[theme music]
[music continues]
[thunder crashing]
[phone ringing]
Careful, ma'am. It's bloody hot.
You were saying?
My..
...husband is... lost.
[sobbing] Missing.
Here in Crouch End?
[dramatic music]
[vocalization]
[music continues]
[music intensifies]
[instrumental music]
Oh, Mr. Frehman.
- Mrs. Frehman. - Hi.
Now, shall I call a porter to help you with those bags?
- No, thank you. - Okay.
I do have a message for you, sir.
The caller did insist that I give it to you
as soon as you returned.
- Here. - Oh, why, thank you.
- Thank you. - Have a wonderful day.
- You, too. - Goodbye.
Oh. Hello.
Pardon us.
- What floor? - Nine.
- But I'll do it. - Not a problem.
No! Don't push..
...it.
My wife grew up on a dairy farm in Wisconsin.
Elevators are still a mystery to her.
I'm superstitious about pushing the elevator button twice.
They say that it's bad luck.
Never hurts to be careful, does it, dearie?
[laughing] I cannot believe I did that.
It was so embarrassing.
[Lonnie] No. No, it's fine.
I hear that the British love Americans
coming over here and scaring their old people
into an early grave.
You did this.
Not all lawyers are romantic cripples, you know.
They're beautiful.
[sighs] Mmm!
So are you.
Thank you.
My mother told me to marry Anita Fenburg.
Oh.
But I couldn't get my head around
spending the rest of my life trapped with someone
whose last name translates into "Swamp City".
[laughs]
Well, look at you now.
Mr. Free-Man.
You got caught.
No. I surrendered.
You know, if we keep doing this, we're never gonna get
to the Victoria and Albert museum.
[exhales] I'm devastated.
[phone rings]
[gasps] Please don't. It'll just be business.
Oh, you're right. It's the office.
- Yeah. - Oh, I should get it.
Mm-mm.
Hello. Hey.
[chuckles]
Your ambition can wait.
Now, what you should take is me.
You big thief.
Weren't you supposed to give this to me?
I forgot all about that.
"Dear Lonnie, now that you're finally here in London
you must come to the house for dinner tomorrow at 6:30
if that's convenient.
Regards, John Squales."
Who's John Squales?
He's our solicitor, uh, lawyer, here in London.
We worked together on the Betton Steel merger.
He said that I was uncommonly bright.
Actually used the word "Uncommonly"?
I may have added that last bit
but he did say that I was smart.
Rumor has it that he's the next head
of the executive committee.
You okay about having dinner with him tomorrow?
It would be tonight. He sent that yesterday.
Oh, crap.
Oh. Battery low.
I just charged you, you sucker.
What are you gonna tell him?
We're coming.
It's our honeymoon. Can't we be alone?
Please, there's not a chance he's still expecting us.
- Hey, John. Lonnie Freeman. - Lonnie..
You're not gonna believe this. I just got your note.
Listen. About dinner tonight..
- You saved us a spot. - Huh?
Great. Sure. Fire away.
Right. Right. A cab to Crouch End.
[engine revving]
No, no, no. It sounds really simple. I'll see you at 6:30.
- Bye. I'll talk to you.. - Talk to you, too.
You're gonna love him.
Crouch End?
That's an ugly name.
- You owe me. - Big time.
- Yeah. - Thanks.
You're welcome.
I need the ladies room.
- They call it the loo here. - Oh!
- It's over there. - Okay.
You know what I was thinking?
At the rate we're spending money, I'm gonna
have to work until I'm 90?
[laughs]
No, no, I was thinking
that if you thought we had time
maybe we could go back to the hotel
and renew our wedding vows.
- Which vows? - You know..
...the ones that go "I do you, you do me
till death do us part."
- Those vows. - Uh-huh.
I love those vows. Yo!
Excuse me.
What can I do for you, man?
My wife and I are trying to figure out
how long it'll take us to get somewhere.
- Where is it you wanna go? - Uh, Grand Hotel.
This time of day, with traffic, 30 minutes.
Okay, and how long will it take us
to get from the hotel to Crouch End?
I'm sure I can't help.
It's a place for strangers not to go.
No. I got a friend that lives on the outskirts.
Hear what I say, man. Don't go to Crouch End.
[engine revs]
What happened?
I don't know.
I mentioned Crouch End and he got all weird on me.
What did he say?
Something about strangers don't go there.
Between the Jamaican accent and the reggae
I m.. I missed something.
Oh.
What do you wanna do?
[laughs] Besides that.
We still got time. It's only a little before five.
I'll get a cab. You relax.
[instrumental music]
We waited over 30 minutes for a cab.
Isn't that a little odd?
A pinch unusual, sir.
Unusual? I say it's close to unheard of, my friend.
Yes, sir. Where to then?
Crouch End, please.
- Crouch End, you say. - Right.
Heigh-ho for Crouch End.
[chuckles]
Cut it out. That feels too good.
- I think that's the point. - Stop it.
What about the driver?
I tip him well, he sees nothing.
Lonnie, anybody can see in.
- Oh! - Okay. Alright.
But remember if I happen to keel over in the middle of dinner..
- Don't say that. Take it back. - What?
You don't joke about something like dying.
Take it back.
- Fine. I take it back. - Good.
Pardon me, sir. Do you have an address?
Yeah.
Somewhere.
- Lonnie, did you see that? - What?
It said "Sixty lost in underground horror."
Isn't that what they call the subway here?
Yeah. That or the tube. Was it a crash?
I don't know.
Sir, was there a subway crash here recently?
Collision, ma'am? None that I know of.
- Weird. - I don't know where I put it.
- Did I give it to you? - What?
The napkin I wrote the address on.
- No. - What's bothering you?
That headline. "Sixty lost in underground horror."
It's like sailors drowned at sea.
Ooh! Gooseflesh.
My grandma always said that someone
was walking over what's gonna be your grave.
Honey, grandma was a whacko.
[both laughing]
Don't be mean.
She may be a little eccentric, but she's sweet.
Think about it.
The woman will only plant her vegetable garden
at midnight when the moon is full.
Sweet or not, she is not from our dimension.
[Doris] She is a little weird, isn't she?
Pardon me, sir. Did you say "Dimension"?
Where you're going, Crouch End..
It's a place where there's a thin spot is what they say.
What the hell's a "Thin spot"?
A thin spot between what we see as our world and the other.
- Uh-huh. - Other?
What the gentleman said.
Dimensions.
The only thin thing around here is his grip on reality.
Ah, perfect. Besides a low battery, I have no signal.
Alright, when we get to Crouch End
I'll call again and get Squales' address
tell him you lost it.
- I lost it? - Yeah.
A good lawyer never accepts blame.
Then, baby, you're gonna be a great one.
[Lonnie] Finally.
[dramatic music]
[vocalization]
[intense music]
What is it?
Nothing.
Nothing, I guess.
Guv.
You're here. Crouch End.
[intense music]
[eerie music]
- Sir. - It's Archibald, ma'am.
But everyone calls me Archie.
Archie, is-is Crouch End a nice place to live?
Well, they've tried, ma'am. They've tried to make it nice.
Uh, had its own tube station once.
EH and L railway, they built bridges
and roads and storage areas.
But then they..
Well, let's just say they moved on.
- When was that? - Well..
They stopped using it in the-the late 1930s.
Oh. Why?
Well, they claim it was the second war
but that's not the real reason. No, no, it wasn't.
It was when they were making some repairs
to the station platform and..
Well, the story I heard was they found a mass grave.
Yeah, well, you see, London is laid out like no other city.
More like it hatched and meandered
a street pattern than it planned one.
Uh, it's because the streets were paved over barriers.
Barriers between what is rational and what is not.
Crouch End was built on top of a towen.
- A town? - No, ma'am. A-a-a towen.
Towen. It's a druid word.
Means a place of ritual sacrifice.
Yeah, it's said that Crouch End rests
on top of the druid towen of slaughter.
So is that what they found
when they were building the subway station?
- A druid burial ground? - No, no, no, ma'am.
The bodies they found were fresh, not centuries old
You're making this up.
As the Lord as my witness
I'm telling you what I know to be true.
It happened right here in slaughter towen.
You're just being silly.
Ma'am..
You asked me if Crouch End's a nice place to live.
To you it looks nice and normal.
But it's not what it seems.
Now, what I told you before is true.
This world is like being inside a huge leather ball.
And outside the ball are other dimensions.
And there are scuffs, nicks in the leather
that make the thin spots.
And every once in a while, the leather rips
right through the thin part.
It's then the other dimension pours in
and breathes and lusts..
...right here in Crouch End.
You and your husband shouldn't be here.
[Lonnie] Yeah, pot roast sounds fine.
I like pot roast.
I-I-I don't see any reason we shouldn't be there by 6:30..
Yeah, I mean, you.. I mean, I've got..
Ecch.
Ugh. Ecch.
[mellow music]
[dramatic music]
[music intensifies]
Okay. Got Squales' address.
[wind howling]
- Where's the cab? - I don't know.
Aw, man. It's ten after six already.
What did he do, just up and leave?
Did you pay him?
No. There was still 12.50 on the meter.
[kids screaming]
Hey, kids!
Hello!
Hey, I'm talking to you two.
[intense music]
- You American, sir? - Yeah.
There was a cab over here. Did you see where it went?
Bugger off, Joe!
Sir! Sir! Sir!
[giggling]
[laughs]
I guess some of the kids in Crouch End
aren't too crazy about Americans.
Rude little brats.
Did you see that little boy's hand, though?
Poor thing.
Hon, looks like we hike.
I'm not sure I want to.
What if those kids went to get their big brothers?
Well, there isn't much else we can do.
The street's not exactly overflowing with taxis, is it?
That was so odd that he just left.
He seemed nice. A little creepy, but nice.
The cabbie was weird was what he was.
- Oh. - Dimensions.
Thin spots. Honestly.
[Lonnie chuckles]
Did I say it was a left on Petrie or a right?
Geez, Lonnie, I don't remember.
Why don't you just call Squales and have him meet us?
No, him thinking I can't follow simple directions
will not help my career.
What is it with guys and directions
that they can never ask?
What's that about?
First of all
I'd ask for directions if I was lost.
But I'm not.
I'm just trying to figure things out.
Secondly, I grew up in a city.
I'm hard-wired for direction.
[laughs] What?
Anyone born and raised in a city
has a built-in sort of guidance system
which always leads them to promised land.
- Oh. - Oh.
But, baby, you grew up in Madison, Wisconsin.
- Oh. - Not Manhattan.
And that is hardly a city.
A city is a city, Doris
and we're not lost.
Um, baby
would you just go into that police station
and ask them directions to 'Brass Butt' lane?
Please. For me.
Okay.
And it's 'Brass End' not 'Brass Butt.'
- Okay. - Wait here.
[intense music]
Hello.
Hello?
Anybody here?
[gasps]
Don't do that. You scared me.
Doris, relax.
There's no one here, okay?
You're making me jumpy.
Did you get directions?
Yeah. I messed up on Hillfield.
It was a, a right, not a left, on Petrie.
No, we made a right on Petrie.
No, I don't think so.
- Yeah, Lonnie, we made... - Honey.
Let's not be late for dinner.
Nice area. I love this style of architecture.
Yeah. Reminds me of Alaska.
Can't you just see the sled dogs frolicking in the snow
little ice balls clinging to their fur?
- What? - Oh, you're back.
- I missed you. - Lonnie, this isn't funny.
All that stuff from the cabbie, does it really bother you?
Yeah, it does. Everything around here is creepy.
- Creepy. - Yeah.
I see.
Doris... there's something that you should know.
In all fairness, it's something that I
I should have told you before we were married.
I-I'm not just a lawyer.
I have another job.
It's a really important one.
It's actually more like another life altogether.
In the vast world of darkness
I am better known as..
...Lonnie, the creep slayer.
[laughs] You are such a jerk.
Perhaps, but it was you who summoned me.
Now, where are these creeps who menace you?
I am walking next to the biggest one.
Ah. Obviously the creeps' leader.
Formidable, evil
but undeniably handsome
and uncommonly bright.
You are uncommonly something.
- Yes. - Uh-huh.
I think he lives somewhere near here.
[groans]
- Did you hear that? - Mm-hmm.
[groaning]
No. Lonnie, don't.
What do you mean don't? Someone could be hurt.
Let's just see if they need help.
[dramatic music]
- That's strange. - What is that?
Must have been a crash or something.
No. Lonnie, please don't.
I-If someone's hurt, I should, I should take a look.
Remember what I read and what I saw?
About "Sixty lost in underground horror"?
Maybe we were being warned about this.
- That was about a subway. - No, it wasn't.
- Archie said... - Archie?
- Who the hell is Archie? - The cab driver.
What if that is a thin spot?
He said that they have them in Crouch End.
An underground place where things rupture and cross over.
"Rupture and cross over"?
Oh, honey. He just got your imagination going.
No, he didn't.
I'll just be a minute.
[Doris] Lonnie, please. Please come back!
[Lonnie] Ah, there's another trail.
This thing goes off around the side of the house.
Damn. Whatever this stuff is, it's sticky.
- Oh, there's another hole. - Be careful.
[Lonnie] Yeah.
There's something down there.
[Lonnie screaming]
Help!
Lonnie!
Lonnie, I'm coming! Hold on!
Doris!
[dramatic music]
[gasps]
Lonnie!
[Lonnie] Doris, help!
Lonnie.
Lonnie!
[intense music]
Lonnie!
Doris, run.
Run. Run!
Come on.
[vocalization]
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I can't keep up.
You have to stick with me, Doris.
I am. Where are we?
Uh, Crouch Lane and Norris Road.
Wherever the hell that is.
Idiots can't even spell town.
No. That's a druid word.
[Lonnie] I don't recognize anything.
Lost my jacket, too. That's a hell of a note.
- No, you took it off. - Where is every...
Lonnie, it was covered in goo. You didn't lose...
I didn't take it off. I lost it. That's all.
Lonnie, what happened?
What was on the other side of the hedge?
Nothing. I don't wanna talk about it.
- Lonnie, talk to me. - Nothing. I don't remember.
It's all a blank.
We were there. We heard a sound.
And I was running. That's-that's all I remember.
Why would I throw my jacket away?
I mean, I liked that one.
After all, it did match my pants.
[laughs]
Okay, we have to get out of here.
No. No, we're going to John Squales' for dinner.
- I promised. - Baby.
We don't even know where he lives.
Why don't we just go back to the hotel
and we can call him from there?
Break a promise? I don't think so.
Fine. Then call him. Tell him to come and get us.
Yeah, I don't remember his number. It was five...
[Doris] It'll be in your cell phone.
Now, there's a good idea.
Oh! I never did get this thing charged.
Got it.
Oh, he's gotta be there. He's saving a place for us.
John, thank God. It's Lonnie.
Yes. Yeah, that's just it, John.
I'm having a bit of trouble finding you.
John?
Why would he put me on hold?
- Is the phone dead? - Dead?
It's dead. The phone's dead.
It can't be.
[dramatic music]
- Where are you going? - John's place. For dinner.
Forget John. This is wrong.
Everything about this is wrong.
I just wanna get in a cab and go now.
How-how can we do that, Doris?
How can we go back to the hotel when we are lost?
Or maybe..
...maybe it's more like we're trapped.
Crouch End was... east..
...to the hotel, so if we go, if we go west..
...we'll go back to the hotel.
No, but th-that means that we have to go back, uh..
That means we have to go back the way we came.
No, it'll be alright.
Baby, we're gonna be alright.
Come on.
[intense music]
[music intensifies]
Are you alright?
I'm a little tired is all.
Me too. We need to keep walking.
What do we tell them back at the hotel about what happened?
Don't say anything.
Well, honey, look at us. They're going to ask.
You can't say anything about what happened.
It'd only make it worse.
Okay.
Promise me you won't tell what happened.
I promise.
[dramatic music]
I won't go this way.
Lonnie, it's the shortest way back to the hot...
No.
Lonnie.
[gasps] I won't go this way!
We'll try this street.
We'll see if this takes us back.
Come on. Let's try this way.
I was thinking..
And that's all I'm doing is thinking.
If the cab driver was right
about these rips in the thin spots
which allows things to happen..
...then they'd have to go away, too.
I mean, they couldn't be permanent
or weird things would be happening all the time, right?
So maybe..
...they've come and gone.
Maybe everything's normal now.
Where are all the people, Doris?
[vocalization]
The clock tower.
I saw that.
In the cab, on the way in.
[eerie music]
[intense music]
[kids giggling]
[music intensifies]
[music continues]
[vocalization]
[dramatic music]
[Lonnie gasping]
Lonnie?
[screams]
We have to go. You promised.
Lonnie, let me go!
Stop it. What are you doing? Let go...
We have to stay together like we promised.
It's the only way.
[grunts]
[breathing heavily]
Why did you slap me?
[train chugging]
[breathes heavily]
God, I'm so sorry, Doris.
I don't know what's happening to me.
I'm scared, Lonnie.
Me, too.
[instrumental music]
[gasping] Oh!
[vehicles honking]
[gasps] Did you hear that?
The cars?
We must be near traffic.
Let's go.
[instrumental music]
[bell tolling]
[engine revving]
Lonnie, did you see that?
Did you see the cab right up ahead?
[dramatic music]
Lonnie.
Lonnie, come back!
Lonnie, please, come back!
Lonnie!
[music continues]
Lonnie!
Lonnie, come back!
I know the way out of here!
Please, I wanna go!
[vocalization]
No, Doris.
It's this way. I've seen the other side.
You're wrong. It's the other way.
You promised not to leave me.
You promised me.
[music continues]
You said you loved me.
Doris.
[instrumental music]
[shouting]
[growling]
[gasping]
[intense music]
Give us a cigarette, love.
[panting]
[intense music]
[howling]
[panting]
[music intensifies]
Lonnie!
Lonnie, answer me!
[male #1] Cthulu kryon.
Yogsoggoth.
R'yeleh.
Nrtesn nyarlahotep.
Lonnie!
[dramatic music]
- It's the American woman. - She's lost.
- Lost her husband. - Lost her way.
Found the darker way.
[girl #1] The road that leads into the funnel.
Lost her hope.
Found the whistler from the stars.
Eater of dimensions.
The blind piper.
Where's my husband?
He's gone beneath.
Gone to the goat with a thousand young.
What have you done with him?
He couldn't well not go, could he?
The mark was on him.
You'll go too.
[vocalization]
[yelling in foreign language]
[Lonnie] Do-o-r-is!
You made it, baby.
You kept your promise.
Now we'll stay together..
...forever.
[ground shattering]
[growling]
[Lonnie groans]
[growls]
[screams]
[dramatic music]
[kids giggling]
[grunts]
[intense music]
[male #1] What in the name of..
Can you help me? I need the police.
What happened then, lovey?
You look like you've been put through a wringer, you do.
Car accident?
The street opened up.
[siren wailing]
They took my husband.
It's happened again.
The station's down there.
There's globes hanging i-i-in the front.
We don't want you near us
not if you've been to slaughter towen.
[engine revving]
[eerie music]
[phone rings]
Careful, ma'am. It's bloody hot.
You were saying?
My husband is..
...lost.
He-he's missing.
Here in Crouch End?
- Yes. - Happened today?
Why do you keep asking me the same questions?
I've already told you what happened.
[cat meows]
[gasps]
[glass shatters]
Terribly sorry, ma'am.
He's really not so bad. Are you, Lonnie?
- What did you say? - Oh, I was...
I was just talking to the cat, ma'am.
Say it again.
I was just saying that he's really not so bad.
- Who? - Lonnie.
We named the cat Lonnie. We found him as a stray.
Just this mornin' it was.
[sobbing]
[intense music]
[eerie music]
[intense music]