1 00:00:01,947 --> 00:00:05,226 You better have a good reason for getting us out of bed this early, jerk. 2 00:00:05,227 --> 00:00:07,885 I got a goddamn great reason for getting you out of bed. 3 00:00:07,886 --> 00:00:09,909 This bar is hemorrhaging money. 4 00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:12,854 You gotta spend money to make money: Economics 101, dude. 5 00:00:12,855 --> 00:00:14,652 You're bleeding us to death, 6 00:00:14,653 --> 00:00:17,181 especially with that company credit card you got. 7 00:00:17,182 --> 00:00:19,077 That is for business expenses, Frank. 8 00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:20,930 Everything on there is a business expense. 9 00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:24,915 Who spent $500 for laser hair removal? 10 00:00:24,917 --> 00:00:26,794 Right over here, slick. Don't want to have hair down there. 11 00:00:26,838 --> 00:00:27,899 You know what I'm saying? 12 00:00:28,031 --> 00:00:30,704 Who spent $5,000 for a samurai sword? 13 00:00:30,707 --> 00:00:32,007 Your head of security. 14 00:00:32,014 --> 00:00:33,891 Yeah. Just wait till he saves your life one day with it. 15 00:00:33,897 --> 00:00:35,603 $6,000 on a camcorder. 16 00:00:35,608 --> 00:00:37,680 Well, I decided what I'm going to do is I'm 17 00:00:37,684 --> 00:00:39,763 going to take all those hilarious characters that I've 18 00:00:39,768 --> 00:00:42,478 been creating over the past several years, to put them on tape, 19 00:00:42,484 --> 00:00:44,242 I'm going to put them on YouTube. 20 00:00:44,249 --> 00:00:46,740 That way, I can get discovered by, like, a casting director or 21 00:00:46,745 --> 00:00:48,654 a producer, get some kind of a TV development deal. 22 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,500 Yeah, right. So the point is, Frank, is that these are all business expenses. 23 00:00:51,506 --> 00:00:53,773 I mean, some are definitely more realistic than others. 24 00:00:53,778 --> 00:00:55,327 - Yeah. Not that one. - No, not at all. 25 00:00:55,332 --> 00:00:57,994 But, nonetheless, it was, I believe, bought as a business expense. 26 00:00:58,001 --> 00:00:59,406 They're not business expenses. 27 00:00:59,413 --> 00:01:01,544 What I bought is a business expense. 28 00:01:01,559 --> 00:01:04,388 What I bought is something that's going to save our asses. 29 00:01:04,393 --> 00:01:06,273 Okay. Yeah. All right. 30 00:01:06,279 --> 00:01:09,067 - What did you get? - I bought a billboard. 31 00:01:40,244 --> 00:01:42,521 Okay, so I'm thinking 32 00:01:42,528 --> 00:01:44,988 we write on the billboard, in nice big letters, "We have 33 00:01:44,993 --> 00:01:47,112 two-for-one drink specials on Thursdays." 34 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,701 And, on the bottom, you have a hilarious picture of Green Man 35 00:01:49,704 --> 00:01:52,366 kicking someone in the nuts. And people will go, "Hey, what's this wacky place? 36 00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:53,319 Where can I have those drinks?" 37 00:01:53,362 --> 00:01:56,163 It is absolutely astonishing how bad your idea is. 38 00:01:56,197 --> 00:01:57,889 - How is that a bad idea? - Go sit down. 39 00:01:57,893 --> 00:01:59,850 The adults are working. The adults are working. 40 00:01:59,855 --> 00:02:01,616 When we need a child, we'll call you. 41 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:04,791 Dennis, you and I on the same team. Hot chick up on the billboard. 42 00:02:04,878 --> 00:02:06,427 - Sex sells. Boom. - Absolutely. 43 00:02:06,431 --> 00:02:09,652 It's Advertising 101: long legs, taut breasts and tight poopers. 44 00:02:09,658 --> 00:02:11,727 I'm just going to jump in here real quick and point out 45 00:02:11,744 --> 00:02:13,804 that this is the point in the conversation where I would volunteer 46 00:02:13,808 --> 00:02:15,678 to be the girl on the billboard, and then you guys 47 00:02:15,682 --> 00:02:17,650 would talk about how ugly you think I am, and compare me to 48 00:02:17,656 --> 00:02:20,328 - some sort of giant bird. - You look so much like a bird. 49 00:02:20,332 --> 00:02:22,771 - Dennis, I was thinking fish recently. - Really? 50 00:02:22,778 --> 00:02:24,729 Yeah. Her eyes are so far apart, they're like they're on... 51 00:02:24,734 --> 00:02:27,502 Okay, okay, but I don't want to be on your billboard. 52 00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:29,900 I'm not going to ask to be because you wouldn't let me be on it anyway. 53 00:02:29,904 --> 00:02:31,814 No. That's sensible. You don't even have to ask. 54 00:02:31,887 --> 00:02:35,142 There's no way you can be up on that billboard. 55 00:02:35,144 --> 00:02:38,068 - Let me get the point out! The point... - Anything is better than you. 56 00:02:38,073 --> 00:02:40,321 I don't want to be on your billboard, and I'll tell you why. 57 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,225 I'm going to take one of my characters and I'm going to 58 00:02:42,242 --> 00:02:44,952 launch a viral video and promote Paddy's myself. 59 00:02:45,019 --> 00:02:48,270 A viral video? There's about a billion of those on YouTube. Who gives a shit? 60 00:02:48,273 --> 00:02:50,265 You think anyone gives a shit about a billboard? 61 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,009 Wake up, donkeys. 62 00:02:52,012 --> 00:02:54,805 The Internet is where it's at, and I'm going to be an Internet sensation. 63 00:02:54,889 --> 00:02:57,559 You're totally right. If you don't mind, I'm going to come with you. 64 00:02:57,564 --> 00:03:00,354 Maybe I can throw Green Man into a couple of your videos, 65 00:03:00,362 --> 00:03:02,350 you know, and work it out. That'll get a lot of hits. 66 00:03:02,354 --> 00:03:04,413 You can help me out, Charlie, but we're not going to put. 67 00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:06,291 - Green Man into anything. - Well, we'll see about that. 68 00:03:06,374 --> 00:03:08,012 - We'll see about that. - Well, we will. 69 00:03:08,016 --> 00:03:09,837 All right. Later, dudes! 70 00:03:09,843 --> 00:03:13,665 "S" you in your "A"s, don't wear "C"s, and "J" all over your "B"s. 71 00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:16,551 Why would he not want a "C"...? 72 00:03:16,568 --> 00:03:19,099 I don't even know what he's talking about half the time, bro, but... 73 00:03:19,112 --> 00:03:20,670 Hey, Frank, I'm glad you're here, bro. 74 00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:22,885 - We're talking billboard ideas. - Don't waste your time. 75 00:03:22,901 --> 00:03:25,163 I know what the billboard's going to look like already: 76 00:03:25,168 --> 00:03:30,462 Two gorgeous girls up there, giant cans , me in the middle with my thumbs up. 77 00:03:30,470 --> 00:03:32,778 Well, that's just simply not going to happen. 78 00:03:32,784 --> 00:03:34,713 Actually, maybe Frank has a point, dude. 79 00:03:34,719 --> 00:03:36,959 Maybe we should put a dude up there, certainly not him. 80 00:03:36,974 --> 00:03:40,096 But if we put some hot beefcake up there, maybe it'll attract more chicks. 81 00:03:40,099 --> 00:03:43,562 That's a good point. Okay, I like that. Let's slap my picture up there. 82 00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:45,907 It's about time I got my modeling career off the ground anyway. 83 00:03:45,911 --> 00:03:47,743 Don't flatter yourself. 84 00:03:47,758 --> 00:03:50,868 You're not going to be up there because I'm going to be the face 85 00:03:50,874 --> 00:03:53,015 - of Paddy's Bar. - That's ridiculous, Frank. 86 00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,570 You're... ugly. 87 00:03:56,224 --> 00:03:58,153 What? Ugly? 88 00:03:58,159 --> 00:03:59,666 - I'm ugly? - Yeah. 89 00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:02,896 With that anteater nose, you're telling mel'mugly. 90 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:06,353 My nose was chiseled by the gods themselves, Frank. 91 00:04:06,419 --> 00:04:10,210 My body was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David. 92 00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:12,806 You, on the other hand, well... 93 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,684 You're a pit of despair. 94 00:04:15,928 --> 00:04:17,990 Frank, you disgust me. 95 00:04:18,193 --> 00:04:20,342 You disgust everyone. 96 00:04:20,498 --> 00:04:25,764 And you will never, ever be on that billboard. 97 00:04:32,615 --> 00:04:35,038 Good morning, Philadelphia! 98 00:04:35,050 --> 00:04:37,944 I'm Crazy Paddy, and I'm coming to you from. 99 00:04:37,950 --> 00:04:40,217 Paddy's Pub, telling you to come on down. 100 00:04:40,224 --> 00:04:42,675 We're slashing prices so low, 101 00:04:42,678 --> 00:04:46,422 you won't need a pot of gold to get sloppy. So come on down to Paddy's. 102 00:04:46,426 --> 00:04:48,827 It's insane! 103 00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:51,042 - What is that? - Did you like that? 104 00:04:51,046 --> 00:04:52,786 No. That's not what YouTube videos are like. 105 00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:55,021 - That's a great character. - No, That's like a bad 106 00:04:55,025 --> 00:04:57,796 late-night commercial you'd see, like, on the cable network or something. 107 00:04:57,813 --> 00:05:00,081 Maybe you didn't get it. I'm crazy 'cause I'm pricing the beer too low. 108 00:05:00,086 --> 00:05:01,915 I think I got it. I think I got it. 109 00:05:01,923 --> 00:05:03,571 The beer's too low for what average beer prices are. 110 00:05:03,573 --> 00:05:04,991 All right, you know what? Let's just do it again, 111 00:05:05,127 --> 00:05:07,520 maybe throw in some more jokes or something, you know? 112 00:05:07,522 --> 00:05:09,515 - Make it funnier. - You're absolutely right. 113 00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:10,986 You can make it funnier. You're a funny girl. 114 00:05:10,989 --> 00:05:12,461 You ready? 115 00:05:12,465 --> 00:05:14,466 Good morning, Philadelphia. 116 00:05:14,468 --> 00:05:16,557 I'm Crazy Paddy. 117 00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,236 Oh, my God! 118 00:05:19,238 --> 00:05:20,668 Why...? 119 00:05:20,672 --> 00:05:23,124 Now, that was funny. Dee, that's awesome! 120 00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:25,287 - Why did you do that? - That's what YouTube video is. 121 00:05:25,293 --> 00:05:26,462 That's funny? 122 00:05:26,465 --> 00:05:28,293 You ever see those girls mashing the grapes, and then 123 00:05:28,299 --> 00:05:30,440 - slips and she's, like... - Why did you do that, Charlie? 124 00:05:30,446 --> 00:05:32,534 - That's what people want to see. - Oh, my God! 125 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:36,394 People getting injured or seriously hurt... That's funny! 126 00:05:36,397 --> 00:05:39,218 Okay? Let's just do this. This is... Trust me. 127 00:05:39,232 --> 00:05:41,131 This is what gets hits on YouTube. 128 00:05:41,146 --> 00:05:43,206 - All right. Are you ready? - Yeah. I was ready from... 129 00:05:43,223 --> 00:05:44,753 Stop talking. 130 00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,057 I'm Crazy Paddy... 131 00:05:48,072 --> 00:05:49,861 Nope. Okay. 132 00:05:50,126 --> 00:05:51,838 I'm Crazy Paddy... 133 00:05:51,842 --> 00:05:53,820 What are you doing? You're lunging every time now. 134 00:05:53,828 --> 00:05:55,012 I'm sorry. 135 00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:58,022 I can't concentrate when I'm about to get blasted in the face with a ball. 136 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,894 I'll blast you all over if you flinch again. 137 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,269 Let's just do this. 138 00:06:01,274 --> 00:06:03,011 Let's just do this. Action! 139 00:06:03,017 --> 00:06:05,216 Goddamn! 140 00:06:05,222 --> 00:06:06,658 - Goddamn! - That is funny. 141 00:06:06,662 --> 00:06:09,046 I don't like it, Charlie. I don't think it's funny. 142 00:06:10,131 --> 00:06:12,414 It doesn't hurt too bad. 143 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:19,308 Bro, can you believe how many hot chicks showed up for a 144 00:06:19,315 --> 00:06:21,735 casting call for a billboard? How have we not done this before? 145 00:06:21,739 --> 00:06:23,888 Yeah. Yeah, man. Plus, think about it. 146 00:06:23,894 --> 00:06:25,731 Dennis Reynolds, 40 feet tall and shirtless. 147 00:06:25,736 --> 00:06:28,079 - It's going to be so perfect! - Let's go. 148 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,591 - Just take your places over there. - Frank, what are you doing? 149 00:06:30,597 --> 00:06:32,469 - We're looking for models, right? - Yeah. 150 00:06:32,474 --> 00:06:34,222 I went on a stud hunt. 151 00:06:34,224 --> 00:06:35,874 I came back with beefcakes. 152 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:38,040 What are you talking about, Frank? I'm the male model. 153 00:06:38,386 --> 00:06:40,465 Rex? Rex? 154 00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:42,208 What are these guys for? We don't need Rex. 155 00:06:42,213 --> 00:06:43,241 Take your shirt off. 156 00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:45,227 Come on, you don't need to take your shirt off. 157 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,140 Well, okay, if you're looking for that... 158 00:06:47,144 --> 00:06:49,725 Now, that, that is what you call a stallion. 159 00:06:49,729 --> 00:06:50,728 That is a stallion. 160 00:06:50,732 --> 00:06:53,041 I didn't know you guys were looking for a stallion. I'm a stallion. 161 00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:56,382 Dennis, you think Frank's got a point here? 162 00:06:56,386 --> 00:06:58,827 I don't think he has a point. I'm a stallion. 163 00:07:00,575 --> 00:07:02,483 All right, this is messy. 164 00:07:03,221 --> 00:07:07,724 Look, buddy, 2003 Dennis, okay, he was Grade-A prime beefcake. 165 00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:09,629 No one is disputing that. He was a stallion. 166 00:07:09,635 --> 00:07:11,945 But 2008 Dennis is in decline. 167 00:07:11,958 --> 00:07:13,537 Take a look at Rex here. 168 00:07:13,545 --> 00:07:15,643 That is a body that just won't quit. 169 00:07:15,648 --> 00:07:17,017 I bet if you pop those pants off, 170 00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,759 you're gonna find a bird that just won't quit either. 171 00:07:18,894 --> 00:07:21,745 And I think that'll come in handy in this situation. 172 00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:24,142 I think the problem here is that your body quit. 173 00:07:24,146 --> 00:07:25,694 Your bird quit. 174 00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:27,980 And unfortunately, it's no longer legit. 175 00:07:27,986 --> 00:07:29,534 What the hell you talking about, my bird? 176 00:07:29,568 --> 00:07:31,197 All right, let's get back to business here. 177 00:07:31,203 --> 00:07:33,602 Attention, ladies, I'm gonna need all the A cups to 178 00:07:33,609 --> 00:07:35,548 please head for the back door. 179 00:07:38,049 --> 00:07:39,989 Charlie, are you ready with the camera? 180 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,391 Yeah, I'm trying to set it up. It takes a second, Dee. 181 00:07:42,397 --> 00:07:44,225 All right, who the hell's this character you're doing? 182 00:07:44,242 --> 00:07:45,641 This one? It's a really great one. 183 00:07:45,646 --> 00:07:48,596 Her name's Martina Martinez, and she is a streetwise Puerto Rican 184 00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:51,373 girl who's always quick with a sassy comeback. 185 00:07:51,379 --> 00:07:53,358 - Are you serious? - Yes, it's awesome. 186 00:07:53,362 --> 00:07:54,809 Now let's go over what we're doing again. 187 00:07:54,817 --> 00:07:57,093 I go up, I talk, you come in with the volleyball, you hit him 188 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,810 in the face, and you get out of there. 189 00:07:58,814 --> 00:08:01,516 Okay. I'm gonna hit a random person in the face with a volleyball. 190 00:08:01,519 --> 00:08:03,478 But don't come in too early 'cause I got some material 191 00:08:03,486 --> 00:08:05,934 I want to do and I don't want you to cut me off this time. 192 00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:08,402 Saturday Night Live is gonna, I think they're gonna really love this. 193 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:11,808 - Do you really think that? - Charlie, Charlie, go, go, go. 194 00:08:13,806 --> 00:08:16,478 I'm horrified that he's even here. 195 00:08:16,485 --> 00:08:19,163 Excuse me. Can I talk to you use? 196 00:08:19,719 --> 00:08:20,859 What? 197 00:08:20,862 --> 00:08:22,841 Youse a bunch of white boys, right? 198 00:08:22,886 --> 00:08:24,959 Can I axe you a question? 199 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:28,064 When you be in the clubs and you be dancing, 200 00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:30,208 why you look so stupid? 201 00:08:30,212 --> 00:08:32,102 I'm just playin'. 202 00:08:32,106 --> 00:08:34,316 So youse a big man, right? 203 00:08:34,324 --> 00:08:36,514 But you got such tiny boots on. 204 00:08:36,519 --> 00:08:38,436 That means you got a small pecker. 205 00:08:38,442 --> 00:08:41,203 I'm sorry. I'm just playin'. 206 00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:43,518 I'm Martina Martinez. 207 00:08:54,476 --> 00:08:59,021 Okay, attention, ladies, gentlemen, hotties and beefcakes. 208 00:08:59,026 --> 00:09:01,457 You were brought here because you are the most beautiful people 209 00:09:01,502 --> 00:09:02,652 in all of Philadelphia. 210 00:09:02,684 --> 00:09:06,430 And as such, the honor has been bestowed upon all of you 211 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:10,499 to compete in Paddy's first Next Top Billboard Model contest. 212 00:09:10,504 --> 00:09:12,424 - What's the pay? - What?! 213 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,816 What is the pay? 214 00:09:13,822 --> 00:09:17,334 The pay, sir, is getting your face 40 feet up on a billboard. 215 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,898 - So there's no pay then? - I just told you what the pay is. 216 00:09:19,904 --> 00:09:21,462 He told you what the goddamn pay was. 217 00:09:21,479 --> 00:09:22,926 - The billboard thing. - Were you not listening? 218 00:09:22,932 --> 00:09:25,731 - Well, I'm outta here. - Fine. Fine. You leave. 219 00:09:25,787 --> 00:09:28,349 We don't need you people. Everybody else. 220 00:09:28,665 --> 00:09:32,184 Let's take their lack of dedication as a lesson, shall we? 221 00:09:32,381 --> 00:09:34,842 Competitions like this aren't about money. 222 00:09:34,846 --> 00:09:36,404 They're about fame. 223 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,073 They are about putting yourself on display to the world and 224 00:09:39,077 --> 00:09:42,300 saying, "I'm good enough because I beat everyone else, 225 00:09:42,313 --> 00:09:45,134 - and I got myself up on a billboard." - Not so fast. 226 00:09:47,226 --> 00:09:49,126 What the hell are you doing here? 227 00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:51,169 I want in the competion. 228 00:09:51,945 --> 00:09:53,654 Approach. 229 00:09:53,851 --> 00:09:57,190 Dennis, I told you you don't have the right stuff. 230 00:09:57,206 --> 00:10:00,048 I got the right stuff, Frank. I can win this thing, I know it. 231 00:10:00,055 --> 00:10:01,951 All right, judges' side bar. 232 00:10:03,259 --> 00:10:05,009 Do you want to let him in? 233 00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:06,993 Bro, he's been talking about this modeling thing for years. 234 00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:08,689 If only to shut him up. 235 00:10:12,471 --> 00:10:15,170 - You're in. - Oh, yeah! Yes! Huh? 236 00:10:17,131 --> 00:10:18,992 You... 237 00:10:19,336 --> 00:10:24,202 Okay, the first competion is the underwear competion. 238 00:10:24,727 --> 00:10:26,175 Boom! 239 00:10:32,326 --> 00:10:34,455 How's your face, Dee? 240 00:10:34,461 --> 00:10:35,949 How do you think it is, Charlie? 241 00:10:35,954 --> 00:10:38,743 You kept hitting me over and over in the same spot with a volleyball. 242 00:10:38,750 --> 00:10:40,767 And I was explicitly clear: no more Green Man. 243 00:10:40,775 --> 00:10:42,892 Come on. Green Man's what makes this thing work. 244 00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:45,691 Green Man is not what makes it work, Charlie. 245 00:10:45,733 --> 00:10:47,532 My characters are what make it work. 246 00:10:47,538 --> 00:10:49,326 No more Green Man. And we're not doing it anymore. 247 00:10:49,334 --> 00:10:51,183 All right. Geez, relax. 248 00:10:51,708 --> 00:10:54,250 You're nothing without Green Man. 249 00:10:55,587 --> 00:10:56,854 Shit. 250 00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:58,288 Dee, you know what? 251 00:10:58,293 --> 00:11:00,531 This is all like a bad frame and stuff. 252 00:11:00,539 --> 00:11:02,298 This isn't gonna work. We got to do it again. 253 00:11:02,383 --> 00:11:03,188 What? 254 00:11:03,192 --> 00:11:05,773 The camera was too low. We got to... 255 00:11:07,373 --> 00:11:09,523 Hey, diary. It's me. 256 00:11:09,529 --> 00:11:13,161 It's Thursday, September 30th about midnight. 257 00:11:13,415 --> 00:11:16,840 I'm alone, of course, again. 258 00:11:16,845 --> 00:11:19,325 And I just had a little bit too much ice cream. 259 00:11:19,329 --> 00:11:20,829 Interesting. 260 00:11:21,075 --> 00:11:23,184 Okay, Frank, can I talk to you for a second? 261 00:11:23,189 --> 00:11:24,536 What's up? 262 00:11:24,543 --> 00:11:27,214 Bro, originally, my plan was to just bang a bunch of models, right? 263 00:11:27,216 --> 00:11:29,446 Okay, but after talking to a few of them, 264 00:11:29,451 --> 00:11:31,903 I feel like I could find my true love here. 265 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:34,779 You think you could fall in love with one of these broads? 266 00:11:34,782 --> 00:11:37,274 Yeah, dude, eventually, I got to settle down, right? 267 00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:39,690 Spread my seed. Haven't you ever seen The Bachelor? 268 00:11:39,695 --> 00:11:41,574 Look, you get a whole bunch of them together, you make them 269 00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:43,668 compete over you, bing-bang-boom, soulmate. 270 00:11:43,672 --> 00:11:45,622 That sounds good. 271 00:11:45,629 --> 00:11:49,912 Well, okay, you take the girls, and I'll take Dennis and the dudes. 272 00:11:49,916 --> 00:11:51,416 - Really? - Yeah. 273 00:11:51,433 --> 00:11:52,947 - You'll just give me the girls? - Absolutely. 274 00:11:52,955 --> 00:11:54,775 - I can have my own competition. - Awesome. 275 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,427 I don't understand it, but I don't care. 276 00:11:56,441 --> 00:11:58,353 - All right, thanks, bud. - All right. See ya. 277 00:11:58,355 --> 00:12:00,375 All right, whatever. Thank you. 278 00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:03,110 All right, where are all my male models? 279 00:12:03,118 --> 00:12:04,917 Come forward. Come forward. 280 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:08,272 Okay, as you know, in the world of modeling, 281 00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:12,171 you're sometimes asked to model a theme. 282 00:12:12,407 --> 00:12:14,917 Today's theme is barnyard. 283 00:12:14,925 --> 00:12:18,315 Okay, everybody, come on the stage that I have prepared to 284 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,058 give you a little ambience. 285 00:12:20,066 --> 00:12:23,226 Okay, here's a baby pool that you're all going to get into. 286 00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:26,743 And there's a lot of hay and there's some chickens and ducks. 287 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,260 What the hell, bro? Is this supposed to be dirt? It smells like shit. 288 00:12:29,265 --> 00:12:31,967 It is shit. This is a barnyard. 289 00:12:31,971 --> 00:12:34,052 No one is going to step in shit. 290 00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:36,676 Rex, are you kidding me? Seriously, are you just gonna step right in it? 291 00:12:36,681 --> 00:12:39,010 I want to win, bro. Billboard. 292 00:12:43,014 --> 00:12:45,364 Dee, what is this getup? What are you doing now? 293 00:12:45,372 --> 00:12:46,747 What is that? 294 00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:49,023 Okay. This is Taiwan Tammy. 295 00:12:49,027 --> 00:12:52,970 She on runway and do a drag queen in nails. 296 00:12:52,975 --> 00:12:54,576 Thank you! 297 00:12:54,579 --> 00:12:57,422 Are you kidding me? That is extremely racist. 298 00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:59,328 Isn't it awesome? I'm so excited about this one. 299 00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:01,773 All right, well, good luck to you on that. 300 00:13:01,775 --> 00:13:03,837 Why are you hands in your pockets? 301 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,480 They're itchy. 302 00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:07,042 - Your hands are itchy? - My hands are a little itchy. 303 00:13:07,059 --> 00:13:08,868 Your hands are in your pockets 'cause they're itchy? 304 00:13:08,883 --> 00:13:11,775 Goddamn it! I knew it! Charlie, what are you doing? 305 00:13:11,781 --> 00:13:13,930 - I said no Green Man! - Green Man sells this whole thing. 306 00:13:13,936 --> 00:13:16,634 It doesn't make any sense! Goddamn it, Charlie! 307 00:13:16,641 --> 00:13:18,751 - Hey, I know you. - What? 308 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:22,869 Yeah, you that, that girl, PatheticGirl43. 309 00:13:22,875 --> 00:13:24,110 PatheticGirl? 310 00:13:24,116 --> 00:13:26,014 I almost didn't recognize you in that getup, but I recognize 311 00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:27,811 that whiny voice anywhere. 312 00:13:27,817 --> 00:13:31,166 Hey, you mind if we get a picture together? 313 00:13:31,172 --> 00:13:33,681 Yeah, let's get a picture. I can't believe you recognized us. 314 00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:35,579 You saw the YouTube thing, right? 315 00:13:35,583 --> 00:13:37,141 Charlie, what is going on? 316 00:13:37,144 --> 00:13:38,873 I'll show you later. 317 00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:45,130 In other news, it seems like I have a rash in a place where 318 00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:47,134 a sexually active person should have a rash. 319 00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:48,847 Green Man! 320 00:13:50,235 --> 00:13:52,563 Oh, my God, you put that on YouTube? 321 00:13:52,651 --> 00:13:55,351 - Oh, my God, I totally did. - Charlie, why would you do that to me? 322 00:13:55,355 --> 00:13:58,148 - Because that's great stuff. - That was my private video diary. 323 00:13:58,153 --> 00:14:00,133 - 80,000 hits. - 80,000? 324 00:14:00,145 --> 00:14:02,689 80,000 hits, Dee. That's huge! 325 00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:04,560 - Big numbers. - Yeah, come on. 326 00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:06,257 Don't take this to heart. Don't take this the wrong way. 327 00:14:06,259 --> 00:14:07,959 Hey, look, you got recognized on the street today. 328 00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:09,753 - That happened. - So did I. 329 00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:11,205 - Well, it was me first. - But the point 330 00:14:11,212 --> 00:14:14,285 is that's the first step to becoming hugely famous... 331 00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:16,569 - Pretty awesome. - Is people noticing you on the Internet 332 00:14:16,582 --> 00:14:19,295 - 80,00 hits. - That's a lot of hits, Charlie. 333 00:14:19,301 --> 00:14:20,756 You know what it's like for Chocolate Rain 334 00:14:20,761 --> 00:14:22,561 - when he goes around in the world? - He gets free food. 335 00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:25,199 He gets free everything because people love that guy. 336 00:14:25,204 --> 00:14:28,605 Charlie, fire up that video camera. 337 00:14:28,609 --> 00:14:29,867 There you go. 338 00:14:32,117 --> 00:14:36,173 Okay, Anya, so they are in fact, double Ds. 339 00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,255 That's great news. 340 00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:40,884 Well, you got a great look, no denying that. 341 00:14:40,899 --> 00:14:42,615 Let me ask you a question, though. 342 00:14:42,621 --> 00:14:44,871 Why should I pick you over the other girls? 343 00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:48,237 I'm willing to do anything in order to win. 344 00:14:48,244 --> 00:14:50,013 You're talking about banging me, right? 345 00:14:50,016 --> 00:14:51,316 Maybe. 346 00:14:51,318 --> 00:14:53,060 - If you say yes... - Yes. 347 00:14:53,063 --> 00:14:54,591 Okay, great. You said yes. 348 00:14:54,596 --> 00:14:56,056 Okay, Anya said yes. 349 00:14:56,059 --> 00:14:58,030 That's written down now. That's like a contract. 350 00:14:58,037 --> 00:15:00,004 All right, perfect. Can't go back on it. 351 00:15:00,011 --> 00:15:01,498 All right, well, thank you for coming in. 352 00:15:01,513 --> 00:15:02,800 - Thank you. - Nice talking to you. 353 00:15:02,805 --> 00:15:04,503 - You, too. - You got a great shot. 354 00:15:04,521 --> 00:15:06,478 You got a great ass. 355 00:15:06,494 --> 00:15:07,780 All right. 356 00:15:09,812 --> 00:15:12,480 - Hi. - Hi. Rochelle. 357 00:15:12,485 --> 00:15:13,443 Yes. 358 00:15:13,448 --> 00:15:16,139 Rochelle, Rochelle, Rochelle. Thank you for coming in. 359 00:15:16,143 --> 00:15:18,587 I'm having all the girls come in just to make sure we vibe. 360 00:15:18,591 --> 00:15:19,570 Of course. 361 00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:22,445 What's the difference between you and the rest of the girls? 362 00:15:22,459 --> 00:15:26,381 Well, my heart is in this 100% 363 00:15:26,389 --> 00:15:28,899 and for more than just a billboard. 364 00:15:28,904 --> 00:15:30,793 For more than a billboard? 365 00:15:30,807 --> 00:15:32,707 That's interesting. I haven't heard that yet. 366 00:15:32,711 --> 00:15:33,539 No? 367 00:15:33,546 --> 00:15:35,452 I feel like there's vibing happening right now. 368 00:15:35,459 --> 00:15:37,177 This is the vibing I'm talking about. 369 00:15:37,182 --> 00:15:38,188 Yeah. 370 00:15:38,193 --> 00:15:39,843 I feel like we're completing each other's... 371 00:15:39,847 --> 00:15:40,967 ... sentences. 372 00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:42,799 Yeah, I was gonna say sentences! 373 00:15:42,806 --> 00:15:44,563 - I know. - Oh, my God! 374 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,446 - How did you read my...? - ... Mind? 375 00:15:46,451 --> 00:15:49,524 I was gonna say "head," but that's okay, that's all right. 376 00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,158 We got, we're one for two. 377 00:15:51,173 --> 00:15:53,453 - Okay. - That's okay. 50%. 378 00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:55,807 You and I are gonna get along very well. 379 00:16:00,211 --> 00:16:04,518 Rex, that is a sexy jaguar. 380 00:16:04,523 --> 00:16:08,906 I mean, that jaguar is fierce! 381 00:16:08,913 --> 00:16:12,224 I've never been turned on by a jaguar before. 382 00:16:12,231 --> 00:16:16,326 This has totally changed my mind toward jaguars. 383 00:16:17,121 --> 00:16:20,615 Dennis, your mule is shit. 384 00:16:20,638 --> 00:16:23,378 I'm no longer turned on by mules. 385 00:16:23,384 --> 00:16:25,195 You gave Rex jaguar! 386 00:16:25,198 --> 00:16:26,947 There aren't jaguars in barns. 387 00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,510 What the hell am I supposed to do with a mule? 388 00:16:28,516 --> 00:16:30,105 You can't make a mule sexy. 389 00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:32,511 Dennis, you've been out modeled. 390 00:16:32,526 --> 00:16:33,981 I have not been out modeled. 391 00:16:33,988 --> 00:16:36,067 I haven't even begun to work this hot body. 392 00:16:36,074 --> 00:16:37,932 What's the next event? 393 00:16:38,389 --> 00:16:40,710 The clothes-off pose-off. 394 00:16:48,439 --> 00:16:50,349 Jesus Christ, Frank. 395 00:16:50,354 --> 00:16:52,355 I got burns! What are you doing? 396 00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,518 Anything can happen on a runway, Dennis. 397 00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:57,447 Nobody's gonna throw detergent in my eyeballs on a runway, Frank! 398 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,197 And you think that was bad. 399 00:16:59,203 --> 00:17:01,595 Check out this tasty delight. 400 00:17:01,599 --> 00:17:03,981 You got to eat cockroaches next. 401 00:17:03,984 --> 00:17:06,023 You know what, man? Screw this. I'm outta here. 402 00:17:06,903 --> 00:17:08,541 Finished. 403 00:17:08,546 --> 00:17:11,596 Jesus, Rex, I didn't tell you to start eating yet. 404 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,770 That doesn't disqualify me, does it? 405 00:17:13,978 --> 00:17:15,995 No, you're good. 406 00:17:16,701 --> 00:17:18,393 Hey, diary. 407 00:17:18,396 --> 00:17:20,777 Listen, today was the worst day ever. 408 00:17:20,782 --> 00:17:22,922 I had an audition, and I didn't get the part, 409 00:17:22,955 --> 00:17:24,286 which is really, really strange for me. 410 00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:27,152 But then the casting director called, and they were, like, 411 00:17:27,158 --> 00:17:29,027 "We thought you were just better for a different part." 412 00:17:29,032 --> 00:17:31,001 And I was, like, "That makes more sense." 413 00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:32,352 - Cut, cut! - What are you doing? That was great. 414 00:17:32,357 --> 00:17:33,506 What are you doing? 415 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:36,221 Why don't you do it like you did the first time? Dee, this is just weird. 416 00:17:36,226 --> 00:17:37,644 This is what I do. I just talk into the camera about my life. 417 00:17:37,651 --> 00:17:39,049 Are you kidding? You never do this. 418 00:17:39,055 --> 00:17:41,244 You have all these colors on your face, your mouth is going like this. 419 00:17:41,247 --> 00:17:43,358 Don't bust my balls. This is great exposure for me. 420 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,801 - This is stupid, Dee. - Hey, Charlie, you are here. 421 00:17:44,804 --> 00:17:46,406 - What the hell's going on? - I don't know. 422 00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:47,397 Doesn't she look ridiculous? 423 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,291 Get out of here! What are you doing here? 424 00:17:49,337 --> 00:17:50,561 - He almost didn't recognize you? - Are you guys shooting a porn? 425 00:17:50,568 --> 00:17:51,998 - No, we're not... - Never mind. I don't care. 426 00:17:52,001 --> 00:17:53,840 Listen, we need to get that company credit card from Frank. 427 00:17:53,847 --> 00:17:55,826 - Yeah? What's up? - Dude, I realized something. 428 00:17:55,831 --> 00:17:57,932 I don't need validation anymore. How great is that? 429 00:17:57,935 --> 00:18:00,046 But what I do need is I need the company credit card so that 430 00:18:00,050 --> 00:18:02,240 I can buy myself a billboard, get myself out there and show the 431 00:18:02,244 --> 00:18:04,776 entire world that Dennis Reynolds still has a rocking body 432 00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:06,068 that deserves to be worshipped. 433 00:18:06,073 --> 00:18:07,513 Get out of here! We're in the middle of something. 434 00:18:07,515 --> 00:18:09,016 - No, you get out of here. - Get out! 435 00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:11,311 Help me get the credit card. I need that billboard! 436 00:18:11,313 --> 00:18:13,663 Hang on a second. Okay, look, guys, guys, 437 00:18:13,669 --> 00:18:15,898 there's a way to make you guys both happy, all right? 438 00:18:15,906 --> 00:18:17,916 I got a pretty good plan how to do this. 439 00:18:19,602 --> 00:18:22,794 Hey, everybody, PatheticGirl43 here coming 440 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,793 to you live with Philadelphia's next hot model Dennis Reynolds. 441 00:18:25,796 --> 00:18:28,648 Dennis, tell us what it's like to be so handsome. 442 00:18:28,654 --> 00:18:31,155 Well, I like to think I've been this handsome since birth, 443 00:18:31,199 --> 00:18:32,395 possibly even earlier. 444 00:18:32,631 --> 00:18:34,551 Green Man! 445 00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:44,692 This shamrock... will be awarded to the winner as 446 00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:48,602 a symbol of my vote and love for this competion. 447 00:18:49,289 --> 00:18:52,319 Rochelle, you taught me about love... 448 00:18:52,708 --> 00:18:55,588 respect, inner beauty. 449 00:18:58,911 --> 00:19:02,723 Dominique, you banged me, like, right away. 450 00:19:02,739 --> 00:19:05,960 I hardly had to do anything. Tabitha, you did the same. 451 00:19:05,974 --> 00:19:08,987 But most importantly, you banged each other. 452 00:19:09,644 --> 00:19:11,712 And you let me watch. 453 00:19:11,908 --> 00:19:13,317 Awesome. 454 00:19:14,455 --> 00:19:18,117 But when I was making this decision, 455 00:19:18,122 --> 00:19:20,101 I thought long and hard and I thought, 456 00:19:20,108 --> 00:19:22,158 "I have to go with my heart. 457 00:19:22,441 --> 00:19:24,924 I have to go with my heart." 458 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,415 So I'm gonna do something a little unorthodox here. 459 00:19:30,863 --> 00:19:33,713 A top of the morning to both of you! 460 00:19:34,060 --> 00:19:35,274 What? 461 00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:37,932 I had two of them. I had another one here. I tricked you. 462 00:19:37,946 --> 00:19:39,404 I got both of you guys. 463 00:19:39,421 --> 00:19:42,400 But you just said that I taught you about inner beauty and respect. 464 00:19:42,408 --> 00:19:45,750 Yeah, but this whole thing's about banging, and you didn't bang me, so... 465 00:19:45,964 --> 00:19:47,855 - You're a dick! - I know. 466 00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:49,948 And that's what I learned. 467 00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:55,179 Check it out. Check it out! 468 00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:57,927 - What is it? - I'll tell you what it is, bitch. 469 00:19:57,932 --> 00:20:00,461 It's a YouTube video that me, Dee and and Charlie just made 470 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:03,158 that's gonna get a million hits. So guess what, pal. 471 00:20:03,162 --> 00:20:05,573 Don't need your billboard. I'm going viral. 472 00:20:05,578 --> 00:20:08,630 I'm glad you don't need it because you can't have it because it's already up. 473 00:20:08,633 --> 00:20:09,663 What? 474 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:12,468 Yeah, I put it up right after you called me ugly. 475 00:20:12,475 --> 00:20:14,251 There's no billboard? 476 00:20:14,258 --> 00:20:17,358 Oh, yeah, sorry about that, Rex. My bad. 477 00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:19,825 So wait. If you already put the billboard up, 478 00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:21,770 what'd you put on it?