1
00:00:03,167 --> 00:00:05,635
Hey-o! What is up, bitches?
2
00:00:05,703 --> 00:00:08,763
I'm trying to revamp my
MySpace page, but Dennis keeps criticizing...
3
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,774
- every move that I make.
- What is that?
4
00:00:10,842 --> 00:00:13,606
- What in the hell is a MySpace page?
- It's, like, that friends forum.
5
00:00:13,678 --> 00:00:16,545
These things are pretty awesome.
You create a profile, put your picture on there...
6
00:00:16,614 --> 00:00:18,878
other people send you pictures
and want to be your friend.
7
00:00:18,950 --> 00:00:21,817
Oh. So that's the saddest thing
I've ever heard. You guys are losers.
8
00:00:21,886 --> 00:00:23,854
How are we losers, dude?
9
00:00:23,921 --> 00:00:27,118
Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy.
Computers are for losers.
10
00:00:27,191 --> 00:00:29,216
You're drinking a beer
at 8:00 in the morning.
11
00:00:29,293 --> 00:00:31,386
- Whatever, dude. Irrelevant.
- Holy shit!
12
00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:34,192
This guy's been trying to contact me
for, like, two weeks now...
13
00:00:34,265 --> 00:00:36,233
and I've just been
blowing him off.
14
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,768
- But he's saying that he's our dad.
- Awesome. Crazy person.
15
00:00:38,836 --> 00:00:42,135
- Let me see.
- No. Not awesome. Because look at the pictures he's sending.
16
00:00:42,206 --> 00:00:44,970
- Oh! Oh, look at that!
- See?
17
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:47,170
That's your mom, dude!
There's, like...
18
00:00:47,245 --> 00:00:49,679
There's, like, a ton of pictures
of this guy and your mom.
19
00:00:49,747 --> 00:00:52,375
Oh, you know what?
He does kind of look like you, Dennis.
20
00:00:52,450 --> 00:00:54,816
Don't jump to any conclusions here.
21
00:00:54,886 --> 00:00:57,753
This is bullshit! You guys have two dads,
and I don't even have one.
22
00:00:57,822 --> 00:00:59,756
Yeah! That is bullshit!
We don't even have one.
23
00:00:59,824 --> 00:01:01,758
Wh-What are you talking about?
You have a father.
24
00:01:01,826 --> 00:01:04,693
Yeah. But he's in prison.
He's been there my whole life. It doesn't count.
25
00:01:04,762 --> 00:01:06,696
That does count!
I never met my father!
26
00:01:06,764 --> 00:01:08,891
Take it easy, all right?
This guy's not our dad.
27
00:01:08,966 --> 00:01:10,991
I don't know.
This is really freaking me out.
28
00:01:11,069 --> 00:01:13,663
Look, Dee, this guy can't be our dad.
That's ridiculous.
29
00:01:13,738 --> 00:01:17,105
Is it? Is it any more ridiculous
than our dad having brown eyes...
30
00:01:17,175 --> 00:01:20,008
black hair and being 4'10"?
31
00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:06,108
This is really a nice place.
32
00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:09,245
It's about time you kids
show me some respect.
33
00:02:09,322 --> 00:02:11,256
It doesn't really have
anything to do with respect.
34
00:02:11,324 --> 00:02:14,157
We just wanted to take you to a fancy place
so that you would behave yourself.
35
00:02:14,227 --> 00:02:17,560
- Yeah, yeah.
- We need to talk to you about something, Dad.
36
00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:20,064
- Shoot.
- It's kind of disturbing.
37
00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:24,000
You two aren't banging, are you?
38
00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:26,504
- What?
- No! What are you talking about?
39
00:02:26,572 --> 00:02:28,938
- That's disgusting.
- Yeah. Yeah, it is.
40
00:02:29,008 --> 00:02:32,409
Stay away from that kind of thing.
No good can come of it. Trust me.
41
00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:35,675
- That's not what we're here to talk about.
- It better not be...
42
00:02:35,748 --> 00:02:37,875
because I don't want no...
grandkids.
43
00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:42,444
- I am not banging my sister.
- Jesus Christ! What have I walked into here?
44
00:02:42,522 --> 00:02:45,753
- Oh, my God.
- You two aren't having sex together?
45
00:02:45,825 --> 00:02:48,623
- No, we're not having sex together.
- What the hell is she doing here?
46
00:02:48,694 --> 00:02:52,630
- Sit down, please, Mom. Sit.
- I am not getting pulled into any sort of perverted sex talk.
47
00:02:52,698 --> 00:02:55,690
- It's not perverted.
- Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis.
48
00:02:55,768 --> 00:02:57,998
I am not banging my sister!
49
00:03:01,274 --> 00:03:03,435
God!
50
00:03:03,509 --> 00:03:06,910
- Can you just sit, please?
- Please sit in the chair. Please sit in the chair.
51
00:03:11,384 --> 00:03:15,013
- Frank.
- Barbara.
52
00:03:15,087 --> 00:03:19,490
Your turkey neck is looking
exceptionally attractive this evening.
53
00:03:19,559 --> 00:03:22,619
- You have turned into a retarded person.
- You're a retard.
54
00:03:22,695 --> 00:03:25,391
Can we use some adult language,
just for a couple minutes?
55
00:03:25,464 --> 00:03:29,491
Let's get to it. There's this guy Bruce
who contacted Dee on MySpace...
56
00:03:29,569 --> 00:03:31,560
and he's claiming to be
our biological father.
57
00:03:31,637 --> 00:03:34,663
We just wanted to ask
the question and just get it out of the way.
58
00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:36,674
Is there a chance that
that could be possible?
59
00:03:36,742 --> 00:03:38,676
- No.
- Yes.
60
00:03:38,744 --> 00:03:43,807
- What?
- Well, Bruce who? Bruce Mathis?
61
00:03:43,883 --> 00:03:47,080
- Yeah.
- Then, yes.
62
00:03:47,153 --> 00:03:51,055
- There's a chance this guy could be our father?
- No. Yes, he is your father.
63
00:03:51,123 --> 00:03:53,091
What the hell are you talking about?
64
00:03:53,159 --> 00:03:55,184
Do we really have to
get into all of this?
65
00:03:55,261 --> 00:03:57,889
- My God! Yes.
- Yes, we really have to get into all this!
66
00:03:57,964 --> 00:04:02,264
Everybody settle down.
It's not the end of the world.
67
00:04:02,335 --> 00:04:07,932
A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this
little affair, or whatever you want to call it.
68
00:04:08,007 --> 00:04:11,841
Long story short, he got me pregnant,
and I had to make a decision.
69
00:04:11,911 --> 00:04:15,347
Seeing as he had no money,
I decided that the best thing for everyone...
70
00:04:15,414 --> 00:04:19,612
was if I didn't tell Bruce and let your father
think that the twins were his.
71
00:04:19,685 --> 00:04:22,176
End of story.
72
00:04:22,255 --> 00:04:24,621
End of story?
73
00:04:24,690 --> 00:04:27,090
How could you do that?
74
00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:31,186
Oh, I'm sorry. Would you rather
I had them aborted?
75
00:04:31,264 --> 00:04:34,665
- Children, would you like to have been aborted?
- I can't believe this.
76
00:04:34,734 --> 00:04:37,532
I just can't believe this!
77
00:04:37,603 --> 00:04:39,537
- Okay, Dad. Keep your voice down.
- You whore!
78
00:04:39,605 --> 00:04:41,470
- Keep it down, okay?
- Please don't make a scene.
79
00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:43,474
- Don't make a scene.
- Sit back down.
80
00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:45,476
Oh, no! I'm not gonna make a scene!
81
00:04:45,544 --> 00:04:47,637
I was just told, excuse me...
82
00:04:47,713 --> 00:04:50,648
that my horrible, whore wife...
83
00:04:50,716 --> 00:04:53,742
has tricked me
into raising two bastards...
84
00:04:53,819 --> 00:04:57,619
for 30 years, and I'm being asked
to not make a scene!
85
00:04:57,690 --> 00:05:02,650
Whoa! Oh, excuse me?
Oh, did you bang my wife? Huh?
86
00:05:02,728 --> 00:05:04,662
Did you bang my whore wife?
87
00:05:04,730 --> 00:05:09,667
Does anybody here have any illegitimate
children with my whore wife...
88
00:05:09,735 --> 00:05:12,363
- that I should know about?
- Jesus, Frank!
89
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:14,372
Jesus! Jesus, Frank!
90
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:18,342
Jesus, Frank! Jesus, Frank!
Jesus, Frank!
91
00:05:18,411 --> 00:05:23,439
Jes... Oh! Jesus, Frank!
My life is a lie! My life is a lie!
92
00:05:23,516 --> 00:05:26,644
Somebody's got to get stabbed!
Somebody's got to get sta...
93
00:05:26,719 --> 00:05:29,654
- No...
- Sta... Sta...
94
00:05:34,093 --> 00:05:36,220
Let's get out of here.
95
00:05:39,598 --> 00:05:41,463
So, Dad.
96
00:05:41,534 --> 00:05:43,468
Kind of a funny story.
97
00:05:43,536 --> 00:05:46,903
Turns out my friends got some weird news
the other day about their biological father...
98
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:51,341
and it got me to thinking, uh, about maybe,
you know, reconnecting with mine.
99
00:05:53,179 --> 00:05:55,204
Uh-huh.
100
00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:59,308
And, you know,
Charlie never had a father.
101
00:05:59,385 --> 00:06:02,081
And, uh, I thought that
maybe the three of us...
102
00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,554
could all become, like...
like, friends or something.
103
00:06:04,623 --> 00:06:07,717
Really? Well, okay.
104
00:06:07,793 --> 00:06:10,853
I'll tell you what.
Maybe I got something for you.
105
00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:13,763
- It's a father-son type of thing, huh?
- Yeah.
106
00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:19,772
You see, I got a little business I been
running in here the last couple of years.
107
00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:23,536
I was thinking of expanding, and I'm
gonna need some people on the outside.
108
00:06:23,609 --> 00:06:28,637
Some really badass, tough guys.
109
00:06:28,714 --> 00:06:30,648
I like where you're going with this.
110
00:06:30,716 --> 00:06:34,447
I think you came to the right place.
111
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,387
What do you guys know about...
112
00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:41,051
smuggling heroin through your anus?
113
00:06:44,964 --> 00:06:47,524
You definitely look good.
That's not what I'm saying.
114
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,330
- I just think you need to tuck it in in the back.
- In the back?
115
00:06:50,403 --> 00:06:53,429
Yeah. You button the top button
and then they tuck it in in the back.
116
00:06:53,506 --> 00:06:55,440
- It is tucked in the back.
- Is it?
117
00:06:55,508 --> 00:06:57,442
- Is it bunchy?
- It's not bunchy.
118
00:06:57,510 --> 00:06:59,910
- Let me see. That's exactly it.
- How do I look?
119
00:06:59,979 --> 00:07:02,709
- That's gonna impress your dad, right?
- It is gonna impress my dad.
120
00:07:02,782 --> 00:07:05,808
You piece of shit!
You no-good piece of shit!
121
00:07:05,885 --> 00:07:08,046
Whoa, whoa, Frank!
What's going on in here? What happened?
122
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,647
- I had a minor stroke. No big deal.
- What's with the gun, dude?
123
00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:14,716
I'm trying to find the son of a bitch
who fathered my children.
124
00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:18,059
- What? By doing MySpace?
- Yeah. And I did everything they said to do.
125
00:07:18,130 --> 00:07:21,293
I put a picture, a profile.
The thing won't tell me where the bastard lives.
126
00:07:21,367 --> 00:07:23,130
Did you send him a friend request?
127
00:07:23,202 --> 00:07:26,467
I don't want to be his friend.
I want to shoot him in the face. Can you help me?
128
00:07:26,539 --> 00:07:29,872
- No. You...
- Yes, absolutely. But no killing.
129
00:07:29,942 --> 00:07:32,206
- Needs to be killed.
- Doesn't need to be killed.
130
00:07:32,278 --> 00:07:34,508
He could take a good ass whupping.
And we're down with that.
131
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,514
- Are you crazy?
- No, dude!
132
00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,516
- Give us one second here.
- Charlie.
133
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:41,382
This is our opportunity to prove to people
that we are to be respected.
134
00:07:41,454 --> 00:07:44,252
- No one is more respected than dudes in prison, right?
- Yeah.
135
00:07:44,323 --> 00:07:47,451
And what are dudes in prison?
136
00:07:47,526 --> 00:07:50,359
- Hard?
- Right. This is our chance to get hard.
137
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:53,057
Okay. I just don't know if this
is the best way to get hard.
138
00:07:53,132 --> 00:07:55,066
Of course it is.
This is totally hard.
139
00:07:55,134 --> 00:07:57,068
- You want to get hard, don't you?
- I want to get hard.
140
00:07:57,136 --> 00:07:59,934
- I want to get very, very hard.
- Do you want to shove heroin into your ass?
141
00:08:00,005 --> 00:08:01,939
I don't want to shove
anything in my ass.
142
00:08:02,007 --> 00:08:05,738
This is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard
we are and not shove anything into our asses!
143
00:08:05,811 --> 00:08:07,779
What in God's name
are you two talking about?
144
00:08:07,847 --> 00:08:10,509
- Frank, we're in.
- Great.
145
00:08:22,955 --> 00:08:25,617
Oh, God! This is so weird.
I'm really nervous.
146
00:08:25,691 --> 00:08:27,625
I really hope
he's not an asshole.
147
00:08:27,693 --> 00:08:29,627
I don't think I can handle
two asshole dads.
148
00:08:29,695 --> 00:08:32,255
Are these my beautiful children?
149
00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:37,625
I just... I can't believe what a miracle
this is after all these years.
150
00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:40,433
Oops.
151
00:08:40,506 --> 00:08:42,701
You know, I loved your mother
more than I can say.
152
00:08:42,775 --> 00:08:46,871
And I'm sure she had her reasons,
but she never told me.
153
00:08:46,946 --> 00:08:50,006
- Yeah. Well, this whole thing is very strange for all of us.
- Yeah.
154
00:08:50,082 --> 00:08:52,710
- We've got a lot to catch up on.
- Yeah. Tell us about yourself.
155
00:08:52,785 --> 00:08:54,912
- Yeah.
- Where to begin, uh...
156
00:08:54,987 --> 00:08:57,615
I met your mom here in,
uh... in Philadelphia.
157
00:08:57,690 --> 00:09:01,990
It was just before I shipped off
to Alaska with Greenpeace.
158
00:09:02,061 --> 00:09:05,258
- I do a lot of environmental
work and work with kids. - Mm-hmm.
159
00:09:05,331 --> 00:09:09,267
And we were in Alaska.
And then we went to Africa, to the Sudan.
160
00:09:09,335 --> 00:09:11,303
We... Here.
161
00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:14,635
This... This is my adopted family.
162
00:09:14,707 --> 00:09:16,641
- Oh.
- You adopted them?
163
00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:19,405
- Yup. In fact, um...
- Huh.
164
00:09:19,478 --> 00:09:22,845
Hello. Those are your brothers
and sisters.
165
00:09:24,050 --> 00:09:26,541
Your family just got
a little bigger today.
166
00:09:26,619 --> 00:09:28,849
- It sure... It sure did.
- You want to know their names?
167
00:09:28,921 --> 00:09:32,015
No. We'll do that later. We'll do that later
because it's... it's hard to remember.
168
00:09:32,091 --> 00:09:35,652
- Okay, thank you very much.
- And anything here, at all times, is yours.
169
00:09:35,728 --> 00:09:37,662
Anything in my life is yours.
170
00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:41,427
- These are cool speakers.
- Yep. They're yours. Take 'em. Take 'em.
171
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:44,196
- No, no. I was kidding.
- It was just a joke, I think.
172
00:09:44,270 --> 00:09:47,831
But if you want them, just...
Uh... Africa.
173
00:09:47,907 --> 00:09:49,932
- Yes. Yes, Africa.
- Right? Sudan.
174
00:09:50,009 --> 00:09:51,943
I went from the Sudan...
I was in Darfur.
175
00:09:52,011 --> 00:09:56,141
We had a water-purification program there.
So much work to be done there.
176
00:09:56,215 --> 00:10:00,151
And then I-I...
I spent a little time in Afghanistan.
177
00:10:00,219 --> 00:10:03,882
We were doing a literacy program for women
who were resisting the Taliban.
178
00:10:03,956 --> 00:10:07,414
Well, for better or worse,
I came back here a couple of years ago.
179
00:10:07,493 --> 00:10:10,485
And I think it was for better,
'cause I'm doing this work...
180
00:10:10,563 --> 00:10:14,932
uh, starting some programs for Sacred Cross
Hospital, which I think is very promising.
181
00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:19,028
And... ah!
My story is boring. L...
182
00:10:19,105 --> 00:10:21,164
What about you?
What are your passions?
183
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,208
You know, what are you doing
with your lives?
184
00:10:23,276 --> 00:10:25,335
There's been a lot of...
185
00:10:25,411 --> 00:10:29,006
- Oh, so many things we do.
- Phases.
186
00:10:29,081 --> 00:10:31,311
- Oh, God. Where do you begin?
- Yeah.
187
00:10:31,384 --> 00:10:33,443
- Something like...
- I know. I know. It's...
188
00:10:33,519 --> 00:10:35,680
- A lot of different...
- Chapters.
189
00:10:35,755 --> 00:10:38,121
- Kinds of... kinds of things.
- I want to hear anyth...
190
00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:42,889
- Just tell me chapter one.
- Well, a lot of this kind of stuff, right here.
191
00:10:42,962 --> 00:10:44,896
- Yeah.
- These guys.
192
00:10:44,964 --> 00:10:46,932
- A lot of...
- These guys are important to us.
193
00:10:46,999 --> 00:10:50,594
I guess the apple doesn't
fall far from the tree.
194
00:10:53,239 --> 00:10:55,605
Son of a piece of shit!
195
00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:57,666
Hey, you gotta relax there, Frank.
196
00:10:57,743 --> 00:10:59,677
Seriously, bro.
You're gonna have another stroke.
197
00:10:59,745 --> 00:11:03,772
He won't make me his friend. How am I gonna
find him if he won't make me his friend?
198
00:11:03,849 --> 00:11:06,181
- Be patient. It's a process.
- Yeah, bro. Come on.
199
00:11:06,252 --> 00:11:08,220
It's been days.
I got no friends.
200
00:11:08,287 --> 00:11:12,280
- Stop saying that. You have friends.
- I got you. I got this guy Tom.
201
00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:16,021
And that crazy woman who claims
we had a one-night stand 30 years ago.
202
00:11:16,095 --> 00:11:19,087
Right, yeah. Tom doesn't really count though.
He kind of, like, comes with it.
203
00:11:19,165 --> 00:11:21,929
Screw this! I'm gonna just follow
Dennis and Dee around.
204
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:24,367
Sooner or later,
they're gonna bump into this bastard.
205
00:11:24,437 --> 00:11:27,873
And we're gonna just jump him and beat him
over the head with a baseball bat!
206
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:30,408
Frank, come on.
They're gonna see that coming a mile away.
207
00:11:30,476 --> 00:11:33,309
- Man, we need to be more devious, more cunning!
- Uh, that's not very hard.
208
00:11:33,379 --> 00:11:35,313
That's some weak ass-buster shit, bro.
209
00:11:35,381 --> 00:11:39,579
This bastard destroyed my lineage.
He must be smashed.
210
00:11:39,652 --> 00:11:42,917
We're gonna smash him, friend.
We're gonna smash him good. We know people.
211
00:11:42,989 --> 00:11:46,755
Look, Frank, uh, we know a guy
on the inside we can talk to.
212
00:11:46,826 --> 00:11:49,920
He might be willing to help us
out with the situation here.
213
00:11:53,199 --> 00:11:55,258
You guys are fast.
I'm proud of you.
214
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:59,703
- Thanks, Dad.
- Okay. Now, here's how it's gonna work.
215
00:11:59,772 --> 00:12:02,832
I'll have a guy meet you in the bathroom
in about 10 minutes.
216
00:12:02,908 --> 00:12:07,902
Now he doesn't mind sifting through the feces,
so don't hold back.
217
00:12:07,980 --> 00:12:10,915
Uh, yeah, here's the thing
about that, Dad.
218
00:12:10,983 --> 00:12:13,543
We don't have anything
in our butts.
219
00:12:13,619 --> 00:12:16,053
No. We don't have anything in our butts.
We're working on that.
220
00:12:16,122 --> 00:12:19,285
- But we're still hard.
- Yeah. Oh, you should see how hard we're getting.
221
00:12:19,358 --> 00:12:22,020
Oh, we are getting so hard.
It's, like... Whew!
222
00:12:22,094 --> 00:12:24,585
- We actually came by 'cause we need your help.
- Yeah.
223
00:12:24,663 --> 00:12:27,325
Let me get this straight.
224
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:32,337
You come to me empty-handed
and you want my help?
225
00:12:32,405 --> 00:12:35,101
Yeah. And, look, we are really,
really sorry about that, Dad.
226
00:12:35,174 --> 00:12:39,702
But if you could give us some advice
on how to handle a certain situation...
227
00:12:39,779 --> 00:12:42,407
then we promise we will come back
with our butts filled.
228
00:12:42,481 --> 00:12:44,608
Oh, so filled.
So filled for you.
229
00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:48,779
We need to find our friends' father
so that we can give him a serious beating.
230
00:12:48,854 --> 00:12:50,947
Oh, we're gonna kick the crap
out of this guy.
231
00:12:51,023 --> 00:12:53,218
And check it out.
We can't find him.
232
00:12:53,292 --> 00:12:57,922
All right. All right. Why don't you just
follow your friends around for a while?
233
00:12:57,997 --> 00:13:00,557
They're bound to contact him
at some point.
234
00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:04,125
When they do, just jump him.
235
00:13:04,203 --> 00:13:06,728
Beat him with a baseball bat.
236
00:13:07,807 --> 00:13:09,741
- That's pretty badass.
- That could work.
237
00:13:09,809 --> 00:13:13,438
Now, you listen to me.
Do not come back here...
238
00:13:13,512 --> 00:13:16,504
without anything up those asses!
239
00:13:18,050 --> 00:13:20,041
Okay?
240
00:13:21,187 --> 00:13:24,323
Okay.
241
00:13:42,274 --> 00:13:44,799
Thank you! Thank you.
Thank you, Philadelphia.
242
00:13:44,876 --> 00:13:49,176
TheJuvenile Lupus Association thanks you,
and the children thank you.
243
00:13:49,247 --> 00:13:53,479
- Oh, saving the kids, huh?
- Yeah, I guess.
244
00:13:53,552 --> 00:13:57,044
Those little angels,
they're the future.
245
00:13:57,122 --> 00:14:00,216
That's my dad up there.
He put this whole shindig together.
246
00:14:00,292 --> 00:14:02,226
- Really?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
247
00:14:02,294 --> 00:14:04,353
Well, I mean, I helped, of course.
248
00:14:04,429 --> 00:14:07,887
I mean, this whole lupus nightmare
has gone on long enough...
249
00:14:07,966 --> 00:14:10,628
- you know?
- Yeah.
250
00:14:10,702 --> 00:14:13,102
Ladies and gentlemen,
sometimes a father has the privilege...
251
00:14:13,171 --> 00:14:15,139
of playing a little music
with his daughter.
252
00:14:15,207 --> 00:14:19,439
Would you please welcome
Deandra Reynolds?
253
00:14:30,789 --> 00:14:33,656
Juvenile Lupus Association.
What a bunch of bullshit.
254
00:14:33,725 --> 00:14:36,489
- Mac, I got one question for you.
- What?
255
00:14:36,561 --> 00:14:39,359
- What's the plan again?
- Are you kidding me?
256
00:14:39,431 --> 00:14:41,422
I swear, Charlie,
you're, like, a retard.
257
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:44,628
What we're gonna do is we're gonna
bash him with the bat when he comes out.
258
00:14:44,703 --> 00:14:47,263
- You want to huff some of this glue with me?
- No! Put the glue away!
259
00:14:47,339 --> 00:14:49,273
- Please. Huff a little with me, dude.
- All right, fine.
260
00:14:49,341 --> 00:14:51,275
- Fine!
- We just need to keep an edge.
261
00:14:51,343 --> 00:14:53,277
We got to stay hard, dude,
because you can't do it if...
262
00:14:53,345 --> 00:14:55,404
This is Elmer's glue,
for Christ sakes, Charlie!
263
00:15:14,499 --> 00:15:16,524
- Do you have the camera?
- Yeah, I got the camera!
264
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:19,399
- I just don't know what it's for, Mac!
- I'm gonna bash you with this!
265
00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:21,405
When he comes out,
I'm gonna smash his face.
266
00:15:21,473 --> 00:15:23,407
You're gonna take a picture.
We're gonna show it to my dad...
267
00:15:23,475 --> 00:15:25,306
- Show it to your dad.
- To prove how hard we are!
268
00:15:39,357 --> 00:15:41,291
Whoo!
269
00:15:41,359 --> 00:15:43,827
- Oww!
- Whoo!
270
00:15:43,895 --> 00:15:45,829
No, dude. We shouldn't do this.
I'm backing out.
271
00:15:45,897 --> 00:15:47,831
You can't back out.
Frank is waiting in the car.
272
00:15:47,899 --> 00:15:50,390
- He's gonna be pissed if we don't finish the job.
- Let Frank wait in the car.
273
00:15:50,469 --> 00:15:52,460
We owe this to him.
This guy banged Frank's wife.
274
00:15:52,537 --> 00:15:54,129
- So did you.
- Yeah, but it's different.
275
00:15:54,206 --> 00:15:56,140
- How is that different?
- I don't know, Charlie! Focus!
276
00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:58,904
There they are.
Just relax, dude.
277
00:15:58,977 --> 00:16:01,002
He's hugging them.
They're hugging him back!
278
00:16:01,079 --> 00:16:04,207
- This is crazy. We shouldn't do this.
- We should bash all three.
279
00:16:04,282 --> 00:16:06,409
This is it. Let's go.
You ready? Don't be a pussy.
280
00:16:06,485 --> 00:16:08,646
- Let's go.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
281
00:16:17,362 --> 00:16:19,353
Oh. Hi.
282
00:16:19,431 --> 00:16:21,865
Hi.
283
00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:24,834
- Can I help you?
- Can I help you?
284
00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:27,838
Can I help you?
285
00:16:27,906 --> 00:16:31,000
Can I help you?
286
00:16:32,377 --> 00:16:34,368
Uh, okay.
287
00:16:36,181 --> 00:16:39,878
Um...
288
00:16:43,221 --> 00:16:46,384
It's... It's okay. It's okay.
289
00:16:46,458 --> 00:16:48,449
I got it.
290
00:16:53,298 --> 00:16:55,391
Have a good night.
291
00:16:55,467 --> 00:16:58,300
What the hell was that shit?
What did you do?
292
00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,770
- I freaked out.
- You totally freaked out! You just left me...
293
00:17:00,839 --> 00:17:03,535
- I was gonna hit him.
- You left me standing there. I took a picture of the guy.
294
00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:05,508
- Hey!
- What?
295
00:17:05,577 --> 00:17:07,044
- Snap out of it! Okay?
- Okay! Yes.
296
00:17:07,112 --> 00:17:09,478
- Now we got to think of something to tell Frank.
- Okay.
297
00:17:09,548 --> 00:17:11,106
- Hey! Look at me.
- Yeah?
298
00:17:11,182 --> 00:17:13,173
Ow!
299
00:17:16,821 --> 00:17:19,415
- Let's tell him the truth.
- Let's tell him the truth.
300
00:17:21,593 --> 00:17:24,721
- Blood! Blood! There's so much blood!
- What happened?
301
00:17:24,796 --> 00:17:27,196
- We bashed him good!
- We bashed him so good!
302
00:17:27,265 --> 00:17:29,790
- We bashed him good!
- I think we killed him.
303
00:17:29,868 --> 00:17:33,497
Drive! Drive! Drive!
304
00:17:37,509 --> 00:17:40,603
Jesus, children! This isn't exactly
what Mommy needs right now.
305
00:17:40,679 --> 00:17:44,012
No. No, no, no.
Mom, Bruce is so awesome. He...
306
00:17:44,082 --> 00:17:46,516
- We had the best time last night.
- Bruce is the coolest.
307
00:17:46,585 --> 00:17:50,521
- We went to this lupus event last night. Lupus is awesome!
- Amazing.
308
00:17:50,589 --> 00:17:54,252
- You should give Bruce another chance.
- Barbara.
309
00:17:54,326 --> 00:17:59,286
- My God. You still look amazing.
- Wow.
310
00:17:59,364 --> 00:18:02,697
The years have treated you well.
311
00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:06,601
I would have thought living in poverty
for a quarter of a century...
312
00:18:06,671 --> 00:18:08,662
would have taken its toll.
313
00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:11,038
Well, when Father died,
I was left with all that money.
314
00:18:11,109 --> 00:18:13,509
There's only so much you can give away
before you finally realize...
315
00:18:13,578 --> 00:18:15,512
it's okay to spend
a little on yourself.
316
00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:17,514
- On you.
- Yeah, on me.
317
00:18:17,582 --> 00:18:22,110
Father? Wealthy?
I never knew.
318
00:18:22,187 --> 00:18:25,281
I guess it never came up.
So you guys ready?
319
00:18:25,357 --> 00:18:28,383
I am!
I'm up for anything.
320
00:18:28,460 --> 00:18:31,623
Okay. But first things first.
321
00:18:34,866 --> 00:18:37,426
- Oh.
- Yeah. Let's just put these on.
322
00:18:37,502 --> 00:18:40,801
One for you.
One for me.
323
00:18:41,873 --> 00:18:43,864
Great.
324
00:18:43,942 --> 00:18:47,673
Okay, let's go spread somejoy.
325
00:18:49,247 --> 00:18:52,375
Right. Uh...
326
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,645
Ooh. Okay. Um, hey.
327
00:18:54,719 --> 00:18:57,153
Hey, pal.
How... How you feeling?
328
00:18:57,222 --> 00:19:00,055
It hurts everywhere.
329
00:19:01,226 --> 00:19:05,356
- Well...
- Well, it... Everything's gonna be okay.
330
00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:08,558
- You don't know that, Deandra.
- Shut up, Mother.
331
00:19:08,633 --> 00:19:11,261
I don't think we should be
lying to the sick children.
332
00:19:11,336 --> 00:19:14,897
- I was trying to be encouraging.
- What if he doesn't get better? You're gonna look like a fool.
333
00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:18,431
I gotta say I agree with Dee. The kid's gonna
die anyway. What difference does it make?
334
00:19:18,510 --> 00:19:20,410
I can hear you.
335
00:19:20,478 --> 00:19:23,311
Oh, you heard...
Well, you know what? Disregard that.
336
00:19:23,381 --> 00:19:26,441
- Yeah. You know, we weren't even talking about you.
- No. No.
337
00:19:26,518 --> 00:19:30,511
We were talking about your sick
and dying friend in the next bed.
338
00:19:30,588 --> 00:19:34,080
Mother! What are you doing?
339
00:19:34,159 --> 00:19:35,922
- Nothing!
- Oh, my God!
340
00:19:35,994 --> 00:19:39,259
- You can't steal the children's medication.
- I'm not.
341
00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:41,298
- Let me see in your purse! Open your purse up!
- Don't be ridiculous!
342
00:19:41,366 --> 00:19:42,856
- Really?
- Everything okay over here?
343
00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:44,868
- Yes.
- A slight glitch here.
344
00:19:44,936 --> 00:19:48,463
- Um, this is really kind of bumming me out here.
- Yeah, this is not fun.
345
00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:52,101
Yes. I'm not exactly sure
what it is we're trying to prove.
346
00:19:52,177 --> 00:19:56,113
We're not trying to prove anything.
We're just helping the kids.
347
00:19:56,181 --> 00:19:58,581
- Who are we really helping?
- Yeah?
348
00:19:58,650 --> 00:20:01,141
I'm not sure I understand
what you mean.
349
00:20:01,219 --> 00:20:03,414
Well, listen, it's one thing to rock out,
raise some cash.
350
00:20:03,488 --> 00:20:05,922
But it's a totally different
thing to put our lives at risk.
351
00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:08,982
Oh, yeah. I mean, there's all these diseases
floating around in here.
352
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:11,654
Yes. I mean, how can we help anyone
if we're all getting sick?
353
00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:14,324
- I mean, use your head.
- Plus, it's freezing in here.
354
00:20:14,399 --> 00:20:16,765
You think you could talk to somebody
about cranking the heat up a little?
355
00:20:16,835 --> 00:20:19,497
- This isn't good for us.
- You're not serious?
356
00:20:19,571 --> 00:20:22,563
I don't think it's a lot to ask to have them
turn the temperature up.
357
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,234
It's easy. You just push a button
or, like, crank a thing over.
358
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,369
- Are you guys getting hungry?
- Oh, yes.
359
00:20:27,445 --> 00:20:29,379
- I am starving.
- Yeah, I could eat.
360
00:20:29,447 --> 00:20:31,938
- Is there a cafeteria in the hospital?
- No, come on. Gross.
361
00:20:32,016 --> 00:20:34,246
- I'm not eating in a hospital cafeteria.
- That's a good point.
362
00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:38,153
Brucie, do you know
a nice restaurant in the area?
363
00:20:42,994 --> 00:20:45,929
I'm gonna want those noses back.
364
00:20:45,997 --> 00:20:47,931
Please. Give it a rest
with that martyr nonsense.
365
00:20:47,999 --> 00:20:51,127
- Yeah. Who is he? Patch Adams?
- You know who never acts like he cares about kids?
366
00:20:51,202 --> 00:20:53,136
- Dad.
- Dad.
367
00:20:53,271 --> 00:20:56,104
All right, buddy.
Baking soda, lube, balloons.
368
00:20:56,174 --> 00:20:59,632
This is how it's gonna go.
I'm gonna jam this into your rectum.
369
00:20:59,711 --> 00:21:02,839
And then, woo! Like that,
it's gonna expand in your colon, okay?
370
00:21:02,914 --> 00:21:06,145
- It's gonna be that big?
- Absolutely. You ready? Drop those pants.
371
00:21:06,217 --> 00:21:08,185
Hey, guys. What do you think?
372
00:21:08,253 --> 00:21:10,881
That's a good look. That's a good look for you.
Where're you headed?
373
00:21:10,955 --> 00:21:13,048
I tell you what,
I feel like a hundred dollars.
374
00:21:13,124 --> 00:21:18,960
Ever since you guys beat that guy up, I got
to thinking. Hey, what am I gonna do? Huh?
375
00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:22,659
Dive into some kind
of depression over this? No.
376
00:21:22,734 --> 00:21:24,929
I'm gonna jump
right back on the horse.
377
00:21:25,003 --> 00:21:29,167
So I contacted that woman on MySpace
who claimed that we had a one-night stand.
378
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,800
Turns out she's single
and ready to go.
379
00:21:31,876 --> 00:21:33,810
- Give me some skin.
- Good work.
380
00:21:33,878 --> 00:21:35,505
There you go, Frankie!
381
00:21:35,580 --> 00:21:38,140
- That might be her. Mac, get the door.
- Let me clean this up.
382
00:21:38,216 --> 00:21:40,446
- Hide that balloon.
- That's gonna kill your date.
383
00:21:42,020 --> 00:21:44,215
- Where's my dad?
- So he's your dad now...
384
00:21:44,289 --> 00:21:46,484
- Get out of the way.
- Daddy.
385
00:21:46,558 --> 00:21:50,494
Don't Daddy me. You blew your chances
with this daddy. You're dead to me.
386
00:21:50,562 --> 00:21:52,962
- No. Just listen for a second here, okay?
- No. No.
387
00:21:53,031 --> 00:21:55,659
We've had a change of heart.
We've decided to forgive you...
388
00:21:55,733 --> 00:21:57,758
and to allow you
to be our father again.
389
00:21:57,836 --> 00:22:00,828
I'm not into being your dad anymore.
Don't want to be your dad.
390
00:22:00,905 --> 00:22:04,671
- Uh, kinda giving you a second chance here, Dad.
- Daddy, yeah.
391
00:22:04,742 --> 00:22:06,972
- No. I'm over it.
- You can't be over it.
392
00:22:07,045 --> 00:22:08,979
- No, no, no.
- I'm over it.
393
00:22:09,047 --> 00:22:11,208
- He can be over it.
- Will you shut up? What is with you two?
394
00:22:11,282 --> 00:22:14,251
- I am over over over it!
- You're not allowed to be over it!
395
00:22:14,319 --> 00:22:17,584
I can yell at him!
396
00:22:17,655 --> 00:22:19,646
Shh.
397
00:22:20,692 --> 00:22:22,626
- Charlie?
- Hey, Mom.
398
00:22:22,694 --> 00:22:24,389
What... What are you doing here?
399
00:22:24,462 --> 00:22:28,762
- I'm confused. Do you live here?
- Yeah.
400
00:22:28,833 --> 00:22:32,701
- Bonnie?
- Frank!
401
00:22:32,770 --> 00:22:36,001
How do you guys know each other?
402
00:22:36,074 --> 00:22:39,532
- This is my date.
- Whoa! Wait a second. I thought...
403
00:22:39,611 --> 00:22:42,774
you were going on a date with a woman
you had a one-night stand with 30 years ago.
404
00:22:42,847 --> 00:22:44,781
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
405
00:22:44,849 --> 00:22:49,377
So if you guys had a one-night stand
30 years ago, and I don't...
406
00:22:49,454 --> 00:22:52,252
You know, I don't
know who my... father...
407
00:22:52,323 --> 00:22:55,121
You could be my...
408
00:23:00,465 --> 00:23:02,831
Dad?
0
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,300