1 00:00:03,167 --> 00:00:05,635 Hey-o! What is up, bitches? 2 00:00:05,703 --> 00:00:08,763 I'm trying to revamp my MySpace page, but Dennis keeps criticizing... 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,774 - every move that I make. - What is that? 4 00:00:10,842 --> 00:00:13,606 - What in the hell is a MySpace page? - It's, like, that friends forum. 5 00:00:13,678 --> 00:00:16,545 These things are pretty awesome. You create a profile, put your picture on there... 6 00:00:16,614 --> 00:00:18,878 other people send you pictures and want to be your friend. 7 00:00:18,950 --> 00:00:21,817 Oh. So that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You guys are losers. 8 00:00:21,886 --> 00:00:23,854 How are we losers, dude? 9 00:00:23,921 --> 00:00:27,118 Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy. Computers are for losers. 10 00:00:27,191 --> 00:00:29,216 You're drinking a beer at 8:00 in the morning. 11 00:00:29,293 --> 00:00:31,386 - Whatever, dude. Irrelevant. - Holy shit! 12 00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:34,192 This guy's been trying to contact me for, like, two weeks now... 13 00:00:34,265 --> 00:00:36,233 and I've just been blowing him off. 14 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,768 - But he's saying that he's our dad. - Awesome. Crazy person. 15 00:00:38,836 --> 00:00:42,135 - Let me see. - No. Not awesome. Because look at the pictures he's sending. 16 00:00:42,206 --> 00:00:44,970 - Oh! Oh, look at that! - See? 17 00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:47,170 That's your mom, dude! There's, like... 18 00:00:47,245 --> 00:00:49,679 There's, like, a ton of pictures of this guy and your mom. 19 00:00:49,747 --> 00:00:52,375 Oh, you know what? He does kind of look like you, Dennis. 20 00:00:52,450 --> 00:00:54,816 Don't jump to any conclusions here. 21 00:00:54,886 --> 00:00:57,753 This is bullshit! You guys have two dads, and I don't even have one. 22 00:00:57,822 --> 00:00:59,756 Yeah! That is bullshit! We don't even have one. 23 00:00:59,824 --> 00:01:01,758 Wh-What are you talking about? You have a father. 24 00:01:01,826 --> 00:01:04,693 Yeah. But he's in prison. He's been there my whole life. It doesn't count. 25 00:01:04,762 --> 00:01:06,696 That does count! I never met my father! 26 00:01:06,764 --> 00:01:08,891 Take it easy, all right? This guy's not our dad. 27 00:01:08,966 --> 00:01:10,991 I don't know. This is really freaking me out. 28 00:01:11,069 --> 00:01:13,663 Look, Dee, this guy can't be our dad. That's ridiculous. 29 00:01:13,738 --> 00:01:17,105 Is it? Is it any more ridiculous than our dad having brown eyes... 30 00:01:17,175 --> 00:01:20,008 black hair and being 4'10"? 31 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:06,108 This is really a nice place. 32 00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:09,245 It's about time you kids show me some respect. 33 00:02:09,322 --> 00:02:11,256 It doesn't really have anything to do with respect. 34 00:02:11,324 --> 00:02:14,157 We just wanted to take you to a fancy place so that you would behave yourself. 35 00:02:14,227 --> 00:02:17,560 - Yeah, yeah. - We need to talk to you about something, Dad. 36 00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:20,064 - Shoot. - It's kind of disturbing. 37 00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:24,000 You two aren't banging, are you? 38 00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:26,504 - What? - No! What are you talking about? 39 00:02:26,572 --> 00:02:28,938 - That's disgusting. - Yeah. Yeah, it is. 40 00:02:29,008 --> 00:02:32,409 Stay away from that kind of thing. No good can come of it. Trust me. 41 00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:35,675 - That's not what we're here to talk about. - It better not be... 42 00:02:35,748 --> 00:02:37,875 because I don't want no... grandkids. 43 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:42,444 - I am not banging my sister. - Jesus Christ! What have I walked into here? 44 00:02:42,522 --> 00:02:45,753 - Oh, my God. - You two aren't having sex together? 45 00:02:45,825 --> 00:02:48,623 - No, we're not having sex together. - What the hell is she doing here? 46 00:02:48,694 --> 00:02:52,630 - Sit down, please, Mom. Sit. - I am not getting pulled into any sort of perverted sex talk. 47 00:02:52,698 --> 00:02:55,690 - It's not perverted. - Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis. 48 00:02:55,768 --> 00:02:57,998 I am not banging my sister! 49 00:03:01,274 --> 00:03:03,435 God! 50 00:03:03,509 --> 00:03:06,910 - Can you just sit, please? - Please sit in the chair. Please sit in the chair. 51 00:03:11,384 --> 00:03:15,013 - Frank. - Barbara. 52 00:03:15,087 --> 00:03:19,490 Your turkey neck is looking exceptionally attractive this evening. 53 00:03:19,559 --> 00:03:22,619 - You have turned into a retarded person. - You're a retard. 54 00:03:22,695 --> 00:03:25,391 Can we use some adult language, just for a couple minutes? 55 00:03:25,464 --> 00:03:29,491 Let's get to it. There's this guy Bruce who contacted Dee on MySpace... 56 00:03:29,569 --> 00:03:31,560 and he's claiming to be our biological father. 57 00:03:31,637 --> 00:03:34,663 We just wanted to ask the question and just get it out of the way. 58 00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:36,674 Is there a chance that that could be possible? 59 00:03:36,742 --> 00:03:38,676 - No. - Yes. 60 00:03:38,744 --> 00:03:43,807 - What? - Well, Bruce who? Bruce Mathis? 61 00:03:43,883 --> 00:03:47,080 - Yeah. - Then, yes. 62 00:03:47,153 --> 00:03:51,055 - There's a chance this guy could be our father? - No. Yes, he is your father. 63 00:03:51,123 --> 00:03:53,091 What the hell are you talking about? 64 00:03:53,159 --> 00:03:55,184 Do we really have to get into all of this? 65 00:03:55,261 --> 00:03:57,889 - My God! Yes. - Yes, we really have to get into all this! 66 00:03:57,964 --> 00:04:02,264 Everybody settle down. It's not the end of the world. 67 00:04:02,335 --> 00:04:07,932 A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this little affair, or whatever you want to call it. 68 00:04:08,007 --> 00:04:11,841 Long story short, he got me pregnant, and I had to make a decision. 69 00:04:11,911 --> 00:04:15,347 Seeing as he had no money, I decided that the best thing for everyone... 70 00:04:15,414 --> 00:04:19,612 was if I didn't tell Bruce and let your father think that the twins were his. 71 00:04:19,685 --> 00:04:22,176 End of story. 72 00:04:22,255 --> 00:04:24,621 End of story? 73 00:04:24,690 --> 00:04:27,090 How could you do that? 74 00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:31,186 Oh, I'm sorry. Would you rather I had them aborted? 75 00:04:31,264 --> 00:04:34,665 - Children, would you like to have been aborted? - I can't believe this. 76 00:04:34,734 --> 00:04:37,532 I just can't believe this! 77 00:04:37,603 --> 00:04:39,537 - Okay, Dad. Keep your voice down. - You whore! 78 00:04:39,605 --> 00:04:41,470 - Keep it down, okay? - Please don't make a scene. 79 00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:43,474 - Don't make a scene. - Sit back down. 80 00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:45,476 Oh, no! I'm not gonna make a scene! 81 00:04:45,544 --> 00:04:47,637 I was just told, excuse me... 82 00:04:47,713 --> 00:04:50,648 that my horrible, whore wife... 83 00:04:50,716 --> 00:04:53,742 has tricked me into raising two bastards... 84 00:04:53,819 --> 00:04:57,619 for 30 years, and I'm being asked to not make a scene! 85 00:04:57,690 --> 00:05:02,650 Whoa! Oh, excuse me? Oh, did you bang my wife? Huh? 86 00:05:02,728 --> 00:05:04,662 Did you bang my whore wife? 87 00:05:04,730 --> 00:05:09,667 Does anybody here have any illegitimate children with my whore wife... 88 00:05:09,735 --> 00:05:12,363 - that I should know about? - Jesus, Frank! 89 00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:14,372 Jesus! Jesus, Frank! 90 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:18,342 Jesus, Frank! Jesus, Frank! Jesus, Frank! 91 00:05:18,411 --> 00:05:23,439 Jes... Oh! Jesus, Frank! My life is a lie! My life is a lie! 92 00:05:23,516 --> 00:05:26,644 Somebody's got to get stabbed! Somebody's got to get sta... 93 00:05:26,719 --> 00:05:29,654 - No... - Sta... Sta... 94 00:05:34,093 --> 00:05:36,220 Let's get out of here. 95 00:05:39,598 --> 00:05:41,463 So, Dad. 96 00:05:41,534 --> 00:05:43,468 Kind of a funny story. 97 00:05:43,536 --> 00:05:46,903 Turns out my friends got some weird news the other day about their biological father... 98 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:51,341 and it got me to thinking, uh, about maybe, you know, reconnecting with mine. 99 00:05:53,179 --> 00:05:55,204 Uh-huh. 100 00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:59,308 And, you know, Charlie never had a father. 101 00:05:59,385 --> 00:06:02,081 And, uh, I thought that maybe the three of us... 102 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,554 could all become, like... like, friends or something. 103 00:06:04,623 --> 00:06:07,717 Really? Well, okay. 104 00:06:07,793 --> 00:06:10,853 I'll tell you what. Maybe I got something for you. 105 00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:13,763 - It's a father-son type of thing, huh? - Yeah. 106 00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:19,772 You see, I got a little business I been running in here the last couple of years. 107 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:23,536 I was thinking of expanding, and I'm gonna need some people on the outside. 108 00:06:23,609 --> 00:06:28,637 Some really badass, tough guys. 109 00:06:28,714 --> 00:06:30,648 I like where you're going with this. 110 00:06:30,716 --> 00:06:34,447 I think you came to the right place. 111 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,387 What do you guys know about... 112 00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:41,051 smuggling heroin through your anus? 113 00:06:44,964 --> 00:06:47,524 You definitely look good. That's not what I'm saying. 114 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,330 - I just think you need to tuck it in in the back. - In the back? 115 00:06:50,403 --> 00:06:53,429 Yeah. You button the top button and then they tuck it in in the back. 116 00:06:53,506 --> 00:06:55,440 - It is tucked in the back. - Is it? 117 00:06:55,508 --> 00:06:57,442 - Is it bunchy? - It's not bunchy. 118 00:06:57,510 --> 00:06:59,910 - Let me see. That's exactly it. - How do I look? 119 00:06:59,979 --> 00:07:02,709 - That's gonna impress your dad, right? - It is gonna impress my dad. 120 00:07:02,782 --> 00:07:05,808 You piece of shit! You no-good piece of shit! 121 00:07:05,885 --> 00:07:08,046 Whoa, whoa, Frank! What's going on in here? What happened? 122 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,647 - I had a minor stroke. No big deal. - What's with the gun, dude? 123 00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:14,716 I'm trying to find the son of a bitch who fathered my children. 124 00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:18,059 - What? By doing MySpace? - Yeah. And I did everything they said to do. 125 00:07:18,130 --> 00:07:21,293 I put a picture, a profile. The thing won't tell me where the bastard lives. 126 00:07:21,367 --> 00:07:23,130 Did you send him a friend request? 127 00:07:23,202 --> 00:07:26,467 I don't want to be his friend. I want to shoot him in the face. Can you help me? 128 00:07:26,539 --> 00:07:29,872 - No. You... - Yes, absolutely. But no killing. 129 00:07:29,942 --> 00:07:32,206 - Needs to be killed. - Doesn't need to be killed. 130 00:07:32,278 --> 00:07:34,508 He could take a good ass whupping. And we're down with that. 131 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,514 - Are you crazy? - No, dude! 132 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,516 - Give us one second here. - Charlie. 133 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:41,382 This is our opportunity to prove to people that we are to be respected. 134 00:07:41,454 --> 00:07:44,252 - No one is more respected than dudes in prison, right? - Yeah. 135 00:07:44,323 --> 00:07:47,451 And what are dudes in prison? 136 00:07:47,526 --> 00:07:50,359 - Hard? - Right. This is our chance to get hard. 137 00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:53,057 Okay. I just don't know if this is the best way to get hard. 138 00:07:53,132 --> 00:07:55,066 Of course it is. This is totally hard. 139 00:07:55,134 --> 00:07:57,068 - You want to get hard, don't you? - I want to get hard. 140 00:07:57,136 --> 00:07:59,934 - I want to get very, very hard. - Do you want to shove heroin into your ass? 141 00:08:00,005 --> 00:08:01,939 I don't want to shove anything in my ass. 142 00:08:02,007 --> 00:08:05,738 This is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are and not shove anything into our asses! 143 00:08:05,811 --> 00:08:07,779 What in God's name are you two talking about? 144 00:08:07,847 --> 00:08:10,509 - Frank, we're in. - Great. 145 00:08:22,955 --> 00:08:25,617 Oh, God! This is so weird. I'm really nervous. 146 00:08:25,691 --> 00:08:27,625 I really hope he's not an asshole. 147 00:08:27,693 --> 00:08:29,627 I don't think I can handle two asshole dads. 148 00:08:29,695 --> 00:08:32,255 Are these my beautiful children? 149 00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:37,625 I just... I can't believe what a miracle this is after all these years. 150 00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:40,433 Oops. 151 00:08:40,506 --> 00:08:42,701 You know, I loved your mother more than I can say. 152 00:08:42,775 --> 00:08:46,871 And I'm sure she had her reasons, but she never told me. 153 00:08:46,946 --> 00:08:50,006 - Yeah. Well, this whole thing is very strange for all of us. - Yeah. 154 00:08:50,082 --> 00:08:52,710 - We've got a lot to catch up on. - Yeah. Tell us about yourself. 155 00:08:52,785 --> 00:08:54,912 - Yeah. - Where to begin, uh... 156 00:08:54,987 --> 00:08:57,615 I met your mom here in, uh... in Philadelphia. 157 00:08:57,690 --> 00:09:01,990 It was just before I shipped off to Alaska with Greenpeace. 158 00:09:02,061 --> 00:09:05,258 - I do a lot of environmental work and work with kids. - Mm-hmm. 159 00:09:05,331 --> 00:09:09,267 And we were in Alaska. And then we went to Africa, to the Sudan. 160 00:09:09,335 --> 00:09:11,303 We... Here. 161 00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:14,635 This... This is my adopted family. 162 00:09:14,707 --> 00:09:16,641 - Oh. - You adopted them? 163 00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:19,405 - Yup. In fact, um... - Huh. 164 00:09:19,478 --> 00:09:22,845 Hello. Those are your brothers and sisters. 165 00:09:24,050 --> 00:09:26,541 Your family just got a little bigger today. 166 00:09:26,619 --> 00:09:28,849 - It sure... It sure did. - You want to know their names? 167 00:09:28,921 --> 00:09:32,015 No. We'll do that later. We'll do that later because it's... it's hard to remember. 168 00:09:32,091 --> 00:09:35,652 - Okay, thank you very much. - And anything here, at all times, is yours. 169 00:09:35,728 --> 00:09:37,662 Anything in my life is yours. 170 00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:41,427 - These are cool speakers. - Yep. They're yours. Take 'em. Take 'em. 171 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:44,196 - No, no. I was kidding. - It was just a joke, I think. 172 00:09:44,270 --> 00:09:47,831 But if you want them, just... Uh... Africa. 173 00:09:47,907 --> 00:09:49,932 - Yes. Yes, Africa. - Right? Sudan. 174 00:09:50,009 --> 00:09:51,943 I went from the Sudan... I was in Darfur. 175 00:09:52,011 --> 00:09:56,141 We had a water-purification program there. So much work to be done there. 176 00:09:56,215 --> 00:10:00,151 And then I-I... I spent a little time in Afghanistan. 177 00:10:00,219 --> 00:10:03,882 We were doing a literacy program for women who were resisting the Taliban. 178 00:10:03,956 --> 00:10:07,414 Well, for better or worse, I came back here a couple of years ago. 179 00:10:07,493 --> 00:10:10,485 And I think it was for better, 'cause I'm doing this work... 180 00:10:10,563 --> 00:10:14,932 uh, starting some programs for Sacred Cross Hospital, which I think is very promising. 181 00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:19,028 And... ah! My story is boring. L... 182 00:10:19,105 --> 00:10:21,164 What about you? What are your passions? 183 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,208 You know, what are you doing with your lives? 184 00:10:23,276 --> 00:10:25,335 There's been a lot of... 185 00:10:25,411 --> 00:10:29,006 - Oh, so many things we do. - Phases. 186 00:10:29,081 --> 00:10:31,311 - Oh, God. Where do you begin? - Yeah. 187 00:10:31,384 --> 00:10:33,443 - Something like... - I know. I know. It's... 188 00:10:33,519 --> 00:10:35,680 - A lot of different... - Chapters. 189 00:10:35,755 --> 00:10:38,121 - Kinds of... kinds of things. - I want to hear anyth... 190 00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:42,889 - Just tell me chapter one. - Well, a lot of this kind of stuff, right here. 191 00:10:42,962 --> 00:10:44,896 - Yeah. - These guys. 192 00:10:44,964 --> 00:10:46,932 - A lot of... - These guys are important to us. 193 00:10:46,999 --> 00:10:50,594 I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 194 00:10:53,239 --> 00:10:55,605 Son of a piece of shit! 195 00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:57,666 Hey, you gotta relax there, Frank. 196 00:10:57,743 --> 00:10:59,677 Seriously, bro. You're gonna have another stroke. 197 00:10:59,745 --> 00:11:03,772 He won't make me his friend. How am I gonna find him if he won't make me his friend? 198 00:11:03,849 --> 00:11:06,181 - Be patient. It's a process. - Yeah, bro. Come on. 199 00:11:06,252 --> 00:11:08,220 It's been days. I got no friends. 200 00:11:08,287 --> 00:11:12,280 - Stop saying that. You have friends. - I got you. I got this guy Tom. 201 00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:16,021 And that crazy woman who claims we had a one-night stand 30 years ago. 202 00:11:16,095 --> 00:11:19,087 Right, yeah. Tom doesn't really count though. He kind of, like, comes with it. 203 00:11:19,165 --> 00:11:21,929 Screw this! I'm gonna just follow Dennis and Dee around. 204 00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:24,367 Sooner or later, they're gonna bump into this bastard. 205 00:11:24,437 --> 00:11:27,873 And we're gonna just jump him and beat him over the head with a baseball bat! 206 00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:30,408 Frank, come on. They're gonna see that coming a mile away. 207 00:11:30,476 --> 00:11:33,309 - Man, we need to be more devious, more cunning! - Uh, that's not very hard. 208 00:11:33,379 --> 00:11:35,313 That's some weak ass-buster shit, bro. 209 00:11:35,381 --> 00:11:39,579 This bastard destroyed my lineage. He must be smashed. 210 00:11:39,652 --> 00:11:42,917 We're gonna smash him, friend. We're gonna smash him good. We know people. 211 00:11:42,989 --> 00:11:46,755 Look, Frank, uh, we know a guy on the inside we can talk to. 212 00:11:46,826 --> 00:11:49,920 He might be willing to help us out with the situation here. 213 00:11:53,199 --> 00:11:55,258 You guys are fast. I'm proud of you. 214 00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:59,703 - Thanks, Dad. - Okay. Now, here's how it's gonna work. 215 00:11:59,772 --> 00:12:02,832 I'll have a guy meet you in the bathroom in about 10 minutes. 216 00:12:02,908 --> 00:12:07,902 Now he doesn't mind sifting through the feces, so don't hold back. 217 00:12:07,980 --> 00:12:10,915 Uh, yeah, here's the thing about that, Dad. 218 00:12:10,983 --> 00:12:13,543 We don't have anything in our butts. 219 00:12:13,619 --> 00:12:16,053 No. We don't have anything in our butts. We're working on that. 220 00:12:16,122 --> 00:12:19,285 - But we're still hard. - Yeah. Oh, you should see how hard we're getting. 221 00:12:19,358 --> 00:12:22,020 Oh, we are getting so hard. It's, like... Whew! 222 00:12:22,094 --> 00:12:24,585 - We actually came by 'cause we need your help. - Yeah. 223 00:12:24,663 --> 00:12:27,325 Let me get this straight. 224 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:32,337 You come to me empty-handed and you want my help? 225 00:12:32,405 --> 00:12:35,101 Yeah. And, look, we are really, really sorry about that, Dad. 226 00:12:35,174 --> 00:12:39,702 But if you could give us some advice on how to handle a certain situation... 227 00:12:39,779 --> 00:12:42,407 then we promise we will come back with our butts filled. 228 00:12:42,481 --> 00:12:44,608 Oh, so filled. So filled for you. 229 00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:48,779 We need to find our friends' father so that we can give him a serious beating. 230 00:12:48,854 --> 00:12:50,947 Oh, we're gonna kick the crap out of this guy. 231 00:12:51,023 --> 00:12:53,218 And check it out. We can't find him. 232 00:12:53,292 --> 00:12:57,922 All right. All right. Why don't you just follow your friends around for a while? 233 00:12:57,997 --> 00:13:00,557 They're bound to contact him at some point. 234 00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:04,125 When they do, just jump him. 235 00:13:04,203 --> 00:13:06,728 Beat him with a baseball bat. 236 00:13:07,807 --> 00:13:09,741 - That's pretty badass. - That could work. 237 00:13:09,809 --> 00:13:13,438 Now, you listen to me. Do not come back here... 238 00:13:13,512 --> 00:13:16,504 without anything up those asses! 239 00:13:18,050 --> 00:13:20,041 Okay? 240 00:13:21,187 --> 00:13:24,323 Okay. 241 00:13:42,274 --> 00:13:44,799 Thank you! Thank you. Thank you, Philadelphia. 242 00:13:44,876 --> 00:13:49,176 TheJuvenile Lupus Association thanks you, and the children thank you. 243 00:13:49,247 --> 00:13:53,479 - Oh, saving the kids, huh? - Yeah, I guess. 244 00:13:53,552 --> 00:13:57,044 Those little angels, they're the future. 245 00:13:57,122 --> 00:14:00,216 That's my dad up there. He put this whole shindig together. 246 00:14:00,292 --> 00:14:02,226 - Really? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 247 00:14:02,294 --> 00:14:04,353 Well, I mean, I helped, of course. 248 00:14:04,429 --> 00:14:07,887 I mean, this whole lupus nightmare has gone on long enough... 249 00:14:07,966 --> 00:14:10,628 - you know? - Yeah. 250 00:14:10,702 --> 00:14:13,102 Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes a father has the privilege... 251 00:14:13,171 --> 00:14:15,139 of playing a little music with his daughter. 252 00:14:15,207 --> 00:14:19,439 Would you please welcome Deandra Reynolds? 253 00:14:30,789 --> 00:14:33,656 Juvenile Lupus Association. What a bunch of bullshit. 254 00:14:33,725 --> 00:14:36,489 - Mac, I got one question for you. - What? 255 00:14:36,561 --> 00:14:39,359 - What's the plan again? - Are you kidding me? 256 00:14:39,431 --> 00:14:41,422 I swear, Charlie, you're, like, a retard. 257 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:44,628 What we're gonna do is we're gonna bash him with the bat when he comes out. 258 00:14:44,703 --> 00:14:47,263 - You want to huff some of this glue with me? - No! Put the glue away! 259 00:14:47,339 --> 00:14:49,273 - Please. Huff a little with me, dude. - All right, fine. 260 00:14:49,341 --> 00:14:51,275 - Fine! - We just need to keep an edge. 261 00:14:51,343 --> 00:14:53,277 We got to stay hard, dude, because you can't do it if... 262 00:14:53,345 --> 00:14:55,404 This is Elmer's glue, for Christ sakes, Charlie! 263 00:15:14,499 --> 00:15:16,524 - Do you have the camera? - Yeah, I got the camera! 264 00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:19,399 - I just don't know what it's for, Mac! - I'm gonna bash you with this! 265 00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:21,405 When he comes out, I'm gonna smash his face. 266 00:15:21,473 --> 00:15:23,407 You're gonna take a picture. We're gonna show it to my dad... 267 00:15:23,475 --> 00:15:25,306 - Show it to your dad. - To prove how hard we are! 268 00:15:39,357 --> 00:15:41,291 Whoo! 269 00:15:41,359 --> 00:15:43,827 - Oww! - Whoo! 270 00:15:43,895 --> 00:15:45,829 No, dude. We shouldn't do this. I'm backing out. 271 00:15:45,897 --> 00:15:47,831 You can't back out. Frank is waiting in the car. 272 00:15:47,899 --> 00:15:50,390 - He's gonna be pissed if we don't finish the job. - Let Frank wait in the car. 273 00:15:50,469 --> 00:15:52,460 We owe this to him. This guy banged Frank's wife. 274 00:15:52,537 --> 00:15:54,129 - So did you. - Yeah, but it's different. 275 00:15:54,206 --> 00:15:56,140 - How is that different? - I don't know, Charlie! Focus! 276 00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:58,904 There they are. Just relax, dude. 277 00:15:58,977 --> 00:16:01,002 He's hugging them. They're hugging him back! 278 00:16:01,079 --> 00:16:04,207 - This is crazy. We shouldn't do this. - We should bash all three. 279 00:16:04,282 --> 00:16:06,409 This is it. Let's go. You ready? Don't be a pussy. 280 00:16:06,485 --> 00:16:08,646 - Let's go. - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 281 00:16:17,362 --> 00:16:19,353 Oh. Hi. 282 00:16:19,431 --> 00:16:21,865 Hi. 283 00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:24,834 - Can I help you? - Can I help you? 284 00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:27,838 Can I help you? 285 00:16:27,906 --> 00:16:31,000 Can I help you? 286 00:16:32,377 --> 00:16:34,368 Uh, okay. 287 00:16:36,181 --> 00:16:39,878 Um... 288 00:16:43,221 --> 00:16:46,384 It's... It's okay. It's okay. 289 00:16:46,458 --> 00:16:48,449 I got it. 290 00:16:53,298 --> 00:16:55,391 Have a good night. 291 00:16:55,467 --> 00:16:58,300 What the hell was that shit? What did you do? 292 00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,770 - I freaked out. - You totally freaked out! You just left me... 293 00:17:00,839 --> 00:17:03,535 - I was gonna hit him. - You left me standing there. I took a picture of the guy. 294 00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:05,508 - Hey! - What? 295 00:17:05,577 --> 00:17:07,044 - Snap out of it! Okay? - Okay! Yes. 296 00:17:07,112 --> 00:17:09,478 - Now we got to think of something to tell Frank. - Okay. 297 00:17:09,548 --> 00:17:11,106 - Hey! Look at me. - Yeah? 298 00:17:11,182 --> 00:17:13,173 Ow! 299 00:17:16,821 --> 00:17:19,415 - Let's tell him the truth. - Let's tell him the truth. 300 00:17:21,593 --> 00:17:24,721 - Blood! Blood! There's so much blood! - What happened? 301 00:17:24,796 --> 00:17:27,196 - We bashed him good! - We bashed him so good! 302 00:17:27,265 --> 00:17:29,790 - We bashed him good! - I think we killed him. 303 00:17:29,868 --> 00:17:33,497 Drive! Drive! Drive! 304 00:17:37,509 --> 00:17:40,603 Jesus, children! This isn't exactly what Mommy needs right now. 305 00:17:40,679 --> 00:17:44,012 No. No, no, no. Mom, Bruce is so awesome. He... 306 00:17:44,082 --> 00:17:46,516 - We had the best time last night. - Bruce is the coolest. 307 00:17:46,585 --> 00:17:50,521 - We went to this lupus event last night. Lupus is awesome! - Amazing. 308 00:17:50,589 --> 00:17:54,252 - You should give Bruce another chance. - Barbara. 309 00:17:54,326 --> 00:17:59,286 - My God. You still look amazing. - Wow. 310 00:17:59,364 --> 00:18:02,697 The years have treated you well. 311 00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:06,601 I would have thought living in poverty for a quarter of a century... 312 00:18:06,671 --> 00:18:08,662 would have taken its toll. 313 00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:11,038 Well, when Father died, I was left with all that money. 314 00:18:11,109 --> 00:18:13,509 There's only so much you can give away before you finally realize... 315 00:18:13,578 --> 00:18:15,512 it's okay to spend a little on yourself. 316 00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:17,514 - On you. - Yeah, on me. 317 00:18:17,582 --> 00:18:22,110 Father? Wealthy? I never knew. 318 00:18:22,187 --> 00:18:25,281 I guess it never came up. So you guys ready? 319 00:18:25,357 --> 00:18:28,383 I am! I'm up for anything. 320 00:18:28,460 --> 00:18:31,623 Okay. But first things first. 321 00:18:34,866 --> 00:18:37,426 - Oh. - Yeah. Let's just put these on. 322 00:18:37,502 --> 00:18:40,801 One for you. One for me. 323 00:18:41,873 --> 00:18:43,864 Great. 324 00:18:43,942 --> 00:18:47,673 Okay, let's go spread somejoy. 325 00:18:49,247 --> 00:18:52,375 Right. Uh... 326 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,645 Ooh. Okay. Um, hey. 327 00:18:54,719 --> 00:18:57,153 Hey, pal. How... How you feeling? 328 00:18:57,222 --> 00:19:00,055 It hurts everywhere. 329 00:19:01,226 --> 00:19:05,356 - Well... - Well, it... Everything's gonna be okay. 330 00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:08,558 - You don't know that, Deandra. - Shut up, Mother. 331 00:19:08,633 --> 00:19:11,261 I don't think we should be lying to the sick children. 332 00:19:11,336 --> 00:19:14,897 - I was trying to be encouraging. - What if he doesn't get better? You're gonna look like a fool. 333 00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:18,431 I gotta say I agree with Dee. The kid's gonna die anyway. What difference does it make? 334 00:19:18,510 --> 00:19:20,410 I can hear you. 335 00:19:20,478 --> 00:19:23,311 Oh, you heard... Well, you know what? Disregard that. 336 00:19:23,381 --> 00:19:26,441 - Yeah. You know, we weren't even talking about you. - No. No. 337 00:19:26,518 --> 00:19:30,511 We were talking about your sick and dying friend in the next bed. 338 00:19:30,588 --> 00:19:34,080 Mother! What are you doing? 339 00:19:34,159 --> 00:19:35,922 - Nothing! - Oh, my God! 340 00:19:35,994 --> 00:19:39,259 - You can't steal the children's medication. - I'm not. 341 00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:41,298 - Let me see in your purse! Open your purse up! - Don't be ridiculous! 342 00:19:41,366 --> 00:19:42,856 - Really? - Everything okay over here? 343 00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:44,868 - Yes. - A slight glitch here. 344 00:19:44,936 --> 00:19:48,463 - Um, this is really kind of bumming me out here. - Yeah, this is not fun. 345 00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:52,101 Yes. I'm not exactly sure what it is we're trying to prove. 346 00:19:52,177 --> 00:19:56,113 We're not trying to prove anything. We're just helping the kids. 347 00:19:56,181 --> 00:19:58,581 - Who are we really helping? - Yeah? 348 00:19:58,650 --> 00:20:01,141 I'm not sure I understand what you mean. 349 00:20:01,219 --> 00:20:03,414 Well, listen, it's one thing to rock out, raise some cash. 350 00:20:03,488 --> 00:20:05,922 But it's a totally different thing to put our lives at risk. 351 00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:08,982 Oh, yeah. I mean, there's all these diseases floating around in here. 352 00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:11,654 Yes. I mean, how can we help anyone if we're all getting sick? 353 00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:14,324 - I mean, use your head. - Plus, it's freezing in here. 354 00:20:14,399 --> 00:20:16,765 You think you could talk to somebody about cranking the heat up a little? 355 00:20:16,835 --> 00:20:19,497 - This isn't good for us. - You're not serious? 356 00:20:19,571 --> 00:20:22,563 I don't think it's a lot to ask to have them turn the temperature up. 357 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,234 It's easy. You just push a button or, like, crank a thing over. 358 00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,369 - Are you guys getting hungry? - Oh, yes. 359 00:20:27,445 --> 00:20:29,379 - I am starving. - Yeah, I could eat. 360 00:20:29,447 --> 00:20:31,938 - Is there a cafeteria in the hospital? - No, come on. Gross. 361 00:20:32,016 --> 00:20:34,246 - I'm not eating in a hospital cafeteria. - That's a good point. 362 00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:38,153 Brucie, do you know a nice restaurant in the area? 363 00:20:42,994 --> 00:20:45,929 I'm gonna want those noses back. 364 00:20:45,997 --> 00:20:47,931 Please. Give it a rest with that martyr nonsense. 365 00:20:47,999 --> 00:20:51,127 - Yeah. Who is he? Patch Adams? - You know who never acts like he cares about kids? 366 00:20:51,202 --> 00:20:53,136 - Dad. - Dad. 367 00:20:53,271 --> 00:20:56,104 All right, buddy. Baking soda, lube, balloons. 368 00:20:56,174 --> 00:20:59,632 This is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna jam this into your rectum. 369 00:20:59,711 --> 00:21:02,839 And then, woo! Like that, it's gonna expand in your colon, okay? 370 00:21:02,914 --> 00:21:06,145 - It's gonna be that big? - Absolutely. You ready? Drop those pants. 371 00:21:06,217 --> 00:21:08,185 Hey, guys. What do you think? 372 00:21:08,253 --> 00:21:10,881 That's a good look. That's a good look for you. Where're you headed? 373 00:21:10,955 --> 00:21:13,048 I tell you what, I feel like a hundred dollars. 374 00:21:13,124 --> 00:21:18,960 Ever since you guys beat that guy up, I got to thinking. Hey, what am I gonna do? Huh? 375 00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:22,659 Dive into some kind of depression over this? No. 376 00:21:22,734 --> 00:21:24,929 I'm gonna jump right back on the horse. 377 00:21:25,003 --> 00:21:29,167 So I contacted that woman on MySpace who claimed that we had a one-night stand. 378 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,800 Turns out she's single and ready to go. 379 00:21:31,876 --> 00:21:33,810 - Give me some skin. - Good work. 380 00:21:33,878 --> 00:21:35,505 There you go, Frankie! 381 00:21:35,580 --> 00:21:38,140 - That might be her. Mac, get the door. - Let me clean this up. 382 00:21:38,216 --> 00:21:40,446 - Hide that balloon. - That's gonna kill your date. 383 00:21:42,020 --> 00:21:44,215 - Where's my dad? - So he's your dad now... 384 00:21:44,289 --> 00:21:46,484 - Get out of the way. - Daddy. 385 00:21:46,558 --> 00:21:50,494 Don't Daddy me. You blew your chances with this daddy. You're dead to me. 386 00:21:50,562 --> 00:21:52,962 - No. Just listen for a second here, okay? - No. No. 387 00:21:53,031 --> 00:21:55,659 We've had a change of heart. We've decided to forgive you... 388 00:21:55,733 --> 00:21:57,758 and to allow you to be our father again. 389 00:21:57,836 --> 00:22:00,828 I'm not into being your dad anymore. Don't want to be your dad. 390 00:22:00,905 --> 00:22:04,671 - Uh, kinda giving you a second chance here, Dad. - Daddy, yeah. 391 00:22:04,742 --> 00:22:06,972 - No. I'm over it. - You can't be over it. 392 00:22:07,045 --> 00:22:08,979 - No, no, no. - I'm over it. 393 00:22:09,047 --> 00:22:11,208 - He can be over it. - Will you shut up? What is with you two? 394 00:22:11,282 --> 00:22:14,251 - I am over over over it! - You're not allowed to be over it! 395 00:22:14,319 --> 00:22:17,584 I can yell at him! 396 00:22:17,655 --> 00:22:19,646 Shh. 397 00:22:20,692 --> 00:22:22,626 - Charlie? - Hey, Mom. 398 00:22:22,694 --> 00:22:24,389 What... What are you doing here? 399 00:22:24,462 --> 00:22:28,762 - I'm confused. Do you live here? - Yeah. 400 00:22:28,833 --> 00:22:32,701 - Bonnie? - Frank! 401 00:22:32,770 --> 00:22:36,001 How do you guys know each other? 402 00:22:36,074 --> 00:22:39,532 - This is my date. - Whoa! Wait a second. I thought... 403 00:22:39,611 --> 00:22:42,774 you were going on a date with a woman you had a one-night stand with 30 years ago. 404 00:22:42,847 --> 00:22:44,781 - Yeah. - Yeah. 405 00:22:44,849 --> 00:22:49,377 So if you guys had a one-night stand 30 years ago, and I don't... 406 00:22:49,454 --> 00:22:52,252 You know, I don't know who my... father... 407 00:22:52,323 --> 00:22:55,121 You could be my... 408 00:23:00,465 --> 00:23:02,831 Dad? 0 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,300