1 00:00:00,562 --> 00:00:02,131 (door opens, closes) 2 00:00:02,164 --> 00:00:05,201 DEE: Hey, look what I just found, at the bus stop. 3 00:00:05,234 --> 00:00:08,637 "Gruesome twosome seek exotic Europeans for weeklong rental 4 00:00:08,670 --> 00:00:10,940 "in luxurious one-bedroom apartment. 5 00:00:10,973 --> 00:00:13,943 "Bed to be shared with owners. Shitter down hall. 6 00:00:13,976 --> 00:00:18,114 Email F. Reynolds at Warthog-OrgyFart.edu." 7 00:00:18,147 --> 00:00:20,382 -FRANK: Nice. -Wha-- what? -CHARLIE: Yeah. It's a good ad. 8 00:00:20,415 --> 00:00:22,918 You know, we got the Airbnb idea from Dennis and Mac, 9 00:00:22,951 --> 00:00:25,454 -'cause they're doing it. -Yes, but we're not posting creepy flyers at bus stations. 10 00:00:25,487 --> 00:00:27,089 I mean, w-what kind of people do you think 11 00:00:27,122 --> 00:00:29,158 -you're gonna attract with that? -FRANK: What? 12 00:00:29,191 --> 00:00:31,427 Young Bohemians with no sexual boundaries, 13 00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:33,796 w-who don't mind a shitter down the hall. 14 00:00:33,829 --> 00:00:35,331 CHARLIE: Yeah, like, European backpacking chicks 15 00:00:35,364 --> 00:00:37,399 -who stay in hostels and stuff. -Yeah. Free. 16 00:00:37,432 --> 00:00:39,468 -CHARLIE: Yeah. -Yeah, yeah. Don't be jealous when Charlie and I 17 00:00:39,501 --> 00:00:42,838 are up to our eyebrows in Viennese gash. 18 00:00:42,871 --> 00:00:44,173 -Ugh. -Ugh, gross. 19 00:00:44,206 --> 00:00:45,608 Come on, man. 20 00:00:45,641 --> 00:00:47,109 Guys, don't try to lump yourselves in 21 00:00:47,142 --> 00:00:48,944 with what we're doing, okay? What we're doing 22 00:00:48,977 --> 00:00:50,913 is very charming and romantic. 23 00:00:50,946 --> 00:00:53,849 -We're setting up a meet-cute. -Ah, a-a w-what? 24 00:00:53,882 --> 00:00:55,951 Are you trying to say, uh, "meat cube"? 25 00:00:55,984 --> 00:00:57,920 -Like, a little cube of meat? -Meat? 26 00:00:57,953 --> 00:01:00,456 -Because that's a good idea, actually. -MAC: No. (stammers) 27 00:01:00,489 --> 00:01:01,824 We're doing a meet-cute. 28 00:01:01,857 --> 00:01:04,160 It's-it's where two soul mates meet 29 00:01:04,193 --> 00:01:06,996 under charming and/or cute circumstances. 30 00:01:07,029 --> 00:01:08,831 -Like, from a rom-com. -DENNIS: No. 31 00:01:08,864 --> 00:01:10,466 -Let-let's keep the trap simple. -Yeah. 32 00:01:10,499 --> 00:01:13,335 Well, don't call it a trap, because that's not romantic. 33 00:01:13,368 --> 00:01:15,404 Yeah, I'm sure for Dennis, it's a trap. 34 00:01:16,872 --> 00:01:18,875 ♪ ♪ 35 00:01:41,496 --> 00:01:43,499 -(knocking on door) -MAC: Coming. 36 00:01:43,532 --> 00:01:46,168 You must be Lisa. 37 00:01:46,201 --> 00:01:47,803 {\an8}-And you must be Mac. -That's right. 38 00:01:47,836 --> 00:01:51,240 {\an8}Come on in to my very spacious apartment. 39 00:01:51,273 --> 00:01:52,675 {\an8}This is gonna be your room here, 40 00:01:52,708 --> 00:01:54,176 {\an8}-and I think that... -DENNIS: Hello. Oh... 41 00:01:54,209 --> 00:01:56,812 {\an8}Hello, I'm Dennis. I'm here for the room. 42 00:01:56,845 --> 00:01:59,348 (gasps) Oh, my God. Dennis, no. 43 00:01:59,381 --> 00:02:00,983 Y-You're supposed to be here next week. 44 00:02:01,016 --> 00:02:02,218 No, it was this week. 45 00:02:02,251 --> 00:02:04,053 Uh, for sure it was this week. 46 00:02:04,086 --> 00:02:06,355 Oh, my God, it was this week. 47 00:02:06,388 --> 00:02:08,157 -You know, this is, this is humiliating. -Did something happen? 48 00:02:08,190 --> 00:02:09,825 -I must have overbooked... -Oh. 49 00:02:09,858 --> 00:02:12,394 -...this Airbnb, and that's a problem... -Oh, my gosh. 50 00:02:12,427 --> 00:02:14,830 -...because we only have the one room, so... -We can work this out, 51 00:02:14,863 --> 00:02:16,565 because I think we can probably stay 52 00:02:16,598 --> 00:02:18,734 in the same room to-together. 53 00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:20,502 It wouldn't bother me if it wouldn't bother you. 54 00:02:20,535 --> 00:02:22,871 I mean, I-I don't like to come off as a difficult person. 55 00:02:22,904 --> 00:02:26,242 -Um... -Oh. Now, d-do you like to come off as a difficult person? 56 00:02:26,275 --> 00:02:28,377 -(laughs softly) No. -No. Of course not. -Oh, no. 57 00:02:28,410 --> 00:02:29,678 -Who-who would? Who would? -Yeah. No, no one likes 58 00:02:29,711 --> 00:02:31,780 to be a difficult person, so we can make it work. 59 00:02:31,813 --> 00:02:34,049 -I'm Dennis. -(chuckles): Uh... 60 00:02:34,082 --> 00:02:35,584 I don't think my husband and I would be comfortable 61 00:02:35,617 --> 00:02:37,053 sharing a room. 62 00:02:38,086 --> 00:02:39,888 Husband? 63 00:02:39,921 --> 00:02:43,559 I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you were married. 64 00:02:43,592 --> 00:02:45,894 -I didn't realize I had to tell you that. -DENNIS: Yeah. 65 00:02:45,927 --> 00:02:48,564 -Oh... -GREG: Uh, hi. 66 00:02:48,597 --> 00:02:50,699 -Uh, one of you guys must be Mac. -Yeah, that's me. 67 00:02:50,732 --> 00:02:52,801 -You, you're the husband. -Mm-hmm. 68 00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:54,436 I see. Uh, this is Dennis. 69 00:02:54,469 --> 00:02:56,205 -What's up? -He's also gonna be staying here. 70 00:02:56,238 --> 00:02:58,574 -Well... -Yeah, you know what? Maybe we should just get another room. 71 00:02:58,607 --> 00:03:01,644 -Oh, no, no. I mean, maybe. -We're gonna make it work. Well, you guys crash in there, 72 00:03:01,677 --> 00:03:03,879 -and Dennis will stay in my room. -Uh, I don't know. 73 00:03:03,912 --> 00:03:05,814 I don't know. I don't think so. Uh, I'm good. 74 00:03:05,847 --> 00:03:07,583 -I-I'm not gonna. -Oh, well, it's just that you, 75 00:03:07,616 --> 00:03:09,652 you just said that you were cool sharing a room, so... 76 00:03:09,685 --> 00:03:11,387 DENNIS: Right. Yeah, but I was, uh, you know, 77 00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:13,122 I'm-I'm, but, you know, ch-- (stammers) 78 00:03:13,155 --> 00:03:14,757 Things change. (chuckles) 79 00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,592 Yeah. It's just that you don't have anywhere to go. 80 00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:17,760 Well, you wouldn't know that. 81 00:03:17,793 --> 00:03:19,295 -Yeah, somehow I do. -Yeah... 82 00:03:19,328 --> 00:03:21,297 Hey, we're just really tired 83 00:03:21,330 --> 00:03:23,632 and would love to crash, if that's okay. 84 00:03:23,665 --> 00:03:25,000 Absolutely. Yeah, you guys, you guys hit the hay. 85 00:03:25,033 --> 00:03:26,802 We're probably gonna hit the hay, too. 86 00:03:26,835 --> 00:03:28,237 -Thank you. -All right, yeah. Best of luck. -Absolutely. 87 00:03:28,270 --> 00:03:29,505 -Thank you. -Yeah, we're gonna work it out. 88 00:03:29,538 --> 00:03:30,773 -It's not gonna be an issue. -All right. Thanks. 89 00:03:30,806 --> 00:03:31,874 Have a great night, guys. 90 00:03:33,008 --> 00:03:34,243 CHARLIE: This is so exciting. 91 00:03:34,276 --> 00:03:35,644 -Yeah. -Now, you said they're, 92 00:03:35,677 --> 00:03:36,845 uh, where are these girls from? 93 00:03:36,878 --> 00:03:38,781 -Australia? Or what is that...? -No, no. 94 00:03:38,814 --> 00:03:40,482 They're two Austrian broads. 95 00:03:40,515 --> 00:03:42,518 -Aww... -Alexi and Nikki. 96 00:03:42,551 --> 00:03:44,153 Oh, wowee, Frank. 97 00:03:44,186 --> 00:03:46,355 Those names are, those names are like... 98 00:03:46,388 --> 00:03:49,792 Before they get here, we got to lay down some ground rules. 99 00:03:49,825 --> 00:03:52,328 When we wind up working the same broad, 100 00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:54,530 no eye contact between the two of us. 101 00:03:54,563 --> 00:03:56,131 -Wait, what? -And they're gonna encourage us 102 00:03:56,164 --> 00:03:58,600 -to explore each other's bodies. -What? 103 00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:01,804 -A-And that's a hard no for me. -No, for me, too. 104 00:04:01,837 --> 00:04:03,205 -Let's lead with that. -Wait, what's about to happen? 105 00:04:03,238 --> 00:04:05,174 -(knocking on door) -I'm not sure I want... 106 00:04:05,207 --> 00:04:07,276 Keep your fingers to yourself. 107 00:04:07,309 --> 00:04:09,511 -But have a good time. -Uh... Hey, can... 108 00:04:09,544 --> 00:04:11,613 I just kind of want you to explain what you... 109 00:04:11,646 --> 00:04:14,316 -Yeah. -...what you got on your mind here, but... 110 00:04:14,349 --> 00:04:15,951 Who the hell are you? 111 00:04:15,984 --> 00:04:17,720 Hi. We're here for the room. 112 00:04:17,753 --> 00:04:19,021 Nah, no, no, no, no, no. 113 00:04:19,054 --> 00:04:21,190 We're waiting for Nikki and Alexi. 114 00:04:21,223 --> 00:04:25,361 Yeah. I am Nikki, and this is my father Alexi. 115 00:04:25,394 --> 00:04:27,730 Oh, shit. 116 00:04:36,571 --> 00:04:38,540 (grunts) What is this, man? 117 00:04:38,573 --> 00:04:40,175 W-What, what are we doing? 118 00:04:40,208 --> 00:04:42,010 I-I don't want to do this anymore. Can we stop? 119 00:04:42,043 --> 00:04:43,545 Huh? No, we can't stop now. 120 00:04:43,578 --> 00:04:45,180 We're-we're right on track. 121 00:04:45,213 --> 00:04:46,682 I don't know, man. It just... 122 00:04:46,715 --> 00:04:48,350 It just feels like a-a lot of effort, 123 00:04:48,383 --> 00:04:49,718 and it feels desperate, you know what I mean? 124 00:04:49,751 --> 00:04:51,086 Like, I-I never put this much work 125 00:04:51,119 --> 00:04:53,021 into banging some cute meat. 126 00:04:53,054 --> 00:04:54,356 Cute meat? 127 00:04:54,389 --> 00:04:55,858 Cute meat. That-that was your phrase. 128 00:04:55,891 --> 00:04:57,259 No, Dennis, "meet-cute." 129 00:04:57,292 --> 00:04:59,728 It has a name, Mac. Its name is Lisa. 130 00:04:59,761 --> 00:05:01,530 This is fun, right? This is the banter. This is the, 131 00:05:01,563 --> 00:05:03,732 this is-- this is all a part of act one banter. 132 00:05:03,765 --> 00:05:06,034 And we are right on schedule. 133 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:08,070 -Shh. Listen. -(distant arguing) 134 00:05:08,103 --> 00:05:10,372 (whispering): They're fighting. 135 00:05:10,405 --> 00:05:12,708 I'm telling you, their marriage is on the rocks. 136 00:05:12,741 --> 00:05:13,942 -What-what, wait-wait-wait. -(distant squawking) 137 00:05:13,975 --> 00:05:15,511 What's that third noise? 138 00:05:15,544 --> 00:05:17,212 Dude, i-is that, like, a chicken or a parrot 139 00:05:17,245 --> 00:05:19,181 or some shit? Dude, uh, I thought we said no animals. 140 00:05:19,214 --> 00:05:20,883 Mac, tell them no animals in my room. 141 00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:24,119 -That's no animal. -(knocking on door) 142 00:05:24,152 --> 00:05:26,388 -Oh... -We needed reinforcements. 143 00:05:26,421 --> 00:05:28,223 -Okay, catch me up to speed. -Shh, shh. 144 00:05:28,256 --> 00:05:30,058 -Listen, listen. (mouths) -LISA: You can't keep blaming me 145 00:05:30,091 --> 00:05:32,194 -for what happened with Teddy. -Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. 146 00:05:32,227 --> 00:05:34,530 -Who is Teddy? (gasps) -Mm... 147 00:05:34,563 --> 00:05:36,265 The wife must have cheated on the husband 148 00:05:36,298 --> 00:05:37,599 with some guy named Teddy. 149 00:05:37,632 --> 00:05:39,034 No, no, no, that's all wrong. 150 00:05:39,067 --> 00:05:40,636 The female love interest can't be a cheater, 151 00:05:40,669 --> 00:05:42,438 because that makes her unlikable. 152 00:05:42,471 --> 00:05:46,475 Maybe this isn't a romantic comedy about the wife at all. 153 00:05:46,508 --> 00:05:48,410 Maybe it's about the husband. 154 00:05:48,443 --> 00:05:50,879 Yes. The husband is the lonely heart 155 00:05:50,912 --> 00:05:53,949 who needs to find love in the big city. (gasps) 156 00:05:53,982 --> 00:05:56,485 Dee, you're my new romantic lead, 157 00:05:56,518 --> 00:06:00,756 proving that romantic leads don't have to be likable at all. 158 00:06:00,789 --> 00:06:02,958 -I'm sorry, I can't follow any of this. Am I in or out? -You're out. 159 00:06:02,991 --> 00:06:04,626 -Great. I'm gonna go sleep in the living room. -Okay. 160 00:06:04,659 --> 00:06:06,829 -Uh... -Awesome. 161 00:06:06,862 --> 00:06:08,864 (polka song playing, yodeling) 162 00:06:15,537 --> 00:06:17,673 Charlie, this is weird as shit. 163 00:06:17,706 --> 00:06:20,976 Yeah. Hey-- hey, uh, Nikki, what's this 164 00:06:21,009 --> 00:06:22,778 -that we're listening to here, pal? -NIKKI: Oh. 165 00:06:22,811 --> 00:06:25,614 It's just a little bit of music that I wrote. 166 00:06:25,647 --> 00:06:27,783 -Ah, you're a, you're a yodeler, huh? -(music stops) 167 00:06:27,816 --> 00:06:31,153 Uh, y-yeah. Uh, may I ask if you have a small pot 168 00:06:31,186 --> 00:06:34,122 -that I can boil these lederhosen in? -Uh, yeah. 169 00:06:34,155 --> 00:06:36,158 I got something. Uh, let me just look around here. 170 00:06:36,191 --> 00:06:37,793 (Nikki humming) 171 00:06:37,826 --> 00:06:39,661 {\an8}What do you got going there with the toe? 172 00:06:39,694 --> 00:06:42,197 -FRANK: Does he speak English? -No, and sadly, 173 00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:44,166 -he refuses to learn. -CHARLIE: Oh, yeah. 174 00:06:44,199 --> 00:06:46,001 Oh, yeah, Frank doesn't like to learn new things either. 175 00:06:46,034 --> 00:06:47,769 Here you go. Tha-That should work. 176 00:06:47,802 --> 00:06:49,304 Ask him what he's working that toe with. 177 00:06:49,337 --> 00:06:53,675 (speaking German) 178 00:06:53,708 --> 00:06:56,011 Um, how do you say... There is no word. 179 00:06:56,044 --> 00:07:00,849 Uh, "toe spoon," for the digging out of the toe. 180 00:07:00,882 --> 00:07:03,719 -Mmm. -Don't flick it. 181 00:07:03,752 --> 00:07:05,387 Hey, Frank, can I talk to you for a second over here, man? 182 00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:07,223 -Mind if we just... -Yeah. 183 00:07:10,091 --> 00:07:11,627 Dude, this is weird as hell man. 184 00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:13,362 We gotta-- We're just gonna have to, like, 185 00:07:13,395 --> 00:07:14,696 power through this night, 186 00:07:14,729 --> 00:07:16,131 and then we'll figure something out tomorrow, man. 187 00:07:16,164 --> 00:07:17,966 All right? We'll just-- Let's just get into bed, 188 00:07:17,999 --> 00:07:20,636 and get out of here. Hey, hey, guys, you know, 189 00:07:20,669 --> 00:07:22,838 -we figure we should just turn in early. -We're gonna go to sleep 190 00:07:22,871 --> 00:07:24,406 -right now. -'Cause the night goes quicker, you know? 191 00:07:24,439 --> 00:07:26,174 -We usually sleep ass to ass. -That's true. 192 00:07:26,207 --> 00:07:28,076 But let's see if we can... 193 00:07:28,109 --> 00:07:29,878 -I call the side. -I'll get-- 194 00:07:29,911 --> 00:07:32,080 -You got the end, huh? -Yeah. Picked the side here. 195 00:07:32,113 --> 00:07:35,183 -Why don't you hop in. -All right, I'll hop in. 196 00:07:35,216 --> 00:07:36,585 -Yeah. -All right. 197 00:07:36,618 --> 00:07:38,153 Well, ass to ass. 198 00:07:38,186 --> 00:07:39,888 -FRANK: We're ass to ass. -Here we go. 199 00:07:39,921 --> 00:07:41,924 All right. 200 00:07:47,429 --> 00:07:49,698 (snorts) 201 00:07:52,634 --> 00:07:53,636 Fuck this. 202 00:07:57,899 --> 00:07:59,568 (whispering): Dennis. Come here. 203 00:08:01,483 --> 00:08:02,584 -What-- What are you doing, man? -Shh! Shh. 204 00:08:02,617 --> 00:08:03,585 Wh-Why are you in their room? 205 00:08:03,618 --> 00:08:04,786 -Shh, shh, shh. -What? 206 00:08:04,819 --> 00:08:07,456 I just set up the perfect meet-cute for Dee. 207 00:08:07,489 --> 00:08:08,857 -Okay. -See, Greg's in the shower, 208 00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:10,358 so I snuck in there, I picked the lock, 209 00:08:10,391 --> 00:08:11,793 and I just made my way in. 210 00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:12,961 I checked him out for a quick second. 211 00:08:12,994 --> 00:08:14,396 He has a tiny penis, just for the record. 212 00:08:14,429 --> 00:08:15,764 -Ah. -Then, I open up the toilet. 213 00:08:15,797 --> 00:08:18,100 I shit, like, my brains out into it, right? 214 00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:19,401 I came at this thing like an animal, man. 215 00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:20,969 And then I took a bunch of toilet paper. 216 00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:22,270 I-I jammed it in there 217 00:08:22,303 --> 00:08:24,039 so it won't flush; it won't flush. 218 00:08:24,072 --> 00:08:25,941 Why? 219 00:08:25,974 --> 00:08:27,109 Because when Greg gets out of the shower, 220 00:08:27,142 --> 00:08:29,377 he's gonna realize that this toilet is a mess. 221 00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:30,712 I mean, it is a splatter-fest. 222 00:08:30,745 --> 00:08:32,380 He's gonna look for a plunger. There is no plunger. 223 00:08:32,413 --> 00:08:34,449 I'm gonna send him down to the hardware store, 224 00:08:34,482 --> 00:08:35,951 where he's gonna run into Dee. 225 00:08:35,984 --> 00:08:37,953 GREG: Oh, my God! 226 00:08:37,986 --> 00:08:39,988 Greg, y-- Are you okay in there? 227 00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:43,091 Um, no. I-I think there's a problem with the toilet. 228 00:08:43,124 --> 00:08:45,393 You may need to get a plunger. 229 00:08:45,426 --> 00:08:47,829 A plunger? Oh, man, we don't really even have a plunger 230 00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,297 here in the apartment, 231 00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:50,799 but we have a hardware store down the street. 232 00:08:50,832 --> 00:08:53,001 If you go down there and get it, I can get you back. 233 00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:54,769 GREG: Okay. Hey, when did this happen? 234 00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,471 Wh-What? 235 00:08:56,504 --> 00:08:59,508 GREG: The shit in the toilet. It's not mine. 236 00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:01,009 Oh, my God, when did that happen? 237 00:09:01,042 --> 00:09:03,745 -Just close the door. -That's what I'm asking you. 238 00:09:03,778 --> 00:09:06,014 -Okay, now the plan is in motion for you. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 239 00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:07,916 What do you mean the plan's in motion for me? 240 00:09:07,949 --> 00:09:09,117 I thought I was out. 241 00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:10,619 Remember when we were saying that 242 00:09:10,652 --> 00:09:13,021 the female romantic lead would never cheat? 243 00:09:13,054 --> 00:09:14,456 -Uh-huh. -Okay, well, I overheard Lisa 244 00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:16,858 saying to Greg that she misses Teddy. 245 00:09:16,891 --> 00:09:19,027 Huh? Why would she tell Greg 246 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,662 that she misses the guy that she cheated with? 247 00:09:20,695 --> 00:09:23,999 Unless she didn't cheat on him with Teddy. 248 00:09:24,032 --> 00:09:25,500 Maybe Teddy was a platonic friend 249 00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:27,869 from high school that makes Greg jealous. 250 00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:29,204 Don't you know what this means? 251 00:09:29,237 --> 00:09:32,174 Lisa is still our romantic lead, which means... 252 00:09:32,207 --> 00:09:34,476 -So I'm still your leading man. -Yeah. 253 00:09:34,509 --> 00:09:36,645 (sighs heavily) 254 00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:40,015 (frying pan sizzling) 255 00:09:40,048 --> 00:09:41,283 -This is crazy, Charlie. -Yeah, I know. 256 00:09:41,316 --> 00:09:43,685 I mean, Dennis is having meet cubes with hot chicks, 257 00:09:43,718 --> 00:09:45,287 -and we're stuck with these guys. -I know. 258 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:46,855 I want to be having meet cubes, right? 259 00:09:46,888 --> 00:09:48,857 -Me, too. Me, too. (exclaiming in German) 260 00:09:48,890 --> 00:09:50,025 What the hell? What the hell is he doing? 261 00:09:50,058 --> 00:09:51,193 I don't know what he's doing. 262 00:09:51,226 --> 00:09:52,627 What are you-- What are you doing there? 263 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,696 What-- What are you doing with the spoon? 264 00:09:54,729 --> 00:09:58,033 You can't get to the hard-to-reach places with that. 265 00:09:58,066 --> 00:10:00,368 You need a knife. You need an edge. 266 00:10:00,401 --> 00:10:01,870 -Here, take this. -What, uh-- 267 00:10:01,903 --> 00:10:03,171 CHARLIE: What are you working on over here, pal? 268 00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:05,006 Because, you know, Frank and I have 269 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,009 a very specific diet; we like to eat pretty clean. 270 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:10,011 And I don't want to... 271 00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:11,746 -That is, uh, sausage... -Yeah. 272 00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:16,017 -...mit peanut butter und apricot jam sandwich. -Hmm. 273 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:20,188 But the trick is to melt the cheese on the outside. 274 00:10:20,221 --> 00:10:21,856 Well, that's right, you put peanut butter on the inside, 275 00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,525 you put the cheese on the outside. 276 00:10:23,558 --> 00:10:25,660 But you don't want to burn that cheese, right, so you... 277 00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:28,363 BOTH: ...so you finish it on the radiator. 278 00:10:28,396 --> 00:10:31,199 I do that, too. I didn't think anyone did that, man! 279 00:10:31,232 --> 00:10:32,834 And that is the trick. That's how you do it. 280 00:10:32,867 --> 00:10:34,102 -That's exactly-- Exactly. -Exactly. 281 00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:37,839 Hey, Charlie, this is pretty good. 282 00:10:37,872 --> 00:10:40,041 You can get in there behind the toe, 283 00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:42,611 and it's rounded, so you don't have a chance 284 00:10:42,644 --> 00:10:44,846 of filletin' yourself. 285 00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:45,914 Probably shouldn't share it, though, guys. 286 00:10:45,947 --> 00:10:47,349 It's not-- That's not sanitary. 287 00:10:47,382 --> 00:10:49,384 I got a question. Tell me if it's asking too much, 288 00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:51,886 but I've always kind of seen myself as a yodeler. 289 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,889 Would you be willing to show me how you do that? 290 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,858 I would like that very much. 291 00:10:56,891 --> 00:10:58,960 -For real? Okay, 'cause I feel like -(phone chimes) 292 00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:01,930 if I... if I learn how to yodel, I'm going places. 293 00:11:01,963 --> 00:11:03,698 You know what I mean? Because, like, no one... 294 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:06,301 -no one's doing that these days. -(hushed tone): Charlie. 295 00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:08,970 -Charlie, come here. -Uh, give me one second. 296 00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:10,071 Yo, what's up? 297 00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:12,073 We just got a hit on the apartment. 298 00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,775 Two European broads. 299 00:11:13,808 --> 00:11:15,243 Oh, I don't know, man, things are starting to really 300 00:11:15,276 --> 00:11:16,611 -turn a corner with these guys. -Yeah, I know. 301 00:11:16,644 --> 00:11:18,079 I mean, you know, I'm having fun. 302 00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:19,581 -I like the spoon. -And you got that. 303 00:11:19,614 --> 00:11:21,549 -I guess... Okay, but you know. -Yeah. Yeah, ooh... 304 00:11:21,582 --> 00:11:23,852 And... 305 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:27,856 (men speaking German) 306 00:11:30,258 --> 00:11:32,260 -Sorry, no. We double-booked. -Sorry, guys. Yeah, I'm so sorry. 307 00:11:32,293 --> 00:11:34,663 -We're gonna miss you. -You know, these things happen. 308 00:11:34,696 --> 00:11:37,432 -We-we just double-booked. -Thanks for the toe spoon. 309 00:11:37,465 --> 00:11:40,001 Yeah, thanks so much, guys. Good-bye. 310 00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:41,536 ♪ ♪ 311 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,674 Oops. 312 00:11:45,707 --> 00:11:47,175 -Sorry. -(both chuckle) 313 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,311 That was pretty cute, wasn't it, how we... 314 00:11:49,344 --> 00:11:51,680 both reached for the plunger at the same time? (chuckles) 315 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:53,315 -Yeah, I guess. -(stammers) 316 00:11:53,348 --> 00:11:54,849 Also, looks like it's the only one. 317 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:58,787 It's the last one, so, um... maybe we could share it. 318 00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:01,323 How would that work? 319 00:12:01,356 --> 00:12:04,459 Well, I guess, first you'd have to come back to my place. 320 00:12:04,492 --> 00:12:06,628 You know, I can always use a man 321 00:12:06,661 --> 00:12:09,631 to help me clean my pipes. 322 00:12:09,664 --> 00:12:14,369 Help flushing the shit you took that backed up your toilet? 323 00:12:14,402 --> 00:12:17,372 No. No, that's-- No, that's-- it wasn't shit. 324 00:12:17,405 --> 00:12:19,541 -That's not what I'm talking about. It wasn't shit. -What was it? 325 00:12:19,574 --> 00:12:20,642 -I don't care. -Okay, it doesn't matter. 326 00:12:20,675 --> 00:12:21,643 The point is that 327 00:12:21,676 --> 00:12:23,178 it's-it's charming and cute and fun 328 00:12:23,211 --> 00:12:25,180 how we, how we just sort of met like this over a plunger. 329 00:12:25,213 --> 00:12:26,381 Don't you think so? (chuckles) 330 00:12:26,414 --> 00:12:28,216 I'm just gonna go to another hardware store. 331 00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:30,118 Well, okay. Well, hold on a second. Wait, wait. 332 00:12:30,151 --> 00:12:31,653 Don't go. 333 00:12:32,854 --> 00:12:35,156 There we go. 334 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:38,260 Pushing away his soul mate, right on structure. 335 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:40,729 End act two. 336 00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:48,975 Hey! It's my roomie. What's going on? 337 00:12:49,008 --> 00:12:50,477 Hi. 338 00:12:50,510 --> 00:12:52,579 -I got you some wine. -Oh, no, thank you. 339 00:12:52,612 --> 00:12:55,916 Well, it helps when you're sad. You seem sad. 340 00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:58,285 But I-I get it. I-I understand. 341 00:12:58,318 --> 00:12:59,686 -You do? -Oh, yeah. 342 00:12:59,719 --> 00:13:00,987 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 343 00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:03,690 Yeah, you miss Teddy, and no one can replace him. 344 00:13:03,723 --> 00:13:05,525 I assume you overheard my husband and I. (sobs) 345 00:13:05,558 --> 00:13:06,793 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 346 00:13:06,826 --> 00:13:09,362 But, look, maybe I can fill that void, you know, 347 00:13:09,395 --> 00:13:11,965 if only for a few hours of, uh, sexual bliss. 348 00:13:11,998 --> 00:13:14,701 Oh, no. What? 349 00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:16,770 Sex. 350 00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:18,371 Bangin'. 351 00:13:18,404 --> 00:13:21,107 It's good to take the mind off things. You know? 352 00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:23,109 But wait, l-let me, let me ease your mind about something. 353 00:13:23,142 --> 00:13:24,544 I'm not the jealous type, like your husband. 354 00:13:24,577 --> 00:13:26,947 You know, you want to spend time with Teddy also, uh, 355 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,381 -that's fine, you know. -(crying softly) 356 00:13:28,414 --> 00:13:31,151 Dig that guy up, you know, see what he's been up to these days. 357 00:13:31,184 --> 00:13:33,687 I honestly don't give a shit. (chuckles) 358 00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:36,857 -Yeah. -(crying) 359 00:13:36,890 --> 00:13:38,191 You all right? 360 00:13:38,224 --> 00:13:40,827 -What? -Oh. 361 00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:42,062 What happened? 362 00:13:42,095 --> 00:13:43,363 (Dennis clears throat) 363 00:13:43,396 --> 00:13:45,566 This is so bad. 364 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,002 (sobbing): Don't talk about him. 365 00:13:50,169 --> 00:13:52,072 (door closes) 366 00:13:52,105 --> 00:13:53,807 -Okay, that went great. -Huh? 367 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,308 -Now, next steps... -Whoa. 368 00:13:55,341 --> 00:13:57,043 How, in your mind, did that go great? 369 00:13:57,076 --> 00:13:58,245 -I thought the crying was hot. -I did, too. 370 00:13:58,278 --> 00:14:00,247 But it just, it seems like it's gonna be annoying. 371 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,249 I find you annoying. This whole thing's annoying. 372 00:14:02,282 --> 00:14:04,751 -I'm gonna go back to my thing. -No, Dennis, this is working. 373 00:14:04,784 --> 00:14:06,586 You just have to trust the structure. 374 00:14:06,619 --> 00:14:08,989 -Uh, nah. -Just trust the structure. 375 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,290 (sighs) 376 00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:14,594 -Yeah... Come on in, come on in. -Well, yeah, come on in. 377 00:14:14,627 --> 00:14:16,263 Oh, this... this is the spot. 378 00:14:16,296 --> 00:14:17,731 -Sorry it's messy. -It's a little messy. 379 00:14:17,764 --> 00:14:19,232 We had a guest, and he trashed the joint. 380 00:14:19,265 --> 00:14:20,901 That's right, the-the guest trashed the place. 381 00:14:20,934 --> 00:14:22,836 No, it is perfect. 382 00:14:22,869 --> 00:14:24,738 -Uh, so much space. -Mm-hmm. 383 00:14:24,771 --> 00:14:26,106 -Yeah. -Looks very bohemian. 384 00:14:26,139 --> 00:14:28,441 And I like that the bathroom down the hall is so close. 385 00:14:28,474 --> 00:14:30,110 -Yeah, it's right, it's right there. -It's not far, right? 386 00:14:30,143 --> 00:14:31,845 -I mean, there's no door on it. -Yeah. 387 00:14:31,878 --> 00:14:34,447 But that's because the guy in 4B went berserk and ripped it off. 388 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:35,749 -Oh. -Uh, yeah. 389 00:14:35,782 --> 00:14:37,384 And if you do have to use the bathroom, 390 00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:39,552 -what I can do is I can become the door for you. -Yeah. 391 00:14:39,585 --> 00:14:41,888 -I do that for Frank when he's taking a dump in there. -You stand in front of it. 392 00:14:41,921 --> 00:14:43,256 No, no, no, it is okay. 393 00:14:43,289 --> 00:14:45,759 We're very free with our bodies. 394 00:14:45,792 --> 00:14:47,027 -Yeah. -Mm-hmm. -Oh, yeah? 395 00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,929 -Mm-hmm. -Cool. Yeah, us, too. I mean... 396 00:14:48,962 --> 00:14:51,364 -I only see one bed. -Yeah. -Yeah, it's a one-bedder. 397 00:14:51,397 --> 00:14:52,899 -Uh... -Oh. 398 00:14:52,932 --> 00:14:54,534 -We can sleep on the floor... -No, no, no, no, no. -No. 399 00:14:54,567 --> 00:14:55,869 That's no fun. 400 00:14:55,902 --> 00:14:58,104 -We should all share. Yeah. -Mm-hmm. 401 00:14:58,137 --> 00:15:01,274 -Yeah, that's okay with me. Is that okay with you? -No fun to sleep... 402 00:15:01,307 --> 00:15:03,443 -Yeah, here on the bed. -Ah-ah-ah. 403 00:15:03,476 --> 00:15:05,612 That is not very free with your body. 404 00:15:05,645 --> 00:15:07,814 -Uh... what do you mean? -Wh-Wh-What? 405 00:15:07,847 --> 00:15:09,883 -We all sleep naked. It's more fun. -Mm-hmm. 406 00:15:09,916 --> 00:15:11,885 -Come, we don't bite. -(stammers) 407 00:15:11,918 --> 00:15:14,120 -Yeah, just take it off. Come. -(chuckles) 408 00:15:14,153 --> 00:15:15,889 MAC: So you're telling me 409 00:15:15,922 --> 00:15:17,824 that you got nowhere with Greg? 410 00:15:17,857 --> 00:15:19,492 That's not true. That's not true at all. 411 00:15:19,525 --> 00:15:21,461 Got him right where I want him. This is the part 412 00:15:21,494 --> 00:15:24,597 where I sit back and wait for him to come to his senses. 413 00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:26,967 Th-That-That's not how it works. (sighs) Goddamn it. 414 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,635 This is the part where the trashy skank 415 00:15:28,668 --> 00:15:31,638 is-is supposed to lure the husband away. 416 00:15:31,671 --> 00:15:35,275 He bangs that nasty snatch, and then Lisa recognizes 417 00:15:35,308 --> 00:15:38,445 that he is a dullard and needs to drop him, 418 00:15:38,478 --> 00:15:41,448 so that Lisa, the true hero of the story, 419 00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:43,950 can figure out that she needs to be free and find love. 420 00:15:43,983 --> 00:15:47,520 -I'm the true hero of the story. -You are a diversionary plot twist at best. 421 00:15:47,553 --> 00:15:49,456 -(door opens) -And you couldn't even do that right. 422 00:15:49,489 --> 00:15:51,024 -Ooh, what a night! Wha...! -(laughs) 423 00:15:51,057 --> 00:15:53,026 -You can't believe what happened. -Whew! 424 00:15:53,059 --> 00:15:54,794 FRANK: We got the backpackers we wanted, 425 00:15:54,827 --> 00:15:57,030 and they're as sexually free as we hoped. 426 00:15:57,063 --> 00:15:58,798 -Those girls are wild, man. -It was amazing. 427 00:15:58,831 --> 00:16:00,800 They wanted us to, like-like, touch each other and stuff. 428 00:16:00,833 --> 00:16:01,868 I'm like, "Dude, that's a hard no for me." 429 00:16:01,901 --> 00:16:03,036 No, it was a hard no for me, too. 430 00:16:03,069 --> 00:16:04,437 -Well, but... -I said no. 431 00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:06,339 -I said no. -You were thinking about it, though. 432 00:16:06,372 --> 00:16:08,341 -All of a sudden, like, Frank gives me one of those... -No, I wasn't thinking about it. 433 00:16:08,374 --> 00:16:10,543 -I'm like, "Are you kidding me?" I'm not gonna do that. -No, no, no, I wasn't... 434 00:16:10,576 --> 00:16:12,645 (Charlie and Frank chattering excitedly) 435 00:16:12,678 --> 00:16:14,514 I can't even understand them half the time. 436 00:16:14,547 --> 00:16:16,449 -It's like the accents... -I don't know. They were crazy chicks. 437 00:16:16,482 --> 00:16:17,650 Hey, hoping you're having fun with your 438 00:16:17,683 --> 00:16:19,619 "meat cube" romance party. That does sound fun. 439 00:16:19,652 --> 00:16:21,488 I do want some of those meat cubes later. 440 00:16:21,521 --> 00:16:23,323 Dude, that girl with the, with the long fingernails... 441 00:16:25,158 --> 00:16:26,793 Jesus Christ. 442 00:16:26,826 --> 00:16:28,528 Frank and Charlie are off having orgies, 443 00:16:28,561 --> 00:16:29,996 and I'm sitting here all alone. 444 00:16:30,029 --> 00:16:32,332 I mean, this is crazy. The whole world's upside down. 445 00:16:32,365 --> 00:16:35,335 -Up is down, black is white. -Straight is gay. 446 00:16:35,368 --> 00:16:36,536 That's it! 447 00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:38,471 -What? -Maybe Teddy cheated with Greg. 448 00:16:38,504 --> 00:16:40,673 (gasps) 449 00:16:40,706 --> 00:16:43,376 Maybe this whole thing has just been one giant meet-cute 450 00:16:43,409 --> 00:16:45,512 for me and Greg. 451 00:16:45,545 --> 00:16:47,013 DENNIS: Hmm. 452 00:16:47,046 --> 00:16:50,383 You know, it won't play in Middle America, but screw it. 453 00:16:50,416 --> 00:16:52,485 We'll jam it down their throats till they enjoy it. 454 00:16:52,518 --> 00:16:53,753 W-We'll force them to like it. 455 00:16:53,786 --> 00:16:55,488 -So you'll help me? -I will. 456 00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:57,157 -And I'll help you, too. -Get your hand off me. 457 00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,992 Yeah, get your hands off him. We don't need your help. 458 00:16:59,025 --> 00:17:00,493 I think we're probably gonna end up cutting you 459 00:17:00,526 --> 00:17:01,861 out of this almost entirely. 460 00:17:01,894 --> 00:17:04,664 -Uh, Mac, let's go find you some romance. -Yeah! 461 00:17:04,697 --> 00:17:05,732 Shall we? 462 00:17:05,765 --> 00:17:07,400 You know-- Okay, but just a heads-up: 463 00:17:07,433 --> 00:17:10,770 It's not gonna work, all right? Men are not in charge anymore. 464 00:17:10,803 --> 00:17:13,273 You know? Men-men don't get to just decide 465 00:17:13,306 --> 00:17:14,607 what women get to do... 466 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,910 ♪ ♪ 467 00:17:17,977 --> 00:17:20,447 (quietly): Hey, Frank. 468 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:21,448 -Yeah? -Hey. 469 00:17:21,481 --> 00:17:22,949 Can I admit something to you? 470 00:17:22,982 --> 00:17:24,951 If you're gonna tell me that was your finger, Charlie, 471 00:17:24,984 --> 00:17:26,252 I'm gonna be pissed. 472 00:17:26,285 --> 00:17:28,054 No, that was, that was definitely Minka. 473 00:17:28,087 --> 00:17:29,956 -She's real aggressive with the fingers. -Oh, my... 474 00:17:29,989 --> 00:17:31,958 I don't get that move at all. 475 00:17:31,991 --> 00:17:34,928 But, dude, something, besides this violent Euro ass play, 476 00:17:34,961 --> 00:17:36,463 it just doesn't feel right, man. 477 00:17:36,496 --> 00:17:38,731 Plus, dude, these girls are drug addicts. 478 00:17:38,764 --> 00:17:41,267 I saw them using Alexi's toe spoon to cook heroin. 479 00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,436 -What?! -I don't even think we need to whisper. Like... 480 00:17:43,469 --> 00:17:46,072 -Oh. -Yeah, they're passed out, man. 481 00:17:46,105 --> 00:17:47,273 Oh, dude. 482 00:17:47,306 --> 00:17:49,909 This isn't good. This isn't good. 483 00:17:49,942 --> 00:17:51,645 (Charlie exhales) 484 00:17:53,346 --> 00:17:54,981 -Yeah. -(sighs) Charlie. 485 00:17:55,014 --> 00:17:56,549 -Look, it's done for. -It's ruined. I know, yeah. 486 00:17:56,582 --> 00:17:58,318 -No, it's-it's ruined. -(sighs): Oh. 487 00:17:58,351 --> 00:18:02,255 Hey, Frank, can I admit something else to you, man? 488 00:18:02,288 --> 00:18:04,657 I-I can't stop thinking about Alexi and Nikki. 489 00:18:04,690 --> 00:18:05,758 (sighs) Me, too. 490 00:18:05,791 --> 00:18:07,894 Like, maybe we made a huge mistake, man. 491 00:18:07,927 --> 00:18:09,729 -We might've. -And I know it's... 492 00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:11,998 -that it's two hot girls. -Hot chicks. 493 00:18:12,031 --> 00:18:14,301 A-And you should make the most of that, right? But... 494 00:18:15,334 --> 00:18:17,003 {\an8}Because it's good, you know? 495 00:18:17,036 --> 00:18:18,972 {\an8}-But some-something just doesn't feel right, man. -Yeah. 496 00:18:19,005 --> 00:18:20,507 {\an8}Something doesn't feel right. 497 00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:22,008 {\an8}-No, it doesn't feel right. -Something's off. 498 00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:23,610 I miss those guys. I miss them. I... 499 00:18:23,643 --> 00:18:25,512 -What's that? What's that? -Oh, that thing? 500 00:18:25,545 --> 00:18:27,480 Oh, yeah. Uh... 501 00:18:27,513 --> 00:18:29,449 Uh, there was a package outside the door 502 00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:31,117 when we came back the-the other night, and... 503 00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:32,685 -What's it, a gift? -Yeah, I don't know. 504 00:18:32,718 --> 00:18:34,087 It... I can't read it 505 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,422 'cause it's, like, in Austrian or something. Uh... 506 00:18:36,455 --> 00:18:38,158 -No, it's in English. -Yeah. I-Is it English? 507 00:18:38,191 --> 00:18:40,160 FRANK: "Thanks for everything. 508 00:18:40,193 --> 00:18:42,462 Love, Alexi and Nikki." 509 00:18:42,495 --> 00:18:44,030 -Oh, no shit? -They gave us a present. 510 00:18:44,063 --> 00:18:45,498 They left a gift for us? 511 00:18:45,531 --> 00:18:47,333 (mutters quietly) 512 00:18:47,366 --> 00:18:49,802 (both gasp) 513 00:18:49,835 --> 00:18:51,804 Meat cube. 514 00:18:51,837 --> 00:18:53,907 Bus station. 515 00:18:55,541 --> 00:18:57,544 (yelps, laughing) 516 00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:00,680 Pretty Woman. 517 00:19:00,713 --> 00:19:02,649 (laughs) Yeah! 518 00:19:04,717 --> 00:19:06,119 I'm just gonna go out to the car. 519 00:19:06,152 --> 00:19:07,654 GREG: Yeah, okay. 520 00:19:09,488 --> 00:19:11,057 Nice to meet you. Bye. 521 00:19:11,090 --> 00:19:12,225 Okay, great. Okay, all right. 522 00:19:12,258 --> 00:19:13,893 This is your moment, Mac. Now remember, 523 00:19:13,926 --> 00:19:15,128 just speak from the heart, all right? 524 00:19:15,161 --> 00:19:16,529 Sweep him off his feet. Go to him. 525 00:19:16,562 --> 00:19:17,697 -Go to him. Yes. -No, no. 526 00:19:17,730 --> 00:19:19,632 Hey, uh, uh, Greg? 527 00:19:19,665 --> 00:19:21,701 -Yes. -Uh, was wondering if we could have a quick chat. 528 00:19:21,734 --> 00:19:23,536 ("I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd playing) 529 00:19:23,569 --> 00:19:25,905 -Oh. Sorry about that, guys. Wrong-wrong track. -(music stops) 530 00:19:25,938 --> 00:19:27,574 -Yeah. That was the wrong song. -Here we go. 531 00:19:27,607 --> 00:19:29,409 -Oh, here we go. -("In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel playing) 532 00:19:29,442 --> 00:19:30,577 -That's the one. -(clears throat) 533 00:19:30,610 --> 00:19:32,178 Um... (chuckles softly) 534 00:19:32,211 --> 00:19:35,181 I know that what you had with Teddy was special, 535 00:19:35,214 --> 00:19:37,083 and I know that I could never replace him. 536 00:19:37,116 --> 00:19:39,252 But that's dead and buried now, man, and you got to move on. 537 00:19:39,285 --> 00:19:41,087 I-I... And I know that it's crazy. 538 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,022 I know that it's crazy 'cause we just met, but I feel like 539 00:19:43,055 --> 00:19:45,325 if-if you just give us a chance, 540 00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:48,528 we could tell a love story for the ages. (chuckles softly) 541 00:19:50,029 --> 00:19:53,366 A gay... gay-ass love story. 542 00:19:53,399 --> 00:19:56,035 A-And, yeah, maybe it won't play in Middle America, 543 00:19:56,068 --> 00:19:58,605 and-and maybe it's not even ready for the mainstream, 544 00:19:58,638 --> 00:20:00,607 but it'll win a ton of awards, and it'll get 545 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,542 a shit ton of attention for the liberal press. 546 00:20:02,575 --> 00:20:04,944 -I don't, I don't know what you're talking about. -(sighs) 547 00:20:04,977 --> 00:20:08,381 I... dumped up your toilet, Greg. 548 00:20:08,414 --> 00:20:10,750 It was me. It was always me. 549 00:20:10,783 --> 00:20:14,020 But I did it for us, to draw us closer together. 550 00:20:14,053 --> 00:20:15,388 -Now, I just think if we can... -LISA: What? 551 00:20:15,421 --> 00:20:16,389 Lisa's here. 552 00:20:16,422 --> 00:20:17,857 -What's going on? -Lisa, 553 00:20:17,890 --> 00:20:19,425 I'm glad you're here. Thank you. Please come in. 554 00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:21,427 We have something to tell you. 555 00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:23,763 -No. -It's time you heard the truth. 556 00:20:23,796 --> 00:20:25,298 Greg and I are going to be together. 557 00:20:25,331 --> 00:20:26,599 But know this. 558 00:20:26,632 --> 00:20:28,601 There was nothing that-that you could've ever done, 559 00:20:28,634 --> 00:20:31,604 because what Greg needed was Teddy. 560 00:20:31,637 --> 00:20:33,539 And what he needs now is me. 561 00:20:33,572 --> 00:20:36,442 So, Greg, let me be your everything, 562 00:20:36,475 --> 00:20:39,779 just like your old lover Teddy. 563 00:20:39,812 --> 00:20:42,548 (voice breaking): Teddy was our son. 564 00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:44,717 ♪ All my instincts... ♪ 565 00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:46,786 He died of leukemia. 566 00:20:46,819 --> 00:20:49,589 -What? -Oh, you know what? I think... Let me, uh... 567 00:20:49,622 --> 00:20:52,392 -("La Bamba" by Ritchie Valens playing) -No, you got to, you got to... 568 00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,494 -("Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer playing) -Just turn it off. Just off. 569 00:20:54,527 --> 00:20:56,629 -("(I've Had) The Time of My Life" by Bill Medley playing) -Just-just turn it off. 570 00:20:56,662 --> 00:20:57,630 -(music stops) -Sorry. 571 00:20:57,663 --> 00:20:59,432 Yeah. I don't have a dead kid s... 572 00:20:59,465 --> 00:21:01,835 uh, approp-appropriate... 573 00:21:06,038 --> 00:21:08,308 Um... I guess 574 00:21:08,341 --> 00:21:10,109 we'll let you get back to the healing. 575 00:21:10,142 --> 00:21:11,478 Yeah, you guys do your thing. 576 00:21:12,545 --> 00:21:14,047 Yeah. 577 00:21:17,183 --> 00:21:18,651 (gasps) 578 00:21:18,684 --> 00:21:21,187 That's not romantic. Or comedic. 579 00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:23,656 -You think they're gonna give us a bad review? -Yeah. 580 00:21:23,689 --> 00:21:25,458 I guess we're not gonna get that... 581 00:21:25,491 --> 00:21:28,294 romantic comedy ending after all. 582 00:21:28,327 --> 00:21:30,497 ("Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen playing) 583 00:21:31,797 --> 00:21:33,666 -This way, Frank. -Wait. Oh, yeah. 584 00:21:33,699 --> 00:21:34,834 -Nikki?! -Alexi?! 585 00:21:34,867 --> 00:21:36,769 -Alexi?! -Where are they? 586 00:21:36,802 --> 00:21:39,472 -Nikki?! -Yeah. Nikki?! Alexi?! 587 00:21:39,505 --> 00:21:41,107 No, Nikki, Alexi! 588 00:21:41,140 --> 00:21:42,809 -Nikki, wait, wait, wait! Wait! -Alexi! 589 00:21:42,842 --> 00:21:44,310 -Wait, wait, wait. Listen. -Hey! 590 00:21:44,343 --> 00:21:46,179 -Listen, please-please, please don't go. -Hey. (exhales) 591 00:21:46,212 --> 00:21:47,280 We're the perfect match. 592 00:21:47,313 --> 00:21:49,282 We-we didn't say it before, 593 00:21:49,315 --> 00:21:51,017 -but w-we understand now. -Yeah. 594 00:21:51,050 --> 00:21:52,318 We feel the same way, 595 00:21:52,351 --> 00:21:54,954 but we must return to our country. 596 00:21:54,987 --> 00:21:59,692 But we will return here exactly one year from today. 597 00:21:59,725 --> 00:22:02,462 If you feel the same, be here at sunset, 598 00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:04,464 and we will spend our days together, 599 00:22:04,497 --> 00:22:07,233 knee-deep in American gash. 600 00:22:07,266 --> 00:22:10,069 -Wait one year? One year. -(chuckles) Okay. We'll be here. 601 00:22:10,102 --> 00:22:11,971 -We'll be right here. -We'll be here. We'll be here. 602 00:22:12,004 --> 00:22:13,339 -Alexi. -CHARLIE: Have a good trip. 603 00:22:13,372 --> 00:22:14,574 -Thank you for everything. -FRANK: Thank you. 604 00:22:14,607 --> 00:22:16,042 -Bye-bye. Bye. -Thank you. I... 605 00:22:16,075 --> 00:22:17,344 I love you! 606 00:22:18,411 --> 00:22:19,812 Oh, man. 607 00:22:19,845 --> 00:22:22,815 What do you think, buddy? 608 00:22:22,848 --> 00:22:25,318 He had me at "gash," Charlie. 609 00:22:25,351 --> 00:22:27,320 He had me at "gash." 610 00:22:27,353 --> 00:22:30,356 ♪ Garden she hides... ♪ 611 00:22:30,389 --> 00:22:33,025 {\an8}-Bye! Bye! Bye! -Bye. 612 00:22:33,058 --> 00:22:35,261 {\an8}-Bye. -Bye! 613 00:22:36,929 --> 00:22:39,198 {\an8}Oh, man. 614 00:22:39,231 --> 00:22:40,800 {\an8}I'm gonna miss 'em. 615 00:22:41,867 --> 00:22:45,071 {\an8}♪ To go driving around ♪ 616 00:22:47,072 --> 00:22:50,109 {\an8}♪ She'll let you into the parts of herself ♪ 617 00:22:50,142 --> 00:22:53,079 {\an8}-Go home? -Yeah. 618 00:22:53,112 --> 00:22:55,982 {\an8}♪ That will bring you down... ♪ 619 00:22:57,450 --> 00:22:59,419 {\an8}Hell of a guys, you know what I'm saying? 620 00:22:59,452 --> 00:23:01,587 {\an8}They were, they were great. They were great guys. 621 00:23:01,620 --> 00:23:04,424 {\an8}Yeah. I mean, a little weird, you know? 622 00:23:08,461 --> 00:23:09,462 (trio chanting backwards) 623 00:23:13,966 --> 00:23:16,336 {\an8}Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 624 00:23:18,671 --> 00:23:20,306 {\an1}-(recorder playing theme song) -(babbling) 625 00:23:20,339 --> 00:23:21,341 Pink eye! 626 00:23:23,108 --> 00:23:25,912 (grunting) 627 00:23:25,945 --> 00:23:27,847 (babbling) 628 00:23:30,015 --> 00:23:32,218 {\an1}FRANK: Don't judge me! This is art! 629 00:23:32,251 --> 00:23:33,253 (recorder hits sour note) 630 00:23:34,487 --> 00:23:37,490 (electronic music) 631 00:23:37,523 --> 00:23:39,959 {\an1}All you have to do is say the first thing that comes into your head. 632 00:23:39,992 --> 00:23:41,427 -Yep. -Politics. 633 00:23:41,460 --> 00:23:42,929 Schmolitics. 634 00:23:42,962 --> 00:23:44,497 -Family. -Schmamily. 635 00:23:44,530 --> 00:23:45,631 -Feminine. -Schmeminine. 636 00:23:45,664 --> 00:23:47,400 -Violence. -Schmiolence. 637 00:23:47,433 --> 00:23:48,634 -Accident. -Schmaccident. 638 00:23:48,667 --> 00:23:49,902 {\an1}-Argument. -Schmargument. -Beef-and-black-bean. 639 00:23:49,935 --> 00:23:51,270 Schmeef-and-schmack-schmean. 640 00:23:51,303 --> 00:23:53,706 (electronic music) 641 00:23:55,774 --> 00:23:58,277 {\an1}I'm gonna have to get that to you on Wednesday. 642 00:23:58,310 --> 00:23:59,679 Said you'd have the money, man. 643 00:23:59,712 --> 00:24:02,181 {\an1}No, I know I did. I'm definitely gonna have it by Wednesday. 644 00:24:02,214 --> 00:24:03,216 Definitely. 645 00:24:04,884 --> 00:24:06,686 {\an1}I'm gonna have to give you a touch-up. 646 00:24:06,719 --> 00:24:09,088 What? Well, can it not be the face? 647 00:24:09,121 --> 00:24:10,823 {\an1}-It's gotta be the face. -Why? 648 00:24:10,856 --> 00:24:12,792 It's gotta be somewhere where people can see it. 649 00:24:12,825 --> 00:24:15,328 {\an1}-Now, don't flinch, yeah? -WOMAN: Jason? 650 00:24:15,361 --> 00:24:18,097 {\an1}Whoa, whoa. Mate, mate. It's just my mum. 651 00:24:18,130 --> 00:24:20,166 -Hi. I'm Lorraine. -Nice to meet ya. 652 00:24:27,806 --> 00:24:30,076 {\an1}-We have to talk, Angel. -There's nothing to talk about. 653 00:24:33,045 --> 00:24:35,181 {\an1}-(gunshot) -What we did was personal. 654 00:24:35,214 --> 00:24:36,349 We broke the rules. 655 00:24:36,382 --> 00:24:39,151 {\an1}-(rock music) ♪ Yeah ♪ -(gunfire) 656 00:24:39,184 --> 00:24:40,420 (sirens wail) 657 00:24:42,021 --> 00:24:43,456 ANNOUNCER: Mayans. 658 00:24:43,489 --> 00:24:45,925 All new Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 659 00:24:48,928 --> 00:24:51,564 {\an1}-I'm cold. -It's not cold. Just come to me. 660 00:24:51,597 --> 00:24:54,066 {\an1}-I'll keep you warm, I promise. -Fine. 661 00:24:54,099 --> 00:24:55,668 (woman giggling) 662 00:24:56,769 --> 00:24:57,837 (woman screams) 663 00:24:57,870 --> 00:24:59,872 ANNOUNCER: AHS 1984. 664 00:24:59,905 --> 00:25:02,342 {\an1} All new, Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX.