1 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,979 MAN: Maybe you're on holiday. 2 00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:17,283 Maybe you're on a business trip. 3 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:21,120 Maybe you missed the last train or the last flight. 4 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,221 Thanks. 5 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,825 Maybe you're getting married. 6 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:30,363 Maybe you had a row with your wife or husband and they kicked you out. 7 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:34,167 Chances are you might end up somewhere like this. 8 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,044 Just sign there. 9 00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:50,383 -£863? For two nights? -Sir, the bill is fully itemised. 10 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,152 Room charge, restaurant, bar, telephone, dry cleaning. 11 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:56,656 How can you justify charging these prices? This is extortion. 12 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,425 Okay, it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg, 13 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,895 and if this is your first visit, it may come as a bit of a shock, 14 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:05,998 but what are you gonna get for your money? 15 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,533 The best view. 16 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,037 The best service. 17 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,511 The finest ingredients. 18 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,613 The utmost discretion. 19 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:25,485 But that's not the whole picture. What you're really paying for is the opportunity 20 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:29,922 to live out your wildest, darkest, craziest fantasies. 21 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:35,094 To be, for maybe just a night or two, the person you really want to be. 22 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,398 I'm not paying it. 23 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:44,871 Mr Austin, glad I caught you. Mrs Austin left some personal items in the room. 24 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:56,415 Perhaps on your next visit, Mrs Austin can enjoy some complimentary sessions 25 00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:58,951 in our health and beauty spa. 26 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,355 Whatever or whoever you want to be... 27 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,056 Thank you. 28 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,493 ...we'll look after you. 29 00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:15,187 What would you say your responsibilities would be if I gave you the job? 30 00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:19,792 I'd say my number one responsibility as deputy manager would be to the guests, 31 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:23,296 to ensure they have an enjoyable and relaxing stay. 32 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:27,967 My job is to serve them, no matter how absurd, bizarre or perverse their requirements may be. 33 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,069 (PAGER BEEPING) 34 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,674 Oh, God. Sorry. Do you mind? 35 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:41,380 I think I have all the necessary skills. I'm organised, ambitious, 36 00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:44,750 and I just think the job will be more personally rewarding than working on reception. 37 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,386 -You said "think" twice. -Is that a bad thing? 38 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,823 Try using "believe", as in, "I believe your account is overdue, Mrs Akiko." 39 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,925 Puts a more positive spin on things. 40 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:57,563 Let me see. Did we find the finger? Okay, get him to a hospital. 41 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,632 (PAGER BEEPING) 42 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:08,641 You have all the attributes of a good receptionist. You're polite, handsome, flirtatious 43 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:12,044 -and yet strangely asexual. -Thank you. 44 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:15,514 So why would I want to lose my best receptionist and gain an inexperienced deputy manager? 45 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:19,652 Come on, out! The honesty bar is for guests, not for the homeless. 46 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,322 Every bloody morning he's here. Maybe I put some ice down his back, eh? 47 00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,825 I'll handle this. Thank you, Gino. 48 00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,198 Darling, it's gone 9:00. Time to go to work. 49 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,969 Dinner will be on the table when you get home. 50 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,043 Come on, out. 51 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,681 Imagine your worst day, a day when everything goes wrong 52 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,851 and everyone blames you. Then multiply that by 10. 53 00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:54,453 That is an average day in the life of a hotel manager. 54 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,722 Doesn't put me off. I want to progress. 55 00:05:56,823 --> 00:06:01,427 One day I want your job. In another five star hotel, obviously. 56 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,696 Don't tell me, it's always been your boyhood dream. 57 00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:07,566 Well, no, what kid grows up dreaming about running a hotel? 58 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:11,871 -I did. What's in the box, Tony? -Mr Kendal, 302, requested female company. 59 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:16,008 I offered him a female escort. He asked for something a little bit different. 60 00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:19,712 If you'll excuse me, I have to go and source a foot pump. 61 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,714 Any questions? 62 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:27,353 Just one. If a job in management is as bad as you say it is, then why do you do it? 63 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:30,589 I never said the job was bad. I said it was long hours and hard work. 64 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:33,025 -There are also a lot of perks. -Like? 65 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:36,529 Like, if you ever get the job, you'll discover for yourself. 66 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,836 My last three deputies all quit within six months. 67 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,540 None of them were tough enough to stand up to me. Are you? 68 00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,876 I... I believe so. 69 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:55,214 Good interview, Charlie. I'll be making my decision after the weekend. 70 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,584 The Saudi gentleman, Sheik...? 71 00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,853 Sheik Ahmed Bin Marmet. 72 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:04,757 He's been waiting around all morning, wanted to thank you personally for your understanding. 73 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,611 The question you've got to ask yourself is, 74 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:29,582 is the job really worth all the arse-kissing that goes with it? 75 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:34,186 It's the best job in the world. It is. 76 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,356 You get rich, beautiful guests making passes at you. 77 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:43,095 You're surrounded by the best of everything, and on top of that, the tips are great. 78 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:47,433 -Yeah, the tips are good. -And for a manager, they're excellent. 79 00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,569 -Mr... Mr Geffen. -Texas Geffen. 80 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,371 Came here a couple of weeks ago. 81 00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:57,376 He lent Rebecca the keys to his villa in Barbados as a thank you. 82 00:07:57,444 --> 00:08:00,579 Well, if she wants someone to carry her bags... 83 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:05,751 The real reason why I want this job so badly, 84 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:09,922 one day, I want to be able to come into a place like this, as a guest, 85 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:13,726 rent the biggest suite, order anything day in and day out, 86 00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:16,128 and money just not be an object. 87 00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:21,167 -Never gonna happen. -Exactly. 88 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:24,637 So surely, the next best thing is being in charge of a place like this, 89 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:29,175 and if I have to kiss a little bit of arse, then...I'll happily pucker up. 90 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:33,312 -Do you think she'll give you the job? -No idea. 91 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,415 Don't suppose it'll improve your chances 92 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,751 if you're three minutes late for her morning meeting? 93 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,887 Oh, shit. You coming? 94 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:45,324 No, I'm not the one looking for a promotion, sunshine. 95 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,792 Pucker up. 96 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:58,771 -Sorry I'm late, Rebecca. -Don't make a habit of it, Charlie. 97 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,308 -Anything juicy in last night's log? -Relatively quiet night 98 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:07,413 until Mrs Salcombe in room 706 opened her mini-bar and discovered this. 99 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,281 A chocolate bar. 100 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:13,719 Open it and see. You can imagine her disappointment. 101 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,556 Good God, this must have taken someone hours. 102 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:20,326 -Sorry I'm late, Rebecca. -Don't worry about it, Tony. 103 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,961 -How much do we charge for this bar? -£1. 104 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,963 Arrange for a complimentary basket of chocolates 105 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,864 to be sent up to Mrs Salcombe with our apologies. 106 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,601 Then find out who occupied room 706 before her. 107 00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,970 Are we sure this was not done by a chambermaid? 108 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,472 -They eat all bloody day. -My girls don't steal. 109 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,642 Why is a guest perfectly happy shelling out £200 a night for a room, 110 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,277 but they won't pay for a bar of chocolate? 111 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,913 Well, their expenses don't cover the mini-bar. They can't claim it back. 112 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,015 -Oh, please. -Okay, listen up. 113 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,684 The duty manager at the Burlington has been on the phone, wants to know 114 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,287 -if we can accommodate the Junk Dogs. -The what? 115 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:52,191 They're not a what, they're a who. The Junk Dogs are an American rock outfit, 116 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,793 three nights into a five-night gig at Wembley Arena. 117 00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:58,030 -What do we know about them? -Bass player is a convicted arsonist, 118 00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,933 burnt down the Aristotle in Denver a couple of years ago. 119 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,369 -Heavy drinkers? -Rock-and-rollers, Gino. 120 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,772 -They'll clear your bar out in about two hours. -JACKIE: Sound like trouble. 121 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:12,311 I'm expecting a 1796 Napoleon cognac in today. I can sell it for £600 a shot. 122 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:17,716 Mark it up as 750. I'll get back to the Burlington, tell them we'd be delighted to welcome the... 123 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:21,787 -Junk Dogs. -The Junk Dogs. Rock and roll, everybody! 124 00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:24,590 Excuse me, Rebecca. It's only a small point, 125 00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:28,427 but we're already booked 120%. We currently don't have any room for them. 126 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:32,197 I'm sure we can squeeze them in somewhere, can't we, Charlie? 127 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:36,669 CHARLIE: Rockstars love hotels, and we love having them to stay. 128 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:41,473 Parties in the suite, round-the-clock room service, 129 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:46,045 champagne Jacuzzis, groupies by the bus load. 130 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:50,516 The rich, the famous and the notorious, they are our lifeline, 131 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,685 and we never, ever turn them away. 132 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,054 Apologies for the inconvenience, ladies and gentlemen, 133 00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:57,423 but due to an electrical fault, we have to clear the floor. 134 00:10:57,524 --> 00:11:00,526 We do, of course, only have your safety and comfort in mind. 135 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:05,631 Reception will be happy to give you new rooms or alternative accommodation at a nearby hotel. 136 00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,733 -How are we doing? -Just clearing the floor now. 137 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,535 Find Jackie. Get housekeeping to sweep through. 138 00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,637 Why do they need the entire floor to themselves? 139 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,773 Security reasons. All celebrities are cowards. 140 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,843 Oh, Charlie, I'll be giving your page and mobile numbers to the band. 141 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,279 Anything they want, any time of day, they can call you. 142 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,548 -Me? -You want to progress to management, 143 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:25,551 -here's an opportunity to prove yourself. -You can count on me, Rebecca. 144 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:29,154 Build up a rapport with them. Make them feel comfortable, relaxed and special. 145 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:32,291 -Get them into the bar as soon as they arrive? -Exactly. 146 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:37,663 Oh, I do hope they refrain from urinating. I hate it when guests urinate on our property. 147 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,875 (CLEARING THROAT) 148 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,610 Oh. Hi. 149 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:55,114 We're just emptying the 7th floor. You got any chambermaids free? 150 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,116 I'll see what I can do. 151 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:01,887 Was there anything else you wanted from me? 152 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,224 We've got a problem with 706. 153 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,961 Right. 154 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:15,868 MAN: Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 155 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,636 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 156 00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:21,206 I got reception to phone the room, but there was no answer. 157 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,009 (WOMAN MOANING) 158 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,111 MAN: Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 159 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:30,182 -Can't we just let ourselves in? -That is the biggest no-no of the job. 160 00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:33,352 You never, under any circumstances, let yourself into an occupied room. 161 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:37,489 -Right. Guest's privacy. -Actually, no, it's for your own safety. 162 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,393 So how are we gonna get them out? 163 00:12:56,743 --> 00:13:01,613 Morning, men. Can I interest you in a lovely piece of fine cheese? 164 00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:09,388 (MAN AND WOMAN MOANING) 165 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,891 This never happened. 166 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,501 Yeah! 167 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,643 So how long do we wait? 168 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,279 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 169 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,681 MAN: What the... 170 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:36,915 (BANGING) 171 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,851 That didn't sound very good. 172 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,986 This is a thoroughly regrettable incident, 173 00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:44,089 and we will, of course, take care of your expenses at the Chesterton, 174 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:47,726 and please allow us to provide you with a limousine service to the airport tomorrow. 175 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:51,396 Begin your honeymoon in style with our compliments. 176 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,367 Apologies for the disruption, madam, 177 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,636 but we have found you accommodation at another hotel in the area. 178 00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,439 -I'm just preparing your final bill now. -Preparing the bill for you now. 179 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:01,607 (SIGHING) 180 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,910 -Charlie, can I take a break soon? -We're kind of busy. 181 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:08,580 I know, but I want to freshen up before the band get here. 182 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,918 Ben, these are hard-drinking American rock stars. They're not gonna fall in love with you. 183 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,220 Sometimes you can be so cruel. 184 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:22,261 It's for tonight, if that's not too much of an imposition. 185 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,964 I'll look into that for you, sir, of course. 186 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,239 Have you noticed anything odd about Rebecca today? 187 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,275 -No. -It's Friday, 188 00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:39,311 -and she's wearing the black Armani two-piece. -So? 189 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,580 The black Armani two-piece she wears on Thursdays. 190 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,315 It's the same suit that she wore yesterday. 191 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:46,718 I thought you had to be gay to notice things like that. 192 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,588 No, observation is 90% of the concierge's job. 193 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:53,325 When a woman like Rebecca wears the same clothes two days running, 194 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,427 something isn't right. 195 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,268 I want a receipt. 196 00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:12,811 Thank you. 197 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:17,516 -I'd like to check in. -Certainly, madam. The name? 198 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,384 The Junk Dogs. 199 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:23,689 Ah, we've been looking forward to your arrival. Will the musicians be checking in themselves? 200 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,892 They're doing a sound check. I'll take care of the paperwork. 201 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:31,229 Okay. All right, just need a couple of signatures here and here. 202 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:34,433 Can I just say, madam, that it's an honour to have the Junk Dogs stay here? 203 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,835 I am an enormous fan of their music. 204 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:39,037 I'll pass that message on to them. They'll be thrilled. 205 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:43,842 They've been working very hard to reach the gay-black demographic. 206 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,279 It is good to see their efforts haven't been in vain. 207 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,685 It's just like flushing a toilet on an aeroplane. 208 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:58,624 Vacuum drainage system. Good for the guests, good for the environment. 209 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:02,227 Ah, this very powerful shower can comfortably accommodate 210 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:04,396 two to three people if that's your thing. 211 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:09,501 -What do you care what my thing is? -Your thing is none of my business, madam. 212 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,870 Are you flirting with me? 213 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:16,208 -No, Miss Bailey, I'm trying to suggest... -To what? Insinuate that I like group showers? 214 00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:20,679 What next? Are you gonna show up at my door tonight with a bar of soap? 215 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,649 Morning, my apologies for not meeting you at reception. 216 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,851 Rebecca Mitchell, General Manager. 217 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:29,688 Nina Bailey. I'm looking after the band through their European leg of the tour. 218 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:33,925 I hope that my head receptionist has shown you around one of the best suites in our hotel. 219 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,361 Right down to flushing the john. 220 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:39,431 Then I trust that everything's to your satisfaction? 221 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:44,403 -Yes, thank you. -The temperature? The layout? 222 00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:47,639 -It's all okay. -The view? The curtains? 223 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,809 We have the same style of curtains but in blue, if that would be more calming. 224 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:54,079 I don't want you to change anything. 225 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,883 Very well, madam. If you do need us for anything at all... 226 00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:04,956 -Oh, actually, there was something. -Madam? 227 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:11,963 Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough, but I can't remember seeing a welcome basket. 228 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:13,932 Welcome basket? 229 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,568 Fruit, pâté, olives. 230 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:20,706 The Burlington were kind enough to provide one free of charge. 231 00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:26,912 -Why wasn't there a welcome basket in the room? -I assumed housekeeping would do it. 232 00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,514 First rule of hotel management, never assume anything. 233 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:33,518 If you're not doing it yourself, you can take it for granted that it's not getting done. 234 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:37,355 -Question, why do hotels love celebrities? -Because they spend lots of money. 235 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,357 And? 236 00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,294 Publicity. When the rich and the famous get drunk and behave badly, 237 00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:43,762 they do it under our roof. 238 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,598 Any tabloid article that mentions these American rock stars 239 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:50,235 -must mention the hotel they're staying at. -Got it. 240 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,505 If you're not up for this, Charlie, then tell me now. 241 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:57,509 -I'm up for it. -I put my trust in you. Don't let me down. 242 00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,746 Jackie's been on the phone. She wants a room inspection on 404. 243 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,247 Ten minutes. 244 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:09,054 -Any paparazzi turned up yet? -Not yet. 245 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:13,992 What time did you call them and tip them off? All right, leave it to me. 246 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:19,397 -Cheers, mate. I owe you. -If you get the deputy manager's job, you'll pay. 247 00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:30,108 Can I help you inside with those bags, Mr Matthews? 248 00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:32,744 I'm helping Mr Matthews now. 249 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,685 Can I help you to the lifts with the bags, Mr Matthews, sir? 250 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,955 -Ah, very kind of you. Thank you, Peter. -All part of the service. 251 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,869 What's she doing here? 252 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,672 Cute. Who is she? 253 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,474 -Anna, lovely to meet you. -Hello. 254 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,843 -Would you like to come this way to my office? -Brilliant. Thank you. 255 00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,913 Anna Thornton-Wilton. She's the head receptionist at the Chesterton. 256 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:10,582 Well, if she's arriving through the front doors, then she's either a guest 257 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,118 or she's here for a job interview. 258 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:18,490 I'm gonna go and do that room inspection. 259 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:52,224 -You wanted a room inspection? -Yes, please. 260 00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:56,995 Okay. 261 00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,082 That's all fine. 262 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,922 -Looks okay to me. -Me, too. 263 00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,226 Right. 264 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,849 (CHANTING) We want the Junk Dogs! We want the Junk Dogs! 265 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:57,322 We want the Junk Dogs! We want the Junk Dogs! 266 00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:01,559 -What time are they getting here? -Post gig. Should be around midnight. 267 00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:04,396 I've also arranged another little welcome surprise for them. 268 00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:05,864 Excellent. 269 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,503 Is it my imagination, or are there more bell boys on tonight? 270 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:16,841 When the celebrity circus is in town, everyone wants to work. Excuse me. 271 00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,278 Absolutely, madam, that's all organised for you. 272 00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:23,248 Rebecca, there's something you need to see. 273 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,717 Okay, thanks very much. 274 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:31,990 I didn't know it was your car until I ran a check on the number plate. 275 00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:38,463 No one saw or heard anything, but I've got Mustafa running off the CCTV tape right now. 276 00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:41,566 Forget it. It's probably just kids. 277 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,902 Why don't we just keep this between ourselves for now? 278 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:46,071 We don't want guests thinking their cars are at risk. 279 00:21:46,172 --> 00:21:49,207 As you wish. I've got a nephew who works in a garage. 280 00:21:49,275 --> 00:21:51,676 He might be able to sort you out a decent rate. 281 00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:54,946 -Thanks, Derek. -Leave it with me, boss. 282 00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:14,966 Good evening, Mrs Rautenan, Tony from the concierge desk. 283 00:22:15,034 --> 00:22:16,701 Very well, thank you. Yourself? 284 00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:21,072 Just a courtesy call to let you know that your theatre tickets have arrived. 285 00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:23,675 I'll get them sent up to you, madam. 286 00:22:40,459 --> 00:22:42,227 Come in. 287 00:22:46,399 --> 00:22:50,769 -Your tickets, madam. -Thank you, could you put them there for me? 288 00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:55,407 Will there be anything else? 289 00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:59,711 My hands are busy. I'd love a chocolate. I don't suppose you could... 290 00:22:59,779 --> 00:23:02,547 Absolutely. This one? 291 00:23:02,648 --> 00:23:04,315 Yes, that's fine. 292 00:23:07,353 --> 00:23:08,720 Mmm. 293 00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:11,289 -Thank you. -All part of the service, madam. 294 00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,759 -Have a pleasant evening. -Yeah, thank you. 295 00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:23,301 -Not even a towel over her private areas? -Nothing. 296 00:23:25,271 --> 00:23:28,306 You're the luckiest son of a bitch I ever met. 297 00:23:28,507 --> 00:23:31,443 Why does nothing like this ever happen for me, eh? 298 00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:34,779 Because you make your own luck in this world, Gino. 299 00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:53,631 -Who is it, please? -Room service. 300 00:23:53,699 --> 00:23:58,636 -Complimentary drinks from the bar, madam. -One moment. Come on in. 301 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:06,678 My wife is dressing for the theatre, but please put the drinks on the table. 302 00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:10,348 Cambiare. 303 00:24:11,250 --> 00:24:14,552 A coin has rolled under the bed, I'm afraid. 304 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:18,756 If I lift the corner, could you crawl underneath me to retrieve it? 305 00:24:29,435 --> 00:24:33,605 -Car trouble. I need a room for the night. -I'm afraid we're full. 306 00:24:33,672 --> 00:24:38,543 -Charlie, this is me you're talking to. -No, seriously, what with the band and... 307 00:24:39,879 --> 00:24:41,546 -Oh. -I can phone round, 308 00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:45,350 -see if there's any vacancies. -What, and give money to the competition? 309 00:24:50,122 --> 00:24:52,624 Was that Anna Thornton-Wilton that I saw in the lobby earlier? 310 00:24:52,725 --> 00:24:56,361 She came in for the deputy manager position. Her CV is very impressive. 311 00:24:56,428 --> 00:25:00,031 I'm sure she's very good, considering the short amount of experience that she's had. 312 00:25:00,099 --> 00:25:01,966 Of course, you have an advantage over her, 313 00:25:02,034 --> 00:25:04,102 -don't you, Charlie? -I do? 314 00:25:04,203 --> 00:25:06,204 You have a chance to prove yourself in front of me. 315 00:25:06,272 --> 00:25:08,606 For example, by ensuring that our bar is sufficiently stocked 316 00:25:08,674 --> 00:25:11,576 -for the arrival of our rock stars. -Funnily enough, I was just about to do that. 317 00:25:11,677 --> 00:25:12,977 Thank you. 318 00:25:15,948 --> 00:25:21,352 What a day! Flight delayed by three hours. They misplace my luggage, 319 00:25:21,420 --> 00:25:24,522 and then I get a cab driver who decides to take the scenic route. 320 00:25:24,590 --> 00:25:28,459 I tell you, today cannot get any worse. 321 00:25:28,561 --> 00:25:31,796 You have a room for me. The name's Pullins. 322 00:25:31,864 --> 00:25:33,998 Mr Pullins. 323 00:25:38,337 --> 00:25:41,839 Unfortunately, sir, we've had some electrical problems this afternoon. 324 00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:13,838 (CLAMOURING) 325 00:26:19,111 --> 00:26:20,778 (WOMEN SCREAMING) 326 00:26:58,884 --> 00:27:01,486 We're all very excited about having you here. 327 00:27:18,604 --> 00:27:22,307 The restaurant's open for another hour, and the bar's at your disposal all night. 328 00:27:22,374 --> 00:27:23,741 (ROCK MUSIC BLARING ON TV) 329 00:27:23,842 --> 00:27:25,643 If you gentlemen need anything, day or night, then please... 330 00:27:25,711 --> 00:27:27,545 Switch that thing off! 331 00:27:37,723 --> 00:27:42,193 We had some problems with porn channels in Germany. 332 00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:46,497 Can you believe the hotel tried charging us treble their standard rate? 333 00:27:46,598 --> 00:27:50,201 A mistake like that would never happen here, Miss Bailey. 334 00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:55,139 I've stayed in enough of these air-conditioned hell holes to know how they work. 335 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,775 Biggest money-spinning operation I've ever come across. 336 00:27:57,876 --> 00:27:59,711 We aim to provide a good service. 337 00:27:59,778 --> 00:28:06,384 This suite alone is costing the record company £3,500 a night. 338 00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:11,322 How much do you think it's costing the hotel to turn it around? 339 00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:14,392 I couldn't possibly put a price on it, madam. 340 00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:16,694 Let's see, shall we? 341 00:28:16,795 --> 00:28:22,600 Heating, lighting, washing the sheets and towels, 342 00:28:22,668 --> 00:28:27,505 labour charge of a cleaner... £10 a day? 343 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,475 That's quite a mark-up. 344 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:33,444 Then you've got the balls to stick a couple of chocolates on the pillows 345 00:28:33,512 --> 00:28:35,680 and call them complimentary! 346 00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:39,784 Hello. 347 00:28:41,053 --> 00:28:42,754 Something to do with you? 348 00:28:42,821 --> 00:28:46,157 I took the liberty of organising a little entertainment for our rock stars, yeah. 349 00:28:46,225 --> 00:28:48,226 I don't think they're gonna be needed tonight. 350 00:28:48,293 --> 00:28:53,030 Why not? Somebody reinvent the wheel? Rock stars love hookers. 351 00:28:53,098 --> 00:28:55,099 Are you coming to Samantha's for a drink tonight? 352 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,668 I can't. I've got to stick around just in case the band needs something. 353 00:28:57,736 --> 00:29:01,372 -You're working a double shift? -Treble. I'm on rota first thing in the morning. 354 00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:04,375 Well, that takes arse-kissing to a whole new dimension. 355 00:29:04,476 --> 00:29:06,778 I really want this job. 356 00:29:07,212 --> 00:29:09,113 Well, if it means anything to you, everyone I've spoken to 357 00:29:09,181 --> 00:29:11,616 -wants you to get it. -Really? 358 00:29:11,717 --> 00:29:15,653 Yeah, we don't want some hard-arse barking orders at us all day. 359 00:29:16,221 --> 00:29:21,793 -Um... People think I'm soft? -No, they think you're nice. 360 00:29:21,860 --> 00:29:24,462 Which means soft. Well, I'll tell you what, 361 00:29:24,563 --> 00:29:27,832 if I do get this job, I'm gonna be a right bastard to everyone. 362 00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:31,035 And you, my friend, are the first on the list. 363 00:29:32,805 --> 00:29:35,139 That's right, ladies, keep walking. 364 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:39,110 Back to the filthy London gutters you just crawled out of. 365 00:29:42,681 --> 00:29:45,316 Do I have to be polite to this woman for another 36 hours? 366 00:29:45,384 --> 00:29:49,120 Well, if you really wanted to be rude to people, you should've trained to be a chef. 367 00:29:49,188 --> 00:29:51,923 -See you tomorrow. -Ta-ra. 368 00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:59,831 CHARLIE: It's funny how busy these places get when there's a whiff of celebrity in the air. 369 00:29:59,898 --> 00:30:02,633 Everyone wants to see the room where the actress hung herself 370 00:30:02,701 --> 00:30:05,503 or the pop star dangled a baby off the balcony. 371 00:30:05,604 --> 00:30:09,941 But you're never the same again after you've worked a nightshift in a hotel. 372 00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:13,344 How many times have I told you? Four times I called! 373 00:30:59,725 --> 00:31:01,392 -Hello. -Mr Sturridge? 374 00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:03,461 -Yes. -It's Rebecca Mitchell. 375 00:31:03,562 --> 00:31:06,230 -Oh, hello. How are you? -Very well, thank you. 376 00:31:06,298 --> 00:31:10,134 You mentioned on your last visit that if I ever needed a favour I should call you. 377 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,696 Three mentions of the band, but not one mention of the hotel they're staying at. 378 00:31:38,797 --> 00:31:42,300 -New dress, Rebecca? -Oh, thank you for noticing, Tony. 379 00:31:44,336 --> 00:31:48,906 If you don't mind me saying so, Charlie, you don't appear to be very fresh. 380 00:31:52,778 --> 00:31:54,679 (PHONE RINGING) 381 00:31:56,615 --> 00:32:00,718 Good morning, reception. One moment, madam. 382 00:32:01,954 --> 00:32:04,021 (PHONE RINGING) 383 00:32:04,122 --> 00:32:07,091 -Concierge desk. -Tony, damsel in distress. 384 00:32:07,192 --> 00:32:11,996 Put her through. Good morning, madam, my name's Tony. How can I help you today? 385 00:32:12,064 --> 00:32:14,699 Yeah, I can take care of that for you. 386 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,468 Go see my chemist mate round the corner. Pick up a morning-after pill. 387 00:32:17,536 --> 00:32:19,070 (PHONE RINGING) 388 00:32:20,839 --> 00:32:22,473 Better make it a couple of packs. 389 00:32:22,541 --> 00:32:25,509 Three peppermint teas and a ginger cake. 390 00:32:27,312 --> 00:32:29,280 What about the fights, the fire, 391 00:32:29,348 --> 00:32:32,316 the sofa through the windows, the dead hookers in the bathtub? 392 00:32:32,384 --> 00:32:34,352 Aren't we supposed to be under siege by a rock band? 393 00:32:34,419 --> 00:32:37,154 I stopped in at the Burlington last night on my way home. 394 00:32:37,222 --> 00:32:39,590 -Spoke to the concierge on duty. -And? 395 00:32:39,658 --> 00:32:42,860 They had the same problem. Looks like the Junk Dogs have quit the booze, 396 00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:45,229 which is why those bastards bumped them onto us. 397 00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:46,831 We emptied an entire floor for these people. 398 00:32:46,898 --> 00:32:49,600 I'm sorry, but am I the only one who believes they have a responsibility 399 00:32:49,668 --> 00:32:51,602 to spend an obscene amount of money here? 400 00:32:51,670 --> 00:32:53,871 I don't think it's the band. I think it's the PA. 401 00:32:53,939 --> 00:32:57,708 You bring her down to me. Three martinis, she want everyone for fun. 402 00:32:57,776 --> 00:33:01,912 25 years in the country and still the language is a barrier, isn't that right, Gino? 403 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:05,216 -I speak English as well as you. -All the right words, all the wrong emphasis. 404 00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:09,520 Okay, that's enough. Let's turn a negative into a positive. Any ideas? 405 00:33:09,588 --> 00:33:12,590 Don't look at me. If those pussies are not drinking... 406 00:33:12,658 --> 00:33:16,093 -They're gonna have to eat, eventually. -Good thinking, Charlie. 407 00:33:16,194 --> 00:33:20,131 Actually, I've got a new caviar supplier due in today. I could ask if he has any Almas. 408 00:33:20,232 --> 00:33:23,668 -14,000 a kilo. -And they can smoke. 409 00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:26,303 I have some Trinidad Diplomatics in the humidor. 410 00:33:26,371 --> 00:33:29,473 -£500 each. -For a cigar? 411 00:33:29,541 --> 00:33:33,210 No disrespect, my darling, but women do not understand cigars. 412 00:33:33,311 --> 00:33:36,714 Tell me, Gino, is it really as complicated as drying leaves? 413 00:33:36,782 --> 00:33:39,550 These beauties were handed out by Castro in person. 414 00:33:39,618 --> 00:33:44,255 I have a half-smoked butt from the man himself that is yours for £5,000, eh? 415 00:33:44,356 --> 00:33:45,556 Now we're talking! 416 00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:54,098 -Mr Matthews, how are you today? -I'm very well, thank you. 417 00:33:54,199 --> 00:33:56,701 I have a case full of Kuwaiti dinars. 418 00:33:56,802 --> 00:33:59,236 I wondered if you'd be a poppet and stick it in the hotel safe. 419 00:33:59,304 --> 00:34:02,306 -Certainly, sir. -Don't trust the safes in the room. Too flimsy. 420 00:34:02,374 --> 00:34:05,109 Charlie, could you put this in the safe for Mr Matthews? 421 00:34:05,177 --> 00:34:07,511 -Right away. -Sir. 422 00:34:12,584 --> 00:34:15,553 -Thank you, Charlie. -Thank you, Mr Matthews. 423 00:34:16,922 --> 00:34:20,091 Car's waiting for you out front, sir, a bottle of bubbly in the chiller. 424 00:34:20,192 --> 00:34:21,559 Let's shop! 425 00:34:34,172 --> 00:34:36,841 -The guy driving Mr Matthews... -New kid. 426 00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:40,478 Well, let's keep him out of the lobby in future. Rebecca won't be happy seeing him touting. 427 00:34:40,545 --> 00:34:44,014 -We'll have a discreet word with the lad. -Cheers, Derek. 428 00:34:47,018 --> 00:34:49,353 (PAPARAZZI CLAMOURING) 429 00:35:06,538 --> 00:35:07,705 Ah! 430 00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:11,442 -Hi, Charlie. -Hi, Anna. How are things at the Chesterton? 431 00:35:11,510 --> 00:35:15,012 Oh, I quit last week. Wasn't getting the opportunities that I deserve. 432 00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:17,548 Which is why you've come here for the deputy manager post? 433 00:35:17,616 --> 00:35:20,518 Uh-huh, yeah, Rebecca called me back for my second interview this morning. 434 00:35:20,585 --> 00:35:24,021 -So looks promising. -Wow, that's wonderful. 435 00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:28,192 Wouldn't that be cool, us two working together again, only me as your boss? 436 00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:30,361 -How cool would that be? -Yeah. 437 00:35:30,428 --> 00:35:33,063 And I don't know about you, but I totally wouldn't feel uncomfortable 438 00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:36,200 -about that sex that we had. -Me, neither. 439 00:35:36,268 --> 00:35:38,702 See, as a career woman, I think it's okay 440 00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:41,272 to have sex with a man in a lower-ranking position. 441 00:35:41,339 --> 00:35:43,741 It's only demeaning when it's the other way round. Wouldn't you say so? 442 00:35:43,842 --> 00:35:47,478 -Hi, Anna. -Oh, Rebecca. Wow, great dress. 443 00:35:47,546 --> 00:35:50,147 Thank you. Little secret, it was off the peg. 444 00:35:50,215 --> 00:35:52,583 Oh, you see, on most of us that would hang like a rag. 445 00:35:52,651 --> 00:35:53,818 Come on through to the restaurant. 446 00:35:53,919 --> 00:35:55,753 Let's have a cup of tea and a gossip before we talk shop. 447 00:35:55,821 --> 00:35:57,188 Okay, see you again, Charlie. 448 00:35:57,255 --> 00:36:00,858 Oh, Charlie, I haven't heard if our rock stars have made a reservation for lunch yet. 449 00:36:00,959 --> 00:36:02,393 I'm not sure of their movements. 450 00:36:02,460 --> 00:36:07,398 See, at the Chesterton, I had this system of suggesting that guests book early for lunch. 451 00:36:07,465 --> 00:36:09,033 It sort of plants the idea in their head. 452 00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:11,435 -Sorry, that was rude of me to interrupt. -No, not at all. 453 00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:15,472 See, Charlie, sometimes guests just need a little encouragement. 454 00:36:16,741 --> 00:36:18,976 -Come through. -Ciao, Charlie. 455 00:36:20,412 --> 00:36:22,112 Ciao, Anna. 456 00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:39,597 One Hawaiian and two vegetarian, £15. 457 00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:43,067 Thank you. 458 00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:51,742 How do you get people to spend money when they don't want to? 459 00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:54,111 Simple. You spend it for them. 460 00:36:54,179 --> 00:36:57,281 -No way Rebecca's gonna give me this job. -So what, you're just gonna give up? 461 00:36:57,349 --> 00:37:00,918 Well, I may as well if I can't even get a rock band drunk. 462 00:37:00,986 --> 00:37:03,220 Where's your fighting spirit? 463 00:37:03,321 --> 00:37:05,656 You said you wanted this job. I mean, it's your career ambition. 464 00:37:05,757 --> 00:37:07,892 Yeah, you said to me yesterday it wasn't worth the arse-kissing. 465 00:37:07,993 --> 00:37:11,395 Yeah, well, that was yesterday. Today I've got money riding on it. 466 00:37:11,463 --> 00:37:13,264 Derek the doorman took a £10 bet. 467 00:37:13,331 --> 00:37:16,100 -What are my odds? -50-50. 468 00:37:16,201 --> 00:37:19,770 It's between you and the goddess who breezed through the lobby earlier. 469 00:37:19,871 --> 00:37:21,305 -Anna? -Hmm. 470 00:37:22,774 --> 00:37:26,477 -She ain't all that. -Oh, yeah? Which bits were you looking at? 471 00:37:26,544 --> 00:37:28,279 She's not my type. 472 00:37:29,414 --> 00:37:31,916 That reminds me, I need to keep an eye on housekeeping. 473 00:37:36,521 --> 00:37:39,390 -You wanted a room inspection? -Yes, please. 474 00:37:59,978 --> 00:38:01,946 -All good. -Thank you. 475 00:38:04,816 --> 00:38:08,452 -Was there anything else? -Did you have something in mind? 476 00:38:43,221 --> 00:38:44,955 -You okay? -Mmm-hmm. 477 00:38:45,890 --> 00:38:47,958 -You sure? -Yeah. 478 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:53,464 God, I hate it when guys just want to talk and talk after sex. 479 00:38:53,531 --> 00:38:55,733 Sorry. Weird situation. 480 00:39:05,110 --> 00:39:06,543 Here you go. 481 00:39:20,425 --> 00:39:21,992 (CLEARING THROAT) 482 00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:32,469 -Wouldn't drink out of that if I were you. -Why not? 483 00:39:51,256 --> 00:39:52,656 All clear. 484 00:39:58,696 --> 00:40:02,032 Just a little something for you to remember me by. 485 00:40:06,638 --> 00:40:08,038 (CROWD CHEERING) 486 00:40:08,106 --> 00:40:10,607 MAN: One more! One more! MAN 2: This way, lads! 487 00:40:34,499 --> 00:40:36,500 I'm guessing that you're relatively new to this game, 488 00:40:36,601 --> 00:40:39,369 so you don't fully understand the rules as yet. 489 00:40:39,471 --> 00:40:43,574 So let me start with rule one. You see that line beneath our feet? 490 00:40:46,678 --> 00:40:48,712 What line? 491 00:40:49,414 --> 00:40:52,049 The line that you never cross again 492 00:40:52,150 --> 00:40:55,252 because when a guest crosses that line, he's ours. 493 00:40:55,353 --> 00:40:58,589 We carry his bags. We take his tips. 494 00:40:59,858 --> 00:41:01,492 Is that clear? 495 00:41:08,032 --> 00:41:10,100 Off you go. 496 00:41:14,639 --> 00:41:21,078 Mr Matthews. 497 00:41:25,617 --> 00:41:28,318 -Mr Matthews, sir. -Yes, sorry. 498 00:41:28,386 --> 00:41:32,022 -This came for you. -Oh, thank you. Miles away. 499 00:42:20,371 --> 00:42:22,372 (PAGER BEEPING) 500 00:42:42,060 --> 00:42:43,227 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 501 00:42:43,294 --> 00:42:45,829 I was on the next floor up, and I heard the screams. 502 00:42:57,008 --> 00:43:00,744 I thought you were supposed to get some privacy in these goddamn places. 503 00:43:10,955 --> 00:43:15,225 I hope this is good enough to get me out of a Pilates class, Charlie. 504 00:43:18,029 --> 00:43:21,498 -Good God, what happened to her? -One of the guests attacked her. 505 00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:23,000 Which guest? 506 00:43:25,236 --> 00:43:27,237 -Was anything broken? -Maybe her jaw. 507 00:43:27,305 --> 00:43:30,540 No, I mean fixtures and fittings. Do we have a viable insurance claim? 508 00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:33,210 (SPEAKING SERBO-CROATIAN) 509 00:43:34,779 --> 00:43:37,714 Do we need a translator for this? My Serbo-Croat isn't very strong. 510 00:43:37,782 --> 00:43:41,818 -English. -I do nothing. She attack me. 511 00:43:42,620 --> 00:43:44,855 Okay, from the beginning. 512 00:43:47,558 --> 00:43:50,394 I go in to turn down beds. 513 00:43:51,996 --> 00:43:57,301 I knock first. No talk back. I walk in on the bathroom. 514 00:43:57,368 --> 00:44:02,739 She, bitch, is powdering lots into her face. 515 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:05,342 Powdering her face? You mean applying make-up? 516 00:44:05,410 --> 00:44:07,411 No, the powder. 517 00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:14,451 Like a vacuum cleaner. Silly cow drop it everywhere. 518 00:44:14,819 --> 00:44:18,388 Then she go Vin Diesel on me. 519 00:44:18,456 --> 00:44:21,625 Thank you, Tanya. I think we just about understand. 520 00:44:21,693 --> 00:44:24,494 (GRUMBLING IN SERBO-CROATIAN) 521 00:44:26,931 --> 00:44:31,168 How would you handle this, Charlie? What would you do in my position? 522 00:44:34,906 --> 00:44:39,076 I'd attempt to find the band alternative accommodation at another hotel. 523 00:44:39,143 --> 00:44:41,411 Everybody knows they're not spending any money. 524 00:44:41,512 --> 00:44:45,248 No other hotel in London will touch them with a stick. 525 00:44:45,350 --> 00:44:47,384 Then I'd ask them to leave. 526 00:44:47,452 --> 00:44:50,387 Tempting, but the answer I was looking for is this. 527 00:44:50,455 --> 00:44:55,559 We put an extra £50 in Tanya's wage packet, and we say no more about the incident. 528 00:44:58,896 --> 00:45:00,430 Sorry... 529 00:45:01,065 --> 00:45:02,299 (SIGHING) 530 00:45:02,900 --> 00:45:06,570 But is that one of the perks of being the manager, Rebecca? 531 00:45:07,105 --> 00:45:09,539 You get to shit on your own staff. 532 00:45:10,975 --> 00:45:14,745 You know how I said I wanted someone who can stand up to me? 533 00:45:16,314 --> 00:45:18,048 This isn't the time. 534 00:45:18,950 --> 00:45:23,220 In your interview yesterday, you said the role of deputy manager is to look after the guests. 535 00:45:23,287 --> 00:45:25,288 -That's right. -No, that's wrong. 536 00:45:25,390 --> 00:45:30,127 I already employ hundreds of people to do that. Waiters, porters, receptionists. 537 00:45:30,228 --> 00:45:33,296 In management, your number one responsibility is to maximise profit 538 00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:36,466 and protect the interests of the hotel. 539 00:45:36,534 --> 00:45:42,539 This is a business. If you don't understand that, maybe you're not the right person for the job. 540 00:45:59,157 --> 00:46:01,458 -She's not up there. -Then I'll wait for her. 541 00:46:01,559 --> 00:46:03,427 Or you can go back home and try again in the morning. 542 00:46:03,494 --> 00:46:06,029 No one attacks one of my girls and gets away with it. 543 00:46:06,097 --> 00:46:08,298 Jackie, you'll lose your job. 544 00:46:09,734 --> 00:46:12,636 You might be scared of Rebecca, but I'm not. 545 00:46:13,738 --> 00:46:15,972 You've got a child to support. 546 00:46:16,941 --> 00:46:19,109 How do you know that? 547 00:46:19,177 --> 00:46:22,979 Chambermaids will tell you anything for the price of a stamp. 548 00:46:23,047 --> 00:46:26,616 I also know you're 27, you rent a two-bedroom flat in Highgate 549 00:46:26,717 --> 00:46:29,619 and you've got a fantastic arse. 550 00:46:33,257 --> 00:46:36,827 If you want to nail her, I'll help you, 551 00:46:36,894 --> 00:46:40,063 but there's a much better way of doing it than beating her up. 552 00:46:40,598 --> 00:46:43,934 I could slam a door on her hand. Accidents happen. 553 00:46:44,035 --> 00:46:47,471 If she orders a drink, I'll piss in it. You have my word on that. 554 00:46:47,538 --> 00:46:53,310 Right, 8:00 on a Friday night, where can we find every model, boy band, D-list celebrity, 555 00:46:53,377 --> 00:46:57,147 -every ligger in town? -How far down the barrel do you want to go? 556 00:46:57,215 --> 00:47:01,251 Sediment. Let's put out the word that the Junk Dogs, they're throwing an after-show party 557 00:47:01,352 --> 00:47:05,622 -in their suite and everybody is invited. -Dave, I want you to get on to maintenance. 558 00:47:05,690 --> 00:47:09,626 Pictures, vases, anything that's expensive and breakable, move it on up to the 7th floor. 559 00:47:09,694 --> 00:47:11,828 -What are you up to? -Well, it's like you said. 560 00:47:11,896 --> 00:47:15,398 If they ain't going to spend the money, we'll spend it for them. 561 00:48:07,618 --> 00:48:09,653 How's it going? 562 00:48:09,754 --> 00:48:12,589 The Savoy is sending over another 50 bottles of Krug. 563 00:48:12,657 --> 00:48:16,693 -Excellent. Charge it all to the Olympia suite. -One question, Charlie. 564 00:48:16,794 --> 00:48:18,795 -Yeah? -What size shoes are you? 565 00:48:18,863 --> 00:48:22,899 -Nine. Why? -When Rebecca kills you, can I have them? 566 00:48:24,669 --> 00:48:26,736 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 567 00:48:34,512 --> 00:48:36,446 -What... What... -Good evening, Miss Bailey. 568 00:48:36,547 --> 00:48:39,149 I've taken the liberty of organising a seafood platter 569 00:48:39,216 --> 00:48:42,152 just in case any of the band were hungry. 570 00:48:42,219 --> 00:48:45,655 -Can I offer you gentlemen a spot of caviar? -We didn't order any of this. 571 00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:49,526 Oh, there's no harm in celebrating the end of a very successful tour is there? 572 00:48:49,627 --> 00:48:51,795 And you can take that lot away for a start. 573 00:48:51,862 --> 00:48:53,663 Oh, the drinks, madam, they're not for the band. 574 00:48:53,731 --> 00:48:55,932 -They're for the guests. -What guests? 575 00:48:56,033 --> 00:48:59,369 Well, you can't have a party without guests, now, can you? 576 00:49:00,171 --> 00:49:03,807 (IPREDICTA RIOTBY KAISER CHIEFS PLAYING ON STEREO) 577 00:49:19,857 --> 00:49:23,526 Wonderful! If you need anything else, I'll be on reception. 578 00:49:30,234 --> 00:49:34,070 -I want you to put a stop to this right now! -Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that, madam. 579 00:49:34,138 --> 00:49:37,474 I'm in charge of their budget, and we're not paying for any of that stuff. 580 00:49:37,541 --> 00:49:40,543 Hey, man, can you send up some more of this caviar? 581 00:49:40,611 --> 00:49:43,947 -Right away, sir. -And some more smokes, another dozen or so. 582 00:49:44,015 --> 00:49:45,448 No problem. 583 00:49:45,549 --> 00:49:49,185 Of course, these items have now been ordered through reception, so I will have to charge you. 584 00:49:49,253 --> 00:49:51,888 -This is a con! -A con? 585 00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:56,259 Madam, we have emptied this entire floor for you. 586 00:49:56,327 --> 00:50:00,497 We've sent regular paying guests to other hotels in the area in order to accommodate you. 587 00:50:00,598 --> 00:50:03,900 I have personally tipped off the paparazzi, the screaming fans 588 00:50:03,968 --> 00:50:08,772 to give you your big warm welcome, and how do you repay us? 589 00:50:08,873 --> 00:50:12,475 By beating the crap out of a woman who clears up your shit for the minimum wage. 590 00:50:12,543 --> 00:50:17,647 -And I'm supposed to feel sorry for her? -No, you're supposed to let her do her job. 591 00:50:21,485 --> 00:50:27,691 Now, if I were you, I'd go back into the suite, enjoy a couple glasses of Bollinger, 592 00:50:27,792 --> 00:50:30,260 try some caviar. 593 00:50:30,327 --> 00:50:35,832 Let's face it, anything that comes out of a 100-year-old fish must taste pretty special. 594 00:50:35,900 --> 00:50:39,135 And I'd smoke a lovely Trinidad Diplomatic cigar. 595 00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:43,339 And I wouldn't even think about complaining. 596 00:51:03,728 --> 00:51:05,829 (COUGHING) 597 00:52:02,653 --> 00:52:04,854 (TUTTING) 598 00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:15,498 We're not paying for any damage. 599 00:52:34,952 --> 00:52:38,054 I'm sorry, Rebecca. I just needed five minutes. 600 00:52:38,556 --> 00:52:43,259 I don't know what you did last night, and I probably don't want to know, do I? 601 00:52:43,627 --> 00:52:46,229 -Did they cause a lot of damage? -Let me put it this way. 602 00:52:46,297 --> 00:52:51,134 They're the first rock band I've ever known to throw television sets in through the windows. 603 00:52:51,235 --> 00:52:55,071 I appreciate the effort that went into that originality. 604 00:52:55,139 --> 00:52:58,675 -Go home and get a shower. -I'm on the next rota this morning. 605 00:52:58,742 --> 00:53:01,344 And after you've rested, go and see this very good friend of mine 606 00:53:01,412 --> 00:53:03,646 and get fitted for a new suit. 607 00:53:09,653 --> 00:53:12,689 Savile Row, I can't afford... 608 00:53:13,023 --> 00:53:16,259 Perk number one, the owner of the shop is a regular in our restaurant. 609 00:53:16,327 --> 00:53:19,195 He never books. He always expects a table. 610 00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:23,299 We scratch his back. He scratches ours. 611 00:53:23,367 --> 00:53:26,169 Welcome to hotel management, Charlie. 612 00:53:26,270 --> 00:53:29,906 As of this moment, I'm going to be making your life hell. 613 00:53:52,796 --> 00:53:56,165 -What are you doing here? -Oh, Rebecca called me first thing this morning 614 00:53:56,267 --> 00:53:59,702 and offered me your old head of reception job, which is better than nothing right now. 615 00:53:59,770 --> 00:54:02,305 Plus it means I don't have to do all the demeaning donkey work 616 00:54:02,373 --> 00:54:05,675 that the deputy manager gets lumbered with. 617 00:54:05,743 --> 00:54:07,977 I'm looking forward to working with you again, Anna. 618 00:54:08,045 --> 00:54:10,647 That's sweet. Me, too. 619 00:54:10,748 --> 00:54:14,083 Reception. Yes, breakfast is served until 10:00. 620 00:54:14,184 --> 00:54:18,955 Mmm-hmm. We have continental, full English and a fruit medley. Okay. 621 00:54:19,023 --> 00:54:20,657 (CHARLIE SIGHING) 622 00:54:22,493 --> 00:54:23,826 (GROANING) 623 00:54:23,894 --> 00:54:26,629 -Morning, Mr Matthews. -Morning. 624 00:54:26,697 --> 00:54:30,099 You're very popular with the staff, sir. We do like generous guests. 625 00:54:30,167 --> 00:54:34,971 -Oh, thank you. -But I don't think you are who you say you are, 626 00:54:36,273 --> 00:54:40,043 and guests like you never stick around to pay the final bill. 627 00:54:40,377 --> 00:54:42,445 How dare you? 628 00:54:44,615 --> 00:54:47,016 I want to speak to the manager. 629 00:54:47,084 --> 00:54:50,853 Sir, I'm pretty sleep-deprived at the moment but still in a good mood, 630 00:54:50,955 --> 00:54:53,656 so I'm gonna give you a head start. 631 00:54:53,724 --> 00:54:56,893 In five minutes' time, I'm gonna call one of my colleagues on reception, 632 00:54:56,994 --> 00:54:59,529 and I'm gonna ask her to run a check on your credit card, 633 00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:02,532 and if it turns out that you're not the real Mr Matthews, 634 00:55:02,633 --> 00:55:04,968 she'll be informing the police. 635 00:55:06,570 --> 00:55:11,474 Whatever you wish to do with this information is, of course, entirely up to you. 636 00:55:13,510 --> 00:55:18,448 Fair game, mate. My briefcase. You put it in the hotel safe. 637 00:55:18,549 --> 00:55:21,818 Hmm. I don't recall there being a briefcase, sir. 638 00:55:23,053 --> 00:55:24,354 Right. 639 00:55:28,392 --> 00:55:29,993 (SIGHING) 640 00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:37,667 Mr Matthews, I can highly recommend the Burlington at this time of year. 641 00:55:37,735 --> 00:55:41,004 They're often kind enough to direct guests our way. 642 00:55:52,416 --> 00:55:54,050 Nina, are you okay? 643 00:55:54,151 --> 00:55:58,955 CHARLIE: A good hotel is more than just a bed for the night. 644 00:55:59,023 --> 00:56:03,726 When you walk through these doors, you can be anyone you want. 645 00:56:03,827 --> 00:56:09,165 The important businessman, the honeymooner, the romantic husband, 646 00:56:10,334 --> 00:56:13,136 the adulterer, the celebrity. 647 00:56:17,107 --> 00:56:19,409 Thanks for the party, man. It was just what we needed. 648 00:56:19,510 --> 00:56:21,177 Our pleasure, sir. 649 00:56:22,246 --> 00:56:25,782 Or maybe you just need somewhere to hide for a while. 650 00:56:33,023 --> 00:56:37,226 -Bird shit on your back, Derek. -Flying rodent scum. 651 00:56:38,796 --> 00:56:40,830 (CAR HONKING) 652 00:56:50,507 --> 00:56:53,109 I was sure I knew you from somewhere. 653 00:56:53,177 --> 00:56:57,380 I don't know who you've mistaken me for, sir, but I'm not that person. 654 00:56:57,448 --> 00:57:00,850 Charlie Edwards, yeah? I knew it would come to me. 655 00:57:02,653 --> 00:57:08,091 Good to see you're doing all right for yourself, Charlie. I'll be seeing you. 656 00:57:30,347 --> 00:57:33,049 Prostitutes. Can we keep a closer eye on them in future, please? 657 00:57:33,150 --> 00:57:35,218 Well, I've already called one guest a hooker today. 658 00:57:35,285 --> 00:57:37,019 I don't intend to make the same mistake twice. 659 00:57:37,087 --> 00:57:39,489 I'm a musician. I write songs. 660 00:57:39,590 --> 00:57:42,258 See if we can keep Mr Machin alive until checking out time tomorrow. 661 00:57:42,326 --> 00:57:46,295 This new receptionist. Where does she have a tattoo and what is it of? 662 00:57:46,363 --> 00:57:48,965 What's with the leather-faced people? 663 00:57:49,933 --> 00:57:52,268 -Out. -What is with the hostility? 664 00:57:52,336 --> 00:57:55,771 How did you manage to spend £2,000 on room service? 665 00:57:55,873 --> 00:57:58,073 When his dodgy little heart finally gives out, I'm coming back to see you.