That's my other line. I'll call you back later.
- All right. - Jerry, can you see my hair?
Hey, can you pick me up later? I need to go to the mall.
I need those shoes we saw yesterday.
I can't. I'm picking up Yanin from ballet.
Yamil, why can't Yustin pick her up?
He has baseball practice. Why don't you go yourself?
Because I'm still not allowed near the car.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
That stop sign was in the wrong place.
What is he wearing?
- Who? - The weirdo on 25.
Professor Dayton? My dad says he's a genius.
He gives me the creeps.
I'm walking away.
Excuse me, Mr. Mailman?
I can not wait to move out of this neighborhood.
- I know, right? - Hi, sir. How are you today?
How am I?
Hang on, cute guy alert.
What? Who? Where?
Give me all the details. Where's he at?
Fat Joe's. Must be a cousin.
It's a package. I've been waiting for weeks
for a package. It's about this big.
Why don't you go back to your computer, you geek?
Oh. I cannot wait to move out of this neighborhood.
You already said that.
Oh, that's my mom calling. I gotta go.
Come rescue me, please?
Okay, I'll call you at home. Okay? Bye.
What matters is I've been waiting weeks
for a package that looks just like that!
I really hate this neighborhood.
Ugh.
Aren't you going to say hello, Alice?
What's that, Dad?
Oh, it's a universal remote.
It's supposed to control everything.
I picked it up from a street vendor.
Looks like one of the professor's gadgets.
Maybe I should show it to him.
- That creep across the street? - Alice.
Don't talk about him like that, Alice.
He's a very intelligent man.
- Whatever. - Young lady,
you're gonna wash your hands and come back down.
Dinner is almost ready.
She can't eat, she's on a diet.
He's eavesdropping on me. Mom, tell him to stop.
Because she's fat.
Lewis, say something.
What diet? What fat?
Hey, didn't we have a talk about listening in
on other people's conversations?
I wasn't. Mom!
Honey...
We'll talk after dinner. Now do as I say.
She's too skinny. She'll never find a husband.
She has no ass.
Grandma!
- Is that how a dean talks? - I'm off-duty.
What's so funny about not having an ass?
An ass is more important than tits.
Tits are for amateurs.
Please tell me I'm adopted.
If I understand this setting,
this button controls the color and hue settings.
- Hello. - Hey, girl, it's me.
I'm an amateur.
Tell me you dumped the little brat
and we're going to the mall.
Hello...
Dad, there's something wrong with the phone.
Da... Dad?
Mom?
Grams? Jesse?
Come out now. You're not funny.
Are you still with us, Alice?
Young lady, you're going to wash your hands and come back down.
Dinner's almost ready.
- What's going on? - She can't eat. She's on a diet.
Because she's fat.
Lewis, say something.
Fat? What? Who's fat?
Didn't we have a talk about listening to other people's conversations?
I wasn't. Mom!
Honey... you be quiet.
We'll talk after dinner.
Now do as I say.
She's too skinny. She'll never find a husband.
She has no ass.
Mom, shame on you.
I think this one's for the subtitles.
Please.
The remote.
Sir? Dad? Señor?
Please don't touch that thing.
Don't touch.
Alice. Alice.
Hey!
Hey, Professor Dayton!
Professor Dayton! Professor!
Alice.
Hey!
Wait! No! Professor Dayton!
Professor Dayton, wait!
Okay.
I get it about the ball! I won't throw it again.
You can stop now.
I really hate this neighborhood.
Professor Dayton!
Professor?
I only know her number on speed dial.
Police!
- Hello? - 911, what is your emergency?
Please, you have to help me.
Hello?
- Hello? Send somebody. - Hello? Someone there?
He's getting married? That's fucked up.
Delivery for Professor... Dayton?
Are you supposed to be here, miss?
Oh my God.
You have to help me.
Hold on, I'll be right back, okay?
Hold on.
Okay.
What a weird looking remote.
So far it doesn't do much. Can't even change the channels.
Take it to the professor.
It was a five-mile walk
to the nearest TV set,
barefoot in the winter.
And we all knew the piano player
with the candelabra was a pansy.
Just like your Uncle Brett.
What a faggot he was.
Grandma!
Work, damn it.
No!
Good going, Dad. You just turned off the TV set.
Lewis!
Mom, it's me! It's Alice!
It's me!
Grab the gun, Lewis!
- Grab it! - Dad, hurry!
Ow!
Hello, Alice.
Isn't the detective's gadget a riot?
Grab your gun!
Shoot the damn thing already!
Please, I just want to be normal.
But you already are, Alice.
This is who you are.
Professor, don't go near that thing!
It's all right, Detective Jacobs.
This sweet little thing is completely harmless.
What is it?
It's a rabbit, of course.
Oh, it is... it is a rabbit.
What's... what's his name?
Alice.
Her name is Alice.
You bad girl,
chewing through your cage like that.
I've been looking all over for you.
Oh, look what I've got.
Your favorite toy.
What a character.
Alice. What a pretty name.
I ain't playing with you.
Get in that damn street and make my fucking money!
Is there a problem?
Fuck.
Hey! Hey!
- I said, is there a fucking problem? - No, no problem.
Damn right there ain't no fucking problem.
Yeah.
Hey, man. Hey, listen.
Hey, you looking for some companionship?
- No thanks. - No, man, I can set you up.
- I've seen you lookin', man. - I'm good.
Yeah? Come on, man.
Whatever you want. Where are you?
Hey. Hey, bitch!
You got a permit to work my building?
Hey! What the hell?
Hey, Jerry.
Eva! Get your ass down here.
I'm coming.
Bye, Jerry.
Eva!
I'm coming.
Fuck!
Oh, man. Fuck.
... and now a foul call against Martinez.
Damn it.
God damn it.
- Yo, yo! - Got change?
Come on, young man, buy something!
- Fuck you. - Buy something.
Oh, take a look. Take a look.
Look, it's a nice radio.
- Yo, yo. - Lady, lady, lady.
See anything you like?
Got a crystal ball.
Book on voodoo.
Anybody piss you off lately?
I don't read much. What do you want for the radio?
Radio with the antenna...
$5 going with the antenna.
Without the antenna...
without the antenna, is $10.
Why is the one with the antenna less?
Less radio.
All you need is duct tape and a piece of wire.
Make an antenna.
I'll go less radio more antenna.
Give me the money. Give me the money.
Keep the change.
Fuck you too! Ya!
Yeah, yeah.
What a smart-ass he was.
Smart-ass! Ya!
Somebody buy something! Come on!
Oh no, no, no, no.
Oh, come on.
Of course. Why wouldn't you do that?
Thank you.
You motherfucker.
Don't.
- Stop that. - Whoa! Jesus!
Hello?
Don't.
I said don't. You'll like the song.
You're getting water on the floor.
Oh, shit.
Sorry.
Dry yourself off.
In the bathroom, Jerry.
And, Jerry, put some clothes on.
Okay.
- Well? - What?
Isn't it better now that it's clean in here?
I guess.
You guess? You're not sure?
It's better.
Are you hungry?
- I guess so. - Are you hungry or not?
- I am. - Then make dinner.
All right.
It's too hot for soup. Make a sandwich.
Jesus.
I'm just looking out for you, Jerry.
I promise.
Do you want one?
Don't be ridiculous.
Don't use so much mayonnaise.
It always gives you a tummy ache.
Right.
You wanna put some money in tech stocks.
They'll never go away.
But the important thing is to diversify.
Right, diversify.
I'll need more money though.
You'll have it.
Yeah, Eddie, Eddie, listen to me, baby.
You're gonna love this. It's a new reality series...
"Home Invasion. " We break into their homes,
they don't even know it's really us,
we beat the crap out of the family!
- Right, we get the cameras 24/7. - Sir, sir,
this is a handicapped spot.
Three-camera shoot. They're gonna love it.
Yeah, they're gonna love it.
Douche.
I hate this guy.
You say something?
No.
I was just taking out the trash.
Fuck you.
Eva!
I'm coming! Fuck!
Say hi to your little friend, Jerry.
Hi, Jerry.
Hi.
Eva!
Fuck.
Nice job, Jerry.
Let me in!
You ain't got shit without me.
I'll fucking kill you!
What are we gonna do about all that banging, Jerry?
Ronald!
Tell her to knock it off.
- Ronald! - Knock it off!
Let's go.
And get a flashlight.
- Don't be seen. - Got it.
What do you see, Jerry?
- I'm looking. - Don't look yet.
Just see.
I see a clothesline,
some garbage, box spring,
Mandy drunk,
passed out again.
I see a stairwell leading to a fire escape.
Look at the stairs.
Looks like a bunch of people threw a bunch of shit down here.
- Look again. - I'm looking.
This looks intentional.
Keep climbing, Jerry.
I'm climbing.
Shh.
Keep climbing.
Okay.
Keep climbing, Jerry.
- Up there? - Yes, up there.
Okay. Okay.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Up there?
It doesn't look safe.
Are you afraid, Jerry?
- No. - Well then, let's go.
All right. Fine.
It's all right. Relax.
Now get the flashlight.
And watch out for more cats.
- Fuck, man! - It's only
a dead squirrel, Jerry.
That thing is huge.
- Next time you see one, kill it. - Fine.
What'll you do when you see another one?
- Kill the little fucker. - That's right.
Now breathe, Jerry.
Now get your flashlight and let's try again.
I told you I'd take care of you.
Now let's get out of here quick.
- You'll have to kill him. - What?
- No. - You have to. He saw the box.
He saw the money.
- You have to. - You don't know what he saw.
Come on, Jerry, you know exactly what he saw.
And so does he. Sooner or later,
- he's gonna come for it. - I won't do it.
Well, it's too late now, he's gone.
But he'll be back, Jerry. Don't you worry.
This is bad.
There's over 300 grand here.
The big move will be real estate
and income property, a duplex at least.
But like I said, it's all about how we diversify.
- Right, long-term goals. - Exactly.
We should leave town as soon as possible.
Wait, do you hear that?
- What? - Listen.
Someone is breaking in.
Guess who.
Don't shoot him. That'd be bad.
- What do I do? - You'll know what to do.
But do it fast!
Jerry, get back inside
and get the knife.
No.
Good.
Ronald!
You did what you had to do.
- This has gone too far. - You did the right thing.
This is crazy.
Jerry, there's gonna be cops everywhere.
You have to relax. You have to be cool.
- Focus. - Focus.
I know. You're right.
No loose ends.
You knew this going in.
I know.
Murder-suicide?
Yeah, well, that's what it looks like.
Tied her up with duct tape,
stabbed her about 50 times, maybe more.
Lots of blood.
That's a new brand of sick.
Nah, it's not so new. Word is they had a drug problem.
- They fought a lot. That sort of thing. - I knew about the drugs.
Everybody heard the fighting.
Yeah.
Got any more milk?
I'm afraid this is the last of it.
Right. Well...
- thanks for your time. - Not a problem.
Sticky.
Oh, um...
if you think of anything,
here's my card.
Sure thing, Officer Jacobs.
Detective.
Oh, right.
- Detective. - Yeah.
He found tape residue on the chair.
- I saw that. - I don't know if he put it together.
This guy's hard to read.
Stay cool, Jerry.
I got one...
You found some more milk?
You caught me.
I just have one more question.
Leon Cates... you know him?
- The guy across the hall? - Yeah, that's him.
Pimp, drug dealer,
among other things.
Seems really bent out of shape. Won't tell me exactly why.
Don't think I've ever seen him happy.
I know the type.
This is different.
Anything comes to mind...
- I'll give you a call. - Right.
Got one.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
You do.
Looks like someone tried to break in.
I saw that last night.
Not much use reporting it. Nothing personal.
Oh, right.
Well, you have a good day, Mr...
Collins.
Same to you, sir.
Well, thank you.
I feel good about this.
Me too.
I'll stay with the money. You go check that we got everything.
- Are you moving? - Yeah.
Things have just gotten a little nutty around here.
Yeah.
I guess I wanted to for a while.
Been saving.
Where you moving to?
I'm not sure yet.
I just figure I'll keep driving until I find someplace,
someplace I can afford some property.
I can't stay here, Jerry.
Leon will kill me.
He thinks I took his money.
His money?
Armored-car heist almost two years ago.
He's got a half a million stashed in a building up on Hill St.
I don't know where the rest of it is.
It'll turn up someday.
You got room for one more, Jerry?
You can't come back.
I don't want to.
What is it with you?
She'll kill you as soon as she finds out about the money.
You'll have to kill her first.
No, I think I trust her.
She's a whore. You can't trust a whore, Jerry.
I said no.
Let's get out of here fast.
Don't look at me like that. I need to go pee now.
Just pull over right here. There's nobody here.
- It's not a big deal. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry. Just gonna take two seconds, all right?
- Be right back. - No problem.
Wait here.
Now I'm in the back seat.
Next it'll be the trash. You have to listen to me.
- I think you're jealous. - Your little friend isn't gonna
understand our relationship, Jerry. Think about it.
I'm only trying to help you.
Let her take a piss, for fuck's sake.
It's the middle of nowhere. Do it now!
What did I say? Just be cool.
Temperance will see you through most things.
You know, it's all about the future now.
Yeah, the future.
Exactly, the future.
Long-term sustained growth.
And how we gonna do that?
- Diversify? - Damn straight,
diversify.
Stocks, bonds and of course, real estate.
We're talking a wide array of growth industry
as well as the more steady, conservative investment.
Don't even fuck with commodities.
They're just gonna get you in trouble.
Yeah, this is Rachael.
I'm looking for some companionship
for the night.
Where are you?
I'm at home.
Hey, bitch, you got a permit to work in my building?
Sorry, I've never done this before.
Hey hey, trick!
Don't you walk away from me now.
Well, there was this one time...
Where are you?
What is this?
- In the movies... - Mm-hmm.
... we use big cameras. - What the fuck is this?
What the fuck is this? Are you paying? Are you paying?
Where's home, dipshit?
Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ
- as your personal lord and savior? - Excuse me one moment, please.
Whore!
Get the fuck out of here. I ain't playing with you!
Get out of here. What the hell?
He was gonna make me a star.
Get in that damn street and make my fucking money.
I ain't playing with you.
Repent, vixen of Satan.
Repent!
The end is near!
Is everything okay?
- What was that? - Everything's cool.
So how do I get to your place, lover?
I live at...
uh, 26 Cabrillo Avenue.
- By the marina? - Yeah, how'd you know?
Lucky guess. Have a few clients there.
Okay, give me 15.
Bye.
Gotta get some.
Gotta shower first.
Breaking news just in.
Authorities believe that the latest rash of serial murders
have been committed by a woman.
They believe she may be a prostitute
and the local tabloids have dubbed the culprit the "Call-Girl Killer. "
She has claimed 10 victims so far, all male.
Now back to Jim in sports.
It's about time.
"The Call-Girl Killer, " huh?
How original.
- Look at that. - Check this out.
- '88, right? - Yeah.
But did you see the girl that's sitting in there?
You boys gonna be around later?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Victor? - Yeah.
How'd you guess?
Lucky guess.
Nice house. Is it yours?
Yeah, why?
Where are your parents?
My parents are out of town for the weekend.
Is it that obvious?
How come you're not in any of the pictures?
I'm...
I'm kind of the black sheep of the family.
The clan's more proud of my brother.
He's the family success story.
Which makes you the screw up, huh?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
So how about we get to it
since I'm on the clock?
Okay, I'm just used
to a little more discussion, you know?
Well, I'm...
I'm a little short on cash, so, uh...
Okay, junior.
Whatever floats your boat.
Let's head upstairs.
So, how about we get that transaction out of the way?
- Business first. - Right.
Here you are, Miss Rachael.
$1,000 it is.
So this your first time?
Yeah.
How'd you know?
Lucky guess.
So what are we gonna do?
Oh...
Well, I'd like you
to tie me to the bed and ride me.
But, well, you have to blindfold me first.
Ooh, that sounds kinky.
For $1,000 bucks it's doable, right?
Whatever you want, baby.
You like that, huh?
- Yeah. - Yeah, you do.
You've been a little naughty.
Maybe. Oh!
Get it tight.
How's that feel?
Perfect.
Are you getting naked yet?
Oh, in a second.
Ooh!
This is so great.
Yeah.
I'll make it well worth your while.
I don't doubt that for a second.
Baby, that tickles.
What the hell are you doing?
How pathetic.
Rachael.
Why did you kill me, Rachael?
Are you scared?
'Cause you should be.
Please don't kill me! Please! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! Please!
Please don't kill me.
So, you know, she's pushing the cart along
and she thinks all's okay and all's well and all's dandy.
But then she goes and looks in the cart and realizes it's not her baby in there,
but a zebra.
What do we got? What do we got?
Oh, man, all right. Let's see, what do we got here?
- What do we got? What do we got? - A letter from your ex-wife.
Three or seven, which one?
Who is that guy?
Beats me.
Look at this. Your parole officer.
Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have peed in that swimming pool.
All right, what else we got?
Professor Dayton.
Dean Thompson.
So when will we see what you're doing in there?
Well, as you know, that's my deal with the university.
I teach and you allow me to work on my projects.
I know, Dayton, but it's been over 20 years.
Well, actually, you'll find out sooner than you think.
You mean...
Yes, very soon, indeed.
Now what can I do for you, Dean?
Oh, almost forgot.
I've got this wedding invitation in the mail.
Yes, I do hope you can attend.
This is not one of your practical jokes?
Oh, I assure you, it is not.
But when did you have time to meet this woman?
When you're not teaching, you're here in the lab.
Love has its ways.
Of course, but, Professor, at your age,
- you're getting married? - Already got the rings.
I'll be there.
Is it going to be a big wedding?
Just a few colleagues and some of my former
special students.
- I guess congratulations are in order. - Thank you.
Looks exactly the same.
I don't know. I think that gray might be different.
- Look at that. - Check this out.
- '88, right? - Yeah.
But did you see the girl that's sitting in there?
I don't care about the '88. Check this out.
Look at that. Whoa, whoa.
- This is his neighbor? - I don't...
- I don't... I don't know. - Whoa, whoa.
You boys gonna be around later?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, let's go. Come on.
The professor's waiting. Let's go.
- Come on. - Relax, man.
Let me get it, dear.
Oh, hi, boys. Come in, come in. The door's open.
Come on.
Hey, Professor, it's so good to see you.
- Professor, you look great. - You guys look great, too.
Come in, come in, come in.
I'm so glad neither one of you were too busy to come to town.
- And miss your wedding? - We wouldn't miss it for the world.
This place looks exactly the same.
Brings back memories.
When you two were my smartest students,
we'd sit around and argue theories of evolution.
But you would always win the argument,
even if sometimes you were just pulling our leg.
Well, I had to spice things up a little.
So, Professor, when are we going to meet the lucky lady?
Soon.
Professor, how's your secret experiment coming along?
Oh, fine.
Is it really for the government, Professor?
Do you remember the one about you being
- Dr. Frankenstein, Professor? - Oh, yeah.
If you only knew the rumors about that.
I knew about them.
They couldn't come between me and my work.
Charles, John...
I think it's finally done!
Professor, that's great.
Can you finally tell us?
Soon, but you didn't come here for that.
You came for my wedding!
- That's true. - Of course.
So tell us about her, Professor.
Is she a teacher at the university?
How did you meet her?
Hold on, I'll tell you everything.
Let's see, first of all,
she's not from around here.
Did you meet her on a sabbatical?
John, the professor doesn't do sabbaticals, am I right?
- That's right. - After all these years,
we thought you were a confirmed bachelor.
So did I.
Hello.
I'm hope I'm not interrupting your reunion.
Honey, you could never be an interruption.
Charles, John, I'd like you to meet Kathy,
- my fiancée. - Hello.
- Nice to meet you. - Pleasure to meet you too!
- Hello. - Hi.
Oh, you really have to try my pierogis
Okay.
Honey, can you help me a moment?
Oh, of course, sweetheart. Boys, I'll be right back.
You know where the bar is. Help yourself.
Okay is this a joke?
I don't think so. I need a drink. What're you drinking?
A triple of whatever that is.
She's not even old enough to be his granddaughter.
Wait a minute.
What?
The prof did it.
What're you talking about?
Do you remember all the experiments he's been working on?
I don't know. He was working on so many.
I remember the robotic stuff.
- And? - Then he would joke
that he could create the perfect woman.
If I could create the perfect woman,
I'd make sure there was an on/off switch in there somewhere.
And a volume control.
You got a better explanation?
You think?
He's a freaking quantum engineer. You know that.
You and I have both seen some of the stuff he's done.
Yeah, but this?
Again, do you have a better explanation?
No.
But I'd say good for the prof.
You really have to try my chicken dumplings.
Oh, um...
Dayton had to go to store
to pick up something for me.
Uh, Kathy, are you okay?
Dayton had to go to store to pick up something for me.
So I guess...
Uh, Kathy, why don't you sit down?
Okay.
Can I, um... can I get you a drink?
Oh, no thank you.
Dayton doesn't like me to drink...
alcohol.
Must be heat from the kitchen.
I'm not used to the heat.
So, um, Kathy, how did you and the professor meet?
Oh, it's kind of funny,
because I really don't remember,
I mean, really how we meet.
I only remember just being with him.
Oh, please, please don't tell Dayton that I told you this.
Because he tells everyone
some romantic story about how we met
and he would be really sad
if I don't remember.
Timer. I'll be right back with more hors d'oeuvres.
Okay. What do you think?
What's there to think? She doesn't drink.
Because liquids would screw up her circuits.
Exactly. Maybe he hasn't figured out a way to shield them yet.
Do you think she can eat?
What do you think she eats?
I don't know.
You really have to try my paté
So, Kathy, are you having any?
Me?
No.
Girl has to watch their figure.
And I won't be able to fit my wedding gown.
So, when did you graduate?
- About four years ago. - The same.
Dayton tells me you're both engineers.
Mmm-hmm.
I'm engineer too.
Oh, no kidding.
I'll be right back.
- Amazing. - She's perfect.
Did she just say engineer or engineered?
The professor, he's a genius.
Do you remember when the professor used to play all those practical jokes on us?
The exploding sandwich.
Try the egg sandwiches. They're delicious.
You keep both hands on the wheel.
You young people nowadays don't know how to drive.
Maybe you should try the bathroom before you go, John.
Long drive ahead.
It still hurts sometimes, you know.
It wasn't a real snake, John.
- It was robotics. - Tell that to my leg.
Of course.
Do you think this is one of them?
It's gotta be. Remember when we first got here
and he said we were "two of his smartest students"?
He's probably somewhere laughing at us right now.
Don't you get it? That's why he left us alone with her.
He wants us to figure out Kathy,
his new and best invention.
Oh, he almost got us.
What are we gonna do?
Let's pull a prank on him.
Let's find the switch that'll turn her off.
Hope you liked my pierogis
- Delicious, - Yeah.
Good.
I'll be right back. I'll make some more.
Maybe we could give you a hand.
Look at this, the culture and design is just absolute perfection.
This blood is just so real.
Oh my God. I haven't felt any circuits yet though.
Did you find the circuits?
I think I found it.
Oh my God, look at this.
The skin's so...
It's perfect! Perfect!
Hey, Charles.
Charles, check out the brain.
Look, it even jiggles the right way.
- Can I touch it? - Yeah, go ahead.
Oh, oh, oh.
My God.
The nerve endings... pituitary gland in place.
Everything, it's in here. Oh, God.
I gotta tell you, man, this guy's a genius.
This guy's a genius.
The detail is just impeccable.
Never found the right end.
- Look at this. - What?
It's a scrapbook.
I mean, look at this... pictures and letters.
With... with...
I mean, it's like the detail he's gone to make this woman real is just unreal.
He's a genius.
"My dearest Emmett. "
"Dating for the Scientific Community, New Editions. "
"Katia is an engineer in the University of Moscow.
She specializes in aeronautics.
She's seeking a warm and cuddly older gentleman
- with a sense of humor. " - We finally got him back.
"Rocket scientists preferred.
Must talk to Dr. Farwell about global transience amnesia. "
What?
Mr. Melancholy, it's not a big deal.
We're gonna help him put her back together before the wedding, okay?
What?
John, I think...
What? What is this?
I think she...
Mail-order bride.
John, she's...
She's... oh God.
Oh my God, Charles. What're we gonna do?
Oh my God!
Honey, I'm back!
Sorry, guys, but, uh...
Kathy ordered this cake and Kathy doesn't drive
so I had to go pick it up.
Kathy? John?
Charles?
Kathy?
John?
Charles?
Kathy?
John?
Charles?
She sure knows how to cook!
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Oh bah!
Hey, don't be pushing.
You got a lot of nerve. I'm a doctor, lady.
Let me tell you, your food sucks.
I've seen fresher fish in the LA river
in a drought season!
Okay okay, I'm sorry. Come on, let's make up.
No, no, no. Me love you long time.
Me so sorry.
What?
Hey, man.
Can you help me out with some spare change?
No, man, I'm sorry. But listen, I'm gonna think good thoughts for you.
Whew! Good thoughts. Good thoughts.
Hey, just wait. Be patient.
How 'bout something to eat?
No, but good thoughts. Really really good thoughts.
Hold up!
All right, all right. Let me have a poodle just like his.
One just like his.
Come on, hand it over.
Jeez, let's go.
Spare change?
Hey, here you go, man.
See?
Thinking good thoughts for you, huh?
Excuse me, pardon me.
Thank you.
Somebody, please! We need a doctor! We need a doctor!
Hey, what's going on?
Bad dog.
Huh.
You're late again.
What? All the sick people go home?
I thought we spoke about this.
My sentence dictates that I spend 30 days here. I'm here.
So what do we got?
This is not a sentence, Doctor.
It's an opportunity to prove yourself,
to help the community.
Do you want me to call the judge
and tell him your heart's not in it?
Anyone ever tell you you're beautiful when you're a bitch?
- No. - Really?
Seriously, coffee...
black.
Mrs. Lexington is ready to be seen.
I'll bring her in.
Go ahead and sit down.
Be careful, there is a step.
Very well.
Let me get this for you.
You can give me this too.
Mrs. Lexington has been having some difficulty...
With her vision. Mmm.
Yes, how did you know?
Lucky guess.
I'm over here, darling.
Mmm.
Okay, Mrs. Lexington.
Oh please, Doctor,
call me Grams. Everybody does.
Okay, Grams.
Well, your eyes are shot. You're 74 years old.
You've been battling glaucoma for the last 10.
And you're past the point of safe surgical correction.
Anything else I can do for you while you are here?
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
What... what would you recommend?
A seeing-eye dog?
Doctor, please.
Come, Grams, I'll get you a cab.
Oh, if there's any movies that
you want to see, don't wait.
Oh, God.
Another one down.
Okay, let's see here.
Yep, all right.
What you need is
a three-week prescription of legal marijuana.
There you go. Next.
Take two of these
three times a day.
When you're done,
call the emergency room.
Next.
Hi. What seems to be the problem?
I don't know. It seems like
everything's just not going right.
Freight elevator
crushed my wrist.
Don't you need me to take off my clothes?
Next.
Ming... Ming Yee?
Is that Chink or Jap?
There you go.
Next.
You are funny today. That's good. That's good.
We'll see how funny you are when I break your arm again and reset it.
Next.
Got the ol' black eye there, huh?
How did you get that?
Ming Yee.
Okay, here's what it's going to be.
That be five dollar.
Thanks, man.
18mg of Viagra.
Merry Christmas.
Five doll...
Next.
Okay, what seems to be the problem?
Sorry, hold on a second.
No, no, I'm listening. Go ahead.
Nurse Jacobs,
I can't write a prescription for ugly.
Take this prescription. Go down to the pharmacy.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
I'm sorry, what did you say the problem was?
Have him bring two bottles of wine.
The two of you take the entire bottle.
Drink all the wine.
I guarantee you'll never see me again.
Next.
Do you find medicine stressful?
Sure.
You see, now's the time we get to unwind.
There's a party tonight. Do you want to come?
It's a kind of a get-together.
It's ladies' night.
Maybe next time.
Hold you too that. Hmm.
See you tomorrow... on time.
On time.
Stop. See anything you like?
No, sorry, I'm into midgets right now.
Hey!
Aren't you the new doctor in the clinic?
For you? No, no, no.
Say, l-l...
I'm having real bad pains in my chest.
Oh, Is that right? Well, I'll you what,
I'm going in here and I'm going to get laid.
Then I'll come back.
Meet me down at the hospital and I'll give you
a bowel movement you will never forget, okay?
Yah! Whoo.
Asshole!
- Psst. Psst. - Professor.
- Shh. - What's up?
Say, those radios
you traded me were a hit.
Do you have some?
I've already sold one of them.
Do you have some more for me?
Actually, I need something from you.
What do you need?
Do you still have that voodoo kit?
I have the voodoo kit.
The beginners' or the advanced?
The very advanced.
Very advanced? Then, Professor,
you're going to need the chicken too.
That's what you need.
- Yah! - Okay, okay, I'll take the chicken.
You'll take it, okay. Yah.
Hey, back so soon?
Absolutely.
What did you bring me?
Ah...
You know the rules.
Gotta have new faces.
This doesn't work without new faces.
I brought party favors this time.
Okay.
Rachael.
Hey-ey-ey everybody.
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
Mmm-mmm-mmm. Thank you.
Mmm. You are so welcome.
Sandra, my love.
Gorgeous, darling.
Ooh. Whoo.
Oh, look at you. I do know you.
- Dr. Farwell, - Dino, Dino, Dino.
How are you? For your lovely lady there.
Hey, would you like anything special?
Take 'em, take' em, pass the them around.
- Make friends? - You will make so many friends.
Hey, hey, hey. I know you.
Aren't you...
Hold on. It's going to come to me. It's going to come to me.
Ah, ooh, lovely, lovely. I will catch you...
Ooh, my, my, my.
My, my, you look so good.
Everybody looking good today.
Hi.
Mmm-hmm. How are you?
You are nice.
Let's go. Let's go.
Mmm-hmm. Hello, honey.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let the real party begin.
Where have you been?
Do you realize what time it is?
Have you been out all night?
No, I always wear the same clothes for days at a time.
Phew!
Have you even slept?
Does it matter?
What have we got?
Um, I've got like a little bit of
a pain right here in that part of my wrist.
Okay, if you'll just take off your clothes, we'll take a look at it.
So I'm working my door at the club, right?
And this big huge guy just comes right up to me.
He's like, "Oh, I'm with Jim. "
I was like, "Who the hell is Jim, man?"
So, Doctor, I have this rash.
I'm sorry, if you'll take all of your clothes...
hey, you know, why don't you just bend over the table?
Take off your clothes and bend over the table. We'll take a quick look.
But it's just right here.
You know, it's probably a symptom of a deeper problem.
Let me grab my probe. We'll take a quick look.
But what could I do at the club?
I got it like two weeks ago and it's really itchy and pussy.
Here you go.
Is there a girl doctor who could...
No, honey, I'm the only doctor in this town.
- I don't really want to do this. - Oh.
"1-875-BIG-GIRLS, wow. "
- Are you fucking joking? - That's...
- Are you fucking serious? ... for Hollywood girls, big and bold.
What kind of fucking doctor are you? Are you kidding me?
Here's your prescription. Next.
- Is that your phone number? - Mmm-hmm.
Mr. Rhodes,
this is Dr. Farwell.
He's our attending physician for the next month.
He is here for a follow-up on his daughter Dusty.
Dusty?
We thought she was going to be a boy.
Thank you, Doctor, for seeing us.
We haven't been able to see a specialist yet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang loose.
Okay, and a few weeks ago...
blood test...
white blood count... yada yada yada.
Oh, yeah, there it is.
What is it, Doctor?
You been having headaches, Dusty?
Sort of come and go real quick?
Yes.
It's cause you have a brain tumor.
Tumor? Is it...
is it cancer?
Inoperable cancer.
Okay, so there's a tumor.
We understand.
Doctor?
Doctor,
what is our next step?
Um...
have you attended your senior prom?
No, I'm a junior.
I'd find one to take her to this weekend.
Can I get some coffee?
What's wrong with you, you jackass?
Could I get some coffee, por favor?
You cannot just tell a 15-year-old girl
that she's gonna die, no questions asked.
Oh, come on, the kid's a goner.
You don't want to sit here and talk about it
for the next whatever, do you, sweetie?
I'm getting some coffee.
Oh my gosh.
I'm back!
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
That's right, for you and you and you.
Whoo! Let's party.
Breaking news just in. Authorities believe that
the latest rash of serial murders
has been committed by a woman.
They believe she may be a prostitute
and the local cowboys have dubbed the culprit, "The Call-Girl Killer. "
She has claimed 10 victims so far, all male.
Excuse me, excuse me. Who are you?
Security.
Where's the regular?
The short guy?
Dirty looking, on the slow side.
- Jerry. - Yeah, Jerry.
- He didn't show up for work. - It figures.
All right. I need you to stay here tonight.
There's a psychotic homeless guy stalking me.
Sure.
Good.
Fuck this.
Wait!
Good...
hot dog.
Thank you.
Hey, hot-dog man!
Hey, could I get two of those to go?
$2.
Two?
- Here you go, buddy. - You got two?
Those things will kill you! Yah!
She's such a kidder.
Alice. Alice. Hey.
Alice is going to look so beautiful on her wedding day.
Yeah.
So, how is Carol, anyway?
She's not well. She's not well at all, Father.
She's still convinced we have a daughter named Alice.
- Alice? - Alice, yeah.
I'm so worried about her, Father.
What can you do to help us?
Have you been saying your Hail Marys?
- Yes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then add a couple of Our Fathers.
Oh. Yes.
Mmm-hmm.
It's all about the future now.
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