1 00:00:20,708 --> 00:00:22,844 - CHARLIE: - All right, try to get it 2 00:00:22,868 --> 00:00:24,968 All the way up under her nose. 3 00:00:25,033 --> 00:00:25,033 - -All-all the way... - -MAC: I'm just trying 4 00:00:25,033 --> 00:00:26,734 To stick it in her mouth. 5 00:00:26,801 --> 00:00:28,910 - Under her nose should do it - and let it kind of waft up. 6 00:00:28,934 --> 00:00:30,510 - DENNIS: - Oh, she's starting to wake up. 7 00:00:30,534 --> 00:00:32,410 - -There she... there we go! - -Wakey, wakey, Dee! 8 00:00:32,434 --> 00:00:33,844 - Good, because I'm getting sick - of trying to keep 9 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,701 The-the hair out of the soup. 10 00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:35,767 - CHARLIE: - It's not soup, it's stew, 11 00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:37,467 Okay, and you... 12 00:00:37,534 --> 00:00:39,014 - MAC: - Same thing, don't correct me. 13 00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:39,100 - DENNIS: - Soup or stew, 14 00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:40,500 You shouldn't feed it 15 00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,701 to an unconscious person. 16 00:00:41,767 --> 00:00:43,343 - Yeah, but I'm trying - to use it to wake her up. 17 00:00:43,367 --> 00:00:43,367 - FRANK: - Look, she's not gonna eat it, 18 00:00:43,367 --> 00:00:44,868 I'm telling you. 19 00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:44,934 - DENNIS: - It's not gonna wake her up; 20 00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:46,100 I mean, 21 00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:47,710 - I don't think stew has - any arousing components. 22 00:00:47,734 --> 00:00:48,810 - What are you talking about?! - The smells... 23 00:00:48,834 --> 00:00:50,009 What is this? What's going on? 24 00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:51,376 - The flavors! - That's the whole point 25 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,643 - Of getting the stew - in the first place. 26 00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:54,434 Wha-What is this? Where am I? 27 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:55,910 - All right, Dee, remember - yesterday when you were waving 28 00:00:55,934 --> 00:00:57,877 - That first-class ticket - to Ireland in our faces 29 00:00:57,901 --> 00:00:59,710 - And bragging about - that acting gig that you got? 30 00:00:59,734 --> 00:01:00,644 - -Yeah. - -Yeah? 31 00:01:00,734 --> 00:01:01,734 Then you drank yourself 32 00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:02,777 into a stupor and passed out? 33 00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:05,133 I... oh... o-okay. 34 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,467 Yeah, well, uh, good news. 35 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,076 - We took that one - first-class ticket, 36 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,711 - Divided it - into five coach tickets. 37 00:01:09,801 --> 00:01:11,845 - And then gave you - just enough sleeping pills 38 00:01:11,934 --> 00:01:13,976 - To keep you blissfully asleep - so you could enjoy the flight 39 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,811 - And wake up here in Dublin - fully rested. 40 00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,076 - No. No, you didn't! - You didn't do this. 41 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,845 - This-this can't be - happening, no. 42 00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:18,934 - -Yeah, no, we did. - That's exactly what we did. 43 00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:20,701 -(others agreeing) 44 00:01:20,767 --> 00:01:22,910 - We absolutely did. Because we - wanted to be supportive. 45 00:01:22,934 --> 00:01:22,934 - -No, you didn't! - -Because we are always there 46 00:01:22,934 --> 00:01:25,500 For each other. 47 00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:26,827 -No, we're not! 48 00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:28,133 In good times and in bad. 49 00:01:26,851 --> 00:01:28,200 -Right, guys? 50 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,577 -CHARLIE: We are. 51 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,000 um, you are late. 52 00:01:29,601 --> 00:01:31,067 -And speaking of time, 53 00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:31,067 - -You got about 15 minutes - to get to that TV studio. 54 00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:33,067 -Oh, God. 55 00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:33,133 - -No, no, no, no. - -CHARLIE: 56 00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:34,734 Good thing you woke up. 57 00:01:34,801 --> 00:01:36,881 - -This can't be happening... - -Well, slow down now. 58 00:01:36,968 --> 00:01:36,968 - -Hey, be sure to look to - the right if you go in the road! 59 00:01:36,968 --> 00:01:39,534 -Be careful out there. 60 00:01:39,601 --> 00:01:41,544 - 'Cause they drive - on the other side here! 61 00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:43,195 -No, no, no, no, no. No. 62 00:01:43,219 --> 00:01:44,801 -(bagpipes playing) 63 00:01:44,868 --> 00:01:47,934 Oh, goddamn it! 64 00:01:50,734 --> 00:01:53,500 Taxi? Oh, taxi! 65 00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:54,594 -Taxi! Taxi! 66 00:01:54,618 --> 00:01:55,667 -(tires screech) 67 00:01:57,767 --> 00:01:59,767 ♪ Hey! ♪ 68 00:02:23,868 --> 00:02:26,110 - -FRANK: Car! - -DENNIS: Yeah, I see it, Frank, 69 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,443 - -I can handle the driving. - -Oh, just go faster, goddamn it! 70 00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:30,277 - I can't believe - you guys did this to me. 71 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,210 - Oh, my God, Dee, we are - driving you to work, okay? 72 00:02:32,234 --> 00:02:33,661 We-we brought you to Ireland. 73 00:02:33,685 --> 00:02:35,133 We brought you here, okay? 74 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:36,510 - We didn't have to do that. - Do you know how hard 75 00:02:36,534 --> 00:02:38,009 - It was to get you - through customs? 76 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,844 - -It was wicked hard, yeah. - -We're doing this for you! 77 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:42,177 - Whatever, okay, I think - the studio's right up here. 78 00:02:42,267 --> 00:02:45,010 - I'll call you guys around 6:00 - or whenever I'm off. 79 00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,211 -Why? 80 00:02:46,235 --> 00:02:47,367 -So you can pick me up. 81 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,694 -(laughs) What? 82 00:02:48,718 --> 00:02:50,000 -Dee, we're taking time 83 00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:51,710 - out of our Irish vacation - to drive you to work, 84 00:02:51,734 --> 00:02:53,133 Now you want us to pick you up? 85 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,378 "Vacation"? You just said 86 00:02:54,402 --> 00:02:55,601 you were here for me! 87 00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:57,100 Well, yeah, we're here for you, 88 00:02:57,167 --> 00:02:58,677 - but we're also here - for our vacation. 89 00:02:58,701 --> 00:03:00,343 - Yeah, I'm back - in the motherland finally! 90 00:03:00,367 --> 00:03:02,744 - I've always wanted to trace - back my family lineage. 91 00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,844 - I mean, as the most Irish - person here, I really think... 92 00:03:04,868 --> 00:03:07,277 - Wait a minute, wait, - whoa, whoa, dude, I'm Irish. 93 00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:08,710 - Well, yeah, but you're - not as Irish as me. 94 00:03:08,734 --> 00:03:09,944 I could be. You don't know that. 95 00:03:09,968 --> 00:03:11,577 - -How do you know that? - -Charlie, I have 96 00:03:11,601 --> 00:03:13,167 A shamrock tattooed on my thigh. 97 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:13,234 - -So what? - -I'm gonna show it to you! 98 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,667 You want to see it?! 99 00:03:15,734 --> 00:03:15,734 - -No, stop it! - You're squishing me! 100 00:03:15,734 --> 00:03:17,000 -Car! Car! 101 00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:19,110 - -I see the car, stop! Mac, stop! - -Goddamn it. 102 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,677 - -You're kicking my seat, okay? - -That was close. 103 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,743 - Keep your stupid, ugly - shamrock tattoo in your pants. 104 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,844 - Why did you have to get the - teeny, tiniest car possible? 105 00:03:24,868 --> 00:03:26,076 - -It is small. - -I'm getting squished back here 106 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:27,176 - And just sucking in - diesel fumes. 107 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,734 What did you want me to do, Dee? 108 00:03:28,801 --> 00:03:30,944 - Did you want me to rent - a big obnoxious American truck 109 00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:32,168 Like-like that one over there? 110 00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:33,710 - That's exactly what we're - trying to get away from. 111 00:03:33,734 --> 00:03:34,778 Okay, you know, 112 00:03:34,802 --> 00:03:35,868 the-the tiny car, 113 00:03:35,934 --> 00:03:38,177 - that's all part of the charm - of-of Europe. 114 00:03:38,267 --> 00:03:40,276 - You know, like driving on - the left-hand side of the road. 115 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,010 - Dangerous - for Americans like you. 116 00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:43,543 - But, you know, - it's authentic and, 117 00:03:43,567 --> 00:03:45,276 - And that's what I want, - that's what I'm going for. 118 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:46,977 - -An authentic Irish... - -(honking horn) 119 00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:48,128 -Get fucked! 120 00:03:48,152 --> 00:03:49,234 -Oh! 121 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,767 Irish experience. 122 00:03:50,834 --> 00:03:52,868 Okay, just pull over, all right? 123 00:03:52,934 --> 00:03:54,410 - Just pull over and let me out! - I'll walk. 124 00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,567 You goddamn bastards! 125 00:03:56,634 --> 00:03:59,901 ♪ ♪ 126 00:03:59,968 --> 00:04:01,595 Here I am! "Obnoxious American" 127 00:04:01,619 --> 00:04:03,267 "MILF" reporting for duty, sir! 128 00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:06,010 - You're late. You were supposed - to be here an hour ago. 129 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:08,578 - I know, I know, - I hit a little bit of traffic. 130 00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:10,510 - But if you think about it, - you know, in a way, 131 00:04:10,534 --> 00:04:12,009 - I feel like the character - would be late, too, 132 00:04:12,033 --> 00:04:13,553 - So it's not really - that big of a... 133 00:04:13,634 --> 00:04:14,810 - You're lucky this time... - Production's running behind, 134 00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,176 - So we don't need you - for another hour. 135 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,267 Ah, thank God, okay. 136 00:04:18,334 --> 00:04:19,945 - Jesus Christ. - What happened to you? 137 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,434 Ah! Ow. 138 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,311 - (laughing): - Well, that's... 139 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,100 That's a doozy, isn't it? 140 00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:28,744 - We can't shoot you like that... - It-it's disturbing! 141 00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,678 - Well, it's not, - it's not even real. 142 00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:32,133 It-It's just makeup. 143 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,911 - It's makeup left over - from the show 144 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,211 -I did this morning. 145 00:04:35,235 --> 00:04:36,467 -That's makeup? 146 00:04:36,534 --> 00:04:38,744 - Yep, nothing to it - but a little latex and blush. 147 00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:40,311 You know, I just forgot to... 148 00:04:40,335 --> 00:04:41,834 (winces) wash... it off. 149 00:04:41,901 --> 00:04:43,578 Um, you know, probably 'cause I 150 00:04:43,602 --> 00:04:45,300 never wear makeup in real life. 151 00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:47,044 'Cause natural beauty. 152 00:04:47,068 --> 00:04:48,767 I'll tell you what, um, since 153 00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:50,643 - I do have a little time, - I should just pop out and wash 154 00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:53,210 - My face real quick and-and come - right back, it's not a big deal. 155 00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:54,810 - Go on, just go on. - Be back in an hour. 156 00:04:54,834 --> 00:04:56,176 - -And don't be late again. - -Absolutely. I won't be late. 157 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,311 I'm one wet wipe away 158 00:04:57,335 --> 00:04:58,467 from being your MILF. 159 00:04:58,534 --> 00:04:58,534 - ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: - Can we get cracking here, 160 00:04:58,534 --> 00:05:00,267 People, come on! 161 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:00,334 - DEE: - Oh, you're gonna want 162 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:01,934 To F this so bad! 163 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,094 MAC: 164 00:05:03,118 --> 00:05:04,234 This is so exciting. 165 00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,945 - -Yeah. - -I already feel like I'm home. 166 00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:07,478 I cannot wait to see the house 167 00:05:07,502 --> 00:05:08,968 that my dad grew up in. 168 00:05:09,033 --> 00:05:10,727 -Apparently it's been 169 00:05:09,033 --> 00:05:12,467 -Oh. 170 00:05:10,751 --> 00:05:12,534 in my family for generations. 171 00:05:12,534 --> 00:05:13,645 -Cool. Yeah, I mean, 172 00:05:12,534 --> 00:05:14,801 -Yeah. 173 00:05:13,669 --> 00:05:14,868 I dig it here, man. 174 00:05:14,868 --> 00:05:16,643 - You know, you get - all the comforts of Philly. 175 00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:19,244 - You got drunks, you got - Irish people, you got, um... 176 00:05:19,334 --> 00:05:21,009 - I guess that's - the same thing, but, like, 177 00:05:21,033 --> 00:05:23,376 - You also get, like, the magical - mystical element of this place, 178 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,040 - You know, you get the banshees - and the spirits and the sprites! 179 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:28,644 - And Shelley! Shelley's here, - which is pretty cool. 180 00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:30,810 - All of those things are made up, - including Shelley. 181 00:05:30,834 --> 00:05:32,944 - -Shelley's not made up. - -He's your imaginary friend 182 00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:32,968 - -that you've had - since you were a kid. 183 00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:34,934 -Dude, he's not my 184 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,343 - imaginary friend, - he's my pen pal, okay? 185 00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:37,677 - And he's Irish, - that's why his name is Shelley. 186 00:05:37,701 --> 00:05:38,968 A pen pal that writes to you 187 00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:40,200 in a magical language. 188 00:05:40,267 --> 00:05:42,377 - Dude, the guy's real, okay? - And this is why 189 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,561 -I know more about 190 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,701 -Hey, stop! 191 00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:44,767 Ireland than you do. 192 00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:45,887 Stop right there, all right? 193 00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:47,678 - This is why Irish people - hate Americans. 194 00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:50,010 - You've got, like, - two percent Irish in you, 195 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,043 - And you think you know more - about Ireland than me? 196 00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:54,443 - Do you have a shamrock tattoo - somewhere on your body? No. 197 00:05:54,467 --> 00:05:55,578 I do, because that's 198 00:05:55,602 --> 00:05:56,734 my primary identity. 199 00:05:56,801 --> 00:05:58,145 Number one, Irish. 200 00:05:58,169 --> 00:05:59,534 Number two, gay. 201 00:05:59,601 --> 00:06:00,968 Number three, badass. 202 00:06:01,033 --> 00:06:02,300 You're none of those things, 203 00:06:02,367 --> 00:06:03,476 - so you should be talking - of none of them. 204 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,140 - Are talking - about what you identify as 205 00:06:05,167 --> 00:06:06,334 Or what you actually are? 206 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,044 - They're the same thing now, - Charlie. 207 00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:10,878 - And I can have you canceled - for even suggesting otherwise. 208 00:06:10,968 --> 00:06:12,109 - -No, right. - -I have the power to do that. 209 00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:13,376 Because I'm a gay man and you're 210 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,367 just a straight white, cis male. 211 00:06:15,434 --> 00:06:17,167 Yeah. And Irish, so... 212 00:06:17,234 --> 00:06:19,267 Will you just be here for me? 213 00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:20,845 - -Okay. - -This is a huge day for me 214 00:06:20,934 --> 00:06:20,934 - -and I just, - I feel like you could... 215 00:06:20,934 --> 00:06:22,601 -Okay. 216 00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:22,667 - -you could support me - a little bit... 217 00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:24,367 -All right! All right! 218 00:06:24,434 --> 00:06:26,710 - I mean, this is the circle - of life coming full... oh, oh! 219 00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:27,761 Oh! It-it should be 220 00:06:27,785 --> 00:06:28,834 coming up right here. 221 00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:31,095 Yeah, the House of McDonald is 222 00:06:31,119 --> 00:06:33,334 at this address... 223 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,133 here. 224 00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:38,728 Wow. 225 00:06:38,752 --> 00:06:40,601 Yeah, nailed it. 226 00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:44,077 - Cool, so your dad grew up - in a McDonald's or...? 227 00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:45,594 No. No, my dad didn't grow up 228 00:06:45,618 --> 00:06:47,067 in a McDonald's. 229 00:06:47,133 --> 00:06:49,009 - You sure? 'Cause this is - the House of McDonald. 230 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,067 Hey, oh, you know what, dude? 231 00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:53,211 - Maybe you are, like, - from the McDonald family? 232 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,811 Like, like, are you 233 00:06:54,835 --> 00:06:56,367 the Ronald McDonald? 234 00:06:56,434 --> 00:06:58,276 - Like, is the hamburger clown - named after you? 235 00:06:58,300 --> 00:06:59,644 I can't tell if you're 236 00:06:59,668 --> 00:07:01,033 making fun of me right now. 237 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,277 -Oh? 238 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:03,500 I got to, we got to find out. 239 00:07:02,301 --> 00:07:03,567 -We got to go find out. 240 00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:03,567 - -You want to get some - more information on that? 241 00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,067 -Yeah, let's get 242 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,143 - -some more information. - -Yeah, okay, yeah, 'cause you 243 00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:08,727 - Could be entitled to - a lot of money. 244 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,700 - DENNIS: - What the hell is this, Frank? 245 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,376 - I-I thought we were going - to a distillery. 246 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,511 You want an authentic 247 00:07:17,535 --> 00:07:18,667 Irish experience? 248 00:07:18,734 --> 00:07:20,328 There's nothing more Irish 249 00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:21,968 than a corporate tax shelter. 250 00:07:22,033 --> 00:07:23,311 Welcome to the worldwide 251 00:07:23,335 --> 00:07:24,634 headquarters 252 00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:26,078 -of Frank's Fluids. 253 00:07:26,102 --> 00:07:27,500 -Uh-huh. 254 00:07:27,567 --> 00:07:29,834 Goddamn. What's that smell? 255 00:07:29,901 --> 00:07:31,734 What smell? 256 00:07:31,801 --> 00:07:34,300 Oh, it's Ralphie. 257 00:07:34,367 --> 00:07:36,701 Must've got trapped in here. 258 00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:38,327 - Looks like he's fused - to the carpet. 259 00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:40,110 - -Uh-huh. Is that a cat? - -It was. 260 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,444 Okay, well, that is, 261 00:07:41,468 --> 00:07:42,734 that is grotesque. 262 00:07:42,801 --> 00:07:44,178 -I can't believe 263 00:07:42,801 --> 00:07:45,601 -It stinks. 264 00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:45,667 I don't smell that. 265 00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:46,728 -I don't smell it. 266 00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,834 acting emergency. 267 00:07:46,752 --> 00:07:47,901 -Guys! Guys! Hey, 268 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,167 Oh, goddamn, what is that smell? 269 00:07:50,234 --> 00:07:51,743 - -That's Ralphie. He's fused. - -Yeah. 270 00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:53,477 - -Oh. - -Whoa, Dee! 271 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:54,644 -That looks bad. 272 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,767 a bit of a hematoma here. 273 00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:55,834 -Yeah, I got myself 274 00:07:55,834 --> 00:07:58,210 - -Can you guys please help me? - -It's okay, Dee. I got you, 275 00:07:58,234 --> 00:07:58,234 - -I got you. - This is why we're here. 276 00:07:58,234 --> 00:07:59,934 -Okay. 277 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:00,000 - -Yes. - -You know, lucky for you, 278 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,868 I happen to have experience 279 00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:04,211 - covering up blunt force trauma, - so... 280 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,511 -Oh. Uh-uh, yeah. 281 00:08:05,535 --> 00:08:06,767 -Okay, good, so... 282 00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:08,377 - -simple fix. - -Great. 283 00:08:08,467 --> 00:08:10,411 - We simply need - to redistribute the blood. 284 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:11,940 - -Great, do it, let's go. - -That... 285 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,578 - -Okay. - -Do it, bitch, go! 286 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,300 All right. 287 00:08:15,367 --> 00:08:17,500 (grunting) 288 00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:19,133 Oh, God! 289 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,344 -Ooh. 290 00:08:20,368 --> 00:08:21,534 -(shudders) 291 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:22,701 Wow, look at that. 292 00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:24,801 Let me see here. 293 00:08:24,868 --> 00:08:26,901 Oh! Oh, shit. 294 00:08:26,968 --> 00:08:28,845 - -That's like magic. - -Yeah. 295 00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:30,911 - Okay, now you guys can - help me with my thing. 296 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,600 - We got to shred - a bunch of documents. 297 00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:34,176 - What... whoa, what? - What are you talking about, man? 298 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,167 Well, the thing of it is, um... 299 00:08:36,234 --> 00:08:37,694 that Frank's Fluids may 300 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,200 or may not have been 301 00:08:39,267 --> 00:08:41,127 the official beverage supplier 302 00:08:41,151 --> 00:08:43,033 of Jeffrey Epstein. 303 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,434 (stammers) 304 00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,077 - -What?! - -Jeffrey Epstein?! 305 00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:48,167 - Yeah. Yeah, but before you - judge me, know this: 306 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,234 Yes, I was on the sex island, 307 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:52,868 but only for the snorkeling! 308 00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:54,643 - I didn't know anything about - the kid stuff. 309 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:55,778 -Oh! 310 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,934 95% of what went on down there 311 00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,000 -No, look, 312 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,011 -was not pedophilia. 313 00:08:58,035 --> 00:08:59,067 -Oh, yeah? 314 00:08:59,133 --> 00:09:00,667 No, the other five percent, 315 00:09:00,734 --> 00:09:02,411 - that sullied - the whole operation. 316 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,877 - -Yeah, it sure did, Frank. - -It sure did. 317 00:09:03,901 --> 00:09:05,578 - Well, you know, - it ain't just me. 318 00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:08,211 - Your guys' names are on those - documents, too, remember? 319 00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,394 -What? Still? 320 00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,534 -Goddamn it, Frank! 321 00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:12,681 - -Son of a bitch! - -No, I don't have time for this! 322 00:09:12,767 --> 00:09:14,543 - Well, come on, it'll be quick. - It's only a couple boxes. 323 00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:15,611 - -Ah, shit! - -Oh... 324 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,067 Goddamn it! 325 00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,901 ♪ ♪ 326 00:09:30,968 --> 00:09:32,767 Bullshit. 327 00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:34,834 This one's bullshit. 328 00:09:34,901 --> 00:09:37,300 All these family tree books... 329 00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:38,934 This one just fell apart. 330 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,244 - There's so many - "Mc" and "Mac" names, too. 331 00:09:41,334 --> 00:09:42,810 - Like, how are we supposed - to find anything? 332 00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:44,476 - Dude, I found one right here - in this gibberish book. 333 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,211 - There's a whole section - on McDonald. 334 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:48,260 - It's not gibberish, - you just can't read, dude. 335 00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:50,343 - Well, uh, well, no, I can - read this. Here, check this out. 336 00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:53,467 "The McDonalds of County Cork 337 00:09:53,534 --> 00:09:55,934 "settled in the Lee Valley 338 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:56,000 - "-as far back as..." - -Wait, wait, wait, 339 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,868 Wait a second. 340 00:09:57,934 --> 00:10:00,000 This is, like, Irish or Gaelic 341 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,276 - or whatever, whatever they - call it... you can read that? 342 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,644 - Well, if "Gaelic" - or "Irish" is-is what you call 343 00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,710 - The magical gibberish language - that my pen pal taught me, 344 00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:08,234 Uh, yes, Mac, I can. 345 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,444 - So you're telling me - that you can't read English, 346 00:10:10,534 --> 00:10:12,944 - But you can speak and read - an entirely different language? 347 00:10:12,968 --> 00:10:14,544 - Uh, I can read it, - I can't speak it. 348 00:10:14,634 --> 00:10:15,944 - How can you read something - you can't speak? 349 00:10:15,968 --> 00:10:17,343 - -It doesn't make any sense. - -I don't know, 350 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,777 - It's the mystery - of the magic, I don't know. 351 00:10:18,801 --> 00:10:20,410 - Plus, you know, - these are Irish words, 352 00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:22,276 - And my mouth is made - for American words naturally... 353 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:23,894 So your imaginary pen pal was 354 00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:25,534 a real person? 355 00:10:25,601 --> 00:10:27,143 - Yes, dude, that's what I've been - telling you this whole time. 356 00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:29,143 - My mom was, like, really - invested in me having a pen pal 357 00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:31,511 - So she found me this kid, - Shelley Kelly. You know, I... 358 00:10:31,601 --> 00:10:34,311 - I'm sorry, your pen pal's name - was Shelley Kelly? 359 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,611 -Yeah. 360 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,868 maybe you were related? 361 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,934 -Have you ever thought 362 00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:38,178 -Why? 363 00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:39,467 the same last name. 364 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:39,534 -Because you have 365 00:10:39,534 --> 00:10:41,878 - -He's from Ireland, man! - -Jesus Christ! Okay, look. 366 00:10:41,968 --> 00:10:43,009 Follow me here for a second... 367 00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,176 - Your mom was a giant whore, - right? 368 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,177 -Yeah. 369 00:10:45,201 --> 00:10:46,201 -Okay. 370 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,544 - So maybe she banged - her way through Ireland sometime 371 00:10:48,634 --> 00:10:50,067 In the '70s, right? 372 00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:51,877 - And maybe this is, - like, your half brother. 373 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,834 Dude, wait a second. 374 00:10:53,901 --> 00:10:56,344 - Now you're finally making some - sense here, because, like, 375 00:10:56,434 --> 00:10:58,311 - This guy is like - the Irish version of me. 376 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,243 - You know what I mean? - We're into all the same shit. 377 00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:02,267 Um, cheese, ghouls, um... 378 00:11:02,334 --> 00:11:04,434 uh, ghouls, cheese, uh... 379 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,267 Holy shit, man, this is crazy. 380 00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:07,443 - -You know what the problem is? - -Yeah. 381 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,947 - This library's got - too many books. 382 00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:11,511 - -And so what I got to do is... - -You need a phone instead. 383 00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:12,645 -Well, I got to go 384 00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:13,734 -Of? 385 00:11:12,669 --> 00:11:13,801 to the source. 386 00:11:13,801 --> 00:11:16,634 I'm gonna call my mommy. 387 00:11:16,701 --> 00:11:18,394 -(phone rings) 388 00:11:18,418 --> 00:11:20,133 -(TV playing indistinctly) 389 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,400 (grunts) 390 00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:22,578 -Hey, Mommy! 391 00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:23,734 -Who is this? 392 00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:25,734 It's... it's me, Mac. 393 00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:26,995 -Oh. 394 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,234 -Yeah, I'm in Ireland. 395 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:29,868 (grunting) 396 00:11:29,934 --> 00:11:31,868 I miss you, too. 397 00:11:31,934 --> 00:11:33,743 - -She didn't say that. - -Yes, she did. She did. 398 00:11:33,767 --> 00:11:35,476 - -Nah, she didn't. She did not. - -She totally did. Hey, Mom? 399 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,200 Um, so, anyway, um, 400 00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:38,644 we're in Ireland, and I was 401 00:11:38,668 --> 00:11:40,067 looking for Dad's house, 402 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,044 - but the address - you gave me was wrong, 403 00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:44,733 - And, like, I kind of can't find - the Luther McDonalds anywhere. 404 00:11:44,801 --> 00:11:46,968 Yeah. 405 00:11:47,033 --> 00:11:48,901 What do you mean, "yeah"? 406 00:11:48,968 --> 00:11:51,344 - Do you have any information - on Dad or our heritage? 407 00:11:51,434 --> 00:11:53,277 - -No. - -What do you mean, "no"? 408 00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:54,801 You're not Irish. 409 00:11:54,868 --> 00:11:55,895 -(bell tolls) 410 00:11:55,919 --> 00:11:56,968 -I'm not Irish? 411 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,411 - -Yeah. - -Are you joking? 412 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,011 -Nope. 413 00:12:00,035 --> 00:12:01,567 -My last name is McDonald. 414 00:12:01,634 --> 00:12:03,111 -No. 415 00:12:01,634 --> 00:12:04,634 that Dad changed his last name? 416 00:12:03,135 --> 00:12:04,701 -Are you telling me 417 00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:06,744 - -Yep. - -What's Dad's last name? 418 00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,234 Vandross. 419 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,434 Dad's name is Luther Vandross? 420 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:12,644 - -Are you messing with me? - -No. 421 00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:14,244 - -Are you Irish? - -Uh-uh. 422 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,010 - -What are you? - -Dutch. 423 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,811 - -What's Dad? - -Dutch. 424 00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:19,934 Am I Dutch?! 425 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,534 Yeah. 426 00:12:21,601 --> 00:12:22,712 No, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, 427 00:12:22,736 --> 00:12:23,868 slow down. 428 00:12:23,934 --> 00:12:25,444 Slow down, be serious, Mom, 429 00:12:25,468 --> 00:12:27,000 be serious! 430 00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:30,167 Am I Irish? 431 00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:33,334 No. 432 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,109 - Please-please tell me - th-that's not true. 433 00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:37,734 Please tell me that I'm... 434 00:12:37,801 --> 00:12:39,734 No! No! 435 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,234 You Dutch? 436 00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,077 - No, th-th-there's - no way I'm Dutch. 437 00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:44,543 - -There's no way I'm... - -(others shushing) 438 00:12:44,567 --> 00:12:46,801 You shush! You shush! 439 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:48,067 - FRANK: - Everybody was on the island 440 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,634 That weekend. 441 00:12:50,701 --> 00:12:52,334 Jizzaline... 442 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,028 the-the computer guy 443 00:12:54,052 --> 00:12:55,701 with the little weird glasses? 444 00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:57,744 - He didn't do anything - with the kids. 445 00:12:57,834 --> 00:12:58,911 But he was really 446 00:12:58,935 --> 00:13:00,033 into the manatees. 447 00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,261 Which, by the way, 448 00:13:01,285 --> 00:13:02,467 also got very sexual. 449 00:13:02,534 --> 00:13:04,010 - (stammers) - Frank... 450 00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,543 - Can you, can you - just stop talking 451 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:07,009 - About sexual things - with manatees. 452 00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,977 - The following year, - he doesn't show up, 453 00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:10,278 The manatee's 454 00:13:10,302 --> 00:13:11,534 all bent out of shape. 455 00:13:11,601 --> 00:13:13,200 Frank, can you please stop? 456 00:13:13,267 --> 00:13:14,567 I-I'm looking for someone 457 00:13:14,634 --> 00:13:16,400 and you're distracting me. 458 00:13:16,467 --> 00:13:17,628 I mean, this manatee was 459 00:13:17,652 --> 00:13:18,834 so depressed, 460 00:13:18,901 --> 00:13:20,362 she actually swam 461 00:13:20,386 --> 00:13:21,868 into a boat propeller. 462 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:24,067 Boom! Blammo! 463 00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:26,067 Mantacide. 464 00:13:26,133 --> 00:13:28,234 The moral of the story is 465 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,677 the heart wants 466 00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:31,100 what the heart wants. 467 00:13:31,167 --> 00:13:33,500 It was all consensual. 468 00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:34,544 Except for the kids, 469 00:13:34,568 --> 00:13:35,568 thus the shredding. 470 00:13:35,634 --> 00:13:37,200 (groans) 471 00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:39,344 - Wait, oh, Frank, Frank, - I've found her. 472 00:13:39,434 --> 00:13:40,894 -FRANK: Who? 473 00:13:39,434 --> 00:13:42,400 with the perfect 474 00:13:40,918 --> 00:13:42,467 -The perfect woman 475 00:13:42,467 --> 00:13:45,000 head of Irish hair. 476 00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:46,161 What, what the hell, 477 00:13:46,185 --> 00:13:47,300 what the hell is that? 478 00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:50,110 - With the hair thing... what are - you, some kind of freak? 479 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,400 Here's the thing. 480 00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:54,244 I've always noticed that 481 00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,067 redheads have a distinct odor. 482 00:13:56,133 --> 00:13:58,544 - (stammers) - A pleasant odor, to be clear. 483 00:13:58,634 --> 00:14:01,033 But, um, a peculiar scent 484 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,220 - that is quite different - than all other hair types. 485 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,678 - And I've always wondered, - like, is that a genetic thing? 486 00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:08,247 - Or is it some sort of mutation - that sprung from generations 487 00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:09,561 Of being away 488 00:14:09,585 --> 00:14:10,868 from the motherland, so... 489 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,744 - I wanted to find a native with - an authentic head of Irish hair. 490 00:14:13,834 --> 00:14:15,934 And this little lass over there 491 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,234 is the perfect specimen. 492 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,744 - -Uh-huh. - -The perfect woman, I mean. 493 00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,344 - (stammers) - Woman. 494 00:14:22,434 --> 00:14:23,767 She's the perfect woman. 495 00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:25,467 I'll be back. 496 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,934 (sighs) 497 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,767 Hi, how are you? 498 00:14:30,834 --> 00:14:32,234 Lovely. How are you? 499 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,944 - I'm great, I'm great. - Are you from Ireland? 500 00:14:33,968 --> 00:14:35,277 - (laughs) - How'd you guess? 501 00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:36,528 -(laughs, sniffs) 502 00:14:36,552 --> 00:14:37,734 -Oi! 503 00:14:37,801 --> 00:14:39,178 -Liar! 504 00:14:39,202 --> 00:14:40,601 -What the hell are you doing? 505 00:14:40,667 --> 00:14:43,177 - What the hell are you doing? - You're not Irish. 506 00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:44,744 - Or if you are, - that-that's a wig. 507 00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:46,367 There's no smell at all to you. 508 00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:47,577 - Am I to believe - that you're a natural redhead 509 00:14:47,601 --> 00:14:48,934 And yet there's no odor? 510 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,161 No odor at all? 511 00:14:50,185 --> 00:14:51,367 No, I don't believe you. 512 00:14:51,434 --> 00:14:52,728 Are you okay, hon? 513 00:14:52,752 --> 00:14:54,067 You seem a little nutted. 514 00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:56,177 - Oh, no, I'm fine. - If anyone's nutted, it's you. 515 00:14:56,267 --> 00:14:57,976 - Okay, if "nutted" means - that you're a liar. 516 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,976 - -Have you got a temp check yet? - -What are you talk...? 517 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,544 - Don't-don't point - that thing at me. 518 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,968 Jesus. You have a fever. 519 00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:04,500 Okay, well, if I'm hot, 520 00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:06,778 - it's only because you've - riled me up with your lies. 521 00:15:06,868 --> 00:15:09,508 - My friend and I have traveled a - long way to this country and... 522 00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,661 -Is that him? 523 00:15:10,685 --> 00:15:11,834 -Yeah. 524 00:15:11,901 --> 00:15:13,621 - You can't dump - your rubbish in the beer! 525 00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:15,028 That's not rubbish, 526 00:15:15,052 --> 00:15:16,434 it's, uh, shredded documents 527 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,678 - from a sex island, it's... - I'm not gonna explain it 528 00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:20,743 - To you because, uh, - it sounds worse than it is. 529 00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:21,868 You need to leave! 530 00:15:21,934 --> 00:15:23,494 - I'm going to leave. - I want to leave. 531 00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,477 - I'm gonna go find - real Irish people, 532 00:15:25,567 --> 00:15:27,577 - Who have odors and don't - make people smell them, 533 00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:30,110 - Only to find out - that they have no odor at all! 534 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,968 That's crazy! 535 00:15:32,033 --> 00:15:34,200 Good day to you. 536 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,911 - Hey, Frank, - we got to go, man, come on. 537 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,411 - We're getting kicked out. - Someone lied and I got angry. 538 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,500 - -Oh. - -(phone ringing) 539 00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:42,934 (groans) Wait a minute. 540 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,500 Hold on a second. 541 00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:46,728 -Hey, Charlie! 542 00:15:46,752 --> 00:15:47,934 -Yo, Frank. 543 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,845 - Hey, man. - Can you come pick us up? 544 00:15:49,934 --> 00:15:51,643 - We got booted out of the library - 'cause Mac's freaking out. 545 00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,300 He just found out he's Dutch. 546 00:15:53,367 --> 00:15:54,411 Aw, that's gonna be 547 00:15:54,435 --> 00:15:55,500 a whole thing. 548 00:15:55,567 --> 00:15:57,043 - Oh, dude, - it's a whole thing already. 549 00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:58,376 - He's being super annoying - about it. 550 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,344 - We just got tossed - out of this pub, 551 00:16:00,434 --> 00:16:02,578 - Because Dennis was smelling - somebody's hair. 552 00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:04,977 - You can't smell something - that's got no odor, Frank. 553 00:16:05,067 --> 00:16:06,611 - Oh, really? - (chuckles) Weird. 554 00:16:06,701 --> 00:16:08,500 Hey, look, dude, I found out 555 00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,476 - I might have, like, - a half brother or something. 556 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,610 - So maybe we can, like, take this - trip out to the countryside? 557 00:16:12,634 --> 00:16:14,376 - I'd really love - to meet up with this guy. 558 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,534 A brother? That's weird. 559 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,234 Well, the country sounds good. 560 00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,177 - I can fold in - my shred-and-spread. 561 00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:22,010 - Oh, you're doing - a shred-and-spread? 562 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:23,810 - We haven't done - one of those in years, man! 563 00:16:23,834 --> 00:16:25,601 I'm gonna kill myself, Frank. 564 00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:28,076 - He's not really gonna do it, - dude, he's just being dramatic. 565 00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:29,111 -Do it, bitch! 566 00:16:29,135 --> 00:16:30,167 -Yeah, do it, bitch. 567 00:16:30,234 --> 00:16:31,543 - I'm not really gonna do it. - It's just a cry for help. 568 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:33,643 - Yeah, no shit! Just-just - come pick us up, all right? 569 00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:35,734 All right, all right, goodbye! 570 00:16:35,801 --> 00:16:37,143 - -Wait, let me get this bag... - -Let's go. 571 00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:38,577 - Come on, let's get - this stuff out of here. 572 00:16:38,601 --> 00:16:39,944 - This is ridiculous, man. - What are you doing? 573 00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:41,343 - You're throwing it in a keg, - seriously? 574 00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,607 - What, what are you gonna do? - I got to get rid of 'em. 575 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:53,010 - She has arrived, the obnoxious - American MILF is walking! 576 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,133 The MILF is walking. 577 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,478 -You're two hours late. 578 00:16:56,502 --> 00:16:57,801 -Am I now? Oh, gosh. Well, 579 00:16:57,868 --> 00:17:00,009 - I did get caught up in a little - bit of a shred-and-spread, 580 00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:01,476 - Plus it's hard to tell - with the time difference. 581 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:03,444 - Um, you can show me - to my trailer now. 582 00:17:03,534 --> 00:17:05,310 - And I'd love a cup of coffee... - Two creams, please? 583 00:17:05,334 --> 00:17:06,544 - -Uh... - -Holy shit. 584 00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:07,901 What? 585 00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:09,434 I am so confused. 586 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,267 Is this more makeup? 587 00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,100 (stammers, gasps) 588 00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:15,868 Oh, goddamn! I mean... 589 00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:17,594 Yeah, yeah, it looks 590 00:17:17,618 --> 00:17:19,300 as though the makeup 591 00:17:19,367 --> 00:17:20,978 did redistribute down 592 00:17:21,002 --> 00:17:22,634 into my, my eye area. 593 00:17:22,701 --> 00:17:24,200 I think just a quick touch-up 594 00:17:24,267 --> 00:17:26,177 - from a professional - would do the trick. 595 00:17:26,267 --> 00:17:27,976 - Okay, ma'am, I don't know - what's going on with you, 596 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,778 - -but please leave my set. - -Hmm? 597 00:17:29,868 --> 00:17:31,810 - No, no, no, no... no, come on. - Give me a chance, please. 598 00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:34,311 - I can still be an obnoxious - American mom you'd like to F! 599 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,033 Please, just give me a chance. 600 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:38,544 - I'm sorry, - we've already recast your part. 601 00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:43,601 You! 602 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:45,300 Do you two know each other? 603 00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:46,744 -What are you doing here? 604 00:17:46,768 --> 00:17:48,167 -What are you doing here? 605 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,444 - -I asked you first! - -Okay! 606 00:17:49,534 --> 00:17:51,444 - I've just been - backpacking across Europe. 607 00:17:51,534 --> 00:17:53,143 - About an hour ago, - some guy approached me, 608 00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:54,877 - Said I'd be perfect - for an obnoxious American MILF. 609 00:17:54,901 --> 00:17:56,434 Here I am. 610 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:57,976 - You don't know what you're - doing! You're not even an actor. 611 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,678 - -Neither are you. - -Oh, you bitch! 612 00:17:59,767 --> 00:17:59,767 - -Oh, you dumb bitch! - -Okay. 613 00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,634 -Security! 614 00:18:01,701 --> 00:18:02,810 - -Get this woman off my set! - -Don't you start! 615 00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:03,945 - -Security! - -Don't you... 616 00:18:04,033 --> 00:18:05,833 - Come on, man! - Okay, okay, okay, it's fine! 617 00:18:05,901 --> 00:18:07,911 - Okay, it's fine. - Everyone, listen, please. 618 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,334 Please, please, I'm begging you. 619 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,976 - I'm begging you... - I need this so bad! 620 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,467 I need this worse 621 00:18:12,534 --> 00:18:14,176 - than I've ever needed - anything in my entire life. 622 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,480 Please give me a role, any role. 623 00:18:15,534 --> 00:18:16,844 A speaking role. 624 00:18:16,868 --> 00:18:18,200 I'll say anything. 625 00:18:20,234 --> 00:18:22,701 I'll also do anything. 626 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:24,367 That won't be necessary. 627 00:18:24,434 --> 00:18:26,334 Is it the black eyes, like...? 628 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,610 - Because I don't trade roles - for sex. 629 00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:29,143 - Oh, goddamn feminists - ruin everything. 630 00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,476 - -Come on, man. - -Okay, okay, okay. 631 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:31,528 L-Look, we're 632 00:18:31,552 --> 00:18:32,601 casting for the role 633 00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:35,044 - of "abused wife" for a scene - that shoots tomorrow. 634 00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:37,177 - -Huh? - -It's only one line, but... 635 00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:39,227 - I suppose given - your current face situation... 636 00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,567 Yes, I'll take it! I'll nail it! 637 00:18:41,634 --> 00:18:44,077 - I'm gonna be fucking hilarious! - Oh, my God! 638 00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:46,344 - You'll see, - you'll see how funny I am. 639 00:18:46,434 --> 00:18:48,144 - -The role is "abused wife." - -Yeah. 640 00:18:48,234 --> 00:18:49,968 There's nothing funny about it. 641 00:18:50,033 --> 00:18:52,300 Oh, dramatic role. 642 00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:54,211 - Even better. - That's where the awards are. 643 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,711 - Yeah, whatever. Just be here - tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. 644 00:18:56,801 --> 00:18:58,577 - -Okay, yep, yep. No, I won't. - -And don't be late. 645 00:18:58,601 --> 00:19:00,977 - Abused wife! - Is it Abused Wife Number One? 646 00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:02,678 Or... It doesn't matter. 647 00:19:02,702 --> 00:19:04,334 Oh, my God, I'm gonna nail it. 648 00:19:05,601 --> 00:19:06,895 DENNIS: 649 00:19:05,601 --> 00:19:08,234 this driving experience has 650 00:19:06,919 --> 00:19:08,300 Well, gentlemen, 651 00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:09,944 - become much more charming - now that I've 652 00:19:09,968 --> 00:19:09,968 - -switched to driving - on the correct side of the road. 653 00:19:09,968 --> 00:19:12,400 -Huh? 654 00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:12,467 - -(horn honks) - -See, the Irish are 655 00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,033 So accommodating. 656 00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:16,578 - They-they don't want to drive - headfirst into a maniac. 657 00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:17,861 -They will simply move 658 00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:19,100 -Uh-huh. 659 00:19:17,885 --> 00:19:19,167 to avoid us. 660 00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:20,778 -Uh-huh. 661 00:19:20,802 --> 00:19:22,434 -(coughing) 662 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,734 Dude, are you sick? 663 00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:25,812 (coughing): 664 00:19:25,836 --> 00:19:26,868 I'm not sick. 665 00:19:26,934 --> 00:19:28,345 I think I'm c-coughing 'cause 666 00:19:28,369 --> 00:19:29,801 of all the European exhaust. 667 00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:31,061 The air is probably thick 668 00:19:31,085 --> 00:19:32,300 with, uh, petrol. 669 00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:33,934 He can't smell nothing. 670 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,611 - -Plus he's got a fever. - -What? 671 00:19:35,701 --> 00:19:37,444 - Do you think you might - have COVID, dude? 672 00:19:37,534 --> 00:19:39,400 I-I don't have COVID, okay? 673 00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:39,467 - -It's probably just, like, - allergies or something. 674 00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,434 -(horn honking) 675 00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:43,667 You know? Swerve, asshole! 676 00:19:43,734 --> 00:19:45,610 - Do you want to collide - with an oncoming car?! 677 00:19:45,634 --> 00:19:47,968 (coughing) 678 00:19:48,033 --> 00:19:50,534 Oh, my God, I'm on a call sheet! 679 00:19:50,601 --> 00:19:51,878 That's my name! 680 00:19:51,902 --> 00:19:53,200 I can't believe this! 681 00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:55,534 I'm gonna be an abused wife! 682 00:19:55,601 --> 00:19:57,267 Oh! 683 00:19:57,334 --> 00:19:58,595 This is the greatest day 684 00:19:58,619 --> 00:19:59,901 of my life... oh, shit! 685 00:19:59,968 --> 00:20:01,610 - Got to look right - when you're in Ireland. 686 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,778 - -That would've been stupid... - -(tires screech) 687 00:20:03,868 --> 00:20:05,467 (all shouting) 688 00:20:05,534 --> 00:20:07,211 - -Oh! - -Oh, shit! 689 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:08,878 - -Oh, G... - -No. 690 00:20:08,968 --> 00:20:10,411 - -That's not good. - -Come on. 691 00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,761 -Aw, man! 692 00:20:11,785 --> 00:20:13,067 -Oh, goddamn it, Dee! 693 00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:14,767 Why weren't you looking? 694 00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:14,834 - -Well, she looked right. - -Well, you got 695 00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:17,000 To look both ways. 696 00:20:17,067 --> 00:20:19,277 - I mean, - that's standard shit, man. 697 00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:21,143 - All right, well, don't yell - at her... she's unconscious. 698 00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:23,009 - CHARLIE: All right, you know - what, Frank, give her some stew. 699 00:20:23,033 --> 00:20:24,911 - -I finished the stew. - -All right, uh, maybe 700 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,778 - Breathe your stewy breath - in her face? 701 00:20:26,868 --> 00:20:27,895 Stew and stew breath 702 00:20:27,919 --> 00:20:28,968 have never... 703 00:20:29,033 --> 00:20:30,500 (coughing) 704 00:20:30,567 --> 00:20:32,467 You definitely have COVID, man. 705 00:20:32,534 --> 00:20:35,010 - You're the only one - that didn't get vaccinated. 706 00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:36,544 I'm fine, I'm fine. Now, we 707 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,033 told Dee that we were gonna 708 00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:39,910 - pick her up from her acting gig, - and that's what we're gonna do. 709 00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,544 - We're gonna, - we're gonna pick her up. 710 00:20:41,634 --> 00:20:43,467 Pick her up? I mean... 711 00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,611 - she's all gangly - and then I'm gonna be crammed 712 00:20:45,701 --> 00:20:47,541 - In the backseat - with an unconscious person. 713 00:20:47,601 --> 00:20:49,578 - Like, is there - anything else we can do? 714 00:20:51,434 --> 00:20:53,434 ♪ ♪ 715 00:20:54,734 --> 00:20:56,467 (grunting) 716 00:20:56,534 --> 00:20:58,410 - All right, th-this is - just gonna be much better, 717 00:20:58,434 --> 00:20:58,434 - -I think, you know? - -We should've done this 718 00:20:58,434 --> 00:21:00,534 From the very beginning. 719 00:21:00,601 --> 00:21:01,712 -Yeah! 720 00:21:00,601 --> 00:21:02,868 we're finally on vacation. 721 00:21:01,736 --> 00:21:02,934 -Guys, I think 722 00:21:02,934 --> 00:21:04,934 ♪ Hey! ♪ 723 00:21:43,801 --> 00:21:46,734 (trio chanting backwards) 724 00:21:46,801 --> 00:21:46,801 - Captioned by - Media Access Group at WGBH 725 00:21:46,801 --> 00:21:49,300 Access.wgbh.org