1 00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,938 (grunting) 2 00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:09,308 Man Seeking Woman. All new, Wednesdays at 10:30. 3 00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:10,743 On FXX. 4 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,415 FXX presents It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. 5 00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,488 BILL: You really think Jack can handle this case? 6 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,023 CHARLIE: Yeah, he's a lawyer. 7 00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:25,457 FRANK: Besides, Bill, you're broke. 8 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,959 He's the best lawyer you can afford. 9 00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:28,527 Yeah, Bill, you got to relax, okay? Uncle Jack 10 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,230 and I... we got this case. Now-now, listen to me. 11 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,065 Liam McPoyle's gonna come at you hard, all right? 12 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,200 But-but I've done my research. I got something with this 13 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,702 bird theory that's gonna blow the court away. I-I... 14 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,237 I don't... I don't think we should pursue 15 00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,738 this bird nonsense, Charlie. Yes. 16 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,373 I-I'm well-versed in bird law. Look, 17 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,976 Pondy, keep your eye on the prize. 18 00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:46,211 This goes well, it's party time. 19 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,679 What is that? 20 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,515 Is that... is that drugs, Frank? Yeah. 21 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:50,883 No, dude, I need you keeping him clean, 22 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,151 all right? That's why you're here. 23 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,152 I got to have the drugs here 24 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,319 to keep him clean. 25 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:55,387 Well, that doesn't make sense. 26 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,688 I... Get rid of the drugs, Frank. 27 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,357 I-I don't want that. Hey, boys. 28 00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,492 You ready for the big show? Yes, good, how you feeling? 29 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,094 You good, you do your homework, you know your talking points? Yeah. 30 00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:03,896 Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, cool as a cucumber. 31 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,831 You can... you can get off my back. Well, don't sass me, 32 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,699 I just... It was just a general Well, then don't hound me. 33 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,902 Question, Dee. I'm just saying if you don't want sass, 34 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,004 then you should probably stop being a hound. All right, whatever. 35 00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:13,572 Mac, why are you here? 36 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,241 This is your big day, dude. McPoyle suing Ponderosa? 37 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,243 It's huge, it's like the trial of the century. 38 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,679 Come on, man, everybody's got a thing. Don't leave me out. 39 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:24,016 Frank's got a thing, Dee's got a thing. Dennis has got a thing. 40 00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:25,284 Dennis has a thing... What are you talking about? 41 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:28,353 Oh! D... What are you doing here? 42 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,621 There's got to be a way to get this court 43 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,223 to let me out of my alimony payments. 44 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,625 I mean, have you guys seen Maureen? The woman has gone 45 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,027 almost full cat. It's-it's madness. 46 00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:36,695 I shouldn't have to pay for that, 47 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,564 so I'm gonna talk to the judge, get him to throw it 48 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:39,865 on the docket, you know what I mean? 49 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,266 No, absolutely not. 50 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,601 That's gonna distract from my case. 51 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,702 Buddy, you don't have a case, okay? 52 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,204 You are not a lawyer. 53 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:46,805 Uncle Jack's just got you here handling 54 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,273 his papers for him 'cause he can't do it 55 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,608 'cause he's wearing those goddamn... 56 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,877 big hands over his hands. 57 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,146 I don't know what that is. What is that? I don't know what it is. 58 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,948 All right, well, either way, this whole thing's gonna be 59 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,583 a goddamn fiasco, and I'm gonna enjoy every second of it. 60 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,718 No, it's gonna go fine. No, it isn't. 61 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,653 No, it's gonna be fine. This is hardly the trial 62 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,957 of the century. Everything's gonna go just great. 63 00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,849 On a scale of one to ten, how much sass 64 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,751 are you gonna give me today? A-Are you serious? 65 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,687 And hello to... you all. 66 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,322 What's the Jew lawyer doing here? 67 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,924 Not Jewish, and even if I was, 68 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,093 what difference would it make? 69 00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:42,661 I meant that as a compliment. 70 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,130 Everybody knows Jews are the best lawyers. 71 00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,766 I can't wait to crush you people. 72 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:50,602 I'll be representing Liam McPoyle today. 73 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,304 Where is Liam? Well, he actually got pinkeye 74 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,106 in his one good eye. 75 00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:56,875 Well, in truth, someone named Doc McPoyle 76 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,945 attempted to put some sort of healing milk in his pinkeye 77 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,947 and it got infected, but that doesn't matter. 78 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,382 The point is... 79 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,984 you'll be dealing with me today. 80 00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,187 And you'll be dealing with me today. 81 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,955 Jack Kelly, lawyer. 82 00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,157 Good to see you again. 83 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,059 Are those fake hands? 84 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,995 No. Are those fake hands? 85 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:20,132 You know what, good luck with all of that today. 86 00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:22,201 (sighs) 87 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,471 Did you see his hands? They're beautiful. 88 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,507 I think we should settle. What... Jesus Christ. 89 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,676 I'm going to prison. It's gonna be fine. 90 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,377 67th District Court is now in session. 91 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,313 Judge Clarence Melvoy presiding. 92 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,915 Please remove your hats and turn off your cell phones. 93 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:40,752 Okay. We have McPoyle v. Ponderosa. 94 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:43,388 Seeking damages for the loss of an eye in the form 95 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,258 of a one-time payment to the sum of... 96 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,727 $200. 97 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,229 Are the plaintiffs present? 98 00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,263 I will be representing 99 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,497 the plaintiffs, Your Honor. 100 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,766 The defendants? Uh, yes, Your Honor. 101 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:58,003 And I just, uh, wanted to say I'm very excited 102 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,272 to be here. I do estate law, 103 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,441 and this is my first actual trial. 104 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:05,544 Uh, Your Honor, and if I may, uh, Charlie Kelly, cocounsel. 105 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,579 Uh, background in bird law, uh... 106 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,916 Nephew. Yeah. But excited to be, uh, in the people's court 107 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,251 a-and a big fan of black judges, 108 00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:13,919 too. Stop touching me. 109 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:17,022 Okay. Look. 110 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,391 All I need are the facts to this case. 111 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,360 I have a very long day ahead of me, 112 00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:25,097 so I'm gonna need to keep this thing moving. 113 00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,232 Are you gonna bang the, uh... Yeah, yeah. 114 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:29,768 The-the hammer? Do we...? Is there a...? 115 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,270 Here we go? 116 00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:33,772 Hey. (chuckles) That's the... 117 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,040 Awesome. Yeah. 118 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,642 It's cool, right? Yeah, nice. 119 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,977 LAWYER: Your Honor, 120 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:42,414 Friday the 13th was a night of chaos. 121 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,815 Milk, 122 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,485 spiked with bath salts by this man, 123 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,654 Bill Ponderosa, 124 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,089 was served to the wedding guests. 125 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,659 Now, my client is odd. 126 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,662 You might even refer to his family as... 127 00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,432 ...very creepy. 128 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,467 But they are saints compared 129 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,102 to Bill Ponderosa 130 00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,638 and the sordid lot of degenerates 131 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,573 he associates with. 132 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:11,410 Terrible people who ruin lives. 133 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:14,079 Ruined mine, cost my client his marriage, 134 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:17,249 ruined my first, now my second one is teetering. 135 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,851 You know what... 136 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,453 I'm gonna sit down. 137 00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:22,954 I'm done. 138 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,657 They just do this to me, okay? 139 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,759 You get the point. 140 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,594 UNCLE JACK: Uh, Your Honor, I'll-I'll, uh, 141 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:30,996 I'll keep it brief. 142 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,699 I just have three things to say. 143 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,501 Uh, one: 144 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:40,172 Liam McPoyle has a history of lying. 145 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,874 Two: My client is a loving 146 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,444 family man. 147 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,646 And three: 148 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,015 He is innocent. 149 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,654 Deandra Reynolds, 150 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,056 you were the one that told the police that Bill had 151 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,826 spiked the punch with bath salts. That's correct. 152 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,894 But you didn't actually see him do it, did you? 153 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,797 No, I did not. So is it possible that, 154 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,967 given the traumatic nature of the evening, 155 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,169 that you don't remember the evening 156 00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,171 all that well? Yes, that's correct. 157 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,140 My car was destroyed and I was locked into a freezer. 158 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,808 My memory was clouded by rage, 159 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,710 and so I misremembered the incident. 160 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:22,314 An understandable mistake. Could happen to any one of us. 161 00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:25,150 For example, you remember me, possibly, 162 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,386 as a man with small hands. 163 00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,987 Yeah, you think... 164 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,056 What... you think, "He had small hands." 165 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,157 Do you remember that? 166 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,358 Yeah, sure, okay. 167 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,827 What you remember is false. 168 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:36,928 O-Okay. Yup. 169 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,897 Big, masculine. 170 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,333 My hands tell a story 171 00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:43,335 of greatness. 172 00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:45,771 And when you look at my right hand... MELVOY: I'm gonna st... 173 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,606 uh, uh, I'm gonna stop you 174 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:48,907 right now. Are you just gonna 175 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,675 talk about your hands for a while? 176 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,878 Uh, no, Your Honor. 177 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,680 No more questions for the witness. 178 00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,416 (sighs) Deandra, 179 00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:59,751 here is the statement that you gave 180 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,052 to police. 181 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,888 "Bill did it. That goddamn drug addict 182 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,123 "is out of his mind. I'll testify to that. 183 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,392 "I swear on my mother's grave that Bill spiked 184 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,060 "that milk, no doubt about it. 185 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:11,563 He's guilty, guilty, guilty." 186 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,964 DEE: Uh... 187 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,132 Have you ever had sex 188 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,535 with Bill before? 189 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,036 Yeah. 190 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,638 Yes, sure. Because we-we were... 191 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,640 We had a... We were sort of... 192 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,208 We were lovers for a little... 193 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,076 One of his prostitutes, right. 194 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,578 Prostitutes? 195 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:30,715 Um, I have a receipt for a mink coat, 196 00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:32,384 recently purchased by a Bill Ponderosa 197 00:07:32,386 --> 00:07:36,388 to be delivered to a Dee Reynolds. 198 00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:38,323 A gift? 199 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,759 Yes. I had a birthday. 200 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:41,893 Six months ago. 201 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,128 Uh... Are you aware 202 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,629 that the coat was purchased 203 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,666 at Doyle McPoyle's Trappings and Fur? 204 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:48,934 No. Or that the coat 205 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,502 was not made of mink at all 206 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,938 but rather made of... muskrat? 207 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:56,007 Muskrat? Goddamn muskrat? Are you kidding me, 208 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,343 Bill? Okay, you know what, fine, he spiked it. 209 00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:01,146 (murmuring) I'm sorry. What did you say? 210 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,014 He spiked it and then he tried to bribe me. 211 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,083 (groaning) 212 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:07,252 No further questions, Your Honor. 213 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:10,489 Ma'am, do you know what perjury is? 214 00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,757 Mm-hmm. 215 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,593 CHARLIE: Oh, this is terrible. 216 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,094 Well, he shouldn't be... This is terrible. 217 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,662 Wow, you guys are getting crushed in there. 218 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,498 Yeah. Oh, I know. Hey, thanks, Mac. Hi. Great. 219 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,633 Hey, you know, I feel like I'm not being utilized properly. 220 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,968 Well, that's 'cause you don't have anything. 221 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,503 So you're not being utilized at all. 222 00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,505 Yeah, but what if I get to deliver the bombshell? 223 00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:29,174 Oh. What bombshell? 224 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,610 You guys don't have a bombshell? Oh, my God. 225 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,645 Every good case needs a bombshell. 226 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,280 Oh, Jesus Christ, and, without it, 227 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,649 you're screwed. You know what, you know what? Okay. 228 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,651 I'll find one for you. I'm gonna do, like, a hero cop, 229 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,219 Mark Fuhrman thing... Oh, Mark Furhman. No... 230 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,454 and then sort of transition into a Kato Kaelin. 231 00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:44,222 Yeah, I wish you would do none of it. 232 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,624 Okay. All right. Cool. I wish you'd do none of it, man. 233 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,058 I'm on it, I'm on it. Shit. Okay. All right. 234 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,127 Ah, why can't people just stay out of this? 235 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,029 Yeah, look, there's potentially... That-That's my bird expert. 236 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,632 He's from Penn. The guy... Like, he's totally official, okay? 237 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,967 Let me do the bird thing. He's an ornithologist. I don't think it's a good... 238 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,502 I'm gonna kill, man. I know, but, Charlie, I'm just... 239 00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:58,803 Uncle Jack, put me back on the stand. What? 240 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,405 No, we cannot. Are you kidding me? 241 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:01,873 You're lucky you didn't get sent to jail. 242 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,408 Yeah, I know. But I think this could work. 243 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:04,976 I'm gonna say I found some bullshit online 244 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,079 that proves that lawyer's Jewish. Oh. 245 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,749 So what? So what? He'll be a laughingstock. 246 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,984 (laughs) Yes. Yes. Right? 247 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,753 Because the man is Jewish? 248 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:19,424 No. What? No. Not because he's... Well, that's what 249 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,893 it sounds like you're saying. N-Not because he's Jewish. Because he's a liar 250 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,662 and because he's embarrassed about being Jewish. 251 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:24,996 I mean, what is that? 252 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,665 Dee, you blew it. Like, big-time. 253 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,667 I wish you guys would just stay out of this. 254 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,509 I-I didn't... I-I... (groans) 255 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:38,109 Maureen, you are the sister of Bill Ponderosa, 256 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,079 and it was at your wedding that Liam got attacked? 257 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,381 Meow. Mmm. 258 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,785 Your Honor, nothing represents the tragic aftermath 259 00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,888 more than the dramatic transformation of this woman... 260 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,591 Uh, cat. Excuse me? 261 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,259 As I transition from woman to cat, 262 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:58,029 I must insist on being referred to as a cat. 263 00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,465 Objection. She's not a cat, Your Honor. 264 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,734 (hisses) (gallery gasping) 265 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:05,070 If the witness wants to consider herself a cat, I will allow it. 266 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,938 I just need to know where all this is headed. 267 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,573 How is this relevant? 268 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,208 Well, it's clearly relevant 269 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,310 the attack had a psychological impact 270 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:15,113 on all the parties that evening. 271 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,282 No further questions. 272 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:20,719 Y-Your Honor, do you see what's going on here? This is crazy. 273 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:23,788 You know what, I'm gonna... I'm gonna approach the bench. No. 274 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,057 Can I just approach it real fast? Absolutely not. 275 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,793 All right, earlier, you-you referred to my ex-wife as a cat, 276 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,796 per her request. Uh, now, surely, you wouldn't force a man 277 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,798 to pay alimony to a cat, right? 278 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,901 So motion to establish me not having to pay alimony anymore. 279 00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,437 I will not allow that. Okay, well, so can we just... we'll pop it on the docket? 280 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:41,406 We can put it at the end of the day if you want. 281 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,508 I just want to clear it up while I got her in a courtroom. 282 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,977 I will not allow that, either. Sit down. 283 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,979 Now you don't allow something. Now you don't allow something! 284 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,081 Allow all this. You gonna allow that? 285 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,785 You know? But you don't... Okay, I'm good. Goddamn it. 286 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,353 UNCLE JACK: Frank, 287 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,689 did you go to the wedding? I did. 288 00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:00,492 And I snuck Ryan up in the trunk of my car. 289 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:03,995 He hadn't been invited to the wedding, on account of the beef with Liam. 290 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,865 And I had him in the trunk of the car, on account of I didn't want to sit with him 291 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,299 'cause he's gross. Right. 292 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,036 (chuckles) And, uh, uh, 293 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:14,539 what did Ryan say to you when you got to the wedding? 294 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,941 "I'm gonna kill Maureen Ponderosa." 295 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:21,279 So, if there's someone to point the finger at, it would be... 296 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,481 his brother! (gallery gasping) 297 00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,885 Oh, my God! Oh, my God, nobody look! 298 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,320 Nobody look! Nobody look! 299 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,890 Nobody look! Nobody look! 300 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,558 Nobody look! 301 00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:36,461 Now, you've stabbed 302 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,229 your brother before, correct? 303 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,998 Oh, sure. 304 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,499 And you were upset at the wedding. 305 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:45,336 So it's not crazy for me to ask you this. 306 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,907 Ryan McPoyle, did you attack your brother at the wedding? 307 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:52,177 Oh. I'm not Ryan. 308 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:55,246 What, you're not? Nope. 309 00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:58,249 I'm Lion. Like the animal. 310 00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,818 Lion McPoyle. 311 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,986 Wh-Why are you on the stand? 312 00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,588 Because you said "his brother" 313 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,690 and threw your big fake hand at me. 314 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:08,259 O-Okay. Ryan's at home with Liam, taking care of his infected eye. 315 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,894 Okay, uh, uh, boy, let's, uh, 316 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,897 str-strike that, uh, hand comment from the record. 317 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,333 Uh, would you happen to know 318 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,502 if Ryan stabbed his brother in the eye? 319 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,404 Oh, yeah. I know. He totally did it. 320 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,506 (gallery murmuring) Well, then I guess 321 00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:24,042 we will never know, ladies and gentlemen. 322 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,777 Uncle Jack, he just confessed! 323 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,412 He did? Yes! 324 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,681 Yeah, Ryan stabbed Liam. I totally saw it. 325 00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:31,583 Oh, my God! We won! 326 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:32,851 (light cheering and applause) 327 00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:33,885 We... you did it. 328 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,787 We did it. How did I do it? 329 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,690 Lion, was Ryan drinking milk at the wedding? 330 00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,391 Of course. Everyone was. 331 00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:43,728 So who did the stabbing doesn't matter, Your Honor, 332 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,764 because they were all still drugged 333 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,767 on Bill Ponderosa's spiked milk, 334 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,870 which is the point I've been trying to make the entire time. 335 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:55,473 So just to be clear, you've proven my case. 336 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,642 You lose. 337 00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:01,079 (gallery groaning) (sighs) I can't follow any of this. 338 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,249 What? Guys, I got it. 339 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,884 You-you got what? 340 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,386 I got the bombshell. 341 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,388 UNCLE JACK: Okay, Mr. McDonald, 342 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:14,058 you recently found out some very interesting information. 343 00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,227 Care to share it with the court? 344 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,563 Yes. I've recently been informed 345 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:22,967 that Ryan McPoyle only drinks mother's milk! 346 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,069 (gallery gasping, murmuring) Which means there's no way 347 00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:28,139 he could have drank the milk that Bill spiked, 348 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,742 which means he was sober when he attacked his brother, 349 00:13:30,744 --> 00:13:32,477 which means Bill is innocent! 350 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,113 Case closed! Kaboom! 351 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,182 Bombshell! 352 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:38,650 (laughs) 353 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,351 I did it. I did it, black judge. I did it. 354 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:43,288 Mr... Mr. McDonald, how did you come upon this information? 355 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,924 Oh, I banged Margaret McPoyle. I'm curious 356 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:49,194 how she told you, because Margaret is a mute. 357 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:52,697 Well, guess what, smart guy, I had her write it down. 358 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:57,669 One more thing, Your Honor. Margaret, you carry a picture 359 00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:00,104 of Mother with you at all times, don't you? 360 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,666 Do you mind showing that to the court? 361 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,912 (gallery gasping) 362 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,649 LAWYER: Your Honor, 363 00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:14,452 Mother is the name of the McPoyle family cow. 364 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,821 The cow that provided the milk for the wedding. 365 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,957 The milk that was drugged by... 366 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:22,293 Bill Ponderosa. 367 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,296 That mute bitch lied to me for sex. 368 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,031 Bombshell diffused. 369 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,867 Abramowitz! (gallery murmuring) 370 00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:32,637 Your great-grandmother's last name was Abramowitz. 371 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,539 I found it on an ancestry Web site. 372 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:40,979 That makes you a dirty liar because you are Jewish. 373 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,747 (gallery groaning and murmuring) 374 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:45,149 Okay, I... That came out kind of bad. 375 00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:47,485 I-I'm not disgusted by the Jewish part. 376 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,587 It's the... it's the lying part that I was talking about. 377 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:53,057 This dirty liar is a Jew... 378 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,059 ish man. 379 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,061 Recess? 380 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,897 CHARLIE: Oh, God! 381 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,698 Oh, that stupid Dee. All right, calm down, calm down. 382 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,567 Look, as the great Johnnie Cochran once said, 383 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,402 if the glove doesn't fit, give up. 384 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,337 That's not what he said! That's not... It... 385 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,839 How are you a lawyer, Jack? All right... 386 00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:09,774 I mean, I know more than you. All right, look... 387 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,576 Watch your voice. Watch your voice. Okay, okay, let's just... 388 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,211 let me do my bird thing. Okay, Bill, 389 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,879 I want to do the bird thing. Can we just do it...? 390 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,447 Yeah, that's great. No, let's do the bird thing. 391 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,182 You're good with it now? Okay. Love it, yeah. 392 00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,418 Jesus, son, what'd you cut this with? Shut up, bitch. 393 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,587 Son? Your... This is... Your son is your dealer? 394 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,922 He's reliable. 395 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,723 Oh, God. Frank, what are you doing, man? 396 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,859 Come on, reign it in. I paid for it. 397 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,295 I'm gonna do it. Hey, fat ass, this asshole's short 30 bucks. 398 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,597 Go steal another set of my golf clubs, you piece of shit. 399 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,632 (bleep) you. Piss off. 400 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,567 Guys, guys, we're doing the bird theory, all right? All right. 401 00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,603 All right. All right. All right. I'm taking the lead here, okay? 402 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,371 Yeah. All right, let's do it. Birds on three. 403 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,473 ALL: One, two, three. Birds! Those are just ridiculous, man. 404 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,476 It's like three hands... like eight hands out there. Yeah. 405 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,278 CHARLIE: Your Honor, 406 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,147 this is the McPoyle family crest. 407 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,716 On it you will find a bird... 408 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,285 A Pocono swallow, to be more accurate. 409 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,987 A very rare, very elusive bird. 410 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,488 You'll notice its trademark 411 00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,959 unibrow, highly uncommon in most aviary circles. 412 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,560 And my research shows 413 00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,563 that unlike your typical North American barn swallow, 414 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:08,466 the Pocono swallow, if kept under the proper conditions, 415 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,469 can live as long as 80 to even 85 years, 416 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,171 much like a parrot 417 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,673 or some of the more resilient coastal gulls. 418 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,509 Your Honor, where is this going? 419 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:22,146 I don't know, but it'd better lead somewhere fast. 420 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,514 Your Honor, I can assure you 421 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,016 that this will be our final argument. 422 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,818 Well, if it's gonna help end all of this madness, 423 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,252 I'll allow it. 424 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:29,620 Thank you, Your Honor. 425 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,522 Now, there was another member 426 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,358 of the McPoyle family clan at the wedding 427 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,826 the night of the incident. 428 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:37,161 A member that none of us have met. 429 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,330 Certainly not anyone on this side of the aisle. 430 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:43,001 A one Mr. Royal McPoyle. 431 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:46,104 A bird. The McPoyle family's 432 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,840 pet Pocono swallow, and my research shows 433 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,375 that this particular Pocono swallow 434 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,710 has a history of violence. 435 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:55,613 Look into the gallery, and you will see Royal's victims. 436 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:58,049 It took Margaret's vocal cords in 1999, 437 00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:00,051 leaving her mute. 438 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:02,053 Keith McPoyle lost his eyes and his ears 439 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,455 to it in '76, and we all know 440 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,891 that according to bird law, it's three strikes, 441 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,726 and you're out. 442 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,229 Bye, bye, birdie. 443 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,065 Ready, boys and girls, because here's where it gets good. 444 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,801 Ryan McPoyle didn't attack Liam. Royal did. 445 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:19,637 And Lion was lying about Ryan attacking Liam 446 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,239 to protect Royal from the chair. 447 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:22,807 Or lethal injection. 448 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,642 Or perhaps some sort of small bird guillotine. 449 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,344 I wouldn't understand the physics of it. 450 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,079 I'm not an executioner. 451 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:31,282 I'm just the best goddamn bird lawyer in the world. 452 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,253 So, bottom line... and listen up, numbnuts, 453 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:38,156 'cause it blows a hole in your case... 454 00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:41,025 Birds don't drink milk. 455 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,727 Objection, Your Honor. (gallery groaning) 456 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,363 There's no Royal McPoyle. 457 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:48,499 Perhaps, or perhaps not. 458 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:52,770 Your Honor, I call Pappy McPoyle to the stand. 459 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:56,741 Pappy McPoyle, patriarch of the McPoyle family. 460 00:17:56,743 --> 00:18:00,278 Royal was your pet bird. You've had him since you were a boy. 461 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,181 And isn't it true that you never go anywhere without him? 462 00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,916 (crying): Yeah. Yeah. 463 00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,884 I have seen... 464 00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,220 raccoons and oysters dancing... 465 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,422 in the head of a pin with the angels. 466 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,124 They are laughing. 467 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,792 LAWYER: All right, Your Honor, 468 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,028 clearly, this witness is mentally unwell 469 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:19,597 and cannot answer any of the questions properly... 470 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,233 Uh, perhaps, Your Honor, or-or perhaps it's just a cover. 471 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,935 But it's quite all right. 472 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,937 I don't have any further questions. 473 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,905 Oh, except one more. 474 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:31,943 Didn't the bailiff ask everyone to remove their hats? 475 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,445 That is true. 476 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,147 Mr. McPoyle, 477 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,216 would you please remove your hat? 478 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:41,986 Hmm... Mr. McPoyle, please remove your hat. 479 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,555 Perhaps he is too insane to understand the question. 480 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,991 Why don't I just...? 481 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,127 (squawk) 482 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,462 (gallery groans, gasps, shouts) 483 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,731 Ladies and gentlemen, Royal McPoyle. 484 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:54,999 (squawks) 485 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,400 Chickadee, dee, dee, little birdie. 486 00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:57,802 Let's dance. 487 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,670 Your Honor, this is Mr. Belka Maier. 488 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,806 He's a professor of ornithology at the University of Penn. 489 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,307 Mr. Maier, it's safe to say 490 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,243 you're a bit of an expert on birds, yes? 491 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,978 I believe you're correct. 492 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,980 And you would understand this Pocono swallow quite well, 493 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,481 wouldn't you? Yes, I do. 494 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,850 Then please ask it if it attacked Liam! 495 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,453 Ask... if... What? 496 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,255 CHARLIE: Mr. Maier, I would like you to please talk 497 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:20,525 to the bird and say, "Did you attack Liam McPoyle?!" 498 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:23,828 (laughing): I can't converse with... with a bird. 499 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,597 Well, I thought you were an expert on birds. I am an expert on birds, but... 500 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,499 Well, I need you to communicate with the bird. 501 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,535 This is very important, and I need to... MAIER: But it's a... 502 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,003 (laughs) 503 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,771 Well, this is a bit embarrassing, Your Honor. 504 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,606 Perhaps this man has lied about his credentials. 505 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:39,143 Uh, fortunately, I am familiar with a little bit of pigeon. 506 00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:42,346 Perhaps I can get through to it in some way. 507 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,815 (cooing) 508 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,350 LAWYER: Okay. 509 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,019 Your Honor, this is nonsense. 510 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,154 Look, kitty. (mews) 511 00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,156 Yeah, kitty. Chase the laser beam, kitty. (gallery gasping and murmuring) 512 00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:54,225 Order. Your Honor, you've got a man speaking to a bird. 513 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,160 And yet, you refuse to rule 514 00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,729 on me having to pay alimony to this cat. 515 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,164 What is this?! Order! 516 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,332 It's a mockery of justice, Your Honor. 517 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,401 This is ridiculous, and this... 518 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,637 I said, order! (gallery clamoring) 519 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,573 LAWYER: He's talking to the pigeon! 520 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,675 I'm not paying alimony to a goddamn cat! 521 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:13,144 Order! I want order in this court! 522 00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:14,712 Fly, my pet! 523 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,080 Fly! 524 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,049 (bird squawking, people screaming) 525 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,917 Bring me their eyes! 526 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,652 (laughing) 527 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,922 (screaming, shouting) 528 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,257 Bring them to me! 529 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,258 (laughing) 530 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:28,326 Oh! 531 00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,294 (clamoring) 532 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,203 MELVOY: In my 35 years on this bench, I have never seen 533 00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:41,005 such a mockery made of this courtroom. 534 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:44,508 You people have wasted my time, 535 00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,344 you've wasted the taxpayers' time, 536 00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:49,413 and this justice has heard enough. 537 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,848 I am throwing this case out. 538 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,350 I should've done it hours ago. 539 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:53,684 He's throwing it out! That means we win! 540 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,219 That means we win! That means we won! 541 00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,755 Damn, damn, damn! 542 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,290 Order. 543 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,959 Eat that! Damn it! 544 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:02,960 Order! 545 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:05,363 This court has ruled. 546 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:07,265 Now, I suggest 547 00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,267 that you people get the hell out of my courtroom 548 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,035 before I put you all in jail. 549 00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:12,470 You got it! Get out! 550 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,372 Bailiff, next case. 551 00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,741 Ridiculous. 552 00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:18,376 We have Morgan State Delivery 553 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,745 v. The proprietors of one Paddy's Pub. 554 00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:23,748 Oh! That's us. Yeah, that's us, Your Honor. Oh, that's us. Oh! 555 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:25,650 Oh, hell no! Uh-uh. 556 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,772 All right. Uh-uh! 557 00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:04,822 (trumpet playing off-key) 558 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,324 Brown. 559 00:22:10,263 --> 00:22:12,096 ♪ (rhythmic sounds) 560 00:22:12,598 --> 00:22:13,998 Wednesdays. 561 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,533 - Yeah? - The all new season. 562 00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,168 - Yeah? - Hot one today, huh? 563 00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:19,403 - (screams) - (clinking) 564 00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:23,174 - Oh! - We're mainlining wine. 565 00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,176 We can't mainline beer because it's got bubbles in it. 566 00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:26,310 We tried. It was bad. 567 00:22:26,312 --> 00:22:28,813 Sunny. All new, Wednesdays at 10:00. 568 00:22:28,815 --> 00:22:30,114 Only on FXX. (shouting) 569 00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:34,852 MAN (on TV): The dominant female toys with her prey... 570 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,320 (grunts) 571 00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:40,958 but quickly loses interest and moves on to the next... 572 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,526 (blows raspberry) 573 00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:48,299 Oh. (grunts, groans) 574 00:22:48,301 --> 00:22:51,902 Ah, come on. (grunts) 575 00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,540 Aaah! 576 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,152 (phone chimes) Oh. 577 00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:05,216 Happens to the best of us. 578 00:23:05,218 --> 00:23:06,016 (gasps) No. 579 00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:08,018 (laughing) 580 00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:09,720 (thuds) (groans) 581 00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:13,891 Man Seeking Woman. All new, Wednesdays at 10:30. 582 00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,493 On FXX. 583 00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:30,674 (typing) 584 00:23:30,676 --> 00:23:32,743 There's a spot on this. 585 00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:38,388 (door bells jingling) 586 00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:40,885 Baskets. All new, Thursdays at 10:00. 587 00:23:40,887 --> 00:23:42,286 Only on FX. 588 00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:45,055 WOMAN: This is a fiasco. 589 00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:46,424 MAN: I think that we should cut a deal. 590 00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:47,758 MAN #2: It is not that simple. 591 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,126 MAN #3: I deserve to get hurt. 592 00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:51,095 ANNOUNCER: The People v. O.J. Simpson. 593 00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:53,330 All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 594 00:23:54,534 --> 00:23:55,933 ANNOUNCER: This spring... 595 00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:58,469 How awesome is it to be back doing what we're best at? 596 00:23:58,471 --> 00:24:00,237 - (slurping) - (burps) 597 00:24:00,239 --> 00:24:03,040 - I'm starving. -Please. The only thing you eat is cocktail onions. 598 00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:04,408 ANNOUNCER: Archer. (Pam laughing) 599 00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:06,944 (grunting) Pam! 600 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:09,580 I will stop, but I will not apologize. 601 00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:12,650 ANNOUNCER: The all new season starts Thursday, March 31. 602 00:24:12,652 --> 00:24:14,385 Only on FX.