1
00:00:16,163 --> 00:00:18,481
What the shit is this?
2
00:00:18,594 --> 00:00:21,171
Uh, Cheech over here
bought himself a bong.
3
00:00:22,099 --> 00:00:23,867
Deandra, this is wacky.
4
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:26,636
Go download me
a hoagie off the Internet.
5
00:00:27,165 --> 00:00:28,578
I'm sorry?
6
00:00:28,691 --> 00:00:31,527
Those words don't make any
s- sense.
7
00:00:31,641 --> 00:00:34,652
Oh, God, you guys.
Oh, weird, I feel weird.
8
00:00:34,807 --> 00:00:37,047
- Rip another one.
- Yeah, say something else stupid, too.
9
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,831
My arm's kind of numb.
Dennis, can you feel my head? Am I hot?
10
00:00:39,944 --> 00:00:42,693
- I'm not touching you.
- We're enjoying ourselves over here.
11
00:00:42,817 --> 00:00:44,451
I'm serious, you guys.
Something's not right.
12
00:00:44,563 --> 00:00:46,695
- There's pigeons in the bar.
- I feel...
13
00:00:46,799 --> 00:00:47,797
Pigeons in the bar.
14
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,274
I'm being really serious,
you guys, I need some he...
15
00:00:50,399 --> 00:00:51,565
Good one.
16
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,243
- What is her problem?
- I don't know.
17
00:01:26,114 --> 00:01:29,420
- So... heart attack.
- Yeah, yikes.
18
00:01:29,536 --> 00:01:31,261
Yeah, that's what I was
trying to say.
19
00:01:31,389 --> 00:01:33,618
And the EMT says basically
I'm like a ticking time bomb
20
00:01:33,762 --> 00:01:35,094
at this point 'cause
it was just a little one.
21
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:36,705
I didn't know women could
have heart attacks.
22
00:01:36,833 --> 00:01:38,162
You know, what's scary about
this whole thing, really, is
23
00:01:38,275 --> 00:01:40,146
that I have the same genes as her.
24
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:42,130
I'm concerned for
myself and Charlie as well.
25
00:01:42,245 --> 00:01:43,873
We lead a very
rock-and-roll lifestyle.
26
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:44,496
I know.
27
00:01:44,751 --> 00:01:47,140
I just had a heart attack. Can we
focus on me for two minutes here?
28
00:01:47,257 --> 00:01:49,028
- I feel like we did talk about you.
- Dee, your ship has sailed.
29
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:52,487
Okay, it's time to move on to us,
the people who are going to live on.
30
00:01:52,602 --> 00:01:54,511
Guys, we got to make sure that
this does not happen to us.
31
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,856
That's the important thing here.
We need to focus on ourselves...
32
00:01:56,980 --> 00:01:58,840
- Ms. Reynolds?
- Doctor, thank God. Listen,
33
00:01:58,967 --> 00:02:00,753
let's just do all the
tests you've got, okay?
34
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,539
I feel like the big one's right
around the corner.
35
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,256
Well, actually, Ms. Reynolds,
first we need to discuss
36
00:02:05,371 --> 00:02:07,682
how you'll be paying for your stay.
37
00:02:07,797 --> 00:02:09,608
Paying?
This is a hospital.
38
00:02:10,151 --> 00:02:13,487
- Since when do you pay to stay in a hospital?
- Since always.
39
00:02:13,602 --> 00:02:15,672
Uh, no, I believe that is
what taxes are for.
40
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,595
Yeah, you don't pay a fireman
to put out a fire.
41
00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:18,988
Or a cop to shoot a guy or...
42
00:02:19,114 --> 00:02:21,286
How do you not know how this works?
You've been in a hospital before.
43
00:02:21,399 --> 00:02:23,399
I guess I must have slipped
through the cracks.
44
00:02:23,526 --> 00:02:26,376
I do always give a fake name
'cause I like to stay off the grid.
45
00:02:26,493 --> 00:02:28,170
They usually just give me a
bunch of antibiotics,
46
00:02:28,286 --> 00:02:30,106
- the sores go away, and I walk out.
- Shut up.
47
00:02:30,222 --> 00:02:33,285
- Doctor, I have health insurance.
- Yeah, we're on our father's policy.
48
00:02:33,508 --> 00:02:36,692
You guys, check out this cool gown.
49
00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,199
Really lets your ass breathe.
50
00:02:39,623 --> 00:02:41,523
- Oh, my God.
- Son of a bitch.
51
00:02:41,650 --> 00:02:42,877
Why are you wearing that
thing, dude?
52
00:02:42,992 --> 00:02:46,136
I'm getting a full-body scan.
I've been partying real hard lately.
53
00:02:46,262 --> 00:02:48,331
Whatever. She needs to
see the insurance card.
54
00:02:48,455 --> 00:02:50,687
I canceled that shit when you
were nine.
55
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,234
- You canceled our insurance policy?
- What?
56
00:02:53,349 --> 00:02:55,379
What, am I gonna carry that
burden around?
57
00:02:55,491 --> 00:02:57,835
You couldn't have given us a
heads-up about that a long time ago?
58
00:02:57,951 --> 00:02:59,466
Okay, let me get this straight.
59
00:02:59,594 --> 00:03:03,168
Ms. Reynolds, you have no health
insurance?
60
00:03:03,952 --> 00:03:06,446
- No, I don't.
- Okay.
61
00:03:07,172 --> 00:03:09,391
Well, get out.
62
00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:15,177
Harsh.
63
00:03:16,714 --> 00:03:19,577
Why is the government not
providing us with health insurance?
64
00:03:19,703 --> 00:03:22,213
I mean, what is this, like some
kind of socialist country
65
00:03:22,326 --> 00:03:25,369
or some kind of communist
dictatorship? This is insane,
66
00:03:25,485 --> 00:03:29,221
this is un American. You don't pay
for health insurance. That's crazy.
67
00:03:29,336 --> 00:03:31,275
All I know is we need to find
insurance ASAP.
68
00:03:31,391 --> 00:03:32,729
Oh, my God, we're going to
get sick eventually.
69
00:03:32,854 --> 00:03:34,223
So we just find a couple of
side jobs, right?
70
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,890
That way we'll have insurance, and when
disaster inevitably occurs, we'll be covered.
71
00:03:38,006 --> 00:03:39,876
- We'll be covered.
- Okay, here we go.
72
00:03:39,993 --> 00:03:42,683
"Position available.
Major sales corporation.
73
00:03:42,798 --> 00:03:45,077
Motivated individuals.
Good interpersonal skills".
74
00:03:45,195 --> 00:03:47,525
You don't have to say anymore.
That's us, that is us.
75
00:03:47,641 --> 00:03:49,569
"Salary and benefits".
76
00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:51,212
Jesus.
77
00:03:52,292 --> 00:03:53,991
Why are you still wearing
that thing, dude?
78
00:03:54,104 --> 00:03:56,586
- Did you wear that all the way here?
- I let my ass breathe.
79
00:03:57,545 --> 00:03:59,364
You keep saying that, but I
don't know what it means.
80
00:03:59,479 --> 00:04:01,077
Yeah, how does an ass breathe?
Explain that to me.
81
00:04:01,204 --> 00:04:02,530
- How does a...?
- Just leave me alone, okay?!
82
00:04:02,648 --> 00:04:05,570
I can't get worked up.
My doctor told me not to get worked up.
83
00:04:05,684 --> 00:04:07,705
I'm under too much stress.
84
00:04:07,817 --> 00:04:09,118
Yeah...
85
00:04:09,452 --> 00:04:10,722
That's a lot of pills, dude.
86
00:04:10,836 --> 00:04:12,765
Yeah, that's the beauty of
having insurance.
87
00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:16,376
You can get the top-quality
anti-anxiety drugs.
88
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,659
Wow, you got a lot of 'em, huh?
89
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,496
- What are you doing?
- I'm taking 'em because
90
00:04:21,613 --> 00:04:23,523
I can't sift through the duds.
91
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,819
I got to take 'em all because I
got to get healthy really fast.
92
00:04:26,935 --> 00:04:28,091
- You're taking 'em all at once?
- Yeah.
93
00:04:28,209 --> 00:04:30,589
- I don't think that's a good idea.
- It seems a bit aggressive to me.
94
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,413
I know what I'm doing!
95
00:04:34,219 --> 00:04:35,807
Oh, this is great, Dee.
This is perfect.
96
00:04:35,931 --> 00:04:38,329
I mean, getting in shape is like the
best health insurance you can get.
97
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,851
Yeah, you take care of your body,
you don't need a doctor. I want that.
98
00:04:40,964 --> 00:04:42,892
That's exactly right, yeah.
You look good, you feel good.
99
00:04:43,005 --> 00:04:44,873
- It's all connected, baby.
- It's connected. You're talking about
100
00:04:44,987 --> 00:04:47,372
the mind- body-abs connection.
I would personally like to
101
00:04:47,489 --> 00:04:49,493
- get some side abs going.
- You want to get some side abs?
102
00:04:49,618 --> 00:04:51,184
That's a good idea. You know
what I'm concerned about?
103
00:04:51,299 --> 00:04:52,515
- I don't want to get too bulky.
- Right.
104
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,027
I want to stay nice and lean
and tight.
105
00:04:54,143 --> 00:04:56,335
I want to get that
Jesus-on-the-cross look.
106
00:04:56,453 --> 00:04:59,638
I think that crucifixion must have been
really good for your core because...
107
00:04:59,764 --> 00:05:02,091
Absolutely. Jesus had, like,
the best abs. He had the right idea.
108
00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:04,652
- Hey, he knew: no pain, no gain.
- He had good messages.
109
00:05:04,766 --> 00:05:05,842
I'm sure he started that.
110
00:05:05,959 --> 00:05:07,634
All right, well, let's do
some cardio since we're here.
111
00:05:07,748 --> 00:05:10,056
Yeah, here we are.
Let's, uh, let's get our blood pumping.
112
00:05:10,178 --> 00:05:12,926
Let's hop on these treadmills and,
uh, you know, let's do this thing.
113
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,527
- Let's do it.
- All right.
114
00:05:14,971 --> 00:05:17,729
- I don't know if I'm ready.
- I'm not feeling ready.
115
00:05:17,844 --> 00:05:20,249
Uh, I'll tell you why.
I feel a little low-energy.
116
00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:22,029
That's what it is.
We need to fuel up.
117
00:05:22,145 --> 00:05:24,882
Now, I see people utilizing a lot
of shakes and powders around here.
118
00:05:25,008 --> 00:05:26,502
- We should probably look into that.
- We should do that.
119
00:05:26,629 --> 00:05:28,564
You know what else we should do?
Get some new outfits.
120
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,686
Let's get some new outfits.
That's a great idea.
121
00:05:30,807 --> 00:05:33,094
You decided to rock jeans,
for instance. I'm confused by that.
122
00:05:33,212 --> 00:05:36,390
Yeah, uh, I chose jeans. I'm not
seeing a lot of other jeans...
123
00:05:36,501 --> 00:05:39,107
- I've never seen jeans in a gym.
- Okay, well, look, that's fine.
124
00:05:39,222 --> 00:05:40,637
This is what we'll do.
We'll dial it back.
125
00:05:40,753 --> 00:05:42,852
We'll get fueled up, we'll get
some sick new outfits,
126
00:05:42,965 --> 00:05:44,300
and then we'll come back
and work out.
127
00:05:44,906 --> 00:05:45,952
Let's go.
128
00:05:46,608 --> 00:05:49,203
"Official resumé
of Mac and Charlie".
129
00:05:49,469 --> 00:05:51,147
So both of you are...
130
00:05:51,271 --> 00:05:54,896
Well, gentlemen, I've never seen
two people share a resume before.
131
00:05:55,011 --> 00:05:57,847
Well, we thought we'd save paper.
You know, go green.
132
00:05:57,973 --> 00:06:01,630
Uh, "Work experience: Paddy's
Pub management"?
133
00:06:01,746 --> 00:06:03,232
And duties that include
134
00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:05,822
"ordering supplies
and taking care of business".
135
00:06:05,937 --> 00:06:07,324
T.C.O.B.
136
00:06:07,437 --> 00:06:10,884
Uh, "Business coordinator for several
year"... I don't know who this is.
137
00:06:10,999 --> 00:06:12,138
- Coordinator.
- Okay.
138
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:16,278
"For several years, I've been in complete
charge of pretty much everything in my life."
139
00:06:16,393 --> 00:06:18,038
- I don't miss a beat.
- That would actually be him.
140
00:06:18,152 --> 00:06:20,292
Uh, not... pretty much
everything.
141
00:06:20,415 --> 00:06:23,270
There's certain things that you
just can't have control of, sir.
142
00:06:23,385 --> 00:06:26,171
I think you'll find that what
we lack in formal education,
143
00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:28,415
we more than make up
for in street smarts.
144
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:31,825
Okay, so we can wheel, we can deal,
we can oversee hostile takeovers.
145
00:06:32,019 --> 00:06:33,127
- Whatever you need, bud.
- You name it.
146
00:06:33,244 --> 00:06:37,057
It's a mailroom gig, and
there's only one spot available.
147
00:06:38,645 --> 00:06:40,941
Kind of a package deal.
148
00:06:41,057 --> 00:06:42,669
We sort of work as a team.
I'll tell you what.
149
00:06:42,786 --> 00:06:44,570
What if we split the pay right
down the middle?
150
00:06:44,955 --> 00:06:47,082
- You'd be willing to do that?
- Oh, yeah.
151
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:48,842
Yeah, this has nothing to do
with money.
152
00:06:48,957 --> 00:06:51,675
This is sort of a health
insurance situation for us...
153
00:06:51,789 --> 00:06:54,216
...so, you know, frankly, you don't
even really have to pay us at all.
154
00:06:55,111 --> 00:06:57,477
Legally, I have to pay you
something, but, uh,
155
00:06:57,593 --> 00:06:59,939
- minimum wage maybe?
- Minimum wage?
156
00:07:00,035 --> 00:07:01,029
Are you kidding me?
157
00:07:01,137 --> 00:07:02,542
- That's great.
- Absolutely.
158
00:07:02,657 --> 00:07:04,794
That's a government salary
right there, yeah.
159
00:07:04,906 --> 00:07:08,084
Well, you drive a hard bargain.
The job is both of yours.
160
00:07:08,209 --> 00:07:10,434
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations to you.
161
00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:12,374
- Bro.
- Minimum wage.
162
00:07:12,551 --> 00:07:14,036
Minimum wage.
163
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:19,638
Fat burner?
164
00:07:19,766 --> 00:07:21,928
Well, I'm already on a
nitric oxide energy stack,
165
00:07:22,057 --> 00:07:24,501
but yeah, sure, I'll take some fat
burner... why not?
166
00:07:24,617 --> 00:07:28,474
All right, everybody.
Before we begin today,
167
00:07:28,587 --> 00:07:31,705
are there any physical ailments
that I should know about first?
168
00:07:31,821 --> 00:07:34,736
- Uh, yeah, I just had a heart attack.
- Excuse me?
169
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:37,630
I just had a heart attack. Maybe you
should turn this techno music down.
170
00:07:37,755 --> 00:07:41,380
Yeah, I got to be honest, buddy,
I'm not really feeling these tunes.
171
00:07:41,506 --> 00:07:44,081
- Boom, there we go.
- Hey, what are you doing?
172
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:47,555
I'm rifling through your music,
and it's pretty terrible.
173
00:07:47,671 --> 00:07:49,635
- Yeah, you know what, put it down.
- Does he have any '80s?
174
00:07:49,751 --> 00:07:51,345
Doesn't appear to.
175
00:07:51,458 --> 00:07:54,338
No, it seems like he's got a
bunch of goddamn dance mixes.
176
00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:55,627
Hang on. It's all good.
177
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,188
I got a Steve Winwood CD in my car.
I'll just go out and grab that.
178
00:07:58,304 --> 00:08:00,148
Okay, listen, don't do that.
Please don't do that.
179
00:08:00,265 --> 00:08:02,212
- Why, what's wrong with Steve Winwood?
- Yeah, man,
180
00:08:02,326 --> 00:08:03,480
"Higher Love"?
It's a classic.
181
00:08:03,597 --> 00:08:05,902
Listen, I pick the music in
this class, okay?
182
00:08:06,428 --> 00:08:08,574
Oh, no, no, no.
I apologize.
183
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,854
I had no idea that this was all
about you.
184
00:08:10,972 --> 00:08:13,498
First of all, I don't think you should even
be here if you just had a heart attack, ma'am.
185
00:08:13,611 --> 00:08:16,248
Well, maybe you shouldn't
dress like a bumblebee, bitch.
186
00:08:17,902 --> 00:08:19,128
You just dogged, bro.
187
00:08:19,213 --> 00:08:20,320
You just got dogged.
188
00:08:20,406 --> 00:08:22,159
Guys, please leave my class.
189
00:08:23,326 --> 00:08:24,440
Spin class.
190
00:08:24,528 --> 00:08:25,863
A bunch of hamsters on a wheel.
191
00:08:25,947 --> 00:08:27,733
I'm gonna ride a bike hard,
I'm gonna ride a bike fast
192
00:08:27,830 --> 00:08:29,546
and oh, yeah, I'm not
gonna go anywhere.
193
00:08:29,638 --> 00:08:31,216
And then when I walk
out, I'm gonna put a bunch of metal
194
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:34,277
onto a metal bar and lift that metal
over and over like a metal jerk.
195
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:35,396
You know, I got
to be honest with you.
196
00:08:35,494 --> 00:08:37,407
I feel like these supplements
are doing a great job on their own,
197
00:08:37,495 --> 00:08:38,067
you know what I mean?
198
00:08:38,154 --> 00:08:39,297
I've got tons of energy.
199
00:08:39,384 --> 00:08:41,209
My heart rate's up.
Things are going great.
200
00:08:41,305 --> 00:08:42,493
Absolutely.
I feel good, too.
201
00:08:42,576 --> 00:08:45,181
Look how vascular I am.
Look at how my veins are popping.
202
00:08:45,266 --> 00:08:46,622
I look good, and I feel good.
203
00:08:46,717 --> 00:08:49,523
I feel good, too, apart from the recent
bouts of explosive diarrhea.
204
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:51,404
Been having diarrhea?
205
00:08:51,502 --> 00:08:53,275
- Oh, God, all over the place.
- Really?
206
00:08:53,361 --> 00:08:54,044
You know what that is?
207
00:08:54,141 --> 00:08:55,678
That's probably your body
flushing out all the toxins.
208
00:08:55,762 --> 00:08:56,997
- You think so?
- I do think so.
209
00:08:57,094 --> 00:08:59,471
I, on the other hand,
have not taken a shit in days.
210
00:08:59,564 --> 00:09:00,610
- Days?
- Days.
211
00:09:00,697 --> 00:09:02,409
- That doesn't sound good.
- Oh, no, it's good.
212
00:09:02,504 --> 00:09:04,624
My body's working at 100%
efficiency, yeah.
213
00:09:04,707 --> 00:09:06,635
My body is absorbing
every single nutrient,
214
00:09:06,718 --> 00:09:08,105
and it's not wasting
a single thing.
215
00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:09,385
Your body's taking
its job very seriously.
216
00:09:09,470 --> 00:09:11,646
My body is doing its job like
it's never done before.
217
00:09:11,739 --> 00:09:13,837
Okay, we're gonna start
climbing just a little more.
218
00:09:13,924 --> 00:09:15,616
30% more resistance.
219
00:09:15,801 --> 00:09:17,910
Why don't we up the
supplements, which we know work,
220
00:09:18,004 --> 00:09:19,661
and eliminate working out,
which we know blows?
221
00:09:19,755 --> 00:09:20,992
That sounds like
a pretty good plan.
222
00:09:21,077 --> 00:09:23,490
You know what, I'm gonna take it
one step further and propose
223
00:09:23,574 --> 00:09:25,302
that we start working on a
muscle that we've been
224
00:09:25,389 --> 00:09:26,671
neglecting this entire time.
225
00:09:26,770 --> 00:09:28,936
And it's the most important
muscle in the entire body.
226
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:29,916
Which muscle?
227
00:09:30,011 --> 00:09:30,974
The face.
228
00:09:31,999 --> 00:09:34,048
That's a gift for you,
bumblebee.
229
00:09:35,292 --> 00:09:37,780
- Come on.
- Enjoy it, Coach Dick and Balls.
230
00:09:47,328 --> 00:09:49,583
Mr. Taylor whose
grandpa was a sailor.
231
00:09:49,671 --> 00:09:52,004
There you go, Mr. Scott
who drinks his coffee hot.
232
00:09:52,089 --> 00:09:52,736
There it is.
233
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:55,828
Mr. White whose wife is not
too bright, there you go.
234
00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:58,538
Come on, dude, I'm trying to
network by the water cooler.
235
00:09:58,624 --> 00:10:00,931
Yeah, and I'm doing both of our
jobs here, so you want to help out?
236
00:10:01,016 --> 00:10:02,520
Okay, the mail doesn't stop
down there, Mac.
237
00:10:02,616 --> 00:10:03,280
I need help.
238
00:10:03,366 --> 00:10:04,814
All right, this is Felix's pile.
239
00:10:04,909 --> 00:10:06,654
He receives for Eric.
He receives for Janet.
240
00:10:06,737 --> 00:10:09,473
Don't ever look Janet in the eye
because she's a horrible devil woman.
241
00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:11,607
I feel like you are taking
this shit way too seriously.
242
00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:14,266
Will you just help me out, man?
This is Johnson's mail, okay?
243
00:10:14,473 --> 00:10:16,827
Now, Johnson's gone AWOL for the
week with the wife and kids down
244
00:10:16,913 --> 00:10:19,019
in Orlando, so I want you to
keep a pile in a neat stack
245
00:10:19,103 --> 00:10:20,650
somewhere that's
all Johnson's mail.
246
00:10:20,735 --> 00:10:21,942
Oh, wait a second.
247
00:10:22,025 --> 00:10:23,501
This guy's in Orlando
for the week?
248
00:10:23,678 --> 00:10:25,143
Yeah, man, come on,
help me out here.
249
00:10:25,228 --> 00:10:26,863
Oh, hold on a second, bro.
250
00:10:26,948 --> 00:10:27,953
This is the perfect opportunity.
251
00:10:28,049 --> 00:10:30,515
I'm gonna hang out in his office
and pretend I'm the new guy.
252
00:10:30,688 --> 00:10:32,857
I don't think that's
gonna work, dude.
253
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:35,276
Have you seen The Secret
of My Success?
254
00:10:35,441 --> 00:10:37,276
They're gonna catch on to you.
255
00:10:37,544 --> 00:10:39,819
Yeah, but before they do,
I will come up with an idea
256
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:42,582
that will save the company millions,
and they'll be forced to promote me.
257
00:10:42,747 --> 00:10:45,413
Are you sure?
How does that movie end, dude?
258
00:10:48,061 --> 00:10:49,446
I can't rember.
259
00:10:49,669 --> 00:10:53,287
He bangs that old lady, and
then they play that song from the '80s.
260
00:10:53,373 --> 00:10:54,385
"Day Bow Bow."
261
00:10:55,334 --> 00:10:57,139
What the hell is "Day Bow Bow"?
262
00:11:14,851 --> 00:11:16,547
No, Mac, seriously...
263
00:11:16,714 --> 00:11:17,991
Beautiful.
264
00:11:18,075 --> 00:11:20,471
At least give him his mail.
265
00:11:42,355 --> 00:11:44,551
Jesus Christ, dude,
what's going on in here?
266
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:46,493
I'm really behind the
eight ball, Mac.
267
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:47,723
The mail doesn't stop, bud.
268
00:11:47,809 --> 00:11:49,746
- You're smoking now?
- Yeah, I'm smoking now.
269
00:11:49,829 --> 00:11:51,815
You kidding me?
My nerves are like...
270
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:52,576
So I'm trying to smoke.
271
00:11:52,662 --> 00:11:54,549
I'm trying to calm myself down,
and hey, we got insurance,
272
00:11:54,634 --> 00:11:55,898
so what the hell, I can smoke.
273
00:11:55,984 --> 00:11:58,190
Maybe you're right 'cause I need
to calm my nerves a bit, dude.
274
00:11:58,276 --> 00:11:59,440
It's a shark tank up there.
275
00:11:59,523 --> 00:12:00,760
Oh, yeah, is it?
I bet.
276
00:12:00,847 --> 00:12:03,022
Have some coffee, too.
That will calm you down.
277
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:05,422
What's your system here, bro?
278
00:12:05,519 --> 00:12:06,574
It's pretty complicated.
279
00:12:06,669 --> 00:12:08,365
The mail goes into three
sections according
280
00:12:08,449 --> 00:12:10,135
to how important I think
the thing looks, okay?
281
00:12:10,221 --> 00:12:12,486
Now, the least important stuff,
I'm gonna burn that.
282
00:12:12,573 --> 00:12:14,138
If it's important, they're
gonna send it again, right?
283
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,389
The middle important stuff,
I put that back in the mail
284
00:12:16,472 --> 00:12:18,510
addressed to me so I buy
myself a couple more days.
285
00:12:18,602 --> 00:12:21,471
And the most important stuff,
that gets delivered, although,
286
00:12:21,555 --> 00:12:23,984
you know something, Mac, I actually
burn that, too, most of the time.
287
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,513
Okay, well, it looks like
you've got this under control.
288
00:12:28,611 --> 00:12:29,903
I'm gonna get back to my office.
289
00:12:29,990 --> 00:12:31,466
- All right, bud, all right.
- Yeah, no, I'm just... I'm...
290
00:12:31,561 --> 00:12:33,165
- The mail doesn't stop!
- Okay, sorry, buddy.
291
00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:35,426
All right, I'm gonna get back to
my office, and then...
292
00:12:35,515 --> 00:12:36,447
You know, I'll see you later.
293
00:12:36,533 --> 00:12:37,337
All right, man.
294
00:12:37,434 --> 00:12:38,710
Okay, bud.
295
00:12:38,794 --> 00:12:40,171
You're not gonna stop, are you?
296
00:12:42,278 --> 00:12:43,763
Come on, man, hit me.
297
00:12:43,925 --> 00:12:45,845
Come on, hit me again.
Come on.
298
00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:47,073
Look.
299
00:12:50,802 --> 00:12:52,415
I found him wandering
the streets.
300
00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:54,337
No ID, no nothing.
301
00:12:54,421 --> 00:12:56,508
Figure we turn him over to you
until someone claimed him.
302
00:12:56,594 --> 00:12:58,110
- Poor thing.
- Careful.
303
00:12:58,785 --> 00:13:00,530
I think he crapped himself.
304
00:13:02,507 --> 00:13:03,561
This way.
305
00:13:03,786 --> 00:13:05,342
Right through here.
306
00:13:05,879 --> 00:13:07,533
Hit me, hit me again.
307
00:13:08,797 --> 00:13:09,637
Hit me.
308
00:13:26,367 --> 00:13:27,252
Hello?
309
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:29,394
Hi.
310
00:13:29,789 --> 00:13:31,037
Who is this?
311
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,207
This is Mac.
I'm the new guy.
312
00:13:33,382 --> 00:13:35,369
What are you doing in my
office?
313
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:40,512
Who are you, and why
are you in my office?
314
00:13:40,605 --> 00:13:41,703
Who is this?
315
00:13:41,784 --> 00:13:43,353
This is Johnson.
316
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:47,895
I thought you were in Orlando.
317
00:13:47,978 --> 00:13:50,788
I am in Orlando. I'm trying
to check my voicemail.
318
00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:54,227
I can check it for you.
319
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,530
No, don't... just...
What is your name, sir?
320
00:13:59,666 --> 00:14:01,831
Why don't you just
give me your name?
321
00:14:02,356 --> 00:14:03,864
Your full name, sir.
322
00:14:10,969 --> 00:14:12,518
Oh, this is going to be
great, sis.
323
00:14:12,693 --> 00:14:14,776
I mean, we already got the mind,
body and soul going.
324
00:14:14,873 --> 00:14:16,838
Now all we need is to get
our faces nice and tight,
325
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,239
and we'll be healthy as all hell.
326
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:19,118
I know.
327
00:14:20,755 --> 00:14:23,443
Now, you're clear on
these instructions, right?
328
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:24,782
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
329
00:14:24,867 --> 00:14:26,393
You know what you're doing?
They're in Spanish.
330
00:14:26,488 --> 00:14:31,004
Yeah, but you know, if you know Latin,
you know, like, three languages, so...
331
00:14:31,092 --> 00:14:32,338
As far as I know,
you don't speak Latin.
332
00:14:32,431 --> 00:14:34,507
I don't speak Latin, but there's
pictures in here, so I think we're good.
333
00:14:34,593 --> 00:14:35,857
So you're good with
the pictures then?
334
00:14:35,952 --> 00:14:37,070
Can we get going with this,
though?
335
00:14:37,164 --> 00:14:39,731
'Cause those supplements are giving me
the squirts like you would not believe.
336
00:14:39,815 --> 00:14:42,300
Oh, man, I would kill for
your bowel movements right now.
337
00:14:42,384 --> 00:14:43,453
I am so blocked up.
338
00:14:43,537 --> 00:14:44,534
I'm gonna do your eyes first,
339
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:45,732
- so hold really still.
- Easy, easy.
340
00:14:45,817 --> 00:14:47,383
Seriously, do not move.
341
00:14:50,242 --> 00:14:51,755
- It's in?
- It's out.
342
00:14:52,032 --> 00:14:53,017
- It's out?
- I did it.
343
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,399
- It's out, and it's in.
- Pretty good, right?
344
00:14:54,483 --> 00:14:54,867
Painless.
345
00:14:54,964 --> 00:14:57,369
Great. Let's just let that
settle for a minute, and I'll...
346
00:14:57,562 --> 00:14:58,979
Think about what
I would like to do.
347
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,891
Number one, I'd like to get rid
of these crow's feet that I have
348
00:15:01,987 --> 00:15:03,803
been noticing coming in, which I
do not appreciate.
349
00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:05,674
And hear me out on this one.
It's a little weird.
350
00:15:05,978 --> 00:15:07,956
I'm thinking about doing
something to my earlobes.
351
00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:10,666
I've never really liked
my earlobes. Jesus!
352
00:15:10,749 --> 00:15:11,546
What?
353
00:15:12,493 --> 00:15:13,589
How's that eye feel?
354
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:15,507
Oh, it feels a little weird.
355
00:15:15,593 --> 00:15:17,178
I'm having a little trouble
seeing out of it.
356
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:18,631
- That's normal, right?
- I don't think so.
357
00:15:18,713 --> 00:15:19,948
It's not? Really?
358
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:23,314
God, now that you mention it, sis, I do
feel a fair amount of pain coming on.
359
00:15:23,399 --> 00:15:24,845
God, it stings.
360
00:15:26,019 --> 00:15:28,136
Shit, Dennis, I think maybe
I switched these up.
361
00:15:28,529 --> 00:15:29,607
You switched 'em up?
362
00:15:29,699 --> 00:15:30,907
- I don't know. I'm thinking...
- What the hell!
363
00:15:30,990 --> 00:15:32,108
Maybe I put some
collagen in your eye.
364
00:15:32,194 --> 00:15:34,269
You injected Mexican
collagen in my eye?!
365
00:15:34,353 --> 00:15:36,238
Sorry. I can't handle the
stress you're giving me right now.
366
00:15:36,322 --> 00:15:38,558
My heart is very weak.
It's a lot of pressure.
367
00:15:38,644 --> 00:15:40,359
Oh, God, I think I'm
going blind in one eye.
368
00:15:40,445 --> 00:15:42,070
Well, hold on a second.
I feel very weird.
369
00:15:42,157 --> 00:15:43,134
I'm going blind.
370
00:15:43,217 --> 00:15:45,333
I feel like my heart
might explode.
371
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,336
Are you feeling better today?
372
00:15:54,365 --> 00:15:56,086
I like to hear that.
373
00:15:57,445 --> 00:15:59,288
Now take your medication.
374
00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:04,061
Good.
375
00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:08,604
That's good.
376
00:16:12,112 --> 00:16:13,188
Hello, Chief.
377
00:16:13,833 --> 00:16:15,479
They're onto me, dude.
378
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:16,860
Those guys are sharp
as nails up there.
379
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,361
You can't put
anything past them.
380
00:16:18,456 --> 00:16:19,999
Oh, my God, dude,
I'm freaking out.
381
00:16:20,085 --> 00:16:22,211
I am so stressed out. I feel like
I'm having a panic attack.
382
00:16:22,297 --> 00:16:24,042
You want to talk about stress?
You want to talk about stress?!
383
00:16:24,135 --> 00:16:27,122
Okay? I've stumbled onto a major
company conspiracy, Mac.
384
00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:28,353
How about that for stress?
385
00:16:28,448 --> 00:16:29,546
What the hell
are you talking about?
386
00:16:29,632 --> 00:16:32,105
This company is being bled
like a stuck pig, Mac,
387
00:16:32,202 --> 00:16:33,518
and I got a paper
trail to prove it.
388
00:16:33,611 --> 00:16:34,608
Check this out.
389
00:16:35,175 --> 00:16:36,648
Take a look at this.
390
00:16:37,136 --> 00:16:38,929
- Jesus Christ, Charlie.
- That right there is the mail.
391
00:16:39,016 --> 00:16:39,980
Now, let's talk about the mail.
392
00:16:40,075 --> 00:16:41,341
Can we talk about
the mail, please, Mac?
393
00:16:41,437 --> 00:16:43,574
I've been dying to talk about
the mail with you all day, okay?
394
00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:45,882
Pepe Silvia... This name keeps
coming up over and over again.
395
00:16:45,969 --> 00:16:47,946
Every day, Pepe's mail's
getting sent back to me.
396
00:16:48,699 --> 00:16:51,508
I look in the mail.
This whole box is Pepe Silvia.
397
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:53,338
So, I say to myself,
I got to find this guy.
398
00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:54,488
I got to go up to his office.
399
00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,190
I got to put his mail in the
guy's goddamn hands.
400
00:16:56,275 --> 00:16:57,170
Otherwise he's never
gonna get it.
401
00:16:57,254 --> 00:16:58,420
He's gonna keep coming
back down here,
402
00:16:58,504 --> 00:17:01,672
so I go up to Pepe's office, and what
do I find out? What do I find out?!
403
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,994
There is no Pepe Silvia.
404
00:17:04,076 --> 00:17:05,415
The man does not exist, okay?
405
00:17:05,497 --> 00:17:06,573
So, I decide,
406
00:17:06,670 --> 00:17:08,296
"Oh, shit, buddy.
I got to dig a little deeper."
407
00:17:08,381 --> 00:17:09,386
There's no Pepe Silvia.
408
00:17:09,470 --> 00:17:11,485
You got to be kidding me.
I got boxes full of Pepe!
409
00:17:11,582 --> 00:17:15,128
All right, so I start marching
my way down to Carol in HR,
410
00:17:15,223 --> 00:17:16,979
and I knock on her door,
and I say,
411
00:17:18,076 --> 00:17:20,409
"Carol, I got to talk
to you about Pepe."
412
00:17:20,494 --> 00:17:22,283
And when I open the door,
what do I find?
413
00:17:22,365 --> 00:17:25,064
There's not a single,
goddamn desk in that office.
414
00:17:25,149 --> 00:17:28,764
There is no Carol in HR.
415
00:17:29,411 --> 00:17:32,378
Mac, half the employees in this
building have been made up.
416
00:17:32,654 --> 00:17:34,979
This office is
a goddamn ghost town.
417
00:17:35,653 --> 00:17:37,948
Okay, Charlie, I'm gonna have
to stop you right there.
418
00:17:38,954 --> 00:17:42,401
Not only do all of these people
exist, but they have been asking
419
00:17:42,486 --> 00:17:44,193
for their mail on a daily basis.
420
00:17:44,277 --> 00:17:45,545
It's all they're talking
about up there.
421
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:47,443
Jesus Christ, dude, we are going
to lose our jobs.
422
00:17:47,531 --> 00:17:49,947
Well, calm down, 'cause here's
one thing that's not gonna happen.
423
00:17:50,032 --> 00:17:50,784
What?
424
00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:52,346
We're not gonna get fired.
425
00:17:52,443 --> 00:17:53,157
We're not?
426
00:17:53,251 --> 00:17:55,006
'Cause we've already been fired.
427
00:17:55,512 --> 00:17:56,928
We've lost our jobs?!
428
00:17:57,636 --> 00:17:59,690
About three days ago, a couple
of pink slips came in the mail.
429
00:17:59,784 --> 00:18:01,280
One for you and one for
me. So what did I do?
430
00:18:01,368 --> 00:18:02,912
I mailed them halfway
to Siberia, okay?
431
00:18:02,997 --> 00:18:04,884
Charlie, if we've lost our jobs,
that means we've lost
432
00:18:04,978 --> 00:18:07,485
our health insurance, which
means all of this was for nothing.
433
00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:09,535
Goddamn it, dude.
I'm having a panic attack.
434
00:18:09,629 --> 00:18:10,926
I am actually having
a panic attack.
435
00:18:11,011 --> 00:18:12,747
Oh, will you settle down and
have another cup of coffee?
436
00:18:12,921 --> 00:18:13,949
I am, bro.
437
00:18:14,032 --> 00:18:15,538
- All right, well, fine.
- You know what, Barney?
438
00:18:15,631 --> 00:18:17,328
Give this guy a cigarette.
He's freaking out.
439
00:18:17,725 --> 00:18:18,412
Who?
440
00:18:19,496 --> 00:18:21,810
Barney. He's the guy who
tipped me off to Pepe Silvia.
441
00:18:21,895 --> 00:18:23,723
Barney?! Who
the hell is Barney?!
442
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:24,704
You don't see Bar...?
443
00:18:24,790 --> 00:18:26,403
Oh, shit, where
the hell did he...?
444
00:18:27,528 --> 00:18:29,016
You've lost your mind.
445
00:18:29,099 --> 00:18:31,425
You've lost your
goddamn mind, Charlie.
446
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:39,239
Jesus Christ, dude, will you
forget the mail, all right?
447
00:18:39,337 --> 00:18:40,593
Forget the mail?
448
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,511
The mail's the most important
thing in the world now.
449
00:18:42,597 --> 00:18:43,481
Dude, you're gonna give me
another panic attack.
450
00:18:43,575 --> 00:18:44,723
- You have a cigarette?
- I hear Barney.
451
00:18:44,808 --> 00:18:45,914
Where's Barney, huh?
452
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:47,895
How long is the wait
at this place?!
453
00:18:47,990 --> 00:18:49,753
We have been here
for hours and hours.
454
00:18:50,111 --> 00:18:51,265
Goddamn Frank.
455
00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:52,657
Where the hell is he?
456
00:19:02,038 --> 00:19:04,224
Shit!
Where am I?
457
00:19:22,366 --> 00:19:24,613
Tonto...
Come here.
458
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:27,944
Come on, bub, let's go.
459
00:19:28,031 --> 00:19:30,154
Get up. You got
to help me out here.
460
00:19:32,863 --> 00:19:36,461
Pick this up and throw it
through this window.
461
00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:40,181
Pick... throw.
462
00:19:53,291 --> 00:19:54,237
That's it.
463
00:19:55,902 --> 00:19:56,979
That's it.
464
00:19:57,736 --> 00:19:58,560
One...
465
00:19:58,915 --> 00:19:59,699
Two...
466
00:20:00,256 --> 00:20:01,210
and three.
467
00:20:04,117 --> 00:20:05,263
Beautiful.
468
00:20:05,798 --> 00:20:08,096
Come on. Let's get
the hell out of here.
469
00:20:08,402 --> 00:20:10,094
Come on.
You go first.