1
00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:13,260
CHARLIE:
Get the stew right up
2
00:00:13,293 --> 00:00:15,097
‐under her nose.
‐MAC: Okay. Okay.
3
00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:16,432
CHARLIE:
And let if waft up in..
4
00:00:16,466 --> 00:00:17,536
MAC:
She keeps moving..
5
00:00:17,569 --> 00:00:18,470
and her hair keeps getting
in the stew.
6
00:00:18,504 --> 00:00:20,374
DENNIS:
Guys, hey, guys, guys.
7
00:00:20,407 --> 00:00:21,242
You can stop.
8
00:00:21,276 --> 00:00:23,514
Stew has never
woken anyone up, ever.
9
00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:24,683
FRANK:
Here, give me‐give me stew.
10
00:00:24,716 --> 00:00:26,486
‐I'll eat it.
‐CHARLIE: All right, fine.
11
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:27,689
But I feel like the stew...
No, see?
12
00:00:27,722 --> 00:00:29,392
It's... Oh, it worked!
Here she comes!
13
00:00:29,425 --> 00:00:30,728
‐Oh!
‐Hey, Dee!
14
00:00:30,762 --> 00:00:33,233
‐Don't worry, Dee...
‐Hi, Dee. Was it the stew
that woke you up?
15
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,335
Ow. What happened?
16
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,270
Oh, don't worry.
17
00:00:35,304 --> 00:00:37,576
We're, uh, safe and sound
in Patty's Pub.
18
00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:39,580
What? We're back home?
19
00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:40,615
‐Oh, no, no, no.
‐No.
20
00:00:40,648 --> 00:00:42,586
‐It's, uh "Patty's" with a T.
‐CHARLIE: Yeah.
21
00:00:42,619 --> 00:00:44,422
‐P‐A‐T‐T‐Y.
‐What is going on?
22
00:00:44,455 --> 00:00:46,492
What‐what time is it?
What day is it?
23
00:00:46,527 --> 00:00:47,562
Wait, did I miss the thing?
24
00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,633
‐What thing? Oh, the show?
‐Uh, the acting thing?
25
00:00:49,666 --> 00:00:50,735
‐Oh, yeah, you missed it.
‐Oh, oh, no.
26
00:00:50,768 --> 00:00:52,572
‐No.
‐Did you still want to do that?
27
00:00:52,606 --> 00:00:54,509
‐You still want to do...
That's not gonna happen.
‐Oh, no!
28
00:00:54,543 --> 00:00:55,511
Oh, goddamn you.
29
00:00:55,545 --> 00:00:57,481
You're not gonna be able to walk
back to the city
30
00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:58,551
'cause we're way out in the...
31
00:00:58,584 --> 00:01:00,555
(birds chirping)
32
00:01:00,588 --> 00:01:02,559
(Christopher Beaty's
"Pot of Gold" playing)
33
00:01:02,592 --> 00:01:05,330
What? No!
34
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:09,372
Oh, goddamn it!
35
00:01:13,313 --> 00:01:14,282
♪ Hey! ♪
36
00:01:14,315 --> 00:01:16,352
♪ ♪
37
00:01:35,792 --> 00:01:37,829
I cannot believe you guys
did this to me.
38
00:01:37,862 --> 00:01:40,501
Dee, can you please be grateful
about this experience?
39
00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:42,639
I mean, take it in, will you?
Uh, here we are.
40
00:01:42,672 --> 00:01:44,576
We're‐we're in
this charming little pub.
41
00:01:44,610 --> 00:01:47,247
You can smell fresh peat grass
burning in the fireplace.
42
00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:48,618
You know, well,
along with the, uh,
43
00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:49,753
the evidence of Frank's
involvement
44
00:01:49,786 --> 00:01:51,890
‐in a sex trafficking ring.
‐Alleged.
45
00:01:51,924 --> 00:01:53,761
DENNIS:
Yeah, Dee, look,
you got to embrace this.
46
00:01:53,794 --> 00:01:55,497
You know?
All you're doing is complaining.
47
00:01:55,531 --> 00:01:58,236
This place is amazing.
(coughing)
48
00:01:58,269 --> 00:01:59,305
With the exception
of all the sheep wool.
49
00:01:59,338 --> 00:02:00,842
Is that bothering anybody else?
50
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:02,746
No, because we don't have COVID
like you do.
51
00:02:02,779 --> 00:02:04,850
‐You're sick.
‐No, I don't have COVID.
52
00:02:04,883 --> 00:02:06,319
Even the beer here sucks.
53
00:02:06,352 --> 00:02:07,388
Will you look at this?
It's all foam.
54
00:02:07,421 --> 00:02:09,392
What are you doing?
55
00:02:09,425 --> 00:02:11,597
Oh. Sorry.
56
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:12,732
We‐we run our own bar,
57
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,703
‐so I forget and sometimes
I serve myself.
‐Huh.
58
00:02:14,736 --> 00:02:16,005
‐I'm just gonna squeak by you.
‐Hmm.
59
00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:18,376
Actually, while I got you here,
pal, can I ask you a question?
60
00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:20,147
Do you know a fella
in this town,
61
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:21,750
goes by the name
of Shelley Kelly?
62
00:02:21,784 --> 00:02:22,852
Yeah, everybody knows him.
63
00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:25,424
He's the, uh, local,
uh, cheesemonger.
64
00:02:25,457 --> 00:02:26,694
Oh...
65
00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:29,298
H‐He's the, uh...
cheese mongrel. Wow.
66
00:02:29,332 --> 00:02:30,702
I did not know he was a mongrel.
67
00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:31,770
Um, how severe is it?
68
00:02:31,804 --> 00:02:33,941
Can‐can he walk?
Does he drool, or...
69
00:02:33,974 --> 00:02:36,613
‐Monger, Charlie. Cheesemonger.
‐FRANK: Cheesemonger.
70
00:02:36,647 --> 00:02:38,416
Mon... Cheese...
Why are you saying it that way?
71
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,621
Is he a mongrel or a monster?
That's all I want to know.
72
00:02:40,655 --> 00:02:42,692
‐I wonder if he's cute.
‐Who?
73
00:02:42,726 --> 00:02:43,894
Your brother,
the cheese monster.
74
00:02:43,928 --> 00:02:45,631
Do not have sex
with my brother, Mac.
75
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,602
You know,
when I was Irish first,
76
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,840
then I‐then I wanted to
find out what my heritage was.
77
00:02:49,873 --> 00:02:52,712
But now that I'm gay first,
and that's my identity,
78
00:02:52,746 --> 00:02:54,916
then maybe I should just
be plowing a bunch of dudes,
79
00:02:54,950 --> 00:02:57,221
‐and‐and maybe a bunch of
cheese monsters. I don't know.
‐Aw, come on, man.
80
00:02:57,254 --> 00:02:58,891
‐Stop! Would you just...
‐There's gay or badass.
‐CHARLIE: Let it go, Mac!
81
00:02:58,924 --> 00:03:01,262
You need to shut up, okay?
82
00:03:01,295 --> 00:03:02,431
Identity doesn't have to factor
83
00:03:02,464 --> 00:03:04,636
into absolutely
every decision you make.
84
00:03:04,669 --> 00:03:06,439
All right? If a man wants
to stand, he doesn't go,
85
00:03:06,472 --> 00:03:07,742
"Uh, uh, what would
a Dutchman do?
86
00:03:07,776 --> 00:03:09,579
Would a Dutchman stand?" Okay?
87
00:03:09,613 --> 00:03:11,617
And if‐if an Italian wants
to eat a sandwich,
88
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,453
he doesn't go, "I have to eat
plates of spaghetti
89
00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:14,288
because I'm an Italian."
90
00:03:14,321 --> 00:03:16,827
He just eats
the goddamn sandwich.
91
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:18,496
Okay? Oh, you fool.
92
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,802
If you want to go out and bang
every single guy in Ireland,
93
00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:22,337
just go bang every guy
in Ireland
94
00:03:22,371 --> 00:03:24,341
and forget what your identity
has to do with it.
95
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:25,912
Or you could just find one guy,
96
00:03:25,945 --> 00:03:27,448
fall in love,
get in a relationship
97
00:03:27,481 --> 00:03:28,383
and shut the hell up about it.
98
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,454
‐Please stop doing that.
‐Oh, come on, man!
99
00:03:30,487 --> 00:03:33,561
If I got to stop mid‐rant every
time I want to order a beer,
100
00:03:33,594 --> 00:03:35,363
i‐it's gonna interrupt my flow.
101
00:03:35,397 --> 00:03:37,468
Right? Why don't you just keep
track of what we're drinking
102
00:03:37,502 --> 00:03:39,238
and charge it to
our individual rooms.
103
00:03:39,271 --> 00:03:40,742
Oh, there's only one room.
104
00:03:40,775 --> 00:03:41,610
‐Hmm?
‐BARTENDER: Yeah.
105
00:03:41,643 --> 00:03:43,948
One room? Wha...
How's that gonna work?
106
00:03:43,981 --> 00:03:45,885
‐Nah, that's good.
‐That's good?
107
00:03:45,918 --> 00:03:47,622
All of us crammed in
one wool‐infested room‐‐
108
00:03:47,655 --> 00:03:48,591
that sounds good to you?
109
00:03:48,624 --> 00:03:50,928
You want an authentic
European experience.
110
00:03:50,962 --> 00:03:52,264
‐That's what it is.
‐Well, no, that...
111
00:03:52,297 --> 00:03:53,199
That's too authentic, okay?
112
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,270
I'm not‐I'm not...
I'm not staying here.
113
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,507
I'm gonna rent a castle.
114
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,611
‐(coughing)
‐Well, wait for me.
I'm not staying, either.
115
00:03:58,644 --> 00:04:00,648
I'll tell you what, I'm not
paying for this beer, okay?
116
00:04:00,681 --> 00:04:02,886
'Cause you can barely swallow
this sludge.
117
00:04:06,058 --> 00:04:08,998
♪ ♪
118
00:04:13,339 --> 00:04:15,545
‐(coughing)
‐Oh, oh, Dennis, hey.
119
00:04:15,578 --> 00:04:17,448
You should let me do
the talking in there, okay?
120
00:04:17,481 --> 00:04:19,452
‐(scoffs) Why?
‐Why?
121
00:04:19,485 --> 00:04:20,555
'Cause if you cough in there,
they're not gonna rent us
122
00:04:20,588 --> 00:04:22,592
the castle 'cause they're
gonna know you have COVID.
123
00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:24,462
Dee, you bitch.
I don't have COVID.
124
00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:26,399
Okay? I'm not gonna
cough in there.
125
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,470
You‐you think I can't
pinch off a cough?
126
00:04:28,504 --> 00:04:29,973
I will do the talking.
127
00:04:32,912 --> 00:04:34,281
(entry alert beeps)
128
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,319
Oh. (clears throat)
Hi there.
129
00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:37,989
‐(door closes)
‐Beautiful day, isn't it? Huh?
130
00:04:38,022 --> 00:04:39,158
G‐Grand, as you say.
131
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:42,464
(chuckles) I think what they say
is, "Top o' the mornin'."
132
00:04:42,498 --> 00:04:43,601
Ah, that's a stereotype. Yeah.
133
00:04:43,634 --> 00:04:46,640
Excuse my sister, she's, uh,
not very good at talking.
134
00:04:46,673 --> 00:04:50,882
Um, so we're actually here
looking f... (retching)
135
00:04:52,384 --> 00:04:54,088
‐(coughs)
‐Uh‐oh.
136
00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:55,490
Oh, gosh.
137
00:04:55,525 --> 00:04:57,094
You okay there, Dennis?
138
00:04:57,127 --> 00:04:59,064
(chuckles)
139
00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:01,302
‐Uh, ah...
‐(grunts)
140
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:02,505
Huh. Looks like I'll be doing
the talking.
141
00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:05,410
‐No. (grunting)
‐Uh, we would be looking
for a castle,
142
00:05:05,443 --> 00:05:07,749
and we are very interested
in modern amenities, please.
143
00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:11,389
You know, your thermostats and
your remotes and shit like that.
144
00:05:11,422 --> 00:05:13,393
Ar‐Are you jotting
any of this down?
145
00:05:13,426 --> 00:05:15,430
‐(squeals)
‐Yeah, yeah, right. So... Sorry.
146
00:05:15,463 --> 00:05:17,100
You caught me
a little off guard, is all.
147
00:05:17,134 --> 00:05:18,571
So, you're‐you're looking
for a castle?
148
00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:20,641
‐(squawking)
‐Mm. Mm‐hmm.
149
00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:23,012
‐(grunting)
‐Is he all right?
150
00:05:23,046 --> 00:05:25,350
Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm.
151
00:05:25,383 --> 00:05:26,452
Yeah, he's okay.
152
00:05:26,485 --> 00:05:28,657
Well, yes and no.
153
00:05:28,691 --> 00:05:32,030
‐You know what it is?
He's a mongrel.
‐(barks)
154
00:05:32,064 --> 00:05:33,499
(grunts):
No.
155
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,703
And that's why I've always
been the talker.
156
00:05:34,736 --> 00:05:36,540
‐(straining): Bitch. Bitch.
‐Oh, boy, did you head that?
157
00:05:36,573 --> 00:05:38,611
‐Yep, here‐here he goes.
Here he goes.
‐(retches)
158
00:05:38,644 --> 00:05:40,815
We have to keep him
in the basement in America,
159
00:05:40,848 --> 00:05:45,457
'cause one of his ticks is that
he brutally masturbates himself.
160
00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:47,494
‐(straining): No, no.
‐Oh, yeah.
161
00:05:47,529 --> 00:05:49,533
‐Yeah, he‐he does
a real number on it.
‐(retches)
162
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,469
Yeah.
He‐he's shredded it down
163
00:05:51,503 --> 00:05:53,507
‐to a little tiny nub
at this point.
‐No!
164
00:05:53,541 --> 00:05:54,475
Is what it is.
No, no. He's saying,
165
00:05:54,509 --> 00:05:56,780
"Down there,
there's barely anything left."
166
00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:58,584
‐(grunting): Damn it!
‐That's what he's saying.
167
00:05:58,617 --> 00:06:00,120
There's nothing left down there.
168
00:06:00,153 --> 00:06:02,491
‐(groans)
‐Yeah, so, um,
169
00:06:02,525 --> 00:06:04,963
I don't see you doing
a lot of castle searching.
170
00:06:04,996 --> 00:06:06,900
(coughing)
171
00:06:09,038 --> 00:06:11,108
(grunting)
172
00:06:11,142 --> 00:06:13,346
(coughing)
173
00:06:14,516 --> 00:06:15,618
(grunts): Bitch.
174
00:06:15,651 --> 00:06:18,122
He's also allergic to sheep.
175
00:06:18,156 --> 00:06:20,093
♪ ♪
176
00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:25,538
MAN:
Go on, go on, out.
177
00:06:25,571 --> 00:06:28,510
Get out, you bastards!
178
00:06:28,544 --> 00:06:30,648
‐Out.
‐Hello, sir?
179
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:33,453
Oh, sorry. (chuckles)
I was, uh...
180
00:06:33,486 --> 00:06:34,823
Just bashing some rats.
181
00:06:34,856 --> 00:06:36,693
I get it. It's cool.
Don't worry about it.
182
00:06:36,727 --> 00:06:39,064
I bash a lot of rats
in my business, too.
183
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,233
And‐and rats love cheese,
184
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,369
‐so I imagine y‐you get
a lot of 'em here.
‐(laughs)
185
00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:44,041
‐This is, like,
the place for rats.
‐Yeah, yeah.
186
00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,477
Well, how can I help you?
187
00:06:45,511 --> 00:06:47,649
Uh, right, well,
uh, I'm looking for, uh,
188
00:06:47,682 --> 00:06:50,186
a young man named Shelley Kelly.
Is he around?
189
00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:53,159
I'm Shelley Kelly.
Who's asking?
190
00:06:53,192 --> 00:06:55,130
Oh. I'm sorry. I...
191
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:56,667
I'm looking for a‐a younger man.
192
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:58,069
Uh, I'm looking for
the young Shelley Kelly.
193
00:06:58,102 --> 00:06:59,639
Is he around?
194
00:07:00,641 --> 00:07:02,477
Hey, do you‐you mind if I sample
some of your jellies?
195
00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:04,582
‐Oh, no. Go on. Help yourself.
‐Ah.
196
00:07:04,616 --> 00:07:06,586
‐(chuckles)
‐Delightful.
197
00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:07,755
Well, I'm...
198
00:07:07,789 --> 00:07:11,162
I'm the only Shelley Kelly
around here that I know of.
199
00:07:11,195 --> 00:07:13,166
‐Uh...
‐FRANK: Ooh.
200
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:15,738
This is the tits right here.
201
00:07:15,771 --> 00:07:17,775
‐(Frank chewing loudly)
‐Yeah, no, that...
that doesn't make sense.
202
00:07:17,809 --> 00:07:20,615
See‐see, Shelley Kelly
is a‐is a kid like me.
203
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:22,050
Uh, we're pen pals.
204
00:07:22,084 --> 00:07:25,156
Sweet Jesus.
205
00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:26,225
Charlie?
206
00:07:26,258 --> 00:07:28,496
FRANK:
Ugh. That's a miss.
207
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:29,699
It's got something in it
like sand.
208
00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:32,237
It's full of sand.
Ech.
209
00:07:32,270 --> 00:07:33,641
Yeah, I... I'm Charlie.
210
00:07:33,674 --> 00:07:35,176
FRANK:
Mmm. I know what it is.
211
00:07:35,210 --> 00:07:36,212
It's seeds.
212
00:07:36,245 --> 00:07:37,548
Is there seeds in it?
213
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,084
And there's too many of 'em.
214
00:07:39,719 --> 00:07:41,990
There's a lot of seeds.
215
00:07:53,246 --> 00:07:55,885
(chuckles)
216
00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:15,624
FRANK:
(coughs) It was a bad one.
217
00:08:15,658 --> 00:08:16,793
That's buried in there.
218
00:08:16,827 --> 00:08:19,933
That's gonna be in there
all week. Oh, God.
219
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,104
What'd I miss?
220
00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:28,984
‐(orga
221
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:31,690
Oh, Father, Father, Father,
I've got news.
222
00:08:31,723 --> 00:08:33,026
I've got wonderful news.
223
00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:36,700
Okay, so, I used to be Irish,
224
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:37,902
and now I'm Dutch.
225
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:39,839
Of course, I was badass
the entire time,
226
00:08:39,873 --> 00:08:40,975
but when you surround yourself
227
00:08:41,008 --> 00:08:42,845
with people who aren't
as badass as you,
228
00:08:42,879 --> 00:08:44,114
that tends to be
quite isolating.
229
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:47,154
The point is I was confused.
230
00:08:47,187 --> 00:08:49,291
To be honest with you, I wanted
to run through a bunch of pipe,
231
00:08:49,324 --> 00:08:51,863
if you know what I mean...
Well, you know what I mean.
232
00:08:51,897 --> 00:08:54,034
But then I decided,
you know what?
233
00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:56,973
I only want
one man inside of me.
234
00:08:57,007 --> 00:08:59,111
The Big Man.
The Big Man upstairs.
235
00:08:59,144 --> 00:09:01,550
The only man
that can fill me up.
236
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:04,021
Well, and his son.
And the Holy Spirit.
237
00:09:04,054 --> 00:09:05,791
I'll take all three of them
at once.
238
00:09:05,825 --> 00:09:06,993
I've done that before.
239
00:09:07,027 --> 00:09:09,131
That was more in a physical
sense, not a spiritual one.
240
00:09:09,164 --> 00:09:11,870
And believe me, it was messy.
241
00:09:11,903 --> 00:09:13,206
Totally worth it, though.
I loved it.
242
00:09:13,239 --> 00:09:16,045
Either way, Father,
what I have decided is that
243
00:09:16,078 --> 00:09:19,017
the most important aspect
of my identity‐‐
244
00:09:19,051 --> 00:09:20,019
it's not being gay.
245
00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:22,892
It's not being Irish.
It's not being badass.
246
00:09:22,925 --> 00:09:24,896
It's being Catholic.
247
00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:27,067
Therefore, I want to become
248
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,639
a Catholic priest!
249
00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:34,281
‐Well, that's nice to hear.
‐(chuckles)
250
00:09:34,314 --> 00:09:38,624
But perhaps we could talk
at a more appropriate time.
251
00:09:39,057 --> 00:09:41,630
(Mac gasps softly)
252
00:09:41,663 --> 00:09:42,899
Oh.
253
00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:44,234
Uh... Yeah. Sorry.
Sorry, everybody.
254
00:09:44,268 --> 00:09:45,971
I'll just get
in the back of the line,
255
00:09:46,005 --> 00:09:47,040
and then, uh, get the cracker,
256
00:09:47,073 --> 00:09:48,777
and then we'll talk later.
257
00:09:48,811 --> 00:09:49,913
Okay.
258
00:09:49,946 --> 00:09:51,917
(Dennis coughs)
259
00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:54,923
Oh, goddamn it,
what the hell is this?
260
00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:56,927
That realtor screwed us.
261
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,162
Probably because
you caused a scene.
262
00:09:58,196 --> 00:10:01,268
What are you talking about, Dee?
This‐this place is amazing.
263
00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:03,039
I mean, I saw
an old bell tower outside
264
00:10:03,072 --> 00:10:04,909
and what I think
used to be a moat.
265
00:10:04,943 --> 00:10:06,112
Okay, this place is perfect.
266
00:10:06,145 --> 00:10:08,049
‐(coughs)
‐This place is not perfect.
267
00:10:08,082 --> 00:10:09,318
It's a ruin.
We can't sleep here.
268
00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:12,090
Wh... (sighs) Dee, I'm sure
there's, like, a furnished area
269
00:10:12,124 --> 00:10:14,929
with, like, bedrooms and shit
somewhere. I mean, what, do you,
270
00:10:14,963 --> 00:10:15,798
what, do you want
to walk into a castle...
271
00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:17,234
(coughs)
and have it feel like a Hyatt?
272
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:19,104
I mean, where's the charm
in that? (wheezes)
273
00:10:19,138 --> 00:10:21,977
Whoa.
This place has a dark past.
274
00:10:22,010 --> 00:10:24,214
Murder, betrayal, beheadings.
275
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,252
Well, you know,
it's a castle, Dee.
276
00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:28,356
You know, people were going
crazy in castles all the time.
277
00:10:28,389 --> 00:10:30,293
And beheading people‐‐
well, that‐that was just
278
00:10:30,326 --> 00:10:33,099
their way of solving problems
back then, you know.
279
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,936
(chuckles): That's tenth century
charm for you.
280
00:10:34,969 --> 00:10:36,071
‐(coughing)
‐Yeah.
281
00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:38,242
(chuckles)
Yeah, this was in 2008.
282
00:10:38,276 --> 00:10:40,948
‐(coughs) Two... What?
‐Yeah. A mother
283
00:10:40,981 --> 00:10:43,252
went insane and beheaded
all four children.
284
00:10:43,286 --> 00:10:46,225
‐Just chopped their heads
right off.
‐Well, that‐that is...
285
00:10:46,258 --> 00:10:48,229
‐that's decidedly
less charming, isn't it?
‐It's a little less charming.
286
00:10:48,262 --> 00:10:50,233
I'm not sleeping here, Dennis.
It's very creepy.
287
00:10:50,266 --> 00:10:52,037
No, Dee. This is gonna be great.
Trust me.
288
00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:53,105
This is gon‐this is gonna
be awesome, okay?
289
00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:53,974
Just... (clears throat)
290
00:10:54,007 --> 00:10:55,978
I don't care for
all the sheep, though.
291
00:10:56,011 --> 00:10:57,047
That's‐that's my only thing.
292
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,082
All... all what sheep?
293
00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,420
‐We haven't seen a sheep.
‐The sheep, the sheep.
294
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:02,290
I‐I'm sure they've been
passing through, and that's...
295
00:11:02,324 --> 00:11:04,027
Thr... They've been passing
through the... into the castle?
296
00:11:04,061 --> 00:11:05,998
Well, why else would
I be coughing and wheezing?
297
00:11:06,031 --> 00:11:07,902
You have COVID.
298
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,238
To Charlie, my son.
299
00:11:09,271 --> 00:11:12,745
To the dad I didn't know I had.
300
00:11:12,778 --> 00:11:14,381
(chuckles)
301
00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:15,918
Well, I'm just sorry that
302
00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:18,790
I didn't get a chance
to see you growing up.
303
00:11:18,824 --> 00:11:19,859
‐Yeah.
‐Mm‐hmm.
304
00:11:19,893 --> 00:11:21,061
And for what it's worth,
305
00:11:21,095 --> 00:11:22,999
I did love your mother.
306
00:11:23,032 --> 00:11:24,434
So did I.
307
00:11:24,969 --> 00:11:26,005
We all did.
308
00:11:26,038 --> 00:11:27,073
A wonderful woman.
309
00:11:27,107 --> 00:11:28,209
I banged her, too.
310
00:11:28,242 --> 00:11:30,915
All right, well, Mom got around.
311
00:11:30,948 --> 00:11:32,183
(chuckles):
Well, yeah.
312
00:11:32,217 --> 00:11:34,187
Hey, this is jammed in there.
313
00:11:34,221 --> 00:11:36,191
What do you call it?
What is that?
314
00:11:36,225 --> 00:11:37,127
A lingonberry seed or something?
315
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,197
The important thing
is you're here now.
316
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,235
‐Yeah. Yeah.
‐Yeah. And I don't want to waste
any more time.
317
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,072
No, neither do I.
I mean, God, I've...
318
00:11:43,105 --> 00:11:45,143
(sighs) I've always had
so many questions, you know?
319
00:11:45,176 --> 00:11:47,949
About who I am
and where I come from.
320
00:11:47,982 --> 00:11:50,019
‐(smacking lips)
‐And my‐my...
321
00:11:50,053 --> 00:11:52,424
My‐my family heritage,
and‐and, uh...
322
00:11:52,457 --> 00:11:54,294
‐(Frank sucking)
‐You know, it's good to have
some truth about...
323
00:11:54,328 --> 00:11:56,031
Will you stop?!
You're just...
324
00:11:56,065 --> 00:11:57,167
You're sucking
and slurping away.
325
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,202
I'm trying to have
a conversation
326
00:11:58,236 --> 00:12:00,340
‐with my father.
‐It's jammed in there, Charlie.
327
00:12:00,373 --> 00:12:02,210
‐I don't care,
go to the bathroom...
‐I can't get it out.
328
00:12:02,244 --> 00:12:03,346
‐I'm gonna need a jackhammer.
‐You're using a screw.
329
00:12:03,379 --> 00:12:06,085
You're embarrassing me
in front of my dad here, man.
330
00:12:06,118 --> 00:12:07,220
Sorry about him.
331
00:12:07,254 --> 00:12:10,928
Charlie, I'm just glad
that you're sitting here now.
332
00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:12,497
Yeah. (chuckles)
333
00:12:19,244 --> 00:12:23,887
♪ My boy has found me,
and now I'm glad ♪
334
00:12:24,989 --> 00:12:27,862
(chuckles)
335
00:12:27,895 --> 00:12:29,097
Yeah. Okay.
336
00:12:29,131 --> 00:12:32,237
♪ A dad I didn't know I had ♪
337
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,241
(both chuckle)
338
00:12:34,274 --> 00:12:37,982
♪ The first time round
is a bitter pill ♪
339
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:41,523
♪ But the second chance
is better still ♪
340
00:12:41,556 --> 00:12:45,496
♪ And then we find
new seeds to sow ♪
341
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:49,071
♪ To grow our love
we didn't know ♪
342
00:12:49,104 --> 00:12:50,473
(laughter)
343
00:12:50,507 --> 00:12:53,212
♪ The Kelly lads,
the Kelly boys ♪
344
00:12:53,245 --> 00:12:55,350
♪ We drink and laugh
and make our noise ♪
345
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:58,222
♪ We'll sync right up
with all our songs ♪
346
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:01,095
♪ So come ahead and join along ♪
347
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:03,232
♪ Hooray! Hurrah! ♪
348
00:13:03,265 --> 00:13:05,403
♪ A fiddle‐dee‐doo,
a fiddle‐da‐da ♪
349
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:08,309
♪ The Kelly lads,
the Kelly boys ♪
350
00:13:08,342 --> 00:13:10,380
♪ They drink and laugh
and make their noise ♪
351
00:13:10,413 --> 00:13:15,189
♪ We sync right up
with all their songs ♪
352
00:13:15,223 --> 00:13:18,930
♪ So come ahead
and join along. ♪
353
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,268
(laughter)
354
00:13:21,302 --> 00:13:23,573
♪ And I am Frank,
and I factor in somehow. ♪
355
00:13:23,607 --> 00:13:26,245
‐Aw, I shouldn't have
used a screw.
‐Jesus, Frank.
356
00:13:26,278 --> 00:13:28,449
‐Aw, I'm gonna...
‐Go to the bathroom
and clean it up.
357
00:13:28,482 --> 00:13:31,288
‐Go, go. You're embarrassing me.
‐Where's the bathroom?
358
00:13:31,322 --> 00:13:34,428
(church bell tolling)
359
00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:38,169
Walking this path
is a serious commitment.
360
00:13:38,202 --> 00:13:40,541
One that requires
considerable training.
361
00:13:40,574 --> 00:13:44,314
Oh, Father, look, I‐I've been
S'ing and F'ing
362
00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:46,318
my way through life
for far too long.
363
00:13:46,352 --> 00:13:49,024
I think it's time that
I started sucking down
364
00:13:49,057 --> 00:13:49,959
the words of the Bible.
365
00:13:49,992 --> 00:13:52,197
And instead of looking for
pieces of ass,
366
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,265
I'd just look for peace.
367
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,403
Well, your language
leaves a bit to be desired,
368
00:13:55,436 --> 00:13:59,011
but your heart's
in the right place.
369
00:13:59,044 --> 00:14:00,446
I think.
370
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:04,555
So, to truly understand
what this life is like,
371
00:14:04,589 --> 00:14:08,329
you need to spend some time
with someone who's living it.
372
00:14:08,362 --> 00:14:12,203
Brother Thomas, I'd like you
to meet someone.
373
00:14:12,237 --> 00:14:13,439
♪ ♪
374
00:14:13,472 --> 00:14:19,451
♪ And I can't fight
this feeling anymore ♪
375
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,355
♪ I've forgotten what I ♪
376
00:14:21,388 --> 00:14:25,531
♪ Started fighting for ♪
377
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:30,373
♪ It's time to bring this ship
into the shore ♪
378
00:14:30,406 --> 00:14:33,312
♪ And throw away the oars ♪
379
00:14:33,345 --> 00:14:36,085
♪ Forever ♪
380
00:14:37,655 --> 00:14:40,359
♪ 'Cause I can't
fight this feeling ♪
381
00:14:40,393 --> 00:14:43,667
♪ Anymore ♪
382
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:48,375
‐♪ I've forgotten. ♪
‐Not him. Give me somebody else.
383
00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:51,348
‐I'm sorry?
‐Father...
384
00:14:51,381 --> 00:14:54,254
I‐I'm gonna be alone
in the seminary
385
00:14:54,287 --> 00:14:55,389
with him, in the rectory?
386
00:14:55,423 --> 00:14:57,393
I mean, these are very
triggering words.
387
00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:59,431
I will S and F him
into oblivion.
388
00:14:59,464 --> 00:15:01,936
I mean, he looks like
Paul Bunyan.
389
00:15:01,970 --> 00:15:05,209
I need more of, like, a...
Elmer Fudd. You got any Fudds?
390
00:15:05,243 --> 00:15:06,679
Let me take a look.
391
00:15:06,713 --> 00:15:09,117
Oh, yeah. What about this guy?
What's his story?
392
00:15:09,151 --> 00:15:10,353
Gus?
393
00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:13,225
Gus? Yeah, I ain't
falling in love with Gus.
394
00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:15,229
Gimme him.
395
00:15:15,263 --> 00:15:17,033
Sure.
396
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:18,369
♪ ♪
397
00:15:18,402 --> 00:15:21,008
(wheezing loudly)
398
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:27,253
See, Dee?
The bedroom's perfect.
399
00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:30,293
(wheezing loudly)
400
00:15:30,326 --> 00:15:32,531
Dude, I think
you need a ventilator.
401
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:35,136
I just need
a good night's sleep.
402
00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:36,271
(wheezes)
403
00:15:36,305 --> 00:15:38,008
Just go to bed.
404
00:15:44,488 --> 00:15:46,526
I agree with you, I just...
405
00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:49,030
Well, I don't know
what to do with her.
406
00:15:49,064 --> 00:15:52,270
(wheezes)
407
00:15:52,303 --> 00:15:56,145
‐What?
‐What?
408
00:15:56,178 --> 00:15:58,349
Who you talking to?
409
00:15:58,382 --> 00:16:01,155
Nobody.
You're hearing things Dee.
410
00:16:01,188 --> 00:16:02,257
(wheezes)
411
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:05,463
I think what I'm hearing
is fluid fill up your lungs.
412
00:16:05,496 --> 00:16:10,006
(coughing)
Dee, just go to bed.
413
00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:12,043
Okay.
414
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,594
DENNIS:
It has to be tonight?
415
00:16:20,627 --> 00:16:23,065
Okay, Dennis,
I don't like that.
416
00:16:23,098 --> 00:16:24,234
I don't like it.
417
00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:29,211
I'm not even talking to you.
I'm talking to the castle.
418
00:16:29,244 --> 00:16:32,150
You're talking to the castle?
419
00:16:33,252 --> 00:16:35,323
I‐Is it talking back?
420
00:16:35,356 --> 00:16:37,460
Dee, just go to bed!
421
00:16:37,493 --> 00:16:40,099
(wheezing)
422
00:16:46,278 --> 00:16:49,317
It's the hair, by the way.
423
00:16:49,351 --> 00:16:50,721
Okay, n...
424
00:16:50,754 --> 00:16:54,194
right now, are you
talking to me or the castle?
425
00:16:54,227 --> 00:16:55,731
You.
426
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:59,337
We were talking about
beheadings earlier.
427
00:16:59,371 --> 00:17:03,479
‐It's the hair.
‐What's the hair?
428
00:17:03,513 --> 00:17:06,351
Well, that's the trouble
with heads, isn't it?
429
00:17:06,385 --> 00:17:09,224
The hair's not authentic.
430
00:17:09,257 --> 00:17:10,761
It's... it's been tampered with.
431
00:17:10,794 --> 00:17:15,102
That's why there's no smell.
It's a... it's a lie.
432
00:17:15,136 --> 00:17:16,271
(wheezes)
433
00:17:16,305 --> 00:17:18,375
The hair is on the head.
434
00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:20,747
The hair is a lie,
and therefore,
435
00:17:20,781 --> 00:17:24,522
it's better to just
remove the head altogether.
436
00:17:24,555 --> 00:17:26,626
Okay. Okay, Dennis,
you're very, very sick,
437
00:17:26,659 --> 00:17:29,364
‐and you need to go
to the hospital.
‐Silence!
438
00:17:29,397 --> 00:17:32,203
(wheezing)
439
00:17:34,542 --> 00:17:37,280
Dee, I can't breathe.
I need to go to the hospital.
440
00:17:37,313 --> 00:17:38,583
Yeah, no shit!
441
00:17:38,617 --> 00:17:40,554
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna call us an ambulance
442
00:17:40,587 --> 00:17:42,257
‐and get us out of here.
‐Yeah.
443
00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:43,560
No, no, my phone's dead.
444
00:17:43,593 --> 00:17:45,664
Oh, there's no electricity
in this goddamn place.
445
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:47,433
Then go get the car
and drive me.
446
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,536
The car's out of gas.
447
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:50,306
Then ring the bell!
448
00:17:50,339 --> 00:17:52,277
What bell?
449
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:53,412
Go to the old bell tower
450
00:17:53,445 --> 00:17:56,418
and ring the goddamn bell,
you bitch!
451
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:59,558
Oh, God, um...
452
00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:04,535
Goddamn it.
Where's the stupid bell tower?
453
00:18:04,568 --> 00:18:05,671
No. No, no, no, no.
454
00:18:05,704 --> 00:18:07,541
‐(woman screams)
‐Oh, Jesus Christ.
455
00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:09,477
‐(baby cries)
‐Oh!
456
00:18:09,512 --> 00:18:11,315
‐Oh... Oh!
‐(glass shatters)
457
00:18:11,348 --> 00:18:14,555
Oh, oh, oh...
458
00:18:14,588 --> 00:18:17,628
Aah! Get off me!
Get off me!
459
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,266
Okay...
(panting)
460
00:18:22,571 --> 00:18:25,544
‐(wheezing)
‐Hello?
461
00:18:25,577 --> 00:18:26,546
Who is that?
462
00:18:26,579 --> 00:18:29,552
♪ ♪
463
00:18:29,585 --> 00:18:33,560
Your head is a lie.
464
00:18:33,593 --> 00:18:36,566
Dennis?
What are you doing?
465
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:39,739
You've tampered with it, and...
466
00:18:39,772 --> 00:18:41,643
we won't stand for it
any longer.
467
00:18:41,676 --> 00:18:46,385
Oh, D... Dennis, this is just
the COVID talking, okay?
468
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,155
You're hallucinating.
469
00:18:48,657 --> 00:18:51,294
I don't have COVID.
470
00:18:52,263 --> 00:18:54,200
(cackles)
471
00:18:56,238 --> 00:18:59,311
(coughing)
472
00:18:59,344 --> 00:19:00,614
No, Dennis, please.
473
00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:03,720
Please, Dennis, it's me.
Snap out of it.
474
00:19:03,753 --> 00:19:04,855
‐(shouting)
‐(screaming)
475
00:19:04,889 --> 00:19:07,226
Off with her head!
476
00:19:11,869 --> 00:19:12,838
♪ ♪
477
00:19:13,606 --> 00:19:14,742
‐And that's the house.
‐Wow.
478
00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:16,879
‐This place is charming as shit.
‐Yeah.
479
00:19:16,913 --> 00:19:19,451
Dennis would be creaming
in his pants if he saw this.
480
00:19:19,484 --> 00:19:20,620
Right, well, uh,
language, Frank,
481
00:19:20,654 --> 00:19:23,359
‐you know, 'cause
we're guests, so, yeah.
‐Oh, yeah.
482
00:19:23,392 --> 00:19:24,427
It's a lovely home.
483
00:19:24,461 --> 00:19:27,634
Uh, are you sure okay
with us staying the night?
484
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,605
Oh, I insist.
Yeah.
485
00:19:29,638 --> 00:19:31,441
I have a spare room
down the hall,
486
00:19:31,475 --> 00:19:33,345
and, uh, I set up a cot
for you there.
487
00:19:33,379 --> 00:19:35,483
Oh, well, we'll take the cot.
488
00:19:35,517 --> 00:19:37,721
Y... You'll both
sleep on the cot?
489
00:19:37,755 --> 00:19:42,531
Uh, I think I'd rather
take the bedroom, Frank.
490
00:19:42,564 --> 00:19:44,769
Won't you get lonely in there?
What if it gets cold?
491
00:19:44,802 --> 00:19:46,471
Oh, there are plenty
of blankets.
492
00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:47,407
What if I poop the bed?
493
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,512
Who's gonna be in there
to laugh with me?
494
00:19:49,545 --> 00:19:51,649
‐What? You might shit the bed?
‐No, no, no.
495
00:19:51,682 --> 00:19:53,520
If that's the case,
I have other sheets.
496
00:19:53,553 --> 00:19:54,889
‐No, no, no, he won't.
‐One time.
497
00:19:54,922 --> 00:19:57,561
‐It was fun...
‐There was a one‐time incident,
498
00:19:57,594 --> 00:19:58,763
‐It was a fun thing.
‐and it was a joke,
499
00:19:58,797 --> 00:20:00,433
and it really
wasn't that funny, so...
500
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:01,936
‐It wasn't?
‐Uh, no.
501
00:20:01,969 --> 00:20:04,742
‐I thought you thought
it was funny.
‐Nope.
502
00:20:04,775 --> 00:20:07,280
Well, uh, I'm heading off.
503
00:20:07,313 --> 00:20:08,516
Yeah. Sounds good.
504
00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:10,654
‐Good night.
‐Yeah, yeah.
505
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:14,360
Hey, um, good night...
506
00:20:15,396 --> 00:20:16,632
...Dad.
507
00:20:16,666 --> 00:20:20,206
Oh.
Good night, son.
508
00:20:24,414 --> 00:20:26,919
(gagging, hacking)
509
00:20:27,588 --> 00:20:30,660
‐Oh, seed! I got you.
‐Yeah?
510
00:20:30,694 --> 00:20:32,664
I found you, seed.
Look at it.
511
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,935
‐I coughed it out.
‐Yeah. Gross. Yeah.
512
00:20:34,969 --> 00:20:38,543
Oh. I thought
you'd be happy for me.
513
00:20:38,576 --> 00:20:41,649
Uh, sure, I guess.
Sure.
514
00:20:41,682 --> 00:20:44,688
Oh.
I should eat it again.
515
00:20:44,722 --> 00:20:47,694
Then it would be funny 'cause
I didn't learn my lesson.
516
00:20:47,728 --> 00:20:48,830
No, that wouldn't be funny.
517
00:20:48,863 --> 00:20:50,600
It'd just be kind of dumb,
you know.
518
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:53,439
Oh.
519
00:20:53,472 --> 00:20:55,744
Um...
520
00:20:55,777 --> 00:20:57,815
I think‐I think
I'm gonna go to bed.
521
00:20:57,848 --> 00:20:59,618
‐All right.
‐Yeah.
522
00:20:59,652 --> 00:21:00,887
‐Uh...
‐So you're gonna
stay in the room?
523
00:21:00,921 --> 00:21:02,858
‐Yeah, I'm gonna go to bed
in here and...
‐I‐I'll stay...
524
00:21:02,891 --> 00:21:05,429
‐I'll stay on the...
I'll stay on the...
‐All right.
525
00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:07,601
Good night, Frank.
526
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,304
Good night, Charlie.
527
00:21:11,341 --> 00:21:13,412
♪ ♪
528
00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:25,302
Good night, Charlie.
529
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,051
(trio chanting backwards)
530
00:22:06,084 --> 00:22:09,357
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org