1
00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:04,702
All right, well, that about does it,
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,504
which means we are officially
3
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,640
- on island time.
- Oh, yeah.
4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,575
- Yeah, baby. Whoo-wee!
- Here we go.
5
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,320
- Island time.
- Ah, Frank.
6
00:00:12,355 --> 00:00:13,537
I'm so excited about this concert.
7
00:00:13,572 --> 00:00:14,646
- Thank you for the tickets.
- Yeah.
8
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:15,847
- Oh, I love Jimmy Buffett.
- Oh, yeah.
9
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:18,846
And those Parrothead broads, they're wild.
10
00:00:18,881 --> 00:00:19,801
- I noticed that, they're nuts.
- Yeah, yeah.
11
00:00:19,837 --> 00:00:22,962
- They are wild.
- I hope he plays "The Piña Colada Song," man.
12
00:00:22,997 --> 00:00:23,872
- Oh, yeah, that's the best.
- I gotta hear it.
13
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:26,007
Yeah, I wish he would, too, but he won't,
14
00:00:26,010 --> 00:00:27,742
'cause that's, uh, that's not Buffett.
15
00:00:27,811 --> 00:00:29,611
- Huh?
- Yeah, no. H-He does.
16
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:30,879
It's, uh, the one that goes,
17
00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:33,748
- ♪ If you like piña coladas ♪
- ♪ Coladas ♪
18
00:00:34,919 --> 00:00:36,768
♪ Getting caught in the rain. ♪
19
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,503
Yeah, no, I know the song, I know the song,
20
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,639
but it's sung by a man named Rupert Holmes.
21
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:43,056
- Who?
- Are you sure? I feel like that's Buffett.
22
00:00:43,091 --> 00:00:44,499
We've been going to see
Buffett for 20 years.
23
00:00:44,534 --> 00:00:45,405
Have you ever heard him play it?
24
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,713
No, but he's not gonna play all
of his hits every single time.
25
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,779
Yeah, no, he is. That's what he does.
26
00:00:49,814 --> 00:00:51,229
That's actually the only thing he does.
27
00:00:51,264 --> 00:00:52,801
And that's just not one of them,
but, hey, listen, buddy,
28
00:00:52,936 --> 00:00:54,603
you want to hear that song, you go ahead
29
00:00:54,605 --> 00:00:56,738
and request away. I won't stop you.
30
00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:58,540
♪ If you like making love at midnight ♪
31
00:00:58,675 --> 00:01:01,876
♪ Mm, mm, mm,
and you've got half a brain, ooh. ♪
32
00:01:01,912 --> 00:01:03,745
Oh, I hope he plays that one.
33
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,880
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all do.
- Yeah, he won't, he won't.
34
00:01:05,916 --> 00:01:08,500
- W-Were you in the women's room?
- Mm-hmm.
35
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,902
- Well, don't do that. Don't use my bathroom.
- Why not?
36
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,837
'Cause it's my bathroom, and you're a man.
37
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,705
Oh, no. Well, now, as a gay man,
38
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,641
I just feel more comfortable
in the ladies' room.
39
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:17,909
Oh, come on, the...
with the gay thing again.
40
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:19,844
Like, look, it makes me uncomfortable
41
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,780
that you're in there using my bathroom.
How about that?
42
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:25,350
Look, the whole men's and women's
bathroom thing is antiquated.
43
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:26,801
- Maybe you're antiquated.
- Maybe I'm...
44
00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:28,670
Get off me! Get off me!
45
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:29,871
- Get him off me!
- Settle down.
46
00:01:29,873 --> 00:01:30,939
Don't. Come on. L-L-Listen...
47
00:01:30,941 --> 00:01:32,474
I know, I know, listen.
48
00:01:32,609 --> 00:01:34,476
We always do this. We...
49
00:01:34,611 --> 00:01:36,678
We always get in some major
tiff right before Buffett,
50
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:38,746
and then, you know, it just, it just ruins
51
00:01:38,782 --> 00:01:40,765
- the whole island vibe, you know?
- Yeah.
52
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:43,489
Come on. We're not doing that this time.
53
00:01:43,524 --> 00:01:44,770
All right? This whole bathroom issue
54
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,972
is a simple problem with a simple solution.
55
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:50,708
So why don't we just sit here
and let's just figure it out.
56
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,673
_
57
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,237
All right, now we're talking.
58
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,106
I tell ya,
there's never been a problem so big,
59
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:23,575
couldn't be solved by a late night
and a little Chinese takeout.
60
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,443
We should've got cheeseburgers.
61
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:29,200
Well, Frank, you know, I'm saving
my cheeseburgers for paradise.
62
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,267
- I get it.
- That is Buffett, that one, right?
63
00:02:32,269 --> 00:02:33,602
- Yeah, that's Buffett.
- That's Buffett, okay, cool.
64
00:02:33,604 --> 00:02:36,538
Uh, if I may go first. I'd like to go first.
65
00:02:36,607 --> 00:02:38,473
Oh, are we doing the whole stand up...?
66
00:02:38,608 --> 00:02:40,342
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's gonna do it.
67
00:02:40,477 --> 00:02:42,277
Now, guys, I believe that as a gay man,
68
00:02:42,279 --> 00:02:43,411
I should be able to use the women's bathroom
69
00:02:43,547 --> 00:02:45,613
because I feel more
comfortable around women.
70
00:02:45,682 --> 00:02:48,567
- Okay, why?
- Well, "A," we both like dudes,
71
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:51,302
and "B,"
we both find women's bodies disgusting,
72
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,238
- so there's no hanky-panky.
- Well, that tracks.
73
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,372
- Yeah, sure, that makes sense.
- Yeah, yeah.
74
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,573
Done! I'm using the ladies' bathroom, right?
75
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,375
N-n-n-n-n-n... My turn.
76
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,177
- My turn, right?
- Oh, do you have to...?
77
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:00,445
- The floor is yours.
- I thought Mac just solved it.
78
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,246
- No. No, no.
- No. - All right.
79
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:06,340
Okay, "A," not all women like dudes...
lesbians,
80
00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:09,203
for example...
and, "B," I find you disgusting.
81
00:03:09,239 --> 00:03:11,205
I don't want men pooping next to me.
82
00:03:11,241 --> 00:03:13,074
- Would you let a trans woman go in there?
- Of course I would.
83
00:03:13,210 --> 00:03:14,408
- But not me?
- No, not you, because you're a man.
84
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,211
You're a gay man, but you're still a man.
85
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,145
I don't know why you're being such a bitch
86
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,281
about this, Dee.
I've been pooping next to you for months.
87
00:03:20,317 --> 00:03:22,317
- What are you talking about?
- You've been in the stall next to me.
88
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:24,569
I-I recognize you from
those pink heels you have.
89
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,391
- I don't own pink heels.
- Yes, you do.
90
00:03:27,426 --> 00:03:30,214
The ones with the straps that,
that makes those giant feet
91
00:03:30,249 --> 00:03:31,242
look so dainty and cute.
92
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:32,510
Mac, I don't know what you're talking about.
93
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,245
Mm, uh...
94
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,579
Okay, um...
95
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:42,337
All right, uh,
I think I can actually explain this.
96
00:03:44,341 --> 00:03:47,342
Uh, Charlie, I do hope
that the explaining you're gonna do
97
00:03:47,411 --> 00:03:50,545
is about why this bathroom
is so much cleaner than ours.
98
00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:52,613
Don't worry about it, this is the last time
you're gonna be in here.
99
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,232
Charlie, what is taking so long?
100
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:55,367
Give me a minute. Give me a minute!
101
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,434
Uh...
102
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:57,635
Oh, there they are.
103
00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:59,370
Those are the pink heels
I was talking about.
104
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,638
Charlie, are you a cross-dresser?
105
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,507
No. I just like to use
the women's bathroom,
106
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:05,377
because it's, you know,
it's quieter, it's less crowded.
107
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,510
And very clean.
108
00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,179
Yeah, and, look, I-I just,
109
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,247
whatever, I slip on the heels,
110
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,582
in case someone looked under the stall.
111
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,333
I didn't want anyone to be uncomfortable.
112
00:04:12,402 --> 00:04:15,202
- That's it.
- Okay. But what's with the wig?
113
00:04:17,143 --> 00:04:19,274
Come on.
Don't make me do the whole thing.
114
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:22,143
The wig is just in case
someone peeks over the top.
115
00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:23,411
How about the dress, bud?
116
00:04:24,172 --> 00:04:25,590
Goddamn it. It...
117
00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:28,299
- Oh!
- Whoa. Whoa.
118
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:31,369
Okay, okay. Look, the dress just ties
the whole look together, so, you know.
119
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,637
You are a cross-dresser.
120
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:36,140
No, I'm not. Look, I was raised
by a single mother, you know.
121
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:38,376
And we were always on the go, and sometimes,
122
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:41,322
we'd be at, like, a museum,
or, you know, a stadium,
123
00:04:41,357 --> 00:04:43,314
and I'd have to go to the bathroom,
and my mom wasn't
124
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,333
gonna put me in the men's room by myself,
125
00:04:45,402 --> 00:04:46,601
so she carried around a dress with her.
126
00:04:46,736 --> 00:04:49,337
She would slip it on,
and I would go in and out
127
00:04:49,339 --> 00:04:51,272
of the women's bathroom
and no one would notice.
128
00:04:51,308 --> 00:04:52,674
And then, you know, as the years went by,
129
00:04:52,676 --> 00:04:54,542
I just got more comfortable pooping
130
00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:57,479
with a dress, so whatever,
it's not that weird.
131
00:04:57,481 --> 00:04:59,481
- Hold on, though, it's very, very weird.
- It is so weird.
132
00:04:59,483 --> 00:05:01,332
Look, lots of people do it. It's...
133
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:02,400
- I doubt it.
- I don't know anybody.
134
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,269
- Uh, no.
- Not one person on the planet.
135
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,403
It is what it is, I mean,
136
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,272
it's the only way I can poop, so...
137
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,140
- Oh, okay.
- I guess it is what it is.
138
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:10,342
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- It is what it is, and it is very strange,
139
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,542
but it does bring up an interesting point.
140
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,278
You see, Dee, you did mention moments ago
141
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:14,545
that you would be comfortable having
142
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,348
a transgender woman use your bathroom.
143
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,431
Of course I would, so what?
144
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,367
- Well...
- No. That's not,
145
00:05:19,369 --> 00:05:21,235
that's not the same thing,
he's not transgender.
146
00:05:21,305 --> 00:05:23,170
Well, no. He's-he's not transgender,
147
00:05:23,206 --> 00:05:25,573
but he identifies as a woman when he poops.
148
00:05:25,609 --> 00:05:28,176
No. No. Goddamn it, you're only saying that
149
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,377
'cause my bathroom's nicer.
150
00:05:29,446 --> 00:05:31,379
No, no. I-I think, I think Mac is right.
151
00:05:31,381 --> 00:05:33,381
I think this system is antiquated,
and I think...
152
00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:34,532
- Is that, is that a hand dryer?
- Oh, damn.
153
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,401
- Yeah, there's a hand dryer in here.
- Oh, goddamn it.
154
00:05:37,094 --> 00:05:38,336
Well, let's vote. All those in favor.
155
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,139
- Aye.
- No. Goddamn it.
156
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:43,074
Nice. Okay, well, I knew
we could solve it, guys.
157
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:45,609
- This is great.
- And then should we also change the signs on the doors
158
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,479
to reflect that it's not a boys' room
159
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:49,414
- and a girls' room anymore?
- Right. Yeah, no.
160
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,681
We'll pop some new signs on there real fast.
161
00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:53,360
You know, so it's clear that
any gender can use any bathroom.
162
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,169
- Yeah, yeah.
- How hard could that be?
163
00:05:55,238 --> 00:05:57,238
- The dress is making me have to poop really bad, so I'm gonna...
- Okay, let's do it.
164
00:05:57,374 --> 00:05:58,440
- Oh, goddamn it.
- Gotta poop, gotta poop.
165
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,425
Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, I'm sorry,
166
00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:10,602
what's wrong with this one again?
167
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,537
Well, I think it's confusing,
is what the problem is.
168
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:13,971
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Like, maybe we need words or something.
169
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,607
Well, also, like,
what's with the floating starfish
170
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,608
trying to eat the rock?
171
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:17,875
- That's a baby.
- That's a baby?
172
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,811
- Yes, that's a...
- That's a baby?
173
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:21,879
So, now what's happening,
you got wheelchair guy's back there
174
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,632
throwing babies around trying
to get them in wheelchairs?
175
00:06:24,668 --> 00:06:25,833
- It's confusing.
- Okay, all right.
176
00:06:25,869 --> 00:06:27,769
So what if I cover up the baby,
how about now?
177
00:06:27,771 --> 00:06:28,970
I don't get it.
Now it looks like you either got to be
178
00:06:29,039 --> 00:06:31,840
in a wheelchair or a
he-she to go poop in there.
179
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,908
- No, no, no, no, Frank, come on, don't say "he-she."
- What?
180
00:06:33,910 --> 00:06:34,909
- It's hermaphrodite.
- Oh, nope.
181
00:06:35,045 --> 00:06:37,645
Dee, you can't say that anymore, either.
182
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,647
- It's intersex.
- Well, this is all confusing.
183
00:06:39,716 --> 00:06:40,965
Why do I have to keep learning new things?
184
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,683
How about this?
185
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,669
We'll call the bathrooms gender neutral.
186
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,670
That makes me uncomfortable,
because I'm not neutral
187
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,006
- about my gender.
- Mm.
188
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,941
- So now you're uncomfortable, okay.
- Okay.
189
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:53,812
We put one sign on each door,
both of them say "gender fluid."
190
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,080
Right. 'Cause that-that implies,
like, you're this,
191
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,700
- you're that.
- I don't know. I don't like thinking about gender fluids.
192
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,968
Like, just, uh, it's a gross image to me.
193
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:01,969
- All right. Well...
- You know what? Look, look.
194
00:07:02,039 --> 00:07:03,838
It's just all so confusing.
195
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,840
You know, we got to make this much simpler.
196
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,908
I have an idea,
if I could just go do one that I think will
197
00:07:07,944 --> 00:07:10,845
- clear it all up.
- Great. Go for it, buddy. Hop to it.
198
00:07:10,881 --> 00:07:12,513
All right, do it, yeah.
199
00:07:12,582 --> 00:07:13,647
- Quick.
- Is the Internet working?
200
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,799
- Hmm...
- Well, hang on. Hey.
201
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,000
Yes, but you stay off it. You stay...
202
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,668
- No. No.
- No, no. I'm just...
203
00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:18,803
You crashed our last three laptops, man.
204
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,472
- You are not doing it again.
- Bring it out here.
205
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:21,739
Do it out here where we
can see what you're doing.
206
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:23,675
- No, I'll do it in the office.
- Do it in front of us.
207
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:24,809
It'll take me, like, two minutes.
Two minutes.
208
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,478
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- You go fast.
209
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,604
- _
- I'm-I'm finished.
210
00:07:28,639 --> 00:07:30,014
- I'm finally finished.
- Oh, God. It's about time. - Goddamn it.
211
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:31,766
- He's limping.
- Are you chafed?
212
00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:33,834
- He's chafed.
- Huh? Oh, yeah. Super chafed. Hey, do you know
213
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,887
how to get Russian
malware out of a computer?
214
00:07:36,005 --> 00:07:37,705
- No. - Wait.
- Then the computer's broken.
215
00:07:37,841 --> 00:07:39,507
- Yeah.
- Yeah. - Aw!
216
00:07:39,576 --> 00:07:41,470
- Yeah, but the sign's done.
- All right, man.
217
00:07:41,505 --> 00:07:42,534
Let's see what you got.
218
00:07:43,284 --> 00:07:44,324
What do you think?
219
00:07:44,815 --> 00:07:46,714
Well, I don't know what I'm looking at.
220
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:47,866
Yeah. What-what am I seeing here?
221
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,601
It's just dicks.
222
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:50,735
- No. There's... I mean, yes.
- Oh.
223
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:51,803
There are a couple of dicks, but...
224
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,937
- It's mostly dicks.
- That's a lot of dicks.
225
00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:54,539
- Oh, now... now all I see is dicks.
- Mm-hmm.
226
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:57,741
No, there's also pictures
of road kill and roast beef sandwiches
227
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:00,612
to accurately depict
what a vagina looks like.
228
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,899
- Okay.
- Anyone else uncomfortable?
229
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,702
All right. Moving on.
230
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,771
All right.
I'm just gonna go back to the office.
231
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,573
- No, you stay here.
- No. No, no, no. No!
232
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:12,607
You are not going back to the...
233
00:08:15,947 --> 00:08:17,279
- Yeah.
- All right, all right.
234
00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:18,780
So, this...
I think this covers it all, right?
235
00:08:18,782 --> 00:08:20,849
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think that. There's the man.
236
00:08:20,884 --> 00:08:22,136
- Uh-huh.
- The woman.
237
00:08:22,171 --> 00:08:23,796
- Mm-hmm.
- That's the he-shes,
238
00:08:23,831 --> 00:08:25,823
or the interspecies, whatever it is.
239
00:08:25,858 --> 00:08:28,147
- Yeah, whatever you said.
- And this is Christians,
240
00:08:28,182 --> 00:08:29,674
- Muslims.
- I assume
241
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,010
the dollar sign is meant to represent Jews?
242
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,677
Well, it ain't the Mormons.
243
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:35,663
- Uh...
- Let's not get into that.
244
00:08:35,698 --> 00:08:36,614
Okay, you know what?
245
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:37,748
- Why-why are we bringing...?
- I was against it. Yeah.
246
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:39,834
Why are we bringing
religion into this at all?
247
00:08:39,969 --> 00:08:41,702
Because I want to know who's in there,
248
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,638
- because it'll make me feel safer.
- Oh, goddamn.
249
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,106
Can we please put two signs on the doors?
250
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,909
- Both signs say "toilet."
- Yeah...
251
00:08:47,911 --> 00:08:50,219
- Oh.
- There's a toilet in there,
252
00:08:50,254 --> 00:08:51,779
and that's all you really need to know.
253
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,247
- That's a good point. I think that would work.
- Could say "toilet,"
254
00:08:53,316 --> 00:08:54,666
- and then it's kind of your choice which one you use.
- Just "toilet."
255
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:55,933
That actually does work.
256
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,002
- I feel like that totally works.
- Yeah. - We solved it?
257
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,737
- Okay, great. We so...
- Did we do it? - We solved it!
258
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,071
- We solved it!
- Oh! Right! God!
259
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,806
- Let's get the hell out of here.
- All right.
260
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,008
I think it was my idea, but, yeah.
261
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,676
Oh, you son of a bitch. Just go.
262
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,011
- I think I said it first.
- Just go.
263
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:09,867
You guys, you go,
and I'll-I'll lock up, okay?
264
00:09:09,902 --> 00:09:11,790
I've had Chinese food. It wants out, so...
265
00:09:11,825 --> 00:09:12,834
- Yeah.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
266
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,769
Why aren't you using the good bathroom?
267
00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:16,504
Well, 'cause I'm about
to do some real damage.
268
00:09:16,573 --> 00:09:18,506
I don't... I don't want to do it
in the good bathroom.
269
00:09:18,575 --> 00:09:19,707
Well, I'm-I'm uncomfortable with that.
270
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,859
- How?
- So close.
271
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:22,710
We were so close.
272
00:09:22,746 --> 00:09:24,646
Well, because I just don't
want to share my bathroom
273
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,714
- with a bunch of broads.
- What happened, Frank?
274
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:28,799
- We decided we were all cool with it.
- We were fine.
275
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,736
I didn't know she was gonna smash in there.
276
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:35,539
A woman is not a lady when
she's dumping up a john.
277
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,941
Also, this brings up an interesting point.
278
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,810
We should probably confine Dee's damage
279
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,678
to, like, one bathroom or the other,
you know.
280
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,879
Otherwise, I'm gonna have to clean both.
281
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,547
Charlie, you're the janitor.
282
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,766
You should be cleaning
both bathrooms regardless.
283
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:46,934
- He hasn't been.
- Clean both bathrooms! - I do it.
284
00:09:47,069 --> 00:09:48,703
Yeah, all right.
Well, now you're just, like,
285
00:09:48,772 --> 00:09:49,970
kind of getting off-topic here, you know.
286
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,707
I have an idea. The guys should be able
287
00:09:52,776 --> 00:09:54,842
to pick whichever bathroom they want.
288
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,777
- Dee has to stay in hers.
- What?!
289
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:58,646
- All in favor.
- Hey, that's majority rules.
290
00:09:58,781 --> 00:09:59,914
- Get out of here.
- Yeah, yeah.
291
00:09:59,916 --> 00:10:00,982
- There you go. Solves it.
- No. No, no, no.
292
00:10:00,984 --> 00:10:04,535
Absolutely not. No. You guys
can't take away my right to choose.
293
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,537
- Oh, you want to go there?
- I do want to go there.
294
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:09,505
My body, my choice.
It says so in the Constitution.
295
00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:10,741
- Okay, well, the Bible says...
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
296
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,543
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Guys, don't do this. No, come on.
297
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,879
It's crazy. All right.
Don't make this about abortion.
298
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:17,548
Guys, we always do this.
We veer wildly off-topic,
299
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:20,163
and the next thing you know,
we're having some ridiculous
300
00:10:20,198 --> 00:10:21,502
argument that has nothing
to do with what we're trying
301
00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:23,504
- to solve, you know.
- And then tempers flare.
302
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,640
Exactly. We're talking about
evolution all of a sudden.
303
00:10:25,775 --> 00:10:28,643
Then we're arguing about racism
or whether or not ghouls exist.
304
00:10:28,645 --> 00:10:30,511
- They do, though, 'cause I've seen one.
- No, they don't.
305
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:31,579
- No, they do.
- You-you've never seen them.
306
00:10:31,648 --> 00:10:32,714
- Yes, I have seen them.
- No, you haven't.
307
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,532
- Yes, I have!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
308
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:35,733
- No, wait! Hey, stop! Hey, stop!
- Charlie!
309
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,803
- You stupid twink!
- I'm a bear! I'm a bear!
310
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,471
- You wish you were a bear!
- Take it easy, guys.
311
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,926
Stop! We're off-topic. This is not Buffett.
312
00:10:42,961 --> 00:10:43,807
This is not...
We're not being very Buffett right now.
313
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,677
- That was not Buffett at all.
- We're not being very Buffett.
314
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:46,944
- It wasn't very Buffett of me.
- It's not Buffett, man.
315
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,387
All right, all right. Oh! I got an idea.
316
00:10:49,422 --> 00:10:51,610
It should just be about what's
going on in there, right?
317
00:10:51,645 --> 00:10:52,766
What if we have
318
00:10:52,802 --> 00:10:56,704
separate bathrooms...
for separate bodily functions?
319
00:10:56,773 --> 00:10:58,706
Oh, like a piss room and a shit room.
320
00:10:58,708 --> 00:11:01,041
Yeah. Exactly, okay? And, uh, we just
321
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,578
put very simple labels on the door.
322
00:11:03,713 --> 00:11:06,648
Room number one for when
you got to empty your balls,
323
00:11:06,783 --> 00:11:10,601
and room number two for when
you got to empty your butt.
324
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,537
Pee is not in your balls, but... yeah. Okay.
325
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:14,872
No. I don't think it's gonna work because
326
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,475
nobody can shit when everybody
knows you're shitting.
327
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:18,810
- Why not? Everybody shits.
- Yeah.
328
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:21,679
Yeah, but it's a shameful
act that we all do in secret.
329
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:23,748
- Well, that's true.
- Even dogs know that.
330
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:25,633
You ever see their eyes
when they're doing it?
331
00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:28,287
- They know.
- Hmm.
332
00:11:28,322 --> 00:11:29,589
- They look at you like this.
- Yeah.
333
00:11:29,624 --> 00:11:30,971
Yeah. They're ashamed.
334
00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:32,907
Yeah, well, guys,
it's a system that invites abuse.
335
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,708
I mean, who here would use
the piss room to shit?
336
00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:36,977
No, that's the whole point,
is that you just pee in it.
337
00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:38,512
- I wouldn't do that.
- In the shit room, you shit.
338
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:39,514
Yeah. No one's gonna do that.
339
00:11:39,649 --> 00:11:40,781
- Pee over there.
- Really?
340
00:11:40,850 --> 00:11:42,667
Yeah. I'd-I'd poop in the pee room.
341
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:43,734
I would poop immediately in the pee room.
342
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,536
100% of the time I will
shit in the piss room.
343
00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:46,603
- You're totally right.
- Actually, don't like this idea.
344
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:47,872
See? There you go. I rest my case.
345
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,740
Yeah. But you know what?
Maybe people would be
346
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:51,742
a little less inclined to cheat,
and they wouldn't feel ashamed,
347
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,544
if they had a little bit more privacy.
348
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,946
Like, what if the partitions
went all the way down to the ground?
349
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,681
- Hmm.
- Yeah?
350
00:11:57,701 --> 00:11:59,567
And you created sort of a dome of privacy.
351
00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:00,968
- So you're closed in.
- You're closed in.
352
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,703
You know what you could do? You could add
353
00:12:02,706 --> 00:12:04,638
a scented candle in there for the smells.
354
00:12:04,674 --> 00:12:06,974
- Right.
- And some noise to cover the sounds.
355
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:07,837
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
356
00:12:07,838 --> 00:12:09,859
A loud noise, like screaming.
357
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,845
- Mm-hmm.
- Or just music.
358
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,848
Let's do music.
Guys, we're making progress.
359
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,933
This is great. I'll tell you what.
Uh, Dee, why don't you go grab some cardboard
360
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,668
- for the partitions.
- Yep, yep.
361
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,937
And, um, I'll order us
some breakfast burritos.
362
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,939
- It's getting to that time.
- 'Cause I'm getting hungry.
363
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,808
- Yeah!
- Tasty. - Extra bacon for you?
364
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,610
- Okay, okay. Yeah.
- Extra bacon, baby. - All right.
365
00:12:35,903 --> 00:12:37,100
The screaming's kind of cool, right?
366
00:12:37,135 --> 00:12:38,723
It's better. It's better.
Works better than the music.
367
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:39,707
- I never would've thought.
- Yeah, yeah.
368
00:12:39,776 --> 00:12:41,709
The music, it was like,
I felt like I could hear maybe
369
00:12:41,711 --> 00:12:43,711
- a poop or a pee happening, but the screams are...
- Right.
370
00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:45,646
And I honestly,
I feel like I'm not even in a bathroom
371
00:12:45,782 --> 00:12:47,715
- right now.
- Yeah. Here you are eating a burrito.
372
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,907
- Yeah. Yeah.
- In a bathroom.
373
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,736
- Oh! That was great.
- Yeah, how'd that go? Yeah?
374
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,872
I did something in there.
I'm not gonna tell you what, though.
375
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,741
Well, there's no need.
I couldn't hear a thing,
376
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:58,075
- and I can't smell a thing, so...
- Yeah.
377
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,944
Hey, Frank, how's it going in there, man?
378
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:02,079
The walls are too high.
I don't know where to aim.
379
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,665
- Aim? Aim-aim at the bowl. The toilet.
- You just aim at the toilet.
380
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,634
- The same spot.
- What are you talking about?
381
00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:09,570
- Ah! - Whoa! Hey!
- Whoa! Goddamn it.
382
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,572
Never sneak up on a man like that,
383
00:13:11,608 --> 00:13:13,708
especially when he's at his most vulnerable.
384
00:13:13,843 --> 00:13:15,509
Why do you have a gun on the toilet?
385
00:13:15,578 --> 00:13:16,777
I always carry a gun on the toilet.
386
00:13:16,813 --> 00:13:18,045
Otherwise, I can't make.
387
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,647
Well, now I'm very uncomfortable.
388
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:20,848
Well, tough titties.
389
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:22,600
I got the right to defend myself.
390
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:23,734
It's in the Constitution.
391
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:24,935
Have you ever read the Constitution?
392
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,804
Yes.
393
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,741
No.
394
00:13:32,122 --> 00:13:33,607
This is wild stuff.
395
00:13:33,642 --> 00:13:37,548
There's a part in here
that says that freed slaves
396
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,967
are only three-fifths of a person.
397
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:41,769
- It's wild. Yeah.
- Really? It says that in there?
398
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,637
I can't imagine where you're going
with this, Frank.
399
00:13:43,673 --> 00:13:44,972
Well, I was figuring that if we handled
400
00:13:45,107 --> 00:13:47,708
this problem like the Constitution,
that would mean
401
00:13:47,777 --> 00:13:51,622
that white landowners
would get a full bathroom.
402
00:13:51,657 --> 00:13:52,980
Everybody else gets three-fifths.
403
00:13:53,016 --> 00:13:54,799
How do you use three-fifths of a bathroom?
404
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:55,766
Piss in the sink.
405
00:13:57,003 --> 00:14:00,205
I beg you to stop using the Constitution
406
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,386
in the way that you're using it.
407
00:14:01,421 --> 00:14:02,673
Listen. Frank just gave me a good idea.
408
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:04,125
- Hmm.
- Okay.
409
00:14:04,126 --> 00:14:05,126
Reparations.
410
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,677
Look, minorities have been treated
411
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,613
like shit in this country
for so long, right?
412
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,496
So, I say we give them the good bathroom.
413
00:14:11,531 --> 00:14:14,635
You know? I mean, for years and years,
they've been oppressed.
414
00:14:14,671 --> 00:14:16,571
The least we can give them is, you know,
415
00:14:16,573 --> 00:14:18,518
a nice place to piss and shit, right?
416
00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,641
And we got to put up a sign
so that they know their place.
417
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,643
Now, are-are you proposing
that we put a sign
418
00:14:22,679 --> 00:14:24,912
on one of the bathrooms that says
"minorities only"?
419
00:14:25,047 --> 00:14:26,580
What does the other sign say?
420
00:14:26,649 --> 00:14:28,599
- "No minorities allowed."
- That's crazy.
421
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:29,734
- Do you hear yourself?
- That's bad. - You hear where
422
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:30,735
you're running into trouble there, right?
423
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,735
No, no, it's super progressive.
424
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,471
- No...
- Yeah, i-it's a bathroom
425
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,607
- for women, non-whites, and gays.
- Uh...
426
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,542
Oh, oh!
427
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,543
Oh, I get it.
428
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,811
And I-I'm 100% on board.
429
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:42,613
I agree. I'm with you.
430
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,899
Wait a second, Dee. So now you're okay
with Mac using your bathroom?
431
00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:46,567
Yeah. As long as the majority of the people
432
00:14:46,702 --> 00:14:47,968
aren't taking a shit in my bathroom, sure.
433
00:14:48,037 --> 00:14:50,838
Okay, well, let's just go ahead
and vote for it. Ch-Charlie?
434
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,640
W-Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second there.
435
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,575
Before you vote, uh, Charlie, uh, you know,
436
00:14:54,710 --> 00:14:56,043
consider this... there's-there's no shame
437
00:14:56,079 --> 00:14:58,591
in doing what's best for the majority.
438
00:14:58,626 --> 00:15:00,781
I mean, that is what a democracy is, right?
439
00:15:00,783 --> 00:15:03,800
It's trying to please the greatest number
of people in a country.
440
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,536
- White people.
- Please don't help.
441
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:07,004
Okay? Yeah. Uh, what I'm saying is
442
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,872
that you're never gonna be
able to please everybody.
443
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,675
It's just... There's no way,
you know what I mean?
444
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:11,876
And, of course,
everybody wants their own little piece
445
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,677
of paradise, right? I like mine with...
446
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,746
I like mine with lettuce and tomato.
447
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:18,632
♪ Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes. ♪
448
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,700
- Mm.
- But that's just me, you know?
449
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:21,702
There's a small minority
of people out there,
450
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,637
they like their
cheeseburgers with pineapple.
451
00:15:23,706 --> 00:15:25,773
- Oh, yeah, I know. Get the hell out of here.
- Ew.
452
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,841
- Gross.
- What are you thinking? You know what I mean?
453
00:15:27,877 --> 00:15:29,644
But there is a minority out there,
and that's how
454
00:15:29,646 --> 00:15:31,646
they like it. But are we saying that,
for those people's sake,
455
00:15:31,648 --> 00:15:32,980
we got to have every single hamburger store
456
00:15:32,982 --> 00:15:34,931
in the whole country offer pineapples
457
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,801
on their cheeseburgers?
I don't think that's right.
458
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,870
Mm-mm. We ought to take it
off the pizza, too.
459
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,672
Hawaiians are savages.
460
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:42,939
Okay, you're not helping, all right?
461
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,810
Your racism is making...
I hate when you're on my side.
462
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,635
Mm-hmm. Okay, all good points,
you know, strongly made.
463
00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:51,015
I like the hat.
I was focused on that most of the time.
464
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,034
But I-I'm kind of leaning towards you.
465
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,835
I don't know why. It might be the shirt.
466
00:15:54,971 --> 00:15:57,571
Look, majority rules may have
worked in medieval times,
467
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,640
but we live in a civil society now.
468
00:15:59,742 --> 00:16:02,976
And societies are judged on how
they treat their most vulnerable.
469
00:16:03,012 --> 00:16:06,580
See, we have to give voices
to those who have no voice.
470
00:16:06,616 --> 00:16:07,848
- He's right...
- Shut up, Dee! I'm talking!
471
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:10,734
Women are always... Goddamn it.
472
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:14,604
Look, what I was saying
was that we need to protect
473
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,608
those most marginalized, okay?
474
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,610
We need to change our attitudes.
475
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,946
We need to change our latitudes.
476
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:25,566
And we need to vote for a
minorities-only bathroom.
477
00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:29,585
Okay, uh, also good,
strong points there made forcefully.
478
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:31,505
I was distracted by the shiny shirt.
That's cool.
479
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:32,840
I liked when you snapped at Dee.
480
00:16:33,832 --> 00:16:34,708
It was annoying when she chimed in.
481
00:16:34,777 --> 00:16:36,911
Um, so maybe I'm leaning towards you now.
I don't know.
482
00:16:37,046 --> 00:16:40,514
- Okay, well, then that means we're all voting for...
- Oh!
483
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:43,734
Wait, wait, wait!
I just looked up the demographics of Philly.
484
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:48,642
It says here that this city is 54% women
485
00:16:48,677 --> 00:16:51,742
and 68% Christian.
486
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:54,545
- Whoa.
- Which means that Mac and Dee
487
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,946
are in the majority.
488
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,882
- Wait, wait, wait, is that true?
- Uh-huh.
489
00:16:57,983 --> 00:17:00,901
It also says that 52% are black,
490
00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:03,638
which means white men,
491
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,572
like me and Dennis,
492
00:17:05,642 --> 00:17:07,508
are in the minority.
493
00:17:07,643 --> 00:17:08,909
Uh-oh, we're minorities,
which means that,
494
00:17:08,978 --> 00:17:10,711
by your own argument,
495
00:17:10,846 --> 00:17:13,714
we actually should get the good bathroom.
496
00:17:13,716 --> 00:17:15,031
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! I-I'm gay,
497
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,867
so that-that still means
that I'm a minority.
498
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:18,869
Yeah, but are you more gay
than you are Catholic?
499
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:20,804
I don't know. They're at war.
500
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,539
It's all very confusing. Where...
501
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,608
What does it say about transgenders...?
502
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,010
- Less than one percent.
- Yeah.
503
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,845
So what am I?
504
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:30,681
You are white.
505
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,500
Okay, and I'm a...?
506
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,834
Man.
507
00:17:33,870 --> 00:17:35,903
And that would make me...?
508
00:17:35,905 --> 00:17:38,572
- In the minority.
- Which means I go towards...?
509
00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:39,907
Us. Y-You know what?
Frank, you explain it to him.
510
00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:41,642
I'm gonna... I'm g... I'll-I'll kill...
511
00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:43,778
- I'll-I'll smash him and, uh...
- You get the good bathroom.
512
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:44,779
- If I come with you? Okay, it was clear...
- Yes.
513
00:17:44,914 --> 00:17:45,979
It wasn't totally clear before,
514
00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:46,914
- but I get it now.
- It should've been.
515
00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,866
Oh, boy. Yeah, okay, so yes.
516
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:51,067
- So all those in favor of doing the actual right thing
- I got it.
517
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,003
and giving the minorities the good bathroom,
518
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,805
- let's go ahead and raise your hand.
- Yeah. Hey!
519
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,073
- Okay, all right! Great, hey.
- Okay.
520
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,808
- Finally, a win for straight white men, right?
- Great.
521
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,677
- Now we're talking. Yeah.
- Yeah! Finally, something for us.
522
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:00,944
- We got it. Yeah. Something for the guys.
- Something for us. Okay.
523
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,012
- Yeah, let's go to Buffett!
- All right, we're gonna...
524
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,748
- Anybody want cheeseburgers?
- All right.
525
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,699
- I'm gonna get the grill ready.
- Well, yeah, hey, if I'm headed
526
00:18:05,702 --> 00:18:07,901
- to paradise, I'm gonna want a cheeseburger.
- Let's roll!
527
00:18:07,937 --> 00:18:09,770
- What-what are you guys doing? Let's go.
- Let's go.
528
00:18:09,806 --> 00:18:11,572
We're not going.
529
00:18:11,574 --> 00:18:12,572
What do you mean you're not going? What?
530
00:18:12,608 --> 00:18:14,775
You used Buffett's words
to promote discrimination, dude.
531
00:18:14,811 --> 00:18:15,843
It's not cool.
532
00:18:15,912 --> 00:18:17,645
No, but you guys have to go. I mean,
533
00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,680
you're the only two other
real Parrotheads of the bunch.
534
00:18:20,715 --> 00:18:23,534
I mean, Frank's just going 'cause the
chicks are wild. You know what I mean?
535
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,536
- And, Charlie, he doesn't know what's going on.
- I know.
536
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,537
- Yes, I do.
- He has no... No. What are the songs?
537
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:28,872
- What's another Buffett song?
- ♪ Aruba, Jamaica... ♪
538
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,607
- That's Beach Boys.
- It is.
539
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,808
- I don't know the songs.
- Yeah. That's the Beach Boys.
540
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,811
Well,
there's no sense in going to Buffett
541
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,679
if we're not... we're not all gonna go.
542
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:36,881
Then we're not going to Buffett.
543
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,846
♪ If you like piña coladas... ♪
544
00:18:52,915 --> 00:18:54,715
Please don't, Charlie. It's too... it-it...
545
00:18:54,784 --> 00:18:56,534
- It hurts too much.
- I thought you... Come on, man.
546
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:57,801
I thought you said it wasn't Buffett.
547
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,803
Yeah, but i-it's close enough.
548
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:00,871
You guys ever listened to
the lyrics to that song?
549
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:01,805
- It's super dark.
- Is it?
550
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:02,807
- Mm-mm.
- Yeah, it's about
551
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,542
a guy trying to cheat on his wife.
552
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,544
Don't tell me that, man.
It's, like, such a happy song.
553
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,612
You know? Who doesn't like piña coladas?
554
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,548
I don't.
You know, they're not my first choice.
555
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,633
Just as a woman on the go, I got to be able
556
00:19:12,635 --> 00:19:14,668
to really put 'em back,
and if you drink those too fast,
557
00:19:14,670 --> 00:19:16,637
- you'll get that-that frozen headache.
- Hmm.
558
00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:18,505
As a straight man,
I actually love piña coladas,
559
00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:19,974
but I don't like getting caught in the rain.
560
00:19:19,976 --> 00:19:22,443
It flattens my hair. Yeah.
561
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,445
And you guys know how
great I look in leather.
562
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,647
- As a gay man, I do.
- And that's what's so annoying about you, Mac.
563
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,532
- That's not really a gay thing. That's just a you thing.
- It's so annoying.
564
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,468
What about that bullshit about
making love until midnight?
565
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:32,803
I mean, as a senior citizen,
566
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,922
I can't get it up past 6:00, 6:30, tops.
567
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:35,873
- Mm...
- Really? - Oh, geez. I got that
568
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,807
- to look forward to, huh?
- Really.
569
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,544
You know, as a straight man
who poops transgender...
570
00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,613
- You got to just let that go.
- I'll probably stop doing that.
571
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:43,881
- It's not a thing.
- It's time to stop doing that.
572
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,499
I guess, you know, guys,
when it comes down to it,
573
00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:46,767
we all identify very differently out here.
574
00:19:47,662 --> 00:19:48,969
You know? But in there...
575
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:51,588
in there, we're not so different.
576
00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:52,840
In there, we're all the same.
577
00:19:52,842 --> 00:19:55,842
In there, we're all just disgusting,
vulnerable, ashamed.
578
00:19:55,878 --> 00:19:58,779
Like a bunch of filthy animals
dumping in a shithouse.
579
00:19:58,914 --> 00:20:01,765
It's the one common thing
amongst a-a king and a pauper.
580
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,800
- Right.
- You know? We all got to take a shit.
581
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:04,935
Yeah, right.
Why are we trying to make everyone
582
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,670
feel comfortable in there? When the truth is
583
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,672
no one's ever gonna feel
comfortable shitting next
584
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,474
- to another human being. It's just awkward.
- Well, if we're never gonna get
585
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,975
anybody to feel good
about shitting together,
586
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:13,743
how are we gonna solve the problem?
587
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,679
Hold on a second. Hold on. Listen.
588
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:18,632
- If we're all the same in there...
- Uh-huh.
589
00:20:18,701 --> 00:20:21,902
then why don't we just focus
on treating other people
590
00:20:21,938 --> 00:20:25,639
the way that we want to be treated?
591
00:20:28,236 --> 00:20:29,776
Dee...
592
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,778
we were just talking,
593
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,580
- and you just barged right in.
- Yeah, shut the fuck up.
594
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:34,848
- Shut the fuck up.
- Like, interrupting and talking nonsense.
595
00:20:34,851 --> 00:20:36,600
- That was, like, so pretentious.
- Yeah.
596
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:37,868
- Something very pretentious about it.
- We were talking.
597
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:40,537
- I really feel like we're right in the...
- All right. Okay.
598
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,806
Hey, you know what, guys?
I think I may have just come up
599
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,742
with a solution for our bathroom problem.
600
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:50,748
Uh-huh.
601
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:52,499
- Yeah, that'll do it.
- There we go.
602
00:20:52,635 --> 00:20:54,501
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's perfectly clear.
- We did it.
603
00:20:54,637 --> 00:20:57,507
Guys, if we leave right now,
we can still make the concert.
604
00:20:57,542 --> 00:20:58,972
- Whoo...! - Let's do it.
- Buffett! - Ooh, let's go.
605
00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:01,575
♪ If you like piña coladas ♪
606
00:21:03,014 --> 00:21:05,846
♪ And getting caught in the rain ♪
607
00:21:05,981 --> 00:21:09,599
♪ If you're not into yoga ♪
608
00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:12,670
- ♪ If you have half a brain ♪
- _
609
00:21:51,844 --> 00:21:54,878
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com