1
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:44,032
# I see trees of green #
2
00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:47,444
# Red roses too #
3
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:50,779
# I see them bloom #
4
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,183
# For me and you #
5
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:58,452
# And I think to myself #
6
00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:02,257
# What a wonderful world #
7
00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:10,698
# I see skies of blue #
8
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,399
# And clouds of white #
9
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:17,672
# The bright blessed day #
10
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:20,235
# The dark sacred night #
11
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:25,343
# And I think to myself #
12
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:29,822
# What a wonderful world #
13
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:34,188
# Yes #
14
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:38,095
# I think to myself #
15
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,533
# What a wonderful #
16
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,830
Yes, dude!
17
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:49,569
What the fuck? What the fuck?
What are you doing?
18
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:52,442
I'm taking the most incredible dump
of all time, man.
19
00:01:52,478 --> 00:01:54,105
You couldn't wait
till I got out of the shower?
20
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:58,049
May I remind you that
we both just ate 30 burgers...
21
00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:00,279
and four large orders of fries?
22
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,622
Don't worry, in a little bit,
I'm sure it'll hit you too.
23
00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:07,888
It may be. But I'm gonna wait
till you get out of the shower.
24
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,987
Well, don't wait too long. We've got
to leave for the airport in an hour.
25
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,019
Ooh, that burns.
26
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:15,091
- An hour?
- Hey, and, Roldy?
27
00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:17,530
Yeah?
28
00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:19,299
Nice pubes.
29
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,898
Asshole, get out of here right now.
30
00:02:21,941 --> 00:02:25,638
- Wipe and leave. Wipe and leave now!
- Dude, this thing is huge!
31
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:27,737
I think it still has cheese on it.
32
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:37,917
# Ooh wee #
33
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:39,282
# Ooh wee #
34
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,293
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
35
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:43,625
# When I step into the party
all the ladies wanna know #
36
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,858
# I'm hangin' with the ballers,
yeah, or my nigga Ghost #
37
00:02:45,898 --> 00:02:48,025
# I can tell you what they say, haters,
if you wanna know #
38
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,399
# They say ooh wee #
39
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,734
# When I'm rollin' my Mercedes
all the ladies wanna roll #
40
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:55,002
# Be my Juliet
and I can be your Romeo #
41
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,566
# If you actin' menace
I can pick another ho #
42
00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:01,876
# Ooh wee, ooh wee #
43
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:04,183
# Ooh wee #
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
44
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:06,481
# In the middle of the summer,
or even 20 below #
45
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,384
# I'm a bad motherfucker
I'm way too fuckin' cold #
46
00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:10,981
# Let me tell you what they say
when I'm pullin' off my drawers #
47
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,790
# They say ooh wee #
48
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:18,456
# Ooh wee #
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #
49
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,839
# Ooh wee #
50
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:31,901
# Aiyo, aiyo #
51
00:03:31,944 --> 00:03:33,912
# My game's here to party
just to cut up a rug #
52
00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:35,379
# Don't make me have to cut up a thug #
53
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:38,384
# Now play something for me, DJ,
'cause there's nothin' but love #
54
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,943
# Hosted by the ladies
who lookin' for somethin' to rub #
55
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:55,229
# Ooh wee #
56
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,763
Dude. Oh, my Go...
I just realized something.
57
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:58,793
What?
58
00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:01,602
Maria's gonna think I'm a stalker, man.
I'm following her to Amsterdam.
59
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:04,906
Dude, relax. I have a med school
interview in ten minutes.
60
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:06,707
You don't see me freaking out.
61
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,976
Don't worry, man,
she'll be psyched to see you.
62
00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:10,642
Oh, psyched? You think
she's gonna be psyched?
63
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,810
Totes, dude. Why wouldn't she be?
64
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:14,152
So how does this work?
65
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:17,520
We just... we show up in Amsterdam
and we start calling hotels...
66
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,457
and ask if they have
a Maria staying there?
67
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:21,983
- I don't even know her last name.
- Dude, it's totally cool.
68
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:23,859
We're definitely gonna find her.
69
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:25,693
Amsterdam is a very small place.
It's not gonna be...
70
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:28,496
Sir, I need you to step aside, please.
Let me search you.
71
00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:30,331
- Did I beep?
- No, you didn't beep.
72
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,462
Just a random security check.
73
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,972
If you could just step aside, please?
Just over here.
74
00:04:34,006 --> 00:04:36,497
- Random, huh?
- Yeah.
75
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:39,170
So this has nothing to do
with my ethnicity?
76
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,839
Kumar, just do what the guy says.
77
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,041
Sir, it's our job as airport security...
78
00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,983
to search for all possible weapons
or illegal drugs.
79
00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:48,919
So just because of the color of my skin,
you assume that I have drugs on me?
80
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,547
- No, he's...
- What are you, a racist?
81
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:53,718
Racist? Dude, I'm black.
82
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,228
He's black. He's not a racist.
83
00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:58,924
Please, dude, you're barely even brown.
84
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,830
No, he didn't mean that.
85
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,596
Compared to me,
you look like Matthew Perry.
86
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,603
Hey, who you calling Matthew Perry, bitch?
87
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,606
I'm calling you Matthew Perry,
you Matthew Perry-looking bitch!
88
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,631
No, there's nobody here
who is Matthew Perry. No one!
89
00:05:09,675 --> 00:05:11,199
What is going on here?
90
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,736
Sir, Matthew Perry over here thinks
that I have illegal narcotics on me...
91
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:16,180
because I'm a minority.
92
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:18,115
This is textbook racial profiling...
93
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,142
and I'd be more than happy
to call the ACLU or the government...
94
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:22,654
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Sorry for the inconvenience, sir.
95
00:05:22,688 --> 00:05:25,555
- You can move along.
- I appreciate it. Thanks, Matt Perry.
96
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,255
Hey, what are you doing?
97
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:30,262
What do you mean, what am I doing?
He called me Matthew Perry.
98
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:31,593
Well, you look like Matthew Perry.
99
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,462
- He's white!
- So what?
100
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,831
Why does everything have to become
a huge argument with you, man?
101
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,301
'Cause this is America, dude...
102
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:40,066
and as long as I have my freedom
of speech, no one's gonna shut me up.
103
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,630
Kumar?
104
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:45,804
Roldy?
105
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,905
- Vanessa.
- Oh, my God!
106
00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:52,315
- Good to see you.
- So good to see you. I...
107
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:54,478
- Hi. Hey.
- Hey.
108
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,612
Hey.
109
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:59,091
God, it's been forever.
What are you guys doing?
110
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:01,593
We're actually on our way
to Amsterdam.
111
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:02,821
- Amsterdam?
- Yeah.
112
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,591
Well, you guys haven't changed.
113
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:07,690
You have. You look amazing.
Your hair is diff...
114
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:10,668
- Doesn't she look amazing?
- Yeah.
115
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:12,796
Yeah, you look great.
You look awesome. Sorry.
116
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,831
What am I even saying?
You look different and...
117
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:19,470
- Kumar Patel, you're flustered.
- Little bit.
118
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:25,808
So, what's up with you? You still dating
the Abercrombie-wearing douchebag?
119
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,979
Actually, it's Brooks Brothers.
120
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:30,989
Colton! How are you, buddy?
121
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:32,615
- Good to see ya.
- Good to see you.
122
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,421
And we're not dating anymore.
123
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,826
No. We... are getting married.
124
00:06:37,763 --> 00:06:39,697
Congratulations, you guys.
125
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:42,257
- You're fucking getting married?
- Yeah.
126
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:45,236
- When?
- Next week.
127
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,940
It's going to be a perfect day.
128
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,408
I mean, that's assuming we get
those Stargazer lilies for the bouquets.
129
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:52,434
This florist has been
a complete nightmare.
130
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:54,378
Fucking assholes.
131
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:57,177
Colton's practically planning
the whole wedding all by himself.
132
00:06:57,216 --> 00:07:00,481
So, Rold, Brewster Keegan letting you
off the leash for a little vay-cay?
133
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,546
I own that place now, Colton.
134
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,386
Thank you so much for the hook-up.
135
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:08,791
Hey, I ran into Todd,
at Whitaker's, of course.
136
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:11,296
He told me you got a job
working for the government.
137
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:13,764
Yeah! Yeah, President Bush and my dad
were in the same fraternity.
138
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:15,130
- Oh, that's right.
- Oh, Jesus.
139
00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:17,158
Yeah, yeah, when he gave my dad that
appointment at the Defense Department...
140
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,296
- I became his right-hand man.
- Douche.
141
00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:20,498
The President's supposed to be
at our wedding...
142
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,633
- but you know how busy he is.
- Yeah.
143
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:24,472
Sounds like an incredible job, man.
144
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,978
Hey, you really got
some major connections to the top.
145
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,481
If you ever need anything, I'm your man.
146
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,745
- Thank you so much, buddy.
- Anytime.
147
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,513
This guy's the best.
148
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:36,113
- So, sweetheart, we should get going.
- Yes.
149
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,817
- Good to see you guys again.
- Congratulations again.
150
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,224
- Thank you. Take care, thank you.
- It's so nice.
151
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,750
- Bye.
- Bye.
152
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,343
Dude, I can't believe
they're getting married.
153
00:07:58,377 --> 00:08:00,368
We've only been broken up two years.
154
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,912
Plus that dude has date-rape face.
155
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:05,042
I don't even know what that is.
156
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:07,575
One who possesses
the face of a date rapist.
157
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,919
Right. Listen...
158
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,425
I'm sorry, bro.
159
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:16,087
But we are going to Amsterdam.
Come on.
160
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:19,291
This is true. This is true, Roldy.
161
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,459
# Ooh wee #
162
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:28,437
- Man, this is so not like me.
- Yeah.
163
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:31,966
It's like I'm a whole new Harold.
Better, faster, stronger.
164
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,672
Nice.
165
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:34,771
Man, I've never used a sick day before.
166
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:38,011
I'm taking a whole week off
from work here, man.
167
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:41,816
And in less than eight hours,
we're gonna be in Amsterdam.
168
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,345
- This is nuts. This is nuts.
- I know, dude.
169
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,381
It's gonna be exactly like Euro Trip,
only it's not gonna suck.
170
00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:49,986
- It's gonna be awesome.
- It's not not gonna be awesome.
171
00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:32,735
Dude. Dude, this chick's giving me
such a boner, it's awesome.
172
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:34,706
Thank you. You ruined the moment.
173
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,243
She's all yours, buddy.
174
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:40,177
- You wanna pause it?
- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
175
00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:41,907
No, that's...
176
00:09:41,947 --> 00:09:43,608
Enjoy.
177
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,256
Just a minute.
178
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:57,762
Fuc...
179
00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,389
Hey, hey.
180
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:01,426
Let me in.
181
00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:05,731
What are you doing?
I'm taking a piss, asshole!
182
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:06,897
- Yeah.
- Yo!
183
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,407
I'm not joining
the mile-high club with you.
184
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,433
What about the really high club?
185
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,773
- Are you retarded?
- No.
186
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:16,714
You brought weed
on the fucking airplane?
187
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:18,979
- Yep.
- What the fuck?
188
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:20,986
Wait a second. You were giving
that security guard shit.
189
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,011
Yeah. How else was I
supposed to get past him?
190
00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:25,819
By not bringing drugs on an airplane?
191
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:29,727
- Look... What are you doing? What is this?
- You'll see.
192
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:43,469
Harold Lee, I would like to introduce you
to an invention of mine.
193
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,636
Meet the smokeless bong.
194
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:48,579
- You made this?
- You know, I did.
195
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:49,740
When you were slaving away at work...
196
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:52,410
I was actually being
a productive member of society.
197
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:56,615
- Yeah, that's really productive.
- Let me show you how it works.
198
00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:59,215
So you take a little weed...
199
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:03,161
put it in the bowl right here and
light it just like a normal bong, OK?
200
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:05,026
Now here's the truly genius part.
201
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:10,661
Inside this mechanism, I have
actually made a little tiny, tiny fan...
202
00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:13,433
and some disinfectant powder, OK,
it works sort of like a deodorizer...
203
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:16,270
so that anything it expunges
smells like Lysol.
204
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:17,935
- Put it away.
- No, dude.
205
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,968
Can you not wait
till we get to Amsterdam?
206
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,674
It's the weed capital of the world!
207
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,742
- No.
- Put the bong away!
208
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,616
- Take the inaugural hit, dude.
- No!
209
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:28,745
Come on, man.
210
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,985
- Then I'm gonna do it.
- Put it away. Put the frickin' bong away.
211
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:38,830
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Turb...
212
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:48,138
Terrorist!
213
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:51,171
Roldy?
214
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,542
- What the fuck is that thing in his hands?
- No, ma'am, not a terrorist.
215
00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:56,446
- He's just an idiot.
- This is just a bong.
216
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:58,950
He said he got a bomb!
217
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,879
No, people,
it's a water pipe for tobacco.
218
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:06,289
No, no, no, it's not a bomb. It's just a bong.
219
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,325
Poison gas!
220
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,735
It's marijuana! Marijuana!
221
00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:28,975
You picked the wrong plane,
you terrorist fuck!
222
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:30,982
Hey!
Hey, what are you doing?
223
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:35,419
There are three air marshals
on board. Three!
224
00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:39,049
We are not terrorists!
Sir, that's a bong, not a bomb.
225
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,888
Shut up!
226
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,088
I got this one!
227
00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:44,459
- Roldy?
- Please don't!
228
00:12:44,496 --> 00:12:47,431
I am in a great amount of pain!
229
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:51,664
Everybody relax. Just calm down.
Everything is under control.
230
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:55,970
Tell 'em to turn the plane around. These
two assholes are goin' back to the U.S.
231
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:23,494
Secretary Fox. Glad you could make it.
232
00:13:23,535 --> 00:13:26,527
Think I'd miss a terrorist attack
of this magnitude?
233
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,802
Not a fuckin' chance.
234
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,937
Who are these people?
235
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:38,279
Representatives
of the different intelligence agencies.
236
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,808
I assume
Secretary Whitmore's coming?
237
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:45,552
Negative. He's on an ice fishing trip
in Glacier Bay.
238
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:47,183
I'm in charge while he's gone.
239
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,660
Well, shouldn't he be alerted?
240
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:54,997
Isn't this issue of more importance
than an ice fishing trip?
241
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:02,264
Who are you again?
242
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,503
Dr. John Beecher,
Vice Chairman of the NSA.
243
00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:07,910
Yeah, well, listen, Dr... Dipshit.
244
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:11,274
You've obviously
never been ice fishing before.
245
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:16,916
- No, I haven't.
- Yeah, well, it's fucking exhilarating.
246
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:20,653
The last thing anyone would want
while fishing for pike is to be interrupted.
247
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,490
Now back off...
248
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:25,861
and let me do my job.
249
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:40,268
What's up with the guy
with the weird eyes?
250
00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:42,906
He handicapped or something?
251
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:44,939
We believe he's of Korean descent.
252
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,419
My God.
253
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:55,549
North Korea and al-Qaeda
workin' together.
254
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,357
This is bigger than I thought.
255
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,898
You couldn't wait?
256
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,628
You couldn't fucking wait?
257
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:05,330
We were about to have
all the legal weed we wanted.
258
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:08,636
You know, in Amsterdam,
where we were going!
259
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,420
Thought you could
get away with this, huh?
260
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:39,462
You thought that after 9/11
our national security was a joke, huh?
261
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:41,931
Well...
262
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,037
guess what?
263
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,274
What?
264
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,709
We knew you fuckers would be back.
265
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:53,911
- Holy shit!
- But we're Americans, man.
266
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:56,716
- We love America. We love America!
- Very much.
267
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:58,484
That's a convenient thing to say...
268
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:01,493
after you try and blow up a plane
filled with Americans!
269
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,755
- No.
- No, we didn't do...
270
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,320
No, you see, you have the wrong idea.
271
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:07,195
My idiot friend here
brought marijuana...
272
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:08,722
- on the plane.
- Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey.
273
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:12,828
Zip it, Hello Kitty. OK? I know
your operation's funded through drugs.
274
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:14,736
No. This is typical
government bullshit, sir. I...
275
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,536
- Hey, hey, hey. Shut up. Shut up!
- I...
276
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:20,443
- No, I'm trying to explain it! Harold!
- Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shut up!
277
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:24,909
Do we have the right
to make a phone call?
278
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,712
Yeah. Yeah!
279
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:31,120
I'm sorry. You want rights now.
280
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,818
You want freedoms right now.
281
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:35,724
Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock?
282
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,257
- Guess what.
- What?
283
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:47,231
Where you guys are going,
they have never even heard of rights.
284
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,408
Well, where are we going?
285
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:01,517
We're innocent men!
We're innocent men!
286
00:17:02,387 --> 00:17:04,355
I'm an innocent man.
287
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:07,357
I donate blood.
288
00:17:07,392 --> 00:17:10,293
And toys for tots.
289
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,694
And now I'm in Guantànamo Bay.
290
00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:18,828
See why I'm against paying taxes?
291
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,634
Hey! Hey.
292
00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:22,804
Fuck you!
293
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:24,809
Dude, calm down, OK?
294
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:28,506
Look on the bright side.
There's a sink. There's a toilet.
295
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,515
The pillow actually
looks pretty comfortable.
296
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:36,047
OK. You don't speak to me, ever.
297
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:37,350
- Ever.
- OK.
298
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,619
- No! Shut up!
- OK.
299
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:43,525
So what are you guys in here for?
300
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:50,864
For giving the United States
a taste of their own medicine.
301
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:55,967
- You guys are real terrorists?
- Some call us terrorists.
302
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,340
Others call us heroes.
303
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:01,972
Screw that. You think you guys
are heroes for killing innocent people?
304
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,141
It's 'cause of assholes like you
that we're even in this fucking place...
305
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:05,582
you fucking cowards!
306
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:08,450
Well, maybe if the people in your country
stopped eating donuts...
307
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:11,285
and started realizing what your
government is doing to the world...
308
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,689
assholes like us wouldn't exist.
309
00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:16,592
- Fuck you! Donuts are awesome!
- They're delicious.
310
00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:17,925
You like donuts?
311
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:21,194
Well, wait till you see
what they make you eat in here.
312
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,394
- Yeah?
- What do they make you eat in here?
313
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,027
I...
314
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:27,766
Ever hear of a cockmeat sandwich?
315
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,165
What's a cockmeat sandwich?
316
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:32,871
You're about to find out.
317
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:38,176
Right about now. Sucker.
318
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:45,618
All right, cockmeat sandwich time.
You know the drill.
319
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:48,353
What about them? They just got here!
320
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:52,787
Big Bob's taking care of them.
321
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:55,299
- Big Bob.
- Big Bob?
322
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,700
I hope you like donuts.
323
00:18:57,736 --> 00:19:00,796
Let's go to work. Hey, listen, guys, enjoy.
324
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:04,437
Holy shit.
325
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,671
Oh, yeah, that's it.
326
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,241
- This is not good.
- No, Kumar, it is not good.
327
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:13,547
- I've never had to suck a dick before.
- Me neither.
328
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:15,576
I bet it sucks dick.
329
00:19:17,522 --> 00:19:19,217
Shit, dude.
330
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:21,226
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
331
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:24,388
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Come on.
332
00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:27,125
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
333
00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:28,496
Please don't let it be Big Bob.
334
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:30,398
- Please don't let it be Big Bob.
- I'm Big Bob.
335
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:33,404
- Fuck.
- Yes, you are.
336
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:36,898
You boys ready
for your cockmeat sandwich?
337
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:40,066
No?
338
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,012
Well, you better get hungry real fast...
339
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:45,847
'cause I got a whole lot of sandwich
waitin' for ya.
340
00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:48,446
Holy shit!
341
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:51,684
- All right, let's get goin'.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on, Big Bob...
342
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:55,250
I got to ask you a question
before this all goes down.
343
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:58,195
- All the guards in Guantànamo are gay?
- Fuck, no!
344
00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:00,824
Ain't nothing gay
about getting your dick sucked!
345
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,699
You're the ones that's gay
for suckin' my dick!
346
00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:05,396
- What?
- In fact...
347
00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:08,964
creeps me out
just bein' around you fags.
348
00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:10,440
- But...
- All right.
349
00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:12,670
- Wait...
- Get down on your knees...
350
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,406
- and open your mouths.
- Please, Big Bob.
351
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:15,640
Why don't you just
kick our ass instead?
352
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,876
- Get on your fucking knees!
- All right. All right.
353
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:21,682
- All right, all right, all right, all right.
- You go first, dude.
354
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,779
Hope you boys like extra mayo.
355
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:26,552
- Jesus, Kumar.
- Oh, I hate you so much!
356
00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,024
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
357
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,494
God, his dick smells like shit, dude.
358
00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:37,030
Holy shit!
359
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:42,637
- What the hell happened?
- That terrorist fuck bit my dick!
360
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,509
- Come on.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait a second!
361
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:51,914
Should we?
What if they kill us out there?
362
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:53,611
They're gonna fucking make us
suck their dicks if we don't.
363
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:55,051
We're gonna die in here. Come on.
364
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,383
- Fuck. Fuck.
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
365
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:05,020
- Shit. Shit.
- Fuck. Fuck.
366
00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:07,031
- Oh, shit! Get out!
- Fuck!
367
00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:09,329
Oh, shit. Shit.
368
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:10,858
Door, door.
369
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,200
Look, look, look.
370
00:21:17,242 --> 00:21:18,869
What the fuck is he doing?
371
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:34,152
We've got to go
now, now, now, now, now!
372
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,596
It smells like burnt asshole.
373
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,068
I can't fucking believe this.
374
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:47,127
Fuck!
375
00:21:50,842 --> 00:21:52,309
My wrist is swelling, man!
376
00:21:52,344 --> 00:21:54,312
- Shut up.
- We're gonna die in a jungle!
377
00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:55,904
- Shut up!
- Fuck!
378
00:21:55,947 --> 00:21:59,781
Watch out for cheetahs!
This is cheetah turf.
379
00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:03,385
- What?
- OK. Fuck.
380
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:04,912
We hit ocean.
What do we do now?
381
00:22:06,224 --> 00:22:08,454
All right.
382
00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:09,983
Hey, look, look!
383
00:22:14,199 --> 00:22:15,461
Excuse me.
384
00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:18,429
You guys going to America?
385
00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:19,698
Ś, vamos.
386
00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:21,638
Yes, we're going.
387
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:23,140
Thank you.
388
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,233
- Es ḿo.
- Vamos, vamos.
389
00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:25,333
I'm telling you, Jorge...
390
00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:27,470
the first thing you have to do
when you get to America...
391
00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:30,413
buy a device called TiVo, OK?
392
00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:32,815
Freedom means nothing if you're
a slave to regular programming...
393
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:34,284
I promise you that.
394
00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:36,287
And now, how about you focus?
395
00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:38,585
We gotta figure out what to do
when we get to the States.
396
00:22:38,623 --> 00:22:41,456
We don't have wallets. We don't
have any ID. We've got nothing.
397
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:45,190
Well, I figure we're gonna land
somewhere around Miami, right?
398
00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:47,391
There's only one guy we know
who lives down there.
399
00:22:47,432 --> 00:22:49,866
- Who do we know that... Raza.
- Yeah.
400
00:22:49,901 --> 00:22:51,994
We gotta go see Raza.
401
00:22:53,004 --> 00:22:54,801
- Adịs.
- Hasta /uego.
402
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,775
- Thanks again.
- What nice people.
403
00:22:57,809 --> 00:23:00,175
Man, South Florida here we are.
404
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,680
OK. So, now how do we get to Raza's?
405
00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:04,648
The professional way.
We walk. Let's go.
406
00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:06,150
- Walk?
- Yeah.
407
00:23:06,184 --> 00:23:08,175
So I guess Raza's...
408
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,381
- We'll find it, we'll find it.
... thataway. Yeah.
409
00:23:10,422 --> 00:23:11,787
# Da/e aś, papi #
410
00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:13,654
# Ṭcame #
411
00:23:14,626 --> 00:23:16,389
# Ay #
412
00:23:16,428 --> 00:23:18,157
# Papi #
413
00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:19,993
# Ay #
414
00:23:20,031 --> 00:23:21,794
# Papi #
415
00:23:21,833 --> 00:23:22,925
# Ay #
416
00:23:22,968 --> 00:23:26,870
- Wow, Raza's place is pretty sweet.
- Kinda ghetto for Miami.
417
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:27,963
# Para abajo #
418
00:23:28,006 --> 00:23:30,406
# Toca, toca, toca, toca, toca #
419
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:35,243
- Hi.
- Hey.
420
00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:40,774
Y'all aren't here to complain
about the noise, are you?
421
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:44,919
No. We're not...
here to complain about the noise.
422
00:23:44,956 --> 00:23:47,481
We're...
423
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,255
We are here to see...
424
00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:53,594
- What is his name? We're here...
- Vagina.
425
00:23:53,632 --> 00:23:56,999
No, we're here to see Raza.
426
00:23:57,035 --> 00:23:59,265
OK. Follow me.
427
00:23:59,304 --> 00:24:00,862
Thank you, ma'am.
428
00:24:01,506 --> 00:24:04,373
We'll follow... you, I guess.
429
00:24:04,409 --> 00:24:06,206
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #
430
00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:08,109
# She got it, she got it #
431
00:24:08,146 --> 00:24:09,613
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #
432
00:24:09,648 --> 00:24:11,639
# She said, "Boy, go ahead" #
433
00:24:11,683 --> 00:24:13,674
# As long as I don't touch it #
434
00:24:13,718 --> 00:24:17,415
# I said, "Now, why the hell
would I wanna interrupt it?" #
435
00:24:17,455 --> 00:24:18,444
Hey.
436
00:24:19,224 --> 00:24:21,385
- Very patriotic of you.
- Thank you.
437
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:24,529
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
438
00:24:26,731 --> 00:24:28,995
- Hey, Raza!
- What?
439
00:24:29,034 --> 00:24:30,262
What's up?
440
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:31,633
- Kumar and Roldy?
- What's up, man?
441
00:24:31,670 --> 00:24:34,298
I haven't seen you guys
since graduation.
442
00:24:34,339 --> 00:24:35,897
What are you guys doing here?
443
00:24:35,941 --> 00:24:38,603
Wait, what's up
with the orange jumpsuits?
444
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:40,110
- Hey, no, no, question number one...
- It's kind of a long story. I...
445
00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:41,806
...what's up with this party?
- What do you mean?
446
00:24:41,846 --> 00:24:44,314
There's exposed vagina
all over your house.
447
00:24:44,349 --> 00:24:46,715
Yeah. That was my idea.
448
00:24:46,751 --> 00:24:50,414
I don't know about you guys,
I'm sick of all the hype over topless.
449
00:24:50,455 --> 00:24:52,855
Really? I always liked toplessness.
That's...
450
00:24:52,891 --> 00:24:53,880
- That's just me.
- Yeah? Well, I'm starting...
451
00:24:53,925 --> 00:24:57,520
the bottomless trend.
Hence, the bottomless party.
452
00:24:57,562 --> 00:24:58,551
So what are you guys doing
in South Beach?
453
00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:00,690
How about you answer that question?
I'm gonna go check this out.
454
00:25:00,732 --> 00:25:02,461
- Where are you going?
- Bang bang, buddy.
455
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:04,832
Listen. I'm really sorry
to bother you with this.
456
00:25:04,869 --> 00:25:06,530
- You all right?
- Not really.
457
00:25:09,307 --> 00:25:12,640
They were locked up for less than
an hour, and they already escaped?
458
00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:15,510
Damn it. Make sure the press
doesn't get wind of this.
459
00:25:15,547 --> 00:25:17,515
Don't need the public thinking
we're some two-bit operation.
460
00:25:17,549 --> 00:25:18,538
Got it, sir.
461
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:20,448
It must have been either al-Qaeda
or North Korea who broke 'em up.
462
00:25:20,485 --> 00:25:22,077
Find out if they have
any relatives in the country.
463
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:25,146
You probably should have
done that in the first place.
464
00:25:30,128 --> 00:25:34,997
Do you have a problem with the way
I'm running the show, Beecher?
465
00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,365
I'm just saying that...
466
00:25:37,402 --> 00:25:41,236
I've looked through the files
on Harold Lee and Kumar Patel.
467
00:25:41,272 --> 00:25:42,830
They were both born
and raised in New Jersey.
468
00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,705
Other than a couple of traffic tickets,
they're clean.
469
00:25:44,743 --> 00:25:47,075
Right. That's why
they just broke out of prison.
470
00:25:47,112 --> 00:25:49,979
But they... It's not even clear that they
should have been there in the first place.
471
00:25:50,015 --> 00:25:52,006
Shut your...
472
00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:00,855
You see this cute, little white girl,
Beecher?
473
00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:02,223
Yeah.
474
00:26:02,260 --> 00:26:06,196
Do you want her to get raped
and murdered?
475
00:26:07,599 --> 00:26:08,588
Of course not.
476
00:26:08,633 --> 00:26:11,363
You sure? 'Cause this is America.
477
00:26:11,936 --> 00:26:15,633
- Do you want to rape America?
- No.
478
00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:19,110
Then stop fucking with me.
479
00:26:23,014 --> 00:26:24,481
This is serious.
480
00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:27,417
She's adorable.
481
00:26:29,587 --> 00:26:31,316
So you guys are fucking fugitives?
482
00:26:31,356 --> 00:26:33,586
It's just it's Kumar's fault.
483
00:26:33,625 --> 00:26:35,525
If we get out of this...
484
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,927
the chances of us remaining friends
is highly...
485
00:26:38,963 --> 00:26:40,157
highly... boobies. Yeah.
486
00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:42,223
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
487
00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:44,735
Put that back on. And keep it on.
488
00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:46,896
- Sorry.
- Fuckin' party do you think this is?
489
00:26:46,938 --> 00:26:49,031
Yo. What are you guys talking about?
490
00:26:49,074 --> 00:26:51,099
Roldy was just letting me
in on your situation.
491
00:26:51,142 --> 00:26:53,076
- Yeah?
- Thanks for getting me involved.
492
00:26:53,111 --> 00:26:55,045
What about that fuckin' time
we had to cover for you...
493
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,843
lie to your ex-girlfriend
about how you got crabs?
494
00:26:56,881 --> 00:26:58,041
You owe us, man.
495
00:26:58,083 --> 00:26:59,380
- Yeah, that's right.
- What?
496
00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,578
- OK, that was a long time ago.
- I love crabs.
497
00:27:01,619 --> 00:27:03,416
Speaking of ex-girlfriends...
498
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,184
isn't yours getting married
or something?
499
00:27:05,223 --> 00:27:07,157
How does everybody know about this
except for me?
500
00:27:07,192 --> 00:27:08,625
Wait.
501
00:27:09,661 --> 00:27:11,788
Colton! Colton Graham can help us out.
502
00:27:11,830 --> 00:27:13,195
- No! Fuck that!
- Yes!
503
00:27:13,231 --> 00:27:15,927
No doubt. If anyone could
clear your names, it's him.
504
00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:17,662
No, I'm sorry.
That dickweed is not helping us.
505
00:27:17,702 --> 00:27:19,636
Wait a second.
Do you have his contact info?
506
00:27:19,671 --> 00:27:23,698
Not anymore. But the wedding is
at his family's estate in Hewitt, Texas.
507
00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:26,266
But you don't want to bother them
when they're doing their whole...
508
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:28,336
wedding thing, right?
509
00:27:30,248 --> 00:27:33,183
You know,
that actually might be our only hope.
510
00:27:33,218 --> 00:27:36,483
Fuck! How do we get there? We can't
go to the airport. They're looking for us.
511
00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,113
- I'll loan you one of my cars.
- Really?
512
00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:41,887
But first... y'all got to get
in the spirit of the party.
513
00:27:41,926 --> 00:27:45,123
- What do you mean, spirit of...
- What do you think I mean?
514
00:27:45,930 --> 00:27:49,024
- What about you?
- Me? I've been in the spirit.
515
00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:52,098
- Oh, God!
- Oh, my God, dude!
516
00:27:52,137 --> 00:27:53,365
Oh, my God!
517
00:27:53,404 --> 00:27:55,235
- Love your dickdo, Raza.
- Yeah. Drink it in.
518
00:27:55,273 --> 00:27:58,470
- What the fuck?
- That looks like Osama bin Laden's beard.
519
00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,740
I know, right? All right, boys.
520
00:28:00,779 --> 00:28:02,542
Your turn. Let 'em dangle.
521
00:28:04,048 --> 00:28:06,016
- Let's just do it.
- Bring it.
522
00:28:06,050 --> 00:28:08,177
Count of three?
523
00:28:08,219 --> 00:28:09,914
One.
524
00:28:09,954 --> 00:28:11,444
Two, three.
525
00:28:13,792 --> 00:28:16,056
Your cocks are awesome, man!
526
00:28:16,094 --> 00:28:18,426
That's not even necessary.
527
00:28:18,463 --> 00:28:20,590
- Would you please...
- Oh, my dick!
528
00:28:20,632 --> 00:28:22,827
# My dick cost a late-night fee #
529
00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:24,994
# Your dick got the HIV #
530
00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:27,596
# My dick plays on
the double feature screen #
531
00:28:27,639 --> 00:28:29,937
# Your dick went straight to DVD #
532
00:28:29,974 --> 00:28:32,534
# My dick bigger than a bridge #
533
00:28:32,577 --> 00:28:34,875
# Your dick look like a little kid's #
534
00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:37,814
# My dick large like the Chargers,
the whole team #
535
00:28:37,849 --> 00:28:39,612
# Your shit look like you 14 #
536
00:28:39,651 --> 00:28:42,085
# My dick locked in a cage, right #
537
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,247
# Your dick suffer from stage fright #
538
00:28:44,289 --> 00:28:46,917
# My dick so hot it's stolen #
539
00:28:46,958 --> 00:28:49,449
# Your dick look like Gary Coleman #
540
00:28:49,494 --> 00:28:51,985
# My dick pink and big #
541
00:28:52,030 --> 00:28:56,228
- This car is frickin' sweet.
- Yeah, yeah, it's sweet.
542
00:28:56,267 --> 00:28:57,791
'Cause we're fugitives.
543
00:28:57,836 --> 00:29:00,828
Driving a yellow convertible
with the top down, dressed like assholes!
544
00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:03,864
Yo. Yo. Yo, look, he has
one of these things.
545
00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:05,899
- Would you put that down?
- No, you can hook up to the Internet.
546
00:29:05,944 --> 00:29:08,606
You can play Mike Tyson's Punch-Out/
on it. King Hippo's going down.
547
00:29:08,646 --> 00:29:10,511
Put that away. Put that away.
548
00:29:10,548 --> 00:29:14,348
I can't believe you can even think about
playing games at a time like this, man.
549
00:29:14,385 --> 00:29:17,013
You realize what would happen
if our parents found out about this?
550
00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:20,422
You have sent our sons
to Guantànamo Bay?
551
00:29:20,458 --> 00:29:22,619
This is an outrage!
552
00:29:23,328 --> 00:29:26,627
You Arabs think you can just mix in
with our peaceful society...
553
00:29:26,664 --> 00:29:27,824
and we're not gonna find you, huh?
554
00:29:27,866 --> 00:29:30,300
I am not Arab! I am Indian!
555
00:29:30,335 --> 00:29:34,829
Look, Chief. I'm not here to argue
seblantics with you, OK?
556
00:29:34,873 --> 00:29:36,932
I'm here to save lives.
557
00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:40,069
Ask the Lees what they know
about their son's terrorist activity.
558
00:29:49,821 --> 00:29:53,689
Look, we have been American citizens
for over 40 years.
559
00:29:53,725 --> 00:29:57,217
Now, frankly, I find this very offensive.
560
00:29:59,364 --> 00:30:03,767
They're using some sort of dialect
I've never heard before.
561
00:30:03,801 --> 00:30:06,964
But I'm pretty sure he said something
about going on the offensive.
562
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,105
Tell them we know
what their son is up to...
563
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:15,010
and if they don't cooperate,
he could be sentenced to death.
564
00:30:16,614 --> 00:30:18,809
Hit 'em. Yeah.
565
00:30:22,787 --> 00:30:24,721
We know what he said!
566
00:30:24,756 --> 00:30:27,748
Sir, Harold and Kumar are good boys.
567
00:30:31,429 --> 00:30:33,659
I'm a pretty good translator.
568
00:30:33,698 --> 00:30:35,461
It's total gibberish.
569
00:30:37,235 --> 00:30:38,725
They may be trying to stonewall us.
570
00:30:39,604 --> 00:30:41,936
Are you sure you speak Korean, Jack?
571
00:30:41,973 --> 00:30:42,962
You speak Korean?
572
00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:44,804
You're not fucking with Daddy, are you?
573
00:30:44,842 --> 00:30:48,903
Do you have a masters
in romantic Korean literature?
574
00:30:48,947 --> 00:30:50,972
Because I do...
575
00:30:51,015 --> 00:30:52,573
and I'm offended.
576
00:30:53,785 --> 00:30:54,774
Good enough for me.
577
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,847
Look, excuse me...
578
00:30:57,889 --> 00:31:00,255
we're not looking to hurt your sons...
579
00:31:00,291 --> 00:31:02,691
we just wanna know where they are.
580
00:31:02,727 --> 00:31:04,922
Do you know if they know anybody
in Florida?
581
00:31:06,097 --> 00:31:09,430
Their friend Raza Syed lives in Miami.
582
00:31:10,034 --> 00:31:11,501
But why would they be there?
583
00:31:11,536 --> 00:31:13,299
He's supposed to be in medical school.
584
00:31:13,338 --> 00:31:18,503
They are supposed to be in prison!
That is where terrorists belong!
585
00:31:21,145 --> 00:31:23,705
These fuckers are goin' down.
586
00:31:23,748 --> 00:31:25,648
Dead. Or alive.
587
00:31:25,683 --> 00:31:28,982
Tell them that in your fake
ching-chong language.
588
00:31:31,122 --> 00:31:32,487
Shut up! You're an idiot.
589
00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:37,118
I don't know what you're saying, buddy...
590
00:31:37,161 --> 00:31:38,150
but fuck you.
591
00:31:38,196 --> 00:31:39,288
- Fuck me?
- Will you let him talk to you like that?
592
00:31:39,330 --> 00:31:41,525
- Listen, no, sit down.
- Fuck me?
593
00:31:49,507 --> 00:31:51,702
Hey, look, man, we're in Alabama.
594
00:31:52,877 --> 00:31:55,141
Wow, we actually get a first-hand look
at the South, huh?
595
00:31:55,179 --> 00:31:58,740
Hey, this wasn't supposed to be a trip
through the South, OK?
596
00:31:58,783 --> 00:32:01,274
This was supposed to be
the most romantic week of my life.
597
00:32:01,319 --> 00:32:04,015
Remember that? Before you
fucked it up? You remember that?
598
00:32:04,055 --> 00:32:06,250
Just chill, OK?
We'll be out of this situation.
599
00:32:06,290 --> 00:32:09,487
You'll be up in Maria's guts
in no time, all right?
600
00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:13,486
Hey. She's not some skank, man.
601
00:32:13,531 --> 00:32:17,729
I've never felt this way
about anyone before, really.
602
00:32:19,037 --> 00:32:21,369
What the fuck?
Why am I talking to you about this?
603
00:32:21,406 --> 00:32:23,704
It's not like you would understand, so...
604
00:32:34,685 --> 00:32:36,846
# I want to be happy #
605
00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:40,682
# I want to be happy, just like... #
606
00:32:40,725 --> 00:32:44,786
Excuse me, please.
Will you turn that off? This is a library.
607
00:32:47,365 --> 00:32:49,196
What a fucking chode.
608
00:32:49,233 --> 00:32:51,224
Thank you, come again!
609
00:32:57,575 --> 00:32:59,702
- What the fuck?!
- Oh, my God.
610
00:32:59,744 --> 00:33:01,336
You know, the whole reason
people come to the stacks...
611
00:33:01,379 --> 00:33:03,904
is for some peace and...
612
00:33:04,916 --> 00:33:06,474
quiet.
613
00:33:06,517 --> 00:33:09,350
Look, I know, I'm sorry. I hate it
when people disturb me here too.
614
00:33:09,387 --> 00:33:12,515
It's just this fucking calculus final
is killing me.
615
00:33:14,058 --> 00:33:17,960
- Do you mind if I take a look?
- No.
616
00:33:17,995 --> 00:33:22,125
- You're actually very close. May I?
- Yeah.
617
00:33:22,166 --> 00:33:23,963
Excuse me.
618
00:33:28,539 --> 00:33:30,734
I touched your breast.
619
00:33:30,775 --> 00:33:33,243
- It's OK.
- Sorry.
620
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,848
You just go...
621
00:33:39,884 --> 00:33:42,785
Wow. You're good at this.
622
00:33:42,820 --> 00:33:44,082
Thanks.
623
00:33:44,122 --> 00:33:46,818
What did you, like, take calculus
in high school or something?
624
00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:49,850
Actually, my dad taught it to me
in sixth grade.
625
00:33:49,894 --> 00:33:52,419
What, are you like Doogie Howser?
626
00:33:52,463 --> 00:33:55,694
No. Although that would be incredible.
He's my hero.
627
00:33:55,733 --> 00:33:58,224
I love that show.
628
00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:00,864
What are you working on there?
629
00:34:00,905 --> 00:34:03,806
This is just a poem
for my creative writing class.
630
00:34:03,841 --> 00:34:06,173
It's like...
631
00:34:06,210 --> 00:34:08,007
- "The Square Root Of Three"?
- No, no, I'm sorry...
632
00:34:08,045 --> 00:34:10,843
- "A poem of love by Kumar Patel. "
- I need this.
633
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:12,941
- Hey, let me read it.
- No, no.
634
00:34:12,984 --> 00:34:15,214
- Why?
- Because it's lame.
635
00:34:15,253 --> 00:34:16,277
Then read it to me.
636
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:20,313
There's no way I'm letting you see me
in that light. Good luck with your calculus.
637
00:34:21,359 --> 00:34:25,728
Come on, don't be embarrassed. You
know, a lot of girls find intelligence sexy.
638
00:34:25,763 --> 00:34:28,755
Look, I'm not even gonna be
showing this to my professor, all right?
639
00:34:28,799 --> 00:34:30,994
That's why I'm so stressed out
right now.
640
00:34:31,035 --> 00:34:33,265
Stressed out, huh?
641
00:34:33,304 --> 00:34:35,204
Come with me.
642
00:34:36,407 --> 00:34:38,739
...going?
- Come on.
643
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:42,504
What?
644
00:34:47,852 --> 00:34:51,845
You're smoking drugs in the library?
What if somebody catches us?
645
00:34:52,490 --> 00:34:55,118
Don't worry. It'll help you relax.
646
00:34:55,159 --> 00:34:57,627
Oh, boy.
647
00:34:57,662 --> 00:35:00,130
It's illegal.
648
00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:04,897
# I want your fish right by me #
649
00:35:05,503 --> 00:35:08,404
# That's how it has to be #
650
00:35:08,439 --> 00:35:09,633
Here.
651
00:35:09,674 --> 00:35:12,268
#... copacetic if you let it so set up #
652
00:35:12,310 --> 00:35:15,939
# And keep the downstream down
and the upstream up #
653
00:35:17,815 --> 00:35:19,544
This is poison.
654
00:35:19,584 --> 00:35:21,484
# My stoney, my baby #
655
00:35:21,519 --> 00:35:23,180
Let me help you.
656
00:35:23,221 --> 00:35:25,917
# Funk the groovin' thang whistlin' #
657
00:35:25,957 --> 00:35:27,584
# As I rip my rhymes #
658
00:35:27,625 --> 00:35:30,185
# Time and time again struttin'
and in the summertime #
659
00:35:30,228 --> 00:35:32,423
# So screw it,
strip down and be generic #
660
00:35:32,463 --> 00:35:34,897
# Strip down and be a passenger
Strip down and be a messenger #
661
00:35:34,932 --> 00:35:37,560
# In askin' why I'm born
I come up blank in the winter #
662
00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:40,230
# In askin' why I'm born
I come up on when I'm on her #
663
00:35:40,271 --> 00:35:42,466
# It's time to find the kind #
# My summer, his summer #
664
00:35:42,506 --> 00:35:44,098
I'm Kumar.
665
00:35:45,743 --> 00:35:47,040
Vanessa.
666
00:35:47,078 --> 00:35:49,444
You're still not reading that poem.
667
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,439
# And then I kiss my stoney baby #
668
00:35:53,484 --> 00:35:55,782
# My stoney, my stoney #
669
00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:58,118
# My stoney baby #
670
00:35:58,155 --> 00:36:00,715
# My stoney #
671
00:36:00,758 --> 00:36:02,783
# My stoney baby #
672
00:36:03,461 --> 00:36:04,723
Kumar.
673
00:36:05,763 --> 00:36:08,891
# My stoney baby #
674
00:36:08,933 --> 00:36:09,922
Kumar.
675
00:36:09,967 --> 00:36:11,798
Kumar. Kumar.
676
00:36:11,969 --> 00:36:14,170
- Kumar.
- Yeah.
677
00:36:14,205 --> 00:36:17,470
What's going on? We're in Birmingham,
Alabama. Are we supposed to be here?
678
00:36:17,508 --> 00:36:19,669
What's going on?
679
00:36:19,710 --> 00:36:21,837
- Why did you bring us here, dude?
- What do you mean, why did I...
680
00:36:21,879 --> 00:36:25,144
You were supposed to be following the
directions, asshole. What do you mean?
681
00:36:25,182 --> 00:36:27,776
There's got to be like a highway
or something, right?
682
00:36:27,818 --> 00:36:30,116
Yeah, there's got to be a highway.
683
00:36:31,055 --> 00:36:32,920
What's going on up there?
684
00:36:32,957 --> 00:36:34,322
# Squad up #
685
00:36:34,358 --> 00:36:35,985
# My niggas #
686
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:37,927
# I see some pussy-ass niggas,
so what the fuck... #
687
00:36:37,962 --> 00:36:40,430
What the hell is this?
688
00:36:40,464 --> 00:36:41,556
# We knock these niggas out #
689
00:36:41,599 --> 00:36:43,658
# I see some pussy-ass niggas,
so what the fuck you wanna do? #
690
00:36:43,701 --> 00:36:46,363
- I'm turning around.
- Nah, just go through, man.
691
00:36:47,171 --> 00:36:49,071
Dude, we're not driving
through this basketball game.
692
00:36:49,106 --> 00:36:51,734
You know, Roldy, I really thought
you were bigger than this.
693
00:36:51,776 --> 00:36:54,108
Dude, I'm not scared
'cause they're black.
694
00:36:54,145 --> 00:36:55,407
I'm scared because they're scary.
695
00:36:55,446 --> 00:36:57,812
And it's not like we got
Gregory Hines out there.
696
00:36:57,848 --> 00:36:58,837
They're not that scary.
697
00:37:00,584 --> 00:37:03,144
It's my ball!
698
00:37:03,187 --> 00:37:04,654
Turn around.
699
00:37:04,689 --> 00:37:07,658
# Rob this motherfucker,
drop his punk ass in a ditch #
700
00:37:07,692 --> 00:37:10,593
# Drag this pussy nigga,
slap his ass up like a bitch #
701
00:37:10,628 --> 00:37:12,186
# My niggas is my niggas
'cause my niggas... #
702
00:37:12,229 --> 00:37:14,561
- Fuck! It won't move!
- Shit, dude.
703
00:37:14,598 --> 00:37:16,065
# Shoot him dead between his lips #
704
00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:17,192
# I see some pussy... #
705
00:37:18,202 --> 00:37:19,726
- That's not good.
- Now there's no music, man.
706
00:37:19,770 --> 00:37:21,362
Shit, man.
707
00:37:21,405 --> 00:37:24,340
- Motherfucker!
- My Jordans, nigga!
708
00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:26,240
- Shit, this isn't good.
- This is not good. This is not good.
709
00:37:27,578 --> 00:37:29,808
No. No. No.
710
00:37:29,847 --> 00:37:31,371
They're coming over here.
711
00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:36,349
- Fucking shit. Why did you do that?
- Yeah, I hit a fire hydrant on purpose.
712
00:37:37,355 --> 00:37:39,755
They're getting weapons, man.
713
00:37:39,790 --> 00:37:41,223
All right, what do we do?
What do we do?
714
00:37:41,258 --> 00:37:43,556
Run, run, run. Run, run.
715
00:37:48,966 --> 00:37:51,730
Yo. Yo.
716
00:37:52,636 --> 00:37:55,537
- Where y'all going? Damn!
- We was just trying to help.
717
00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:59,737
Man, somebody call the police.
We need to report this.
718
00:38:13,958 --> 00:38:18,452
- Yeah, that's right. You like the ride?
- Fuck you, man.
719
00:38:18,496 --> 00:38:23,126
They abandoned it last night.
It's registered to a Raza Syed.
720
00:38:23,167 --> 00:38:25,658
The witnesses' description
of the driver and passenger...
721
00:38:25,703 --> 00:38:28,536
match that of Lee and Patel.
722
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:33,901
We tried bringing in Syed last night,
but he's already left the country.
723
00:38:35,079 --> 00:38:37,980
Well, they know we're closing in on 'em,
that's why.
724
00:38:38,015 --> 00:38:40,609
OK. No, I'll give you a call. All right.
725
00:38:42,353 --> 00:38:44,446
No, no, no, no!
726
00:38:44,488 --> 00:38:45,819
- Holy shit!
- Easy, easy!
727
00:38:45,856 --> 00:38:47,653
- Easy.
- Easy!
728
00:38:47,691 --> 00:38:49,420
This is our witness.
729
00:38:49,460 --> 00:38:51,325
Put it down! Yo, put it down!
730
00:38:51,362 --> 00:38:52,488
You all know I got one!
731
00:38:52,530 --> 00:38:54,191
I got one too!
732
00:38:56,534 --> 00:39:00,766
So, you saw the fugitives, huh?
733
00:39:00,805 --> 00:39:03,365
Yeah. It was like
I was telling the Sheriff...
734
00:39:03,407 --> 00:39:07,343
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do I know you're telling the truth?
735
00:39:07,378 --> 00:39:09,243
I don't have a reason
to lie to you, man.
736
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:10,645
Really?
737
00:39:10,681 --> 00:39:13,479
- Get up in your face, man.
- We'll see.
738
00:39:13,517 --> 00:39:15,348
That ain't right.
739
00:39:15,386 --> 00:39:17,320
Where's he going?
740
00:39:19,056 --> 00:39:20,751
What's going on?
741
00:39:24,495 --> 00:39:25,484
Hell no!
742
00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,861
Now why don't you tell me
what really happened?
743
00:39:27,898 --> 00:39:29,763
Is that grape soda?
744
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:31,665
What the fuck, yo?
745
00:39:34,572 --> 00:39:36,767
- All right.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on!
746
00:39:36,807 --> 00:39:38,240
This is so ignorant.
747
00:39:38,275 --> 00:39:40,266
- Really?
- Yes.
748
00:39:40,311 --> 00:39:42,279
Is this ignorant?
749
00:39:42,313 --> 00:39:44,804
Yo, that's racist, man. That's racist.
750
00:39:44,849 --> 00:39:46,976
Hey, Jon, are you gonna let him do that?
751
00:39:47,751 --> 00:39:50,049
See if he got Kool-Aid.
752
00:39:50,087 --> 00:39:51,987
Almost gone, witness.
753
00:39:52,022 --> 00:39:53,956
Sure there's not something
you wanna tell me?
754
00:39:53,991 --> 00:39:55,891
I'm not stoppin' until you crack!
755
00:39:55,926 --> 00:39:57,018
I already told you
that they took off runnin'!
756
00:39:57,061 --> 00:39:58,392
All right, all right, all right.
757
00:39:58,429 --> 00:40:01,125
This isn't necessary!
Mr. White is telling you the truth!
758
00:40:01,165 --> 00:40:03,725
Yeah, and how can you be
so sure, Beecher?
759
00:40:03,767 --> 00:40:07,203
'Cause he doesn't have a police record.
He's an orthodontist, for Christ's sake.
760
00:40:09,273 --> 00:40:13,539
OK, then, Beech. How do you
propose we find the terrorists, huh?
761
00:40:14,378 --> 00:40:17,245
There was a Nokia 7710
taken from the console.
762
00:40:17,281 --> 00:40:18,543
We have its tracking numbers.
763
00:40:18,582 --> 00:40:21,710
Our satellites are running a trace on it,
as we speak.
764
00:40:21,752 --> 00:40:23,811
I'm serious about that Kool-Aid.
765
00:40:23,854 --> 00:40:25,082
What's going on? Where are you?
766
00:40:25,122 --> 00:40:26,521
Dude, that is a fucking long story.
767
00:40:26,557 --> 00:40:29,549
We're actually in Alabama right now,
heading to Texas.
768
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:33,188
What is that sound? Are you jerking off
again? What are you doing?
769
00:40:33,230 --> 00:40:35,528
I'm taking a glorious pee-pee.
770
00:40:35,566 --> 00:40:37,625
Hey, listen, you're not gonna believe this...
771
00:40:37,668 --> 00:40:40,296
but the other night,
I ended up at that Asian party...
772
00:40:40,337 --> 00:40:42,897
and I schtupped Cindy Kim.
773
00:40:42,940 --> 00:40:44,908
Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?
774
00:40:44,942 --> 00:40:47,069
Yeah, man,
she even gave me a blumpkin.
775
00:40:47,111 --> 00:40:48,373
What is a blumpkin?
776
00:40:48,412 --> 00:40:51,506
It's when a girl gives you head while
you're sitting on the toilet takin' a shit.
777
00:40:51,549 --> 00:40:53,176
Really?
778
00:40:53,217 --> 00:40:55,777
- Hello?
- Hey. Hey! What are you doing?
779
00:40:55,819 --> 00:40:58,344
Hello? Come, come?
780
00:41:00,124 --> 00:41:01,557
Did you go?
781
00:41:01,592 --> 00:41:03,059
Yeah, I'm done.
782
00:41:03,093 --> 00:41:06,028
You said to me we were gonna
cross swords. You promised.
783
00:41:06,063 --> 00:41:07,860
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
784
00:41:08,899 --> 00:41:12,528
Are you talking on a cellphone
when the government is looking for us?
785
00:41:12,570 --> 00:41:15,061
Dude, it was just Goldstein.
I had something important to tell him.
786
00:41:15,105 --> 00:41:16,868
It's 'cause you had something...
That's good, that's OK.
787
00:41:16,907 --> 00:41:22,470
Nothing is more important
than finding a way to get to Texas.
788
00:41:22,513 --> 00:41:23,502
- Do you get it?
- Yes.
789
00:41:23,547 --> 00:41:27,950
We've been walking an entire day
and we have not seen a street sign.
790
00:41:27,985 --> 00:41:29,111
Do you get it?
791
00:41:29,153 --> 00:41:32,418
- Can I say...
- Again. This is... I can't.
792
00:41:32,456 --> 00:41:33,650
Dude, honestly...
793
00:41:33,691 --> 00:41:37,058
you've got to be a little more positive
about these things, all right?
794
00:41:37,094 --> 00:41:40,359
- Yeah?
- Positive about what? I don't...
795
00:41:40,397 --> 00:41:43,798
First of all, look at this beautiful
Alabama landscape, OK?
796
00:41:43,834 --> 00:41:46,928
You don't get shit like this in New Jersey.
797
00:41:47,771 --> 00:41:49,170
God, you...
798
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:50,706
Hey, look, dude.
799
00:41:50,741 --> 00:41:52,641
It's a baby deer.
800
00:41:53,444 --> 00:41:57,005
- Wow. Man.
- Shit.
801
00:41:59,650 --> 00:42:02,483
Hey. Hey.
802
00:42:02,519 --> 00:42:05,977
Look how cute this deer is, dude. Not
like those asshole deer in New Jersey.
803
00:42:06,023 --> 00:42:07,513
I know, man.
804
00:42:07,558 --> 00:42:10,083
- Hey, buddy.
- Dude, Alabama's awesome.
805
00:42:10,127 --> 00:42:11,924
He likes you.
806
00:42:12,796 --> 00:42:15,424
- Oh, my God!
- No!
807
00:42:18,435 --> 00:42:21,370
Sorry about that. I was in my zone.
808
00:42:24,541 --> 00:42:28,204
What the hell are y'all doing out here
in them fancy clothes?
809
00:42:28,245 --> 00:42:30,770
We were on our way to Texas
and we got lost.
810
00:42:30,814 --> 00:42:32,304
Texas?
811
00:42:33,417 --> 00:42:35,578
You're a long way from Texas.
812
00:42:35,919 --> 00:42:36,943
No!
813
00:42:40,624 --> 00:42:43,286
Born in '04.
814
00:42:43,327 --> 00:42:44,988
Get in here.
815
00:42:48,298 --> 00:42:51,392
Yeah. The sun's about to go down.
816
00:42:51,435 --> 00:42:55,235
- Y'all need a place to stay? Ya hungry?
- Yeah, sure.
817
00:42:55,272 --> 00:42:57,331
You want to follow me?
818
00:42:58,242 --> 00:42:59,834
Come on.
819
00:43:00,844 --> 00:43:02,835
Maybe we shouldn't.
820
00:43:03,514 --> 00:43:06,244
It's already dead.
You need a hand, dude?
821
00:43:06,884 --> 00:43:09,478
My grandpappy
bought this land in 1902.
822
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,988
Very nice, sir.
823
00:43:12,022 --> 00:43:14,252
This place is gonna suck.
824
00:43:18,328 --> 00:43:20,956
Honey, I'm home.
825
00:43:20,998 --> 00:43:22,431
# E verào #
826
00:43:24,201 --> 00:43:27,432
# Atencào #
827
00:43:27,471 --> 00:43:28,836
I'm in here.
828
00:43:32,242 --> 00:43:35,143
I wish you'd-a told me
you was bringing guests home.
829
00:43:35,179 --> 00:43:37,044
I'da straightened up in here.
830
00:43:37,081 --> 00:43:39,174
Fellas, this is my wife Raylene.
831
00:43:39,216 --> 00:43:41,844
Raylene, meet Harold and Kumar.
832
00:43:41,885 --> 00:43:43,352
Hello.
833
00:43:43,387 --> 00:43:47,653
Can't shake.
I've just got... deer head all over me.
834
00:43:47,691 --> 00:43:49,989
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you boys.
835
00:43:50,027 --> 00:43:52,518
- You just make yourselves at home.
- Thank you.
836
00:43:52,563 --> 00:43:54,121
Honey, something's wrong
with that DSL.
837
00:43:54,164 --> 00:43:57,224
Every time I go on the online,
it says, "Searching for server. "
838
00:43:57,267 --> 00:43:59,132
You try unplugging the AirPort base?
839
00:43:59,169 --> 00:44:01,296
Yeah, I done did that but it didn't work.
840
00:44:01,338 --> 00:44:02,862
What you need to go online fors,
anyways?
841
00:44:02,906 --> 00:44:06,034
I was gonna get one of them
new portable satellite radios.
842
00:44:06,076 --> 00:44:08,704
What the fuck
you need a satellite radio for?
843
00:44:08,746 --> 00:44:11,044
Don't you be cussin'
when we got company over.
844
00:44:11,081 --> 00:44:12,207
- Guys.
- Please don't worry about us.
845
00:44:12,249 --> 00:44:13,546
We cuss all the time.
846
00:44:13,584 --> 00:44:14,915
Who do you think you is, hitting me?
847
00:44:14,952 --> 00:44:17,079
Who do you think bought you
that Prada bag?
848
00:44:17,121 --> 00:44:18,986
I told you I wanted a Gucci one.
849
00:44:19,022 --> 00:44:20,284
The Gucci bag cost more!
850
00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:22,622
Well, Jan Sapperstein's husband
sure could afford it.
851
00:44:22,659 --> 00:44:24,820
Here we go again with Jan Sapperstein.
852
00:44:24,862 --> 00:44:27,126
I don't give a rat's ass what that bitch got.
853
00:44:27,164 --> 00:44:28,426
You be happy with what you have.
854
00:44:28,465 --> 00:44:31,127
What I have is a husband
who ain't worth a turd!
855
00:44:31,168 --> 00:44:32,533
You wanna give me shit now?
856
00:44:32,569 --> 00:44:34,628
- That's right!
- After everything I let you buy!
857
00:44:34,671 --> 00:44:36,070
Even look at the credit card bills?
858
00:44:36,106 --> 00:44:38,802
...you buy?! Do you think we need
another set of golf balls?
859
00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:41,777
- Even worse is the credit card miles.
- Stinky, smelly, motherf...
860
00:44:41,812 --> 00:44:43,609
Guys, we're just gonna get out of here.
861
00:44:43,647 --> 00:44:47,344
Nonsense. Don't be silly.
You're our guests.
862
00:44:47,384 --> 00:44:49,852
You guys have got to stay for supper.
863
00:44:49,887 --> 00:44:51,479
- No, we couldn't. That's...
- No, thank you. We really couldn't...
864
00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:55,925
Of course, we're gonna
have to get high first.
865
00:45:19,149 --> 00:45:21,140
We're close.
866
00:45:28,358 --> 00:45:30,986
This is news to me.
I never knew farmers smoked weed.
867
00:45:31,028 --> 00:45:34,486
You ever tried farmin' not high?
It's borin' as shit.
868
00:45:34,531 --> 00:45:36,522
You know, this is great, guys.
869
00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:38,660
I kind of always,
you know, sort of assumed...
870
00:45:38,702 --> 00:45:42,069
that people from the South
were kinda...
871
00:45:42,105 --> 00:45:44,005
A bunch of dumb rednecks?
872
00:45:44,041 --> 00:45:46,669
- No.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not...
873
00:45:46,710 --> 00:45:50,646
We do try to keep our inbred son in
the basement when we have company.
874
00:45:50,681 --> 00:45:53,013
Guys, I didn't mean it like that. I was just...
875
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:58,985
Look at their faces!
876
00:46:04,328 --> 00:46:05,317
Fuck, fuck!
877
00:46:05,362 --> 00:46:07,023
Shit, they found us.
They found us. They found us.
878
00:46:07,064 --> 00:46:08,656
- What do you mean, they found you?
- Listen, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.
879
00:46:08,699 --> 00:46:10,690
Are you boys in some kind of trouble?
880
00:46:10,734 --> 00:46:13,567
All right. This is gonna sound crazy,
but, basically...
881
00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:14,866
we were on a plane to Amsterdam...
882
00:46:14,905 --> 00:46:17,567
and we got mistaken for terrorists
and we got sent to Guantànamo Bay...
883
00:46:17,608 --> 00:46:19,735
and then we escaped and snuck
into America with a bunch of Cubans...
884
00:46:19,776 --> 00:46:20,800
and now we're trying to get to Texas...
885
00:46:20,844 --> 00:46:21,833
where there's a guy
who can help us out...
886
00:46:21,879 --> 00:46:23,779
and he's getting married
to Kumar's ex-girlfriend.
887
00:46:23,814 --> 00:46:25,543
Yes.
888
00:46:26,416 --> 00:46:29,112
OK. That's cool.
889
00:46:29,152 --> 00:46:31,586
- I understand that.
- You do?
890
00:46:31,622 --> 00:46:35,854
Like the government's never screwed
us over before. You know what?
891
00:46:35,893 --> 00:46:37,952
Y'all come down here and hide
in the basement. I will handle this.
892
00:46:37,995 --> 00:46:39,428
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, both.
893
00:46:39,463 --> 00:46:41,431
Thank you, thank you.
894
00:46:50,807 --> 00:46:53,742
OK. This isn't creepy.
895
00:46:57,281 --> 00:46:58,714
What the hell is that?
896
00:47:00,617 --> 00:47:03,313
You're walking
towards the creepy music?
897
00:47:03,887 --> 00:47:05,149
Ge...
898
00:47:05,188 --> 00:47:06,746
This song rocks, dude.
899
00:47:13,530 --> 00:47:14,519
Kumar.
900
00:47:21,071 --> 00:47:23,801
Hey, dude, there's a lighter here
with a clown on it.
901
00:47:25,275 --> 00:47:26,799
Jesus Christ, there's a fucking monster!
902
00:47:27,577 --> 00:47:28,635
God!
903
00:47:39,723 --> 00:47:42,886
Hey, you don't happen to have
a Baby Ruth on you, do you?
904
00:47:42,926 --> 00:47:45,486
No. Why do you need a Baby Ruth?
905
00:47:45,529 --> 00:47:48,464
That's how Chunk won over Sloth
in The Goonies.
906
00:47:48,498 --> 00:47:50,432
This thing looks like Sloth?
907
00:47:50,467 --> 00:47:52,628
All I saw was the creature's hand.
908
00:47:52,669 --> 00:47:54,364
The hand looks like Sloth?
909
00:47:54,404 --> 00:47:58,534
The fucking hand of an evil monster,
dude. Like fucking claws and shit.
910
00:47:58,575 --> 00:48:00,372
Shit.
911
00:48:00,410 --> 00:48:04,779
Listen, no matter what, don't let
the creature know that it's ugly, OK?
912
00:48:04,815 --> 00:48:07,716
The last thing that we want to do
is criticize it or make it feel different...
913
00:48:07,751 --> 00:48:10,481
just because it was born
with horrible deformities.
914
00:48:21,031 --> 00:48:24,262
Don't worry. I got rid of 'em.
It was just my neighbors.
915
00:48:24,301 --> 00:48:25,325
- There's a fricking Cyclops...
- No, you got...
916
00:48:25,369 --> 00:48:27,428
...in your basement, man!
... a fucking thing, dude!
917
00:48:27,471 --> 00:48:28,665
You met Cyrus.
918
00:48:28,705 --> 00:48:29,899
- Cyrus.
- You named it?
919
00:48:29,940 --> 00:48:31,168
Our son.
920
00:48:31,208 --> 00:48:34,143
You must have woke him up. He was
supposed to be asleep. I'm sorry.
921
00:48:34,177 --> 00:48:35,769
I thought you were joking...
922
00:48:35,812 --> 00:48:38,337
when you said you had an inbred son
who lives in your basement.
923
00:48:38,382 --> 00:48:40,009
Well, it ain't a joke.
924
00:48:40,050 --> 00:48:43,349
Raylene and I here are siblings,
and we get it on.
925
00:48:43,387 --> 00:48:45,685
But that don't mean
we ought to be judged.
926
00:48:45,722 --> 00:48:48,486
You boys must be awful tired
after what you've been through.
927
00:48:48,525 --> 00:48:49,958
Come with me,
I'll show you to your bed.
928
00:48:49,993 --> 00:48:52,018
You better go back to sleep, boy!
929
00:48:52,062 --> 00:48:55,054
Don't make me come down there
and whip your Cyclops ass!
930
00:48:57,367 --> 00:48:59,028
It's tough love.
931
00:48:59,069 --> 00:49:01,060
It's the best way.
932
00:49:18,855 --> 00:49:21,915
I don't know what I was thinking
dating that douchebag Colton.
933
00:49:21,958 --> 00:49:25,257
He is a douchebag.
What were you thinking?
934
00:49:25,295 --> 00:49:28,992
But it was agony pretending
his puny, little penis satisfied me.
935
00:49:29,032 --> 00:49:33,594
I bet. I bet you've been missing
the thundercock too, haven't you, baby?
936
00:49:33,637 --> 00:49:35,901
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
937
00:49:35,939 --> 00:49:37,566
Yeah, you've been missing it?
938
00:49:37,607 --> 00:49:38,733
How much?
939
00:49:38,775 --> 00:49:41,676
- A lot.
- I bet.
940
00:49:42,679 --> 00:49:44,476
Well...
941
00:49:44,514 --> 00:49:48,143
- I kind of have this fantasy.
- What is it?
942
00:49:48,185 --> 00:49:52,246
I thought it'd be kinda cool
to bring somebody else in bed with us.
943
00:49:53,457 --> 00:49:55,322
Who?
944
00:49:55,358 --> 00:49:57,087
Hey, baby.
945
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:05,028
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
946
00:50:05,068 --> 00:50:07,866
- Yeah.
- She's hot, right?
947
00:50:07,904 --> 00:50:08,928
Let's do it.
948
00:50:08,972 --> 00:50:11,463
# There's something #
# About that woman #
949
00:50:11,508 --> 00:50:14,909
# She's got something
you can't live without #
950
00:50:14,945 --> 00:50:17,709
# Makes your heart sing #
951
00:50:17,747 --> 00:50:19,339
Faster, Weedy.
952
00:50:19,382 --> 00:50:21,441
# Something about that woman #
953
00:50:21,485 --> 00:50:24,943
# If you're in doubt
then you are missing out #
954
00:50:24,988 --> 00:50:27,479
# On a good thing #
955
00:50:28,492 --> 00:50:30,756
# I got to give it up #
956
00:50:30,794 --> 00:50:33,524
Teeth, teeth, Weedy, teeth.
957
00:50:35,966 --> 00:50:37,661
- Weedy!
- Yeah?
958
00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:40,568
- Yeah!
- You like that?
959
00:50:49,079 --> 00:50:50,910
Putting it in the ass now, Weedy.
960
00:50:53,917 --> 00:50:54,941
Yeah, how about that?
961
00:50:54,985 --> 00:50:57,044
# Something about that woman #
962
00:50:57,087 --> 00:51:00,523
# She's got something
you can't live without #
963
00:51:00,557 --> 00:51:02,525
# Makes your heart sing #
964
00:51:04,261 --> 00:51:06,991
# It's just something about that woman #
965
00:51:07,030 --> 00:51:10,693
# If you're in doubt
then you are missing out #
966
00:51:10,734 --> 00:51:13,294
# On a good thing #
967
00:51:14,070 --> 00:51:15,833
# I got to give it up #
968
00:51:21,811 --> 00:51:23,073
Wow.
969
00:51:28,084 --> 00:51:29,483
Dude.
970
00:51:30,420 --> 00:51:32,581
I just had the most
fucked-up nightmare.
971
00:51:32,622 --> 00:51:36,683
Come on, man.
I was having a really hot dream.
972
00:51:36,726 --> 00:51:39,388
Go back to bed, please, dude.
973
00:52:11,261 --> 00:52:13,964
Why did we have to leave?
Their Goonies child was kind of cute.
974
00:52:13,999 --> 00:52:16,489
I don't care. It tried to fucking bite me.
975
00:52:16,533 --> 00:52:18,626
Jesus, every time the two of us
try to get anywhere...
976
00:52:18,668 --> 00:52:21,364
it's fucking disaster
after fucking disaster.
977
00:52:21,404 --> 00:52:23,167
Jesus, dude.
Here, you really need a hit of this.
978
00:52:23,206 --> 00:52:25,800
Dude, I don't want a fucking hit!
979
00:52:25,842 --> 00:52:28,140
It's your solution to everything,
you know that?
980
00:52:28,178 --> 00:52:31,147
Think about it.
We should be at Colton's already.
981
00:52:31,181 --> 00:52:34,446
Hey, chill, we still have two days
to fuck up the wedding.
982
00:52:34,484 --> 00:52:36,543
- What?
- What?
983
00:52:37,053 --> 00:52:38,645
- What?
- What?
984
00:52:39,089 --> 00:52:43,423
That's what this is all about, isn't it?
You want to fuck up the wedding.
985
00:52:43,460 --> 00:52:46,793
It's not fucking funny, Kumar.
It's not fucking funny!
986
00:52:47,230 --> 00:52:49,323
Colton is the only guy
that can help us out at this point.
987
00:52:49,366 --> 00:52:51,994
I can't believe... I cannot believe
you're willing to fuck that up!
988
00:52:52,035 --> 00:52:53,935
I just hate that fucking asshole, OK?
989
00:52:53,970 --> 00:52:56,734
Yeah? I like him better
than I like you right now.
990
00:52:56,773 --> 00:52:58,968
- Really?
- Yeah.
991
00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:01,000
You know what he got me? A job.
992
00:53:01,044 --> 00:53:04,980
You know what you got me?
Thrown into Guantànamo Bay.
993
00:53:05,015 --> 00:53:06,710
- Your job sucks.
- Admit it.
994
00:53:06,750 --> 00:53:09,583
You're jealous because Vanessa
found somebody better than you.
995
00:53:09,619 --> 00:53:11,177
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?
996
00:53:11,221 --> 00:53:13,815
Better than you! Let me think.
997
00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:17,349
Potential future president,
or unemployed pothead?
998
00:53:17,394 --> 00:53:19,919
Tough. That's tough.
That's a tough one for her, isn't it?
999
00:53:19,963 --> 00:53:22,261
Yeah, well at least
Vanessa's not in Amsterdam...
1000
00:53:22,299 --> 00:53:24,130
getting plowed
by a bunch of European dudes.
1001
00:53:25,302 --> 00:53:26,769
- What?
- Do you really think Maria's...
1002
00:53:26,803 --> 00:53:28,270
saving herself for you, dude?
1003
00:53:28,305 --> 00:53:30,239
Right now, she's probably got
two uncircumcised dicks...
1004
00:53:30,273 --> 00:53:31,365
dangling in front of her throat.
1005
00:53:31,408 --> 00:53:34,866
You know what she's gonna do with them?
Down 'em into her tonsils?
1006
00:53:39,249 --> 00:53:41,342
Fucking dick.
1007
00:53:44,654 --> 00:53:47,020
- That's my hat.
- That was my hat, bro.
1008
00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:51,053
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria.
1009
00:53:51,461 --> 00:53:52,951
Asshole!
1010
00:53:52,996 --> 00:53:55,829
Don't you dare say a fucking word
about my angel!
1011
00:53:58,301 --> 00:54:00,132
What the fuck was that?
1012
00:54:00,170 --> 00:54:02,229
Get up. Get up!
1013
00:54:02,272 --> 00:54:04,240
Fuck you.
1014
00:54:13,450 --> 00:54:15,042
Shit.
1015
00:54:18,588 --> 00:54:21,523
Isn't that a KKK bonfire?
1016
00:54:21,558 --> 00:54:22,718
Yeah.
1017
00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:25,994
Yeah, I think it is.
1018
00:54:26,796 --> 00:54:28,991
Maybe we should
get the fuck out of here.
1019
00:54:29,032 --> 00:54:31,057
Yeah. Yeah, dude.
1020
00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:33,433
Let's do that.
1021
00:54:36,406 --> 00:54:39,239
The other day, caught a rerun
of that show Becker.
1022
00:54:39,275 --> 00:54:40,708
You know that show?
1023
00:54:40,744 --> 00:54:44,180
Yeah, that's the one
with that Jew, Ted Danson.
1024
00:54:44,214 --> 00:54:47,650
That blond negro they got on there,
he had me in stitches.
1025
00:54:47,684 --> 00:54:49,242
He's actually pretty funny.
1026
00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:51,515
Really? You think so?
1027
00:54:51,554 --> 00:54:54,352
I'm not saying I wouldn't
lynch the guy, but...
1028
00:54:54,391 --> 00:54:57,189
his timing, it's priceless.
1029
00:54:57,927 --> 00:55:00,225
Hold up a second.
1030
00:55:00,263 --> 00:55:02,925
I gotta go drain the main vein.
1031
00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:22,111
I'll tell ya, Travis...
1032
00:55:22,152 --> 00:55:24,518
when it comes to feeling good...
1033
00:55:24,554 --> 00:55:27,580
I'd rate pissin' right up there
with comin' and shittin'.
1034
00:55:29,626 --> 00:55:31,184
I like to do all three.
1035
00:55:31,227 --> 00:55:32,455
Yeah, I hear ya.
1036
00:55:34,664 --> 00:55:37,758
Kenny, come on, man.
Hurry the fuck up.
1037
00:55:38,701 --> 00:55:42,102
You were the one who made me
drink that third beer.
1038
00:55:42,138 --> 00:55:44,572
Hold your horses, peckerwood.
1039
00:55:45,442 --> 00:55:47,842
Gross! You fucking pissed on me!
1040
00:55:47,877 --> 00:55:50,175
- You racist fuck!
- What the heck?
1041
00:55:56,953 --> 00:55:58,978
What the nigger was that?
1042
00:56:01,024 --> 00:56:03,618
This is fucked. We are fucked.
1043
00:56:03,660 --> 00:56:05,560
Kenny. Travis.
1044
00:56:07,096 --> 00:56:09,758
What in the tarnation you guys doin'?
1045
00:56:09,799 --> 00:56:11,960
Good, you brought the keg.
Lug that thing over.
1046
00:56:12,001 --> 00:56:13,366
- Let's go! Come on!
- Come on!
1047
00:56:13,403 --> 00:56:15,667
Let's go, come on!
1048
00:56:26,983 --> 00:56:29,713
Yeah, then you put little onions on 'em
and you steam 'em, they're awesome.
1049
00:56:29,752 --> 00:56:33,347
Roldy, dude, I'd never thought
I'd say this in a million years...
1050
00:56:33,389 --> 00:56:34,981
but the Klan really knows how to party.
1051
00:56:35,024 --> 00:56:36,855
You gotta try these dogs.
1052
00:56:36,893 --> 00:56:37,882
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
1053
00:56:37,927 --> 00:56:40,623
Really know how to...
the Klan knows how to party?
1054
00:56:40,663 --> 00:56:42,688
- Dude, we've got to get out of here!
- Jeez, all right, dude, relax.
1055
00:56:42,732 --> 00:56:46,190
All right, y'all! Come on over here
and we'll sit around the campfire.
1056
00:56:46,236 --> 00:56:48,704
- Shit, what do we do?
- Let's go sit down.
1057
00:56:48,738 --> 00:56:49,966
Rufus. Next to them marshmallows...
1058
00:56:50,006 --> 00:56:52,236
- and the graham crackers.
- Everybody sit down.
1059
00:56:52,275 --> 00:56:54,800
Best s'mores we've had in a long time...
1060
00:56:54,844 --> 00:56:57,039
that's what I'm talking about,
that's what I'm talking about.
1061
00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:00,811
Now. Now I want
each one of y'all to tell me...
1062
00:57:00,850 --> 00:57:03,478
somethin'... Porch monkey, kike!
1063
00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:06,421
...that you did
to a minority this week. Yeah.
1064
00:57:06,456 --> 00:57:08,549
I tripped a beaner while I was
walking down the stairs...
1065
00:57:08,591 --> 00:57:10,821
at the Wal-Mart the other day.
1066
00:57:11,928 --> 00:57:13,691
Guy crashed into a bunch of wine bottles.
1067
00:57:14,430 --> 00:57:16,557
They made him pay for 'em! Yeah!
1068
00:57:19,302 --> 00:57:21,099
All right, all right, let's all calm down.
1069
00:57:21,137 --> 00:57:24,163
White power here, white power here,
white power here.
1070
00:57:25,141 --> 00:57:27,006
Giving him what he deserves.
1071
00:57:27,043 --> 00:57:28,340
Hebe!
1072
00:57:30,346 --> 00:57:32,837
All right, I'm back. Next.
1073
00:57:32,882 --> 00:57:35,009
It better be good. Here.
1074
00:57:39,155 --> 00:57:41,419
Come on, dude, say something.
1075
00:57:43,826 --> 00:57:45,623
You know what?
1076
00:57:47,297 --> 00:57:49,288
I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.
1077
00:57:49,332 --> 00:57:50,356
That's funny!
1078
00:57:52,035 --> 00:57:54,367
Yeah, send them Indians back to Africa.
1079
00:57:54,437 --> 00:57:58,533
Well, you want to hear something real
fucked-up and awesome that I did?
1080
00:57:58,575 --> 00:58:03,308
I took a Korean guy's toothbrush
and I rubbed it all over my dick.
1081
00:58:03,346 --> 00:58:07,282
- You did that?
- Well, that's just downright disgustin'.
1082
00:58:07,317 --> 00:58:09,080
- But I like it!
- Yeah!
1083
00:58:10,253 --> 00:58:12,551
Yeah, I love bein' white.
1084
00:58:13,790 --> 00:58:16,725
- What the...
- Look what we got us here, brothers.
1085
00:58:20,096 --> 00:58:22,291
Mexicans!
1086
00:58:22,332 --> 00:58:24,994
Lynch 'em!
1087
00:58:25,034 --> 00:58:26,296
Come on, come on! Come on!
1088
00:58:29,072 --> 00:58:32,235
Come on, boys, let's chase them
back to the border!
1089
00:58:33,676 --> 00:58:34,665
Pussy fart!
1090
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:39,914
Holy shit!
1091
00:58:39,949 --> 00:58:41,883
Should we put it out or what?
1092
00:58:44,187 --> 00:58:46,052
Are they still behind us?
1093
00:58:46,089 --> 00:58:49,081
I don't think so.
Dude, the Klan is fucking slow.
1094
00:58:51,828 --> 00:58:54,228
Hey, flag down this car.
1095
00:58:54,263 --> 00:58:56,959
Help! Help! Help!
1096
00:58:58,468 --> 00:59:00,834
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1097
00:59:02,171 --> 00:59:03,399
# Yeah #
1098
00:59:03,439 --> 00:59:04,906
Thanks for stopping.
1099
00:59:04,941 --> 00:59:05,930
# You better check yo self #
1100
00:59:05,975 --> 00:59:07,237
No problem.
1101
00:59:07,276 --> 00:59:09,005
# 'Cause I'm bad for your health,
I come real stealth #
1102
00:59:09,045 --> 00:59:10,535
Neil?
1103
00:59:10,580 --> 00:59:13,105
Gary and Kumar!
1104
00:59:13,149 --> 00:59:14,207
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1105
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:15,239
Harold. Harold.
1106
00:59:15,284 --> 00:59:16,774
Sorry, man. I forgot.
1107
00:59:18,988 --> 00:59:21,115
What are you doing here, man?
1108
00:59:21,157 --> 00:59:24,615
This is where God took me.
What are you guys doing out here?
1109
00:59:24,661 --> 00:59:27,152
We're actually trying to get to Texas.
1110
00:59:27,196 --> 00:59:28,561
That's where I'm headed!
1111
00:59:30,099 --> 00:59:31,088
What are the odds?
1112
00:59:32,001 --> 00:59:32,990
Let's get out of here.
1113
00:59:33,036 --> 00:59:34,594
- All right.
- Thank you.
1114
00:59:35,271 --> 00:59:36,260
Shrooms?
1115
00:59:36,305 --> 00:59:38,603
- No. Thanks, though.
- No, thank you.
1116
00:59:38,641 --> 00:59:40,472
Suit yourself.
1117
00:59:45,148 --> 00:59:47,173
Gentlemen, start your engines.
1118
00:59:47,984 --> 00:59:50,316
It's gonna be a bumpy fuckin' ride.
1119
00:59:50,353 --> 00:59:52,253
# 'Cause shotgun bullets
are bad for your health #
1120
00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:59,628
We found their phone.
1121
01:00:00,496 --> 01:00:03,124
Lee and Patel made a phone call to you.
1122
01:00:05,001 --> 01:00:07,196
Now tell us everything you know
about their terrorist plot.
1123
01:00:07,236 --> 01:00:10,262
Terrorist plot? Rold and Kumar?
1124
01:00:10,306 --> 01:00:12,536
This is ridiculous.
1125
01:00:12,575 --> 01:00:15,135
OK, fine. Fine.
1126
01:00:15,178 --> 01:00:17,738
Mr. Rosenberg.
1127
01:00:17,780 --> 01:00:20,613
Mr. Gold-stein.
1128
01:00:21,551 --> 01:00:23,644
We'll do it your way.
1129
01:00:27,490 --> 01:00:30,721
What's this? What do we have here?
1130
01:00:57,620 --> 01:00:59,315
It's about seven dollars?
1131
01:00:59,355 --> 01:01:01,016
Look, don't insult us, all right?
1132
01:01:01,057 --> 01:01:02,524
I don't know
what the hell is going on here...
1133
01:01:02,558 --> 01:01:05,288
but I'm pleading the Fifth
until I speak to my lawyer.
1134
01:01:05,328 --> 01:01:07,592
You're pleading the Fifth, huh?
1135
01:01:08,731 --> 01:01:10,699
Beecher, give me a copy
of the Bill of Rights.
1136
01:01:10,733 --> 01:01:12,257
The Bill of Rights? Why?
1137
01:01:12,301 --> 01:01:14,360
Just do it!
1138
01:01:14,403 --> 01:01:16,337
Excuse me.
1139
01:01:18,574 --> 01:01:19,563
Five, right?
1140
01:01:19,609 --> 01:01:20,906
- Five alive.
- Sure.
1141
01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:23,503
OK. OK. Good.
1142
01:01:25,915 --> 01:01:29,282
You wanna know what I think
about the Fifth Amendment?
1143
01:01:36,793 --> 01:01:38,226
There it is.
1144
01:01:44,901 --> 01:01:47,734
That's what I think
of the Fifth Amendment.
1145
01:01:50,673 --> 01:01:53,369
Why the hell is your ass so dirty?
Don't you wipe?
1146
01:01:53,409 --> 01:01:56,970
Don't ask questions
you don't want the answer to, buddy.
1147
01:01:57,013 --> 01:01:58,002
What do ya got?
1148
01:01:58,047 --> 01:02:01,107
Turns out the FBI was already
tapping Mr. Goldstein's phone.
1149
01:02:01,150 --> 01:02:02,913
- We got what we need.
- Wait a second.
1150
01:02:02,952 --> 01:02:05,284
You were tapping my phone?
1151
01:02:05,321 --> 01:02:06,310
You want to hear the tape?
1152
01:02:06,355 --> 01:02:10,587
No. I'm sick of listening
to this dirt farmer. What's the upshot?
1153
01:02:10,626 --> 01:02:13,094
Lee and Patel are on their way
to Texas as we speak.
1154
01:02:14,130 --> 01:02:15,290
I knew they'd trip up.
1155
01:02:15,331 --> 01:02:19,131
Ready the plane.
These fuckers are goin' down.
1156
01:02:26,175 --> 01:02:29,804
Neil, can you just focus on driving?
You've had... Focus on the road.
1157
01:02:29,846 --> 01:02:32,406
You've had dozens of shrooms,
my friend.
1158
01:02:33,082 --> 01:02:36,176
Dude, I was able to perform
an appendectomy at age 14.
1159
01:02:36,219 --> 01:02:39,382
I think I can handle
a couple mushrooms.
1160
01:02:39,422 --> 01:02:42,949
- Wasn't that just a TV show?
- Jesus Christ!
1161
01:02:42,992 --> 01:02:45,790
Did you see that unicorn?
1162
01:02:45,828 --> 01:02:47,591
Its horn was so shiny.
1163
01:02:48,598 --> 01:02:52,090
So, why are you guys headed to Texas?
1164
01:02:52,134 --> 01:02:55,035
Let's just say
my ex-girlfriend's getting married.
1165
01:02:58,274 --> 01:03:00,242
The one that got away, huh?
1166
01:03:00,276 --> 01:03:01,937
Yep.
1167
01:03:01,978 --> 01:03:03,969
Sounds to me like you need a drink.
1168
01:03:04,814 --> 01:03:07,112
Road. Neil, please,
can you pay attention...
1169
01:03:07,149 --> 01:03:09,083
Dude, I've got it!
1170
01:03:09,118 --> 01:03:12,019
- Yeah, but...
- He's a good driver. Stop.
1171
01:03:12,054 --> 01:03:15,114
Thanks, man. Cheers, dude.
1172
01:03:15,157 --> 01:03:16,283
Really? Drinking?
1173
01:03:23,633 --> 01:03:25,692
I have a lost-love story of my own.
1174
01:03:25,735 --> 01:03:26,724
Yeah?
1175
01:03:27,436 --> 01:03:29,700
Happened on the set of C/ara's Heart.
1176
01:03:29,739 --> 01:03:31,229
Sure, sure, yeah.
1177
01:03:31,274 --> 01:03:34,766
I'll never forget her.
Her name was Tashonda.
1178
01:03:34,810 --> 01:03:36,641
She was Whoopi Goldberg's stand-in.
1179
01:03:36,679 --> 01:03:40,672
Her skin was so soft,
her lips were so sweet.
1180
01:03:41,784 --> 01:03:46,687
She had these tiny,
little Hershey Kiss nipples...
1181
01:03:47,456 --> 01:03:50,584
that you just wanted
to suck on all night long.
1182
01:03:51,093 --> 01:03:54,358
Anyway, last day of shooting, I told her.
1183
01:03:54,397 --> 01:03:56,160
I said...
1184
01:03:56,198 --> 01:03:59,929
"T-Bird, we're gonna have to break up. "
1185
01:03:59,969 --> 01:04:01,561
Why did you do that?
1186
01:04:02,538 --> 01:04:05,473
I didn't think I could take on
that kind of responsibility.
1187
01:04:07,076 --> 01:04:10,068
It was such a big mistake.
1188
01:04:10,112 --> 01:04:12,444
Why? I mean, with T-Bird gone...
1189
01:04:12,481 --> 01:04:14,813
couldn't you have sex
with whoever you wanted?
1190
01:04:14,850 --> 01:04:16,044
Let me be clear.
1191
01:04:16,085 --> 01:04:17,950
There is nothing on the planet...
1192
01:04:17,987 --> 01:04:20,285
that I love more than a hot, new pussy.
1193
01:04:20,323 --> 01:04:21,847
- Sure.
- Nothing.
1194
01:04:21,891 --> 01:04:23,984
What does the P.H. Stands for in N.P.H.?
1195
01:04:25,261 --> 01:04:26,353
Patrick Harris.
1196
01:04:26,395 --> 01:04:29,023
No, common mistake. Poon handler.
1197
01:04:29,932 --> 01:04:31,593
The point is, boys...
1198
01:04:31,634 --> 01:04:36,230
even though I love havin' sex
with some hot, random trim...
1199
01:04:36,272 --> 01:04:41,232
a day hasn't gone by
where I haven't thought of Tashonda.
1200
01:04:42,111 --> 01:04:47,413
Every time I see a bag of
Hershey's Kisses, my balls get so wet.
1201
01:04:52,488 --> 01:04:54,513
Here's to you, Tashonda.
1202
01:04:55,224 --> 01:04:58,853
- I hope you kept the baby.
- Wow.
1203
01:05:24,820 --> 01:05:27,914
# Free on my own #
1204
01:05:27,957 --> 01:05:31,017
# That's the way I used to be #
1205
01:05:31,060 --> 01:05:32,618
# But since I met you, baby #
1206
01:05:32,661 --> 01:05:34,822
Hey, honey.
What's up?
1207
01:05:34,864 --> 01:05:37,492
I found something in your purse.
1208
01:05:38,367 --> 01:05:39,834
Why would you go through my purse?
1209
01:05:39,869 --> 01:05:41,530
Why would you have a joint...
1210
01:05:41,570 --> 01:05:44,664
when you know
it could ruin my political career?
1211
01:05:44,707 --> 01:05:45,765
I'm sorry.
1212
01:05:45,808 --> 01:05:50,074
What with all the wedding plans,
I've just been a little stressed.
1213
01:05:50,112 --> 01:05:52,046
It helps me relax?
1214
01:05:52,081 --> 01:05:55,539
Marijuana is illegal, Vanessa.
1215
01:05:55,584 --> 01:05:57,415
Now, I thought that part of your life
was in the past.
1216
01:05:57,453 --> 01:05:59,887
- It is.
- Good.
1217
01:06:01,257 --> 01:06:02,349
That's all I need to hear.
1218
01:06:04,994 --> 01:06:07,792
Hey, baby.
1219
01:06:07,830 --> 01:06:11,163
Look, I know things can be hectic
with the wedding.
1220
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:15,569
But, you know, if you get stressed out,
just do what I do.
1221
01:06:15,604 --> 01:06:17,629
Snort Zoloft, OK?
1222
01:06:25,247 --> 01:06:27,545
What the fuck?
1223
01:06:27,583 --> 01:06:28,572
Shit.
1224
01:06:28,617 --> 01:06:32,075
Dude, they set up a fucking roadblock!
They're gonna find us.
1225
01:06:32,121 --> 01:06:33,918
- What are you talking about?
- Neil...
1226
01:06:33,956 --> 01:06:36,151
I don't know how to say this
any other way, man, but we're fugitives.
1227
01:06:36,192 --> 01:06:37,784
Cool.
1228
01:06:39,128 --> 01:06:41,426
OK, well, we've got to find a way
to get out of this.
1229
01:06:41,464 --> 01:06:43,091
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Please.
1230
01:06:43,132 --> 01:06:47,034
You act like I've never smuggled
a fugitive across state lines before.
1231
01:06:47,069 --> 01:06:49,367
Here. Hide in that.
1232
01:06:49,405 --> 01:06:51,771
Sorry. It's a little sticky.
1233
01:06:54,176 --> 01:06:55,973
Shit.
1234
01:07:00,850 --> 01:07:02,340
Yeah.
1235
01:07:04,553 --> 01:07:06,714
What the... When were you
gonna show me these?
1236
01:07:14,964 --> 01:07:16,898
Excuse me.
1237
01:07:17,666 --> 01:07:18,826
Wait, Officer!
1238
01:07:19,768 --> 01:07:22,202
- Shit.
- Hold that car!
1239
01:07:36,152 --> 01:07:40,088
Neil Patrick Harris.
1240
01:07:41,390 --> 01:07:42,414
Yo.
1241
01:07:44,360 --> 01:07:47,659
It is an honor to meet you, sir.
1242
01:07:47,696 --> 01:07:50,187
Yeah. I would imagine so.
1243
01:07:52,234 --> 01:07:54,168
I'm sure you get this all the time...
1244
01:07:54,203 --> 01:08:01,075
but your part in Starship Troopers
truly, truly changed my life.
1245
01:08:01,110 --> 01:08:02,407
Really?
1246
01:08:02,444 --> 01:08:04,241
How?
1247
01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:09,479
Well, no one thought the war against
the arachnids of Klendathu could be won.
1248
01:08:09,518 --> 01:08:10,951
- But you showed the starship troopers...
- Neil!
1249
01:08:10,986 --> 01:08:12,920
...that those bugs could be destroyed.
1250
01:08:14,690 --> 01:08:19,423
A lot of people think the war on terror
is a war that can't be won, right?
1251
01:08:20,729 --> 01:08:23,289
That's why I joined
the Department of Homeland Security.
1252
01:08:23,332 --> 01:08:27,962
My friend, two words.
Starship fuckin' Troopers.
1253
01:08:28,003 --> 01:08:32,201
If you want to know the secret of being,
you will come with us.
1254
01:08:33,542 --> 01:08:35,567
Please. I really need to go.
1255
01:08:35,611 --> 01:08:39,479
Yeah, of course. I'm so sorry
to bother you. You move along.
1256
01:08:42,685 --> 01:08:44,653
Bye.
1257
01:08:45,287 --> 01:08:46,652
I love you.
1258
01:08:49,892 --> 01:08:51,723
I love you too, Mr. Patrick Harris.
1259
01:08:53,229 --> 01:08:54,389
What the...
1260
01:09:01,804 --> 01:09:03,567
Holy fucking shit, that was awesome.
1261
01:09:04,573 --> 01:09:06,666
Try having that conversation
on shrooms.
1262
01:09:06,709 --> 01:09:08,574
I deserve an Oscar
for that performance.
1263
01:09:08,611 --> 01:09:09,600
- You do!
- Dudes...
1264
01:09:09,645 --> 01:09:11,510
I'm gonna take a little detour
on the way, all right?
1265
01:09:11,547 --> 01:09:12,536
- No.
- Neil, no.
1266
01:09:12,581 --> 01:09:13,570
But we're almost there, man.
1267
01:09:13,616 --> 01:09:15,743
- No buts. No buts!
- What do you do...
1268
01:09:15,784 --> 01:09:18,719
I'm going to a whorehouse
and I'm gonna get my fuck on.
1269
01:09:18,754 --> 01:09:23,282
If you two don't want to get
your dicks wet, that's fine with me.
1270
01:09:23,993 --> 01:09:26,120
I'll get my dick wet.
1271
01:09:32,201 --> 01:09:36,501
# Don't need nothin' but a good time #
1272
01:09:36,538 --> 01:09:39,166
# How can I resist? #
1273
01:09:39,208 --> 01:09:43,144
# Ain't lookin' for nothin'
but a good time #
1274
01:09:43,178 --> 01:09:47,012
# And it don't get better than this #
1275
01:09:47,516 --> 01:09:50,883
Pussy, I'm home!
1276
01:09:50,919 --> 01:09:52,386
Hello?
1277
01:09:53,188 --> 01:09:58,353
Well, well, well. I thought you'd never
show your face around here again.
1278
01:09:58,394 --> 01:10:01,158
What's the matter, Sally? I thought
I was one of your top customers.
1279
01:10:01,196 --> 01:10:04,290
Have you forgotten what happened
the last time you were here?
1280
01:10:05,100 --> 01:10:07,568
Because of you, my best girl quit.
1281
01:10:07,603 --> 01:10:09,400
Hey, I paid her good money.
1282
01:10:09,438 --> 01:10:11,065
It's not my fault
she didn't lube up.
1283
01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:14,803
Besides, I bring you new customers.
1284
01:10:14,843 --> 01:10:17,971
- New customers?
- No, Neil, that's all.
1285
01:10:18,013 --> 01:10:20,038
Thank you. Thank you.
Appreciate it. Appreciate it.
1286
01:10:20,082 --> 01:10:22,312
Sally. Bring on the lineup.
1287
01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:27,045
Line up in the chutes, girls.
1288
01:10:27,089 --> 01:10:29,922
Longhorns coming through.
1289
01:10:29,958 --> 01:10:31,050
Neil.
1290
01:10:34,997 --> 01:10:37,830
Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger.
1291
01:10:37,866 --> 01:10:39,731
Hello, ba...
1292
01:10:40,869 --> 01:10:43,633
- What's your name, miss?
- Tits Hemingway.
1293
01:10:43,672 --> 01:10:45,230
How'd you come up with that?
1294
01:10:45,274 --> 01:10:47,208
Well, I have huge tits.
1295
01:10:47,242 --> 01:10:49,642
And my favorite book
is A Moveab/e Feast.
1296
01:10:49,678 --> 01:10:52,238
I guess that makes sense, yeah.
1297
01:10:52,281 --> 01:10:53,839
Well, I hope you're ready for me, Tits...
1298
01:10:53,882 --> 01:10:56,180
'cause I'm gonna rock out
with my cock out...
1299
01:10:56,218 --> 01:10:57,947
and you're gonna jam out
with your clam out.
1300
01:10:57,986 --> 01:10:59,681
It's gonna be magical.
1301
01:11:00,589 --> 01:11:02,523
- The whores are on me, fellas.
- No, Neil...
1302
01:11:02,558 --> 01:11:04,355
- thank you, but we... that's...
- Thanks, dude.
1303
01:11:04,393 --> 01:11:05,883
Screw that, Roldy.
I don't know about you...
1304
01:11:05,928 --> 01:11:09,295
but, no offense to the rest of you ladies,
I am gonna be taking you two.
1305
01:11:09,498 --> 01:11:11,966
No, Kumar. Kumar!
1306
01:11:12,000 --> 01:11:13,490
Roldy, you're missing out, brother.
1307
01:11:14,403 --> 01:11:16,428
Yo, we need to get back on the road,
buddy.
1308
01:11:16,472 --> 01:11:17,905
We need...
1309
01:11:21,410 --> 01:11:24,345
Well, now, you know, we also supply...
1310
01:11:24,380 --> 01:11:28,009
in-room films or a magazine.
1311
01:11:30,018 --> 01:11:32,646
Well, if you'd like
some self-satisfaction...
1312
01:11:32,688 --> 01:11:34,781
we do have some...
1313
01:11:36,525 --> 01:11:38,891
electronic devices right over there.
1314
01:11:42,331 --> 01:11:44,925
Just have some coffee. Yeah?
1315
01:11:44,967 --> 01:11:47,800
Why don't you lie on the bed?
1316
01:11:47,836 --> 01:11:50,327
And tell us what you want us to do.
1317
01:11:50,372 --> 01:11:52,738
OK. OK.
1318
01:11:54,076 --> 01:11:55,703
Well...
1319
01:11:57,246 --> 01:11:59,077
how about...
1320
01:12:00,082 --> 01:12:02,550
How about you take off your clothes
and make out with each other?
1321
01:12:02,584 --> 01:12:04,984
- We've done that before.
- We can do that.
1322
01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:06,112
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1323
01:12:06,155 --> 01:12:07,918
# Pussy real good #
1324
01:12:07,956 --> 01:12:09,617
# That pussy #
# Pussy real good #
1325
01:12:09,658 --> 01:12:11,990
# That pussy #
# That pussy off the chain #
1326
01:12:12,027 --> 01:12:14,188
# That pussy #
# Go on and do yo thang #
1327
01:12:14,229 --> 01:12:16,561
# That pussy #
# Pussy real good #
1328
01:12:16,598 --> 01:12:18,657
# That pussy #
# That pussy real good #
1329
01:12:18,700 --> 01:12:20,634
# That pussy #
1330
01:12:20,669 --> 01:12:22,466
# Yo' mama don't like #
1331
01:12:23,205 --> 01:12:25,139
# She say I'm no good #
1332
01:12:25,174 --> 01:12:27,108
# What she don't know is #
1333
01:12:27,142 --> 01:12:29,474
# I got you pussy-whooped #
1334
01:12:29,511 --> 01:12:31,775
# He need this pussy #
1335
01:12:31,814 --> 01:12:34,078
# He smell this pussy #
1336
01:12:34,116 --> 01:12:36,209
# He wanna taste this pussy #
1337
01:12:36,251 --> 01:12:38,651
# He gotta pay for pussy #
1338
01:12:38,687 --> 01:12:40,484
Can you use tongue?
1339
01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:42,752
# That pussy, pussy #
1340
01:12:42,791 --> 01:12:44,452
# Pussy, pussy #
1341
01:12:46,061 --> 01:12:47,790
Bump your titty on her titty.
1342
01:12:47,830 --> 01:12:49,263
# Police pull me over #
1343
01:12:49,298 --> 01:12:51,289
# They don't write no tickets #
1344
01:12:52,401 --> 01:12:54,301
Boner achieved!
1345
01:12:55,337 --> 01:12:58,864
Great. Now let's get those pants off.
1346
01:12:58,907 --> 01:13:00,238
OK.
1347
01:13:00,776 --> 01:13:04,041
- You are benevolent human beings.
- Yeah, I know.
1348
01:13:04,079 --> 01:13:05,444
- Yeah?
- We get that a lot.
1349
01:13:05,547 --> 01:13:07,310
Yeah. You know what that means,
benevolent?
1350
01:13:07,349 --> 01:13:08,941
Yeah, I do, actually.
1351
01:13:08,984 --> 01:13:10,246
What?
1352
01:13:10,285 --> 01:13:12,446
It means we're gonna fuck you so hard...
1353
01:13:12,488 --> 01:13:14,854
your dick's gonna be sore for two weeks.
1354
01:13:14,890 --> 01:13:18,018
That is exactly, exactly what it means.
1355
01:13:19,094 --> 01:13:21,995
You know what bothers me
the most, though?
1356
01:13:22,030 --> 01:13:25,158
He never once apologized
for getting me into all this trouble.
1357
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:30,194
I mean, I'm supposed to be with my
Maria right now in Amsterdam, OK?
1358
01:13:30,239 --> 01:13:33,675
But it's cool.
He doesn't know how to say "I'm sorry. "
1359
01:13:34,109 --> 01:13:35,906
Why do you think that is?
1360
01:13:35,944 --> 01:13:40,381
Sparkle, because it's all about
what he wants. It's about him, him, him.
1361
01:13:40,415 --> 01:13:43,612
You know. I don't even care
because... You know...
1362
01:13:43,652 --> 01:13:46,416
if he can't be a good friend to me,
I'm not gonna be a good friend to him.
1363
01:13:46,455 --> 01:13:48,616
- It's done.
- Don't say that.
1364
01:13:49,057 --> 01:13:51,025
A good friend is hard to come by.
1365
01:13:51,059 --> 01:13:52,492
Venus, come on.
1366
01:13:52,528 --> 01:13:55,759
Yeah, but if he was a real friend,
he would know how to say, "I'm sorry. "
1367
01:13:55,831 --> 01:13:57,162
That's right.
1368
01:13:57,199 --> 01:13:59,190
Thank you, Agnes.
1369
01:14:00,102 --> 01:14:01,091
Nail on the head.
1370
01:14:01,970 --> 01:14:03,062
It's like right now...
1371
01:14:03,105 --> 01:14:08,042
after all the shit that we have
been through in the last few days...
1372
01:14:08,076 --> 01:14:13,275
you know, he's in there having
the time of his life, having sex.
1373
01:14:16,685 --> 01:14:19,176
I never should have left her.
1374
01:14:19,755 --> 01:14:21,416
I don't even know...
1375
01:14:21,456 --> 01:14:23,856
I don't even know what I was thinking.
1376
01:14:23,892 --> 01:14:26,725
I loved her so much.
1377
01:14:26,762 --> 01:14:30,862
She was my little baby.
1378
01:14:30,899 --> 01:14:32,059
Why did I let my little baby go?
1379
01:14:32,100 --> 01:14:34,364
Why did I let her go?
1380
01:14:34,403 --> 01:14:36,303
You'll find someone else.
1381
01:14:36,338 --> 01:14:38,033
No, I won't. Not like Vanessa.
1382
01:14:38,073 --> 01:14:40,473
You'll find love again someday.
1383
01:14:40,509 --> 01:14:42,739
Yeah, you will.
1384
01:14:43,345 --> 01:14:45,643
Did you guys?
1385
01:14:47,215 --> 01:14:49,615
No, we're whores.
1386
01:14:49,651 --> 01:14:51,949
- Remember?
- Yeah.
1387
01:14:58,460 --> 01:14:59,791
Oh, my God. Are you OK?
1388
01:14:59,828 --> 01:15:01,625
What the hell is going on here?
1389
01:15:01,663 --> 01:15:04,564
That prick fucking branded me!
1390
01:15:05,467 --> 01:15:06,991
- Stop it.
- I warned you, Neil.
1391
01:15:07,035 --> 01:15:09,469
Bring it.
1392
01:15:09,504 --> 01:15:11,836
- Neil! Neil!
- Time to put your dick in the dirt.
1393
01:15:11,873 --> 01:15:14,273
- What... Neil! What are you doing?
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
1394
01:15:14,309 --> 01:15:15,298
- But...
- No, Neil.
1395
01:15:15,344 --> 01:15:16,811
Neil!
1396
01:15:17,713 --> 01:15:20,147
- What about Neil, man?
- No, fuck Neil. He just fucked us.
1397
01:15:20,182 --> 01:15:22,707
- Neil! Neil!
- Come on, come on, come on!
1398
01:15:22,751 --> 01:15:24,412
- Come on! Come on! Come on!
- Neil!
1399
01:15:24,453 --> 01:15:25,920
Come on!
1400
01:15:27,289 --> 01:15:28,813
- N.P.H.!
- No!
1401
01:15:30,626 --> 01:15:31,854
Stop! Stop!
1402
01:15:33,028 --> 01:15:34,723
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
We've got to get Neil.
1403
01:15:34,763 --> 01:15:36,424
- Why?
- Look, we're stealing his car!
1404
01:15:36,465 --> 01:15:39,332
- We can't leave him back there.
- He stole your fucking car last week!
1405
01:15:40,335 --> 01:15:41,996
What was that?
1406
01:15:42,671 --> 01:15:43,660
- Hurry up.
- Neil!
1407
01:15:43,705 --> 01:15:45,468
- Hurry up. Come on, man.
- Guys.
1408
01:15:45,507 --> 01:15:47,441
- All right. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
- Neil, Neil, come on! Come on, man!
1409
01:15:47,476 --> 01:15:49,307
- Guys!
- Hurry up! Hurry up!
1410
01:15:49,344 --> 01:15:50,811
It's not even funny.
Hurry up, dude, hurry up.
1411
01:15:50,846 --> 01:15:52,643
You can make it, dude.
1412
01:15:52,681 --> 01:15:56,139
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
1413
01:15:57,052 --> 01:16:00,021
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Jesus Christ!
1414
01:16:00,055 --> 01:16:02,250
- Neil's dead! Neil's dead!
- No!
1415
01:16:02,924 --> 01:16:06,860
- Oh, my God!
- Get the fuck out of here! Go! Go!
1416
01:16:09,164 --> 01:16:15,626
# How do I say goodbye #
1417
01:16:15,671 --> 01:16:17,400
It's the dawn of a new day.
1418
01:16:20,242 --> 01:16:22,335
And Neil Patrick Harris
isn't around to see it, man.
1419
01:16:22,377 --> 01:16:23,366
Dude, I told you.
1420
01:16:23,412 --> 01:16:24,902
Will you please stop saying that?
1421
01:16:25,981 --> 01:16:27,471
God.
1422
01:16:27,516 --> 01:16:29,984
He's gone.
1423
01:16:30,652 --> 01:16:33,644
Maybe he's got
some family contact info in here.
1424
01:16:33,689 --> 01:16:35,884
Dude, I know
I'm not calling Neil's parents.
1425
01:16:36,725 --> 01:16:38,750
What's in the bag?
1426
01:16:38,794 --> 01:16:41,319
- Holy fuck.
- Creepy mask.
1427
01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:44,858
A jar with hair in it.
1428
01:16:47,335 --> 01:16:50,395
And, like, 12 cans of Mace.
1429
01:16:53,075 --> 01:16:55,908
- Look, dude.
- Holy shit.
1430
01:16:55,944 --> 01:16:58,310
Holy shit, we actually made it.
1431
01:17:05,120 --> 01:17:07,350
This is where Colton grew up, huh?
1432
01:17:07,389 --> 01:17:09,687
Smell that? That smells like douche.
1433
01:17:15,931 --> 01:17:18,866
No, you will remain in this car.
1434
01:17:18,900 --> 01:17:22,131
I will go inside alone and, if we're lucky,
Colton will help us out.
1435
01:17:22,170 --> 01:17:26,072
- Why can't I just...
- No. Let me put it another way.
1436
01:17:26,108 --> 01:17:29,839
You leave this car,
and our friendship is over.
1437
01:17:29,878 --> 01:17:32,346
- But, Roldy, I just...
- Kumar.
1438
01:17:32,380 --> 01:17:35,372
Open the door
and I will cut your fucking balls off.
1439
01:17:35,417 --> 01:17:36,543
Jesus. OK.
1440
01:17:40,288 --> 01:17:42,279
- Balls.
- Go.
1441
01:17:54,069 --> 01:17:56,594
Hi, I'm a friend of Colton's.
1442
01:17:56,638 --> 01:17:58,162
Thank you.
1443
01:18:41,349 --> 01:18:42,646
God damn it.
1444
01:18:42,684 --> 01:18:44,982
Vanessa? You OK?
1445
01:18:45,020 --> 01:18:48,353
- Kumar? What are you doing here?
- Yeah, let me help you up.
1446
01:18:52,194 --> 01:18:53,991
I thought you were going to Amsterdam.
1447
01:18:54,029 --> 01:18:56,691
Yeah, me too. It didn't work out.
1448
01:18:57,699 --> 01:18:58,961
You all right?
1449
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:01,560
- Now, does this hurt when I touch it?
- Yeah.
1450
01:19:01,603 --> 01:19:03,195
- It does?
- Yeah.
1451
01:19:03,238 --> 01:19:07,140
This is just what I need.
A limp during the wedding.
1452
01:19:07,175 --> 01:19:09,370
Can you move it around in a circle?
1453
01:19:10,378 --> 01:19:13,575
OK, that's what I figured. It's just your
ATFL. I don't think you tore it, though.
1454
01:19:13,615 --> 01:19:17,176
So a little ice and massage
should do the trick. You'll be fine.
1455
01:19:17,219 --> 01:19:19,346
Are you gonna tell me why you're here?
1456
01:19:19,387 --> 01:19:21,378
Roldy and I ran into some trouble...
1457
01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:25,359
and we figured that maybe
your Colton could help us out.
1458
01:19:25,393 --> 01:19:28,556
- Still getting into trouble, huh?
- A little bit.
1459
01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:31,589
You remember that time that
you broke into the animal lab...
1460
01:19:31,633 --> 01:19:34,659
and, like, stole that monkey and put it
in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?
1461
01:19:34,703 --> 01:19:36,398
OK, first of all,
that was Goldstein's idea...
1462
01:19:36,438 --> 01:19:37,427
and second of all...
1463
01:19:37,472 --> 01:19:40,168
had I known that the monkey had AIDS,
I never would have done that.
1464
01:19:40,208 --> 01:19:41,197
What about you?
1465
01:19:41,243 --> 01:19:44,679
You put those disgusting used tampons
in Professor Konop's purse.
1466
01:19:44,713 --> 01:19:46,271
- Remember that?
- Come on.
1467
01:19:46,314 --> 01:19:47,713
She was a bitch and you know it.
1468
01:19:51,553 --> 01:19:53,885
What's going on here?
1469
01:19:53,922 --> 01:19:56,914
Hey, she actually fell
and broke her heel here.
1470
01:19:56,958 --> 01:20:01,190
Yeah, I twisted my ankle.
Kumar was just looking at it.
1471
01:20:01,229 --> 01:20:03,288
- Why aren't you in the car, Kumar?
- Dude, I heard her yell.
1472
01:20:03,331 --> 01:20:04,923
I thought I told you
to stay in the car, man.
1473
01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:06,897
It's OK, man.
1474
01:20:06,935 --> 01:20:08,425
No worries.
1475
01:20:08,470 --> 01:20:11,064
Listen, Roldy filled me in
on the situation.
1476
01:20:11,106 --> 01:20:13,870
But don't worry. I'll make sure
my dad takes care of everything.
1477
01:20:15,043 --> 01:20:16,032
Thanks, man.
1478
01:20:16,077 --> 01:20:19,069
In the meantime,
you are going to the doctor.
1479
01:20:19,114 --> 01:20:21,241
Raṃn!
1480
01:20:21,283 --> 01:20:25,617
Raṃn. Please bring Vanessa
to Dr. Harris immediately.
1481
01:20:27,022 --> 01:20:30,082
Bye, Vanessa. Hope you feel better.
1482
01:20:31,259 --> 01:20:34,660
- Bye.
- Bye.
1483
01:20:36,865 --> 01:20:38,833
Guys.
1484
01:20:38,867 --> 01:20:40,300
All right.
1485
01:20:42,103 --> 01:20:45,595
All right, guys. Jet's all fueled.
You should be home in no time.
1486
01:20:45,640 --> 01:20:47,039
Sweet.
1487
01:20:53,381 --> 01:20:55,611
Hey, Colton, I can't believe
you're doing this for us...
1488
01:20:55,650 --> 01:20:56,708
on the night before your wedding day.
1489
01:20:56,751 --> 01:21:00,380
- I really appreciate it. Thank you.
- Please don't mention it.
1490
01:21:00,422 --> 01:21:03,289
Just want to make sure
everything works out smoothly.
1491
01:21:03,325 --> 01:21:04,952
Are all these planes yours?
1492
01:21:04,993 --> 01:21:07,291
No. OK.
1493
01:21:07,329 --> 01:21:08,921
Rold, come on, of course they are.
1494
01:21:11,366 --> 01:21:12,458
This guy's funny. You're funny.
1495
01:21:12,500 --> 01:21:14,661
- Yeah?
- Hey, Colton, man.
1496
01:21:15,370 --> 01:21:18,965
Listen, I was wrong about you, dude.
You're not a douchebag.
1497
01:21:19,007 --> 01:21:20,167
Dude.
1498
01:21:20,208 --> 01:21:21,835
You know what I mean.
I mean, you're a good dude.
1499
01:21:21,876 --> 01:21:24,037
And I'm happy for you and Vanessa.
1500
01:21:26,815 --> 01:21:28,612
That's big of you, Kumar.
1501
01:21:28,650 --> 01:21:30,515
- I really appreciate it.
- Sure.
1502
01:21:30,552 --> 01:21:32,713
I just can't wait to get back, man.
1503
01:21:35,090 --> 01:21:37,388
You're going back all right.
1504
01:21:38,093 --> 01:21:40,288
This time you're not escaping.
1505
01:21:40,328 --> 01:21:41,989
Now!
1506
01:21:42,030 --> 01:21:43,497
Go! Move, move, move!
1507
01:21:49,571 --> 01:21:50,629
You are a douchebag...
1508
01:21:50,672 --> 01:21:53,038
- No.
... you fucking douchebag, fuck you!
1509
01:21:53,074 --> 01:21:55,907
Yeah. The last thing I was letting
you guys do is ruin my wedding.
1510
01:21:55,944 --> 01:21:58,674
- You did this?
- Of course he did this.
1511
01:21:58,713 --> 01:22:01,147
I thought we were friends, man.
How could you betray me like this?
1512
01:22:01,182 --> 01:22:03,173
Come on, Rold. You and me?
1513
01:22:03,218 --> 01:22:05,243
You let me cheat off you
in Advanced Accounting.
1514
01:22:05,286 --> 01:22:06,981
Other than that,
I could give a shit about you.
1515
01:22:07,022 --> 01:22:08,421
Take 'em away, guys.
1516
01:22:08,923 --> 01:22:11,357
When we get out of this I'm gonna
fucking kick your fucking ass, man!
1517
01:22:11,393 --> 01:22:13,054
Boy, you're scaring me.
1518
01:22:13,094 --> 01:22:15,289
Well, come on, you're not
one of those kung-fu Asians...
1519
01:22:15,330 --> 01:22:17,696
you're a fucking pussy banker,
for Christ's sakes.
1520
01:22:17,732 --> 01:22:19,825
- Fuck you! Fuck you!
- I'm gonna rip you up, bitch!
1521
01:22:19,868 --> 01:22:22,496
- You'd best watch your back, bitch!
- Fuck you, dude!
1522
01:22:22,537 --> 01:22:24,732
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
1523
01:22:25,673 --> 01:22:27,834
I'm awesome.
1524
01:22:32,847 --> 01:22:35,748
Looks like you boys picked
the wrong side, huh?
1525
01:22:35,784 --> 01:22:38,218
Where's your Koran now?
1526
01:22:38,987 --> 01:22:40,818
We're not even Muslim, you moron...
1527
01:22:40,855 --> 01:22:44,086
and even if we were,
that doesn't make us terrorists.
1528
01:22:44,325 --> 01:22:46,725
Hey! I'm talking to you.
Get back here!
1529
01:22:46,761 --> 01:22:50,857
# Metal under tension
beggin' you to touch and go #
1530
01:22:52,367 --> 01:22:54,767
# Highway to #
1531
01:22:56,137 --> 01:22:58,697
Man. I can't believe we're going back.
1532
01:22:58,740 --> 01:23:00,867
Now do you see
why I hate Colton Graham?
1533
01:23:00,909 --> 01:23:03,537
Now do you see why I hate you?
1534
01:23:04,512 --> 01:23:07,003
I asked you specifically
to stay in the car.
1535
01:23:07,048 --> 01:23:09,710
I told you our friendship was at stake.
1536
01:23:09,751 --> 01:23:11,275
Vanessa fell down.
And I was helping her.
1537
01:23:11,319 --> 01:23:13,344
- I don't want to hear the excuses!
- It's not an excuse!
1538
01:23:13,388 --> 01:23:14,616
I don't want to hear the excuses!
1539
01:23:14,656 --> 01:23:16,419
- I heard her yelling!
- I don't want to hear it.
1540
01:23:22,831 --> 01:23:24,594
I'm sorry.
1541
01:23:25,433 --> 01:23:26,730
'Kay?
1542
01:23:27,802 --> 01:23:29,235
Look at this. Look at this.
1543
01:23:30,271 --> 01:23:32,398
I fucked up, OK?
1544
01:23:32,440 --> 01:23:36,206
I fucked up and I always fuck up.
I am a fuck-up.
1545
01:23:36,244 --> 01:23:37,609
You think?
1546
01:23:38,613 --> 01:23:40,103
Harold...
1547
01:23:41,116 --> 01:23:42,413
you're my best friend, dude.
1548
01:23:43,785 --> 01:23:46,117
You mean the world to me, man.
I love you.
1549
01:23:46,154 --> 01:23:47,143
Queers.
1550
01:23:47,188 --> 01:23:48,212
And I promise you, if we figure out...
1551
01:23:48,256 --> 01:23:50,520
a way to get out of this,
I'm gonna change, OK?
1552
01:23:50,558 --> 01:23:52,492
It's not just gonna be
about Kumar all the time.
1553
01:23:52,527 --> 01:23:55,325
It'll be about Kumar and Harold.
1554
01:23:58,133 --> 01:23:59,725
Harold and Kumar.
1555
01:24:01,503 --> 01:24:02,800
I kind of like the first way better.
1556
01:24:02,837 --> 01:24:05,203
OK, OK. Harold and Kumar.
1557
01:24:05,240 --> 01:24:06,764
Harold and Kumar.
1558
01:24:10,044 --> 01:24:12,604
# The hotter the intensity #
1559
01:24:13,915 --> 01:24:15,644
It's not all your fault.
1560
01:24:16,651 --> 01:24:19,643
Yeah, it is. I brought weed on the plane.
1561
01:24:19,687 --> 01:24:22,815
- You got weed?
- No. The other plane.
1562
01:24:25,660 --> 01:24:29,858
No, I wish Neil Patrick Harris
were still alive, that guy fucking loves him.
1563
01:24:29,898 --> 01:24:32,662
He totally would have
been able to bail us out.
1564
01:24:34,002 --> 01:24:35,401
You just gave me an idea, man.
1565
01:24:36,638 --> 01:24:38,037
- What?
- I got this.
1566
01:24:39,974 --> 01:24:41,771
Hey, Burl...
1567
01:24:41,809 --> 01:24:44,835
- I actually still have some weed.
- You do?
1568
01:24:44,879 --> 01:24:47,507
- Seriously?
- Yeah. It's in my pants.
1569
01:24:47,549 --> 01:24:49,574
- Hold up.
- You want to smoke now?
1570
01:24:49,617 --> 01:24:50,777
Just let me...
1571
01:24:50,818 --> 01:24:52,046
- Harold, this is definitely not...
... get it.
1572
01:24:52,086 --> 01:24:53,075
...the time to smoke.
1573
01:24:56,291 --> 01:25:01,160
# Highway to the danger zone #
1574
01:25:01,896 --> 01:25:06,356
# Gonna take you
right into the danger zone #
1575
01:25:08,970 --> 01:25:14,499
# Highway to the danger zone #
1576
01:25:16,277 --> 01:25:18,108
Dude, you took Neil's Mace?
1577
01:25:18,146 --> 01:25:20,512
Been through a lot of shit,
figured we might need it.
1578
01:25:20,548 --> 01:25:21,537
Well, good call.
1579
01:25:25,587 --> 01:25:28,021
Derek, can I get another water?
1580
01:25:28,056 --> 01:25:30,183
What the fuck?
1581
01:25:32,093 --> 01:25:33,993
- Keep your hands up.
- Please don't shoot us.
1582
01:25:34,028 --> 01:25:36,258
- Jesus Christ. OK, OK.
- Please don't shoot.
1583
01:25:36,297 --> 01:25:40,393
It will be a cold day in hell
before I let you hijack this plane.
1584
01:25:44,305 --> 01:25:46,273
Beecher, what are you doing?
1585
01:25:46,307 --> 01:25:48,901
Whose side are you on? I thought
I told you to stay in the cockpit!
1586
01:25:48,943 --> 01:25:51,741
Enough, Fox!
I've had enough of your crap!
1587
01:25:51,779 --> 01:25:53,303
You think that just because I'm smart...
1588
01:25:53,348 --> 01:25:56,784
you can treat me
like some dork in gym class?
1589
01:25:56,818 --> 01:26:00,618
It's obvious these kids are innocent.
But you're too dumb to realize that.
1590
01:26:00,655 --> 01:26:03,419
You know, it's people like you...
1591
01:26:03,458 --> 01:26:05,722
who make the world think
that Americans are stupid!
1592
01:26:05,760 --> 01:26:10,288
Well, we're not stupid! And we're not
gonna take this shit anymore!
1593
01:26:12,433 --> 01:26:14,458
It's OK, guys.
1594
01:26:14,502 --> 01:26:15,901
It's all over now.
1595
01:26:16,704 --> 01:26:18,797
Everything's gonna be all right.
1596
01:26:23,611 --> 01:26:24,873
Jesus!
1597
01:26:29,851 --> 01:26:31,250
Fuck!
1598
01:26:32,320 --> 01:26:34,254
I don't wanna die!
1599
01:26:34,289 --> 01:26:35,483
Kumar!
1600
01:26:35,523 --> 01:26:38,151
- What?
- I have the parachute!
1601
01:26:38,192 --> 01:26:39,523
Come over here.
1602
01:26:39,560 --> 01:26:42,290
How the fuck am I supposed to do that?
1603
01:26:42,330 --> 01:26:43,820
Swim!
1604
01:26:51,239 --> 01:26:52,706
Holy shit.
1605
01:26:52,740 --> 01:26:54,833
It's fucking working!
1606
01:26:59,514 --> 01:27:01,482
Yeah!
1607
01:27:02,817 --> 01:27:04,682
I love you, dude.
1608
01:27:08,756 --> 01:27:10,519
Shit!
1609
01:27:12,193 --> 01:27:14,627
Don't worry about him. I have an idea.
1610
01:27:14,662 --> 01:27:16,960
- What?
- Hang on.
1611
01:27:22,503 --> 01:27:24,471
Fuck you!
1612
01:27:28,409 --> 01:27:31,207
Man, that was so fuckin' extreme.
1613
01:27:32,613 --> 01:27:34,808
It was.
1614
01:27:37,251 --> 01:27:38,946
- Kumar?
- Yeah.
1615
01:27:41,356 --> 01:27:43,153
Our dicks are touching, aren't they?
1616
01:27:44,659 --> 01:27:46,820
Yeah, I guess they are.
1617
01:27:46,861 --> 01:27:49,159
- Yeah.
- OK, I was just checking.
1618
01:27:50,298 --> 01:27:54,234
Roldy, can you move us out of the way?
There's a house coming up down here.
1619
01:27:55,370 --> 01:27:58,066
I have no idea what I'm doing.
1620
01:28:05,380 --> 01:28:06,540
Dude!
1621
01:28:09,317 --> 01:28:13,151
The glass hurt my dick.
The glass hurt my dick.
1622
01:28:15,223 --> 01:28:17,191
I think I'm OK. Yeah.
1623
01:28:18,259 --> 01:28:20,591
- Dude. Dude.
- Oh, my God.
1624
01:28:20,628 --> 01:28:23,392
- No, shit, dude. You all right?
- Fuck! I think so!
1625
01:28:23,431 --> 01:28:25,695
We gotta get out of here before
the people who live here find us.
1626
01:28:25,733 --> 01:28:27,360
I know. They're gonna be...
1627
01:28:28,970 --> 01:28:31,063
Dude? Dude?
1628
01:28:31,105 --> 01:28:32,436
What's up?
1629
01:28:37,478 --> 01:28:39,605
- No.
- Holy shit!
1630
01:28:39,647 --> 01:28:42,582
What the hell are y'all
doing in my office?
1631
01:28:43,818 --> 01:28:46,343
You'd better start giving me
some answers!
1632
01:28:46,387 --> 01:28:48,514
George?
We're gonna be late for that wedding.
1633
01:28:48,556 --> 01:28:51,923
Shit. It's Cheney. Come on, you guys.
Keep quiet. Follow me.
1634
01:28:51,959 --> 01:28:55,292
That guy scares the crap out of me.
Let's go hide in the guesthouse.
1635
01:28:55,329 --> 01:28:58,093
- Come the fuck on.
- I'm coming.
1636
01:29:15,416 --> 01:29:17,316
# Yeah #
1637
01:29:18,486 --> 01:29:21,546
- This is a cool room.
- Yeah.
1638
01:29:21,589 --> 01:29:25,320
Yeah, this is where
I come to escape from work.
1639
01:29:25,359 --> 01:29:28,021
- Here?
- Yes, sir.
1640
01:29:29,497 --> 01:29:32,591
- So who the heck are you guys?
- All right.
1641
01:29:32,633 --> 01:29:34,328
My name is Harold Lee, sir...
1642
01:29:34,368 --> 01:29:35,960
and this is Kumar Patel.
1643
01:29:37,772 --> 01:29:41,970
Anyway, we were on a parachute
and we sort of landed on your ranch.
1644
01:29:42,009 --> 01:29:43,670
Dude, this is weed.
1645
01:29:44,579 --> 01:29:46,240
That's Alabama Kush.
1646
01:29:46,280 --> 01:29:47,542
That's only the finest.
1647
01:29:47,582 --> 01:29:50,278
So you get high and then you put
other people who smoke weed in jail?
1648
01:29:51,519 --> 01:29:52,816
- That's so hypocritical.
- Dude, look...
1649
01:29:52,854 --> 01:29:55,721
Yeah? Well, let me ask you
something, Kumar.
1650
01:29:55,756 --> 01:29:58,316
- You like giving hand jobs?
- No, sir.
1651
01:29:58,359 --> 01:30:01,055
- You like getting hand jobs?
- Yeah.
1652
01:30:01,095 --> 01:30:04,189
All right. Well, that makes you
a fucking hypocriticizer too.
1653
01:30:04,232 --> 01:30:07,565
So shut the fuck up
and smoke my weed.
1654
01:30:24,619 --> 01:30:25,608
Hey, love.
1655
01:30:25,653 --> 01:30:30,090
What are you doing here? It's bad luck.
The ceremony starts in a hour.
1656
01:30:30,124 --> 01:30:31,921
I just want to let you know...
1657
01:30:31,959 --> 01:30:34,052
I had catering get an extra case
of Coors Light...
1658
01:30:34,095 --> 01:30:35,084
in case the President comes.
1659
01:30:35,129 --> 01:30:36,460
It's his favorite beer.
1660
01:30:36,497 --> 01:30:39,432
- Do you think that'll be enough?
- I don't know. Yes?
1661
01:30:39,467 --> 01:30:41,196
Who cares?
1662
01:30:42,169 --> 01:30:46,230
Look, were you able to work
everything out with Kumar and Harold?
1663
01:30:46,274 --> 01:30:49,607
Don't worry, Chestnut.
I took complete care of 'em.
1664
01:30:57,885 --> 01:31:00,547
They thought you guys were terrorizers.
1665
01:31:01,122 --> 01:31:04,819
Wait. That's not funny, man.
They sent us to Guantànamo Bay.
1666
01:31:04,859 --> 01:31:07,589
Fuck! G. Bay?
1667
01:31:08,296 --> 01:31:10,355
Tell me you didn't eat
that cockmeat sandwich.
1668
01:31:11,599 --> 01:31:15,831
No. No, we did not eat the cockmeat
sandwich. We escaped, thank God.
1669
01:31:15,870 --> 01:31:19,271
That cockmeat sandwich.
That's my favorite.
1670
01:31:19,307 --> 01:31:20,501
Oh, my God.
1671
01:31:22,076 --> 01:31:24,738
- This is good shit.
- I know. I know.
1672
01:31:24,779 --> 01:31:26,747
- I laced it with blow.
- Fuck.
1673
01:31:26,781 --> 01:31:29,579
So it knocks you out, and it keeps you
going at the same time.
1674
01:31:31,118 --> 01:31:34,417
If you like weed so much,
why don't you just legalize it?
1675
01:31:34,455 --> 01:31:36,616
Are you fucking kidding me?
1676
01:31:36,657 --> 01:31:39,683
You know how pissed off
my dad would get if I did that?
1677
01:31:39,727 --> 01:31:41,991
Holy shit, dude.
1678
01:31:42,029 --> 01:31:44,327
My dad's all up in my shit too,
about this whole...
1679
01:31:44,365 --> 01:31:45,354
- med school thing, right?
- I know.
1680
01:31:45,399 --> 01:31:47,663
And it's not that I don't
want to be a doctor, but like...
1681
01:31:48,135 --> 01:31:51,263
fucking... sometimes I wonder
if he's just encouraging me...
1682
01:31:51,305 --> 01:31:52,795
because he knows it'll make me happy...
1683
01:31:52,840 --> 01:31:56,799
or because he wants me
to carry on his legacy, you know?
1684
01:31:57,878 --> 01:31:59,937
You just blew my fuckin' mind.
1685
01:32:11,092 --> 01:32:13,686
- Hi.
- Hi. You look good.
1686
01:32:13,728 --> 01:32:15,719
Daddy.
1687
01:32:15,763 --> 01:32:17,390
Yeah, it's W.
1688
01:32:19,266 --> 01:32:21,700
I don't need your friends
to tell me what to do anymore.
1689
01:32:23,371 --> 01:32:26,033
- No, I'm not being disrespectful.
- That's what I say.
1690
01:32:26,073 --> 01:32:29,008
I'm just saying that
I can handle my own shit, all right?
1691
01:32:29,043 --> 01:32:31,978
I mean, I don't need them to tell me
how to do what I have to do.
1692
01:32:32,013 --> 01:32:33,878
Yeah, dude!
1693
01:32:33,914 --> 01:32:36,712
Yeah, well you know what?
Yeah, well, fuck you, Dad.
1694
01:32:36,751 --> 01:32:38,844
Fuck you!
1695
01:32:41,589 --> 01:32:43,887
- Dude, that was awesome.
- You guys are awesome.
1696
01:32:43,924 --> 01:32:44,913
- No. No.
- You're awesome!
1697
01:32:44,959 --> 01:32:47,587
- You are awesomer.
- Sir, you are awesome.
1698
01:32:47,628 --> 01:32:49,095
Seriously.
1699
01:32:49,130 --> 01:32:51,928
Listen, about our situation...
1700
01:32:51,966 --> 01:32:56,494
Fuck that. Listen, guys, guys, guys.
I am the fucking President, all right?
1701
01:32:56,537 --> 01:32:59,267
That means I get to pardon whoever
I want. You guys are in the fuckin' clear.
1702
01:32:59,306 --> 01:33:00,364
Don't worry.
1703
01:33:00,408 --> 01:33:04,538
- Holy shit. Are you serious? Thank you.
- Oh, my God. Thank you, Mr. President.
1704
01:33:04,578 --> 01:33:05,602
Yeah.
1705
01:33:05,646 --> 01:33:08,911
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Don't mention it.
1706
01:33:09,550 --> 01:33:13,714
But, listen, to be honest, after
all the shit that we've been through...
1707
01:33:13,754 --> 01:33:17,747
I don't know if we can trust
our government anymore.
1708
01:33:17,792 --> 01:33:19,851
- Trust the government?
- Yeah.
1709
01:33:19,894 --> 01:33:22,795
Heck. I'm in the government
and I don't even trust it.
1710
01:33:22,830 --> 01:33:27,233
You don't have to believe in your
government to be a good American.
1711
01:33:31,338 --> 01:33:33,602
You just have to believe in your country.
1712
01:33:34,375 --> 01:33:35,865
Exactly.
1713
01:33:35,910 --> 01:33:38,242
- Exactly.
- Right.
1714
01:33:38,279 --> 01:33:39,940
This is good shit, isn't it?
1715
01:33:41,615 --> 01:33:43,310
Yeah, it is.
1716
01:33:43,350 --> 01:33:46,877
If you guys need anything else,
just let me know, all right?
1717
01:33:46,921 --> 01:33:50,379
Actually, Mr. President,
there is one thing.
1718
01:33:52,426 --> 01:33:54,951
- This really came out great.
- Yeah, it did, man.
1719
01:33:54,995 --> 01:33:56,724
I lit a lot of these candles.
1720
01:34:10,177 --> 01:34:11,735
Great.
1721
01:34:14,048 --> 01:34:16,278
- All clear.
- Safe to proceed.
1722
01:34:17,651 --> 01:34:19,516
He's here! I knew he'd come.
1723
01:34:23,891 --> 01:34:25,324
All right, let 'em in.
1724
01:34:29,697 --> 01:34:31,358
- What is happen...
- Who is that?
1725
01:34:31,398 --> 01:34:34,026
- Harold?
- Kumar?
1726
01:34:34,068 --> 01:34:38,300
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize
for interrupting this beautiful ceremony.
1727
01:34:38,339 --> 01:34:40,068
But there is no way in hell...
1728
01:34:40,107 --> 01:34:43,008
that I'm letting the only woman
I've ever loved marry that piece of shit.
1729
01:34:44,812 --> 01:34:47,246
Security, get them out of here, please.
1730
01:34:47,281 --> 01:34:50,808
These guys?
No, see, they're with us. Yeah.
1731
01:34:50,851 --> 01:34:53,843
Looks like I got a little more pull
with the President than you, bitch.
1732
01:34:56,924 --> 01:35:00,018
- What the hell is going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
1733
01:35:00,060 --> 01:35:02,654
Your fiancé promised
to get us out of trouble.
1734
01:35:02,696 --> 01:35:06,496
But instead he arranged for us
to be sent back to Guantànamo Bay...
1735
01:35:06,534 --> 01:35:09,970
where we'd be forced
to suck Big Bob's fat dick.
1736
01:35:13,174 --> 01:35:15,301
- Is this true?
- Yeah, it's true.
1737
01:35:15,342 --> 01:35:17,071
I'll take care of this myself.
1738
01:35:19,547 --> 01:35:20,639
- OK, wait.
- No...
1739
01:35:23,050 --> 01:35:24,517
You son of a bitch.
1740
01:35:26,353 --> 01:35:27,877
I loved you, man.
1741
01:35:31,959 --> 01:35:34,519
- I can't believe this.
- Vanessa, let me explain...
1742
01:35:34,562 --> 01:35:36,462
Explain?
1743
01:35:36,497 --> 01:35:37,862
Explain why you're putting me through...
1744
01:35:37,898 --> 01:35:40,264
the most embarrassing moment
of my life?
1745
01:35:41,769 --> 01:35:46,866
Well, what if I did
something embarrassing to myself?
1746
01:35:46,907 --> 01:35:47,931
Would that make you feel better?
1747
01:35:47,975 --> 01:35:50,705
There's nothing you can do
that would be this embarrassing.
1748
01:35:55,249 --> 01:35:59,652
I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
1749
01:36:02,990 --> 01:36:05,481
A three is all that's good and right
1750
01:36:05,526 --> 01:36:09,895
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square-root sign?
1751
01:36:09,930 --> 01:36:11,625
I wish instead I were a nine
1752
01:36:11,665 --> 01:36:15,396
For nine could thwart this evil trick
With just some quick arithmetic
1753
01:36:16,637 --> 01:36:18,127
I know I'll never see the sun
1754
01:36:18,172 --> 01:36:20,072
As 1.7321
1755
01:36:20,107 --> 01:36:22,302
You fucking tool.
1756
01:36:22,343 --> 01:36:24,573
Quiet, anus.
1757
01:36:27,147 --> 01:36:31,140
Such is my reality
A sad irrationality
1758
01:36:31,185 --> 01:36:33,745
When, hark, just what is this I see?
1759
01:36:34,588 --> 01:36:36,579
Another square root of a three
1760
01:36:36,624 --> 01:36:39,218
Has quietly come waltzing by
1761
01:36:39,260 --> 01:36:40,989
Together now we multiply
1762
01:36:41,028 --> 01:36:43,553
To form a number we prefer
1763
01:36:43,597 --> 01:36:45,588
Rejoicing as an integer
1764
01:36:47,001 --> 01:36:48,935
We break free from our mortal bonds
1765
01:36:48,969 --> 01:36:50,834
And with a wave of magic wands
1766
01:36:50,871 --> 01:36:53,271
Our square-root signs become unglued
1767
01:36:53,307 --> 01:36:55,571
And love for me has been renewed
1768
01:37:04,685 --> 01:37:06,482
You were right.
1769
01:37:06,520 --> 01:37:09,318
- That was pretty lame.
- Told you.
1770
01:37:10,691 --> 01:37:15,458
Look, I can't promise you
the kind of lifestyle that Colton could.
1771
01:37:15,496 --> 01:37:18,294
And I can't promise you
that I'm gonna mature overnight.
1772
01:37:18,332 --> 01:37:20,766
But what I can promise you is that...
1773
01:37:27,141 --> 01:37:28,870
Sorry, I smoked weed
with the President.
1774
01:37:28,909 --> 01:37:30,740
I totally forgot
what I was going to say.
1775
01:37:33,247 --> 01:37:35,875
I can promise you
that I will always love you.
1776
01:37:35,916 --> 01:37:38,851
And I'll never try and make you
into something that you're not.
1777
01:37:40,187 --> 01:37:44,453
So, what do you say
you take a brother back?
1778
01:37:50,197 --> 01:37:52,256
Only if you promise to get me
out of this awkward situation...
1779
01:37:52,299 --> 01:37:53,323
as soon as possible.
1780
01:37:54,368 --> 01:37:55,460
Come here.
1781
01:37:58,906 --> 01:38:00,498
Yeah!
1782
01:38:04,945 --> 01:38:07,038
That's my boy!
1783
01:38:07,081 --> 01:38:08,309
Ku!
1784
01:38:14,621 --> 01:38:16,486
Come on.
Let's get the hell back to Jersey.
1785
01:38:16,523 --> 01:38:19,959
All right, hold on. First we gotta
do something for my buddy here.
1786
01:38:19,994 --> 01:38:21,894
- Got to go somewhere.
- Where?
1787
01:38:23,330 --> 01:38:27,164
# Ooh, baby, do you know
what that's worth? #
1788
01:38:27,201 --> 01:38:30,864
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth #
1789
01:38:30,904 --> 01:38:35,068
# They say in heaven love comes first #
1790
01:38:35,109 --> 01:38:38,909
# We'll make heaven a place on earth #
1791
01:38:38,946 --> 01:38:43,076
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth #
1792
01:38:54,061 --> 01:38:55,688
- Hey.
- Hey.
1793
01:38:57,331 --> 01:38:59,231
- No luck, huh?
- No.
1794
01:39:01,101 --> 01:39:03,934
Called every hotel in the city.
I walked all around.
1795
01:39:04,638 --> 01:39:06,037
I just can't find her anywhere.
1796
01:39:06,073 --> 01:39:07,540
- We'll find her.
- We'll find her, dude.
1797
01:39:12,713 --> 01:39:14,374
What?
1798
01:39:14,415 --> 01:39:16,542
Oh, my God, there she is.
1799
01:39:21,221 --> 01:39:23,587
- Roldy, she's hot.
- Dude, go get her!
1800
01:39:29,296 --> 01:39:32,356
Jesus, I'm sorry, man.
1801
01:39:32,399 --> 01:39:33,764
- So fuck it. Forget about that.
- Yeah.
1802
01:39:33,801 --> 01:39:35,325
It's probably
just some Amsterdam fling, all right?
1803
01:39:35,369 --> 01:39:36,427
We'll go back to the Jerz...
1804
01:39:36,470 --> 01:39:38,267
- in a couple of days, all right?
- No.
1805
01:39:39,540 --> 01:39:42,008
No, fuck it.
1806
01:39:42,042 --> 01:39:43,339
I came way too far.
1807
01:39:43,377 --> 01:39:44,969
We went through too much shit to...
1808
01:39:45,012 --> 01:39:46,445
I'm gonna talk to her.
1809
01:39:46,480 --> 01:39:47,572
No, no, no, dude, don't go in there.
1810
01:39:47,614 --> 01:39:48,740
- Come on.
- Just wait.
1811
01:39:48,782 --> 01:39:50,579
Come on, man.
Wait till we get back to Jersey.
1812
01:39:52,186 --> 01:39:53,312
What the fuck are you doing?
1813
01:39:53,353 --> 01:39:55,844
- C'est quoi ton putain de prob/ème, toi?
- Harold!
1814
01:39:55,889 --> 01:39:57,754
I didn't understand what you said.
1815
01:39:57,791 --> 01:40:00,487
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What the fuck are you doing, man?
1816
01:40:00,527 --> 01:40:03,155
- You're ruining my shot.
- You what?
1817
01:40:03,197 --> 01:40:05,256
Get off my set!
1818
01:40:05,299 --> 01:40:07,199
I'm so confused. What's...
1819
01:40:07,234 --> 01:40:09,600
- What's going on?
- Harold, I'm doing a photo shoot.
1820
01:40:10,537 --> 01:40:12,129
For High Times magazine.
1821
01:40:13,240 --> 01:40:16,937
Of course, you're a model.
You're very hot. You're a model.
1822
01:40:16,977 --> 01:40:19,172
Right. I always wondered
what you did for a living.
1823
01:40:19,213 --> 01:40:22,114
I'm sorry. So, wait a second.
So you're not with this dude?
1824
01:40:22,149 --> 01:40:23,912
Are you kidding? Me?
1825
01:40:23,951 --> 01:40:26,283
- Yeah.
- No.
1826
01:40:26,320 --> 01:40:28,686
Anton is like totally gay.
1827
01:40:34,561 --> 01:40:36,688
Harold, what are you doing here?
1828
01:40:37,831 --> 01:40:39,560
I didn't want to wait ten days
to see you...
1829
01:40:39,600 --> 01:40:42,125
so I thought
I would come and surprise you.
1830
01:40:43,737 --> 01:40:45,864
That is so sweet.
1831
01:40:45,906 --> 01:40:47,840
OK. It's sweet.
1832
01:40:47,875 --> 01:40:50,810
I've been thinking about you
this whole time.
1833
01:40:50,844 --> 01:40:52,334
- You have?
- I have.
1834
01:40:52,379 --> 01:40:55,871
- I missed you so much.
- I missed you.
1835
01:41:09,763 --> 01:41:11,390
Fuck yeah, dude.
1836
01:41:11,431 --> 01:41:13,729
Bang bang, Roldy.
1837
01:41:15,102 --> 01:41:17,229
Hello, Maria. My name is Kumar.
1838
01:41:17,271 --> 01:41:19,205
- I've heard so much about you.
- Hi.
1839
01:41:19,239 --> 01:41:20,501
This is Vanessa. Vanessa, Maria.
1840
01:41:20,541 --> 01:41:22,236
- Hey.
- Hey. How you doing?
1841
01:41:22,276 --> 01:41:25,973
Ladies and Roldy, how would you
like to get really fucking high...
1842
01:41:26,013 --> 01:41:27,810
since we're in Amsterdam?
1843
01:41:27,848 --> 01:41:29,042
- Yeah.
- Shall we?
1844
01:41:29,082 --> 01:41:32,074
- Sounds like a plan.
- Let's do it.
1845
01:41:32,119 --> 01:41:35,282
# So in the beginning
there was hum from a poet #
1846
01:41:35,322 --> 01:41:37,517
# Whose pulse felt drum, drum, drum #
1847
01:41:37,558 --> 01:41:38,991
# He would perform praise and all #
1848
01:41:39,026 --> 01:41:41,859
# Till one day he heard a voice call
come, come, come #
1849
01:41:41,895 --> 01:41:44,193
# Suspicious, he moved,
it was his cost #
1850
01:41:44,231 --> 01:41:46,825
# His missus he thinks
is a little lost #
1851
01:41:46,867 --> 01:41:50,530
# People get held back
by the voice inside 'em #
1852
01:41:50,571 --> 01:41:53,563
# Yeah, the voice said
the voices speak inside you #
1853
01:41:53,607 --> 01:41:59,910
# Rejoice and please let me invite you
to evil, greed and lies too #
1854
01:41:59,947 --> 01:42:02,040
# Yeah, confusing days,
he moved aways #
1855
01:42:02,082 --> 01:42:04,607
# He soon became #
# Boom boom boom #
1856
01:42:04,651 --> 01:42:07,176
# A knock on his door,
his heart is no more #
1857
01:42:07,221 --> 01:42:10,088
# A knock on his door,
his soul is no more #
1858
01:42:12,359 --> 01:42:14,054
# Yeah #
1859
01:42:16,663 --> 01:42:18,426
# That was in the beginning #
1860
01:42:18,465 --> 01:42:20,695
# The cops beat him
when all he wants is his freedom #
1861
01:42:20,734 --> 01:42:23,066
# So they defeat him,
whatever spirit he's got, beat him #
1862
01:42:23,103 --> 01:42:25,128
# And they teach him the rest of the world
don't need him #
1863
01:42:25,172 --> 01:42:27,766
# And he believes the disease
that he's heathen #
1864
01:42:27,808 --> 01:42:29,935
# Put up your fists
if all you want is freedom #
1865
01:42:29,977 --> 01:42:32,002
# Put up your fists if all you want is #
1866
01:42:37,618 --> 01:42:39,415
# That was in the beginning #
1867
01:42:42,623 --> 01:42:44,420
# And things change #
1868
01:42:48,562 --> 01:42:50,223
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #
1869
01:42:50,264 --> 01:42:54,257
# We keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1870
01:42:54,301 --> 01:42:58,635
# And we keep going on,
and on and on and on #
1871
01:42:58,672 --> 01:43:03,200
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1872
01:43:03,243 --> 01:43:07,873
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1873
01:43:07,914 --> 01:43:12,374
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1874
01:43:12,419 --> 01:43:16,981
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1875
01:43:17,024 --> 01:43:21,393
# And we keep holding on
and we keep being strong #
1876
01:43:21,428 --> 01:43:25,922
# And we keep going on
and on and on and on #
1877
01:43:27,367 --> 01:43:30,234
# Brothers and sisters #
# Yeah #
1878
01:43:30,270 --> 01:43:33,433
# We're gonna have church tonight #
# Yeah, yeah! #
1879
01:43:33,473 --> 01:43:37,432
# And tonight this speaker
is Reverend Rufus Johnson #
1880
01:43:37,477 --> 01:43:41,174
# I wake up praising God every day #
1881
01:43:41,214 --> 01:43:46,151
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1882
01:43:46,186 --> 01:43:48,746
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #
1883
01:43:48,789 --> 01:43:52,520
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #
1884
01:43:52,559 --> 01:43:57,360
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1885
01:43:57,397 --> 01:43:59,661
# Nigger, I'm high, nigger, you high #
# Uh-huh #
1886
01:43:59,700 --> 01:44:02,464
# Let's get higher than
the motherfucking sky #
1887
01:44:02,502 --> 01:44:04,766
# Watch the butterflies hit the wall #
1888
01:44:04,805 --> 01:44:07,467
# And if you're feeling down
give your boy a call #
1889
01:44:07,507 --> 01:44:12,410
# Weed, it takes the stress away, that's
why Bizarre smokes ten blunts a day #
1890
01:44:12,446 --> 01:44:15,176
# It's nothing
but the sticky, icky, green stuff #
1891
01:44:15,215 --> 01:44:17,581
# Light it, pass it and take a puff #
1892
01:44:17,617 --> 01:44:20,051
# Having a bad day, stop by my house #
1893
01:44:20,087 --> 01:44:22,612
# 'Cause most likely
I got a blunt in my mouth #
1894
01:44:22,656 --> 01:44:24,681
# So sit down, relax and chill #
1895
01:44:24,725 --> 01:44:27,785
# And if you don't smoke weed
then, shit, I got some pills #
1896
01:44:27,828 --> 01:44:30,319
# What you need, girl, a fucking refill? #
1897
01:44:30,364 --> 01:44:32,992
# A fat bag of weed
and some Happy Meals? #
1898
01:44:33,033 --> 01:44:38,562
# Nah, baby, I don't smoke Newports,
only fat bags of weed in this Escort #
1899
01:44:38,605 --> 01:44:42,405
# I wake up praising God every day #
1900
01:44:42,442 --> 01:44:47,277
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1901
01:44:47,314 --> 01:44:49,942
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #
1902
01:44:49,983 --> 01:44:53,680
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #
1903
01:44:53,720 --> 01:44:58,521
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1904
01:44:58,558 --> 01:45:03,586
# Sunday morning, Bizarre have faith
Blunt in my mouth, watching TJ drink #
1905
01:45:03,630 --> 01:45:06,030
# Dangerous mind, just like Coolio #
1906
01:45:06,066 --> 01:45:08,694
# Only church I know
is Snoop Dogg's studio #
1907
01:45:08,735 --> 01:45:11,203
# Write out some raps,
throw it in my lap #
1908
01:45:11,238 --> 01:45:13,706
# Grab the Hennessy, get the acid tab #
1909
01:45:13,740 --> 01:45:16,368
# I'm glad that
I didn't move down South #
1910
01:45:16,410 --> 01:45:18,901
# Take care of my kids,
be the man of the house #
1911
01:45:18,945 --> 01:45:23,746
# Orange mushrooms and yellow stars
Fat bags of beetles in Mason jars #
1912
01:45:23,784 --> 01:45:26,082
# Get in the lap, come on, jump in #
1913
01:45:26,119 --> 01:45:29,020
# Bring a bottle of gin,
and two of your freaky friends #
1914
01:45:29,055 --> 01:45:31,523
# Fuck it! Let's go to see the point #
1915
01:45:31,558 --> 01:45:34,049
# Bring your son along,
shit, he can hit the joint #
1916
01:45:34,094 --> 01:45:36,790
# 'Cause rapping is a full-time job #
1917
01:45:36,830 --> 01:45:39,663
# All I want is smoke weed
and praise God, yeah #
1918
01:45:39,699 --> 01:45:43,465
# I wake up praising God every day #
1919
01:45:43,503 --> 01:45:48,440
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1920
01:45:48,475 --> 01:45:51,273
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #
1921
01:45:51,311 --> 01:45:54,872
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #
1922
01:45:54,915 --> 01:45:59,682
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1923
01:45:59,719 --> 01:46:01,812
# Break it down, yeah #
1924
01:46:01,855 --> 01:46:03,982
# We gonna slow it down right here #
1925
01:46:04,024 --> 01:46:09,519
# We havin' church up in here tonight
It's the Reverend Rufus Johnson #
1926
01:46:09,563 --> 01:46:14,865
# And we sittin' over here
at sixteen five-o, cone it #
1927
01:46:15,969 --> 01:46:20,372
# And ladies and gentlemen,
come in, praise God with us #
1928
01:46:20,407 --> 01:46:24,275
# I wake up praising God every day #
1929
01:46:24,311 --> 01:46:29,248
# I wanna smoke some weed
and roll me a J #
1930
01:46:29,282 --> 01:46:32,080
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #
1931
01:46:32,118 --> 01:46:34,643
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #
1932
01:46:34,688 --> 01:46:37,179
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Thank you, Jesus #
1933
01:46:37,224 --> 01:46:40,751
# Thank you, Lord #
# Thank you, Lord #
1934
01:46:40,794 --> 01:46:45,925
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey #
1935
01:46:45,966 --> 01:46:47,729
# Sunday morning #
# I wake up praising #
1936
01:46:47,767 --> 01:46:49,325
# Baptist #
# God every day #
1937
01:46:49,369 --> 01:46:51,394
# Catholic, Jehovah Witness #
# I wanna smoke some weed #
1938
01:46:51,438 --> 01:46:53,201
# Tabernacle, yeah #
# And #
1939
01:46:53,240 --> 01:46:54,901
# Roll me a J #
# Come praise God #
1940
01:46:54,941 --> 01:46:56,340
# Thank you, Jesus #
1941
01:46:56,376 --> 01:46:57,536
# Thank you, Jesus #
# Yeah #
1942
01:46:57,577 --> 01:46:58,839
# Thank you, Lord
# Services #
1943
01:46:58,879 --> 01:47:00,779
# Thank you, Lord #
# Sunday #
1944
01:47:00,814 --> 01:47:02,611
# For letting me #
# At 4:20 #
1945
01:47:02,649 --> 01:47:07,109
# Live another day #
# Brothers and sisters, Sunday at 4:20 #
1946
01:47:07,153 --> 01:47:09,644
# Come on, praise God #
1947
01:47:10,657 --> 01:47:13,125
# Just 'cause you smoke weed
don't mean you're a sinner #
1948
01:47:13,159 --> 01:47:15,059
# What? #
# Just 'cause you smoke weed #
1949
01:47:15,095 --> 01:47:16,619
# It don't mean you don't believe in God #
1950
01:47:17,964 --> 01:47:20,956
# Jesus will take care of you #
1951
01:47:21,001 --> 01:47:22,491
# Jesus #
1952
01:47:22,536 --> 01:47:24,731
# You need Jesus #
1953
01:47:39,052 --> 01:47:40,986
Motherfucker!