1 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,208 Do you recognize who this stud is in the blue shorts right here? 2 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,931 That's me the summer I got out of college. 3 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,050 Wow, Dad, you used to have muscles. 4 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,009 Well, I still got a few. 5 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,321 Where? 6 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,121 They're hibernating. 7 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,160 Who's that girl? 8 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:00,647 That's Mommy. 9 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,565 No, the young one standing next to you. 10 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:05,370 That's Mommy. 11 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,251 How come Mommy doesn't wear a bikini anymore? 12 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,562 Is it because of her fat ass? 13 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,961 Yeah. I guess. 14 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,283 What? No. Who said Mommy has a fat ass? 15 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:17,885 Mommy did. 16 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,485 Words hurt, Gunnar. 17 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:24,331 Hey, honey. We better get a move on. We gotta meet up with Fred and Grace soon. 18 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,568 No, I know, I know. I'm trying. 19 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,529 How long do you think you're gonna be? 20 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,968 Uh, 45 minutes? Less, if you help with the kids. 21 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,804 No, 45 minutes is good. 22 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,930 And this photograph is of me in high school. 23 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,765 I'm kidding. A joke. Come on. 24 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:44,448 Okay, come on. Bath time. Time to scrub some backs and clean some cracks. 25 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,042 I miss going out with you on Saturday nights. 26 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,090 I wanna have a new policy of going out six nights a week without the kids. 27 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,920 I think it would be good for us to go out one night a week... 28 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,209 - ...where it's just you and me. It would be-- - You gotta be kidding. 29 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,488 - What? - You just checked out that girl's butt. 30 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,967 - Who did? - You did. And it's rude. 31 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,327 - What? Do you think she noticed? - I noticed. 32 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,126 Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just spacy tonight, honey, I'm sorry. 33 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,089 Hey, guys, come on. We're late. 34 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,163 - Hey. - Hi. 35 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:16,691 - Hey, Rick. - How you doing? 36 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,411 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 37 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,369 Grace, let me ask you a question. 38 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,921 Does Fred ever check out other women in front of you? 39 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:27,567 No, no. Fred's not a gawker. He's a good boy. Ha, ha. 40 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,246 - Hmm. - Come on, let's go say hi to Dr. Lucy. 41 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,887 - Let's go get a beer. - Yeah. 42 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,281 - Hey. - Hi. 43 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,522 - Congratulations. - Thank you, thank you. 44 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,250 Our first friend to win an award. 45 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,801 Oh, stop it. Listen, I don't deserve this thing. 46 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,281 - Oh. Come on. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. - Oh, come on. 47 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,250 - The whole thing is just embarrassing. - Stop it. 48 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,686 What is this, amateur hour? 49 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,366 How does your wife catch you checking out another girl? 50 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,211 She walked by and I glanced back for like half a second. 51 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,243 - Two beers, please. - You got it. 52 00:02:56,440 --> 00:03:00,206 Hey, Quagmire, you don't wait for the girl to walk past and glance back at her. 53 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:04,729 You spot her from 15 feet away, turn, then wait for her to walk into your line of vision. 54 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,564 - What do you mean? - Don't you get it? 55 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,200 You can't help if her butt walks where you're looking. 56 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,522 Where you're looking. It was your air space. 57 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,170 - What could you do? - Exactly. 58 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,526 - Is that an original? - No. 59 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:15,920 - Who? - Coakley. 60 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,491 - Coakley? He did. - Hey, guys. 61 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:18,801 Hey, Missy. 62 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,008 Drink up, guys. Let's get this party started. 63 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,207 - Yes. - Whoo! 64 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,930 - Whoo! Ha, ha. - Whoo! OW. 65 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,129 Missy sure is looking chipper for someone going through a divorce. 66 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,691 Yeah. God. 67 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,649 You know what I love about divorcées? 68 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:31,926 They love sex. 69 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:33,650 - Is that true? - I don't know. 70 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,327 - I like to think so, though. Ha, ha. - You would like to think it was true. 71 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:38,481 God. 72 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,325 Look at those meatheads checking out Missy. 73 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,801 - Do they think, they're invisible? - I know. 74 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,122 Hey, I thought you said Fred isn't a gawker. 75 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,965 He was standing right there. I can't let him know I know. 76 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,367 - It'll take all the fun out of it. - Ha, ha. 77 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,490 Oh, God, he has this stupid move where he looks back... 78 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,483 ...and he waits for the girl to pass... 79 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,610 ...so that it seems like he couldn't help but notice her ass. It's pathetic. 80 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,770 You wanna hear a great idea? 81 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,208 Why don't you go upstairs and slip into something uncomfortable... 82 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,169 ...while I give the babysitter a ride home? 83 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,610 I want to, honey. I really do. 84 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,525 It's after midnight and I gotta get up early with the kids. 85 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,365 No, I'll get up with the kids. I'll take them to the park. 86 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,808 I'll take them to Finn's birthday party. You just stay in bed... 87 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,850 ...and play back some of the more acrobatic highlights... 88 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,321 ...from the show I'm about to put on for you. 89 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,848 - Mm. Okay. I'm in. Ha, ha. - Ah. 90 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,690 They're home! 91 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,841 Sorry. 92 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,771 He couldn't fall asleep. 93 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,689 So how were the little monsters tonight? 94 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,370 Perfect. 95 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,363 That Gunnar is so cute. 96 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,603 He's like a little monkey. He just wants to climb all over me. 97 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,167 Hmm. 98 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,206 All right, here we are. 99 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,603 Good night. Thank you. 100 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,649 Mr. Mills, can I ask you something? 101 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:58,847 Yeah, shoot. 102 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,206 I was wondering, um .... 103 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,331 Could you buy me some beer? 104 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:03,561 Buy you some--? 105 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,166 How old are you? 106 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,328 I'll be 21 next week. 107 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,081 - Wow. That's a biggie. Happy birthday. - Yeah. 108 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,971 So could you? 109 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,686 Well, you know, the law's pretty clear on this. 110 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,081 I think you can get into a lot of trouble-- 111 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,083 Come on, I'm a junior in college. 112 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,890 You drank when you were in college. 113 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,850 - I .... - Besides, it's so arbitrary. 114 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,526 How does it make sense that 20's old enough to vote or watch porn... 115 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,371 - ...but it's too young to have a beer? - Really? 116 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,761 Twenty's old enough to, um--? 117 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,605 - Vote? - No. The other thing. 118 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,604 Watch porn? Yeah. Half the girls in those things are my age. 119 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,560 I mean, unless it's that weird fetish stuff where the women are, like, 40. Ha, ha. 120 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:43,767 Mm. 121 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,571 Look, I promise, no one's gonna find out. 122 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:50,611 Join me down at the river. We'll listen to some tunes and suck down a few beers. 123 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,446 Oh .... 124 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,047 Freeze right there! 125 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,282 You're under arrest for supplying alcohol to a minor. 126 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:04,930 Mills, you're fired! 127 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,930 I award your wife the house, the cars and half your wages. 128 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,363 I don't want you walking me down the aisle. You cheated on mom! 129 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,961 I don't want you at my civil ceremony. You cheated! 130 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,247 Get out. 131 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:16,967 What? 132 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:22,251 What I mean is that I'm sorry, I can't do that. 133 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:23,807 Why not? 134 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:29,328 Because it would be inappropriate, Paige. 135 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,927 What, is that your adult voice? "That would be inappropriate, Paige." 136 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,963 - Come on, it's for the-- - No, Paige. 137 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,164 What are you thinking? I'm a married man. I have children. 138 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,483 You think they'd like me at the river alone drinking with a coed? 139 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,440 I never said alone. My boyfriend and his roommates are down there. 140 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,246 Okay, you better head inside now. 141 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,129 Good night, Paige. 142 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:55,481 Ew. 143 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,002 - What the hell were you thinking? - Okay, scoot along now, Paige. 144 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,048 Oh, thank God, you're still awake. 145 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,403 Quiet. Gunnar just fell asleep. 146 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,131 Okay. Let's tiptoe. 147 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,369 - Be very quiet, but still excited. - Ha, ha. 148 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,685 - Okay. - Ha, ha. 149 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,206 I'm scared. 150 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,330 - Can I sleep with you tonight? - Aw. 151 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,323 - Daddy? - No, absolutely not. 152 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,528 Daddy, words hurt, you know. 153 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,250 - Well .... - Come on, she's scared. 154 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,323 - We can let her-- - What? Are you serious? 155 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,801 Look, this isn't just about her cock blocking me. 156 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,282 I don't like that my daughter needs someone to sleep with her every night. 157 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,727 That's not gonna be good when she goes to college. 158 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,123 Well, can someone at least read me a story? 159 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,285 Okay, one quick story. 160 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,050 Jump up. 161 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,608 And what is this new expression, words hurt? 162 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,250 - Where did you get that? - Mommy. 163 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,447 - Mommy? - Mm-hm. 164 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,045 Okay, well, Mommy isn't always right. 165 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,641 You know what my dad had? A belt. Yeah. Now, that hurt. 166 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,087 "Amazingly, our plan worked. 167 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:03,529 The gum kept the door from banging, and we never heard 'Don't slam the door' again. 168 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,727 The end." 169 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,729 - There. You look pretty, Daddy. - Good. 170 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:11,084 Okay, that was the last ponytail. It's time for you to go night-night. 171 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,369 Give me a big hug and a kiss. 172 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,569 Mwah. Mwah. 173 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,720 - I love you, Emma. - I love you more. 174 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,121 No, I love you more. 175 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,251 Honey? Honey? 176 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,050 Honey? 177 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,201 No. No. 178 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,970 I won. Uh. 179 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,364 Come on. Let's go to the slides, Gunnar. 180 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,522 Can you believe all the talent here today? 181 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:12,727 I know. 182 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,609 I mean, look at this buffet of ass. 183 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,649 Imagine coming here back when we were single. 184 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,326 - Ooh. The damage we would do? - Ha, ha, oh, boy. 185 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,608 Oh, man. Oh. 186 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,842 - Hey, did you get any action last night? - Nah. 187 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,691 Came close, but kids were awake when we got home. 188 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,524 - What about you, you get lucky? - No. 189 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:29,920 Well, I mean, kind of. 190 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,481 You know, Grace conked out right when we got home... 191 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,450 ...so I snuck out to the car, rubbed one out. 192 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,409 What are you, Knight Rider? 193 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:40,211 Why can’t you do it in the bathroom like every other guy? 194 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,125 What, and get caught by Grace? No way. I can't risk that. Uh-uh. 195 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:44,850 No, besides, cars turn me on. 196 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:46,970 It's where I lost my virginity. 197 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,771 So I go out there, put the seat back, pump some tunes. 198 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,365 It's pretty nice. 199 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,526 That's one of those things they don't tell you, huh? 200 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:56,727 What? 201 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,690 That you're still gonna be jerking off after you get married. 202 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,810 I mean, I thought that was just gonna be a teenage thing, right? 203 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,804 Yeah, I didn't see that one coming. 204 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,331 I gotta get going. 205 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,047 I gotta drop the kids off at a birthday party. 206 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,680 Hmm. You wanna get a coffee afterwards? 207 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,962 Yeah. Guys, come on! 208 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,809 You all right? You okay? 209 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,325 Yeah. 210 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,642 I tweaked my neck on the 17th hole yesterday. 211 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,610 I was 250 out. Had to get over some water. I gave it my all. 212 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,728 - I didn't know you played yesterday. - Yeah. 213 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,726 Hog-Head and I played some "Golden Tee" - Aah. 214 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,804 Yeah, you gotta stretch. Because even something like foosball... 215 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,681 ...I've thrown my back out where it's, like, the thing where you-- 216 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,726 Oh, my God. 217 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,803 - Hey. What can I get you? - Small coffee. 218 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,047 Sure. 219 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,329 Please don't have a nice ass. Please don't have a nice ass. 220 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,723 Please don't have a nice-- Oh, come on, man. 221 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,649 - That is ridiculous. - I know. 222 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,081 I did some recon. She's from Australia. 223 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,528 - Of course she is. Shit. Don't bring me here. - She's been here about a month. What? 224 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,883 - Shh. Here she comes, here she comes. - All right. Thanks. 225 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:08,887 HEY- hi. 226 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,442 Uh, iced coffee, one Splenda, right? 227 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,365 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 228 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,760 And for your mate? 229 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:17,720 Same. 230 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,087 - Two Splendas. - Okay. 231 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,129 - So pretty. - Chick. Chick. Chick. Zzz. 232 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,850 What are you doing? What are you doing? 233 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,401 Taking mental photographs for my spank bank. 234 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:30,766 Fred, come on, dude. Just-- 235 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,884 You need help. 236 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,602 No. She already got us. Thank you. 237 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,325 Wasn't a question. 238 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:44,970 Kid's right. 239 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,681 - Come on, guys, give it a rest. - Hey, Ed. I didn't see you standing there. 240 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,922 Because you were eye-banging the java babe. 241 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,127 - No. - No. 242 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,123 You're married men. She's half your age. 243 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,442 Maybe a little growing up? What do you think? 244 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,331 Hey, I guess I'm gonna see you at the housewarming party next weekend. 245 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:00,527 Huh? 246 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,489 Yeah, next Saturday afternoon at the new casa. 247 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,483 We're finally in. We're having a little soiree. 248 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:05,687 Hmm. 249 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,320 - Next Saturday-- I think that could be tough. - Yeah, we're jammed. 250 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:09,891 Your wives already RSVP'd. 251 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,128 - Oh. Cool. - Can't wait. 252 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,089 Till then. Come on, pound the potato. 253 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,641 - Pshh. Ha, ha. - Uh-oh. Ha, ha. 254 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,325 Pound it. 255 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:19,966 Pshh. 256 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,770 - Take care, guys. - Okay. 257 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,410 Bye, Ed. 258 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,767 I'll pound his potato, you know what I mean? 259 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,366 - He's a good guy. - He is a nice guy. 260 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,605 - You open, Rick. - I know. 261 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,604 Okay, uh, I'll say three 9s. 262 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,762 Conservative, but that's what I'm going for. 263 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,684 Where's Coakley? Why didn't he show up? 264 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:43,164 Coakley is in Arizona, attending the Hawaiian Tropic regionals. 265 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,647 - But of course. But of course. - Four 9s. 266 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,848 Imagine being Coakley, huh? 267 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,765 That guy's single, he's loaded. Chicks love him. 268 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,763 He doesn't have to answer to anybody. 269 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,809 - Five 3s. - Let me ask you something. 270 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,685 How much would you pay to have your way with a Hawaiian Tropic girl... 271 00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,370 ...for a weekend, hmm? 272 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,683 You can have anyone you want. You know she's not gonna get pregnant. 273 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,882 - No disease. - Not gonna cry rape. 274 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,725 Never hear from her again. Your wife will never find out. 275 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,451 How would I know my wife wouldn't find out? 276 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:11,721 It's a game. 277 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,486 - I'm just saying if it was possible. - It's a scenario. 278 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,768 Like I'm a genie and I can make it happen. 279 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,890 - I can see that. A genie. Yeah. Ha, ha. - Thank you. Thank you. 280 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,930 I can grant you this wish and make like it never happened. 281 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:24,730 Okay. You know what? I'll say it. 282 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,680 I would be willing to pay 250 of your American dollars. 283 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,207 You cheap bastard. 284 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,089 This is an investment, man. 285 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,811 Get your rocks off, right? Protect your wife's feelings. 286 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,401 - I'm going deep with it. Five grand. - Oh! 287 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,403 - Five grand? - Five grand, baby. 288 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:43,086 And I know Hogwarts right here would pay more. 289 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,005 - Hey, guys. Hi. - That's why he wears a tie. 290 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,927 - Hey, Maggie. - Hey, how's it going? 291 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,321 Hey, do you remember my brother-in-law, Flats? 292 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,209 - Pleasure. - Nice to see you again. 293 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:54,407 - Who's winning? - Uh-oh. 294 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,568 This guy right here's got all the loot. 295 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:57,767 - What? - Ha, ha. 296 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,447 Would you do me a favor and not tell Grace that I have disposable income? 297 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,443 She'll make me take her shopping... 298 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,329 ...or, like, see Kathy Griffin in concert. 299 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,250 - Yeah. - Okay. 300 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,640 How'd the kids go down? 301 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,088 Gunnar and Emma stalled for a while, but they weren't too bad. 302 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,369 - What about the baby? - The baby? Not a peep. 303 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,170 - I've been listening the whole time. - Oh. 304 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,481 - Yeah. - All right. 305 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,449 - Well, good night. - Mwah. 306 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,602 - All right. Have fun. - Okay. 307 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,286 - What is that? Four 7s. Is that good? - She's kidding. 308 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,363 - Maybe. Maybe I'm not kidding. - Ha, ha. 309 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,369 See you later. 310 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,211 Hey, genie, can you make my dick work? 311 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,124 Oh, you poor thing. 312 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,124 Oh, silly Daddy got the monitors mixed up. 313 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,330 Oh, have you been listening to those loudmouths ell night? 314 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,562 A question to you, Frederick, sir. 315 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:53,566 How much would you be willing to spend for a weekend of erotic pleasures... 316 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,963 - ...with one of the most beautiful women? - Six grand. 317 00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,323 I've gotta have a way to get the money out of the checking account. 318 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,960 - I assume the genie could help with that? - Oh. I got you. 319 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,009 - I'll just give you my routing number? - Ha, ha. 320 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,164 Hey, hey, put me down for 7500. 321 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,722 Hog-Head, please, man. You don't have $7500. 322 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,325 Hey, be nice. 323 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,687 Okay, Rickster. Ha, ha! 324 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,080 What is your number? 325 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,289 - Ahh, I don't know. - Come on. You've gotta have a number. 326 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,323 - I don't know. - Any girl you choose. 327 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,649 You could do anything you want. The wife will never find out. 328 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,371 Completely harmless. One-time thing. What would you pay? 329 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,330 - I honestly don't know. - Ballpark, please. 330 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,050 Well, I have a great wife... 331 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,811 ...so I wouldn't wanna do anything to hurt her feelings. 332 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,687 So I guess the real question becomes... 333 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,171 ...what wouldn't I pay? 334 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,001 That's why this dude 's wearing the hat. 335 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,643 This house has gotta be worth something, right? 336 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,324 Now, mother-in-laws. What do they go for on the black market? 337 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,005 Fifty bucks, maybe? 338 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:57,722 Fred said 6 grand? Oh, God, what a douche bag. 339 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:01,282 He won't even spend $60 on An Evening With Kathy Griffin tickets for me... 340 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,529 ...but he's gonna give some make-believe genie 6 G's'? 341 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,364 - Wanna near something funnier? - Yeah. 342 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,602 Hog-Head McCormick said 7500. 343 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,125 - Wow. - What? 344 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,767 Look, I mean, on the bright side, they're not cheating on us, right? 345 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,048 - Although that'd be kind of fun to watch. - Ha, ha. 346 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,004 I'd love to see the look on the girl's face... 347 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,646 ...when she wakes up next to Fred with his sleep apnea mask on. 348 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,883 Are you kidding? He wears one of those things... 349 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,208 - ...with the mask and the tube? - Yeah, it's awful. 350 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,600 That is attractive. 351 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,808 Every time I wake up, I think a plane's going down. 352 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:35,082 You know, sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if they did cheat. 353 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:36,287 Just got it over with. 354 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:40,411 You mean rather than take the slow boat to resentment? 355 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,926 I'm just saying, maybe a little freedom would be good for them, and for you. 356 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,287 Have you ever considered giving him a hall pass? 357 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:50,245 - A what? - A hall pass. A week off from marriage. 358 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,487 - No. - Heh. 359 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,769 Wait a minute. Are you saying let them go out and cheat? 360 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,048 I'm saying, give them a week off from marriage. 361 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:02,284 Look, most married men have very foggy memories of their single days... 362 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,364 ...and they begin to believe that if not for you... 363 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,409 ...they could be with these other women. 364 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,641 That's Fred. 365 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,531 I mean, he thinks because he sees big tits all day long... 366 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,365 ...and he manages to make it home without squeezing one... 367 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,330 ...that I should be greeting him at the door like some hero. 368 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,802 Maybe it's time to let them go out there and find out what it's like. 369 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,406 - Huh? - It's called the reactance theory. 370 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,967 It's a principle in psychology which says... 371 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:29,283 ...that if you constantly tell someone they can't do something... 372 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,369 ...they just want to do it more than ever. 373 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,490 Conversely, if you remove the taboo, you remove the obsession. 374 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,404 You know what? I have an idea, doc. 375 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:40,565 Why don' t you let your husband have a hall pass and let us know how it turns out? 376 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:41,960 Oh, I have. 377 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,851 Are you telling us you let Charlie sleep with another woman? 378 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:50,090 I'm not telling you that. I gave him the freedom to choose for himself. 379 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:51,840 And? 380 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,810 All I know is our marriage is better than ever. 381 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,484 All right. 382 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,931 Here, I'll get it. I'll get it, watch. Watch, watch, watch. 383 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,484 - Oh, wow, look at this place. - Pretty good, huh? 384 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,208 - Hey. - There he is, the lord of the manor. 385 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,204 You see the Prius? We're going green. 386 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:24,521 I can see that. 387 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,045 Everybody in the shack! 388 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,362 - The grand tour's about to begin! - Come on! 389 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:30,120 I call it headquarters. 390 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:34,205 And behind that wall, the war room. A 300-square-foot humidor. 391 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:38,331 The humidity in there never gets above 71 percent and never below 70. 392 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,007 Oh! Unbelievable. How does he come up with this stuff, huh? 393 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,561 Aw, thank you, Mandy. I threw in a backup generator... 394 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,724 ...in case we lose power and the main genny doesn't kick in. 395 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,325 It's absolutely epic, Ed. 396 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:50,931 Who wants a Cubano, huh? 397 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,687 Oh, wait a second, Eddie. First I want to show them my headquarters. 398 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,410 - Come, come. - Everybody upstairs. 399 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,722 Hey, Larry, I'll get you a cigar. Come on. 400 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,208 I can’t stand these look-at-how-much-I-own parties. They're obnoxious. 401 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:10,365 When I got my fully loaded Honda Odyssey, I didn't go around bragging about it, did I? 402 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,967 Well, kind of. You made me drive around town for two hours, remember? 403 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,851 Well, I thought you'd like to watch a movie in a minivan. 404 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,731 - You never watched a movie in a minivan. - No. 405 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,008 But did you have to hook your boat up to it? 406 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,606 Yeah. Yeah. It's a touring edition, dick. 407 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,603 Fridge, Sub-Zero. 408 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,685 The floors are French limestone and the counter tops are Brazilian granite. 409 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,080 It's my paradise. 410 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,847 With a price tag north of 240 large, it better be paradise. 411 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,207 See, this is why the terrorists hate us. 412 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,449 Oh. I love Brazilian granite. How come I don't have Brazilian granite? 413 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:46,242 If you recall, we had to make a couple of fairly substantial expenditures. Remember? 414 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,645 Hey, gang, check this out. 415 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:53,010 Oh. Honey, don't show them that. They're gonna think we're wackos. 416 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,970 Sweetie, don't keep me down. 417 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,605 - What the hell is this? - Get in here, you're gonna love this. 418 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,928 Hey, where are the guys? 419 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,649 Wow. This is like secret-agent stuff. 420 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,802 I think a safe room is a bit over-the-top. 421 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,486 Ed thought with the little ones you can never be too cautious. 422 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,563 Oh. You're such a good daddy. 423 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,210 No, I disagree. 424 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,323 Here comes Tweedledee and Tweedledum. 425 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,881 Who gets a minivan when they don't have any kids? 426 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,483 Wow, man. You just don't understand the insurance game, do you, Rick? 427 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,644 - Ah, enlighten me. - When you pull into a person's driveway... 428 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,644 ...to sell them insurance, who do you think they'd rather see? 429 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,201 Some knucklehead hotshot in a convertible Sebring... 430 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,044 ...or a family man in a minivan? 431 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,168 Where is everybody? Hello? 432 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,927 - Guys, we're in here! - They can't hear you. 433 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,241 Room's soundproof. 434 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,121 And bulletproof. Also, Curt Schilling's been in here, because I know him. 435 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:46,767 Hmm. 436 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,766 I guess they must've gone upstairs. 437 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,126 Look at this fucking thing. 438 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,281 - I feel bad for Ed Jr. - Mm-hm. 439 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,687 It's one thing if you wanna look like Admiral Dipshit... 440 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,650 ...but then you gotta do it to your kid? Look at that little: 441 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:03,847 it's awful. 442 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,848 Got him, like, looking like Thurston Howell too. "Eh ...." 443 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,731 Thanks for coming to the war room, old chap. 444 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:15,044 By the way, did I mention that my wife's vagina never goes above 71 % humidity? 445 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,328 - Um, maybe we should turn this off. - Not a chance. 446 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,370 What happens if you lose power during a blow... 447 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,204 ...and your main generator drops out? 448 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:26,569 That's why we had the backup genny installed in Britney's rumpus. 449 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,649 - Here we go. - Ah, good show. 450 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,290 - In the rumpus? - Right inside. 451 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,363 And there 's room in there with the stick? 452 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,289 We had to rotate the stick a little. 453 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,011 But then it gives you a little room to get it up there! 454 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,766 Absolutely. Can wedge anything in that ass. 455 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,366 Ha-ha-ha. Your English accent's great! 456 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:43,806 Thank you. 457 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,041 Speaking of installations... 458 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,641 ...what about the shiny new set of cans on Mandy? 459 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:48,881 - Oh .... - Oh, yeah. 460 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,884 Either that or she's buying her T-shirts at Baby Gap. 461 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,209 - I don't get the whole fake-boob thing. - What don't you get? 462 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,250 I like my bongos with a little mileage on them, like Britney's. 463 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,602 Britney's? No way, those are like Baja miles. 464 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,240 I like being able to get in there and smoosh them... 465 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,324 ...hump them, Stretch Armstrong, just bibbety-bap them all around. 466 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:08,527 Okay. All right. 467 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,166 But what about the correlation between floppy boobs... 468 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,606 ...and large-mouth vaginae? 469 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:13,807 Okay. 470 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,043 You look down there, it's like, "Hey, I'm Billy Big-mouth Vagina." 471 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,441 Home, home on the range 472 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,604 Where the big-mouth vaginae Feel strange 473 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,922 - Where nothing is good - Shh, shh, shh. 474 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,602 And it can't Ht your wood 475 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:28,847 You know what I mean. 476 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,570 Oh, relax. Come on, they can't hear us. 477 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,648 You people are horrible! Horrible! 478 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,928 Very disappointed, gentlemen. Very disappointed. 479 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,609 Hey, anyone thinking chocolate-chip cookie dough in a waffle cone? 480 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,445 Large-mouth vaginae? 481 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:58,491 You thought that was funny? 482 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,087 No. 483 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,925 Really? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. 484 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,641 Well, I was embarrassed for Fred, to be honest. It was uncomfortable. 485 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,484 What the hell is wrong with you two? 486 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,847 You are completely obsessed with sex. 487 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,970 Honey, obsessed is a very strong word. 488 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,881 Oh, yeah? This morning you left the computer on Cock Gobblers.Corn. 489 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,169 I get my weather from that site. 490 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,604 You know what really bothers me? 491 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:32,010 This thing that you're all so obsessed with is completely meaningless to you. 492 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,323 Rick, you can’t even tell me the month that you lost your virginity. 493 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,245 I can tell you the exact day and hour that I lost mine. 494 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,169 Well, honey, virginity's different for guys. 495 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:46,006 The point is, I like sex too. It means something to me. 496 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,369 But that doesn't mean that I'm out gawking at every guy I see. 497 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,490 Okay, so I occasionally notice other women. I'm sorry. 498 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,687 Occasionally? 499 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,764 Driving in a car with you is like being with a horny bobblehead. 500 00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:00,447 I notice women. I notice all women. I do. And you wanna know why? 501 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,047 - It's because of the way guys are wired. - Oh, come on. Give me a break. 502 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,328 It's true. It's just the way it is. 503 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:10,326 It's not the way you think. It's more like a curse. It's something you can't help. 504 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:15,042 I thought when we got married that it would stop, but it doesn't. It's just-- it's there. 505 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,964 I'm giving you a hall pass. 506 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:19,566 - A what? - One week off from marriage. 507 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:24,051 What, like a trial separation? You are seriously overreacting. 508 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,363 No, it's not a separation, it's a hall pass. 509 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,046 You can do whatever you want. Get it out of your system. 510 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,884 Wait a second, are you for real? 511 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,281 Rick, this isn't something that I just .... 512 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,520 I think that you need this. I think we need this. 513 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,364 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 514 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,046 It's not a yes-or-no offer, and it's not a debate. 515 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,443 Tomorrow morning I'm taking the kids to my parents' Cape house. 516 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,364 We'll be back next Sunday. 517 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,727 Oh, great. So, what am I supposed to do? 518 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,285 Whatever you want. 519 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,286 As far as I'm concerned, you have the week off from marriage. 520 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,645 They've just added this porch. 521 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,485 There's also a jogging path right by the river. 522 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,211 But also, what they've just put in is a new bike trail-- 523 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,847 - Hello. - Hey. Oh. What are you doing here? 524 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,368 I called the office, they said you were in the neighborhood. Nice place. 525 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,729 This is my friend Fred. Fred, say hello to Harold and Marcy Goldberg. 526 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,680 - They're just moving up from Long Island. - Oh, mazeltov, folks. How are you? 527 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,526 Let me give you a card. If you need any home, auto, life insurance. 528 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,968 - Kind of the go-to mensch here in town. - We're okay with insurance. 529 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:35,203 That's what they all say until they drop dead. Let me give you one. 530 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:38,011 I don't think anyone's gonna drop dead. But thanks, Fred. 531 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:39,730 If you wanna take another look... 532 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,486 ...I'll be waiting right here to answer any questions. 533 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,604 - Thanks. Yeah. - Ha, ha. 534 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,525 What are you doing, man? The mazeltov? Give me a break. 535 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,650 - Sorry. You weren't answering your phone. - No. I'm working. 536 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,451 I just wanna see what trouble you got into last night. 537 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,364 - You know what Grace made me do? - What? 538 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,330 She drove me there to apologize. Did Maggie give you grief... 539 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:00,686 ...when you got back home? 540 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,171 - Kind of. - Yeah? 541 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,051 What happened? 542 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,407 She gave me a hall pass. 543 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:09,800 A what? 544 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,571 It's like a week off from marriage. 545 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,609 Heh, heh. Yeah, right. 546 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,121 - I'm serious. - Fuck you. 547 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:18,327 It's true. 548 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:22,530 She's taking the kids and going up to her parents' beach house till next Sunday. 549 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,850 Wait, I don't get it. What--? Why aren't you buying ticker tape for the parade? 550 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,480 - I don't know how I feel about it. - Feel about what? 551 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,611 The hall pass. I don't-- just-- Something doesn't seem quite right. 552 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,331 You think Maggie might have a brain tumor or something? 553 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:40,485 No, no. It's like, just because your wife says it's okay to cheat, is it? 554 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,926 There's a part of me that's like: 555 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:45,169 "Wow. You must've really pushed her to get her to this point." 556 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,961 Is that good for a marriage, that she's willing to try something this insane? 557 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,361 Absolutely. Come on. 558 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,366 Doesn't it ever bother you that all of our wives' dreams come true and ours don't? 559 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,681 Look at Maggie, all right? 560 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,121 She used to play house. You bought her a house. 561 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,443 She used to play with a Easy-Bake Oven. You bought her a Viking. 562 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,847 She wanted to be a mommy, you made her a mommy. 563 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,126 - GE. - What GE? 564 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:07,361 The oven's a GE. 565 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,642 It doesn't matter, you're not trying to sell. 566 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,771 Look at you, you're not living your dreams. I don't see you hosting Wheel of Fortune. 567 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:17,561 Your wife is living her dreams, and now this woman, this saint of a woman... 568 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,485 ...she's giving you the opportunity to live yours. 569 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:27,089 Now you watch, this thing's gonna end up biting Maggie in the ass. 570 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,528 And I gotta admit, I lost a little respect for Rick for accepting it. 571 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,409 - Well, it wasn't really his choice. - Mm-hm. 572 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,130 This is really her call, Fred. 573 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,806 Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. 574 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:38,564 - You know what, maybe you're right. - Huh. 575 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,967 Maybe this is the progressive, cool thing to do. 576 00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:43,691 Yeah, that's not what I was saying. I said-- 577 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,362 You are not getting a hall pass. So you can cut the bullshit. 578 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:48,721 What? 579 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,043 Why would I need a hall pass, huh? I got you! 580 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,568 Well, not tonight, you don't. I'm bloated and I have cramps. 581 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:59,287 Ah, shit. I forgot to take out the trash. 582 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:06,648 Tonight's the night we'll make history 583 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:12,450 Honey, you and I 584 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,161 'Cause I 'll take any risk 585 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:20,481 To tie back the hands of time 586 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:28,125 And stay with you here tonight 587 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:38,286 I know you feel these are the worst of times 588 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:43,361 I do believe it's true 589 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:49,204 But I know If the world just passed us by 590 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:51,601 Baby, I know 591 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,129 I wouldn't have the time 592 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,044 No, no 593 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:01,489 The best of times 594 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,886 Okay, ma'am. If you say he's yours, you can have him. 595 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:08,804 Thank you, officer. 596 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,282 - Is he going to jail? - Thank you so much. 597 00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:19,240 What kind of sick prick jerks off in his front yard?! 598 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,081 I got a hall pass. 599 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:23,690 What? How? 600 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,684 Well, it doesn't matter how. I got one. 601 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,842 Can you believe it? I got a hall pass. 602 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,525 When does yours begin? 603 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,330 Uh, 24 minutes ago. 604 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,687 Yeah, she's gonna go join Maggie up at the Cape. 605 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,366 It's just you and me, buddy, for the next 6 days. Ha, ha. 606 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,524 You realize how much easier this is, having a hall-pass partner? 607 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:42,841 Yeah. Tell me about it. 608 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,571 It's not just me. It's gonna be Gary, Hog-Head, Flats. 609 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:47,330 They're all coming out with us. 610 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,721 Are you joking? Those guys got hall passes? 611 00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,611 - No, no, no. They just wanna watch. - Yeah. Watch what? 612 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,730 Watch us reel in the babes. Ha, ha. 613 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,327 That's good, that's good. You remember how we dominated in JV basketball? 614 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:00,567 Yeah, senior year. 615 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,520 But that one game where we had a couple fans in the stands, we played even better. 616 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,889 - We're a couple of show ponies, aren't we? - Yeah, we came alive! 617 00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:10,566 We gotta get out of here, we're burning daylight. 618 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,210 - Let me log out. - You log out. 619 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,409 - I'm gonna try to bang your receptionist. - No, no, no! Fred. Fred. 620 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,005 Let's keep the office clean. 621 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,003 Wait till we hit the streets. 622 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:20,810 Class act. 623 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,208 What is taking this dude so long? 624 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,567 Just be patient. He'll come. 625 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,249 Wait, okay, I see some movement. 626 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,209 - I don't see anything. - Yeah, upstairs window. 627 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,408 Oh. Here he comes. 628 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,648 - What the hell is he doing? - Uh-oh. 629 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,920 - Shit! - He's up. He's up. 630 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,286 You okay? 631 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,323 Come on, come on. 632 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:56,490 Get in here, Rapunzel. 633 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,371 - What the hell took you so long? - I couldn't find my umbrella. 634 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,090 Why do you need an umbrella? 635 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,766 Apparently there's a forty percent chance of a light drizzle. 636 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,122 Come on, come on. Let the mayhem commence. 637 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:07,884 Hit it. 638 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,600 This place is dead. 639 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,970 Okay, well, the guy at the Comfy Nite Inn said it doesn't really kick in till about 9:30. 640 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:46,167 All right. 641 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,322 Why are you guys staying at a hotel? 642 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:52,610 Well, come on, Flats, I can't very well bring a bunch of models back to my place. 643 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,529 What if they end up stalking me? 644 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,087 And Rick's house has got a bunch of family photos... 645 00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,447 ...and kids' drawings on the fridge, you know? 646 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,849 It ain't exactly an aphrodisiac for babes. 647 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,206 Doesn't make boners. 648 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,563 Hey, hey, talking of babes, which one have you got your eyes on? 649 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,722 - Come on, who are you gonna bone first? - Uh .... 650 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,124 Hey, hey, hey. What about those two? Why don't you go bang them? 651 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,403 Or maybe the hostess. Someone should definitely jump her bones. 652 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,244 Guys, attempt to be cool. 653 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,323 You know, we've got the whole week, so .... 654 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,244 We'll get there, we'll get there. 655 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,563 Are you guys sure Applebee's is the best place to meet horny women? 656 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,722 What are you thinking, Olive Garden? 657 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,048 What do you want, hot pussy or breadsticks? 658 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,407 Wait a second, wait. Where's Coakley? 659 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,086 - That's where we should be. - Yeah. He's in Iceland. 660 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:36,651 Why? What's he doing there? 661 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,009 What do you think? Iceland has the most beautiful women in the world. 662 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:41,400 Yeah. Bjork. 663 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,604 Okay, look. I'm taking the bull by the horns right now, okay? 664 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,849 You guys want beautiful women, right? 665 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,889 I know a place that got ass on tap! 666 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:52,123 Okay? And it's not Applebee's. And it's not Olive Garden. 667 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:53,367 Let's roll, baby. 668 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,330 - Follow me, fellas, for some ass. - Good. Okay. I like it. 669 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,211 A man with an plan. Okay. Where we going? 670 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:00,486 Chili'S. 671 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:01,880 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 672 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,845 Before we go bagging chicks, I need a hunk of beef inside me. 673 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,805 You're not gonna get a better hunk of beef than you get here. 674 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,161 That's true. That's true. 675 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,403 Look, we got a long night ahead of us. Why don't we go fuel up? 676 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,201 Okay, where to now? 677 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,371 - Rick? - Hmm? 678 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,449 - Answer Flats. - What's the question? 679 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,723 What the hell are we doing for the rest of the night? 680 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,450 - We're gonna get laid, right? - Yeah. 681 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,443 Is that the plan? Yeah. 682 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,611 I gotta go home and poo. 683 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:36,764 Now? 684 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,410 Why don't you just back one out here? 685 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,245 Ooh, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need a bath afterwards. 686 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,483 Come on, guys! All right, listen, I say we go to a titty bar, yeah? 687 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,450 Where there's tits, and we look at them, and we smoke cigars. 688 00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:51,047 - That'll put a bit of lead back in the pencil. - I got a better idea. 689 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,409 I say we, uh, tie a bow on it and put her to bed. 690 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,609 It's gonna be a long week. I think we need to pace ourselves. 691 00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,928 What? It's only 9:15. 692 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,448 Mm. No, I'm with Rico. Freddie tie-tie. 693 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:04,687 Oh, come on! 694 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,923 Guys, guys, relax. This is just the calm before the storm. 695 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:12,802 That's right, that's right. Tonight we build up some strength, and then tomorrow, pfft... 696 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:15,650 ...make landfall. 697 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,011 This resort sure beats the hell out of the Comfy Nite Inn. 698 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,487 - Why aren't you guys staying here? - Too pricey. 699 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:28,850 Besides, if you pay for golf you get full access to the resort, including the pool bar. 700 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,769 - Oh! - Not bad, yeah? 701 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,804 Mothers, lock up your daughters. The dogs are off the leash. 702 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,042 Gentlemen, look what I got here. 703 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,201 What are those? 704 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:38,885 Oh, just some brownies... 705 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:40,530 - ...of the pot variety. - Whoa. 706 00:34:40,720 --> 00:34:42,609 - What? - We're not on spring break. 707 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,445 - Where'd you get those? - From the guy who cleans my office. 708 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:47,881 - Come on, who's in? - Ehh. Ahh .... 709 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:49,850 No. 710 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:51,610 Come on, you squares. 711 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,569 It's not the same as when you smoke it. 712 00:34:53,720 --> 00:34:57,406 When you eat it, it's a much more mellow buzz. Makes you feel sort of relaxed. 713 00:34:57,720 --> 00:34:59,722 - Are they chocolatey? - Yeah. 714 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:02,929 You know what, Rick? This is spring break. 715 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:04,724 You guys got a hall pass. 716 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,245 You need to live it up. 717 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,721 Might help your rap with the ladies at the pool later. 718 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,089 - Ha, ha. Correct. - You don't even have a hall pass. 719 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,322 So? I can live vicariously through you guys. 720 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,324 It's not vicarious if you're actually doing it, Hog-Head. 721 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,642 Get off my back. I'm just trying to enjoy a pastry here. 722 00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:22,087 Oh, what the hell. 723 00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:24,891 It's not like my game could get any worse. 724 00:35:27,240 --> 00:35:28,890 - Come on. - Do it. 725 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,850 - All right, give me one of those things. - Hee-hee. 726 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:34,366 It's a bit naughty. 727 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:43,685 Hurry up! 728 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,161 What kind of soap do you use? 729 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:48,369 - In the shower? - Yeah. 730 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:50,170 Whats the matter with you? 731 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,049 - Dove. - I like Dove. 732 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,371 I like it, it doesn't dry your skin out so much. 733 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,966 - Play through! - Play through. 734 00:35:58,400 --> 00:35:59,845 Feel this. 735 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:03,763 - That is so soft. - Yeah. 736 00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,890 Golly, that is soft. Hey, Hog-Head, come here, man. 737 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,407 You gotta feel Rick's skin, feel how soft it is. 738 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,046 - Ha-ha-ha. - Hog-Ass, you okay? 739 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,085 What the hell is he doing? 740 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,130 He's got back spasms. 741 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,290 - Not him. Him. - No, they were delicious. 742 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,922 - Think your mother would give the recipe? - Gary! What are you doing? 743 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,011 I'm talking to the guy who cleans my office! 744 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,123 He says we took way too much! 745 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,011 We're only supposed to eat, like, a quarter of a brownie each! 746 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:35,801 What? 747 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:40,324 Look, this is the third time I've had to flag your group, and you're on the 4th hole. 748 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,520 Now, if I have to come out here again, you're done. 749 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:45,324 - Sorry, we're gonna pick it up. - Ha, ha. 750 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:46,686 I'll see you, Jorge. 751 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,323 Where was the last place you saw it? 752 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:56,445 On one of the fairways. I grabbed e club, took e swing, looked around, gone. 753 00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:57,726 - Vanished? - Yes. 754 00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,166 Dude, where's my golf cart? 755 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:00,850 - Not funny. - Fred, knock it off. 756 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:02,809 Hey, guys, I need to take a poo. 757 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,200 Give us a second here. 758 00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:05,771 I think it's been stolen. 759 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,207 - Who's gonna steal a golf cart? - Criminals. 760 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,569 - It's probably jacked up on bricks now. - Gary, you're being paranoid. 761 00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:15,008 - I'll tell you this. I do remember this. - What's up with this shit? 762 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,527 I saw it on the 11th tee. That's the last I saw it. 763 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,648 - We're on the sixth hole. - They're cutting. 764 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,126 Did we skip five holes? 765 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:22,691 Shit, where are my kids? 766 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,530 Anybody have any napkins? 767 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:26,531 Come on, man! 768 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,525 We're getting cut on by the Joy Luck Club. 769 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:32,561 Nobody cares about this? 770 00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:34,563 - Is that the marshal? - Should we say something? 771 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,649 Cops! Run for it! Cutters! 772 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:50,241 Whoa. Oh .... 773 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,721 - Speed up, speed up! - I can't! I've got it floored! 774 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:55,491 Well, cut through the woods! 775 00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:00,563 - Come on! - Come on! Come on! 776 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:02,370 - Hurry! - Hurry! 777 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:04,921 - Go! Go! Go! - Come on! 778 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:11,924 Go, go, go! 779 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:26,842 Ed. Britney. 780 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,843 Clones. 781 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:42,730 - Strike! - Hey, ump! You're missing a hell of a game! 782 00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:44,888 Let's go. Come on, batter up. Let's go. 783 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:47,649 Little hit. Little hit. Let's go, Gerry. 784 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:54,601 Go, go, go! 785 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:56,770 Safe! 786 00:38:58,200 --> 00:38:59,964 I don't know how you can be so calm... 787 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,726 ...knowing our husbands are out chasing tail all over town. 788 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:04,803 Shh, keep it down. 789 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:06,883 Relax. Here's how I see it: 790 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,203 Rick and Fred are like a couple of domesticated cats scratching at the door. 791 00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:12,647 - Ha, ha. - The first time you let them out... 792 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,844 ...they are so paralyzed with fear they bolt back into the house. 793 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,884 Okay, but we're not talking about cats here. We are talking about dogs. 794 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,003 Ha, ha. Well, what choice do we have? 795 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:24,448 I don't know. I mean, why couldn't we just keep the status quo? 796 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,524 Were things that bad that we have to do something this extreme? 797 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,250 For me they were. 798 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:31,802 Remember when we went to Lucy's award thing? 799 00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,486 - Yeah. - Well, that night Rick and I were gonna... 800 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:35,761 - ...you know. - Yeah. 801 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:39,561 I started wondering, who is he gonna be thinking about when we're having sex? 802 00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:42,121 Is it gonna be that girl that he checked out... 803 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,523 ...or is it gonna be somebody he met that day or Missy Frankinopoulos? 804 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:50,163 Gr some Frankinopoulos monster where he combines his favorite parts of all of them? 805 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,840 - So when he came into the room .... - What? 806 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,480 I pretended to be asleep. 807 00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,446 You're kidding. You don't-- You've never done that before? 808 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:00,840 I do that all the time. 809 00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:02,644 - Really? - Yes. 810 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,327 I think it's our job as women that between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m... 811 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:07,845 ...we just fake everything. 812 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,446 - Ha, ha. Well, I don't know. I-- - Hey. 813 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,721 I'm Gerry. Thanks for coming out to support us. 814 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,848 Yeah. That was so much fun. 815 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,843 - Go Falmouth. Ha, ha. - Ha, ha. 816 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:19,047 Thanks. 817 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,647 So we saw you guys sitting up there with those kids. Are you nannies or something? 818 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,403 No. Those are my kids. 819 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:27,641 They're her kids. 820 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,325 I'm not old enough to have kids. 821 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,210 Come on. Guys, come on, let's go. Let's pick it up. 822 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:34,850 - What am I, your slave? - See you. 823 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,685 Pick up your own balls and bats! Move your ass! 824 00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:39,569 - Thank you, Eddie. - Ha, ha. Hey, Dad. 825 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:41,563 Maggie, Grace. Rick Coleman, my golf buddy. 826 00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,688 - He's the coach. - Hey. Hi. 827 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,003 Hope those clowns weren't bothering you. 828 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:49,403 - Oh, no, they were sweet. - Yeah. No, no. Those were cute kids. 829 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,564 We're going to the players' digs for beer and brats. Join us? 830 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,209 - Yeah. - No. We have to get the kids home. 831 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,409 Go. Go have some fun. You haven't been out all week. 832 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,410 Your mother and I have the kids. We've got Paige. No problem. 833 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:06,002 - I don't know. We weren't planning on-- - Come on. It's gonna be fun. 834 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:09,084 We're gonna have a belly-flop contest in the pool. You all can be judges. 835 00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:10,605 - Ha, ha. Uh-- - We're in. 836 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,570 Great. Let me clean up and you can follow me over. 837 00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:16,929 - Great. - I'll go round up the kids. 838 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:18,765 - What are you doing? - Huh? 839 00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:23,284 Those guys are still in college. And in case you forgot, we're married. 840 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:27,240 Uh, to who? Because you know what? The last that I checked... 841 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,846 ...Rick and Fred had the week off from marriage... 842 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,083 ...so remind me again, who are we married to? 843 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,651 Well, I guess one beer won't kill us. 844 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:40,370 Now, that's my girl. 845 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,967 Come on, why can't we have some fun? God knows our guys are living it up. 846 00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,204 What would you rather? Make out with a guy or let him blow you? 847 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:50,569 And you gotta pick one or your whole family will die. That's the rule. 848 00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:52,131 Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 849 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,448 - How long would you have to make out? - Ten minutes. 850 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,125 - Tongue? - Of course. 851 00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,049 How long would you have to let him blow you? 852 00:41:58,240 --> 00:41:59,651 - Seven minutes. - Seven? 853 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,131 Couldn't last seven minutes. 854 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:05,126 This is tricky because, obviously, getting a blow job from a guy, you know, is bad... 855 00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:06,805 - ...but I don't know. - Oh. 856 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,611 Making out with him is just so intimate, isn't it? 857 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,127 What does he do for a living, just out of interest? 858 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:16,122 Okay, look. This is some bullshit, okay? I'm out of here, man. 859 00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,682 I wanted to watch you guys pick up chicks, not talk about dicks. 860 00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:24,528 Whoa. Greased Lightning, take your foot off the gas. These things take time. 861 00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:28,446 Nah, Flats is right. This is day three. You guys haven't even talked to a girl. 862 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,807 That's not true. Thanks to Gary's brownies... 863 00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:34,282 ...I was talking to Judy on the drug hotline most of last night. 864 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,683 I'm gonna get going as well, guys. See you later. 865 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,282 Guys, it's all right if you strike out. 866 00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:44,126 For God's sakes, at least take a couple of swings. 867 00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:56,765 Maybe we should just call the girls, ask them to come home. 868 00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,809 Wait a second, you wanna quit? 869 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:04,364 Fred, come on. We're not the same guys we were 15 years ago when we were single. 870 00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:05,607 We've changed. 871 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,043 No. No, you've changed. All you're thinking about is yourself. 872 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,964 I don't care. I'm exhausted. I wanna go home. 873 00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:15,204 - I miss my wife and kids, okay? - No. 874 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:20,042 No, no, no. Let me explain something to you, okay? 875 00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:23,323 If Maggie and Grace find out that we can't get laid on our own... 876 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,051 ...they'll start thinking that we need them to get laid. 877 00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,170 Do you realize what that'll do to the balance of power in our homes? Do you? 878 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,084 Ahh. Yeah. 879 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,402 Maybe we just say that we did hook up. 880 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,848 I can't. Grace will know I'm lying. She always knows when I'm lying. 881 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:38,331 And she doesn't forget. 882 00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,927 I once got caught giving her fake chow and I didn't hear the end of it for years. 883 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,845 - What's fake chow? - When you're going south on them... 884 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,924 ...and don't wanna use your tongue, so you use fingers and smack your lips. 885 00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,442 - Fake chow. - Gotcha. 886 00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:55,089 - What if we hit a massage parlor? - No way. That is giving up. 887 00:43:55,240 --> 00:43:56,605 You don't get it, do you? 888 00:43:56,760 --> 00:44:00,003 If we can't show something positive can come from having a hall pass... 889 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:01,889 ...then the whole concept is dead. 890 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:04,566 Not just for you and me, but for all mankind. 891 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,289 Okay, let's get out of here. I know exactly where we should be. 892 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:12,521 Not tonight, fellas. 893 00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,727 But there is an oldies bar up on Mineral Spring Avenue. 894 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,161 - Check that out. - Ha, ha. Thanks for the tip, Twilight. 895 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,324 No, no, no. Come on. Look, let's out through the B.S. okay? 896 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,767 I know you got a tough job. I can relate. 897 00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:27,524 When I was in college I was right where you are. 898 00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:29,404 Sorry, but if I let you in I'm gonna lose my job. 899 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:32,763 Come on. You're not gonna lose your job. 900 00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:34,809 Here's 50 bucks, okay? 901 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:36,928 Why don't you see what you can do. 902 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:45,690 Ah, ah, ah. 903 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:50,289 Sorry about that, big man. 904 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,807 My fault. I went against my gut. 905 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:56,004 Oh, yeah, about that. 906 00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,288 We don't mean to question your betting process... 907 00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,762 ...but we were only in there for two minutes before your boss went ballistic. 908 00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,890 - So we were wondering if-- - Can I get my 50 bucks back? 909 00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:07,161 You fucking kidding me? 910 00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:12,930 Whoo! 911 00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,649 How about you, Rick? You have any kids? 912 00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:18,131 I really don't like kids. 913 00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:21,887 They're too needy. Plus, it's usually smart to get married if you're gonna have kids... 914 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,486 ...and women only like me for three months at a time. 915 00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:28,484 That's what you get. That's what you get. 916 00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,166 How about you? How long have you been off the market? 917 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:33,926 - Over 20 years if you include dating. - Whoa. 918 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,646 We started going out when I was a freshmen in college. 919 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,531 - And where is he? - He's .... 920 00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,170 He's back in Providence. 921 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,490 Poor guy. All work and no play. 922 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,809 Yeah. Something like that. 923 00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:50,725 Here we go. 924 00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:54,009 Hey, what's with the helmet? 925 00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,004 Oh, chicks dig motorcycles. Come on. 926 00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:05,170 Hi, everybody. 927 00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:09,089 This is Stella Bass Band. 928 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:12,842 We're here to tighten it up for you. 929 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:17,687 First we want Willie to tighten it up. 930 00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:18,841 What's that? 931 00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:23,045 I went online earlier this afternoon, got a few pick-up lines to get the ball rolling. 932 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,966 "You must be from Ireland because when I look at you my penis is Dublin." 933 00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,524 You know what? I don't think we need any phony pick-up lines. 934 00:46:31,720 --> 00:46:33,882 I think we can just be our natural selves. 935 00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:36,202 - Great, yeah. If you know how to. - Oh, yeah. 936 00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,249 - Give me the helmet. - Mm-hm. 937 00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,246 And right now, there's a lot of people without jobs. 938 00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,681 So, you know, just suck it up. This is gonna-- 939 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:47,724 Hello. 940 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:48,961 - Hello. - Hi. 941 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:50,607 Hola. 942 00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:58,720 Wow. This is awkward. I feel like I'm at my first junior-high mixer. You know? 943 00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,327 - When you don't know what to say. - Ha, ha. 944 00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:07,051 Um, so are you women from Ireland perchance? 945 00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:09,850 - No. - Really? 946 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,082 Oh. I'm very surprised to hear that news... 947 00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:16,165 ...because when I look at you, my wiener doubles in size. 948 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:20,082 Oh, no, no, no. He means that his penis is Dublin. 949 00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:21,685 Like the city in Ireland. 950 00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:22,887 It's doubling. 951 00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:29,408 Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? 952 00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:30,641 No, how much? 953 00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:32,689 Enough to break the ice. Hi, Fred Searing. 954 00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:34,729 Would you like to try the Australian kiss? 955 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,121 It's like the French kiss except down under. 956 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:41,563 Excuse me? Do you think these bar napkins smell like chloroform? 957 00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:44,121 I'm kidding. Fred Searing. Can I buy you a drink? 958 00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:50,643 I feel like donkey-kicking everyone in this bar. This is unbelievable. 959 00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:54,686 Hey. Hey, hey, keep your chin up, okay? No one said this was gonna be easy. 960 00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:57,491 Even in college it took 50 rejections for every one score. 961 00:47:57,680 --> 00:47:58,727 Yeah, yeah. 962 00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:01,451 Of course, it didn't sting as much when you were drunk. 963 00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,171 That's what we should do, then. We should get drunk. 964 00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:06,163 - You're right, we're too stiff. - I know. 965 00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,124 Let's get the creative juices flowing. 966 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:09,924 Let the soul come to the surface. 967 00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:11,923 That's when we're at our most charming. 968 00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:13,969 You say no to me? 969 00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:17,489 You say no to me? No, no, no. Flip it! 970 00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:19,324 I say no to you! 971 00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,484 - Come on, let's go, baby. It's time to go. - Oh, screw you! 972 00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,211 Look, hey, you think your shit don't float? 973 00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:30,161 Let me tell you something. I wouldn't titty-bang any of you in a snowstorm. 974 00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,322 - Come on, please? - No! 975 00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,562 - You had your shot and you blew it! - Come on. 976 00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:37,127 - Goodbye! - You are the man tonight. 977 00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,966 Oh, hey! Betsy Ross! You need a pole for that flag? 978 00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:46,011 Aw, what's the matter? You can't get any bigger, you little bitch? 979 00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:06,331 Hey, hon, it's me again. Just checking in. Hope you and the kids are having fun. 980 00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:11,361 And tell them that I'll call them at bedtime. Okay, miss you guys. 981 00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,481 - I actually didn't order any dessert. - Yeah, I know. 982 00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:19,523 It's on the house. It's from Diana. 983 00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:24,203 - Ohh. Hey, thanks very much. - No, no, no. I said the young guy. 984 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,766 Hey. Hi. This is for you. It's from Diana. 985 00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,604 - Oh, wow, thanks. - You're welcome. 986 00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,282 Zero matches? I didn't think that was possible. 987 00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,647 No, no, I'm just kind of-- I'm just messing around here. 988 00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:58,081 - Yeah, I know. - What a bizarre world... 989 00:49:58,240 --> 00:50:00,242 ...this internet dating thing is. 990 00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,006 Hey, let me ask you something. Ls Grace a big baseball fan? 991 00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:04,241 Grace? 992 00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:06,722 No. No, she hates baseball. 993 00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:08,405 - Really? - Yeah. Despises it. 994 00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:10,244 I just talked with Maggie's dad and he was saying... 995 00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:13,444 ...that the girls have been going to some minor league games. 996 00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:15,682 - Well, the kids are probably enjoying it. - No, that's just it. 997 00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:19,447 It's like the kids are with the grandparents in Nantucket for a few days. 998 00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:20,965 Our girls been going alone. 999 00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:22,924 What is that? 1000 00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:24,565 Just a-- it's a picture. 1001 00:50:24,720 --> 00:50:27,564 - That's from high school. - Yeah, I know. I think it says a lot about me. 1002 00:50:27,720 --> 00:50:30,610 I love football and it's-- it's just like a teaser, man. There's like-- 1003 00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:32,683 I got some more current ones. Look. 1004 00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:35,888 - Oh, look at that. - It's cute. 1005 00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,122 Never occurred to you that the wife and three kids... 1006 00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,362 ...might scare off potential ladies though, huh? 1007 00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,761 You think I should Photoshop the baby out? 1008 00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,890 Yeah. I think you should Photoshop all of them out. Come on. 1009 00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,601 Look, I'm trying to be honest here. I don't want some gal walking away... 1010 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:53,128 ...with a broken ticker when she finds out I'm a one-time carnival ride. 1011 00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,570 Mm-hm. Let's forget the internet, all right? 1012 00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:59,326 You and I gotta start playing to our strengths. Starting now. 1013 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,323 - Good. What are they? - Let's be honest. 1014 00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,005 Complete strangers do not like us. 1015 00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:04,645 - Agreed. - But you know who does? 1016 00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,361 People that know us just a little bit. Like in a casual surface-y kind of way. 1017 00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:10,921 - They dig us. - They do dig us. 1018 00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:13,003 When they don't know us that well. 1019 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,527 - Like who? - Well, I was thinking about .... 1020 00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:23,801 - Oh. Hi, Fred. - Hey, Missy. Oh, here, I got you this. 1021 00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:26,803 - Thanks. - Mm-hm. 1022 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:32,322 - Stuffed grape leaves? - Yeah, and some gyros. 1023 00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:35,444 Gyros. However the hell you say it. Heh, heh. 1024 00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:41,206 - Frankinopoulos. You're Greek, right? - My ex-husband is. 1025 00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:43,603 Right. Right. 1026 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:45,925 So .... 1027 00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:48,928 How are you, Fred? 1028 00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:52,169 - Are you okay? - I don't wanna get into all the details... 1029 00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:58,646 ...but my wife gave me this one time deal where I get to be with another woman. 1030 00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:00,930 - Really? - Yeah. 1031 00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:03,725 Not bad, right? 1032 00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:09,807 Wait a second. 1033 00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:13,050 Is that why you're here? 1034 00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:16,090 Well, if that's what you're getting at I'm not gonna say no. 1035 00:52:16,240 --> 00:52:17,765 What are you, an asshole? 1036 00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,241 Hey, don't go shooting the messenger now. 1037 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:22,721 You come over here out of the blue with a bag of garbage. 1038 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:24,723 - You're welcome. - And you think I'm gonna fuck you... 1039 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:28,009 ...because of some bullshit agreement you had with your wife? 1040 00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:31,409 You know what? Screw you, Fred. 1041 00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,407 What the hell just happened? 1042 00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:46,091 Yeah! 1043 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:55,925 Go, go, go! 1044 00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:58,847 Yeah! 1045 00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:11,044 - Hi. - Hi. Can I take your order? 1046 00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:14,889 I'm not quite sure what I'm gonna get. 1047 00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:17,481 Um, hmm. 1048 00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:23,131 Hoo. Um .... 1049 00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:26,204 So just tell me today 1050 00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,443 Um, hey, man, do you mind if she takes my order? 1051 00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:32,961 Why? 1052 00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:35,202 Well, just .... You know, because .... 1053 00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:37,287 Because she's-- 1054 00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:40,406 She's taken my order before and it's-- 1055 00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:43,928 I'm thinking she'll remember it, and it gets a little bit complicated... 1056 00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,447 ...so I'm thinking it could speed up the process. 1057 00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:48,409 You know, if it's not a big deal. 1058 00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:50,881 Little help. Leigh? 1059 00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,811 Your unique barista skills have been requested. 1060 00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:55,445 Oh, hey. 1061 00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,126 - Hi. - What can I get you? 1062 00:53:58,280 --> 00:53:59,645 Iced coffee, two Splendas. 1063 00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:02,842 - That'll be $2. - Nice tunes, by the way. 1064 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,651 You guys choose them yourself or they come from Corporate? 1065 00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:07,842 It's me. It's Snow Patrol. 1066 00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:11,766 Oh, yeah. Good soundtrack. Pretty good movie. 1067 00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:16,244 Tell you one thing, Cube Gooding definitely does not belong in the snow, does he? 1068 00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:20,845 You're thinking of Snow Dogs, the kiddie flick. 1069 00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,606 This is Snow Patrol, the band. 1070 00:54:27,720 --> 00:54:29,324 Thank you for the tip. 1071 00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,528 Ahem. I was making a joke. 1072 00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,364 - No, you weren't. - Yeah, I was. 1073 00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,682 - You were dead serious. - It was a joke. 1074 00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:43,245 One sec. 1075 00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:45,571 Hello? 1076 00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:47,885 Here you go. 1077 00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:52,649 Enjoy your two-Splenda'd iced coffee, mister. Hmm? 1078 00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:55,041 Why are you smiling? 1079 00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:59,849 You think this is some alligator-infested moat? No one can get over there to you? 1080 00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:03,243 You know, this whole kind of I'm-on-the-inside, too-cool-for-school... 1081 00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:05,442 ...let's-make-fun-of the-dorky-suburban-guy.._ 1082 00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,683 ...because-I'm-safe-on-this-side-of-the counter routine's gonna get you hurt. 1083 00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:11,650 Another thing? After you've lost your parents' money... 1084 00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:15,202 ...on your avant-garde piece-of-crap short film, you're gonna need a job. 1085 00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:17,249 Guess what. It's guys like me that hire. 1086 00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:20,210 Guys like me don't hire punks like you. All right? 1087 00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:23,443 So shape up. Good day, sir. 1088 00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:38,762 I work out there. 1089 00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:42,604 Oh, really? Here? 1090 00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:46,367 Yeah, I work out at home but thinking about taking my workouts public. 1091 00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:47,567 What do you squat? 1092 00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:53,731 Uh, well, I don't really squat. I just run on the hamster wheel after work every day. 1093 00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:57,930 Ha, ha. The old hamster wheel. Yeah. I'm on that baby too. 1094 00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,966 So did you, um, go to Harvard? 1095 00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:04,567 Yeah. I went to a party there once. 1096 00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:08,962 This is actually Harvard Health Care. 1097 00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:12,806 Yeah, I had to go in when I got a bunch of tests done for my life insurance. 1098 00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:17,443 For your variable-term life insurance. When you re-up on your death benefit, it-- 1099 00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,927 Not a big deal. This is-- Ah. 1100 00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:23,482 This thing looks pretty good, though. I like this. "Change your life." 1101 00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:24,721 It's a great place. 1102 00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:28,726 They've actually got a bar there, so I always grab a beer after my workout. 1103 00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:31,486 - A bar? Ha, ha. - It's a good routine. 1104 00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:33,324 Ha, ha. That sounds good. 1105 00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:37,007 If you decide to join, tell them Leigh sent you and I'll get two free months. 1106 00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:39,441 Yeah. Sure thing, Leigh. 1107 00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:40,806 Rocking. 1108 00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:42,968 R-O-C-K in the U.S.A. 1109 00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:44,167 LAUGHS] 1110 00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:48,723 Gr whatever they say in Australia. 1111 00:57:05,240 --> 00:57:07,368 Oh, I'm sorry. Ch. 1112 00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:09,727 Hi. Hello. Hi, Britney. 1113 00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:10,927 - Fred. - Hello. 1114 00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:13,606 Hey. And hello to Alli-- 1115 00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:14,921 - Come here. - Anyway. 1116 00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:18,368 Mr. Searing? You pick up other day. No more clothes here. 1117 00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:22,206 I know. I was just Corning by to let you guys know what a great job you did. 1118 00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,522 As always. Just the perfect amount of starch. 1119 00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:26,883 - Thank you. - Yeah. 1120 00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:29,363 Ah. I'm gonna head out. 1121 00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,444 Got a meeting across town in 'IO minutes, so I should boogie. 1122 00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:34,364 - Okay. Mm. - Very nice seeing you. 1123 00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:38,047 Hey, if you get a chance, please pound Ed's potato for me. 1124 00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:40,851 Okay. Uh, goodbye. Mwah. 1125 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:43,048 Oh, don't do that. That's-- 1126 00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:45,567 Okay. All right. Bye. 1127 00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:03,651 Hi. 1128 00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:04,881 You want a massage? 1129 00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:08,243 - Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You fill out form. 1130 00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:17,403 No, no, no. You know, I'd prefer no paper trail. 1131 00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:21,687 Fill out form. It policy. 1132 00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:26,528 You know what? Um, honestly, I'd prefer not to have anything in print. 1133 00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:28,603 - Little man. Scram. - Ha, ha. 1134 00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:31,047 How I know what you want if you no fill out form? 1135 00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:33,771 I'll just say it to you. I'll just tell you. 1136 00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:38,446 - So, what you waiting for'?! - Oh. Hey. Heh, heh. 1137 00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:41,331 Not very relaxing so far. Um .... 1138 00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:43,482 Okay, um, come here. 1139 00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:48,124 Can I get a rub-and-tug and finish off with a tea bag, please? 1140 00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:52,931 Okay. But must check with manager first. 1141 00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:54,320 No. 1142 00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:57,121 ...rub-and-tug... tea bag... 1143 00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,726 - Um, she misheard. No. - You must fill out form. 1144 00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:04,121 I said, rub, no tug. 1145 00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:06,282 And the tea bags were-- You heat those up. 1146 00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:09,490 You dip them in water, heat them up, and put them on pressure-- 1147 00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:12,166 How do I know more about massage than you guys know about massage? 1148 00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:14,362 - That doesn't make sense. - You are so busted. 1149 00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:16,767 Sorry. Oh, God. 1150 00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:18,604 Okay. Sorry. 1151 00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,960 - Shake it, shake it, shake it - Like a tambourine 1152 00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:26,322 Shake it, shake it, shake it You the one for me 1153 00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:28,323 Shake it, shake it, Mama You the one for me 1154 00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:30,801 I'm realizing you're the only one That's meant to be 1155 00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,923 And when I wake up in the morning All I wanna see 1156 00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:35,242 ls the sun and it's shining on you Next to me 1157 00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:37,641 You got a little broken nail Got a hair out of place 1158 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,411 Got a little bit of extra middle Right around the waist 1159 00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:42,847 - Shake it, shake it, shake it - Like a tambourine 1160 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,241 Shake it, shake it, shake it You the one for me 1161 01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:03,810 Leigh? 1162 01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:07,124 Hey, girl. 1163 01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:09,361 An right! 1164 01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:12,482 Hey, Clyde. This is my friend .... 1165 01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:13,926 - Rick. - Rick. 1166 01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:15,206 He'd like to join. 1167 01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:16,486 Great. 1168 01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,166 - I'll get you signed right up. - Okay. 1169 01:00:19,320 --> 01:00:21,209 - All right. I'll see you later on. - Yeah. 1170 01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:25,046 Oh, Leigh, are you gonna grab a brew-ski after your workout? 1171 01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:26,406 No. 1172 01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:27,806 Gonna grab two. 1173 01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,611 Meet me down here in about one hour sharp. 1174 01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:34,649 Yeah. Peace it. 1175 01:00:45,080 --> 01:00:46,445 Ah. 1176 01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:06,925 Help! 1177 01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:10,882 I can't feel my legs! 1178 01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:13,401 I can't feel my muscles! 1179 01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:17,241 Holy shit! 1180 01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:24,924 - Did you faint, sir? - No, I just .... 1181 01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,526 I think I was in the hot tub too long. I just .... 1182 01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:29,444 My body just feels like jelly. 1183 01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:31,921 You're gonna be okay. Just take a couple breaths. 1184 01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:33,724 Get me some towels. 1185 01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:37,441 No, no. Do me a favor. Irish, switch places with this guy. 1186 01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:39,090 Why? 1187 01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:49,651 - Does this mean you're going steady? - It's not funny. 1188 01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:53,202 This poor kid is spending his hard-earned money on me. It's sad. 1189 01:01:53,800 --> 01:01:56,451 I mean, it's cute, but it's really sad. 1190 01:01:56,600 --> 01:02:00,525 You should be flattered. You're 38 years old and you have college guys chasing you. 1191 01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:01,966 He thinks I'm 32. 1192 01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:07,325 What? Look, I just-- I feel bad if I gave him the wrong impression, you know? 1193 01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,926 No, you didn't give him the wrong impression. 1194 01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:12,521 "Dear Grace, our final game is tonight. 1195 01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:16,162 Please meet me at my place afterwards to toast the best summer of my life. 1196 01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:19,483 Yours most truly, Gerald Ahem." 1197 01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:21,730 Number 11. 1198 01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:23,922 Yeah, thanks for piling on. 1199 01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:26,770 I mean, I can't accept this. 1200 01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:29,082 I'm just gonna have to go set him straight. 1201 01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:37,283 You know what I miss the most? 1202 01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:38,687 What? 1203 01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:39,961 The arch. 1204 01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:42,607 - The arch? - Yeah. 1205 01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:47,205 You know that moment when you're taking a girl's panties off for the very first time... 1206 01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:49,442 ...and you don't know if she's gonna stop you. 1207 01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:52,490 Then she gives that tiny little pelvic arch thrust... 1208 01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:55,450 ...to help you out, let you know you're in the clear. 1209 01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:56,681 Smooth sailing. 1210 01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:58,410 I miss that. 1211 01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:00,449 - That's a nice moment. - Yeah. 1212 01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:04,202 We let down the male species, you know that? 1213 01:03:04,360 --> 01:03:06,886 Maybe you were right. We should just call it quits... 1214 01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:09,884 - ...and just ask the girls to come home. - No! 1215 01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:12,964 I want the hall pass, okay? 1216 01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:16,010 At first I wasn't sure, but now I want the dream. 1217 01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:18,640 I don't even know what the dream is anymore. 1218 01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:20,006 I'll tell you what it is. 1219 01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:23,364 I wanna remember what it feels like to be with someone... 1220 01:03:23,520 --> 01:03:25,409 ...who really wants to be with me... 1221 01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:27,244 ...out of just pure desire... 1222 01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:31,246 ...not because they have to out of some sense of duty. 1223 01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:35,480 You know, all this arch talk's got me craving some Mickey D's. 1224 01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:37,051 - Up for it? - Yeah. 1225 01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:43,806 Hello? 1226 01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:48,010 Yeah. Yeah. 1227 01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:49,407 Okay. 1228 01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:52,245 All right. See you there. 1229 01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:54,241 Who was that? 1230 01:03:54,400 --> 01:03:56,846 Ah. That was just an angel from heaven. 1231 01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,570 Coakley's back in town. 1232 01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:00,006 - What? - Yeah. 1233 01:04:00,160 --> 01:04:01,924 He wants to hang and he wants to bang. 1234 01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:07,444 Waiting for a sign 1235 01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:11,561 if I survive, I'll worship the moon 1236 01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:16,569 Or something, anything 1237 01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:20,725 Push the defrost button on the microwave, boys. 1238 01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:23,480 The deep freeze is over. 1239 01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:28,724 And they talked 1240 01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:30,922 And they danced 1241 01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:36,323 Coakley. 1242 01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:40,167 Mm. 1243 01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:44,810 Okay, boys, you're on the clock now. 1244 01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:46,041 What? 1245 01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:49,488 You gotta hit them right out of the gate. Half an hour from now you'll be old news. 1246 01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:52,564 Oh. Should we go talk with this girl right here? 1247 01:04:52,720 --> 01:04:54,529 Don't waste your time, man. 1248 01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:55,761 Why? 1249 01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:58,207 Workaholic. She'll be out of here in five minutes. 1250 01:04:58,360 --> 01:05:00,761 - What are you talking about? - Look at her hand. 1251 01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:02,809 Carpal tunnel syndrome. 1252 01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:05,128 Even if she stayed, you wouldn't want her. 1253 01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:10,002 You get a hand job from her, you need the Jaws of Life to get you out of it. 1254 01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:11,889 Yeah, there she goes. 1255 01:05:12,040 --> 01:05:14,850 Wow. You're good. 1256 01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:16,445 Oh, hey. Hey. 1257 01:05:16,640 --> 01:05:19,211 - The tall blond, right here. Yeah. - Hmm. 1258 01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:23,001 Forget about it. It's an illusion. She's surrounded by stootfish. 1259 01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:24,525 Stootfish? 1260 01:05:24,680 --> 01:05:28,162 When an eight surrounds herself with less attractive women... 1261 01:05:28,360 --> 01:05:31,842 - ...to make her look like a 10. - What are you talking about? She is a 10. 1262 01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:34,128 You make me laugh, Freddie. Come on, try this. 1263 01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:35,651 All right. 1264 01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:37,962 - What is it? - Now block everything out. 1265 01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:39,525 - Tell me what you see. - Wha--? 1266 01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:42,843 Uh-huh. Okay, now watch this, man. 1267 01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:44,201 Hot. 1268 01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:45,521 FRED; Right. 1269 01:05:45,800 --> 01:05:48,007 - Not. - Oh, my God. 1270 01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:49,730 Hot. 1271 01:05:51,720 --> 01:05:53,051 Not. 1272 01:05:53,200 --> 01:05:55,328 - Holy shit! - Ha-ha-ha. 1273 01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:58,165 That's amazing. You're like A Beautiful Mind. 1274 01:05:59,720 --> 01:06:02,610 I can't do well When I think you're gonna leave me 1275 01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,285 But I know I try 1276 01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:07,010 Are you gonna leave me now? 1277 01:06:08,960 --> 01:06:11,725 Can't you be believing now? 1278 01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:15,251 Hey, Mr. Mills. 1279 01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:17,209 Hey! Paige! 1280 01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:19,203 I thought you were down at the Cape. 1281 01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:22,648 Your in-laws took the kids for the weekend, so I came home early. 1282 01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:25,441 - Okay. - I turned 21 today. 1283 01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:26,886 I'm legal now. 1284 01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:28,684 - Oh, happy birthday. - Thanks. 1285 01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:30,205 Yeah. You out celebrating? 1286 01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:32,681 Yeah, my cousin got me and my aunt on the VIP list. 1287 01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:34,765 That's my Aunt Meg over there. 1288 01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:37,447 She's 45 years old and she still parties like she's my age. 1289 01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:39,887 - Whoo! - Wow. 1290 01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:42,601 So, Rick, how's the week off from marriage going? 1291 01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:45,730 You don't mind if I call you Rick? I am officially an adult now. 1292 01:06:45,880 --> 01:06:47,609 No, sure. But what did you just say? 1293 01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:51,606 I was asking you about that hall-pass thing. I babysat for the Putneys last night. 1294 01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:53,444 I heard Mr. Putney talking about it. 1295 01:06:53,600 --> 01:06:56,251 Gary was talk-- Who was he talking about it to? 1296 01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:58,528 - Just everyone at the barbecue. - What? 1297 01:06:58,680 --> 01:07:01,047 Oh, I don't think he meant it in a bad way. 1298 01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:04,608 I actually think it's cool of you to be staying at the Comfy Nite Inn... 1299 01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:09,049 ...instead of bringing girls back to your home with the kids' pictures all taped up. 1300 01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:10,440 Thank you. 1301 01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:13,968 - What can I get you? - Can I get three tequila shots, please? 1302 01:07:14,600 --> 01:07:18,207 By the way, I think that I owe you an apology. 1303 01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:22,160 Last week when you drove me home, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. 1304 01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:26,928 No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous. It was just a misunderstanding. 1305 01:07:27,080 --> 01:07:28,286 No, it wasn't. 1306 01:07:28,480 --> 01:07:31,131 If you thought that I was kind of coming on to you... 1307 01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:34,887 ...it's probably because I kind of was. 1308 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:43,801 - Fifty-seven bucks. - What? Are you kidding me? That-- 1309 01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:45,685 That seems a little stiff. 1310 01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:49,003 They're just kids in here. I don't see how they afford these prices. 1311 01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:52,410 - Paige, I better get going. - What? Where are you going? 1312 01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:56,690 Paige, you're my kids' babysitter. Have a happy birthday. 1313 01:07:57,680 --> 01:07:59,842 But my Aunt Meg wants to meet you. 1314 01:08:03,080 --> 01:08:05,731 - All right. - Yeah! Getting wasted. 1315 01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:08,360 - Whoo! Mm. - The spirits doth floweth. 1316 01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:12,205 - Aah! - Yeah! Ha, ha. 1317 01:08:14,920 --> 01:08:17,400 That girl over there is looking at you. 1318 01:08:18,320 --> 01:08:22,086 Which one? What? The one that looks like Chief from Cuckoo's Nest? 1319 01:08:22,280 --> 01:08:24,851 No, no, man. The one sitting next to her. 1320 01:08:27,200 --> 01:08:28,201 Oh, yeah. 1321 01:08:28,360 --> 01:08:31,489 She's very vulnerable. She just quit cigarettes. 1322 01:08:31,640 --> 01:08:33,051 How do you know? 1323 01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:36,767 Because she can't take her eyes off the smokers over there. 1324 01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:40,889 How do you know those aren't her friends? 1325 01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:44,522 - Come on, Coakley, give me a break. - Well, that might be plausible... 1326 01:08:44,720 --> 01:08:46,449 ...if her lips weren't shaking... 1327 01:08:46,640 --> 01:08:49,120 ...and her fingernails weren't chewed down to the nub. 1328 01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:53,365 And that bag, man. That's a little big to be bringing into a club. 1329 01:08:53,560 --> 01:08:57,406 Unless she needs room for a $5 foot-long. 1330 01:08:57,560 --> 01:08:59,927 - So you got a woman who quit smoking. - Right. 1331 01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:03,084 She's tense, she's hungry. 1332 01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:06,040 And it all adds up to what? 1333 01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:08,570 That woman needs something in her mouth. 1334 01:09:08,720 --> 01:09:10,563 Aah, that's my boy! Let's go! 1335 01:09:10,720 --> 01:09:12,563 - Now? - Right now, man. The universe is calling. 1336 01:09:12,720 --> 01:09:14,449 - I don't know if we need to go now. - Come on. 1337 01:09:16,720 --> 01:09:18,131 Walking on a dream 1338 01:09:19,400 --> 01:09:21,641 How can I explain? 1339 01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:24,930 Talking to myself 1340 01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:29,083 Will I see again? 1341 01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:34,601 We are always running for the thrill of it Thrill of it 1342 01:09:34,760 --> 01:09:38,287 Always pushing up the hill Searching for the thrill of it 1343 01:09:38,480 --> 01:09:40,881 On and on and on We are calling out 1344 01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:43,486 How late's this bitch staying open tonight? 1345 01:09:43,640 --> 01:09:44,721 Ick. 1346 01:09:47,280 --> 01:09:50,284 Is it real now 1347 01:09:50,880 --> 01:09:54,407 When two people become one? 1348 01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:57,769 I can feel it 1349 01:09:58,560 --> 01:10:02,121 When two people become one 1350 01:10:02,280 --> 01:10:05,409 ls it real now 1351 01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:09,090 When two people become one? 1352 01:10:09,880 --> 01:10:12,451 I can feel it 1353 01:10:12,640 --> 01:10:13,687 Hey, girl. 1354 01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:15,251 Hey. 1355 01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:16,970 What are you doing here? 1356 01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:18,201 Just chilling. 1357 01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:20,129 Yeah, me too. 1358 01:10:20,280 --> 01:10:22,203 Just chilling and wiggling. 1359 01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:25,644 What happened to you yesterday? Thought we were gonna get a beer. 1360 01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:26,881 Yeah. Uh .... 1361 01:10:27,040 --> 01:10:32,171 I got caught up in my reps and my curls and shit and just lost track of time. 1362 01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:35,642 So is this, like, your playground? It seems like great energy in here. 1363 01:10:35,800 --> 01:10:37,962 No, I've actually never been here before. 1364 01:10:38,120 --> 01:10:40,805 A friend of mine's DJ'ing, so I promised him I'd come. 1365 01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:42,809 Calling out and out again 1366 01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:44,246 Never looking down 1367 01:10:44,400 --> 01:10:46,641 So is this guy like your boyfriend or something? 1368 01:10:46,840 --> 01:10:48,490 No, no, no. 1369 01:10:48,680 --> 01:10:50,808 Well, we messed around once, but just a little. 1370 01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,008 And by a little you mean--? 1371 01:10:53,160 --> 01:10:54,525 Anal. 1372 01:10:54,680 --> 01:10:56,330 Okay. Yeah. 1373 01:10:57,520 --> 01:10:58,851 I'm joking. 1374 01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:00,525 - Oh. Ha, ha. - Ha, ha. 1375 01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:04,846 He kissed me one night. Kissed him back. It was a big mistake. 1376 01:11:07,040 --> 01:11:08,963 So, what's with the ring? 1377 01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:10,361 Yeah, I-- 1378 01:11:11,840 --> 01:11:13,842 You ever heard of a hall pass? 1379 01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:18,164 All right, it's about time I take the governor off this beyotch! 1380 01:11:18,720 --> 01:11:21,803 It was those tall skinny guys and they were all over my yard. 1381 01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:25,049 But here's the weird thing. I wasn't even afraid of them at all. 1382 01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:28,249 And when they asked me if I wanted to go with them, I said, "Sure." 1383 01:11:28,400 --> 01:11:30,084 And I walked right in. 1384 01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:32,561 Oh, my God. You are so brave. 1385 01:11:32,760 --> 01:11:34,967 I would never climb into one of those things. 1386 01:11:35,120 --> 01:11:38,408 Fred, would you ever just walk into a UFO on your own? 1387 01:11:38,600 --> 01:11:41,331 I would if one came right now, sure. 1388 01:11:44,200 --> 01:11:45,725 Wow, so you're married? 1389 01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:50,125 Yeah. It wasn't like I was trying to hide it. I mean, you know. 1390 01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:54,882 No, I just thought your wife might've died and you're wearing it out of respect. 1391 01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:58,641 Oh, no. No, she's still hanging in there. 1392 01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:01,282 Hey, you okay? You keep checking your pulse. 1393 01:12:01,440 --> 01:12:05,923 Yeah. I just-- I got a little chest cramp, but I'm working through it. 1394 01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:07,081 Ouch. 1395 01:12:07,240 --> 01:12:08,321 - Yeah. - Heartburn? 1396 01:12:08,480 --> 01:12:13,725 No, it feels more like excessive plaque build-up in the arteries. 1397 01:12:20,480 --> 01:12:22,289 Hi, Maggie. This is Isabel. 1398 01:12:22,480 --> 01:12:25,006 I went to clean the house today, but nobody has been there... 1399 01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:27,162 ...or slept in any of the beds this week... 1400 01:12:27,360 --> 01:12:29,567 ...so I just cleaned the windows and left early. 1401 01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:31,210 I hope you don't mind. Bye. 1402 01:12:39,760 --> 01:12:41,125 Hey. 1403 01:12:43,200 --> 01:12:44,406 What are you doing here? 1404 01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:47,484 I thought you might wanna help me celebrate the end of the season. 1405 01:12:47,640 --> 01:12:48,971 Oh, um .... 1406 01:12:49,600 --> 01:12:52,046 Uh, brought some good late-night eats. 1407 01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:57,522 Yeah. Yeah, come on in. 1408 01:13:03,560 --> 01:13:06,131 - Come on. You gotta go. - No. 1409 01:13:07,040 --> 01:13:08,883 Come on. Can I go? 1410 01:13:18,520 --> 01:13:19,646 LAUGHS] 1411 01:13:27,440 --> 01:13:29,807 What are you doing, man? Come on. 1412 01:13:29,960 --> 01:13:34,090 You found your dream girl, now take her back to the hotel and take care of business. 1413 01:13:34,240 --> 01:13:37,130 We don't have much in common. I can't even talk to her. 1414 01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:40,329 Talk to her? Fred, now what do you want, a pen pal or a poon pal? 1415 01:13:40,480 --> 01:13:42,608 I only got one shot at this, all right? 1416 01:13:42,760 --> 01:13:44,250 I think I can do better. 1417 01:13:44,400 --> 01:13:47,449 Every loser in Vegas thinks they can do better. 1418 01:13:47,600 --> 01:13:51,366 You know what winners do? They walk away from the table while they're up. 1419 01:13:53,240 --> 01:13:55,288 Licky like a sexy ear 1420 01:13:55,440 --> 01:13:57,204 Lick here 1421 01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:03,247 L-l licky C-K licky Y licky C-K licky Y 1422 01:14:03,400 --> 01:14:06,483 Why? Because I am a /icky-/icky guy 1423 01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:07,687 Yeah! 1424 01:14:07,880 --> 01:14:10,406 I licky /-C /icky K-Y 1425 01:14:10,560 --> 01:14:12,403 I'm just a /icky girl 1426 01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:18,803 How do I know if she'll come home with me? 1427 01:14:18,960 --> 01:14:22,931 Oh, she'll Come home with you. She's wearing a thong, man. 1428 01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:24,969 How do you know that? 1429 01:14:25,120 --> 01:14:26,724 I did a crawl-by. 1430 01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:29,689 Coakley. 1431 01:14:31,480 --> 01:14:33,721 Licky my sticky 1432 01:14:34,480 --> 01:14:36,050 Fuck it. Okay, here. 1433 01:14:36,960 --> 01:14:41,409 Give those to Rick. I'm gonna take a cab back to the hotel. Oh. 1434 01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:42,641 - Freddie. - What? 1435 01:14:44,320 --> 01:14:47,051 It has been an honor to watch you grow up. 1436 01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:52,091 All right. 1437 01:14:52,240 --> 01:14:53,969 Licky like a tangerine 1438 01:14:56,640 --> 01:15:00,008 Thirteen hundred dollars? For two bottles of booze? 1439 01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:02,401 Guys, it was an accident. I'm not paying that. 1440 01:15:02,600 --> 01:15:05,763 - Yes, you are. - No, l-- Look, how about-- 1441 01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:08,161 How about I replace them. First thing tomorrow morning... 1442 01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:10,721 ...I bring you four new bottles. Not two, four... 1443 01:15:10,880 --> 01:15:14,009 ...and a couple of breakfast burritos for the big dog here. That's a good deal. 1444 01:15:14,160 --> 01:15:17,482 - How about you pay now. - No. Guys .... 1445 01:15:17,760 --> 01:15:20,684 We're taking the party back to my house. Bring a girl or don't come, man. 1446 01:15:20,840 --> 01:15:22,126 What? 1447 01:15:22,280 --> 01:15:24,931 Okay, now don't even think about putting e tip on there. 1448 01:15:35,200 --> 01:15:37,328 Hey. There's my girl. 1449 01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:40,771 Come on in. I'm just mixing up some margaritas. 1450 01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:43,207 We lost our final game today, but I went yard. 1451 01:15:43,360 --> 01:15:44,771 Oh, that's good. 1452 01:15:44,920 --> 01:15:47,002 So, um, where is everybody? 1453 01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:50,004 They all went out to some party. Come on in. 1454 01:15:50,160 --> 01:15:52,162 Gerry, I can't stay. 1455 01:15:53,120 --> 01:15:54,281 What? 1456 01:15:55,480 --> 01:15:56,606 Is everything okay? 1457 01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:58,762 Yeah. No, everything's fine. 1458 01:15:58,920 --> 01:16:03,323 Look, um, I really can't accept this. 1459 01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:04,801 Why not? 1460 01:16:04,960 --> 01:16:09,010 Because I'm a married woman, Gerry, you know that. 1461 01:16:10,360 --> 01:16:11,850 Oh. Um .... 1462 01:16:13,360 --> 01:16:18,571 Look, I'm really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, Grace. 1463 01:16:18,760 --> 01:16:20,285 It's just... 1464 01:16:20,960 --> 01:16:22,121 ...I really like you. 1465 01:16:23,560 --> 01:16:24,971 I like you too, Gerry. 1466 01:16:25,120 --> 01:16:28,169 And, no, you didn't make me feel uncomfortable. 1467 01:16:32,280 --> 01:16:34,601 The mystery zone 1468 01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:36,645 All right 1469 01:16:39,120 --> 01:16:40,246 Wait, are you serious? 1470 01:16:40,400 --> 01:16:41,925 You might have appendicitis? 1471 01:16:42,080 --> 01:16:44,970 My stomach's rumbling and I'm having these shooting pains. 1472 01:16:45,160 --> 01:16:46,764 I should take you to the hospital. 1473 01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:50,322 No, I'll be all right. It's probably just this stupid patch. 1474 01:16:50,480 --> 01:16:52,323 I mean, I quit smoking and-- 1475 01:16:53,760 --> 01:16:57,162 It's just-- I think I'm allergic to it, and it makes me all queasy and-- 1476 01:16:57,320 --> 01:17:00,244 - Oh. - Plus, I had a bunch of drinks at the club. 1477 01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:01,970 Well, are you gonna throw up? 1478 01:17:02,120 --> 01:17:04,327 Oh. No, I can't. 1479 01:17:04,480 --> 01:17:06,847 Ooh, here. Here. Here. Just take this just in case. 1480 01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,082 No, I'm one of those people who can never throw up. 1481 01:17:10,880 --> 01:17:13,690 I wish I could throw up. I know it would help. 1482 01:17:21,080 --> 01:17:23,082 Oh. Wow. 1483 01:17:23,960 --> 01:17:27,442 You know what? I think I feel a little better. 1484 01:17:29,280 --> 01:17:30,850 That sneeze helped. 1485 01:17:32,160 --> 01:17:34,527 Take her wherever she wants to go. Here you are. 1486 01:17:35,920 --> 01:17:38,526 But I never got your number! 1487 01:17:58,560 --> 01:18:01,450 - Can I help you? - You must be Rick. 1488 01:18:01,920 --> 01:18:02,967 Go on. 1489 01:18:03,120 --> 01:18:06,044 Hi, my name's Meg. Paige's aunt. 1490 01:18:17,360 --> 01:18:19,761 I guess I still have a lot to get out of my system... 1491 01:18:19,960 --> 01:18:22,247 ...before I do the whole marriage trip, you know? 1492 01:18:22,400 --> 01:18:25,483 I'm one of those people that wants to try everything once. 1493 01:18:25,640 --> 01:18:26,846 And the good things twice. 1494 01:18:28,440 --> 01:18:30,044 Oh, like swim with the dolphins. 1495 01:18:30,200 --> 01:18:33,602 - Yeah. I'd love to meet the Dalai Lama. - Mm. Sure. 1496 01:18:33,760 --> 01:18:35,967 - Bungee jump. - Oh, I've already done that. 1497 01:18:36,120 --> 01:18:38,168 - Skydiving. - Skinny-dip in the Indian Ocean. 1498 01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:40,448 - Sleep with a married guy. Ha, ha. - Ha, ha. 1499 01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:45,123 I just mean if that was one of the things on the old bucket list... 1500 01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:48,403 ...I could help you cross that off. To sleep with a married guy. 1501 01:18:48,560 --> 01:18:51,370 Ahem. What'd you say, the Indian Ocean? 1502 01:18:51,520 --> 01:18:53,887 - I don't wanna be a home wrecker, Rick. - No, no, no. 1503 01:18:54,080 --> 01:18:56,287 That's what I'm saying. I've got a pass. 1504 01:18:56,440 --> 01:19:00,047 You could do this with a clear conscience. I'm not trying to sell you on it. 1505 01:19:00,200 --> 01:19:02,328 Those are the facts of the situation. 1506 01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:09,121 It's getting a little loud in here. Is there somewhere a bit more quiet we could go? 1507 01:19:09,280 --> 01:19:11,601 Coakley's game room upstairs. It's soundless. 1508 01:19:11,760 --> 01:19:14,445 - It's like space. - Leigh! 1509 01:19:15,200 --> 01:19:17,282 - Leigh. - Oh, this fucking guy. 1510 01:19:17,480 --> 01:19:18,970 Brent, what are you doing here? 1511 01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:21,646 The old dude invited me. He invited the entire club. 1512 01:19:21,800 --> 01:19:24,041 You knew how important tonight was! 1513 01:19:24,200 --> 01:19:26,931 My whole family was there! And they don't come to anything! 1514 01:19:27,080 --> 01:19:28,366 The fuck you looking at? 1515 01:19:28,520 --> 01:19:31,649 Everyone came tonight and they stayed, except for you! 1516 01:19:31,800 --> 01:19:33,484 That's not respectful! 1517 01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:34,846 Okay, just calm down. 1518 01:19:35,040 --> 01:19:38,328 No! I would like to speak to you alone. Alone. 1519 01:19:39,240 --> 01:19:41,322 I'll just be a second. 1520 01:19:51,680 --> 01:19:54,001 - Ahem. Uh, hey. - Oh, hey. 1521 01:19:54,640 --> 01:20:01,649 Uh, sorry about being a little, you know, quick on the trigger there. It's just, uh .... 1522 01:20:01,800 --> 01:20:05,885 You know, you're so hot I couldn't help myself. 1523 01:20:06,040 --> 01:20:07,166 Oh .... 1524 01:20:07,800 --> 01:20:09,245 it's fine. 1525 01:20:10,040 --> 01:20:12,691 Is, uh, everything okay? 1526 01:20:12,840 --> 01:20:15,411 Yeah. Yeah. 1527 01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:24,605 Uh .... No, everything's not okay. 1528 01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:26,731 Um .... 1529 01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:30,485 Look, you're a great guy, Gerry. 1530 01:20:30,640 --> 01:20:33,371 But what just happened here .... 1531 01:20:33,800 --> 01:20:37,043 Yeah, that can never happen again. 1532 01:20:37,200 --> 01:20:38,929 Okay? 1533 01:20:39,280 --> 01:20:40,327 Ch. 1534 01:20:40,520 --> 01:20:45,606 I mean, I know it's kind of hard to understand after .... 1535 01:20:46,440 --> 01:20:51,651 But, um, I really love my husband. 1536 01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:55,769 And in reality, you and me, here... 1537 01:20:55,920 --> 01:21:01,051 ...this could never be more than what it just was. 1538 01:21:03,320 --> 01:21:05,402 Yeah. I know that. 1539 01:21:05,560 --> 01:21:06,891 You do? 1540 01:21:07,040 --> 01:21:08,565 Well, yeah. 1541 01:21:08,720 --> 01:21:11,929 Yeah, no. I mean, jeez, um .... 1542 01:21:12,080 --> 01:21:16,210 Look, no offense or anything, but let's face it. You're a lot older than me. 1543 01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:20,446 By - No, I don't mean that in a bad way. 1544 01:21:20,640 --> 01:21:25,851 It's just, you know, I didn't think we were gonna start dating or anything, you know? 1545 01:21:27,200 --> 01:21:29,646 Jeez, can you imagine, like, the looks that we would get? 1546 01:21:29,800 --> 01:21:32,690 It'd be like Hugh Hefner and his girlfriends. 1547 01:21:32,840 --> 01:21:35,366 - Ha, ha. You'd be Hef. - Yeah, I got that. 1548 01:21:35,800 --> 01:21:38,280 - Yeah. - Hmm. Huh. 1549 01:21:38,880 --> 01:21:42,930 Um, you know what? I gotta get going. We have a-- 1550 01:21:43,120 --> 01:21:45,930 We have a team meeting in like 20 minutes. It's a tradition. 1551 01:21:46,080 --> 01:21:48,481 It'd probably be really uncool if I didn't-- 1552 01:21:48,640 --> 01:21:50,165 Yeah, you don't have to explain. 1553 01:21:50,320 --> 01:21:51,446 Okay. 1554 01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:54,843 Um, well, seriously, though, thanks for everything. 1555 01:21:55,040 --> 01:21:57,281 - You're awesome at sex. - Oh. 1556 01:22:03,240 --> 01:22:06,642 I'm sure there's an explanation for why he hasn't slept in your bed. 1557 01:22:06,800 --> 01:22:08,882 You know, maybe he took a trip somewhere. 1558 01:22:09,040 --> 01:22:12,965 No. He can't. He has two houses closing escrow this week. He has to be in town. 1559 01:22:13,120 --> 01:22:16,727 Maybe he has been home, but he can't stand sleeping in your bed without you... 1560 01:22:16,880 --> 01:22:19,326 ...so he's been racking on the couch and, you know... 1561 01:22:19,480 --> 01:22:20,641 ...banging all the women there. 1562 01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:21,926 LAUGHS] 1563 01:22:22,120 --> 01:22:23,690 Here, open. Oh. 1564 01:22:25,240 --> 01:22:26,401 You-- 1565 01:22:26,840 --> 01:22:30,322 - Not bad, huh? - All right. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha. 1566 01:22:36,160 --> 01:22:38,731 Um, I wonder what's keeping Grace. 1567 01:22:38,880 --> 01:22:40,962 She went over there to break the kid's heart. 1568 01:22:41,120 --> 01:22:43,691 The least she could do is lend a sympathetic ear. 1569 01:23:05,480 --> 01:23:07,482 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1570 01:23:09,240 --> 01:23:11,288 I hope you don't mind me tracking you down. 1571 01:23:11,440 --> 01:23:13,204 Paige told me where you were staying. 1572 01:23:13,360 --> 01:23:17,001 Please. No, not at all. No. It's good to have company. 1573 01:23:17,160 --> 01:23:19,367 You've been very sweet to her. 1574 01:23:19,760 --> 01:23:24,049 Well, you know, she's a good kid. She's a good kid and I do what I can for the kids. 1575 01:23:24,200 --> 01:23:29,161 She told me everything and I have to admit, I was very impressed. 1576 01:23:29,320 --> 01:23:30,401 Hmm? 1577 01:23:30,560 --> 01:23:36,124 I mean, I know she came on to you twice, and that both times you set her straight. 1578 01:23:36,320 --> 01:23:37,401 She came on to me? 1579 01:23:37,560 --> 01:23:39,324 Rick, enough with the chivalry. 1580 01:23:39,480 --> 01:23:44,566 I mean, come on. Paige has a crush on you and you didn't take advantage of her. 1581 01:23:44,720 --> 01:23:48,805 I'm just saying, that is very cool. 1582 01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:54,404 Especially since you have your wife's permission now. 1583 01:23:54,880 --> 01:23:56,325 Yeah. 1584 01:23:56,600 --> 01:23:57,761 I like that, Rick. 1585 01:23:59,960 --> 01:24:01,200 You have morals. 1586 01:24:03,000 --> 01:24:04,126 Yeah. 1587 01:24:04,280 --> 01:24:06,282 Well, all you have in this world is your word. 1588 01:24:06,440 --> 01:24:07,521 Mm. 1589 01:24:09,520 --> 01:24:11,329 Quiet little voices 1590 01:24:11,520 --> 01:24:13,807 Creep into my head I'm young again 1591 01:24:13,960 --> 01:24:19,524 I'm young again, I'm young again I'm young again 1592 01:24:19,680 --> 01:24:22,445 Quiet little monsters 1593 01:24:22,600 --> 01:24:24,807 Creep inside my bedroom well 1594 01:24:24,960 --> 01:24:30,569 I 'll fall for you, I 'll fall for you I 'll fall for you 1595 01:24:30,720 --> 01:24:33,121 Quiet words of wisdom 1596 01:24:33,600 --> 01:24:35,967 Creep into your victim 's ears 1597 01:24:36,120 --> 01:24:40,091 I'll die for you, I'll die for you I 'll die for you 1598 01:24:40,240 --> 01:24:42,561 - I love that picture. - Yeah. Yeah. 1599 01:24:42,760 --> 01:24:45,047 - Yeah. That was a great day, man. - It was. 1600 01:24:45,200 --> 01:24:47,248 Everybody had a great time at that wedding. 1601 01:24:47,400 --> 01:24:49,368 I mean everybody. 1602 01:24:49,680 --> 01:24:52,126 You know, I went balls deep in one of the bridesmaids. 1603 01:24:52,280 --> 01:24:53,520 Yeah, I remember. 1604 01:24:53,680 --> 01:24:59,084 She was a really pretty girl with these big old floppy tits. Boom. 1605 01:24:59,280 --> 01:25:02,011 Hello? Bluh. Ha, ha. 1606 01:25:02,200 --> 01:25:03,884 You-- What was her name, man? 1607 01:25:04,040 --> 01:25:05,530 - Jenny. Yeah. - Jenny. 1608 01:25:05,680 --> 01:25:07,762 My sister, Jenny. 1609 01:25:10,880 --> 01:25:13,201 Nice girl. Really sweet. 1610 01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:15,650 - And how's she doing? - Good. 1611 01:25:15,800 --> 01:25:17,165 Oh, great, man, great. 1612 01:25:17,320 --> 01:25:20,483 - Still married. - Oh, is she? Great. I'm glad it worked out. 1613 01:25:20,640 --> 01:25:23,405 Seemed like they were having problems, you know? 1614 01:25:49,320 --> 01:25:50,810 - Hey. - Hey. 1615 01:25:50,960 --> 01:25:52,041 There you are. 1616 01:25:52,200 --> 01:25:55,522 Uh, yeah. I was thinking that you were gone. 1617 01:25:55,680 --> 01:25:58,411 No. I told you, I just had to talk him off the ledge. 1618 01:25:58,560 --> 01:26:00,130 I sent him home. He's fine now. 1619 01:26:00,280 --> 01:26:02,601 - Ha, ha. - You picked somewhere nice and quiet. 1620 01:26:02,800 --> 01:26:05,929 Yeah. Yeah, it is, uh, quiet in here. 1621 01:26:06,080 --> 01:26:10,722 You know, in fact, it's so quiet I kind of just-- I kind of hit a wall. 1622 01:26:10,880 --> 01:26:13,201 Yeah, I was-- I'm gonna split. 1623 01:26:13,360 --> 01:26:15,567 Really? Are you--? You okay? 1624 01:26:15,720 --> 01:26:16,960 Yeah. No, I feel good. 1625 01:26:17,120 --> 01:26:21,728 I got a little tickle in my ear that I get in the summer from mold spores that-- 1626 01:26:21,880 --> 01:26:25,646 You gotta be careful because they'll come into your throat. But no, no, I got .... 1627 01:26:26,280 --> 01:26:27,645 I have commitments. 1628 01:26:27,800 --> 01:26:29,245 Wow. 1629 01:26:33,560 --> 01:26:35,562 Hey, relax. 1630 01:26:36,200 --> 01:26:38,362 Try not to think so much. 1631 01:26:39,520 --> 01:26:42,842 You have your wife for the rest of your life. 1632 01:26:43,000 --> 01:26:45,048 Tonight, you can have me. 1633 01:26:47,080 --> 01:26:48,889 So I drink again 1634 01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:53,645 Oh, oh And I play the game 1635 01:26:53,800 --> 01:26:56,610 Oh, oh Like I did yesterday 1636 01:26:56,760 --> 01:26:59,764 Uh, you know what? I'm sorry. 1637 01:27:01,080 --> 01:27:04,482 I can't do this. I can't do this, I'm sorry. 1638 01:27:05,840 --> 01:27:08,320 Your wife didn't give you a permission slip, did she? 1639 01:27:08,480 --> 01:27:09,527 No, no, she did. 1640 01:27:09,680 --> 01:27:12,843 Look, you are insanely beautiful and sexy... 1641 01:27:13,000 --> 01:27:17,164 ...and every cell in my body is angry at me right now. 1642 01:27:17,320 --> 01:27:19,288 I've got, like, a mutiny on my hands. 1643 01:27:19,440 --> 01:27:21,602 I feel like I'm vibrating. Like .... 1644 01:27:23,400 --> 01:27:24,925 But you see this area? 1645 01:27:25,760 --> 01:27:27,171 This spot right here. 1646 01:27:27,320 --> 01:27:31,325 The first time I ever slept with Maggie back in college, she fell asleep right here... 1647 01:27:31,480 --> 01:27:33,960 ...and she left, like, a little pool of drool... 1648 01:27:34,120 --> 01:27:37,124 ...but it didn't really bother me. It actually felt good. 1649 01:27:37,280 --> 01:27:40,523 And I thought, "l wanna marry this girl." 1650 01:27:40,680 --> 01:27:43,126 And then I did. It was, like, a long shot. 1651 01:27:43,520 --> 01:27:46,000 And miraculously, it came through. 1652 01:27:46,160 --> 01:27:48,561 And then we had kids. Emma, Gunnar and Mac. 1653 01:27:48,720 --> 01:27:53,328 And that's their spot. When they're brand-new they'd sleep right here. 1654 01:27:53,480 --> 01:27:56,324 When it'd be 4 in the morning you'd be holding their head... 1655 01:27:56,480 --> 01:27:59,802 ...because their little necks don't have-- They're just kind of like-- 1656 01:28:00,000 --> 01:28:03,004 And it's where we first got to know each other. 1657 01:28:03,160 --> 01:28:07,563 And it doesn't matter how beautiful you are .... 1658 01:28:09,320 --> 01:28:11,243 I gotta go home. 1659 01:28:11,480 --> 01:28:14,006 I wanna go home. 1660 01:28:18,800 --> 01:28:22,771 Well, uh, you definitely have a screw loose. 1661 01:28:23,840 --> 01:28:27,686 And you're probably going to regret this for the rest of your life... 1662 01:28:27,840 --> 01:28:30,525 ...but, uh, you know what? 1663 01:28:31,640 --> 01:28:33,210 You're a good guy. 1664 01:28:38,360 --> 01:28:40,328 Um, do you need a ride home? 1665 01:28:40,480 --> 01:28:43,768 No. It's only 2:30. I'm gonna go back in the party. 1666 01:28:43,960 --> 01:28:45,610 Okay. 1667 01:28:45,760 --> 01:28:47,205 Peace it. 1668 01:28:47,360 --> 01:28:49,522 R-O-C-K in the U.S.A. 1669 01:28:49,680 --> 01:28:52,524 LAUGHS] 1670 01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:07,165 Hello? 1671 01:29:07,880 --> 01:29:08,927 Hello? 1672 01:29:09,080 --> 01:29:10,809 - Ls this Fred Searing? - No. 1673 01:29:10,960 --> 01:29:13,406 This is Trooper Frioli of the Massachusetts State Police. 1674 01:29:13,560 --> 01:29:17,246 No, it's a friend of his. I just picked up his phone. Is everything okay? 1675 01:29:24,680 --> 01:29:25,727 Yes, Rick. More tongue. 1676 01:29:27,080 --> 01:29:28,127 Oh, God. 1677 01:29:28,280 --> 01:29:29,406 Oh, yeah. 1678 01:29:29,560 --> 01:29:31,085 More tongue. More tongue. 1679 01:29:39,640 --> 01:29:41,608 There he is. Hey. 1680 01:29:41,760 --> 01:29:42,886 What are you doing here? 1681 01:29:43,040 --> 01:29:45,441 What do you think? I'm looking for my aunt. 1682 01:29:45,600 --> 01:29:47,170 Your aunt's staying here? 1683 01:29:48,840 --> 01:29:51,047 I know you and her are hooking up. 1684 01:29:51,200 --> 01:29:54,044 What? Paige, I have no idea what you're talking about. 1685 01:29:54,240 --> 01:29:56,288 This is really bad timing. I gotta get going. 1686 01:29:56,440 --> 01:29:59,683 Look, I saw her car in the parking lot. I know she's here. 1687 01:29:59,840 --> 01:30:01,649 Okay, Paige. Enough, please. 1688 01:30:01,800 --> 01:30:03,962 Just because your wife isn't faithful to you... 1689 01:30:04,120 --> 01:30:07,090 ...doesn't mean you have to go around screwing my family. 1690 01:30:09,280 --> 01:30:10,645 What? 1691 01:30:13,800 --> 01:30:14,961 Wow. 1692 01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:20,209 I guess somebody doesn't know about the baseball coach. 1693 01:30:22,120 --> 01:30:23,963 Do the alphabet, Rick! Aah! 1694 01:30:27,080 --> 01:30:29,162 Fred, I need to talk to you. 1695 01:30:29,960 --> 01:30:32,486 Fred? I thought you were Rick. 1696 01:30:32,640 --> 01:30:34,642 No, I'm Rick. 1697 01:30:35,400 --> 01:30:37,448 - What? - Please don't judge me. 1698 01:30:38,800 --> 01:30:42,168 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What did they say? Is Grace gonna be okay? 1699 01:30:42,320 --> 01:30:45,529 They said she was in a oar accident and they took her to the hospital. 1700 01:30:45,680 --> 01:30:47,967 They wouldn't say any more because I'm not you. 1701 01:30:49,320 --> 01:30:51,891 - All right. Calm down. - This is my fault. 1702 01:30:52,040 --> 01:30:54,964 God is punishing me because I'm the worst husband in the world. 1703 01:30:55,120 --> 01:30:56,645 No, you're not. Come on, come on. 1704 01:30:56,840 --> 01:30:59,161 Yes, I am. I've been bad, Rick. I've been real bad. 1705 01:30:59,320 --> 01:31:02,164 - We've both been bad. - I kissed your babysitter's aunt. 1706 01:31:02,320 --> 01:31:03,401 That's not so bad. 1707 01:31:03,600 --> 01:31:04,726 - On the vagina. - Ooh. 1708 01:31:06,080 --> 01:31:07,730 - Oh! - Whoa. 1709 01:31:07,880 --> 01:31:10,326 - No, no! No. Ooh. - Hey! Oh! 1710 01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:11,601 Hey, what the hell? 1711 01:31:11,760 --> 01:31:12,841 No, no! No! 1712 01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:14,809 How do you like me now, Splenda boy? 1713 01:31:14,960 --> 01:31:16,530 Moron, this is my car! 1714 01:31:17,080 --> 01:31:19,526 - Oh. This is your car? - Yes! 1715 01:31:19,680 --> 01:31:21,364 I'm sorry, I had no idea. 1716 01:31:21,520 --> 01:31:22,567 Hey! Hey! 1717 01:31:22,720 --> 01:31:25,041 You think I give a shit, pudge boy? 1718 01:31:25,200 --> 01:31:26,531 Why am I pudge boy? 1719 01:31:26,680 --> 01:31:29,206 Take it easy, okay? Relax. 1720 01:31:29,360 --> 01:31:30,441 No! You take it easy! 1721 01:31:30,600 --> 01:31:32,568 You think that you can come into my club... 1722 01:31:32,720 --> 01:31:34,688 ...take my girl and then get away with it? 1723 01:31:34,880 --> 01:31:36,041 No. Not tonight, buddy. 1724 01:31:36,200 --> 01:31:39,044 But why would you even try to have sex with the right Rick? He was mine. 1725 01:31:39,200 --> 01:31:40,884 - Ugh. - Fuck, no! 1726 01:31:41,040 --> 01:31:42,690 You're not gonna get away with it! 1727 01:31:42,840 --> 01:31:44,490 - Never! Ever! - Hey! Hey! 1728 01:31:44,680 --> 01:31:46,284 Brent? 1729 01:31:47,280 --> 01:31:48,770 Mother? 1730 01:31:49,840 --> 01:31:53,561 - What are you doing here? - Wait, wait, wait. Aunt Meg is your mom? 1731 01:31:56,080 --> 01:31:57,764 How does he know your name? 1732 01:31:57,920 --> 01:32:00,241 - Well-- Kind of-- - We-- Sort of-- 1733 01:32:00,400 --> 01:32:03,244 What? No. No, no, no. 1734 01:32:03,400 --> 01:32:05,004 No. 1735 01:32:05,200 --> 01:32:07,407 No. Are you telling me... 1736 01:32:07,560 --> 01:32:11,724 ...that this 40-hour-week motherfucking soccer dad took my girl... 1737 01:32:11,920 --> 01:32:13,649 ...and this flabby asshole... 1738 01:32:15,120 --> 01:32:16,167 ...my mother? 1739 01:32:16,320 --> 01:32:18,482 No, no, no! I didn't have sex with your mom. 1740 01:32:18,920 --> 01:32:22,367 - All I did was fake-chow her. All right? - It's true. 1741 01:32:23,760 --> 01:32:27,048 - That's it. You two are dead men. - Whoa! He's got a gun! 1742 01:32:27,200 --> 01:32:28,884 - No! - What? 1743 01:32:29,040 --> 01:32:31,042 - Where did you get that? - Grandpa's closet! 1744 01:32:33,200 --> 01:32:34,247 No! Brent! 1745 01:32:34,440 --> 01:32:36,727 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1746 01:32:37,360 --> 01:32:38,725 Go, go, go. 1747 01:32:41,080 --> 01:32:43,447 Go, go, go. Get down. 1748 01:32:43,600 --> 01:32:45,443 Am I scaring you, asshole? 1749 01:32:45,600 --> 01:32:46,965 Do you have a shot count? 1750 01:32:47,160 --> 01:32:48,491 - A shot count? - Yeah! 1751 01:32:48,640 --> 01:32:50,688 No, I didn't get a fucking shot count. 1752 01:32:50,840 --> 01:32:52,171 Come here. 1753 01:32:53,640 --> 01:32:56,041 Huh? PAIGE & MEG Aah! 1754 01:32:57,800 --> 01:33:00,007 Shooter down. Let's roll! 1755 01:33:03,680 --> 01:33:05,205 - Go, go. Punch it. Punch it. - I'm going. 1756 01:33:05,360 --> 01:33:07,089 - Get off me, Mom. - Brent, stop it. 1757 01:33:10,080 --> 01:33:12,447 Oh, hell, no! 1758 01:33:15,480 --> 01:33:16,641 What the hell was that? 1759 01:33:16,800 --> 01:33:18,131 Go, go. Drive. 1760 01:33:19,840 --> 01:33:22,969 - He's coming through the back. - What's up, assholes? 1761 01:33:23,120 --> 01:33:25,168 Swerve! Swerve! Swerve! 1762 01:33:29,440 --> 01:33:32,011 Okay. No, no. He's gone. Drive. Drive. You shook him. 1763 01:33:34,280 --> 01:33:38,080 I don't believe this. Maggie's having an affair. 1764 01:33:39,120 --> 01:33:40,246 What? 1765 01:33:44,200 --> 01:33:47,010 Well, you didn't give him a free pass for nothing. 1766 01:33:49,840 --> 01:33:52,844 So come on. Just be honest. What were you trying to accomplish? 1767 01:33:53,840 --> 01:33:55,444 I don't know. 1768 01:33:55,600 --> 01:33:57,682 I just felt like... 1769 01:34:00,880 --> 01:34:02,689 ...he wasn't noticing me anymore. 1770 01:34:02,840 --> 01:34:07,084 And I wanted to feel wanted again. 1771 01:34:08,680 --> 01:34:13,527 And the truth is, I never really thought he'd go through with it. 1772 01:34:24,000 --> 01:34:25,764 Oh, my God. 1773 01:34:25,920 --> 01:34:27,365 What? 1774 01:34:27,520 --> 01:34:29,761 This hall pass. 1775 01:34:32,200 --> 01:34:34,567 It was never for him. 1776 01:34:38,400 --> 01:34:39,811 It was for me. 1777 01:34:41,560 --> 01:34:43,528 I got a hall pass. Why shouldn't she? 1778 01:34:43,680 --> 01:34:45,250 She's a beautiful woman. 1779 01:34:45,400 --> 01:34:48,006 What guy isn't gonna wanna be with a beautiful woman... 1780 01:34:48,200 --> 01:34:50,726 ...whose husband decides he's gonna take a week off? 1781 01:34:50,880 --> 01:34:54,521 Come on! What kind of hospital doesn't have a live operator? 1782 01:34:54,680 --> 01:34:56,569 Fred! Fred, it's 4 a.m. 1783 01:34:57,560 --> 01:35:00,564 Uh-huh. And uh-huh. 1784 01:35:06,000 --> 01:35:09,527 Huh. There's something you don't see a lot. 1785 01:35:10,080 --> 01:35:15,120 I took her for granted. I took Maggie for granted. Yeah. 1786 01:35:15,960 --> 01:35:17,769 I feel like I'm gonna throw up, man. 1787 01:35:19,120 --> 01:35:20,406 Oh, great. 1788 01:35:20,560 --> 01:35:23,450 - Okay, pull over, man. - No way. I can outrun them. 1789 01:35:23,600 --> 01:35:25,090 No, you can't! Not in this thing. 1790 01:35:25,280 --> 01:35:26,441 Watch me. 1791 01:35:28,400 --> 01:35:30,482 - Okay, now we got two of them. - I don't care! 1792 01:35:30,640 --> 01:35:33,530 - I'm not stopping till I get to Grace. - Are you crazy? 1793 01:35:33,680 --> 01:35:35,091 Yeah, I'm crazy! 1794 01:35:35,240 --> 01:35:36,685 I'm crazy about my wife! 1795 01:35:39,320 --> 01:35:40,731 What is happening?! 1796 01:35:42,760 --> 01:35:45,809 Aah! Brent, that hurts! 1797 01:35:53,680 --> 01:35:55,569 - Hey! - What are you doing, man? 1798 01:35:55,720 --> 01:35:59,122 Hear me out, gentlemen. I can explain every-- Uh. Uh. 1799 01:35:59,720 --> 01:36:01,245 Hold it! 1800 01:36:01,440 --> 01:36:02,601 Aah! Aah! NO! 1801 01:36:04,960 --> 01:36:06,928 No, no. Okay, okay! Aah. 1802 01:36:07,080 --> 01:36:08,650 Oh, God. Grace needs me! 1803 01:36:09,200 --> 01:36:11,362 - Take it easy, buddy. - I won't take it easy! 1804 01:36:11,520 --> 01:36:15,320 Okay, look. I did not stop because there's a lunatic out there trying to kill us! 1805 01:36:15,480 --> 01:36:19,087 And my wife's been in an accident, and I need to see if she's okay! 1806 01:36:19,240 --> 01:36:20,924 Because that woman is my life! 1807 01:36:21,080 --> 01:36:23,811 Is he the husband of Grace Searing? 1808 01:36:24,000 --> 01:36:26,606 Yes! Yes, I am. Is she okay? 1809 01:36:26,800 --> 01:36:28,962 Please. Please, tell me she's gonna be okay. 1810 01:36:29,320 --> 01:36:31,766 She's having difficulty breathing. 1811 01:36:34,720 --> 01:36:36,449 Oh, my God. 1812 01:36:39,160 --> 01:36:40,321 Is she gonna live? 1813 01:36:40,520 --> 01:36:43,330 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. She's fine. She just broke her nose. 1814 01:36:43,920 --> 01:36:45,763 We had to stuff some gauze up there. 1815 01:36:45,920 --> 01:36:48,491 She's gonna be a mouth breather for about a week. 1816 01:36:48,640 --> 01:36:53,806 But, all in all, I would say you're a very lucky guy. 1817 01:36:55,440 --> 01:36:56,521 Bless you, doctor. 1818 01:36:56,680 --> 01:36:58,682 I'll fucking kill you! Come here! 1819 01:36:58,840 --> 01:37:02,242 We didn't know what was going on because he came in through the window. 1820 01:37:02,400 --> 01:37:04,084 That had been knocked out earlier... 1821 01:37:04,240 --> 01:37:06,163 ...back when he fired the holes in there. 1822 01:37:06,320 --> 01:37:08,800 Rick! Rick! She's gonna be okay! 1823 01:37:08,960 --> 01:37:10,291 - She's okay? - She's all right. 1824 01:37:10,440 --> 01:37:11,805 Hey, Anderson... 1825 01:37:12,440 --> 01:37:13,726 ...these guys are clean. 1826 01:37:13,880 --> 01:37:16,281 That lunatic was attacking them before he punched Officer Leska. 1827 01:37:17,680 --> 01:37:19,205 Anyway, he's in bracelets. 1828 01:37:19,360 --> 01:37:21,010 Well, I guess you're off the hook. 1829 01:37:21,160 --> 01:37:22,207 Thank you. 1830 01:37:22,360 --> 01:37:24,283 Can you believe it? I get a second chance. 1831 01:37:24,480 --> 01:37:29,725 Fred, go in there and take care of that woman. You're lucky to have her. 1832 01:37:30,440 --> 01:37:31,726 Okay. All right, thank you. 1833 01:37:31,880 --> 01:37:34,281 Put her on a pedestal. The biggest one you can find. 1834 01:37:34,440 --> 01:37:37,046 Oh, wait! Rick, Rick, Rick. Good luck with Mags. 1835 01:38:14,880 --> 01:38:16,928 Oh, God. 1836 01:38:17,320 --> 01:38:18,765 Oh, my God! 1837 01:38:20,480 --> 01:38:22,403 Oh, God. 1838 01:38:27,040 --> 01:38:29,884 Oh, my God. You poor thing. 1839 01:38:30,040 --> 01:38:32,088 Um, hold on an second. Rick just walked in. 1840 01:38:32,480 --> 01:38:34,244 Grace has been in a car accident. 1841 01:38:34,400 --> 01:38:35,970 Yeah, I know. She's okay, though. 1842 01:38:36,120 --> 01:38:37,690 Fred's over there. 1843 01:38:37,840 --> 01:38:40,411 Oh. So they're letting you go? 1844 01:38:41,280 --> 01:38:42,486 Okay. 1845 01:38:42,680 --> 01:38:44,808 You're headed here. Great. 1846 01:38:44,960 --> 01:38:46,883 All right, I love you too. 1847 01:38:48,560 --> 01:38:50,608 God, she scared me to death. 1848 01:38:50,760 --> 01:38:52,364 Yeah. 1849 01:38:53,080 --> 01:38:54,764 Hi. 1850 01:38:55,960 --> 01:38:59,282 So, what are you doing here? 1851 01:39:00,760 --> 01:39:02,649 March 25th, 1989. 1852 01:39:04,240 --> 01:39:05,446 What? 1853 01:39:05,880 --> 01:39:09,885 That's the day I lost my virginity. March 25th, 1989. 1854 01:39:10,240 --> 01:39:12,686 Approximately 10:30 p.m. 1855 01:39:14,440 --> 01:39:16,841 What are you talking about? We were dating then. 1856 01:39:17,560 --> 01:39:19,801 I know. You were my first. 1857 01:39:20,640 --> 01:39:21,846 And you were my last. 1858 01:39:22,000 --> 01:39:23,843 And you've been everything in between. 1859 01:39:26,320 --> 01:39:27,526 Really? 1860 01:39:27,960 --> 01:39:29,121 Really. 1861 01:39:29,280 --> 01:39:31,123 Is that why you were crying that night? 1862 01:39:32,760 --> 01:39:36,287 I wasn't crying, I don't think. 1863 01:39:37,400 --> 01:39:39,368 And I was--? 1864 01:39:42,960 --> 01:39:44,883 I was your last? 1865 01:39:48,640 --> 01:39:50,210 You're my only. 1866 01:39:51,400 --> 01:39:53,164 Forever. 1867 01:40:03,520 --> 01:40:05,170 Whose car is that out front? 1868 01:40:05,320 --> 01:40:07,721 Oh, it's a friend of my dad. Baseball player. 1869 01:40:07,880 --> 01:40:10,850 He came over last night. Drank some wine. 1870 01:40:11,000 --> 01:40:14,049 He got a little frisky, so I sent him home in a cab. 1871 01:40:14,400 --> 01:40:15,561 Define frisky. 1872 01:40:15,720 --> 01:40:19,805 Oh, don't worry. You were my last too. 1873 01:40:23,600 --> 01:40:25,568 But I can't say you were my first. 1874 01:40:25,720 --> 01:40:28,405 You know, words really do hurt. 1875 01:40:44,920 --> 01:40:48,083 So I mean, what were you doing driving around at 1 in the morning? 1876 01:40:48,240 --> 01:40:51,323 No, I was just, um, upset about things... 1877 01:40:51,520 --> 01:40:55,411 ...and I wasn't paying any attention, and I think I must have hit some sand... 1878 01:40:55,560 --> 01:40:58,211 ...and the next thing you know, I'm running into a pole. 1879 01:41:00,040 --> 01:41:01,485 Grace. 1880 01:41:02,240 --> 01:41:03,605 I'm so sorry. 1881 01:41:03,760 --> 01:41:05,250 - For what? - For what? 1882 01:41:05,400 --> 01:41:07,209 For putting you through all this. 1883 01:41:07,360 --> 01:41:09,249 Hey, I love you. 1884 01:41:09,440 --> 01:41:11,602 I love you too, Fred. 1885 01:41:12,240 --> 01:41:13,287 It's not your fault. 1886 01:41:13,440 --> 01:41:14,441 - Yes, it is. - No. 1887 01:41:14,600 --> 01:41:17,410 This is all my fault. I'm the one that caused all of this. 1888 01:41:17,560 --> 01:41:20,291 - Every single bit of this. - "Horny old man"? 1889 01:41:20,440 --> 01:41:23,364 No. No, that's not me. No, that was intended for Rick. 1890 01:41:24,920 --> 01:41:27,651 - Oh. - Yeah. Yeah. 1891 01:41:27,800 --> 01:41:29,882 We need to talk about what happened this week. 1892 01:41:30,040 --> 01:41:32,486 Oh, Grace, no, no. Come on, do we really have to? 1893 01:41:32,640 --> 01:41:34,642 We really, really do. 1894 01:41:36,280 --> 01:41:40,080 Okay, look. Look, whatever happened this week doesn't matter. Okay? 1895 01:41:40,280 --> 01:41:41,770 Because I love you and only you. 1896 01:41:41,960 --> 01:41:45,806 And I am gonna treat you like the queen that you are for the rest of your days. 1897 01:41:45,960 --> 01:41:48,770 Okay? I'm gonna quit fantasy football this year. 1898 01:41:48,920 --> 01:41:53,005 Even though I have the first pick. And we can do that Master Cleanse thing... 1899 01:41:53,160 --> 01:41:57,563 ...with the cayenne pepper and all that shit. You will never have to shovel snow again. 1900 01:41:57,720 --> 01:42:00,291 I'll do it, okay? Tennis elbow be damned. I will do it. 1901 01:42:00,440 --> 01:42:02,010 But please, I am begging you... 1902 01:42:02,160 --> 01:42:05,846 ...can we please just never, ever talk about what happened this week? 1903 01:42:08,160 --> 01:42:10,322 - Um .... - Please. 1904 01:42:12,040 --> 01:42:13,530 Deal. Ha, ha. 1905 01:42:13,680 --> 01:42:15,921 - Really? - Yeah. 1906 01:42:16,320 --> 01:42:17,446 Thank you. 1907 01:42:17,600 --> 01:42:19,090 Oh, thank you. 1908 01:42:19,240 --> 01:42:20,480 Oh, my God. 1909 01:42:20,640 --> 01:42:21,926 Oh, I love you, Grace. 1910 01:42:22,400 --> 01:42:24,289 - I love you too, Fred. - Oh, God. 1911 01:42:27,000 --> 01:42:32,928 Does this mean that you will finally come with me to An Evening With Kathy Griffin? 1912 01:42:35,840 --> 01:42:38,207 Last night, I fake-chowed a DJ's mom. 1913 01:43:17,200 --> 01:43:19,521 Let's talk about Miley Cyrus. Who's got a stripper pole? 1914 01:43:21,200 --> 01:43:23,202 Oh, yes. 1915 01:43:23,360 --> 01:43:26,091 Fred, that is fantastic. 1916 01:43:26,240 --> 01:43:27,241 What's that? 1917 01:43:27,400 --> 01:43:30,244 Where did you find the Kathy Griffin look-alike? 1918 01:43:30,400 --> 01:43:33,006 Oh, no. No, that is Kathy Griffin. 1919 01:43:33,600 --> 01:43:35,921 The Teen Awards, where she went down there. 1920 01:43:36,080 --> 01:43:38,242 And then the dads in the audience, they're all clapping. 1921 01:43:39,640 --> 01:43:40,801 Really? 1922 01:43:40,960 --> 01:43:43,770 Better be. Cost me 275 bucks to get her here. 1923 01:43:44,360 --> 01:43:45,600 Plus bus fare. 1924 01:43:46,080 --> 01:43:47,923 Kathy Griffin's a delight, isn't she? 1925 01:43:48,080 --> 01:43:49,764 I've never seen them look happier. 1926 01:43:49,920 --> 01:43:52,002 - Who's that, dear? - Maggie and Grace. 1927 01:43:52,640 --> 01:43:56,929 You know, I've been wondering if maybe I should give you a hall pass. 1928 01:43:58,840 --> 01:44:00,126 That was amazing. 1929 01:44:00,280 --> 01:44:04,126 Thank you. It's nice finally to meet a woman who's not obsessed with penis size. 1930 01:44:04,280 --> 01:44:05,884 I appreciate that. 1931 01:44:06,560 --> 01:44:08,210 - What the fuck is this? - My husband! 1932 01:44:08,360 --> 01:44:10,124 Why are you with my wife? 1933 01:44:10,280 --> 01:44:12,521 - I've got hall pass. I have a hall pass. - He's got a gun! 1934 01:44:12,720 --> 01:44:13,767 Aah! 1935 01:44:17,200 --> 01:44:20,204 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What if the cops question me? 1936 01:44:20,600 --> 01:44:21,726 I'm weak. 1937 01:44:26,520 --> 01:44:31,003 Excuse me? Have you seen my granddaughter? 1938 01:44:37,640 --> 01:44:39,563 Dude, up here. 1939 01:44:39,720 --> 01:44:43,486 That was fucking awesome. We saw the whole thing. 1940 01:44:46,800 --> 01:44:49,610 This is racial profiling! I wanna speak to a barrister! 1941 01:44:57,960 --> 01:45:00,088 So, what do you think? 1942 01:45:01,760 --> 01:45:03,842 Yeah. We'll give it a whirl. Why not? 1943 01:49:28,120 --> 01:49:33,206 Tonight's the night we'll make history 1944 01:49:33,360 --> 01:49:36,011 Honey, you and I 1945 01:49:39,560 --> 01:49:41,767 'Cause I 'll take any risk 1946 01:49:41,920 --> 01:49:46,926 To tie back the hands of time 1947 01:49:48,680 --> 01:49:51,809 And stay with you here tonight 1948 01:49:59,920 --> 01:50:01,445 Huh? 1949 01:50:03,720 --> 01:50:05,085 Excuse me. 1950 01:50:05,800 --> 01:50:06,881 What are you doing? 1951 01:50:07,720 --> 01:50:09,768 It's not what you think. I swear. 1952 01:50:09,960 --> 01:50:11,564 I was just giving him a faux job. 1953 01:50:11,720 --> 01:50:12,767 Yeah. A what? 1954 01:50:13,480 --> 01:50:15,005 A faux job. 1955 01:50:15,560 --> 01:50:18,370 When you go south on a guy, but you don't use your mouth... 1956 01:50:18,520 --> 01:50:22,650 ...you use your hands instead, and then you make loud slurping noises. 1957 01:50:27,960 --> 01:50:29,086 Hmm. 1958 01:50:29,240 --> 01:50:31,163 Okay. Have en good night. 1959 01:50:31,320 --> 01:50:34,642 - Thank you. Bye-bye. - Yeah. Night. 1960 01:50:35,320 --> 01:50:37,846 - They're nice, yeah? - Yep. 1961 01:50:48,720 --> 01:50:51,405 Yeah, you're out of breath, Stephen. 1962 01:50:53,400 --> 01:50:56,609 And, action. 1963 01:50:59,280 --> 01:51:01,169 Fucking hell. 1964 01:51:02,040 --> 01:51:03,087 Wow. 1965 01:51:06,200 --> 01:51:07,361 Wow. 1966 01:51:09,040 --> 01:51:11,122 Good job, dude. 1967 01:51:11,720 --> 01:51:13,609 All right, well, good luck finishing your movie. 1968 01:51:15,720 --> 01:51:18,166 I gotta change my drawers.