1 00:00:03,415 --> 00:00:06,047 DENNIS: Oh, there it is, Mac. There it is. 2 00:00:06,287 --> 00:00:08,054 MAC: I can't believe it's finally arrived. 3 00:00:08,056 --> 00:00:11,891 My God, Thundergun Express: The Unrated Director's Cut. 4 00:00:11,893 --> 00:00:14,360 13 extra minutes of movie in this one. 5 00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:16,462 And it's unrated. They were not able to rate it. 6 00:00:16,464 --> 00:00:18,064 This is gonna be the best Thanksgiving ever. 7 00:00:18,066 --> 00:00:20,767 Oh, yeah, absolutely, man. Thundergun, hoagies and four 8 00:00:20,769 --> 00:00:23,102 extra seconds dedicated solely to the dong shot. 9 00:00:23,104 --> 00:00:24,904 Buddy, that's what I'm thankful for. 10 00:00:24,906 --> 00:00:26,572 So much better than a traditional Thanksgiving. 11 00:00:26,574 --> 00:00:27,974 Oh, yeah, dude, I hate Thanksgiving. 12 00:00:27,976 --> 00:00:29,542 What is that? What am I supposed 13 00:00:29,544 --> 00:00:31,711 to be thankful for exactly? Who am I meant to be thanking, 14 00:00:31,713 --> 00:00:33,146 right? I've had to scratch 15 00:00:33,148 --> 00:00:34,547 and claw for everything I've got. 16 00:00:34,549 --> 00:00:35,982 If anything, I should be thanking myself. 17 00:00:35,984 --> 00:00:39,152 Yeah. LIAM: Hey, man. 18 00:00:39,154 --> 00:00:40,753 RYAN: Welcome to Mahndo Video. 19 00:00:40,755 --> 00:00:43,389 How may we help you? (groans) What are you guys 20 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:45,558 doing here? We own the store. 21 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,561 We bought this bitch. We wanted to invest in an 22 00:00:48,563 --> 00:00:50,563 emerging market. An emerging market? 23 00:00:50,565 --> 00:00:52,565 Video stores are a dying market. This is, like, one of the only 24 00:00:52,567 --> 00:00:54,133 ones left. Then we're gonna corner that 25 00:00:54,135 --> 00:00:55,835 market. Okay. Whatever. 26 00:00:55,837 --> 00:00:57,837 Liam, what is on your eye? Someone ate my eye at my 27 00:00:57,839 --> 00:00:59,839 wedding. Don't you remember, man? 28 00:00:59,841 --> 00:01:01,841 The eyepatch is flesh-colored to make people less 29 00:01:01,843 --> 00:01:04,844 uncomfortable. I'm way more uncomfortable. 30 00:01:04,846 --> 00:01:06,846 Yeah, absolutely. You look like a man who was 31 00:01:06,848 --> 00:01:08,848 born without an eye, which is way creepier than a man who lost 32 00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:10,483 one. Just get a black eyepatch, you 33 00:01:10,485 --> 00:01:12,485 know? Embrace it. Losing an eye is 34 00:01:12,487 --> 00:01:14,120 badass. It's not badass. 35 00:01:14,122 --> 00:01:16,122 I have no depth perception! It's all your fault. 36 00:01:16,124 --> 00:01:17,757 What are you... How is it our fault? 37 00:01:17,759 --> 00:01:19,759 What are you talking about? Let's not get into a whole 38 00:01:19,761 --> 00:01:21,761 thing about missing eyes and whose fault they are. 39 00:01:21,763 --> 00:01:23,763 You know, we'll just rent the video, and we'll be out of here. 40 00:01:23,765 --> 00:01:25,765 You are not renting shit. You are not welcome in this 41 00:01:25,767 --> 00:01:27,834 store. Your video-renting days are 42 00:01:27,836 --> 00:01:30,103 over! No, come on, don't do that, 43 00:01:30,105 --> 00:01:34,507 dude. Oh... 44 00:01:34,509 --> 00:01:37,210 I-It's not even... it's not even close. 45 00:01:37,212 --> 00:01:39,278 I mean, I... Let me get that for you. 46 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,014 Thanks, man. Don't cut... don't... 47 00:01:42,016 --> 00:01:44,150 Goddamn it. 48 00:01:44,152 --> 00:01:47,954 CHARLIE: All right, look, just pay the man already. 49 00:01:47,956 --> 00:01:49,956 We'll be done with it. It's freezing in there. 50 00:01:49,958 --> 00:01:51,991 FRANK: No can do, Charlie. It's the principle of the thing. 51 00:01:51,993 --> 00:01:53,993 DEE: You guys having a principle fight? 52 00:01:53,995 --> 00:01:55,628 No, we're not having a principle fight. 53 00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:57,730 We're having a heat fight, okay? 'Cause our heat's broken, and 54 00:01:57,732 --> 00:01:59,866 Hwang won't fix it until this guy pays the rent. 55 00:01:59,868 --> 00:02:01,767 This guy's not gonna pay the rent till Hwang fixes the heat. 56 00:02:01,769 --> 00:02:03,636 So you got one of those snafus, where you got old assholes... 57 00:02:03,638 --> 00:02:05,838 It's a deadlock. It's a deadlock of butting 58 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,807 heads. We got a disaster on our 59 00:02:07,809 --> 00:02:09,775 hands, a disaster. The McPoyles bought Mahndo 60 00:02:09,777 --> 00:02:11,811 Video. They revoked our membership. 61 00:02:11,813 --> 00:02:13,913 You didn't get Thundergun? We didn't get shit! 62 00:02:13,915 --> 00:02:17,016 Aw... Hang on. Dee, why do our hoagies reek of 63 00:02:17,018 --> 00:02:19,152 gasoline? Maybe 'cause I got 'em at the 64 00:02:19,154 --> 00:02:21,154 gas station, I guess. Why? 65 00:02:21,156 --> 00:02:23,322 Why didn't you get the ones we like from the Wawa? 66 00:02:23,324 --> 00:02:25,391 Because Gail the Snail works at the Wawa, okay? 67 00:02:25,393 --> 00:02:27,493 And we got mad beef. She won't serve me. 68 00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,095 This is a mess. This is a mess. 69 00:02:29,097 --> 00:02:31,164 We can't get the sandwiches we want, we can't get the videos we 70 00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:33,166 want, my apartment's an icebox. Thanksgiving's gonna be ruined, 71 00:02:33,168 --> 00:02:34,767 you know. It's not just Thanksgiving, 72 00:02:34,769 --> 00:02:36,769 pal. You know what the real problem 73 00:02:36,771 --> 00:02:38,404 is? We have too many beefs all over 74 00:02:38,406 --> 00:02:40,406 town. It's jamming us up. 75 00:02:40,408 --> 00:02:42,408 We made a lot of enemies over the years. 76 00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:44,410 We have made enemies. We got to do something about 77 00:02:44,412 --> 00:02:48,014 this, guys, okay? So I say we use Thanksgiving as 78 00:02:48,016 --> 00:02:52,518 an opportunity to squash some of those beefs. 79 00:03:02,969 --> 00:03:13,968 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 80 00:03:20,953 --> 00:03:23,065 All right, guys, this is really coming together. 81 00:03:23,185 --> 00:03:23,905 It's looking good. 82 00:03:23,981 --> 00:03:27,089 You know... you know, this was the original meaning of Thanksgiving anyway. 83 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,166 The Pilgrims and Indians had beef. 84 00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,167 So what did they do? 85 00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:31,168 They got together, they sat at a 86 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,169 table, they ate some delicious 87 00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:33,170 food and they squashed that 88 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,171 beef. 89 00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:35,206 And that's exactly what we're 90 00:03:35,208 --> 00:03:36,207 gonna do. 91 00:03:36,209 --> 00:03:37,208 Mac and I are gonna squash the 92 00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,209 McPoyle beef, you guys are gonna 93 00:03:38,211 --> 00:03:39,210 squash Hwang... 94 00:03:39,212 --> 00:03:41,045 And you guys are gonna squash with Bruce. 95 00:03:41,047 --> 00:03:42,313 What? Say what? 96 00:03:42,315 --> 00:03:43,948 Bruce Mathis, I invited him. What?! 97 00:03:43,950 --> 00:03:45,349 What? What? Why would you do that? 98 00:03:45,351 --> 00:03:48,019 Because he is your dad, and Thanksgiving is a holiday for 99 00:03:48,021 --> 00:03:50,621 families. I also invited Charlie's mom, my 100 00:03:50,623 --> 00:03:52,623 mom and my dad, but they didn't want to come. 101 00:03:52,625 --> 00:03:54,625 So just Bruce? You know what, it's okay. 102 00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:56,627 We'll-we'll manage very carefully, and it'll be fine. 103 00:03:56,629 --> 00:03:58,629 Hey, maybe we can squeeze some money out of the guy. 104 00:03:58,631 --> 00:04:00,631 I'm-I'm confused though. In this whole scenario with the 105 00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,833 Pilgrim and the Indians, which one are we? 106 00:04:02,835 --> 00:04:05,069 The Pilgrims. They came out on top. 107 00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:06,704 I don't know about that, Frank. 108 00:04:06,706 --> 00:04:08,973 The Indians, they've got sports teams, they've got casinos. 109 00:04:08,975 --> 00:04:10,975 They're a very celebrated people. 110 00:04:10,977 --> 00:04:12,977 Yeah, that's true, actually. You don't see people walking 111 00:04:12,979 --> 00:04:14,979 around with the tall hat with a buckle on the front. 112 00:04:14,981 --> 00:04:17,348 Makes no difference though in our scenario with what we're 113 00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:19,417 trying to accomplish here, okay? They buried the hatchet. 114 00:04:19,419 --> 00:04:21,552 That's what they did, and that's what we're gonna do. 115 00:04:21,554 --> 00:04:24,522 Okay, so, to that end, here's the plan: once the guests 116 00:04:24,524 --> 00:04:28,025 arrive, we will ply them with liquor and then I will present 117 00:04:28,027 --> 00:04:31,028 to them this peace treaty that I will have them sign. 118 00:04:31,030 --> 00:04:33,097 Why do you always want people to sign creepy documents? 119 00:04:33,099 --> 00:04:36,000 (laughs) Well, Frank, once something's in writing, that 120 00:04:36,002 --> 00:04:38,002 means it's set in stone. Then no one can do anything to 121 00:04:38,004 --> 00:04:40,004 stop me. When do you want me to serve 122 00:04:40,006 --> 00:04:42,006 the squash and the beef? S-So we're literally serving 123 00:04:42,008 --> 00:04:44,008 squash and beef? You said we're squashing 124 00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:44,642 beef. 125 00:04:44,644 --> 00:04:46,610 I thought it would be part of the ceremony to have squash and 126 00:04:46,612 --> 00:04:48,612 beef. Yeah, it's all about the 127 00:04:48,614 --> 00:04:50,247 ceremony. That's why I got this bucket of 128 00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:52,249 dirt and a hatchet, so we can have a ceremonial burying of the 129 00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,251 hatchet. Right. And after we do that, 130 00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,253 we're going to wipe the slate clean. 131 00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:59,190 Wait, no, guys, look, this is all very on the nose and totally 132 00:04:59,192 --> 00:05:02,226 unnecessary. HWANG: Where's food? 133 00:05:02,228 --> 00:05:04,228 Walk right in, why don't you, Hwang? 134 00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:05,963 Thanksgiving, food. Yeah, Thanksgiving... 135 00:05:05,965 --> 00:05:07,965 Thanksgiving, yeah, go sit down. 136 00:05:07,967 --> 00:05:09,800 Have a seat, have a seat, man! 137 00:05:09,802 --> 00:05:11,535 What do you live in, a barn? Have a seat, Hwang. 138 00:05:11,537 --> 00:05:13,504 Guys, listen, regroup, regroup. 139 00:05:13,506 --> 00:05:16,707 Let's put on some music, lighten the mood and get this party 140 00:05:16,709 --> 00:05:19,243 started. (Tom Tom Club's "Genius of Love" 141 00:05:19,245 --> 00:05:21,545 playing) 142 00:05:21,547 --> 00:05:28,085 Dee. Hmm? 143 00:05:28,087 --> 00:05:30,087 Go break the ice. What? 144 00:05:30,089 --> 00:05:31,722 Yeah. Why me? 145 00:05:31,724 --> 00:05:33,324 Yeah, yeah, someone's got to do it. 146 00:05:33,326 --> 00:05:37,261 Just go to go over there... Go, go, go. 147 00:05:37,263 --> 00:05:39,730 S-Some good crackers. Huh? 148 00:05:39,732 --> 00:05:43,234 Mm. Mm. They are delicious. 149 00:05:43,236 --> 00:05:45,236 Yeah. What's wrong? Is it the eye? 150 00:05:45,238 --> 00:05:47,238 Why would... I don't even know why you would say 151 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,839 that-that. They made me feel 152 00:05:48,841 --> 00:05:50,474 self-conscious. Did they? 153 00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:53,177 Yeah. Is it off-putting? Or does it look real? 154 00:05:53,179 --> 00:05:56,480 The skin tone is a... is a... a good match. 155 00:05:56,482 --> 00:06:00,117 Oh, well, when you move the other one, I guess I can tell a 156 00:06:00,119 --> 00:06:04,688 little bit, if I'm being honest. (door shuts) 157 00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:06,690 CRICKET: Hey, turkeys, gobble, gobble. 158 00:06:06,692 --> 00:06:08,692 Cricket, what the hell are you doing here? 159 00:06:08,694 --> 00:06:10,694 Word around town is you guys are squashing beef. 160 00:06:10,696 --> 00:06:12,696 We don't have beef with you. You don't have beef with me? 161 00:06:12,698 --> 00:06:15,099 I was a priest before I got involved with you guys. 162 00:06:15,101 --> 00:06:16,700 Unbelievable. Look, we have enough on our 163 00:06:16,702 --> 00:06:18,602 plate right now, Crick. Come on, guys, let me stay. 164 00:06:18,604 --> 00:06:20,604 I-I'll eat the gristle. You can eat it off the floor 165 00:06:20,606 --> 00:06:22,540 like a dog, how 'bout that? Now you're just creating more 166 00:06:22,542 --> 00:06:24,542 beef. I don't mind. 167 00:06:24,544 --> 00:06:26,177 Woof, woof, baby. Great. 168 00:06:26,179 --> 00:06:27,812 Look at that. Beef squashed, huh? 169 00:06:27,814 --> 00:06:29,814 Okay, wait, wait, hold on a second. 170 00:06:29,816 --> 00:06:31,549 Here, sign this treaty. Mmm, yeah. 171 00:06:31,551 --> 00:06:33,184 It'll be official. Good. 172 00:06:33,186 --> 00:06:35,186 Boom, all right, get out of here. 173 00:06:35,188 --> 00:06:37,721 Go, go, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 174 00:06:37,723 --> 00:06:40,057 ♪ 175 00:06:40,059 --> 00:06:54,638 Okay, let's get started. I really like your room, 176 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,041 Mac. Thank you. 177 00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:59,476 Yeah, great. Have a seat, guys. 178 00:06:59,478 --> 00:07:03,581 Um, now, I... Yeah. 179 00:07:03,583 --> 00:07:05,549 Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little to the... to your right. 180 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,818 Okay, good. Now, I know we've had our 181 00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:10,021 differences in the past. Things have been a little tense 182 00:07:10,022 --> 00:07:12,423 between us. What is this? 183 00:07:12,425 --> 00:07:14,825 What is what? Standing. 184 00:07:14,827 --> 00:07:16,827 What's with the standing? You're lording. 185 00:07:16,829 --> 00:07:19,029 We're not lording, we're just having a conversation. 186 00:07:19,031 --> 00:07:20,865 Yeah, we're just... Some kind of a status thing? 187 00:07:20,867 --> 00:07:23,033 A power move? Some kind of power play? 188 00:07:23,035 --> 00:07:24,768 Come on, guys. No. It's not a power move! 189 00:07:24,770 --> 00:07:26,737 We're having a conversation. There's one chair. 190 00:07:26,739 --> 00:07:28,672 Bring it down. Just bring it down on the 191 00:07:28,674 --> 00:07:30,741 haunches. You want us to squat? 192 00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:33,177 Haunch it. Arch down. Oh, Christ, fine. 193 00:07:33,179 --> 00:07:34,678 Just do it, just do it. All right, look... 194 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,547 Just do it. Give him the... Guys, look, I know we've had 195 00:07:36,549 --> 00:07:38,349 our differences in the past. Things have been very, very 196 00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:40,551 awkward, but it's time for us to move forward with our 197 00:07:40,553 --> 00:07:42,720 relationship, all right? It's time to hit the reset 198 00:07:42,722 --> 00:07:45,122 button, wouldn't you say? Here's this. Open it up. 199 00:07:45,124 --> 00:07:47,558 Mm-hmm. It's your gift. 200 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,960 What the hell is this? It's a peace treaty. 201 00:07:49,962 --> 00:07:52,396 We need you to sign that. I thought I was getting an 202 00:07:52,398 --> 00:07:54,765 eye. BOTH: An eye? 203 00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:56,967 Why would you think that? You kept making comments. 204 00:07:56,969 --> 00:07:59,270 You were hinting about eyes. We're not giving you an eye! 205 00:07:59,272 --> 00:08:01,572 Where the Christ would we get an eye? 206 00:08:01,574 --> 00:08:03,874 And if we did get an eye, how would we attach it to you? 207 00:08:03,876 --> 00:08:06,076 I'm not signing shit until I get an eye. You owe me. 208 00:08:06,078 --> 00:08:08,445 Give him your eye. You want me to give him my 209 00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,814 eye? Mm-hmm. 210 00:08:10,816 --> 00:08:12,883 You realize how preposterous that is? 211 00:08:12,885 --> 00:08:14,618 Okay, then apologize. Apologize for what? 212 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,620 (yelling): For everything! For all of it! 213 00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,555 This isn't... It's not about apology. 214 00:08:18,557 --> 00:08:20,391 We're not apologizing. We're not apologizing, okay? 215 00:08:20,393 --> 00:08:22,259 Nobody's apologizing. No one's admitting guilt or 216 00:08:22,261 --> 00:08:24,461 anything. We've all done something wrong. 217 00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:26,497 Okay, it's just about... it's just about, like, you know, 218 00:08:26,499 --> 00:08:30,634 moving forward, moving on. Look, all you have to do is 219 00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:37,308 apologize, and I'll sign it. Give us a second. 220 00:08:37,310 --> 00:08:40,778 All right. How are we gonna get this eye? 221 00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:45,616 I don't know. ♪ 222 00:08:45,618 --> 00:08:54,191 Come on, come on, give me some. 223 00:08:54,193 --> 00:08:56,160 Eat the... eat the... you know, the skins if you got to 224 00:08:56,162 --> 00:08:58,329 eat something. I'll eat the skins. 225 00:08:58,331 --> 00:09:00,197 I'll always eat the skins. I love the skins. 226 00:09:00,199 --> 00:09:02,132 It's where all the vitamins are. What kind of meat is that, 227 00:09:02,134 --> 00:09:04,034 Charlie? Doesn't smell right. It's not grade A meat. 228 00:09:04,036 --> 00:09:05,970 You know, I'm not gonna get grade A meat. Just... 229 00:09:05,972 --> 00:09:07,972 (doorbell rings) Why are you guys hovering? 230 00:09:07,974 --> 00:09:10,140 Don't hover. Answer the door! Get the door! 231 00:09:10,142 --> 00:09:12,543 All right. Yeah, all right! 232 00:09:12,545 --> 00:09:14,712 GAIL: I'm gonna fight with you. 233 00:09:14,714 --> 00:09:16,947 What?! Snail, what the hell are you 234 00:09:16,949 --> 00:09:19,149 doing here? Who invited you? Dee, we invited her, okay? 235 00:09:19,151 --> 00:09:21,051 Enough is enough. You got to squash it with Snail, 236 00:09:21,053 --> 00:09:22,987 all right? We want to go to the Wawa again, 237 00:09:22,989 --> 00:09:24,855 all right? Goddamn it. 238 00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:26,658 Hey, you want some beef? You want some squash? 239 00:09:26,659 --> 00:09:28,659 You want to pack some beef? (makes loud sucking sound) 240 00:09:28,661 --> 00:09:30,661 Listen, could you just swallow your spit and then 241 00:09:30,663 --> 00:09:32,663 breathe, and then we can talk? Then breathe, and close your 242 00:09:32,665 --> 00:09:34,798 mouth. (snort, loud breathing) 243 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,700 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my God, it was sad for a 244 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,702 second, and now it's right back to... rah, making me do the... 245 00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,671 See a doctor! Go see a doctor. 246 00:09:40,673 --> 00:09:42,706 All right, oh, let's just... All right, hold on. Um... 247 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,641 Let's compromise. Is there something that we can 248 00:09:44,643 --> 00:09:46,410 do to just, you know, patch this up between you and Dee? 249 00:09:46,412 --> 00:09:48,312 I want her to be my best friend, yo. 250 00:09:48,314 --> 00:09:50,214 Oh, well, you know what? That's not gonna happen, so... 251 00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:52,082 Yeah, that's too much. Okay... 252 00:09:52,084 --> 00:09:53,684 Hang on, hang on, hang on. Is there a compromise? 253 00:09:53,686 --> 00:09:55,152 Is there anything? How about just for today? 254 00:09:55,154 --> 00:09:56,387 Just for today? Together. 255 00:09:56,389 --> 00:09:57,988 Okay, and then I get my convenience store to be 256 00:09:57,990 --> 00:09:59,590 convenient to me again, that's the deal? 257 00:09:59,592 --> 00:10:01,225 Word is bond, yo. Okay. Okay, yeah, that sounds 258 00:10:01,227 --> 00:10:03,028 good, let's do it. Yes, okay. All right, good. 259 00:10:03,029 --> 00:10:04,695 Frank, Hwang, you're up. Let's go. 260 00:10:04,697 --> 00:10:06,997 Okay. 261 00:10:23,197 --> 00:10:24,758 All right, well, somebody say something. 262 00:10:24,969 --> 00:10:27,336 These crackers need more salt. 263 00:10:27,338 --> 00:10:31,507 I agree. Okay, well... they're 264 00:10:31,509 --> 00:10:34,110 extremely salty, but-but good. That's a start. 265 00:10:34,112 --> 00:10:36,479 I mean, you know, you guys agree about something. 266 00:10:36,481 --> 00:10:38,881 Hey! All right. My doctor say, no salt. 267 00:10:38,883 --> 00:10:41,284 Mine, too. Doctors are shit! 268 00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:45,488 Goddamn medicine men, trying to tell me how to eat my food. 269 00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:47,890 They're all shit. Well, look at that. 270 00:10:47,892 --> 00:10:50,793 You guys agree about something! Look at you two-- two extremely 271 00:10:50,795 --> 00:10:53,863 hardheaded, unhealthy old men who refuse to listen to doctors. 272 00:10:53,865 --> 00:10:56,566 Come on, you guys are, like... Can we work this out? 273 00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:59,168 All right, Hwang, what if Frank gives you, like, half the rent 274 00:10:59,170 --> 00:11:02,405 now, then you fix the heat?! And then, he gives you the other 275 00:11:02,407 --> 00:11:06,008 half when the job's done? It's okay. 276 00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:08,377 Yeah? All right, that's a deal. 277 00:11:08,379 --> 00:11:10,813 That's a squashed beef. Frank, you. 278 00:11:10,815 --> 00:11:15,818 Oh, as a matter of fact... I could give the whole month's 279 00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:18,187 rent right here. Well, that'd be... good. 280 00:11:18,189 --> 00:11:20,590 I'll take it. Yeah, but I'm not gonna do 281 00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:23,025 it, because I'm not gonna let you beat me, because you're a 282 00:11:23,027 --> 00:11:25,394 lousy son of a bitch. You're a dog! 283 00:11:25,396 --> 00:11:27,396 I'm a dog, you're a dog, huh? Wt, wait, wait, wait. 284 00:11:27,398 --> 00:11:29,398 How's that? Huh? You're a fire dog! 285 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,601 Plenty more where this came from. 286 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:33,603 I could heat that apartment all winter, huh? You want it? Aah... 287 00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:36,038 Yeah, yeah, yeah, fire dog. Aw! 288 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,074 You're trying to burn me! Just give us an eye. 289 00:11:38,076 --> 00:11:40,443 You don't need both of them. I only have one good working 290 00:11:40,445 --> 00:11:42,678 eye. Yeah, but I think it might be 291 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,680 better if you're blind anyway. You know, it's gonna heighten 292 00:11:44,682 --> 00:11:46,682 all your other senses. Let me think about it. 293 00:11:46,684 --> 00:11:48,684 I'll think about it. Okay, give it some thought. 294 00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:50,686 Give it some thought. I'll think about it. 295 00:11:50,688 --> 00:11:52,688 All right, well, we'll work that angle. 296 00:11:52,690 --> 00:11:54,857 All right, just... (doorbell rings) 297 00:11:54,859 --> 00:11:56,759 Ooh, maybe that's Bruce. Oh, yeah. Hey, how'd you get 298 00:11:56,761 --> 00:11:58,628 him down here anyway? I told him that his kids 299 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,396 wanted to see him for Thanksgiving, and that you guys 300 00:12:00,398 --> 00:12:02,231 wanted to be one big happy family again. 301 00:12:02,233 --> 00:12:03,266 Oh, nice. Hey. 302 00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:05,556 Who's this jabroni? I have no idea. 303 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,325 Slam the door on his face. See you, bozo. 304 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,260 Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. Actually, I know who this guy 305 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,262 is. Holy shit! Dude, this is the guy that Frank 306 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,264 and Dee mistook for Bruce, and Frank got that bad intel, so 307 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,266 they went to his apartment, instead of Bruce's apartment. 308 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,268 And then we blew up his car. Blew the shit out of his car. 309 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,270 Oh, my God. Wait a minute. 310 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,673 That was you guys? Huh? No. 311 00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:23,908 I don't even know what you're talking about. 312 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,110 Uh... Happy Thanksgiving. 313 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,279 Yeah, yeah. Wait, wait. Please. 314 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,281 Are my kids in there? Somebody wrote me a note and 315 00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,483 said that my kids wanted to see me? 316 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,686 I haven't seen 'em since my wife left me. 317 00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:36,688 Are they in here? Sabrina? Oh, this is bad. 318 00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,923 Yeah. Oh. Marco? Daddy's here. 319 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,125 Oh, my God. We really opened up a can of 320 00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,294 worms. It's a bit messy. 321 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,296 The good news is, seems that the kids thing took his mind off the 322 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,498 car thing, so, maybe it'll work itself out. 323 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,934 Okay, good. All right. 324 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,303 BILL: Mac. Hey. 325 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,305 Hey, thanks for calling, man. So, where are the kids? 326 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,474 I can't wait to see those little rug rats. 327 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,476 It's been forever. I'm sure they're around 328 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,478 somewhere. Go ahead and mingle, and maybe 329 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,447 you'll find 'em. My kids aren't really here, 330 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,449 are they? Uh... no. 331 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,317 No. No, I lied about that. Thank God. Let's get 332 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,319 shit-housed, right, guys? What a piece of shit that guy 333 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,488 is. Yeah, he's a real piece of 334 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,490 shit, yeah. Oh, my God. 335 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,459 What the hell is Ponderosa doing here? 336 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,494 Well, he's the one that's responsible for Liam's eye, so 337 00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,396 we figured, you know, he shows up, it shifts the blame from us 338 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,398 to him, and, worst case scenario, they'll take his eye. 339 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,333 Oh, my God, this is getting way too confusing. 340 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,335 We got too many beefs. I can't keep up. 341 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:26,304 God, Dee, we got it. Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk. 342 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,406 Too many beefs, we got it. I'm not honking. I'm just... 343 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,408 I'm expressing something... I'll admit it, it's getting 344 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,543 confusing, there's a lot of people here. 345 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,545 See? I'll take some of the blame 346 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:35,326 for that. I did invite... Let us take the lead. 347 00:13:35,446 --> 00:13:37,542 We got it, we got it. Okay. 348 00:13:37,662 --> 00:13:41,221 Can't get it to stay. There you go. 349 00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:52,190 (indistinct chatter) Hi, uh, everybody, I'd like 350 00:13:52,430 --> 00:13:54,430 to say something, please. Uh, could I have your attention, 351 00:13:54,432 --> 00:13:56,065 please? I'd like to say something, yeah. 352 00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:58,934 Um, so, the Pilgrims hated the Indians and the Indians, they 353 00:13:58,936 --> 00:14:01,470 despised the Pilgrims. Yeah. 354 00:14:01,472 --> 00:14:03,806 But nonetheless, on Thanksgiving, they got together, 355 00:14:03,808 --> 00:14:06,909 right, and it wasn't about apologizing to each other. 356 00:14:06,911 --> 00:14:09,478 "Aw..." It wasn't about admitting guilt. 357 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,882 Won't do that. Okay? It was just about making the 358 00:14:12,884 --> 00:14:14,984 peace-- that was all that it was about. 359 00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:17,386 And if the Indians knew how to sign shit, they probably 360 00:14:17,388 --> 00:14:19,588 would've signed a peace treaty. Right? So that's what we're 361 00:14:19,590 --> 00:14:21,257 gonna do. We're gonna make peace with each 362 00:14:21,259 --> 00:14:23,259 other, and we're gonna get it in writing. 363 00:14:23,261 --> 00:14:25,261 All right? Is everybody amenable to that? 364 00:14:25,263 --> 00:14:28,164 Sound good? Great, uh, so we'd like to 365 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:31,767 begin with Bill Ponderosa. Yes. 366 00:14:31,769 --> 00:14:35,171 (applause) It's not... There's no need 367 00:14:35,173 --> 00:14:37,173 to clap. It's not a clapping event. 368 00:14:37,175 --> 00:14:40,176 No. Right. So... Okay, so, um, Bill, do you have 369 00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:42,411 something you'd like to admit to someone here? 370 00:14:42,413 --> 00:14:44,980 Yes, actually, I do. Uh, I once broke into Dee's 371 00:14:44,982 --> 00:14:48,484 apartment and sniffed on her panties. 372 00:14:48,486 --> 00:14:52,922 What? Goddamn it! Beef! No, I got beef with that. 373 00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:55,191 Uh, can we, um... Just stay on track. 374 00:14:55,193 --> 00:14:58,527 Um... Bill, is there something you want to say to the McPoyles? 375 00:14:58,529 --> 00:15:03,966 Oh, um... Hey, hey. I love that painted-on eye, man. 376 00:15:03,968 --> 00:15:06,535 That is fun. No. No, wait. No, no. 377 00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:10,439 Okay. No, no, no. All right, hey, hey, hey! 378 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,975 Everybody stop clapping. All right, Liam, Bill's the one 379 00:15:12,977 --> 00:15:15,945 who put bath salts in the punch at your wedding, all right? 380 00:15:15,947 --> 00:15:18,147 He's the one who is responsible for your empty eyehole. 381 00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:20,316 Is this true, man? Maybe. I... 382 00:15:20,318 --> 00:15:22,318 The only thing I remember from that night is my sponsor Frank 383 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,320 giving me the green light to get shit-housed. 384 00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:25,955 That's true. That happened. 385 00:15:25,957 --> 00:15:28,023 I'll back that up. Then it's your fault. 386 00:15:28,025 --> 00:15:30,192 You owe my brother an eye! All right, settle down! 387 00:15:30,194 --> 00:15:31,827 Settle... Take it easy, all right? 388 00:15:31,829 --> 00:15:33,829 Don't drag him into your beef 'cause I need him to focus on 389 00:15:33,831 --> 00:15:35,464 ours here. Hey, Frank, I'm giving this 390 00:15:35,466 --> 00:15:38,367 guy a handy under the table. Are you jealous? 391 00:15:38,369 --> 00:15:42,037 (slurping sound) She's mashing it. 392 00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:45,708 She does that. I'm very aroused. 393 00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:49,044 Very good. Look, I'm-I'm sorry. 394 00:15:49,046 --> 00:15:51,046 Which one of you knows my ex-wife and when are my kids 395 00:15:51,048 --> 00:15:53,149 getting here? They'll get here. Just... 396 00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:55,317 Who's this jabroni? Uh, this is the gentleman who 397 00:15:55,319 --> 00:15:58,654 we mistook for Bruce Mathis. Right, yep, and then we blew 398 00:15:58,656 --> 00:16:00,890 up his car. Don't say that! 399 00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:03,058 A-All of this, and it was you guys. 400 00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:05,327 You owe me a car. Whoa, easy, man! 401 00:16:05,329 --> 00:16:08,230 That's a big leap right there. Buddy, buddy, um, what's the 402 00:16:08,232 --> 00:16:10,232 deal with your kids? Y-You haven't see 'em in a 403 00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:11,867 while. Did you do something? 404 00:16:11,869 --> 00:16:14,270 Is it... Was it your fault? Oh. I have a horrible drug 405 00:16:14,272 --> 00:16:17,039 problem. Ooh, I hear you. 406 00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:19,375 I know that game, huh? You want to do a bump here? 407 00:16:19,377 --> 00:16:21,510 Yeah, of course I want a bump. 408 00:16:21,512 --> 00:16:24,113 I'll have a few of those delicious nose clams. 409 00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:27,449 Frank, no, come on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 410 00:16:27,451 --> 00:16:29,451 Don't clap for that! What? I can't have squash? 411 00:16:29,453 --> 00:16:31,120 I can't have blow? We need you to focus! 412 00:16:31,122 --> 00:16:32,788 Sign the damn treaty! All right, you know what, Hwang, 413 00:16:32,790 --> 00:16:34,223 you sign the treaty. I'll sign it. 414 00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:35,925 Oh, gross! Don't touch me with that hand! 415 00:16:35,927 --> 00:16:37,760 Put your hand over here. I'll take sloppy seconds. 416 00:16:37,762 --> 00:16:39,562 Absolutely not. Mash me, baby. Mash me. 417 00:16:39,564 --> 00:16:41,964 No mashing at the table! Stop mashing, all right? 418 00:16:41,966 --> 00:16:44,033 Come on. Goddamn it, Frank, I'm starting to think I have beef 419 00:16:44,035 --> 00:16:45,634 with you! Yeah, us, too! 420 00:16:45,636 --> 00:16:48,204 Okay, I have an idea. It's time now to wipe the slate 421 00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:50,206 clean. No, you said we were gonna do 422 00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:52,241 the hatchet thing first! Don't worry about the hatchet 423 00:16:52,243 --> 00:16:53,876 thing, okay? That was an unsanctioned move. 424 00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:55,444 Well, none of these moves are working! 425 00:16:55,446 --> 00:16:58,848 We got to do something else! (overlapping arguing) 426 00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:07,556 Food fight! Food fight! I guess! 427 00:17:07,558 --> 00:17:10,626 What?! No! 428 00:17:10,628 --> 00:17:14,163 (overlapping shouting, grunting) 429 00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:23,672 Sign the treaty! You owe me an eye, Frank! 430 00:17:23,674 --> 00:17:28,010 (grunts) (screaming) 431 00:17:28,012 --> 00:17:35,985 Oh, shit. No, no, no, no. (grunts) 432 00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:38,254 Uh, this was a bad idea. We stirred up too much 433 00:17:38,256 --> 00:17:40,823 conflict. Yeah. It smells like smoke. 434 00:17:40,825 --> 00:17:42,825 Is something burning? I think it's coming from your 435 00:17:42,827 --> 00:17:47,329 room, dude. What?! 436 00:17:47,331 --> 00:17:49,498 My room's on fire. Why is my room on fire? 437 00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,500 I may have started a money fire. 438 00:17:51,502 --> 00:17:53,135 Why would you start a fire in my room, Frank? 439 00:17:53,137 --> 00:17:55,204 I don't know, I don't know. We got to think, we got to 440 00:17:55,206 --> 00:17:57,273 think. Think, think. 441 00:17:57,275 --> 00:18:01,543 I've got an idea. (arguing in apartment) 442 00:18:01,545 --> 00:18:03,212 So we're just gonna lock them in there? 443 00:18:03,214 --> 00:18:05,214 They're definitely gonna burn to death. 444 00:18:05,216 --> 00:18:06,849 Okay, guys, nobody's gonna burn, all right? 445 00:18:06,851 --> 00:18:08,851 There's a fire escape. We'll call 911. We just need to 446 00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:10,552 buy a little time so we can get the hell out of here. 447 00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:12,554 I feel like we're just creating more beef. 448 00:18:12,556 --> 00:18:14,823 Which we will not resolve. Beefs are best left simmering 449 00:18:14,825 --> 00:18:16,492 under the surface-- I've learned that now. 450 00:18:16,494 --> 00:18:18,494 The best thing to do with a beef is jam it deep down inside 451 00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:20,496 and then press forward. What are we gonna do now? 452 00:18:20,498 --> 00:18:22,498 You know, we could just buy Thundergun and go to a 453 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,133 different Wawa. Yeah, it's a little 454 00:18:24,135 --> 00:18:26,135 inconvenient, but it's better than facing our problems. 455 00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:28,137 Yeah, or saying we're sorry, which I'm not doing. 456 00:18:28,139 --> 00:18:30,072 Hell, no, I don't do that. All right, you want to go 457 00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:31,740 back to my place, get some blankets, bundle up? 458 00:18:31,742 --> 00:18:33,876 Just us? No one else? That's what I'm thankful for. 459 00:18:33,878 --> 00:18:35,878 We don't need to get along with anybody else-- we got each 460 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,513 other. Yeah, screw everybody else. 461 00:18:37,515 --> 00:18:39,682 I hate people who are different than me, you know? 462 00:18:39,684 --> 00:18:41,483 Why pretend? (inside There's a fire 463 00:18:41,485 --> 00:18:42,851 escape right here. (glass shatters) 464 00:18:42,853 --> 00:18:45,354 Fire escape. Out the window. 465 00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:47,833 (clamoring) Who's got me? Man down. 466 00:18:47,953 --> 00:18:50,801 I right back here, guys. Who's got me? Guys? 467 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:54,230 Hello? Hello? 468 00:18:54,350 --> 00:19:04,720 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com