1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:02,769
DEE: Hey, guys. Here we go.
2
00:00:02,838 --> 00:00:04,169
- I'm ordering it.
MAC: Drop the bluff, Dee.
3
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,788
No one believes
you're in an actual movie.
4
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:07,913
You guys are gonna feel hella
stupid when you see me
5
00:00:07,926 --> 00:00:10,638
acting in a feature film.
"Hella." Are we saying "hella" now?
6
00:00:10,759 --> 00:00:13,144
'Cause I like it.
No, we're not saying "hella," okay?
7
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,663
No.
Nobody's saying "hella" anymore.
8
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,466
I never really got to say it.
"Hella" came and went. Me, neither.
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00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,100
Dee, can we watch
something else?
10
00:00:18,135 --> 00:00:20,135
Can we watch, like,
a superhero movie or something?
11
00:00:20,138 --> 00:00:22,105
This is such a waste of our...
12
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Oh, that's a nice opening shot.
Symmetrical vista.
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It's beautiful.
14
00:00:26,143 --> 00:00:28,310
MAC: Directed by Pedro Vyes. Who's he?
15
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He's, like, this foreign
art house director.
16
00:00:30,282 --> 00:00:32,981
Oh. Ooh...
Foreign director. Very impressive.
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Okay, you guys, be quiet.
This is my scene.
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Pretty early for a whiskey.
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Or pretty late.
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Why don't you make it a double.
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Oh, yeah? A little hair
of the dog that bit you?
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(chuckles)
MAC: Yeah, Dee,
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00:00:45,816 --> 00:00:47,399
I got to hand it to you.
Y-You've been talking
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00:00:47,451 --> 00:00:51,415
about doing this for years,
and... Is that Richard Grieco?
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Hi.
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Aw, Grieco. I love that
guy. Where's he been?
27
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Richard Grieco
is in an art house movie?
28
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That seems odd. That's a little strange.
Yeah, it's a little stra...
29
00:01:02,082 --> 00:01:04,382
But, you know, they-they always
got to get some kind of a name
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00:01:04,418 --> 00:01:06,968
- in order to finance the mo...
Oh, now he's being blown. - DEE: Right.
31
00:01:07,054 --> 00:01:10,421
(gang exclaiming, laughing)
32
00:01:10,507 --> 00:01:12,474
Okay. Now-now this makes sense.
33
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,060
So, Dee, you clearly made a porn.
This is a porno!
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What? No? It's not
a porn. You guys,
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the-the foreigners, they have
a much more evolved view of sex.
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This is... this is art.
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(woman grunting)
38
00:01:22,936 --> 00:01:24,686
(moans)
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00:01:24,771 --> 00:01:26,320
Dee, what channel
did you order this from?
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Cinemax.
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ALL: Cinemax?!
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Dee, Cinemax doesn't make art.
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You guys, Pedro is-is
an edgy, foreign director.
44
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Where's he from?
45
00:01:35,498 --> 00:01:37,365
Puerto Rico.
Oh!
46
00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:38,500
Puerto Rico? Puerto Rico?
Puerto Rico!
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00:01:38,585 --> 00:01:40,284
MAC: Oh, man.
48
00:01:40,337 --> 00:01:43,087
Dee, you made a Skinemax flick
with a Puerto Rican pervert.
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00:01:43,123 --> 00:01:45,289
Congratulations. Good thing
you got us all together.
50
00:01:45,376 --> 00:01:47,843
Listen, hey, I did
not make a smut film.
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00:01:47,927 --> 00:01:49,545
GRIECO: Gobble that cock.
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(laughter)
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00:02:14,159 --> 00:02:15,158
MAC: Now, why is Grieco
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00:02:15,243 --> 00:02:16,794
resorting to Skinemax?
55
00:02:16,829 --> 00:02:18,430
He's got a great career.
He's doing fine.
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00:02:18,497 --> 00:02:19,879
Actually, it makes sense.
I mean,
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00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,747
erotic films
are very, very in right now.
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00:02:21,834 --> 00:02:23,550
I mean, Grieco probably didn't
realize he was doing a porn.
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00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:25,002
I think he thought
he was doing the next
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00:02:25,054 --> 00:02:26,385
Fifty Shades
of Grey or whatever.
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00:02:26,472 --> 00:02:27,304
I mean, it's a...
it's a fine line
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00:02:27,338 --> 00:02:28,806
these days between art and smut.
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It really is.
Art's a tricky thing.
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00:02:30,091 --> 00:02:32,091
The whole art world
is bullshit nowadays.
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00:02:32,177 --> 00:02:34,510
I mean, like, anything can be
considered art. I'll bet you
66
00:02:34,597 --> 00:02:37,347
Charlie's doodlings could be
considered art by some people.
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00:02:37,432 --> 00:02:40,734
Well, that's 'cause my drawings
are art.
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00:02:40,819 --> 00:02:43,103
You're not an artist, dude.
You're drawing with chalk.
69
00:02:43,188 --> 00:02:45,354
No, I'm drawing with marker
and, like, pen and stuff.
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00:02:45,406 --> 00:02:46,522
I'm just eating the chalk.
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00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:48,025
Charlie, don't eat chalk.
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00:02:48,076 --> 00:02:49,026
Well, it settles my stomach.
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00:02:49,078 --> 00:02:50,110
My stomach's a little...
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00:02:50,195 --> 00:02:51,527
If your stomach hurts,
eat a Tums.
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What's the difference?
One is chalk!
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00:02:53,331 --> 00:02:54,497
Well, I don't like wasting Tums.
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00:02:54,533 --> 00:02:56,082
Tums is very good to draw with.
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00:02:56,168 --> 00:02:57,533
This maniac is an artist?
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00:02:57,620 --> 00:02:59,036
I'll bet you if I hung one
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00:02:59,121 --> 00:03:00,287
of Charlie's doodles
in a modern art gallery,
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00:03:00,372 --> 00:03:01,538
people would not know
the difference.
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00:03:01,623 --> 00:03:03,372
Mm. No. No, I disagree.
83
00:03:03,425 --> 00:03:05,542
No, art has to come
from a more meaningful place.
84
00:03:05,593 --> 00:03:07,211
It can't just be silly nonsense.
85
00:03:07,263 --> 00:03:08,544
I mean, take my erotic memoirs,
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00:03:08,597 --> 00:03:10,546
for example.
(chuckles)
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00:03:10,598 --> 00:03:13,050
Now, that was art.
That was smut.
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00:03:13,102 --> 00:03:14,967
No, dude, what I do is art.
And you know what else?
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00:03:15,054 --> 00:03:17,187
I think I should film it.
Yeah.
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00:03:17,223 --> 00:03:19,973
I mean, guys, I'd be a fool not
to ride this erotic tidal wave
91
00:03:20,058 --> 00:03:21,891
our culture seems to be on,
film it,
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00:03:21,977 --> 00:03:24,311
do the next Fifty Shades
of Grey, my style, you know?
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00:03:24,396 --> 00:03:26,445
My film would be real,
it would be tasteful,
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00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:28,064
it would be...
it would be subtle.
95
00:03:28,116 --> 00:03:29,866
It wouldn't be some goddamn
Puerto Rican smut.
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00:03:29,901 --> 00:03:32,985
I'm down to try this, like,
art gallery idea of yours.
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00:03:33,072 --> 00:03:34,987
What do you think
Grieco would do?
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00:03:35,074 --> 00:03:36,873
He wouldn't eat chalk.
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00:03:44,383 --> 00:03:46,800
Yes, but I just don't understand
why you're choosing
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00:03:46,885 --> 00:03:48,668
to dress like Richard Grieco.
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00:03:48,753 --> 00:03:50,971
Well, because he's a cool bro
and I'm a cool bro.
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00:03:51,055 --> 00:03:53,006
I just want to do a Grieco
thing. I'm vibing with it.
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00:03:53,091 --> 00:03:54,925
I'm vibing with it, man. Stop saying
that you're vibing and "bro."
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You know what, why don't you go
mingle, and Frank and I
105
00:03:56,728 --> 00:03:58,262
will handle this. Thank you.
All right, you do it.
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All right, Frank. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Leave him alone.
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00:04:00,399 --> 00:04:02,098
Look, here's a spot. Here's a spot.
What?
108
00:04:02,183 --> 00:04:04,268
Yeah.
Just keep... keep an eye out.
109
00:04:06,572 --> 00:04:08,021
Okay.
110
00:04:08,106 --> 00:04:09,772
That's good. That's good.
Mmm.
111
00:04:09,824 --> 00:04:11,741
(quietly:) Oh, yeah. Looks perfect.
112
00:04:11,776 --> 00:04:14,411
Oh, wow. I like this one.
Oh.
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00:04:14,445 --> 00:04:17,113
That's art. That's art. I like that piece.
Yes, that's...
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00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:24,338
MAC (whispering): She's going for it.
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00:04:24,423 --> 00:04:27,124
She loves it.
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00:04:27,209 --> 00:04:30,009
She loves it.
She's going for it.
117
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:32,012
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the
hell are you doing? Whoa. Hey, lady. Lady.
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You can't throw
art in the trash.
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00:04:33,966 --> 00:04:36,048
Oh, that wasn't art.
It was garbage.
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00:04:36,134 --> 00:04:37,968
Wait, wait, wait a second.
Wait a second.
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00:04:38,019 --> 00:04:40,019
I mean, how-how is that art
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and this is trash?
I mean, who's to say, really?
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00:04:42,307 --> 00:04:44,524
Well, I'm to say.
It's my gallery. (chuckles)
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00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:46,192
Okay. Then please explain to me
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00:04:46,278 --> 00:04:47,526
how that is art
126
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and this is garbage.
127
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Well, it's all about context.
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The story behind each piece
is part of what endows it
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with meaning.
For example, this artist
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00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,821
worked for 30 years
131
00:04:57,906 --> 00:05:00,156
before finally finding
his voice.
132
00:05:00,242 --> 00:05:02,576
He left his home
when he was a boy
133
00:05:02,661 --> 00:05:06,129
to escape the Nazis,
fled to Paris,
134
00:05:06,165 --> 00:05:09,132
and painted the poor children
he saw in the streets.
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00:05:09,168 --> 00:05:11,584
♪ ♪
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00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:14,553
(man shouting in German) The
ambiguity he uses to paint children
137
00:05:14,639 --> 00:05:18,557
and animals.
(dog barking, monkey screeching)
138
00:05:18,644 --> 00:05:20,644
His work provokes.
139
00:05:20,678 --> 00:05:22,980
It raises questions.
140
00:05:23,014 --> 00:05:24,314
Are we children?
(children chattering)
141
00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:26,399
Are we animals?
142
00:05:26,485 --> 00:05:31,071
(all sounds overlapping)
Are children animals?
143
00:05:33,242 --> 00:05:35,492
♪ ♪
144
00:05:37,997 --> 00:05:40,613
(overlapping sounds rewinding)
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MAC: If it's context
146
00:05:42,451 --> 00:05:44,451
you want... Context. Okay.
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00:05:44,536 --> 00:05:48,120
Well, the artist that did this,
his life is, like, total shit.
148
00:05:48,206 --> 00:05:50,374
I mean, like, way worse
than this Nazi painter.
149
00:05:50,425 --> 00:05:52,375
Oh. Hey, Charlie?
150
00:05:52,461 --> 00:05:54,427
Yeah, uh... What-what
are you doing, man?
151
00:05:54,512 --> 00:05:57,129
What's up, bro?
Hey, uh,
152
00:05:57,216 --> 00:05:59,932
this is Charlie. He's the,
uh... he's the artist.
153
00:06:00,019 --> 00:06:02,636
C-Could you tell the lady
how your... Don't do that.
154
00:06:02,721 --> 00:06:05,305
Okay, can you just explain to
her how your life is garbage
155
00:06:05,391 --> 00:06:07,223
so that she... It's not sw...
Oh, my life's pretty sweet, bro.
156
00:06:07,309 --> 00:06:09,108
Hang out at a bar all day
with my bros.
157
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:11,560
You know? Go on lots of
adventures. I'm really kind of
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00:06:11,646 --> 00:06:13,612
a sweet businessman
when I think about it.
159
00:06:13,699 --> 00:06:17,401
He's an illiterate janitor whose
mother tried to abort him in...
160
00:06:17,452 --> 00:06:20,319
Frank, Frank, tell her, please.
Huh?
161
00:06:20,406 --> 00:06:21,454
What is it?
162
00:06:21,540 --> 00:06:23,874
What-what is it?
163
00:06:23,908 --> 00:06:26,375
It's-it's what we discussed. It's
what we've been discussing. Oh.
164
00:06:26,411 --> 00:06:28,879
Tell her that Charlie's life
is a piece of shit. Please.
165
00:06:28,913 --> 00:06:30,797
Thank you. I've got one of
those hella sweet lives...
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00:06:30,882 --> 00:06:31,997
Stop saying "hella"!
He doesn't...
167
00:06:32,084 --> 00:06:33,466
he doesn't normally
say "hella."
168
00:06:33,552 --> 00:06:35,168
I don't know where
he picked this up.
169
00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:37,721
I'm sorry. I'm just not interested.
Okay,
170
00:06:37,755 --> 00:06:39,004
well, wait, wait, we just need to take
one... I'm not interested, either.
171
00:06:39,091 --> 00:06:40,673
I go for more
of the Pam Anderson type,
172
00:06:40,759 --> 00:06:42,759
you know what I mean?
Oh, my God. Okay, look...
173
00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:45,644
I'm not interested. Goddamn it.
Why did I even bring you two?
174
00:06:47,983 --> 00:06:51,401
"A man enters.
175
00:06:51,437 --> 00:06:55,105
"The room wouldn't be the
only thing he'd enter that day.
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00:06:55,156 --> 00:06:57,990
His name was Dennis."
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00:06:58,076 --> 00:06:59,910
I'm-I'm sorry--
what is happening?
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00:06:59,944 --> 00:07:01,026
"Silence."
Okay.
179
00:07:01,112 --> 00:07:03,112
"He said. 'A woman's mouth
180
00:07:03,165 --> 00:07:04,947
"'is not for the exiting
of words
181
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,617
"but for the entrance
of a man's... dick.'
182
00:07:10,122 --> 00:07:12,456
"And then he did
put it in there.
183
00:07:12,507 --> 00:07:14,458
In her mouth, I mean."
184
00:07:14,543 --> 00:07:16,209
Okay.
185
00:07:16,295 --> 00:07:18,795
And then they-they have sex
all over the library.
186
00:07:20,264 --> 00:07:22,132
Okay, I, uh,
187
00:07:22,216 --> 00:07:24,096
I-I'm sorry, I don't know
what's happening here.
188
00:07:24,136 --> 00:07:25,718
You must think
I'm somebody else.
189
00:07:25,803 --> 00:07:28,053
Look, look. Sure, I could
leave here right now,
190
00:07:28,139 --> 00:07:30,307
I could take this to Frank
and he would finance it.
191
00:07:30,358 --> 00:07:31,942
But he's gross, you know?
192
00:07:31,976 --> 00:07:34,310
He's basically, like,
the Cinemax of humans.
193
00:07:34,396 --> 00:07:36,836
Okay, I think I'm catching up
here. So you want to make a film
194
00:07:36,899 --> 00:07:38,949
based on the pornographic book
you're reading from.
195
00:07:38,983 --> 00:07:42,401
Look... this is my
Fifty Shades of Grey, lady.
196
00:07:42,487 --> 00:07:44,987
All right? Was the guy
who wrote that gross?
197
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,156
It was written by a woman.
198
00:07:47,709 --> 00:07:49,375
Na... You... no, I know.
199
00:07:49,461 --> 00:07:50,994
That it was written by a woman.
200
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:52,745
Everybody knows that.
201
00:07:52,831 --> 00:07:54,581
Yeah, but that's why you needed
to let me get to the...
202
00:07:54,665 --> 00:07:57,000
This was also written
by a woman. Yeah.
203
00:07:57,052 --> 00:07:59,752
Writ-Written and to be
directed by...
204
00:07:59,838 --> 00:08:01,504
my sister.
205
00:08:03,007 --> 00:08:04,925
What do you think?
206
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:07,226
(doorbell rings)
207
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:09,146
Hey, Dee.
(door closes)
208
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:11,480
Dee, you're not doing
anything that matters, right?
209
00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:13,432
You know, I think I'm
finally figuring out
210
00:08:13,519 --> 00:08:16,101
this editing software, and I
have to say I put together
211
00:08:16,187 --> 00:08:18,355
a pretty prime-time
acting reel here.
212
00:08:18,406 --> 00:08:20,524
I doubt it.
Don't show it to me. I don't...
213
00:08:20,576 --> 00:08:22,408
♪ ♪
214
00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:27,613
Pretty early for a whiskey.
215
00:08:27,699 --> 00:08:29,699
A little hair of the dog
that bit you?
216
00:08:29,785 --> 00:08:31,500
Using a multi-tiered distribu...
217
00:08:31,537 --> 00:08:32,586
Multi-level marketi...
218
00:08:32,671 --> 00:08:33,870
The Invigaron system.
219
00:08:33,922 --> 00:08:35,087
♪ ♪
220
00:08:35,173 --> 00:08:37,423
Brains.
221
00:08:37,509 --> 00:08:39,426
♪ ♪
222
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:40,961
It i...
223
00:08:41,046 --> 00:08:42,095
it's missing something,
isn't it?
224
00:08:42,181 --> 00:08:43,547
Nah, it's great.
225
00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:44,792
Uh, Dee, you know what I think
226
00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:46,131
the real problem, though,
227
00:08:46,217 --> 00:08:47,801
with the acting business is?
Uh-huh?
228
00:08:47,885 --> 00:08:50,052
Every actor these days
is a multi-hyphenate.
229
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:51,388
They're doing everything--
they're writing,
230
00:08:51,472 --> 00:08:52,855
they're directing, you know.
231
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:55,024
Mm.
So here's a thought I just had.
232
00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:57,277
How would you like to, um,
233
00:08:57,361 --> 00:08:59,395
direct my erotic memoirs?
234
00:08:59,447 --> 00:09:00,980
I've always wanted to direct.
235
00:09:01,066 --> 00:09:02,315
And you want me to do it?
236
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,700
Yeah, yeah.
Smart.
237
00:09:03,735 --> 00:09:06,035
Smart. You bring
a female perspective in.
238
00:09:06,071 --> 00:09:08,030
Mm-hmm. It's a very interesting layer.
I like that.
239
00:09:08,072 --> 00:09:09,788
Yeah, it's-it's a good layer.
That's really smart of you.
240
00:09:09,875 --> 00:09:11,207
Yeah, I'll do that.
I'll do that for you.
241
00:09:11,243 --> 00:09:13,043
Okay, so, um... great.
242
00:09:13,077 --> 00:09:15,327
So you'll do that, and, um...
Yeah, yeah.
243
00:09:15,413 --> 00:09:18,881
now we just need a star that we
can attach on-on short notice.
244
00:09:18,917 --> 00:09:21,918
Don't worry, I got... I got
an idea. I got a lot of ideas.
245
00:09:33,749 --> 00:09:35,365
All right, what about
this one? You know,
246
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,451
I had a dream about, um,
you know, boiled eggs.
247
00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:42,254
So, I, uh... Okay. What do
the...what do the eggs represent?
248
00:09:42,341 --> 00:09:44,707
Eggs, you know? Like,
uh... from a chicken.
249
00:09:44,759 --> 00:09:47,626
Just eggs? No.
Charlie, you're not getting it.
250
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,379
I need you to draw something
that's profound, you know?
251
00:09:50,432 --> 00:09:52,298
That comes from someplace deep.
252
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,051
But is also childlike
and stupid, to prove my point.
253
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,220
Hey, bro, uh, maybe stop telling
me what to do all the time,
254
00:09:57,272 --> 00:09:59,556
you know? 'Cause if you tell
me what to do, then, like,
255
00:09:59,607 --> 00:10:01,357
you know, that's, like,
I got, like, a lame,
256
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,725
kind of square dude telling me
257
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,394
what to do, you
know? And that's
258
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,198
not really where art comes from.
Okay, you...
259
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,398
And so I'm gonna draw eggs
that represent eggs, bro.
260
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,366
And it's gonna... it's
gonna be hella cool, man.
261
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,701
You're gonna like these eggs.
262
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:12,701
Can I ask you a question?
Do you... do you
263
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,070
want to sell this art or not?
264
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,371
Bro, is this about
making money for you
265
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,905
or is it about
proving your point?
266
00:10:16,957 --> 00:10:18,519
Like, I don't even
know what it is, man.
267
00:10:18,543 --> 00:10:19,625
It's becoming about both
for me. I don't know
268
00:10:19,711 --> 00:10:20,659
what it's becoming for you.
269
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:21,745
Come on, man.
270
00:10:21,797 --> 00:10:23,245
I'm ripping this up.
271
00:10:23,298 --> 00:10:24,297
I'm ripping this up.
That's it.
272
00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:25,298
Bro, stop ripping up
my art, man!
273
00:10:25,384 --> 00:10:27,250
Get in there!
Hey.
274
00:10:27,302 --> 00:10:29,219
You stink!
Ugh.
275
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,754
I found him turning tricks
in the scrap metal yard.
276
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,756
Good news, Charlie. We're
gonna use Cricket now.
277
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,926
Oh. Use me how?
Use what part of me?
278
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,729
Relax. You are gonna be
the face of Charlie's art.
279
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,597
What? Why, man?
280
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:43,265
Because he's got, like,
the worst life imaginable,
281
00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:45,184
and that's clearly
what those people want.
282
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,936
That's true, I do have the worst life.
(chuckles)
283
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,270
You know what, Cricks, why
don't you come over here,
284
00:10:48,322 --> 00:10:50,440
why don't you tell Charlie
what to draw.
285
00:10:50,491 --> 00:10:52,024
Okay. Tell me wh... I don't
want to draw his drawings.
286
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,027
No, Charlie,
this is gonna work, all right?
287
00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:56,072
Just jump on board,
jump on board. Okay, go ahead.
288
00:10:56,081 --> 00:10:58,248
All right, bro... bro.
289
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,616
Oh, all right, fine.
290
00:11:00,668 --> 00:11:03,285
Talk to me, brother.
291
00:11:03,337 --> 00:11:04,421
What's up?
292
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,340
What is he doing?
293
00:11:07,426 --> 00:11:08,792
He's doing, like,
a Grieco thing.
294
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:10,092
Okay. Uh, all right.
295
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,760
Well, what do you
want to hear about?
296
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,462
You want to hear
about a... dog orgy
297
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,181
or when a cat bit off my toe?
298
00:11:15,267 --> 00:11:16,298
Dog orgy, brother.
299
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:17,383
CRICKET: Dog orgy. Okay.
300
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:18,851
This is going great.
301
00:11:18,937 --> 00:11:20,636
Okay, now, Frank, I need you
302
00:11:20,688 --> 00:11:22,721
to go talk to that gallery
owner. Convince her to come
303
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,048
to Paddy's for an art opening
that we're gonna have here.
304
00:11:25,110 --> 00:11:27,025
Oh. You know? Flash
a little cash.
305
00:11:27,111 --> 00:11:29,812
Pretend you're, like,
a high-society art type.
306
00:11:29,865 --> 00:11:32,948
Oh, I got this. I-I used to hang
with an art crowd in the '70s.
307
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,984
I know these people.
308
00:11:35,036 --> 00:11:38,738
O-Okay. All right. But-but...
play it subtle, all right?
309
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,623
Subtle. Yeah.
310
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,993
Frank. Play it subtle.
I got it.
311
00:11:44,044 --> 00:11:46,546
(whispers): Subtle.
312
00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:49,631
Hello!
Hello?
313
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:52,634
Ango Gablogian,
the art collector.
314
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,671
Charmed, I'm sure.
315
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:57,222
Yes.
I'm gonna invite you to a show.
316
00:11:57,308 --> 00:11:58,841
Okay.
But first...
317
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,510
allow me to destroy
your gallery.
318
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:03,011
Bullshit.
319
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,981
Bullshit.
320
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,518
Derivative.
321
00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:11,153
That... I love.
322
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,157
I absolutely love.
323
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,993
Um, that's just
the air conditioner.
324
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,495
I want it.
325
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:19,995
It's everything.
326
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,998
I mean, look at us.
327
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,667
We're just air conditioners.
I mean, after all,
328
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,586
we're just walking around
on the planet, breathing,
329
00:12:27,672 --> 00:12:29,588
conditioning the air.
330
00:12:29,673 --> 00:12:31,924
I condition it hot,
331
00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:34,092
that conditions it cold.
332
00:12:34,178 --> 00:12:36,546
I mean, it's symbiotic, no?
333
00:12:36,597 --> 00:12:38,715
No, it is. I mean, we're
just the air conditioners
334
00:12:38,767 --> 00:12:40,216
walking around on this planet,
335
00:12:40,268 --> 00:12:42,384
screwing each
other's brains out.
336
00:12:42,437 --> 00:12:45,053
So true. I never
thought of it like that.
337
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:47,557
♪ ♪
338
00:12:47,609 --> 00:12:51,110
Oh... hello, you.
339
00:12:51,196 --> 00:12:52,995
(gunfire, explosions)
340
00:12:57,953 --> 00:12:59,486
This room won't be
the only thing
341
00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,071
that I'll be entering today.
342
00:13:01,123 --> 00:13:02,490
- Hey, teach.
DEE: Cut!
343
00:13:02,575 --> 00:13:06,342
A woman's mouth is not
for exiting of words,
344
00:13:06,412 --> 00:13:09,279
but for the entrance
of a man's penis.
345
00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:11,565
DEE: Cut!
DENNIS: Grieco, Grieco, Grieco, come on, man.
346
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,683
Shoot her tits. I need some...
I need a couple... Just...
347
00:13:13,769 --> 00:13:16,486
Get mostly tits on this
one. Lots of emotion.
348
00:13:16,522 --> 00:13:18,938
And I want to feel
a little bit of, uh,
349
00:13:19,024 --> 00:13:22,775
of sadness coming from
your tits. And, action.
350
00:13:22,861 --> 00:13:25,111
- A woman's mouth...
DEE: Cut!
351
00:13:25,197 --> 00:13:28,081
"Not for the exiting of words,
it's for the entrance..."
352
00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:29,667
- Dee, can you just let him...
GRIECO: Is there really...
353
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:31,418
is there really a frigging
difference between "exiting"
354
00:13:31,504 --> 00:13:33,754
and "entering"? Hey! Excuse me, every...
You know what?
355
00:13:33,838 --> 00:13:35,706
Is there a difference between
"exiting" and "entering"?
356
00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:38,375
GRIECO: I know there is, but is there...
but words exit.
357
00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:40,927
Okay, okay, you know what?
I-I need a seaweed break.
358
00:13:41,013 --> 00:13:42,763
Grieco, you've had 15
packages of seaweed today.
359
00:13:42,847 --> 00:13:44,209
Guys, Richard needs
a seaweed five.
360
00:13:44,216 --> 00:13:45,599
Another...?
Oh, goddamn it!
361
00:13:45,684 --> 00:13:47,051
Can we just get
the scene, please?
362
00:13:47,102 --> 00:13:48,219
Just like it was in high school?
363
00:13:48,303 --> 00:13:49,687
You know, about that.
364
00:13:49,721 --> 00:13:51,162
What exactly happened
in high school?
365
00:13:51,190 --> 00:13:52,903
'Cause it sounds like
you had sex with a teacher.
366
00:13:53,024 --> 00:13:55,841
Uh, well no, she wasn't a teacher,
she was a hot young librarian.
367
00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:57,448
Are you talking about Miss Clinsky?
Yeah.
368
00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:59,947
She was like 50.
Yeah, she looked good for her age.
369
00:14:00,032 --> 00:14:01,057
She looked like Rick Moranis.
370
00:14:01,177 --> 00:14:02,982
Moranis was always in
pretty good shape, yeah.
371
00:14:03,068 --> 00:14:04,902
Plus, when she took
her hair out of the bun,
372
00:14:04,986 --> 00:14:06,736
she went from Moranis to Alanis.
373
00:14:06,788 --> 00:14:08,288
Gross. You were 14.
374
00:14:08,374 --> 00:14:10,240
So, technically, you were raped.
375
00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:12,960
It wasn't rape. Can't rape a guy.
Huh?
376
00:14:13,044 --> 00:14:14,745
You can't rape...
I was... I was willing.
377
00:14:14,830 --> 00:14:16,663
You know, you can't
rape... I mean, it's cool.
378
00:14:16,749 --> 00:14:18,581
Like, I bedded an older
woman. That's cool.
379
00:14:18,634 --> 00:14:20,918
Right, Grieco?
You know what?
380
00:14:20,970 --> 00:14:23,553
Let me use your pain in the scene.
What are you talking about?
381
00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:25,004
You can't use somebody
else's pain, Grieco.
382
00:14:25,091 --> 00:14:26,423
Do you know how acting works?
383
00:14:26,475 --> 00:14:27,807
Look... (exhales)
384
00:14:27,893 --> 00:14:30,344
Touch my finger...
385
00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:33,264
- and transfer your pain into me.
DEE: Mm-hmm, it's a good idea.
386
00:14:33,349 --> 00:14:35,065
Touch... touch my finger. I'm
not touching your finger, man.
387
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,933
I'm not touching your finger!
Dennis.
388
00:14:36,985 --> 00:14:39,602
Seriously, touch my finger. What
the hell is...? You know what?
389
00:14:39,654 --> 00:14:41,739
Why don't you just shoot
me doing the goddamn scene?
390
00:14:41,774 --> 00:14:43,490
I'll seduce the librarian.
391
00:14:43,576 --> 00:14:45,859
You know what? That seaweed's
making me a little sick.
392
00:14:45,945 --> 00:14:48,696
Uh, can I get a chalk break,
or something like that? Uh-oh.
393
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:49,996
♪ ♪
394
00:14:55,955 --> 00:14:58,871
I call this one
"Dog Three-Way."
395
00:14:58,957 --> 00:15:01,674
'Cause I was recently
in a dog three-way.
396
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,927
Actually, four with
me, so, four-way.
397
00:15:03,962 --> 00:15:05,511
I was in a dog orgy.
398
00:15:05,597 --> 00:15:07,931
God, he's making a mockery
of my art, bro.
399
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:09,299
- Oh.
DENNIS: Well,
400
00:15:09,384 --> 00:15:10,850
the shoot was a total disaster.
401
00:15:10,936 --> 00:15:12,855
Dee's incompetent
and a bitch, which we all knew.
402
00:15:12,937 --> 00:15:14,304
But, I mean, Richard Grieco.
403
00:15:14,389 --> 00:15:16,139
The man is obsessed
with seaweed. It's...
404
00:15:16,192 --> 00:15:18,308
Pump your brakes.
You met Grieco?
405
00:15:18,394 --> 00:15:19,692
Yeah, I met Grieco.
Yeah, he-he was in my movie,
406
00:15:19,778 --> 00:15:21,278
but, uh, it didn't go very well.
407
00:15:21,313 --> 00:15:23,480
What-what are you doing?
Are you doing a Grieco thing?
408
00:15:23,532 --> 00:15:25,481
Yeah, I'm doing a Grieco thing,
'cause-'cause Grieco's the man.
409
00:15:25,567 --> 00:15:27,817
You know, is he the man?
No, not really.
410
00:15:27,870 --> 00:15:29,370
Ah, he used to be big.
No. Yeah, no.
411
00:15:29,455 --> 00:15:32,489
Hello, boys.
412
00:15:32,575 --> 00:15:34,792
Is that how you play it?
That is way over the top.
413
00:15:34,826 --> 00:15:37,543
What are you talking about? This
is it. This is the way they are.
414
00:15:37,629 --> 00:15:41,965
Frank, did you buy an air conditioner?
Yes, and I bought a painting for 35 K.
415
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,168
Why? Because I liked it,
and that's what it cost.
416
00:15:45,221 --> 00:15:46,919
Is nobody understanding what we're
trying to do? (door opens, closes)
417
00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:48,554
I am trying to prove
that this is all bullshit,
418
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,040
and you guys are all
buying into it.
419
00:15:50,058 --> 00:15:51,642
Oh. Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Oh, hi.
420
00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:54,477
Hi.
Here's the darling.
421
00:15:54,513 --> 00:15:56,730
Oh.
That sold me...
422
00:15:56,816 --> 00:15:58,599
not a painting.
423
00:15:58,683 --> 00:16:00,400
Mm.
A revelation.
424
00:16:00,485 --> 00:16:02,519
Oh. Hi, Ango.
Oh, oh.
425
00:16:02,605 --> 00:16:03,986
WOMAN: Mm. (laughing) Oh.
Oh, great.
426
00:16:04,023 --> 00:16:05,572
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Ango.
427
00:16:05,658 --> 00:16:07,274
Yes. Thank you very much.
428
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,192
And thank you for coming.
Oh. Oh, my pleasure.
429
00:16:09,245 --> 00:16:10,693
Yes, we have... we
have many paintings by
430
00:16:10,779 --> 00:16:12,578
our featured artist,
Rickety Cricket. Ah...
431
00:16:12,664 --> 00:16:14,280
Okay, well, Ango
clearly has a great eye.
432
00:16:14,366 --> 00:16:15,865
I do have a great eye.
433
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,868
So I'm excited
to see what you have.
434
00:16:17,919 --> 00:16:19,753
Yes, yes. Well, here
we have a Cricket.
435
00:16:19,838 --> 00:16:22,004
Oh.
436
00:16:22,041 --> 00:16:24,758
Yes, yes, and, uh, here
we have another Cricket.
437
00:16:24,844 --> 00:16:26,427
Uh-huh.
And, uh...
438
00:16:26,511 --> 00:16:28,544
Oh, here we have
the artist himself.
439
00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:31,014
This is Rickety Cricket.
Hey-o.
440
00:16:31,049 --> 00:16:34,350
Wow. Yeah, he literally has
the worst life imaginable.
441
00:16:34,386 --> 00:16:35,802
(laughing): He ain't lying.
442
00:16:35,888 --> 00:16:37,270
So now you got some perspective
443
00:16:37,355 --> 00:16:39,056
and some context.
Uh-huh.
444
00:16:39,107 --> 00:16:41,308
And like a story or whatever
it is that you people need,
445
00:16:41,394 --> 00:16:42,893
so...
Uh-huh.
446
00:16:42,945 --> 00:16:44,505
We don't have
to talk numbers right now,
447
00:16:44,562 --> 00:16:46,230
- but I feel like it should be...
DEE: Hey, guys.
448
00:16:46,282 --> 00:16:49,032
I figured this art opening
would be the perfect place
449
00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:52,034
to premiere
my directorial debut.
450
00:16:52,071 --> 00:16:53,570
No, Dee, absolutely not.
451
00:16:53,655 --> 00:16:55,538
- That's a hard "no."
CHARLIE: Yeah.
452
00:16:55,573 --> 00:16:57,875
(piano plays gentle melody)
453
00:16:57,909 --> 00:17:00,244
(orchestra joins in)
454
00:17:13,893 --> 00:17:15,642
DENNIS: Oh, come on. There were...
455
00:17:15,728 --> 00:17:17,594
No, Dee.
This is ridiculous.
456
00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:19,846
♪ ♪
457
00:17:20,303 --> 00:17:23,401
_
458
00:17:24,442 --> 00:17:27,011
_
459
00:17:27,601 --> 00:17:30,432
_
460
00:17:30,798 --> 00:17:33,465
_
461
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:37,948
_
462
00:17:39,919 --> 00:17:42,286
Hey, hoser, remember when
I raped you in the library?
463
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:46,123
Hoser, hoser, hoser, hoser,
hoser, hoser, hoser...
464
00:17:46,174 --> 00:17:48,208
Okay, thank you. Thank you very
much. I'm sorry. That was, uh...
465
00:17:48,294 --> 00:17:50,294
That's not part
of the, uh, whole thing.
466
00:17:50,346 --> 00:17:52,462
It's very disturbing.
It's very avant-garde.
467
00:17:52,515 --> 00:17:55,015
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
What do you think it's all worth?
468
00:17:55,099 --> 00:17:57,134
Good question.
Ango, what do you think?
469
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:59,135
Millions.
470
00:17:59,221 --> 00:18:01,471
I'd trade my limbs for it.
471
00:18:01,523 --> 00:18:05,275
Well, the market is dictated
by what people will pay, so...
472
00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,944
Well, right, but how much
are you willing to pay for it?
473
00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:09,529
Me?
Yeah.
474
00:18:09,615 --> 00:18:11,647
(laughs)
Oh, no, no.
475
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:14,651
I'm really not interested
in buying anything.
476
00:18:14,737 --> 00:18:16,236
But you own an art gallery.
477
00:18:16,321 --> 00:18:17,738
Oh, no. Oh.
478
00:18:17,823 --> 00:18:19,323
I rent an art gallery,
479
00:18:19,407 --> 00:18:21,541
or more accurately,
my parents rent one for me.
480
00:18:21,626 --> 00:18:23,743
What?!
481
00:18:23,828 --> 00:18:26,163
So that painting I bought
from you was worthless?
482
00:18:26,214 --> 00:18:27,580
Of course not.
483
00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:29,165
It meant something to you.
484
00:18:29,218 --> 00:18:31,501
It's worth
exactly what you paid.
485
00:18:31,554 --> 00:18:33,804
I want to sell it back. Okay.
486
00:18:33,838 --> 00:18:35,672
In that exchange,
it would only be worth
487
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:39,058
what I would pay for it,
which is, again, um, nothing.
488
00:18:39,144 --> 00:18:40,510
I-I don't get it.
489
00:18:40,563 --> 00:18:42,011
When is stuff art?
490
00:18:42,096 --> 00:18:44,815
Uh, hey, guys,
guys, um, if I may,
491
00:18:44,849 --> 00:18:47,267
I think I can sum this all up.
492
00:18:47,353 --> 00:18:48,602
You see, art
493
00:18:48,686 --> 00:18:50,820
is an ambiguous thing, yeah?
494
00:18:50,855 --> 00:18:53,272
Yeah, just because you make
some art, it doesn't mean
495
00:18:53,358 --> 00:18:55,442
that you're an artist.
496
00:18:55,528 --> 00:18:58,111
But, also, it does mean
you're an artist.
497
00:18:58,196 --> 00:19:00,029
But does it mean that that art
498
00:19:00,115 --> 00:19:02,499
is good art?
499
00:19:02,535 --> 00:19:06,286
Is art good just because
the right people say it's good?
500
00:19:06,372 --> 00:19:08,755
Yes. Yes.
501
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,590
That's-that's how it works.
502
00:19:10,675 --> 00:19:12,459
Yeah, but keep in mind,
you know,
503
00:19:12,545 --> 00:19:14,294
a lot of modern art is...
is trash.
504
00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:15,796
I mean, it's shitty.
It's not...
505
00:19:15,881 --> 00:19:17,346
You know, it's not good.
It's terrible.
506
00:19:17,383 --> 00:19:19,348
You know? And yet,
it's a fine line
507
00:19:19,384 --> 00:19:22,685
between van Gogh and Van Damme,
508
00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:24,555
you know,
between Depp and Grieco,
509
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,523
between Banksy and Charlie,
510
00:19:27,559 --> 00:19:29,942
that makes it very difficult to
determine what's good art.
511
00:19:30,028 --> 00:19:31,394
You know, what's high art?
512
00:19:31,447 --> 00:19:33,029
What has worth?
What has meaning?
513
00:19:33,065 --> 00:19:34,530
Yeah?
514
00:19:34,567 --> 00:19:36,400
But if one thing
515
00:19:36,484 --> 00:19:38,451
has become abundantly clear
to me today--
516
00:19:38,537 --> 00:19:41,788
and it should be to all of you,
as well--
517
00:19:41,874 --> 00:19:45,741
is that I wasn't raped.
518
00:19:45,827 --> 00:19:47,577
Hmm?
519
00:19:47,630 --> 00:19:49,796
We had a good time, she and I.
520
00:19:49,882 --> 00:19:52,633
Yeah? It was a...
it was a two-way road.
521
00:19:52,718 --> 00:19:55,134
The whole thing was... mutual.
522
00:19:56,971 --> 00:20:00,641
And the woman in no way
looked like Rick Moranis.
523
00:20:00,726 --> 00:20:02,759
You know?
524
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:05,979
She totally did. I remember her.
Remember her? Yeah.
525
00:20:06,065 --> 00:20:08,164
Um...Oh, no.
I wouldn't even sleep with her.