1151
01:18:08,131 --> 01:18:11,713
And I made the decision, even though
I could have brought the house down...

1152
01:18:11,885 --> 01:18:15,550
...I made the decision that,
for the love of my brother...

1153
01:18:15,722 --> 01:18:18,296
...and for the love of my family name...

1154
01:18:19,142 --> 01:18:21,467
...that I was gonna do whatever it took...

1155
01:18:22,604 --> 01:18:24,727
...because I loved my brother...

1156
01:18:24,898 --> 01:18:29,227
...and I was always gonna be there
for my brother. And I have been.

1157
01:18:29,402 --> 01:18:31,145
And you know what?

1158
01:18:31,321 --> 01:18:32,779
You can be too.

1159
01:18:38,787 --> 01:18:40,495
The Travel Experts?

1160
01:18:40,664 --> 01:18:43,830
Yeah. I need to get to the
North Pole right away, like, tonight.

1161
01:18:45,585 --> 01:18:48,504
Yeah, I got $50,000 in cash
that says I'm not kidding.

1162
01:19:08,651 --> 01:19:11,687
- Oh, North Pole! North Pole.
- North Pole is there?

1163
01:19:11,862 --> 01:19:13,653
Safe journeys to you, and thank you!

1164
01:19:43,060 --> 01:19:47,224
Willie, gather all the elves and meet me
in the Workshop right now. Let's go.

1165
01:19:50,485 --> 01:19:52,026
Look, guys...

1166
01:19:52,278 --> 01:19:56,323
...we gotta make as many presents
as we can in the next 10 hours.

1167
01:19:56,491 --> 01:19:57,819
Fred, it's Christmas Eve.

1168
01:19:57,993 --> 01:20:03,283
It's impossible. We just can't build
that many toys in that time.

1169
01:20:03,456 --> 01:20:06,078
The rule says that every kid gets a toy.

1170
01:20:06,251 --> 01:20:10,498
So, what would be the easiest toy
to make? One for boys and one for girls.

1171
01:20:10,672 --> 01:20:12,878
- A baseball bat.
- A Hula-Hoop.

1172
01:20:13,049 --> 01:20:15,670
Well, baseball bats
and Hula-Hoops it is, then.

1173
01:20:16,093 --> 01:20:20,091
Charlene, do you think it's possible we
can make enough gifts to meet our quota?

1174
01:20:20,264 --> 01:20:23,384
Baseball bats, lose four seconds, 55...

1175
01:20:25,103 --> 01:20:27,178
Yeah, it is possible.

1176
01:20:27,397 --> 01:20:30,648
It is, but, Fred, that's not what
the kids asked for.

1177
01:20:30,942 --> 01:20:34,276
Yeah, but all that matters is that each
of the kids get a toy.

1178
01:20:34,446 --> 01:20:38,490
That they have something that they can
open when they wake up in the morning.

1179
01:20:38,659 --> 01:20:42,656
Most importantly, they all know there's
somebody who's thinking about them.

1180
01:20:43,663 --> 01:20:46,616
You guys have never missed
a Christmas before.

1181
01:20:47,458 --> 01:20:50,294
If you guys are gonna go out this year...

1182
01:20:51,963 --> 01:20:54,086
...you're gonna go out trying.

1183
01:21:13,986 --> 01:21:15,979
Okay. We're on it.

1184
01:21:16,947 --> 01:21:19,024
- I've never seen him...
- That's because he's...

1185
01:21:19,200 --> 01:21:21,820
...thrown his back out.
- No.

1186
01:21:21,993 --> 01:21:24,282
- Hey, Annette, how you doing?
- Fred.

1187
01:21:24,495 --> 01:21:28,245
Nick, I think we're gonna make it. I got
elves in the Workshop making presents.

1188
01:21:28,416 --> 01:21:30,705
We're cutting corners,
but I think we can make it.

1189
01:21:30,877 --> 01:21:34,044
You'll still be able to save Christmas.
We don't have a lot of time.

1190
01:21:34,214 --> 01:21:37,833
That's impossible. The man
can hardly carry his own weight.

1191
01:21:38,052 --> 01:21:39,878
I can't move.

1192
01:21:42,181 --> 01:21:44,221
I can't, Fred.

1193
01:21:45,351 --> 01:21:47,178
You can do it. It's Christmas, come on.

1194
01:21:47,353 --> 01:21:51,601
- The kids are out there, counting on us.
- Oh, boy, I wish I could.

1195
01:21:53,693 --> 01:21:56,609
Willie, this is your big night.
This is your big night, pal.

1196
01:21:56,779 --> 01:21:58,936
You're gonna deliver the presents.
Willie can.

1197
01:21:59,114 --> 01:22:00,858
No, Fred, I can't.

1198
01:22:01,033 --> 01:22:03,192
Of course you can.
You're great on that sleigh.

1199
01:22:03,368 --> 01:22:06,453
No, no, you don't understand.
I can't do it. There's a rule.

1200
01:22:06,622 --> 01:22:09,872
Only a Claus can deliver the presents.

1201
01:22:20,636 --> 01:22:23,887
Do you guys mind giving me just a
moment alone with my brother here?

1202
01:22:30,854 --> 01:22:32,053
Yeah.

1203
01:22:35,526 --> 01:22:38,611
I can't do that, Nick.
I think you know that.

1204
01:22:41,491 --> 01:22:45,026
I'm not capable.
I'm not even comfortable flying...

1205
01:22:45,203 --> 01:22:47,908
...or being a passenger,
let alone trying to fly the sleigh.

1206
01:22:48,081 --> 01:22:50,786
- I don't know my way around reindeer...
- Hey, Fred.

1207
01:22:52,335 --> 01:22:53,829
It's all right.

1208
01:22:55,464 --> 01:22:59,675
It's ridiculous for anybody to expect
that kind of thing. No.

1209
01:23:00,469 --> 01:23:02,508
You can't do that. You can't.

1210
01:23:03,637 --> 01:23:06,555
It's too huge. Believe me, I know.

1211
01:23:11,980 --> 01:23:14,684
And I would never ask you
to do that, Fred.

1212
01:23:17,026 --> 01:23:18,936
It's all right.

1213
01:23:19,112 --> 01:23:20,855
It is all right.

1214
01:23:36,130 --> 01:23:39,960
Nick, there's been one thing that's been
eating at me since I've been here.

1215
01:23:40,634 --> 01:23:43,171
That Naughty-Nice List that you got?

1216
01:23:44,971 --> 01:23:47,178
There's no naughty kids, Nick.

1217
01:23:47,974 --> 01:23:49,517
They're all good kids.

1218
01:23:50,185 --> 01:23:52,178
But some of them are scared.

1219
01:23:52,354 --> 01:23:54,679
And some of them don't feel listened to.

1220
01:23:54,898 --> 01:23:57,650
Some of them had some
pretty tough breaks too.

1221
01:24:00,654 --> 01:24:03,489
But every kid deserves
a present on Christmas.

1222
01:24:42,155 --> 01:24:44,194
Yeah.

1223
01:24:58,504 --> 01:25:03,250
Africa plus Asia, plus Europe,
North America, South America.

1224
01:25:03,426 --> 01:25:04,801
It's gonna be close.

1225
01:25:04,970 --> 01:25:07,045
Let's go, people! Let's pick up the pace!

1226
01:25:20,068 --> 01:25:23,732
Red Fred has entered the building. I
repeat, Red Fred has entered the building.

1227
01:25:23,905 --> 01:25:26,146
Willie, let's go.

1228
01:25:38,378 --> 01:25:42,376
What the heck's going on around here?
Little elves. You can't trust them at all!

1229
01:25:42,549 --> 01:25:43,628
The little tiny people.

1230
01:25:46,094 --> 01:25:48,549
Nice outfit. What the heck
do you think you're doing?

1231
01:25:48,722 --> 01:25:50,264
- Delivering presents.
- Oh, no.

1232
01:25:50,432 --> 01:25:52,259
Santa is the only one who can deliver.

1233
01:25:52,434 --> 01:25:55,008
Only a Claus can deliver presents
and that is a Claus.

1234
01:25:55,437 --> 01:25:59,137
If you think I'm gonna let you get away
with this, you are sadly mistaken.

1235
01:25:59,608 --> 01:26:02,692
If you don't get out of the way
of this sleigh in three seconds...

1236
01:26:02,860 --> 01:26:04,853
...I'll be the happiest guy
in the North Pole.

1237
01:26:05,029 --> 01:26:07,236
You don't have the guts.

1238
01:26:07,407 --> 01:26:08,605
Okay.

1239
01:26:09,493 --> 01:26:11,284
Three...

1240
01:26:11,620 --> 01:26:13,078
...two...

1241
01:26:13,246 --> 01:26:15,204
- Willie, how do I do this?
- Just say "ho."

1242
01:26:20,796 --> 01:26:24,663
- Good, Fred! Nice firm grip on those reins!
- What's happening now?

1243
01:26:24,842 --> 01:26:28,460
Snap those reins, we gotta get this thing
in the air! Tell the guys to get up!

1244
01:26:28,637 --> 01:26:29,669
Get up, get up, get up!

1245
01:26:31,848 --> 01:26:34,884
There you go! You got it, Fred!
We're going up!

1246
01:26:35,227 --> 01:26:39,010
- You're flying Santa's sleigh!
- We're flying. Now what's happening?

1247
01:26:39,189 --> 01:26:40,981
- Watch the roof there.
- I can't do it!

1248
01:26:44,152 --> 01:26:46,145
Do it to me, how do I steer this thing?

1249
01:26:46,321 --> 01:26:49,489
We wanna go up! So you gotta
pull up on the reins there, Fred!

1250
01:26:49,658 --> 01:26:51,153
Okay.

1251
01:27:05,423 --> 01:27:07,298
Christmas One, do you copy?

1252
01:27:07,467 --> 01:27:11,300
<i>North Pole, this is Christmas One.
We copy. We hear you loud and clear.</i>

1253
01:27:11,472 --> 01:27:14,675
Sixty seconds and counting
for a landing, North Pole.

1254
01:27:14,850 --> 01:27:16,510
Okay, we've got 10 hours, Fred.

1255
01:27:16,685 --> 01:27:20,350
We need to be done delivering
by 5:38 a.m. North Pole time.

1256
01:27:20,523 --> 01:27:22,562
That's sunrise, and that's game over.

1257
01:27:22,734 --> 01:27:24,561
Going down this thing here, it's...

1258
01:27:25,903 --> 01:27:27,563
It's gonna hurt a bit, isn't it?

1259
01:27:27,780 --> 01:27:30,022
I'm not gonna lie to you.
It ain't gonna tickle.

1260
01:27:30,242 --> 01:27:33,242
Oh, and one more thing,
make sure you eat all the cookies.

1261
01:27:33,411 --> 01:27:36,496
- It hurts people's feelings if you don't.
- I got it.

1262
01:27:56,142 --> 01:27:58,051
Head 12 degrees north into London.

1263
01:27:58,395 --> 01:28:01,977
North Pole, this is Christmas One. We're
heading 12 degrees north into London.

1264
01:28:03,066 --> 01:28:04,181
Stephen Harding.

1265
01:28:06,486 --> 01:28:07,945
<i>Anna-Marie Gormley.</i>

1266
01:28:09,198 --> 01:28:10,312
Done.

1267
01:28:14,494 --> 01:28:15,987
Emma Short.

1268
01:28:22,877 --> 01:28:25,119
We'll come back to this
neighborhood later.

1269
01:28:28,633 --> 01:28:30,756
Go 20 degrees past Dallas
towards Lubbock.

1270
01:28:30,968 --> 01:28:32,511
Roger that, North Pole.

1271
01:28:45,359 --> 01:28:48,063
Christmas One, take your
heading off one-zero-niner.

1272
01:28:50,363 --> 01:28:52,154
Fred, Fred, Fred!

1273
01:28:54,117 --> 01:28:56,953
- Shake it off, Rudolph!
- You sure you've never done this?

1274
01:28:57,120 --> 01:29:00,156
You're driving like an absolute pro
who makes a lot of mistakes.

1275
01:29:06,088 --> 01:29:09,872
Oh, it's okay. Friendly, friendly, friendly.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

1276
01:29:10,384 --> 01:29:11,499
Katherine Tibbett.

1277
01:29:11,677 --> 01:29:14,762
<i>Christmas One, veer right 70 degrees
at the Empire State Building.</i>

1278
01:29:40,122 --> 01:29:41,237
Next page.

1279
01:29:53,511 --> 01:29:54,590
Have a slice of challah.

1280
01:29:54,762 --> 01:29:57,548
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it. Mazel tov.

1281
01:29:57,723 --> 01:30:00,214
And that knish?
Let me just have one of these.

1282
01:30:00,392 --> 01:30:03,014
It's hard to pass these beauties up.
You're too generous.

1283
01:30:07,608 --> 01:30:09,067
Kid.

1284
01:30:12,864 --> 01:30:14,524
Santa! You found me!

1285
01:30:14,699 --> 01:30:15,979
Yeah, I found you.

1286
01:30:17,034 --> 01:30:19,193
I find all the good kids.

1287
01:30:20,955 --> 01:30:22,995
Macaroni! It's you!

1288
01:30:23,166 --> 01:30:24,624
Hi, boy.

1289
01:30:25,252 --> 01:30:27,209
Come on, boy. Hi.

1290
01:30:27,546 --> 01:30:29,205
Slam, I want you to listen to me...

1291
01:30:30,549 --> 01:30:34,676
...you got some advice a while back,
and I think it was a little off.

1292
01:30:36,888 --> 01:30:38,714
The world is what you make it.

1293
01:30:40,015 --> 01:30:42,590
It all starts with what
you make of yourself.

1294
01:30:43,978 --> 01:30:47,099
And I want you to
believe in yourself, Slam...

1295
01:30:47,273 --> 01:30:49,230
...because you got a lot to believe in.

1296
01:30:51,486 --> 01:30:55,187
And the rest will all...
All kind of fall into place.

1297
01:30:55,365 --> 01:30:57,737
- Okay?
- Okay.

1298
01:30:59,577 --> 01:31:00,989
Merry Christmas, pal.

1299
01:31:01,372 --> 01:31:02,782
Merry Christmas, Santa.

1300
01:31:03,249 --> 01:31:06,664
- Oh, and Santa?
- Yeah.

1301
01:31:06,876 --> 01:31:08,418
Here's your wallet back.

1302
01:31:13,467 --> 01:31:14,747
That's a good start.

1303
01:31:14,926 --> 01:31:17,843
Let's try and build some
real momentum with that, okay?

1304
01:31:18,013 --> 01:31:19,091
Okay.

1305
01:31:26,313 --> 01:31:27,808
I think we're gonna make it!

1306
01:31:30,943 --> 01:31:33,185
Christmas One, are you there? Over.

1307
01:31:33,737 --> 01:31:35,066
Are you there...?

1308
01:31:39,535 --> 01:31:41,693
North Pole, go ahead,
this is Christmas One.

1309
01:31:42,954 --> 01:31:46,619
Good luck finding your way
in the dark without a candle, Freddie.

1310
01:31:46,792 --> 01:31:51,868
And as of right now, each and every one
of you little adorable munchkins is fired!

1311
01:31:52,047 --> 01:31:54,455
So go home, pack up your stockings.

1312
01:31:54,633 --> 01:31:57,883
You're taking a bus back to Elfistan
or wherever the hell you're from.

1313
01:31:58,053 --> 01:31:59,132
North Pole?

1314
01:32:00,139 --> 01:32:02,760
North Pole, this is Christmas One,
go ahead.

1315
01:32:02,934 --> 01:32:04,214
Hey, guys!

1316
01:32:07,271 --> 01:32:09,145
I think we're flying blind up here.

1317
01:32:35,633 --> 01:32:39,298
By the time the sun rises,
it will all be over.

1318
01:32:40,554 --> 01:32:41,966
See you in the morning.

1319
01:32:43,099 --> 01:32:46,848
Clyde Archibald Northcutt...

1320
01:32:47,020 --> 01:32:50,602
...422 Dashwood Drive...

1321
01:32:52,233 --> 01:32:54,142
...Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

1322
01:32:57,363 --> 01:33:01,195
Yeah, you made
the Most-Naughty list in '68.

1323
01:33:01,368 --> 01:33:04,036
Oh, boy, that was a very,
very naughty year.

1324
01:33:04,204 --> 01:33:07,572
- How could you possibly remember that?
- You asked me for a Superman cape.

1325
01:33:09,000 --> 01:33:11,621
But I didn't give you
a Superman cape, did I?

1326
01:33:15,548 --> 01:33:19,333
- Did you always wear glasses, Clyde?
- If you think this changes anything...

1327
01:33:19,511 --> 01:33:21,089
Four-Eyed Clyde.

1328
01:33:21,430 --> 01:33:24,549
- I bet that's what they called you.
- I don't know what you're talk...

1329
01:33:24,723 --> 01:33:28,851
Oh, and do you think that after a while
of being called Four-Eyed Clyde...

1330
01:33:29,020 --> 01:33:30,728
...you maybe got a little angry?

1331
01:33:31,105 --> 01:33:34,937
Maybe you started a fight or two.
Maybe 10, maybe 12.

1332
01:33:38,446 --> 01:33:41,116
So you asked me for something.

1333
01:33:41,282 --> 01:33:42,527
A Superman cape.

1334
01:33:43,076 --> 01:33:46,196
Because you thought that that
was gonna change everything.

1335
01:33:46,371 --> 01:33:47,403
This is ridiculous.

1336
01:33:47,581 --> 01:33:50,915
- So you decide to stay Four-Eyed Clyde?
- Because Clark Kent wore glasses!

1337
01:33:51,418 --> 01:33:53,541
But when he turned into Superman...

1338
01:33:54,964 --> 01:33:58,249
...he didn't need those
darn glasses anymore, did he?

1339
01:33:59,885 --> 01:34:01,711
Oh, Clyde.

1340
01:34:03,931 --> 01:34:07,097
It was wrong of me
not to give you that gift, Clyde.

1341
01:34:07,267 --> 01:34:11,597
I fear that I had a very incorrect...

1342
01:34:11,771 --> 01:34:14,607
...misguided understanding of...

1343
01:34:16,235 --> 01:34:17,694
...naughty children.

1344
01:34:20,906 --> 01:34:24,738
So this may be a little late.

1345
01:34:39,841 --> 01:34:40,921
You wanna put it on?

1346
01:34:43,345 --> 01:34:45,468
Mr. Claus, I'm a 45-year-old man,
I'm not...

1347
01:34:45,639 --> 01:34:46,968
Put it on.

1348
01:34:48,600 --> 01:34:50,012
For me.

1349
01:34:51,062 --> 01:34:52,805
- Okay.
- Thattaboy.

1350
01:34:57,735 --> 01:34:58,933
Glasses off.

1351
01:35:08,537 --> 01:35:10,079
Now, I need your help.

1352
01:35:15,128 --> 01:35:16,669
Do you know what you're doing?

1353
01:35:17,671 --> 01:35:19,997
Quarter to 2 a.m. There's Ursa Minor.

1354
01:35:20,174 --> 01:35:23,840
That means we should be
at longitude 38.25. That's four...

1355
01:35:24,011 --> 01:35:25,589
Take a left! Take a left!

1356
01:35:29,100 --> 01:35:31,259
I really, really need your help.

1357
01:35:32,854 --> 01:35:35,392
I'm gonna need you to
turn the power back on, Superman.

1358
01:35:37,192 --> 01:35:39,350
Now, I know that you can do this.

1359
01:35:39,527 --> 01:35:43,359
You have to understand, I've already
submitted my report. It's final.

1360
01:35:43,531 --> 01:35:46,200
If Fred doesn't deliver
all those presents by sunrise...

1361
01:35:46,367 --> 01:35:49,202
...the North Pole will be shut down
forever. There's nothing...

1362
01:35:49,370 --> 01:35:51,944
I understand that. I do.

1363
01:35:52,123 --> 01:35:54,448
But what do you say we give him
his shot?

1364
01:35:56,378 --> 01:35:58,750
Because he's not a naughty kid either.

1365
01:35:58,922 --> 01:36:00,167
I'm trying to... Hold on!

1366
01:36:00,339 --> 01:36:03,009
Just look outside!
That looks like the Grand Canyon!

1367
01:36:03,176 --> 01:36:04,255
Isn't that it?

1368
01:36:21,527 --> 01:36:22,725
Oh, boy.

1369
01:36:34,207 --> 01:36:35,238
Fred, it's 4: 15.

1370
01:36:35,417 --> 01:36:38,168
Look, I'm gonna tuck and go
as fast as I can, all right?

1371
01:36:47,888 --> 01:36:48,920
Done, done.

1372
01:36:55,646 --> 01:36:58,101
Snap the reins!
We need more speed at this altitude!

1373
01:36:58,273 --> 01:37:00,811
- Going as fast as I can! Say when to turn!
- Now!

1374
01:37:11,245 --> 01:37:12,276
Fred.

1375
01:37:12,454 --> 01:37:14,780
I know, Willie, I know.

1376
01:37:30,889 --> 01:37:33,559
Fred, I have a bad feeling about this.

1377
01:38:51,054 --> 01:38:52,086
We did it.

1378
01:39:06,487 --> 01:39:07,650
Willie.

1379
01:39:17,956 --> 01:39:19,995
To the snow globe!

1380
01:41:19,204 --> 01:41:25,492
You are the best big brother
anybody could ever ask for.

1381
01:41:55,282 --> 01:41:58,616
- Fred?
- I brought you a Christmas gift.

1382
01:41:58,786 --> 01:42:00,113
How'd you get in?

1383
01:42:00,287 --> 01:42:02,409
I came down the chimney.

1384
01:42:02,581 --> 01:42:05,582
Freddie, you can't just show up
dressed like Father Christmas...

1385
01:42:05,750 --> 01:42:07,827
...and come down
somebody else's chimney.

1386
01:42:08,003 --> 01:42:10,494
Actually, I can.
I've been doing that all night.

1387
01:42:11,590 --> 01:42:15,540
Freddie, do you know what? I'm starting
to get a bit worried for you, right now...

1388
01:42:15,719 --> 01:42:19,966
...because like you're standing here,
in my bedroom, wearing red.

1389
01:42:20,766 --> 01:42:24,016
And, you know, it's getting like to be
sort of restraining order time.

1390
01:42:24,186 --> 01:42:26,891
So, you look sort of tired and I know
that I'm very tired.

1391
01:42:27,064 --> 01:42:30,647
So maybe I'll call you later, but right now
I think you should just go home.

1392
01:42:30,818 --> 01:42:32,016
All right? Just go home.

1393
01:42:33,196 --> 01:42:35,068
- I am home.
- You're what?

1394
01:42:35,238 --> 01:42:39,070
I've given up my lease on my apartment.
I'm gonna be moving in here with you.

1395
01:42:39,451 --> 01:42:41,989
But listen, take your time.
I want you to digest this...

1396
01:42:42,163 --> 01:42:44,700
...and process things.
I could use a little sleep.

1397
01:42:44,873 --> 01:42:49,370
I'll be right out in our breakfast nook area.
I'll be curled up in our breakfast nook.

1398
01:42:49,545 --> 01:42:52,630
When you're ready, you come find me
here at home, at our house.

1399
01:43:17,072 --> 01:43:21,865
This is no good. We can't go to bed when
we're arguing now that we live together.

1400
01:43:31,337 --> 01:43:34,007
And I got a big surprise planned for you.

1401
01:43:34,383 --> 01:43:36,375
Oh, no, Freddie, not
a big surprise, please.

1402
01:43:36,968 --> 01:43:40,052
I think you're gonna change your mind
when you see this one.

1403
01:43:47,604 --> 01:43:50,225
Freddie, is it all right
that we're doing this?

1404
01:43:50,398 --> 01:43:53,019
- It's a company car. It's one of the perks.
- Okay.

1405
01:43:54,027 --> 01:43:56,518
Oh, Freddie, it's unbelievable.

1406
01:43:56,696 --> 01:43:59,021
- We're in Paris, baby.
- We're in Paris.

1407
01:44:03,078 --> 01:44:07,740
<i>So, I bet you're wondering
what happened to everyone else.</i>

1408
01:44:09,751 --> 01:44:14,081
<i>That Christmas turned out to be
one of the most successful ever.</i>

1409
01:44:16,717 --> 01:44:20,666
<i>People everywhere
found themselves more satisfied...</i>

1410
01:44:20,845 --> 01:44:22,553
<i>... and filled up than ever.</i>

1411
01:44:22,722 --> 01:44:26,590
Good work, Hans, you've learned to use
the spreadsheet. That's wonderful work.

1412
01:44:26,768 --> 01:44:30,683
<i>So Santa hired Clyde
on a consulting basis.</i>

1413
01:44:36,404 --> 01:44:39,938
Oh, it's a nice sweater, Clyde.
Real nice sweater.

1414
01:44:40,115 --> 01:44:44,612
<i>Clyde's efficiency ensured that the
North Pole never fell behind again.</i>

1415
01:44:44,787 --> 01:44:48,156
<i>Even with every kid getting a present.</i>

1416
01:44:48,583 --> 01:44:53,078
<i>Willie and Charlene found out
that kindred spirits and soul mates...</i>

1417
01:44:53,253 --> 01:44:56,587
<i>... often come in all shapes and sizes.</i>

1418
01:44:58,091 --> 01:45:01,757
<i>And Bob and Linda finally got e-mail.</i>

1419
01:45:01,929 --> 01:45:06,175
Linda, where are all the new orders?

1420
01:45:06,350 --> 01:45:09,802
I e-mailed you five minutes ago!

1421
01:45:09,979 --> 01:45:14,107
Please, do not use
all caps all the time, okay?

1422
01:45:14,275 --> 01:45:17,026
- Yeah, but...
- Not everything is that important.

1423
01:45:18,195 --> 01:45:19,441
Love you.

1424
01:45:19,947 --> 01:45:21,228
Love you back.

1425
01:45:22,951 --> 01:45:24,742
You're jumping around like animals.

1426
01:45:24,994 --> 01:45:27,532
What are you doing? Stop.
What do you got your hat on...?

1427
01:45:27,704 --> 01:45:29,946
You don't have a video.
Wear your hat like a man.

1428
01:45:30,123 --> 01:45:32,282
Turn your hat around.
Put your hat on straight.

1429
01:45:32,459 --> 01:45:34,582
You wear it like this to block the sun.

1430
01:45:34,753 --> 01:45:36,580
When you're eating, take your hats off.

1431
01:45:37,131 --> 01:45:39,456
She's right. Show respect.
Take off your hat!

1432
01:45:39,634 --> 01:45:42,125
Don't forget "man"
is also in the word "manners."

1433
01:45:42,303 --> 01:45:44,759
Bring it in for a team chant here. Ready?
On three!

1434
01:45:44,931 --> 01:45:47,386
One, two, three, kill them!

1435
01:45:47,725 --> 01:45:50,892
<i>Fred never stopped watching over Slam.</i>

1436
01:45:54,649 --> 01:45:59,988
<i>And by the next Christmas,
Slam had a family of his own.</i>

1437
01:46:00,155 --> 01:46:04,199
<i>Three, two, one, happy New Year!</i>

1438
01:46:04,492 --> 01:46:08,905
<i>And Santa Claus finally got
the one present he always wanted.</i>

1439
01:46:09,080 --> 01:46:10,159
<i>He got his brother back.</i>

1440
01:46:10,331 --> 01:46:13,498
I'm not letting go. I got you in
a death grip. I'm not letting go.

1441
01:46:15,128 --> 01:46:17,204
Look! Slimming down. Citrus fruits.

1442
01:46:17,381 --> 01:46:18,543
Get out there, big guy.

1443
01:46:18,715 --> 01:46:20,173
Bit more fancy, you know.

1444
01:46:20,342 --> 01:46:22,833
Wanda, excuse me.
Mind if I take her away for a second?

1445
01:46:23,011 --> 01:46:25,846
Oh, yeah, go right ahead.

1446
01:46:26,015 --> 01:46:28,172
Come here, Dad.
It's just you and me now.

1447
01:46:28,475 --> 01:46:30,266
<i>But as I told you before...</i>

1448
01:46:30,435 --> 01:46:33,769
<i>... this is the story of a boy named Fred.</i>

1449
01:46:33,980 --> 01:46:37,183
I just love Wanda. I mean,
she's a little bit above your station.

1450
01:46:37,399 --> 01:46:40,685
So I thought maybe you should just
sort of clean up your act, you know?

1451
01:46:40,861 --> 01:46:44,362
Have a great new wardrobe to start off
the new year. You're a Claus.

1452
01:46:44,574 --> 01:46:47,279
Get out there. You know,
look at your dad. He's so dapper.

1453
01:46:47,452 --> 01:46:49,575
Don't do it to me.
I'm trying to be positive.

1454
01:46:49,746 --> 01:46:54,290
Oh, but I'm positive too. I'm positive
I'm right. You need a new wardrobe.

1455
01:46:54,459 --> 01:46:55,574
Okay.

1456
01:46:55,878 --> 01:46:57,953
- Happy New Year to you, Mom.
- Happy New Year.

1457
01:46:58,130 --> 01:47:00,834
- I love you.
- I love you too.

1458
01:47:01,425 --> 01:47:03,168
That's more like it.

1459
01:47:03,344 --> 01:47:04,706
How about
that move?