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Good morning, Philadelphia.
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With us today is Frank Reynolds,
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local business owner and a
man with a harrowing story.
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That's right.
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A few days ago, three
thugs tried to mug me.
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And I want to be very
clear about something.
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Um, Mr...
These pieces of garbage, they
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don't know who the hell
they're dealing with.
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Mr. Reynolds, excuse me.
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Do you think maybe you could
eat that sandwich later?
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I'm starving.
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You don't have nothing
to eat in this show.
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Let's get back to your story.
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Right, so these punks...
Yes.
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...I don't know if they
wanted money or they wanted
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something more sexual.
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Wow.
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But it's a lucky thing
I had my pieces.
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Your-your pieces?
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My guns.
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Oh, my.
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Anyway, I started blasting.
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Bah! Bah!
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Now, I don't see so good, so I
missed, then they ran away, I
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ran after them.
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Okay.
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Bang! Tried to shoot them in
the back, but I don't run so
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good either.
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Anyway, you guys all think I'm
a hero, and I'll accept that
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responsibility.
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Now, weren't you concerned
though that an innocent
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bystander may have...
Look, crime in this city is
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out of control.
Mm.
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Thank God I went down to
Gunther's Guns and picked up a
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spare.
I don't think one would've done
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it. I'm gonna go out and
buy some more. Okay.
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And I think you should, too.
Don't be a victim.
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- It's time to fight back.
- This is crazy.
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- Completely insane.
- Oh, it's driving
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- me nuts.
- The whole gun thing,
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it just makes me really hot.
Yeah, well, it's a hot issue
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and I'm getting hot about it,
too.
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This is good, we're all hot
at the same time.
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We should do something about...
I mean, our schools aren't
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safe.
There are people out on the
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streets with assault rifles?
We're living in constant
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fear!
Aw, guys, we got to get more
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guns on the streets!
Yeah!
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Wait, what?
We got to get more guns onto
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the streets.
Yeah, we got to get guns in
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the right hands.
I mean, we're just not safe.
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That's what you guys are hot
about?
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Yeah, didn't you hear what
Frank said?
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Yeah, what are you hot about?
There are too many guns on
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the streets as it is.
Guns off the streets is what we
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need.
It's way too easy for anybody
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to just walk into a store and
get a gun.
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No, it's not.
It getting harder and harder.
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The government's trying to take
our guns away.
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It's way harder than you think,
dude.
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Guys, we're hot about the
complete opposite.
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Shoot.
Which is a bummer, 'cause I
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thought we were on the same page
for once.
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Still very hot though.
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Yeah. Oh, I'm even hotter if I'm being honest.
Still hot.
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Good call on these
outfits, dude.
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It's the only call.
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You know what I mean?
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Like, you need a guy in a school
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that even from a mile away, the
school shooter sees that guy
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and says, "Uh-uh."
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"I ain't messing
with that dude."
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"I'm not messing with that
dude.
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I'm not going near that school."
Uh, gentlemen, I
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understand that you would
like to...
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You... How-how did you find me?
Oh, shit, I know this dude.
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Who-Who's this?
This guy was the principal at
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the high school where I was
doing the janitor thing.
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Yeah.
Right, so why are you at a
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middle school now?
Well, I was... I was
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transferred.
See, I have tenure, so they
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couldn't actually fire me, which
was, of course, their first
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choice, thanks to you.
Well, let's not throw barbs
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at each other.
Look, we're actually here for a
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good cause.
We want to protect this school.
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Oh.
Yeah, we want to be the armed
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security guards.
Yeah, I brought a piece.
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We're good.
Hey, hey, hey, no, no!
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Calm yourself.
No, you got to put... no...
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It's not currently loaded.
That's not the...
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Just put it away.
I hear you, buddy.
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I would not want to be around
this guy with a gun either.
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He has got a hair trigger.
I mean, one little move and
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he'll just start blasting.
Uh, bullshit.
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Look, the point is he
shouldn't have a gun in a school
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in the first place anyway.
No.
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Guns just do not belong in
schools.
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No, they do not.
That is why I brought along a
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saber.
Aw, Jesus Christ.
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Which is just about the most
ridiculous thing I've ever seen
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in my life, because how are you
gonna stop a gunman with that?
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Bro...
He's gonna get you from a
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distance.
If I come at you, I'll get to
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you faster.
We have been arguing about this
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all day.
Because it's insanity.
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Ooh, maybe you can be
the judge.
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I don't want... What?
Here we go.
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I'm gonna holster my weapon,
he'll holster his weapon.
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No, we, no...
I'll do, like, a one, two,
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three count, you tell us who
goes faster.
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Please don't do this in here.
Look, dude, this is the only
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way to tell, okay?
And then we can protect your
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school, but we got to go one
step at a time, all right?
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I mean, for God's sake...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Sorry, sorry.
Look out!
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Ah.
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I guess I do have a hair
trigger, huh?
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Yeah.
All right.
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Look at all these maniacs.
Goddamn bloodthirsty freaks
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walking in off the street.
So easy for anybody to just
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waltz in and buy a gun.
Let's do it.
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Let's buy assault rifles and
just prove to Mac and Charlie
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how easy it is.
Oh, we're gonna, we're gonna.
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That's what we'll do.
Hi, how are you, sir?
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Howdy, I'm Gunther.
What can I do for you?
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Oh, Gunther himself, purveyor
of destruction.
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I would like to buy a man
destroyer from you, please.
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Yeah, nice to meet you,
Gunther.
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Hey, maybe you could recommend
something that could blow a hole
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through an elephant, you know.
'Cause I need that for my home
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protection.
Yeah.
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I guess you're looking at an
AR-15.
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Oh, look at that.
Yeah, that's great.
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Now, theoretically, Gunther,
would I be able to slaughter a
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roomful of innocent people
with that weapon?
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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Brother, that'd be on you.
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That would be on me, wouldn't
it?
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Yeah, that wouldn't be on you
at all.
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But here you go.
But here you go.
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But here you go.
Okay, great, we'll take one of
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those, please.
Yeah, we got it.
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How much would that be?
Uh, that's $1,500.
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Woof!
$1,500 for the privilege, okay.
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Hey, what is your, uh, what
is your return policy there?
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30 days, no charge.
All right.
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Ooh, 30 days, sounds fair.
My goodness, Dennis, this feels
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good.
Feels good in my hands.
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Oh, good my kids are safe.
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I saved everyone!
Yeah, my yard's protected.
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So, of course, it feels good,
you know?
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But that only proves our point
even more.
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We'll take two of these,
Gunther.
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Great.
I'll need your licenses for the
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background checks.
Okay, yeah.
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Yeah, you can drive, you can
kill!
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Oh, Christ, look at this.
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Oh, God.
Oh, shit, I love this guy.
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...become a bit of a local
lightning rod in these gun
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debates here.
Exactly.
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Gun sales have skyrocketed.
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We're running out of guns, and
we have to manufacture more
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guns; supply is not
meeting the demand.
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Can we...
can we cut?
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Will my hands look this
small on the screen?
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Uh, we're live, sir.
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I thought the camera would add
ten pounds to my hands, and
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I don't like the way they look.
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Your hands look fine.
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Put them down.
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This is Jack Kelly.
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He's my attorney.
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He specializes in
Constitutional Law.
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Our rights are being
infringed upon.
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And people like my client
won't take it anymore.
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The Constitution guarantees
our Second Amendment rights.
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And these liberals like Al Gore,
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they're trying to take that away
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from us with this global
warming bullshit.
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So, you see the two issues
as related somehow?
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Damn right.
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The government of today has no
right telling us how to live
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our lives, because the
government of 200 years ago
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already did.
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Yeah.
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Oh, okay.
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They also protected us from
tyranny against the seizure of
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tasteful, artistic photographs
of beautiful bodies.
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Not now, Jack.
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That same government wants to
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come into our home, tell us
what is and what is not art?
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That's not right!
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Okay, well, I'm gonna try
and, uh, keep things on track
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here, so... Yeah.
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Get out and get those guns
before they run out, and the
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government changes the laws.
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All right! Yeah!
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These idiots are buying this?
It's crazy.
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What is going on?
That was fast.
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You've been denied.
What?
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That's ludicrous.
Why?
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It says here you have an
extensive history of felonious
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behavior.
Oh, there have been
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incidents, sure, yeah, a few
minor indiscretions, but,
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you know, I-I'm simply a person
of interest in most of those
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cases, all right?
Being wanted and being "wanted
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for questioning" are very, very,
very different things, Gunther.
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And you've been
institutionalized.
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Me?
She... she... yeah.
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What... I mean, one time, for
a short period of time.
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That-that was against my will.
That doesn't even really count.
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That's the only time it
counts, Dee.
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Okay, look, it was, like, a
teeny thing that happened with a
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college roommate.
It was really no big deal.
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00:07:40,573 --> 00:07:42,339
Uh, yeah.
Says here you burned her.
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00:07:42,341 --> 00:07:43,741
I burned her, yeah.
I burned her.
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But...
She was so annoying.
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I mean, it...
She deserved it, okay?
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She was wearing my stuff, and
she was copying me, and...
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You were copying her.
I was copying her, she was
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copying me...
It doesn't matter.
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Look, I'm sorry, but I can't
sell you the guns.
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Oh, God.
Oh, well, look at you.
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Oh, Gunther the morality king.
"Hi, I'm Gunther, I've never lit
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00:08:02,027 --> 00:08:04,695
anybody on fire before."
You know, you light one bitch on
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fire, and everybody freaks out!
Oh, you son of a bitch.
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It was one time and one thing,
I just...
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All right, all right, all
right, relax, relax.
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Okay, take it easy.
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Look, there are other ways to
buy guns where people don't go
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snooping around in your past.
Listen, pal...
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you just made my list.
Your list?
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Yeah, I have a...
Shh.
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Whatever, let's just go.
Let's go.
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How is that tasteless?
It's art.
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Get that out.
Get that out.
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You can't even see the child...
We'll be right back.
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Weather, traffic and a trip
to the zoo, coming right up.
239
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,225
Okay, Charlie, I'm gonna
demonstrate to you how to thwart
240
00:08:40,322 --> 00:08:41,215
an attack.
Mm-hmm.
241
00:08:41,349 --> 00:08:43,271
Now, pretend that this dummy
is a school shooter.
242
00:08:43,391 --> 00:08:44,690
Right.
I want you to stand back,
243
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:45,627
'cause I don't want you to get
hurt.
244
00:08:45,933 --> 00:08:49,001
Before he can draw his weapon...
Hie-aught!
245
00:08:49,003 --> 00:08:52,004
Hup, hut, hut!
Hie!
246
00:08:52,553 --> 00:08:54,787
How awesome was that?
Well, yeah, that's-that's
247
00:08:54,789 --> 00:08:56,989
pretty awesome, but I feel like
he would've shot you from a mile
248
00:08:56,991 --> 00:08:58,958
away.
No, no, he wouldn't, because
249
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,060
you saw how I was zigzagging
like this and making sounds?
250
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,062
It was distracting.
Yeah, but did you ever see
251
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:04,997
Indiana Jones, where the guy
does the whole sword thing and
252
00:09:04,999 --> 00:09:06,632
then he just shoots him dead?
Are you asking me if I've
253
00:09:06,634 --> 00:09:09,134
seen Indiana Jones?
Are you seriously asking me?
254
00:09:09,136 --> 00:09:10,469
I've seen that movie...
That is my...
255
00:09:10,471 --> 00:09:11,804
You're not understanding.
Do you remember it?
256
00:09:11,806 --> 00:09:13,472
Yes.
But if I were to come at you,
257
00:09:13,474 --> 00:09:15,608
it's all about how I...
258
00:09:15,610 --> 00:09:17,843
Okay, in that circumstance,
maybe you got there a little bit
259
00:09:17,845 --> 00:09:19,245
faster.
I got you.
260
00:09:19,247 --> 00:09:20,646
But if I...!
Okay.
261
00:09:20,648 --> 00:09:22,047
I got you again.
But I... What if I zigzag
262
00:09:22,049 --> 00:09:24,683
like this?
It's so easy to get you.
263
00:09:24,685 --> 00:09:26,619
And that's... that's not
necessarily...
264
00:09:26,621 --> 00:09:28,921
I don't think that that's...
Hold-hold on a second.
265
00:09:28,923 --> 00:09:31,891
Look at this kid.
Ooh, he's wearing all black,
266
00:09:31,893 --> 00:09:34,026
he's walking by himself.
What do you think he's doing
267
00:09:34,028 --> 00:09:35,427
on that phone?
Oh, I'll tell you exactly
268
00:09:35,429 --> 00:09:36,862
what he's doing.
He's playing one of those games
269
00:09:36,864 --> 00:09:38,797
where you shoot everyone.
I'm gonna profile this guy
270
00:09:38,799 --> 00:09:40,099
really quick.
Excuse us.
271
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,400
Yeah. Hey, kid, kid, kid.
Stop, stop.
272
00:09:41,402 --> 00:09:42,935
Son, son, I'm sorry, hold
up, hold up.
273
00:09:42,937 --> 00:09:44,737
What are you doing on the phone
there?
274
00:09:44,739 --> 00:09:46,372
None of your business.
275
00:09:46,374 --> 00:09:47,706
A sass-mouth, huh?
That's a red flag.
276
00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:49,808
Son, you were asked a
question by an adult, okay?
277
00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:51,477
You've been asked a question,
all right?
278
00:09:51,479 --> 00:09:53,646
We're trying to ensafen your
school here, okay?
279
00:09:53,648 --> 00:09:55,547
And you're acting like a punk?
Let me see the phone.
280
00:09:55,549 --> 00:09:58,117
I want to see.
Oh! He's killing zombies!
281
00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,652
I'm taking this.
What the hell, man?
282
00:09:59,654 --> 00:10:01,420
Hey, kid, you're getting off
easy!
283
00:10:01,422 --> 00:10:02,855
Now get to school.
Go to school.
284
00:10:02,857 --> 00:10:04,924
Just know we're watching you.
Go to class.
285
00:10:04,926 --> 00:10:06,692
Be careful.
Look.
286
00:10:06,694 --> 00:10:08,928
This is a red flag.
These are the kids that are the
287
00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:11,096
threats to society, the ones
playing the violent video games,
288
00:10:11,098 --> 00:10:13,599
man.
I play violent video games.
289
00:10:13,601 --> 00:10:15,868
Well, yeah, I also play
violent video games.
290
00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:17,469
I watch violent movies.
Well, yeah, violent movies
291
00:10:17,471 --> 00:10:18,971
are the best movies.
And I don't want to kill
292
00:10:18,973 --> 00:10:20,606
people.
No, I mean...
293
00:10:20,608 --> 00:10:22,808
All right, this...
Yeah, it's not really the best
294
00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:24,476
way to tell, you know, who's
gonna be a threat or who's not
295
00:10:24,478 --> 00:10:26,612
gonna...
What is going on out here?
296
00:10:26,614 --> 00:10:29,381
Nothing, thanks to us, bro.
Well, are-are you stealing
297
00:10:29,383 --> 00:10:31,650
kids' cell phones?
Stealing, sir? No.
298
00:10:31,652 --> 00:10:33,719
I've been confiscating them as
potential evidence.
299
00:10:33,721 --> 00:10:35,654
Are you aware that you're
holding children up with a gun
300
00:10:35,656 --> 00:10:37,623
and-and a sword?
You just... you need to stay off
301
00:10:37,625 --> 00:10:39,558
of school property.
Sir, we are not on the school
302
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:41,360
property, okay?
Yeah, we're outside of the
303
00:10:41,362 --> 00:10:43,162
fence by, like...
We're on the sidewalk, see?
304
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,764
You need to stay 1,000 yards
away from school property.
305
00:10:45,766 --> 00:10:47,566
I mean, we're trying to keep
the school safe!
306
00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,335
I know, well, yeah.
Well, yeah, we would all feel a
307
00:10:49,337 --> 00:10:51,103
lot safer if you were further
away.
308
00:10:51,105 --> 00:10:52,938
All right, I'm taking this
guy out.
309
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:55,541
Hey, whoa, settle!
Settle, settle, settle!
310
00:10:55,543 --> 00:10:57,509
Settle. Settle down.
Would you please stop
311
00:10:57,511 --> 00:10:59,445
pointing that gun at me?
312
00:10:59,447 --> 00:11:01,246
The school is safe, thanks
to us.
313
00:11:01,248 --> 00:11:03,082
Here's the damn phone.
Well... please, just... if
314
00:11:03,084 --> 00:11:04,984
you could just get away from the
school.
315
00:11:04,986 --> 00:11:06,618
Get away from the children.
Hey!
316
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,053
Just-just stay away from the
children.
317
00:11:08,055 --> 00:11:09,588
Have a good day, sir.
Thank you.
318
00:11:09,590 --> 00:11:10,856
Have a good day.
Go.
319
00:11:10,858 --> 00:11:12,391
We're leaving!
We're leaving, we're leaving.
320
00:11:12,393 --> 00:11:14,893
We're leaving.
You know, Charlie, if we
321
00:11:14,895 --> 00:11:17,663
can't be in the school zone,
maybe we need to train somebody
322
00:11:17,665 --> 00:11:20,366
who can be.
You know, someone you'd never
323
00:11:20,368 --> 00:11:25,437
suspect could stop a shooter.
I got an idea.
324
00:11:25,439 --> 00:11:37,449
And here we are, Dee, at a
gun show, huh?
325
00:11:37,451 --> 00:11:40,252
Lowest common denominator.
Is that a bazooka?
326
00:11:40,254 --> 00:11:42,187
Insanely dangerous, this
place is.
327
00:11:42,189 --> 00:11:44,156
It's crazy.
Oh, look at this guy right here.
328
00:11:44,158 --> 00:11:46,291
He'll probably sell us a gun.
Excuse me, sir.
329
00:11:46,293 --> 00:11:48,660
Um, I would like to buy a gun
from you.
330
00:11:48,662 --> 00:11:51,330
Something that is unnecessarily
powerful, something you would
331
00:11:51,332 --> 00:11:53,599
never need in Philadelphia.
Yeah, ooh, ooh, but you know
332
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:55,567
what you shouldn't do though,
is look into our very sketchy
333
00:11:55,569 --> 00:11:57,469
pasts.
No.
334
00:11:57,471 --> 00:11:59,505
Uh, it's not a problem.
We all got a sketchy past.
335
00:11:59,507 --> 00:12:01,874
Oh, genuine creep. Wonderful.
336
00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:04,743
Perfect.
Hey, sir, could you please sell
337
00:12:04,745 --> 00:12:06,712
us this AR-15?
Yeah.
338
00:12:06,714 --> 00:12:08,647
Uh, despite, you know, who or
what we plan to obliterate
339
00:12:08,649 --> 00:12:10,616
with it.
And don't ask questions, okay?
340
00:12:10,618 --> 00:12:12,551
No.
'Cause we just want to prove
341
00:12:12,553 --> 00:12:14,653
to our friends how easy it is to
buy a high-capacity rifle.
342
00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:16,588
Absolutely.
All right, man, great.
343
00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:19,091
Hey, so give this guy his 1,500
bucks, and we'll just saunter
344
00:12:19,093 --> 00:12:22,027
right out of here with a weapon
of mass extinction.
345
00:12:22,029 --> 00:12:23,962
Three grand.
What? I'm sorry.
346
00:12:23,964 --> 00:12:25,931
That's $3,000.
No, not for this.
347
00:12:25,933 --> 00:12:27,699
No, for this, for this.
No, no. No, no, no, no, no.
348
00:12:27,701 --> 00:12:29,468
At Gunther's it's $1,500.
Oh, this ain't
349
00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:31,437
Gunther's.
This a price gouge?
350
00:12:31,439 --> 00:12:33,372
Oh, my.
That's illegal.
351
00:12:33,374 --> 00:12:35,174
Oh, you see, I'm a private
seller.
352
00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:36,975
That means I can do whatever I
want.
353
00:12:36,977 --> 00:12:38,277
Shit.
Fine. That's fine.
354
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:39,778
We'll buy it, and we'll
return it.
355
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:41,480
All sales are final.
Come on!
356
00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:43,615
I'll show you what's final,
you redneck son of a bitch!
357
00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,684
I will burn you alive like the
last bitch who crossed me!
358
00:12:45,686 --> 00:12:47,286
Okay, all right, all right,
Dee.
359
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:48,720
That's not getting us anywhere.
Okay, she's hot.
360
00:12:48,722 --> 00:12:50,556
I went... I went hot real
fast; it just happened.
361
00:12:50,558 --> 00:12:52,291
Well, our whole crew's been
hot lately.
362
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:54,193
We're trying to cool down, but
you're not making it any easier.
363
00:12:54,195 --> 00:12:55,727
Mm-mm.
All right, listen, I want
364
00:12:55,729 --> 00:12:57,262
this gun, pal.
Okay, I want it, because it's
365
00:12:57,264 --> 00:12:58,797
easy to buy a gun.
And I need to prove that to
366
00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:01,533
some people, so give me the gun
at a fair price, and do it now.
367
00:13:01,535 --> 00:13:03,001
$4,000.
Shit!
368
00:13:03,003 --> 00:13:05,504
Four thou...? $4,000?
Really?
369
00:13:05,506 --> 00:13:07,139
I'll tell you what.
370
00:13:07,141 --> 00:13:09,708
How about I just take it, huh?
'Cause I'm a maniac with a
371
00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:12,511
gun, and there's nothing you
can do about it.
372
00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:18,083
Oh. Oh, oh.
Okay.
373
00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:20,052
Oh, okay.
Oops.
374
00:13:20,054 --> 00:13:23,622
Putting the gun down now.
Okay, this is just a... just an
375
00:13:23,624 --> 00:13:27,793
exercise, okay, to prove how
unsafe it is...
376
00:13:27,795 --> 00:13:31,930
for everyone to have guns, okay?
But I see now that I was the
377
00:13:31,932 --> 00:13:35,868
maniac with the gun.
And you all made it safer...
378
00:13:35,870 --> 00:13:37,703
in here.
Yeah.
379
00:13:37,705 --> 00:13:41,340
Good for you.
Our bad, our bad for this experiment.
380
00:13:45,277 --> 00:13:48,432
Thank you for joining us.
I know you may not see yourself
381
00:13:48,672 --> 00:13:50,939
as a solution to a
national problem.
382
00:13:50,941 --> 00:13:54,075
You might not think you have
the ability, but, uh, believe
383
00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:56,912
me, you were... you were
carefully selected.
384
00:13:56,914 --> 00:13:59,714
And with a little hard work
and a whole lot of training, we
385
00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:01,716
can help you keep your
school safe.
386
00:14:01,718 --> 00:14:04,319
Are there any questions?
Yo, can I get some beer?
387
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:05,921
No beer.
No. We said it, like,
388
00:14:05,923 --> 00:14:07,956
a million times.
Guys, guys, how many times do
389
00:14:07,958 --> 00:14:10,058
we have to be through this?
No beer, okay?
390
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:11,927
All right, you know, you
can't drink beer and be
391
00:14:11,929 --> 00:14:14,162
effective.
But you guys had, like, five.
392
00:14:14,164 --> 00:14:16,398
Don't count beers, Carlos.
Not cool.
393
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,833
Yeah. And by the way, Carlos,
I've had six.
394
00:14:18,835 --> 00:14:21,703
And I've had seven.
So don't be a rat, okay?
395
00:14:21,705 --> 00:14:24,639
And if you are gonna be a
rat, get it right.
396
00:14:24,641 --> 00:14:27,075
No more questions.
In fact, no more questions.
397
00:14:27,077 --> 00:14:29,244
You guys are the ones that
asked for the questions.
398
00:14:29,246 --> 00:14:31,813
Shut up, Carlos!
Carlos, shut up!
399
00:14:31,815 --> 00:14:33,615
The time for questions is over.
400
00:14:33,617 --> 00:14:36,151
It's now time for learning.
Okay? You're-you're impeding
401
00:14:36,153 --> 00:14:38,987
on your own safety.
Okay, now my friend and I
402
00:14:38,989 --> 00:14:42,524
have been arguing all day about
the efficacy of swords
403
00:14:42,526 --> 00:14:45,293
versus guns.
Okay? So we met in
404
00:14:45,295 --> 00:14:47,162
the middle.
Now if you look under your
405
00:14:47,164 --> 00:14:49,798
seat, you'll see that each of
you has been provided a weapon
406
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,867
that you could easily find in
your own classroom.
407
00:14:52,869 --> 00:14:56,471
Some of you may have
compasses, others,
408
00:14:56,473 --> 00:14:58,406
sharp pencils.
Okay, there are forks in
409
00:14:58,408 --> 00:15:02,043
the cafeteria, there's piano
wire from the music room.
410
00:15:02,045 --> 00:15:05,447
You need to learn how to make
every single item in your
411
00:15:05,449 --> 00:15:07,349
school a potentially
life-threatening weapon.
412
00:15:07,351 --> 00:15:09,150
Look at the person
sitting next to you.
413
00:15:09,152 --> 00:15:11,052
That person wants to take
you out.
414
00:15:11,054 --> 00:15:12,921
Guys, safety is the name
of the game.
415
00:15:12,923 --> 00:15:14,856
It's all about safety.
Let's take it slow.
416
00:15:14,858 --> 00:15:17,859
We're gonna take this in a
safe and orderly fashion.
417
00:15:17,861 --> 00:15:21,496
Are you ready to begin?
Okay.
418
00:15:21,498 --> 00:15:24,733
And, guys, let's have
a little fun.
419
00:15:24,735 --> 00:15:28,470
Shut it, shut it, shut it!
420
00:15:28,472 --> 00:15:30,438
Those-those kids are maniacs!
Oh, my God, I think they're
421
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,540
all in gangs or something!
There's a lot of score settling
422
00:15:32,542 --> 00:15:34,609
going on in there!
Oh, yeah, dude, we created
423
00:15:34,611 --> 00:15:36,177
a HungerGames-type scenario
in there.
424
00:15:36,179 --> 00:15:38,313
Imagine if they had guns!
Oh, it'd be a disaster!
425
00:15:38,315 --> 00:15:40,081
An absolute disaster!
These kids are all too violent.
426
00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:41,716
It's, like, ingrained in them
or something.
427
00:15:41,718 --> 00:15:43,752
Oh, my God, dude, we've been
singing the wrong tune.
428
00:15:43,754 --> 00:15:45,687
Society is getting more savage.
We need to get the weapons
429
00:15:45,689 --> 00:15:47,522
out of their hands!
Maybe we should call the
430
00:15:47,524 --> 00:15:49,157
cops, the only people who should
have guns!
431
00:15:49,159 --> 00:15:50,925
They got to come in here,
they got to calm this down!
432
00:15:50,927 --> 00:15:52,794
Oh! Oh, shit, Charlie, I got
433
00:15:52,796 --> 00:15:55,230
to admit something, dude.
I'm bleeding pretty bad.
434
00:15:55,232 --> 00:15:58,133
One of the kids got you?
I nicked myself back in the
435
00:15:58,135 --> 00:16:00,168
principal's office just trying
to upholster my weapon.
436
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:02,037
Jesus, man.
I didn't want to say anything
437
00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:03,672
'cause it was a little bit
embarrassing.
438
00:16:03,674 --> 00:16:05,874
All right, can I go to
439
00:16:05,876 --> 00:16:07,075
the hospital?
Yeah, let's go.
440
00:16:07,077 --> 00:16:10,879
- Go, go, go, go, go.
- First
441
00:16:10,881 --> 00:16:12,814
they disarm us, then they
oppress us.
442
00:16:12,816 --> 00:16:16,084
So I want you to get
every gun you can buy and bring
443
00:16:16,086 --> 00:16:20,655
it to 17th and JFK, and we're
gonna march on City Hall.
444
00:16:20,657 --> 00:16:24,526
And bring whatever guests
you want, regardless of age or
445
00:16:24,528 --> 00:16:26,561
whatever restriction the
government puts on our
446
00:16:26,563 --> 00:16:28,697
expression of beauty.
Just get the guns and bring
447
00:16:28,699 --> 00:16:30,632
them down to City Hall.
Well, you better believe I'll
448
00:16:30,634 --> 00:16:32,334
be there.
I know you'll be there.
449
00:16:32,336 --> 00:16:34,269
Bring your kid.
You have kids?
450
00:16:34,271 --> 00:16:37,272
Yes, of course, of course.
Bring them.
451
00:16:37,274 --> 00:16:38,840
I mean, come on.
He's really going off the deep
452
00:16:38,842 --> 00:16:39,908
end, Dee.
I don't know.
453
00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:41,843
I hate to admit it, Dennis, but
he's got a point, you know.
454
00:16:41,845 --> 00:16:43,812
It doesn't seem like it's all
that easy to buy an assault
455
00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:45,447
rifle.
No, no, no, no, no.
456
00:16:45,449 --> 00:16:47,082
Don't you start with that shit,
Dee.
457
00:16:47,084 --> 00:16:49,050
Well, I'm sorry.
It is incredibly easy to buy
458
00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:51,152
assault rifle, and I'm gonna
prove to you how easy it is
459
00:16:51,154 --> 00:16:53,154
right now.
Okay, here comes our guy.
460
00:16:53,156 --> 00:16:57,192
Mm, mm. No.
Hi.
461
00:16:57,194 --> 00:16:59,427
- Uh, you got my money?
- You got my
462
00:16:59,429 --> 00:17:01,396
people-killer?
Right here.
463
00:17:01,398 --> 00:17:03,431
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
That's the stuff, baby.
464
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:06,634
Now, I got $1,500, which is the
fair asking price.
465
00:17:06,636 --> 00:17:10,605
I hope that's okay.
Yeah. Give it to me.
466
00:17:10,607 --> 00:17:13,608
All right. There you go.
All right, now, I'm not really
467
00:17:13,610 --> 00:17:15,577
totally comfortable rolling the
window down.
468
00:17:15,579 --> 00:17:17,512
I'm sure you understand why, so
I'm just gonna pop the trunk and
469
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:19,481
you can, uh, you can throw it
in there, all right?
470
00:17:19,483 --> 00:17:21,149
Back there?
Yeah.
471
00:17:21,151 --> 00:17:22,784
In the trunk?
Yeah.
472
00:17:22,786 --> 00:17:24,753
Okay, I got you.
You see how easy that is,
473
00:17:24,755 --> 00:17:27,322
Dee?
You just give a man $1,500 and
474
00:17:27,324 --> 00:17:29,290
he gives you an assault rifle.
Uh-oh. Ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh.
475
00:17:29,292 --> 00:17:31,259
What? Where's he going?
Well, he appears to be
476
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:32,927
sauntering off.
Well, don't do... No.
477
00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:34,896
Well, sir, I gave you the
$1,500.
478
00:17:34,898 --> 00:17:36,865
Don't saunter away. I'm try...
That's not fair!
479
00:17:36,867 --> 00:17:38,833
No, it's not fair!
You stop right now!
480
00:17:38,835 --> 00:17:41,436
Listen, you stop in your tracks!
Uh, Dennis, go stop him.
481
00:17:41,438 --> 00:17:44,139
Denni... Go stop...?
The man has an assault rifle!
482
00:17:44,141 --> 00:17:46,107
What am I supposed to do?!
Shit!
483
00:17:46,109 --> 00:17:48,042
I can't buy one!
The only thing that stops a
484
00:17:48,044 --> 00:17:51,012
bad guy with a gun is a good guy
with a gun, which we can't get!
485
00:17:51,014 --> 00:17:53,348
Goddamn son of a bitch Frank,
you were right!
486
00:17:53,350 --> 00:17:55,116
Frank was right!
Shit!
487
00:17:58,755 --> 00:18:00,688
Where's Frank? We're hot.
We're coming in super hot!
488
00:18:00,690 --> 00:18:01,990
Where is Frank?!
Oh, you guys hot?
489
00:18:01,992 --> 00:18:03,658
You guys are still hot?
The whole thing's hot, man!
490
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,627
Oh, yeah, I'm burning up
right now!
491
00:18:05,629 --> 00:18:07,796
It's a crazy situation!
We're on your side now!
492
00:18:07,798 --> 00:18:09,931
We got to get these guns off
the streets!
493
00:18:09,933 --> 00:18:11,900
Boo-yah!
Wait, what? No, no.
494
00:18:11,902 --> 00:18:13,868
Off the streets?
What are you, crazy?
495
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:15,970
We need the guns on the streets!
Everyone needs to have guns!
496
00:18:15,972 --> 00:18:17,939
We need to flood the streets
with guns!
497
00:18:17,941 --> 00:18:19,908
To stay safe.
Aw, shit.
498
00:18:19,910 --> 00:18:22,177
I mean, I think, uh...
You know, I think we crossed
499
00:18:22,179 --> 00:18:24,112
right past each other like ships
in the night, man.
500
00:18:24,114 --> 00:18:25,780
We flip-flopped.
Yeah, 'cause we're on the
501
00:18:25,782 --> 00:18:27,715
opposite side now.
That side makes no more sense
502
00:18:27,717 --> 00:18:29,717
to me.
If we could've just met up,
503
00:18:29,719 --> 00:18:31,019
like, two hours ago...
Oh, oh, there's Frank.
504
00:18:31,021 --> 00:18:32,987
Hey, Frank!
Frank, is that a box of guns?
505
00:18:32,989 --> 00:18:34,956
What is that?
Guns? No.
506
00:18:34,958 --> 00:18:38,326
Water filters.
Water filters?
507
00:18:38,328 --> 00:18:40,695
All right, guys, load 'em in.
Very nice.
508
00:18:40,697 --> 00:18:42,664
Hey, Frank, why do you have a
truck full of water filters?
509
00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:44,632
Uh, you know what, I don't give
a shit.
510
00:18:44,634 --> 00:18:46,267
Let's get down to that rally,
man.
511
00:18:46,269 --> 00:18:47,569
Rally?
Yeah.
512
00:18:47,571 --> 00:18:49,204
Yes, the freedom rally.
The one you organized.
513
00:18:49,206 --> 00:18:51,206
Ooh, shit, I'm not gonna go
down there.
514
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:53,174
It's gonna be a bunch of nuts
with guns.
515
00:18:53,176 --> 00:18:55,143
Too dangerous.
Wait, hold on a second.
516
00:18:55,145 --> 00:18:56,778
What's going on?
I thought you were into guns.
517
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,746
You know, why have you been on
TV talking about all that shit?
518
00:18:58,748 --> 00:19:00,715
I bought a stake in Gunther's
Guns.
519
00:19:00,717 --> 00:19:02,684
I got everybody angry and
scared.
520
00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:04,652
They bought the guns, I made a
fortune.
521
00:19:04,654 --> 00:19:06,921
Oh, my God. This is crazy.
So you don't give a shit about
522
00:19:06,923 --> 00:19:08,890
the gun issue at all?
Uh, uh...
523
00:19:08,892 --> 00:19:10,859
I mean, what the hell?
You're like the NRA.
524
00:19:10,861 --> 00:19:12,827
Yeah, a little bit like
the NRA.
525
00:19:12,829 --> 00:19:15,330
Little tiny bit.
But I-I think of myself more
526
00:19:15,332 --> 00:19:17,665
like Al Gore.
You know, he got everybody
527
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:20,535
worked up over global warming.
Then he made millions.
528
00:19:20,537 --> 00:19:22,770
Huh?!
Yeah. Everybody does it.
529
00:19:22,772 --> 00:19:25,073
Liberals, conservatives, doesn't
matter.
530
00:19:25,075 --> 00:19:28,343
This is America: you're either a
duper or a dupee.
531
00:19:28,345 --> 00:19:31,379
I'm a duper.
You guys are the dupees.
532
00:19:31,381 --> 00:19:35,717
I got to go.
Where you going now?
533
00:19:35,719 --> 00:19:38,653
With us now is local
community activist, Frank
534
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,755
Reynolds, with a
terrifying statistic.
535
00:19:40,757 --> 00:19:41,756
Frank?
536
00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:43,224
Yes. Thank you, Chet.
537
00:19:43,226 --> 00:19:44,192
You're welcome.
538
00:19:44,194 --> 00:19:49,597
Do you know that 90% of
your water is 100% toxins?
539
00:19:49,599 --> 00:19:51,533
Who knows what the other 10% is?
540
00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:53,501
It's probably far
worse, I would imagine.
541
00:19:53,503 --> 00:19:54,469
It's really worse.
542
00:19:54,471 --> 00:19:58,172
I have a water filter for you
that you need to put in every
543
00:19:58,174 --> 00:19:59,807
single home.
544
00:19:59,809 --> 00:20:02,477
It will protect you and
your entire family.
545
00:20:02,479 --> 00:20:04,846
You can even give that
water to your babies.
546
00:20:04,848 --> 00:20:06,080
Wow.
547
00:20:06,082 --> 00:20:08,016
Well, babies, look out, because
548
00:20:08,018 --> 00:20:10,518
this next segment
is just for you.
549
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:11,553
Don't turn that channel.
550
00:20:11,555 --> 00:20:14,289
Your life may depend upon it.
551
00:20:14,291 --> 00:20:15,490
Got to give it to him.
552
00:20:15,492 --> 00:20:17,258
He is good.
That son of a bitch.
553
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:19,193
Goddamn.
Yeah.
554
00:20:19,195 --> 00:20:21,162
I think I'm gonna get one of
555
00:20:21,164 --> 00:20:23,164
those water filters.
I do kind of want one, right?
556
00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:25,133
For safety, for safety.
I mean, he does make some
557
00:20:25,135 --> 00:20:26,120
good points.
Yeah.
558
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,916
The water's toxic.
I mean, it is. Yeah.
559
00:20:28,805 --> 00:20:39,635
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com